1 00:00:02,201 --> 00:00:03,691 I'm sorry, you guys have probably noticed 2 00:00:03,769 --> 00:00:06,397 my stomach's a little more sensitive lately. 3 00:00:06,472 --> 00:00:09,737 So, if you wouldn't mind wearing a little less perfume. 4 00:00:09,808 --> 00:00:11,776 And if your lunch is especially pungent, 5 00:00:11,844 --> 00:00:13,607 maybe have it in the break room. 6 00:00:13,679 --> 00:00:15,078 We would really appreciate it. 7 00:00:15,147 --> 00:00:18,173 Pam is constantly throwing up because of the pregnancy. 8 00:00:18,250 --> 00:00:22,084 If she eats something the fetus doesn't like, she is screwed. 9 00:00:22,154 --> 00:00:26,250 It's amazing, a three-ounce fetus is calling the shots. 10 00:00:26,925 --> 00:00:28,722 It's so badass. 11 00:00:29,294 --> 00:00:32,286 Phyllis, if you could switch to a different soap, 12 00:00:32,364 --> 00:00:35,458 just for a month or two. Yours is kind of perfumey. 13 00:00:35,534 --> 00:00:37,263 Now this is getting ridiculous. 14 00:00:37,336 --> 00:00:40,100 Oh, gee. I'm sorry. I guess I missed the meeting 15 00:00:40,172 --> 00:00:42,572 where we all voted for you to get pregnant. 16 00:00:43,275 --> 00:00:48,235 No. I reserve the right to peel my hard-boiled eggs at my desk. 17 00:00:48,313 --> 00:00:50,941 All morning I look forward to my afternoon cigars. 18 00:00:51,016 --> 00:00:53,143 And I am not stopping for anybody. 19 00:00:53,585 --> 00:00:55,576 I don't think I'm asking for too much. 20 00:00:55,654 --> 00:00:59,055 I guess it's just the end of courtesy in the workplace. 21 00:01:18,043 --> 00:01:21,137 Watching people get sick always makes me sick. 22 00:01:21,213 --> 00:01:26,480 And, frankly, so does talking about it. So, wow. 23 00:02:11,330 --> 00:02:12,422 Well, what do you think? 24 00:02:12,498 --> 00:02:13,931 I spent all morning doing it. 25 00:02:13,999 --> 00:02:15,762 It is really special. 26 00:02:16,034 --> 00:02:20,061 Yeah, but aren't you supposed to do that to our... No. It's great. 27 00:02:20,139 --> 00:02:23,267 Well, it's just a really important day for me. 28 00:02:23,342 --> 00:02:25,242 Well, congrats. Thanks. 29 00:02:25,611 --> 00:02:29,274 Dunder Mifflin Scranton will be closed today and Friday 30 00:02:29,348 --> 00:02:32,078 for a company wedding in Niagara Falls. 31 00:02:32,151 --> 00:02:35,450 So please leave a message and we'll get back to you as soon as possible. 32 00:02:35,521 --> 00:02:37,216 Have a great day. 33 00:02:37,289 --> 00:02:40,952 Believe it or not, Kevin, firecrackers are in the "Don't" column. 34 00:02:41,026 --> 00:02:43,085 So, you're going to provide them, then? 35 00:02:43,162 --> 00:02:44,754 No, this is a firecracker-free wedding. 36 00:02:44,830 --> 00:02:46,695 What the hell? You've got to be kidding me. 37 00:02:46,765 --> 00:02:48,824 Okay, all of these things are important to remember, 38 00:02:48,901 --> 00:02:50,232 but the most important thing 39 00:02:50,302 --> 00:02:51,564 is that no one say anything 40 00:02:51,637 --> 00:02:53,161 about my pregnancy at the wedding. 41 00:02:53,238 --> 00:02:54,933 Absolutely. Because not everyone knows 42 00:02:55,007 --> 00:02:56,304 and some people might be offended. 43 00:02:56,375 --> 00:02:58,536 Decent people everywhere will get offended. 44 00:02:58,610 --> 00:03:01,238 Well, we're thinking of my grandmother, who we haven't told 45 00:03:01,313 --> 00:03:02,610 and who is very old-fashioned. 46 00:03:02,681 --> 00:03:04,774 Well, you're lucky to have a grandmother. 47 00:03:04,850 --> 00:03:06,841 Some of us have to be our own grandmother. 48 00:03:06,919 --> 00:03:10,218 You know, Angela, you don't have to come to the wedding. 49 00:03:10,289 --> 00:03:11,756 Really, Pam? Yes, she does. Yes, she does. 50 00:03:11,823 --> 00:03:13,415 We're all going to go and we're going to have a good time. 51 00:03:13,492 --> 00:03:15,426 Ow! He pinched me. No. 52 00:03:15,494 --> 00:03:18,429 Next time we're all in this room, Jim and I will be married. 53 00:03:18,497 --> 00:03:19,521 We'll see. 54 00:03:19,598 --> 00:03:20,587 Thank you, Dwight. 55 00:03:20,666 --> 00:03:21,826 Goodbye. See you later. 56 00:03:21,900 --> 00:03:22,924 Bye. Bye. 57 00:03:23,001 --> 00:03:26,664 Hey, and don't embarrass me when we go to Niagara. 58 00:03:27,573 --> 00:03:30,269 What happens in Niagara stays in Niagara. 59 00:03:32,411 --> 00:03:35,710 Don't, don't, don't. You stole my joke. Don't steal my joke. 60 00:03:35,781 --> 00:03:37,214 No, I didn't steal your joke. 61 00:03:37,282 --> 00:03:38,647 Yes, I said that yesterday. 62 00:03:38,717 --> 00:03:40,048 But you can say that about anything. 63 00:03:40,118 --> 00:03:42,780 What happens in Accounting stays in Accounting. 64 00:03:42,854 --> 00:03:43,912 Oh, yeah! 65 00:03:43,989 --> 00:03:46,457 No, no, no, no. Please, please. Dwight, that's my joke. 66 00:03:46,525 --> 00:03:48,516 Yeah, but it's so easy. That's what I'm saying. You can say... 67 00:03:48,594 --> 00:03:50,255 No, okay. This is what I am talking about. 68 00:03:50,329 --> 00:03:54,459 When we leave here and go up to Niagara Falls, 69 00:03:54,533 --> 00:03:57,832 we are representing Dunder Mifflin, everyone. 70 00:03:57,903 --> 00:04:00,064 This is a very important wedding for this branch. 71 00:04:00,138 --> 00:04:01,765 The most important wedding until I get married. 72 00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:03,899 So I want you all on your best behavior, 73 00:04:03,976 --> 00:04:05,170 or so help me God... 74 00:04:07,112 --> 00:04:11,071 So I will see you up there in Viagra Falls. 75 00:04:13,952 --> 00:04:17,718 Pam and Jim's wedding will be the single best pickup destination 76 00:04:17,789 --> 00:04:20,280 in the history of the universe. 77 00:04:20,359 --> 00:04:22,884 I stole the guest list from Jim's desk, 78 00:04:22,961 --> 00:04:26,761 and I search-engined every female on both sides of the family. 79 00:04:26,832 --> 00:04:28,356 Get out of here. Yes. 80 00:04:28,433 --> 00:04:29,798 Oh, my God, Dwight. 81 00:04:29,868 --> 00:04:33,964 For instance, Pam's cousin, Jocelyn Webster. 82 00:04:34,039 --> 00:04:35,336 There's a name. 83 00:04:36,575 --> 00:04:39,772 Two years ago, she was selling a mountain bike. 84 00:04:39,845 --> 00:04:41,312 Oh! Well, tell me about Jocelyn. 85 00:04:41,380 --> 00:04:42,404 Yes. 86 00:04:42,481 --> 00:04:43,539 What's she like? I will, I will. 87 00:04:43,615 --> 00:04:47,608 Well, she's really into mountain biking. But not so much lately. 88 00:04:47,686 --> 00:04:48,710 Okay. 89 00:04:48,787 --> 00:04:51,381 She had a couple hundred dollars to spend. 90 00:04:51,456 --> 00:04:54,425 I mean, if she was able to sell her bike. 91 00:04:56,862 --> 00:04:57,920 Is that all you have on her? 92 00:04:57,996 --> 00:05:00,487 Well, if this is in fact her, because it's a very common name. 93 00:05:00,565 --> 00:05:02,089 Okay, you're an idiot. 94 00:05:10,776 --> 00:05:15,145 People don't think of me as one of the sharper dressers in the office, 95 00:05:15,213 --> 00:05:18,239 but I'm going to turn that around at this wedding. 96 00:05:18,550 --> 00:05:22,350 I thought, "How can I take it to the next level?" 97 00:05:23,789 --> 00:05:25,222 The hair. 98 00:05:26,391 --> 00:05:28,325 It's the hair. 99 00:05:28,393 --> 00:05:31,157 Okay, okay! I'm going. 