1 00:00:07,383 --> 00:00:12,263 And from the heady days of our third-place finish in Iowa, 2 00:00:12,430 --> 00:00:18,436 we fought together for the dream of becoming the first woman president. 3 00:00:20,980 --> 00:00:22,690 But tonight, 4 00:00:22,773 --> 00:00:25,109 tonight the voters of Illinois, 5 00:00:25,193 --> 00:00:27,528 Missouri, north Carolina... 6 00:00:27,612 --> 00:00:31,532 Ohio, Florida, Texas, and the territory of Guam 7 00:00:31,616 --> 00:00:33,326 have said othen/vise. 8 00:00:33,409 --> 00:00:35,369 God, I really thought we were gonna win Guam. 9 00:00:35,494 --> 00:00:39,415 And so, I have decided to suspend my... 10 00:00:41,125 --> 00:00:44,086 Yes, I've decided to suspend my campaign. 11 00:00:44,170 --> 00:00:46,756 Jesus, I need to get drunk and slop-fuck an intern. 12 00:00:46,839 --> 00:00:51,552 I'm really sorry that I could not carry this one over the finish line 13 00:00:51,636 --> 00:00:53,054 for all of you. 14 00:00:55,681 --> 00:00:57,892 Selina: And as... oh, my. Wow. 15 00:00:58,267 --> 00:01:01,145 As devastating as this loss may be, 16 00:01:01,229 --> 00:01:04,690 you have not seen the last of selina meyer 17 00:01:04,899 --> 00:01:07,401 selina for you. 18 00:01:07,485 --> 00:01:09,237 Selina for you! 19 00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:14,992 Jonah's mom: Jonie, look, I have a special treat. 20 00:01:15,493 --> 00:01:17,411 - Hello, former congressman Ryan. - Oh, come on! 21 00:01:17,495 --> 00:01:18,972 - Oh, Richard. - What are you even doing here? 22 00:01:18,996 --> 00:01:20,956 Well, your mom said you could use some splett pep, 23 00:01:20,998 --> 00:01:22,583 so I brought you this. 24 00:01:24,335 --> 00:01:25,795 See, the box is empty 25 00:01:25,878 --> 00:01:27,918 to show that all you need to be happy is right here. 26 00:01:28,339 --> 00:01:30,424 - Well, that's stupid. - Yeah, it's a waste of $30. 27 00:01:30,508 --> 00:01:31,985 Jonah: Look, save your pity, Richard. 28 00:01:32,009 --> 00:01:34,929 In two years, I'm gonna run against my motard cousin, Ezra, 29 00:01:35,012 --> 00:01:39,100 who's been a congressman for, like, two days and he's already passed, like, 10 bills. 30 00:01:39,183 --> 00:01:41,102 Well, two years is a long time. 31 00:01:41,185 --> 00:01:44,272 I mean, you could petition for a recall if they weren't unconstitutional. 32 00:01:44,355 --> 00:01:46,041 Wait, can I petition for a recall against Ezra? 33 00:01:46,065 --> 00:01:48,168 - Unequivocally, no. You cannot. - Oh, my god. That's a great idea. 34 00:01:48,192 --> 00:01:50,003 - That's awesome. - Well, it was nice to see you. 35 00:01:50,027 --> 00:01:51,529 I guess I'll see myself out. 36 00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:55,366 Well, I don't know, as long as you're here, 37 00:01:56,325 --> 00:01:57,535 you wanna play? 38 00:01:57,743 --> 00:01:59,453 I'll let you be aquaman. No tidal wave. 39 00:01:59,537 --> 00:02:01,998 Does a rabbit need a yearly vaccination for myxomatosis? 40 00:02:02,081 --> 00:02:05,293 It does. Well, maybe. It depends on the rabbit. But, yes. 41 00:02:05,376 --> 00:02:08,129 - Mom, can Richard stay the night? - Can I please, Mrs. Ryan? 42 00:02:08,212 --> 00:02:11,299 - Oh, sure. I'll make waffles for breakfast. - Mom, I don't want waffles. 43 00:02:11,382 --> 00:02:13,982 - Okay, then I won't make waffles. - I do want one waffle, please. 44 00:02:14,552 --> 00:02:16,637 Jaffar: Happy six month anniversary, my love. 45 00:02:16,846 --> 00:02:19,598 - This belonged to my great-grandmother. - Oh, my god. 46 00:02:19,724 --> 00:02:21,726 Yeah. My great-grandfather bought it for her 47 00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:23,978 with the money he made from his first major arms deal. 48 00:02:24,061 --> 00:02:28,691 Wow. Well, we'll have to see what I look like later wearing nothing but blood diamonds. 49 00:02:28,774 --> 00:02:30,276 Selina. 50 00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:32,421 Reporter: Here she comes. Madam president! 51 00:02:32,445 --> 00:02:34,423 Madam president, ambassador, are you two engaged yet? 52 00:02:34,447 --> 00:02:36,091 - Hey, guys. - Reporter: It's the woman who freed Tibet! 53 00:02:36,115 --> 00:02:37,783 - Whoa. - Montez's numbers are tanking. 54 00:02:37,867 --> 00:02:39,428 Is she gonna have to give up her nobel peace prize? 55 00:02:39,452 --> 00:02:41,692 Leon: How come you never talk about your stay in Arizona? 56 00:02:41,746 --> 00:02:43,748 Oh, I love that Grand Canyon. 57 00:02:43,831 --> 00:02:45,559 - That's not an answer. - Reporter: Look over here! 58 00:02:45,583 --> 00:02:47,903 - Jaffar: Arizona? - Yeah, it was a spa. It was just a spa. 59 00:02:52,757 --> 00:02:54,151 Catherine: It's really nice. Gary: Hey! Whoo! 60 00:02:54,175 --> 00:02:56,844 - Hey, lookie, lookie! - Hi! 61 00:02:56,927 --> 00:03:00,431 Here she is, the most beautiful woman in the spa. 62 00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:02,576 - Catherine: Hi, mom! - Watch your toesies, watch your toesies. 63 00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:03,851 - Selina: Hey, baby! - Hi! 64 00:03:03,934 --> 00:03:05,436 Marjorie: Hello, ma'am. 65 00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:06,687 - Marjorie. - Marjorie. 66 00:03:06,771 --> 00:03:08,022 - Lovely to see you. - Hi. 67 00:03:08,105 --> 00:03:10,024 Yes, I'm gonna make you look pretty, okay? 68 00:03:10,107 --> 00:03:11,484 What's new? 69 00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:14,028 - You were here yesterday. Yeah. - That's right! 70 00:03:14,111 --> 00:03:16,614 They love you so much, they can't keep away. 71 00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,592 Ma'am, that was a month ago. Gary is humoring you. 72 00:03:18,616 --> 00:03:20,260 - Gary: Okay. Yes, ma'am. - Gary, are you sure 73 00:03:20,284 --> 00:03:22,078 that this isn't too much medication? 74 00:03:22,161 --> 00:03:24,431 - People think we're married. - I think it's the perfect amount. 75 00:03:24,455 --> 00:03:25,998 How often are you visiting? 76 00:03:26,082 --> 00:03:27,309 - Uh, like, twice a day. - A lot. 77 00:03:27,333 --> 00:03:29,085 But not as much as I would like. 78 00:03:29,168 --> 00:03:30,479 I got a place about three hours away. 79 00:03:30,503 --> 00:03:31,879 Mom, how are you feeling? 80 00:03:31,962 --> 00:03:34,215 - Losing was just the best. - Aw. 81 00:03:34,298 --> 00:03:35,525 - Yes, it was. - Catherine: Really. 82 00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:37,510 Because politics has a sickness. 83 00:03:37,593 --> 00:03:39,053 That's right, that's right. 84 00:03:39,136 --> 00:03:40,554 - Catherine. - That's right. 85 00:03:40,638 --> 00:03:42,449 - And it's sick. - That's right, how about some lipstick? 