1 00:00:18,811 --> 00:00:21,355 So, incorruptible tribunes of the free press, 2 00:00:21,439 --> 00:00:23,691 please enjoy this Finnish breakfast. 3 00:00:23,774 --> 00:00:25,651 As you know, the vice president recently signed 4 00:00:25,735 --> 00:00:27,528 an historic software agreement with Finland. 5 00:00:27,612 --> 00:00:29,822 Wasn't her trip to Europe overshadowed by the song? 6 00:00:29,906 --> 00:00:31,592 You know, the one where she mocked Europeans? 7 00:00:31,616 --> 00:00:33,242 She wasn't mocking Europeans. 8 00:00:33,326 --> 00:00:34,928 - I would say the song was jesty. - Jesty? 9 00:00:34,952 --> 00:00:36,847 But more importantly, right now the vice president 10 00:00:36,871 --> 00:00:39,040 is meeting with the house majority leader Mary king. 11 00:00:39,123 --> 00:00:40,767 And they are brokering a debt reduction deal 12 00:00:40,791 --> 00:00:42,710 that's going to avert a government shutdown. 13 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:47,089 Selina meyer's becoming one of the most effective American vice presidents in history. 14 00:00:47,173 --> 00:00:49,842 She was crucial in the freeing of the Uzbekistan hostages. 15 00:00:49,926 --> 00:00:51,469 - Correct? - Yes. 16 00:00:53,471 --> 00:00:54,471 The software... 17 00:00:54,513 --> 00:00:57,183 Did she know that one of the hostages was a spy 18 00:00:57,308 --> 00:00:59,936 endangering the other three students? 19 00:01:01,604 --> 00:01:03,231 Possibly not quite at the time. 20 00:01:03,314 --> 00:01:05,149 So all this stuff she's been saying 21 00:01:05,233 --> 00:01:08,361 about being a crucial part of the military rescue is a lie. 22 00:01:08,444 --> 00:01:10,821 Okay, slow down, Leon. Is your blood sugar off? 23 00:01:11,489 --> 00:01:13,616 Have a pastry or some herring, okay? 24 00:01:13,699 --> 00:01:15,826 - Answer the question. - I don't know what she knew 25 00:01:15,910 --> 00:01:17,870 - or when she knew it, Leon. - Mike, Mike. 26 00:01:17,954 --> 00:01:21,332 Either she knew that the student was a spy 27 00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:22,833 and lied when she denied it, 28 00:01:22,917 --> 00:01:25,253 or she didn't know that he was a spy, 29 00:01:25,336 --> 00:01:28,256 but lied about knowing the details of the military rescue. 30 00:01:28,339 --> 00:01:30,299 This isn't "meyer the liar" again. 31 00:01:30,383 --> 00:01:31,759 Well, it is now. 32 00:01:31,842 --> 00:01:33,719 This isn't going to be a cakewalk, selina. 33 00:01:33,803 --> 00:01:35,304 This one's the hard bargaining. 34 00:01:35,388 --> 00:01:36,931 Don't you worry. I know how to haggle. 35 00:01:37,014 --> 00:01:38,599 You betcha. 36 00:01:38,683 --> 00:01:41,102 - How are your boys? - They're great. 37 00:01:41,185 --> 00:01:43,396 - How's Catherine? - She's 21. 38 00:01:43,479 --> 00:01:45,374 - That's great. - Yeah, we're having her party tonight. 39 00:01:45,398 --> 00:01:47,275 - So I'm excited about that. - Tonight? 40 00:01:47,358 --> 00:01:50,444 Yeah. You know, all you ever want for these kids 41 00:01:50,528 --> 00:01:52,822 - is to be happy and healthy. - Right. You bet. 42 00:01:52,905 --> 00:01:54,824 And stay out of middle east politics. 43 00:01:54,907 --> 00:01:56,701 So two out of three ain't bad. 44 00:01:58,244 --> 00:02:00,621 - I'm amazed you can laugh about that. - (Selina laughing) 45 00:02:00,705 --> 00:02:03,708 Yes, that's what I do. I'm laughing about it. 46 00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:07,128 She has that boyfriend. You think that's going to actually lead to a marriage? 47 00:02:07,211 --> 00:02:08,855 Should we get going with this business at hand? 48 00:02:08,879 --> 00:02:09,964 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 49 00:02:10,047 --> 00:02:11,799 I wonder how it's going in there. 50 00:02:11,882 --> 00:02:14,218 It's like waiting for a biopsy result. 51 00:02:14,719 --> 00:02:16,095 Mary's a player. 52 00:02:16,178 --> 00:02:19,307 She did own Brian Earl in negotiations by pretending to faint. 53 00:02:19,390 --> 00:02:21,868 So after Catherine's birthday party tonight, you want to grab a bite? 54 00:02:21,892 --> 00:02:23,769 Talk about Helsinki, strategize a little bit? 55 00:02:23,853 --> 00:02:26,355 - I have a date for tonight. - Yeah. 56 00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:28,983 Yeah? Who is it? 57 00:02:31,027 --> 00:02:32,069 Ooh. And what does ed do? 58 00:02:32,153 --> 00:02:33,793 Ed Webster is a fund-raiser for the party 59 00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:35,821 and he's worked for selina for the past five years. 60 00:02:35,865 --> 00:02:37,783 - Sue. - Cracked under the questioning. 61 00:02:37,867 --> 00:02:40,161 He's one of selina's guys? 62 00:02:40,244 --> 00:02:42,496 You swore you were only gonna date outside DC. 63 00:02:42,580 --> 00:02:44,582 He's not in DC. He works in Boston. 64 00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:47,626 Well, my mom doesn't live in Rome, but she's still a fucking catholic. 65 00:02:47,710 --> 00:02:50,105 - Are you getting worked up, Danny? - Shut the fuck up, Gary. 66 00:02:50,129 --> 00:02:51,523 I'm so happy you're happy for me, Dan. 67 00:02:51,547 --> 00:02:53,007 What do you want, a fucking cake? 68 00:02:53,090 --> 00:02:54,759 Look, I can be happy. See? 69 00:02:55,718 --> 00:02:57,178 There you go. 70 00:02:58,095 --> 00:03:00,681 The only real out here is unemployment insurance. 71 00:03:00,765 --> 00:03:03,434 Mary, potus is not gonna make any cuts 72 00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:05,686 to unemployment insurance and you know that. 73 00:03:05,770 --> 00:03:07,730 Do I need to explain to you how haggling works? 74 00:03:07,813 --> 00:03:09,940 How about a 10% cut to nih, okay? 75 00:03:10,024 --> 00:03:11,817 - I need 20. - I can't do those numbers. 76 00:03:11,901 --> 00:03:13,110 That's not gonna work. 77 00:03:13,194 --> 00:03:15,029 - God bless you. - Thank you. 78 00:03:15,112 --> 00:03:18,783 Then the only obvious solution is unemployment insurance. 79 00:03:19,450 --> 00:03:22,119 No, I told you. Ican't do that. 80 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:27,208 What are you doing? 81 00:03:27,291 --> 00:03:28,417 What? 82 00:03:29,418 --> 00:03:31,670 You stalling for time? 83 00:03:31,754 --> 00:03:33,172 Let me get you a kleenex, yeah? 84 00:03:33,255 --> 00:03:35,383 I think it's over. Sneezes always come in threes. 