# You woke up this morning #
# Got yourself a gun #
# Your momma always said you'd be the Chosen One #
# She said you're... you're one in a million #
# You've got to burn to shine #
# But you were born under a bad sign #
# With a blue moon in your eyes #
# When you woke up this morning #
# And all that love had gone #
# Your papa never told you about #
# Right and wrong #
# But you're... you're looking good, baby #
# I believe that you're feeling fine #
# Shame about it, born under a bad sign #
# With a blue moon in your eyes #
- # So sing it now # - # Woke up this morning #
# Got a blue moon... got a blue moon in your eyes, yeah #
# Woke up this morning #
# You say you woke up this morning #
# The world turned upside down #
# Lordy, well, things ain't been the same #
# Since the blues walked in our town #
# But you're... but you're one in a million #
# 'Cause you got that shotgun shine #
# Shame about it, born under a bad sign #
# With a blue moon in your eyes, yeah #
# Woke up this morning #
- # Uh-huh # - # And got yourself a gun #
- # Woke up this morning # - # Got yourself a gun #
- # Uh-huh # - # Got yourself a gun. #
Here he is, Mr. Clean.
- Want some coffee? - Where's your dirties?
I'll get 'em.
What?
I don't know. It's... it's...
it's hard seeing you like this.
What, working, with a real job?
It's like I've been telling Feech, it's been a long strange trip.
Feech?
Anyway, it's the luck of the draw, that shit.
Could've just as easily been me that went away.
Come on, I was gonna be there that night of the hijack.
Well, it ain't like you came away totally unscathed.
No, a couple of goons jumped me and cut my head open.
I couldn't go. Still...
They could've killed ya. You ended up in the E.R.
Got 16 stitches. You got 15 years.
You always were a lucky fuck.
Well, that's not completely true.
I got a lotta sorrows in my life.
Like him for example.
Thanks for lunch.
Stick with me, kid, I'll have ya eating lunch like that every day.
I'm serious about this massage therapy.
Well, you should keep a square job like that for appearances.
Look at me with the bakery.
I told my cousin I wanna stay a civilian.
Ah, yes. The boy king.
Can I trust you if I talk to you frankly about him?
- What are you doing? - I gotta make a stop.
What the fuck you doing?
- Excuse me? - What the fuck are you doing?
I'm trimming a lawn.
My nephew does the lawns in this neighborhood.
I been working this neighborhood for 26 years.
Are you fucking deaf? I said my nephew has this area,
- Gary La Manna. - Fuck off, huh? I'm busy here.
You want me to fuck off?!
How about I fuck off all over your stupid fucking face,
you fucking mutt? Huh?
You don't work this neighborhood!
Jesus Christ, we're on parole.
What the fuck you doing?
Anthony said the cable box has to be on.
It's on, I'm doing it.
But let me tell ya, our glass house couples
could probably decorate in about 24 hours.
They have to, each week.
Tony's whole life was horses...
- No, it's not her. - That's Judy!
- No, it's not Judy! - The fuck?
- Yes, it is, of course it is. - Why am I on there?
- What? - Holy shit. I've seen Judy!
- That's not you. - What's that, my trial?
...know the eyes. - No, I do know the eyes...
Come on! I've seen my daughter call her Judy!
- Sweet Judy Brown Eyes... - That's Bobby.
What the fuck is this?
Junior, it's not you, it's a TV program, a movie.
Judy, what?
Ton', he's here.
- Tony, hey, thanks for seeing me. - How are ya?
How are you?
You want something? Coffee, bialy?
No, I'm good, thank you.
What's on your mind?
Well, honestly, I'll get right to the point.
As regards to your uncle,
'cause of the promotion and all,
I kinda thought I'd be out on the street more.
Staying off the street nowadays is a good thing, no?
- It's a joke. - I know, I mean I'm not complaining.
It's just it's over a year, and I'm still
- picking up prescriptions. - What do ya need, money?
All I want is a chance to earn.
I mean, I'm happy to do it, it's just 40 minutes
I spent at Rite Aids yesterday
getting him some stool softener that was on sale.
