1
00:00:10,977 --> 00:00:13,480
You're traveling
through another dimension-

2
00:00:13,515 --> 00:00:16,599
a dimension not only of sight
and sound, but of mind,

3
00:00:16,634 --> 00:00:18,485
a journey into a wondrous land

4
00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:20,987
whose boundaries
are that of imagination.

5
00:00:21,022 --> 00:00:23,490
Your next stop,
the twilight zone.

6
00:00:29,112 --> 00:00:31,614
Ladies and gentlemen,
we're certainly glad

7
00:00:31,649 --> 00:00:32,866
to be here tonight.

8
00:00:32,901 --> 00:00:34,117
Speak for yourself,
turkey.

9
00:00:34,751 --> 00:00:36,002
That's jerry.

10
00:00:36,037 --> 00:00:37,620
Every dummy
to his own taste.

11
00:00:37,655 --> 00:00:38,872
Now, cut that out.

12
00:00:38,907 --> 00:00:40,123
All right, all right.

13
00:00:40,158 --> 00:00:41,374
Let go of the suit.

14
00:00:41,409 --> 00:00:43,259
I'm getting out of here.

15
00:00:43,294 --> 00:00:45,128
Now, wait
a minute, willy.

16
00:00:45,163 --> 00:00:46,379
Just stay
right here.

17
00:00:46,414 --> 00:00:47,630
I mean it.

18
00:00:47,665 --> 00:00:48,264
Uh-huh.

19
00:00:48,299 --> 00:00:49,516
I'm sorry.

20
00:00:49,551 --> 00:00:52,018
If i said anything,
i didn't mean it.

21
00:00:52,053 --> 00:00:52,635
Oh, no?

22
00:00:53,269 --> 00:00:53,887
No.

23
00:00:53,922 --> 00:00:55,138
No?

24
00:00:55,173 --> 00:00:57,273
Just tell me this, wise guy.

25
00:00:57,308 --> 00:01:00,393
You did admit that you were
superstitious, didn't you?

26
00:01:00,428 --> 00:01:02,645
Well, on occasion, yes.

27
00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:05,782
But you don't throw salt
over your shoulders

28
00:01:05,817 --> 00:01:07,650
or cross your fingers.

29
00:01:07,685 --> 00:01:08,401
No, i knock on wood.

30
00:01:08,436 --> 00:01:09,652
You did it again.

31
00:01:09,687 --> 00:01:10,904
Wait a minute.

32
00:01:10,939 --> 00:01:12,155
I resign.

33
00:01:12,190 --> 00:01:13,406
From now on, i'm a single!

34
00:01:13,441 --> 00:01:15,291
As for you,
you can turn in your lap.

35
00:01:18,044 --> 00:01:19,913
Uh... why, willy,

36
00:01:19,948 --> 00:01:21,798
in the first place,

37
00:01:21,833 --> 00:01:24,300
what would you do without me?

38
00:01:24,335 --> 00:01:25,919
Well, for one thing,

39
00:01:25,954 --> 00:01:29,055
i could be
a better ventriloquist.

40
00:01:29,090 --> 00:01:30,306
Oh, yeah?

41
00:01:30,341 --> 00:01:31,558
Yeah.

42
00:01:31,593 --> 00:01:32,175
Yeah?

43
00:01:32,210 --> 00:01:34,060
Yeah... watch this.

44
00:01:34,095 --> 00:01:36,563
A funny thing
happened to me

45
00:01:36,598 --> 00:01:38,431
on my way over to
the club tonight.

46
00:01:38,466 --> 00:01:40,316
Is that a fact?

47
00:01:40,351 --> 00:01:41,568
What happened,
blockhead?

48
00:01:41,603 --> 00:01:43,436
I was out in front
of the ritz-savoy.

49
00:01:43,471 --> 00:01:48,074
That's where i live-
out in front of the ritz-savoy.

50
00:01:48,109 --> 00:01:50,827
They put formaldehyde
in those jokes?

51
00:01:50,862 --> 00:01:52,695
Something must preserve them.

52
00:02:00,453 --> 00:02:03,590
You're watching a ventriloquist
named jerry etherson,

53
00:02:03,625 --> 00:02:04,841
a voice-thrower par excellence.

54
00:02:04,876 --> 00:02:06,709
His alter ego,
sitting atop his lap,

55
00:02:06,744 --> 00:02:09,846
is a brash stick of kindling
with the sobriquet "willy."

