1 00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:20,438 Reporters: Mike! Mike! Mike! 2 00:00:20,563 --> 00:00:22,875 Mike, will the president be making a statement about the house vote? 3 00:00:22,899 --> 00:00:25,526 No, the president will not be making a statement at this time. 4 00:00:25,610 --> 00:00:27,778 While she was disappointed in the result, 5 00:00:27,904 --> 00:00:29,864 she was thrilled to watch democracy in action. 6 00:00:29,947 --> 00:00:32,617 I mean, the chances of this happening in Russia, nyet. 7 00:00:32,742 --> 00:00:33,784 - Mike! Mike! - Mike! Mike! 8 00:00:33,868 --> 00:00:36,037 Mike, if Tom James wins against senator montez 9 00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:38,765 in the senate and becomes president, will president meyer consider... 10 00:00:38,789 --> 00:00:40,708 Okay, let me out you off right there. 11 00:00:40,791 --> 00:00:43,794 Selina meyer is not interested in becoming vice president again. 12 00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:45,546 Thatjob is in her rearview mirror. 13 00:00:45,630 --> 00:00:47,381 I stake my reputation on this. 14 00:00:47,465 --> 00:00:51,135 Selina meyer will never be vice president ever, ever again. 15 00:00:51,928 --> 00:00:54,305 Selina: So, Tom, let's be real. 16 00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:56,140 You're gonna be an accidental president. 17 00:00:56,974 --> 00:00:58,768 Pot, kettle. 18 00:00:58,893 --> 00:01:02,313 I'm here to offer my help 19 00:01:02,438 --> 00:01:06,651 in making this transition of power as smooth as possible 20 00:01:07,109 --> 00:01:10,988 by joining your administration. 21 00:01:11,072 --> 00:01:13,991 Well, strangely enough, I was thinking along the same lines. 22 00:01:14,075 --> 00:01:15,993 Okay, fantastic. I'll tell you what I want. 23 00:01:16,118 --> 00:01:19,830 I want secretary of state 'cause I think that's the least you can do. 24 00:01:19,956 --> 00:01:22,792 I was thinking vice president. 25 00:01:22,875 --> 00:01:25,962 That's literally the least you can do. 26 00:01:26,087 --> 00:01:27,964 And I really want secretary of state. 27 00:01:28,047 --> 00:01:31,300 - Vice president. - Come on, secretary of state. 28 00:01:31,384 --> 00:01:33,928 Vice president meyer's got a nice familiar ring to it. 29 00:01:34,011 --> 00:01:35,554 No, it doesn't. 30 00:01:35,638 --> 00:01:37,348 Vice president, take it or leave it. 31 00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:40,935 I wouldn't be your veep if there were a grassy knoll 32 00:01:41,018 --> 00:01:44,313 full of Jodie foster fans in the front row 33 00:01:44,397 --> 00:01:45,815 at your inauguration. 34 00:01:46,357 --> 00:01:47,483 That's a leave it. 35 00:01:47,566 --> 00:01:51,195 Selina: General George Washington could climb out of his grave right now 36 00:01:51,279 --> 00:01:57,368 and I would rather eat out his zombified wooden asshole twice a day 37 00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:59,912 than be his vice fucking... fucking anything! 38 00:01:59,996 --> 00:02:02,331 Okay, let's put a pin in the vp for now. 39 00:02:03,874 --> 00:02:04,917 Seriously? 40 00:02:05,001 --> 00:02:06,103 - Morning, ma'am. - Morning, ma'am. 41 00:02:06,127 --> 00:02:08,629 Will somebody wake up Mike? Or not. What's the difference? 42 00:02:08,713 --> 00:02:12,717 Ma'am, last night I ran a flash poll on presidential scholars. 43 00:02:12,842 --> 00:02:16,512 They have rated you the 43rd most effective president ever. 44 00:02:16,595 --> 00:02:18,055 - Out of how many? - Kent: 44. 45 00:02:18,139 --> 00:02:21,684 You were right ahead of James Buchanan, who many feel caused the civil war. 46 00:02:21,767 --> 00:02:24,186 Kent, can you give a girl some warning next time 47 00:02:24,270 --> 00:02:25,670 before you jam it in the back door? 48 00:02:26,022 --> 00:02:27,565 Data gives no warning, ma'am. 49 00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:29,817 Any chance Marjorie and Catherine want to get married? 50 00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:31,753 There you go, first white house lesbian wedding. 51 00:02:31,777 --> 00:02:33,130 That'll get you in the history books. 52 00:02:33,154 --> 00:02:35,740 Oh, god. I can't take that much acoustic guitar. 53 00:02:36,449 --> 00:02:40,661 What we have to do is we have to make Tibet happen. 54 00:02:40,745 --> 00:02:42,330 That's what's gonna be my legacy. 55 00:02:42,413 --> 00:02:44,790 Selina meyer, the woman who freed Tibet. 56 00:02:44,874 --> 00:02:47,728 Ma'am, we've been in radio silence with the Chinese for the last two weeks. 57 00:02:47,752 --> 00:02:52,256 Well, then why don't we send warships out into the south China seas? 58 00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:55,551 - Sea. - I want my nobel peace prize! 59 00:02:58,596 --> 00:02:59,764 Legacy! 60 00:03:01,349 --> 00:03:03,976 Legacy meeting adjourned. 61 00:03:04,060 --> 00:03:06,937 God, my phone is blowing up with these TV offers. 62 00:03:07,021 --> 00:03:08,540 Think I'm gonna need an agent, you know, 63 00:03:08,564 --> 00:03:10,417 someone who can take the Dan egan brand to the next level. 64 00:03:10,441 --> 00:03:11,984 Too bad goebbels killed himself. 65 00:03:13,069 --> 00:03:16,322 The only president to pee sitting down since fdr. 66 00:03:16,405 --> 00:03:18,449 Is that gonna be my legacy, Ben? Is it? 67 00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:21,077 Well, I pee sitting down sometimes if it's gonna be a longy. 68 00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:22,995 Okay, we've got to make Tibet happen. 