1
00:00:08,006 --> 00:00:09,166
Parkour!
2
00:00:10,876 --> 00:00:12,741
Michael.
Parkour! Parkour!
3
00:00:13,578 --> 00:00:15,239
Extreme.
- Parkour!
4
00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:19,814
This is parkour.
Internet sensation of 2004,
5
00:00:20,018 --> 00:00:22,486
and it was in one of the Bond
films. It's pretty impressive.
6
00:00:22,554 --> 00:00:26,115
The goal is to get from point A to
point B as creatively as possible.
7
00:00:26,191 --> 00:00:27,920
So technically
they are doing parkour,
8
00:00:27,993 --> 00:00:31,451
as long as point A is delusion
and point B is the hospital.
9
00:00:33,932 --> 00:00:35,490
Parkour!
10
00:00:40,238 --> 00:00:41,933
Yeah, parkour!
11
00:00:42,207 --> 00:00:43,674
Andy, leap frog.
Go, go!
12
00:00:43,809 --> 00:00:45,936
Do me! Do me!
Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
13
00:00:46,011 --> 00:00:47,035
Parkour! Parkour!
14
00:00:47,112 --> 00:00:49,046
Get off! Get off!
Okay.
15
00:00:49,114 --> 00:00:50,103
Parkour!
16
00:00:52,651 --> 00:00:54,175
Parkour! Jump over the camera.
17
00:00:54,486 --> 00:00:55,714
Jump over
the camera.
18
00:00:57,622 --> 00:00:59,920
Okay, we all go together,
or we go one at a time.
19
00:00:59,991 --> 00:01:04,621
Here it is. Here it is. Truck
to refrigerators to dumpster,
20
00:01:04,830 --> 00:01:08,288
360 spin onto the palettes, back
flip, gainer into the trashcan.
21
00:01:08,366 --> 00:01:10,300
Yeah, gainer!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
22
00:01:10,402 --> 00:01:12,802
Parkour, parkour!
Parkour, parkour!
23
00:01:12,871 --> 00:01:14,133
I'm right behind you,
Andy. Come on!
24
00:01:14,206 --> 00:01:16,436
Let's do it!
Yeah!
25
00:01:19,978 --> 00:01:21,104
Parkour.
26
00:01:44,870 --> 00:01:45,859
Good.
27
00:01:48,206 --> 00:01:49,195
Excellent.
28
00:01:50,742 --> 00:01:51,800
Thank you.
29
00:01:52,377 --> 00:01:54,572
Here you go. Is there
anything else I can do?
30
00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:03,182
Yes.
31
00:02:04,990 --> 00:02:07,049
See those files behind
Kevin's desk? Mmm-hmm.
32
00:02:07,125 --> 00:02:09,116
Go put them all
in random order.
33
00:02:09,194 --> 00:02:10,183
Okay.
34
00:02:10,295 --> 00:02:13,628
Then come back here for your
next assignment concerning their order.
35
00:02:13,932 --> 00:02:17,834
This is the last day of our
summer interns. It's been nice.
36
00:02:17,903 --> 00:02:19,200
We haven't had
interns in a while.
37
00:02:20,372 --> 00:02:22,738
Ever since Michael's
Monica Lewinsky incident.
38
00:02:22,874 --> 00:02:24,239
He didn't do
anything sexual.
39
00:02:24,442 --> 00:02:27,275
He just made far, far too
many Monica Lewinsky jokes.
40
00:02:28,046 --> 00:02:30,640
It was just easier for corporate
to shut down the program.
41
00:02:33,618 --> 00:02:35,745
Think she did him? I bet
there's something there.
42
00:02:35,854 --> 00:02:37,321
I was with them in
the kitchen yesterday,
43
00:02:37,389 --> 00:02:39,516
and they were all too happy
to be cleaning the freezer.
44
00:02:39,658 --> 00:02:41,990
If they get married before I
do, I'm going to kill myself.
45
00:02:42,460 --> 00:02:44,257
Who's getting married?
Nobody.
46
00:02:45,363 --> 00:02:46,921
If somebody doesn't tell me,
I'm gonna start screaming.