100 00:05:32,664 --> 00:05:33,756 God! 101 00:05:36,301 --> 00:05:38,098 Hey, do one of you guys want to sit up front with me 102 00:05:38,170 --> 00:05:39,797 so I have someone to talk to? 103 00:05:39,871 --> 00:05:42,601 It's like a five-hour drive-ish, you know. 104 00:05:42,674 --> 00:05:44,141 Nah, this is so much cooler. 105 00:05:44,209 --> 00:05:46,006 We feel like we're in a limo and you're our driver. 106 00:05:46,078 --> 00:05:47,170 Hmm. 107 00:05:48,213 --> 00:05:49,305 Erin? 108 00:05:49,381 --> 00:05:53,112 Oh, no. That wouldn't be fair to leave Kelly alone in the back. 109 00:05:54,119 --> 00:05:59,079 Not only is Erin really sweet and cute, she smells like my mom. 110 00:06:00,759 --> 00:06:02,727 Hey, my aunt told me something neat. Yeah? 111 00:06:02,794 --> 00:06:05,456 She said everything with the wedding goes by so fast, 112 00:06:05,530 --> 00:06:08,226 we should try to take mental pictures of the high points. 113 00:06:08,300 --> 00:06:09,733 Oh. Wow. That's cool. 114 00:06:09,801 --> 00:06:10,893 Yeah. 115 00:06:11,603 --> 00:06:12,797 Click. 116 00:06:13,171 --> 00:06:16,140 You blinked. Damn it, now that's in my brain forever. 117 00:06:16,208 --> 00:06:17,232 Oh! 118 00:06:17,309 --> 00:06:18,640 Lousy picture! 119 00:06:18,710 --> 00:06:22,043 We should have hired a professional to take the mental pictures. 120 00:06:27,452 --> 00:06:29,317 Oh, God, wow. 121 00:06:30,255 --> 00:06:32,018 Oh! I was asleep. 122 00:06:32,090 --> 00:06:33,182 What? No way. 123 00:06:33,258 --> 00:06:34,657 Those glasses are super dark. 124 00:06:34,726 --> 00:06:35,750 Oh. Wow. 125 00:06:35,827 --> 00:06:39,319 Okay. All right, we need some tunes, I think. 126 00:06:39,398 --> 00:06:40,831 You know what, I made you a CD. 127 00:06:40,899 --> 00:06:42,594 You did? That was nice of you. Mmm-hmm. 128 00:06:42,667 --> 00:06:44,965 This is to play when you bring a woman back to your hotel room. 129 00:06:45,036 --> 00:06:48,199 Oh! Very thoughtful. A little mix to set the mood. 130 00:06:48,573 --> 00:06:50,165 Delightful. Pop that in. 131 00:06:50,242 --> 00:06:51,732 You're going to like this. 132 00:06:51,810 --> 00:06:54,643 Hello. My name is Dwight Schrute. 133 00:06:54,713 --> 00:06:56,010 If you are listening to this, 134 00:06:56,081 --> 00:06:58,709 you are a lucky woman Michael has seduced. 135 00:06:58,784 --> 00:07:00,843 Ah! To be in your shoes! 136 00:07:01,119 --> 00:07:03,485 "What's next?" You're probably wondering. 137 00:07:03,555 --> 00:07:06,547 Don't be scared of your night in heaven. 138 00:07:06,825 --> 00:07:07,849 Are you serious? 139 00:07:07,926 --> 00:07:10,394 You want me to play that for a woman coming to my room? 140 00:07:10,462 --> 00:07:12,259 Yeah. It's practical. My God. 141 00:07:12,330 --> 00:07:13,388 No, no. It's... 142 00:07:13,465 --> 00:07:15,092 That's not how it works. 143 00:07:15,667 --> 00:07:19,103 Niagara Falls used to be, like, a spiritual experience to people. 144 00:07:19,171 --> 00:07:22,106 They stayed in tents and it blew their minds. 145 00:07:22,407 --> 00:07:25,706 But it's really kitschy now, which is a lot of fun. 146 00:07:26,511 --> 00:07:28,001 Halpert. Halpert. 147 00:07:28,079 --> 00:07:29,103 And Beesly. 148 00:07:29,181 --> 00:07:30,307 Tonight we're in two separate rooms 149 00:07:30,382 --> 00:07:32,577 and then tomorrow night is the honeymoon suite. 150 00:07:32,651 --> 00:07:33,640 Great. 151 00:07:33,718 --> 00:07:35,345 I know, we're pretty excited, too. 152 00:07:35,420 --> 00:07:37,047 Can we take a look at the suite now? 153 00:07:37,122 --> 00:07:39,022 I'm sorry. Somebody just checked in. 154 00:07:39,090 --> 00:07:41,456 Is there another wedding at the hotel this weekend? 155 00:07:41,526 --> 00:07:44,359 Oh, no. Just an individual. That man there. 156 00:07:44,930 --> 00:07:47,421 Hey, I got the room the night before you guys. 157 00:07:47,499 --> 00:07:48,727 I'll break in the bed. 158 00:07:52,437 --> 00:07:53,699 I don't like that. 159 00:07:53,772 --> 00:07:55,205 I'm going to need the name and cell phone number 160 00:07:55,273 --> 00:07:58,071 of the housekeeper responsible for changing the sheets, please. 161 00:07:58,477 --> 00:08:01,913 Hello, reservation for Michael Scott. 162 00:08:01,980 --> 00:08:03,174 One moment while I check. 163 00:08:03,248 --> 00:08:06,081 Their proximity to the falls makes everything smell like a basement. 164 00:08:06,151 --> 00:08:07,140 Mmm-hmm. 165 00:08:07,219 --> 00:08:09,414 I'm sorry, sir. I'm not seeing you in here. 166 00:08:09,488 --> 00:08:11,115 When did you make your reservation? 167 00:08:11,189 --> 00:08:12,588 I don't have a reservation, 168 00:08:12,657 --> 00:08:15,683 but I want a room in the Beesly-Halpert block of rooms. 169 00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:19,491 Oh! Okay. Unfortunately, sir, the block only applies to the rate. 170 00:08:19,564 --> 00:08:21,191 I'm afraid we're all sold out. 171 00:08:21,266 --> 00:08:23,894 Dwight Schrute. I have a reservation. 172 00:08:24,169 --> 00:08:30,335 Confirmation number, Romeo-Tango-G-seven-seven-four-five. 173 00:08:30,408 --> 00:08:31,602 Yes. Schrute. 174 00:08:31,676 --> 00:08:35,271 And I had spoken to Teresa about a room with two safes. 175 00:08:35,347 --> 00:08:37,076 Sure, no problem. - Okay. 176 00:08:37,148 --> 00:08:38,376 There's your key, Mr. Schrute. Well, good. 177 00:08:38,450 --> 00:08:39,439 Thank you. 178 00:08:39,518 --> 00:08:40,951 Dwight. Dwight, Dwight, Dwight. 179 00:08:41,019 --> 00:08:42,043 I need to stay in your room. 180 00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:43,109 No way. What if I meet someone? 181 00:08:43,188 --> 00:08:44,553 I'm staying in your... Come on, Dwight. 182 00:08:44,623 --> 00:08:45,749 No. Michael. I would do the same for you. 183 00:08:45,824 --> 00:08:46,848 You would? Yes. 184 00:08:46,925 --> 00:08:48,859 Really? Yes. Let's just go. 185 00:08:48,927 --> 00:08:52,795 Wait a second. No, no, no. This must be some kind of mistake. 186 00:08:52,864 --> 00:08:54,798 This reservation is under an M. Scott. 187 00:08:54,866 --> 00:08:56,163 Oh! This must be yours. 188 00:08:56,234 --> 00:08:57,565 Thank God. 189 00:08:57,636 --> 00:09:00,434 Oh, no. Now that I don't have a room, can I stay with you? 190 00:09:00,505 --> 00:09:01,597 Um... 191 00:09:03,041 --> 00:09:06,704 No. You know what, I would say yes, but you can't. 192 00:09:06,778 --> 00:09:07,836 And I'll tell you why. 193 00:09:07,913 --> 00:09:08,902 Please. 194 00:09:08,980 --> 00:09:10,174 If I have a woman up there 195 00:09:10,248 --> 00:09:11,545 and things are getting amorous, 196 00:09:11,616 --> 00:09:14,050 she's going to get turned off if she looks in the bathroom 197 00:09:14,119 --> 00:09:17,088 and she sees you brushing your teeth with butter and clay, okay? 198 00:09:17,155 --> 00:09:20,318 Okay, okay. Ah, ha-ha! That was a test and you have failed 199 00:09:20,392 --> 00:09:22,622 for this is my room, okay? 200 00:09:22,694 --> 00:09:24,628 You would not share with me. I don't have a room? 201 00:09:24,696 --> 00:09:26,254 No, you do not. Okay. 202 00:09:26,398 --> 00:09:29,367 Ooh! You must pass the dungeon wisdom test. 203 00:09:29,434 --> 00:09:30,526 Jerk. It worked. 