1 00:00:18,436 --> 00:00:21,105 I have some very big news, ma'am. 2 00:00:21,189 --> 00:00:23,232 Potus isn't going to run again in two years. 3 00:00:23,316 --> 00:00:26,152 I'm gonna run. I'm gonna run for president! 4 00:00:26,235 --> 00:00:28,112 Together we are going to make history. 5 00:00:28,196 --> 00:00:30,198 - My brain is at your service, ma'am. - We'll see. 6 00:00:30,281 --> 00:00:32,450 - Can we make it public? - No, no, no, no. 7 00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:34,094 We got to wait for potus to make a statement. 8 00:00:34,118 --> 00:00:36,621 - Okay. - West wing. 9 00:00:39,832 --> 00:00:43,544 Selina: Well, you are so kind to say so. I appreciate it. Yeah. 10 00:00:43,628 --> 00:00:45,713 - Woman: Oh, thank you. - Thanks for coming today. 11 00:00:45,796 --> 00:00:47,465 Nice to see you. Thank you so much. 12 00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,217 Come fonnard. Yeah. 13 00:00:49,300 --> 00:00:51,135 - Is this one a caucus-goer? - Could be. 14 00:00:51,219 --> 00:00:54,138 Is that a star wars reference, "a new beginning"? 15 00:00:54,222 --> 00:00:58,517 No, this is actually some new beginnings: Our next American journey. 16 00:00:58,601 --> 00:01:00,394 Too late to change it? 17 00:01:00,478 --> 00:01:02,230 It is. Yeah. 18 00:01:02,313 --> 00:01:04,440 - Selina: Hello. - This one's caucus. 19 00:01:04,523 --> 00:01:06,376 - Oh, that's too loud. Can't say it that loud. - Okay. 20 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:07,902 I think you're gonna dig it. 21 00:01:07,985 --> 00:01:09,278 Let's raise minimum wage. 22 00:01:09,362 --> 00:01:11,030 Blind people are people too. 23 00:01:11,113 --> 00:01:12,365 A very enjoyable read... 24 00:01:12,448 --> 00:01:13,616 It's complex... 25 00:01:13,699 --> 00:01:14,867 I'm exhausted! 26 00:01:14,951 --> 00:01:16,577 The journey is endless, you know? 27 00:01:16,661 --> 00:01:18,829 Global issue... 28 00:01:18,913 --> 00:01:20,539 I call it some new beginnings 29 00:01:20,623 --> 00:01:22,458 because it's plural. 30 00:01:22,541 --> 00:01:25,503 God bless you, et cetera. 31 00:01:27,171 --> 00:01:28,232 Amy: It's really nice, Gary. 32 00:01:28,256 --> 00:01:29,924 Looks lovely. Looks great. 33 00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:32,760 I can't believe selina chose not to be here. 34 00:01:32,843 --> 00:01:34,637 I told sue to put "wedding" in her calendar 35 00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:36,430 in bold cap letters. 36 00:01:36,514 --> 00:01:38,099 I mean, we took type size to a limit. 37 00:01:38,182 --> 00:01:41,560 If she could have been here, which she could have, she would have. 38 00:01:41,644 --> 00:01:43,604 But she's in Iowa for the book tour, 39 00:01:43,688 --> 00:01:45,499 fluffing caucus-goers for the presidential run. 40 00:01:45,523 --> 00:01:47,834 I would hate to be that local Iowa guy that's gotta take care of her, 41 00:01:47,858 --> 00:01:50,611 trying to source gazpacho in a city that thinks soup is for fags. 42 00:01:50,695 --> 00:01:52,196 Mike: Nice day for a Mike wedding! 43 00:01:54,991 --> 00:01:57,285 Man, you guys should all marry Wendy. I feel amazing. 44 00:01:57,368 --> 00:02:00,121 You might even see me cry today, and for once it's not about work. 45 00:02:00,204 --> 00:02:03,374 - I'm a little nervous. - Gary, I'm the one getting married. 46 00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,209 You just have to hand me the vows, okay? 47 00:02:05,293 --> 00:02:07,646 - It's not the olympic torch. - Gary: I did the playlist too. 48 00:02:07,670 --> 00:02:10,715 Would you like me to mold the cake into a pair of testicles for you, Gary? 49 00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:12,883 - Gary: Okay, easy. - See what everyone's gifting us? 50 00:02:12,967 --> 00:02:16,304 "Some new beginnings: Our next American journey." 51 00:02:16,387 --> 00:02:18,889 - Dan: Really well written, by me. - They think it's funny. 52 00:02:18,973 --> 00:02:20,742 Selina's never been away so long without us before. 53 00:02:20,766 --> 00:02:22,202 I guess this is what it's gonna be like 54 00:02:22,226 --> 00:02:23,870 when our kids go to college too, huh, sweetie? 55 00:02:23,894 --> 00:02:25,896 Yeah, dream the fuck on, Dan. 56 00:02:26,063 --> 00:02:27,374 I'm only being nice to you because I know 57 00:02:27,398 --> 00:02:28,959 that selina's gonna make me the campaign manager. 58 00:02:28,983 --> 00:02:32,045 There is no campaign until the president tells the world he's not running again. 59 00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:33,349 Yeah, but when is that gonna be? 60 00:02:33,404 --> 00:02:34,548 Christ, it's been two months already. 61 00:02:34,572 --> 00:02:37,592 Unless potus is chiseling his fucking statement out of marble, I don't get it. 62 00:02:37,616 --> 00:02:39,285 Dan, Dan, Dan! Inside voices. 63 00:02:39,368 --> 00:02:41,329 Mike's marrying a reporter. They're everywhere. 64 00:02:41,412 --> 00:02:42,806 - Yeah, everywhere. - Okay, okay. 65 00:02:42,830 --> 00:02:43,998 Wow, look at you, Dan. 66 00:02:44,081 --> 00:02:46,167 You have more nervous tics than a shoe-bomber. 67 00:02:46,334 --> 00:02:47,626 Selina: Thank you. 68 00:02:47,710 --> 00:02:49,295 Yes, please come fonnard. 69 00:02:49,420 --> 00:02:51,672 Oh, wow. Look at this. You've got an iPad. 70 00:02:51,756 --> 00:02:53,924 - Could you sign it? - Okay. 71 00:02:54,300 --> 00:02:56,052 I'm not sure... maybe we'll find... 72 00:02:56,135 --> 00:02:57,219 Sign the back. 73 00:02:57,303 --> 00:02:58,780 Oh, do you want me to sign... But look here, it's... 74 00:02:58,804 --> 00:03:03,142 That way, it's all your books are signed by the vice president. 75 00:03:03,642 --> 00:03:07,146 Hi. Oh. What is this? Is this butter? 76 00:03:07,229 --> 00:03:09,565 In the shape of the great state of Iowa. 77 00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:12,026 - Oh. - If it melted, would it become Texas? 78 00:03:14,445 --> 00:03:17,406 This is an absolutely 79 00:03:17,490 --> 00:03:19,450 stunning butter sculpture. 80 00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:22,370 - Thank you. - So, let's tweet a picture of that. 81 00:03:22,453 --> 00:03:24,080 - Lock that caucus-goer down. - Yeah. 82 00:03:24,163 --> 00:03:26,457 And then let's find a refrigerator to put that in. 83 00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:27,976 You know, butter doesn't need to be refrigerated. 