1 00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:08,235 - Gary: This is sheikh Muhammed Hamid. - Marhaba. 2 00:00:08,259 --> 00:00:11,387 Sheikh Hamid, I am so sorry for your loss. 3 00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:15,183 You did such important work together in the field of... 4 00:00:15,266 --> 00:00:16,475 Human trafficking. 5 00:00:17,101 --> 00:00:18,519 Import-export. 6 00:00:18,603 --> 00:00:20,188 My sympathies. 7 00:00:20,271 --> 00:00:21,689 - Oh, scary. - Oh, my god. 8 00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:24,358 It's like six degrees of al-qaeda in here. 9 00:00:24,442 --> 00:00:26,420 I hope we don't drone this place while we're in it. 10 00:00:26,444 --> 00:00:28,571 - Okay. Let's just go this way. - Yes. 11 00:00:28,654 --> 00:00:30,698 No, no, no. That's colonel Omar al-saleh. 12 00:00:30,781 --> 00:00:31,949 He's a Sudanese warlord. 13 00:00:32,033 --> 00:00:33,409 You cannot have a photo with him. 14 00:00:33,492 --> 00:00:34,952 He's dressed like a doorman. 15 00:00:35,036 --> 00:00:36,287 Oh, hey, lu. 16 00:00:36,621 --> 00:00:38,664 - Oh. - I've tried to call you many times. 17 00:00:40,708 --> 00:00:41,935 The president wishes to express... 18 00:00:41,959 --> 00:00:43,836 You know what? I know that you speak English. 19 00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:45,731 If you don't wanna talk about Tibet, that's fine. 20 00:00:45,755 --> 00:00:48,233 You can just say that. You can be direct. 21 00:00:48,257 --> 00:00:49,257 Good bye. 22 00:00:49,300 --> 00:00:51,052 - You don't just forget English. - Mmm-mmm. 23 00:00:51,135 --> 00:00:52,553 He just went full chinaman on me. 24 00:00:52,637 --> 00:00:54,555 Okay. This is ambassador al jaffar's nephew. 25 00:00:54,639 --> 00:00:55,723 I know you! 26 00:00:55,806 --> 00:00:58,100 I didn't recognize you with your little hat. 27 00:00:58,184 --> 00:01:00,102 I'm so sorry for your loss. 28 00:01:00,186 --> 00:01:01,687 Oh, well, I have a dozen uncles. 29 00:01:01,771 --> 00:01:03,171 One less, more for the rest, right? 30 00:01:03,231 --> 00:01:04,232 Okay. 31 00:01:04,315 --> 00:01:06,234 You know, I saw you speaking to president lu. 32 00:01:06,317 --> 00:01:09,695 I wanted to express my sympathies for how everything unfolded with Tibet. 33 00:01:09,779 --> 00:01:12,615 Oh, yeah. Well, tell it to that ingrate, the Dalai Lama. 34 00:01:12,698 --> 00:01:14,538 I guess he'll be thanking me in his next life. 35 00:01:14,825 --> 00:01:16,535 I would love to keep chatting, 36 00:01:16,619 --> 00:01:18,263 but the Israeli trade representative is headed this way. 37 00:01:18,287 --> 00:01:20,831 - Yes. - So, let us hope to see each other again. 38 00:01:21,457 --> 00:01:22,833 Let's hope. 39 00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:25,896 - Madam president, I'm sorry... - Yes? 40 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:29,173 Mamnoon akhtar from Pakistan would like a photo with his brother. 41 00:01:29,257 --> 00:01:30,383 Yeah. Shake? 42 00:01:30,466 --> 00:01:31,592 He's an ambassador. 43 00:01:31,676 --> 00:01:32,677 No, do I shake his hand? 44 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:33,761 - No, better not. - Okay. 45 00:01:33,844 --> 00:01:35,221 Everyone say "goat cheese." 46 00:01:36,013 --> 00:01:37,199 Good. 47 00:01:41,352 --> 00:01:42,353 Catherine: I'm nervous. 48 00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:43,646 - Should I go? Okay. - Yeah. 49 00:01:43,729 --> 00:01:46,357 Uh, mom, we have some really exciting news... 50 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:47,483 Okay, Catherine, 51 00:01:47,566 --> 00:01:49,711 I think there's something wrong with your microphone, honey, 52 00:01:49,735 --> 00:01:51,904 - because your voice sounds very whiny. - No. 53 00:01:51,988 --> 00:01:54,448 I think maybe it's the connection, so can you... 54 00:01:54,532 --> 00:01:57,326 Oh, it's crystal clear on our end, ma 'am. Like Catherine's eyes. 55 00:01:57,410 --> 00:01:59,203 Selina: Oh, yeah. Well, you sound the same. 56 00:01:59,370 --> 00:02:01,455 Mom, Marjorie and I wanted to... 57 00:02:01,539 --> 00:02:03,739 - Ma'am, you gotta see this! - Be the first to tell you 58 00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:05,543 that we're pregnant. 59 00:02:06,335 --> 00:02:07,461 Oh! Fuck! 60 00:02:07,545 --> 00:02:08,546 Catherine: Mom? 61 00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:09,731 - Ma'am? - Oh, how could this happen? 62 00:02:09,755 --> 00:02:12,133 Show her the poster. Look. 63 00:02:12,216 --> 00:02:13,860 - Congratulations, grandma. - Congratulations, grandma. 64 00:02:13,884 --> 00:02:15,970 Oh, yay! Maybe I can stop masturbating now. 65 00:02:16,262 --> 00:02:18,597 - I can't... no, no! Just hang up on her. - Okay. 66 00:02:18,681 --> 00:02:19,741 - Richard, no, no, no... - Bye-bye. 67 00:02:19,765 --> 00:02:22,476 "Uproar over a photo that shows former president selina meyer 68 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:25,980 "smiling with Sudanese strongman colonel Omar al-saleh, 69 00:02:26,063 --> 00:02:27,063 "the butcher of Juba." 70 00:02:27,106 --> 00:02:28,691 Omar al-saleh bombed his own people. 71 00:02:28,774 --> 00:02:31,402 He is a bomber and a photobomber! 72 00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:35,948 My international reputation is literally the only thing that I have left now. 73 00:02:36,032 --> 00:02:38,159 That is not true. You have amazing calves. 74 00:02:38,242 --> 00:02:39,660 Okay. What are we gonna do here? 75 00:02:39,744 --> 00:02:41,829 I mean, what is the opposite of a warlord? 76 00:02:41,912 --> 00:02:42,997 A peace lady? 77 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:45,791 Yes. Thank you very much, Richard. Richard is thinking. 78 00:02:45,875 --> 00:02:49,628 He understands we need a female hero that we can wash away 79 00:02:49,712 --> 00:02:51,505 - this warlord crap with. - Yeah. 80 00:02:51,589 --> 00:02:52,941 And why don't you have your phone right now? 81 00:02:52,965 --> 00:02:54,508 I didn't bring it. 82 00:02:56,093 --> 00:02:57,720 I don't have international data, ma'am. 83 00:02:57,803 --> 00:02:59,889 Mike! Please! 84 00:02:59,972 --> 00:03:03,392 - Srey lim, she's a Cambodian rights activist. - Perfect. 85 00:03:03,476 --> 00:03:04,685 Oh! She was born with no legs. 86 00:03:04,769 --> 00:03:07,480 - What? Well, that's not gonna work, is it? - I know. 87 00:03:07,563 --> 00:03:09,023 How can I even do a walk-and-talk? 88 00:03:09,106 --> 00:03:10,232 I can't be with somebody 89 00:03:10,316 --> 00:03:11,918 - who's physically disfigured. - I know you can't. 90 00:03:11,942 --> 00:03:13,420 - It makes me feel sick, okay? - I know. 91 00:03:13,444 --> 00:03:15,196 - Umida giyazde. - Okay. 92 00:03:15,279 --> 00:03:17,406 - She's an uzbek free speech advocate. - Fine. 93 00:03:17,490 --> 00:03:19,116 Oh, no. Scarred in an acid attack, so... 94 00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:21,577 - Oh. - You know, there's daw Miya khaing. 95 00:03:21,660 --> 00:03:23,371 Oh, never mind. She was executed. 