56
00:02:09,881 --> 00:02:12,348
In a moment, mr. Etherson
and his knotty-pine partner

57
00:02:12,383 --> 00:02:14,851
will be booked into one
of the out-of-the-way bistros

58
00:02:14,886 --> 00:02:21,107
that small dark, intimate place
known as the twilight zone.

59
00:02:24,010 --> 00:02:27,063
...play places like, uh,
miami, los angeles, utah.

60
00:02:27,098 --> 00:02:28,314
Hey, jerry.

61
00:02:28,349 --> 00:02:28,948
What?

62
00:02:28,983 --> 00:02:30,200
How about
san quentin?

63
00:02:32,103 --> 00:02:35,822
...play there, but not
for a very long time.

64
00:02:35,857 --> 00:02:37,707
Anyway, you've been
a wonderful audience,

65
00:02:37,742 --> 00:02:38,958
and we want to thank you.

66
00:02:38,993 --> 00:02:41,461
Willy, i think it
would be very nice

67
00:02:41,496 --> 00:02:43,329
if you'd say good
night and thank you

68
00:02:43,963 --> 00:02:45,832
to all these
wonderful people.

69
00:02:45,867 --> 00:02:47,717
You can do anything
i can do better?

70
00:02:47,752 --> 00:02:48,968
All right, wise guy.

71
00:02:49,003 --> 00:02:50,220
Can you do this?

72
00:02:53,124 --> 00:02:54,591
Come around
tomorrow night, folks.

73
00:02:54,626 --> 00:02:55,842
I'll be alone...
just you and me.

74
00:02:56,476 --> 00:02:57,727
Willy, i think,
little pal,

75
00:02:57,762 --> 00:02:58,344
we better
cut out, huh?

76
00:03:00,265 --> 00:03:02,098
Let me tell you something,
folks,

77
00:03:02,133 --> 00:03:05,235
as soon as i shake this pusher
and get me a real act

78
00:03:05,270 --> 00:03:06,486
you're gonna see
some class!

79
00:03:09,023 --> 00:03:11,357
Thank you again,
ladies and gentlemen.

80
00:03:11,392 --> 00:03:13,243
Help, i'm being kidnapped!

81
00:03:13,278 --> 00:03:15,745
Call a lawyer!
Call a doctor!

82
00:03:15,780 --> 00:03:17,614
Just get me to
the nurse on time!

83
00:03:17,649 --> 00:03:18,364
Ow!

84
00:04:33,474 --> 00:04:35,325
What do you say,
maestro?

85
00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:36,442
How did it go?

86
00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:37,694
Not bad.

87
00:04:37,729 --> 00:04:40,196
It's a small house,
but a happy one.

88
00:04:40,231 --> 00:04:42,081
There weren't
any complaints.

89
00:04:42,116 --> 00:04:43,333
Well,
booby...

90
00:04:43,368 --> 00:04:44,584
frank!

91
00:04:44,619 --> 00:04:45,835
Don't do that.

92
00:04:45,870 --> 00:04:47,704
I told you that.

93
00:04:47,739 --> 00:04:49,589
Still on
the bit, huh?

94
00:04:55,845 --> 00:04:56,462
Still on that
stuff, huh?

95
00:04:57,096 --> 00:04:58,348
You gave me your
solemn promise

96
00:04:58,383 --> 00:05:00,216
you were going to
do your drinking

97
00:05:00,251 --> 00:05:02,101
out of soda pop bottles
and coffee jugs.

98
00:05:02,136 --> 00:05:03,970
What does it take
to get you wise?

99
00:05:04,005 --> 00:05:04,604
I'm tired.

100
00:05:05,221 --> 00:05:06,472
Will you clear
the area?

101
00:05:06,507 --> 00:05:07,724
First i'd like
to clear the air.

102
00:05:07,759 --> 00:05:09,609
I don't know where
you manufacture

103
00:05:10,226 --> 00:05:11,477
all your illusions, jerry.

104
00:05:11,512 --> 00:05:13,363
But instead
of being on top,

105
00:05:13,398 --> 00:05:14,614
where you ought to be,

106
00:05:14,649 --> 00:05:17,116
you're a second-rate
nightclub entertainer.

107
00:05:17,151 --> 00:05:18,985
And if you stay
on that bottle...

108
00:05:19,020 --> 00:05:21,487
all right,
i'll put away the bottle.

109
00:05:21,522 --> 00:05:23,373
Now, will
you pull out?

110
00:05:25,241 --> 00:05:27,744
I don't know why
i waste my time.

111
00:05:27,779 --> 00:05:31,497
Ten percent of you is grief,
and it's always been that way.