86 00:03:42,473 --> 00:03:44,558 - It's so amazing to hear you say that. - Yeah. 87 00:03:44,642 --> 00:03:47,269 Mom, we were thinking that maybe when you're feeling all better, 88 00:03:47,353 --> 00:03:49,313 that maybe you could come live with us. 89 00:03:49,397 --> 00:03:50,957 - Marjorie: Yes, ma'am. - Oh, isn't that nice? 90 00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:53,859 You're beautiful. Catherine, you are truly beautiful. 91 00:03:54,026 --> 00:03:56,338 - I'll have what she's having. - You're beautiful. 92 00:03:56,362 --> 00:03:58,697 - Mom, we have a surprise for you. - Knock, knock. 93 00:03:58,823 --> 00:03:59,865 Selina: Oh. 94 00:03:59,949 --> 00:04:02,743 Uh, as soon as I heard what a vulnerable state you were in, 95 00:04:02,827 --> 00:04:04,662 - I got on the first flight. - Hi, Andrew. 96 00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:06,264 Okay, I'm gonna get the orderly with the big needles. 97 00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:10,459 - Let's not do that. - You look beautiful. 98 00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:13,546 Oh, okay. 99 00:04:15,631 --> 00:04:17,299 That, uh... 100 00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:21,011 Selina: Leon west will not let this spa thing go. 101 00:04:21,095 --> 00:04:22,680 He's like a bald dog with a bone. 102 00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:25,433 Well, ma'am, a buddy of mine works at the post snack shop. 103 00:04:25,516 --> 00:04:27,268 - He says Leon's on the outs. - Really? 104 00:04:27,351 --> 00:04:29,603 The editors think he's lost all sense of objectivity, 105 00:04:29,687 --> 00:04:32,356 and he's eating Luna bars for women. 106 00:04:32,481 --> 00:04:35,151 - Okay, see? He's unhinged. - Mmm-hmm. 107 00:04:35,234 --> 00:04:36,902 He's like this demented creep 108 00:04:36,986 --> 00:04:40,614 who follows me around, and gets all in my personal life, 109 00:04:40,698 --> 00:04:42,908 and thinks about me 24/7, nonstop. 110 00:04:42,992 --> 00:04:44,618 - Cuckoo. - Yeah. 111 00:04:44,702 --> 00:04:46,036 - Amy: Ma'am? - Yeah? 112 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:47,705 They dropped off 113 00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:50,348 - the final model for the library. - Mike: Oh, wow. Look at this! 114 00:04:50,374 --> 00:04:52,543 Selina: Oh, my goodness! Mike: Look at this. 115 00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:56,130 - So, they solved the design problem. - Selina: Yes. 116 00:04:56,213 --> 00:05:00,426 And so now the staircase goes right up and smashes through the glass ceiling. 117 00:05:00,509 --> 00:05:01,989 Exactly what it's like to be a woman. 118 00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:03,488 Yes, and they're working on the engineering. 119 00:05:03,512 --> 00:05:04,531 They said it's a little unstable. 120 00:05:04,555 --> 00:05:06,557 Yeah, also what it's like to be a woman. 121 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,642 Look it, Marjorie! What do you think? 122 00:05:09,894 --> 00:05:11,270 It looks like a vagina, ma'am. 123 00:05:12,688 --> 00:05:14,565 See? Okay, that's from an expert. 124 00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:16,710 You know, this is what I said in the beginning. 125 00:05:16,734 --> 00:05:19,454 - I'm not seeing that. - Well, you don't have any frame of reference. 126 00:05:19,487 --> 00:05:21,489 What if you trim the topiary around the edge? 127 00:05:21,572 --> 00:05:23,467 - That could help. - Nobody's gonna trim the topiary. 128 00:05:23,491 --> 00:05:25,951 - I'm not a porn star. - You could be, 129 00:05:26,035 --> 00:05:28,662 - but you chose politics. - What is this, the clitoris? 130 00:05:28,746 --> 00:05:31,057 You know what would be funny? We should put the men's bathroom there. 131 00:05:31,081 --> 00:05:32,726 - They'll never find it. - Well, actually, ma'am, 132 00:05:32,750 --> 00:05:34,627 the female pleasure center is quite extensive. 133 00:05:34,752 --> 00:05:36,378 - Gary: Ah. - Uh, no, it's not. 134 00:05:36,462 --> 00:05:38,732 - And that's the crypt, ma'am. - Right, that's what I just said. 135 00:05:38,756 --> 00:05:40,174 No, the crypt. 136 00:05:40,549 --> 00:05:41,675 What? 137 00:05:42,801 --> 00:05:44,481 I'm gonna be buried there? 138 00:05:44,512 --> 00:05:47,306 Yeah, most of the formers are buried at their libraries. 139 00:05:48,098 --> 00:05:49,683 Mike: Okay, I gotta... I gotta go. 140 00:05:49,767 --> 00:05:52,978 - Really? - Mike: That was Wendy. 141 00:05:53,062 --> 00:05:55,856 Ellen just got a spot in the Harper day school and full financial aid. 142 00:05:55,940 --> 00:05:58,067 See, that wouldn't have happened if! Paid you more. 143 00:05:58,150 --> 00:06:00,420 - More? You never... - Amy: Now, ma'am, there is a problem. 144 00:06:00,444 --> 00:06:01,922 - Selina: What? - As they were prepping 145 00:06:01,946 --> 00:06:05,533 for the groundbreaking, they discovered the library might be situated 146 00:06:05,616 --> 00:06:07,785 on the site of Yale's former slave quarters. 147 00:06:07,952 --> 00:06:10,204 - Oh, come on. - Mike: What? Yale had slaves back then? 148 00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:12,927 - This is not good, ma'am. - Wait, wait, wait, what if we own this? 149 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:14,875 Not in a slavey way, but, like, 150 00:06:14,959 --> 00:06:18,379 if we put up a very sensitive exhibit that talks about slavery 151 00:06:18,462 --> 00:06:20,464 and honors the men and women who suffered there. 152 00:06:20,589 --> 00:06:22,967 Okay, well, that's an excellent idea, Mike, 153 00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:27,471 but I'm not gonna have my vagi-brary underground railroaded by this. 154 00:06:27,555 --> 00:06:28,722 All right, who else knows? 155 00:06:28,806 --> 00:06:30,349 Just the site manager, that's it. 156 00:06:30,474 --> 00:06:32,768 But he's Italian, so he knows how to keep bodies buried. 157 00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:34,603 Good. Nobody else can know. 158 00:06:34,687 --> 00:06:36,939 Right? Okay... okay, shit! 159 00:06:37,022 --> 00:06:38,065 Mike: Oh, shit! 160 00:06:38,148 --> 00:06:39,900 - Marjorie? - Gary: Marjorie? 161 00:06:39,984 --> 00:06:41,819 - Marjorie! - Gary: Marjorie! 162 00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:43,737 - Marjorie! - Marjorie! 163 00:06:44,697 --> 00:06:45,823 - Marjorie! - Marjorie! 164 00:06:45,990 --> 00:06:49,410 Slaves, mother? No way. 165 00:06:49,868 --> 00:06:52,913 - Okay, cat... what room is this, Catherine? - Oh, my god. 166 00:06:52,997 --> 00:06:56,709 I mean, when did we build an Indian casino gift shop? 167 00:06:56,792 --> 00:06:58,335 - It's the nursery. - Seriously? 168 00:06:58,419 --> 00:07:00,546 - Oh, my god. - Well, where are the toys? 169 00:07:00,629 --> 00:07:02,590 Or is the baby gonna play chess against death? 