96 00:03:23,454 --> 00:03:24,890 - Unless... no, that's crazy. - Selina: What? 97 00:03:24,914 --> 00:03:26,791 Damn it, I'm roaming. I can't afford to roam! 98 00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:29,043 We got it, we got it. Nyaring ayun. 99 00:03:29,126 --> 00:03:32,213 Women's rights dissident from, get this, the Sudan! 100 00:03:32,296 --> 00:03:34,496 - Oh, really? - Yeah, she's currently under house arrest 101 00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:36,443 for opposing the very warlord who photobombed you. 102 00:03:36,467 --> 00:03:37,843 Oh, my god. That's perfect. 103 00:03:37,927 --> 00:03:40,280 - Full quota of limbs. She's got a whole face. - Selina: Great. Perfect. 104 00:03:40,304 --> 00:03:41,948 - How do you take the battery out? - That doesn't come out. 105 00:03:41,972 --> 00:03:45,017 As a girl, she was forced to undergo the traditional female genital cutting. 106 00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:47,645 Ugh! God! Well, that's not gonna be on camera, so... 107 00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,289 - Just set it up. That's perfect. - Amy: All right. 108 00:03:49,313 --> 00:03:50,689 God. Why am I downloading a movie? 109 00:03:50,773 --> 00:03:51,816 - _gary? - What? 110 00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:53,293 I can't get this... okay, something's... 111 00:03:53,317 --> 00:03:55,319 - Let's flip you over. Go ahead. - What? 112 00:03:56,237 --> 00:03:58,882 Yeah, that's it. We're not going back now. We're going to the Sudan. 113 00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:00,533 - So I'm gonna need plenty of... - Whoa! 114 00:04:00,616 --> 00:04:01,617 - Of purell. - Yeah. 115 00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:03,011 I gotta find a boost mobile store. 116 00:04:03,035 --> 00:04:05,389 You know, it's too bad we won't have time to see the camel races. 117 00:04:05,413 --> 00:04:07,533 They're saying that hamlool could be the next al misk. 118 00:04:08,165 --> 00:04:10,292 Jonah: Plus, the day after daylight saving time, 119 00:04:10,626 --> 00:04:11,669 you're all messed up. 120 00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:13,754 And one time, my mom brought in my breakfast 121 00:04:13,838 --> 00:04:15,381 an hour late like an idiot. 122 00:04:15,464 --> 00:04:16,900 So I just threw it on the floor, and I said, 123 00:04:16,924 --> 00:04:19,844 "mom, if I wanted to eat this, I would've eaten it an hour ago." 124 00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,846 But it threw off my whole bathroom schedule, 125 00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:23,657 and I ended up having to poop in a sunoco bathroom. 126 00:04:23,681 --> 00:04:24,682 Can you believe that? 127 00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:28,436 Jonah, we have to expand to other issues that matter in our districts. 128 00:04:28,519 --> 00:04:30,020 To the working people of america. 129 00:04:30,104 --> 00:04:31,272 Oh, god. Snore. 130 00:04:31,355 --> 00:04:32,815 You know what we really need? 131 00:04:32,898 --> 00:04:33,899 A cool name. 132 00:04:34,316 --> 00:04:36,193 Libertonians. Says what we're about. 133 00:04:36,277 --> 00:04:37,957 No, it sounds like a gay a cappella group. 134 00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:39,697 I got it. The beltway boys. 135 00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:42,783 Jesus Christ. Are you tag-teaming this? Those are awful. 136 00:04:43,868 --> 00:04:45,161 I got it. 137 00:04:45,244 --> 00:04:46,537 How about the jeffersons? 138 00:04:48,497 --> 00:04:49,498 That's pretty good, 139 00:04:49,582 --> 00:04:52,142 but it also... you know this... It happens to be the name of a... 140 00:04:52,209 --> 00:04:54,795 President! Yeah, that's exactly why I like it, jaeger. 141 00:04:54,879 --> 00:04:58,299 Tommy j, he's not all played out like George Washington or Hamilton. 142 00:04:58,382 --> 00:04:59,592 Hamilton wasn't a president. 143 00:04:59,675 --> 00:05:02,261 Then why the fuck did they write a musical about him? 144 00:05:02,344 --> 00:05:04,597 No, he was our first puerto rican president. 145 00:05:05,014 --> 00:05:06,014 Oh! The washingtones. 146 00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:09,393 No. I am the white Hamilton of the jeffersons, and that's our name. 147 00:05:09,477 --> 00:05:10,853 To the jeffersons. 148 00:05:11,061 --> 00:05:12,229 All: To the jeffersons. 149 00:05:12,313 --> 00:05:15,074 That's right, nobody's gonna keep us down because we are moving on up. 150 00:05:16,150 --> 00:05:17,610 - The capitol hills. - Spencer: Hey! 151 00:05:17,693 --> 00:05:18,753 - Or should I say... - Stop. No. 152 00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:20,154 The capitol hills 153 00:05:20,237 --> 00:05:21,572 god damn it, shut up. 154 00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:24,742 Hey, what do you think of my tie? I designed it myself. 155 00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:26,118 I call it yoloha. 156 00:05:26,202 --> 00:05:28,370 It's a combination of "yolo" and "aloha." 157 00:05:28,454 --> 00:05:29,914 Well, buzzy, I think it's rad. 158 00:05:30,706 --> 00:05:32,625 Which is a combination of "retarded" and"sad' 159 00:05:33,042 --> 00:05:35,878 getting soft, Danny boy? Keep it tight for Jane. 160 00:05:36,378 --> 00:05:38,672 Okay, first of all, I never miss a glutes day. 161 00:05:38,756 --> 00:05:41,509 And second of all, everyone, Jane and I are not... 162 00:05:41,592 --> 00:05:42,801 Ah, forget it. 163 00:05:42,885 --> 00:05:45,429 Honestly, if you fucked in front of us, it'd be more dignified. 164 00:05:45,554 --> 00:05:46,847 Ah, like gorillas at the zoo. 165 00:05:46,931 --> 00:05:47,973 Fuck you, buzzy. 166 00:05:48,057 --> 00:05:50,309 Hey, Stevie. Look, man, I can't take it anymore, dude. 167 00:05:50,392 --> 00:05:51,411 I'm sorry about the temperature. 168 00:05:51,435 --> 00:05:53,705 Jane just thinks the cold makes her and brie's nipples pop more, 169 00:05:53,729 --> 00:05:54,855 and she's not wrong. 170 00:05:54,939 --> 00:05:57,149 No, man. Look, I'm talking about Jane. 171 00:05:57,233 --> 00:05:59,711 All right? The constant ass-grabbing, it's like sexual harassment. 172 00:05:59,735 --> 00:06:01,254 And what do you want me to do about it? 173 00:06:01,278 --> 00:06:02,589 You're the producer of the show, man! 174 00:06:02,613 --> 00:06:04,591 - I didn't ask for this, okay? - Get her to cut it out! 175 00:06:04,615 --> 00:06:06,009 - Hey, boys. - Hey, good morning, brie. 176 00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:07,273 Hey, brie. That's a lovely top. 177 00:06:08,494 --> 00:06:10,079 - Thanks, Dan. - Dan: Yeah. 178 00:06:10,162 --> 00:06:11,842 I'll get it down by another three degrees. 179 00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:12,873 Yoloha. 180 00:06:13,749 --> 00:06:14,792 Stevie: We're back in 10! 181 00:06:15,251 --> 00:06:16,252 Hi, handsome. 182 00:06:16,794 --> 00:06:17,795 Hello, pretty. 183 00:06:18,295 --> 00:06:20,089 Ah, it's nice and chilly in here. 184 00:06:20,172 --> 00:06:22,633 Stevie: We are back in three, two... 185 00:06:25,636 --> 00:06:28,222 Hello! Oh, I like your puffy hairdo. 186 00:06:28,305 --> 00:06:29,306 Yeah, don't... 187 00:06:29,390 --> 00:06:30,808 Oh, my goodness! 188 00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,768 - Ew! - Is this for me? Thank you, darling. 