With Jan and the kids to feed now...
How's she doing anyways, my sister?
She sleeps a lot. It's hard.
Still with the Epstein-Barr, huh?
It's tough on her. I don't know...
two kids, a ready-made family.
She's prone to depression, frankly.
Mmm.
I mean, not that I have any regrets.
No, no, course not, she's a good kid.
Look, Bobby, marriage...
or any partnership for that matter, is a give and a take.
All right, look.
I hear what you're saying,
but the truth is I depend on you.
Beppy, Tommy... come on.
You're the only one I can trust over there.
And believe it or not, it's important to me that he's cared for.
All right, let me figure out how to take care of you.
Maybe you could make more collections or something.
Thanks, Ton'. I appreciate it.
Yeah, all right.
All right.
And Friday we have fish,
if you're Catholic, so that's nice.
Sounds like the Ritz.
Ya gotta see her, Aunt Mary,
she's the belle of the ball over there.
Here, Ma, rest those dogs.
Hey, what's going on? Nobody cutting the lawn?
Oh, Madonn'. Mr. Vitro, the gardener,
somebody beat him up, broke his arm.
- God forbid. - Sal Vitro?
- Who beat him up? - Some men in a Cadillac.
He was mowing a lawn on Kimball Street.
The man said he didn't want him in the neighborhood.
Poor Sal, what a nice man he is.
He put my garbage cans out every time he cut my grass.
What's his name, Aunt Mary?
- Salvatore Vitro. - Ma, the guy that beat him up.
Man came by and said he was gonna cut the lawns.
I said, "No, I want Mr. Vitro. "
"E. Gary La Manna, Landscaping. "
- Do you know him? - Eat your scones.
I'll straighten it out.
95.5, WPLJ in Brooklyn.
- Sorry, we're not open. - What, not open?
A man in your position turning away fucking business now?
I didn't know it was you, Lorraine.
Here ya go. That's most of it.
Let me ask you a question, Dan.
Say I'm some big nigger standing here instead of a woman,
you still gonna tell me you got most of it?
Let's go, chop-chop, pay the woman.
Phil, hey. I was just thinking about you.
Those Islander tickets, right?
How about this humidity?
Hey! Hey!
- Guys, please, whatever this is... - Shut up.
Two times you were told to kick up to fucking Johnny Sack.
And what do you do? You kick up to Little Carmine?
- Tape her. - No! No!
Little Carmine, he was my father's friend!
Philly, Joey, look... okay, okay, okay.
You're right, I'm sorry. I'll pay you, okay?
I'll do anything you want. I'll suck your cock, okay?
All of you guys!
- You'll suck our cocks? - Yeah!
She any good?
What am I asking you for? You probably showed her how.
- Shut up. - Please, guys.
Relax. This'll muffle the shot.
Adios, you fucking skank.
Hey, look at this, Joey.
Today's her lucky day.
Only made it to the R's.
Next time, there'll be no next time.
Come on.
Take as long as you like, no rush.
I've got my "Times Crossword"
and Agnes here will get you anything you need.
Thanks, Mel.
So how's it being home, Angelo?
Enjoying living with your daughter?
It's like paradise. I eat like a pharaoh,
- I got my own room, cable TV. - I have cable.
My grandson, he asked me... he says,
how come he never met his grandpa before?
I said, "Because Grandpa's been in Special Forces. "
First he was afraid of me,
but I said, "Come on, we'll get some ice cream.
- We'll go to the park. It'll be... " - Well anyway,
- here we all are. - Right.
I called you boys because Lorraine calls me and she said
there's a situation in our family that's gotten outta hand
- with John and Little Carmine. - This fucking Johnny,
he wouldn't even let the maggots get on Carmine
before he's telling me to kick up direct to him.
Problem is Carmine never named a successor.
We all assumed it'd be Johnny
'cause the son's down in Miami with the discos and the whatnot.
He's grabbing with both hands, John.
This could get ugly.
There's a lotta potential for bloodshed.
Potential? They almost killed us.
Jason, men are talking here.