170 00:07:02,673 --> 00:07:04,550 You know what, mom, as your daughter... 171 00:07:04,633 --> 00:07:06,111 And the library's third biggest donor. 172 00:07:06,135 --> 00:07:08,220 Catherine: And the library's third biggest donor... 173 00:07:08,304 --> 00:07:09,305 Oh, I heard her. 174 00:07:09,388 --> 00:07:11,599 You cannot build this library 175 00:07:11,682 --> 00:07:12,683 on the oppressed backs 176 00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:15,519 of the ancestors of my child. 177 00:07:15,603 --> 00:07:17,396 Listen to me, Catherine kinte... 178 00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:19,440 - What am I on? - Gary: Nothing. 179 00:07:19,523 --> 00:07:22,067 Okay, you wanna talk about second-class citizens? 180 00:07:22,151 --> 00:07:24,778 You wanna do that? Blacks got the vote in 1870. 181 00:07:24,862 --> 00:07:27,448 - When did women get the vote? 1920. - Sistas! 182 00:07:27,531 --> 00:07:29,092 Well, the voting rights act was in 1965. 183 00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:32,244 Mom, you are going to be the grandmother of a child 184 00:07:32,328 --> 00:07:34,830 - that is half black. - And 1/16 French huguenot. 185 00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:36,832 I cannot stand that term. 186 00:07:36,915 --> 00:07:39,269 Ma'am, the nomenclature has moved away from African-American. 187 00:07:39,293 --> 00:07:41,313 - It is black... - No, I'm talking about grandmother. 188 00:07:41,337 --> 00:07:44,048 - Okay? I am still a young woman. - Gary: Yes. 189 00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:45,799 - Really. Look at my hands. - Gorgeous. 190 00:07:45,883 --> 00:07:47,051 - Look at my neck, okay? - Oh. 191 00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:51,680 I am not about to buried in a twat of my own making! 192 00:07:51,889 --> 00:07:53,766 I'm still relevant! 193 00:07:53,849 --> 00:07:55,726 Nobody likes a tattletale, Marjorie. 194 00:08:01,231 --> 00:08:03,126 - Well, good morning, ladies. - Woman: Good morning, ma'am. 195 00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:05,444 Vice president selina meyer to see the president. 196 00:08:07,196 --> 00:08:08,506 - Oh, hey, Ben. - Madam vice president. 197 00:08:08,530 --> 00:08:10,074 - How are you? - I'm good, thank you. 198 00:08:10,199 --> 00:08:12,552 - The president is very, very busy right now. - Oh, I know, I know. 199 00:08:12,576 --> 00:08:14,136 Why don't I show you your office first? 200 00:08:14,203 --> 00:08:15,704 - Oh, sure. Yeah! - Okay? 201 00:08:15,788 --> 00:08:17,790 - Right across the street here. - What? 202 00:08:17,873 --> 00:08:19,375 - The eeob? - Yeah. 203 00:08:19,458 --> 00:08:21,835 - Oh, no, no, no. - No, no, no. 204 00:08:21,919 --> 00:08:24,463 Hughes promised me an office here in the west wing. 205 00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:26,066 Well, it's just right across the street. 206 00:08:26,090 --> 00:08:27,383 You'll be neighbors. 207 00:08:27,466 --> 00:08:30,844 Okay, I haven't spoken to my neighbors in my entire fucking life. 208 00:08:30,928 --> 00:08:33,156 - I don't even know who they are. - Mmm. Be glad. I've met them. 209 00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:34,973 All right? You and I both know 210 00:08:35,057 --> 00:08:38,018 that Hughes would never do this if I was a male vp. 211 00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:40,813 We'd be out, shotgunning beers, 212 00:08:40,896 --> 00:08:43,482 and sucking each other off like Carter and mondale. 213 00:08:43,899 --> 00:08:47,027 Don't look at me with that smirk. You know that's the case. 214 00:08:47,111 --> 00:08:48,755 - Ma'am, um, you need to understand. - Oh. 215 00:08:48,779 --> 00:08:52,658 The president doesn't actually want you to do anything 216 00:08:52,783 --> 00:08:54,827 other than continue to be a woman, 217 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,162 which you're doing a pretty okayjob at. 218 00:08:57,246 --> 00:08:59,915 - "Okay"? - I'm gonna let you walk the rest of the way. 219 00:08:59,998 --> 00:09:03,585 I'm trying to cut down on exercise, okay? He'll call you if he needs you. 220 00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:06,463 Gary: Um, well, you are an exceptional woman. 221 00:09:06,547 --> 00:09:08,066 Selina: I know, but we are gonna fight this. 222 00:09:08,090 --> 00:09:09,717 - Madam vice president. - Selina: Yeah. 223 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:11,486 - God, that feels good to say. - Selina: It does. 224 00:09:11,510 --> 00:09:13,655 So, where are the new digs, huh? Are we close to a kitchen? 225 00:09:13,679 --> 00:09:16,223 Well, um, I actually have good news. 226 00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:18,559 We are going to be in the eeob. 227 00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:20,978 - Oh... - Yeah. No, it's good. 228 00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,731 I'm thinking we need to distance ourselves 229 00:09:23,814 --> 00:09:26,442 from this sort of "one and done" administration. 230 00:09:26,525 --> 00:09:28,944 - So, this is your decision? - Selina: Yes, it is. 231 00:09:29,027 --> 00:09:30,672 And you don't want me to shut that down right now? 232 00:09:30,696 --> 00:09:33,323 I'm so sorry to interrupt. Madam vice president, I'm Jonah Ryan. 233 00:09:33,407 --> 00:09:36,702 - Selina: Okay. - I am... I'm a west wing intern. 234 00:09:36,785 --> 00:09:38,430 - Oh, congratulations. Okay. - I just wanna say 235 00:09:38,454 --> 00:09:39,830 it's such an honor to meet you. 236 00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:42,642 The only reason that I voted for Hughes is because you were on the ticket. 237 00:09:42,666 --> 00:09:44,501 Well, I'm sure you're not alone. 238 00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:48,338 Maybe we can pull some strings and get you assigned to the eeob. 239 00:09:48,464 --> 00:09:50,007 Yeah, maybe. 240 00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:52,342 - Oh, Mr. Cafferty! - See that? 241 00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:54,529 - He's kind of cute, Amy. What do you think? - Huh. Yeah. 242 00:09:54,553 --> 00:09:56,781 Hello, sir. I just wanna say what a pleasure it is to meet you. 243 00:09:56,805 --> 00:09:58,491 And the only reason that I voted for Hughes is because 244 00:09:58,515 --> 00:10:01,195 - I knew you were his campaign... - I have two things for you to do. 245 00:10:01,226 --> 00:10:03,020 They're important. Can you handle it? 246 00:10:03,395 --> 00:10:04,581 Of course. Yes, absolutely, sir. 247 00:10:04,605 --> 00:10:06,899 One, get the fuck away from me. 248 00:10:06,982 --> 00:10:09,193 Two, stay the fuck away from me. 249 00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:12,321 - Okay? Can you do that? - Yes, sir. I won't let you down. 250 00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:15,491 God, I love interns. 