1 00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,907 Previously on Weeds. 2 00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:11,034 Shane, what the fuck happened at the party? 3 00:00:11,144 --> 00:00:13,544 I killed Pilar with a croquet mallet by the pool. 4 00:00:15,648 --> 00:00:16,615 Hello? 5 00:00:16,883 --> 00:00:18,612 Andy! Silas! 6 00:00:20,954 --> 00:00:23,946 My child murdered someone. I have to leave town now. 7 00:00:24,057 --> 00:00:26,855 So, what's the destination, boss? 8 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:27,949 North. 9 00:00:28,061 --> 00:00:29,961 Step one, kill your old identity. 10 00:00:30,063 --> 00:00:32,122 Step two, establishing new identities. 11 00:00:32,265 --> 00:00:33,664 - I'll be Mike. - Shawn. 12 00:00:33,833 --> 00:00:36,097 - Nathalie. - I'll be Randy Newman. 13 00:00:36,369 --> 00:00:38,132 Well, you all seem to have quite a lot of experience 14 00:00:38,238 --> 00:00:39,432 in the hospitality industry. 15 00:00:39,672 --> 00:00:41,003 Dishwasher. Bellhop. Maid. 16 00:00:44,577 --> 00:00:46,272 Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker. 17 00:00:49,482 --> 00:00:51,279 You know where I could score some weed around here? 18 00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:52,942 You're shit out of luck on that one, man. 19 00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:56,079 Nigel the valet used to supply, but he's on strike. 20 00:00:56,189 --> 00:00:59,625 I'm really good at moving product. I could be your biggest customer. 21 00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:00,886 Kish. 22 00:01:00,994 --> 00:01:05,294 - She's cute. How old is she? - He is five. 23 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:08,131 You got cash? 24 00:01:08,234 --> 00:01:10,668 So, your trimmings, you throw them away? 25 00:01:10,970 --> 00:01:12,028 I'll take them. 26 00:01:12,138 --> 00:01:15,005 I'm thinking $100 buys me a lot of trimmings. 27 00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:20,569 I thought the Newmans were doing things differently. 28 00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:21,704 We are! 29 00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:23,542 We're making hash. 30 00:01:42,735 --> 00:01:44,032 I don't know where they went! 31 00:01:44,137 --> 00:01:45,104 Bullshit! 32 00:01:48,808 --> 00:01:50,241 I was having a really good day. 33 00:01:50,477 --> 00:01:52,069 I won $10 on a scratcher. 34 00:01:53,146 --> 00:01:54,738 A day can turn so fast. 35 00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:56,540 You're their close friend. 36 00:01:57,951 --> 00:01:59,441 They don't tell me anything. 37 00:01:59,686 --> 00:02:01,483 The Botwins are selfish assholes. 38 00:02:01,921 --> 00:02:03,411 Cut off one of his balls. 39 00:02:03,690 --> 00:02:05,419 No! That's horrible! Don't do that! 40 00:02:05,558 --> 00:02:06,923 I don't want to touch his balls. 41 00:02:07,060 --> 00:02:08,220 Fine. I'll do it. 42 00:02:08,828 --> 00:02:10,022 That's kind of weird, Cesar. 43 00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:11,427 If I knew they were gone, 44 00:02:11,531 --> 00:02:13,726 would I come here with a large bucket of chicken? 45 00:02:13,833 --> 00:02:14,800 I wanted to hang out, 46 00:02:14,901 --> 00:02:17,369 maybe watch that Crispin Glover movie with the retarded people. 47 00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:21,031 But, no. You shove a gun in my face and then dunk my head in the fish, 48 00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:24,167 and Edward James Olmos over here wants to slice my nutsack. 49 00:02:24,277 --> 00:02:25,266 I know nothing! 50 00:02:27,180 --> 00:02:28,147 Okay. 51 00:02:28,615 --> 00:02:29,582 Kill him. 52 00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:31,078 Wait. What just happened? 53 00:02:31,417 --> 00:02:34,511 You won. We believe you. Congratulations. 54 00:02:34,721 --> 00:02:37,383 Winning is supposed to feel good. No, no, no. I can help. I can help. 55 00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:39,390 - Hey! Hey! - Fuck! It's just my phone! 56 00:02:39,492 --> 00:02:41,289 I got Andy's cell on here. Look. 57 00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:43,419 "Andy Buttwank." 58 00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:45,798 I just, you know... 59 00:02:45,899 --> 00:02:47,958 It's just a fun thing I like to do with the names. 60 00:02:48,067 --> 00:02:49,034 It's ringing. 61 00:02:55,508 --> 00:02:56,497 Hello? 62 00:02:58,711 --> 00:02:59,678 Andy? 63 00:03:01,814 --> 00:03:04,977 Buddy. Where are you? 64 00:03:05,385 --> 00:03:08,047 I'm sitting in a world of shit, brother. You? 65 00:03:09,589 --> 00:03:10,715 How about I come see you? 66 00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:12,283 Sure. 67 00:03:13,426 --> 00:03:15,018 I caught a cat yesterday. 