69 00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:25,581 Go through the qataris, okay? 70 00:03:25,664 --> 00:03:28,667 I bet there are a dozen of them right now at the Georgetown four seasons. 71 00:03:28,751 --> 00:03:30,461 Go to a lamborghini dealership, you know? 72 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:33,672 Wherever they have prostitutes. These guys could help you. 73 00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:37,635 I'm finished with your brag wall. 74 00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:39,678 All the photos of you with the Washington elite. 75 00:03:39,762 --> 00:03:41,823 Are there any pictures where the president isn't yelling at me? 76 00:03:41,847 --> 00:03:45,101 As far as I can tell, no such picture exists in the known universe. 77 00:03:45,184 --> 00:03:47,686 Oh, also, we got to get some eye candy in here. 78 00:03:47,770 --> 00:03:49,438 You know, hire some hot interns. 79 00:03:49,522 --> 00:03:51,750 Oh, uncle Jeff sent a bunch of resumes from New Hampshire. 80 00:03:51,774 --> 00:03:53,776 One of them was a phone number on a bar napkin. 81 00:03:53,859 --> 00:03:55,420 No, New Hampshire is just a fancy word for 82 00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:57,321 "it's cold outside, so I don't shave my pubes." 83 00:03:57,405 --> 00:03:58,572 I'm writing that down. 84 00:03:58,656 --> 00:04:01,534 - Focus on the warm-weather states, okay? - Congressman? 85 00:04:01,617 --> 00:04:03,512 I have a feeling you're gonna do some really great things... 86 00:04:03,536 --> 00:04:05,138 I'm getting kind of hungry. Do you think you could find 87 00:04:05,162 --> 00:04:06,515 a lobbyist to take me out to lunch short notice? 88 00:04:06,539 --> 00:04:09,625 - Mmm-hmm. - Try for big pharma. I hear they do the palm. 89 00:04:10,126 --> 00:04:12,461 Madam president, I'm afraid to tell you 90 00:04:12,545 --> 00:04:16,507 that the Chinese are rather nervous about moving fonnard with Tibet, 91 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:17,734 now that you're out of power. 92 00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:22,138 I am not out of power and... at all. 93 00:04:22,221 --> 00:04:25,724 This has not, in fact, been formally announced yet, 94 00:04:25,808 --> 00:04:28,018 but I will be continuing on... 95 00:04:28,436 --> 00:04:30,813 - Al jaffar: Oh. - As, um... 96 00:04:32,982 --> 00:04:34,150 As vice president. 97 00:04:36,694 --> 00:04:38,821 Tom James offered it yesterday. 98 00:04:38,904 --> 00:04:41,031 It's really more of a co-president position. 99 00:04:41,115 --> 00:04:42,801 - Wouldn't you agree with that, Ben? - Sure. 100 00:04:42,825 --> 00:04:47,413 And, between you and me, Tom James could be healthier, I have to say. 101 00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:51,000 - Oh. - Yeah, he's a bit of a, you know... 102 00:04:51,125 --> 00:04:54,128 Well, I suspect this will be of great interest to the Chinese. 103 00:04:54,211 --> 00:04:56,839 - Great. Thank you very much. Yes, thank you. - All right. 104 00:04:56,922 --> 00:04:58,340 Right, no touchy the ladies. 105 00:04:58,424 --> 00:05:00,384 - Oh, no, no. It's fine. It's private. - Okay. 106 00:05:00,468 --> 00:05:02,344 Just don't let the lunatics back home know. 107 00:05:04,263 --> 00:05:06,015 Selina: All right, come on, Ben, let's go. 108 00:05:06,098 --> 00:05:07,818 Ben: Yes, ma'am. Selina: This is gonna suck. 109 00:05:08,684 --> 00:05:10,394 Hang on, I need to make a stop. 110 00:05:11,020 --> 00:05:12,897 - Madam president. - Is the vice president in? 111 00:05:13,022 --> 00:05:15,065 - No, he's at the senate for the vote. - Uh-huh. 112 00:05:29,413 --> 00:05:30,956 Okay, I can do this. 113 00:05:32,541 --> 00:05:35,085 - Selina meyer. What a delight. - Tom. 114 00:05:36,045 --> 00:05:37,755 Um, I've got good news. 115 00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:40,382 - I have decided to... - No, don't tell me. 116 00:05:40,466 --> 00:05:45,429 You have decided to throw away every last shred of dignity you have 117 00:05:45,513 --> 00:05:47,473 and accept my offer of the vice presidency. 118 00:05:48,265 --> 00:05:50,809 I... I guess so, yeah. 119 00:05:50,893 --> 00:05:52,436 I'm delighted to hear it. 120 00:05:53,062 --> 00:05:54,980 - Thank you. - And I don't want you to worry. 121 00:05:55,064 --> 00:05:57,983 You are not just gonna be any vice president. 122 00:05:59,610 --> 00:06:01,654 You're gonna be a partner, 123 00:06:01,737 --> 00:06:04,698 and a very Important part of my administration. 124 00:06:04,782 --> 00:06:07,618 - You're a motherfucker. - No, I'm serious. I'm serious. 125 00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:10,538 You're gonna be... You know, you're gonna be part of the team. 126 00:06:10,621 --> 00:06:12,373 - You're gonna be at every meeting. - Okay. 127 00:06:12,456 --> 00:06:14,166 It's like a shitty groundhog day. 128 00:06:14,291 --> 00:06:15,876 Your country thanks you. 129 00:06:16,293 --> 00:06:18,254 Man: Congressman Ryan's office. 130 00:06:18,337 --> 00:06:19,773 - Congressman Ryan's office. - Hello. 131 00:06:19,797 --> 00:06:20,839 - Morning, sir. - Morning. 132 00:06:20,965 --> 00:06:23,384 - Morning, sir. - Congressman Ryan's office. 133 00:06:23,467 --> 00:06:24,843 Richard, who are these dudes? 134 00:06:24,969 --> 00:06:27,096 - These are the new interns. - What? 135 00:06:27,179 --> 00:06:28,973 That's Colt. He's from uva. Played lacrosse. 136 00:06:29,223 --> 00:06:31,850 Richard, I told you to get hot interns. 