Now you're close to John.
- You have any ideas? - What are you asking him for?
He never even had the makings of a varsity athlete.
Your point being what, Junior?
Oh, forget it, he's just breaking balls.
All right, one thought I had
in the interest of harmony,
maybe there could be a power-sharing situation.
The Sopranos have two bosses.
That's not all it's cracked up to be, believe you me.
Let's not get into that right now, okay?
What I was thinking was three bosses,
a triumvir-thing, like Caesar.
- Little Carmine, Johnny and you. - I'm retired.
You were Carmine's consigliere for over 30 years.
If it wasn't for that construction beef down in Yonkers
it'd be you running that family today.
- Things happen how they happen. - Think about it.
Doesn't have to be 9:00 to 5:00.
You could still take your grandson to the park.
Things get heavy, you're just another voice to weigh in.
And John still does better financially
than he ever did under Carmine.
There he is. Salvatore, my Dali.
My aunt told me about it.
I mean, what'd I ever do to this guy?
They released these fucks from the can.
Obviously, he wasn't rehabilitated.
It's my livelihood.
I don't have a yard no more, Sally, I'm in a condo.
Otherwise, you know, I'd have ya out there
with your snippers, even with your bum wing.
My wife, at this point...
she's got me thinking about going to the cops.
What are you talking about? Where are you from?
- I don't know what to do. - You got friends, don't ya?
- I always steered clear of stuff. - What stuff?
I go, I talk to the guy for ya.
Get you back your stops. I know him.
Yeah?
So you give me a token, I don't know, couple percent.
Thanks, Paulie.
This one and the next one.
There he is, the king of breadsticks.
I'll give you a breadstick up your ass. Come here, you.
Come on, sit down.
So, how's the kid, huh, Tony?
He's good, you know. But ask me,
he should've stood with Carmela.
Some men need wives, huh? Tell you when to shit
- and when to scratch your ass. - Who needs them, huh?
What can I do for you, Paul?
I got a guy, I think you may have run into him,
gardener name of Sal Vitro.
Does my aunt's grass.
He says your nephew's moving into his neighborhood,
- Franklin Parkway. - His neighborhood?
He's been working there since back when I lived there.
Anyway, I'm here putting in a word for the kid.
So do me a favor, huh? You and your nephew over there, lay off.
- Hey, biscotti? - No.
You know Mr. Jerry,
the fruit who owns those hair salons, huh?
He came to me the other day,
he asked me to take his action on the Knicks.
Jerry's my fucking customer, for years now.
Which is why I told him no.
This gardener, he cut the hair on your balls, too?
He's a friend of my Aunt Mary's.
Which is why he don't belong to nobody.
What do you know about who belongs to what? You been away 20 years!
- Which entitles me to earn! - Which entitles you to shit.
In my book, you get points for staying outta the can.
Good thing for me, then, that your book don't mean oogatz to me!
What's yours is yours, Paulie,
but what ain't is anybody else's!
Now do yourself a fucking favor
and get the fuck outta my store!
So are we picking Bobby up,
or is he gonna meet us at Uncle Jun's?
He took the kids to the 12:00 mass.
I didn't know he was religious.
At this point he'll try anything, I guess.
Bobby Jr. started wetting his bed again.
- Practically every night. - Bobby came by to see me the other day.
Really?
So we discuss his career, I'm his wife.
Sometimes he needs a push.
Junior's your uncle too, in case you wanna play more of an active role...
I try, believe me.
Despite all the work I have with my own family.
You know, I cook for Bobby and the kids every night.
I did Sunday dinner at my house,
and now I gotta prepare the starters
and schlep 'em to Uncle Jun's.
Yeah, Barb's helping out all the way down from Brewster.
Barbara's kids are normal.
This family stuff, these Sunday dinners,
they're important, Janice.
Hey, Jan. Julio?
- Help me get this order? - Okay.
You know, every day I understand more and more what Ma went through.
I mean we bitch about her, but I tell you,
it is less and less a mystery why she was the way she was.
- She chose to be that way. - You don't choose that, Tony.
