1 00:00:19,270 --> 00:00:21,981 What rhymes with majority? Nothing. 2 00:00:22,106 --> 00:00:25,193 Come on, you still working on that funny song about the new speaker? 3 00:00:25,276 --> 00:00:27,528 - Give it a break. - Oh, priority. 4 00:00:27,612 --> 00:00:29,864 And authority. Sorority. 5 00:00:29,947 --> 00:00:32,107 Oh, my god, there's a million words that rhyme with it. 6 00:00:32,158 --> 00:00:34,410 Oh, no. No, no, no! 7 00:00:34,493 --> 00:00:35,870 Look where Jonah's coming from. 8 00:00:35,953 --> 00:00:38,414 Oh, that grin, the keys. Oh, god. 9 00:00:38,497 --> 00:00:40,208 He's been given west exec parking. 10 00:00:40,291 --> 00:00:42,710 Yeah, the holy grail of parking. 11 00:00:42,793 --> 00:00:45,922 Good morning, gentlemen. What a delightful day. 12 00:00:46,005 --> 00:00:48,549 I was gonna walk to work, but then... 13 00:00:48,633 --> 00:00:51,594 - You got west exec? - It's just a parking spot, Dan. 14 00:00:51,677 --> 00:00:55,431 To be jealous of that, you'd have to be a shallow kind of... 15 00:00:55,514 --> 00:00:58,309 I don't know, dick, I guess. 16 00:01:00,686 --> 00:01:01,812 (Sirens chirping) 17 00:01:03,272 --> 00:01:06,234 This is the situation room, ma'am, during the hostage mission. 18 00:01:06,317 --> 00:01:08,653 - We need to approve a photo for release. - Okay. 19 00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:11,030 Let's see. 20 00:01:11,113 --> 00:01:13,407 Oh, my god. Look at Ben. 21 00:01:13,491 --> 00:01:15,785 - Look at the size of his coffee mug. - (Gary chuckles) 22 00:01:15,868 --> 00:01:18,579 Jeez, you could hide a baby in that thing. 23 00:01:18,663 --> 00:01:20,248 Oh, I look nice, though, huh? 24 00:01:20,331 --> 00:01:21,874 Gary: Yeah, you do. 25 00:01:21,958 --> 00:01:24,001 - You look concerned, but steely. - Yeah. 26 00:01:24,085 --> 00:01:25,878 Like a lady soldier. 27 00:01:25,962 --> 00:01:28,589 Oh, there are not gonna be any veterans 28 00:01:28,673 --> 00:01:31,133 at this teen prayer breakfast thing tomorrow, are there? 29 00:01:31,217 --> 00:01:33,010 No, ma'am. No missing legs. 30 00:01:33,094 --> 00:01:35,263 Okay, here's all the details of the youth leaders 31 00:01:35,346 --> 00:01:37,598 - that you're gonna be meeting. - Oh, man. 32 00:01:37,682 --> 00:01:40,559 Who the hell is religious as a teenager? 33 00:01:41,018 --> 00:01:42,436 I was. 34 00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:45,523 I mean, smoke some weed, for Christ's sake, right? 35 00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:47,441 Oh, god, look at the president. 36 00:01:47,525 --> 00:01:49,777 - Jeez, he looks so... - He looks jowly. 37 00:01:49,860 --> 00:01:51,904 Ah, look at those cheeks. 38 00:01:51,988 --> 00:01:55,116 It's like two little clutch bags attached to his face. 39 00:01:55,199 --> 00:01:57,785 Oh, my god, with the bags. It's always bags with you. 40 00:01:57,868 --> 00:02:00,246 Got to get out of the bag zone. Come on, Gary. 41 00:02:02,039 --> 00:02:03,833 - Sir. - Gentlemen. 42 00:02:03,916 --> 00:02:06,186 Very excited about this new demographics study you're planning. 43 00:02:06,210 --> 00:02:09,630 You should be. Dream metric will reveal the electoral battleground as it truly is. 44 00:02:09,714 --> 00:02:11,966 It's comparable to the invention of the microscope. 45 00:02:12,049 --> 00:02:14,528 Would it be okay if I showed you some ideas I have regarding strategy? 46 00:02:14,552 --> 00:02:15,720 No time, Mr. Egan. 47 00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:17,364 They're mostly flash based, but I put them on YouTube. 48 00:02:17,388 --> 00:02:19,265 I just said I had no time. 49 00:02:19,348 --> 00:02:21,350 We're all being hit by deadlines, right, Mike? 50 00:02:21,434 --> 00:02:23,715 Yes, sir. They can swing around and smack you like a boom. 51 00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:27,523 You sail, Mike? Have a boat? 52 00:02:27,606 --> 00:02:31,277 - Yes, sir. An '87 gulfstar 50. - Great cruiser. 53 00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:33,112 Nothing fancy, but she gets the job done. 54 00:02:33,195 --> 00:02:35,239 You know, like a cast-iron skillet or Kevin bacon. 55 00:02:35,323 --> 00:02:37,533 (Laughs) I've got a lagoon 380. 56 00:02:37,616 --> 00:02:40,661 - Catamaran? That's real man's sailing. - Yeah. 57 00:02:40,745 --> 00:02:43,265 Leaning out in the tack, your big man balls dipping in the salty sea. 58 00:02:43,289 --> 00:02:44,957 You're right there, my friend, yeah. 59 00:02:45,082 --> 00:02:47,626 I have no children and I wish for none, 60 00:02:47,710 --> 00:02:50,004 but she's my family. 61 00:02:50,087 --> 00:02:53,132 You know, I once went powerboating on lake erie. 62 00:02:53,215 --> 00:02:54,925 Amazing rush. 63 00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:57,303 I need to go. 64 00:03:00,097 --> 00:03:03,100 You don't talk powerboating to us sailors, Dan. 65 00:03:03,184 --> 00:03:04,727 What's the fucking difference? 66 00:03:07,188 --> 00:03:08,606 Hey. 67 00:03:08,981 --> 00:03:10,483 - Veep in? - No. 68 00:03:11,150 --> 00:03:12,985 Dan: You have time to just sit there? 69 00:03:13,069 --> 00:03:15,905 You've already bugged the shit out of everyone else in the building? 70 00:03:15,988 --> 00:03:18,032 I'm sorry, what? Say that again. 71 00:03:18,157 --> 00:03:21,619 Jonah, out. Or else I'll see if my pepper spray works. 72 00:03:21,827 --> 00:03:24,121 - Morning, guys. - Morning. 73 00:03:25,581 --> 00:03:28,125 Thirteen thousand. No, 14,500. 74 00:03:28,209 --> 00:03:31,754 Is this the amount of times you've admired yourself in the mirror today? 75 00:03:31,837 --> 00:03:33,648 No, I'm guessing that's the difference in salary 76 00:03:33,672 --> 00:03:35,859 between this job and the one that you just interviewed for. 77 00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:37,301 You think I had a job interview? 78 00:03:37,385 --> 00:03:38,825 Dan: I know you had a job interview. 79 00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:41,222 - How, Sherlock? - Simple makeup, higher neckline. 