251 00:10:18,744 --> 00:10:21,789 Congressman, there's a simple and easy solution to the homeless problem, 252 00:10:21,872 --> 00:10:24,666 pass mandatory sentencing laws for vagrancy. 253 00:10:24,750 --> 00:10:28,003 Then these unfortunates will finally have a home, 254 00:10:28,086 --> 00:10:29,505 my prisons. 255 00:10:29,588 --> 00:10:32,508 Look, I hate the homeless as much as any librarian. 256 00:10:32,591 --> 00:10:35,511 That's why god created subzero winters and the third rail, 257 00:10:35,594 --> 00:10:37,930 but the chances of me pushing for any tax incentives 258 00:10:38,013 --> 00:10:40,724 for these private hoosegows is about as likely as what, will? 259 00:10:40,808 --> 00:10:43,811 As me walking out of a bar with less than 10 types of semen in my hair. 260 00:10:43,894 --> 00:10:45,955 - You can't go in there! - Sir, I know I don't have an appointment, 261 00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:48,232 - but what I have to say is... - Roger: Holy shit! 262 00:10:48,357 --> 00:10:52,236 I can't believe you're actually showing that camel snatch you call a face in DC. 263 00:10:52,402 --> 00:10:55,614 You're about as welcome here as Jerry sandusky at an open call for Oliver! 264 00:10:55,697 --> 00:10:57,866 Here, you want a dried apricot? They're Turkish. 265 00:10:58,116 --> 00:10:59,868 Anything I can do to annoy the Armenians. 266 00:10:59,952 --> 00:11:02,722 All right, good seeing you, tanzy. Let me know when you find your wallet. 267 00:11:02,746 --> 00:11:04,832 Oh. Hey, Jonah, can we get lunch sometime? 268 00:11:04,915 --> 00:11:07,196 I wanna talk about you being the legal guardian to my baby 269 00:11:07,251 --> 00:11:08,561 if anything happens to me and Mary, okay? 270 00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:09,670 - Yeah, sure. - Okay. 271 00:11:09,753 --> 00:11:11,147 I hope you're not here for shawnee. 272 00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:13,841 No, sir. I am here with a final solution 273 00:11:13,924 --> 00:11:15,843 - to restore me to power. - Jonah, Jonah. 274 00:11:15,926 --> 00:11:18,011 Sir, I will do anything that you say. 275 00:11:18,136 --> 00:11:20,138 I know. That's what I love about you. 276 00:11:20,222 --> 00:11:23,308 It's like that fagela cowboy movie. "I can't quit you." 277 00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:25,519 Yes, thank you, sir. Butch and Sundance. 278 00:11:25,602 --> 00:11:27,229 The point is now is not the time 279 00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:29,898 to go putzing after representatives, congressmen. 280 00:11:29,982 --> 00:11:34,236 No! From now on, I'm only buying senators and presidents. 281 00:11:34,319 --> 00:11:36,780 That's the way to affect meaningful change. 282 00:11:38,782 --> 00:11:40,343 We'll always have the shutdown, won't we? 283 00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:42,077 Huge miscalculation. 284 00:11:46,957 --> 00:11:50,961 Mayor Thompson, I hope you'll support me in November in the senate contest. 285 00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:53,171 Absolutely, congresswoman meyers. 286 00:11:53,255 --> 00:11:54,548 Thank you. No. 287 00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:56,300 It's meyer. There's no "s" at the end. 288 00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:58,343 Look, you can see right here on the bus. 289 00:11:58,427 --> 00:11:59,887 - There's no 's." - Oh, Jewish. 290 00:11:59,970 --> 00:12:01,555 - No. Mmm-mmm. No. - No? 291 00:12:01,638 --> 00:12:03,390 Oh, what a great county this is. 292 00:12:03,473 --> 00:12:06,435 I just love... everybody here is so well-behaved and polite. 293 00:12:06,518 --> 00:12:09,605 - Thank you! Whatjoy! We gotta go. - It is like selina-mania, right? 294 00:12:09,688 --> 00:12:11,189 - Okay. - Mike: Selina, selina. 295 00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:14,192 We are fucked two ways which till Tuesday. 296 00:12:14,276 --> 00:12:17,279 - What are you talking about? - We've completely spent all of our TV money. 297 00:12:17,362 --> 00:12:18,572 Well, who's in charge of that? 298 00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:20,741 Technically, I am, but when you buy these ads... 299 00:12:20,824 --> 00:12:22,944 That's not my problem. All right, we're leaving, okay? 300 00:12:22,993 --> 00:12:25,579 Hey, Andrew, we have gotta fire that Mike guy. 301 00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:27,873 He's the biggest goddamn idiot I've ever... 302 00:12:27,956 --> 00:12:30,876 Selina! Hey! Uh, boy, I got... 303 00:12:30,959 --> 00:12:33,962 Can you believe I put a pen in my pocket without a cap? 304 00:12:34,046 --> 00:12:36,757 And Sally was, uh, helping me get the stain out. 305 00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:39,885 You remember, uh, Sally nuefeld, our biggest donor? 306 00:12:39,968 --> 00:12:41,303 - Nuefeld department stores. - Hi. 307 00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:48,602 You know, I'm so glad that I've just run into you, Sally. 308 00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:52,272 - You are? - We need to make a TV buy tonight. 309 00:12:52,356 --> 00:12:54,358 Otherwise, we're dead in the water. 310 00:12:54,441 --> 00:13:00,489 So maybe you could help us grease the knob or the wheel or whatever it is. 311 00:13:00,572 --> 00:13:02,425 - You know, I would love to, selina... - Oh, great! 312 00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:04,844 But we've already given to a number of candidates this cycle, so... 313 00:13:04,868 --> 00:13:06,387 Yeah, you know, I wish your husband was here 314 00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:09,581 because I would love for him to hear about the story 315 00:13:09,665 --> 00:13:12,793 of you and Andrew on the bus with the pen. 316 00:13:12,876 --> 00:13:15,629 - Let me get my checkbook. - Oh, can we have your pen, Andrew? 317 00:13:15,712 --> 00:13:17,798 - I don't have a pen. - Oh, you don't. 318 00:13:17,881 --> 00:13:19,692 - Oh! We threw the pen out. - I don't give a fuck. 319 00:13:19,716 --> 00:13:22,552 - Okay, how does $25,000 sound? - Well, I'll tell you something, 320 00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:25,722 why don't you put your money where your mouth was, is, 321 00:13:26,390 --> 00:13:29,309 - and add another zero? - That should be no problem. 322 00:13:29,393 --> 00:13:30,394 Oh, goody! 323 00:13:32,729 --> 00:13:35,732 Danny: And that's why I need your help telling the Danny chung story, 324 00:13:35,816 --> 00:13:38,443 how I pulled a marine from a burning tank. 325 00:13:38,527 --> 00:13:40,380 - Yep, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Ben: We're familiar with the story. 