47
00:02:46,998 --> 00:02:48,761
It's Eric and Megan.
Oh!
48
00:02:48,833 --> 00:02:50,357
Hey, I hired them.
49
00:02:50,602 --> 00:02:51,830
Matchmaker.
50
00:02:52,504 --> 00:02:54,199
This place is like
Spaniard fly.
51
00:02:54,306 --> 00:02:56,433
They're not getting married.
It's just talk.
52
00:02:56,508 --> 00:02:58,100
Did everybody know
about this but me?
53
00:02:58,176 --> 00:03:00,144
There's nothing to know.
It's just gossip.
54
00:03:02,414 --> 00:03:03,642
Okay. Okay.
55
00:03:04,749 --> 00:03:06,341
We haven't told anyone
that I'm pregnant.
56
00:03:06,418 --> 00:03:09,683
What with her being unmarried,
knocked up by some guy.
57
00:03:09,754 --> 00:03:12,188
The yakety-yaks in this office
would have a field day.
58
00:03:12,290 --> 00:03:14,019
Yeah, and we don't want
them at the wedding thinking
59
00:03:14,125 --> 00:03:17,117
Jim's being marched down the
aisle by my dad with a shotgun.
60
00:03:18,463 --> 00:03:19,725
Wait, there's not going
to be a shotgun?
61
00:03:19,798 --> 00:03:20,822
Nope.
62
00:03:20,899 --> 00:03:23,561
No shotgun? Because
that changes everything.
63
00:03:23,802 --> 00:03:25,099
Can't back out
now, Halpert.
64
00:03:25,904 --> 00:03:28,930
What are you going to do about
it? There's no shotgun, so,
65
00:03:30,408 --> 00:03:32,535
free at last,
free at last.
66
00:03:33,745 --> 00:03:34,837
No, keep it up.
67
00:03:36,481 --> 00:03:37,470
You'll never guess
what I know.
68
00:03:37,549 --> 00:03:39,483
Okay. Let me finish
this thought.
69
00:03:39,985 --> 00:03:41,418
Eric likes Megan.
70
00:03:42,687 --> 00:03:43,949
He most definitely does.
71
00:03:44,122 --> 00:03:46,113
He's been asking her out
repeatedly for weeks.
72
00:03:46,191 --> 00:03:49,126
She finally said yes. They went
out on a group date the other night.
73
00:03:49,194 --> 00:03:50,559
Apparently
it went very well.
74
00:03:51,563 --> 00:03:53,554
How do you know this?
People tell me things.
75
00:03:53,632 --> 00:03:55,600
I guess I have
a face you can trust.
76
00:03:55,667 --> 00:03:57,658
I think it's because
of my low cheek bones.
77
00:03:58,536 --> 00:04:02,233
And boom. Okay, what is it?
What can't I guess?
78
00:04:03,274 --> 00:04:05,902
I hate, hate, hate
being left out.
79
00:04:06,211 --> 00:04:10,705
Whether it's not being picked for
a team or being picked for a team
80
00:04:10,782 --> 00:04:13,945
and then showing up and realizing
that the team doesn't exist,
81
00:04:14,953 --> 00:04:16,887
or that the sport
doesn't exist.
82
00:04:17,722 --> 00:04:19,713
I should have known.
Poopball?
83
00:04:20,992 --> 00:04:23,893
Oh, man, I know how
you feel. Third wheel.
84
00:04:23,962 --> 00:04:27,159
I have been the third wheel
so many times in my life.
85
00:04:27,832 --> 00:04:29,993
My mom told me something once
that made me feel a lot better.
86
00:04:30,068 --> 00:04:34,164
She said, "The third wheel
is what makes it a tricycle."
87
00:04:34,472 --> 00:04:35,530
What are you
talking about?
88
00:04:35,607 --> 00:04:37,871
I am talking about your group
date with Megan and Eric.
89
00:04:37,976 --> 00:04:39,170
At Tinks?
Yes.
90
00:04:39,310 --> 00:04:40,675
How'd you know about that? Well...
91
00:04:40,745 --> 00:04:41,973
Did Stanley tell you?
92
00:04:42,681 --> 00:04:45,081
Stanley was on your
group date?