80 00:03:41,305 --> 00:03:44,284 Flats don't go with that dress, which means you probably have heels in your bag. 81 00:03:44,308 --> 00:03:46,227 Coffee from corner bakery implying you were at 82 00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:48,312 one of the lobbying shops on 18th. 83 00:03:48,396 --> 00:03:49,480 I love this stuff. 84 00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:52,983 That and somebody called your extension to make sure you had the right address. 85 00:03:53,442 --> 00:03:54,568 (Telephones ringing) 86 00:03:54,693 --> 00:03:56,737 Hey, is Danny chung gonna be performing tonight? 87 00:03:56,821 --> 00:03:59,073 - Mm-hmm. - Really? What's he gonna be doing? 88 00:03:59,156 --> 00:04:01,316 I think he'll be pulling bon jovi out of a burning tank 89 00:04:01,367 --> 00:04:03,303 in case we all forgot what a fucking war hero he is. 90 00:04:03,327 --> 00:04:05,871 - Yeah. - No, we have no official comment. 91 00:04:05,955 --> 00:04:07,456 No, that is not a non-comment. 92 00:04:07,540 --> 00:04:09,291 - We're just not commenting. - What? 93 00:04:09,375 --> 00:04:11,419 - How did this photo get out there? - What? 94 00:04:11,502 --> 00:04:13,102 Can we delete it off the Internet, then? 95 00:04:13,170 --> 00:04:15,214 No, I don't know what I'm talking about. 96 00:04:15,297 --> 00:04:16,966 Selina: What? What's going on here? 97 00:04:17,049 --> 00:04:18,849 Ma'am, the white house released this picture. 98 00:04:20,803 --> 00:04:22,471 What? No, no. This isn't... 99 00:04:22,555 --> 00:04:25,349 Amy, this isn't the photo that we approved. 100 00:04:25,433 --> 00:04:27,518 - No. - Look at this. 101 00:04:27,643 --> 00:04:29,979 It looks like I'm tweeting when a guy loses his leg. 102 00:04:30,104 --> 00:04:31,856 Yeah, it does, ma'am. 103 00:04:31,939 --> 00:04:34,066 This is Kent's doing. 104 00:04:34,150 --> 00:04:36,485 He's trying to screw me. I'm gonna go stab him. 105 00:04:36,569 --> 00:04:38,028 I'm stabbing him. 106 00:04:39,113 --> 00:04:41,866 - Yeah, from this point. It's... - All right, get out. 107 00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:44,118 Get out. You, too, Amy. 108 00:04:44,201 --> 00:04:46,012 I don't want any witnesses in here. I'm not kidding. 109 00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:48,497 - I'll start running the acid bath. - Yeah. 110 00:04:48,581 --> 00:04:49,832 This is the photograph? 111 00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:52,585 No, just wondering if you think this sweater goes with the dress. 112 00:04:52,710 --> 00:04:56,922 Look, the other photos caught potus at a bad angle. 113 00:04:57,047 --> 00:04:59,425 - Vis-a-vis jowls. - What? 114 00:05:00,301 --> 00:05:03,721 - It's a bad look. - That's how he looks. That's his face. 115 00:05:03,888 --> 00:05:07,141 Why didn't you just take the good one of me, Photoshop it in? 116 00:05:07,308 --> 00:05:10,436 I can't airbrush history, ma'am. I'm not Joseph Stalin. 117 00:05:10,603 --> 00:05:14,106 No, that's true. You're not. You don't have a tenth of his charm. 118 00:05:15,608 --> 00:05:18,402 Okay, I'm just gonna go work on my Jim mannood song. 119 00:05:18,569 --> 00:05:21,071 We're in budget talks, reaching across the aisle. 120 00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:23,699 Potus does not want the speaker mocked. 121 00:05:23,782 --> 00:05:26,869 Oh, so now I have to have Dan and Mike, 122 00:05:26,952 --> 00:05:29,663 Rodgers and hammershit, come up with a new song in an afternoon? 123 00:05:29,747 --> 00:05:31,332 We can laugh at ourselves. 124 00:05:31,415 --> 00:05:33,709 Maybe you should do a funny bit about the photograph. 125 00:05:33,792 --> 00:05:36,670 - Own the situation. - Own this. 126 00:05:36,754 --> 00:05:38,899 - She was multitasking. - You need to get off the phone. 127 00:05:38,923 --> 00:05:42,009 It's a thing women can do, like smelling nice and wrapping gifts. 128 00:05:42,092 --> 00:05:43,594 - Okay. - Bye, Tom. 129 00:05:44,428 --> 00:05:46,180 Were you on top of this or what? 130 00:05:46,263 --> 00:05:48,807 We were busy writing youth culture references 131 00:05:48,891 --> 00:05:50,251 in a funny song about the speaker. 132 00:05:50,309 --> 00:05:53,312 (Mumbles mockingly) 133 00:05:53,395 --> 00:05:55,940 I don't even know what you just said. 134 00:05:56,065 --> 00:05:58,025 What are you laughing about, jolly green jizzface? 135 00:05:58,108 --> 00:06:00,611 - I was... sorry, ma'am. - God damn, why are you even here? 136 00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:02,547 Oh, I came here to tell you that you're a meme, ma'am. 137 00:06:02,571 --> 00:06:04,674 I'm a meme ma'am? What are you talking about? Speak English, boy. 138 00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,617 A meme, an Internet phenomenon. 139 00:06:06,784 --> 00:06:13,040 Okay, yes. There are photoshopped versions of this springing up all over Twitter. 140 00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:15,060 - You at the declaration of independence... - Oh, my god. 141 00:06:15,084 --> 00:06:17,461 With Mary magdalene at the crucifixion, 142 00:06:17,670 --> 00:06:19,797 the 2004 Tsunami. 143 00:06:19,964 --> 00:06:22,108 If there was a Tsunami, you'd be genuinely looking at your phone 144 00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:23,276 'cause you'd be checking the weather. 145 00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:24,900 You know what? I don't need you to talk. 146 00:06:25,761 --> 00:06:27,513 How do we stop this meme ma'am shit? 147 00:06:27,638 --> 00:06:29,848 No, it's just a meme, ma'am. Not a meme ma'am. 148 00:06:29,932 --> 00:06:32,476 And usually they flame out after about 48 hours, 149 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,329 but sometimes they blow up and become a super meme 150 00:06:34,353 --> 00:06:35,729 like downfall or gangnam. 151 00:06:35,813 --> 00:06:37,958 - Gary: (Chuckles) I love gangnam. - What did I just say? 152 00:06:37,982 --> 00:06:40,150 Jonah: If it gets on Reddit or tumblr, that can happen. 