112
00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:35,251
Maybe it's because i've got
a soft spot in my heart

113
00:05:35,286 --> 00:05:38,388
for people who like
to commit suicide

114
00:05:38,423 --> 00:05:39,639
eight hours a day.

115
00:05:40,256 --> 00:05:41,507
Now, listen, jerry.

116
00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:43,760
It doesn't have
to be this way.

117
00:05:43,795 --> 00:05:45,645
You give in to
some bad hooch

118
00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:47,513
and then you have
bad nightmares.

119
00:05:47,548 --> 00:05:48,765
Take away
the hooch,

120
00:05:49,399 --> 00:05:51,267
and you take away
the nightmares.

121
00:05:51,302 --> 00:05:53,770
No, you got
the chronology wrong, frank.

122
00:05:53,805 --> 00:05:55,772
First the nightmares
and then the hooch.

123
00:05:55,807 --> 00:05:58,274
I drink 'cause i have to

124
00:05:58,309 --> 00:05:59,525
and i have to...

125
00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:01,411
because of him.

126
00:06:02,662 --> 00:06:05,164
I've got to get
rid of him, frank.

127
00:06:05,199 --> 00:06:06,416
This stick of wood?

128
00:06:06,451 --> 00:06:08,785
This fugitive
from a fireplace?

129
00:06:09,419 --> 00:06:12,538
Jerry, how many psychiatrists
do you have to see?

130
00:06:12,573 --> 00:06:14,424
How many hours on the couch?

131
00:06:14,459 --> 00:06:16,926
How many 20-buck-an-hour
visits?

132
00:06:16,961 --> 00:06:18,177
I can't help it.

133
00:06:18,212 --> 00:06:20,680
You know what it is,
you've been told.

134
00:06:20,715 --> 00:06:24,434
Often, endlessly, up to my craw
in overflowing schizophrenia-

135
00:06:24,469 --> 00:06:26,302
patient manipulated
by forces

136
00:06:26,337 --> 00:06:27,553
outside
of his control.

137
00:06:27,588 --> 00:06:31,307
I can tell you frontwards,
backwards, in three languages.

138
00:06:31,342 --> 00:06:33,810
It's like a well-rehearsed
off-color gag:

139
00:06:33,845 --> 00:06:35,695
Patient goes from himself
to a lifeless dummy

140
00:06:35,730 --> 00:06:37,563
and then is unable to separate
himself from the dummy.

141
00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:39,449
Oh, that's all very psychiatric
and erudite

142
00:06:39,484 --> 00:06:41,317
and worth about
two-and-a-half bucks a word,

143
00:06:41,352 --> 00:06:42,568
but it's not right.
It's not right!

144
00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:44,454
I told them that,
i tell you that.

145
00:06:44,489 --> 00:06:46,956
It's no more
schizophrenia-paranoia

146
00:06:46,991 --> 00:06:49,459
than it is athlete's
foot or a head cold!

147
00:06:49,494 --> 00:06:50,710
Willy's alive!

148
00:06:50,745 --> 00:06:51,961
He's a dummy!

149
00:06:51,996 --> 00:06:53,212
He's a block
of wood.

150
00:06:53,247 --> 00:06:54,464
Look at it.

151
00:06:54,499 --> 00:06:56,966
Does this thing
look alive to you?

152
00:06:57,001 --> 00:06:58,217
Well, does he?

153
00:06:58,252 --> 00:07:00,086
24 inches of timber

154
00:07:00,121 --> 00:07:02,588
and you're burying
yourself over it.

155
00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:04,223
Now, you listen,
jerry.

156
00:07:04,258 --> 00:07:06,092
I've gone along
with you.

157
00:07:06,127 --> 00:07:09,228
I've held your hand,
sung you lullabies,

158
00:07:09,263 --> 00:07:11,097
patted you
on the shoulder.

159
00:07:11,132 --> 00:07:12,982
I've also covered for you

160
00:07:13,017 --> 00:07:16,102
the 110 performances
you've run out on.

161
00:07:16,137 --> 00:07:17,987
I've thought
of excuses

162
00:07:18,022 --> 00:07:21,107
that haven't even
been invented yet.

163
00:07:21,142 --> 00:07:22,992
I've gone without commission,

164
00:07:23,027 --> 00:07:24,243
without sleep.

165
00:07:24,278 --> 00:07:25,495
And why?

166
00:07:25,530 --> 00:07:28,614
Because i thought i had
a talented article here

167
00:07:28,649 --> 00:07:31,117
that eventually was
going to crawl out

168
00:07:31,152 --> 00:07:33,619
from under a bottle
and hit it big.

