1 00:00:19,687 --> 00:00:22,398 Male reporter: A sensational turn of events at the white house. 2 00:00:22,481 --> 00:00:23,691 Reportedly even she... 3 00:00:23,774 --> 00:00:25,544 Female reporter 1: President Hughes makes his final exit, 4 00:00:25,568 --> 00:00:27,212 our thoughts are with him and the outgoing first lady. 5 00:00:27,236 --> 00:00:29,214 Female reporter 2: Selina meyer prepares to step into 6 00:00:29,238 --> 00:00:30,865 the most powerful shoes in the world... 7 00:00:30,948 --> 00:00:32,926 Female reporter 3: How will selina meyer be feeling, / wonder, 8 00:00:32,950 --> 00:00:35,578 as she finds herself about to become president... 9 00:00:35,661 --> 00:00:37,788 Selina: I can't believe it. This is insane. 10 00:00:37,872 --> 00:00:40,041 Ben: Am I dreaming? Do I have my pants on? 11 00:00:40,124 --> 00:00:42,210 Ma'am, I don't wanna piss on your bliss, but... 12 00:00:42,293 --> 00:00:44,795 I'm gonna need you back in New Hampshire very, very soon. 13 00:00:44,879 --> 00:00:47,882 Okay, but I've got something to do really soon. 14 00:00:47,965 --> 00:00:50,301 I'm trying to remember what it is. What is it again, Mike? 15 00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:54,013 Hmm... I think you're becoming president of the United States! 16 00:00:54,096 --> 00:00:56,265 Yeah, we rule. 17 00:00:56,349 --> 00:00:58,226 - What? - Or you do, in fact. 18 00:00:58,309 --> 00:00:59,685 Yeah, I rule. 19 00:00:59,769 --> 00:01:01,663 Hey, you know what, guys? We have to be careful, though, 20 00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:03,773 not to look too happy, you know? 'Cause of flotus. 21 00:01:03,856 --> 00:01:06,651 I just got a voicemail from Beyoncé wishing you well. 22 00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:07,735 - Shut up. - What? 23 00:01:07,818 --> 00:01:10,947 - Dan: I swear to god. - Oh, my god, ma'am. 24 00:01:11,030 --> 00:01:12,698 - Ohl ican't believe it. - Dan: I know. 25 00:01:13,032 --> 00:01:14,152 How did she get your number? 26 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:16,619 - I have no idea. - Amy: Yeah, yeah, yeah. 27 00:01:16,702 --> 00:01:19,038 Ma'am? You can't get too distracted by being president 28 00:01:19,121 --> 00:01:21,207 because you're still campaigning to be president. 29 00:01:21,290 --> 00:01:23,793 I'm not sure that Beyoncé fully understands that. 30 00:01:23,960 --> 00:01:26,879 She's calling me a single lady. 31 00:01:27,171 --> 00:01:29,811 Male reporter: Here it comes. Celebrity support for selina meyer... 32 00:01:29,882 --> 00:01:32,694 Female reporter 1: As the stars take to Twitter to share their adoration... 33 00:01:32,718 --> 00:01:36,514 Female reporter 2: Support from notable celebrities such as Katy Perry and will. I. Am... 34 00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:37,848 Ohl 35 00:01:39,141 --> 00:01:41,936 oh, my god. Is this for me? 36 00:01:42,061 --> 00:01:44,647 Holy shit. It's like lolla-fucking-palooza. 37 00:01:44,730 --> 00:01:46,941 - Dan: This is awesome. - It's like I'm a beatle. 38 00:01:47,024 --> 00:01:48,567 Well, you got the haircut for it. 39 00:01:48,693 --> 00:01:50,861 Congratulations, ma'am. First female president. 40 00:01:50,945 --> 00:01:53,614 - I'm so happy to be alive to see this. - I'm so happy it's me. 41 00:01:53,698 --> 00:01:56,784 I want to see all these people. All my people, I see... 42 00:01:56,867 --> 00:01:59,495 - Oh, you. - Congratulations, ma'am. 43 00:02:00,121 --> 00:02:01,921 Anything you want, I'm at your Beck and call. 44 00:02:01,956 --> 00:02:03,958 Thank you so much, senator suck-up. 45 00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:06,794 Ma'am? You're now only a point away from chung. 46 00:02:06,877 --> 00:02:09,630 - Presidential bounce. - Yeah, bounce that, ya dumb dick. 47 00:02:09,714 --> 00:02:11,566 - Hey, how's it going? - Dan: Ma'am, ma'am, ma'am, look. 48 00:02:11,590 --> 00:02:14,802 From Ashton kutcher's assistant, "Ashton says congrats." 49 00:02:14,885 --> 00:02:16,053 Assistant? 50 00:02:16,971 --> 00:02:19,640 Ah. More people. 51 00:02:19,724 --> 00:02:20,725 - Uh, ma'am? - What? 52 00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:22,310 - It looks like Pierce... - Thanks. 53 00:02:22,393 --> 00:02:24,204 It looks like he's about to pull out of the race. 54 00:02:24,228 --> 00:02:26,897 One down, three to go. It's all fallin' into place. 55 00:02:26,981 --> 00:02:28,107 - Hey, sue. - Hi, ma'am. 56 00:02:28,190 --> 00:02:30,318 The oath will take place tomorrow at 12:00 noon. 57 00:02:30,401 --> 00:02:31,527 Yeah. 58 00:02:31,610 --> 00:02:33,404 You will then acquire the nuclear codes. 59 00:02:33,529 --> 00:02:34,989 - Ben: Goodbye, China. - Wow. 60 00:02:35,072 --> 00:02:37,232 Thornhill, chung, and Maddox are continuing on for now. 61 00:02:37,283 --> 00:02:38,826 - Okay? - Those fuckers. 62 00:02:38,909 --> 00:02:40,494 God, can't we just take 'em out? 63 00:02:40,578 --> 00:02:41,996 Is Jack Ruby still alive? 64 00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:44,582 Ma'am? You need to decide your first international visit. 65 00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:47,251 It's not gonna be Canada, and I wanna get rid of Leslie carr. 66 00:02:47,335 --> 00:02:49,170 She has no fucking energy, ironically. 67 00:02:49,253 --> 00:02:51,422 It has to be Canada. Always is. Otherwise they sulk. 68 00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:53,275 Listen, let 'em sulk. I mean, who's gonna notice? 69 00:02:53,299 --> 00:02:55,801 - I wanna go to Brazil. - Did you say Leslie carr, ma'am? 70 00:02:55,885 --> 00:02:58,179 Yeah, I said Leslie carr. Hey, Gary? 71 00:02:58,262 --> 00:03:00,014 I need a protein... where's Gary? 72 00:03:00,097 --> 00:03:02,016 Oh, my god. We left him in New Hampshire. Um... 73 00:03:02,224 --> 00:03:03,535 Do you know how to get a protein bar? 74 00:03:03,559 --> 00:03:06,062 Yeah, that's what I need. Can you... I don't know who that is. 75 00:03:06,354 --> 00:03:08,898 God, there's so many people in here. It's like a mormon orgy. 76 00:03:08,981 --> 00:03:11,692 The presidential staff is merging with our staff, ma'am, so... 77 00:03:11,776 --> 00:03:13,110 Why is my coat like this? 78 00:03:13,361 --> 00:03:16,280 Oh, sue. When are we moving into the oval office? 