84 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:29,960 It can be unrefrigerated or refrigerated. 85 00:03:30,961 --> 00:03:32,254 That's not true. 86 00:03:32,338 --> 00:03:33,738 I think it's like a fruit that way. 87 00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:37,593 Are you getting this? Rumor of a rumor. 88 00:03:37,676 --> 00:03:40,238 Is this potus finally announcing he's not gonna run for re-election? 89 00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:42,932 Well, whatever it is, I'm hearing the west wing is abuzz 90 00:03:43,015 --> 00:03:44,183 like a fly in a shithouse. 91 00:03:44,266 --> 00:03:47,561 - Hi. - Phone bowl. 92 00:03:47,645 --> 00:03:49,623 - Come on, put it in. - Dan: Oh, I'm not even using it. 93 00:03:49,647 --> 00:03:52,108 I want the camera so I can get pictures of this magical day. 94 00:03:52,191 --> 00:03:53,585 Either you put your phone in the phone bowl 95 00:03:53,609 --> 00:03:54,944 or I put it in the punch bowl. 96 00:03:55,111 --> 00:03:57,196 Isn't she funny? We crack up all the time. 97 00:03:57,279 --> 00:03:58,906 Even when we're having sex. 98 00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:00,717 You guys, I've been a reporter for 18 years. 99 00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:03,160 If anything breaks, I promise I will put it into the vows. 100 00:04:03,619 --> 00:04:06,705 Amy, phone in the bowl. 101 00:04:06,789 --> 00:04:08,207 No, no, I can't. 102 00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:09,570 Mike: It'll be 40 minutes, tops. 103 00:04:09,667 --> 00:04:13,796 Come on. What if you were marrying the man of your dreams? Ahh! 104 00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:15,423 Okay, okay, I'm doing it. I'm just... 105 00:04:15,506 --> 00:04:17,906 - Just let me... - Mike: Look at those white little knuckles. 106 00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:20,428 Freedom! 107 00:04:20,803 --> 00:04:23,722 It's like losing a limb. I can feel a phantom phone ringing right now. 108 00:04:23,806 --> 00:04:25,391 You look gorgeous. 109 00:04:25,474 --> 00:04:26,600 Wendy: Thank you. 110 00:04:26,684 --> 00:04:28,352 Is that lip shade coral blush? 111 00:04:28,561 --> 00:04:30,438 Yes, it is. Wow. 112 00:04:30,521 --> 00:04:33,023 - Nicely applied. - I like him. 113 00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:34,942 I want to keep him. Can I have him, please? 114 00:04:35,025 --> 00:04:36,586 - Okay, just for the honeymoon. - Wendy: Oh, good. 115 00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:38,112 He does bring baby wipes everywhere. 116 00:04:38,195 --> 00:04:40,781 You never know if we're gonna need 'em when we... 117 00:04:41,031 --> 00:04:42,575 Okay. Got it. 118 00:04:44,660 --> 00:04:46,829 Okay, the rumor's something to do with sec def Maddox. 119 00:04:47,204 --> 00:04:48,884 He's making an announcement, something big. 120 00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:50,749 Well, thank god you packed a spare piece. 121 00:04:50,833 --> 00:04:52,126 Amy, a good campaign manager 122 00:04:52,209 --> 00:04:53,645 always has to think one phone ahead. 123 00:04:53,669 --> 00:04:55,129 You're not a campaign manager yet. 124 00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:56,772 - We'll see. - And I'm very disappointed 125 00:04:56,839 --> 00:04:59,467 that you have kept a secret spare phone, Dan. 126 00:04:59,550 --> 00:05:01,670 Yes, and I likewise am disappointed that you have not. 127 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:02,761 Amateur. 128 00:05:02,845 --> 00:05:04,388 Thank you. Thank you. 129 00:05:04,472 --> 00:05:06,348 Hang on just one second, please. 130 00:05:07,099 --> 00:05:09,477 So, these rumors, right? 131 00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:11,200 I'm getting Maddox. What are you getting? 132 00:05:11,395 --> 00:05:13,939 I'm not getting a huge amount, if I'm being honest. 133 00:05:14,023 --> 00:05:16,442 - Hey, Richard, no offense... - None taken. 134 00:05:16,525 --> 00:05:17,776 - You're a catastrophe. - Okay. 135 00:05:17,860 --> 00:05:19,987 Okay. So, now, you need to just call Mike. 136 00:05:20,154 --> 00:05:22,615 You got to get to the bottom of this. Immediately. Right now. 137 00:05:28,537 --> 00:05:30,080 It's the vice president. 138 00:05:30,206 --> 00:05:31,526 - Hey, ma'am. - Oh, hang on, Mike. 139 00:05:31,582 --> 00:05:34,335 - No disrespect meant. It's the title. - Selina: Oh, dear. 140 00:05:34,418 --> 00:05:36,098 - It is a little confusing. - No, it isn't. 141 00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:38,631 - It's Mike. - Could you deal with this 142 00:05:38,714 --> 00:05:40,966 - wonderfully honest woman? - Sure will. 143 00:05:41,050 --> 00:05:42,635 - Uh, Mike? - Mike: Hello, ma'am? 144 00:05:42,718 --> 00:05:46,096 Listen, have you had a chance to talk to any of the press guys? 145 00:05:46,514 --> 00:05:49,058 Yes, it is a wonderful day today. 146 00:05:49,141 --> 00:05:52,228 Look, you maybe want to say hello to Wendy real quick? 147 00:05:52,353 --> 00:05:55,523 Oh, yeah, I'd love to speak to Wendy, very briefly. 148 00:05:55,898 --> 00:05:58,108 It's the vice president of the United States. 149 00:05:58,192 --> 00:06:00,069 - Wendy: Hello? - Hi, Wendy. 150 00:06:00,152 --> 00:06:01,529 Congratulations. 151 00:06:01,612 --> 00:06:04,031 Oh, thank you so much, madam vice president. 152 00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:06,154 - You've met her, you can call her "ma'am." - Ma'am. 153 00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:08,118 Yeah, such a happy day for both of you. 154 00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:11,121 It happened so fast. Mike just makes me laugh. 155 00:06:11,622 --> 00:06:13,342 As a matter of fact, the first time we met, 156 00:06:13,415 --> 00:06:15,543 I was carrying this cheese Danish and... 157 00:06:15,626 --> 00:06:17,878 Then you got married. And I love that story. 158 00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:20,089 Sorry I couldn't be there. 