1 00:00:06,090 --> 00:00:08,259 (Theme music playing) 2 00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:20,104 Reporters: Mike! Mike! Mike! 3 00:00:20,188 --> 00:00:23,524 Mike! I'm hearing that some banks may be requiring a federal bailout. 4 00:00:23,608 --> 00:00:25,610 Bailouts are not on the table. 5 00:00:25,735 --> 00:00:29,572 It is possible some banks may require massive capital infusions. 6 00:00:29,780 --> 00:00:32,116 That's the literal definition of bailing something out. 7 00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:34,280 There will be no bailouts. I was clear on this point. 8 00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:35,895 - Very clear on this. - (Clamoring) 9 00:00:37,872 --> 00:00:39,457 So, next up on the hit parade, 10 00:00:39,582 --> 00:00:41,959 we get to decide which banks to bail out. 11 00:00:42,043 --> 00:00:43,294 Well, I hope to fiscal fuck 12 00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:46,631 the fed has a trillion dollars stuffed in a mattress somewhere. 13 00:00:46,714 --> 00:00:48,609 There are three banks in danger that are gonna need 14 00:00:48,633 --> 00:00:50,635 massive infusions of cash over the weekend. 15 00:00:50,927 --> 00:00:53,304 Essentially, we can only afford to bail out two. 16 00:00:53,429 --> 00:00:54,639 And if we do nothing? 17 00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:57,391 We go to the atm Monday and dust will come out. 18 00:00:57,475 --> 00:00:59,977 This is not a decision we can make based on politics. 19 00:01:00,061 --> 00:01:02,730 - No, definitely not. - But we've got to save janders capital 20 00:01:02,813 --> 00:01:05,013 - because they're based in Illinois. - We need Illinois. 21 00:01:05,107 --> 00:01:08,569 That's one. Paulsten-berheim or em wheelright? 22 00:01:09,445 --> 00:01:11,822 Well, wheelright is Charlie baird's bank. 23 00:01:12,156 --> 00:01:14,075 - (Exhales) - So... 24 00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:17,078 My pick is em wheelright. 25 00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:19,330 You know what, Tom? I think... 26 00:01:19,455 --> 00:01:21,165 Yes. What he just said. 27 00:01:21,499 --> 00:01:25,002 Um, could everyone who doesn't absolutely have to be here please leave the room? 28 00:01:25,127 --> 00:01:26,420 - Thank you. - (Door opens) 29 00:01:28,339 --> 00:01:30,841 Ma'am, you cannot bail out Charlie baird's bank. 30 00:01:30,925 --> 00:01:32,236 - Why not? - 'Cause that's gonna look 31 00:01:32,260 --> 00:01:33,487 like you care more about your boyfriend 32 00:01:33,511 --> 00:01:36,097 than you do the economy, normal people, 33 00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:38,075 and everything else you're supposed to care about. 34 00:01:38,099 --> 00:01:41,477 - Aids, for example. - Thanks, Kent's autism. 35 00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:44,981 Look, there is no love lost between me and Charlie baird. 36 00:01:45,773 --> 00:01:48,192 Though it pains me to say it, his bank is stronger. 37 00:01:48,317 --> 00:01:50,420 - That's my point. - Tom: It's the right call for the future. 38 00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:54,532 Ma'am, you are not going to have a future if you bail out Charlie. 39 00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:56,367 All right, I'm gonna need some more time. 40 00:01:57,618 --> 00:01:59,870 At least when Truman made the decision to drop the bomb, 41 00:01:59,996 --> 00:02:02,039 he wasn't fucking anyone in Hiroshima. 42 00:02:02,123 --> 00:02:03,207 That we know of. 43 00:02:03,541 --> 00:02:06,294 Hello there. I'm Jonah Ryan. 44 00:02:08,963 --> 00:02:10,548 And I grew up right here 45 00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:12,800 in the awesome state of New Hampshire. 46 00:02:12,883 --> 00:02:15,052 The granite state of the United States. 47 00:02:15,177 --> 00:02:18,347 For your family, for your future, vote Ryan for congress. 48 00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:21,559 My name is Jonah Ryan and I approve this message. 49 00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:26,063 So, now you have all seen the ad 50 00:02:26,188 --> 00:02:29,150 and we want to know what you think about it. 51 00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:30,484 Anyone? 52 00:02:30,568 --> 00:02:32,069 I didn't like the guy. 53 00:02:32,153 --> 00:02:33,904 You don't like him? Okay. 54 00:02:33,988 --> 00:02:36,574 That wood he's chopping, it's not gonna burn right. 55 00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:39,076 To burn... "The wood is not going to burn." 56 00:02:39,201 --> 00:02:40,745 What else? 57 00:02:41,078 --> 00:02:42,830 His head is too big for his body. 58 00:02:43,039 --> 00:02:46,000 But then sometimes his body is too big for his head. 59 00:02:46,083 --> 00:02:48,919 - He's the wrong shape. - Shape is wrong? 60 00:02:49,045 --> 00:02:52,673 Does anyone have anything positive to say about the ad? 61 00:02:55,217 --> 00:02:57,178 - I like the kid. - Yeah. 62 00:02:57,261 --> 00:02:59,263 Like the kid in the ad, the little boy. 63 00:02:59,347 --> 00:03:01,349 But I did not like that he was next to that guy. 64 00:03:01,432 --> 00:03:03,517 I was like, "run, kid." 65 00:03:03,601 --> 00:03:06,103 Oh, surprise, surprise. Look who's here. 66 00:03:06,228 --> 00:03:10,358 Do you morons really not understand that this is a two-way mirror? 67 00:03:10,441 --> 00:03:11,525 Seriously? 68 00:03:11,776 --> 00:03:13,527 Are you shocked by that technology? 69 00:03:13,611 --> 00:03:15,363 I work in the fucking west wing, 70 00:03:15,446 --> 00:03:17,448 you pepperidge-farm-ad motherfuckers. 71 00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:18,783 - Fuck you. - Watch your mouth. 72 00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:21,452 - Sit your fucking mom-jeans ass down, dude. - Watch your mouth. 73 00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:23,788 Jeff: You've got to learn to control your fucking temper! 74 00:03:24,413 --> 00:03:25,973 - (Women screaming) - Selina: Dear lord. 75 00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:28,542 This is beyond language. 76 00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:30,437 Mike: I know the world of focus groups. 77 00:03:30,461 --> 00:03:32,546 I think maybe we picked the wrong candidate. 