1 00:00:19,770 --> 00:00:21,230 Selina: My fellow Americans, 2 00:00:22,023 --> 00:00:25,651 I stand before you this morning in barefaced awe 3 00:00:26,235 --> 00:00:29,405 of the majesty of our Democratic system. 4 00:00:29,488 --> 00:00:31,157 What a night. 5 00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:33,326 In a democracy such as ours, 6 00:00:33,409 --> 00:00:36,120 it falls to the people to choose their president, 7 00:00:36,204 --> 00:00:38,873 and that is what you attempted to do last night. 8 00:00:39,081 --> 00:00:42,418 As it turned out, there's a virtually unprecedented tie 9 00:00:42,501 --> 00:00:44,086 in the electoral college, 10 00:00:44,253 --> 00:00:45,922 a somewhat arcane institution 11 00:00:46,005 --> 00:00:48,382 that many scholars believe we should do away with. 12 00:00:49,091 --> 00:00:51,302 I wish to say on a personal note 13 00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:52,887 that although there is a tie, 14 00:00:52,970 --> 00:00:56,432 I am most privileged to have won the popular vote. 15 00:00:56,766 --> 00:00:58,851 And though this tie may be frustrating, 16 00:00:59,060 --> 00:01:01,354 I want to assure the American people 17 00:01:01,479 --> 00:01:03,564 our country is not leaderless. 18 00:01:03,814 --> 00:01:06,943 No matter who you voted for, I am your president. 19 00:01:07,443 --> 00:01:09,779 Thank you all. God bless you. 20 00:01:09,862 --> 00:01:13,616 And may god bless the United States of America. 21 00:01:14,158 --> 00:01:15,576 Cameraman: We're clear. 22 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:18,537 Can we have the room? Fantastic speech, ma'am. 23 00:01:18,621 --> 00:01:21,374 The three s's... Strength, stability and bullshit. 24 00:01:21,457 --> 00:01:24,977 I forgot to thank the voters for making our country look like a high school Spanish club. 25 00:01:25,044 --> 00:01:28,130 Didn't those founding fuckers ever hear of an odd number? 26 00:01:28,464 --> 00:01:30,466 Two great Greek contributions to society. 27 00:01:30,967 --> 00:01:32,927 Democracy and getting fucked up the ass. 28 00:01:33,094 --> 00:01:36,222 I've tried both and they're way overrated, hkejazz. 29 00:01:36,305 --> 00:01:39,642 My bowling coach used to say a tie was like kissing your sister. 30 00:01:39,725 --> 00:01:42,228 Well, this feels like my sister took a shit on my chest. 31 00:01:42,853 --> 00:01:44,897 God, I'll tell you something, too, okay? 32 00:01:44,981 --> 00:01:49,360 There is no world in which I am going to be vice president to that smug, 33 00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:51,779 dick Van dyke-looking motherfucker Tom James. 34 00:01:51,862 --> 00:01:53,656 Who in the hell does he think... 35 00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:56,301 Catherine, what are you doing with that thing? 36 00:01:56,325 --> 00:01:58,470 - Ben: Is that on? - Remember when we got back last night? 37 00:01:58,494 --> 00:02:00,079 My thesis film about the tie. 38 00:02:00,162 --> 00:02:01,747 She majored in film at vassar college. 39 00:02:01,831 --> 00:02:03,391 Believe me, I know what she majored in. 40 00:02:03,499 --> 00:02:05,710 65 grand a year to watch movies. 41 00:02:06,002 --> 00:02:08,087 Mom, this is such a historic event. 42 00:02:08,170 --> 00:02:09,530 Can you please just get off of me? 43 00:02:09,588 --> 00:02:11,924 And I never came up with a thesis my advisor liked 44 00:02:12,008 --> 00:02:14,653 because I had that thing last semester where I was tired all the time... 45 00:02:14,677 --> 00:02:17,555 Okay, we don't have time to hear the story of your syndrome. 46 00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:19,515 What about your minor, dance? 47 00:02:19,598 --> 00:02:22,977 Why don't you make up a little kind of a dance about the election? 48 00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:26,063 You know, you can't decide should you dance or should you not dance? 49 00:02:26,147 --> 00:02:28,733 I want you to take this seriously. You promised me. 50 00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:31,402 Please, Catherine, stop with the whining, all right? 51 00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:33,821 You're gonna shatter the bulletproof glass in here. 52 00:02:34,238 --> 00:02:36,532 How is it that we did not win Delaware? 53 00:02:36,615 --> 00:02:39,493 Okay, is that a yes to my question? 54 00:02:41,078 --> 00:02:44,206 Okay, she can have full access, okay? 55 00:02:44,290 --> 00:02:47,585 Starting right after we address the situation in Yemen. 56 00:02:48,336 --> 00:02:49,670 Honey, it's Yemen. 57 00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:52,673 Life gives you Yemen, you got to make yemenade. 58 00:02:52,965 --> 00:02:54,717 Okay, well, I'll come back later. 59 00:02:55,009 --> 00:02:56,344 You always do. 60 00:02:57,887 --> 00:03:00,139 - Ma'am. - No, there's not gonna be a film. 61 00:03:00,222 --> 00:03:03,434 The only thing Catherine ever finished was an entire ice cream cake. 62 00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:05,077 Quick thinking about Yemen, by the way. 63 00:03:05,186 --> 00:03:07,646 Actually, four Christian missionaries burned to death. 64 00:03:07,730 --> 00:03:08,773 Even better. 65 00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:11,025 Amy! Jesus. 66 00:03:11,275 --> 00:03:13,556 This thing on the side of my face feels like a dog nipple. 67 00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:17,114 It's hardly noticeable, ma'am, like our hispanic voter turnout. 68 00:03:17,239 --> 00:03:19,533 Maybe you just might want to see a doctorjust in case. 69 00:03:19,617 --> 00:03:21,744 No, she doesn't need a doctor. I got it under control. 70 00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:23,079 - Amy! - Yeah? 71 00:03:23,579 --> 00:03:24,663 - So, what? - Nothing. 72 00:03:24,789 --> 00:03:27,375 Well, I've been on the phone all night with these clueless 73 00:03:27,500 --> 00:03:29,335 constitutional law experts of ours. 74 00:03:29,627 --> 00:03:31,104 I don't know what's getting their dicks harder, 75 00:03:31,128 --> 00:03:33,005 an electoral college tie or talking to a girl. 76 00:03:33,297 --> 00:03:36,675 - Are you back? - No, I'm not back. I'm just helping out. 77 00:03:36,759 --> 00:03:37,843 - Ma'am. - What? 78 00:03:37,927 --> 00:03:40,137 Do you want to see a doctor about the... 79 00:03:40,346 --> 00:03:41,806 - It's a stress pimple. - No, it's... 80 00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:44,975 - I get them on my ass all the time. - It's not a stress pimple. 