159 00:06:20,172 --> 00:06:22,424 Oh, it's no problem. You're in Iowa, and, you know, 160 00:06:22,508 --> 00:06:23,676 you have to suckle Iowa. 161 00:06:23,759 --> 00:06:25,320 - If anybody knows, I know. - She's at a book signing. 162 00:06:25,344 --> 00:06:27,137 How is your book signing going, ma'am? 163 00:06:27,263 --> 00:06:29,390 Oh, it's going spectacularly well. 164 00:06:29,473 --> 00:06:32,977 We've got a great team working here. 165 00:06:33,227 --> 00:06:34,812 Listen, is Mike still there? 166 00:06:34,979 --> 00:06:37,481 Mike is not. 167 00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:39,233 Okay. Bye-bye. Thanks. 168 00:06:39,316 --> 00:06:41,110 - Fuck. - Hey, ma'am? Hey, it's... 169 00:06:41,193 --> 00:06:42,361 Oh, got to go. 170 00:06:42,444 --> 00:06:43,654 Going back in the bowl. 171 00:06:44,196 --> 00:06:46,156 Reporter on TV: Strong rumors today there may be 172 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:48,301 a major announcement coming from the defense department... 173 00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:50,786 Okay, defense secretary Maddox has slipped his leash. 174 00:06:51,453 --> 00:06:52,806 Maddox has so far refused to comment... 175 00:06:52,830 --> 00:06:55,249 Somebody get me actual intel from the Pentagon. 176 00:06:55,332 --> 00:06:57,102 I feel like I'm Joe public here. I know nothing. 177 00:06:57,126 --> 00:06:58,502 And I don't like that feeling. 178 00:06:59,169 --> 00:07:01,129 Man: Would you like to go to dinner with us later? 179 00:07:02,006 --> 00:07:03,382 Woman: What's your favorite word? 180 00:07:03,674 --> 00:07:04,675 Next! 181 00:07:07,219 --> 00:07:08,512 Do you think I offended her? 182 00:07:09,013 --> 00:07:11,265 - Can you write "to Alice..." - Mmm-hmm. 183 00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:13,726 "This is to get you back"? 184 00:07:14,268 --> 00:07:16,645 I think I need to decompress... 185 00:07:16,729 --> 00:07:18,439 - Absolutely. - Just for a few seconds. 186 00:07:18,522 --> 00:07:20,608 Understood, I'm brain-dead just watching you. 187 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:22,693 That was... 188 00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:24,170 Selina: I'm going back to the hotel. 189 00:07:24,194 --> 00:07:26,214 Richard: Absolutely. What shall I tell these people? 190 00:07:26,238 --> 00:07:28,324 - Oh, garyjust usually makes up an excuse. - Okay. 191 00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:31,344 Uh, ladies and gentlemen, the vice president has to step out for a moment 192 00:07:31,368 --> 00:07:33,162 to take a phone call with a senator. 193 00:07:33,287 --> 00:07:34,788 He's having a big problem. 194 00:07:34,872 --> 00:07:38,417 It's... 195 00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:41,128 I will be back very soon. Thank you so much. 196 00:07:41,211 --> 00:07:42,463 Okay? 197 00:07:48,927 --> 00:07:50,304 Oh, god. 198 00:07:53,682 --> 00:07:56,310 "Love is patient, love is kind. 199 00:07:56,602 --> 00:07:59,122 "It is notjealous, it is not pompous. 200 00:08:00,689 --> 00:08:03,484 "It is not inflated, it is not rude. 201 00:08:07,071 --> 00:08:09,114 "It does not seek its own interests... 202 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:12,135 "It is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, 203 00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:14,411 "it does not rejoice over wrongdoing. 204 00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:17,498 "Love bears all things, believes all things, 205 00:08:17,581 --> 00:08:21,085 "sends... love... it ends... love never ends." 206 00:08:29,885 --> 00:08:31,470 Oh, my god. 207 00:08:32,221 --> 00:08:35,557 Wendy: I will love you more today than yesterday, 208 00:08:36,475 --> 00:08:39,311 but you are always all of my tomorrows. 209 00:08:41,105 --> 00:08:42,272 Mmm. 210 00:08:43,148 --> 00:08:44,858 I am but a satellite 211 00:08:44,942 --> 00:08:48,362 caught in the gravity of your planet, Wendy. 212 00:08:59,915 --> 00:09:01,583 I was headed for the fall 213 00:09:01,667 --> 00:09:04,795 when you, Michael, gave me back my spring. 214 00:09:13,095 --> 00:09:16,432 My official statement to the press reads thus, 215 00:09:17,015 --> 00:09:18,851 "we are in love, come celebrate." 216 00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:26,525 Ben: Stand aside, asshole. 217 00:09:26,608 --> 00:09:28,670 Selina: Ben? Richard: You catch more flies with honey 218 00:09:28,694 --> 00:09:30,154 than with bad language. 219 00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:33,133 - Hi, Ben! - Ma'am, the chief of staff of the president. 220 00:09:33,157 --> 00:09:35,451 Get out of the way, or I'll fucking inhale you. 221 00:09:35,826 --> 00:09:39,163 Good to see your friendly-ish face-ish! 222 00:09:39,580 --> 00:09:40,748 - Who? - Richard... 223 00:09:40,831 --> 00:09:41,874 Oh, it's nothing. 224 00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:43,917 Listen, you need to get me some advil, 225 00:09:44,001 --> 00:09:45,669 'cause I got some people in here. 226 00:09:45,794 --> 00:09:47,087 - Okay? - Consider it done. 227 00:09:47,171 --> 00:09:49,357 Do you have a preference on water? Because I'm all about Fiji. 228 00:09:49,381 --> 00:09:50,758 Your dress is open. 229 00:09:50,841 --> 00:09:53,677 - Oh. - Wow. The elk suite! 230 00:09:53,761 --> 00:09:54,887 Yeah. 231 00:09:55,012 --> 00:09:57,723 What are you doing here? 232 00:09:57,848 --> 00:10:00,267 I'm on my way to congressman cowgill's funeral. 233 00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:03,228 - Oh, right. Poor Rick cowgill. - Mmm. 234 00:10:03,312 --> 00:10:06,774 God, he was a 4'11" stick of dynamite. 235 00:10:07,608 --> 00:10:10,235 A great man inside a small man. 236 00:10:10,903 --> 00:10:12,696 Stick one of those in Ricky's hand, 237 00:10:12,780 --> 00:10:14,340 he would have looked like an average-sized man. 238 00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:15,949 Mmm. 239 00:10:16,033 --> 00:10:17,117 So where's the team? 240 00:10:17,201 --> 00:10:19,095 Oh, they're at Mike's wedding. 241 00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:20,662 I kinda miss 'em. 242 00:10:21,872 --> 00:10:24,124 Oh, it's just Gary. Press ignore. 243 00:10:25,334 --> 00:10:28,212 I now pronounce you husband and wife. 244 00:10:33,091 --> 00:10:35,260 All right, all you single ladies... 