153 00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:42,778 Yeah, okay. You've got to get out of here, okay? 154 00:06:42,861 --> 00:06:45,257 Take all these meaningless syllables with you and just get out. 155 00:06:45,281 --> 00:06:49,034 Yes, absolutely, ma'am. Oh, and I will see you at the dinner tonight. 156 00:06:49,159 --> 00:06:50,744 Oh, my god, yeah. 157 00:06:50,828 --> 00:06:53,998 Okay, yeah, that's a cherry on top of this whole turd cake. 158 00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:57,376 Oh, your leg. Could you fix your leg so I can see your whole leg. 159 00:06:57,459 --> 00:07:00,129 Fix it. Yeah. Okay. 160 00:07:00,212 --> 00:07:02,590 Potus said that we can't do the song about the speaker 161 00:07:02,673 --> 00:07:04,273 at the Vic Allen dinner. We can't do it. 162 00:07:04,300 --> 00:07:05,694 - Mike: The speaker song is cut? - Yeah. 163 00:07:05,718 --> 00:07:06,969 It was hilarious. 164 00:07:07,052 --> 00:07:08,863 - It was not that hilarious. - You're out of your head, dude. 165 00:07:08,887 --> 00:07:11,098 That would have made people piss in their pants. 166 00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:13,517 Hey, hey, hey! 167 00:07:13,642 --> 00:07:15,644 Let's do a new song about Kent. 168 00:07:16,812 --> 00:07:18,022 Kent? 169 00:07:18,105 --> 00:07:21,108 - You think? - Make fun of ourselves, that's what he said. 170 00:07:21,191 --> 00:07:24,320 I kind of like that. I do, I kind of like that. 171 00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:27,218 All right, we'll do it. I have no problem with that. Let's go. 172 00:07:27,281 --> 00:07:29,158 That's what we're gonna do. Let's go. 173 00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:32,953 Just stop the filibuster, buster. 174 00:07:33,037 --> 00:07:35,122 - That's good. - That's not a rhyme. 175 00:07:35,205 --> 00:07:38,042 You're just matching a word with the same word. 176 00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:40,044 Just write it down, Dan. I'm in a zone. 177 00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:43,130 Comedy songs are the Mark of a douchebag. 178 00:07:43,213 --> 00:07:44,965 You're wrong. You know why? 179 00:07:45,049 --> 00:07:47,635 Three words, weird al yankovic. 180 00:07:47,718 --> 00:07:49,720 Shit al yankoshit. 181 00:07:49,845 --> 00:07:51,472 You shut your mouth, okay? 182 00:07:51,555 --> 00:07:54,933 Just protect the endangered goose, Bruce. 183 00:07:55,017 --> 00:07:57,978 These are all great. A parody song of 50 ways to leave your lover. 184 00:07:58,062 --> 00:07:59,188 - Great idea. - Really? 185 00:07:59,271 --> 00:08:00,648 - Yeah. - If the first one bombs, 186 00:08:00,731 --> 00:08:02,292 people are gonna be sitting out there thinking, 187 00:08:02,316 --> 00:08:04,568 "shit the bed, we got 49 more of these to go." 188 00:08:04,652 --> 00:08:07,196 Help the oil lobby, Bobby. That's a good one. 189 00:08:07,279 --> 00:08:09,156 Let's follow Jonah. 190 00:08:09,281 --> 00:08:11,492 That is so childish. 191 00:08:12,910 --> 00:08:14,912 Mike: Why are we doing this? 192 00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:17,831 Because it's pointless, like everything else that we do. 193 00:08:17,915 --> 00:08:20,250 You still pissed you can't get in with Kent? 194 00:08:20,334 --> 00:08:22,670 Nobody can. He's half robot, half robot. 195 00:08:22,753 --> 00:08:24,838 - He's a robot. - Yeah, that's the challenge, Mike. 196 00:08:24,922 --> 00:08:26,715 See, in college all the girls liked me. 197 00:08:26,799 --> 00:08:29,677 There was this one girl, smart, who had no interest in me. 198 00:08:31,595 --> 00:08:33,430 She wasn't gay either. I checked. 199 00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:35,391 So it became my mission to sleep with her. 200 00:08:35,474 --> 00:08:37,101 And did you? 201 00:08:38,769 --> 00:08:40,437 Dan: No. 202 00:08:40,521 --> 00:08:43,482 And that failure has haunted me to this very day. 203 00:08:43,565 --> 00:08:45,984 I have a similar story, but the other way around. 204 00:08:46,068 --> 00:08:50,239 In college there was only one girl that was interested in me. 205 00:08:50,322 --> 00:08:53,534 And it turns out she was actually a lesbian. 206 00:08:58,163 --> 00:09:00,290 Amy: Everyone is a little off. 207 00:09:00,374 --> 00:09:03,168 Dan is bored. Sue is looking for another job. 208 00:09:03,252 --> 00:09:04,545 What? Really? 209 00:09:04,628 --> 00:09:07,840 And the stuff you're saying to Gary... 210 00:09:08,006 --> 00:09:10,801 What? Gary's not happy with me? 211 00:09:11,719 --> 00:09:12,720 What? 212 00:09:12,803 --> 00:09:15,514 Because he'd be happy if I shot him in the face. 213 00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:17,975 He would be. I've actually thought about it. 214 00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:22,146 He feels since he got that girlfriend Dana, you've been weird with him. 215 00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:24,029 Okay, can you please... Can you please not... 216 00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:26,358 See? That is another thing. The leg. 217 00:09:26,442 --> 00:09:28,652 Well, he did lose a whole leg. 218 00:09:28,736 --> 00:09:31,780 That's like half of what he should have, right? 219 00:09:31,864 --> 00:09:35,200 I'm fine. Look, I can handle this whole thing. 220 00:09:35,284 --> 00:09:37,286 I can.Sue. 221 00:09:37,369 --> 00:09:39,788 You are incredibly valued here and I was wondering 222 00:09:39,872 --> 00:09:42,350 if there's anything we could do to make you want to stay with us. 223 00:09:42,374 --> 00:09:44,251 - More money, ma'am. - I'm on it. Welcome back. 224 00:09:44,334 --> 00:09:46,003 Honored to serve. 225 00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:48,422 Just bought sue for a dollar. Who's next? 226 00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:50,966 - Gary. - I'll talk to Gary. 227 00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:53,510 How about doing that outside of the office? 228 00:09:53,594 --> 00:09:55,220 Invite him to dinner maybe. 