79 00:03:16,364 --> 00:03:17,524 Sue: Three days' time, ma'am. 80 00:03:17,573 --> 00:03:20,701 I wanna get a meeting with Jim marwood and Mary king right away. Set that up. 81 00:03:20,785 --> 00:03:22,054 - Yes, ma'am. - Kent: Great idea, ma'am. 82 00:03:22,078 --> 00:03:23,746 Reach across the aisle immediately. 83 00:03:23,829 --> 00:03:25,807 Right. It's very presidential of me, don't you think? 84 00:03:25,831 --> 00:03:27,083 Absolutely. 85 00:03:27,458 --> 00:03:28,935 You're not turning into a yes-man, are you? 86 00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:30,378 Yes, you're right. I'm not. 87 00:03:30,461 --> 00:03:32,671 Ben. Where did Ben go? He was just here. 88 00:03:32,755 --> 00:03:33,881 - Ben? Ben? - Yeah? 89 00:03:33,964 --> 00:03:35,549 - Here, boy. Come to me. - Sure. 90 00:03:35,633 --> 00:03:38,177 - And then, could you guys get out of here? - Sure. 91 00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:40,489 Ben: Do you want me to tell you which of those two to fire? 92 00:03:40,513 --> 00:03:42,681 Kent. Just kidding, Kent. 93 00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:46,894 Wow. 94 00:03:46,977 --> 00:03:50,022 I didn't expect it to happen like this, right? 95 00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:51,816 What if I'm not ready? 96 00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:54,235 You're gonna be fine. Were you having fun out there? 97 00:03:54,318 --> 00:03:56,171 - Yeah. - Those... you know... boom, bang, bam... 98 00:03:56,195 --> 00:03:59,615 Well, it's just gonna be so much fun. It's gonna be defcon fun. 99 00:03:59,698 --> 00:04:02,410 And I want you to be my acting chief of staff. 100 00:04:03,786 --> 00:04:05,037 What? 101 00:04:05,162 --> 00:04:08,624 Yeah, I need all your experience, buddy. 102 00:04:08,833 --> 00:04:10,126 Don't ask me that. 103 00:04:10,209 --> 00:04:11,544 But I am asking you that. 104 00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:13,671 It just destroyed me. 105 00:04:13,838 --> 00:04:16,507 I mean, I was bulimic the whole first year 106 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:18,801 and I didn't even lose any weight from it. 107 00:04:18,884 --> 00:04:22,346 No, you weren't. None of that is true. What are you talking about? 108 00:04:22,430 --> 00:04:24,807 You told me you'd midwife me through this campaign. 109 00:04:24,890 --> 00:04:26,350 - Do you remember that? - Yeah. 110 00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:29,854 So, guess what? I am 10 centimeters dilated. 111 00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:31,272 I'm fully effaced. 112 00:04:31,355 --> 00:04:33,524 I mean, this presidency is crowning. 113 00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:35,359 I need you. 114 00:04:35,901 --> 00:04:38,779 Ben, I swear to sweet Jesus Christ, 115 00:04:38,863 --> 00:04:42,158 if you don't do this, I'm gonna bring back prohibition. 116 00:04:44,827 --> 00:04:46,888 Female reporter: In my opinion, this is a very smart move... 117 00:04:46,912 --> 00:04:49,349 Male reporter 1: Ben cafferty continues in his role as chief of staff... 118 00:04:49,373 --> 00:04:52,543 Male reporter 2: He's so Washington, his blood type is DC. 119 00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:55,337 Mike: And so to recap, after her inaugural address, 120 00:04:55,421 --> 00:04:59,258 the incoming president will convene the national security council 121 00:04:59,383 --> 00:05:02,887 and then meet with the joint chiefs of staff, her cabinet, and congressional leadership. 122 00:05:03,012 --> 00:05:06,140 Amy: Okay, who's in charge here? Clue, it's me. 123 00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:10,936 So, with our candidate distracted by being president of the United States, 124 00:05:12,855 --> 00:05:14,565 We need each and every one of you. 125 00:05:14,690 --> 00:05:16,126 Thank you for interrupting your studies, 126 00:05:16,150 --> 00:05:18,486 your start-ups, your retirements, your federal sentences. 127 00:05:18,611 --> 00:05:20,491 The Iranian council of ministers is just asking 128 00:05:20,529 --> 00:05:22,615 what would be a good time for the president to call? 129 00:05:22,698 --> 00:05:25,868 Wow, that is unprecedented. 130 00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:29,163 Also, we have to schedule calls for the UK prime minister, 131 00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:30,664 for China, and for the Vatican. 132 00:05:30,748 --> 00:05:32,750 It's like a Google maps of ass-kissing. 133 00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:35,002 This is an historic moment. 134 00:05:35,085 --> 00:05:37,755 I'm not talking about this first female president thing. 135 00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:41,175 I'm talking about the first redhead press secretary. 136 00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:46,472 Big crowd today. Something important happen that I'm missing? 137 00:05:46,805 --> 00:05:49,016 Oh, we're in the white house. 138 00:05:50,601 --> 00:05:53,312 Any questions? You know what, I'll do the first one myself. 139 00:05:53,521 --> 00:05:56,065 "Uh, Mike mclintock, why are you so darn handsome?" 140 00:05:58,442 --> 00:06:00,027 Why are you laughing at that one? 141 00:06:00,778 --> 00:06:04,406 Now let's work hard and win this puppy, yeah? 142 00:06:04,490 --> 00:06:06,033 All right. 143 00:06:06,116 --> 00:06:07,826 - Oh, hi. - Hi, hello, again. 144 00:06:07,910 --> 00:06:10,204 - Remember us? - Please remind me of the names. 145 00:06:10,329 --> 00:06:11,705 - Kelly. - Richard splett. 146 00:06:11,789 --> 00:06:13,290 - That's right. - I had a camera. 147 00:06:13,374 --> 00:06:16,126 - We just got here. - Yeah, I saw the batsignal. 148 00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:19,797 Dynamic duo came in. That's Batman, boy wonder. 149 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,549 Young lady wonder. 150 00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:23,635 Yep, we are grateful to have you, so thank you... 151 00:06:23,676 --> 00:06:26,470 - What should we do? - We can hit the phones real hard. 152 00:06:26,637 --> 00:06:29,324 Yeah, oh, I'll hit the phones until I have a sore throat and a hot ear. 153 00:06:29,348 --> 00:06:31,392 Yeah, you know, I tend to rock a hands-free myself. 154 00:06:31,475 --> 00:06:32,702 That's great, then hit the phones. 