78 00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:33,756 Uh-huh. 79 00:03:33,923 --> 00:03:36,801 How is Catherine there and also here? 80 00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:38,928 - She's not here, ma'am. - Since when? 81 00:03:39,804 --> 00:03:42,473 - Last week. - Oh, my god. 82 00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:45,643 And then to put a fucking cherry on this shit sundae, 83 00:03:45,768 --> 00:03:47,645 did you guys see that article in politico? 84 00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,980 - "Meyer's five biggest economic mistakes"? - No. 85 00:03:50,064 --> 00:03:52,483 "Recession has a new name: The selina slump"? 86 00:03:52,608 --> 00:03:54,735 No. Gary, you have the machine? 87 00:03:54,819 --> 00:03:56,487 - Yeah. - Listen to this. 88 00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,406 "In a further sign of low morale..." 89 00:03:58,489 --> 00:04:00,408 No, you've got to read it properly. 90 00:04:00,491 --> 00:04:02,743 - Nope, that's not it. - You've got to spin it. 91 00:04:02,827 --> 00:04:06,163 Here we go. Why does it keep doing the turning? 92 00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:09,333 "A high-level west wing staffer was recently overheard 93 00:04:09,458 --> 00:04:12,503 "calling the president the 'c'-word." 94 00:04:12,628 --> 00:04:14,922 Can you believe this shit? 95 00:04:15,005 --> 00:04:16,257 Oh, wow. 96 00:04:16,340 --> 00:04:17,508 - That's crazy. - That's bad. 97 00:04:17,633 --> 00:04:19,260 Yeah, this is broken, by the way. 98 00:04:19,343 --> 00:04:21,595 Ma'am, I think that we need to resume our focus 99 00:04:21,679 --> 00:04:23,013 on relaunching Jonah's campaign. 100 00:04:23,139 --> 00:04:24,515 We need a Jonah whisperer, 101 00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:25,958 except somebody who's gonna, like, 102 00:04:26,016 --> 00:04:27,726 yell in his face and call him stupid. 103 00:04:27,810 --> 00:04:30,813 - Oh, we need Dan egan. - Well, Dan turned us down. 104 00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:32,565 But I've got some interviews lined up. 105 00:04:32,648 --> 00:04:35,401 - We'll make the right choice. - Well, are you doing it? 106 00:04:35,484 --> 00:04:37,712 - You're just sitting here farting into my couch. - You're right. 107 00:04:37,736 --> 00:04:39,655 - Sorry. - Let's go, let's go, let's go. 108 00:04:39,738 --> 00:04:41,574 Amy, I need to talk to you for a moment. 109 00:04:41,657 --> 00:04:44,994 - Yes, ma'am. (Clears throat) - I want you to find out who called me a cunt. 110 00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:48,914 - Ma'am... - Listen, with the votes and the banks, 111 00:04:48,998 --> 00:04:52,460 - we can't have a traitor in our castle, right? - Yeah... 112 00:04:52,543 --> 00:04:54,670 - You need to bring me a head. - Yes, ma'am. 113 00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:57,047 Hey, Dan. You want to go to lunch later 114 00:04:57,131 --> 00:04:58,841 at hansong Korean barbecue? 115 00:04:58,924 --> 00:05:00,569 Come on, I've got a groupon, expires Monday. 116 00:05:00,593 --> 00:05:02,511 Fifty bucks for $100 worth of food. 117 00:05:02,595 --> 00:05:05,389 It's in annandale, Mike. No one from DC. Goes to fucking annandale. 118 00:05:05,473 --> 00:05:08,601 Hey, how about an $80 in-home massage for 40 bucks? 119 00:05:08,684 --> 00:05:10,102 - With release? - No. 120 00:05:10,186 --> 00:05:12,831 - Then what's the point? - Hey, why did you turn down the Jonah job? 121 00:05:12,855 --> 00:05:13,898 (Scoffs) Come on. 122 00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:15,500 Jesus, Dan, you wouldn't know the smart move 123 00:05:15,524 --> 00:05:17,461 if it bent you over and fucked you with a coke bottle. 124 00:05:17,485 --> 00:05:19,361 If Jonah loses, no one's gonna blame you. 125 00:05:19,445 --> 00:05:22,615 - If he wins, you're a political genius. - I'll think about it. 126 00:05:22,698 --> 00:05:25,576 Think fast. Ben's interviewing candidates right now. 127 00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,369 Not worried. 128 00:05:30,915 --> 00:05:32,166 Move, move! 129 00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:35,961 The widow-bravely-carrying-the-flag narrative has traction for about a week. 130 00:05:36,045 --> 00:05:37,546 After that, done. 131 00:05:37,630 --> 00:05:39,048 Hey, Ben, can I... 132 00:05:39,131 --> 00:05:40,508 Dan, you know candi caruso? 133 00:05:41,050 --> 00:05:42,259 - Yes. - No. 134 00:05:43,219 --> 00:05:44,637 Can I speak to you for a second? 135 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:47,515 - Yeah. Excuse me. - Sorry. 136 00:05:51,519 --> 00:05:54,146 - I'm sorry, candi. The position's been filled. - Aw. 137 00:05:54,230 --> 00:05:55,648 Thanks for coming in. 138 00:05:55,731 --> 00:05:57,566 - It's good seeing you again. - Mmm-hmm. 139 00:05:58,359 --> 00:05:59,759 What's this about? Am I in trouble? 140 00:05:59,818 --> 00:06:02,071 No. The president 141 00:06:02,154 --> 00:06:04,049 asked me to speak to everyone about a certain matter. 142 00:06:04,073 --> 00:06:05,926 Is this about the coffee pods I took from the kitchen? 143 00:06:05,950 --> 00:06:07,052 We had a brunch and I took them... 144 00:06:07,076 --> 00:06:08,516 - I was gonna replace them. - No. No. 145 00:06:09,245 --> 00:06:11,539 Mike, do you know who called the president a cunt? 146 00:06:13,249 --> 00:06:15,459 No, I have no idea. 147 00:06:17,753 --> 00:06:20,005 Okay, I'm sorry. Ican't do this. 148 00:06:20,089 --> 00:06:22,025 She put me in charge of this whole stupid investigation 149 00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:23,509 and it was me. I called her a cunt. 150 00:06:23,592 --> 00:06:24,760 (Laughs) You did? 151 00:06:24,843 --> 00:06:26,112 I thought everyone knew it was me. 152 00:06:26,136 --> 00:06:27,489 I was in the senate building with Dan 153 00:06:27,513 --> 00:06:28,865 and I'm sure someone overheard me. 154 00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:31,517 I shouted it into my phone on the acela quiet car. 155 00:06:34,645 --> 00:06:35,854 (Sighs) 156 00:06:35,938 --> 00:06:38,190 Okay. I've made my decision. 157 00:06:38,274 --> 00:06:41,026 We are going to bail out Charlie's bank. 158 00:06:41,110 --> 00:06:42,486 I don't care what hits we take. 159 00:06:42,570 --> 00:06:44,297 It's for the good of the country in the long run. 160 00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:45,823 - Bravo, madam president. - Yeah. 161 00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:47,199 - Ma'am, if I could just... - No. 162 00:06:47,283 --> 00:06:48,909 I don't want to hear it, okay? 163 00:06:48,993 --> 00:06:50,744 That's my final solution. 164 00:06:51,537 --> 00:06:53,163 Who wants to be a millionaire? 