204 00:09:30,602 --> 00:09:35,232 When Mary was denied a room at the inn, Jesus was born. 205 00:09:36,341 --> 00:09:39,504 When Michael was denied a room at the inn, 206 00:09:39,578 --> 00:09:43,139 we don't know what happens because that story hasn't been told yet. 207 00:09:45,083 --> 00:09:47,244 Mr. And Mrs. Stanley Hudson. 208 00:09:47,852 --> 00:09:51,913 Hey, Stanley, favor. Could I stay in your room tonight? 209 00:09:51,990 --> 00:09:54,390 Are you out of your mind? I brought Cynthia with me. 210 00:09:54,459 --> 00:09:56,188 Not in the same bed. In the other bed. 211 00:09:56,261 --> 00:09:58,161 I got one queen-sized bed. 212 00:09:58,229 --> 00:10:00,322 You are kidding me. 213 00:10:00,665 --> 00:10:03,031 A queen-sized bed is five feet wide. 214 00:10:03,101 --> 00:10:04,261 I am not five feet wide, Michael. 215 00:10:04,336 --> 00:10:07,567 I'm not a physics major, Stanley. I'm just saying, be careful. 216 00:10:07,639 --> 00:10:10,904 Hey, guys. Hey, could I stay in your room tonight? 217 00:10:10,976 --> 00:10:12,603 Oh, gross. Blow my brains out. 218 00:10:12,677 --> 00:10:14,110 That's rude. 219 00:10:14,379 --> 00:10:17,246 Michael, I have an extra twin bed if you want. 220 00:10:17,315 --> 00:10:20,148 You are going to be sleeping by yourself for the rest of your life, 221 00:10:20,218 --> 00:10:22,686 so you should just get used to it. 222 00:10:23,221 --> 00:10:26,748 So, which one is Pam's grandma? 223 00:10:27,258 --> 00:10:30,159 Oh, Meemaw? She's the one in the teal suit. 224 00:10:30,228 --> 00:10:32,856 She's the only 80-year-old with no smile wrinkles. 225 00:10:32,931 --> 00:10:35,695 Dad, remember, no mention of the baby, right? 226 00:10:35,767 --> 00:10:36,756 No. 227 00:10:36,835 --> 00:10:38,359 Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's very conservative. 228 00:10:38,503 --> 00:10:40,300 So, mum's the word. 229 00:10:40,372 --> 00:10:42,340 Mom, Dad, this is Michael Scott. How you doing? 230 00:10:42,407 --> 00:10:43,431 Hi. Nice to meet you. 231 00:10:43,508 --> 00:10:45,203 Nice to meet you. Who's doing a toast? 232 00:10:45,276 --> 00:10:47,141 I would like to go third, sort of bat cleanup if... 233 00:10:47,212 --> 00:10:49,009 Michael, I thought we discussed 234 00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:51,708 that we'd rather you not speak, like, at all. 235 00:10:51,783 --> 00:10:54,217 Because it's just going to be blood relatives, I think. 236 00:10:54,285 --> 00:10:56,276 That is seriously going to impede my ability 237 00:10:56,354 --> 00:10:58,618 to hook up with your female relatives. 238 00:10:59,357 --> 00:11:01,120 Pretty sure everybody heard that. 239 00:11:01,192 --> 00:11:02,659 Didn't move my lips. 240 00:11:06,264 --> 00:11:07,697 Hey, Meemaw. 241 00:11:08,767 --> 00:11:11,930 I wasn't sure about your branch of the family 242 00:11:12,437 --> 00:11:15,235 after I heard about your parents' divorce. 243 00:11:15,573 --> 00:11:19,737 But you and Jim are just perfect. 244 00:11:20,979 --> 00:11:22,003 God bless you. 245 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:24,913 Thank you, but nobody's perfect. 246 00:11:25,850 --> 00:11:28,944 Well, I wouldn't care to live if I thought that. 247 00:11:32,123 --> 00:11:33,215 Mr. Beesly, how are you? 248 00:11:33,291 --> 00:11:35,259 I'd like you to meet Kristy Kelly. 249 00:11:35,326 --> 00:11:37,658 Oh! Is this your niece? 250 00:11:39,364 --> 00:11:43,824 No, no. She's my girlfriend. Hey, can you make room at the head table? 251 00:11:43,902 --> 00:11:47,030 From quarter three to quarter four, up 17%. 252 00:11:47,305 --> 00:11:51,401 While his sales, down 2%. It's all there in the report. 253 00:11:51,476 --> 00:11:53,137 Why would they make the bad man your boss 254 00:11:53,211 --> 00:11:54,269 if you're so much smarter? 255 00:11:54,345 --> 00:11:57,337 Excellent question. Because while I was busy 256 00:11:57,415 --> 00:12:01,078 trying to improve the company and make it a success, Jim... 257 00:12:01,820 --> 00:12:05,347 The bad man was busy kissing the boss man's butt. 258 00:12:05,523 --> 00:12:06,547 Ew! 259 00:12:06,624 --> 00:12:10,390 That's right. It is ew. It's very ew. 260 00:12:10,929 --> 00:12:14,592 Oscar, Kevin, this is my sister, Penny. She's also my maid of honor. 261 00:12:14,666 --> 00:12:15,997 Pleased to meet you. 262 00:12:16,067 --> 00:12:19,161 I'm sorry, it's Kevin? I thought it was Gil. 263 00:12:20,438 --> 00:12:22,838 She thought I was your boyfriend. 264 00:12:23,408 --> 00:12:26,275 You thought I was dating this? 265 00:12:26,344 --> 00:12:27,777 What the hell is wrong with you? 266 00:12:27,846 --> 00:12:30,371 Oscar, it was an honest mistake. 267 00:12:30,448 --> 00:12:31,881 Him? Him? 268 00:12:32,150 --> 00:12:34,584 Oscar, I would be proud to date you. 269 00:12:34,652 --> 00:12:35,744 I'm sorry. 270 00:12:35,820 --> 00:12:37,617 I'm not gay. I'm Kevin. 271 00:12:37,689 --> 00:12:39,418 Nice to meet you, Kevin. 272 00:12:39,491 --> 00:12:41,015 Yeah. You owe me an apology. 273 00:12:41,092 --> 00:12:42,081 I'm so sorry. I didn't mean... 274 00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:43,320 Are you seeing anyone right now? 275 00:12:43,394 --> 00:12:44,554 She has a boyfriend. He's out of town. 276 00:12:44,629 --> 00:12:46,494 Cool. Thank you. 277 00:12:46,564 --> 00:12:48,998 I was the youngest VP in company history. 278 00:12:49,067 --> 00:12:51,399 More recently, he worked in a bowling alley. 279 00:12:51,469 --> 00:12:54,529 Tell her one of your funny bowling alley stories. 280 00:12:54,606 --> 00:12:58,007 How did Meredith get put at the young people's table? 281 00:12:58,076 --> 00:13:00,567 She probably switched cards with someone. 282 00:13:00,645 --> 00:13:02,306 Like I did with Erin. 283 00:13:03,448 --> 00:13:08,181 What? You can't... That's... You're... 284 00:13:08,253 --> 00:13:12,246 Jim and Pam, I can't tell you how happy I am to be here. 285 00:13:13,591 --> 00:13:16,219 Head table, where I belong. 286 00:13:16,828 --> 00:13:18,022 It's just for family. 287 00:13:18,096 --> 00:13:20,291 Well, who's that one? 288 00:13:23,434 --> 00:13:25,902 Isabel Poreba. I got stuff on her. 289 00:13:27,705 --> 00:13:31,402 In 1996, her 10th grade volleyball team went ten and two. 290 00:13:32,811 --> 00:13:35,609 What am I supposed to do with that, Dwight? 291 00:13:35,680 --> 00:13:36,977 That's a very good record. 292 00:13:37,048 --> 00:13:39,710 All right, so I'll be like, "He is so sweet, guys, and so kind." 293 00:13:39,784 --> 00:13:41,183 That's when I'll do the face like... 294 00:13:41,252 --> 00:13:42,583 Like, "What?" Right. 295 00:13:42,654 --> 00:13:44,315 And then we'll just give him a little punch to the back. 296 00:13:44,389 --> 00:13:45,822 A noogie. Although, you know what? 297 00:13:45,890 --> 00:13:46,914 Never too married for a noogie. 298 00:13:46,991 --> 00:13:48,117 Never. 299 00:13:48,193 --> 00:13:52,061 They have hilarious material and they're going to totally deliver it wrong. 300 00:13:52,130 --> 00:13:55,691 I would kill with the brother stuff. It should be me up there. 301 00:13:55,767 --> 00:13:58,702 It should be me and Pete, not Pete and Tom. 302 00:14:00,171 --> 00:14:03,106 Pam, you've got the greatest smile 303 00:14:03,174 --> 00:14:05,005 and your body is really fine. 304 00:14:05,076 --> 00:14:06,100 Smoking. 