155 00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:35,020 Okay, great. Who should we call? 156 00:06:35,145 --> 00:06:36,814 Yeah, we really need, like, a list. 157 00:06:36,939 --> 00:06:38,482 - Ask your supervisor. - Yes, ma'am. 158 00:06:38,649 --> 00:06:41,360 Absolutely. Uh, who is our supervisor? 159 00:06:41,610 --> 00:06:44,690 You know, we can find that on our own. Yeah, I can... that's easy to find out. 160 00:06:46,991 --> 00:06:48,534 - Mr. Egan. - Sir. 161 00:06:48,659 --> 00:06:50,202 - How are you? - Fine. 162 00:06:50,327 --> 00:06:52,329 Wondering why you asked me to a meeting in here. 163 00:06:52,454 --> 00:06:54,164 I bring bad news to the closet. 164 00:06:54,582 --> 00:06:58,377 That rumor that went around about Danny chung engaging in torture in Iraq? 165 00:06:58,460 --> 00:07:00,838 - Yes, sir. - It's been traced to its source. 166 00:07:01,130 --> 00:07:02,131 The river Dan. 167 00:07:02,214 --> 00:07:03,966 - Who is saying this? - The post. 168 00:07:04,466 --> 00:07:06,802 You understand that you will need to resign? 169 00:07:06,885 --> 00:07:09,430 Sir, look, I can find a solution, okay? Just... 170 00:07:09,513 --> 00:07:11,515 Give you 24 hours? Like in a movie? 171 00:07:11,724 --> 00:07:15,019 No, I mean, yes. Please. 172 00:07:15,352 --> 00:07:17,062 You have six hours. We can't afford 24. 173 00:07:17,146 --> 00:07:18,939 Thank you, sir. I'm in your debt forever. 174 00:07:19,023 --> 00:07:20,941 Or for six hours, depending on how you do. 175 00:07:21,025 --> 00:07:24,111 I'll see you then. Alternatively, goodbye forever. 176 00:07:27,531 --> 00:07:30,826 - Mike, how'd it go? - They fuckin' love me in there, Ben. 177 00:07:30,909 --> 00:07:32,995 My bit about gun control killed. 178 00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:36,999 My bit about voter ID laws identified itself as hilarious. 179 00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:38,709 Man, it's such an adrenaline rush. 180 00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:40,127 I am so pumped! 181 00:07:40,252 --> 00:07:41,521 - Well done. - Thank you so much. 182 00:07:41,545 --> 00:07:43,797 You're welcome. And if you do another press briefing 183 00:07:43,881 --> 00:07:46,342 on no sleep again, you're fired. 184 00:07:46,425 --> 00:07:47,718 Hey, Ben, Ben, Ben. 185 00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:52,056 You know how you told me that chung's unit in Iraq tortured that guy? 186 00:07:52,389 --> 00:07:53,807 I never said that. 187 00:07:53,891 --> 00:07:55,142 Yeah, you did. 188 00:07:55,225 --> 00:07:56,769 We had a beer and you told me that. 189 00:07:56,894 --> 00:08:00,564 No, you misheard me, Dan. Torture is a terrible thing. 190 00:08:00,731 --> 00:08:02,334 You know, I told you when I was telling you 191 00:08:02,358 --> 00:08:04,193 I wasn't telling you what I told you. 192 00:08:04,485 --> 00:08:06,570 The fuck stops here, Dan. 193 00:08:08,364 --> 00:08:09,615 Fuck. 194 00:08:10,074 --> 00:08:12,034 Jonah: Look, Dan, I know you probably wanna gloat, 195 00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:14,078 but I'm done with DC. 196 00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:17,206 So I'm gonna go to Africa and help install 197 00:08:17,373 --> 00:08:20,417 sewage systems in poor communities or whatever. 198 00:08:20,501 --> 00:08:22,270 Or go to wall street, I don't know. One of the two. 199 00:08:22,294 --> 00:08:23,563 - I haven't decided. - Oh, all right. 200 00:08:23,587 --> 00:08:25,315 Well, it's just 'cause, you know, we happen to have 201 00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:26,674 a position for you on our team. 202 00:08:26,757 --> 00:08:30,469 No fucking way! What? Oh, god! 203 00:08:30,552 --> 00:08:32,096 We just need you to deny to the press 204 00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:34,515 that the chung torture rumor came from our office. 205 00:08:34,598 --> 00:08:36,558 - So, you want me to lie? - Yeah. 206 00:08:36,642 --> 00:08:38,143 But, Dan... 207 00:08:38,477 --> 00:08:41,605 I've never told a lie in my life. 208 00:08:41,939 --> 00:08:44,358 That was a lie. Try to keep up, egan. 209 00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:46,527 The rumor is the rumor came from us, all right? 210 00:08:46,610 --> 00:08:49,422 So you just say that you got it from the web and the web can't be trusted. 211 00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:51,526 I can't do that. The web made me. 212 00:08:51,782 --> 00:08:55,369 I can't denounce it. That's like Peter denouncing Christ or worse. 213 00:08:55,452 --> 00:08:57,621 Hello? Dan egan. West wing. 214 00:08:58,747 --> 00:09:01,125 What's up, Rachel? How are you? 215 00:09:02,126 --> 00:09:03,794 I would love to go for margaritas. 216 00:09:03,961 --> 00:09:06,296 Just to warn you, though, I do like to lick the rim. 217 00:09:06,964 --> 00:09:08,549 Okay, bye. 218 00:09:08,799 --> 00:09:11,343 - Who was that? - Oh, uh, do you know Rachel marsh? 219 00:09:11,635 --> 00:09:14,263 Red-hot Rachel from the speaker's office? 220 00:09:14,346 --> 00:09:16,849 "Three-pack-of-kleenex" Rachel? Yeah, I know Rachel. 221 00:09:16,932 --> 00:09:19,268 What can I say? West wing perks, buddy. 222 00:09:19,935 --> 00:09:21,019 So you in? 223 00:09:21,103 --> 00:09:22,747 - How much time do I have to think about it? - Two seconds. 224 00:09:22,771 --> 00:09:23,981 - I'm in. - Great. 225 00:09:29,027 --> 00:09:30,320 Sir, what are you doing in here? 226 00:09:30,404 --> 00:09:33,031 - This is not your manhole. - I'm moving in. 227 00:09:33,157 --> 00:09:36,368 No, you're not. You need a bigger office, that's far away. 228 00:09:36,452 --> 00:09:38,452 This is prime real estate. I couldn't be any closer 229 00:09:38,495 --> 00:09:42,291 to the oval office if I had by some triumph of common sense, 230 00:09:42,374 --> 00:09:43,542 a desk actually in it. 231 00:09:43,625 --> 00:09:45,210 I don't want your office next to mine. 232 00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:47,087 I do not want you on top of me. 233 00:09:47,171 --> 00:09:49,339 Well, I'm going to be. So, work with it. 234 00:09:49,423 --> 00:09:51,025 Wait a second. What are you doing in here? 235 00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:53,969 This is my office. See? My calculator's on the desk. 236 00:09:54,052 --> 00:09:55,739 No, selina said this is gonna be my office. 