245 00:10:35,344 --> 00:10:36,887 I don't wanna do it. 246 00:10:38,639 --> 00:10:39,848 Jonah: Whew! Coming through. 247 00:10:39,932 --> 00:10:42,226 I got a jet here that could cut a fucking diamond. 248 00:10:42,935 --> 00:10:45,055 What the hell are you doing here? You weren't invited. 249 00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:46,522 Unless you're the worst man. 250 00:10:46,605 --> 00:10:48,482 No, I live down the street from Pam Kendall. 251 00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:50,043 Her car broke down, so I gave her a lift. 252 00:10:50,067 --> 00:10:51,109 Pentagon Pam? 253 00:10:51,235 --> 00:10:52,962 She give you any hint on the Maddox announcement? 254 00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,172 Nah, she didn't give me anything. 255 00:10:54,196 --> 00:10:55,739 Except for flirty glances. 256 00:10:56,073 --> 00:10:57,633 What's that stubby thing you got there? 257 00:10:57,741 --> 00:11:00,577 "Westwingman.net"? Never heard of this. 258 00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:02,555 Come on, man. You're embarrassing yourself. 259 00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:04,289 That's the hottest gossip site in DC. 260 00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:07,918 Yeah? "Lifting the lid on the inter-agency softball league"? 261 00:11:08,085 --> 00:11:10,087 "Face to face with america's wind tycoons." 262 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:13,048 Wow. This is some seriously butter knife-dull shit, man. 263 00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:15,259 No, no, no. Underneath, that's grit legit. 264 00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:17,142 So what's westwingman got on the Maddox thing? 265 00:11:17,219 --> 00:11:18,428 Nothing yet. But he will. 266 00:11:18,554 --> 00:11:21,807 If it ain't on westwingman, it ain't no thing, man. 267 00:11:23,392 --> 00:11:24,852 It's you, isn't it? 268 00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:29,398 - Who told you that? - You just did, you dummy. 269 00:11:29,481 --> 00:11:32,943 Fuck! God! Keep that under your hat. 270 00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:34,754 - Yeah. Sure. - That's just between you and me. 271 00:11:34,778 --> 00:11:38,031 - Uh-huh. - Now if you will excuse me, I am at a wedding, 272 00:11:38,115 --> 00:11:40,492 and women at a wedding are like ripe fruit ready to drop. 273 00:11:40,576 --> 00:11:42,244 And I am a sex wasp. 274 00:11:42,661 --> 00:11:44,288 Gonna wash those paws, big guy? 275 00:11:44,454 --> 00:11:46,707 Are you kidding? My pheromones make bitches moan. 276 00:11:46,790 --> 00:11:49,459 I'm gonna leave a trail right back to my apartment. 277 00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:54,047 Look at us. You pretending to be me 278 00:11:54,131 --> 00:11:56,258 signing a book I didn't even write. 279 00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:59,052 - That's politics in a nutsack. - Yeah. 280 00:11:59,136 --> 00:12:02,222 New beginnings: Our next American journey. 281 00:12:02,306 --> 00:12:03,807 What do you think of that title? 282 00:12:03,891 --> 00:12:04,892 It's so full of shit, 283 00:12:04,975 --> 00:12:07,144 there's a colon right smack-dab in the middle. 284 00:12:07,311 --> 00:12:09,897 Oh, god. They kept coming up with all of these awful titles. 285 00:12:09,980 --> 00:12:11,523 You wouldn't even have believed it. 286 00:12:11,607 --> 00:12:15,152 Like, footsteps to the future was one. 287 00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:18,447 Red, white and you was actually another one. 288 00:12:18,530 --> 00:12:20,407 Yes. Hands of our children. 289 00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:22,135 - What? - It's like a massacre or something. 290 00:12:22,159 --> 00:12:23,452 - Fuckin' sick. - Selina: I know. 291 00:12:23,535 --> 00:12:25,954 I was so busy listening to these stupid fucks, 292 00:12:26,038 --> 00:12:29,124 I didn't listen to this voice in my own head saying, 293 00:12:29,207 --> 00:12:32,336 "this is dog shit. Selina, this is complete dog shit. 294 00:12:32,586 --> 00:12:34,922 "Don't step in it, don't... You just stepped in it." 295 00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:37,125 Now look here, it's printed in a book, so that's good. 296 00:12:37,215 --> 00:12:39,760 Look, don't listen to those DC assholes, then. 297 00:12:39,843 --> 00:12:41,428 You're out amongst the real people now. 298 00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:42,864 These are the people that you love. 299 00:12:42,888 --> 00:12:45,307 - This is your thing. - You're right. It's true. 300 00:12:45,390 --> 00:12:47,201 So, you want to be the president of the United States? 301 00:12:47,225 --> 00:12:50,270 I want to be president. It's just that I'm staring down the barrel 302 00:12:50,354 --> 00:12:52,439 of 18 months of this shit, you know? 303 00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:55,275 - Eighteen months, it's nothing. - Eighteen months is not nothing. 304 00:12:55,359 --> 00:12:57,235 Eighteen months is an entire pregnancy 305 00:12:57,361 --> 00:12:59,613 with another entire pregnancy tacked onto the end of it. 306 00:12:59,738 --> 00:13:01,406 Well, I'm a pretty good strategy guy. 307 00:13:01,573 --> 00:13:03,283 - Oh. - I could be your midwife. 308 00:13:03,367 --> 00:13:05,702 You know, get my hands dirty? 309 00:13:07,579 --> 00:13:10,332 Um, could you go sit in that chair over there? 310 00:13:10,415 --> 00:13:11,875 Oh, yeah. 311 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,169 All right, listen. Midwife me this, then. 312 00:13:14,670 --> 00:13:16,338 Campaign manager... 313 00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:17,798 Dan or Amy? 314 00:13:17,881 --> 00:13:20,217 Look, forget about Amy, forget about Dan. 315 00:13:20,384 --> 00:13:23,303 Two words, bill ericsson. 316 00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:24,638 No way. He's not available. 317 00:13:24,721 --> 00:13:26,139 He is available, all right? 318 00:13:26,223 --> 00:13:27,867 And he's going to be at cowgill's funeral. 