81 00:03:45,059 --> 00:03:47,770 It's a pimple that erupted during a very stressful time. 82 00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:49,480 - Gary's on it, okay? - Exactly, yes. 83 00:03:49,605 --> 00:03:50,898 I don't have a spoon. 84 00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:53,317 Have you tried cider vinegar? 85 00:03:53,692 --> 00:03:55,692 No, we're using hot compresses. That's all we need. 86 00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:58,507 For the stress pimple? Ben gets those on his butt. She should see a doctor. 87 00:03:58,531 --> 00:03:59,907 - Amy's back. - No, I'm not back. 88 00:03:59,990 --> 00:04:02,535 - Ma'am, rave reviews on the speech. - Good. 89 00:04:02,618 --> 00:04:04,829 - Oh, and big news. - Oh, god, o'brien made a statement? 90 00:04:05,371 --> 00:04:07,748 I'm sorry, I should have said big personal news. 91 00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:10,418 Wendy and I are adopting a baby from China. 92 00:04:10,501 --> 00:04:11,853 - Gary: Oh... - We were keeping it a secret 93 00:04:11,877 --> 00:04:12,962 till after the election. 94 00:04:13,087 --> 00:04:15,407 Actually, Wendy was keeping it a secret from me until today 95 00:04:15,464 --> 00:04:17,133 because I'm so bad with keeping secrets. 96 00:04:17,216 --> 00:04:19,844 - But I'm gonna be a dad. - You're a nincompoop. 97 00:04:20,094 --> 00:04:23,013 We are in the middle of a tied election. 98 00:04:23,097 --> 00:04:26,600 There is no time for some Chinese baby. 99 00:04:26,684 --> 00:04:28,604 Cancel it and see if you can get your money back. 100 00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:31,522 Fortune cookie say you fuck up big-time, round eye. 101 00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:33,941 It's not a big deal. I don't even know when to expect her. 102 00:04:34,859 --> 00:04:37,278 And, starting today, I'm getting in dad shape. 103 00:04:37,445 --> 00:04:39,798 - Counting my steps. - Too bad you're not counting your missteps. 104 00:04:39,822 --> 00:04:41,240 You'd be done by breakfast, right? 105 00:04:41,323 --> 00:04:42,950 I prefer to count my steps in my head. 106 00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:45,369 4,383. 107 00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:47,246 Get out of my sight, Kent, okay? 108 00:04:47,329 --> 00:04:48,807 I have not forgiven you for this tie. 109 00:04:48,831 --> 00:04:51,292 Ma'am, I have the final house results. 110 00:04:53,377 --> 00:04:55,296 Lafontaine won? 111 00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:58,316 How many abortions does a pro-lifer have to pressure his mistress 112 00:04:58,340 --> 00:04:59,967 into before the people turn on him? 113 00:05:00,593 --> 00:05:02,678 - Three. - And how did Craig lose? 114 00:05:02,761 --> 00:05:04,322 Didn't she go to Indiana, like, five times? 115 00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:05,598 That may have been the problem. 116 00:05:06,515 --> 00:05:09,351 All right, listen. From this moment forward, people, 117 00:05:09,435 --> 00:05:11,061 I am all about the house vote. 118 00:05:11,145 --> 00:05:14,940 We are recommending direct engagement with individual congressmen. 119 00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:16,785 - That's got to happen. - Ben: That's right. 120 00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:18,795 And every day you have to do the one thing o'brien can't do. 121 00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:21,864 - Yeah, drive sober. - Take a shit without getting a hernia. 122 00:05:21,947 --> 00:05:26,285 Be the president. It is imperative that you look presidential right now. 123 00:05:26,368 --> 00:05:28,579 I'm going to visit troops, 124 00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:31,749 go on and off of air force one as much as possible. 125 00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:33,310 - We don't even have to leave the ground. - Right. 126 00:05:33,334 --> 00:05:36,670 Ma'am, you may want to consider moving up that symposium on race. 127 00:05:37,546 --> 00:05:40,716 Uh, I don't think that we're symposium-on-race desperate yet. 128 00:05:41,342 --> 00:05:43,761 - All right? - Hi. 129 00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:44,929 Sorry I'm late. 130 00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:46,972 Strangely, I agree with everything Amy just said. 131 00:05:47,473 --> 00:05:49,183 And if I may also suggest 132 00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:52,061 repurposing the election Twitter account 133 00:05:52,144 --> 00:05:54,897 to a new potus account to talk directly to the American people. 134 00:05:55,022 --> 00:05:58,192 Great idea, bill. Could you... 135 00:05:58,984 --> 00:06:02,071 Could you step outside for a moment, please? 136 00:06:02,154 --> 00:06:03,197 Sure. 137 00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,075 Now. 138 00:06:08,202 --> 00:06:09,370 There's only one person 139 00:06:09,453 --> 00:06:11,956 I'd be more surprised to see today in the Roosevelt room 140 00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:13,582 and that's Teddy fucking Roosevelt. 141 00:06:13,666 --> 00:06:16,019 - I'm just trying to help the president. - And she appreciates that. 142 00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:19,088 But the us attorney for the district of Columbia is prepared to indict you. 143 00:06:19,380 --> 00:06:22,174 You're as welcome here as a swastika-shaped shit in a synagogue. 144 00:06:22,383 --> 00:06:23,983 - Of course. - I spoke with the president 145 00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:26,136 and she's willing to reconsider a full pardon 146 00:06:26,220 --> 00:06:28,973 if you surrender quietly. No media. 147 00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:31,535 Just don't want to dominate the news cycle. 148 00:06:31,559 --> 00:06:33,727 - Can I just say one thing? - Yes, good-bye. 149 00:06:38,482 --> 00:06:39,942 So, how'd it go? 150 00:06:40,025 --> 00:06:41,277 He took it like a man. 151 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:43,529 Oh, well, he better get used to that. Pfft. 152 00:06:44,196 --> 00:06:45,573 Isn't she adorable? 153 00:06:45,656 --> 00:06:47,992 - Oh, they all look alike to me. - What? 154 00:06:48,242 --> 00:06:51,537 Not Chinese people, but pictures of children. How old? 155 00:06:51,954 --> 00:06:55,124 The agency says she's either 16 months or three years old. 156 00:06:55,249 --> 00:06:56,875 - Do you like your fitbit? - Oh, yeah. 157 00:06:57,001 --> 00:07:00,129 I am just over 12,000 steps today. 