305 00:14:06,177 --> 00:14:08,771 Hoping it'll make our wives kick it up a notch. 306 00:14:08,847 --> 00:14:10,781 A little more cardio. 307 00:14:11,482 --> 00:14:13,450 That's not appropriate. 308 00:14:15,453 --> 00:14:16,784 Hello. Hi, everybody. 309 00:14:16,855 --> 00:14:19,346 I promised I wasn't going to make a toast and I'm not going to. 310 00:14:19,424 --> 00:14:21,392 Just going to do a little freestanding comedy, 311 00:14:21,459 --> 00:14:22,483 and if at the end 312 00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:24,755 everybody wants to raise their glasses to Pam and Jim, 313 00:14:24,829 --> 00:14:26,353 then so be it. 314 00:14:27,398 --> 00:14:31,164 Hey, what is the deal with the Smart car? 315 00:14:31,236 --> 00:14:33,966 How smart is that? Those things are tiny. 316 00:14:34,038 --> 00:14:35,733 Can you even drive them in traffic? 317 00:14:35,807 --> 00:14:41,006 "Oh, I'm so smart. E equals MC squared. I drive a Smart car." 318 00:14:41,079 --> 00:14:42,603 That's not smart in my book. 319 00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:44,944 The real smart car is KITT, 320 00:14:45,016 --> 00:14:46,210 from Knight Rider. Knight Rider. 321 00:14:46,284 --> 00:14:49,811 That's a car that can talk. Can Smart car talk? 322 00:14:49,888 --> 00:14:51,913 Nope. That's not smart. No. 323 00:14:51,990 --> 00:14:53,150 And also Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. 324 00:14:53,224 --> 00:14:54,248 Very smart. 325 00:14:54,325 --> 00:14:57,419 And everybody can laugh. 326 00:14:58,196 --> 00:15:01,063 It doesn't have to just be the idiots. Everybody can laugh. 327 00:15:01,132 --> 00:15:02,724 Nope. Yeah, go ahead. 328 00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:04,631 All right. Hey, everyone. Thanks for coming. 329 00:15:04,702 --> 00:15:05,691 Douche! 330 00:15:05,770 --> 00:15:07,101 Aw! Thanks, Pete. That was really nice. 331 00:15:07,171 --> 00:15:09,639 I just want to say how happy we are 332 00:15:09,707 --> 00:15:11,140 that all of you are here tonight. 333 00:15:11,209 --> 00:15:13,336 And I want to especially thank those of you 334 00:15:13,411 --> 00:15:16,847 who have traveled from far away to be here with us tonight. 335 00:15:16,915 --> 00:15:19,110 Especially the Florida cousins, 336 00:15:19,183 --> 00:15:20,878 who obviously can't take a hint. 337 00:15:22,553 --> 00:15:25,113 Four years ago, I was just a guy 338 00:15:25,189 --> 00:15:27,589 who had a crush on a girl who had a boyfriend. 339 00:15:28,092 --> 00:15:31,323 And I had to do the hardest thing that I've ever had to do, 340 00:15:31,396 --> 00:15:33,557 which was just to wait. 341 00:15:35,466 --> 00:15:37,400 Don't get me wrong, I flirted with her. 342 00:15:37,468 --> 00:15:39,527 Pam, I can now admit in front of friends and family 343 00:15:39,604 --> 00:15:41,196 that I do know how to make a photocopy. 344 00:15:42,340 --> 00:15:44,308 Didn't need your help that many times. 345 00:15:44,375 --> 00:15:46,343 And do you remember how long it took you 346 00:15:46,411 --> 00:15:47,878 to teach me how to drive stick? 347 00:15:47,946 --> 00:15:49,675 Like a year. 348 00:15:49,747 --> 00:15:51,442 I've been driving stick since high school. 349 00:15:52,583 --> 00:15:56,246 So, yes, yes. For a really long time that's all I had. 350 00:15:56,321 --> 00:16:00,223 I just had little moments with a girl who saw me as a friend. 351 00:16:00,291 --> 00:16:03,590 And a lot of people told me I was crazy to wait this long 352 00:16:03,661 --> 00:16:05,595 for a date with a girl who I worked with, 353 00:16:05,663 --> 00:16:08,257 but I think even then I knew that 354 00:16:09,701 --> 00:16:11,566 I was waiting for my wife. 355 00:16:12,704 --> 00:16:15,468 So, I would like to propose a toast. 356 00:16:16,474 --> 00:16:20,001 So, if you'd all raise your glasses, not Pam, for obvious reasons. 357 00:16:20,111 --> 00:16:21,908 But everyone else, if you would raise your glasses... 358 00:16:21,980 --> 00:16:25,245 What's obvious? Why can't Pam drink? 359 00:16:25,883 --> 00:16:28,852 Pam can't drink? Who... I didn't... I shouldn't have said that. 360 00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:31,548 I don't know why I did. She can do whatever she wants. 361 00:16:31,622 --> 00:16:35,615 Though she shouldn't. She shouldn't because she's an alcoholic. 362 00:16:35,693 --> 00:16:36,717 Pam is an alcoholic. 363 00:16:36,794 --> 00:16:37,783 Jim. 364 00:16:37,862 --> 00:16:39,921 That's not true. No. 365 00:16:41,299 --> 00:16:45,793 What we wanted... The real reason 366 00:16:47,171 --> 00:16:48,968 is that Pam's pregnant. 367 00:16:50,608 --> 00:16:52,337 Okay, okay, okay. 368 00:16:52,410 --> 00:16:56,608 Hey, what I think Jim is trying to say is that 369 00:16:58,016 --> 00:16:59,574 they had an accident. 370 00:16:59,650 --> 00:17:04,747 And you know what? These two people, they're living together, 371 00:17:04,822 --> 00:17:07,347 they are having lots of consensual sex. 372 00:17:07,425 --> 00:17:09,120 They were living together? 373 00:17:09,193 --> 00:17:11,423 Yes, yes, they were living together. Yes. 374 00:17:11,496 --> 00:17:17,366 And you know what? You can't expect them to be careful every time, 375 00:17:17,435 --> 00:17:19,665 because, frankly, it's just a different sensation. 376 00:17:19,737 --> 00:17:21,329 Michael. When you come... Well? 377 00:17:21,406 --> 00:17:23,499 Am I wrong? They say it's not different, 378 00:17:23,574 --> 00:17:24,768 but it's a different sensation... 379 00:17:24,842 --> 00:17:26,036 Oh, my God, no, please. 380 00:17:26,110 --> 00:17:29,546 ...when you use something to block... 381 00:17:29,614 --> 00:17:32,310 I think everybody knows what I am talking about. 382 00:17:32,383 --> 00:17:33,873 It's not necessarily different for the woman. 383 00:17:33,951 --> 00:17:34,975 Michael. 384 00:17:35,053 --> 00:17:36,816 But it is different... Okay, okay, okay. 385 00:17:36,888 --> 00:17:38,378 Michael, stop. 386 00:17:38,456 --> 00:17:39,821 All right. 387 00:17:40,491 --> 00:17:43,016 My point is, I said what I wanted to say. 388 00:17:43,094 --> 00:17:45,460 And, Meemaw, I hope you heard every word. 389 00:17:45,930 --> 00:17:48,228 All right. Jim. 390 00:17:51,035 --> 00:17:52,263 To waiting. 391 00:17:52,336 --> 00:17:53,394 To waiting. 392 00:17:53,471 --> 00:17:55,200 - Okay. - To waiting. 393 00:17:58,743 --> 00:18:00,506 I should have known. 394 00:18:01,546 --> 00:18:06,176 The hotel's television set had a movie on called Brüno last night. 395 00:18:06,250 --> 00:18:08,684 The remote control had so darn many buttons on it, 396 00:18:08,753 --> 00:18:10,152 I couldn't turn it off. 397 00:18:10,221 --> 00:18:13,281 So, I had to just sit there while it happened to me. 398 00:18:13,357 --> 00:18:17,350 I wondered, "How could they pick such a hotel?" 399 00:18:19,030 --> 00:18:22,090 Hmm. Now I know. 400 00:18:22,166 --> 00:18:23,360 Meemaw. 401 00:18:25,837 --> 00:18:27,600 I think it was a little touch-and-go at first, 402 00:18:27,672 --> 00:18:28,730 but we saved it, I believe. 403 00:18:28,806 --> 00:18:30,865 I can't believe it was me. 404 00:18:31,642 --> 00:18:34,042 I know. I can't believe it was you, either. 