93
00:04:45,383 --> 00:04:47,214
No. Stanley
was with his wife.
94
00:04:47,285 --> 00:04:48,843
I waved at him
but he didn't wave back.
95
00:04:51,456 --> 00:04:52,923
Does anybody else
know about this?
96
00:04:52,991 --> 00:04:54,049
No.
97
00:04:57,228 --> 00:04:59,628
There he goes.
There he goes.
98
00:05:01,299 --> 00:05:04,393
So, what is the scuttlebutt?
Anybody hear anything?
99
00:05:06,571 --> 00:05:09,301
Nothing? I got a little
something-something.
100
00:05:09,908 --> 00:05:11,205
I don't know
if I should say.
101
00:05:11,443 --> 00:05:12,637
So just keep it
to yourself, then.
102
00:05:12,711 --> 00:05:14,906
Stanley is having
a midlife crisis.
103
00:05:14,979 --> 00:05:17,174
Stanley is way past
the middle of his life,
104
00:05:17,248 --> 00:05:18,977
especially considering
his height-to-weight ratio.
105
00:05:19,050 --> 00:05:21,610
Well, apparently,
he and his wife
106
00:05:21,686 --> 00:05:24,314
were out dancing at a
club for young people.
107
00:05:24,389 --> 00:05:25,981
Teri's out of town,
Michael.
108
00:05:26,191 --> 00:05:28,250
Who?
Stanley's wife, Teri.
109
00:05:28,326 --> 00:05:31,159
She's at an interior
decorating expo in Philly.
110
00:05:31,362 --> 00:05:36,129
And Stanley hates crowds, kids and music.
I think you should check your facts.
111
00:05:43,441 --> 00:05:46,740
You stupid son of a bitch.
You set me up.
112
00:05:46,911 --> 00:05:47,900
What are you
talking about?
113
00:05:47,979 --> 00:05:49,606
Stanley's wife
is out of town.
114
00:05:49,681 --> 00:05:50,670
He was with somebody.
115
00:05:50,749 --> 00:05:51,807
He was definitely
with someone.
116
00:05:51,916 --> 00:05:54,407
Oh! Was he? Well, who? His sister?
117
00:05:55,787 --> 00:05:56,913
I don't get it!
118
00:05:57,455 --> 00:06:00,219
If that was his sister, then what
they were doing was totally illegal.
119
00:06:01,426 --> 00:06:02,415
Drugs?
120
00:06:03,828 --> 00:06:05,022
Making out.
121
00:06:10,769 --> 00:06:12,100
Okay.
122
00:06:16,775 --> 00:06:18,299
Okay.
No, it's okay.
123
00:06:19,244 --> 00:06:20,404
Never mind.
Carry on.
124
00:06:20,879 --> 00:06:22,540
Stanley
is having an affair.
125
00:06:22,747 --> 00:06:23,907
What?
I know.
126
00:06:25,049 --> 00:06:28,917
I am very happy right now,
thrilled perhaps, to be a part of the office,
127
00:06:28,987 --> 00:06:30,648
to be a part of
the conversation.
128
00:06:30,722 --> 00:06:34,351
When you have somebody's attention,
and their eyes are lighting up
129
00:06:34,425 --> 00:06:37,189
because they are very interested
in what you have to say,
130
00:06:37,262 --> 00:06:38,422
that is a great feeling.
131
00:06:38,496 --> 00:06:40,862
And I experienced that
firsthand today.
132
00:06:40,932 --> 00:06:44,060
It is wonderful to be
the center of attention.
133
00:06:44,169 --> 00:06:46,467
That and that
are the same letter.
134
00:06:46,538 --> 00:06:48,199
Q.
135
00:06:48,273 --> 00:06:50,070
No. No.
136
00:06:50,141 --> 00:06:51,870
Okay.
He's holding a pencil.
137
00:06:52,010 --> 00:06:54,444
He could be doing a crossword
puzzle with that pencil.
138
00:06:54,579 --> 00:06:58,174
What's that letter, right
there? Same letter here and here.
139
00:06:58,283 --> 00:06:59,978
What haven't you guessed?