229 00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:59,224 Wow. I've never eaten with Gary before. 230 00:09:59,308 --> 00:10:01,685 I've eaten next to him, but... 231 00:10:03,729 --> 00:10:05,481 Okay, yeah. I can do that. 232 00:10:05,564 --> 00:10:08,442 - Good morning, jonad. - (Scoffs) You're pathetic. 233 00:10:08,525 --> 00:10:09,610 Jonuts! 234 00:10:09,693 --> 00:10:11,629 Yeah, come at me when you guys get an office, huh? 235 00:10:11,653 --> 00:10:14,656 - Everyone hates him. - Yeah, but we hated him first. 236 00:10:14,740 --> 00:10:17,826 Oh, yeah, we hated him long before it was even fashionable to hate him. 237 00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:22,122 Mike: This is like a wildlife documentary. 238 00:10:22,206 --> 00:10:25,250 Jonah in his natural habitat. He might defecate in a bush. 239 00:10:29,463 --> 00:10:32,049 - What is this? - I don't know. 240 00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:33,509 - Jonah. - Hey. 241 00:10:33,592 --> 00:10:34,968 - Busy? - No. 242 00:10:35,052 --> 00:10:37,971 I just had to get some of these binder clips. 243 00:10:38,055 --> 00:10:40,432 From another building, huh? 244 00:10:40,516 --> 00:10:42,226 Yeah, we ran out at the white house. 245 00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:44,204 Isn't there a guy, though, that can get that for you? 246 00:10:44,228 --> 00:10:45,854 Yeah, you'd think there would be. 247 00:10:45,938 --> 00:10:47,314 Yeah, but he's off sick. 248 00:10:47,397 --> 00:10:49,525 - Who is? - Steve. 249 00:10:49,608 --> 00:10:51,235 What's poor old Steve come down with? 250 00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:53,987 - He has diabetes. - Oh, wow. That's a big one. 251 00:10:54,071 --> 00:10:56,323 - What type? - Two. 252 00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:58,617 Yeah. What are the symptoms of two again? 253 00:10:58,700 --> 00:11:01,036 Oh, he'sjust feeling bad. 254 00:11:01,119 --> 00:11:03,872 You know, he's sugary. 255 00:11:03,956 --> 00:11:06,250 - Yeah. - Or he's not sugary enough. 256 00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:07,793 - Right. - Yeah. 257 00:11:07,876 --> 00:11:10,045 Are there any other symptoms? 258 00:11:10,128 --> 00:11:12,923 Yeah, he's got fat wrists. You know? 259 00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:16,009 Yeah. You getting freezed out by Kent? 260 00:11:16,093 --> 00:11:17,678 We've been watching you, Jonah. 261 00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:19,346 - (Mike chuckles) - You're obsolete. 262 00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:21,348 You're like an old VCR, but with a bigger mouth. 263 00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:23,071 - You guys have been following me? - Yeah. 264 00:11:23,100 --> 00:11:26,854 You've been following me like Nancy drew and his butt-sniffing dog 265 00:11:26,937 --> 00:11:28,897 and I'm the one that has nothing to do? 266 00:11:28,981 --> 00:11:31,149 Cool the honey, bro. We're very busy. 267 00:11:31,233 --> 00:11:34,361 - We're writing a comical song. - Shut up, Mike. 268 00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:37,197 Well, I might have nothing to do, gentlemen, 269 00:11:37,281 --> 00:11:39,867 but at least when I'm crying about it, 270 00:11:39,950 --> 00:11:42,744 I am crying about it in my car 271 00:11:42,828 --> 00:11:45,789 in west wing exec parking. 272 00:11:45,873 --> 00:11:48,584 Selina: (Singing) 50 ways to win in Denver 273 00:11:48,792 --> 00:11:50,335 (vocalizing) 274 00:11:50,836 --> 00:11:52,963 Hey, ma'am, thanks again for inviting me to dinner. 275 00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:55,382 - Sure. - It's an honor. 276 00:11:55,465 --> 00:11:58,802 I actually wrote it in my diary and stared at it for a full five minutes. 277 00:11:58,886 --> 00:12:00,679 My treat for you 278 00:12:02,139 --> 00:12:04,057 would you set it all up, please 279 00:12:04,141 --> 00:12:06,560 and check the menu, too 280 00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:08,854 of course 281 00:12:08,937 --> 00:12:10,856 no, no, no, I actually really do mean that 282 00:12:10,939 --> 00:12:13,150 figure out the restaurant and everything 283 00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:15,319 okay. Okay. 284 00:12:16,695 --> 00:12:17,946 Do you... 285 00:12:18,030 --> 00:12:20,365 Yes, Gary? What is it? 286 00:12:20,908 --> 00:12:25,162 Can Dana come along? 287 00:12:25,996 --> 00:12:28,290 - Oh, really? - No. 288 00:12:28,373 --> 00:12:30,918 That was a bad idea. 289 00:12:31,001 --> 00:12:32,461 It's okay if she can't. 290 00:12:32,544 --> 00:12:35,005 No, it's good. Fine. 291 00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:36,506 (Laughs triumphantly) 292 00:12:36,590 --> 00:12:38,759 You are gonna love her. 293 00:12:38,842 --> 00:12:41,845 - She's a total gal's gal. - Oh, I can't wait. 294 00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:44,324 - She says this one thing... - Can you get me my throat spray? 295 00:12:44,348 --> 00:12:46,266 - I need that. Do you have it? - Sure. 296 00:12:46,350 --> 00:12:49,019 Mi, fa, so, ia, ti, do 297 00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:50,103 (Amy harmonizing) 298 00:12:50,187 --> 00:12:53,357 No, no, no, don't sing it with me that fucks me up 299 00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:02,199 - Jim. - Madam vice president. 300 00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:06,620 I always feel like I should curtsy, and then I remember that doesn't make sense. 301 00:13:06,703 --> 00:13:09,498 No, it certainly does not. 302 00:13:09,581 --> 00:13:12,125 You know Amy brookheimer, my chief of staff. 303 00:13:12,209 --> 00:13:13,728 Mr. Speaker. It's nice to see you again. 304 00:13:13,752 --> 00:13:17,089 Amy. Now, am I getting older or are you getting younger? 305 00:13:17,631 --> 00:13:19,716 We're both getting older. 306 00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:23,470 That's the third option, of course. That's great stuff. 