165 00:06:53,289 --> 00:06:54,790 Do you get it? Good. 166 00:06:55,708 --> 00:06:56,868 Jonah: / can't ever forget... 167 00:06:58,460 --> 00:07:00,379 It's about the people. 168 00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:04,633 Are you even getting any of this? 169 00:07:05,301 --> 00:07:06,385 Getting what? 170 00:07:06,468 --> 00:07:09,555 I was looking thoughtfully out the window... 171 00:07:09,638 --> 00:07:11,890 Some straight up jfk-level shit. 172 00:07:11,974 --> 00:07:14,810 I was just getting some b-roll of the fax machine. 173 00:07:17,521 --> 00:07:20,649 Ah! Come on! God. 174 00:07:20,733 --> 00:07:22,568 You know, the state that you live in sucks. 175 00:07:23,986 --> 00:07:26,280 Sir, as your director of communications, 176 00:07:26,363 --> 00:07:28,592 I need to tell you that we just got a letter from the band rush. 177 00:07:28,616 --> 00:07:29,658 Really? 178 00:07:29,742 --> 00:07:31,845 They said that we can't use the song working man anymore 179 00:07:31,869 --> 00:07:33,704 because they find you odious. 180 00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,372 You know what? I play what I want. 181 00:07:35,456 --> 00:07:37,958 Copyright shit went out with the zune. 182 00:07:39,293 --> 00:07:41,378 Whoa! I'm sorry. What are you doing here? 183 00:07:41,462 --> 00:07:43,464 Hello, Jonah. Richard. 184 00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:46,550 - Hi, Catherine. - When you talk to me, you ruin the film. 185 00:07:46,634 --> 00:07:48,218 Always a pleasure. 186 00:07:48,302 --> 00:07:50,638 I'm here to be your new campaign manager. 187 00:07:50,721 --> 00:07:53,015 - Holy shit, are you here to beg me for a job? - (Scoffs) 188 00:07:53,098 --> 00:07:55,893 As director of communication, I should have been alerted to this. 189 00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:57,478 Uh, why don't you have a seat 190 00:07:57,561 --> 00:07:59,497 and tell me about your job history and we'll go from there? 191 00:07:59,521 --> 00:08:01,082 From now on, Jonah, you will shut the fuck up 192 00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:02,358 and do exactly as I say. 193 00:08:02,441 --> 00:08:04,753 And if you listen to me instead of your only two brain cells 194 00:08:04,777 --> 00:08:07,196 busy butt-fucking each other somewhere in the vast expanses 195 00:08:07,279 --> 00:08:08,656 of your misshapen skull, 196 00:08:08,739 --> 00:08:10,908 then maybe, Jonah, you might have a chance 197 00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:13,744 at becoming the first mentally impaired Frankenstein's monster 198 00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:15,537 to ever win an American election. 199 00:08:15,621 --> 00:08:18,832 And by the way, your banner makes it look like your name is Jon h. Ryan, 200 00:08:18,916 --> 00:08:20,516 so great job, communications department. 201 00:08:20,584 --> 00:08:23,796 - I'm taking this office. - Wait, that's my office. 202 00:08:24,213 --> 00:08:25,714 I got that. 203 00:08:26,590 --> 00:08:28,610 Charlie: How do you look so good with all this stress? 204 00:08:28,634 --> 00:08:29,968 You're glowing. 205 00:08:30,052 --> 00:08:31,887 You actually look younger. What did you do? 206 00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:33,764 Oh, my god, he noticed. 207 00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,140 - What? - Mmm. 208 00:08:35,933 --> 00:08:39,561 Uh, I have a new facial moisturizer. 209 00:08:39,645 --> 00:08:41,689 - Charlie: Oh. - And a new soap. 210 00:08:41,772 --> 00:08:43,649 - Gary. - Yeah, I'll just stand over here. 211 00:08:43,732 --> 00:08:45,543 - Actually, I think... - You know, I'll just leave the room. 212 00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:46,610 - Yes. - Yeah. 213 00:08:46,694 --> 00:08:49,571 - Listen, selina, I want to apologize. - Mmm. 214 00:08:49,738 --> 00:08:51,949 I know that our relationship has compromised your job. 215 00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,826 - Yeah. - But you're the president. 216 00:08:53,909 --> 00:08:56,286 Whatever you decide is best. 217 00:08:56,370 --> 00:08:59,164 And it won't affect our relationship one way or another. 218 00:09:00,708 --> 00:09:02,710 - Okay. - Now, enough shoptalk. 219 00:09:02,793 --> 00:09:04,628 - Yeah, no kidding. - All right. 220 00:09:04,712 --> 00:09:07,172 - Let's talk about something else. - Yes. 221 00:09:10,676 --> 00:09:12,428 - Do you want to just have sex? - Yeah. 222 00:09:12,511 --> 00:09:13,947 - Yeah. - It's got to be quick, though. 223 00:09:13,971 --> 00:09:15,264 I got wheels up at 9:30. 224 00:09:15,347 --> 00:09:17,433 Ooh. That turns me on. 225 00:09:20,144 --> 00:09:21,603 (Mobile ringing) 226 00:09:21,687 --> 00:09:23,607 - Hello, ma'am. - Selina: Amy, come to my office. 227 00:09:23,647 --> 00:09:24,982 - Right now? - Yeah. 228 00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:26,525 Of course. 229 00:09:28,569 --> 00:09:29,695 (Mobile chimes) 230 00:09:29,778 --> 00:09:30,988 Set a reminder. 231 00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:33,407 Make an appointment to freeze eggs. 232 00:09:34,032 --> 00:09:35,075 (Knocks) 233 00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:37,119 Ma'am, are you okay? 234 00:09:37,202 --> 00:09:40,622 - Amy, how's the investigation going? - Oh, uh, fine. 235 00:09:40,706 --> 00:09:42,958 I mean, the investigation of me being called a cunt. 236 00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:45,043 - I knew which one you meant. - Yeah, good. 237 00:09:45,127 --> 00:09:46,336 Well, it does occur to me 238 00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:48,464 that we've all got a lot on our plates right now. 239 00:09:48,547 --> 00:09:51,175 - Yeah. - So I think we should push this investigation 240 00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:53,677 until after everything... 241 00:09:53,761 --> 00:09:56,013 I want you to fire Gerry duggan, 242 00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:58,474 Phil neary and what's-her-ass, Lisa... 243 00:09:58,557 --> 00:09:59,683 Hatch? 244 00:09:59,767 --> 00:10:01,745 Yeah, I want her out of the comms department, okay? 245 00:10:01,769 --> 00:10:03,854 Because they should not have let an article 246 00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:06,732 about me being called a cunt get out in the first place, right? 247 00:10:06,857 --> 00:10:08,859 - Well, I'm not the person who... - Fire them. 248 00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:11,737 - Okay. - I am the first female president 249 00:10:11,862 --> 00:10:14,364 of the United States and this is an affront. 