169
00:07:34,871 --> 00:07:37,256
Well, i don't think

170
00:07:37,291 --> 00:07:42,261
you're such a talented
article anymore, jerry.

171
00:07:42,296 --> 00:07:44,764
Let's put it this way.

172
00:07:44,799 --> 00:07:47,884
Maybe i think you could be...

173
00:07:47,919 --> 00:07:51,020
but you're never going to.

174
00:07:51,055 --> 00:07:53,022
I think you're
a self-indulgent sot

175
00:07:53,057 --> 00:07:55,525
with an overactive
imagination,

176
00:07:55,560 --> 00:07:56,776
and the only thing

177
00:07:56,811 --> 00:07:58,644
you like better
than scotch

178
00:07:58,679 --> 00:08:00,530
is sympathy.

179
00:08:02,398 --> 00:08:05,535
I'm going to give you
just 24 hours

180
00:08:05,570 --> 00:08:06,536
to straighten out.

181
00:08:06,571 --> 00:08:08,404
Get rid
of that bottle

182
00:08:08,439 --> 00:08:09,655
and the crazy
obsession

183
00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:11,541
that you're
battling a dummy.

184
00:08:19,665 --> 00:08:22,802
Frank... he's alive.

185
00:08:24,053 --> 00:08:25,922
Willy's
not a dummy.

186
00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:39,068
That's a dummy.

187
00:08:40,937 --> 00:08:42,188
And that's
the answer.

188
00:08:42,822 --> 00:08:44,073
Go on.

189
00:08:44,108 --> 00:08:45,942
Got to get rid
of willy...

190
00:08:45,977 --> 00:08:48,444
make a whole new
routine.

191
00:08:48,479 --> 00:08:50,329
A whole new
routine takes time.

192
00:08:50,364 --> 00:08:52,198
You've got
another show soon.

193
00:08:52,233 --> 00:08:54,083
Tell them i can't
make the late show.

194
00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:56,586
Tell them i'm sick
or something.

195
00:08:56,621 --> 00:08:57,837
I've already
told them-

196
00:08:57,872 --> 00:09:00,339
the trouble is, they
know it's "something."

197
00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:02,842
Jerry, you pull
yourself together

198
00:09:02,877 --> 00:09:04,093
and when you
hear your music

199
00:09:04,710 --> 00:09:05,962
you be out
on that stage.

200
00:09:05,997 --> 00:09:07,847
I don't care which
dummy you bring,

201
00:09:07,882 --> 00:09:10,349
but you be
out there.

202
00:09:10,384 --> 00:09:13,469
This is one i don't
cover for, jerry.

203
00:09:25,364 --> 00:09:26,616
Say, goofy goggles,

204
00:09:26,651 --> 00:09:29,735
why don't you have
your glasses fixed?

205
00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:30,987
I don't have to.

206
00:09:31,022 --> 00:09:32,872
My eyes are
much better now.

207
00:09:32,907 --> 00:09:34,123
Goofy,
you're looking

208
00:09:34,158 --> 00:09:35,374
at the band leader.

209
00:09:35,409 --> 00:09:36,626
I'm over here.

210
00:09:36,661 --> 00:09:38,494
Keep talking,
i'll find you.

211
00:09:38,529 --> 00:09:41,631
Say, etherson, i've been
meaning to tell you

212
00:09:41,666 --> 00:09:44,133
you put too much
starch in my collar.

213
00:09:44,168 --> 00:09:45,384
Too much starch?

214
00:09:45,419 --> 00:09:47,253
I'm not your
laundry man.

215
00:09:48,504 --> 00:09:49,755
Yeah...

216
00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:52,892
yeah, we're gonna
make it, you and me.

217
00:09:52,927 --> 00:09:54,143
Justyou and me.

218
00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:28,544
Jerry. Marsha,
listen to this.

219
00:10:28,579 --> 00:10:30,429
This will knock you out.
Make me talk, jerry, come on.

220
00:10:30,464 --> 00:10:32,298
Look, noreen,
i'm on in a couple of minutes.

221
00:10:32,333 --> 00:10:33,549
Come on.
Makes you sound just like willy.

222
00:10:33,584 --> 00:10:34,800
Real crazy.
Come on, come on.

223
00:10:34,835 --> 00:10:36,052
Knock it off, babe,
that tickles.

224
00:10:36,087 --> 00:10:37,303
Willy, shut up!

225
00:10:39,223 --> 00:10:41,057
Is that wild? Is that wild?