307 00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:26,682 I understand there's gonna be a bit of a joke truce tonight. 308 00:13:26,765 --> 00:13:29,017 A cessation of hostilities. 309 00:13:29,101 --> 00:13:32,104 Absolutely. There will be no jokes from me. 310 00:13:32,187 --> 00:13:34,564 I'm not going to mention the photograph. 311 00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:37,484 Were you Internet shopping? 312 00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:39,319 I'm joking. 313 00:13:39,403 --> 00:13:41,947 Or rather, I'm not. There we are. 314 00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:43,073 Okay. 315 00:13:45,742 --> 00:13:47,828 You know, I was at that same prayer breakfast 316 00:13:47,911 --> 00:13:49,746 - about a month or so ago. - Oh, were you? 317 00:13:49,830 --> 00:13:51,498 - Aren't they great kids? - They're great. 318 00:13:51,581 --> 00:13:53,875 And they seemed excited as young voters 319 00:13:53,959 --> 00:13:57,004 about the possibility of a veteran becoming president. 320 00:13:57,087 --> 00:13:59,715 - Not necessarily me. (Chuckles) - Okay. 321 00:13:59,798 --> 00:14:01,466 Well, they seemed very excited about 322 00:14:01,550 --> 00:14:03,350 the possibility of a woman becoming president. 323 00:14:03,427 --> 00:14:06,138 Not necessarily you. (Chuckles) 324 00:14:06,596 --> 00:14:10,392 Well, my enhanced foreign policy role will serve me well. 325 00:14:10,475 --> 00:14:12,853 Hey, it is good to be on top of international relations. 326 00:14:12,936 --> 00:14:15,063 - Sure. - So there are fewer opportunities 327 00:14:15,147 --> 00:14:17,190 for guys like me to risk our lives. 328 00:14:17,274 --> 00:14:18,984 Oh, absolutely. Absolutely, yeah. 329 00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:20,402 And limbs. 330 00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:24,948 Are you not finishing this? I'm gonna take it. Okay. 331 00:14:25,032 --> 00:14:27,534 Amy, you should stop eating so much. 332 00:14:28,618 --> 00:14:30,454 What the fuck are you talking about? 333 00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,373 You're stress eating. 334 00:14:33,457 --> 00:14:35,459 I'm not. I'm having dessert. 335 00:14:35,584 --> 00:14:38,128 I think you're letting the pressures of the office get to you. 336 00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:40,464 You barely have a life outside. You don't go to the gym. 337 00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:42,316 You don't go to the movies. You're barely at home. 338 00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:44,051 That's true. 339 00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:47,888 I mean, I hope I don't have a cat because, believe me, that poor fucker's dead. 340 00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:49,014 (Laughs nervously) 341 00:14:49,097 --> 00:14:50,474 You need to date, Amy. 342 00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:53,060 Find yourself a political nerd who also showers. 343 00:14:53,143 --> 00:14:55,020 I'm just saying I'm looking out for you. 344 00:14:55,103 --> 00:14:57,606 I wouldn't want you to become a fat, neurotic freak. 345 00:14:57,689 --> 00:14:59,066 Speaking as a friend. 346 00:15:02,486 --> 00:15:05,113 We have a lot of special performances tonight 347 00:15:05,197 --> 00:15:07,407 - and a lot of fun ahead. - Danny chung. 348 00:15:07,491 --> 00:15:09,117 So he pulled a guy from a tank. 349 00:15:09,201 --> 00:15:11,036 You saved four guys from captivity. 350 00:15:11,119 --> 00:15:13,246 Yeah, and they weren't burnt, by the way. 351 00:15:13,330 --> 00:15:15,457 Chung's guy had a face like a Christmas ham. 352 00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:18,794 - Governor Danny chung! - (All applauding) 353 00:15:19,169 --> 00:15:20,587 Thank you. 354 00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:23,215 All right, thank you. 355 00:15:23,298 --> 00:15:26,760 You know, this administration has faced many challenges. 356 00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:30,847 But until now, nobody's thrown down 357 00:15:30,931 --> 00:15:33,350 a beatbox challenge. 358 00:15:33,475 --> 00:15:34,601 (All laughing) 359 00:15:34,684 --> 00:15:36,353 (Beatboxing) 360 00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:39,856 (Crowd clapping along) 361 00:15:45,529 --> 00:15:47,280 That isn't impressive at all. 362 00:15:47,364 --> 00:15:49,783 - He's just spitting, right? - Yeah. 363 00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:52,327 Ladies and gentlemen, 364 00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:54,412 Minnesota's in the house. 365 00:15:54,538 --> 00:15:55,705 (All applauding) 366 00:15:55,997 --> 00:15:58,792 I said, "well, was it money or sex?" 367 00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:01,461 And he said, "no, the guy from fox news 368 00:16:01,545 --> 00:16:03,713 "is the only one who stopped and asked for directions." 369 00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:05,048 (Audience laughing) 370 00:16:06,216 --> 00:16:07,634 Thank you. 371 00:16:07,717 --> 00:16:10,512 To be serious for just a moment, 372 00:16:10,595 --> 00:16:14,307 I think we need to give a big round of applause 373 00:16:14,391 --> 00:16:18,311 to the vice president for the part that she played 374 00:16:18,395 --> 00:16:19,980 in setting free those young guys 375 00:16:20,063 --> 00:16:23,191 who had been held against their will for so long. 376 00:16:23,275 --> 00:16:25,026 Madam vice president, thank you. 377 00:16:25,110 --> 00:16:26,111 Thank you. 378 00:16:28,113 --> 00:16:31,741 Of course, all she had to do was unlock her bedroom door, 379 00:16:31,825 --> 00:16:34,202 but thanks anyway. 380 00:16:34,286 --> 00:16:36,496 Well, at least she didn't look down her nose at 'em. 381 00:16:36,580 --> 00:16:38,540 You know, when they're looking for the thing. 382 00:16:38,623 --> 00:16:41,209 You know, but thank you. Okay. Okay. 383 00:16:41,293 --> 00:16:43,128 Thank you so much for listening to me. 384 00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:46,339 - I need a joke. I need a joke. - Thank you. Good night. 