68 00:03:16,062 --> 00:03:18,121 That sounds awesome. Where are you? 69 00:03:18,231 --> 00:03:20,199 A fucking alley in Seattle. 70 00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:21,267 Wow. That's far. 71 00:03:21,601 --> 00:03:23,193 What's it called? 72 00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:25,565 Okay. I'll see you there. 73 00:03:26,139 --> 00:03:27,163 Yeah, he's good. 74 00:03:28,074 --> 00:03:29,063 What the fuck? 75 00:03:29,175 --> 00:03:30,938 I know where he is. I'm not gonna tell you. 76 00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:33,069 And if you torture me again, I'm just gonna lie. 77 00:03:33,179 --> 00:03:35,613 So you have to keep me alive so I can lead you to him. 78 00:03:44,390 --> 00:03:46,358 Really? That worked? 79 00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:48,353 Get in the fucking car. 80 00:03:57,337 --> 00:03:58,804 What's with the spread? 81 00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:01,499 Silas bought food with the money he made sucking off an old man. 82 00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:04,634 - What? - Hotel guest. 83 00:04:05,211 --> 00:04:08,237 Big tipper. Bad eyesight. I read to him 84 00:04:08,348 --> 00:04:10,111 in my underwear. I didn't touch him. 85 00:04:10,416 --> 00:04:13,351 See? He just read to him 86 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,319 in his underwear. 87 00:04:15,421 --> 00:04:17,286 And the guy tipped him. 88 00:04:18,291 --> 00:04:19,781 Croquettes. Taste. 89 00:04:23,896 --> 00:04:24,988 - Yummy. - Yeah? 90 00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:26,326 How yummy? Like from one to 10. 91 00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:28,525 I need a 10, Nance. Nathalie. Nat. 92 00:04:28,635 --> 00:04:29,624 I need a 10, Nat. 93 00:04:30,069 --> 00:04:31,730 It's not really a breakfast food. 94 00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:34,237 I bet Avi wants some. 95 00:04:34,374 --> 00:04:35,864 Avi does not eat solid food yet. 96 00:04:36,409 --> 00:04:37,842 I realize that, Shane. 97 00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:39,104 I better get him inside. 98 00:04:39,212 --> 00:04:41,976 - I'll take him. - No. I'm in charge of Avi. 99 00:04:42,548 --> 00:04:43,708 You guys are a bad influence. 100 00:04:44,083 --> 00:04:46,381 - What? - You don't mean me? I'm a paragon. 101 00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:48,014 How am I not a good influence? 102 00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:49,611 You yank wieners for cash. 103 00:04:50,390 --> 00:04:52,085 I need to find a girl to have sex with. 104 00:04:52,258 --> 00:04:54,021 Smart move. Go. Cleanse. 105 00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:55,586 I'm his mother, Shane. 106 00:04:55,862 --> 00:04:59,491 Your job right now is to be a maid and to keep your husband from finding us. 107 00:04:59,899 --> 00:05:02,595 My job is to protect Avi. Let's do our jobs. 108 00:05:02,702 --> 00:05:04,693 You're this close to being grounded. 109 00:05:04,871 --> 00:05:06,668 You're not a bad influence because you're a drug dealer. 110 00:05:06,773 --> 00:05:07,740 That's right. 111 00:05:08,007 --> 00:05:10,134 You're a bad influence because you're a bad drug dealer. 112 00:05:10,243 --> 00:05:13,178 Okay, that's it. You're grounded. Do you want to be grounded, too? 113 00:05:13,746 --> 00:05:15,771 I happen to have been a great drug dealer. 114 00:05:15,882 --> 00:05:19,477 No. Really, if we look back on your illustrious career, 115 00:05:19,585 --> 00:05:22,179 "great" is not the adjective that pops out at you. 116 00:05:24,257 --> 00:05:25,747 - I had my moments. - Sure. 117 00:05:26,192 --> 00:05:27,420 Sure, you have. 118 00:05:27,527 --> 00:05:29,722 Try not to get arrested today, okay? 119 00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:39,434 Best steakhouse in the whole northwest. 6:30 res. You're gonna love it. 120 00:05:40,273 --> 00:05:41,262 And get the bone-in filet. 121 00:05:42,475 --> 00:05:43,772 Thank you. 122 00:05:45,878 --> 00:05:47,846 Best steak in the whole northwest? 123 00:05:48,614 --> 00:05:49,911 You're making me hungry. 124 00:05:50,116 --> 00:05:52,846 Yeah, well, it's horse meat, but they kick me back 20 bucks a head, so... 125 00:05:53,319 --> 00:05:54,445 How do I apply for your job? 126 00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:55,980 Fuck you. 127 00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:58,353 I haven't paid for a meal, a concert, 128 00:05:58,458 --> 00:06:01,450 a slurp job from a titty dancer in my two years as head concierge. 129 00:06:01,828 --> 00:06:03,762 Pry this gig out of my cold, dead asshole. 130 00:06:06,733 --> 00:06:07,791 Is that where you keep it? 131 00:06:09,135 --> 00:06:10,102 What do you want? 132 00:06:10,269 --> 00:06:13,397 Guests have been asking where they can get certain herbal items. 