237 00:09:55,763 --> 00:09:57,931 You don't need an office. You have a bag. 238 00:09:58,015 --> 00:09:59,266 Okay, that's bullying. 239 00:09:59,349 --> 00:10:01,286 Well, why don't you take it up with the president? 240 00:10:01,310 --> 00:10:03,496 Why don't you call the chief justice and get them both in? 241 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:05,355 And so it begins. 242 00:10:05,856 --> 00:10:08,275 Actually, it really does. We've gotta go. 243 00:10:08,358 --> 00:10:09,359 She's about to ascend. 244 00:10:10,861 --> 00:10:12,630 Female reporter: It will be a low-ke y swearing-in, 245 00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:15,157 just a few people in a white house state room. 246 00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:16,551 There will be no pomp or ceremony... 247 00:10:16,575 --> 00:10:22,539 Male reporter: In just 15 minutes'time america will have its first female president. 248 00:10:24,708 --> 00:10:27,961 - I'm so proud of you, mom. - Oh, honey bunny. Thank you so much. 249 00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:29,880 Couldn't have done it without ya. 250 00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,966 What have I done to help? 251 00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:35,344 Oh... a million things. Are you kidding me? 252 00:10:35,427 --> 00:10:39,139 You know, just being there, and being you... 253 00:10:39,348 --> 00:10:41,225 There and all... 254 00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:43,143 - Ma'am, are we ready? - Uh, yes. 255 00:10:43,227 --> 00:10:45,872 Would you place your left hand on the Bible and raise your right hand? 256 00:10:45,896 --> 00:10:48,398 "I, selina Catherine meyer, do solemnly swear..." 257 00:10:48,482 --> 00:10:51,485 I, selina Catherine meyer, do solemnly swear... 258 00:10:51,610 --> 00:10:53,153 "That I will faithfully execute..." 259 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:54,947 That I will faithfully execute... 260 00:10:55,030 --> 00:10:57,324 "The office of president of the United States..." 261 00:10:57,407 --> 00:10:59,785 The office of president of the United States... 262 00:10:59,910 --> 00:11:01,513 "And will to the best of my ability..." 263 00:11:01,537 --> 00:11:03,330 And will to the best of my ability... 264 00:11:03,455 --> 00:11:06,959 "Preserve, protect and defend the constitution of the United States." 265 00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:08,877 Preser... 266 00:11:09,753 --> 00:11:15,217 Protect and defend the constitution of the United States. 267 00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:16,552 "So help me, god." 268 00:11:16,635 --> 00:11:17,928 So help me, god. 269 00:11:18,303 --> 00:11:20,013 Congratulations, madam president. 270 00:11:20,097 --> 00:11:22,266 Thank you very much, Mr. Chief justice. 271 00:11:22,391 --> 00:11:23,976 Thank you. 272 00:11:31,733 --> 00:11:32,985 Ma'am... 273 00:11:33,402 --> 00:11:36,655 - Dan! What the fuck is this? - What are you talking about? 274 00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:38,578 You've got me buried so far into the west wing, 275 00:11:38,657 --> 00:11:40,200 I'm practically in Pyongyang. 276 00:11:40,284 --> 00:11:43,078 Jonah, you have a job in the white house, all right? 277 00:11:43,161 --> 00:11:44,288 That was the deal. 278 00:11:44,454 --> 00:11:46,748 I publicly denounced the Internet, Dan. 279 00:11:46,999 --> 00:11:48,709 Okay? Those are my people! 280 00:11:48,834 --> 00:11:50,544 I'm getting so much online hate. 281 00:11:50,627 --> 00:11:53,380 - There are memes of me being burned alive. - Ooh, wow. 282 00:11:53,463 --> 00:11:56,300 There's one of me fuckin' a chicken while dressed as bin laden. 283 00:11:56,425 --> 00:11:58,653 The chicken is dressed as bin laden or you're dressed as bin laden? 284 00:11:58,677 --> 00:12:00,220 No, I'm dressed as bin laden, Dan! 285 00:12:00,304 --> 00:12:01,531 And it's really well done. 286 00:12:01,555 --> 00:12:04,308 So it legitimately looks like I am engaging in bestiality 287 00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:06,226 while insulting 9/11 victims. 288 00:12:06,310 --> 00:12:07,853 Oh, wow. That is... that is tough. 289 00:12:07,936 --> 00:12:09,021 I want a new deal. 290 00:12:09,146 --> 00:12:10,814 I wanna get closer to the action. 291 00:12:10,898 --> 00:12:12,983 I'm like a boom op on a porn shoot right now. 292 00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:14,818 I'm sorry, man. But, you know... 293 00:12:14,985 --> 00:12:17,446 I can't have a terrorist chicken-fucker next to the president. 294 00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:19,323 Security risk. 295 00:12:21,325 --> 00:12:22,385 Gary: Hey, ma'am? Selina: Yes? 296 00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:23,845 Do you remember that time in New York when you said 297 00:12:23,869 --> 00:12:26,371 that if this day ever came, you'd wear those special shoes? 298 00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:28,665 Well, I've had them ever since. 299 00:12:28,749 --> 00:12:30,292 Do you remember? 300 00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:36,632 Oh, uh... of course. Yes. 301 00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:39,343 - That's so touching. - Isn't that cool? 302 00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:41,470 Oh, you're like prince charming. 303 00:12:43,347 --> 00:12:47,643 Gary: Perfect shoe for the perfect moment 304 00:12:47,726 --> 00:12:51,146 in the perfect life of a perfect woman. 305 00:12:51,229 --> 00:12:53,023 This is like Kathy bates in misery. 306 00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:55,651 Beautiful shoe for a beautiful... 307 00:12:55,734 --> 00:12:57,045 - Okay, that's enough, though. - Okay. 308 00:12:57,069 --> 00:12:59,112 - Take it in. Enjoy the speech. - I will. 309 00:12:59,196 --> 00:13:00,364 Mike: You're gonna be great. 310 00:13:01,531 --> 00:13:04,326 This is so exciting. It's like a wedding or something. 