319 00:13:27,891 --> 00:13:29,559 So, let's go talk to him. 320 00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:32,062 - Oh, my god, he's got the midas playbook. - Yes. 321 00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:33,647 - He got Briggs elected... - Twice. 322 00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:35,249 - Twice. That's what I'm saying. - Yeah. 323 00:13:35,273 --> 00:13:36,501 So it should be easier for you. 324 00:13:36,525 --> 00:13:39,152 - You actually have a personality. - That's right, I do. 325 00:13:39,236 --> 00:13:41,279 - And you never grope waitresses. - Right. 326 00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:43,573 All right, let's go! Let's go meet and grieve. 327 00:13:43,657 --> 00:13:45,659 We'll meet ericsson, and we'll grieve little Ricky. 328 00:13:45,742 --> 00:13:48,245 - Yeah, god rest his tiny soul. - I know. 329 00:13:48,537 --> 00:13:51,137 You know, I heard that dog picked him up and shook him really bad. 330 00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:55,627 Ladies and gentlemen, sadly, 331 00:13:55,711 --> 00:13:57,992 the vice president will not be back to finish the signing. 332 00:13:58,088 --> 00:13:59,089 What? 333 00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:01,675 The senator, who I mentioned earlier... 334 00:14:01,967 --> 00:14:05,846 His problems have become even bigger. 335 00:14:06,263 --> 00:14:08,515 Come on, let's go. Eeob peeps, let's go. 336 00:14:08,598 --> 00:14:10,392 This is my last wedding. Come on. 337 00:14:10,475 --> 00:14:13,186 Whoa, Jonah, eisenhower people only. Go. 338 00:14:13,270 --> 00:14:14,747 Well, then, what is Wendy doing in the photo, Mike? 339 00:14:14,771 --> 00:14:16,290 - She doesn't work there, does she? - Go. 340 00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:18,084 Jonah, what's the point? You don't show up in photographs. 341 00:14:18,108 --> 00:14:19,961 The sooner we do this, the sooner we get it done. 342 00:14:19,985 --> 00:14:21,921 Right? The sooner we do this, the sooner we get it done. 343 00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:23,280 - Okay? - Amy: Yeah, yeah. 344 00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:25,949 5d? I've got a 1d. 345 00:14:27,284 --> 00:14:28,952 You keep a second phone there? 346 00:14:29,119 --> 00:14:31,621 Hypocritical. And horny. 347 00:14:31,747 --> 00:14:33,999 - Photographer: Okay, one, two... - Shit on my tits. 348 00:14:34,082 --> 00:14:36,543 - Maddoxjust resigned. - What, the sec def's gone? 349 00:14:36,626 --> 00:14:39,254 Okay, okay, you can have your phones for five minutes, guys. 350 00:14:39,337 --> 00:14:41,631 The Wi-Fi password is "starboard135a." 351 00:14:41,715 --> 00:14:44,068 - Where's the phone bowl? - I don't know where the phone bowl is. 352 00:14:44,092 --> 00:14:46,595 - I need my primary phone. - Shut up! Shut up, everybody! 353 00:14:48,138 --> 00:14:49,556 It's right here. 354 00:14:49,639 --> 00:14:52,225 Is Maddox running for president? Is that what this is? 355 00:14:52,309 --> 00:14:53,935 Oh, I already have mine. 356 00:14:54,019 --> 00:14:55,645 "Team veep goes into meltdown 357 00:14:55,729 --> 00:14:57,731 "as sec def Maddox news breaks." 358 00:14:57,814 --> 00:14:59,733 And upload the money shot. 359 00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:02,027 I hate how he learned English from pornography. 360 00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:03,361 Did you just post that? 361 00:15:03,445 --> 00:15:04,821 I run a gossip-tainment site 362 00:15:04,905 --> 00:15:07,240 and this is very gossip-taining. 363 00:15:13,121 --> 00:15:15,040 Sorry, guys. Not gonna take any questions now. 364 00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:17,375 Secretary Maddox will be making a statement later today. 365 00:15:18,043 --> 00:15:19,127 This is not a crisis. 366 00:15:19,211 --> 00:15:22,506 Stop flapping your vestigial limbs around. The line on Maddox 367 00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:25,133 is one more old man has gone off to play chess in the park. 368 00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:28,303 And somebody find out who westwingman is. 369 00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:30,931 Fyi, it may not be his real name. 370 00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:33,326 Selina: Looks like Maddox is making a move. 371 00:15:33,350 --> 00:15:35,393 We're going to need ericsson now, am I right? 372 00:15:35,519 --> 00:15:37,354 - Oh, yeah. - Now more than ever. Seriously. 373 00:15:38,021 --> 00:15:39,874 Dan, listen. We're going to have to do something 374 00:15:39,898 --> 00:15:41,733 if Maddox is actually gonna run. 375 00:15:42,025 --> 00:15:44,337 Yes, ma'am, yes. I was voted most likely to do something now 376 00:15:44,361 --> 00:15:46,279 - in my class yearbook. - Just get on it. 377 00:15:46,655 --> 00:15:49,491 - Running for what, ma'am? - Ben: Yeah. Listen, bumpkin, 378 00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:51,118 you blurt out anything to anyone 379 00:15:51,201 --> 00:15:53,912 about Maddox running or potus deciding not to run, 380 00:15:53,995 --> 00:15:55,872 the closest you'll get to a political career 381 00:15:55,997 --> 00:15:59,126 will be selling Nixon masks at a Halloween shop, okay? 382 00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:00,686 Potus isn't seeking re-election? 383 00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:02,420 Ben: I said don't blurt. You blurted. 384 00:16:02,546 --> 00:16:05,048 - You blurted first. - You blurted about running. 385 00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:07,175 You're running? 386 00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:10,762 Ben, can you not keep a cat in a bag for one fuckin' second? 387 00:16:10,846 --> 00:16:12,166 Now we're gonna have to kill him. 388 00:16:12,222 --> 00:16:14,307 Ma'am, if you need any help with your campaign, 389 00:16:14,391 --> 00:16:16,434 I'm real good in a high-pressure situation. 390 00:16:16,518 --> 00:16:18,228 Really? In what sense "good"? 391 00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,438 I was all over that book line thing. 