133 00:06:13,506 --> 00:06:15,030 Bullshit. No one talks to maids. 134 00:06:15,141 --> 00:06:17,837 People don't want to actually know who makes their toilet pubes disappear 135 00:06:17,944 --> 00:06:18,968 while they're at the Space Needle. 136 00:06:19,178 --> 00:06:20,941 I know Nigel the valet is on strike. 137 00:06:21,914 --> 00:06:23,108 What, are you looking to park cars? 138 00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:24,478 Yeah. You found me out. 139 00:06:24,584 --> 00:06:27,052 My true dream is to park rental cars and hand out bottles of water. 140 00:06:27,153 --> 00:06:29,280 The maid gig, it's just a stepping stone. 141 00:06:32,458 --> 00:06:34,824 20% of sales, and I'm gonna need to sample your product. 142 00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:36,217 It's good stuff. 143 00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:39,230 Well, you're a white lady with no accent working as a maid in 2010. 144 00:06:39,332 --> 00:06:40,765 I'm just gonna take your word for it? 145 00:06:41,033 --> 00:06:42,933 - I'll bring you a sample. - Thank you. 146 00:06:46,339 --> 00:06:47,397 Chef? 147 00:06:48,374 --> 00:06:50,205 Estelle, mein Liebling. 148 00:06:50,810 --> 00:06:52,437 I hope the meal was satisfactory. 149 00:06:52,545 --> 00:06:55,480 Well, I have to be honest. The appetizer was... 150 00:06:55,681 --> 00:06:59,117 But the real standout was the amuse-bouche. 151 00:06:59,218 --> 00:07:02,119 I could have eaten 12 of those. So, good work! 152 00:07:02,722 --> 00:07:04,019 Good for you. 153 00:07:08,394 --> 00:07:09,520 This is a puzzle. 154 00:07:09,796 --> 00:07:15,200 I did not make an amuse-bouche today, and yet she could have eaten 12. 155 00:07:17,537 --> 00:07:19,164 Mr. Dishwasher? 156 00:07:21,073 --> 00:07:23,667 Did you whip up a little something? 157 00:07:23,776 --> 00:07:25,937 It's all right. You can tell me. People seemed to like it. 158 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:30,371 Okay. Yeah. That was me. 159 00:07:30,483 --> 00:07:31,950 I tried to tell you before, Chef. 160 00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:33,684 My talents are really wasted on... 161 00:07:33,820 --> 00:07:34,809 Fired! 162 00:07:35,555 --> 00:07:38,080 - What? Really? - Yes! 163 00:07:38,191 --> 00:07:40,853 And later, I will hunt you down, 164 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:43,929 and I will stab you in your eye socket. 165 00:07:44,230 --> 00:07:46,289 Now get out of my kitchen. 166 00:07:48,201 --> 00:07:49,225 No. Chef! 167 00:07:52,605 --> 00:07:53,572 Taste it. 168 00:07:55,007 --> 00:07:58,704 If it is not the best duck confit croquette you've ever had, 169 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:01,742 you can cut off a finger. 170 00:08:27,473 --> 00:08:28,701 Michelle! 171 00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:30,164 You're fired! 172 00:08:30,610 --> 00:08:32,009 And, Mr. Dishwasher, 173 00:08:32,278 --> 00:08:34,303 you are now my new sous. 174 00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:36,812 Oh, my God! Just like that? 175 00:08:36,916 --> 00:08:39,248 No, no, no. First, you must be punished. 176 00:08:39,385 --> 00:08:41,751 Punishment. All right. Fair enough. Yeah. Okay. 177 00:08:41,854 --> 00:08:45,119 So, are you a rehabilitationist or a retributionist? 178 00:08:49,028 --> 00:08:50,893 What? Okay. Excuse me. Sorry. 179 00:08:50,997 --> 00:08:52,624 - Yeah. Here. - Okay. Yeah. 180 00:08:52,732 --> 00:08:54,962 I don't know what that... What's the... 181 00:08:55,301 --> 00:08:56,529 Whoa! 182 00:08:56,802 --> 00:08:59,566 No! I'm not... I don't even really know this gentleman. 183 00:08:59,672 --> 00:09:01,537 The spanking machine! 184 00:09:01,641 --> 00:09:02,938 - Crawl! - Okay. 185 00:09:03,142 --> 00:09:04,131 - Crawl! - Okay! 186 00:09:12,685 --> 00:09:13,652 Okay. Okay. 187 00:09:21,627 --> 00:09:23,288 The Yippity. That's a nice one. 188 00:09:23,629 --> 00:09:26,689 Yeah, I wanted thick tires with good tread for all the rainy days we have. 189 00:09:27,833 --> 00:09:29,664 Didn't Savannah have the Yippity? 190 00:09:30,002 --> 00:09:33,369 Stolen outside Twist 'N' Sprout by a bunch of crackheads. Sit, sit, sit. 191 00:09:33,940 --> 00:09:34,929 I'm Rebekah. 192 00:09:35,274 --> 00:09:37,174 This is our little mommy support group. 193 00:09:37,343 --> 00:09:39,402 - Cheryl. Allison. - Hi. 194 00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:42,447 Your little brother is adorable! Look at that peanut! 195 00:09:42,548 --> 00:09:43,515 Avi's mine. 196 00:09:44,650 --> 00:09:47,244 He's what happens when your school teaches abstinence only. 197 00:09:48,621 --> 00:09:49,952 Where is his mother? 