85 00:03:35,466 --> 00:03:37,466 - Have you ever noticed that? - Really? Is that so? 86 00:03:38,636 --> 00:03:40,012 Well, that was a fourth. 87 00:03:40,096 --> 00:03:42,932 So maybe I need to tell you about how counting works, right? 88 00:03:43,599 --> 00:03:45,059 - Okay. - All right. 89 00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:47,603 - We can raise fees... - The what? 90 00:03:47,686 --> 00:03:49,939 - On Indian health services. - You gonna faint? 91 00:03:50,022 --> 00:03:51,690 I'm not... very funny. 92 00:03:51,774 --> 00:03:53,734 - Do you want water? - Yes. 93 00:03:53,818 --> 00:03:55,194 I'll get you some water. 94 00:03:55,361 --> 00:03:56,570 (Wheezes) 95 00:03:57,071 --> 00:03:59,365 - I'm gonna get you water. - Okay. 96 00:03:59,448 --> 00:04:01,676 - How's it going, ma'am? - Wow, you're really hardballing her, huh? 97 00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:03,911 No, she's pretending to cough herself inside out. 98 00:04:03,994 --> 00:04:05,496 Could you get her some water, please? 99 00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:06,831 I don't know what... 100 00:04:06,956 --> 00:04:08,124 (Coughing loudly) 101 00:04:08,332 --> 00:04:10,960 Ooh! Oh, my god! Mary, are you all right? 102 00:04:11,544 --> 00:04:13,379 I think I'm having an allergic reaction. 103 00:04:13,462 --> 00:04:15,381 - What are you allergic to? - Is there cat hair? 104 00:04:15,464 --> 00:04:17,049 - I have cats. - Oh, Gary has cats. 105 00:04:17,133 --> 00:04:18,652 Wait, Gary, Gary, Gary. We need the water. 106 00:04:18,676 --> 00:04:20,553 Yeah, there you go. Is it this mohair? 107 00:04:20,678 --> 00:04:21,678 It might be the mohair. 108 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:22,763 - Do you think? - Mmm-mmm. 109 00:04:22,847 --> 00:04:24,449 - No, she's been here... - The nuts? Is it the nuts? 110 00:04:24,473 --> 00:04:25,891 - Did you eat nuts? No? - Mmm-mmm. 111 00:04:25,975 --> 00:04:27,309 - Is it the flowers? - What? 112 00:04:27,393 --> 00:04:29,437 The ones I got for Catherine's birthday. 113 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:31,522 Oh, Christ! Those fuckers! 114 00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:33,399 - That's it. - Shit, okay. All right, sorry. 115 00:04:33,482 --> 00:04:35,860 - Oh, god. - Gary, deflower the room. 116 00:04:35,943 --> 00:04:38,004 There's a sentence I bet you thought you'd never hear. 117 00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:39,530 I'm not good for another four hours. 118 00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:41,293 Selina, we've got to take this up tonight. 119 00:04:41,365 --> 00:04:44,076 Mary, I've got my daughter's 21st birthday. 120 00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:46,203 - Don't go. - I can't not go to her... 121 00:04:46,287 --> 00:04:49,415 Would you miss your son's civil union ceremony? 122 00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:51,500 I did. 123 00:04:52,543 --> 00:04:54,628 Alright, well, then, you have to come to Catherine's. 124 00:04:54,712 --> 00:04:57,715 - We've got to finish this tonight. - Yes, we do, tonight. 125 00:04:57,798 --> 00:05:00,468 Come. You can bring a plus one. 126 00:05:01,510 --> 00:05:04,555 Stick a coat and tie on a fucking oxygen tank. 127 00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:06,724 Mike, Leon west called my line twice. 128 00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:08,476 Did you lose your phone again? 129 00:05:08,559 --> 00:05:11,896 No, Leon's a little skeptical about the whole spy thing 130 00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:14,648 and some dumb-ass is resurrecting meyer the liar. 131 00:05:15,274 --> 00:05:17,693 (Groans) Just because my last name rhymes with liar. 132 00:05:18,277 --> 00:05:21,280 How lucky am I that I'm not selina mapist 133 00:05:21,363 --> 00:05:23,073 or selina medophile? 134 00:05:23,157 --> 00:05:26,327 Yeah, I just saw Mary king. Looked like she's been thrown up by a whale. 135 00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:28,162 Yeah, she had an allergy attack. 136 00:05:28,245 --> 00:05:30,331 So did you do the deal? Tell me you did the deal. 137 00:05:30,414 --> 00:05:33,226 I'm gonna finish it tonight. She's coming to Catherine's birthday party. 138 00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:35,836 Jesus. You know, if we don't get this done by midnight, 139 00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:38,714 we're all gonna turn into ugly sisters and get eaten by wolves 140 00:05:38,797 --> 00:05:41,592 or whatever the fuck happens at the end of that story. 141 00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:43,969 Sonic boom in the room. Ma'am. 142 00:05:44,053 --> 00:05:45,596 - No. - Okay. 143 00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:47,157 Well, potus wanted me to come down here 144 00:05:47,181 --> 00:05:48,909 and peep the skinny on the debt negotiations. 145 00:05:48,933 --> 00:05:50,893 Okay, that's a fire hazard, so let's just... 146 00:05:50,976 --> 00:05:53,354 Gary, I have been sent here from the president. 147 00:05:53,646 --> 00:05:57,274 Okay, so the president's already going through a lot of pressure 148 00:05:57,358 --> 00:06:00,152 about this hostage lying bullshit. 149 00:06:00,236 --> 00:06:01,862 - He's under pressure? - Yes. 150 00:06:01,946 --> 00:06:04,323 - I'm under pressure. - Well, you do have a choice. 151 00:06:04,406 --> 00:06:06,801 You could say you were out of the loop for the hostage rescue, 152 00:06:06,825 --> 00:06:09,554 which would make you look clueless, or you could say you were in the loop, 153 00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:11,330 which would make you look devious. 154 00:06:11,413 --> 00:06:14,041 Either way, just blur the fuck out of it. 155 00:06:15,251 --> 00:06:16,252 Uh-huh. 156 00:06:16,335 --> 00:06:18,337 - Oh, fuck. - Ma'am. 157 00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:20,130 Anything that I should... 158 00:06:20,798 --> 00:06:22,466 Sue: Amy, ed Webster is here to see you. 159 00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:24,802 I think he's nervous. His voice sounded clammy. 160 00:06:25,761 --> 00:06:26,947 Okay. That's good. That's good. 161 00:06:26,971 --> 00:06:28,847 Look at you all flustered. 162 00:06:28,931 --> 00:06:30,558 It's good that you'll have sex soon. 163 00:06:30,641 --> 00:06:33,227 Okay, guys, we need to prep two press releases 164 00:06:33,310 --> 00:06:35,938 for the end of the Mary king talks at the party tonight. 