392 00:16:20,522 --> 00:16:23,459 Yeah. I tell you what, get the driver to turn the air conditioning on, okay? 393 00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:24,651 'Cause I'm boiling up here. 394 00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:26,236 I can do that! 395 00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:29,906 - How do I do that? - Just open the door while we're moving, 396 00:16:30,073 --> 00:16:31,908 climb under the car like Indiana Jones, 397 00:16:31,992 --> 00:16:34,411 pop up on the hood and write a note on the windshield. 398 00:16:34,995 --> 00:16:37,831 All right! Time to cut the cake, everybody! 399 00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:40,083 Watch out! My wife has a knife! 400 00:16:41,626 --> 00:16:43,186 I think the optimal size for each slice 401 00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:44,939 is about a half inch for everybody, all right? 402 00:16:44,963 --> 00:16:46,506 I got about a half inch for you. 403 00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:47,951 - You exaggerate. - Okay. 404 00:16:48,008 --> 00:16:50,177 Here we go. 405 00:16:50,802 --> 00:16:52,470 Texting behind your back? Jesus. 406 00:16:52,554 --> 00:16:54,306 - You Hendrix texting? - Just staying ahead. 407 00:16:54,389 --> 00:16:56,309 - That's what a good campaign manager does. - No. 408 00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:58,768 No, a good campaign manager, Amy... 409 00:16:59,603 --> 00:17:01,938 Excuse me, I'm about to be brilliant. 410 00:17:04,900 --> 00:17:06,836 You guys are just like two little pretty easter eggs. 411 00:17:06,860 --> 00:17:08,195 I'd love to crack you open. 412 00:17:08,278 --> 00:17:09,613 Dan: Hey, hepatitis-j. 413 00:17:10,071 --> 00:17:11,924 How's that pic you posted on your blog going, huh? 414 00:17:11,948 --> 00:17:13,867 It's a hashtag hurricane, bitch tits. 415 00:17:13,950 --> 00:17:15,428 You don't think maybe you should take that down? 416 00:17:15,452 --> 00:17:17,172 You don't think you should go fist a chimp? 417 00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:19,539 Well, it's just that you showing us panicking 418 00:17:19,623 --> 00:17:22,459 makes it seem like the Maddox resignation is somehow significant to us. 419 00:17:22,751 --> 00:17:26,046 - Mmm-hmm. - 'Cause he would be a big rival for selina... 420 00:17:26,171 --> 00:17:27,464 Ooh. 421 00:17:28,298 --> 00:17:29,966 Who wants to run for president. 422 00:17:30,133 --> 00:17:31,843 Yeah, yeah. Mmm-hmm. 423 00:17:31,927 --> 00:17:35,347 Because the president of the United States is not going to run again. 424 00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:39,517 - So? - So the president has not yet announced 425 00:17:39,601 --> 00:17:40,977 that he's not gonna run again. 426 00:17:43,605 --> 00:17:45,082 That's no problem. I'll just take it down. 427 00:17:45,106 --> 00:17:47,586 Yeah, yeah. Just make sure you do that before Google caches it, 428 00:17:47,651 --> 00:17:50,129 because once that happens, it's on there till the end of the world, 429 00:17:50,153 --> 00:17:51,947 which will also probably be your fault. 430 00:17:52,155 --> 00:17:55,033 - What's Google's number? - I don't know. Ask jeeves. 431 00:17:55,116 --> 00:17:56,302 Do you know anybody at the NSA? 432 00:17:56,326 --> 00:17:58,495 Does anybody here know anybody at the NSA? 433 00:18:00,664 --> 00:18:03,750 Oh, I see you here on this sad day. 434 00:18:04,251 --> 00:18:06,836 Okay, that's Isaac denisov from change.Org. She hates him. 435 00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:07,980 This way, ma'am. You hate him. 436 00:18:08,004 --> 00:18:10,131 Oh, yeah. That's the first one you've got right today. 437 00:18:10,215 --> 00:18:12,550 He's a douche. We've gotta find ericsson. 438 00:18:12,634 --> 00:18:14,678 I'll know when I see him. I never forget a jpeg. 439 00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:17,555 - Blake Stewart alert. - Madam vice president. 440 00:18:17,639 --> 00:18:19,933 Blake Stewart. Oh, my goodness. 441 00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:22,686 Blake won the nomination a decade ago 442 00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:24,729 and lost disastrously. 443 00:18:25,021 --> 00:18:26,940 He's gonna throw selina off her game. 444 00:18:28,650 --> 00:18:30,490 He's the bubonic fuckin' plague of this party. 445 00:18:30,860 --> 00:18:32,821 - I see you're doing a book tour. - I am, yes. 446 00:18:32,904 --> 00:18:35,907 - Are you thinking of running? - Oh. No, no, no. 447 00:18:36,074 --> 00:18:39,619 - I'm just Hawking books. - You are gonna deny that for six years, 448 00:18:39,703 --> 00:18:41,037 then you'll run anyway. 449 00:18:41,162 --> 00:18:42,998 What was it like, the campaign, for you? 450 00:18:43,081 --> 00:18:45,500 Exciting, then exhausting. 451 00:18:45,709 --> 00:18:48,420 - Ah. - Then I died. 452 00:18:48,503 --> 00:18:50,755 Joking. Kinda. 453 00:18:51,131 --> 00:18:53,717 Well, you're out of it now, so that's good. 454 00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:56,052 I used to think that I failed because of my team. 455 00:18:56,177 --> 00:18:57,863 - Mmm-hmm. - I didn't have the right chief of staff, 456 00:18:57,887 --> 00:18:59,723 campaign manager, comms guys, 457 00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:01,349 my then wife, but, no. 458 00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:04,394 It was me. I just didn't have it. 459 00:19:04,728 --> 00:19:06,896 - Well, very few of us do. - Right. 460 00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:09,733 - Like cowgill. - Poor cowgill. 461 00:19:09,983 --> 00:19:11,860 I kinda wish it was me in that box. 462 00:19:13,445 --> 00:19:14,845 It's good speaking with you, Blake. 463 00:19:15,071 --> 00:19:17,073 Really? Oh, thanks. 464 00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:19,409 - I don't hear that a lot. - Oh. 465 00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:23,330 - Ma'am? - Oh. Yes? 466 00:19:23,413 --> 00:19:27,000 The prime minister of Scotland is on the line right now. 467 00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:29,294 - It sounds important. - Oh, great. 468 00:19:29,711 --> 00:19:32,714 Important, yes. Would you excuse me for a second? Hello? 