137 00:06:31,976 --> 00:06:33,203 Sir, by any objective standards, 138 00:06:33,227 --> 00:06:35,646 Colt, Brady, and Mason are unequivocally hot, not-not. 139 00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:39,316 Hot interns means girls. How the fuck do you not know that? 140 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:41,986 Excuse me, sir. I made you a latte. 141 00:06:42,820 --> 00:06:45,781 Uh, thank you. Mmm. 142 00:06:45,864 --> 00:06:47,658 Oh, my god, this coffee is exceptional. 143 00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,535 Thanks. 144 00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:52,204 - Can we please keep him? - Yeah, absolutely. 145 00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:54,248 Hey, Colt, welcome to team Ryan. 146 00:06:54,331 --> 00:06:55,809 I want you guys to get used to two things, 147 00:06:55,833 --> 00:06:59,878 killing it daily on the hill and nights rated pg-squirteen. 148 00:07:00,004 --> 00:07:01,422 - Baller. - Baller. 149 00:07:01,505 --> 00:07:03,757 - Baller. - Baller. 150 00:07:03,841 --> 00:07:04,883 All right. 151 00:07:05,009 --> 00:07:07,362 Reporter: We are moments away from the senate vote for vice president 152 00:07:07,386 --> 00:07:09,388 between senator Tom James and senator Laura montez. 153 00:07:09,513 --> 00:07:11,807 And, of course, with the presidency vacant 154 00:07:11,890 --> 00:07:14,935 the winner of this vote will assume the presidency. 155 00:07:15,019 --> 00:07:18,981 Well, president lu, I'm very glad that we've come to an agreement 156 00:07:19,064 --> 00:07:21,275 and I'm exceptionally glad 157 00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:24,236 that we're gonna have another four years of working together. 158 00:07:24,361 --> 00:07:28,907 President lu is particularly happy to work alongside senator James. 159 00:07:29,033 --> 00:07:31,535 He hears he's quite the statesman. 160 00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:34,997 Statesman-ish, which is a joke, of course. 161 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:36,790 - Ben: Ma'am? - What? 162 00:07:36,874 --> 00:07:39,251 We've got to see what's going on in the senate right away. 163 00:07:39,376 --> 00:07:40,377 You're kidding. 164 00:07:40,544 --> 00:07:44,006 Forgive me, president lu, but I'm afraid I have to go and attend 165 00:07:44,089 --> 00:07:47,217 to the vote that is happening right now in our senate. 166 00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:53,349 But feel free to follow along on the television or perhaps on one of the many bugs 167 00:07:53,432 --> 00:07:55,517 that you've planted throughout the white house. 168 00:07:55,601 --> 00:07:58,395 - Woman: Mr. Lowell. - Senator James. 169 00:07:58,479 --> 00:08:00,189 Jesus Christ. What have we got? 170 00:08:00,272 --> 00:08:02,208 It's tighter than we thought, ma'am. Tom up by two. 171 00:08:02,232 --> 00:08:04,151 Selina: What? Woman: Mr. Murray. 172 00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:06,278 - Senator montez. - Kent: Up by one. 173 00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:08,947 - Tom, what's going on in here? - I don't know, I... 174 00:08:09,073 --> 00:08:10,199 Senator montez. 175 00:08:10,282 --> 00:08:12,493 - You motherfucker! - Amy: Nelson voted against you? 176 00:08:12,576 --> 00:08:14,662 But Nelson is your protege, man. 177 00:08:14,745 --> 00:08:16,121 Get Nelson on the phone right... 178 00:08:16,246 --> 00:08:18,248 - This doesn't just happen. - Tom, he voted! 179 00:08:18,332 --> 00:08:21,126 They're going alphabetically. Get somebody after him. 180 00:08:21,251 --> 00:08:22,920 - Get Wallace on the phone. - Get Wallace! 181 00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:24,981 I'm hearing something about your "borking" dunkirk. 182 00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:27,675 - What? - Yeah, on a circuit court nominee. 183 00:08:27,758 --> 00:08:30,052 That was... no. That was 10 years ago. 184 00:08:30,135 --> 00:08:32,012 Someone is trying to fuck me. 185 00:08:32,763 --> 00:08:33,806 Tom James. 186 00:08:33,931 --> 00:08:37,518 Thank you, summerlin, you senile old piss sponge. 187 00:08:37,601 --> 00:08:39,603 - 50-48. - Tom needs just one more. 188 00:08:39,687 --> 00:08:41,980 Amy: Got all kinds of rumors about vote trading. 189 00:08:42,106 --> 00:08:45,984 - Selina: It's not us. - Oh, fuck. Wallace is going montez. 190 00:08:46,110 --> 00:08:49,154 She's telling people that you reneged on her Alaskan coast cleanup bill? 191 00:08:49,279 --> 00:08:51,240 That was a handout to big oil. 192 00:08:51,323 --> 00:08:54,284 - Woman: Mrs. Wallace. - Senator montez. 193 00:08:54,368 --> 00:08:55,494 Dan: 50-49. 194 00:08:55,619 --> 00:08:57,496 This is not montez. She's getting help. 195 00:08:57,621 --> 00:08:58,747 Mr. Yinui. 196 00:08:58,831 --> 00:09:01,458 Come on, you page-diddling Hawaiian fat fuck. 197 00:09:02,501 --> 00:09:03,961 Senator montez. 198 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:06,797 - Kent: That's 50. - Not another tie. 199 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,006 Ben: What now? 200 00:09:08,132 --> 00:09:11,176 A tie in the senate is broken by the president of the senate. 201 00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:13,554 Or what we humans call the vice president. 202 00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:16,181 Oh, my god, perfect. You can vote for yourself. Go, go, go, go. 203 00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:18,267 Ben: No, Tom's not veep, you Butler. 204 00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:20,227 Doyle is vice president. 