165 00:06:36,021 --> 00:06:38,399 Okay, version one, selina meyer 166 00:06:38,482 --> 00:06:41,151 ends fiscal deadlock, saves america. 167 00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:44,613 Version two, Mary king steals peace pipe, 168 00:06:44,697 --> 00:06:46,574 breaks it in half, shits all over it. 169 00:06:46,657 --> 00:06:48,409 Ma'am, your ex-husband just called. 170 00:06:48,492 --> 00:06:50,095 He says that he wants to pick up Catherine. 171 00:06:50,119 --> 00:06:53,414 No, I have a car picking her up already. I arranged that. 172 00:06:53,497 --> 00:06:56,750 He is such a conniving, grabby prick. 173 00:06:56,834 --> 00:06:58,311 - Is it typical or what? - Unbelievable. 174 00:06:58,335 --> 00:07:00,879 - Just wrong. - I hate him so much. 175 00:07:00,963 --> 00:07:03,132 Sorry, can I ask why? 176 00:07:03,215 --> 00:07:04,967 Selina: This'll explain it perfectly. 177 00:07:05,050 --> 00:07:07,761 Valentine's day a couple years ago, 178 00:07:07,845 --> 00:07:10,264 he gave me a black Porsche 179 00:07:10,347 --> 00:07:12,600 that he bought with Catherine's trust fund money. 180 00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:14,643 - Oh. - I mean, hejust fluffs ya, 181 00:07:14,852 --> 00:07:17,229 - and then he fucks ya. - Yeah. Well, speaking of... 182 00:07:17,396 --> 00:07:19,315 Yeah, that's a perfect example. 183 00:07:19,398 --> 00:07:21,775 Here you go. So, he took me 184 00:07:21,859 --> 00:07:24,445 to cap d'antibes for the night. 185 00:07:24,528 --> 00:07:27,573 Yeah, they had crazy intercourse. 186 00:07:29,325 --> 00:07:31,243 Only after which he told me 187 00:07:31,327 --> 00:07:33,746 that he sold our second home. 188 00:07:33,829 --> 00:07:36,665 Yeah, yeah. He's like a belly dancer with a hammer. 189 00:07:36,749 --> 00:07:38,083 That would hurt. 190 00:07:38,709 --> 00:07:40,794 You know what? I'm not worried about Andy 191 00:07:40,878 --> 00:07:43,714 because I'm gonna completely obliterate him 192 00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:46,634 with my fucking poise and sophistication. 193 00:07:47,384 --> 00:07:48,636 You know what I mean? 194 00:07:48,719 --> 00:07:50,512 - God, did you hear that? - Yeah, yeah. 195 00:07:50,596 --> 00:07:52,473 She's calling him Andy instead of Andrew. 196 00:07:52,556 --> 00:07:54,475 - It's starting. - What? 197 00:07:54,558 --> 00:07:56,602 Every time Andy's on the scene, 198 00:07:56,685 --> 00:07:58,312 - she gets all... - Giddy. 199 00:07:58,395 --> 00:08:01,315 She's... this terrible laugh. 200 00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:04,360 - She's like... (Laughing) - Yeah, exactly. 201 00:08:04,443 --> 00:08:06,862 - With a... (Laughing) - Yeah. Yeah. Mmm-hmm. 202 00:08:06,945 --> 00:08:09,198 - She just said that she hates him. - She does. 203 00:08:09,281 --> 00:08:11,158 But every time she gets around him... 204 00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:14,203 It's so weird. It's like a cat on a hot tin dog. 205 00:08:14,286 --> 00:08:16,163 - Selina: Gary.. - Yeah? 206 00:08:16,246 --> 00:08:18,499 - You know my red thing? - Yeah. 207 00:08:18,582 --> 00:08:20,793 Do you think that it shows enough skin? 208 00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,796 - Yeah. - Okay. 209 00:08:23,879 --> 00:08:26,757 I'm gonna be the sexiest woman to ever exude fiscal prudence. 210 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:29,152 And you know what? That's a very fucking tough look to pull off. 211 00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:31,762 - Don't you think? - Okay, you can't wear a bra with that one. 212 00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,514 Yeah, I know. 213 00:08:33,597 --> 00:08:35,766 - Amy. - Hey. 214 00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:37,810 - Hey. - Hey, ed. How are... 215 00:08:38,769 --> 00:08:40,813 So you all ready for the party? 216 00:08:41,438 --> 00:08:44,233 Fair warning, I party pretty hard. 217 00:08:44,316 --> 00:08:46,151 You should see me dance. 218 00:08:46,235 --> 00:08:47,444 - I can't be controlled. - Oh. 219 00:08:47,528 --> 00:08:49,196 I do a lot of pelvic thrusts. 220 00:08:49,279 --> 00:08:50,989 Just very localized dancing. 221 00:08:51,073 --> 00:08:53,033 Very small orbits. 222 00:08:53,117 --> 00:08:55,035 I've been wrecking parties since I was 13. 223 00:08:55,119 --> 00:08:57,413 I was like the hunter s. Thompson of bar mitzvahs. 224 00:08:57,496 --> 00:08:59,665 Hey, is the vice president here? 225 00:08:59,748 --> 00:09:01,667 I didn't want it to seem like I was lurking. 226 00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:02,876 Yeah, yeah. No, you're not. 227 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:04,795 She'll be thrilled to see you again. 228 00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:06,797 Madam vice president. 229 00:09:07,965 --> 00:09:09,049 Hello? 230 00:09:12,302 --> 00:09:13,303 -Ed. 231 00:09:13,387 --> 00:09:15,222 - You know ed. - Yeah. 232 00:09:15,305 --> 00:09:17,725 Oh, yes! Yes, of course. Oh, no. 233 00:09:17,808 --> 00:09:20,728 We... we met in... 234 00:09:20,811 --> 00:09:22,896 In bumfuck, Idaho, I think it was. 235 00:09:22,980 --> 00:09:25,149 - DC. - Yes, yes. 236 00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:27,943 That's what I like to call DC as a joke. 237 00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,445 Oh. (Laughs) 238 00:09:30,112 --> 00:09:31,697 - Well... - Great. Great. 239 00:09:32,823 --> 00:09:34,742 - I'll see you again soon, ma'am. - Okay. 240 00:09:34,825 --> 00:09:36,469 - We're meeting there, yeah? Okay. - Right. Bye. 241 00:09:36,493 --> 00:09:39,163 Hey, buddy, don't worry that she didn't remember you, okay? 242 00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:41,415 It's only 'cause you're a nonentity. 243 00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:44,084 - Who is he? - That was... that's ed Webster. 244 00:09:44,168 --> 00:09:47,588 He's my date for tonight. He runs your pac's Boston office. 245 00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:49,673 He's really connected. 246 00:09:49,757 --> 00:09:51,258 Lobbyist turned fundraiser. 247 00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:53,677 Not the guy at a bus station with a bucket, right? 248 00:09:54,178 --> 00:09:56,346 Okay, I am ready to take on Andrew. 