158 00:07:00,212 --> 00:07:02,047 I'm at 3,000. Did you run to work today? 159 00:07:02,256 --> 00:07:04,216 No, the job keeps me active. 160 00:07:05,342 --> 00:07:06,552 Office of the president. 161 00:07:07,886 --> 00:07:08,929 Hold, please. 162 00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:11,849 When we come back, the pollster postmortem. 163 00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:13,684 Why were the exit polls so off? 164 00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:20,566 - Oh, Greg. Greg. - Dan. 165 00:07:21,191 --> 00:07:22,377 - Greatjob last night. - Thank you. 166 00:07:22,401 --> 00:07:24,212 I saw Matty Curtis crying in the parking garage. 167 00:07:24,236 --> 00:07:25,796 That's fantastic. Hey, listen. 168 00:07:25,863 --> 00:07:27,882 I was really hoping to get back on, but they got me waiting 169 00:07:27,906 --> 00:07:29,884 - in the greenroom for, like, two hours. - Spauldy showed up. 170 00:07:29,908 --> 00:07:31,886 He's here. He's getting his hair done. Just go home, I guess. 171 00:07:31,910 --> 00:07:33,579 But I killed it last night, right? 172 00:07:33,704 --> 00:07:35,748 Dan, look, I think you could have a future in this, 173 00:07:35,873 --> 00:07:37,684 but you got to get out there and make a name for yourself. 174 00:07:37,708 --> 00:07:40,103 You ran one campaign for two weeks and had a nervous breakdown. 175 00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:41,503 That is medically inaccurate. 176 00:07:41,587 --> 00:07:43,297 Go out, win a race with a Jesus-loving 177 00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:45,758 homophobic homosexual or a racist billionaire. 178 00:07:46,050 --> 00:07:47,718 Then we can talk about a career in TV. 179 00:07:52,389 --> 00:07:55,768 - How's zitzilla looking? - Angry. You been picking at it? 180 00:07:58,270 --> 00:08:00,773 Well, maybe a little bit, but... 181 00:08:01,565 --> 00:08:03,293 - Ow! Oh, my god. - Oh, my god. What? What? 182 00:08:03,317 --> 00:08:06,195 - Oh, that is so hot. - It's supposed to be hot. 183 00:08:06,278 --> 00:08:07,905 And the tea is cold. 184 00:08:08,238 --> 00:08:12,701 Madam president, Chinese hackers breached an NSA firewall earlier this morning. 185 00:08:12,785 --> 00:08:14,787 - Any chance they fixed the Wi-Fi? - I'll check. 186 00:08:15,079 --> 00:08:17,265 And the director of the secret service is waiting to see you. 187 00:08:17,289 --> 00:08:20,167 Then send him in. If he's been waiting to see me, I mean... 188 00:08:20,584 --> 00:08:22,224 - Hi, Keith. - Sorry to bother you, ma'am. 189 00:08:22,252 --> 00:08:23,671 No, it's okay. It's no bother. 190 00:08:23,754 --> 00:08:27,424 Since you became president, we have been looking for a new lead agent for your detail. 191 00:08:27,508 --> 00:08:30,302 Gosh, I like Bob. I mean, apart from the discolored tooth. 192 00:08:30,427 --> 00:08:32,554 But that's obviously not a reason to replace him. 193 00:08:32,638 --> 00:08:34,640 - Can they replace the tooth? - No, no. 194 00:08:34,765 --> 00:08:36,645 Ma'am, this is special agent Marjorie palmiotti. 195 00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:38,310 - Oh, hello. - Hello, ma'am. 196 00:08:38,519 --> 00:08:39,895 - Agent? - Palmiotti. 197 00:08:39,978 --> 00:08:41,980 - Palmiotti, okay. Welcome aboard. - Thank you. 198 00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:44,149 Ma'am, a key requirement for being lead agent 199 00:08:44,274 --> 00:08:46,985 is someone who looks like the president, especially from behind, 200 00:08:47,111 --> 00:08:49,711 to provide an additional decoy target for any would-be assailants. 201 00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:51,615 I'm a perfect match from behind. 202 00:08:53,826 --> 00:08:56,161 Okay, I'll tell you something. 203 00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:58,956 I am not quite seeing it, 204 00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:02,459 um, only because I'm... 205 00:09:04,336 --> 00:09:06,505 Well, you are... 206 00:09:07,339 --> 00:09:08,424 - Ma'am? - It's just... 207 00:09:08,507 --> 00:09:10,759 Would you mind just giving us a second, 208 00:09:10,843 --> 00:09:12,845 - agent... - Of course. 209 00:09:12,970 --> 00:09:13,971 Thank you. 210 00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:19,017 Keith, are you really not seeing what it is I'm seeing? 211 00:09:19,184 --> 00:09:21,228 - No, ma'am. - Gary, can you help me out here? 212 00:09:21,353 --> 00:09:23,731 She smells completely different, so, you know... 213 00:09:24,022 --> 00:09:26,108 That is not what... it's not... no. 214 00:09:26,191 --> 00:09:29,027 Excuse me, ma'am, if you... I'm sorry. 215 00:09:29,153 --> 00:09:32,156 - What? - You've got to see this, ma'am. 216 00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:35,151 - Pleasure to meet you. - Pleasure to meet you, ma'am. 217 00:09:36,493 --> 00:09:37,828 Oh, shit. 218 00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:40,164 The big story at this moment, Nevada. 219 00:09:40,414 --> 00:09:41,999 With all the votes now tallied, 220 00:09:42,374 --> 00:09:45,294 senator bill o'brien's lead over president selina meyer 221 00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:48,672 is now less than half a percent, which by Nevada state law 222 00:09:48,839 --> 00:09:50,591 would allow for a possible recount. 223 00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:53,594 If president meyer were to win a recount, 224 00:09:53,677 --> 00:09:57,681 she wins Nevada's six electoral votes and therefore the presidency. 225 00:09:57,765 --> 00:09:59,850 - All the networks have it. - New York times as well. 226 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,728 Oh, my god! Oh, wait. 227 00:10:03,187 --> 00:10:06,064 Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Is this really happening? 228 00:10:06,190 --> 00:10:08,108 I mean, do we actually have a chance at Nevada? 229 00:10:08,192 --> 00:10:09,735 - "Nev-add-a." - oh, my god. 230 00:10:09,860 --> 00:10:13,071 I get to be president. I don't have to move. What do we do? 231 00:10:13,197 --> 00:10:15,383 Well, ma'am, we need to be sure that when we get on the ground... 