250 00:10:14,448 --> 00:10:15,783 Yes, ma'am. 251 00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:20,529 I'll tell you something, Amy. 252 00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,999 A lot of people don't want me to be president. 253 00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:25,292 And you know why. 254 00:10:25,375 --> 00:10:28,420 Because fundamentally, people hate women, right? 255 00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:31,298 I mean, they'll just stop at nothing to get me out of here. 256 00:10:31,799 --> 00:10:34,885 Everybody's trying to get me, but I'm not gonna let them. 257 00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:36,470 You okay, ma'am? 258 00:10:37,805 --> 00:10:39,125 Have you ever been called a cunt? 259 00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:40,808 Many times. 260 00:10:41,391 --> 00:10:44,061 Well, now I have too, apparently, once. 261 00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,940 Hey, mom, I'm back. 262 00:10:48,065 --> 00:10:50,859 You were gone? Oh, right, you were in New Hampshire. 263 00:10:50,943 --> 00:10:53,153 - Gary, is now a good time? - Mmm-hmm. 264 00:10:53,237 --> 00:10:55,864 - What? He's not in charge of me. - Mmm-mmm. 265 00:10:55,948 --> 00:10:57,866 I just wanted to know, can we talk for a second? 266 00:10:57,950 --> 00:10:58,992 Yeah. 267 00:10:59,076 --> 00:11:01,662 I feel like since mee-maw died, 268 00:11:01,745 --> 00:11:04,206 I've had some time to reflect on things 269 00:11:04,289 --> 00:11:06,792 and, you know, why things didn't work out between me and Jason. 270 00:11:07,251 --> 00:11:09,670 Or the guy in college who wanted to watch me pee. 271 00:11:09,753 --> 00:11:11,839 Or the guy with the weirdly high voice. 272 00:11:11,922 --> 00:11:14,424 No, there were two guys with weirdly high voices. 273 00:11:14,508 --> 00:11:15,985 - Yeah, there were two. - Do you remember? 274 00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:18,011 - I've been trying... - Ben: Madam president. 275 00:11:18,095 --> 00:11:21,306 Yeah? I have to deal with whatever this is, okay, Catherine? 276 00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:23,100 So we can talk later. 277 00:11:24,142 --> 00:11:25,936 - Guys, I don't want to hear it. - Ma'am. 278 00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:29,064 - Ma'am, I know, but... ma'am. - No, guys, you know I'm not gonna rethink it. 279 00:11:29,147 --> 00:11:30,867 - I've made the decision. - Madam president! 280 00:11:30,899 --> 00:11:33,068 That is, if you'd like for that to remain your title! 281 00:11:33,151 --> 00:11:34,236 Wow. 282 00:11:34,319 --> 00:11:35,362 What? 283 00:11:35,445 --> 00:11:37,281 It's worse than we thought. 284 00:11:37,406 --> 00:11:40,784 I ran the numbers. Approval rating for bailing out 285 00:11:40,909 --> 00:11:44,746 your sexual partner's financial establishment, 4.3%. 286 00:11:44,830 --> 00:11:46,248 Hanukkah polls higher in mecca. 287 00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:48,375 But it's the right bank to bail out, right? 288 00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:51,837 That's right, ma'am, but nobody understands the economy. 289 00:11:51,962 --> 00:11:54,965 - Literally nobody. - Not literally. 290 00:11:55,257 --> 00:11:59,303 And then I think we lose three or four states in congress just like that. 291 00:11:59,428 --> 00:12:02,639 What would you guys do if you had to choose between your cock and your balls? 292 00:12:02,764 --> 00:12:06,685 I could lose them both. I mean, at this stage they're purely decorative. 293 00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:09,450 Guys, do you want to go out later for some hansong Korean barbecue? 294 00:12:09,521 --> 00:12:12,441 Korean barbecue is a travesty and a far cry from authentic. 295 00:12:12,524 --> 00:12:14,902 - I'm his plus-one. - Sue? 296 00:12:14,985 --> 00:12:16,695 (Speaks Korean) 297 00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:18,488 That's Korean for "I hate you." 298 00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:20,282 Marjorie? 299 00:12:21,867 --> 00:12:23,227 (Quietly) That is her name, right? 300 00:12:24,953 --> 00:12:26,830 Sorry to do this, everyone. 301 00:12:27,456 --> 00:12:30,792 But I've done some deep soul-diving 302 00:12:30,876 --> 00:12:34,129 and we are going to bail out paulsten-berheim. 303 00:12:34,671 --> 00:12:36,190 - (Whispering) Oh, fuck. - Make that happen. 304 00:12:36,214 --> 00:12:38,634 Thank nonexistent Jesus. 305 00:12:42,804 --> 00:12:44,657 No, I don't know. I don't want to wear the glasses. 306 00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:45,867 They're part of your relaunch. 307 00:12:45,891 --> 00:12:48,769 They make you look half smart, you fucking goon. 308 00:12:48,852 --> 00:12:51,012 You know what we called people like you back in my day? 309 00:12:51,396 --> 00:12:52,940 Retards. 310 00:12:53,023 --> 00:12:55,525 Tom petty says we can't use won't back down anymore. 311 00:12:55,651 --> 00:12:58,028 Okay, well, fuck him if he thinks I'm gonna back down. 312 00:12:58,153 --> 00:12:59,947 That's, like, the whole point of the song. 313 00:13:00,030 --> 00:13:01,531 We got the okay from Gary glitter, 314 00:13:01,615 --> 00:13:03,927 but he's in jail for child rape, so maybe not the first choice. 315 00:13:03,951 --> 00:13:05,535 Okay, all right, now listen to me. 316 00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:07,621 Go out there, turn this thing around, all right? 317 00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:09,456 The widow's beating you by 30 points. 318 00:13:09,539 --> 00:13:11,959 She's a retired second-grade teacher, for Christ's sake. 319 00:13:12,042 --> 00:13:14,378 Yeah, who sucks and gives too much homework. 320 00:13:14,503 --> 00:13:17,214 - She's your second-grade teacher? - Yeah. 321 00:13:17,339 --> 00:13:19,525 Jonah Ryan, pleasure to meet you. Thanks for coming out, sir. 322 00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:21,653 Jonah Ryan, running for congress. Pleasure to meet you. 323 00:13:21,677 --> 00:13:23,553 Get a picture of me and this guy's moustache. 324 00:13:23,637 --> 00:13:26,223 Jonah Ryan. Ma'am, can I have some breakfast back there? 325 00:13:26,348 --> 00:13:27,992 You should really try the corned beef hash. 326 00:13:28,016 --> 00:13:31,061 It's so much more agreeable than anything that gets dished out in prison. 327 00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:33,897 Bill. I thought you were in the... 328 00:13:33,981 --> 00:13:36,233 The slammer? My lawyer got it thrown out on appeal. 