226
00:10:58,708 --> 00:10:59,959
Goofy.

227
00:10:59,994 --> 00:11:01,210
Goofy, i think
it's time

228
00:11:01,245 --> 00:11:03,079
you had your
glasses fixed.

229
00:11:03,114 --> 00:11:04,330
I really do.

230
00:11:04,365 --> 00:11:06,215
My eyes are
much better now.

231
00:11:06,250 --> 00:11:08,084
Goofy, that's
the band leader.

232
00:11:08,119 --> 00:11:09,335
I'm over here.

233
00:11:09,370 --> 00:11:11,220
Keep talking,
i'll find you.

234
00:11:11,255 --> 00:11:13,723
Goofy, you need
your eyes tested.

235
00:11:13,758 --> 00:11:14,340
Eyes tested?

236
00:11:14,375 --> 00:11:16,225
That's right-
eyes tested.

237
00:11:16,260 --> 00:11:17,476
Well, i'm ready.

238
00:11:17,511 --> 00:11:19,979
All right, here.

239
00:11:20,014 --> 00:11:23,099
Now, tell me
what that says.

240
00:11:23,134 --> 00:11:24,350
Where?

241
00:11:26,270 --> 00:11:28,104
Oh... that thing.

242
00:11:28,139 --> 00:11:30,606
How about a hint?

243
00:11:30,641 --> 00:11:32,491
Goofy, it's...
clear as day.

244
00:11:32,526 --> 00:11:34,360
It's right
in front of you.

245
00:11:34,395 --> 00:11:36,245
Just give me a hint.

246
00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:37,496
Well, it's a letter

247
00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:39,365
and it's between
"d" and "f."

248
00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:41,250
I've got it-

249
00:11:41,285 --> 00:11:42,501
it's "e."

250
00:11:42,536 --> 00:11:45,004
I don't know how
you do it, goofy.

251
00:11:45,039 --> 00:11:46,255
I cannot tell a lie.

252
00:11:46,290 --> 00:11:46,872
I memorized it.

253
00:11:46,907 --> 00:11:48,758
Oh, for
goodness' sake.

254
00:11:48,793 --> 00:11:50,626
Sing your song,
will you?

255
00:11:50,661 --> 00:11:55,631
? are the stars
out tonight?

256
00:11:55,666 --> 00:12:00,636
? i don't know if
it's cloudy or bright?

257
00:12:00,671 --> 00:12:03,139
? 'cause i only
have eyes...?

258
00:12:03,174 --> 00:12:05,024
Cute act,
isn't it, georgie?

259
00:12:05,059 --> 00:12:06,275
What's cute about it?

260
00:12:06,310 --> 00:12:08,778
Besides, i liked
the old dummy better.

261
00:12:08,813 --> 00:12:10,029
Why did he change it?

262
00:12:10,064 --> 00:12:11,897
Brightens it up
a little.

263
00:12:11,932 --> 00:12:13,149
Gives it
some novelty.

264
00:12:13,649 --> 00:12:14,283
Novelty?

265
00:12:14,318 --> 00:12:16,152
With a ventriloquist?

266
00:12:16,187 --> 00:12:19,905
Frankie, you've seen one,
you've seen them all.

267
00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:21,791
Every dummy looks the same,

268
00:12:21,826 --> 00:12:24,910
and if just once
they changed the jokes,

269
00:12:24,945 --> 00:12:26,796
i'd have a coronary.

270
00:12:26,831 --> 00:12:28,664
What's with
etherson, anyway?

271
00:12:28,699 --> 00:12:29,915
What do you mean?

272
00:12:29,950 --> 00:12:31,801
Usually the acts
mix with the trade,

273
00:12:31,836 --> 00:12:34,303
you know,
walk down on the floor,

274
00:12:34,338 --> 00:12:36,806
do a little drinking
with the customers.

275
00:12:36,841 --> 00:12:39,308
This guy plays it
like greta garbo-

276
00:12:39,343 --> 00:12:42,428
locks himself up in
his room like a prima donna.

277
00:12:42,463 --> 00:12:44,313
Well, he's
nervous tonight.

278
00:12:44,348 --> 00:12:45,564
Why?

279
00:12:45,599 --> 00:12:47,433
You know, he hasn't
been well.

280
00:12:47,468 --> 00:12:49,935
It's his
first night out
in a month or so.

281
00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:51,570
Give him a chance,
georgie.

282
00:12:51,605 --> 00:12:52,822
He'll warm up.

283
00:12:52,857 --> 00:12:54,073
Well, you tell him to.