189 00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:34,871 Do we have a photographer? 'Cause I don't wanna do this again. 190 00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:35,956 Couple snaps of them for you right now. 191 00:06:35,980 --> 00:06:37,040 I'm gonna get a picture of this. 192 00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:38,774 It's very sweet and thoughtful of you. 193 00:06:38,857 --> 00:06:40,460 - I did a selfie. - I don't know what this is. 194 00:06:40,484 --> 00:06:42,361 Is it something that you eat 195 00:06:42,444 --> 00:06:44,071 or is it something you already ate? 196 00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:45,489 You know, ma'am, back in america, 197 00:06:45,573 --> 00:06:47,259 people are always telling me to go back to Africa. 198 00:06:47,283 --> 00:06:49,135 I'm actually glad I did 'cause it's magical out here. 199 00:06:49,159 --> 00:06:50,160 Yeah. 200 00:06:50,244 --> 00:06:52,663 - Look at you. A beautiful western woman... - Okay. 201 00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:55,624 Helping out world sufferers in a stunning Gucci scarf. 202 00:06:55,708 --> 00:06:57,477 I know. It's actually sort of like a vogue shoot. 203 00:06:57,501 --> 00:06:58,687 It really is. Okay, watch out. 204 00:06:58,711 --> 00:07:00,337 - Hey. Oh, shit. - The dog, the dog. 205 00:07:01,547 --> 00:07:02,923 - I got a surprise for you. - What? 206 00:07:03,007 --> 00:07:04,675 We are surrounded by land mines. 207 00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:06,844 You'rejust like Princess di. 208 00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,822 - But with a better nose, of course. - Oh, stop it. 209 00:07:08,846 --> 00:07:09,847 You are! 210 00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:11,908 Okay, you know what? Why don't you just go ahead, though? 211 00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:13,434 - What? - Yeah, good idea. 212 00:07:13,517 --> 00:07:14,995 - You go ahead. - We'll be right behind you. 213 00:07:15,019 --> 00:07:16,913 - Yeah, just... - You know what, we should back up a tad. 214 00:07:16,937 --> 00:07:18,606 - Yeah. - Back up, kids. 215 00:07:18,689 --> 00:07:21,729 Selina: Gary, be careful 'cause I've got a lot of valuable stuff in that bag! 216 00:07:21,984 --> 00:07:26,030 The congressman is out. The Wisconsin delegation was giving out cheese curds. 217 00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:28,532 He actually slipped on the rug hightailing it out of here. 218 00:07:28,616 --> 00:07:31,785 Listen, I'm 15 votes shy on the dot appropriations bill. 219 00:07:31,869 --> 00:07:34,413 It's crucial to our nation's transportation system 220 00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:36,790 that Dayton municipal airport isn't shut down. 221 00:07:36,874 --> 00:07:40,461 These small commuter airports are our country's life blood. 222 00:07:40,544 --> 00:07:42,713 I'm assuming you fly direct into Dayton? 223 00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,566 - Roger: Every other Friday. - Congressman furlong. 224 00:07:44,590 --> 00:07:47,426 Hey, did you get your curds, little miss muffless? 225 00:07:47,509 --> 00:07:49,136 You know, will here can't eat cheese. 226 00:07:49,219 --> 00:07:50,779 What happens when you eat cheese, will? 227 00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:53,265 I go poo-poo in my panty-wanties. 228 00:07:53,349 --> 00:07:56,477 No, you fucking idiot. With the pinky, with the pinky. 229 00:07:56,977 --> 00:08:00,022 Do it again. What happens when you eat cheese, will? 230 00:08:01,273 --> 00:08:03,776 I go poo-poo in my panty-wanties. 231 00:08:04,443 --> 00:08:06,362 No, they were out of curds before I got there. 232 00:08:06,445 --> 00:08:08,155 Put Wisconsin at the top of my shit list. 233 00:08:08,238 --> 00:08:09,615 You want me to bump Sammy hagar? 234 00:08:09,698 --> 00:08:11,158 Make them 1A and 1b. 235 00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:14,244 All right, I need you and your buddies from the island of misfit toys... 236 00:08:14,328 --> 00:08:15,329 Isle. 237 00:08:16,455 --> 00:08:17,706 To vote for my airport bill. 238 00:08:22,086 --> 00:08:23,671 Wait, so you need something from me? 239 00:08:23,754 --> 00:08:25,547 Oh, no, it understands. 240 00:08:25,631 --> 00:08:27,299 So that means I get something from you. 241 00:08:27,383 --> 00:08:29,468 You are going to invite me to dinner at your house 242 00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:32,262 or I am going to fuck all your shit up. 243 00:08:32,346 --> 00:08:34,098 And you're gonna make me the paella. 244 00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:35,349 You play with the paella? 245 00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:38,435 Mrs. Furlong is only interested in hosting married couples, 246 00:08:38,519 --> 00:08:40,938 and you and your imaginary dragon don't count. 247 00:08:41,438 --> 00:08:42,481 I'm coming, too. 248 00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:45,526 Whoa! What's this, the fourth horse face of the apocalypse? 249 00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:47,653 Jesus, Jonah, if you're gonna pay for sex, 250 00:08:47,736 --> 00:08:50,364 just add the extra two bucks for the premium edition. 251 00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:53,200 Um... this is shawnee tanz, 252 00:08:53,283 --> 00:08:54,785 daughter of sherman tanz. 253 00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:55,869 Ah, Ms. Tanz! 254 00:08:56,495 --> 00:08:58,872 Rumors of your beauty have not been exaggerated. 255 00:08:58,956 --> 00:09:00,791 Yeah, he's bringing me to dinner. 256 00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:01,875 We're engaged. 257 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:04,545 Wait, what? We are? 258 00:09:04,628 --> 00:09:06,088 There's a ring on hold at Tiffany's. 259 00:09:06,171 --> 00:09:07,881 Pick it up by 6:00. It's already paid for. 260 00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:09,550 Roger: Fine. Dinner, my house. 261 00:09:09,633 --> 00:09:11,677 Will one of you please bathe and dress him? 262 00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:13,679 I call dress. Sorry, Kent. 263 00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,414 - Mazel tov. - Jonah: Thanks, will. 264 00:09:15,723 --> 00:09:19,268 - Babe, this is so exciting. - I know. Can you believe it? Yay! 265 00:09:19,351 --> 00:09:20,936 Good things happen to good people. 266 00:09:21,812 --> 00:09:24,189 So, where are you taking us? 267 00:09:24,273 --> 00:09:26,692 Do we have a house arrest address or what? 268 00:09:26,775 --> 00:09:28,318 I'd love me some house arrest. 269 00:09:28,402 --> 00:09:29,403 Are you kidding me, Mike? 270 00:09:29,486 --> 00:09:32,197 You look like an old dyke in an English gardening show. 271 00:09:32,281 --> 00:09:34,366 Oh, here we go! Nyaring! 272 00:09:34,450 --> 00:09:35,743 - Madam president. - Yes. 273 00:09:35,826 --> 00:09:36,826 Madam president. 274 00:09:36,869 --> 00:09:38,412 I thought you weren't allowed outside. 