249 00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:59,433 I need my happy pills, a little bit of joy. 250 00:10:03,854 --> 00:10:05,522 So what do you think? Do you like it? 251 00:10:05,606 --> 00:10:08,609 - Yeah, it's... it's unreal, mom. - Right? 252 00:10:08,692 --> 00:10:10,736 I mean, don't you think that you and your friends 253 00:10:10,819 --> 00:10:12,863 would call this whole thing an epic succeed? 254 00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,239 Something like that, yeah. 255 00:10:15,032 --> 00:10:17,701 There's your dad doing that thing that he does. 256 00:10:17,785 --> 00:10:19,244 Pleasantly talking to other people? 257 00:10:19,328 --> 00:10:20,537 You know what he does. 258 00:10:20,621 --> 00:10:22,501 He remembers one little thing about each person. 259 00:10:22,581 --> 00:10:24,741 Lawrence, nice to see you. You still running marathons? 260 00:10:24,792 --> 00:10:27,628 - Yes, sir. - Right, surprised you still got any nipples left. 261 00:10:28,378 --> 00:10:30,714 And Jenny. Nice to see you. 262 00:10:30,798 --> 00:10:32,633 Remember that one time when you said 263 00:10:32,716 --> 00:10:36,136 you were way into twilight and I thought you meant the time of day? 264 00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:37,304 (Laughs) 265 00:10:37,429 --> 00:10:39,807 It really is the most dangerous time for traffic, though. 266 00:10:39,890 --> 00:10:41,683 Please, enjoy yourselves. 267 00:10:41,767 --> 00:10:43,352 - Andrew? - Mary. 268 00:10:43,435 --> 00:10:46,271 - How are you? - Wonderful to see you, congresswoman. 269 00:10:46,355 --> 00:10:49,858 Mom, you've invited the house majority leader to my birthday party? 270 00:10:49,942 --> 00:10:51,985 Yeah, sweetheart, it's the 100 billion cutoff. 271 00:10:52,069 --> 00:10:54,172 - You've heard about that? - Of course I've heard about that. 272 00:10:54,196 --> 00:10:56,990 Okay, so we are fixing the biggest problem facing the world 273 00:10:57,074 --> 00:10:58,992 right here, right now at your party. 274 00:10:59,076 --> 00:11:00,553 So that's kind of cool, don't you think? 275 00:11:00,577 --> 00:11:02,329 -Hel.i.o 276 00:11:02,412 --> 00:11:04,289 I got you a glass of champagne. 277 00:11:04,373 --> 00:11:06,834 Thank you, rahim. You drink alcohol? 278 00:11:06,917 --> 00:11:10,087 - Yes, ma'am. - You Iranians are full of surprises. 279 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:11,481 - Cheers. - (Speaks foreign language) 280 00:11:11,505 --> 00:11:13,298 - What did hejust say? - I don't know. 281 00:11:13,382 --> 00:11:15,133 Some gibberish. I can't understand him. 282 00:11:15,217 --> 00:11:17,261 Hey, baby, once you've said hello to everyone, 283 00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:18,762 do you want to go clubbing? 284 00:11:18,846 --> 00:11:21,014 Yeah. Anywhere but here. 285 00:11:21,098 --> 00:11:23,684 Ben, what are you doing here? 286 00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:25,227 - I spoke to potus. - Yeah? 287 00:11:25,310 --> 00:11:27,688 And he said okay on the cut to unemployment benefits. 288 00:11:27,771 --> 00:11:29,565 All the other deals are done. 289 00:11:29,648 --> 00:11:33,110 So come on, let's get this tied up so we can get this party started. 290 00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,028 Yeah, I... what did you do? 291 00:11:35,112 --> 00:11:36,738 You plus 10'd yourself here? 292 00:11:36,822 --> 00:11:39,116 Number crunchers to help you finish the deal. 293 00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,660 - Yeah. - And one of them is a designated driver 294 00:11:41,743 --> 00:11:43,996 because I am going to get fucked up. 295 00:11:46,957 --> 00:11:49,167 You look so good, you're like a work of art. 296 00:11:49,793 --> 00:11:52,087 You make this stuff look like shit. 297 00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:55,591 Compared to you, that monet is a piece of shit. 298 00:11:57,759 --> 00:12:00,053 - Selina, are you ready? - Give me five minutes. 299 00:12:00,137 --> 00:12:02,014 I just got to go talk to Andrew, okay? 300 00:12:02,598 --> 00:12:04,933 The ex? Three minutes. 301 00:12:05,017 --> 00:12:07,519 What, are you negotiating already? I'll give you four. 302 00:12:07,603 --> 00:12:09,897 - I'll cut her off at three, okay? - Mmm-hmm. 303 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,566 - Hi, selina. - Hi, Andrew. 304 00:12:12,649 --> 00:12:15,485 It's nice to see you greeting everybody here at the party 305 00:12:15,569 --> 00:12:18,405 as if it was your own fabulous party. 306 00:12:18,488 --> 00:12:20,240 - Are you fucking with me? - I might be. 307 00:12:20,324 --> 00:12:21,825 - All right. - (Selina laughing) 308 00:12:21,909 --> 00:12:24,369 - You look wonderful. - Thank you very much. 309 00:12:24,453 --> 00:12:26,288 You're very tanned. What is that? 310 00:12:26,371 --> 00:12:28,457 Grand Cayman. I've been starting to scuba dive. 311 00:12:29,207 --> 00:12:30,959 - Magical to be down there. - Uh-huh. 312 00:12:31,043 --> 00:12:33,045 With the coral and the fish. 313 00:12:33,128 --> 00:12:34,671 Feeling up all the mermaids. 314 00:12:34,755 --> 00:12:36,757 They should cover up if they don't want it. 315 00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:39,009 If they don't want action, they shouldn't advertise. 316 00:12:39,509 --> 00:12:42,596 - Oh, gosh. - Our little Catherine. 317 00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:44,014 She's still cute. 318 00:12:44,556 --> 00:12:46,975 Mmm-hmm. Remember that first apartment? 319 00:12:47,059 --> 00:12:49,311 Yeah, I do remember that apartment. 320 00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:51,229 That was a nice apartment, actually. 321 00:12:51,313 --> 00:12:53,231 - It was. - Yeah. 322 00:12:53,857 --> 00:12:56,944 What are you doing? Are you gonna propose? 323 00:12:58,111 --> 00:12:59,655 What would your answer be? 324 00:12:59,738 --> 00:13:03,033 My answer would be Jesus fucking Christ. 325 00:13:03,575 --> 00:13:06,536 Ma'am. Mary king is very anxious to speak with you. 326 00:13:06,620 --> 00:13:08,260 - Right. Right. - At Catherine's birthday? 327 00:13:08,330 --> 00:13:10,183 Well, I'm trying to keep the government from shutting down. 328 00:13:10,207 --> 00:13:12,459 - Well, get on it. - I'm getting on it. 329 00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:13,961 Yeah, okay. 330 00:13:14,044 --> 00:13:16,713 Did you see that? I had him in the palm of my hand. 331 00:13:16,797 --> 00:13:20,133 Well, technically, ma'am, he had the palm of your hand in his hand. 332 00:13:20,634 --> 00:13:22,761 You need to be really careful, sweetie. 