232 00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:17,576 No, shut up, Kent. You already lost Nevada for me once. 233 00:10:17,701 --> 00:10:19,661 - "Nev-add-a." - Ben, what do we do? 234 00:10:19,745 --> 00:10:22,790 Uh, we need to get a hold of our people in Nevada. Don't. Don't. 235 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:25,520 Richard: The vast majority of Nevada voting is done by machine. 236 00:10:25,709 --> 00:10:28,003 Once the Nevada secretary of state certifies the count, 237 00:10:28,086 --> 00:10:29,926 we'll then have 72 hours to request a recount. 238 00:10:30,214 --> 00:10:32,508 At that point, 5% of the precincts will be selected, 239 00:10:32,591 --> 00:10:34,235 and if there's a discrepancy of more than 1%, 240 00:10:34,259 --> 00:10:35,779 a full hand recount will be requested. 241 00:10:36,053 --> 00:10:38,764 I actually did my doctorate in recount procedures in the west. 242 00:10:39,389 --> 00:10:41,433 Excellent work, Richard. Richard works for me. 243 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:42,935 - You have a doctorate? - Two. 244 00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:46,063 Constitutional law and veterinary medicine, which was my fallback. 245 00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:47,290 But you were getting my coffee. 246 00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:49,942 Which is much harder 'cause you have so many different moods. 247 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,319 Like a half-caff and a full-caff, macchiato. 248 00:10:52,402 --> 00:10:53,737 - "Ma-key-ato." - macchiato. 249 00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:57,241 Okay, Richard, you are going to be my recount specialist. 250 00:10:57,491 --> 00:10:59,618 - Jonah, you're working for Richard. - Wait, what? 251 00:10:59,743 --> 00:11:01,463 Amy, you got to sort all of this out, okay? 252 00:11:01,495 --> 00:11:03,765 Ma'am, I really can't go to Nevada. I'm not even really here. 253 00:11:03,789 --> 00:11:07,125 Ma'am, o'brien is calling a press conference in an hour to discuss the recount. 254 00:11:07,251 --> 00:11:09,044 I'm gonna talk in a half an hour, okay? 255 00:11:09,127 --> 00:11:10,772 I got to say stuff before he says stuff. 256 00:11:10,796 --> 00:11:12,816 - Listen, you got to write something up. - I'm on it. I'm on it. 257 00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:13,942 - Right now. - I'm on it. I'm on it. 258 00:11:13,966 --> 00:11:15,801 Recount, recount. 259 00:11:16,134 --> 00:11:17,427 Jonah, with me, please. 260 00:11:17,803 --> 00:11:21,348 This is highly enriched weapons-grade bullshit. 261 00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:23,600 How dare she put you in charge of me? 262 00:11:23,934 --> 00:11:25,143 It's an outrage is what it is. 263 00:11:25,269 --> 00:11:26,854 It is an outrage, you know? 264 00:11:27,145 --> 00:11:28,313 She's uncle dursley 265 00:11:28,438 --> 00:11:32,818 and she's got the great wizard Harry Potter living under the staircase. 266 00:11:33,277 --> 00:11:35,505 Do you see that? But what happens in the Harry Potter books? 267 00:11:35,529 --> 00:11:37,656 He rises up and he kills all the Muggles. 268 00:11:37,781 --> 00:11:39,141 I don't think that's what happens. 269 00:11:39,324 --> 00:11:41,952 Actually, I'm sorry, that lumbar support goes with this chair. 270 00:11:45,330 --> 00:11:48,166 - Gary: Yeah, we're getting there. - Okay, so what do you got? 271 00:11:48,292 --> 00:11:51,378 Am I still standing in barefaced awe of the majesty of our Democratic system? 272 00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:53,064 Not exactly, ma'am. This time... 273 00:11:53,088 --> 00:11:54,423 - Oh, sorry. - What? 274 00:11:54,798 --> 00:11:56,550 Just hit 5,000 steps on my fitbit. 275 00:11:56,633 --> 00:11:59,177 - Okay, okay. - This time, you're simply blessed. 276 00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:01,805 Wow, I thought your last one was flowery, vacuous nonsense. 277 00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:04,349 This one is much worse. Excellent, Mike. 278 00:12:04,641 --> 00:12:06,476 Gary, this is taking longer than it did 279 00:12:06,602 --> 00:12:09,313 - for them to paint my fucking pool house. - We got to go. 280 00:12:10,105 --> 00:12:12,733 - Good afternoon. - Crowd: Good afternoon. 281 00:12:12,816 --> 00:12:14,818 Yes, oh, wow, look at this full house. 282 00:12:16,361 --> 00:12:19,489 When I think about this great country of ours, 283 00:12:19,656 --> 00:12:22,326 I have to count my blessings. 284 00:12:22,868 --> 00:12:25,037 Earlier today as you'll remember, 285 00:12:25,162 --> 00:12:27,539 I briefed you on the state of affairs regarding... 286 00:12:27,664 --> 00:12:28,874 It's looking a little worse. 287 00:12:28,999 --> 00:12:31,960 Wherever you stand in the room, it's still looking at you. 288 00:12:32,711 --> 00:12:35,339 Since that time, we have been doubly blessed 289 00:12:35,672 --> 00:12:39,009 by new developments in the state of Nevada. 290 00:12:39,551 --> 00:12:42,346 And I am confident... 291 00:12:42,554 --> 00:12:44,556 That all Americans, 292 00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:46,516 including senator o'brien... 293 00:12:46,808 --> 00:12:48,685 - Leave it. Leave it. - It's stuck. It's stuck. 294 00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:49,811 Come on. Come on. 295 00:12:49,895 --> 00:12:52,189 It is my clear duty as president 296 00:12:52,314 --> 00:12:53,857 to enforce the laws of this country 297 00:12:54,149 --> 00:12:55,567 after a careful assessment 298 00:12:55,859 --> 00:12:58,862 of what those laws actually mean. 299 00:12:59,363 --> 00:13:02,449 I am also blessed to be your candidate 300 00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:03,867 for president. 301 00:13:04,034 --> 00:13:07,037 - What is this? - Did it pop? Did it pop? 302 00:13:07,162 --> 00:13:10,707 The dow is dropping lower than my balls on a hot summer day. 303 00:13:10,874 --> 00:13:13,919 While the American people may sometimes be... 304 00:13:14,044 --> 00:13:15,295 Ben: It's the fucking pimple. 305 00:13:15,379 --> 00:13:18,382 Zitzilla just stomped all over wall street. 306 00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:21,426 And in that, we are all blessed. 307 00:13:22,886 --> 00:13:23,929 Thank you. 308 00:13:27,724 --> 00:13:29,768 So, how was that? 309 00:13:32,270 --> 00:13:34,773 Female newscaster: The dow has dropped 986... 310 00:13:35,190 --> 00:13:36,525 Oh, suck my dick. 311 00:13:36,942 --> 00:13:39,569 Panic from the recount led to a huge sell-off 312 00:13:39,695 --> 00:13:41,822 and the market is so over margined, blammo. 