275 00:09:38,495 --> 00:09:39,855 She hasn't been released, has she? 276 00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:41,915 - Can't go past the goat. Come. - Selina: Oh. Okay. 277 00:09:41,999 --> 00:09:43,542 This goat has an ear infection. 278 00:09:43,959 --> 00:09:48,130 Nyaring, your courage is an inspiration to the world. 279 00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:50,215 And so, I give you this peace Lily 280 00:09:50,507 --> 00:09:54,303 as a symbol of your brave stand for freedom. 281 00:09:54,553 --> 00:09:55,846 Oh, and for peace, too. 282 00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:57,765 It needs to be watered twice daily. 283 00:09:57,848 --> 00:09:59,016 We have no water here. 284 00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:01,643 - Okay. - Oh. Oh, well, that's fine. 285 00:10:01,727 --> 00:10:03,705 - We can just put it with the recycling. - Gary: That's right. 286 00:10:03,729 --> 00:10:05,481 - That is my bed. - Gary: Yeah, yeah, yeah. 287 00:10:05,773 --> 00:10:07,775 Wow. That's a cozy bed. 288 00:10:07,858 --> 00:10:10,778 Come, let me serve my American visitors tea 289 00:10:10,861 --> 00:10:13,030 while over half the Sudanese suffer in starvation. 290 00:10:14,823 --> 00:10:16,533 Gary: Well, she's kind of a bitch, so... 291 00:10:16,617 --> 00:10:18,619 - Well, the girl is slow with the tea. - Ah. 292 00:10:18,702 --> 00:10:21,455 Okay, I will sit. Thank you very much. 293 00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:23,540 Oh, my! Look at those curtains. 294 00:10:23,624 --> 00:10:25,185 Where can I get those? 295 00:10:25,209 --> 00:10:27,252 I made them from my husband's death shroud. 296 00:10:27,336 --> 00:10:30,297 - Wow, look at you. - What a touching tribute, nyaring. 297 00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:34,343 No, it was a purposeful desecration of the man who beat and raped me. 298 00:10:34,802 --> 00:10:36,303 Well, they go with everything. 299 00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:37,971 Under colonel al-saleh, 300 00:10:38,055 --> 00:10:40,295 the oppression of women has been growing year after year. 301 00:10:40,349 --> 00:10:43,936 Absolutely, and that is why this photo opportunity is so vital. 302 00:10:44,019 --> 00:10:46,104 - It sends a potent message... - Potent. 303 00:10:46,188 --> 00:10:48,357 Potent, indeed, to the world 304 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:51,026 to topple the patriarchy. 305 00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:52,611 Yes. How do we do that? 306 00:10:54,238 --> 00:10:56,466 Well, we are gonna figure that out. You know, I think we have to... 307 00:10:56,490 --> 00:10:58,909 - We do. I'm sorry very much. - Selina: Just a second. 308 00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:00,712 There seems to be a problem with the plane. 309 00:11:00,786 --> 00:11:01,787 - What? - Yeah. 310 00:11:01,870 --> 00:11:04,998 You know that little animal that Nathan Lane plays in the lion king? 311 00:11:05,082 --> 00:11:06,726 - Oh, I love that guy! - Yes, yes. Yeah. 312 00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:08,710 Uh... so, three of those got caught in the engine. 313 00:11:09,086 --> 00:11:12,548 Do we know anybody with a plane in this neck of the woods? 314 00:11:13,382 --> 00:11:17,511 Jaffar, thank you so much for sending your giant, giant plane. 315 00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:18,595 Oh. No, no, please. 316 00:11:18,846 --> 00:11:20,556 A beautiful woman lost in the desert 317 00:11:20,639 --> 00:11:23,350 with only a small group of complete incompetents to assist her? 318 00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:25,078 Yeah, they really are incompetent, aren't they? 319 00:11:25,102 --> 00:11:27,247 I've never seen anything quite like it, frankly. How do you do it? 320 00:11:27,271 --> 00:11:28,456 I'm gonna let them all go, actually... 321 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:31,733 But, you know, I was very pleased to receive your call. 322 00:11:31,817 --> 00:11:33,193 Oh, really? Why was that? 323 00:11:33,277 --> 00:11:36,113 Well, there have been some interesting developments in Sudan 324 00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:38,448 ever since that photo came out of you and the warlord. 325 00:11:38,574 --> 00:11:39,575 Oh. Mmm. 326 00:11:39,658 --> 00:11:44,079 You know, Sudan has significant deposits of chromium ore, gallium, zinc, 327 00:11:44,162 --> 00:11:45,831 as well as other natural resources. 328 00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:46,914 Let me guess, 329 00:11:46,957 --> 00:11:51,044 resources another country might be desperate to get their hands on? 330 00:11:51,545 --> 00:11:53,714 Perhaps even your friends in China? 331 00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:55,132 Beautiful and brilliant. 332 00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:58,343 Well, I remembered you qataris are very wet-fingered. 333 00:11:59,136 --> 00:12:00,304 You have no idea. 334 00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:04,896 Jaffar: You know, you don't have to go so soon. 335 00:12:04,975 --> 00:12:07,936 I bet you say that to all your western heretics. 336 00:12:08,020 --> 00:12:11,356 We could just discuss registering cargo ships in Panama. 337 00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:13,901 Well, I think Liberia would be better for tax reasons. 338 00:12:13,984 --> 00:12:15,027 Yes, ma'am. 339 00:12:15,110 --> 00:12:16,528 Can you help me unzip the zipper? 340 00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:18,155 Of course. 341 00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:19,966 Hey, Dan, uh, could we talk to you for a moment? 342 00:12:19,990 --> 00:12:20,991 Yeah, what's... 343 00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:23,243 Hi, Mr. Egan. I'm Roberta Winston. 344 00:12:23,327 --> 00:12:26,246 I work in the department of human resources here at CBS. 345 00:12:26,330 --> 00:12:29,583 I'm here to discuss the allegations of sexual harassment... 346 00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:32,252 Okay, that wardrobe girl is crazy. 347 00:12:32,336 --> 00:12:34,630 No, no, no, that you made against Jane McCabe. 348 00:12:34,713 --> 00:12:35,756 What? Uh... 349 00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:38,467 Oh. Well, I didn't mean... 350 00:12:38,550 --> 00:12:41,929 Mr. Egan, CBS policy requires that when a victim reports abuse, 351 00:12:42,012 --> 00:12:43,764 it sets in motion a chain of events 352 00:12:43,847 --> 00:12:48,101 that can result in the abuser's suspension or immediate termination. 353 00:12:48,185 --> 00:12:49,603 Oh! Yeah, I'm cool with that. 354 00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:50,729 Danny? 355 00:12:50,812 --> 00:12:54,066 Your exposé on s'mores, it needs a stronger take... oh. 356 00:12:55,025 --> 00:12:56,025 Oh, Christ. 357 00:12:56,068 --> 00:12:58,320 Excuse me, what is going on here? 358 00:12:58,403 --> 00:13:01,365 Excuse me, Ms. McCabe, but this is a private meeting. 359 00:13:01,531 --> 00:13:04,409 There are no private meetings at the CBS morning show 360 00:13:04,493 --> 00:13:05,535 without Jane McCabe. 361 00:13:06,078 --> 00:13:08,580 Well, Mr. Egan has filed a complaint 362 00:13:08,664 --> 00:13:11,267 that you have created a sexually inappropriate workplace environment. 