An ungrateful husband, selfish kids.
- How's that food that Janice prepared? - Two more minutes.
Artie's re-sautéing the mushrooms.
Could I get you a glass of wine, something to drink?
- No, I'm good. - I'll have a pinot grigio.
20 minutes, start the shells.
Just redoing the mushrooms, two minutes tops.
Well relax, I just...
came in to say hello.
- So how you doing? - Hanging in.
Heard you were over there at the Motel 6.
My aunt took the house back.
I'm moving in with my cousin at the end of the month.
Look, if you want, I'm staying over at my mother's
and the place is empty. You can bunk with me for a while.
No. Thank you.
I was talking with my cousin, Tony B,
and he said it's fucking stupid that we're on the outs.
I'm telling ya, the place is just sitting there,
two extra bedrooms.
- I don't know. - Why not?
Artie, we're like brothers.
How long are we gonna hold a grudge?
- Thanks, Ton'. Thank you very much. - Yeah, all right.
All right.
Listen, I gotta talk to you about your linens...
the napkins and tablecloths, all that shit.
I got something going. I think I can save you like 70%.
There's been a lot of progress to the facade.
In some instances, all of the paint comes off.
Now tell me, what product is used...
I don't get these old antique houses. They're grimy looking.
We gonna eat today or what?
Barbara and Tom aren't here yet with the entrees, Uncle Jun'.
When were they supposed to come?
2:00, I told you five minutes ago. Here.
Why don't we start on the macaroni? Everybody come on!
Bolognese has meat, obviously, the marinara doesn't.
And Barb will be here with the chicken parm and the veal pizzaiola.
So Anthony, how'd you guys do against Delbarton last season?
- Not so good, we lost both times. - It's that line coach.
"Star-Ledger" says Delbarton's gonna be even tougher this coming year
- with that Chinese kid. - Your father never had the makings
- of a varsity athlete. - Oh, what the...?
- What the hell's with you? - What?
It's not true. I lettered in football.
- You never played college ball. - College?
Those guys from Seton Hall were seven feet tall some of them.
Took an academic leave anyway.
Small hands, that was your problem.
Oh yeah, Daddy always said that.
That's not the point.
What is it with you and this obsession with this varsity crap?
The other day you said it.
When I was a kid you told the girl cousins the same thing, it was hurtful.
- Tony, relax, it's not a big deal. - It's undermining!
And it's the kinda stuff I'm teaching my kids not to do.
So I don't wanna hear it again! End of subject!
Honey, pass me the ricotta, please.
Hello?
- In here! Hey! - Hi, sorry we're late.
- The Tappan Zee was a nightmare. - Checking the trucks again.
Well, sit down and dig into this medley of pastas that Janice whipped up.
- How you doing, Uncle Jun'? - I don't like tardiness.
- Let me unwrap these. - This looks great.
- Thank you. - So coming down I heard on the radio,
looks like the Jets are gonna grab that kid from Tulsa, that tight end.
We still get those season tickets, big brother?
He never had the makings of a varsity athlete.
- Son of a bitch! - What?
- Did I just tell you not to say that?! - Say what?
You don't like the way I talk, get outta my house!
- Here we go. - Tony...
No "Tony" shit! Get your coat, we're leaving.
- I don't have a coat. - Well then get moving, God damn it!
Will someone please tell me what's going on?
It's my last Sunday dinner here, that's what's going on.
Uncle Jun', was that really necessary?
He's a goddamn hothouse flower, that's his problem.
Thank you for getting my TV fixed, Paulie.
It's such a sin. He fired his Spanish helper.
Took his boy outta college 'cause he couldn't afford it anymore.
He said it's his last time coming here.
- You speak to the man? - I'll see you later.
So what's up?
Nothing, I thought we'd be first in line for opening day.
Peanuts are on me.
Angelo Garepe came to see me.
- Mm-hmm. - Lorraine Calluzzo reached out.
Fucking twat. Didn't you fuck her once?
Yeah, a million years ago.
What, is nothing a secret?