333 00:13:23,512 --> 00:13:26,348 Gary, you just called me sweetie. 334 00:13:26,431 --> 00:13:28,433 Oh, my god! I'm sorry. 335 00:13:28,517 --> 00:13:31,937 - That's what I call Dana. - Did you ever call Dana "ma'am"? 336 00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:33,981 I did once and it was awful. 337 00:13:34,064 --> 00:13:36,608 If I were drunk right now, would you kiss me? 338 00:13:38,235 --> 00:13:41,571 - Yeah. - No, Gary, I'm kidding. 339 00:13:41,655 --> 00:13:43,407 - Right. - Yeah. 340 00:13:46,618 --> 00:13:48,328 I'm gonna get a drink. 341 00:13:48,662 --> 00:13:50,122 - Mary. - Dj: Okay! 342 00:13:50,205 --> 00:13:52,207 It's time to drop a party bomb up in here. 343 00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:54,668 Happy 21st birthday, Catherine! 344 00:13:56,128 --> 00:13:59,506 I want to talk to you about targeted base closings. 345 00:13:59,589 --> 00:14:01,675 Not if it upsets my district. 346 00:14:01,758 --> 00:14:03,385 Something sex my dick trick? 347 00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:05,971 - Did you say dick? - Sex your dick trick. 348 00:14:06,054 --> 00:14:07,973 I don't understand what you just said. 349 00:14:08,056 --> 00:14:09,808 It was funny. We got to get out of here. 350 00:14:09,891 --> 00:14:12,686 - All right. Where? - I don't know. We'll find some place. 351 00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:15,063 You know, you look great in an art gallery 352 00:14:15,147 --> 00:14:17,566 'cause you kind of are a work of art. 353 00:14:18,108 --> 00:14:20,277 I mean, I know I'd like to nail you up against a wall. 354 00:14:21,611 --> 00:14:23,739 No, that was knowing. I was being knowing. 355 00:14:23,822 --> 00:14:26,491 It looks like we're gonna be able to move 356 00:14:26,575 --> 00:14:28,035 on unemployment. 357 00:14:28,118 --> 00:14:29,786 - Unemployment benefits? - Yes. 358 00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:31,371 - On the table? - Yeah. 359 00:14:31,455 --> 00:14:34,624 Okay, I'm authorized to come down on osha from 25 to 17. 360 00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:36,960 No, I need a single digit. 361 00:14:37,044 --> 00:14:38,980 - I can't give you a single digit. - (Women arguing) 362 00:14:39,004 --> 00:14:41,965 We'd have to make it up elsewhere and you know you can't do that. 363 00:14:42,049 --> 00:14:45,010 And we are gonna make it up elsewhere. Hang on just a second. 364 00:14:45,093 --> 00:14:48,430 Hey, gals. Gals, you need to keep it down, okay? 365 00:14:48,513 --> 00:14:50,742 There are other people in here trying to have a conversation. 366 00:14:50,766 --> 00:14:52,517 But she took my boyfriend's number! 367 00:14:52,601 --> 00:14:54,061 - Oh, my god. - He gave it to me! 368 00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:57,230 You haven't given me a number on unemployment benefits. 369 00:14:57,314 --> 00:15:00,650 - My number's gonna be .4%. - .4? 370 00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:02,611 - Yeah. - I can't... 371 00:15:02,694 --> 00:15:04,738 - I can't do this. Let's go. - No. 372 00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:07,407 I can't do math with this kind of noise. 373 00:15:07,491 --> 00:15:10,202 - I cannot stand teenage girls. - Were you ever one? 374 00:15:10,285 --> 00:15:11,661 - Never. - Me neither. 375 00:15:12,537 --> 00:15:15,540 Amy and ed work for the vp, 376 00:15:15,624 --> 00:15:18,502 k-i-s-s-i-n-g. 377 00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,420 - Fuck off, Mike. - Sure. 378 00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:24,341 Hey, the veep looks smoking tonight. 379 00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:25,985 I wonder how much vodka we'd need to have 380 00:15:26,009 --> 00:15:28,220 to have a little Mrs. Robinson moment. 381 00:15:28,303 --> 00:15:30,347 That is extremely disrespectful. 382 00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:31,491 What are you talking about? 383 00:15:31,515 --> 00:15:33,755 That's like the highest compliment you can give somebody. 384 00:15:34,309 --> 00:15:35,352 By the way, 385 00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:38,355 I love how much you guys being together is fucking with Dan. 386 00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:41,358 Amy and Dan used to date, fyi. 387 00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:43,485 Yeah, thanks for the backgrounding, Jonah. 388 00:15:43,568 --> 00:15:45,208 Does that mean you're back on the market? 389 00:15:45,237 --> 00:15:48,156 I'm sorry, are you hitting on my date during my date? 390 00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:49,616 Are you on meds? 391 00:15:49,699 --> 00:15:51,827 Yeah, antibiotics. Just keeping fresh. 392 00:15:52,702 --> 00:15:55,997 I'm not mentally ii! If that's what you're implying. 393 00:16:04,172 --> 00:16:06,258 Hello? Hi. 394 00:16:06,341 --> 00:16:09,261 Hi, everyone. I just wanted to say 395 00:16:09,344 --> 00:16:12,764 a couple of words to my awesome daughter. 396 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:17,811 You know, I wanted to pause and just say 397 00:16:17,894 --> 00:16:20,897 that I think at times like these 398 00:16:20,981 --> 00:16:24,109 it is great to see family and friends 399 00:16:24,192 --> 00:16:26,820 and to hear family and friends. 400 00:16:26,903 --> 00:16:29,447 To be able to talk and to listen 401 00:16:29,531 --> 00:16:33,076 and to speak and to be heard. 402 00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:36,663 And I think sometimes we need to just take time. 403 00:16:36,746 --> 00:16:40,500 Not long at all. I mean, maybe 10 minutes or... 404 00:16:40,584 --> 00:16:44,337 Okay, or maybe 15 is also good. 405 00:16:44,421 --> 00:16:49,217 I'm gonna suggest that we have a little constructive talking time. 406 00:16:49,301 --> 00:16:52,637 So do you have any sort of chillaxing kind of music? 407 00:16:52,721 --> 00:16:55,390 And then you keep that playing until... 408 00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:58,018 Only until... look at me. I give you a signal. 409 00:16:58,101 --> 00:16:59,519 - Not before. - Sure. 410 00:17:01,062 --> 00:17:03,064 And happy birthday, 411 00:17:03,148 --> 00:17:06,735 Catherine! 412 00:17:09,487 --> 00:17:10,530 All right. 