385 00:16:46,423 --> 00:16:48,175 Thank you. 386 00:16:48,258 --> 00:16:50,385 Jim mannood, ladies and gentlemen. 387 00:16:50,468 --> 00:16:52,053 Let's give it up for him. 388 00:16:53,180 --> 00:16:54,931 - Mate? - Mute. 389 00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:56,600 - Meat? - No, mute. Mute. 390 00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:58,226 Mute. Here. 391 00:16:58,310 --> 00:17:00,020 Jim mannood, what are we gonna do with you? 392 00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:03,982 (Laughs) 393 00:17:04,441 --> 00:17:06,586 I'll tell you, that's one speaker I'd like to put on mute. 394 00:17:06,610 --> 00:17:07,986 (Mike laughs) 395 00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:11,698 Okay, well, I'm gonna give this a shot. 396 00:17:11,781 --> 00:17:15,452 You just need to keep in mind that I'm not selina Dion. 397 00:17:16,578 --> 00:17:19,706 Okay, well, you know what? Let's hit it, boys. 398 00:17:19,789 --> 00:17:21,333 (Band playing) 399 00:17:24,836 --> 00:17:27,797 The problem is all inside your head 400 00:17:27,881 --> 00:17:30,217 Kent said to me 401 00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:35,055 the answer is easy if you take it logically 402 00:17:35,138 --> 00:17:39,226 if you analyze elections it's called psephology 403 00:17:39,309 --> 00:17:43,146 Kent says there's 50 ways to win in Denver 404 00:17:43,230 --> 00:17:44,231 (audience chuckling) 405 00:17:44,314 --> 00:17:46,900 Kent says there's 50 ways 406 00:17:46,983 --> 00:17:49,069 to win in Denver 407 00:17:49,152 --> 00:17:51,863 you just say you'll cut tax, Max 408 00:17:51,947 --> 00:17:54,407 don't be elite, Pete 409 00:17:54,491 --> 00:17:56,868 kiss a fat baby, able 410 00:17:56,952 --> 00:17:59,079 set yourself free 411 00:17:59,162 --> 00:18:01,414 don't be European, Ian 412 00:18:01,498 --> 00:18:04,251 say screw France, Lance 413 00:18:04,334 --> 00:18:06,419 maybe the Germans, Herman 414 00:18:06,503 --> 00:18:09,089 the Dutch, the Swedes 415 00:18:09,172 --> 00:18:11,716 subsidize a bus, Gus 416 00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:14,177 don't be pro-choice, Joyce 417 00:18:14,261 --> 00:18:16,680 not too much sex, Rex 418 00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:19,266 take it from me 419 00:18:19,349 --> 00:18:21,810 make a pie chart, art 420 00:18:21,893 --> 00:18:24,062 analyze the facts, Max 421 00:18:24,145 --> 00:18:25,563 don't live in a palace, Alice 422 00:18:25,647 --> 00:18:27,023 this is imbecilic. 423 00:18:27,107 --> 00:18:28,942 You're right. It's asinine. 424 00:18:29,025 --> 00:18:31,111 No, keep smiling, Mr. Ryan. 425 00:18:31,194 --> 00:18:33,697 I'm smiling falsely. So should you. 426 00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:38,034 Don't mention Israel, Catherine 427 00:18:38,201 --> 00:18:39,911 (all cheering loudly) 428 00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:46,501 Selina: Good morning! 429 00:18:49,546 --> 00:18:51,256 You should cut an album. 430 00:18:51,381 --> 00:18:53,216 - Oh, can you imagine? - Amy: You killed it. 431 00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:56,386 You killed better than chung killed and he's actually killed. 432 00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:58,138 I had to pretend not to like it to Kent 433 00:18:58,221 --> 00:19:00,408 while pretending to like it like he was pretending to like it, 434 00:19:00,432 --> 00:19:03,727 but he didn't actually like it and I actually really liked it. 435 00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:05,061 Oh, hello, sir. 436 00:19:05,979 --> 00:19:09,065 Ma'am, your song last night made my lips curl. 437 00:19:09,149 --> 00:19:10,692 Upwards. 438 00:19:10,775 --> 00:19:12,861 I have a small favor to ask. 439 00:19:12,944 --> 00:19:15,071 Okay, sure. What can I do you for? 440 00:19:15,155 --> 00:19:17,907 Well, my dream metric demographic program is about to launch 441 00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:21,161 and I would like to borrow a member of your team for two weeks. 442 00:19:21,244 --> 00:19:22,871 Oh, you want Dan? 443 00:19:22,954 --> 00:19:24,539 No, I want Mike. 444 00:19:24,622 --> 00:19:27,417 No, you don't want me, sir. You do want Dan. 445 00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:29,186 - He's great. - I've got a big bounce coming on. 446 00:19:29,210 --> 00:19:30,503 I can feel it. I'm like you. 447 00:19:30,587 --> 00:19:32,255 Selina: No, you can't take Mike. 448 00:19:32,339 --> 00:19:34,090 He's my director of communications. 449 00:19:34,174 --> 00:19:36,259 Are you kidding me? You can't have him. 450 00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:40,472 (Quietly) Potus's European visit, the Helsinki agreement... 451 00:19:40,555 --> 00:19:42,974 - Yeah? - He can no longer make it. 452 00:19:43,058 --> 00:19:48,146 Debt ceiling talks are on the verge of collapse, so he needs someone to go in his place. 453 00:19:48,229 --> 00:19:51,107 Now either that's the secretary of state or... 454 00:19:54,402 --> 00:19:55,403 (Clears throat) 455 00:19:56,071 --> 00:19:59,199 Mike, on second thought, 456 00:19:59,282 --> 00:20:02,535 I think that this whole dream... 457 00:20:02,619 --> 00:20:03,912 - Metric. - Metric. 458 00:20:03,995 --> 00:20:07,874 Dream metric thing sounds kind of fantastic. 459 00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:10,502 - Don't you think? - Yes, ma'am. 460 00:20:10,627 --> 00:20:12,128 Comes from potus, so... 461 00:20:12,212 --> 00:20:13,939 Kent: I'll see you down the hallway in 15 minutes, Mike. 462 00:20:13,963 --> 00:20:15,548 I'll pipe you aboard. 463 00:20:15,632 --> 00:20:17,759 Ma'am, enjoy your trip to Europe. 464 00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:19,386 Thank you. 465 00:20:19,469 --> 00:20:21,971 Jonah will be making the trip as well. 466 00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:25,016 Wait. What are you talking about? 