198 00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:53,816 In heaven. Qahtaniya, Iraq. 199 00:09:54,493 --> 00:09:56,723 Those animals put an IED in a soda can. 200 00:09:57,530 --> 00:09:58,827 Now me and Avi are alone. 201 00:09:59,231 --> 00:10:00,858 Oh, my God! 202 00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:02,599 - Tragic. - Yeah. 203 00:10:02,902 --> 00:10:05,837 We met when she was a senior and I was a freshman. 204 00:10:06,405 --> 00:10:07,804 My locker was next to hers. 205 00:10:08,674 --> 00:10:11,871 Then I went to summer school, and she went to war. 206 00:10:12,378 --> 00:10:13,970 I drank soda, and she... 207 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:15,672 Well, boom. 208 00:10:17,183 --> 00:10:18,548 Well, you have help, though, right? 209 00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:21,651 My mom. She's a maid, and we live in a motel. 210 00:10:22,521 --> 00:10:23,954 Sometimes she drinks. 211 00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:26,286 But you can't choose your family, right? 212 00:10:30,529 --> 00:10:32,690 You're not alone anymore. 213 00:11:14,740 --> 00:11:15,729 Hey, what's up, man? 214 00:11:35,861 --> 00:11:36,885 Hey. 215 00:11:37,797 --> 00:11:38,855 Actually, you want in? 216 00:11:49,308 --> 00:11:50,969 - What the hell is this? - Hash. 217 00:11:51,177 --> 00:11:53,737 - Hash? This isn't the Gaza Strip. - Just try it. 218 00:11:54,180 --> 00:11:55,772 It's strong 219 00:11:56,515 --> 00:11:58,642 with a mellow high. 220 00:12:00,820 --> 00:12:01,809 All right, fine. 221 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:05,854 But roll the joints tighter. This is a classy hotel. Presentation counts. 222 00:12:05,958 --> 00:12:06,982 Here's how we do it. 223 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:10,085 When I get a request for herbal relaxation, 224 00:12:10,196 --> 00:12:12,323 I put you on the housekeeping schedule for those rooms, 225 00:12:12,431 --> 00:12:13,398 I contact you. 226 00:12:13,499 --> 00:12:15,729 Nathalie, check the schedule. You got a new room to clean. 227 00:12:15,835 --> 00:12:17,029 10-4. 228 00:12:17,603 --> 00:12:19,434 The guests will put the money under the pillow, 229 00:12:19,538 --> 00:12:21,403 you leave the hash, and immediately after your shift, 230 00:12:21,507 --> 00:12:23,372 you come find me and you bring me my cut. 231 00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:24,602 It's 25%. 232 00:12:25,644 --> 00:12:27,578 - You said 20. - Well, that was the pot price. 233 00:12:28,214 --> 00:12:29,977 You can't just change the terms. 234 00:12:30,216 --> 00:12:32,275 Look, some people set the rules, and others follow them. 235 00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:35,383 And in this equation, it's the one 236 00:12:35,488 --> 00:12:37,422 going to a party tonight at Sir Mix-a-Lot's house, 237 00:12:37,523 --> 00:12:40,822 not the one who will be here cleaning semen stains. 238 00:12:40,926 --> 00:12:42,154 It's 25%. 239 00:12:45,397 --> 00:12:46,694 I'm doing this for my family. 240 00:12:46,932 --> 00:12:48,365 I'm doing this for a jet ski. 241 00:12:48,734 --> 00:12:50,964 Clean up the room before you go. 242 00:12:57,443 --> 00:12:59,502 Please. Play in English. 243 00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:02,406 Fuck you. Tell us where we're going. 244 00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:03,641 Guess. 245 00:13:07,119 --> 00:13:09,849 Come on. I want to play. I'm good at games. 246 00:13:09,955 --> 00:13:12,446 I was on $25,000 Pyramid. 247 00:13:12,558 --> 00:13:15,493 But they never aired my episode because I tweaked Betty White's nipple. 248 00:13:15,895 --> 00:13:18,193 She's not as cool as everyone thinks. 249 00:13:23,569 --> 00:13:25,628 No. That's 20. 250 00:13:27,339 --> 00:13:28,772 It's a seat belt. 251 00:13:29,108 --> 00:13:30,405 A seat belt? 252 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,543 You're picking things in the car with us! 253 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,977 You have no imagination, Cesar! 254 00:13:37,016 --> 00:13:38,449 I'm gonna kill him now. 255 00:13:38,951 --> 00:13:42,387 Fine. You kill him, Esteban kills you. I move up. 256 00:13:43,856 --> 00:13:45,221 Did you guys know I was married? 257 00:13:45,858 --> 00:13:46,916 I have children, too. 258 00:13:47,526 --> 00:13:49,357 Other facts, I threw javelin in college. 259 00:13:49,461 --> 00:13:50,894 I sleep with a body pillow. 260 00:13:51,163 --> 00:13:54,360 I'm afraid of heights and of leading a life of no significance. 261 00:13:55,301 --> 00:13:57,201 My favorite movie is Cool Hand Luke. 262 00:13:57,970 --> 00:14:00,598 But really, it's Steel Magnolias. 263 00:14:00,706 --> 00:14:01,673 What are you doing? 264 00:14:01,774 --> 00:14:05,904 He's trying to humanize himself to us so we don't kill him. 265 00:14:06,645 --> 00:14:08,169 What are you talking... No, I'm not! That... 266 00:14:30,803 --> 00:14:34,034 My point is that apprenticeship is a lost art. 267 00:14:34,139 --> 00:14:36,004 Watchmaking. Cobbling. 