Obviously you wanna maintain stability,
but having Phil Leotardo smack your shies around,
is that the smartest thing?
I gotta nip this Little Carmine shit in the bud.
Otherwise I could see a lot of people start fucking around.
Power vacuum, the capos bide their time,
nobody's sure who to pay, so nobody gets paid.
All right, I hear you.
No one likes that cunt anyway.
Any problem, she's "Whack this one, whack that one".
Never enough body count for Lorraine.
Fuck her, let her taste her own medicine!
All right, whatever.
I'll tell you something else. In large measure,
I blame you for this shit with Little Carmine.
- What the fuck did I do? - You legitimized him.
Man of your stature goes to Florida to see that schmuck?
All right. Come on, huh?
We both agree that little Carmine's a fucking asshole,
but the fact is he's got a following loyal to his old man.
So?
So, Angelo had an idea.
What if...
and he's just floating this to keep the peace...
Mm-hmm.
What if there was a power-sharing situation?
- Power sharing. - You're all in charge equally,
but no major decisions can be made without a majority of two.
What the fuck?
Hey, this way you're not such a big target for the feds.
Three of the other families have this kind of arrangement.
What's this, the fucking U.N. now?!
- All right forget it! Forget I said it! - Fuck that!
Everyone deserves to choose how they feel,
to experience the love, the joy, the happiness, the passion.
- Where's Junior? - Upstairs taking a nap.
The garage is open, his car is gone.
- Where is he? - I'm telling you, I don't know.
You don't think somebody put the snatch on him, do you?
When did you see him last?
An hour ago. Two.
I fell asleep. Maybe he drove to the store.
His wallet's here, his watch.
With his bail, he's not allowed to leave the house anyway.
Junior.
So when they say they're not interested,
you say, "You're not interested in keeping kids off drugs?"
What, Shabazz?
Nobody wants them Turkish taffies.
You push harder. What did I tell you about profit margin?
- Where's Johnny? - We closed now.
- Let me talk to Damiano. - We rented the hall today.
I'm looking for Johnny Soprano, God damn it.
Hey, this here's a church.
You can't talk like that in here.
Get out, go on. We're working here.
- I wanna see Johnny Soprano. - Ain't no Johnny here.
- I'm his brother. He owns this place. - Hold up, now.
Back in the day, this was an Italian neighborhood.
Some fellas had this place here.
Kept those vending machines.
Well, there ain't no vending machines here no more.
Come on, fool, go on.
All right, Roberta, thanks.
I'm sorry to bother you.
Bobbi Sanfillipo?
Junior hasn't kept time with her in years.
- Yeah, I realize that. - You know, now that I think about it,
Junior was acting a little peculiar when I got here today.
Said he wanted to see Johnny.
What Johnny?
- His brother? - I don't know.
Also there the other day, we were watching the TV,
he thought he saw himself on one of the programs.
We have got the dishwashing liquid...
concentrated dishwashing liquid.
No gloves, it's all-natural, no chemicals.
- Hello? - It's me.
- Did you drop off the drycleaning? - Your uncle's missing.
He took his car. He didn't call you, did he?
- No. - Where the hell is he?
He's like an old woman. He's probably gossiping with a neighbor.
Did you check the Ramirez's next door?
I'm afraid he might've wandered.
My grandfather did this.
Maybe you better call Tony.
I can't just dump this on Tony.
I gotta find him.
I need you to come here in case he comes back.
- Bobby, I just can't... - I need your help here! Jesus Christ!
Sometimes I think I love Junior more than you do!
We may know that there are five essentials for victory:
One, he will win who knows when to fight
and when not to fight;
Two, he will win who knows how to...
- You Gary? - I'm Jimmy.
Gary's up there.
Hey, come down here!
- What? - I said get down here!
I wanna talk to you!
- What do you want? - I'm a friend of Sal Vitro's.
My aunt lives on this street.
So?
So I'm guessing Sal Vitro used to do this yard.
- A lotta things used to be. - Maybe so,
but you're gonna make good on his busted arm.
Oh yeah? Why am I gonna do that?
'Cause I said so, that's why.