284
00:12:54,108 --> 00:12:55,941
Tell him to bring
the dummy out

285
00:12:55,976 --> 00:12:58,444
and walk
around the tables
after the show.

286
00:12:58,479 --> 00:13:00,946
It's psychological,
frankie.

287
00:13:00,981 --> 00:13:02,832
Makes people thirsty.

288
00:13:33,362 --> 00:13:34,613
Sweet dreams, willy.

289
00:13:35,231 --> 00:13:38,367
Your next booking
is in the fireplace.

290
00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:07,763
You leaving?

291
00:14:07,798 --> 00:14:10,266
What's it look
like, frank?

292
00:14:10,301 --> 00:14:12,768
It looks like
you're leaving.

293
00:14:12,803 --> 00:14:15,271
I waited for you
after the last show.

294
00:14:15,306 --> 00:14:17,156
Georgie was hoping

295
00:14:17,191 --> 00:14:19,024
you'd mix
with the customers.

296
00:14:19,059 --> 00:14:20,276
You tell georgie

297
00:14:20,311 --> 00:14:22,778
i'm a ventriloquist,
not a shill.

298
00:14:22,813 --> 00:14:24,780
Why don't you
tell him?

299
00:14:24,815 --> 00:14:26,665
What does that mean?

300
00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:29,919
That means i'm resigning
from the club.

301
00:14:29,954 --> 00:14:34,924
You keep your ten percent,
and i'll keep my self-respect.

302
00:14:34,959 --> 00:14:36,792
Also my sense of humor,

303
00:14:36,827 --> 00:14:39,295
my regular meals,
my normal working hours.

304
00:14:39,330 --> 00:14:41,180
You and i have
had it, jerry.

305
00:14:41,215 --> 00:14:43,682
I have gone the route
and then some.

306
00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:45,551
You don't need
an agent-

307
00:14:45,586 --> 00:14:46,802
you need
medical help.

308
00:14:46,837 --> 00:14:49,305
I think it's
reached that now.

309
00:14:50,556 --> 00:14:53,192
You never believed me,
did you, frank?

310
00:14:53,227 --> 00:14:55,060
Yeah, i believed you.

311
00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:59,448
I believed you had obsessions
that were eating you up alive

312
00:14:59,483 --> 00:15:01,317
but i also believe, jerry,

313
00:15:01,352 --> 00:15:02,318
you're letting them.

314
00:15:02,353 --> 00:15:04,203
He talks when i don't talk.

315
00:15:04,238 --> 00:15:08,574
He tells jokes i never heard
of before, gives me bum cues.

316
00:15:08,609 --> 00:15:09,825
He's alive, frank.

317
00:15:09,860 --> 00:15:12,461
That's why i locked
him in that trunk.

318
00:15:12,496 --> 00:15:14,330
Goofy and i
are going

319
00:15:14,365 --> 00:15:16,215
to fly out
of here, frank.

320
00:15:16,250 --> 00:15:18,717
We'll fly to miami,
los angeles,

321
00:15:18,752 --> 00:15:19,969
maybe that place
in kansas city.

322
00:15:20,004 --> 00:15:21,837
The place
in kansas city

323
00:15:21,872 --> 00:15:23,088
is the same
as miami

324
00:15:23,123 --> 00:15:24,974
which is the same
as los angeles

325
00:15:25,009 --> 00:15:27,476
which is the same
as sioux city, iowa,

326
00:15:27,511 --> 00:15:29,345
which is the same
as any town

327
00:15:29,380 --> 00:15:30,596
south, west, north of here.

328
00:15:30,631 --> 00:15:32,481
They're all
the same, jerry

329
00:15:32,516 --> 00:15:34,984
and you're not going
to leave willy

330
00:15:35,019 --> 00:15:36,235
by hopping a plane

331
00:15:36,270 --> 00:15:39,355
or a train, or a taxi
or a one-horse shay.

332
00:15:39,390 --> 00:15:41,857
This thing
you lick right here.

333
00:15:41,892 --> 00:15:44,360
This thing you lick
at the source.

334
00:15:44,395 --> 00:15:46,862
This thing you don't
run away from.

335
00:15:48,747 --> 00:15:49,365
We'll see.

336
00:15:58,874 --> 00:16:00,125
Good night, mr. Etherson.

337
00:16:00,759 --> 00:16:02,628
Good night, ralph.

338
00:16:02,663 --> 00:16:08,267
You're not going to leave me
in a stuffy old trunk, are you?

339
00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:16,275
Was there something,
mr. Etherson?