268 00:14:36,642 --> 00:14:38,610 Ninja'ing. 269 00:14:38,944 --> 00:14:40,241 The mysterious lessons. 270 00:14:40,913 --> 00:14:42,881 Frustration. Montages. 271 00:14:42,982 --> 00:14:44,950 And then, just as the pupil is about to give up, 272 00:14:46,051 --> 00:14:48,042 the teachings coalesce. 273 00:14:48,153 --> 00:14:50,417 The hierarchy is challenged. 274 00:14:50,522 --> 00:14:52,513 Student surpasses the master. 275 00:14:52,925 --> 00:14:53,983 Andy's boss spanked him. 276 00:14:54,093 --> 00:14:56,653 Spanking machine, technically. 277 00:14:56,762 --> 00:14:59,230 Nance, you're looking at the new sous-chef. 278 00:15:00,299 --> 00:15:01,527 Did you get a promotion? 279 00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:02,828 Yes. 280 00:15:02,935 --> 00:15:05,403 I'm already mulling my Celeb-U-Chef catchphrase. 281 00:15:05,504 --> 00:15:08,871 I'm thinking, "That's almost too good!" 282 00:15:08,974 --> 00:15:11,636 With you go up on the "too!" "Too good!" 283 00:15:11,810 --> 00:15:15,576 Well, what has two thumbs and was really good at her job today? 284 00:15:16,682 --> 00:15:19,207 Me! I crushed it! 285 00:15:19,451 --> 00:15:20,816 Everybody loved my stuff. 286 00:15:20,953 --> 00:15:24,218 If the Eagle Scouts gave a badge for drug dealing, I'd have gotten it. 287 00:15:24,323 --> 00:15:25,312 The Eagle Scouts are for boys. 288 00:15:25,424 --> 00:15:27,119 Brownies. Whatever. I... 289 00:15:28,694 --> 00:15:29,888 Anybody want a chocolate? 290 00:15:29,995 --> 00:15:31,223 I need money. 291 00:15:31,330 --> 00:15:34,197 Stevie doesn't have enough contrast toys. And Rebekah and Allison have these... 292 00:15:34,633 --> 00:15:36,328 - Who? - My friends. 293 00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:38,699 They have these teething necklaces. 294 00:15:39,371 --> 00:15:42,067 You did receive money for selling your drugs today, right? 295 00:15:42,341 --> 00:15:44,502 Yeah. Here. 296 00:15:44,877 --> 00:15:46,367 Me, too. Creme fraiche ain't cheap. 297 00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:49,047 I'll have a chocolate. 298 00:15:49,315 --> 00:15:50,873 - Mike likes chocolate. - And money. 299 00:15:52,151 --> 00:15:53,311 - What for? - Stuff. 300 00:15:53,419 --> 00:15:55,284 There's this class I want to audit at this college. 301 00:15:56,121 --> 00:15:57,383 You can tell me what it's really for. 302 00:15:57,489 --> 00:15:58,786 I am. 303 00:15:58,891 --> 00:16:00,916 Don't worry about it. I just need money, all right? 304 00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:02,685 Okay. 305 00:16:13,405 --> 00:16:15,566 I thought I was the only one on laundry tonight. 306 00:16:15,908 --> 00:16:19,036 Yeah, a guest lost their earrings, so I figured I'd check the lint trap. 307 00:16:19,144 --> 00:16:20,236 What the hell is all this brown stuff? 308 00:16:20,346 --> 00:16:22,814 Don't touch that. Shit! 309 00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:26,944 So stupid. I'd step back if I were you. 310 00:16:28,020 --> 00:16:29,681 I thought this was gonna get it clean. 311 00:16:30,089 --> 00:16:32,114 At least I... At least I got rid of the smell. 312 00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:35,388 The guests are such pigs. 313 00:16:35,527 --> 00:16:37,427 Damn. I thought I saw everything. 314 00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:40,494 That is not sanitary. 315 00:16:40,966 --> 00:16:43,526 Good God. After a shift here, I go home to my family, 316 00:16:43,635 --> 00:16:45,830 and they look like shiny little angels. 317 00:16:46,271 --> 00:16:47,863 And them some disgusting motherfuckers. 318 00:16:49,141 --> 00:16:50,472 So tell me this story. 319 00:16:51,577 --> 00:16:54,944 This guy... Hairy, disgusting. There was a hooker involved. 320 00:16:55,547 --> 00:16:58,812 Phil. That pervert comes here every month on business. 321 00:16:59,551 --> 00:17:00,745 But he ain't never been into that. 322 00:17:01,286 --> 00:17:02,981 That's some next-level shit right there. 323 00:17:03,555 --> 00:17:04,544 Fucking Phil. 324 00:17:05,157 --> 00:17:06,590 Fucking Phil. 325 00:17:07,693 --> 00:17:10,491 I can't believe this is my life. 326 00:17:10,596 --> 00:17:12,587 - No offense. - It's okay. 327 00:17:13,332 --> 00:17:15,129 Just pray to Jesus and play the lotto, girl. 328 00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:19,869 - You gonna be okay? - No. Yeah. Absolutely. 329 00:17:19,972 --> 00:17:22,566 Everything's gonna be fine. 330 00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:29,407 Yes! I told you I rock at this! 331 00:17:29,515 --> 00:17:32,484 All right. You can be my beer pong partner tonight, faggot. 332 00:17:32,584 --> 00:17:33,949 You're the faggot, faggot. 