363 00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:12,292 Yeah, Jane, they made me. 364 00:13:12,376 --> 00:13:14,127 Sexually inappropriate? 365 00:13:14,211 --> 00:13:17,631 You micro-dicked weasel, you couldn't even fill my pisshole. 366 00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:19,594 - Jesus, Jane! - Do you see how she talks to me? 367 00:13:19,633 --> 00:13:21,486 Ms. McCabe, this is a safe space, so the way you... 368 00:13:21,510 --> 00:13:22,761 Oh, you fucking people! 369 00:13:22,844 --> 00:13:24,012 I'm sorry, what? 370 00:13:24,096 --> 00:13:25,973 You know, the hr people. 371 00:13:26,056 --> 00:13:28,308 Ms. McCabe, let me advise you that any further statement 372 00:13:28,392 --> 00:13:29,702 - further will result... - Let me advise you 373 00:13:29,726 --> 00:13:32,062 that I built this goddamn network with my own two tits! 374 00:13:32,270 --> 00:13:33,647 We aren't even fucking! 375 00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:35,524 Oh, how dare you. 376 00:13:35,607 --> 00:13:36,775 Ms. McCabe, everyone knows. 377 00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:40,195 Ma'am, the president of Egypt is expecting your call at 3:00 pm. 378 00:13:40,278 --> 00:13:42,990 Okay, send his mistress a gift. Maybe something from neiman's. 379 00:13:43,532 --> 00:13:44,616 Oh. No, wait. 380 00:13:45,117 --> 00:13:46,928 Any department store that wasn't started by Jews. 381 00:13:46,952 --> 00:13:48,412 I will have to start one myself. 382 00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:51,540 Now, I'm gonna need a report on mineral rights in Sudan. 383 00:13:51,623 --> 00:13:52,624 Amy: Okay. 384 00:13:52,708 --> 00:13:55,502 And I have to find out, what's Qatari for "morning after pill"? 385 00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:56,585 Oh, my god. 386 00:13:56,628 --> 00:13:58,171 It's probably a stoning, 387 00:13:58,255 --> 00:13:59,455 which would also do the trick. 388 00:14:00,382 --> 00:14:02,676 Selina: Whoa! Mike! What happened? 389 00:14:02,843 --> 00:14:05,345 - You look like the business end of a baboon. - I know. 390 00:14:05,429 --> 00:14:07,222 My ear-tops burn the worst, too. 391 00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:09,808 But they're starting to peel, so soon, they won't be as red. 392 00:14:09,891 --> 00:14:11,810 - "Be as red. Be as red." - What? 393 00:14:11,893 --> 00:14:13,663 You know, when I talk, I can hear my skin crunch. 394 00:14:13,687 --> 00:14:15,772 - Makes me wanna eat cereal. - Selina: Oh, lord. 395 00:14:15,939 --> 00:14:17,250 - Don't... don't touch. - Ma'am, are you sure 396 00:14:17,274 --> 00:14:19,860 that you wanna go out on such a limb for ambassador jaffar? 397 00:14:19,943 --> 00:14:21,743 - Well... - Ben says the qataris are very good 398 00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:23,071 at inserting themselves. 399 00:14:23,238 --> 00:14:24,239 You got that right. 400 00:14:24,448 --> 00:14:25,866 "Be as red. Be as red." 401 00:14:25,949 --> 00:14:27,719 - Ma'am, what I'm trying to ask is... - I know. 402 00:14:27,743 --> 00:14:30,245 You think I'm going a little too fast with jaffar? 403 00:14:30,328 --> 00:14:31,455 - I'm not! - No. 404 00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:34,124 No. Amy, for the first time in a long time, 405 00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:36,043 - I feel like myself. - Mmm-hmm. 406 00:14:36,126 --> 00:14:39,671 Or, you know, at least the person I'm supposed to feel like. 407 00:14:40,338 --> 00:14:42,132 Anyway, the only question that I do have is, 408 00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:45,719 do you think that I can be dating someone who's... 409 00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:46,803 So much younger? 410 00:14:46,887 --> 00:14:48,388 No, Muslim. 411 00:14:48,472 --> 00:14:49,931 - Right. - You know? 412 00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:52,517 Can I be with one of them? 413 00:14:53,143 --> 00:14:54,287 It would be political suicide. 414 00:14:54,311 --> 00:14:55,353 Oh... 415 00:14:55,437 --> 00:14:56,938 Okay. Last time I checked, 416 00:14:57,022 --> 00:14:59,733 my political career had answered a craigslist ad 417 00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:02,194 for a modeling shoot in the Angeles national forest. 418 00:15:02,277 --> 00:15:04,321 Selina: The Egyptians are in. 419 00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,907 All China has to do is throw in a few hundred fn-6 missiles, 420 00:15:06,990 --> 00:15:09,910 and this deal is mao ze-done, baby. 421 00:15:10,660 --> 00:15:13,330 Those sphinx-fuckers really love them some Chinese takeout. 422 00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:15,582 - I'll let the Algerians know it's on. - All right. 423 00:15:15,665 --> 00:15:17,501 This is what the arab spring was all about. 424 00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:20,670 Arms deals and the exploitation of third world resources. 425 00:15:22,339 --> 00:15:23,840 Ah! Here's the Chinese. 426 00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:26,009 Hmm. Look, even their blinker is on. 427 00:15:26,510 --> 00:15:28,095 Selina, my good friend. 428 00:15:28,178 --> 00:15:31,056 Somebody's been using their rosetta stone cds. 429 00:15:31,139 --> 00:15:32,224 Come, let's head inside. 430 00:15:32,307 --> 00:15:33,767 Yeah, kind of a dicey neighborhood. 431 00:15:33,850 --> 00:15:35,852 You better lock up your chopper. 432 00:15:36,144 --> 00:15:37,521 - How you doing? - I'm pretty good. 433 00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:40,315 Listen, it's also essential to the Egyptians 434 00:15:40,398 --> 00:15:41,900 that the Israelis can't know. 435 00:15:41,983 --> 00:15:43,823 Maybe they're listening right now. 436 00:15:46,696 --> 00:15:48,115 So, do we have a deal? 437 00:15:48,198 --> 00:15:49,825 Selina: There is one more thing. 438 00:15:49,908 --> 00:15:50,992 I want Tibet. 439 00:15:51,076 --> 00:15:52,160 Yeah. We gave you Tibet. 440 00:15:52,244 --> 00:15:54,704 No, you gave montez Tibet. 441 00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:56,498 You gave me yak shit. 442 00:15:56,581 --> 00:15:58,208 You're an infuriating woman. 443 00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:00,794 Oh, yeah, you're all rainbows and sunshine. 444 00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:03,672 But unless you're planning on knitting your semiconductors 445 00:16:03,755 --> 00:16:05,966 out of bamboo shoots and panda cock, 446 00:16:06,049 --> 00:16:08,760 you're gonna need every ounce of gallium you can get in Sudan. 447 00:16:08,844 --> 00:16:10,137 Well, there are other sources. 448 00:16:10,220 --> 00:16:11,429 Rots of ruck with that. 449 00:16:11,513 --> 00:16:13,640 What's gonna happen when your honorable citizens 450 00:16:13,723 --> 00:16:16,017 can't put their kung pao chicken on the table, 451 00:16:16,101 --> 00:16:19,688 and start to question this communist-capitalist shit-swirly 452 00:16:19,771 --> 00:16:20,772 you've been serving up? 453 00:16:20,856 --> 00:16:23,525 You must really crave public acknowledgment. 