329 00:13:36,525 --> 00:13:39,361 O'brien hired me to be the widow sherman's new campaign manager. 330 00:13:39,861 --> 00:13:41,655 - You're kidding me. - No, Dan. 331 00:13:41,738 --> 00:13:44,866 One thing you learn in prison is not to make jokes. 332 00:13:45,075 --> 00:13:48,161 I am fructose intolerant, you nitwit. 333 00:13:48,245 --> 00:13:50,664 I assume what I'm seeing is the patented egan touch. 334 00:13:50,747 --> 00:13:52,833 I'll see you on the campaign trail, amigo. 335 00:13:52,916 --> 00:13:54,918 Tell the president no hard feelings. 336 00:13:55,002 --> 00:13:56,420 Oh, wait, that's right. 337 00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:59,006 I do have hard feelings. I'm consumed by them. 338 00:13:59,089 --> 00:14:01,359 Jonah: We're not in this situation. Waitress: Get away, all right? 339 00:14:01,383 --> 00:14:02,485 This is done. Dan, we got to go. 340 00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:04,177 - Yeah. Yes. - Dan. 341 00:14:06,430 --> 00:14:07,514 Selina: Oh, Catherine. 342 00:14:07,723 --> 00:14:10,267 Honey, you wanted to talk to me privately before. 343 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,936 - Now is a perfect time. - Really? 344 00:14:13,020 --> 00:14:16,857 Mmm-hmm. Now, what happened to the boyfriend with the high voice? 345 00:14:16,940 --> 00:14:18,042 He couldn't go to the bathroom? 346 00:14:18,066 --> 00:14:20,027 What it was more about was just my relationships 347 00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:22,279 - and examining a sort of common pattern... - Ma'am. 348 00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:24,865 - Yeah? - I wondered... hey, Catherine. 349 00:14:24,948 --> 00:14:27,010 Iwondered if you and I could just have a moment together? 350 00:14:27,034 --> 00:14:28,452 - Privately. - Definitely. 351 00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:30,954 I'm gonna talk to you later. 352 00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:33,040 Tom, I don't think... 353 00:14:33,123 --> 00:14:34,958 Where are you going? 354 00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:36,960 Ma'am, you are known to be 355 00:14:37,044 --> 00:14:39,212 - a very smart political operator. - I know. 356 00:14:39,421 --> 00:14:40,861 Selina: Good afternoon. Hello again. 357 00:14:42,716 --> 00:14:45,385 On second thought, we are now going to bail out 358 00:14:45,469 --> 00:14:48,638 Charlie and wheelright. Thank you. 359 00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:49,973 Yeah. 360 00:14:51,475 --> 00:14:52,642 No. You know what? 361 00:14:52,726 --> 00:14:56,146 On third thought, let's just stick with the plan before. 362 00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:58,315 We're going to bail out paulsten. 363 00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:00,067 Yeah. Yeah. 364 00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:02,611 So, who had 12:50 pm? 365 00:15:06,948 --> 00:15:08,825 Huh. You eat. 366 00:15:08,909 --> 00:15:11,161 I suppose you need something to nervously shit out. 367 00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:12,996 Hello, Leon. It's always good to see 368 00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:15,165 the most left-swiped face on tinder. 369 00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:19,002 Busy day. Three people fired from the communications office. 370 00:15:19,127 --> 00:15:20,420 High-turnover department. 371 00:15:20,504 --> 00:15:22,255 Or is it a panicky mass-firing 372 00:15:22,339 --> 00:15:25,175 because someone called potus a cunt in politico? 373 00:15:25,801 --> 00:15:28,095 Ah, I just blew the lid off of cuntgate. 374 00:15:28,178 --> 00:15:30,430 - It's not a gate. - No, it's very much a gate. 375 00:15:30,514 --> 00:15:32,516 - Untrue. - You should watch out, Amy. 376 00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:34,601 You don't want to be the face of cuntgate. 377 00:15:34,684 --> 00:15:37,145 Although you do have the perfect face for it. 378 00:15:38,814 --> 00:15:40,654 Ben: So it's spread to the insurance companies? 379 00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:43,026 - At least three of them. - Ben: Jesus Christ. 380 00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:44,945 (Door opens) 381 00:15:45,028 --> 00:15:46,196 Oh, come on. 382 00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:49,324 Good evening. It is me again. 383 00:15:49,699 --> 00:15:52,285 Um, yeah, so I was just talking to Mike 384 00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:56,373 and I definitely want to bail out wheelright. 385 00:15:56,706 --> 00:15:58,458 That's a smart play. 386 00:15:59,167 --> 00:16:01,294 Mike! You fucking jagoff. 387 00:16:01,378 --> 00:16:03,314 Is this about the coffee pods? I swear I was gonna put... 388 00:16:03,338 --> 00:16:05,715 No, you told the president to bail out Charlie's bank. 389 00:16:05,841 --> 00:16:07,276 No, I didn't say anything about banks. 390 00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:08,694 I was talking to her about how Wendy paid off 391 00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:10,363 my student loans and how I love her for it. 392 00:16:10,387 --> 00:16:13,223 You still have student loans? How old are you? 393 00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:14,558 I'm not good with money. 394 00:16:14,808 --> 00:16:17,727 (Indistinct chatter) 395 00:16:18,186 --> 00:16:20,540 Now, the widow's gonna get 10 minutes, then you get 10 minutes. 396 00:16:20,564 --> 00:16:23,066 "Hi, I'm Jonah Ryan. So happy to be here. What a great cause." 397 00:16:23,191 --> 00:16:25,944 - Stump speech. - I'm listening and I'm a doer. 398 00:16:26,069 --> 00:16:28,321 It's good to start with a joke about a local bigwig 399 00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:30,240 like, "mayor Brock is here tonight. 400 00:16:30,365 --> 00:16:32,245 "I guess when he had cancer, the doctors removed 401 00:16:32,284 --> 00:16:34,744 "his ability to stop doing his kid's babysitter." 402 00:16:34,870 --> 00:16:35,912 (Laughing) 403 00:16:36,746 --> 00:16:37,956 Seems kind of harsh. 404 00:16:38,081 --> 00:16:40,041 I know New Hampshire. Trust me, big laugh. 405 00:16:40,125 --> 00:16:41,710 Also, sir, some bands we haven't used 406 00:16:41,793 --> 00:16:43,753 have sent some preemptive cease-and-desist orders. 