333 00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:38,046 I got to go. Culture and Society in Imperial Russia. Right? 334 00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:39,883 What's your next class? 335 00:17:40,225 --> 00:17:42,887 Actually, my schedule's light today. 336 00:17:42,995 --> 00:17:46,431 So I'm just gonna hang here in the quad. 337 00:17:46,765 --> 00:17:48,494 Quad? You retard. 338 00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:52,092 - Hey, Tripp. - Hey. This is Jane, and that's Kimmie. 339 00:17:52,271 --> 00:17:53,295 This is Mike. 340 00:17:53,405 --> 00:17:54,702 - Dickie Crickets tonight? - Dickie Crickets. 341 00:17:54,807 --> 00:17:56,399 - We're gonna destroy them. - We'll beat them, right? 342 00:17:56,508 --> 00:17:57,873 - Destroy them! - See you there. 343 00:17:58,577 --> 00:17:59,635 - Hi. - Hi. 344 00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:01,007 What's your major, Mike? 345 00:18:02,514 --> 00:18:04,414 Botany. Plants. 346 00:18:04,983 --> 00:18:06,245 You must be really smart. 347 00:18:08,153 --> 00:18:10,314 Do you really need to play beer pong tonight? 348 00:18:11,323 --> 00:18:13,814 I promised Tripp. But why? 349 00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:17,259 Well, it's trivia night, and we don't have any guys. 350 00:18:18,230 --> 00:18:19,993 Pong is for idiot frat boys. 351 00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:22,533 Are you an idiot frat boy, Mike the botanist? 352 00:18:22,901 --> 00:18:24,732 No. No. 353 00:18:25,170 --> 00:18:27,229 I'll take trivia for $100. 354 00:18:27,473 --> 00:18:29,941 Okay. Good choice. 355 00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:31,576 Bye. 356 00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:35,647 Yes! 357 00:18:35,814 --> 00:18:37,213 Are you my fucking drug dealer or not? 358 00:18:37,316 --> 00:18:40,217 - Yes. I'm telling you I'm out of product. - Tough dick. 359 00:18:40,419 --> 00:18:41,909 The Northwestern Society of Embalmers 360 00:18:42,020 --> 00:18:44,853 is coming to the hotel tomorrow, and those fuckers get high. Find more. 361 00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:47,653 - Can you advance me some cash? - Can I... 362 00:18:48,026 --> 00:18:49,084 Listen to me. 363 00:18:49,194 --> 00:18:51,662 Two years ago, I was working at Cap'n Crushins, 364 00:18:51,763 --> 00:18:53,321 pounding stale candy into ice cream 365 00:18:53,432 --> 00:18:55,662 and seriously considering drowning myself in Puget Sound. 366 00:18:56,301 --> 00:18:57,791 Now I run this city. 367 00:18:57,903 --> 00:18:59,871 And you know why? Because I make shit happen! 368 00:19:00,072 --> 00:19:02,734 - I'm all tapped out. - Then tap yourself in, bitch! 369 00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:05,610 I set up a bunch of drops for you tomorrow. 370 00:19:05,711 --> 00:19:08,009 Well, I don't know what to tell you. 371 00:19:08,313 --> 00:19:10,975 Apologize, offer them all free tickets to Mamma Mia! 372 00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:12,573 The cupboards are bare. 373 00:19:13,051 --> 00:19:16,782 Listen, maid, I trusted you because you're foxy. 374 00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:19,119 And I don't like sending guests to the ghetto to find drugs. 375 00:19:19,391 --> 00:19:22,622 But if anyone files a complaint about me because you didn't come through, 376 00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:25,626 I will fuck your world sideways. 377 00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:27,298 3:00 tomorrow. 378 00:19:32,971 --> 00:19:34,768 I can't believe we actually won tonight. 379 00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:38,203 How did I even know Wade Boggs? 380 00:19:38,610 --> 00:19:40,339 Sorry about the shower. 381 00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:42,139 Whenever I have a guy in the room, 382 00:19:42,247 --> 00:19:45,182 my pervy roommate Greta watches and masturbates. 383 00:19:46,351 --> 00:19:47,648 Awesome. 384 00:19:47,753 --> 00:19:49,744 I mean, that... That sucks. 385 00:19:50,756 --> 00:19:51,745 How's my lip? 386 00:19:51,957 --> 00:19:53,857 It's... It's still bleeding a little. 387 00:19:54,793 --> 00:19:57,159 I didn't realize how sharp my vajazzling was. 388 00:19:57,262 --> 00:20:00,288 That's okay. It's very sparkly. 389 00:20:00,399 --> 00:20:01,366 Yeah. 390 00:20:01,466 --> 00:20:03,366 Hey, is somebody fucking in there? 391 00:20:03,468 --> 00:20:04,958 As soon as you leave. 392 00:20:05,237 --> 00:20:06,261 Hey, faggot! 393 00:20:07,606 --> 00:20:09,938 Hey, listen, I forgive you for bailing out on pong tonight. 394 00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:11,134 It's cool. 395 00:20:11,243 --> 00:20:13,803 What's up, Kimmie? Those are nice pussy charms. 