T.
140
00:07:00,218 --> 00:07:04,951
T! Yes! Yes!
That is a T.
141
00:07:05,056 --> 00:07:09,959
And there's another one right there.
Just sound that out. You're almost there.
142
00:07:10,862 --> 00:07:14,127
Hey, Stanley, where are you
going, big guy? Up to no good?
143
00:07:14,232 --> 00:07:16,257
I'm meeting a client. Do
you have a problem with that?
144
00:07:16,334 --> 00:07:19,531
No, no, no, no, no. I just
had a quick question for you.
145
00:07:19,604 --> 00:07:24,405
I'm casting a movie and I'm looking for
a woman who can dance, beautiful woman.
146
00:07:24,475 --> 00:07:25,601
Do you know anybody?
147
00:07:26,044 --> 00:07:27,068
Goodbye.
148
00:07:27,145 --> 00:07:30,137
Pays 5 million dollars.
Nudity required.
149
00:07:30,682 --> 00:07:31,740
You have to stop this.
150
00:07:31,816 --> 00:07:33,807
Did you hear that
Stanley's having an affair?
151
00:07:33,885 --> 00:07:36,479
I did. From you.
You got to stop telling people.
152
00:07:36,554 --> 00:07:40,183
Okay. I get it. You feel out of the
loop and you feel sorry for yourself,
153
00:07:40,258 --> 00:07:42,419
and it's really sad because
everybody thinks you're a loser.
154
00:07:42,493 --> 00:07:44,654
Do you even know if it's
true? Do you have any idea?
155
00:07:44,729 --> 00:07:47,323
Because you might be
ruining his life.
156
00:07:53,571 --> 00:07:56,267
Hold up! Hold up! Hold up!
No, no, no, no!
157
00:07:57,442 --> 00:07:59,569
It's time to stop being
polite and get real!
158
00:07:59,911 --> 00:08:01,936
Stanley,
you having an affair?
159
00:08:03,314 --> 00:08:07,045
That is ridiculous. Of course
not. Why would you think that?
160
00:08:07,118 --> 00:08:09,313
So it's not true.
Okay. Well...
161
00:08:10,755 --> 00:08:12,017
Oh!
162
00:08:12,090 --> 00:08:15,753
Those interns, they told me
they saw you at the club,
163
00:08:16,027 --> 00:08:17,654
and they all said
it was you.
164
00:08:17,729 --> 00:08:23,429
It was clearly just racial
profiling gossip. The little...
165
00:08:23,501 --> 00:08:26,629
Damn! I told her
it was a stupid idea...
166
00:08:26,704 --> 00:08:28,695
It's so stupid.
...to go up in that club.
167
00:08:28,773 --> 00:08:32,470
It's just that Teri's been
traveling a lot lately.
168
00:08:32,543 --> 00:08:35,034
I know. I know.
It's been lonely.
169
00:08:35,113 --> 00:08:36,603
Oh, I bet. I...
170
00:08:36,748 --> 00:08:38,841
Cynthia's been
keeping me company.
171
00:08:38,950 --> 00:08:42,511
She was my nurse when
I was in rehabilitation.
172
00:08:42,687 --> 00:08:46,123
We used to go on these
long walks on the treadmill.
173
00:08:48,259 --> 00:08:49,692
I didn't intend...
174
00:08:49,761 --> 00:08:52,093
Wait, wait, wait.
175
00:08:53,431 --> 00:08:54,489
So it is true?
176
00:08:54,565 --> 00:08:56,328
Yeah, but Michael, I'm
going to go break it off.
177
00:08:56,401 --> 00:08:57,595
That's where I'm headed
right now. I swear.
178
00:08:57,669 --> 00:08:59,398
Oh, my God.
Wait a second.
179
00:08:59,470 --> 00:09:03,634
Do people often say they're going on
sales calls and then go someplace else?
180
00:09:03,708 --> 00:09:04,732
Because that's not cool.
181
00:09:04,809 --> 00:09:09,473
I just need you to promise not to
say a word about this to anyone.
182
00:09:09,948 --> 00:09:10,937
Michael, please.