469 00:19:33,590 --> 00:19:35,508 Wendy: Well, you know what? 470 00:19:35,592 --> 00:19:37,469 We could consummate this marriage right here. 471 00:19:37,552 --> 00:19:39,429 No one would notice or give a shit. 472 00:19:39,554 --> 00:19:40,847 - Mike: We could. - Mmm-hmm. 473 00:19:40,930 --> 00:19:42,766 Mike: Or... Wendy: Or? 474 00:19:42,932 --> 00:19:44,434 We could check our phones. 475 00:19:44,559 --> 00:19:45,894 Wendy: Gary? 476 00:19:48,438 --> 00:19:50,190 - Madam vice president? - Selina: Yes? 477 00:19:50,273 --> 00:19:53,735 - I was Rick's nephew. - Are you kidding me? 478 00:19:53,818 --> 00:19:55,862 This is cowgill's nephew. 479 00:19:55,945 --> 00:19:58,257 Gary: If they tell her who they are, you don't have to say anything. 480 00:19:58,281 --> 00:20:01,951 Mr. Stewart, this is the poem we'd like you to read. 481 00:20:02,118 --> 00:20:05,914 Thank you. I've prepared some closing words, too. 482 00:20:06,289 --> 00:20:09,167 I was gonna actually ask the vice president 483 00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:11,628 if she would like to say something. 484 00:20:11,753 --> 00:20:13,088 No, it's fine. 485 00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:15,757 - I'm a terrible speaker anyway. - No, you're not. 486 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,425 Yeah. That's how I lost 49 states. 487 00:20:17,634 --> 00:20:19,928 No. Well... 488 00:20:20,387 --> 00:20:22,597 - Yeah. It is. - Okay. 489 00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:27,518 Jonah: Hey. What's going on, man? What's crackin'? 490 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:30,397 - We got potus incoming? - May I see your white house pass, Mr. Ryan? 491 00:20:31,022 --> 00:20:32,649 Uh, yes, sir. Absolutely. 492 00:20:33,691 --> 00:20:34,984 There you are. 493 00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:37,487 Leave. 494 00:20:37,654 --> 00:20:39,489 - But I work here. - Not anymore. 495 00:20:39,697 --> 00:20:41,908 Sir, I think I've temporarily lost your meaning. 496 00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:44,095 Amy: Dan, did you go running back to the white house? 497 00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:45,286 What can I say, 498 00:20:45,370 --> 00:20:47,556 reception is a little spotty at the center of the universe. 499 00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:49,749 The party is over, Mr. Westwingman. 500 00:20:49,833 --> 00:20:52,168 There is a dead guy in the pool, and that dead guy is you. 501 00:20:52,293 --> 00:20:53,396 I'm going to have to call you back. 502 00:20:53,420 --> 00:20:55,213 Something truly wonderful has happened. 503 00:20:55,296 --> 00:20:57,465 I think there's been a misunderstanding... No, hold on. 504 00:20:57,549 --> 00:20:59,830 One, you were running a news blog while working in office. 505 00:20:59,884 --> 00:21:02,554 - It was gossip-tainment. - Two, you posted a photo, 506 00:21:02,637 --> 00:21:04,431 which roused the suspicions of the press. 507 00:21:04,556 --> 00:21:06,349 It has been fonnarded to every hack in DC. 508 00:21:06,433 --> 00:21:09,018 That wasn't me. And I deleted it. 509 00:21:09,102 --> 00:21:10,437 Which made it even worse! 510 00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:13,022 The fact is that your post has made it impossible 511 00:21:13,106 --> 00:21:14,666 to sit on the potus' secret any longer, 512 00:21:14,691 --> 00:21:17,569 so as a direct result of your actions, 513 00:21:17,861 --> 00:21:19,612 the president of the United States 514 00:21:19,696 --> 00:21:22,407 is bringing toward the announcement to today 515 00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:24,576 that he is not running for re-election. 516 00:21:25,285 --> 00:21:27,787 We'll alert the networks there's gonna be a live announcement. 517 00:21:27,871 --> 00:21:30,206 Don't interrupt any major sporting event unless it's golf. 518 00:21:30,498 --> 00:21:32,959 And get him out of here, via his desk. 519 00:21:33,042 --> 00:21:34,437 Lord knows what you'll find in there. 520 00:21:34,461 --> 00:21:36,629 I'm sorry. I think you might be overreacting to this. 521 00:21:36,713 --> 00:21:38,793 No, Terrence. What am I gonna do? Am I gonna hit him? 522 00:21:39,174 --> 00:21:40,693 Sir, please, don't take this away from me. 523 00:21:40,717 --> 00:21:43,595 The west wing is part of my DNA and vice versa. 524 00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:45,600 Okay, this is a teachable moment, and I think... 525 00:21:45,638 --> 00:21:46,890 You're embarrassing yourself. 526 00:21:46,973 --> 00:21:49,100 Sir, I don't have anything else in my life. 527 00:21:49,392 --> 00:21:52,187 - He really doesn't. - See? Exactly. Thank you, Dan. 528 00:21:52,353 --> 00:21:54,314 - Fuck you, Dan! - That'll be all, Mr. Ryan. 529 00:21:54,397 --> 00:21:57,150 - Sir, did potus okay this? - Get him out of here! 530 00:21:58,568 --> 00:22:00,445 How did you survive Blake? 531 00:22:00,528 --> 00:22:02,381 - Tell me you're okay. - Selina: Are you kidding me? 532 00:22:02,405 --> 00:22:05,241 That bag of wrist slits got the nomination? 533 00:22:05,408 --> 00:22:07,660 With that face and that personality? 534 00:22:07,744 --> 00:22:09,889 I mean, look at what I got to work with. Where's ericsson? 535 00:22:09,913 --> 00:22:11,390 I just heard that he bolted back to DC 536 00:22:11,414 --> 00:22:12,749 when the Maddox news came out. 537 00:22:13,082 --> 00:22:14,626 All right. Fuck it. 538 00:22:14,792 --> 00:22:16,920 I don't need a team, I don't need a campaign manager. 539 00:22:17,086 --> 00:22:19,547 You think I got here just 'cause I got $50 million in the bank 540 00:22:19,631 --> 00:22:21,132 - and this amazing ass? - No. 541 00:22:22,759 --> 00:22:24,802 All right, cowgill was your congressman, 542 00:22:24,886 --> 00:22:26,804 so give me some facts about him. Go. Now. 543 00:22:26,971 --> 00:22:28,723 - He was an amazing fisherman. - Okay. 544 00:22:28,806 --> 00:22:30,266 And he collected beer labels. 545 00:22:30,350 --> 00:22:31,976 What are you gonna do with that? 546 00:22:32,936 --> 00:22:34,479 I'm going to read a poem 547 00:22:34,938 --> 00:22:37,058 by Rick's granddaughter, Maeve. 548 00:22:37,607 --> 00:22:38,858 It's... 549 00:22:40,860 --> 00:22:42,153 Well, you'll see. 550 00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:46,616 "We love you, and we'll miss your face, 551 00:22:47,283 --> 00:22:50,954 "husband, father, grandad. 