205 00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:25,357 Being called upon to cast this vote is a pleasure and an honor, 206 00:09:25,482 --> 00:09:26,608 not a burden. 207 00:09:26,692 --> 00:09:29,069 There's been enough uncertainty in this country, 208 00:09:29,153 --> 00:09:32,030 so I won't stall any further. 209 00:09:32,156 --> 00:09:34,908 - Please. - Amy: Come on, just spit it out. 210 00:09:34,992 --> 00:09:39,830 With this in mind, I vote for senator Laura montez. 211 00:09:41,331 --> 00:09:42,374 Reporter: It's official. 212 00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:45,377 The United States of America has a new president. 213 00:09:45,502 --> 00:09:49,131 This is a truly stunning turn of events for Laura montez. 214 00:09:49,214 --> 00:09:51,633 Now you know what it feels like. 215 00:09:51,717 --> 00:09:53,177 I've got a source. 216 00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:56,096 Apparently Doyle masterminded the whole thing. 217 00:09:56,180 --> 00:09:59,683 - Rumor has it he's getting secretary of state. - Secretary of state. 218 00:10:01,393 --> 00:10:03,395 God, I hate this country. 219 00:10:04,062 --> 00:10:05,522 I know. 220 00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:13,947 You fuckers. 221 00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:16,742 How dare you? 222 00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:22,080 That magnificent woman counted on you and you losers let her down. 223 00:10:22,206 --> 00:10:24,100 Yeah, I got to call you back. Something amazing is happening. 224 00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:27,711 All you fucking cared about was your stupid, bad selves. 225 00:10:27,795 --> 00:10:31,423 Your numbers? Your numbers are garbage. 226 00:10:31,548 --> 00:10:34,551 Your speeches, garbage. 227 00:10:34,635 --> 00:10:36,237 And you're supposed to give her advice? 228 00:10:36,261 --> 00:10:39,807 Is that right? All I heard was dumb, stupid, I don't know what the fuck it was. 229 00:10:40,224 --> 00:10:41,266 Garbage? 230 00:10:42,643 --> 00:10:44,603 - Tom: Gary... - Oh, shut up! 231 00:10:47,272 --> 00:10:49,107 You screwed her the worst. 232 00:10:50,234 --> 00:10:51,944 In all the ways. 233 00:10:52,945 --> 00:10:54,571 Oh, I know... 234 00:10:54,655 --> 00:10:56,114 I know you make fun of me 235 00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:59,576 and I know that you think that I'm funny and I'm funny, ha, ha, ha... 236 00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:01,286 Well, at least I cared. 237 00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:04,915 I did my job! I fucking cared! 238 00:11:10,254 --> 00:11:11,940 Well, that just kind of made this whole year worth it. 239 00:11:11,964 --> 00:11:13,006 Yeah. 240 00:11:14,925 --> 00:11:18,428 Montez: Today is a great day for democracy. 241 00:11:18,512 --> 00:11:21,473 It marks the beginning of a new chapter for america. 242 00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:27,104 You know, the vote we just witnessed sends one very clear message. 243 00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:32,985 Now is the time we put our divisions aside, and we move this great nation fon/vard. 244 00:11:33,110 --> 00:11:37,030 I just spoke to my good friend senator bill o 'brien, 245 00:11:37,114 --> 00:11:39,366 and I'm happy to say 246 00:11:39,449 --> 00:11:42,870 he's fully endorsing my presidency, 247 00:11:42,953 --> 00:11:45,706 so I will be counting on his help for the... 248 00:11:45,789 --> 00:11:47,457 I need fruit. 249 00:11:47,541 --> 00:11:52,212 As I guide america out of these turbulent times. 250 00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:55,173 Mike: Here she is, baby Ellen. 251 00:11:55,299 --> 00:11:57,801 Yeah, she seems really, really large for a baby. 252 00:11:57,885 --> 00:11:59,553 I was a tall kid when I was three. 253 00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:02,198 In fact, people in the neighborhood thought something was wrong with me 254 00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:03,533 'cause I was the size of a five-year-old. 255 00:12:03,557 --> 00:12:04,975 So what's the reason now, then? 256 00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:07,352 Amy: Morning, madam president. I am back. 257 00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:10,105 - Were you gone? - Nevada. Six days. 258 00:12:10,188 --> 00:12:12,941 - Gary: Oh, wow. - Yeah, it was a really, really amazing visit. 259 00:12:13,025 --> 00:12:16,737 This is mee-maw's painting back here and I want to make sure to get this home. 260 00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:19,531 Gary: Okay, that's technically Catherine's painting. 261 00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:26,663 - Hey. - Hello. 262 00:12:26,747 --> 00:12:29,917 Are you here selling a young adult fiction idea, too? 263 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:35,088 Mine takes place in an alternate timeline where oven/veight, alcoholic ex-chiefs of staff 264 00:12:35,172 --> 00:12:36,506 are considered a sexual prize. 265 00:12:36,590 --> 00:12:41,511 Alternate timelines are a crutch for lazy Sci-Fi premises, e.G., Star Trek 266 00:12:41,595 --> 00:12:43,847 with the exception of deep space nine. 267 00:12:43,931 --> 00:12:45,849 You should try your hand at romance novels. 268 00:12:45,933 --> 00:12:47,768 - I have. - Mmm. 269 00:12:47,851 --> 00:12:50,854 You hear montez is looking to keep one senior white house staffer? 