311 00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:06,536 Yeah, except there's no bridesmaids to fuck. 312 00:13:18,382 --> 00:13:19,466 Oh, my god. 313 00:13:19,716 --> 00:13:21,635 It's like she's walking on a carpet of mice. 314 00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:23,220 Dan: Jesus Christ, Gary. 315 00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:25,472 Are those real shoes or are those fucking dog toys? 316 00:13:25,722 --> 00:13:27,391 Sounds like the theme from psycho. 317 00:13:31,728 --> 00:13:33,230 My fellow Americans. 318 00:13:33,897 --> 00:13:37,275 - The oath I have taken today is a solemn one. - Excuse me, excuse me. 319 00:13:37,359 --> 00:13:39,736 Istand before you, and before god... 320 00:13:42,698 --> 00:13:44,324 Oh, my god, you know better than that. 321 00:13:44,408 --> 00:13:46,243 You know better than that. 322 00:13:54,126 --> 00:13:57,671 You have not elected me as your president by your votes, 323 00:13:57,754 --> 00:13:59,256 but I ask that you accept me... 324 00:13:59,381 --> 00:14:03,593 - Are you seeing this on Twitter? - Yup. "President squeaks to the nation." 325 00:14:04,011 --> 00:14:06,638 Thank you, and god bless america. 326 00:14:27,868 --> 00:14:31,038 Ma'am, that was amazing. 327 00:14:31,121 --> 00:14:32,601 - Amazing speech. - Mike: Yes, it was. 328 00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:36,209 Take these fucking shoes and shoot 'em in the fucking head. 329 00:14:36,293 --> 00:14:37,502 - Yeah, I'm so sorry. - Okay? 330 00:14:37,586 --> 00:14:40,338 Now, I am the most powerful person in the world. 331 00:14:40,422 --> 00:14:41,965 - Is that correct? - Yes, ma'am. 332 00:14:42,049 --> 00:14:45,135 Any fuckup from now on is not just a fuckup. 333 00:14:45,469 --> 00:14:48,263 It's my legacy. Got it? 334 00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:50,265 No fuckups. 335 00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:53,727 Ma'am, uh, taking Leslie kerr away from state 336 00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:56,480 has freaked the Iranians out. They trust him. 337 00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:59,149 No, wait a minute. Hold on. I didn't let anyone go from state. 338 00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:02,819 Madam president. You asked me to swap out Leslie kerr. 339 00:15:02,903 --> 00:15:05,447 No! Leslie carr! 340 00:15:05,530 --> 00:15:07,574 Carr! C-a-r-r. 341 00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:09,076 That bitch from energy. 342 00:15:09,159 --> 00:15:11,912 Remember I made thatjoke about she didn't have energy? 343 00:15:11,995 --> 00:15:14,623 Yeah, but her name is leanne carr, ma'am. 344 00:15:16,083 --> 00:15:17,709 Oh, fuck, it is. 345 00:15:18,043 --> 00:15:19,461 Oh, my god. Oh, shit! 346 00:15:20,170 --> 00:15:21,850 Oh, my god. What have you done to me, Kent? 347 00:15:22,005 --> 00:15:25,092 - I'm sorry? - You should have questioned the name. 348 00:15:25,175 --> 00:15:27,886 I should have. Yes. I apologize, madam president. 349 00:15:27,969 --> 00:15:29,930 Can we say that it was just an error? 350 00:15:30,013 --> 00:15:32,140 No, ma'am. The entire world would notice that. 351 00:15:32,224 --> 00:15:35,227 Yeah, it's terrible PR. You might as well drive a suicide clown car 352 00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:37,104 into the fucking Lincoln memorial. 353 00:15:37,187 --> 00:15:38,438 Yes, I am still here. 354 00:15:38,522 --> 00:15:40,362 Oh, my god. Is this gonna hurt us in the polls? 355 00:15:40,398 --> 00:15:42,150 I can't see how it won't. 356 00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:43,902 What does that mean? Is that a yes? 357 00:15:44,027 --> 00:15:46,780 If you mean to say yes, then say yes. You're the fucking yes-man. 358 00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:49,074 - Yes. - Okay, here's what you're gonna do. 359 00:15:49,783 --> 00:15:52,661 You go to New Hampshire and you attach some electrodes 360 00:15:52,744 --> 00:15:54,621 to the corpse of my campaign, okay? 361 00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:57,350 I'm gonna stay here and I'm gonna deal with this Leslie carr bullshit. 362 00:15:57,374 --> 00:15:59,876 - Leanne carr. - Okay, whatever the fuck. 363 00:16:00,043 --> 00:16:02,546 What man is named Leslie, for fuck's sakes? 364 00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:05,715 Leslie Nielsen. Leslie moonves. 365 00:16:06,049 --> 00:16:08,069 - Leslie Frazier, the coach for the vikings... - Huh? 366 00:16:08,093 --> 00:16:10,345 Doesn't matter. You're... good speech. 367 00:16:10,554 --> 00:16:13,557 Ma'am? Secretary Maddox would like a meeting, stat. 368 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,809 No. Stat. 369 00:16:15,892 --> 00:16:18,145 - He's useless. He's a one-inch cock. - Got it. 370 00:16:18,562 --> 00:16:20,021 All right. 371 00:16:22,190 --> 00:16:23,525 Welcome to the white house. 372 00:16:23,733 --> 00:16:26,254 Female reporter: Into the history books with a squeaky-clean speech. 373 00:16:26,278 --> 00:16:29,048 Male reporter: Relationship with Iran grows considerably more tense... 374 00:16:29,072 --> 00:16:33,493 It was a mishearing which led to a misspeaking which led to a misfiring. 375 00:16:34,077 --> 00:16:36,204 - Human error? - Yes, simple human error. 376 00:16:36,288 --> 00:16:38,999 - Which human? - Several separate humans, Sean. 377 00:16:39,124 --> 00:16:42,252 I mean, we all make mistakes. Just ask your mom and dad. 378 00:16:43,712 --> 00:16:45,839 Has president meyer spoken to the president of Iran? 379 00:16:45,964 --> 00:16:48,008 I'm not able to answer that. 380 00:16:48,091 --> 00:16:50,260 Otherwise I'd have to have you killed. 381 00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:54,105 Male reporter: Does the president believe this is a moment for levity? 382 00:16:56,266 --> 00:16:59,269 No, she does not. Does not. 383 00:17:00,770 --> 00:17:04,274 Announcer: Two hours in office and already president meyer is making Iran irate. 384 00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:06,985 Imagine what she could do in 24 hours. 385 00:17:07,068 --> 00:17:11,114 Imagine selina meyer is the only person keeping your children safe at night. 386 00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:12,866 'Cause she is. 387 00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:13,992 Let's vote her out 388 00:17:14,075 --> 00:17:17,204 and make the commander-in-chief a commander-in-brief. 389 00:17:17,287 --> 00:17:20,540 - That is powerful stuff. - Makes you think. 