467 00:20:25,100 --> 00:20:29,479 You're taking my director of communications and you're giving me Jonah? 468 00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:31,564 This comes from potus. 469 00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:35,819 Ma'am. Ma'am, please don't let him take me. 470 00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:37,404 I don't want to go to numbers camp. 471 00:20:37,487 --> 00:20:39,447 - I can't help you. Just let go. - Please. Please. 472 00:20:39,489 --> 00:20:41,074 Let go of me, all right? 473 00:20:41,157 --> 00:20:43,410 Obviously you made an impression on Kent. 474 00:20:43,493 --> 00:20:45,078 I don't make impressions, ma'am. 475 00:20:45,161 --> 00:20:47,914 I've literally lived with people who insist I was never there. 476 00:20:47,997 --> 00:20:49,475 You give no press briefings. Understood? 477 00:20:49,499 --> 00:20:52,085 I become Mike, you become an ugly me. 478 00:20:52,168 --> 00:20:53,878 Cool. I'll handle new media. 479 00:20:53,962 --> 00:20:56,840 Ma'am, I'm gonna get you major online traction. 480 00:20:56,923 --> 00:20:58,591 Reddit, tumblr, boom. 481 00:20:58,675 --> 00:21:01,803 Whatever. Just don't use my bathroom on air force two. 482 00:21:01,886 --> 00:21:03,847 - There's another bathroom? - Europe! 483 00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:06,224 - Oh, mon dieu. - Yeah, I know. It's gonna be fun. 484 00:21:06,307 --> 00:21:08,309 - Really, really fun. - It'll be really fun. 485 00:21:08,393 --> 00:21:09,602 Now, I'm so sorry, 486 00:21:09,686 --> 00:21:11,789 but I don't think we're gonna be able to do the dinner with Dana. 487 00:21:11,813 --> 00:21:14,899 Oh, we can bring it foward to lunch. Let's do that. 488 00:21:15,275 --> 00:21:16,776 Yeah? Yeah? 489 00:21:16,860 --> 00:21:19,320 - Oh. Yeah. Okay. - Yeah? Yeah? Okay. 490 00:21:22,991 --> 00:21:27,454 So out to I'd set up a business importing pecorino cheese. 491 00:21:27,537 --> 00:21:29,257 Are you familiar with that brand of cheese? 492 00:21:29,289 --> 00:21:32,000 - I think... - It's like parmesan, but it's different. 493 00:21:32,083 --> 00:21:35,295 - They're very different. - What's the word that you use to describe... 494 00:21:35,378 --> 00:21:38,756 - A duskiness. - A duskiness. 495 00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:42,427 Isn't that great? Would you ever describe a cheese as dusky? 496 00:21:42,510 --> 00:21:45,305 Not in a million years, no. I wouldn't do that. 497 00:21:45,388 --> 00:21:49,642 But so you import parmesan? 498 00:21:49,767 --> 00:21:51,561 - Peconno. - I'm sorry, the pecorino. 499 00:21:51,644 --> 00:21:55,231 They're direct from Tuscany, so that means it comes in through Florence. 500 00:21:55,315 --> 00:21:58,568 If I were to use a sicilian supplier, which iwouldn't, 501 00:21:58,651 --> 00:22:00,069 my overheads would double. 502 00:22:00,153 --> 00:22:03,573 And they would have made her an offer that she couldn't refuse. 503 00:22:03,656 --> 00:22:06,451 Actually, the mafia involvement in the dairy industry is minimal. 504 00:22:06,534 --> 00:22:08,304 You're right. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be flippant. 505 00:22:08,328 --> 00:22:10,497 Think about it. In the godfather, no cheese. 506 00:22:10,580 --> 00:22:13,208 - Yeah, you're right. - You know I'm right. (Laughs) 507 00:22:13,291 --> 00:22:15,502 - Boom! - That's her catchphrase. 508 00:22:15,585 --> 00:22:17,670 She got you. You got to be so careful. 509 00:22:17,754 --> 00:22:18,880 Ha! Okay. 510 00:22:19,214 --> 00:22:21,466 - So, Gary. - Yeah? 511 00:22:22,342 --> 00:22:26,554 This lunch is about me saying that I value you. 512 00:22:26,638 --> 00:22:29,933 I cannot tell you, we are so happy to hear you say that... 513 00:22:30,016 --> 00:22:32,602 If you could just... 514 00:22:32,685 --> 00:22:35,688 And I want to say thank you 515 00:22:35,813 --> 00:22:38,983 for all that you do for me. 516 00:22:39,651 --> 00:22:41,027 Gary: That's so nice. 517 00:22:41,110 --> 00:22:44,030 And I got you a little gift. 518 00:22:44,113 --> 00:22:46,282 - No! - Yes, I did. 519 00:22:46,366 --> 00:22:48,493 Oh, that's so nice. 520 00:22:48,576 --> 00:22:52,121 Look at this. A new leviathan. 521 00:22:52,205 --> 00:22:55,458 A new leviathan! 522 00:22:56,417 --> 00:22:57,961 Isn't that great? 523 00:22:58,044 --> 00:22:59,484 Does it have the same layout, honey? 524 00:22:59,546 --> 00:23:01,546 Because it took you so long to learn the other one. 525 00:23:01,589 --> 00:23:03,883 No, it's fine. I can learn a new layout. It's fine. 526 00:23:03,967 --> 00:23:05,778 Do you wish that I had gotten you a different kind? 527 00:23:05,802 --> 00:23:08,221 No, no, no, no. I love it. 528 00:23:08,304 --> 00:23:11,808 (Sing-songy) I love my new bag! 529 00:23:13,226 --> 00:23:16,229 I can just sew some new pockets in. That's okay. 530 00:23:16,312 --> 00:23:18,523 - 'Cause it's a symbol. - Yeah. 531 00:23:18,606 --> 00:23:20,066 - It's for you. - Mm-hmm. 532 00:23:20,149 --> 00:23:21,901 - (Cell phone vibrating) - Is that for me? 533 00:23:21,985 --> 00:23:23,987 Oh, yeah. That's for you. It's Amy. 534 00:23:24,070 --> 00:23:25,488 Hey, what's up? 535 00:23:25,572 --> 00:23:28,533 The Kent song has suddenly gotten some negative traction. 536 00:23:28,616 --> 00:23:30,636 - Dan: "References to Europe"... - I'm putting you on speaker. 537 00:23:30,660 --> 00:23:33,329 "References to Europe in an ill-conceived song 538 00:23:33,413 --> 00:23:36,124 "performed by vp selina meyer have sparked outrage 539 00:23:36,207 --> 00:23:38,251 - "in parts of the continent." - What's the problem? 540 00:23:38,334 --> 00:23:40,420 The lyrics "don't be European, Ian," 541 00:23:40,503 --> 00:23:42,589 "say screw France, Lance," that whole bit. 542 00:23:42,672 --> 00:23:44,591 I'm sending the alert links to your iPad. 543 00:23:44,674 --> 00:23:47,885 Excuse me, Gary. Can I have my iPad? 544 00:23:47,969 --> 00:23:49,409 - Do you have that? - Oh, right here. 545 00:23:49,470 --> 00:23:51,347 - Here you go. Sorry. - Thanks. 