- Eat shit, pal. - Why don't you take a walk, huh?
Give me your wallet, you prick.
This and the mower's a down payment.
By next Tuesday I want Sal Vitro's whole orthopedist bill paid.
Let's call it $1,200.
On top of that, from now on I get 10%
of whatever you make in this neighborhood.
- You motherfucker! - Shut up or I'll give you a crack.
- Time is it? - Don't worry, we'll take the tunnel.
All right, this meeting today,
we're trying to nail down a new contractor now with Massarone gone.
- That office park by Troy Hills? - Listen...
and this is very important...
if any of this shit with Little Carmine
and Johnny comes up, you clam up.
- You got it, Ton'. - Say nothing.
'Cause you say the wrong thing...
- What? - Tony, it's me.
Listen, it's your uncle. He's gone.
- You mean he's dead? - No, no, no, no.
We think he might've wandered off.
You know, I didn't wanna call you
- but it's been a couple hours now. - Fuck him.
He said he was going to see Johnny.
You think he might've meant your dad?
- What? - He's wandering, Ton'.
He can wander off the Palisades for all I care.
He's fucking dead to me.
I called you almost an hour ago.
- Where the hell have you been? - Hello?
I was picking up your daughter.
Stay here, I'm going out.
Where the hell is Tommy?
- I sent him home. - Oh, wonderful.
He gets the day off, and I get to wait by the phone.
- It's because of him Junior escaped. - Dad, can I go with you?
- No. - Can Janice go and we can stay here?
What'd I tell you about being impolite?
If anyone cares, I'll be upstairs lying down.
One hour of television, then you both finish your homework.
And you, lay off the Snapple.
What galls me is that before Little Carmine went to Florida,
I was actually close with him. I was in his wedding party.
Organized his whole fucking bachelor party...
lesbian show, whores... fucking disgusting.
Then when they had that kid with the lung problem,
who you think got him that doctor on Park Avenue?
Water over the dam, huh?
I had no idea you guys were that close.
Close? We were like brothers.
It's a shame that you can't find a way to work things out.
Give me piece of bread, huh?
Have you thought about this?
Maybe you let him keep Lorraine,
and you take a bigger piece of his Florida shit, the clubs.
If I wanted to worry about Florida,
I would move to fucking Miami.
You know, it wasn't long ago I remember
you used to wait in the car.
And as far as I'm concerned you should still be there!
- He was just trying... - Fuck "he was just!"
Everybody's got a goddamn opinion!
I didn't say nothing, Ton'.
- What the fuck did I say?! - I'm sorry, T, I just...
Now I gotta un-fuck what you just fucked up.
Gotta do something nice for Johnny. Like what?
What the fuck am I supposed to do?!
You gotta understand, this shit between Johnny and Little Carmine is bad.
The instability. But worse comes to worst,
it could work to our advantage.
- How? - They fight,
we pick up any crumbs from the fallout.
The odds are that Johnny'll end up on top, but who knows?
So keep your ears open and your mouth shut!
Apparently, there's a new president
at the electrician's union.
Tony sent Chrissy over there to talk to him.
Something I've always been meaning to get straight...
Tony calls Christopher his nephew,
yet sometimes you refer to them
as cousins.
Yeah, right. See, Chrissy's not Tony's nephew.
Chrissy's Carmela's cousin.
She was first cousin to Dickie Moltisanti, Chrissy's dad.
But he was always kinda like a big brother to Tony, Dickie.
So Tony calls Chrissy his nephew.
- It's an Italian thing. - Okay.
Although technically, Tony and Chrissy are cousins.
Joanne Blundetto, Chrissy's mom,
is Tony's cousin on his mother's side?
But, like way back.
Like from the old country or something.
- Robyn? - What?
How much longer am I gonna have to keep doing this?
Major RICO against Tony Soprano?
Those things take years to build.
This recent case against Joe Massino in New York?
It was seven years before indictments were handed down.
Hello, handsome.
Where you living now? Around here?
- Do you know me? - Do I know you?
Jupiter Club on 6th Street?