270 00:12:50,938 --> 00:12:53,357 Probablyjust a rumor. Wouldn't worry about it. 271 00:12:53,732 --> 00:12:57,194 As is customary, president-elect montez 272 00:12:57,277 --> 00:13:00,656 and her family will spend tonight at Blair house. 273 00:13:00,739 --> 00:13:03,867 Tomorrow morning at 10:00 am, she will join president meyer 274 00:13:03,951 --> 00:13:07,955 for coffee in the red room before heading to the inauguration. 275 00:13:08,038 --> 00:13:11,541 Reporter: Msnbc has just learned that president-elect montez 276 00:13:11,667 --> 00:13:13,877 plans to nominate wall street banker Charlie baird... 277 00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:16,481 - That seems about right. - To be her secretary of the treasury. 278 00:13:16,505 --> 00:13:20,050 President meyer dated the banker briefly late last year. 279 00:13:29,226 --> 00:13:30,560 Oh, hey, Richard. 280 00:13:30,936 --> 00:13:33,271 Oh, madam president. 281 00:13:33,397 --> 00:13:36,316 Uh, I'm just finishing packing up congressman Ryan's old office. 282 00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:39,111 I have to do it now because it's the last night before... 283 00:13:39,236 --> 00:13:42,239 Yeah, I know what it's the last night before of. 284 00:13:42,364 --> 00:13:44,408 You know about Colt's birthday dinner? 285 00:13:45,242 --> 00:13:47,442 - It's good, isn't it? - It's very, very, very relaxing. 286 00:13:47,536 --> 00:13:49,216 I should have relied on you more, Richard. 287 00:13:49,246 --> 00:13:51,999 I mean, really, seriously, you're one of the good ones. 288 00:13:52,082 --> 00:13:53,351 Oh, well, thank you, madam president. 289 00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:56,753 I mean, if! Had had 100 Richards, who knows what I could have done? 290 00:13:56,878 --> 00:13:58,213 I mean, probably a lot. 291 00:13:58,755 --> 00:14:01,192 Or it could turn out like one of those twilight zone scenarios, 292 00:14:01,216 --> 00:14:02,884 where we all murder each other. 293 00:14:02,968 --> 00:14:06,471 I don't even remember how to drive. 294 00:14:07,973 --> 00:14:10,767 - I need a wallet. - Probably. 295 00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:12,728 - And stamps. I've got to get stamps. - Yeah. 296 00:14:13,103 --> 00:14:16,189 If I was a little girl and you said to me, "what do you want to do?" 297 00:14:16,273 --> 00:14:19,067 I would have said, "please, can I be president?" 298 00:14:19,151 --> 00:14:23,613 And then it turned out to be the 12 loneliest months of my life. 299 00:14:23,739 --> 00:14:25,741 My auntie used to talk about loneliness like that. 300 00:14:25,824 --> 00:14:28,118 - Okay, so, right, you know that. - Yeah, yeah. 301 00:14:28,243 --> 00:14:30,746 We were pretty, pretty close, 302 00:14:30,829 --> 00:14:33,749 especially 'cause my mother was so much older. 303 00:14:33,832 --> 00:14:35,476 Old enough to be my grandmother, as a matter of fact. 304 00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:36,960 - Yeah. - Yeah. 305 00:14:37,085 --> 00:14:40,255 Maybe my auntie was actually my real mother 306 00:14:40,338 --> 00:14:43,842 and my mother was actually my grandmother. 307 00:14:43,967 --> 00:14:46,087 Ah, wow, that's starting to make a whole lot of sense. 308 00:14:46,303 --> 00:14:48,305 Everybody knew about it but me, too. 309 00:14:48,430 --> 00:14:49,890 Are we praying, ma'am? 310 00:14:49,973 --> 00:14:51,850 No, I'm just gonna lie down. 311 00:14:53,935 --> 00:14:56,146 Oh, god. 312 00:14:57,022 --> 00:14:59,608 Oh, I wish I had won. 313 00:15:00,108 --> 00:15:01,651 I wish everybody won. 314 00:15:04,654 --> 00:15:05,655 Ma'am? 315 00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:09,159 Ma'am? 316 00:15:09,493 --> 00:15:12,329 Ma'am? Okay. 317 00:15:15,791 --> 00:15:16,833 Can you just stay? 318 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,835 Mmm-hmm. Absolutely, ma'am. 319 00:15:26,635 --> 00:15:31,181 Special smoothie for a special lady. 320 00:15:32,891 --> 00:15:35,769 - What happened? - I don't know. 321 00:15:35,852 --> 00:15:38,814 Oh, my god, I hope I didn't fuck Richard. 322 00:15:38,897 --> 00:15:40,649 What? 323 00:15:40,732 --> 00:15:44,027 - Okay, you need some help? - No. Ow. Ow. 324 00:15:44,152 --> 00:15:46,613 Okay, senator montez and her family, they're on their way. 325 00:15:46,696 --> 00:15:48,549 You're gonna greet them at the north portico doonnay. 326 00:15:48,573 --> 00:15:50,826 - Catherine: Mom. - Oh! 327 00:15:50,909 --> 00:15:51,952 Wow! 328 00:15:52,035 --> 00:15:53,679 Have you seen my film? The hard drive is missing. 329 00:15:53,703 --> 00:15:55,831 Honey, look at you. 330 00:15:55,914 --> 00:15:58,041 Yeah, I've been working with this new stylist 331 00:15:58,166 --> 00:16:00,418 since I've been doing all this press for the rescue farm. 332 00:16:00,544 --> 00:16:02,921 - It's my new look. - Oh. 333 00:16:03,046 --> 00:16:05,757 Mom, you're gonna do something with your hair, right? 334 00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:10,595 Oh, god. Look at this. 335 00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:12,848 Okay, you listen to me. Listen to me. 336 00:16:13,265 --> 00:16:15,058 They can take away your presidency, 337 00:16:15,183 --> 00:16:18,228 they can take away your power, they can take away your dignity, 338 00:16:18,353 --> 00:16:22,274 but what is the one thing that they cannot take away from you? 339 00:16:22,399 --> 00:16:24,568 - My beauty. - That's right. Let's go. 340 00:16:24,693 --> 00:16:26,778 Man: Go back door! Back door! 341 00:16:26,903 --> 00:16:29,447 - Put it up! - Oh! 342 00:16:29,573 --> 00:16:30,699 - That's it. - You fouled me. 343 00:16:30,782 --> 00:16:33,952 Do you realize the whole goddamn rayburn house office building 344 00:16:34,077 --> 00:16:37,098 can hear you and your twink army in here cock scraping each other's esophagi? 