313 00:13:41,905 --> 00:13:43,865 They're already calling it black Wednesday. 314 00:13:44,116 --> 00:13:45,701 Jesus, it's only Wednesday? 315 00:13:46,410 --> 00:13:47,869 And o'brien just issued a statement. 316 00:13:47,953 --> 00:13:52,082 He says, "the market crash caused a blotch on the face of america." 317 00:13:52,374 --> 00:13:53,583 Is that about my pimple? 318 00:13:54,584 --> 00:13:56,253 Well, I don't think it helped. 319 00:13:58,380 --> 00:13:59,756 - Gary. - Yeah? 320 00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:02,750 - I want to see a doctor. - Okay, I just don't think... 321 00:14:02,801 --> 00:14:05,846 You did this, okay? All that heat made it grow bigger. 322 00:14:05,929 --> 00:14:08,432 You baked a fucking soufflé on my face. 323 00:14:11,893 --> 00:14:14,104 Madam president. Howzit going? 324 00:14:15,439 --> 00:14:16,606 Did he just say zit? 325 00:14:16,773 --> 00:14:19,443 How come no one ever tries to assassinate a vice president? 326 00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:22,446 Selina: Okay, so what are we going to do about the economy? 327 00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:24,740 Why don't we appoint an economy czar for a start? 328 00:14:24,823 --> 00:14:26,033 That seems like something. 329 00:14:26,116 --> 00:14:28,803 Like an empty cop car they park on the side of the road to slow speeders. 330 00:14:28,827 --> 00:14:29,953 Those cars are empty? 331 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:32,289 - Okay, you've got to sit down. - Yes, ma'am. 332 00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:35,792 Guys, it might be time to move up the symposium on race. 333 00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:37,961 Ben: I'm on it, ma'am, like brown on rice. 334 00:14:38,295 --> 00:14:43,008 Ma'am, Tom James just gave an interview to the bumfuck plain dealer 335 00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:46,428 where he says, and I quote, "I just want to make sure they're recounting 336 00:14:46,511 --> 00:14:50,640 "all the absentee ballots of our men and women bravely serving overseas." 337 00:14:50,766 --> 00:14:51,808 It's up on ap, too. 338 00:14:51,933 --> 00:14:54,186 What is he doing? He knows that the military hates me. 339 00:14:54,311 --> 00:14:56,271 There are only bound to be more votes for o'brien. 340 00:14:56,354 --> 00:14:58,815 We need less of those and more votes for you, ma'am. 341 00:14:59,316 --> 00:15:00,358 You think? 342 00:15:01,443 --> 00:15:05,280 No, what we have to do is hang a bell on this guy. 343 00:15:05,363 --> 00:15:06,573 He's completely off book. 344 00:15:06,656 --> 00:15:08,676 No, ma'am, I think that means that he's learned all his lines 345 00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:09,993 and he no longer needs a script. 346 00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:12,662 - No, he's off book. - Off the hook? 347 00:15:13,497 --> 00:15:17,751 No, he's... god, he's deviating from the book 348 00:15:17,918 --> 00:15:19,145 of the things that he should do. 349 00:15:19,169 --> 00:15:20,295 You mean off the rails. 350 00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:22,089 - Oh. - Fine, he's off the rails. 351 00:15:22,172 --> 00:15:25,133 Well, let's make Tom economy czar. 352 00:15:26,676 --> 00:15:27,677 Yeah. 353 00:15:27,803 --> 00:15:30,180 We'll czar him. That'll give him something to do. 354 00:15:30,347 --> 00:15:32,265 All right, we'll start with that. 355 00:15:32,349 --> 00:15:35,102 Amy, Amy, I just need to talk to you for one second. 356 00:15:35,352 --> 00:15:36,686 I've got a very big question. 357 00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:38,688 I can't go to Nevada. I'm sorry. 358 00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:40,190 I have thought about this a lot. 359 00:15:40,315 --> 00:15:43,860 What do you think of candi caruso to head up Nevada for me? 360 00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:47,030 Oh. Yeah. 361 00:15:47,197 --> 00:15:49,032 I hearjust excellent things about her. 362 00:15:49,324 --> 00:15:50,867 - Um, Harvard law review. - Right. 363 00:15:50,992 --> 00:15:52,702 She clerked for justice tenny. 364 00:15:52,828 --> 00:15:54,621 - Politico's 30 under 30. - That's right. 365 00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:57,874 She's still under 30. She looks older, but... 366 00:15:58,208 --> 00:15:59,543 - You like her? Yeah. - Yes. 367 00:15:59,793 --> 00:16:02,855 I mean, if you want a super smart woman who's young and brilliant, then why not? 368 00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:04,131 Yeah, I really want that. 369 00:16:05,882 --> 00:16:07,008 I really do. 370 00:16:08,135 --> 00:16:10,303 Sidney: Look, regardless of the recount, 371 00:16:10,387 --> 00:16:11,697 this could mean big things for zucchini. 372 00:16:11,721 --> 00:16:13,723 Yeah, good. We'll talk later. Bye. 373 00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:16,893 - Hey, Danny boy. Saw you on TV last night. - Hey. 374 00:16:17,352 --> 00:16:19,396 - Nicely done. - Yeah. Thank you. 375 00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:21,648 Uh, that's actually what I wanted to talk to you about. 376 00:16:21,898 --> 00:16:23,209 - Uh-huh. - See, I need to make some changes. 377 00:16:23,233 --> 00:16:26,361 Can you just... let me... Hold on one quick second. 378 00:16:26,736 --> 00:16:29,072 - Yeah. - Shoot off this text. Sorry, go ahead. 379 00:16:29,156 --> 00:16:30,740 - You were saying? - I was. 380 00:16:30,866 --> 00:16:33,326 I was saying that I really enjoyed my time here. 381 00:16:33,410 --> 00:16:35,412 - Oh, good. - And I've learned so much from you. 382 00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:36,973 That's good to hear. 383 00:16:36,997 --> 00:16:38,637 - Sorry about that. - Go ahead, take that. 384 00:16:39,082 --> 00:16:40,333 - Yeah? - Yeah. 385 00:16:40,709 --> 00:16:42,210 - It's from you? - Is it? 386 00:16:43,086 --> 00:16:45,172 - I'm fired? - Yes, get out. 387 00:16:45,922 --> 00:16:47,507 Uh, we are doubling down on o'brien, 388 00:16:47,591 --> 00:16:50,010 so you're basically as useless to me as a 40-year-old woman. 389 00:16:50,260 --> 00:16:52,012 Okay, well... 390 00:16:52,095 --> 00:16:53,739 Interesting. Getting something back from you. 391 00:16:53,763 --> 00:16:55,932 "You can't fire me, I quib." 392 00:16:57,267 --> 00:16:58,852 You know it's supposed to say "quit." 393 00:16:58,935 --> 00:17:02,063 Well, I just fired you anyway. You can't quib, you rebard. 