405 00:18:34,112 --> 00:18:37,377 I actually think it takes a lot of pressure off of me. 406 00:18:37,448 --> 00:18:38,938 Is there something about being a manager 407 00:18:39,016 --> 00:18:40,108 that makes you say stupid things? 408 00:18:40,184 --> 00:18:41,412 I have not found that to be the case. 409 00:18:41,486 --> 00:18:42,578 Hey, smooth guys. 410 00:18:42,653 --> 00:18:43,711 I am so sorry. 411 00:18:43,788 --> 00:18:45,255 Can you believe it? He screwed up, not me. 412 00:18:45,323 --> 00:18:46,585 Meemaw's not coming to the wedding. 413 00:18:46,657 --> 00:18:48,090 She's leaving tomorrow morning. 414 00:18:48,159 --> 00:18:49,456 Oh, my God. Are you serious? 415 00:18:49,527 --> 00:18:51,358 There's going to be a free room? 416 00:18:59,337 --> 00:19:02,272 Hi, Meemaw. It's Michael. 417 00:19:02,340 --> 00:19:05,867 Oh! You're that foul man that kept talking about intercourse. 418 00:19:05,943 --> 00:19:08,571 Yes. Yep, one and the same. May I? 419 00:19:10,014 --> 00:19:11,914 I am actually great with old women. 420 00:19:11,983 --> 00:19:16,010 In fact, for the longest time my best friend was my grandmother. 421 00:19:16,654 --> 00:19:19,214 And then she met Harriet, 422 00:19:19,290 --> 00:19:21,417 and now she thinks she's better than everybody. 423 00:19:22,527 --> 00:19:25,325 I want to go to bed, but I can't. 424 00:19:25,396 --> 00:19:27,387 I can't turn that television off. 425 00:19:27,532 --> 00:19:32,231 Oh! Okay, well. Hook you up there. 426 00:19:32,336 --> 00:19:33,360 Oh! 427 00:19:33,838 --> 00:19:35,100 Thank you. You're welcome. 428 00:19:35,173 --> 00:19:37,505 It was that horrible Charlie Rose. 429 00:19:37,575 --> 00:19:40,908 Oh. Isn't he terrible? May I? 430 00:19:41,345 --> 00:19:43,006 Here's the thing. 431 00:19:45,449 --> 00:19:48,043 Meemaw, I think you just need to chill out 432 00:19:48,119 --> 00:19:50,883 about this whole "Pam getting pregnant" thing. 433 00:19:50,955 --> 00:19:53,924 It's not 1890 anymore. It's modern day. 434 00:19:53,991 --> 00:19:56,926 And women have sex before marriage. 435 00:19:56,994 --> 00:19:58,518 And I think we need to celebrate that. 436 00:19:59,130 --> 00:20:02,622 And I know, in your day, she would be considered a whore. 437 00:20:02,700 --> 00:20:06,864 But now, women go out and they have sex, 438 00:20:06,938 --> 00:20:09,839 and they get wild, and they take their tops off. 439 00:20:09,907 --> 00:20:12,205 And they have pictures taken of them. 440 00:20:12,276 --> 00:20:14,437 And we need to encourage that. That's part of life. 441 00:20:14,512 --> 00:20:16,844 People are like cats and dogs these days. 442 00:20:16,914 --> 00:20:18,040 Exactly. 443 00:20:18,115 --> 00:20:19,946 This used to be such a great country. 444 00:20:20,017 --> 00:20:21,075 I know. 445 00:20:21,152 --> 00:20:23,017 I don't know what happened to it. 446 00:20:23,087 --> 00:20:25,214 They're going to name the baby after you, you know. 447 00:20:25,289 --> 00:20:26,779 They're going to call it Meemaw. 448 00:20:26,857 --> 00:20:28,950 You mean Sylvia. 449 00:20:29,026 --> 00:20:30,084 Yes. 450 00:20:30,461 --> 00:20:33,396 And if it's a boy they will call it Silvio. 451 00:20:34,332 --> 00:20:36,562 Party, room 639. 452 00:20:36,634 --> 00:20:37,692 Yes. 453 00:20:37,768 --> 00:20:40,862 Chicks are going to be off the hook. Guys, too, Oscar. 454 00:20:40,938 --> 00:20:42,371 Like Calvin Klein models. 455 00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:44,237 That sounds epic. 456 00:20:44,308 --> 00:20:45,468 Can we bring anything? 457 00:20:45,543 --> 00:20:46,669 Nothing. 458 00:20:46,744 --> 00:20:50,612 Except for $40 for beer and any hot chicks you know. 459 00:20:50,681 --> 00:20:53,514 Because that would help me deliver on some promises I made. 460 00:20:53,584 --> 00:20:54,608 Whoo! 461 00:20:54,685 --> 00:20:59,247 No one from the office has been to a real Bernard throw-down. 462 00:20:59,323 --> 00:21:02,588 If I was a girl, I would seriously reconsider coming to this party. 463 00:21:02,660 --> 00:21:06,426 But don't tell them that I said that because I want them there. 464 00:21:13,104 --> 00:21:14,731 And where do you think you're going? 465 00:21:14,805 --> 00:21:17,296 I was just going to go down to the hotel bar for a little bit. 466 00:21:17,375 --> 00:21:18,842 Well, why don't I just save you some time 467 00:21:18,909 --> 00:21:21,241 and kick you in the stomach instead? 468 00:21:21,312 --> 00:21:23,246 I just wanted to get out of my room for a little while. 469 00:21:23,314 --> 00:21:24,372 Mmm-hmm? 470 00:21:24,448 --> 00:21:26,848 Okay, I'll go with you. Come on. 471 00:21:27,818 --> 00:21:29,513 Never mind. 472 00:21:29,587 --> 00:21:30,713 Are you sure? Yeah. 473 00:21:30,788 --> 00:21:32,346 Could be fun. No. 474 00:21:32,423 --> 00:21:33,720 What are you wearing? 475 00:21:33,791 --> 00:21:36,157 Come on. It's a casual, social outfit. 476 00:21:36,227 --> 00:21:37,888 Looks like you're going to a fish fry, Dwight. 477 00:21:37,962 --> 00:21:39,293 No, they're howling at the moon. 478 00:21:39,363 --> 00:21:42,355 It's suggestive to women because of howling during sex. 479 00:21:42,433 --> 00:21:43,559 Okay. 480 00:21:44,802 --> 00:21:45,928 That's not appropriate. 481 00:21:47,571 --> 00:21:49,505 Uncool. Uncool, Dwight. 482 00:21:52,443 --> 00:21:54,343 Okay, okay. Come on, let's go. 483 00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:58,139 Good, it's good. No, it's not a good idea. 484 00:21:58,215 --> 00:22:00,206 There's no such thing as a good hairpiece. 485 00:22:00,284 --> 00:22:02,912 Yeah, but that's easy enough for you to say, Oscar. 486 00:22:02,987 --> 00:22:06,718 You have that thick, beautiful Chicano hair. 487 00:22:07,091 --> 00:22:08,718 So nice. 488 00:22:10,394 --> 00:22:12,328 I'm just worried about the farm, you know? 489 00:22:12,396 --> 00:22:14,523 Mose hates to geld the horses by himself. 490 00:22:14,598 --> 00:22:16,429 Dwight, Dwight, shut up about the farm. 491 00:22:16,500 --> 00:22:18,297 It's not relatable. Nobody owns a farm. 492 00:22:18,369 --> 00:22:22,135 Wait, you're worried about your horses? That's cool. 493 00:22:22,206 --> 00:22:24,174 How many horses do you have? 494 00:22:24,241 --> 00:22:26,004 Nine and three-quarters. 495 00:22:26,077 --> 00:22:29,046 I invented a device called "burger on the go." 496 00:22:29,113 --> 00:22:33,516 It allows you to obtain six regular-sized hamburgers or twelve sliders 497 00:22:33,584 --> 00:22:36,451 from a horse without killing the animal. 498 00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:38,613 George Foreman is still considering it. 499 00:22:38,689 --> 00:22:39,917 Sharper lmage is still considering it. 500 00:22:39,990 --> 00:22:41,355 Sky Mall is still considering it. 501 00:22:41,425 --> 00:22:44,292 Hammacher Schlemmer is still considering it. 502 00:22:44,662 --> 00:22:46,186 Sears said no. 503 00:22:54,271 --> 00:22:57,570 Toy Story, Finding Nemo, Up. 504 00:22:57,641 --> 00:23:00,474 I bawl the entire time. I cannot watch Pixar. 505 00:23:00,544 --> 00:23:01,568 Michael. Yes? 506 00:23:01,645 --> 00:23:03,340 Drop this one, abort. Why? 507 00:23:03,414 --> 00:23:05,678 I found twins. 508 00:23:05,750 --> 00:23:07,513 Oh, my God. Twins. 509 00:23:08,119 --> 00:23:11,111 I'm sorry, you understand. Nice to meet you. 510 00:23:13,290 --> 00:23:15,417 Aren't they magnificent? 