340
00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:20,279
Did you say something?

341
00:16:20,314 --> 00:16:23,399
Is said good night, that's all.

342
00:16:24,533 --> 00:16:27,036
Good night.

343
00:17:05,574 --> 00:17:08,077
Aw, come on, old sport.

344
00:17:08,112 --> 00:17:12,448
I wouldn't lockyouin a trunk.

345
00:17:12,483 --> 00:17:15,584
Willy?

346
00:17:15,619 --> 00:17:18,087
Where are you, willy?

347
00:17:24,343 --> 00:17:25,594
Jerry?

348
00:17:36,221 --> 00:17:37,473
Good night, jerry.

349
00:17:39,224 --> 00:17:41,110
Good night.

350
00:18:08,137 --> 00:18:09,505
Hey, garibaldi!

351
00:18:11,390 --> 00:18:13,392
Didn't you forget someone?

352
00:18:17,513 --> 00:18:20,015
Didn't you forget willy?

353
00:18:30,025 --> 00:18:31,276
Jerry?

354
00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:35,664
Noreen?

355
00:18:35,699 --> 00:18:36,915
Oh...

356
00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:40,035
noreen, i was
waiting for you.

357
00:18:40,070 --> 00:18:41,920
Yeah,
that's right.

358
00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:44,423
I was waiting
for you.

359
00:18:44,458 --> 00:18:46,925
The line is,
"this is so sudden."

360
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:47,543
And in this case,

361
00:18:47,578 --> 00:18:49,428
it happens
to be sudden.

362
00:18:49,463 --> 00:18:51,296
No... i was
waiting for you

363
00:18:51,331 --> 00:18:55,050
because i want
to have a drink
with you, noreen,

364
00:18:55,085 --> 00:18:58,804
or maybe a sandwich
or something,
you know?

365
00:18:58,839 --> 00:19:00,689
Noreen, you're
a good kid,

366
00:19:00,724 --> 00:19:01,940
and i've
always thought

367
00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:03,192
you were a good kid,

368
00:19:03,227 --> 00:19:04,443
and i've always
wanted to...

369
00:19:04,478 --> 00:19:05,694
easy, jerry.

370
00:19:05,729 --> 00:19:06,945
Honey, listen-

371
00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:08,814
wait a minute,
noreen, look.

372
00:19:08,849 --> 00:19:10,699
What's the matter
with you, jerry?

373
00:19:10,734 --> 00:19:13,202
There's nothing
the matter with me.

374
00:19:13,237 --> 00:19:14,453
No, i'm not sick.

375
00:19:14,488 --> 00:19:16,321
I just want to have
a drink with you.

376
00:19:16,356 --> 00:19:18,207
I don't want
to be alone.

377
00:19:18,242 --> 00:19:19,458
I keep hearing
those voices

378
00:19:19,493 --> 00:19:21,326
and willy
is bugging me.

379
00:19:21,361 --> 00:19:21,960
No!

380
00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:23,829
Wait a minute!
Wait!

381
00:19:56,111 --> 00:19:59,114
What do you say, stranger?

382
00:19:59,149 --> 00:20:00,365
You slumming?

383
00:20:02,903 --> 00:20:05,370
A funny thing happened to me
on the way to the club tonight.

384
00:20:05,405 --> 00:20:06,622
I was out in front
of the ritz-savoy.

385
00:20:06,657 --> 00:20:07,873
I was out in front
of the ritz-savoy-

386
00:20:07,908 --> 00:20:09,758
that's where i live-
out in front of the ritz-savoy.

387
00:20:09,793 --> 00:20:12,878
In front of the ritz-savoy.

388
00:20:22,137 --> 00:20:24,022
Come out, come out,
wherever you are.

389
00:20:27,177 --> 00:20:29,027
Hey, wise guy.

390
00:20:30,279 --> 00:20:33,398
Hey! Wise guy!

391
00:21:30,706 --> 00:21:32,591
The wrong one.

392
00:21:32,626 --> 00:21:36,345
How could i get the wrong one?

393
00:21:40,098 --> 00:21:42,601
Maybeyou
need glasses.

394
00:21:47,606 --> 00:21:49,474
Why don't you take the eye test?

395
00:21:49,509 --> 00:21:51,977
Now, what am i holding out
in front of me?

396
00:21:52,012 --> 00:21:53,228
I'll give you
a hint.

397
00:21:53,263 --> 00:21:54,479
It's between
"d" and "f."

398
00:21:54,514 --> 00:21:55,731
Don't peek.