326 00:13:40,404 --> 00:13:43,657 How about this? How about an interview 327 00:13:43,740 --> 00:13:45,993 with the soldier that you pulled from the tank? 328 00:13:46,076 --> 00:13:48,453 - That's an excellent idea. - Yeah, thank you. 329 00:13:48,578 --> 00:13:50,998 But best not to contact him for personal reasons, 330 00:13:51,081 --> 00:13:53,000 or, really, anyone who saw it. 331 00:13:53,083 --> 00:13:54,626 I don't wanna retrigger. 332 00:13:54,710 --> 00:13:57,295 But, um, this is the kind of thinking I need for my team. 333 00:13:57,546 --> 00:13:59,297 Well, let us put together an action plan. 334 00:13:59,381 --> 00:14:00,841 - All right. - Great. 335 00:14:00,924 --> 00:14:02,884 Ready for a change, ready for chung. 336 00:14:03,135 --> 00:14:04,428 Ready for a "chunge." 337 00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:06,555 First "chunge," we're gonna fix that slogan. 338 00:14:06,638 --> 00:14:09,224 - Really? - Dan: I'm kidding. It's great. 339 00:14:09,307 --> 00:14:11,077 - Ben: There's Amy. Come on in. - How you doing, Danny? 340 00:14:11,101 --> 00:14:12,861 Ben: You know, we could really use you, ames. 341 00:14:12,936 --> 00:14:14,414 Give us a little touch of the feminine. 342 00:14:14,438 --> 00:14:15,790 You and I could split those duties. 343 00:14:15,814 --> 00:14:18,358 Yeah, I think I've been waiting a long time 344 00:14:18,442 --> 00:14:20,360 - for us to get together. - There it is. 345 00:14:20,444 --> 00:14:22,320 - There we go. - Kent: Back at full strength. 346 00:14:22,404 --> 00:14:24,865 - We can accomplish beautiful things... - Ben: Absolutely. 347 00:14:24,948 --> 00:14:26,300 - In this town, gentlemen. - Dan: Yeah. 348 00:14:26,324 --> 00:14:28,618 Uh, I'm just gonna have to talk to selina... 349 00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:30,620 - Oh, Amy's out. - Amy: No! 350 00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:32,039 - Thanks for coming in, ame. - No! 351 00:14:32,122 --> 00:14:33,516 We're not gonna validate your parking. 352 00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:36,251 - Dan: You don't mind that, do you? - No, I just meant 353 00:14:36,334 --> 00:14:39,713 that I'm gonna tell her once and for all that... 354 00:14:42,007 --> 00:14:45,052 Jaffar: Okay, so lu wants to meet in Hong Kong to talk Brazil. 355 00:14:45,135 --> 00:14:47,012 - We'll leave Friday. - That's so funny because 356 00:14:47,095 --> 00:14:49,848 the lady who does my Brazilian is from Hong Kong. 357 00:14:49,931 --> 00:14:52,059 - It's kismit. - I know. It really is, isn't it? 358 00:14:52,142 --> 00:14:53,935 No, her name is kismit. 359 00:14:54,019 --> 00:14:55,353 They make her use Linda, but... 360 00:14:55,437 --> 00:14:57,314 You know, my favorite cousin, Hamid, went here. 361 00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:58,482 He partied his balls off. 362 00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:01,044 Oh, my god, we should've invited him to come to the thing today. 363 00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:03,111 - Oh, he's not exactly on the yes-fly list. - Oh. 364 00:15:03,195 --> 00:15:05,405 Mom, I'm so glad my doctor cleared me to come today. 365 00:15:05,489 --> 00:15:07,949 But you gotta be careful with that mclintock cervix of yours. 366 00:15:08,033 --> 00:15:10,636 - Oh, it's incompetent cervix, ma'am. - That's what I said, Marjorie. 367 00:15:10,660 --> 00:15:12,370 - Zing! You got me, ma'am. - Quartie: Hey! 368 00:15:12,454 --> 00:15:15,040 - Selina: Quartie! - Who's the head librarian now? 369 00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:17,477 - I love the new design on the building there. - Selina: Yeah, right. 370 00:15:17,501 --> 00:15:19,586 My god, looks like queen Kong's cooter. 371 00:15:19,669 --> 00:15:20,962 That's what we were going for. 372 00:15:21,046 --> 00:15:22,297 - Hog jaw! - Yeah. 373 00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:24,940 That ain't the first time I spent 20 million on a piece of pussy. 374 00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:26,510 Oh, good on you, quartie. 375 00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:28,321 - Okay, have fun. - Thank you. Yes, yes, yes. 376 00:15:28,345 --> 00:15:30,430 Absolutely. Let's go get president Caldwell, please. 377 00:15:30,514 --> 00:15:31,598 - On it, ma'am. - Yeah. 378 00:15:31,681 --> 00:15:35,143 Now that the library is officially moving forward, 379 00:15:35,227 --> 00:15:37,145 - I really need clarity on my role. - Yeah. 380 00:15:37,229 --> 00:15:39,022 So it's time for you to make a decision. 381 00:15:39,106 --> 00:15:41,566 Yes, and I think I did, 'cause I talked to you about that. 382 00:15:41,650 --> 00:15:42,859 - About? - The chicken, right? 383 00:15:42,984 --> 00:15:44,545 - Nope. - You didn't want red meat for a week. 384 00:15:44,569 --> 00:15:47,948 No, no, no. Who is in charge of the library? Is it Richard or is it me? 385 00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:49,351 Because if it's not me, I have... 386 00:15:49,407 --> 00:15:51,451 I have another offer and I'm going to take... 387 00:15:51,535 --> 00:15:54,079 - Oh, Jim! There you are. - Madam president. 388 00:15:54,162 --> 00:15:55,681 This is the president of Yale, ma'am. I found him. 389 00:15:55,705 --> 00:15:57,082 How are you? 390 00:15:57,165 --> 00:15:59,960 Well, I've got a professor of gender studies suing for tenure. 391 00:16:00,043 --> 00:16:02,129 - You can imagine what that's about. - Oh, my god. 392 00:16:02,212 --> 00:16:04,732 Well, this thing shouldn't take too long, so we can get you out of here. 393 00:16:04,756 --> 00:16:07,634 Actually, madam president, the Washington post called 394 00:16:07,717 --> 00:16:11,471 asking for comment on the story that the library site 395 00:16:11,555 --> 00:16:14,182 was originally the university's slave quarters. 396 00:16:14,266 --> 00:16:16,244 That's Leon. It's gotta be Leon. 397 00:16:16,268 --> 00:16:18,645 I'm embarrassed, but the university is going to have to 398 00:16:18,728 --> 00:16:20,480 take some time to study the situation. 399 00:16:20,564 --> 00:16:23,404 What? What are you talking about? We're having the groundbreaking today. 400 00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,152 If it were up to me, 401 00:16:25,235 --> 00:16:28,363 we'd be putting up drywall on your vagina building today. 402 00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:31,217 - Well, I appreciate that, Jim, I really do. - But in the current climate, 403 00:16:31,241 --> 00:16:35,871 with the lawsuit, and with one of our adjuncts in the hillel function with the sombrero... 404 00:16:35,954 --> 00:16:39,058 - Okay, I don't know what that is. - You can understand that this is not a time 405 00:16:39,082 --> 00:16:42,502 we wanna put a spotlight on our historic association with slavery. 406 00:16:42,586 --> 00:16:45,005 After all, this is Yale, not brown. 