394 00:17:04,107 --> 00:17:06,443 Ma'am, someone opened a Twitter account for the pimple. 395 00:17:06,776 --> 00:17:08,111 - What? - It's called potus. 396 00:17:08,278 --> 00:17:10,113 - Pimple of the United States. - Okay. 397 00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:13,533 There are 220,000 followers as of five minutes ago. 398 00:17:13,617 --> 00:17:15,619 How many Twitter followers do I have? 399 00:17:16,286 --> 00:17:17,287 Approaching that. 400 00:17:17,454 --> 00:17:20,790 Is there anything not fucked up that you can tell me right now? 401 00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,960 Well, the symposium on race is all set for this afternoon. 402 00:17:24,085 --> 00:17:25,712 Oh, good. Well, that'll be a hoot. 403 00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:29,466 Oh, czar she blows. Excuse me, gentlemen. 404 00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:30,967 With the press on sundays. 405 00:17:31,092 --> 00:17:33,303 - Hey, Tom. Excuse me. - Madam president. 406 00:17:33,470 --> 00:17:35,138 - How are you? - I am good. 407 00:17:35,305 --> 00:17:37,807 - So you're up to speed on Nevada? - Uh-huh. 408 00:17:38,475 --> 00:17:41,811 - And the markets now. - I saw that. 409 00:17:41,937 --> 00:17:44,147 My god. Which brings me to my point. 410 00:17:45,232 --> 00:17:49,736 - Um, I would like to officially offer you... - No, no, no, no. 411 00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:52,405 - The position of economy czar. - Nope, nope, nope. 412 00:17:52,489 --> 00:17:53,907 Thank you, but no. 413 00:17:54,658 --> 00:17:58,828 Why not? You would be in charge of the economic crisis. 414 00:17:58,954 --> 00:18:01,498 No, I would be blamed for the economic crisis. 415 00:18:01,623 --> 00:18:04,501 Tom, stop it. You wanted to be treasury secretary. 416 00:18:05,001 --> 00:18:08,088 Remember? I don't see how this is any different than that. 417 00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:10,757 Well, respectfully, madam president, I hope you do 418 00:18:10,966 --> 00:18:12,735 because if the president of the United States 419 00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:15,011 can't tell the difference between treasury secretary 420 00:18:15,095 --> 00:18:17,597 and stock market patsy, that's pretty disturbing. 421 00:18:19,140 --> 00:18:20,183 Then you accept? 422 00:18:22,269 --> 00:18:24,771 Madam president, it is a huge honor, 423 00:18:24,854 --> 00:18:28,525 but I have to balance that against my need not to do it. 424 00:18:28,858 --> 00:18:33,780 Tom, I'm asking you as the president of the United States. 425 00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,658 And, respectfully, I am declining. 426 00:18:38,702 --> 00:18:40,370 I'm not picking up any respect. 427 00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:42,539 But you're getting the declining? 428 00:18:45,041 --> 00:18:47,877 Do you know what candi caruso's real name is? 429 00:18:48,128 --> 00:18:51,256 It's Candice. And she changed it to candi with an I. 430 00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:52,858 If she does that to her own goddamn name, 431 00:18:52,882 --> 00:18:55,677 how the hell is she going to handle a potential recount? 432 00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:57,846 Good morning, Amy. This is the president's schedule, 433 00:18:57,971 --> 00:19:00,348 which, incidentally, Ms. Caruso is on right now. 434 00:19:00,432 --> 00:19:02,118 - Amy: Oh, I'm aware. - Oh, good morning, ma'am. 435 00:19:02,142 --> 00:19:03,685 - Good morning. - Hey, ma'am... 436 00:19:03,768 --> 00:19:05,770 Okay, I see you. You stay away from my face. 437 00:19:05,854 --> 00:19:09,107 I hear you, but this is a family recipe from my aunts in Savannah 438 00:19:09,232 --> 00:19:11,526 and they swear by it for skin problems and migraines. 439 00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:13,945 Chickpea based, tabasco, with just a dash... 440 00:19:14,029 --> 00:19:15,673 All you're doing right now is making me hungry. 441 00:19:15,697 --> 00:19:17,937 - So why don't you do something about that? - Sure, sure. 442 00:19:18,033 --> 00:19:19,242 - Snack. - Uh-huh, yeah. 443 00:19:19,451 --> 00:19:22,537 Amy, did you need me for anything? 444 00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:24,664 - No. I'm just chilling. - No? Mmm-hmm. 445 00:19:26,875 --> 00:19:29,294 I think the most important thing in terms of strategy 446 00:19:29,419 --> 00:19:30,579 is controlling the narrative. 447 00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:33,465 I have a saying. If you're explaining, you're losing. 448 00:19:33,548 --> 00:19:35,550 Absolutely. I'm right on board with you. 449 00:19:35,633 --> 00:19:37,093 - Excuse me, madam president. - Amy. 450 00:19:37,719 --> 00:19:39,471 Have you met candi? 451 00:19:40,263 --> 00:19:42,098 Hi, it's candi with an I. 452 00:19:42,390 --> 00:19:44,059 Amy with a y. Which is correct. 453 00:19:44,225 --> 00:19:46,853 We are right in the middle of an interview 454 00:19:46,936 --> 00:19:50,815 with an exceptionally wonderful candidate for coordinating Nevada. 455 00:19:50,899 --> 00:19:53,059 - Ma'am, it's just gonna take a second. - And I just... 456 00:19:53,193 --> 00:19:56,029 - Apologies. I'll be right back. - Absolutely. 457 00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:58,496 - I got you a snack. - Oh, yeah, give me that. 458 00:20:03,036 --> 00:20:04,245 That's a great dress. 459 00:20:04,454 --> 00:20:06,581 - (Oh. Thank you. - {Chuckung) 460 00:20:07,082 --> 00:20:08,291 Size two? 461 00:20:10,919 --> 00:20:13,755 Ms. Caruso, the president sends her apologies, 462 00:20:13,838 --> 00:20:15,158 but the position has been filled. 463 00:20:15,298 --> 00:20:17,175 - Ooh. - Right this way. 464 00:20:17,258 --> 00:20:18,301 Okay. 465 00:20:19,928 --> 00:20:22,448 And if I need more clothes, then I'll have you or mom send them. 466 00:20:22,472 --> 00:20:24,432 Yeah, fine, bye. Richard. 467 00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:27,727 - What's this? - You know Jonah. He works for me. 468 00:20:28,061 --> 00:20:29,955 In fact, you two used to date, but you never got over him. 469 00:20:29,979 --> 00:20:31,619 Not Jonah. Why is baby with a beard here? 470 00:20:31,773 --> 00:20:33,817 Oh, good, you remember cliff. He works for me now. 471 00:20:33,942 --> 00:20:35,276 I recruited him from justice. 