511 00:23:18,195 --> 00:23:20,060 They're men, Dwight. 512 00:23:20,197 --> 00:23:22,165 I love finding a good set of twins. 513 00:23:22,233 --> 00:23:24,326 Something is wrong with you. 514 00:23:28,539 --> 00:23:31,167 Yeah, Meredith. That's cool. 515 00:23:33,911 --> 00:23:39,372 You call that a robot? Try being more robotic, okay? Like this. 516 00:23:42,620 --> 00:23:44,611 Lame. What else you got, Andy? 517 00:23:44,688 --> 00:23:46,622 How about a little bit of this? 518 00:23:48,259 --> 00:23:50,727 Oh, yeah? What else you got? 519 00:23:50,795 --> 00:23:53,025 Yeah, what else you got? 520 00:23:53,597 --> 00:23:55,861 Did someone change my name to Baskin Robbins? 521 00:23:55,933 --> 00:23:58,458 Because I feel like a banana split. 522 00:23:59,904 --> 00:24:00,996 Whoo! 523 00:24:05,643 --> 00:24:06,940 What else you got? 524 00:24:07,011 --> 00:24:09,241 Oh! All right. Easy. Easy. 525 00:24:09,313 --> 00:24:10,507 Easy, easy. 526 00:24:10,581 --> 00:24:14,073 It's going to be fine, it's going to be fine. Pam's here. 527 00:24:16,253 --> 00:24:17,311 Pam? 528 00:24:20,624 --> 00:24:22,353 I was dancing and I did a split 529 00:24:22,426 --> 00:24:25,122 and I landed on my car keys in my pocket. 530 00:24:25,396 --> 00:24:26,522 What? 531 00:24:26,597 --> 00:24:30,192 I tore my scrotum. I need you to take me to the hospital. 532 00:24:31,569 --> 00:24:34,367 Andy, I'm getting married in eight hours. 533 00:24:34,738 --> 00:24:38,469 Everyone else is too drunk. Just don't let me die here. 534 00:24:38,542 --> 00:24:41,477 Hey, hey, where are you? Can you take Andy to the hospital? 535 00:24:41,545 --> 00:24:42,534 What? 536 00:24:42,613 --> 00:24:44,274 He tore his scrotum dancing. 537 00:24:44,348 --> 00:24:45,337 What? 538 00:24:45,416 --> 00:24:46,906 He is in my room icing his balls. 539 00:24:46,984 --> 00:24:48,952 What? Please stop saying "what." 540 00:24:49,019 --> 00:24:50,008 Can you take him? 541 00:24:50,087 --> 00:24:51,247 Look, I would so take him 542 00:24:51,322 --> 00:24:52,448 in any other circumstance, 543 00:24:52,523 --> 00:24:55,048 but I'm pretty certain I'm completely wasted. 544 00:24:55,125 --> 00:24:56,820 Your brothers took you out drinking? 545 00:24:56,894 --> 00:24:58,384 Uh... - Is that Pam? 546 00:24:58,462 --> 00:25:02,728 Hey, have her come out. Have her come out. It'll be like Coyote Ugly. 547 00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:04,563 That's Michael. You're out with Michael? 548 00:25:04,635 --> 00:25:06,364 - And Dwight. - Hey-oh! 549 00:25:06,437 --> 00:25:07,461 Pam, it just happened. 550 00:25:07,538 --> 00:25:09,597 Okay, fine. I'll take him. 551 00:25:09,673 --> 00:25:11,300 I love you. Okay. I got to go. 552 00:25:11,375 --> 00:25:12,603 I love you. 553 00:25:13,177 --> 00:25:14,201 Are you pushing me off the phone? 554 00:25:14,278 --> 00:25:16,178 No. Let's talk for a long time. 555 00:25:16,247 --> 00:25:17,544 Goodbye. 556 00:25:17,715 --> 00:25:18,773 Mmm. 557 00:25:19,450 --> 00:25:21,247 It's after midnight. 558 00:25:21,719 --> 00:25:23,846 You're married. He's married. 559 00:25:23,921 --> 00:25:25,980 That's not how that works. 560 00:25:26,056 --> 00:25:27,853 Oh, my God. Congratulations. 561 00:25:27,925 --> 00:25:29,051 You're not going to be able to talk back. 562 00:25:29,126 --> 00:25:30,354 You'll have Pam to answer to. 563 00:25:30,427 --> 00:25:32,122 She'll be sitting at home saying, 564 00:25:32,196 --> 00:25:34,130 "Jim, take the baby to the zoo, 565 00:25:34,198 --> 00:25:36,996 "because I want to sit at home and eat bonbons 566 00:25:37,067 --> 00:25:39,535 "and clip my toenails." 567 00:25:39,603 --> 00:25:43,596 "Jim, hey, why don't you braid my hair? I want to watch TV." 568 00:25:43,674 --> 00:25:44,971 Now you sound like Kermit. 569 00:25:45,309 --> 00:25:46,970 Are you sure this is the right way? 570 00:25:47,044 --> 00:25:50,445 Nope. I, like you, have never been here before. 571 00:25:51,782 --> 00:25:54,250 Well, at least slow down a little bit 572 00:25:54,318 --> 00:25:59,722 because every little bump in the road is major pain on my scrotum. 573 00:25:59,790 --> 00:26:01,849 Look, I'm not the one who asked you to do a split 574 00:26:01,926 --> 00:26:03,587 when you've never done one before. 575 00:26:03,661 --> 00:26:05,629 Well, I was trying to liven things up a little bit, okay? 576 00:26:05,696 --> 00:26:06,924 I was kind of doing your job, so... 577 00:26:06,997 --> 00:26:08,157 My job? 578 00:26:08,365 --> 00:26:11,425 My job is to get married in the morning. That's my job. 579 00:26:11,502 --> 00:26:13,766 Well, it's also to make sure we have a great time 580 00:26:13,837 --> 00:26:16,169 at your stupid wedding, so... 581 00:26:36,694 --> 00:26:37,922 I spent the night with the bride, 582 00:26:37,995 --> 00:26:41,089 the night before the wedding. Oh, yeah. 583 00:26:42,066 --> 00:26:44,296 She stepped on my hand on her way to the bathroom. 584 00:26:44,368 --> 00:26:47,997 Andy, did I dream that you were crying through the night? 585 00:26:48,372 --> 00:26:50,237 No. No, that was real. 586 00:26:57,915 --> 00:27:00,008 Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer. 587 00:27:00,084 --> 00:27:02,712 God! Can I get a little privacy? 588 00:27:13,397 --> 00:27:14,955 Good morning, how can I help you? 589 00:27:15,032 --> 00:27:19,492 I left a pair of dress shoes in a bag outside my door last night 590 00:27:19,570 --> 00:27:23,529 to be cleaned and polished, but they haven't been returned yet. 591 00:27:23,607 --> 00:27:26,405 You must be Mr. Malone. One moment, please. 592 00:27:26,477 --> 00:27:27,535 Thank you. 593 00:27:27,611 --> 00:27:29,670 Sir, this is the man with the shoes. 594 00:27:32,182 --> 00:27:34,616 Mr. Malone, your shoes are gone. 595 00:27:35,419 --> 00:27:36,750 They were stolen? 596 00:27:36,820 --> 00:27:38,117 No, destroyed. 597 00:27:38,188 --> 00:27:39,212 What? 598 00:27:39,289 --> 00:27:43,385 When the bag was opened by our shoe-shine, the smell overcame him. 599 00:27:43,460 --> 00:27:46,190 I, too, smelled them and made the choice 600 00:27:46,263 --> 00:27:47,787 that they must be thrown away. 601 00:27:48,932 --> 00:27:50,399 Incinerated, actually. 602 00:27:50,467 --> 00:27:52,935 But that was my only pair of shoes. 603 00:27:53,003 --> 00:27:54,664 It became a safety issue, sir. 604 00:27:56,340 --> 00:27:59,104 Well... Damn it! 605 00:27:59,710 --> 00:28:02,543 I can offer you a complimentary breakfast. 606 00:28:03,981 --> 00:28:05,073 Okay. 607 00:28:06,550 --> 00:28:09,451 You have everything? Cell phone, charger? 608 00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:10,987 Yeah. Mmm-hmm. 609 00:28:11,188 --> 00:28:12,587 So, you sure you don't want breakfast? 610 00:28:12,656 --> 00:28:14,419 It's the most important meal of the day. 611 00:28:14,491 --> 00:28:16,288 It really is. I'm not hungry. 612 00:28:16,360 --> 00:28:19,295 I ate a whole bunch of sunflower seeds after you went to sleep. 613 00:28:19,363 --> 00:28:21,923 And besides, I wouldn't want to take you away from Pam 614 00:28:21,999 --> 00:28:23,432 on the morning of her wedding. 615 00:28:23,500 --> 00:28:25,024 She needs you, Isabel. 616 00:28:25,102 --> 00:28:27,127 That's really sweet, Dwight. 