407 00:16:45,088 --> 00:16:46,590 I got waitlisted there. 408 00:16:46,923 --> 00:16:48,758 Catherine: Oh, oh, ow, ow, owi 409 00:16:48,925 --> 00:16:50,677 ma'am, I think her waterjust broke, ma'am. 410 00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:52,470 - Good Christ! - Are you kidding me? 411 00:16:52,554 --> 00:16:53,972 - Jim: I will be in touch. - Yes. 412 00:16:54,055 --> 00:16:55,783 In the meantime, if you're trying to get out of town, 413 00:16:55,807 --> 00:16:57,017 don't take high street. 414 00:16:57,100 --> 00:17:00,187 The kkk, that's the kool kweers of kolor, 415 00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:03,607 is having a "pee in" in front of skull and bones. 416 00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:05,692 Got that. Thank you. 417 00:17:05,775 --> 00:17:08,028 - I mean... - Ma'am. 418 00:17:08,111 --> 00:17:11,281 Yale pulled out without even coming on my tits? 419 00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:13,408 Things sure have changed since I went to college. 420 00:17:13,742 --> 00:17:15,094 We're gonna take her back 421 00:17:15,118 --> 00:17:16,838 - to mount sinai, ma'am. - Selina: Let's go. 422 00:17:19,789 --> 00:17:21,267 Doctor: Here we go. 423 00:17:21,291 --> 00:17:22,894 Andrew: These are genuine pieces of the wall. 424 00:17:22,918 --> 00:17:24,770 - Doctor: The baby's crowing. - You know what? I should go. 425 00:17:24,794 --> 00:17:26,147 - Here come the shoulders. - Oh, my god. 426 00:17:26,171 --> 00:17:29,049 I wish I had let you do anal. It would've hurt less than this! 427 00:17:29,132 --> 00:17:30,812 - See? - I'll up the dosage on your spinal. 428 00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:33,136 Oh, god, I like her. I like you. 429 00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:35,513 - Have you decided on a name? - No. What's your name? 430 00:17:35,597 --> 00:17:37,557 - Sandra. - Yeah, not that. 431 00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:39,392 Hey, how about those ice chips? 432 00:17:39,476 --> 00:17:40,912 - Selina: Yeah, I need ice chips. - Hi, I'm Gary. 433 00:17:40,936 --> 00:17:42,562 - Hi. - I ground these myself. 434 00:17:42,646 --> 00:17:44,356 - Okay. - The hospital ones are so big. 435 00:17:44,439 --> 00:17:46,775 - There we go. There you go. - Mmm. Thank you. 436 00:17:46,858 --> 00:17:48,276 - Oh. Oh, my god. - Doctor: Okay. 437 00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:50,195 - Okay, doctor... - Sengupta. 438 00:17:50,278 --> 00:17:52,239 - Gundupta. - I'm gonna get you a cookie. 439 00:17:52,489 --> 00:17:54,491 Here we go, push. 440 00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:56,469 Doctor: Okay, we're looking good, we're looking good. 441 00:17:56,493 --> 00:17:58,411 - Here it comes. - Oh, my god! 442 00:17:58,495 --> 00:17:59,972 Congratulations, mommy and daddy. 443 00:17:59,996 --> 00:18:00,996 Here's your baby. 444 00:18:01,039 --> 00:18:03,041 - Is that its hair? - Doctor: Yeah. 445 00:18:03,124 --> 00:18:06,253 - Sandra: Will you be nursing? - No. Oh, my god, I'm not a goat. 446 00:18:06,336 --> 00:18:09,422 - No, those are for daddy. - Selina: Oh, goddess, Sandra? 447 00:18:09,506 --> 00:18:12,759 Can you write down your number in case we have any questions about it? 448 00:18:12,842 --> 00:18:14,761 - Okay. - You can give it to my husband, Andrew. 449 00:18:21,351 --> 00:18:24,271 - I think I wanna run for congress. - Huh. 450 00:18:24,688 --> 00:18:26,856 Oh, some black shit is coming out of it. 451 00:18:26,940 --> 00:18:28,376 - Okay, good... yeah. - Loud. It's so loud. 452 00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:30,640 I've never heard anything quite like... 453 00:18:30,694 --> 00:18:32,279 Ugh, it's loud. 454 00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:37,242 Oh, ah. 455 00:18:37,325 --> 00:18:39,536 - You went ahead without me. - The baby has my elbows. 456 00:18:39,703 --> 00:18:42,330 Mom, where have you been? They're ready to send us home. 457 00:18:42,414 --> 00:18:44,833 Okay, well, Catherine, slaves have ruined my library... 458 00:18:44,916 --> 00:18:47,294 - Yeah. - So you can stop attacking me. 459 00:18:47,377 --> 00:18:49,713 You know how busy your mother is, Catherine. 460 00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:50,797 What are you doing here? 461 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,942 Our daughter wanted at least one of her parents to be here. 462 00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:55,526 - Fortunately, I was available. - So, what is it? What do we got? 463 00:18:55,552 --> 00:18:57,738 - A boy or a girl? - Well, if we're judging by sex organs, 464 00:18:57,762 --> 00:18:59,657 - which apparently we're not, it's a boy. - Mmm-hmm. 465 00:18:59,681 --> 00:19:01,200 - Thank god. - Would you like to hold him, grandma'am? 466 00:19:01,224 --> 00:19:02,368 - I'll take your purse. - No, it's fine. 467 00:19:02,392 --> 00:19:03,828 I'll just give him a boop-boop, pat-pat. 468 00:19:03,852 --> 00:19:05,204 Catherine, honey, I packed up all your toiletries, 469 00:19:05,228 --> 00:19:06,706 - so you're all set to go. - Selina: Monnie. 470 00:19:06,730 --> 00:19:09,274 - Oh! Grandma! - Yeah. 471 00:19:09,357 --> 00:19:10,608 Congratulations. 472 00:19:10,692 --> 00:19:12,610 Okay, when did you come back into the picture? 473 00:19:12,777 --> 00:19:13,945 - What do you mean? - Nope. 474 00:19:14,029 --> 00:19:15,381 - Selina: When did you get back... - Mmm-mmm. 475 00:19:15,405 --> 00:19:16,614 Is mama ready to roll out? 476 00:19:17,198 --> 00:19:18,867 Oh, my god, I can't believe it. 477 00:19:18,950 --> 00:19:22,746 - Oh, thank you. - You're Monica from Monica. 478 00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:24,205 - Oh. Yeah! - It is a dream of mine 479 00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:25,373 to cook with you someday. 480 00:19:25,457 --> 00:19:26,875 - It's my dream, too. - What? 481 00:19:26,958 --> 00:19:28,227 Well, we should make that happen. 482 00:19:28,251 --> 00:19:31,046 - I'll get your number. - Absolutely, we should make that happen. 483 00:19:31,129 --> 00:19:34,090 - Oh, go, just go. - Open up a bottle of chateau montelena. 484 00:19:34,174 --> 00:19:35,925 Okay, so what are we calling him? 485 00:19:36,217 --> 00:19:38,470 Aluminum? Tenafly? Ribbon? 486 00:19:38,553 --> 00:19:40,114 Catherine: We haven't landed on a name yet. 487 00:19:40,138 --> 00:19:41,181 I don't mind tenafly. 488 00:19:41,264 --> 00:19:42,515 You know, what about Richard? 489 00:19:42,599 --> 00:19:45,477 That would be kind of cute 'cause then we could call him little Richard. 490 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:46,561 Love! 491 00:19:46,644 --> 00:19:48,080 I was actually named after my godmother, 492 00:19:48,104 --> 00:19:49,415 richardina. Everybodyjust called her Regina. 