413 00:17:10,614 --> 00:17:14,159 If you can give me 1% on unemployment benefits... 414 00:17:14,242 --> 00:17:17,204 - Yeah. - I can go 10 on nih, 415 00:17:17,287 --> 00:17:19,706 eight off agricultural subsidies. 416 00:17:19,789 --> 00:17:22,042 The baseline is your budget proposal from last year. 417 00:17:22,125 --> 00:17:24,211 - Right. Okay. - Okay, those numbers add up? 418 00:17:24,294 --> 00:17:26,004 - I make it 10. - Twelve. 419 00:17:26,087 --> 00:17:27,797 Twelve? How'd you get that? 420 00:17:27,881 --> 00:17:29,716 - You're forgetting energy. - Of course. 421 00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:32,385 Check this out, then. Do we have a deal? 422 00:17:32,469 --> 00:17:33,720 Okay, yeah, great. 423 00:17:33,803 --> 00:17:35,722 - Yeah, we have a deal. - Yeah! 424 00:17:35,805 --> 00:17:38,391 - You really killed me, but we have a deal. - Put 'er there. 425 00:17:38,475 --> 00:17:40,101 - Put 'er there. - Congratulations. 426 00:17:40,185 --> 00:17:41,537 - I can't believe it. - Isn't that... 427 00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,271 I can't believe it, Mary. That's so great. 428 00:17:43,355 --> 00:17:45,565 It's good. Now I have to sell it to my caucus 429 00:17:45,649 --> 00:17:47,734 - before I turn into a pumpkin. - You'll do it. 430 00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:49,945 Yeah. Oh, god. 431 00:17:53,865 --> 00:17:56,368 Jesus, 21-year-olds move fast. 432 00:17:56,451 --> 00:17:58,536 Yeah, tell me about it. 433 00:17:59,955 --> 00:18:01,539 You look good, ma'am. 434 00:18:01,623 --> 00:18:03,917 - Thanks, Jonah. - You look really good. 435 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,044 - Thank you. - Yes, ma'am. 436 00:18:12,008 --> 00:18:14,010 Have you guys seen this? 437 00:18:14,094 --> 00:18:16,763 "When the cake was cut and the guests sang 'happy birthday, ' 438 00:18:16,846 --> 00:18:18,765 "the vp was nowhere to be seen." 439 00:18:18,848 --> 00:18:21,476 They're saying I had some sort of huge fight with Andrew 440 00:18:21,559 --> 00:18:23,853 and that our relationship is a sham. 441 00:18:23,937 --> 00:18:26,648 Monsters. It's like first Princess Diana, now this. 442 00:18:26,731 --> 00:18:28,209 They think that at the beginning of the night 443 00:18:28,233 --> 00:18:30,777 you and Andrew were playing it up to the cameras. 444 00:18:30,860 --> 00:18:33,738 And they're using this meyer the liar bullshit again. 445 00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:35,699 Hey, Mike, who dug that up? 446 00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:38,326 I don't know. Probablyjust some idiot remembered it 447 00:18:38,410 --> 00:18:39,971 and then all of a sudden it got traction. 448 00:18:39,995 --> 00:18:41,246 And this is from "huffpo." 449 00:18:41,329 --> 00:18:43,123 Randall Howard's forthcoming book 450 00:18:43,206 --> 00:18:45,959 claims your relationship with Andrew during the presidential campaign 451 00:18:46,042 --> 00:18:48,795 was a lie invented by you to mislead voters. 452 00:18:48,878 --> 00:18:50,463 That's a lie, right? 453 00:18:50,547 --> 00:18:52,299 - Yeah. - I mean, it's true 454 00:18:52,382 --> 00:18:54,801 and it's what happened, but it's Kent's lie. 455 00:18:54,884 --> 00:18:55,924 - It's not my lie. - Right. 456 00:18:55,969 --> 00:18:58,471 Meyer the liar has huge mo right now. 457 00:18:58,972 --> 00:19:02,017 You know, as people say, if it rhymes, it chimes. 458 00:19:02,350 --> 00:19:04,227 Who says that? No one says that. 459 00:19:04,561 --> 00:19:06,354 I'm pretty sure I heard someone say that. 460 00:19:06,438 --> 00:19:08,082 Well, it's becoming a narrative right now. 461 00:19:08,106 --> 00:19:11,359 And the narrative is that you faked it before, 462 00:19:11,443 --> 00:19:12,861 so you must be faking it now. 463 00:19:12,944 --> 00:19:14,654 Great. Here's eeyore. 464 00:19:14,738 --> 00:19:16,614 Deal, boom. Party, boom. 465 00:19:16,698 --> 00:19:18,491 You are the boom boom veep. 466 00:19:18,575 --> 00:19:22,078 Well, Catherine didn't appreciate the fiscal party crashers last night. 467 00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:23,931 Andy and I have to take her out to dinner tonight 468 00:19:23,955 --> 00:19:25,915 to make up for the party last night, so... 469 00:19:25,999 --> 00:19:27,625 Okay, it'll be in public. 470 00:19:27,709 --> 00:19:29,961 So whatever you do, don't look like you're faking it 471 00:19:30,045 --> 00:19:33,673 because this meyer the liar thing is just an avalanche of shit right now. 472 00:19:33,757 --> 00:19:35,759 Yeah, tell me about it. And I'm swimming in it 473 00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:37,594 and I'm breathing it in through my snorkel. 474 00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:39,679 You need to issue a statement, okay? 475 00:19:39,763 --> 00:19:41,890 - "My private life is private." - Yes. 476 00:19:41,973 --> 00:19:44,267 "Besides, Andrew and I, we get along just fine." 477 00:19:44,351 --> 00:19:45,852 Ironically, Ben, 478 00:19:45,935 --> 00:19:48,396 we actually are getting along just fine. 479 00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:51,107 That's great. That's a great fake. 480 00:19:51,191 --> 00:19:53,318 No, it's not a fake. That's a real thing. 481 00:19:53,485 --> 00:19:56,237 Oh. Well, great. Say that. 482 00:19:57,614 --> 00:20:00,158 Selina: I'm so sorry. That party last night 483 00:20:00,241 --> 00:20:02,035 turned into an economic summit. 484 00:20:02,118 --> 00:20:04,454 But you know what? Here we are now for you. 485 00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:06,373 - Happy birthday. - And to you, 486 00:20:06,456 --> 00:20:09,125 a man who swims with sharks. 487 00:20:09,209 --> 00:20:11,103 - Also starting free diving. - Really? What is that? 488 00:20:11,127 --> 00:20:14,464 Is that when you try and hold your breath for as long as possible? 489 00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:17,107 Kind of like sitting next to my mother after Thanksgiving dinner. 490 00:20:19,302 --> 00:20:20,902 Mom, you're doing your fake laugh again. 491 00:20:20,929 --> 00:20:23,056 - What? - Come on, this is nice. 492 00:20:23,139 --> 00:20:24,808 I can't tell if it's fake. 493 00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:26,810 You could never tell if it was fake. 494 00:20:26,893 --> 00:20:27,977 Yes, I could. 495 00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:30,814 What are you, some sort of expert? 