472 00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:37,779 The first of many appointments I intend to make. 473 00:20:37,904 --> 00:20:40,740 Here, Richard, we need recount lawyers in each county 474 00:20:40,824 --> 00:20:42,784 and we need housing for all the volunteers. 475 00:20:42,867 --> 00:20:44,285 Could you take care of this, Jonah? 476 00:20:45,495 --> 00:20:48,891 Uh, cliff, my plate is just full of shit right now and I'd like for you to clean that. 477 00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:50,375 You know what? I'll do it. Yeah. 478 00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:52,627 - I love talking to people anyway. - Get out. 479 00:20:53,420 --> 00:20:56,131 Out. Take that cushion with you. That is disgusting. 480 00:20:56,339 --> 00:20:58,699 Actually, it goes with the seat, so it should probably stay. 481 00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:03,221 Woman: Madam president! 482 00:21:03,304 --> 00:21:05,640 I can't understand a word. 483 00:21:05,974 --> 00:21:09,394 This afternoon I asked Tom James 484 00:21:09,477 --> 00:21:13,231 to serve as economy czar and to my delight, he said yes. 485 00:21:13,314 --> 00:21:14,732 Madam president! 486 00:21:14,816 --> 00:21:19,612 Senator James' selflessness is an inspiration to us all. 487 00:21:19,946 --> 00:21:23,241 Whatever useless, vain, vapid thing you're doing right now, drop it. 488 00:21:23,324 --> 00:21:25,660 Well, I am enjoying a delicious sandwich 489 00:21:26,202 --> 00:21:29,473 made even more delicious by the fact that there's a homeless guy watching me eat it. 490 00:21:29,497 --> 00:21:31,308 I need you to get on this plane to Nevada with me today. 491 00:21:31,332 --> 00:21:32,959 Been there, got fucked by that. 492 00:21:33,042 --> 00:21:34,362 Cut the shit. You just got fired. 493 00:21:34,419 --> 00:21:36,713 - Purcell's told everyone in town. - That fucker! 494 00:21:36,796 --> 00:21:39,591 Right now you're about as toxic as a urinal cake in chernobyl 495 00:21:39,674 --> 00:21:40,967 and I am offering you a job. 496 00:21:41,050 --> 00:21:42,760 You have exactly zero seconds to decide. 497 00:21:43,136 --> 00:21:45,180 You know, candi caruso would have asked me nicer. 498 00:21:48,183 --> 00:21:50,810 Sue, the president's remarks for the symposium. 499 00:21:50,894 --> 00:21:52,937 And... Caught you. 500 00:21:53,021 --> 00:21:56,357 18,000 steps. I am Chinese baby ready. 501 00:21:56,816 --> 00:21:59,527 Oh, my god. Mike, when are the auditions for music man? 502 00:22:01,029 --> 00:22:02,530 So how many flights, Mike? 503 00:22:02,780 --> 00:22:04,842 - What do you mean flights? - As in flights of stairs. 504 00:22:04,866 --> 00:22:08,828 Burns way more calories. I am at 22 flights today. 505 00:22:09,787 --> 00:22:12,415 How... stairs? 506 00:22:12,665 --> 00:22:13,945 The things you walk up and down. 507 00:22:14,167 --> 00:22:15,502 Hi, sue. Is she busy? 508 00:22:15,585 --> 00:22:16,961 Oh, wow, never mind. 509 00:22:17,795 --> 00:22:20,465 - Oh, iooky, iooky. - How could you do this? 510 00:22:20,798 --> 00:22:22,675 - What? - I gave you my decision. 511 00:22:22,759 --> 00:22:25,094 - Oh, suck it. - Excuse me? 512 00:22:25,178 --> 00:22:27,680 Yeah, you heard me. I lbj'd you, okay? 513 00:22:27,889 --> 00:22:29,390 I'm the lbj queen 514 00:22:29,474 --> 00:22:31,309 and you are sargent "suck it" shriver. 515 00:22:31,684 --> 00:22:35,772 And now you have to excuse me, because this pimple isn't getting any smaller. 516 00:22:35,855 --> 00:22:37,690 Kind of like the national debt. 517 00:22:38,316 --> 00:22:40,026 Hey, sue, is Dr. Abernathy here? 518 00:22:40,109 --> 00:22:41,469 - Yes. - Okay, send him in, please. 519 00:22:41,528 --> 00:22:42,612 Okay. Right this way. 520 00:22:42,695 --> 00:22:44,965 - Do you mind? I've got a... hi, there, doctor. - Madam president. 521 00:22:44,989 --> 00:22:47,033 You know senator James. He's our new economy czar. 522 00:22:47,450 --> 00:22:49,285 - Congratulations, sir. - Thank you. 523 00:22:49,369 --> 00:22:50,995 Prosperity is just around the corner. 524 00:22:51,204 --> 00:22:53,248 - Oh, good. Good, good. - How may I help you? 525 00:22:53,498 --> 00:22:56,918 Well, you can get rid of this skittle that's embedded in my face. 526 00:22:57,001 --> 00:23:00,129 She's also got a mole near her spanx line and it's hidden... 527 00:23:00,213 --> 00:23:02,840 Yeah, and this thing up my ass has got to get removed, too. 528 00:23:03,216 --> 00:23:05,468 - How are you, Gary? - Fine. You? 529 00:23:06,886 --> 00:23:09,222 - Oh, yeah. That is really deep. - See? 530 00:23:09,514 --> 00:23:10,557 What have you been doing? 531 00:23:10,890 --> 00:23:13,226 - Just putting heat on it. - Well, hot heat. 532 00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:15,079 That's the last thing you want to be doing. 533 00:23:15,103 --> 00:23:16,771 - Okay. - It wasn't that hot. 534 00:23:17,021 --> 00:23:18,781 Small cortisone shot should take care of it. 535 00:23:18,982 --> 00:23:20,709 - Uh, excuse me, ma'am. - Selina: Oh, yeah, come in. 536 00:23:20,733 --> 00:23:23,403 We have to go over your opening statement for the symposium. 537 00:23:23,736 --> 00:23:25,488 - Sure. - Kent: Also, ma'am, 538 00:23:25,572 --> 00:23:27,865 catastrophic mudslides in Idaho. 539 00:23:27,991 --> 00:23:30,191 The governor is requesting a federal state of emergency. 540 00:23:30,326 --> 00:23:33,204 - This should be cleared up in 24 hours. - Okay. 541 00:23:33,288 --> 00:23:36,165 Just keep your skin free of all irritants for a few days. 542 00:23:36,249 --> 00:23:39,127 - Ma'am, he said no irritants. - You're an irritant. 543 00:23:39,377 --> 00:23:41,004 How much did we lose Idaho by? 544 00:23:41,087 --> 00:23:43,715 - Shellacked. - Well over 212,000 votes. 545 00:23:43,798 --> 00:23:46,593 Then I declare a state of go fuck yourself. 546 00:23:46,676 --> 00:23:50,096 I'm not spending money to scrape mud off a bunch of dirt roads. 547 00:23:50,221 --> 00:23:52,432 - You're not from Idaho, are you, doctor? - No, ma'am. 548 00:23:52,974 --> 00:23:55,268 I don't mean this to sound insensitive, 549 00:23:55,351 --> 00:23:59,606 but don't you think that mudslides are the funniest kind of natural disasters? 550 00:23:59,772 --> 00:24:02,400 I've always been partial to sinkholes. You know... 551 00:24:02,859 --> 00:24:05,111 - Those are hilarious. - Nature's trapdoor. 552 00:24:05,361 --> 00:24:08,448 Ma'am, makeup is an irritant and we really need that. 553 00:24:08,615 --> 00:24:11,701 - Makeup is not an irritant. - Actually, ma'am, yes, it is. 554 00:24:11,784 --> 00:24:15,121 Let's avoid any makeup on the facial area for at least 48 hours. 