454 00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:27,070 Oh, yeah. And you must really crave a 6.7 gdp growth. 455 00:16:29,573 --> 00:16:30,574 Deal. 456 00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:32,033 Fantastic. 457 00:16:32,576 --> 00:16:34,077 Madam president, always a pleasure. 458 00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:35,954 Yeah. Always a pleasure. Thank you, lu. 459 00:16:39,249 --> 00:16:41,626 Confucius say, "fuck, yeah!" 460 00:16:42,377 --> 00:16:44,397 - How about that? Yeah! - We must celebrate, huh? Come on! 461 00:16:44,421 --> 00:16:47,716 - Isn't this a rush or what? Don't you feel it? - Mmm-hmm. 462 00:16:47,799 --> 00:16:49,235 - I just want a tiny, tiny bit. - Yeah. Come on. 463 00:16:49,259 --> 00:16:51,761 I don't want this whole evening to go all Natalie wood on me. 464 00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:53,138 All right. Well, come here, you. 465 00:16:53,221 --> 00:16:54,240 Wait a minute, what is this? 466 00:16:54,264 --> 00:16:55,307 Jaffar: What? 467 00:16:58,143 --> 00:17:03,690 When us president Laura montez flew directly to Sudan from the g7 summit 468 00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:04,853 to meet with her in person. 469 00:17:05,108 --> 00:17:07,110 Muhammad h. Christ, that's my dissident. 470 00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:10,614 I am honored to introduce the world to nyaring. 471 00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:11,698 What? 472 00:17:11,781 --> 00:17:13,301 And to present her with these flowers. 473 00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:16,786 President montez did, however, face a wave of criticism in america 474 00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:19,414 for what was seen as a missed opportunity 475 00:17:19,497 --> 00:17:22,375 to directly address the issue of women's rights abuses in sub-saharan... 476 00:17:22,459 --> 00:17:23,752 All right. 477 00:17:23,835 --> 00:17:25,712 - You know what I'm gonna do? - What? 478 00:17:25,795 --> 00:17:28,215 I'm going back to motherfucking Sudan. 479 00:17:28,298 --> 00:17:29,358 - Ah! But you were just there. - Absolutely! 480 00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:30,943 - Aren't you having a good time? - And I'm going to say 481 00:17:30,967 --> 00:17:34,179 what titty Gonzalez was too chicken-shit to say. 482 00:17:34,262 --> 00:17:35,582 - Fine. - Selina meyer is gonna be 483 00:17:35,639 --> 00:17:37,682 all about women empowerment now. 484 00:17:37,766 --> 00:17:39,226 - I want voting rights. - Mmm-hmm. 485 00:17:39,309 --> 00:17:40,644 I want equal pay. 486 00:17:40,936 --> 00:17:43,063 No more stoning of the rapee. 487 00:17:43,146 --> 00:17:44,397 Let's stone the raper! 488 00:17:44,481 --> 00:17:46,149 I suppose you'll be needing my plane? 489 00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:47,275 Pretty please? 490 00:17:47,359 --> 00:17:49,277 Well, when you say it like that. 491 00:17:50,487 --> 00:17:53,531 Hey, I wanna say something about my paella. 492 00:17:53,615 --> 00:17:56,868 Now, it is so good, when you taste it, what's gonna happen, will? 493 00:17:56,952 --> 00:17:59,454 You're gonna wanna take it to a church and marry it, rog. 494 00:17:59,537 --> 00:18:01,331 Roger: Damn straight! 495 00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:03,291 Roger, that's a dollar in the swearjar. 496 00:18:03,375 --> 00:18:04,417 Oh, crud. 497 00:18:04,501 --> 00:18:05,502 That's $2! 498 00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:07,671 - What? - Potty mouth, potty mouth, Roger. 499 00:18:07,879 --> 00:18:10,840 Uh, Julie points out that to be a true valenciana, 500 00:18:10,924 --> 00:18:14,302 one must add live snails just as the water comes to a boil. 501 00:18:14,386 --> 00:18:16,263 Still, respect. 502 00:18:16,346 --> 00:18:18,932 Hey, wait, before we dig in, I'd like to make a toast 503 00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:22,686 to our honored guest, Jonah, and his stunning bride-to-be, 504 00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:24,938 and all their gracious help with my airport bill. 505 00:18:25,021 --> 00:18:26,690 All: Cheers! 506 00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:27,941 Cheers. 507 00:18:28,024 --> 00:18:29,460 Jonah: You know, Roger, I've been thinking 508 00:18:29,484 --> 00:18:32,821 that for somebody who has been so helpful on your bill, 509 00:18:32,904 --> 00:18:36,008 I should probably have a better office than the fifth floor of the Cannon building, 510 00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:37,033 don't you think? 511 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:40,287 Well, that's interesting. 512 00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:43,206 Yeah, well, this actually is pretty interesting. 513 00:18:43,999 --> 00:18:45,184 Roger: Hey, Jonah, why don't you and I 514 00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:47,520 go down in the wine cellar and pick out another bottle of wine? 515 00:18:47,544 --> 00:18:48,545 What do you say, champ? 516 00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,547 - No, I'm good. - Aw, it'd just take a minute. 517 00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:52,716 No, I think I'm fine. I'm just fine right here. 518 00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:54,634 This is so delicious. 519 00:18:55,176 --> 00:18:56,696 Shh, please, don't ruin this, too, okay? 520 00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:58,972 Jiminy crickets, guess who forgot to cut up oranges 521 00:18:59,055 --> 00:19:00,348 for the sangria? 522 00:19:00,432 --> 00:19:02,726 This gal right here! 523 00:19:02,809 --> 00:19:04,519 Whack-a-doo! What? 524 00:19:04,602 --> 00:19:07,647 I tell ya, if her crucifix wasn't around her neck, she'd lose it. 525 00:19:07,731 --> 00:19:08,833 You know, I can help you back there. 526 00:19:08,857 --> 00:19:10,817 No, no, no, no. Shh, shh. You stay seated. Enjoy! 527 00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:12,777 - No, please don't go. - Thanks, honey! 528 00:19:12,861 --> 00:19:14,612 All right, you anal fistula, we had a deal. 529 00:19:14,696 --> 00:19:18,742 In return for all this creamy domesticity, I'm blowing all over your droopy tits! 530 00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:21,202 Well, now I want a new office. 531 00:19:21,286 --> 00:19:24,372 And I want Rihanna to put a gun to my head while she makes me eat her out, 532 00:19:24,456 --> 00:19:26,791 but guess what, that's about as likely to happen 533 00:19:26,875 --> 00:19:29,836 as will's wife putting a baby in her polyp festival of a uterus! 534 00:19:29,919 --> 00:19:30,920 Jesus Christ. 535 00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:32,898 - Why did you tell him that? - Jonah: What's a polyp? 536 00:19:32,922 --> 00:19:33,983 I just had to tell somebody. 537 00:19:34,007 --> 00:19:37,093 I would sooner gouge out your eye and fuck your skull 538 00:19:37,177 --> 00:19:39,679 from here to the end of time. 539 00:19:39,763 --> 00:19:42,932 That's what we're promised, that Jesus is our lord. 540 00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:44,726 Mrs. Furlong: Hallelujah. Amen, dad. 541 00:19:44,809 --> 00:19:46,728 That is just so moving. 