617 00:28:27,204 --> 00:28:28,364 So, I'll see you at the wedding? 618 00:28:28,439 --> 00:28:30,168 You know it. Okay. 619 00:28:31,008 --> 00:28:32,441 Okay, get out of here. 620 00:28:32,509 --> 00:28:33,999 Bye. Okay? 621 00:28:34,078 --> 00:28:36,069 Hey, good morning. Hi. 622 00:28:36,146 --> 00:28:37,135 It's about damn time. 623 00:28:37,214 --> 00:28:39,705 I haven't gone to the bathroom in a day and a half. 624 00:28:39,783 --> 00:28:42,650 Oh, my God, Dwight! This room is a pit. 625 00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:45,917 Really? Hadn't noticed. Too busy knocking boots. 626 00:28:51,061 --> 00:28:53,120 How can you eat like that? 627 00:28:53,197 --> 00:28:55,495 I'm ravenous after a night of lovemaking. 628 00:28:55,566 --> 00:28:56,590 You? 629 00:28:56,667 --> 00:28:57,656 Yeah, I'm hungry. 630 00:28:57,735 --> 00:28:58,827 But I'm not going to make a pig out of myself. 631 00:28:58,902 --> 00:29:00,802 Hey, what was she like? 632 00:29:01,171 --> 00:29:05,130 She was cute. You know, she was hot. She was very hot. 633 00:29:05,709 --> 00:29:07,700 She made love like a tiger. 634 00:29:07,778 --> 00:29:10,338 Bride's side or groom's side or townie? 635 00:29:10,414 --> 00:29:11,745 She was from Europe. 636 00:29:11,815 --> 00:29:13,009 No kidding. Uh-huh. 637 00:29:13,083 --> 00:29:14,880 I bet she had hairy armpits. No. 638 00:29:14,952 --> 00:29:19,389 Isabel was nice, but I hope she doesn't think this is going anywhere. 639 00:29:20,591 --> 00:29:24,186 Wait a second. You're not into her? Are you kidding me? 640 00:29:24,261 --> 00:29:26,058 No. She's Pam's best friend. 641 00:29:26,130 --> 00:29:28,621 You guys could double-date. Swap, maybe? 642 00:29:28,699 --> 00:29:30,496 Oh, please. Put a gun in my mouth. 643 00:29:30,567 --> 00:29:31,829 No, you're crazy. 644 00:29:31,902 --> 00:29:34,063 Look, she's a dental hygienist from Carbondale, 645 00:29:34,138 --> 00:29:36,698 and she makes love like one. She's a bumpkin. Pass. 646 00:29:36,774 --> 00:29:39,607 She's... Okay, do you know how hard it is to be a hygienist? 647 00:29:39,676 --> 00:29:40,870 You have to take X-rays, 648 00:29:40,944 --> 00:29:43,344 you have to scrape the plaque off of people's teeth, 649 00:29:43,413 --> 00:29:44,903 you have to tell kids when to spit 650 00:29:44,982 --> 00:29:47,644 and make sure that they're not scared when the dentist comes in. 651 00:29:47,718 --> 00:29:48,980 It, it... 652 00:29:49,052 --> 00:29:50,952 You should ask her out. 653 00:29:51,221 --> 00:29:54,349 I already have my European girlfriend. 654 00:29:58,796 --> 00:30:01,856 If your hat hits me in the face one more time... 655 00:30:01,932 --> 00:30:05,925 That's funny. Your wife loved this hat the last time she saw it. 656 00:30:14,578 --> 00:30:16,273 Oh, my God. 657 00:30:16,413 --> 00:30:17,471 Oh! 658 00:30:18,282 --> 00:30:20,273 Oscar. Angela. 659 00:30:22,219 --> 00:30:24,380 Are you in a lot of pain? 660 00:30:24,454 --> 00:30:26,979 What, because of last night? No way. 661 00:30:27,057 --> 00:30:29,082 Reports have been exaggerated. 662 00:30:29,660 --> 00:30:31,651 Weddings make me very emotional. 663 00:30:31,728 --> 00:30:34,219 I just have that side to me. 664 00:30:34,598 --> 00:30:36,759 Yeah, people say you cry all the time. 665 00:30:36,834 --> 00:30:38,961 Well, that's not... 666 00:30:40,204 --> 00:30:42,536 Crotch injuries are the worst. 667 00:30:42,606 --> 00:30:44,267 You don't need to tell me. 668 00:30:45,175 --> 00:30:46,540 I wasn't telling you. 669 00:30:46,610 --> 00:30:48,009 There's still something there? 670 00:30:48,078 --> 00:30:49,443 Excuse me? 671 00:30:50,247 --> 00:30:52,238 They didn't get torn off? 672 00:30:52,549 --> 00:30:56,280 No, they didn't... Nothing got torn off. Who told you that? 673 00:30:57,487 --> 00:30:59,717 I may have told some people that. 674 00:30:59,790 --> 00:31:01,985 I'm nervous. I'm about to get married. 675 00:31:03,126 --> 00:31:05,219 If you want to sit on this. 676 00:31:05,896 --> 00:31:09,525 I was thinking the wood might be too hard on your damaged penis. 677 00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:11,067 Make it softer. 678 00:31:14,638 --> 00:31:18,199 It's my scrotum, and it was. 679 00:31:18,275 --> 00:31:20,038 Thank you. Sure. 680 00:31:26,516 --> 00:31:27,608 Oh. Here we go. 681 00:31:27,684 --> 00:31:31,051 They asked for cash. But you know, I give them cash every week. 682 00:31:31,121 --> 00:31:33,646 So, how much cash does a person need? 683 00:31:33,724 --> 00:31:37,660 I have taken it upon myself to do something a little more special. 684 00:31:37,728 --> 00:31:41,289 I have painted a portrait of the two of them from memory. 685 00:31:44,635 --> 00:31:49,004 And I have another one of them in the nude. But that one is for me. 686 00:31:55,612 --> 00:31:59,639 I got them a set of turtle boiling pots, shell hammer and bibs. 687 00:32:02,019 --> 00:32:04,988 Is it zipping over your belly? Don't squish the baby. 688 00:32:05,055 --> 00:32:06,147 Thank you, weirdo. 689 00:32:06,223 --> 00:32:09,488 Everybody see Kristy's stupid blonde extensions? 690 00:32:09,559 --> 00:32:11,686 It's like they were made from a plastic broom. 691 00:32:11,762 --> 00:32:13,423 Okay, here I come. 692 00:32:13,864 --> 00:32:15,263 - Oh! - Pam! 693 00:32:15,332 --> 00:32:18,392 Darling, you look beautiful. 694 00:32:18,468 --> 00:32:19,526 Thanks, Mom. 695 00:32:20,137 --> 00:32:21,502 I hope he deserves you. 696 00:32:21,571 --> 00:32:22,629 He does. 697 00:32:22,706 --> 00:32:26,472 Are you sure? Remember, you don't have to do this. You don't. 698 00:32:26,543 --> 00:32:28,807 Mom, you're totally projecting and being a drag. 699 00:32:28,879 --> 00:32:30,278 Yes, thank you, Mom. 700 00:32:30,347 --> 00:32:33,009 Hey, I'm going to go outside and talk to Dwight. 701 00:32:33,083 --> 00:32:36,052 Okay, great. Yeah, I'll see you in a second. 702 00:32:36,119 --> 00:32:37,177 Wait. What? 703 00:32:39,089 --> 00:32:40,351 Oh, no. 704 00:32:46,563 --> 00:32:47,552 Hey. 705 00:32:47,631 --> 00:32:48,825 Can you come here, please? 706 00:32:48,899 --> 00:32:50,491 Is this allowed? 707 00:32:50,567 --> 00:32:53,468 No, no. But I'm allowing it. Just come here. 708 00:32:55,038 --> 00:32:57,063 That was an intelligent comment. 709 00:32:57,140 --> 00:32:59,404 Hello, stranger. How do I look? 710 00:32:59,676 --> 00:33:02,941 Oh! Fine. Isabel? Nice to see you. 711 00:33:04,614 --> 00:33:06,275 What do you want? 712 00:33:07,951 --> 00:33:10,317 Nothing. Anymore. 713 00:33:11,154 --> 00:33:12,678 So, tell me again 714 00:33:12,756 --> 00:33:16,248 the difference between Filene's and Filene's Basement. 715 00:33:17,327 --> 00:33:20,262 Hey, hey. He's not sitting with me, either. 716 00:33:20,931 --> 00:33:23,661 Where are you sitting? Do you need a seat buddy? 717 00:33:23,734 --> 00:33:24,996 I'm standing. I'm a bridesmaid. 718 00:33:25,068 --> 00:33:27,502 Oh. I wish I was a bridesmaid. 719 00:33:28,772 --> 00:33:30,262 Where am I gonna go? 720 00:33:30,874 --> 00:33:31,932 Hey. 721 00:33:33,377 --> 00:33:34,571 Wow. 722 00:33:36,413 --> 00:33:38,347 You look... Terrible. 723 00:33:38,648 --> 00:33:40,172 ...so beautiful. 