345 00:16:37,122 --> 00:16:39,583 Yes, sir. Sorry, sir. We were roughhousing. 346 00:16:39,708 --> 00:16:42,294 Jesus, will, are you looking at what I'm looking at here? 347 00:16:42,419 --> 00:16:44,754 Will, tell him the first rule of hiring male staff. 348 00:16:44,921 --> 00:16:47,591 They must be substantially less attractive than the congressman. 349 00:16:47,716 --> 00:16:49,926 And I almost hired an Iraqi war veteran. 350 00:16:50,051 --> 00:16:53,346 Third degree burns on half of his face, but the guy had personality, so... 351 00:16:53,430 --> 00:16:55,182 Will, tell him why I hired you instead. 352 00:16:55,265 --> 00:16:57,601 Because I'm repulsive both in appearance and manner. 353 00:16:57,726 --> 00:16:59,477 Now let me give you some advice 354 00:16:59,603 --> 00:17:02,397 before you're yanked out of here like a cheerleader's unwanted fetus. 355 00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:04,691 You say nothing and you do less. 356 00:17:04,774 --> 00:17:06,484 And take off those fucking glasses. 357 00:17:06,610 --> 00:17:10,030 You look like Clark Kent if they dug up Christopher reeve's corpse to play the part. 358 00:17:10,113 --> 00:17:13,241 And as for you ladies, this is DC, not Miami. 359 00:17:14,951 --> 00:17:16,953 - Congratulations, Jonah. - Thanks, man. 360 00:17:18,121 --> 00:17:19,456 Fuck that guy. 361 00:17:19,581 --> 00:17:21,458 Come on, let's go. Game on. Here we go. 362 00:17:21,583 --> 00:17:23,543 - All right, ready? - Alley-oop! 363 00:17:23,627 --> 00:17:25,462 My fucking nuts! 364 00:17:25,587 --> 00:17:27,297 Oh, shit, Colt. 365 00:17:27,422 --> 00:17:29,090 Call a doctor and call my mom. 366 00:17:31,843 --> 00:17:34,012 Hey, have you ever used that Truman bowling alley? 367 00:17:34,137 --> 00:17:36,473 No, no, of course not. I worked here. 368 00:17:36,598 --> 00:17:39,976 I didn't go to the white house for a fourth grade birthday party. 369 00:17:40,101 --> 00:17:43,146 Jesus. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That's... 370 00:17:43,271 --> 00:17:45,148 - Amy, hi. - Hey, candi. 371 00:17:45,273 --> 00:17:47,859 Congratulations. Wow. Montez's new chief of staff. 372 00:17:47,984 --> 00:17:49,819 - Ben here is just showing me around. - I am. 373 00:17:49,945 --> 00:17:51,738 You've interviewed here so many times, 374 00:17:51,821 --> 00:17:54,582 I'd think that you'd know the place like the back of your hand by now. 375 00:17:54,658 --> 00:17:57,077 - Kent davison. - Mike mclintock. 376 00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,496 - Any luck with the new job search? - Uh... 377 00:17:59,621 --> 00:18:02,290 Oh, it's all right. I'm back at the post, so we're good. Yeah. 378 00:18:02,374 --> 00:18:03,809 Mike: This is debralee, our surrogate. 379 00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:05,033 - Hi. - The twins are in there. 380 00:18:05,126 --> 00:18:06,503 - In there. - In here. 381 00:18:06,628 --> 00:18:10,882 And this is Ellen, our new big girl. She's three. 382 00:18:11,007 --> 00:18:13,385 Mike, she has the head circumference of a six-year-old. 383 00:18:14,177 --> 00:18:15,512 I'm six. 384 00:18:16,304 --> 00:18:17,347 What did she say? 385 00:18:18,473 --> 00:18:19,825 Selina: Here's an interesting fact. 386 00:18:19,849 --> 00:18:22,185 Would you believe that it was called the red room 387 00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:23,895 before it was actually painted red? 388 00:18:24,312 --> 00:18:26,273 - Woman: Oh. - Jim: I heard that. 389 00:18:26,356 --> 00:18:29,567 - Yeah. - What'd it cost to paint this thing back then? 390 00:18:29,693 --> 00:18:32,696 - $12. - Yeah, $12. I was thinking right around 15. 391 00:18:32,821 --> 00:18:33,822 Twelve, 15... 392 00:18:33,905 --> 00:18:36,574 I think it was a slave state, so it might have been free. 393 00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:37,701 Man: Oh. 394 00:18:39,828 --> 00:18:42,205 Oh, I'm just wondering... boys. 395 00:18:42,330 --> 00:18:45,000 - Boys. They're fine. - Selina: No. Okay. 396 00:18:45,083 --> 00:18:48,628 Hell, when my boys were that age, they'd have just torn this place apart. 397 00:18:48,712 --> 00:18:51,464 I have three boys. My entire house smells like an armpit. 398 00:18:51,548 --> 00:18:54,634 Hate to hear that. See, glad I have girls. 399 00:18:54,718 --> 00:18:56,261 Girls will cost you later. 400 00:18:56,386 --> 00:18:58,847 Mmm. Girls are the worst. 401 00:19:02,225 --> 00:19:05,395 Well, I also heard that it might go down into the teens tonight. 402 00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:08,815 Hey, I better get out my fur for the ball tonight, right? 403 00:19:08,898 --> 00:19:10,042 Jim: Yes, you should. 404 00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:12,819 Well, give me the heat any day. 405 00:19:12,902 --> 00:19:14,738 But then again, I grew up in Mexico. 406 00:19:14,863 --> 00:19:16,007 Jim: Well, sure, yeah, we know that. 407 00:19:16,031 --> 00:19:17,741 His family is from jalisco. 408 00:19:17,866 --> 00:19:19,993 Es muy caliente there. 409 00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:23,705 And where exactly in Ohio are you from, Laura? 410 00:19:24,873 --> 00:19:27,500 Um, well, igrew up 411 00:19:27,584 --> 00:19:32,130 right outside of Cleveland, but after, you know, 15 years, 412 00:19:32,255 --> 00:19:35,592 I feel like I am 100% new Mexican. 413 00:19:35,717 --> 00:19:38,261 New Mexican, but not Mexican? 