183
00:09:11,015 --> 00:09:12,812
I'm not saying
a damn thing.
184
00:09:12,884 --> 00:09:14,249
I'm counting
on you, Michael.
185
00:09:14,319 --> 00:09:15,809
Okay.
You can count on me.
186
00:09:20,491 --> 00:09:21,583
Oh, that smells good.
187
00:09:21,759 --> 00:09:25,024
Yeah, I might have extra. It
just depends on how many I eat.
188
00:09:25,096 --> 00:09:27,155
Did you hear about Angela?
That's pretty weird.
189
00:09:27,231 --> 00:09:30,667
Yeah. What do you
mean exactly?
190
00:09:30,969 --> 00:09:35,872
Well, the fact that she apparently
is dating an 81-year-old billionaire.
191
00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:37,935
Owns a Quiznos
on the turnpike.
192
00:09:38,609 --> 00:09:40,133
Really?
Uh-huh.
193
00:09:40,511 --> 00:09:42,308
Right?
194
00:09:42,380 --> 00:09:45,679
How do you un-tell
something? You can't.
195
00:09:46,517 --> 00:09:48,712
You can't put words
back in your mouth.
196
00:09:48,786 --> 00:09:53,485
What you can do is
spread false gossip,
197
00:09:54,025 --> 00:09:57,188
so that people think that everything
that's been said is untrue,
198
00:09:57,462 --> 00:09:59,862
including "Stanley
is having an affair."
199
00:10:01,599 --> 00:10:05,296
It's like the end of Spartacus. I've
seen that movie half a dozen times,
200
00:10:05,670 --> 00:10:08,104
and I still don't know
who the real Spartacus is.
201
00:10:08,439 --> 00:10:12,170
And that is what makes that
movie a classic whodunit.
202
00:10:13,077 --> 00:10:14,704
- Kelly has an eating
disorder? - Yes.
203
00:10:14,779 --> 00:10:15,837
She always
eats my lunch.
204
00:10:15,913 --> 00:10:19,007
Anorexia.
She's an anorexitic.
205
00:10:19,317 --> 00:10:20,443
We should do something.
206
00:10:20,518 --> 00:10:21,678
Nothing can be done.
207
00:10:21,753 --> 00:10:24,745
Just have to tell everybody
and hope for the best, I guess.
208
00:10:25,990 --> 00:10:29,619
I'm worried about Erin because
she's not a very good worker.
209
00:10:29,694 --> 00:10:31,218
I don't know how long
she's going to last here.
210
00:10:31,295 --> 00:10:34,162
Really?
Yeah. So...
211
00:10:34,365 --> 00:10:36,629
And Andy is gay.
212
00:10:36,768 --> 00:10:38,395
Andy Bernard?
Mmm-hmm.
213
00:10:38,770 --> 00:10:41,136
Did you
hear Pam is pregnant?
214
00:10:41,873 --> 00:10:43,204
Really?
Yeah.
215
00:10:44,876 --> 00:10:46,503
She's going to hate
being a mom.
216
00:10:53,718 --> 00:10:55,310
What?
Tea.
217
00:10:56,387 --> 00:10:58,116
So?
You would.
218
00:10:58,623 --> 00:11:01,922
I like tea.
Oh, I bet you like it.
219
00:11:02,026 --> 00:11:06,827
Yeah. I like it a lot.
I love tea.
220
00:11:06,898 --> 00:11:10,026
Do you like it as much
as you like men's butts?
221
00:11:10,168 --> 00:11:13,137
What?
Because you're gay.
222
00:11:15,106 --> 00:11:20,442
Who told you that? Was it
Broccoli Rob? Someone from Chi Psi?
223
00:11:20,945 --> 00:11:22,640
Or did you run into
someone from my high school?
224
00:11:23,081 --> 00:11:26,812
This is not the first time rumors
about me being gay have come up.
225
00:11:27,485 --> 00:11:28,713
Twice before, actually.
226
00:11:30,054 --> 00:11:34,582
Just a weird coincidence.
It's a little too weird.
227
00:11:37,995 --> 00:11:40,896
Almost makes you wonder if it's
not a coincidence at all. Whoa!