552 00:22:51,037 --> 00:22:53,206 "You made the world a better place. 553 00:22:54,916 --> 00:22:56,834 "And now you left it sad." 554 00:23:22,151 --> 00:23:23,403 Selina: Good afternoon. 555 00:23:23,861 --> 00:23:27,156 Well, I was planning on keeping this brief. 556 00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:28,908 In fact, I was gonna say "short," 557 00:23:28,992 --> 00:23:32,579 but I know how sensitive Rick was about his height. 558 00:23:35,415 --> 00:23:37,417 You think you've seen the end of Jonah Ryan? 559 00:23:37,625 --> 00:23:40,628 You haven't even seen the start of Jonah Ryan! 560 00:23:40,712 --> 00:23:42,422 I'm leaving here with my head held high 561 00:23:42,505 --> 00:23:45,883 and my nuts hanging low on your mom's chin, Martin. 562 00:23:46,426 --> 00:23:48,266 You got your porn stash there! 563 00:23:49,429 --> 00:23:50,638 Any last words? 564 00:23:51,764 --> 00:23:52,849 Fuck you... 565 00:23:55,852 --> 00:23:58,354 Selina: Rick's life reflects america. 566 00:23:58,688 --> 00:24:00,607 He was an avid fisherman. 567 00:24:00,940 --> 00:24:03,151 And as a congressman, 568 00:24:03,568 --> 00:24:07,780 gosh, did he know how to cast upstream, 569 00:24:07,864 --> 00:24:09,490 to anticipate it. 570 00:24:09,574 --> 00:24:11,326 And when he got that first bite, 571 00:24:11,409 --> 00:24:13,786 whoa, did he reel it in. 572 00:24:15,079 --> 00:24:17,749 He was a nuanced politician 573 00:24:17,832 --> 00:24:20,293 with a mighty big collection of beer labels. 574 00:24:22,587 --> 00:24:23,713 I'll be back. 575 00:24:24,047 --> 00:24:27,216 I'm gonna be back as the fucking president. 576 00:24:27,300 --> 00:24:29,886 Jonah Ryan, 2026! 577 00:24:30,178 --> 00:24:31,721 That's a mid-terms year, Jonah. 578 00:24:31,804 --> 00:24:33,222 Jonah: Well, then, I'll change it! 579 00:24:33,848 --> 00:24:35,683 I'm gonna miss you, Rick cowgill, 580 00:24:36,392 --> 00:24:37,685 fisherman, 581 00:24:38,561 --> 00:24:39,896 congressman, 582 00:24:40,772 --> 00:24:42,106 American. 583 00:24:49,238 --> 00:24:51,342 Well, I blew the fuckin' roof off of this church, didn't I? 584 00:24:51,366 --> 00:24:52,718 They loved that beer labels anecdote. 585 00:24:52,742 --> 00:24:54,302 Selina: Why would anyone collect those? 586 00:24:55,078 --> 00:24:56,329 Yeah? 587 00:24:56,621 --> 00:24:58,414 Maddox canceled his statement, 588 00:24:58,581 --> 00:25:00,708 because potus is going to make one. 589 00:25:01,292 --> 00:25:02,377 The big one. 590 00:25:02,460 --> 00:25:04,063 Are you saying what I think you're saying? 591 00:25:04,087 --> 00:25:06,172 I'm never ambiguous, ma'am. Not even sexually. 592 00:25:06,422 --> 00:25:08,883 Ben! I love politics. 593 00:25:08,966 --> 00:25:10,927 - Me too, ma'am. - Ma'am? 594 00:25:11,052 --> 00:25:12,095 - Yeah? - I've got Dan. 595 00:25:12,178 --> 00:25:14,055 Oh, Dan. Hey, Dan. 596 00:25:14,180 --> 00:25:16,140 Ma'am. Yes, the Maddox statement. 597 00:25:16,224 --> 00:25:18,309 Yeah. I know, potus is about to make a statement. 598 00:25:18,393 --> 00:25:20,019 Ben just told me. 599 00:25:20,353 --> 00:25:22,623 Well, did he tell you that it was because a lot of people saw a post 600 00:25:22,647 --> 00:25:25,942 - that Jonah made that I fonnarded? - What? You did this? 601 00:25:26,109 --> 00:25:28,820 Well, I don't like to toot my own horn, but... 602 00:25:29,404 --> 00:25:31,698 Yes, yes, I did. 603 00:25:31,781 --> 00:25:33,950 And just like that, Jonah is gone, forever. 604 00:25:34,033 --> 00:25:36,828 Well, all my orgasms have come at once. 605 00:25:37,036 --> 00:25:39,414 - That's fantastic. Um... - Yeah, yeah. 606 00:25:39,497 --> 00:25:41,499 Now, listen, ma'am, I wanted to ask you... 607 00:25:42,583 --> 00:25:44,210 - Yeah? - Would you do me the honor 608 00:25:44,293 --> 00:25:46,546 of making me your campaign manager? 609 00:25:46,629 --> 00:25:48,548 Oh, I've gotta go. Thank you, Dan. 610 00:25:51,134 --> 00:25:52,635 All right, Richard... 611 00:25:53,636 --> 00:25:55,471 Listen, I want to tell you... 612 00:25:55,555 --> 00:25:58,015 No, thank you, ma'am. 613 00:25:58,433 --> 00:25:59,809 Until tomorrow. 614 00:26:00,351 --> 00:26:01,561 What? Tomorrow? 615 00:26:01,644 --> 00:26:03,271 Book tour, day six. 616 00:26:03,354 --> 00:26:04,814 Cedar rapids, here we come. 617 00:26:04,897 --> 00:26:06,983 Selina: Oh, Jesus Christ. I hate politics. 618 00:26:18,786 --> 00:26:20,663 Wendy, Wendy, Wendy. Come here. 619 00:26:21,164 --> 00:26:22,749 - Remember that Jonah guy? - Jonah? 620 00:26:22,832 --> 00:26:25,501 - Oh, the seven-foot mouth? - Yeah. Look at this. 621 00:26:25,668 --> 00:26:27,020 What if! Give out the Wi-Fi password 622 00:26:27,044 --> 00:26:28,838 out to everybody on Pennsylvania Avenue, huh? 623 00:26:29,005 --> 00:26:32,049 Oh, god. Are you kidding me? He's gone! 624 00:26:32,216 --> 00:26:34,218 This is the best day of my life! 625 00:26:34,552 --> 00:26:35,803 Oh. 626 00:26:37,847 --> 00:26:39,432 - Hey. - Amy: Come on! 627 00:26:39,515 --> 00:26:41,142 Gary: Ladies and gentlemen, 628 00:26:41,392 --> 00:26:44,145 vice president selina meyer! 629 00:26:44,228 --> 00:26:46,189 Whoo! You should be here! 630 00:26:46,314 --> 00:26:48,483 Selina: I wanted to say a few words 631 00:26:48,566 --> 00:26:50,109 and speak very frankly. 632 00:26:50,193 --> 00:26:52,236 I was gonna say "baldly," 633 00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:55,823 but I know how sensitive Mike is about his hair. 634 00:26:58,576 --> 00:27:01,037 We all know how much Mike loves his boat. 635 00:27:01,496 --> 00:27:02,616 And I'll tell you something. 636 00:27:02,663 --> 00:27:04,540 If he ever chose to fish, 637 00:27:04,874 --> 00:27:08,503 I know that he'd be able to cast upstream, 638 00:27:08,753 --> 00:27:13,007 to anticipate, and at that very first bite, reel it in. 639 00:27:13,466 --> 00:27:15,885 - 'Cause that's the kind of guy that Mike is. - Aw. 640 00:27:16,177 --> 00:27:18,054 Oh, gosh. I'm going to miss him... 641 00:27:18,638 --> 00:27:21,265 When he goes on his honeymoon. 642 00:27:21,599 --> 00:27:24,560 So, here's to Mike and Wendy. 643 00:27:24,894 --> 00:27:26,562 "Some new beginnings: 644 00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:30,149 "Their next American journey"!