542 00:19:46,811 --> 00:19:48,938 - I'm sorry I missed that! - I loved that, too. 543 00:19:49,022 --> 00:19:52,859 Jonah has called an early breakfast meeting of the jeffersons on Tuesday morning. 544 00:19:52,942 --> 00:19:54,944 Wait, I have? Come on, how early? 545 00:19:55,028 --> 00:19:58,365 And if he has to walk down five flights of stairs, 546 00:19:58,448 --> 00:20:00,909 he might get so tired that he forgets to tell them 547 00:20:00,992 --> 00:20:02,369 how to vote on your airport bill. 548 00:20:02,452 --> 00:20:04,704 - I can just write it on my hand. - Shawnee: Shh! 549 00:20:04,788 --> 00:20:06,831 We don't want that, do we? 550 00:20:08,750 --> 00:20:10,251 Say, Jonah, how about 551 00:20:10,335 --> 00:20:13,338 I start looking for that new office for you first thing tomorrow? 552 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:15,090 Thank you, Roger. 553 00:20:15,173 --> 00:20:17,425 Wow! Congratulations, honey! 554 00:20:17,509 --> 00:20:19,945 - Ben: All right. I'm ready for it. - Thank you, Mrs. Furlong. Thank you. 555 00:20:19,969 --> 00:20:21,449 Uh, can I please have some more wine? 556 00:20:22,013 --> 00:20:23,556 Selina: Mike, come on. What is this? 557 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:25,201 Ma'am, it's the only sunscreen I could find here. 558 00:20:25,225 --> 00:20:28,353 - You look like the world's least fucked geisha. - Ugh! 559 00:20:28,436 --> 00:20:29,521 Oh, nyaring! 560 00:20:29,604 --> 00:20:30,623 - I am back. - You are back. 561 00:20:30,647 --> 00:20:32,607 - President montez came to see me. - Oh. 562 00:20:33,024 --> 00:20:34,067 I had not heard that. 563 00:20:34,150 --> 00:20:35,610 She has such wonderful hair. 564 00:20:35,693 --> 00:20:37,028 Oh, luxurious. 565 00:20:39,197 --> 00:20:40,323 But I did bring you a gift. 566 00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:42,575 Um... and... 567 00:20:42,659 --> 00:20:44,911 Your countrymen have sent thousands of flowers. 568 00:20:44,994 --> 00:20:47,414 Now they rot in the heat. Many have fallen ill. 569 00:20:47,497 --> 00:20:48,665 There has been one death. 570 00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:50,792 Oh. Okay. 571 00:20:50,875 --> 00:20:54,003 Um... everyone, I'm so honored to be here. 572 00:20:54,379 --> 00:20:59,175 Nyaring, I have come to do what president montez did not do. 573 00:20:59,551 --> 00:21:04,848 I will speak on behalf of our sisters, nyaring. 574 00:21:05,432 --> 00:21:07,475 - Amen. Amen. - Yes, absolutely. 575 00:21:08,518 --> 00:21:09,811 All right. Um... 576 00:21:09,894 --> 00:21:13,273 I'll just give it a little toss right there... 577 00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:15,442 Oh, thank you. 578 00:21:15,525 --> 00:21:18,445 What happened to the little girl who served us tea? 579 00:21:18,528 --> 00:21:19,571 I don't see her. 580 00:21:19,654 --> 00:21:21,173 Oh, she was married to the village elder. 581 00:21:21,197 --> 00:21:22,699 - Ah! - Saturday. 582 00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:24,576 Well, please send along my congratulations. 583 00:21:24,659 --> 00:21:25,659 Oh, god. 584 00:21:25,702 --> 00:21:28,746 Selina: How did you get me such a great speaking slot so last minute? 585 00:21:28,830 --> 00:21:30,582 It's an arab conference on human rights. 586 00:21:30,665 --> 00:21:32,435 - You can pretty much have any slot you want. - Yeah. 587 00:21:32,459 --> 00:21:33,918 - After the men, of course. - Right. 588 00:21:34,210 --> 00:21:37,005 Ma'am, here's your speech. Sorry about the hummus stains. 589 00:21:37,088 --> 00:21:39,799 Oh, my god. What happened? 590 00:21:39,883 --> 00:21:42,385 Turns out it wasn't zinc oxide. I was wearing cocoa butter. 591 00:21:42,469 --> 00:21:44,053 You look like redheaded bacon. 592 00:21:44,137 --> 00:21:45,138 Okay. 593 00:21:45,221 --> 00:21:48,475 - Stop. - This is very strong stuff. 594 00:21:48,558 --> 00:21:49,558 Thank you, ma'am. 595 00:21:49,601 --> 00:21:51,853 Nuvaring is gonna dig this a lot. 596 00:21:51,936 --> 00:21:52,937 It's nyaring. 597 00:21:53,021 --> 00:21:54,039 Ma'am, I'm just so optimistic 598 00:21:54,063 --> 00:21:56,344 about the world we're creating for your coming grandchild. 599 00:21:56,483 --> 00:21:57,817 Wait, what? 600 00:21:57,901 --> 00:21:58,902 Catherine's pregnant? 601 00:21:58,985 --> 00:22:01,863 Ma'am, do you prefer "gram-gram" or "mee-maw"? 602 00:22:01,946 --> 00:22:03,299 - What did you just say? - Jaffar: Madam president... 603 00:22:03,323 --> 00:22:04,723 - Yeah? - May I have a word, please? 604 00:22:04,782 --> 00:22:06,367 - Yeah. Hey. - Hi. 605 00:22:06,451 --> 00:22:09,496 Hey, did you see those paparazzi shots of us in the daily mail? 606 00:22:09,579 --> 00:22:11,498 - I did. - Those scum-sucking vultures 607 00:22:11,581 --> 00:22:12,957 got some really good shots of us. 608 00:22:13,082 --> 00:22:14,417 - Um... so... - Yes? 609 00:22:14,501 --> 00:22:15,960 Colonel al-saleh is here. 610 00:22:16,044 --> 00:22:17,712 - What? - Mmm. 611 00:22:17,795 --> 00:22:20,715 They let a warlord into a human rights conference? 612 00:22:20,798 --> 00:22:22,634 He's actually one of the sponsors. 613 00:22:23,009 --> 00:22:24,010 But, anyway, the point is 614 00:22:24,093 --> 00:22:26,679 any sort of strong speech where you're condemning 615 00:22:26,763 --> 00:22:29,015 or embarrassing his record on female rights, 616 00:22:29,098 --> 00:22:30,308 it mightjust scuttle the deal. 617 00:22:30,391 --> 00:22:33,728 So, maybe you could just focus on some of the more positive elements of Sudan. 618 00:22:33,937 --> 00:22:35,563 Yeah? And what are the positive elements? 619 00:22:35,647 --> 00:22:36,807 You getting credit for Tibet. 620 00:22:38,608 --> 00:22:39,609 Oh, god. 621 00:22:41,152 --> 00:22:44,113 - All right. Let me just talk to my people. - Mmm-hmm. 622 00:22:45,532 --> 00:22:46,783 The heat is coming off. 623 00:22:47,784 --> 00:22:49,202 You got any people I could talk to? 624 00:22:56,334 --> 00:22:57,627 Good afternoon. 625 00:22:57,710 --> 00:22:59,170 Gentlemen 626 00:22:59,254 --> 00:23:01,214 and lady... 627 00:23:02,799 --> 00:23:05,009 Uh, I rise today to 628 00:23:06,886 --> 00:23:12,058 consider in the most open-minded of ways 629 00:23:12,141 --> 00:23:14,269 the situation in the Sudan. 630 00:23:14,352 --> 00:23:16,980 Women's rights are human rights, 631 00:23:17,063 --> 00:23:18,481 and human rights 632 00:23:20,024 --> 00:23:25,113 are part of a diverse pageant 633 00:23:25,196 --> 00:23:27,448 of different priorities. 634 00:23:29,075 --> 00:23:33,288 Uh, while there has been some very positive progress, 635 00:23:33,371 --> 00:23:38,960 there are some practices, however, that require a firm stance, 636 00:23:39,043 --> 00:23:42,130 such as female genital mutilation. 637 00:23:43,506 --> 00:23:45,842 And our stance must be, 638 00:23:47,385 --> 00:23:50,221 who are we to judge? 639 00:23:50,305 --> 00:23:52,724 Don't we... in the United States, 640 00:23:52,807 --> 00:23:55,518 we practice male circumcision on boys 641 00:23:55,602 --> 00:23:57,645 as young as tiny babies. 642 00:24:00,857 --> 00:24:02,317 Glass houses. 