228
00:11:41,866 --> 00:11:43,265
Which it is, of course.
229
00:11:45,002 --> 00:11:46,526
But it makes you wonder.
230
00:11:47,472 --> 00:11:50,805
Did you hear the rumor
about me, that I'm gay?
231
00:11:51,075 --> 00:11:52,940
I did, yes.
232
00:11:53,644 --> 00:11:55,669
And?
What?
233
00:11:57,515 --> 00:12:01,576
Do you think it's true?
Do you think that I'm gay?
234
00:12:02,019 --> 00:12:03,179
Are you attracted
to other men?
235
00:12:06,023 --> 00:12:07,047
No.
236
00:12:08,359 --> 00:12:10,293
But let me kick
you a scenario.
237
00:12:10,528 --> 00:12:14,794
I'm at, like, a beach cabana
and Brad Pitt approaches,
238
00:12:14,999 --> 00:12:16,557
tries to lean in
and kiss me.
239
00:12:18,736 --> 00:12:24,504
I would definitely resist, like,
at first, but if he was persistent,
240
00:12:25,376 --> 00:12:30,006
I might give in a little bit to
just sort of see what it felt like.
241
00:12:30,481 --> 00:12:36,147
Would I push him away? How hard? Like,
what if he's, like, really aggressive?
242
00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:42,259
If you resisted Brad Pitt a little
bit, he would still need to get to you?
243
00:12:42,326 --> 00:12:46,490
This is not real Brad Pitt, this is,
like, in my... This is my fantasy.
244
00:12:46,697 --> 00:12:50,599
Or it's, like, not fantasy, it's,
like, what I'm... It's just a scenario.
245
00:12:51,068 --> 00:12:57,234
Well, I wish I could help you. I don't...
You might be gay. You might be gay.
246
00:12:59,610 --> 00:13:02,078
What exactly
is my responsibility here?
247
00:13:02,146 --> 00:13:04,671
To comfort insecure
heterosexual men?
248
00:13:04,749 --> 00:13:06,717
That can't possibly
fall to me.
249
00:13:06,951 --> 00:13:07,975
How far along is Pam?
250
00:13:08,052 --> 00:13:09,644
A few months. That's why
they're rushing the wedding.
251
00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:12,917
Guys, guys, guys, you
can't believe everything you hear.
252
00:13:12,990 --> 00:13:15,151
Like Stanley
having an affair.
253
00:13:15,226 --> 00:13:18,218
That is crazy.
There's no stock in it.
254
00:13:18,629 --> 00:13:21,427
It's a weird day for false
facts. Just let it go.
255
00:13:21,966 --> 00:13:27,495
Okay, everybody, big day. Last day
for our interns. Lot of other stuff.
256
00:13:27,872 --> 00:13:31,933
Who knows what to believe?
Dwight, the honors.
257
00:13:33,344 --> 00:13:38,407
Present these to the Dean for credit.
And as a gift, I've attached my card.
258
00:13:38,482 --> 00:13:40,507
Call me any time
of the day or night.
259
00:13:40,885 --> 00:13:42,147
Why would we call
you at night?
260
00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:45,645
Well, now you can't call me
at all, so problem solved.
261
00:13:45,790 --> 00:13:47,280
You're going to regret that
when you find yourself
262
00:13:47,358 --> 00:13:49,417
between a moose
and her cubs at night.
263
00:13:49,694 --> 00:13:52,663
Look to the intern on your
left. Now to your right.
264
00:13:52,897 --> 00:13:56,628
One of you will do exceedingly well
in business, just unlimited potential.
265
00:13:57,301 --> 00:14:00,270
One of you will make a
living and nothing more.
266
00:14:00,671 --> 00:14:04,300
And one of you will make a great mother.
267
00:14:05,810 --> 00:14:08,973
It's up to you to choose
which you want to be.
268
00:14:11,148 --> 00:14:12,911
I am so happy
you're eating again.
269
00:14:12,984 --> 00:14:14,212
Me, too.
270
00:14:14,452 --> 00:14:16,750
Tuna, how come you never
try to set me up?
271
00:14:17,054 --> 00:14:20,114
I don't really do that. But Pam
might have some friends, though.