399
00:21:55,766 --> 00:21:57,616
What do you say, partner?

400
00:21:57,651 --> 00:21:59,484
What do you say?

401
00:21:59,519 --> 00:22:01,370
What do you say...

402
00:22:01,405 --> 00:22:03,238
we get down to business?

403
00:22:03,273 --> 00:22:05,741
You're real.

404
00:22:08,243 --> 00:22:11,380
How can you be real
when you're made of wood?

405
00:22:15,786 --> 00:22:17,002
You made me real.

406
00:22:17,037 --> 00:22:19,504
You poured words
into my head.

407
00:22:19,539 --> 00:22:21,390
You moved my mouth.

408
00:22:21,425 --> 00:22:22,641
You stuck out
my tongue.

409
00:22:22,676 --> 00:22:26,395
You jerk, don't
you get it?

410
00:22:27,012 --> 00:22:29,014
You made me
what i am today.

411
00:22:29,049 --> 00:22:30,265
I hope you're...

412
00:22:30,300 --> 00:22:32,150
satisfied-

413
00:22:32,185 --> 00:22:34,653
from the song, of the same name.

414
00:22:58,927 --> 00:23:01,430
And now...
direct from new york city,

415
00:23:01,465 --> 00:23:05,183
the funniest pair
of cuckoos you'll ever see

416
00:23:05,218 --> 00:23:08,303
here in kansas city
or anyplace else,

417
00:23:08,338 --> 00:23:10,555
jerry and willy.

418
00:23:10,590 --> 00:23:12,441
Let's bring them out big, folks.

419
00:23:16,847 --> 00:23:18,697
How do you do,
folks?

420
00:23:18,732 --> 00:23:19,314
How do you do?

421
00:23:19,349 --> 00:23:21,817
A funny thing
happened to me

422
00:23:21,852 --> 00:23:24,319
on the way over
to the club tonight.

423
00:23:24,354 --> 00:23:25,570
I met this broad...

424
00:23:25,605 --> 00:23:28,073
now, jerry, you
don't mean "broad."

425
00:23:28,108 --> 00:23:29,324
You mean "lady."

426
00:23:29,359 --> 00:23:31,827
Oh, look, chum, you
just write the jokes

427
00:23:31,862 --> 00:23:33,712
and i'll tell them, okay?

428
00:23:33,747 --> 00:23:38,083
Well, anyway, i met this broad
coming down the street.

429
00:23:38,118 --> 00:23:39,968
It was a broad street...

430
00:23:40,003 --> 00:23:41,837
what's known in the parlance
of the times

431
00:23:41,872 --> 00:23:43,088
as the old switcheroo-

432
00:23:43,123 --> 00:23:46,224
from boss to blockhead
in a few, uneasy lessons.

433
00:23:46,259 --> 00:23:49,344
And if you're given
to nightclubbing on occasion,

434
00:23:49,379 --> 00:23:50,595
check this act.

435
00:23:50,630 --> 00:23:52,481
It's called "willy and jerry,"

436
00:23:53,098 --> 00:23:54,983
and they generally are booked
into some of the clubs

437
00:23:55,600 --> 00:24:01,239
along the "gray night way"
known as the twilight zone.

438
00:24:03,475 --> 00:24:05,777
Rod serling,
creator ofthe twilight zone,

439
00:24:05,812 --> 00:24:08,280
will tell you
about next week's story

440
00:24:08,315 --> 00:24:11,983
after this message.

441
00:24:12,018 --> 00:24:13,502
And now, mr. Serling.

442
00:24:13,537 --> 00:24:16,621
Next week through the good
offices of mr. Richard matheson

443
00:24:16,656 --> 00:24:19,124
we tell you a story
of a young man's fancy,

444
00:24:19,159 --> 00:24:22,260
which is kind of a euphemistic
description of a mortal combat

445
00:24:22,295 --> 00:24:24,129
between the living and the dead,

446
00:24:24,164 --> 00:24:26,014
between the present
and the past,

447
00:24:26,049 --> 00:24:29,134
between miss phyllis thaxter
and mr. Alex nicol.

448
00:24:29,169 --> 00:24:31,019
The battleground
is this old house

449
00:24:31,054 --> 00:24:32,888
and its front door
will be opened to you

450
00:24:32,923 --> 00:24:37,275
next week on the twilight zone.

451
00:25:21,019 --> 00:25:22,270
Hello, tree.

452
00:25:22,305 --> 00:25:24,773
Trees are everybody's friends.

453
00:25:24,808 --> 00:25:28,410
Remember, only you
can prevent forest fires.