390 00:17:20,624 --> 00:17:22,500 Decided to take a break from the phones. 391 00:17:22,584 --> 00:17:25,253 - Couple of rude calls. - It does hurt your feelings. 392 00:17:25,337 --> 00:17:27,923 You know, "'f' this." "Shove your whatever into your what..." 393 00:17:28,006 --> 00:17:29,299 I mean... 394 00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:32,153 I'm just gonna get some fresh air, we'll be right back to it. 395 00:17:32,177 --> 00:17:34,297 Amy: I think they were deprived of fresh air at birth. 396 00:17:35,764 --> 00:17:37,224 Okay, Maddox is gonna withdraw. 397 00:17:37,307 --> 00:17:38,391 How does this work for us? 398 00:17:38,475 --> 00:17:39,893 He might endorse selina, 399 00:17:39,976 --> 00:17:42,854 but Jeff Kane was backing him. 400 00:17:42,938 --> 00:17:44,458 He could bring in the senior citizens. 401 00:17:44,522 --> 00:17:46,483 They only got one vote left in 'em, we need it. 402 00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:48,777 Do we really wanna push the Jonah's-uncle alarm? 403 00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:50,695 We have to. We just need bodies now, Amy. 404 00:17:50,779 --> 00:17:54,157 Warm, upright bodies that can still punch a hole in a card. 405 00:17:54,866 --> 00:17:57,118 Kent, your rhetoric, as always, is inspiring. 406 00:17:57,202 --> 00:17:58,620 I am calling Dan. 407 00:17:59,454 --> 00:18:01,164 Dan: Okay, Amy, yes. I'll find him. 408 00:18:01,331 --> 00:18:02,999 I mean, how hard can it be? 409 00:18:04,876 --> 00:18:06,836 Hey, Jonah. 410 00:18:07,003 --> 00:18:09,506 You know, buddy, I have been mean and I'm sorry. 411 00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:11,341 What kind of idiot do you think I am? 412 00:18:11,549 --> 00:18:12,592 Is there a choice? 413 00:18:13,093 --> 00:18:15,345 I only have one asset that you would be interested in 414 00:18:15,470 --> 00:18:17,190 and that's my uncle Jeff's bucket of votes. 415 00:18:17,472 --> 00:18:19,057 Great! So you'll get us uncle Jeff? 416 00:18:19,182 --> 00:18:21,810 Oh, no, I'm just gettin' started. 417 00:18:21,893 --> 00:18:23,853 I want west exec parking for the cube, 418 00:18:23,937 --> 00:18:25,522 and I want mess hall privileges. 419 00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:26,940 No. That's impossible. 420 00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:29,401 Well, then you better possiblize it, Dan. 421 00:18:29,567 --> 00:18:31,528 And I want somebody that works for me. 422 00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:34,281 I want an assistant, a gofer, a servant. 423 00:18:34,364 --> 00:18:36,574 - You want a Jonah? - Yeah! I want a Jonah. 424 00:18:36,658 --> 00:18:39,619 And henceforth they will no longer be known as Jonahs. 425 00:18:39,703 --> 00:18:43,164 They'll be known as Jimmys or pepes or Sarahs or whatever the fuck 426 00:18:43,248 --> 00:18:45,083 that person's name turns out to be. 427 00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:47,377 And you can't hire anyone named Jonah. 428 00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:49,671 Okay? See, I'm on to you already. 429 00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:51,506 Shit! I gotta go. 430 00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:53,883 You know what? They should be called "dans." 431 00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:56,636 Well, that was an awkward cabinet meeting. 432 00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:58,722 Leanne carr knows I definitely tried to fire her. 433 00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:00,348 She found some fucking energy now. 434 00:19:00,432 --> 00:19:01,867 How we doing with the office move, sue? 435 00:19:01,891 --> 00:19:03,685 - Two more days, ma'am. - Oh, okay. 436 00:19:03,768 --> 00:19:05,645 - Uh, ma'am, more shitjust in. - What? 437 00:19:05,729 --> 00:19:07,856 Maddox and Pierce just publicly endorsed chung. 438 00:19:07,939 --> 00:19:09,208 This means you could come in third. 439 00:19:09,232 --> 00:19:11,943 - Ma'am, shitjust in... - God damn it, I know. 440 00:19:12,027 --> 00:19:13,695 I can't be president and come in third. 441 00:19:13,778 --> 00:19:14,880 We're gonna have to go to New Hampshire now. 442 00:19:14,904 --> 00:19:15,905 Excellent idea. 443 00:19:16,031 --> 00:19:18,384 - All right, I'll pack you up. - Ben: Maybe pack a squeaky coat. 444 00:19:18,408 --> 00:19:21,304 All right, call Amy right now and tell her I need a photo op or something. 445 00:19:21,328 --> 00:19:23,705 We need, like, a hospital or a school or a factory. 446 00:19:23,788 --> 00:19:25,832 - Okay. - Okay? Just not a hospice. 447 00:19:25,915 --> 00:19:29,002 I can't risk some fucker flatlining right next to me. 448 00:19:32,714 --> 00:19:34,275 Dan: Maybe chung didn't torture that guy, 449 00:19:34,299 --> 00:19:36,652 but he sure is waterboarding the fuck out of us in the polls. 450 00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,303 Selina: Jesus. If I come in third, 451 00:19:38,386 --> 00:19:40,680 this could be the shortest administration in history. 452 00:19:40,764 --> 00:19:43,224 Mike: Yeah, like a Snapchat presidency. 453 00:19:43,308 --> 00:19:45,810 No, that won't happen. 454 00:19:45,894 --> 00:19:47,479 Isn't this plane amazing? 455 00:19:47,562 --> 00:19:49,314 Ben: Yeah, can we fly it into Danny chung? 456 00:19:53,818 --> 00:19:56,279 Selina: Okay, so what does Jonah's uncle want exactly? 457 00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:59,824 Long term? Medicare task force and social security reform. 458 00:19:59,908 --> 00:20:01,594 But for now we can give him a private 10 minutes, 459 00:20:01,618 --> 00:20:03,703 and, of course, a picture with the president. 460 00:20:03,787 --> 00:20:04,871 Oh, will he agree to that? 461 00:20:04,954 --> 00:20:06,498 You're the president, ma'am. 462 00:20:06,581 --> 00:20:08,458 Oh, my god. Right. 463 00:20:08,583 --> 00:20:11,878 All right, so as long as he can guarantee us the blue hair ballots, right? 464 00:20:11,961 --> 00:20:13,963 Ma'am, he's an aarp lobbyist, all right? 465 00:20:14,047 --> 00:20:15,566 He's got old people coming out of his ass. 466 00:20:15,590 --> 00:20:17,634 Haiku version, Jeff Kane will buy us some bodies. 