272
00:14:20,358 --> 00:14:21,848
Women friends?
Yeah.
273
00:14:22,193 --> 00:14:23,455
Not guy friends?
274
00:14:23,794 --> 00:14:26,024
Are you interested
in her guy friends?
275
00:14:26,097 --> 00:14:28,827
No. I mean, for the
record, I prefer women.
276
00:14:28,899 --> 00:14:32,027
Okay. But off the record,
I'm kind of confused.
277
00:14:32,270 --> 00:14:33,328
Really?
278
00:14:33,471 --> 00:14:36,531
Yeah, the evidence is sort of
stacked against me, I feel like.
279
00:14:36,674 --> 00:14:38,835
Well, you've got to figure
this out. Yeah, right?
280
00:14:38,909 --> 00:14:40,103
Yeah.
How?
281
00:14:40,177 --> 00:14:41,940
You've got to have
sex with a woman.
282
00:14:42,013 --> 00:14:43,037
Righto.
283
00:14:43,114 --> 00:14:45,082
And then a man.
And then compare.
284
00:14:45,149 --> 00:14:46,138
Oh!
285
00:14:48,419 --> 00:14:49,408
All right.
286
00:14:49,754 --> 00:14:50,743
Well, hey.
Yep.
287
00:14:50,821 --> 00:14:53,016
Congratulations to you.
On what?
288
00:14:53,157 --> 00:14:54,749
Come on.
289
00:14:55,326 --> 00:14:59,456
Little baby Tuna.
Little junior Toro.
290
00:15:02,133 --> 00:15:05,227
You know, a baby conceived out
of wedlock is still a bastard.
291
00:15:06,170 --> 00:15:07,330
What?
292
00:15:07,405 --> 00:15:08,497
Want me to say it again?
293
00:15:08,572 --> 00:15:10,130
Why did that come
into your brain?
294
00:15:10,207 --> 00:15:11,674
Can I talk to you
for a second?
295
00:15:13,477 --> 00:15:14,910
So, they know.
296
00:15:15,246 --> 00:15:17,305
Who did you tell? I didn't
tell anyone. Who did you tell?
297
00:15:17,381 --> 00:15:18,541
Nobody.
298
00:15:18,616 --> 00:15:22,484
Hey, did one of you tell Stanley
that I have asthma? Because I don't.
299
00:15:22,553 --> 00:15:24,817
If it gets out they
won't let me scuba.
300
00:15:24,889 --> 00:15:28,381
If I can't scuba, then
what's this all been about?
301
00:15:28,459 --> 00:15:29,824
What am I working toward?
302
00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:33,452
What? You think I'm the
voice of the Taco Bell dog?
303
00:15:34,231 --> 00:15:38,224
What are you guys talking about? I have
a daughter. How could I be a virgin?
304
00:15:38,536 --> 00:15:41,596
Hey, has everyone heard a crazy
rumor about themselves today?
305
00:15:41,706 --> 00:15:42,832
Yes.
306
00:15:42,907 --> 00:15:45,467
Yeah, yeah! You know what,
let's discredit these rumors.
307
00:15:45,543 --> 00:15:47,670
Yeah, sure, but who's been
saying all that stuff?
308
00:15:47,745 --> 00:15:50,908
It's not important, Jim. I just think
we shouldn't listen to any of this crap.
309
00:15:50,981 --> 00:15:52,812
Sure, but we should
get to the bottom of this.
310
00:15:52,883 --> 00:15:54,908
Let's pick a rumor and trace
it back to the beginning.
311
00:15:54,985 --> 00:15:56,680
I need to do
mine first.
312
00:15:57,088 --> 00:16:00,580
Who's been saying that there's
another person inside of me
313
00:16:00,858 --> 00:16:02,917
working me
with controls?
314
00:16:03,127 --> 00:16:05,425
I heard that from Andy.
315
00:16:05,663 --> 00:16:06,994
I heard it from Erin.
316
00:16:07,064 --> 00:16:08,088
What?
317
00:16:08,165 --> 00:16:09,826
I heard it from Michael.
318
00:16:10,668 --> 00:16:11,657
Michael.