643 00:24:03,026 --> 00:24:04,736 And I would also add 644 00:24:04,819 --> 00:24:08,781 that it really does help to prevent sexually transmitted diseases 645 00:24:08,865 --> 00:24:11,409 as well as certain types of cancer. 646 00:24:12,035 --> 00:24:14,078 And female circumcision... 647 00:24:15,496 --> 00:24:18,791 I'm sure you have your reasons. 648 00:24:19,417 --> 00:24:23,087 And so, we look fon/vard to 649 00:24:23,171 --> 00:24:25,506 a bright future. 650 00:24:26,215 --> 00:24:27,216 Thank you. 651 00:24:30,011 --> 00:24:31,012 Thank you. 652 00:24:33,848 --> 00:24:34,891 Thank you. 653 00:24:35,391 --> 00:24:37,471 Kent: All right, you can open your eyes, congressman. 654 00:24:40,897 --> 00:24:41,898 Fuck, yeah! 655 00:24:41,981 --> 00:24:44,859 I can legislate the shit out of shit in here. 656 00:24:44,942 --> 00:24:46,527 Could you tell the colossus of chodes 657 00:24:46,611 --> 00:24:51,824 that this is the exact same goddamn office, only three floors down with a shittier view? 658 00:24:51,908 --> 00:24:55,411 Oh, I have never seen a shitty view look so good. 659 00:24:55,495 --> 00:24:57,163 You know what I see? I see power. 660 00:24:57,246 --> 00:25:00,208 Oh, hey, Kent, there's a sweet-ass armchair in a dumpster out there. 661 00:25:00,291 --> 00:25:01,292 I'll get it. 662 00:25:01,376 --> 00:25:02,585 Hello, bent. 663 00:25:02,669 --> 00:25:04,921 Come on, Jonah. Let's christen your new pad. 664 00:25:05,004 --> 00:25:07,507 I'm gonna drink some champizzle and eat some poontizzle. 665 00:25:07,590 --> 00:25:09,258 - No, you're not. - Oh, babe. 666 00:25:09,342 --> 00:25:11,362 Wait until you see the sweet new armchair I just bought. 667 00:25:11,386 --> 00:25:12,512 Second goddamn floor. 668 00:25:12,595 --> 00:25:13,864 - I can't even commit suicide. - Jonah: What? 669 00:25:13,888 --> 00:25:16,116 Kent: I got a key to the roof. We could do a butch-Sundance. 670 00:25:16,140 --> 00:25:17,600 Ben: Nah, I'll just wait for cancer. 671 00:25:18,393 --> 00:25:20,186 Selina: Your hat looks like it's handmade. 672 00:25:20,269 --> 00:25:22,522 I have a lesbian daughter who would absolutely love that. 673 00:25:23,690 --> 00:25:25,900 Oh, lu, how we doing? 674 00:25:25,983 --> 00:25:28,087 No, seriously, you know what, you really don't have to translate. 675 00:25:28,111 --> 00:25:29,111 Lu and I have... 676 00:25:32,490 --> 00:25:33,950 President lu says, 677 00:25:34,033 --> 00:25:35,952 "thank you for all your nothing." 678 00:25:40,623 --> 00:25:42,041 Who went pee-pee in his coke? 679 00:25:42,125 --> 00:25:44,001 I'm sorry, selina. The deal is off. 680 00:25:44,293 --> 00:25:45,753 But my speech, I... 681 00:25:45,837 --> 00:25:48,840 Colonel al-saleh felt that you could've been a bit more enthusiastic. 682 00:25:48,923 --> 00:25:52,552 What do I have to do, pull out my clit and cut it off in front of everyone 683 00:25:52,635 --> 00:25:54,679 to get anything done in this world? 684 00:25:54,762 --> 00:25:55,847 As we say in Qatar, 685 00:25:55,930 --> 00:25:57,950 "you should never build your house on shifting sands." 686 00:25:57,974 --> 00:26:01,769 Okay. Well, everything's built on sand here, so that doesn't make any sense at all. 687 00:26:01,853 --> 00:26:04,748 Look, the point is, there will be other deals down the line for you, selina. 688 00:26:04,772 --> 00:26:06,107 So, what's next, huh? 689 00:26:06,441 --> 00:26:08,943 Liberian refugee crisis might be sexy. 690 00:26:10,486 --> 00:26:11,487 What's going on? 691 00:26:11,571 --> 00:26:14,323 Selina, I'm sorry, but you know I can't be with someone like you. 692 00:26:14,407 --> 00:26:16,784 Like me? What do you mean? Like what? 693 00:26:16,868 --> 00:26:18,786 You know, white. 694 00:26:18,870 --> 00:26:19,871 One of them. 695 00:26:21,956 --> 00:26:22,957 Wow. 696 00:26:23,833 --> 00:26:26,127 Okay, that is racist. 697 00:26:26,210 --> 00:26:27,336 - Is it? - Oh, yeah. 698 00:26:27,420 --> 00:26:28,880 I don't see color. 699 00:26:29,505 --> 00:26:31,257 You know, to me, you're, like, white. 700 00:26:31,340 --> 00:26:32,340 Okay. 701 00:26:32,383 --> 00:26:35,595 I thought that we would be traveling around the world on your yacht, 702 00:26:35,678 --> 00:26:37,322 - solving international crises, and... - I know. 703 00:26:37,346 --> 00:26:40,516 Well, we... you know what, we will always have the yacht. 704 00:26:41,142 --> 00:26:42,435 But you just said we won't. 705 00:26:42,518 --> 00:26:43,853 I meant the memory of the yacht. 706 00:26:44,812 --> 00:26:47,356 And my father saw our paparazzi pictures. 707 00:26:47,857 --> 00:26:48,858 He was not pleased. 708 00:26:50,318 --> 00:26:51,527 All right, fine. I get it. 709 00:26:52,445 --> 00:26:54,947 I am so sorry. Selina. 710 00:26:55,907 --> 00:26:59,452 But your dad wasn't pleased because he thought I was white, right? 711 00:26:59,535 --> 00:27:02,330 I mean, not because he thought there was any age difference between us 712 00:27:02,413 --> 00:27:04,123 'cause there practically isn't one. 713 00:27:04,207 --> 00:27:07,293 - Oh, yeah, yeah, it was just the white thing. - Mmm-hmm. 714 00:27:07,376 --> 00:27:08,878 He also thought you might be Jewish. 715 00:27:09,629 --> 00:27:10,880 Well, I'm not. 716 00:27:15,843 --> 00:27:17,887 It's 8:50 am, 717 00:27:19,722 --> 00:27:20,973 and this is not easy, 718 00:27:21,057 --> 00:27:24,560 but this is going to be my last day 719 00:27:25,561 --> 00:27:29,315 as a regular part of the CBS morning show family. 720 00:27:29,398 --> 00:27:31,025 No, no, you will still be part of 721 00:27:31,108 --> 00:27:32,944 the CBS this morning with Dan egan family. 722 00:27:33,027 --> 00:27:34,195 Absolutely. 723 00:27:34,278 --> 00:27:37,532 I am so grateful to all of you who watched, 724 00:27:37,615 --> 00:27:40,660 and it's for you that I visited war zones, 725 00:27:40,743 --> 00:27:42,411 and did that bungee jump... 726 00:27:42,495 --> 00:27:44,580 And did the undercover piece as a homeless woman. 727 00:27:44,747 --> 00:27:46,624 - Brie: Oh! - Yeah, you ate out of a dumpster. 728 00:27:47,250 --> 00:27:51,212 And I will continue to do those things with a series of specials 729 00:27:51,295 --> 00:27:54,841 that will be coming to you from our digital platforms. 730 00:27:54,924 --> 00:27:56,259 It's the future, right? 731 00:27:56,592 --> 00:27:58,636 I tried my damnedest, 732 00:27:58,761 --> 00:28:01,222 but this world is just... it's full of 733 00:28:01,305 --> 00:28:03,432 snakes, and snares, and... 734 00:28:03,516 --> 00:28:04,517 Okay. 735 00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:06,853 I hope that you will wish me well. 736 00:28:06,936 --> 00:28:08,437 I'm sorry for these showers. 737 00:28:08,521 --> 00:28:10,773 Aloha, buzzy. 738 00:28:10,857 --> 00:28:12,066 Aloha. 739 00:28:12,733 --> 00:28:15,111 Our main Jane. Come here. 740 00:28:15,778 --> 00:28:17,154 This is not goodbye, okay? 741 00:28:17,238 --> 00:28:18,531 - Not by a long shot. - Brie: No. 742 00:28:19,532 --> 00:28:21,012 Dan: Well, that's goodbye. Brie: Yeah. 743 00:28:21,075 --> 00:28:22,761 And we'll see you bright and early Monday morning 744 00:28:22,785 --> 00:28:24,245 when our own brie ramachandran 745 00:28:24,328 --> 00:28:26,328 is gonna take a look at the darker side of s'mores. 746 00:28:27,081 --> 00:28:28,541 - Don't wanna miss that. - Nope. 747 00:28:28,624 --> 00:28:29,625 Bye now.