467 00:20:17,759 --> 00:20:21,471 I want that polling place to look like an assisted living facility, okay? 468 00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:22,722 So we'll do the photo op. 469 00:20:22,806 --> 00:20:25,308 Gary? Hey, where is this photo op, ame? 470 00:20:25,392 --> 00:20:27,661 It's at a factory that makes protective gear for firefighters. 471 00:20:27,685 --> 00:20:29,979 I think that's great, ma'am. Everybody loves firefighters. 472 00:20:30,063 --> 00:20:31,248 Everybody wants to keep them safe. 473 00:20:31,272 --> 00:20:32,750 Yeah, everybody wants to fuck 'em, too. 474 00:20:32,774 --> 00:20:34,818 God, I would love to fuck a firefighter. 475 00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:37,296 Hey, I'm the president. I can fuck anybody I want now, right? 476 00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:38,530 All the other ones have. 477 00:20:39,364 --> 00:20:42,867 I hope I can count on your vote. Can I? Yeah! 478 00:20:43,535 --> 00:20:45,245 I can tell you're gonna vote for me. 479 00:20:45,328 --> 00:20:47,622 And you got a good beanie on, too. 480 00:20:47,705 --> 00:20:49,105 Now tell me what this is all about. 481 00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:53,002 Now obviously the most important aspect of the suit is the fact that it's... 482 00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:55,088 Fireproof? Is that right? 483 00:20:55,463 --> 00:20:56,965 I got an "a," good. 484 00:20:57,048 --> 00:21:00,260 She is so good at making people believe she is good with people. 485 00:21:00,343 --> 00:21:02,613 Yeah, she's doing great. She's on fire. 486 00:21:02,637 --> 00:21:05,432 A great advantage that she has over the other candidates in this race 487 00:21:05,515 --> 00:21:07,267 is that she's the president. 488 00:21:09,144 --> 00:21:10,228 She's not the president. 489 00:21:10,311 --> 00:21:12,331 Obviously gotta be fireproof. Can't be made of tissue paper. 490 00:21:12,355 --> 00:21:14,166 - Can't be made of cashmere... - My apologies, ma'am. 491 00:21:14,190 --> 00:21:16,693 - My apologies. This is very urgent. - Yes? 492 00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:19,654 Oh, would you excuse me? I'll be right back in just a second. 493 00:21:19,737 --> 00:21:20,905 What? 494 00:21:20,989 --> 00:21:22,657 We've gotta go back to DC. 495 00:21:22,824 --> 00:21:24,784 - Why? - You got the oath wrong, ma'am. 496 00:21:25,452 --> 00:21:26,786 You didn't say "preserve." 497 00:21:26,870 --> 00:21:28,288 - Yes, I did. - No, not really. 498 00:21:28,371 --> 00:21:31,583 You said "pre" and then Mike fell into the lamp. 499 00:21:31,749 --> 00:21:34,627 The speaker insists that you take it again 500 00:21:34,711 --> 00:21:37,630 and that the oath isn't legal and that you're not the president. 501 00:21:37,755 --> 00:21:39,257 - I am the president! - I know. 502 00:21:39,340 --> 00:21:42,051 I'm not going back to DC. I'm staying in New Hampshire. 503 00:21:42,135 --> 00:21:44,220 Get the chief justice to come here and do it. 504 00:21:44,304 --> 00:21:46,764 No! I got a better idea. Get a local judge to do it. 505 00:21:46,848 --> 00:21:49,368 Wait, wait, wait. Isn't that gonna look just a little bit tacky? 506 00:21:49,434 --> 00:21:52,312 It's not like I'm trying to get sworn in by an Elvis impersonator. 507 00:21:52,395 --> 00:21:55,190 - Think about it. - No, no, no. That could be really great for us. 508 00:21:55,273 --> 00:21:58,109 Play up to New Hampshire's already inflated sense of self-importance. 509 00:21:58,193 --> 00:21:59,593 Exactly. I got it. I'm on it, yeah. 510 00:21:59,652 --> 00:22:02,612 And get Catherine, okay? 'Cause I gotta, you know, have her hold the thing. 511 00:22:02,697 --> 00:22:04,407 - The Bible. - The Bible, yeah. 512 00:22:04,491 --> 00:22:06,177 - Okay, we're cool. We're good. - Okay, god damn. 513 00:22:06,201 --> 00:22:08,369 Hi, sorry about that. 514 00:22:08,453 --> 00:22:11,372 That's all right. Let's move on to the detachable inner portion 515 00:22:11,456 --> 00:22:13,666 - of the suit, which is water-resistant... - Okay. 516 00:22:13,750 --> 00:22:16,336 Oh, because you're holding a fire hose. Yes, I get it. 517 00:22:16,419 --> 00:22:18,755 Madam president. I'm so sorry to interrupt again. 518 00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:21,174 - Sorry. - Oh. I'm so sorry. 519 00:22:21,257 --> 00:22:24,260 Gotta put out another fire over here, I guess. 520 00:22:25,428 --> 00:22:28,139 Shit. What is it? 521 00:22:28,223 --> 00:22:31,935 Iran is officially pissed that you fired Leslie kerr. 522 00:22:32,018 --> 00:22:34,187 Apparently they liked the guy. It must be the beard. 523 00:22:34,270 --> 00:22:35,605 What does officially pissed mean? 524 00:22:35,772 --> 00:22:38,608 Well, they made an official statement that could spook the markets. 525 00:22:38,691 --> 00:22:40,693 You know, spike gas prices. 526 00:22:40,777 --> 00:22:44,447 - You've gotta reinstate Leslie kerr, period. - No, we agreed that would be a PR disaster. 527 00:22:44,572 --> 00:22:46,533 So you'd rather piss off blue-collar truck drivers 528 00:22:46,616 --> 00:22:48,576 - and their chicken-frying wives? - Shh! 529 00:22:48,910 --> 00:22:50,453 We're surrounded by these people. 530 00:22:50,578 --> 00:22:51,955 Keep your voice down. 531 00:22:52,413 --> 00:22:54,082 Get him on the phone. 532 00:22:56,459 --> 00:22:59,003 Hi. Now I am all yours. 533 00:23:00,129 --> 00:23:02,423 - Ma'am, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry to interrupt. - Yes? 534 00:23:02,507 --> 00:23:05,552 Diane appleby, a local federal judge, is gonna be here in 15 minutes. 535 00:23:05,635 --> 00:23:06,970 Okay, um... 536 00:23:07,303 --> 00:23:09,931 Sir, do you have a private room that we could use very briefly 537 00:23:10,014 --> 00:23:11,641 for some official white house business? 538 00:23:11,724 --> 00:23:14,143 - Well, I don't know. I... - Perhaps your office? 539 00:23:14,644 --> 00:23:16,229 Madam president? Leslie kerr. 540 00:23:16,312 --> 00:23:18,147 Excuse me. Leslie? 541 00:23:18,231 --> 00:23:21,025 My office is being treated for black mold. 542 00:23:21,109 --> 00:23:23,319 You'd all have to wear protective masks. 543 00:23:23,444 --> 00:23:26,155 - Would that be a problem? - Yeah, it would. 544 00:23:27,323 --> 00:23:31,119 Mr. Kane. I just want you to know that the aarp 545 00:23:31,202 --> 00:23:33,997 - is very close to my heart. - That's good to hear. 546 00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:37,208 I am so pleased that we can count on your support. 