496 00:20:31,314 --> 00:20:32,982 In certain areas. 497 00:20:33,066 --> 00:20:35,360 - What is going on right now? - This is flirting. 498 00:20:35,443 --> 00:20:37,737 Your mother is an excellent flirt. 499 00:20:37,821 --> 00:20:39,197 You should take flirting notes. 500 00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:40,740 This is not flirting. 501 00:20:40,824 --> 00:20:44,119 This is like as subtle as putting a nude photo on Facebook. 502 00:20:44,202 --> 00:20:46,955 Do you think selina would notice the invisible man 503 00:20:47,038 --> 00:20:49,833 from the Boston pac office if I showed up at the office 504 00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:51,418 in a pac-man costume? 505 00:20:52,460 --> 00:20:54,003 I know, I'm sorry. 506 00:20:54,462 --> 00:20:55,880 I'm sorry, why are you sorry? 507 00:20:56,339 --> 00:20:57,424 I don't know. 508 00:20:57,507 --> 00:21:00,593 I heard whining and I assumed I needed to apologize. 509 00:21:01,678 --> 00:21:03,763 How long have you not been listening to me? 510 00:21:03,847 --> 00:21:05,390 I just really need to watch this 511 00:21:05,473 --> 00:21:07,934 because Andrew is like a dormant volcano 512 00:21:08,017 --> 00:21:10,395 and he can just blow at any second. 513 00:21:10,812 --> 00:21:12,647 I think I'm gonna have the scallops. 514 00:21:12,730 --> 00:21:14,542 - I think I'm gonna have... - I know what you're gonna have. 515 00:21:14,566 --> 00:21:17,610 - You are going to have... - Don't do that. 516 00:21:18,361 --> 00:21:23,366 Put your hand down. I can't stand that Alpha male arrogant thing. 517 00:21:23,450 --> 00:21:24,730 I really can't stand it, Andrew. 518 00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:26,786 Okay, it's not arrogant. 519 00:21:27,370 --> 00:21:29,080 And fuck you for thinking so. 520 00:21:29,164 --> 00:21:31,875 Forgive me, I was just anticipating your order. 521 00:21:32,208 --> 00:21:34,544 - Which was? - Lamb cutlets. 522 00:21:35,753 --> 00:21:37,839 - No. - Yeah. I'm sorry I know you, selina. 523 00:21:37,922 --> 00:21:39,642 Forgive me. You're not a big mystery to me. 524 00:21:39,716 --> 00:21:42,719 And I'm very much enjoying the plastered-on smile, 525 00:21:42,802 --> 00:21:45,305 pretending everything's okay because people are watching. 526 00:21:45,388 --> 00:21:47,223 Don't be a bastard, Andrew. 527 00:21:47,307 --> 00:21:49,392 You've got to do the same face. 528 00:21:49,893 --> 00:21:52,187 You put it on, too. There we go. 529 00:21:52,270 --> 00:21:55,440 Okay, well, now this flirting is a little bit more subtle. 530 00:21:55,523 --> 00:21:57,609 So, ed. Eddie. 531 00:21:57,692 --> 00:21:59,652 Who do you know? Do you know ray mccaskill? 532 00:21:59,944 --> 00:22:01,779 Yeah, he's a great guy. 533 00:22:02,071 --> 00:22:04,032 We both are really into '80s buddy comedies, 534 00:22:04,115 --> 00:22:06,075 which is ironically how we became buddies. 535 00:22:06,367 --> 00:22:07,619 Fuck buddies. 536 00:22:07,702 --> 00:22:09,329 Jonah, why are you here? 537 00:22:09,412 --> 00:22:11,706 You really don't have anything to do, do you? 538 00:22:11,789 --> 00:22:14,501 - Look, ignore him. - Ignore who? 539 00:22:16,461 --> 00:22:19,714 Hey, I think that lady right there just took a photo of selina. 540 00:22:19,797 --> 00:22:21,007 This one? 541 00:22:21,090 --> 00:22:23,843 I understand that you guys have a love-hate relationship, 542 00:22:23,927 --> 00:22:25,887 but most people alternate emotions. 543 00:22:25,970 --> 00:22:28,139 They don't experience them at the same time. 544 00:22:28,223 --> 00:22:29,891 We've always had a volatile relationship. 545 00:22:29,974 --> 00:22:31,893 By that you mean bat shit crazy. 546 00:22:31,976 --> 00:22:34,521 - Passion was always an integral part. - Yeah. 547 00:22:34,604 --> 00:22:36,606 Yes, there was fights. Long, hard fights. 548 00:22:36,689 --> 00:22:39,442 Followed by long, hard 549 00:22:40,610 --> 00:22:42,028 making up, right? 550 00:22:42,737 --> 00:22:45,698 Okay, I feel like you're actually going to have sex on this table 551 00:22:45,782 --> 00:22:47,867 and that would truly ruin my birthday. 552 00:22:47,951 --> 00:22:51,454 Catherine, please. Nobody's having sex on the table. 553 00:22:53,164 --> 00:22:56,376 - I mean, we are sexual beings, of course. - Oh, my god. 554 00:22:56,459 --> 00:22:57,961 We had sex. We, you know... 555 00:22:58,044 --> 00:23:00,755 - I mean, great sex. - Great sex. 556 00:23:01,339 --> 00:23:04,342 Well, I'm going to have to text my therapist. 557 00:23:04,425 --> 00:23:06,302 What's the whole not drinking thing? 558 00:23:06,386 --> 00:23:08,179 - I'm a quaker. - What? 559 00:23:08,263 --> 00:23:10,932 Bullshit. No one's a fucking quaker. 560 00:23:11,015 --> 00:23:13,327 You probably think that staying sober keeps you on top of your game. 561 00:23:13,351 --> 00:23:16,229 Well, guess what. I work hard and I play hard, bitch. 562 00:23:16,312 --> 00:23:17,730 That's my credo. 563 00:23:17,814 --> 00:23:21,025 I got that shit tattooed on my dick with room to spare. 564 00:23:21,109 --> 00:23:23,069 Jonah, you're not even a man. 565 00:23:23,152 --> 00:23:25,280 You're like an early draft of a man 566 00:23:25,363 --> 00:23:28,491 where they just sketched out a giant mangled skeleton, 567 00:23:28,575 --> 00:23:30,201 but they didn't have time to add details 568 00:23:30,285 --> 00:23:31,703 like pigment or self-respect. 569 00:23:32,078 --> 00:23:33,955 You're Frankenstein's monster 570 00:23:34,038 --> 00:23:37,125 if his monster was made entirely of dead dicks. 571 00:23:38,835 --> 00:23:40,211 I'm gonna go to the bathroom. 572 00:23:40,295 --> 00:23:42,589 Just try not to embarrass yourselves while I'm gone. 573 00:23:42,672 --> 00:23:44,272 - (Selina laughs) - We'll give it a shot. 574 00:23:45,508 --> 00:23:46,718 Nice to see you. 575 00:23:47,677 --> 00:23:48,761 I'm sorry. 576 00:23:48,845 --> 00:23:50,680 - Can I interrupt a second? - No. 577 00:23:50,763 --> 00:23:53,391 It just looks like there's a lot of people who are tweeting 578 00:23:53,474 --> 00:23:56,436 and taking pictures, so you might want to be gesture-aware. 579 00:23:56,519 --> 00:23:58,521 It's fine. Thank you. You can go. 580 00:24:02,650 --> 00:24:04,444 - Okay? - Yeah, okay. 581 00:24:06,696 --> 00:24:08,197 I want to tell you something. 582 00:24:08,615 --> 00:24:09,949 What? 583 00:24:11,367 --> 00:24:13,244 The head of PR 584 00:24:13,328 --> 00:24:15,872 told me that our company funded super pacs 585 00:24:15,955 --> 00:24:18,541 on both sides during the last election. 