414 00:19:41,890 --> 00:19:45,935 Of all the white house traditions, this one is probably my favorite. 415 00:19:46,061 --> 00:19:48,104 - Is it? Oh. - Yeah. 416 00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:02,452 Damn it. I just had it. 417 00:20:02,577 --> 00:20:04,662 I have this thing every day and now I can't find it. 418 00:20:04,788 --> 00:20:06,081 Okay. 419 00:20:07,624 --> 00:20:10,251 An estimated one million people are anxiously awaiting 420 00:20:10,335 --> 00:20:13,129 the arrival of president-elect Laura montez. 421 00:20:13,254 --> 00:20:16,132 All: Montez! Montez! Montez! 422 00:20:16,257 --> 00:20:18,218 Montez! Montez! 423 00:20:18,301 --> 00:20:20,428 Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, 424 00:20:20,512 --> 00:20:24,391 the president of the United States, selina meyer. 425 00:20:28,478 --> 00:20:30,647 Greg: President meyer has taken the stage. 426 00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:33,108 And she's greeting a very attractive stranger. 427 00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:36,069 Greg: That is first daughter Catherine meyer. 428 00:20:36,152 --> 00:20:38,571 Oh. Wow. Too bad. 429 00:20:38,655 --> 00:20:40,407 Greg: The handoff of power has begun. 430 00:20:40,490 --> 00:20:42,784 President-elect montez will be sworn in 431 00:20:42,867 --> 00:20:45,954 and address the nation as president for the first time. 432 00:20:46,663 --> 00:20:48,498 Why'd you do it, Andrew? 433 00:20:48,623 --> 00:20:50,667 I offered you secretary of state. 434 00:20:50,792 --> 00:20:52,335 You offered it to everybody in town. 435 00:20:52,836 --> 00:20:55,130 Your head is so far up montez's ass, 436 00:20:55,213 --> 00:20:58,967 next time it's Alejandro's birthday, he's gonna come all over your face. 437 00:21:01,469 --> 00:21:03,138 That's the truth. 438 00:21:03,221 --> 00:21:06,474 President meyer taking a moment to catch up with her vice president 439 00:21:06,558 --> 00:21:08,852 and longtime political ally Andrew Doyle. 440 00:21:08,977 --> 00:21:11,396 Those two have a very special relationship. 441 00:21:12,188 --> 00:21:16,109 I, Laura Priscilla montez, do solemnly swear... 442 00:21:16,192 --> 00:21:20,321 I, Laura Priscilla montez, do solemnly swear... 443 00:21:20,405 --> 00:21:24,868 That I will faithfully execute the office of president of the United States... 444 00:21:24,993 --> 00:21:29,038 That I will faithfully execute the office of president of the United States... 445 00:21:29,164 --> 00:21:31,332 And will to the best of my ability... 446 00:21:31,416 --> 00:21:33,626 And will to the best of my ability... 447 00:21:33,710 --> 00:21:38,006 Preserve, protect, and defend the constitution of the United States. 448 00:21:38,089 --> 00:21:41,551 Preserve, protect, and defend the constitution of the United States. 449 00:21:41,676 --> 00:21:42,927 So help me god. 450 00:21:43,052 --> 00:21:44,846 So help me god. 451 00:21:44,929 --> 00:21:46,723 Congratulations, madam president. 452 00:21:51,769 --> 00:21:53,354 Gracias. 453 00:21:53,438 --> 00:21:58,026 My fellow citizens, this is the dawn of a new era. 454 00:21:58,234 --> 00:22:00,695 Una época nueva. 455 00:22:03,031 --> 00:22:04,908 We are interrupting president montez's speech 456 00:22:05,033 --> 00:22:06,701 to bring you breaking news. 457 00:22:06,784 --> 00:22:08,328 On the left side of your screen, 458 00:22:08,411 --> 00:22:11,414 you're seeing live footage from Andrews air force base. 459 00:22:11,539 --> 00:22:14,709 We have just learned that mere minutes into her presidency, 460 00:22:14,792 --> 00:22:19,130 president montez has brokered a deal with the Chinese government to free Tibet. 461 00:22:19,923 --> 00:22:22,717 And on board that plane are the so-called baby lamas, 462 00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:26,679 Tibetan spiritual leaders who have been freed from decades of Chinese captivity 463 00:22:26,763 --> 00:22:29,307 as part of this historic agreement. 464 00:22:29,432 --> 00:22:32,393 This will no doubt put president montez in line for the nobel prize. 465 00:22:32,477 --> 00:22:36,439 Montez: All of our problems. We must put our faith... 466 00:22:36,564 --> 00:22:39,609 You're not gonna believe this, but she just freed the lamas. 467 00:22:40,401 --> 00:22:41,402 What? 468 00:22:41,486 --> 00:22:43,696 She brokered with the Chinese to free Tibet. 469 00:22:43,780 --> 00:22:48,576 Thank you. May god bless you and may god bless america. 470 00:22:53,414 --> 00:22:55,250 Madam president. 471 00:22:55,583 --> 00:22:58,002 Oh, senator James. 472 00:22:58,419 --> 00:23:00,755 An historic day for womankind. 473 00:23:00,838 --> 00:23:02,549 What'd you think of the speech? 474 00:23:02,632 --> 00:23:04,759 I had no idea her tits were that big. 475 00:23:06,302 --> 00:23:08,137 So what's next for you? 476 00:23:08,263 --> 00:23:10,682 You know, I've always dreamed of living in a small town, 477 00:23:10,807 --> 00:23:13,810 having a little place on main street, hanging a shingle out front, 478 00:23:13,935 --> 00:23:17,438 and running my own little multibillion-dollar hedge fund. 479 00:23:17,522 --> 00:23:18,791 - Uh-huh. - You know, back to basics. 480 00:23:18,815 --> 00:23:22,110 Okay. All right. Well, I'll see you around. 481 00:23:22,193 --> 00:23:23,653 - See you around. - See you around. 482 00:23:24,279 --> 00:23:26,614 - Madam president. - What? 483 00:23:27,115 --> 00:23:28,491 Nice shoes. 484 00:23:28,783 --> 00:23:30,618 Oh, come on, man. 485 00:23:34,163 --> 00:23:35,373 Selina: Thank you. 486 00:23:36,708 --> 00:23:38,334 Thank you. Thank you. 487 00:23:39,294 --> 00:23:40,878 - Where's sue? - I don't know. 488 00:23:44,299 --> 00:23:46,467 Well, I'm not good with good-byes. 489 00:23:48,636 --> 00:23:50,513 Or winning presidential elections. 