546 00:23:51,431 --> 00:23:54,225 You know, while you're getting to know your own mind, 547 00:23:54,309 --> 00:23:56,060 I'm getting to know the rest of you. 548 00:23:56,144 --> 00:23:58,062 - (Gary laughs) - And mama likes. 549 00:23:58,146 --> 00:23:59,606 - Um, excuse me. - Mama like it. 550 00:23:59,689 --> 00:24:01,816 I'm so sorry. Excuse me, Gary, just for a second. 551 00:24:01,899 --> 00:24:04,277 I don't know what my password is. Do you know what it... 552 00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:07,240 - It's 4g. You don't need a Wi-Fi, ma'am. - But the signals are all here. 553 00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:09,282 You know what you got to do is shut the Wi-Fi off. 554 00:24:09,365 --> 00:24:11,284 That forces it into 4g. You know I'm right. 555 00:24:11,367 --> 00:24:13,554 - Okay, let's not do that. - Selina: I'm not sure how to do that. 556 00:24:13,578 --> 00:24:16,080 - No, no, no. That's confidential. - I won't touch anything. 557 00:24:16,164 --> 00:24:18,916 I won't touch anything. Oops, I just started a war with Iran. 558 00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:21,127 - Joke. - That's not even remotely funny. 559 00:24:21,210 --> 00:24:23,630 That's just one of my classic jokes. 560 00:24:23,713 --> 00:24:26,799 - Calamari and zucchini? - Oh, that would be for Gary here. 561 00:24:26,883 --> 00:24:29,177 - Okay, here you go. - And maybe some olives? 562 00:24:29,260 --> 00:24:31,804 - Oh, no, no, no, no! - Get out! 563 00:24:31,888 --> 00:24:33,473 Oh, god. 564 00:24:33,556 --> 00:24:35,266 Well, our European visit 565 00:24:35,350 --> 00:24:37,810 just got turned into a one-way trip to hell and back. 566 00:24:37,894 --> 00:24:40,063 - That's actually a return. - You know what? 567 00:24:40,146 --> 00:24:43,024 Could you just shut it just for like two seconds? 568 00:24:43,107 --> 00:24:45,860 - Why don't we go? - Yeah, we've got to cut this lunch short. 569 00:24:45,943 --> 00:24:48,696 But, you know, you're gonna have your bag forever, so what the fuck? 570 00:24:50,114 --> 00:24:52,575 Kent: Good afternoon, gentlemen. 571 00:24:52,700 --> 00:24:55,328 Dream metric begins at this second. 572 00:24:55,411 --> 00:24:57,372 Today is ground zero. Mike. 573 00:24:57,455 --> 00:24:58,706 Right. 574 00:25:00,458 --> 00:25:02,752 This is the index to america. 575 00:25:02,877 --> 00:25:07,173 It will let us know how people will vote before they even know themselves. 576 00:25:07,256 --> 00:25:11,594 This program revolutionizes the way we think about the way we think. Mike. 577 00:25:12,553 --> 00:25:14,055 It's exciting. 578 00:25:17,225 --> 00:25:19,352 "Within the last hour, the German chancellor 579 00:25:19,435 --> 00:25:22,438 "expressed his disappointment at the remarks." 580 00:25:22,522 --> 00:25:24,565 Who the hell does he think he is? 581 00:25:24,649 --> 00:25:27,318 "George Dennis of le monde 582 00:25:27,402 --> 00:25:30,321 "called the vice president a typical American hick." 583 00:25:30,405 --> 00:25:31,674 I think it's pronounced georges denis. 584 00:25:31,698 --> 00:25:34,826 I'm not a hick. Screw you, depardieu. 585 00:25:34,909 --> 00:25:37,995 I think it just got on Reddit and tumblr and just exploded from there. 586 00:25:40,707 --> 00:25:43,167 Those words sound mighty familiar. 587 00:25:46,295 --> 00:25:47,839 Jonah? 588 00:25:49,799 --> 00:25:51,509 I just liked the song so much. 589 00:25:51,592 --> 00:25:55,805 And I thought you wanted it out there, so I just put it out there. 590 00:25:58,307 --> 00:25:59,934 Get off the plane. 591 00:26:00,810 --> 00:26:02,061 What? 592 00:26:02,186 --> 00:26:04,897 - Get off of the plane. - Ma'am, we're taxiing. 593 00:26:04,981 --> 00:26:07,567 I don't give a shit. Get the fuck off my plane. 594 00:26:07,650 --> 00:26:10,319 Yeah, get the fuck off of my plane. 595 00:26:10,403 --> 00:26:14,073 I cannot believe that you put that out on tumble. 596 00:26:14,157 --> 00:26:15,950 - No, tumblr. - Okay. 597 00:26:16,033 --> 00:26:19,036 - Stop the engines! - Can we get Jonah off the plane, please? 598 00:26:19,120 --> 00:26:20,788 Get up. 599 00:26:20,872 --> 00:26:22,516 All of your privileges are gonna be removed. 600 00:26:22,540 --> 00:26:24,917 - Okay, but not the parking. - Yeah, the parking. 601 00:26:25,001 --> 00:26:27,295 - Wait, what? You have parking? - Not anymore. 602 00:26:27,378 --> 00:26:29,756 - Yeah, not anymore. - But I didn't even own a car. 603 00:26:29,839 --> 00:26:32,025 I just had to sign a two-year lease for the Nissan cube. 604 00:26:32,049 --> 00:26:34,761 - Get him off. - Okay, guys, my bag is in the hold. 605 00:26:34,844 --> 00:26:36,929 - Does he have a big bag? - Gary. 606 00:26:38,639 --> 00:26:40,391 - Okay. - Better? 607 00:26:40,475 --> 00:26:42,268 - It's all good. - It's all good. 608 00:26:42,351 --> 00:26:44,353 - I'm fine. - Totally fine. 609 00:26:44,437 --> 00:26:46,063 Great. 610 00:26:53,237 --> 00:26:54,614 How long is this flight? 611 00:27:00,411 --> 00:27:02,330 Numbers, they never end, do they? 612 00:27:02,413 --> 00:27:05,374 But that's what's good about them, they keep going. 613 00:27:09,003 --> 00:27:10,171 Gary: Oh... 614 00:27:10,755 --> 00:27:13,299 He should really be on suicide watch. 615 00:27:13,382 --> 00:27:16,135 Yeah, make sure he goes through with it. 616 00:27:16,469 --> 00:27:17,553 (Gary chuckles) 617 00:27:18,387 --> 00:27:20,306 That's the latino vote, right? 618 00:27:20,389 --> 00:27:21,849 That thing? 619 00:27:22,767 --> 00:27:25,061 - Mike, my office. - Yes, sir. 620 00:27:37,031 --> 00:27:38,574 Pen. 621 00:27:39,575 --> 00:27:42,537 I leased a Nissan cube from you the other day. 622 00:27:42,620 --> 00:27:45,498 What are my options if I don't need it anymore? 623 00:27:45,581 --> 00:27:47,458 Can I just give that back? 624 00:27:52,380 --> 00:27:53,673 Paper 625 00:28:02,598 --> 00:28:04,892 Help the oil lobby, Bobby 626 00:28:04,976 --> 00:28:06,853 don't piss off wall street, Pete 627 00:28:06,978 --> 00:28:10,606 don't mention Israel, Catherine... 628 00:28:17,697 --> 00:28:22,702 Get out of DC 629 00:28:23,202 --> 00:28:25,621 Steve 630 00:28:29,208 --> 00:28:30,626 yeah!