407 00:16:43,879 --> 00:16:45,380 Sting, Bruce Springsteen 408 00:16:45,463 --> 00:16:47,257 sent two letters, actually, and Enya. 409 00:16:47,382 --> 00:16:48,592 Enya? 410 00:16:48,717 --> 00:16:50,969 Send her a fucking cease-and-desist letter. 411 00:16:51,094 --> 00:16:53,638 - Hello, Jonah. - Good morning, Mrs. Sherman. 412 00:16:53,972 --> 00:16:58,768 I still remember that lovely macaroni portrait you made of your mother. 413 00:16:58,894 --> 00:17:00,979 I don't recall that macaroni portrait, Mrs. Sherman. 414 00:17:01,104 --> 00:17:03,416 - Please welcome our first speaker... - Excuse me, ma'am. You're on. 415 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:04,900 - Mrs. Judy sherman. - (Applause) 416 00:17:05,942 --> 00:17:07,068 Thank you. 417 00:17:07,152 --> 00:17:09,529 Did you hear that dig about the macaroni portrait? 418 00:17:09,613 --> 00:17:10,780 Can you fucking believe that? 419 00:17:11,489 --> 00:17:13,366 Hey, we're on a code black. 420 00:17:13,450 --> 00:17:15,785 Potus is on an opinion shopping spree. Come on. 421 00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:19,414 Hey, slow down. I'm on Coumadin. 422 00:17:19,956 --> 00:17:22,167 Sue, we need to see the president. 423 00:17:22,292 --> 00:17:24,294 Gentlemen, you'll have to towel off and wait. 424 00:17:24,419 --> 00:17:25,879 - She's in with someone. - Who? 425 00:17:25,962 --> 00:17:27,380 Whom. 426 00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:29,299 Come on, Charlie, 100%. 427 00:17:29,424 --> 00:17:31,509 - 100%. - All right, great. 428 00:17:31,635 --> 00:17:34,262 Now, on the other hand, bailing out your boyfriend, 429 00:17:34,346 --> 00:17:36,848 I mean, that could be career-ending, right? 430 00:17:38,975 --> 00:17:40,685 Yeah, right. 431 00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:43,271 But, I mean, if you had a gun to your head... 432 00:17:43,605 --> 00:17:46,191 Maybe the gun doesn't have any bullets. 433 00:17:46,316 --> 00:17:48,151 Well, thank you so much for coming. 434 00:17:48,276 --> 00:17:51,112 It was my pleasure. Oh, gentlemen. 435 00:17:51,696 --> 00:17:53,448 Well, that was completely useless. 436 00:17:53,782 --> 00:17:57,035 Ma'am, we need a final decision right now, 437 00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:58,370 even if it's the wrong one. 438 00:17:59,287 --> 00:18:02,165 I just need a little bit more time. 439 00:18:02,290 --> 00:18:04,459 If we don't put a plan into action tomorrow morning, 440 00:18:04,542 --> 00:18:06,670 then by Monday we will be Greece. 441 00:18:07,003 --> 00:18:09,130 The country, not the musical. 442 00:18:09,214 --> 00:18:11,841 All right, here's my final decision. 443 00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:15,512 You will have a final decision by tomorrow morning. 444 00:18:15,637 --> 00:18:17,389 Have both plans ready to go. 445 00:18:18,181 --> 00:18:21,226 Now, I need to get on the phone with the Israeli prime minister 446 00:18:21,351 --> 00:18:23,061 and then the president of France, okay? 447 00:18:23,186 --> 00:18:24,497 They may give me some insight into this. 448 00:18:24,521 --> 00:18:26,356 Ma'am, instead of that, I got an idea. 449 00:18:26,481 --> 00:18:29,293 You could clear your head out and then have a little fun at the same time. 450 00:18:29,317 --> 00:18:31,361 - What? - Yeah, I'll call Jonah and Dan 451 00:18:31,486 --> 00:18:34,155 and you can tear them a six-pack of new assholes. 452 00:18:35,073 --> 00:18:36,866 - That does sound like fun. Okay. - Yeah. 453 00:18:37,158 --> 00:18:40,537 But when your husband of 47 years 454 00:18:40,829 --> 00:18:43,498 asks you on his deathbed to continue... 455 00:18:43,707 --> 00:18:44,958 (Mobile buzzes) 456 00:18:45,041 --> 00:18:47,085 Ben: Dan, you're on with the president. 457 00:18:47,210 --> 00:18:50,005 Dan, I cannot fucking believe 458 00:18:50,088 --> 00:18:51,840 how terrible you are at your job. 459 00:18:51,923 --> 00:18:53,550 What, are you running on a platform 460 00:18:53,675 --> 00:18:55,885 of higher taxes and episiotomies? 461 00:18:56,011 --> 00:18:57,679 Ma'am, we just need a little time. 462 00:18:57,762 --> 00:19:00,849 Put that world's-tallest-pile-of—garbage on the phone right now. 463 00:19:02,017 --> 00:19:03,268 It's the president. 464 00:19:03,935 --> 00:19:05,520 Fuck_. 465 00:19:05,770 --> 00:19:07,522 - Hello, ma'am. - Hey, hunchback. 466 00:19:07,605 --> 00:19:10,001 I don't know what you've been doing instead of trying to win, 467 00:19:10,025 --> 00:19:12,694 but I'm gonna guess that it has the word "anal" in it. 468 00:19:12,902 --> 00:19:16,281 Now, you learn to control your cocksucking temper, 469 00:19:16,406 --> 00:19:18,450 othennise I'm gonna come up there myself 470 00:19:18,575 --> 00:19:20,910 and I'm gonna shoot you in your fucking mouth. 471 00:19:23,038 --> 00:19:25,623 - She hung up. - Fuck her. 472 00:19:26,041 --> 00:19:28,335 You know, selina meyer is a second-rate mediocrity 473 00:19:28,418 --> 00:19:30,920 whose only achievement is single-handedly tanking the economy. 474 00:19:31,046 --> 00:19:33,548 But somehow we're the losers doing anal with each other? 475 00:19:33,631 --> 00:19:35,860 Her entire presidency has been one disgrace after another. 476 00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:37,862 - She has never respected me. - And I'm bad at my fucking job? 477 00:19:37,886 --> 00:19:39,721 - Fuck! - You know what? That's bullshit. 478 00:19:39,804 --> 00:19:41,431 - You're doing a good job. - Fuck off. 479 00:19:41,556 --> 00:19:43,808 No, this glasses shit, that was dope. 480 00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:45,894 These look great. That was a great idea. 481 00:19:47,562 --> 00:19:48,897 Go fuck yourself. 482 00:19:48,980 --> 00:19:52,984 And I promise I won't let anyone get away 483 00:19:53,109 --> 00:19:55,862 with wasting your hard-earned money. 484 00:19:55,945 --> 00:19:57,572 (Applause and cheers) 485 00:19:58,448 --> 00:20:00,408 Thank you. Thank you so much. 486 00:20:01,618 --> 00:20:02,744 Thank you. 487 00:20:03,244 --> 00:20:06,664 I want you to go out there and I want you to kick some New Hampshire ass. 488 00:20:07,082 --> 00:20:09,667 Yo, granite state. Hey, how you feeling? 489 00:20:09,793 --> 00:20:11,211 (Light applause) 490 00:20:11,294 --> 00:20:14,047 I see that mayor block isn't here tonight. 491 00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:16,758 Guess he couldn't get a babysitter. 492 00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:18,426 Or could he? 493 00:20:19,177 --> 00:20:20,595 (Jeff laughing) 494 00:20:23,098 --> 00:20:25,767 - You suck! Go back to Washington. - (Laughter) 495 00:20:26,976 --> 00:20:28,853 I took the Liberty of arranging some hecklers. 