724 00:33:41,818 --> 00:33:42,978 Hey. 725 00:33:44,554 --> 00:33:46,283 My veil tore. 726 00:33:48,625 --> 00:33:51,651 I knew when we were getting married and I'm five months pregnant, 727 00:33:51,728 --> 00:33:54,925 that I'm not going to be able to wear the dress that I always wanted, 728 00:33:54,998 --> 00:33:56,727 or high heels. 729 00:33:56,800 --> 00:33:59,769 Hey, you look just as I imagined you. 730 00:34:01,004 --> 00:34:02,471 Pam, you're so pretty. 731 00:34:05,142 --> 00:34:06,131 Thank you. 732 00:34:07,077 --> 00:34:10,638 And who cares? It's a stupid veil, right? 733 00:34:11,548 --> 00:34:13,641 No, this is the one thing I was supposed 734 00:34:13,717 --> 00:34:16,208 to be able to control, was this veil. 735 00:34:17,421 --> 00:34:19,616 There. Now we're even. 736 00:34:35,572 --> 00:34:37,733 Everyone's driving me crazy. 737 00:34:38,775 --> 00:34:41,608 I know way too much about Andy's scrotum. 738 00:34:42,179 --> 00:34:43,840 And my mom won't stop freaking out 739 00:34:43,914 --> 00:34:46,212 about my dad's new girlfriend. 740 00:34:48,218 --> 00:34:51,346 This is supposed to be our wedding day. 741 00:34:51,421 --> 00:34:53,889 Why did we invite all these people? 742 00:35:10,707 --> 00:35:12,641 I think Pam ran away because she knew deep down 743 00:35:12,709 --> 00:35:14,404 she wouldn't be a good wife. 744 00:35:14,478 --> 00:35:15,467 Yes. 745 00:35:17,114 --> 00:35:18,274 What are you doing? 746 00:35:18,348 --> 00:35:20,475 I'm trying to decide if I have time to pee. 747 00:35:20,550 --> 00:35:21,608 How long do you take to pee? 748 00:35:21,685 --> 00:35:23,710 The peeing is fast, Oscar. 749 00:35:23,787 --> 00:35:25,948 It's getting my tie back on. 750 00:35:28,925 --> 00:35:33,089 Hey. Hi. Would you have a snack in your purse? 751 00:35:34,131 --> 00:35:36,258 You're a mom, I just figured you might have one. 752 00:35:36,333 --> 00:35:37,357 Yeah. 753 00:35:37,434 --> 00:35:39,129 Oh! Ooh! Apricot. 754 00:35:39,769 --> 00:35:42,533 Do you have any of the Very Berry or Ocean Splash, or... 755 00:35:42,606 --> 00:35:43,800 No. 756 00:35:43,874 --> 00:35:45,705 Okay. Were you saving it? 757 00:35:46,143 --> 00:35:48,543 No, no. That's okay. I've just... 758 00:35:50,247 --> 00:35:52,681 I've had a very rough weekend. 759 00:35:52,749 --> 00:35:54,410 Oh, I'm sorry. 760 00:35:57,521 --> 00:35:59,614 Apricot. Made of real apes. 761 00:36:00,757 --> 00:36:02,782 Do you think they canceled the wedding? 762 00:36:02,859 --> 00:36:05,327 Relax, you'll get your shot at Jim. 763 00:36:05,395 --> 00:36:08,990 Those two treat the whole office like a 1970s key party. 764 00:36:10,800 --> 00:36:12,529 My weekend was bad so far. 765 00:36:12,602 --> 00:36:13,626 Oh! 766 00:36:14,204 --> 00:36:16,172 I came here hoping to meet somebody, 767 00:36:16,239 --> 00:36:18,469 you know, as you do at weddings. 768 00:36:20,110 --> 00:36:23,170 End up going to sleep by the vending machine. 769 00:36:24,114 --> 00:36:25,240 It was loud, but it was warm. 770 00:36:25,315 --> 00:36:26,577 That sounds awful. 771 00:36:26,650 --> 00:36:30,814 And the love of my life is dating somebody else. 772 00:36:31,221 --> 00:36:32,518 Just... 773 00:36:33,456 --> 00:36:35,356 It is a terrible year for love. 774 00:36:35,425 --> 00:36:37,950 Yeah, I guess it is. 775 00:36:38,595 --> 00:36:41,223 Thinking about having my sperm frozen. 776 00:36:42,832 --> 00:36:44,390 Excuse me, you Michael Scott? 777 00:36:44,467 --> 00:36:45,525 Yeah. 778 00:36:45,602 --> 00:36:47,763 Heard you might have a whoopee cushion on you. 779 00:36:47,837 --> 00:36:49,702 Our sister's in the can and we totally want to get her 780 00:36:49,773 --> 00:36:50,797 when she comes back. 781 00:36:50,874 --> 00:36:51,898 Oh... 782 00:36:51,975 --> 00:36:55,502 Wow. That sounds hilarious. I do, actually. 783 00:36:55,612 --> 00:36:56,909 There you go, use it in good health. 784 00:36:56,980 --> 00:36:58,447 Yes. 785 00:36:59,449 --> 00:37:02,350 Wait a minute. What is the etiquette on taking the gifts? 786 00:37:02,419 --> 00:37:03,647 Can you only take your own back? 787 00:37:03,720 --> 00:37:06,154 Or is it a whatever-you-can-carry thing? 788 00:37:06,223 --> 00:37:09,249 Anyone have anything they want to trade for a toaster? 789 00:37:09,326 --> 00:37:11,191 Does it have slots for hot dogs? 790 00:37:11,261 --> 00:37:12,455 No. 791 00:37:12,529 --> 00:37:13,928 Who would want it? 792 00:37:13,997 --> 00:37:16,363 Guys, maybe we should wait a little more time 793 00:37:16,433 --> 00:37:17,923 before we start grabbing boxes. 794 00:37:19,236 --> 00:37:20,396 Toby. 795 00:37:20,470 --> 00:37:21,528 Dwight. 796 00:37:21,605 --> 00:37:23,402 I'd like to lodge a formal complaint against Jim 797 00:37:23,473 --> 00:37:25,407 for making us wait for over an hour. 798 00:37:25,475 --> 00:37:28,444 God. Crap! 799 00:37:34,017 --> 00:37:37,282 Come here, you. Get in there. 800 00:37:38,154 --> 00:37:41,180 Well, I guess this wedding is not going to happen. 801 00:37:41,258 --> 00:37:42,589 I wonder if this is it for them? 802 00:37:46,696 --> 00:37:48,391 Hey, what happened? Where were you guys? 803 00:37:48,465 --> 00:37:50,023 Do you know how long I've been waiting here? 804 00:37:50,100 --> 00:37:51,965 Well, we are here now, so let's go. 805 00:37:52,035 --> 00:37:53,263 Yes! Yes! 806 00:37:54,504 --> 00:37:59,498 I have so much joy in my heart right now. How do I look? 807 00:37:59,576 --> 00:38:00,565 You look great. 808 00:38:00,644 --> 00:38:01,975 You look great. 809 00:38:04,881 --> 00:38:06,576 Wear a tie much? 810 00:38:35,979 --> 00:38:36,968 Oh, boy. 811 00:38:42,052 --> 00:38:43,679 I begged them not to. 812 00:38:43,753 --> 00:38:44,777 Mmm-hmm. 813 00:38:44,854 --> 00:38:47,152 I know you specifically put this song on your do-not-play list. 814 00:38:47,223 --> 00:38:48,212 Yes, I did. 815 00:38:48,291 --> 00:38:49,280 I'm sorry. 816 00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:52,990 Go ahead, I think it's your turn. 817 00:38:53,063 --> 00:38:54,690 Wait, what happened? You're okay with this? 818 00:38:54,764 --> 00:38:56,425 Yeah, I'm okay. 819 00:38:56,499 --> 00:38:57,659 Okay, then. 820 00:38:59,035 --> 00:39:01,595 Hey, Pam? Did you see this? It was on YouTube. 821 00:39:01,671 --> 00:39:02,899 Saw it. 822 00:41:40,163 --> 00:41:43,997 I bought those boat tickets the day I saw that YouTube video. 823 00:41:44,601 --> 00:41:45,932 I knew we'd need a backup plan. 824 00:41:46,002 --> 00:41:49,597 The boat was actually plan C. The church was plan B. 825 00:41:49,672 --> 00:41:54,234 And plan A was marrying her a long, long time ago. 826 00:41:55,678 --> 00:41:57,543 Pretty much the day I met her. 827 00:42:07,790 --> 00:42:12,420 What an awesome party! The best wedding I've ever been to. 828 00:42:12,495 --> 00:42:14,486 I got six numbers. 829 00:42:14,564 --> 00:42:17,965 One more would have been a complete telephone number. 830 00:42:19,502 --> 00:42:21,129 This was epic. 831 00:42:21,371 --> 00:42:25,535 My Kleenex shoes were a huge conversation piece. 832 00:42:25,608 --> 00:42:29,237 But, man, my dogs are barking. 833 00:42:34,684 --> 00:42:35,742 Ooh! 834 00:42:36,486 --> 00:42:39,785 My feet were so sweaty, I can't even feel the cold. 835 00:42:41,491 --> 00:42:43,254 What a lovely hotel. 836 00:42:43,526 --> 00:42:44,515 Okay.