Caught fire, that place.
Lot of people died.
Do you know my brother, Johnny?
You got all the looks, I'll tell ya that.
What are you saying?
You and I had relations?
Son of a bitch in a taxicab,
run me right over my foot.
- I have a car. - Want a date?
I'll give you half and half in the back seat.
- I want to go home. - Let me get a ride by the shelter.
I have to find my car.
How you doing?
I don't gotta tell you shit.
See some ID, sir?
Fuck you, copper, I know my rights.
Hey, take it easy now.
My car was stolen. I want my lawyer.
- What's his name? - Mel.
Okay, Mel what?
I see you went out and forgot your shoes.
- Where do you live? - Belleville.
Sure you don't want to tell me your name?
- You're not in any trouble or anything. - Corrado Soprano.
Tell you what, sir,
why don't you come and get in the car where it's nice and warm?
We'll try to figure out how to get in touch
with your lawyer, all right?
Jesus, Uncle Jun', thank God.
- This gentleman reside here, ma'am? - He's my uncle.
Where have you been? We were worried sick.
I'll need to see some identification, ma'am.
- Oh, okay, I'll get my bag. - His, actually.
Bobby, get Uncle Jun's wallet.
It's upstairs on his dresser.
Uncle Jun', you're freezing.
We found him walking across Clay Street Bridge in Newark.
Newark?
- Where's your car? - They stole it.
- Who stole it? - You know who.
It's him. Junior Soprano.
- Here ya go, sir. - Go shit in your hat.
Uncle Jun', stop. Thank you, officers.
Thank you.
Uncle Jun', did you tell Tommy
- you were going to see my father? - Of course not.
What are you doing? Sit!
- I have to use the facilities. - Bobby, go with him.
God damn it, I can piss by myself!
Okay, okay.
- I'll open some soup. - You go out for some exercise,
people give you the goddamn third degree.
- Hi, Ellie. - Oh, hello, Louie.
How's the big slot-machine king?
Oh, I ain't doing that no more, I'm retired.
Tony, it's me.
- What's the matter? - It's Uncle Jun'.
They found him in Newark, in his slippers.
He was looking for Daddy, Tony.
He may have Alzheimer's. I don't know.
Good, maybe he'll forget my phone number.
Jesus Christ.
Mozzarella in carrozza. Still warm.
Artie, we're in the middle of a family meeting.
I'm not even here.
He's our uncle, Tony. There may be something seriously wrong with him.
Listen, Janice, like I told your husband,
- he's fucking dead to me. - Are you that fragile?
You don't know the half of it when it comes to us.
And if you're so concerned, take him to the doctor.
- 'Cause I've had it. - You're the only one he relates to.
We won't even be able to get him in the car.
Fuck him. You reap what you sow.
You sure did. You think maybe there's a reason
you're living all alone here without your family?
Whoa. Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute.
You're gonna give me advice on marriage?
You know, Tony, there's a lot I can say right now that I am not gonna say.
Fuck it! Say it! Say it! Who gives a fuck?
Think I don't know what you're doing here, Janice?
Trying to pawn this shit off on me.
Your whole life... whenever there's a family problem,
- you shirk your duties or run away! - Ran away?
- Tibet or fucking Berkeley. - I was 18 years old!
I was 16 when you left me with our head case of a mother.
Who you all of a sudden relate to so fucking well!
I was merely saying...
Free-spirit Janice, rebel without a cause,
while I sit here mired in her bullshit
trying to be a good son while you're off dropping acid
- and blowing roadies! - Roadies?
- Oh, you don't wanna know. - That is not true, Tony.
Now you tell him that that's not true!
Poor fucking Janice, she's so depressed.
Poor Janice, she can't get up off the couch
'cause she's so tired from her Epstein-Barr.
Poor fucking Janice. Va fongul!
- Why don't we calm down? - Maybe you were the smart one
'cause you got outta here, but your hippie string ran out
and now you're gonna do to this man what you do to every one of 'em.
- Fucking piece of shit! - You stupid cunt.
Oh, just like your mother, huh?