396 00:20:14,112 --> 00:20:15,238 - Thanks. - Yeah. 397 00:20:15,347 --> 00:20:17,281 Listen, you should come on by when you're through, faggot. 398 00:20:17,382 --> 00:20:19,373 - We're gonna watch Office Space. - Sweet. 399 00:20:19,751 --> 00:20:20,809 Cool. 400 00:20:21,587 --> 00:20:22,815 Boom. 401 00:20:24,590 --> 00:20:25,887 Okay. 402 00:20:39,338 --> 00:20:40,965 - What? - Nothing. 403 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:43,931 I just love college so much. 404 00:20:46,211 --> 00:20:49,044 So, I appeal to you as a woman, as a mother, 405 00:20:49,147 --> 00:20:51,615 as a fellow female traveler on the road. 406 00:20:52,351 --> 00:20:54,342 Is that the road that's paved with bullshit? 407 00:20:55,187 --> 00:20:56,245 No cash, no shake. 408 00:20:56,855 --> 00:21:00,256 Don't let the hairy legs fool you. This is a capitalist enterprise. 409 00:21:00,826 --> 00:21:02,851 So there's nothing else? 410 00:21:03,562 --> 00:21:06,156 Childcare? Or I could go down on you? 411 00:21:07,633 --> 00:21:09,999 Joking. Mostly joking. 412 00:21:10,369 --> 00:21:11,358 That was lame. 413 00:21:12,804 --> 00:21:13,964 It would have worked with a man. 414 00:21:14,072 --> 00:21:16,939 Men are easy. Men are the Monday crossword. 415 00:21:17,042 --> 00:21:21,069 But women, we're... We're Sunday. That's why they die before us. 416 00:21:21,179 --> 00:21:25,081 The poor fuckers, they blow a gasket after a lifetime of trying to 417 00:21:25,183 --> 00:21:28,175 figure out the magnificent organism that is woman. 418 00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:30,118 How to make us happy. 419 00:21:30,222 --> 00:21:33,248 But really, I'll go down on you. I'm desperate here. 420 00:21:33,525 --> 00:21:34,617 And chatty. 421 00:21:35,727 --> 00:21:40,323 Damn it! The stupid fucking car is out of biodiesel again! 422 00:21:40,432 --> 00:21:44,334 I am so sick of driving to every taqueria in town 423 00:21:44,436 --> 00:21:46,131 to beg for used oil! 424 00:21:46,238 --> 00:21:47,569 Honey, carbon footprint. 425 00:21:47,673 --> 00:21:49,470 Hey, lick my carbon footprint. 426 00:21:51,677 --> 00:21:53,201 Hey, where is Kish? 427 00:21:53,545 --> 00:21:54,637 He peed in the fish pond. 428 00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:56,711 God damn it. Again? 429 00:21:56,815 --> 00:21:59,807 - Can I have a kiss? - Can I have a real car? 430 00:21:59,918 --> 00:22:02,546 Kish! Where do we pee-pee? 431 00:22:03,121 --> 00:22:04,179 You should probably go. 432 00:22:04,589 --> 00:22:06,318 Come back when you have cash. 433 00:22:07,359 --> 00:22:11,420 Or if you figure out that thing about how to make a woman happy. 434 00:22:11,830 --> 00:22:13,695 I know how you can make this woman happy. 435 00:22:19,771 --> 00:22:22,069 Maybe Shane's right. Maybe I am a bad drug dealer. 436 00:22:22,174 --> 00:22:23,402 Try that. 437 00:22:26,345 --> 00:22:27,471 Delicious. 438 00:22:27,579 --> 00:22:29,570 Of course, it's delicious. It's deep-fried. 439 00:22:30,082 --> 00:22:31,049 In what? 440 00:22:31,750 --> 00:22:34,651 In panther blood. What do you mean "in what?" In oil. 441 00:22:34,753 --> 00:22:36,448 You're still not getting it, manipulator. 442 00:22:36,555 --> 00:22:38,887 - It's used cooking oil. - It's the property of the hotel. 443 00:22:38,990 --> 00:22:42,187 When have questions of legality or morality ever bothered you? 444 00:22:42,294 --> 00:22:43,625 I'm not gonna risk my job. 445 00:22:43,929 --> 00:22:45,624 I've been flailing. 446 00:22:46,231 --> 00:22:48,222 This is my Eat, Pray, Love moment. 447 00:22:49,401 --> 00:22:50,527 This is my bliss. 448 00:22:50,635 --> 00:22:52,603 Their car uses veggie oil. 449 00:22:52,704 --> 00:22:56,105 I need something to trade so I can get more shake, 450 00:22:56,208 --> 00:22:59,109 - because more shake means more hash. - I know this. I know all this. 451 00:22:59,211 --> 00:23:01,145 Which means I can keep you in foodstuffs, Silas in school... 452 00:23:01,246 --> 00:23:03,646 "Eat, Pray, Love," Nance. It's about a woman who finds herself... 453 00:23:03,749 --> 00:23:06,946 ...and Shane in baby supplies. ...her bliss through food! 454 00:23:07,052 --> 00:23:08,576 - So we can get out of that motel... - And fucking, I think. 455 00:23:08,687 --> 00:23:10,655 ...and then maybe start to get a life. - You should read it. 456 00:23:11,890 --> 00:23:13,357 Move. Come on. 457 00:23:14,426 --> 00:23:16,155 I want to be a chef. 458 00:23:17,462 --> 00:23:18,952 I know you do, sweetie. I know. 459 00:23:19,064 --> 00:23:20,588 - This isn't right, Nance. - I know. 460 00:23:20,699 --> 00:23:22,530 - "Eat, Pray, Love," Nance. - I know. I know. 461 00:23:22,634 --> 00:23:24,363 I know. I know. Go on. 462 00:23:24,469 --> 00:23:26,130 - God damn it. - I know. 463 00:23:29,975 --> 00:23:31,442 Go get the van! 464 00:23:32,911 --> 00:23:36,278 I'm telling you, the Cry It Out movement is cruel and anti-intuitive. 