586 00:24:18,625 --> 00:24:21,461 I just was fluffed 587 00:24:21,544 --> 00:24:23,755 and then I got fucked. 588 00:24:24,380 --> 00:24:27,175 I cannot believe what you are telling me. 589 00:24:28,009 --> 00:24:30,011 Do you know... smile. 590 00:24:30,094 --> 00:24:33,222 Smile, you stupid asshole. Make it bigger. 591 00:24:33,890 --> 00:24:35,558 There you go. 592 00:24:35,642 --> 00:24:38,895 Do you have any idea how the press is all over me right now? 593 00:24:38,978 --> 00:24:42,023 And how they are gonna run with the story 594 00:24:42,106 --> 00:24:44,567 about me funding my opponent? 595 00:24:44,859 --> 00:24:47,445 You're a stupid fucking prick. 596 00:24:48,029 --> 00:24:49,364 Right? You say it. 597 00:24:49,447 --> 00:24:50,865 I'm not gonna say that. 598 00:24:50,948 --> 00:24:53,201 Okay, what happened now? 599 00:24:53,284 --> 00:24:56,329 You guys look like you're going to stab each other with steak knives. 600 00:24:56,412 --> 00:24:59,165 We're having a fight and we are smiling 601 00:24:59,248 --> 00:25:02,210 and putting a face on and you can do that, too. There you go. 602 00:25:02,293 --> 00:25:04,170 Selina, this is just business. 603 00:25:04,253 --> 00:25:06,255 We want to end up with the winner at the end. 604 00:25:06,589 --> 00:25:08,841 There's nothing personal about it, I promise. 605 00:25:08,925 --> 00:25:10,259 I didn't even know about it. 606 00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:12,595 That's utter bullshit. 607 00:25:12,679 --> 00:25:15,056 But you know what? I'm keeping it together. 608 00:25:15,139 --> 00:25:17,475 I really am. It's all good. 609 00:25:17,558 --> 00:25:19,852 - We can keep smiling. - Keep smiling. Yeah. 610 00:25:19,936 --> 00:25:21,688 I think that if you guys continue to smile, 611 00:25:21,771 --> 00:25:23,981 you're actually gonna get permanent lockjaw. 612 00:25:24,399 --> 00:25:25,733 (Laughs) She's so funny. 613 00:25:25,817 --> 00:25:27,443 - Isn't she? - Sarcastic. 614 00:25:28,444 --> 00:25:30,613 I'm sorry to interrupt. I just had a call from Kent. 615 00:25:30,780 --> 00:25:31,781 Oh! Huh. 616 00:25:31,864 --> 00:25:34,117 To congratulate me 'cause I made the deal last night. 617 00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:35,785 - America thanks you. - You're welcome. 618 00:25:35,868 --> 00:25:37,787 Potus is going to stall on that deal. 619 00:25:37,870 --> 00:25:40,307 No, no, no. Why would he want to do that? That can't be right. 620 00:25:40,331 --> 00:25:42,476 Well, it sounds to me like he wants a government shutdown 621 00:25:42,500 --> 00:25:45,294 so he can blame it on congress and take the heat out of the spy story. 622 00:25:45,878 --> 00:25:47,380 - Did you hear that? - Yeah. 623 00:25:47,463 --> 00:25:49,882 Fuck potus. Right? And fuck Kent. 624 00:25:49,966 --> 00:25:51,676 They're just a bunch of fuckers. 625 00:25:51,759 --> 00:25:53,052 - Uh-oh. - No. 626 00:25:53,136 --> 00:25:55,054 Did they just get that? Me being angry? 627 00:25:55,138 --> 00:25:57,557 - Oh, yeah. - But I wasn't being angry with you. 628 00:25:57,640 --> 00:25:59,642 I mean, I was angry with you before, 629 00:25:59,726 --> 00:26:01,769 but I'm not angry with you now. 630 00:26:01,853 --> 00:26:05,106 - I understand that, honey. - Don't call me honey, for starters. 631 00:26:05,189 --> 00:26:06,899 You have to calm down. You look crazed. 632 00:26:06,983 --> 00:26:09,044 - Can we confiscate that phone, please? - I wish we could. 633 00:26:09,068 --> 00:26:10,820 - I think it's too late. - Excuse me. 634 00:26:10,903 --> 00:26:13,656 There's a picture on Twitter and it looks like you guys are fighting. 635 00:26:13,740 --> 00:26:16,367 - What? From that? - Yes. 636 00:26:16,451 --> 00:26:19,412 Look at this. Look. This is not what it is. 637 00:26:19,495 --> 00:26:21,914 I'm pointing to you because I'm mad about potus. 638 00:26:21,998 --> 00:26:23,958 I wasn't saying that I was angry to you about you. 639 00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:25,477 Okay, Lee, you're just making it worse. 640 00:26:25,501 --> 00:26:27,229 I'm not making it worse. They're making it worse. 641 00:26:27,253 --> 00:26:29,356 - Dad, don't do that thing. - Would you just cut that out? 642 00:26:29,380 --> 00:26:31,257 Gary: Everybody sing. 643 00:26:31,340 --> 00:26:34,260 Nope, nope, nope. We have to go. 644 00:26:34,343 --> 00:26:37,013 - Okay. Okay. - Blow out your candles, honey. 645 00:26:37,096 --> 00:26:39,140 - What's the point? - Okay, I'll do it. 646 00:26:39,223 --> 00:26:40,558 - Make a wish. - There, it's out. 647 00:26:40,641 --> 00:26:42,185 You can make your wish in the car. 648 00:26:42,268 --> 00:26:44,395 - All right. All right. - Selina: Get all my stuff. 649 00:26:44,479 --> 00:26:46,522 Oh, no, that's fine. I'll get your stuff. 650 00:26:46,606 --> 00:26:48,858 Okay, happy birthday. 651 00:27:00,453 --> 00:27:02,288 This is good here. 652 00:27:02,371 --> 00:27:03,915 I'll get out. 653 00:27:06,125 --> 00:27:07,668 What? You're getting out here? 654 00:27:07,752 --> 00:27:09,062 - Yep. - What are you talking about? 655 00:27:09,086 --> 00:27:11,047 - I've got to go. - Wait a minute. 656 00:27:11,130 --> 00:27:14,050 Wait. Andrew, wait. Wait. We need to talk. 657 00:27:14,675 --> 00:27:16,803 Bye, honey. Happy birthday. 658 00:27:16,886 --> 00:27:18,763 - Wait, what? - God damn it. 659 00:27:18,846 --> 00:27:21,140 What are you doing running away? 660 00:27:21,224 --> 00:27:23,601 - I cannot believe you. - Come here. 661 00:27:23,684 --> 00:27:25,978 - Oh, my god, what are you doing? - Come here right now. 662 00:27:26,062 --> 00:27:28,064 What are you doing? 663 00:27:28,231 --> 00:27:29,440 - (Kissing) - (Selina moaning) 664 00:27:29,524 --> 00:27:31,025 Oh, my god. 665 00:27:45,122 --> 00:27:46,833 Mike: Hey, Catherine. 666 00:27:48,209 --> 00:27:50,086 Pretty nice cake you got there. 667 00:27:53,089 --> 00:27:54,882 You gonna eat all of it? 668 00:27:56,092 --> 00:27:57,218 Do you want a piece? 669 00:27:57,301 --> 00:27:59,136 - I do. - You want a piece of the cake? 670 00:28:00,763 --> 00:28:02,557 Jesus fucking Christ. Here. 671 00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:04,183 Take that. 672 00:28:04,267 --> 00:28:06,018 Carrot cake's good. 673 00:28:09,438 --> 00:28:11,065 - You want to try it? - Nope. 674 00:28:11,148 --> 00:28:12,775 It's all yours. 675 00:28:13,776 --> 00:28:15,778 I can use my phone to cut it.