Now you can do to him what she did to Daddy!
Cocksucker!
You want more responsibility?
Start with controlling your wife.
And then from nowhere, he cracks one kid's head with a shovel
and the other one, he knocks out of a tree.
He jumped out of the tree and came at me with a chainsaw.
I got a right to defend myself, Ton'.
All right, take it easy, relax.
Sal Vitro's been working the area
since my ma was still working at Kresge's.
I should be able to help out a kid from my own neighborhood.
All right, how about this?
Vitro and your nephew split the area...
east of Dyer is yours,
west of Dyer goes to him. As for the broken arm...
I don't know, give him $500.
I already told the guy 12, T.
Well there's fucking compromises in life, Paulie.
All right, make it a grand for the pain and suffering.
Naturally I want my taste, retroactive,
'cause this is the first time I heard about any of this.
It's a new venture. My nephew's barely on his feet.
I mean, I didn't want to start kicking up
and pull it back if it don't work out.
And of course Vitro'll do your grass too, Ton'.
No charge.
Remind me to talk to you about that later.
There he is. Salvatore, my boy.
- How's that pitching arm? - It's getting there.
Paul, say hello to Mr. Gaultieri.
That's my middle name, Paul.
So I talked to that guy. Good news.
I got you 500 for your arm,
and you keep half your area.
- Half? - It could've been nothing.
Lucky you know me.
West of Dyer's yours, east belongs to him.
Paulie, my wife's gonna sh...
All right, thank you, Paulie.
Oh, one more thing.
You're gonna have to cut a couple of lawns on the comp.
Some friends of ours.
Some shot, huh, the way it hooked?
You got a fucking horseshoe up your ass.
Mr. Soprano?
Harry Winer, I was your mother's neurologist.
- I did her work-up from Green Grove? - Yeah, how you doing?
So I assume your sister told you I'm treating your uncle.
Oh yeah, yeah, she mentioned it.
- Catch you in there, T. - Yeah.
I think with the right meds we can control these things.
- What things? - The infarcts.
They're akin to mini-strokes.
He suffered significant brain trauma the other day. You probably noticed him
acting differently over the past six months, a year maybe.
Well to tell you the truth, me and my uncle, we don't talk much anymore.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Don't be, he's a hostile prick.
Well, unfortunately obstinacy is consistent with his condition.
Impatience, forgetfulness, particularly with short-term memory.
Do you find he'll ask the same question every three minutes?
What time it is?
I don't know. Maybe.
It's frustrating, I know. Anyway, the last thing I wanted to do
was get in the middle of a family squabble.
- I just wanted to say hello. - Well, nice seeing you.
Okay. All right.
Member of the squirrel family,
the prairie dog makes its home mainly...
Tommy?
Brought you some fish. Trying to clean out my refrigerator.
Make sure you form a seal when you shut that freezer door.
Of the two main species, the black-tailed prairie dog
is much more widespread, inhabiting much
of the Great Plains and the Great Basin.
So how you feeling?
Heard you had a little problem.
What problem?
All right.
But your doctor said something different.
Who, Kennedy?
Kennedy's your cancer doctor.
I knew that.
You said doctor.
The white-tailed prairie dog lives at higher elevations,
hibernating throughout the winter.
Just take your medicine, Uncle Jun'.
Make you feel better.
Help with your memory.
Believe me, there's plenty I'd like to forget.
Yeah, you and me both.
- Feech was here? - Yeah, he came to pay his respects.
What's this I hear, you ruled against Feech?
- He's an important man. - Why is he bitching at you about shit?
I'm still the boss of this family,
despite any arrangements.
Yellow in color, they often have dark...
These prairie dogs, they'll sleep during the day.
Oh yeah?
Look, the doctor said you
might not have known what you were saying.
What are you talking about?
The varsity shit.
So, what else did Feech have to say?
Getting a new top on his convertible.
All right, let's assume that you didn't know what you were saying.
That you forget you say shit over and over.
Yeah?
Why's it gotta be something mean?
Why can't you repeat something good?
There's the coyote.
I mean, don't you love me?