465 00:23:36,381 --> 00:23:37,678 It's complete nonsense. 466 00:23:39,151 --> 00:23:40,482 I think I just peed myself a little. 467 00:23:40,585 --> 00:23:42,485 Have you guys been practicing your kegels? 468 00:23:42,587 --> 00:23:44,612 I still can't figure them out. 469 00:23:44,723 --> 00:23:48,090 We went over this. Just pretend your vagina is an elevator. 470 00:23:48,193 --> 00:23:49,353 Going down? 471 00:23:49,461 --> 00:23:51,224 This isn't a joke, Cheryl. You want to end up 472 00:23:51,329 --> 00:23:53,627 wearing one of those Whoopi Goldberg pee pads? 473 00:23:53,732 --> 00:23:55,632 Come sit down. Join us for a snack. 474 00:23:56,168 --> 00:23:57,931 I'd love to. How are your kegels? 475 00:23:58,303 --> 00:24:00,032 They're private, Shawn. 476 00:24:00,138 --> 00:24:02,800 Cheryl, Allison, won't you join us? 477 00:24:04,709 --> 00:24:05,698 What's going on? 478 00:24:08,980 --> 00:24:11,141 - Cheryl? - Shawn, we know the truth. 479 00:24:11,950 --> 00:24:12,939 Truth about what? 480 00:24:13,418 --> 00:24:16,581 We know Avi's mother wasn't killed in the Iraq. 481 00:24:18,757 --> 00:24:21,225 I called my brother-in-law at the Department of Defense. 482 00:24:21,493 --> 00:24:23,461 There were no IED fatalities in Qahtaniya 483 00:24:23,562 --> 00:24:25,826 anywhere near the time you said Avi's mother was killed. 484 00:24:26,865 --> 00:24:29,163 So, why don't you tell us the truth 485 00:24:29,768 --> 00:24:32,202 or we can call Child Protective Services together? 486 00:24:36,641 --> 00:24:37,938 Who the hell is this? 487 00:24:39,678 --> 00:24:42,146 Hey, guy. Where's Andy? He told me to come here. 488 00:24:42,380 --> 00:24:45,008 I put 1,000 miles on my car for nothing. 489 00:24:45,183 --> 00:24:47,549 No, no, no. I talked to him. Where's Andy's cell phone? 490 00:24:47,819 --> 00:24:48,979 This is my phone. 491 00:24:49,488 --> 00:24:50,648 It came to me from the sky. 492 00:24:51,056 --> 00:24:53,923 - Give us the phone. - Fuck you, beaner! It's mine! 493 00:24:54,526 --> 00:24:56,357 I reprogrammed it so it can make sandwiches. 494 00:24:57,529 --> 00:25:00,862 You can buy it from me, but it's gonna cost you a lot... 495 00:25:04,035 --> 00:25:06,333 Oh, my God. Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 496 00:25:06,438 --> 00:25:07,735 Why did you do that? 497 00:25:08,874 --> 00:25:10,637 - That was close. - Close? You killed him! 498 00:25:11,009 --> 00:25:13,068 No! The cat! I almost shot the cat! 499 00:25:13,211 --> 00:25:14,235 He just jumped out! 500 00:25:14,446 --> 00:25:16,209 Now we have to get rid of the body. 501 00:25:16,414 --> 00:25:17,904 I almost killed an innocent kitty! 502 00:25:18,617 --> 00:25:21,450 Dead. Blood. So much blood. 503 00:25:21,553 --> 00:25:24,886 Who's gonna take care of you now, Senor Gato? Mr. Cat? 504 00:25:27,092 --> 00:25:29,959 Where are you, kitty? Here, kitty, kitty. 505 00:25:31,196 --> 00:25:32,322 I called Andy. 506 00:25:32,430 --> 00:25:34,330 This guy answered. I didn't know what to say. 507 00:25:34,432 --> 00:25:35,399 I didn't want to die. 508 00:25:35,667 --> 00:25:36,998 It's a lease. 509 00:25:37,102 --> 00:25:38,831 Please, don't kill me like that. 510 00:25:38,937 --> 00:25:40,461 Don't kill me at all! Let me live! 511 00:25:40,572 --> 00:25:44,941 There is a penalty if I go over the allotted mileage. 512 00:25:45,377 --> 00:25:48,107 I'll call the company, talk them out of it. I'm good at that. 513 00:25:48,747 --> 00:25:49,975 Help me carry the body. 514 00:25:56,488 --> 00:25:58,183 Okay! Okay! Okay! Okay! 515 00:25:58,290 --> 00:26:00,315 - Here, kitty, kitty. - Okay. Okay. Okay. 516 00:26:00,425 --> 00:26:01,915 Here, kitty, kitty. 517 00:26:08,300 --> 00:26:09,927 That looks like the good stuff. 518 00:26:10,035 --> 00:26:12,026 Pure vegetable. No particulants. 519 00:26:12,470 --> 00:26:15,064 Triple-strained. And we have a steady supply. 520 00:26:15,173 --> 00:26:17,767 No more hustling fast-food joints. 521 00:26:17,876 --> 00:26:19,036 What? 522 00:26:19,311 --> 00:26:21,074 I'm trying to figure out what that little girl's doing in there. 523 00:26:21,613 --> 00:26:23,080 - She's naked. - It's a boy. 524 00:26:23,181 --> 00:26:25,046 He's trying to blow himself. 525 00:26:25,684 --> 00:26:27,311 So barter? 526 00:26:30,922 --> 00:26:32,890 Fiona, go get the shake. 527 00:26:40,131 --> 00:26:42,622 Look who's got a spring in her step. 528 00:26:42,734 --> 00:26:45,134 - I make things happen. - Yeah, with my stolen cooking oil. 529 00:26:45,236 --> 00:26:47,602 With my wits. With my moxie. 530 00:26:47,706 --> 00:26:52,109 Whatever you can say about Nathalie Nancy Botwin Newman Price, 531 00:26:52,210 --> 00:26:55,043 wife, mother, lover, drug dealer, 532 00:26:55,146 --> 00:26:57,444 good or bad, I get shit done. 533 00:26:58,083 --> 00:26:59,516 You two! 534 00:27:00,085 --> 00:27:01,416 Don't fucking move!