496 00:20:28,978 --> 00:20:30,772 - No charge. - But, yes, I was in Washington. 497 00:20:30,855 --> 00:20:32,732 And I worked a very high-level, importantjob. 498 00:20:32,816 --> 00:20:35,235 You helped selina meyer screw up this country. 499 00:20:35,318 --> 00:20:38,905 I think she did a fine job screwing up the country all by herself. 500 00:20:38,988 --> 00:20:40,949 - (Crowd gasps) - No, I'm serious. 501 00:20:41,032 --> 00:20:43,785 This is so much more beautiful to watch than the birth of my child. 502 00:20:43,868 --> 00:20:46,996 Right, she single-handedly destroyed the economy, 503 00:20:47,122 --> 00:20:49,332 but she doesn't care because she's too busy 504 00:20:49,457 --> 00:20:51,543 cuddling up to her billionaire boyfriend. 505 00:20:51,668 --> 00:20:53,378 - (Applause) - And I don't know about you, 506 00:20:53,503 --> 00:20:55,672 but my boyfriend's not a billionaire. 507 00:20:56,881 --> 00:21:00,468 Her whole presidency has been one disgrace after another 508 00:21:00,552 --> 00:21:02,220 and I don't know if you're sick of it, 509 00:21:02,345 --> 00:21:03,948 - but I am definitely sick of it... - Yes. 510 00:21:03,972 --> 00:21:06,975 And I'm not just gonna sit here and take it anymore. 511 00:21:07,392 --> 00:21:08,560 - (Applause) - What the fuck? 512 00:21:08,685 --> 00:21:10,437 My name is Jonah Ryan 513 00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:12,647 and I want to be your congressman. 514 00:21:12,730 --> 00:21:15,692 And I won't back down. Thank you. 515 00:21:16,192 --> 00:21:18,087 - Thank you very much, granite state. - (All cheering) 516 00:21:18,111 --> 00:21:20,655 You feeling me? Thank you. 517 00:21:20,738 --> 00:21:22,198 Thank you. 518 00:21:22,657 --> 00:21:24,784 - Reporters: Mike! - Wayne. 519 00:21:24,868 --> 00:21:26,846 When will we hear which banks are gonna get bailout money? 520 00:21:26,870 --> 00:21:29,581 No one is using the term "bailout money" except for you, Wayne. 521 00:21:29,706 --> 00:21:32,709 The details for the plan will be revealed later today. 522 00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:34,502 - (Reporters clamoring) - Leon. 523 00:21:34,586 --> 00:21:36,546 Can you confirm the allegation of the firing 524 00:21:36,629 --> 00:21:40,341 of three people from the comms office is tied to see-you-next-Tuesday-gate? 525 00:21:40,425 --> 00:21:43,887 That sort of coarse language is far beneath the dignity of this room. 526 00:21:43,970 --> 00:21:45,847 - And also it's not a gate. - Oh, it's a gate. 527 00:21:45,930 --> 00:21:47,741 - No, it is not a gate. - It's very much a gate. 528 00:21:47,765 --> 00:21:49,535 You know what? We're gonna elevate the conversation, 529 00:21:49,559 --> 00:21:51,245 and go to my friend here at the New York times. 530 00:21:51,269 --> 00:21:52,979 Mike, the politico sidebar suggested 531 00:21:53,062 --> 00:21:55,356 that there was one staffer who called the president 532 00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:57,108 the worst thing you can call a woman. 533 00:21:57,233 --> 00:21:59,211 - Why were three people fired? - Okay, that about wraps it up. 534 00:21:59,235 --> 00:22:00,379 Thank you all. No further questions. 535 00:22:00,403 --> 00:22:01,763 - Enjoy your evening. - (Clamoring) 536 00:22:02,572 --> 00:22:05,325 No, Ben, this is real. The whole room was sniffing around cuntgate. 537 00:22:05,408 --> 00:22:07,088 - Ben: It's not a gate, Mike. - No kidding! 538 00:22:07,118 --> 00:22:08,762 - It isn't a gate. I agree. I said that. - No kidding! 539 00:22:08,786 --> 00:22:10,663 She's becoming seriously unhinged. 540 00:22:10,747 --> 00:22:12,415 She has gone full-metal Nixon. 541 00:22:12,749 --> 00:22:14,083 Who do you think said it? 542 00:22:15,251 --> 00:22:17,795 Well, we did. Me and Mike. 543 00:22:17,921 --> 00:22:20,006 - Oh, my god. I thought it was me. - No way. 544 00:22:20,089 --> 00:22:23,092 No, I'm pretty sure I called her a cunt to the reporter who broke the story. 545 00:22:24,844 --> 00:22:27,722 Amy, it's probable that your investigation 546 00:22:27,805 --> 00:22:31,643 has already determined that I was the one that called her a cunt. 547 00:22:32,268 --> 00:22:34,479 I'm hoping that my utility to the organization 548 00:22:34,604 --> 00:22:36,272 gives you reason to protect me on this. 549 00:22:36,356 --> 00:22:38,441 - Also our friendship. - (Door opens) 550 00:22:39,108 --> 00:22:40,693 - Gary: Hey, Ben? - Gary. 551 00:22:40,985 --> 00:22:42,153 (Shuddering) 552 00:22:42,278 --> 00:22:44,989 It was me. I called the president the "c" -word. 553 00:22:45,114 --> 00:22:46,574 - Ben: No, you didn't. - Really? 554 00:22:46,658 --> 00:22:48,826 I was so mad about her not wearing sunscreen, 555 00:22:48,952 --> 00:22:50,912 which is stupid, and I was like, 556 00:22:50,995 --> 00:22:52,580 "what an old crone." 557 00:22:52,664 --> 00:22:53,706 A what? 558 00:22:54,457 --> 00:22:56,960 An old crone, Amy. 559 00:22:57,877 --> 00:23:00,004 Gary, "c" is for "cunt." 560 00:23:00,672 --> 00:23:01,714 What? 561 00:23:01,798 --> 00:23:03,132 We all called her a cunt. 562 00:23:03,216 --> 00:23:05,093 Oh, my god! 563 00:23:05,176 --> 00:23:07,095 What is wrong with you people? 564 00:23:07,178 --> 00:23:09,138 Madam president. Welcome. 565 00:23:09,889 --> 00:23:12,308 (Clears throat) I've made my final decision. 566 00:23:13,685 --> 00:23:14,894 I'm gonna bail out Charlie. 567 00:23:15,311 --> 00:23:18,022 Madam president, you really don't have to make that decision yet. 568 00:23:18,147 --> 00:23:20,459 - I mean, you got a little bit more time. - I don't need more time. 569 00:23:20,483 --> 00:23:22,735 It's best for our country's economy. 570 00:23:23,319 --> 00:23:24,362 That's the end of it. 571 00:23:24,487 --> 00:23:25,989 So you're gonna go talk to treasury, 572 00:23:26,072 --> 00:23:28,825 I'm gonna go tell Tom. Done. Okay? 573 00:23:29,158 --> 00:23:30,535 - Right? - Yes, ma'am. 574 00:23:33,705 --> 00:23:37,000 Hey, ma'am, I know you made the right choice with Charlie 575 00:23:37,083 --> 00:23:39,085 because when you have found someone you love, 576 00:23:39,168 --> 00:23:42,297 who makes you feel special every time he talks to you 577 00:23:42,380 --> 00:23:45,717 and you can be happy just thinking about him, you know... 578 00:23:45,842 --> 00:23:48,011 I mean, that's more important than anything, you know? 579 00:23:49,178 --> 00:23:50,346 Yeah. 580 00:23:52,181 --> 00:23:53,182 (Chatter) 581 00:23:53,349 --> 00:23:55,143 - Good morning. - Morning, ma'am. 582 00:23:55,226 --> 00:23:56,728 Madam president. 