493 00:19:49,439 --> 00:19:50,523 - Oh, boy. - You know what? 494 00:19:50,607 --> 00:19:51,751 Actually, I probably wasn't named after her. 495 00:19:51,775 --> 00:19:54,527 I just got here, but I guess we're leaving now. 496 00:19:54,611 --> 00:19:57,364 - Oh, hello! Look at this little creature. - Hi. 497 00:19:57,447 --> 00:19:59,366 Looks just like both of you. 498 00:19:59,449 --> 00:20:01,576 - Selina: Hi. - Hi. How are you? 499 00:20:01,659 --> 00:20:03,661 So, in the quran, it is recommended 500 00:20:03,745 --> 00:20:07,415 that upon the birth of a child, a father should slaughter two goats. 501 00:20:07,791 --> 00:20:09,959 However, out of respect for your veganism, 502 00:20:10,293 --> 00:20:12,879 um, I got you the wipe warmer instead. 503 00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:15,673 - Yes! Yes, thank you. - Ah. Wow. Thank you. 504 00:20:15,757 --> 00:20:18,218 Ambassador jaffar, if I could nibble your ear for a moment 505 00:20:18,301 --> 00:20:20,720 about a sand opportunity I'm currently involved with. 506 00:20:20,804 --> 00:20:23,390 - I'm all set with sand. - But this is beach sand. 507 00:20:23,473 --> 00:20:24,617 - He doesn't want sand. - Right. Yeah. 508 00:20:24,641 --> 00:20:26,309 Madam president! 509 00:20:26,393 --> 00:20:27,995 Catherine: This is traumatizing for the baby. 510 00:20:28,019 --> 00:20:30,271 Selina: No, I know. You know what? I'm gonna help you. 511 00:20:30,355 --> 00:20:31,582 - I'm gonna help you out. - Mom. 512 00:20:31,606 --> 00:20:34,651 - We're good. Shh. - Everyone say hello to little Richard. 513 00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:35,836 - Is that the baby's name? - Yes. 514 00:20:35,860 --> 00:20:37,380 - No, it's not. - Selina: I have to say 515 00:20:37,404 --> 00:20:39,781 that as the proud grand... 516 00:20:39,864 --> 00:20:44,411 - Mother. - Mother of an African-American baby, 517 00:20:44,494 --> 00:20:49,416 I would rather never have a presidential library 518 00:20:49,499 --> 00:20:54,337 than to have one that is built on the backs of dead slaves. 519 00:20:54,671 --> 00:20:56,631 - Shame on Yale. - Gary: Yeah. 520 00:20:56,798 --> 00:20:59,843 - And shame on Amy brookheimer. - Gary: Yes. 521 00:20:59,926 --> 00:21:02,095 Oh, and this is my lesbian daughter's 522 00:21:02,470 --> 00:21:05,682 native American lesbian life partner, Marjorie. 523 00:21:06,391 --> 00:21:09,102 Madam president, the American public would like to know 524 00:21:09,185 --> 00:21:11,831 when you're going to come clean about your stay at whispering sands. 525 00:21:11,855 --> 00:21:14,190 Selina: Okay, well, I have a confession to make. 526 00:21:14,774 --> 00:21:17,277 Uh, both my daughter and my mother 527 00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:22,866 have struggled greatly with very serious mental health problems. 528 00:21:22,949 --> 00:21:24,993 - What? - Don't worry, it runs in my family, too. 529 00:21:25,076 --> 00:21:28,621 If this administration continues to ignore 530 00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:32,417 the mental health crisis in this country, 531 00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:34,252 well, you know, it's crazy. 532 00:21:34,752 --> 00:21:37,380 It really is. Yeah, thank you. 533 00:21:37,589 --> 00:21:40,049 Thank you very much. I appreciate it. Thank you. 534 00:21:41,384 --> 00:21:43,344 Amy: Ma'am, I'm so sorry you lost your library. 535 00:21:43,428 --> 00:21:44,971 You know, last night, I dreamt that 536 00:21:45,054 --> 00:21:47,765 I removed Leon west's balls with an ice cream scoop 537 00:21:47,849 --> 00:21:50,977 - and I think I actually came. - Ls everything always ice cream with you? 538 00:21:51,060 --> 00:21:53,813 - Just say the word, ma'am, and I will... - Amy, Amy. 539 00:21:53,897 --> 00:21:55,899 I leaked it to Leon. 540 00:21:55,982 --> 00:21:59,235 Why? Why would you Kurt cobain your own library? 541 00:21:59,319 --> 00:22:01,154 Because, girlie, 542 00:22:01,571 --> 00:22:04,991 only former presidents have libraries. 543 00:22:05,074 --> 00:22:09,120 And I'm running for president. 544 00:22:10,747 --> 00:22:12,540 You're... you're running again? 545 00:22:12,624 --> 00:22:14,626 The band is getting back together again. 546 00:22:14,709 --> 00:22:16,711 - Who cc'd Mike? - Mike: I get it, I'm Ringo. 547 00:22:16,794 --> 00:22:18,397 - We need champagne! - Ben: No, Amy's Ringo. 548 00:22:18,421 --> 00:22:19,839 You're Mark David Chapman's bullet. 549 00:22:19,923 --> 00:22:21,299 Selina: How is this even possible? 550 00:22:21,382 --> 00:22:23,259 Tibet! Tibet! It's all Tibet! 551 00:22:23,426 --> 00:22:28,348 We are gonna ride that Dalai Lama like Mrs. Lama on book club night. 552 00:22:28,765 --> 00:22:30,683 - Hey! - Ooh! Yeah. 553 00:22:30,767 --> 00:22:33,120 - And, oh, what about montez? - She's a Mexican who stole your job. 554 00:22:33,144 --> 00:22:36,648 - She did, in fact, steal my job. - Her numbers are under agua. 555 00:22:36,731 --> 00:22:37,958 I can't believe this. We're back! 556 00:22:37,982 --> 00:22:39,668 - I do need to talk to you about your role. - Amy: Yes. 557 00:22:39,692 --> 00:22:41,420 And, Mike, I need to talk to you about your role, too. 558 00:22:41,444 --> 00:22:43,530 - Sweet. - To team meyer. 559 00:22:43,613 --> 00:22:46,533 - All: Team meyer! - Second time's the charm. 560 00:22:46,616 --> 00:22:48,243 - Uh, it's actually fourth. - Fourth. 561 00:22:48,326 --> 00:22:50,054 - Fourth time's the charm. - Yeah, that's fourth, ma'am. 562 00:22:50,078 --> 00:22:52,372 So, what do you think? 563 00:22:52,455 --> 00:22:54,415 - Beats working for Jonah. - Yeah. 564 00:22:54,499 --> 00:22:56,793 There's just one last thing you need to do. 565 00:22:56,876 --> 00:22:58,127 Mmm. I'm not gonna do that. 566 00:22:58,461 --> 00:23:00,797 - Selina, you have to do it. - Mmm-mmm. 567 00:23:07,303 --> 00:23:09,806 You know, there's a restaurant in kowloon 568 00:23:10,014 --> 00:23:14,060 that has a Clay-baked chicken dish that you have to order 24 hours in advance. 569 00:23:14,143 --> 00:23:16,813 - Yeah, jaffar, I can't. - I understand. 570 00:23:16,896 --> 00:23:19,208 Twenty-four hours seems like a lot of hoopla for chicken, doesn't it? 571 00:23:19,232 --> 00:23:23,486 I mean I can't... I can't, um, go to Hong Kong with you anymore. 572 00:23:23,570 --> 00:23:26,573 No, the Chinese are expecting us. The Brazil plan is set. 573 00:23:26,656 --> 00:23:28,283 No, I just, you know... 574 00:23:28,366 --> 00:23:29,951 I've been rethinking things. 575 00:23:30,326 --> 00:23:32,787 There are some new options for me. 576 00:23:32,870 --> 00:23:34,080 Okay? 577 00:23:34,289 --> 00:23:35,623 Post-Tibet. 578 00:23:36,165 --> 00:23:38,167 Um... well... 579 00:23:39,877 --> 00:23:41,713 I don't have any problem with options. 