555 00:24:15,413 --> 00:24:17,725 - You're gonna feel a small... - No, we're not gonna do this. 556 00:24:17,749 --> 00:24:20,001 - But thanks for coming. - Yes, ma'am. 557 00:24:20,877 --> 00:24:22,253 I'll show you out. 558 00:24:22,629 --> 00:24:24,189 Selina: We need to take a peek at this. 559 00:24:24,255 --> 00:24:27,216 - Kent: Thank you, doc. - Cold compress, Gary. 560 00:24:27,300 --> 00:24:28,384 Whatever. 561 00:24:34,974 --> 00:24:37,226 - I mean... - Yeah, took the words right out of my mouth. 562 00:24:37,310 --> 00:24:38,394 - Right? - Yeah. 563 00:24:42,231 --> 00:24:45,151 Oh, Ben, and were we able to get Dr. Weisglass here today? 564 00:24:45,234 --> 00:24:46,319 Absolutely, ma'am. 565 00:24:46,402 --> 00:24:48,088 Okay. Good, Catherine. You're documenting this. 566 00:24:48,112 --> 00:24:52,408 Okay, welcome to the first annual towards a new promise... 567 00:24:52,492 --> 00:24:53,910 Mom, don't look into the camera. 568 00:24:53,993 --> 00:24:56,371 - Just pretend I'm not here. - But you are here. 569 00:24:56,579 --> 00:24:58,849 Yeah, but that's the point of a documentary film is that you're... 570 00:24:58,873 --> 00:25:01,477 Okay, I don't understand what this project is at all. I don't get it. 571 00:25:01,501 --> 00:25:02,835 Catherine, why is that your hair? 572 00:25:03,169 --> 00:25:04,587 Ben: They're ready for you, ma'am. 573 00:25:16,349 --> 00:25:17,433 There he is. 574 00:25:17,517 --> 00:25:20,103 - Dr. Weisglass. - Pleasure to see you again, madam president. 575 00:25:20,186 --> 00:25:21,979 I'm so pleased you were able to make it. 576 00:25:22,063 --> 00:25:24,208 And I'm really excited to start this conversation today. 577 00:25:24,232 --> 00:25:26,484 - Yes, ma'am. - Sam o'keefe, also Harvard. 578 00:25:26,693 --> 00:25:29,112 I think what we're gonna talk about today is hard, 579 00:25:29,195 --> 00:25:30,839 but I think it's going to be worth it, don't you agree? 580 00:25:30,863 --> 00:25:32,423 - I agree, yes. Thank you. - Good, good. 581 00:25:32,782 --> 00:25:34,701 Madam president, Elisa Burke, 582 00:25:35,076 --> 00:25:37,245 co-chair of African-American studies at Howard. 583 00:25:37,745 --> 00:25:40,289 - Oh, Ms. Burke, is it? - Yeah. Yes. 584 00:25:40,373 --> 00:25:43,292 Great. Well, every difficult conversation 585 00:25:43,376 --> 00:25:46,212 starts with a sentence. 586 00:25:48,047 --> 00:25:50,466 What the fuck is going on here? Why are they all white? 587 00:25:50,550 --> 00:25:52,468 Looks like the NHL all-star weekend. 588 00:25:52,635 --> 00:25:54,554 Okay. Hello. 589 00:25:54,637 --> 00:25:56,723 Franklin Washington, morehouse university. 590 00:25:57,557 --> 00:26:01,352 Now, morehouse university is historically an African-American university. 591 00:26:01,728 --> 00:26:03,312 - Historically. - Okay. 592 00:26:03,688 --> 00:26:05,606 We need to round up some blacks and fast. 593 00:26:05,690 --> 00:26:08,210 - We need to round up... - Don't say it over the radio, asshole. 594 00:26:09,068 --> 00:26:11,529 Richard! Oh, thank god. 595 00:26:11,988 --> 00:26:13,322 Go get sue. We need her now. 596 00:26:13,406 --> 00:26:14,907 - Right now. - Yeah. 597 00:26:15,324 --> 00:26:19,370 Folks, I look around here today and I see a rainbow of faces, you know? 598 00:26:20,163 --> 00:26:23,040 Faces from the savannahs of Africa 599 00:26:23,207 --> 00:26:26,377 to the cities and towns of england. 600 00:26:26,836 --> 00:26:31,215 Faces from Holland and even perhaps Norway. 601 00:26:39,766 --> 00:26:41,517 In your fucking face, sue. 602 00:26:41,601 --> 00:26:43,519 Fuck! 603 00:26:45,772 --> 00:26:48,316 Everyone remain calm. We're in total lockdown 604 00:26:48,399 --> 00:26:50,252 - while we search the premises. - Woman: We got her. 605 00:26:50,276 --> 00:26:52,236 Freeze! Put your hands up! 606 00:26:52,361 --> 00:26:53,613 Whoa, whoa! I work here. 607 00:26:54,071 --> 00:26:56,657 - Huh? What happened? - Sue: Ma'am? 608 00:26:57,200 --> 00:26:58,260 Male reporter: Mr. Mclintock, why are there 609 00:26:58,284 --> 00:26:59,887 so few people of color in the meyer white house? 610 00:26:59,911 --> 00:27:01,764 Mike, does president meyer care about black people? 611 00:27:01,788 --> 00:27:04,081 Just moments ago, bill ericsson, 612 00:27:04,207 --> 00:27:06,375 former director of white house communications, 613 00:27:06,542 --> 00:27:10,379 was arrested at his kalorama home and taken into federal custody. 614 00:27:10,588 --> 00:27:13,508 Due to the seriousness of the crimes and despite rumors to the contrary, 615 00:27:13,591 --> 00:27:15,718 a pardon is not on the table. 616 00:27:16,052 --> 00:27:18,805 Regrettably, he was also responsible for the chaos 617 00:27:18,888 --> 00:27:20,574 that occurred at the symposium on race today. 618 00:27:20,598 --> 00:27:22,798 Thank you. That's all for now. 619 00:27:23,226 --> 00:27:24,536 Once again, our top story tonight, 620 00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:27,240 disgraced presidential aide bill ericsson goes into federal custody. 621 00:27:27,730 --> 00:27:29,357 This is a strong move by the president, 622 00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:32,193 who was under fire after a disastrous symposium on race 623 00:27:32,276 --> 00:27:35,571 that left some wondering if she had any control over her administration. 624 00:27:35,655 --> 00:27:36,739 Bill: No comment! 625 00:27:36,906 --> 00:27:38,658 Wow, he looks puffy on TV. 626 00:27:40,076 --> 00:27:41,786 Well, prison will get him in shape. 627 00:27:42,286 --> 00:27:44,956 Okay, now I've just got to blow for, like, five minutes, all right? 628 00:27:45,122 --> 00:27:47,208 Hart: When we come back, a wild day on wall street. 629 00:27:47,291 --> 00:27:49,544 And we'll go live to Nevada where armies of staffers 630 00:27:49,627 --> 00:27:52,630 and volunteers for the meyer and o'brien campaigns 631 00:27:52,797 --> 00:27:56,509 are descending on the desert to monitor and manage the recount. 632 00:28:01,639 --> 00:28:04,433 If you do not have a reservation, we are sold out. 633 00:28:04,767 --> 00:28:07,186 There are no more rooms at this hotel. 634 00:28:07,270 --> 00:28:09,581 Richard, have your people check us in. We're going to the lounge. 635 00:28:09,605 --> 00:28:11,274 Uh, Jonah, take care of that. 636 00:28:11,649 --> 00:28:13,150 Cliff, would... 637 00:28:14,151 --> 00:28:15,528 Cliff? 638 00:28:16,821 --> 00:28:18,030 Cliff? 639 00:28:23,953 --> 00:28:25,621 Excuse me, are you in line? 640 00:28:26,539 --> 00:28:28,833 Does anybody know where the line ends?