583 00:23:56,853 --> 00:23:58,688 What brings you here? 584 00:23:58,771 --> 00:24:00,106 Let's do this. 585 00:24:01,858 --> 00:24:04,652 Reporter: Madam president, what will you be buying for Mr. Baird? 586 00:24:04,736 --> 00:24:06,696 I don't want to spoil Charlie's surprise 587 00:24:06,863 --> 00:24:08,698 under the tree... 588 00:24:08,781 --> 00:24:11,826 But I'm going to be purchasing a book of poetry 589 00:24:11,909 --> 00:24:14,912 by one of my favorite African-American poets, Wanda Coleman. 590 00:24:15,038 --> 00:24:16,914 And I've got my eye on a graphic novel 591 00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:19,542 with a very strong female Asian protagonist. 592 00:24:19,626 --> 00:24:21,085 So, merry... 593 00:24:21,210 --> 00:24:23,713 Happy holidays to everybody, right? 594 00:24:23,796 --> 00:24:26,716 - Right. - And let's go shopping. Thank you. 595 00:24:26,799 --> 00:24:28,551 Please don't get me a book for Christmas. 596 00:24:28,635 --> 00:24:29,886 I already have a book. 597 00:24:30,595 --> 00:24:32,013 (Mobile buzzes) 598 00:24:32,096 --> 00:24:34,599 It's Tom James. I should actually take this. 599 00:24:34,724 --> 00:24:36,684 No, no, that wasn't supposed to come now. 600 00:24:36,768 --> 00:24:38,645 Hey, ma'am. Catherine keeps calling. 601 00:24:38,728 --> 00:24:40,372 - Do you want to take it? - Charlie: Mmm-hmm. 602 00:24:40,396 --> 00:24:42,649 - Uh, what? No, just let it ring. - Okay. 603 00:24:42,732 --> 00:24:44,918 This is like the fourth time. I don't know why she keeps calling. 604 00:24:44,942 --> 00:24:46,045 When were you gonna let me know? 605 00:24:46,069 --> 00:24:48,446 - I... - I'm chapter 11. 606 00:24:48,571 --> 00:24:50,114 Janders is buying my assets. 607 00:24:50,239 --> 00:24:51,908 I'm ceo of a fucking yard sale. 608 00:24:51,991 --> 00:24:54,470 - Hey, Charlie, you know what... - How could you fucking do this to me? 609 00:24:54,494 --> 00:24:56,221 - What do you mean? - Politico was right about you. 610 00:24:56,245 --> 00:24:57,890 - No, Charlie... - Hey, you said it wouldn't affect... 611 00:24:57,914 --> 00:24:59,474 Charlie: And I know you had an eye job. 612 00:25:00,249 --> 00:25:02,585 (Door opens, closes) 613 00:25:06,422 --> 00:25:08,182 You made the right call on the banks, ma'am. 614 00:25:08,257 --> 00:25:10,718 Well, you can thank "when Gary met Sally" for that one. 615 00:25:10,802 --> 00:25:12,887 He gave me some sappy speech 616 00:25:12,970 --> 00:25:15,306 and made me realize what an idiot I was being. 617 00:25:15,431 --> 00:25:18,476 In further good news, ma'am, Jonah had a huge polling bump 618 00:25:18,601 --> 00:25:20,454 - since he hit on the strategy of attacking you. - Oh... 619 00:25:20,478 --> 00:25:21,813 What? He's attacking me? 620 00:25:21,938 --> 00:25:23,648 Yeah, and the voters, they love it. 621 00:25:24,273 --> 00:25:25,858 - Is that good? - It's really good. 622 00:25:26,275 --> 00:25:28,653 Oh, hey, sue, did Charlie call? 623 00:25:28,778 --> 00:25:30,154 - No, ma'am. - Okay. 624 00:25:30,780 --> 00:25:33,258 Mom, there's something that I really need to find a way to say to you. 625 00:25:33,282 --> 00:25:35,326 Catherine, I'm in the middle of a shitstorm like... 626 00:25:35,451 --> 00:25:37,096 Please, I've been trying to talk to you for three days 627 00:25:37,120 --> 00:25:38,263 and I need to tell you something very... 628 00:25:38,287 --> 00:25:40,790 What is it, Catherine? What is it that is so pressing? 629 00:25:40,873 --> 00:25:44,168 I've met someone and I know that this is awkward 630 00:25:44,293 --> 00:25:46,754 because you work with them, 631 00:25:46,838 --> 00:25:49,048 but we're in love. 632 00:25:49,132 --> 00:25:50,299 Who? 633 00:25:51,050 --> 00:25:52,552 Me and Marjorie. 634 00:25:53,219 --> 00:25:54,262 Who? 635 00:25:54,345 --> 00:25:55,805 Me, ma'am. 636 00:25:57,056 --> 00:25:58,141 What? 637 00:25:59,225 --> 00:26:02,103 Now you know why I've been acting all silly and giggly. 638 00:26:04,063 --> 00:26:05,732 But we figured you guessed already. 639 00:26:05,815 --> 00:26:07,233 I mean, I know it's so obvious. 640 00:26:07,316 --> 00:26:08,943 Didn't guess. Didn't guess. 641 00:26:09,026 --> 00:26:11,320 - I... - Amazing. 642 00:26:11,654 --> 00:26:13,865 It's... amazing. 643 00:26:13,948 --> 00:26:15,700 I've told director Parker 644 00:26:15,783 --> 00:26:18,286 I'll be resigning from your detail immediately. 645 00:26:20,204 --> 00:26:22,540 Okay, I'm just gonna need 646 00:26:22,623 --> 00:26:27,044 a little moment to process all of this, girls. 647 00:26:27,128 --> 00:26:28,880 Marjorie: Of course, ma'am. 648 00:26:28,963 --> 00:26:30,715 But I'm happy for you. 649 00:26:30,798 --> 00:26:33,468 - Thank you, ma'am. - Thanks, mom. 650 00:26:33,551 --> 00:26:35,553 - I love you. - Thank you. 651 00:26:41,100 --> 00:26:43,102 - Uh... - What... 652 00:26:46,355 --> 00:26:48,191 I wish mother were alive. 653 00:26:50,109 --> 00:26:52,987 'Cause this definitely would have killed her. 654 00:26:53,070 --> 00:26:55,323 - You know how she was. - Mmm-hmm. 655 00:26:56,866 --> 00:26:58,159 (Sighs) 656 00:26:58,367 --> 00:27:00,127 - Amy: Ma'am, is this a good time? - You bet. 657 00:27:00,203 --> 00:27:03,623 The investigation continues at a rigorous pace. 658 00:27:03,706 --> 00:27:05,583 So who called me a cunt? 659 00:27:06,834 --> 00:27:09,045 - Was it everybody? - Pretty much, yeah. 660 00:27:09,128 --> 00:27:10,880 - Mmm-hmm. - You can go. 661 00:27:12,799 --> 00:27:14,133 (Sighs) 662 00:27:17,178 --> 00:27:18,221 - Ma'am... - No. 663 00:27:18,304 --> 00:27:19,597 Okay. 664 00:27:20,264 --> 00:27:21,390 (Clears throat) 665 00:27:24,852 --> 00:27:27,855 Hi, called ahead for $100 worth of food to go. 666 00:27:27,939 --> 00:27:29,232 Under mclintock. 667 00:27:29,315 --> 00:27:30,775 (Speaking Korean) 668 00:27:30,858 --> 00:27:32,401 And I'll be using a groupon. 669 00:27:32,485 --> 00:27:35,112 - We don't take groupon. - You have to take groupon. 670 00:27:35,196 --> 00:27:37,031 I already paid money for this groupon, sir. 671 00:27:37,114 --> 00:27:40,409 No groupon. Total is $184.12. 672 00:27:41,369 --> 00:27:43,704 I told the guy on the phone $100 worth of food. 673 00:27:43,788 --> 00:27:45,331 Where's this $89 coming from? 674 00:27:45,414 --> 00:27:47,041 That's your problem, sir. 675 00:27:47,124 --> 00:27:48,209 God. 676 00:27:50,169 --> 00:27:52,463 Shit! Oh, my god. 677 00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:54,549 (Chattering) 678 00:27:58,594 --> 00:28:00,471 No, no, no. 679 00:28:09,105 --> 00:28:10,690 I can't stop smiling. 680 00:28:10,773 --> 00:28:12,441 Neither can I. 681 00:28:12,525 --> 00:28:13,901 I'm giddy.