580 00:23:41,796 --> 00:23:47,176 Yeah, but, you know, the options will be a lot easier without any baggage. 581 00:23:49,887 --> 00:23:51,180 Muslim baggage? 582 00:23:51,306 --> 00:23:54,767 - Jaffar, you are so sophisticated... - Oh, come on. 583 00:23:54,851 --> 00:23:58,187 And your grasp of geopolitics is just... 584 00:23:59,355 --> 00:24:01,274 - Selina, what are you... - And those are assets 585 00:24:01,357 --> 00:24:03,109 anywhere in the world except... 586 00:24:03,192 --> 00:24:05,278 - In america? - In the United States, yeah. 587 00:24:05,361 --> 00:24:10,158 And most of Europe, except Germany, you know, 'cause they overcorrect. 588 00:24:12,702 --> 00:24:14,662 You should take this back. 589 00:24:15,997 --> 00:24:16,998 Right? 590 00:24:17,081 --> 00:24:18,750 Yes, I want it back. 591 00:24:30,303 --> 00:24:32,889 - Oh, my god, madam president! - Hi. 592 00:24:48,988 --> 00:24:51,699 Selina: Whoo! Council bluffs, Iowa, here we are! 593 00:24:51,783 --> 00:24:54,077 Exactly 20 minutes from Omaha. 594 00:24:54,285 --> 00:24:56,371 - Not exactly. - Okay, who has my speech? 595 00:24:56,454 --> 00:24:57,664 I need my speech. 596 00:24:57,747 --> 00:24:59,832 How are the girls and big and little Richard doing? 597 00:24:59,916 --> 00:25:02,168 - How are your kids, Ben? - Ooh. Touché. 598 00:25:02,251 --> 00:25:03,611 - Ma'am, here's your speech. - Yes? 599 00:25:03,711 --> 00:25:05,338 Oh, thank you, Leon. Look at this. 600 00:25:05,421 --> 00:25:07,423 There are no typos, there are no food stains. 601 00:25:07,507 --> 00:25:09,717 - You spelled "meyer" right. - Well, I am a grown man. 602 00:25:09,801 --> 00:25:11,678 Okay, Madison Monroe dinner. 603 00:25:11,761 --> 00:25:14,722 - Ben: Really brings back old memories, huh? - Ooh, and she's back. 604 00:25:14,806 --> 00:25:16,526 Knock them dead, ma'am. Dan, you got a sec? 605 00:25:18,226 --> 00:25:19,394 Uh, yeah, yeah. What's up? 606 00:25:19,477 --> 00:25:21,854 Ben's right, a lot of memories. 607 00:25:21,938 --> 00:25:24,083 - She and I started here seven years ago. - Oh, tell me about it. 608 00:25:24,107 --> 00:25:27,276 I was here in 2012, Steve banged a couple stewardesses. 609 00:25:27,485 --> 00:25:29,165 Will you stop being exactly like yourself? 610 00:25:29,195 --> 00:25:31,197 - You're fucking ruining this. - Ruining what? 611 00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:33,050 Remember a couple months ago after you got fired, 612 00:25:33,074 --> 00:25:34,367 we had drinks with Ben? 613 00:25:35,201 --> 00:25:37,161 Yeah, yeah, yeah, we had a lot of drinks. 614 00:25:37,245 --> 00:25:39,914 Yeah, well, I'm pregnant and it's yours. 615 00:25:46,087 --> 00:25:48,131 - Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen... - Fuck! 616 00:25:49,966 --> 00:25:52,135 I really thought things were starting to turn around. 617 00:25:55,555 --> 00:25:57,140 Selina: Thank you! 618 00:25:59,225 --> 00:26:00,560 Thank you. 619 00:26:01,144 --> 00:26:02,270 Thank you. 620 00:26:02,353 --> 00:26:06,566 It is so great to be back among all our friends in Iowa! 621 00:26:10,987 --> 00:26:15,241 You know, there's been a lot of speculation about me running for president. 622 00:26:15,324 --> 00:26:16,743 Again. 623 00:26:16,826 --> 00:26:18,828 But tonight is not about that. 624 00:26:19,078 --> 00:26:20,913 No, over the next few months, 625 00:26:20,997 --> 00:26:26,502 folks, I will embark on what I call a feeling tour across america, 626 00:26:27,170 --> 00:26:29,756 from palo alto to Hollywood, 627 00:26:29,839 --> 00:26:32,508 from Iowa to New Hampshire, 628 00:26:32,592 --> 00:26:35,595 and from the Hamptons to wall street. 629 00:26:35,678 --> 00:26:39,432 I'm going to be with the real folks out there. 630 00:26:39,515 --> 00:26:44,520 I wanna feel their feelings and I wanna hear their speakings. 631 00:26:44,604 --> 00:26:47,106 You know, I have to tell you, when I left the white house, 632 00:26:47,190 --> 00:26:50,276 I could've gone anywhere, but I didn't. 633 00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:53,070 I chose the south Bronx 634 00:26:53,154 --> 00:26:57,325 so I could feel and smell what america was all about. 635 00:26:57,408 --> 00:26:59,452 It smells good! 636 00:27:02,830 --> 00:27:07,168 Two years ago, I stood right here in my old high school gym 637 00:27:07,293 --> 00:27:09,879 where I was chosen for many, many sports teams, 638 00:27:10,129 --> 00:27:13,466 surrounded by my family and my friends 639 00:27:13,966 --> 00:27:18,805 to seek your support for congress as the ultimate insider's outsider. 640 00:27:20,056 --> 00:27:22,892 And if there's one thing that you should know about me, 641 00:27:22,975 --> 00:27:26,103 Washington insiders, they didn't like me very much. 642 00:27:26,187 --> 00:27:27,939 So let's send them a message 643 00:27:28,022 --> 00:27:31,943 by shoving the guy that they hate the most right back in their faces. 644 00:27:32,026 --> 00:27:34,237 I am announcing my exploratory committee 645 00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:36,823 for the presidency of the United States of America, 646 00:27:36,906 --> 00:27:39,158 which basically means I'm definitely running. 647 00:27:39,242 --> 00:27:41,285 God bless New Hampshire. 648 00:27:41,369 --> 00:27:43,246 God bless the United States of America 649 00:27:43,329 --> 00:27:45,498 and Puerto Rico, if they can vote for president, 650 00:27:45,581 --> 00:27:47,416 and god bless Jonah Ryan. 651 00:27:47,667 --> 00:27:50,419 Thank you. Thank you. 652 00:27:50,545 --> 00:27:53,005 Okay, people, look, the president can only do so much 653 00:27:53,089 --> 00:27:55,049 without the cooperation of the congress. 654 00:27:55,132 --> 00:27:58,219 I can't impress upon you enough that this process only works 655 00:27:58,302 --> 00:28:00,221 when there's bipartisan communication. 656 00:28:00,304 --> 00:28:03,015 That is what the constitution requires, right? 657 00:28:03,099 --> 00:28:06,269 - Okay, you in the back. - Uh, will this be on the final? 658 00:28:06,394 --> 00:28:08,229 Uh, no comment. 659 00:28:08,646 --> 00:28:10,022 Old habits die hard, I guess. 660 00:28:10,106 --> 00:28:12,066 Uh, yes. No. 661 00:28:12,149 --> 00:28:14,527 Actually, uh, I can neither confirm nor deny that. 662 00:28:14,610 --> 00:28:18,698 That's an old... you know what? I don't know, so we'll deal with it later. 663 00:28:18,781 --> 00:28:19,883 Okay, perfect. 664 00:28:19,907 --> 00:28:21,343 Remember, three branches of government, 665 00:28:21,367 --> 00:28:23,452 judiciary, legislative, 666 00:28:24,203 --> 00:28:25,288 and there's a third. 667 00:28:25,371 --> 00:28:28,499 And, uh, if you wanna know something about government, 668 00:28:28,583 --> 00:28:31,085 watch this film air force one. 669 00:28:31,168 --> 00:28:33,713 It's a good movie. Shows you what a president can do. 670 00:28:33,796 --> 00:28:36,299 Nice to meet you, and I'll see you guys wed... Tuesday.