547 00:23:37,292 --> 00:23:39,436 - Happy to help, ma'am. - And you know what I want to do? 548 00:23:39,460 --> 00:23:43,840 I want to do a photo with you after I'm done with this swearing-in business. 549 00:23:44,007 --> 00:23:47,176 And could young Jonah also be in the photograph? 550 00:23:47,260 --> 00:23:48,511 Sure. 551 00:23:48,595 --> 00:23:51,389 Ma'am, can I say that I am just honored to be a part of your team? 552 00:23:51,514 --> 00:23:54,767 And that I will serve you faithfully as long as you happen to be president. 553 00:23:55,018 --> 00:23:57,312 - That's lovely. - Ma'am, the room's clear. 554 00:23:57,395 --> 00:23:58,831 The judge is ready for the swearing-in. 555 00:23:58,855 --> 00:24:00,106 And Catherine's here? 556 00:24:00,189 --> 00:24:01,834 I don't know. I think she must be stuck in traffic. 557 00:24:01,858 --> 00:24:03,658 Well, I need her. She's gotta hold the Bible. 558 00:24:03,943 --> 00:24:06,112 I can do that. 559 00:24:07,363 --> 00:24:10,617 - I'm sorry I'm late. - Oh, my baby is here. 560 00:24:10,700 --> 00:24:12,577 My baby. 561 00:24:12,660 --> 00:24:15,788 Gonna take this girl and get this oath all sworn up. Come on. 562 00:24:15,955 --> 00:24:18,666 I can't thank you enough for coming this last minute. 563 00:24:18,750 --> 00:24:19,852 Judge: I was happy to oblige. 564 00:24:19,876 --> 00:24:21,127 Thank you very much. 565 00:24:21,336 --> 00:24:22,962 - Sorry to interrupt. Your honor. - Yes. 566 00:24:23,046 --> 00:24:25,173 I'm just going to make the shot a little better. 567 00:24:25,256 --> 00:24:28,343 - Okay. - So, maybe here is good. 568 00:24:28,426 --> 00:24:30,053 Okay. Oh. Uh-huh. 569 00:24:30,887 --> 00:24:32,764 I, selina Catherine meyer... 570 00:24:32,972 --> 00:24:34,974 This is an historic moment. 571 00:24:35,224 --> 00:24:38,227 I mean, I like this one better than the first one. 572 00:24:40,313 --> 00:24:42,166 Selina: The constitution of the United States... 573 00:24:42,190 --> 00:24:44,150 It's good, you know? She's the people's president. 574 00:24:44,233 --> 00:24:45,794 This looks ordinary, it looks relatable. 575 00:24:45,818 --> 00:24:48,571 It looks horrible. She looks like she's in flashdance. 576 00:24:48,863 --> 00:24:50,948 They're gonna have a field day with that haircut. 577 00:24:51,324 --> 00:24:54,285 "Thai lady-boy made head of sweatshop." 578 00:24:54,661 --> 00:24:57,580 Male reporter: Second time lucky for selina as president meyer... 579 00:24:57,664 --> 00:24:59,725 Female reporter 1: Things are not looking good for selina meyer 580 00:24:59,749 --> 00:25:00,893 as New Hampshire makes its voice heard... 581 00:25:00,917 --> 00:25:03,687 Female reporter 2: With victory now confirmed for governor Danny chung, 582 00:25:03,711 --> 00:25:05,731 it's a race for second place here in New Hampshire... 583 00:25:05,755 --> 00:25:08,800 I think that there were fundamental issues with the New Hampshire campaign 584 00:25:08,883 --> 00:25:11,511 and I just wish I'd have been here earlier to advise you. 585 00:25:11,969 --> 00:25:15,932 Campaigns are a lot more difficult than experimental dance troupes, Catherine. 586 00:25:18,768 --> 00:25:20,603 It's good we won dixville notch. 587 00:25:20,770 --> 00:25:22,772 It's got a population of 12, Mike. 588 00:25:22,855 --> 00:25:24,440 I know, Dan, but it's famous. 589 00:25:24,941 --> 00:25:27,026 Our lord Jesus started with 12. 590 00:25:27,110 --> 00:25:28,861 He didn't win New Hampshire, either. 591 00:25:30,780 --> 00:25:33,825 Look, bedford hasn't come in yet. That's a big one. 592 00:25:33,908 --> 00:25:35,660 We take bedford, we got a shot. 593 00:25:35,785 --> 00:25:38,413 - We lost bedford. - Shit. Just now? 594 00:25:38,496 --> 00:25:39,856 No, while you were sleeping, Mike. 595 00:25:39,914 --> 00:25:40,998 I wasn't sleeping. 596 00:25:41,082 --> 00:25:42,083 What about durham? 597 00:25:42,166 --> 00:25:45,336 The numbers are the same as the last time you asked me two minutes ago. 598 00:25:47,130 --> 00:25:48,899 What's going on? What are we hearing? Is there any news? 599 00:25:48,923 --> 00:25:50,925 Chung won. Right now we're just waiting to see... 600 00:25:51,008 --> 00:25:52,593 Oh, wait. Greg at CNN is calling it. 601 00:25:52,677 --> 00:25:53,970 Oh! Did I come in second? 602 00:25:54,137 --> 00:25:56,806 Shit. Thornhill took it by one percent. You came in third. 603 00:25:56,889 --> 00:25:58,182 - Ben: Shit. - Oh! 604 00:25:58,683 --> 00:25:59,809 Delete that. 605 00:25:59,976 --> 00:26:02,019 In what world would that photograph work? 606 00:26:02,103 --> 00:26:04,731 It's one percent. That's nothing. 607 00:26:04,856 --> 00:26:06,441 I mean, you're basically second. 608 00:26:06,524 --> 00:26:08,985 You're second in our eyes, I'll tell you that much. 609 00:26:11,654 --> 00:26:13,239 Danny on TV: Thank you, New Hampshire! 610 00:26:15,408 --> 00:26:18,411 Thank you. I stand before you tonight 611 00:26:18,494 --> 00:26:21,664 not in triumph, but in humility. 612 00:26:22,206 --> 00:26:24,375 Not with a sense of entitlement, 613 00:26:24,500 --> 00:26:27,420 but with a sense of responsibility. 614 00:26:27,503 --> 00:26:29,922 - Sue? Are they ready for us? - You have voted for change... 615 00:26:30,006 --> 00:26:32,008 Oh, whatever... I don't give a shit. 616 00:26:32,091 --> 00:26:33,259 - Gary? - Yeah? 617 00:26:33,342 --> 00:26:36,262 - Come on! - Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep- 618 00:26:58,951 --> 00:27:02,079 Mike: I've got so many staples in this box. 619 00:27:02,163 --> 00:27:04,457 Gary: Shit! Jonah: I want a desk by the window. 620 00:27:04,540 --> 00:27:06,501 - Shit, shit, shit, shit... - Dan: Yeah? 621 00:27:06,584 --> 00:27:07,919 Promise to jump out of it? 622 00:27:08,044 --> 00:27:11,380 Well, I'd be on the first floor, so that really wouldn't work, would it? 623 00:27:11,464 --> 00:27:13,841 Mike: I guess I don't do a lot of stapling. Jonah: Asshole. 624 00:27:13,925 --> 00:27:15,885 Gary: Oh, come on, come on, come on... 625 00:27:16,803 --> 00:27:19,680 Excuse me, excuse me. Excuse me. 626 00:27:19,764 --> 00:27:22,225 Amy: Don't get too concerned about New Hampshire, ma'am. 627 00:27:22,308 --> 00:27:26,521 Selina: I came in third, Amy. Okay? Even the Nazis came in second.