490 00:23:50,638 --> 00:23:51,806 Well, that's not true. 491 00:23:51,889 --> 00:23:53,558 - Yeah, it is. - Okay. 492 00:23:59,397 --> 00:24:00,648 I don't know what to say. 493 00:24:00,732 --> 00:24:04,027 Was I supposed to write something, ma'am? Nobody told me. 494 00:24:04,485 --> 00:24:05,765 I thought he was getting a baby. 495 00:24:05,820 --> 00:24:07,655 Yeah, that's not a baby. 496 00:24:07,739 --> 00:24:09,032 Selina: Uh... 497 00:24:09,907 --> 00:24:11,701 Uh, well, we gave america everything we had. 498 00:24:11,826 --> 00:24:13,369 Yeah, sure did. 499 00:24:13,494 --> 00:24:16,456 Inspiring words, ma'am. Godspeed. 500 00:24:16,539 --> 00:24:19,751 Thank you, all of you. 501 00:24:21,377 --> 00:24:22,712 It's... 502 00:24:24,380 --> 00:24:26,734 - All right, let's go, girls. Get on the thing. - Ben: Good-bye, ma'am. 503 00:24:26,758 --> 00:24:28,843 - Ma'am. - Kent: Bye. 504 00:24:41,272 --> 00:24:42,315 Ma'am! 505 00:24:42,398 --> 00:24:44,859 Ma'am, I just want to thank you 506 00:24:44,942 --> 00:24:46,545 - for everything you did... - Amy, just come with us. 507 00:24:46,569 --> 00:24:48,029 - No. - No, no, you should just come. 508 00:24:48,112 --> 00:24:50,198 Okay, but I don't even have my... 509 00:24:56,371 --> 00:24:57,580 Where are they going? 510 00:25:08,091 --> 00:25:11,260 Gosh, from a distance, it looks really beautiful. 511 00:25:12,804 --> 00:25:14,931 Yeah, from a distance. 512 00:25:16,599 --> 00:25:18,893 Can I borrow somebody's phone? I have to check on buddy. 513 00:25:18,976 --> 00:25:21,270 - Did you get a dog? - Buddy's my... 514 00:25:21,396 --> 00:25:22,873 Ooh, what was that? 515 00:25:22,897 --> 00:25:24,440 - Okay. - Amy: What the fuck is that? 516 00:25:24,565 --> 00:25:26,543 Pilot: Small problem with one of the engines, madam president. 517 00:25:26,567 --> 00:25:29,237 - We're gonna have to take her back down. - Oh, lord. 518 00:25:31,114 --> 00:25:33,616 Hell of a time to run out of gas. 519 00:25:34,158 --> 00:25:36,261 Pilot: If you could just step away from the aircraft for a bit, 520 00:25:36,285 --> 00:25:37,370 we'll call you a motorcade. 521 00:25:37,453 --> 00:25:38,788 Selina: Oh, my god. 522 00:25:39,914 --> 00:25:42,417 - What am iwalking on? - Marjorie: Grass, ma'am. 523 00:25:45,586 --> 00:25:46,671 - Mom. - What? 524 00:25:46,796 --> 00:25:49,382 Are you sure you don't know where the hard drive of my film is? 525 00:25:54,303 --> 00:25:55,805 What is that sound? 526 00:25:55,930 --> 00:25:57,432 The parade, ma'am. 527 00:25:58,474 --> 00:26:00,476 I think I can walk back from here. 528 00:26:34,469 --> 00:26:36,471 Oh, my god. 529 00:26:39,056 --> 00:26:40,975 Here you go. 530 00:26:48,983 --> 00:26:50,902 Maybe it'll ruin her parade. 531 00:26:51,360 --> 00:26:54,363 That's it from the national mall. Back to you, wolf. 532 00:26:54,489 --> 00:26:56,741 Floor manager: And clear. 533 00:26:56,866 --> 00:26:58,284 - Nice work, egan. - Thank you. 534 00:26:58,367 --> 00:27:01,496 - I may have a full-time gig for you. - Really? 535 00:27:01,579 --> 00:27:05,541 We've got an opening for someone to cover the state department on the overnight. 536 00:27:05,666 --> 00:27:07,668 - Really? - Easy, cronkite. 537 00:27:07,752 --> 00:27:09,587 Just think of it as morning somewhere. Carrie? 538 00:27:09,712 --> 00:27:10,713 Yes? 539 00:27:10,838 --> 00:27:14,008 Could you give me tomorrow's research, please? 540 00:27:14,091 --> 00:27:15,134 So, what do you say? 541 00:27:15,218 --> 00:27:17,720 I just got an offer from CBS news. 542 00:27:18,888 --> 00:27:21,182 So, Greg, I will say this... 543 00:27:21,349 --> 00:27:22,850 Egan out. 544 00:27:24,018 --> 00:27:25,078 Yeah, I just got your email. 545 00:27:25,102 --> 00:27:27,897 I just want to make sure the job is with CBS, right? 546 00:27:28,022 --> 00:27:29,899 That's Columbia broadcasting? 547 00:27:30,691 --> 00:27:33,069 Yeah, there's just some minor swelling, Mr. Ryan, 548 00:27:33,194 --> 00:27:34,594 but nothing a little ice won't fix. 549 00:27:34,695 --> 00:27:36,864 Excellent. 550 00:27:36,948 --> 00:27:40,076 Hoo! I have tickets to the inaugural ball tonight. 551 00:27:40,201 --> 00:27:42,245 - Oh. - Yeah. I'm a congressman. 552 00:27:43,579 --> 00:27:46,541 The second ticket is unclaimed, if you're available. 553 00:27:46,624 --> 00:27:49,335 I'm married. I have the ring hiding under the gloves. 554 00:27:49,418 --> 00:27:51,128 - No, I saw it. - No. Oh. 555 00:27:51,254 --> 00:27:55,925 Anyway, there is no easy way to say this, but you have a lump on your left testicle. 556 00:27:56,050 --> 00:27:59,262 I just want to biopsy it and we can take it from there. 557 00:27:59,387 --> 00:28:00,513 Take what from where? 558 00:28:00,596 --> 00:28:02,682 Early detection would have prevented this. 559 00:28:02,765 --> 00:28:04,767 We really encourage regular self-exams. 560 00:28:04,892 --> 00:28:05,935 Yeah, I know. 561 00:28:08,479 --> 00:28:10,582 Oh. They're waiting for you in the Roosevelt room, ma'am. 562 00:28:10,606 --> 00:28:12,733 - Thank you, sue. - Of course. 563 00:28:12,817 --> 00:28:15,736 Selina, good news. We found the missing Nevada ballots. 564 00:28:15,820 --> 00:28:17,405 You won. 565 00:28:22,118 --> 00:28:24,620 Joyce: After this one, let's go do teacup. 566 00:28:24,745 --> 00:28:26,914 - What's wrong? - Can I have a divorce? 567 00:28:26,998 --> 00:28:29,333 No! Next time, you get the fast pass. 568 00:28:29,458 --> 00:28:31,669 We get down through these lines so much faster.