319
00:16:13,604 --> 00:16:14,593
Michael?
320
00:16:15,806 --> 00:16:16,966
He's over here.
321
00:16:17,708 --> 00:16:19,141
Where are you going?
Nowhere.
322
00:16:19,377 --> 00:16:20,503
Michael.
Hmm?
323
00:16:24,048 --> 00:16:27,017
You told people that
I use store-bought manure,
324
00:16:28,152 --> 00:16:31,679
when I showed you where
my manure comes from.
325
00:16:32,323 --> 00:16:34,257
Hmm? Hmm?
326
00:16:34,792 --> 00:16:36,657
Don't get on it.
Michael, don't.
327
00:16:36,761 --> 00:16:39,525
- Don't get on. Do not.
- Michael, no.
328
00:16:39,597 --> 00:16:40,859
Michael.
Stay, Michael.
329
00:16:40,931 --> 00:16:42,626
Step away.
Stay.
330
00:16:42,700 --> 00:16:44,224
- Come on, boss.
- No. No.
331
00:16:46,637 --> 00:16:49,037
- Okay, I made it all up.
- What?
332
00:16:49,473 --> 00:16:50,838
Even the fact
that I'm gay?
333
00:16:50,941 --> 00:16:52,568
Yes.
Yes!
334
00:16:52,843 --> 00:16:55,903
But, guys, I'm a victim here, too. Okay?
335
00:16:56,013 --> 00:16:58,174
People have been saying
that I'm a J. Crew model.
336
00:16:58,416 --> 00:17:00,179
No, we heard
that about Jim.
337
00:17:00,251 --> 00:17:04,381
Jim? No, no, I spread the rumor that
somebody here was a J. Crew model
338
00:17:04,455 --> 00:17:05,786
and I was referring
to myself.
339
00:17:05,956 --> 00:17:07,082
How is that
a bad rumor?
340
00:17:07,158 --> 00:17:11,094
Because a lot of people think that models,
even though they're very attractive,
341
00:17:11,162 --> 00:17:14,654
are somewhat vapid. It's set
our industry back quite a bit.
342
00:17:14,799 --> 00:17:18,758
Michael, why? Why say all these
things? Why make up an eating disorder,
343
00:17:19,003 --> 00:17:21,528
Stanley's affair,
me being a spokesdog?
344
00:17:21,605 --> 00:17:23,573
You told everyone
I was having an affair?
345
00:17:23,641 --> 00:17:25,370
Okay, okay,
here's the thing.
346
00:17:26,444 --> 00:17:31,177
There was one true rumor out there today.
I didn't want everybody to know what it was,
347
00:17:31,315 --> 00:17:34,546
so all of you are off the hook
except for this one person.
348
00:17:34,919 --> 00:17:36,910
Well, then what's
the one true rumor?
349
00:17:36,987 --> 00:17:38,318
We have a right to know.
350
00:17:38,522 --> 00:17:41,252
Michael, am I gay?
351
00:17:42,159 --> 00:17:46,619
The one true rumor, and this is going
to ruin this person's life, is that...
352
00:17:46,697 --> 00:17:47,686
That Pam's pregnant.
353
00:17:47,865 --> 00:17:50,026
I knew it, I knew it.
I knew it!
354
00:17:50,234 --> 00:17:53,931
Her breasts were a tiny bit
bigger. At first, I thought,
355
00:17:54,138 --> 00:17:56,436
"Oh! She has a new
bra with padding."
356
00:17:56,540 --> 00:18:00,306
But then I thought,
"Pam doesn't need padding."
357
00:18:00,678 --> 00:18:02,168
It just didn't
add up, Jim.
358
00:18:02,246 --> 00:18:03,508
Okay, thank you.
359
00:18:03,581 --> 00:18:04,570
Congratulations!
360
00:18:04,648 --> 00:18:06,639
- That's really great, you
guys. - Don't vaccinate it.
361
00:18:06,717 --> 00:18:08,207
Who's the father?
Jim.
362
00:18:08,285 --> 00:18:09,843
- How far along?
- Four months.
363
00:18:10,287 --> 00:18:11,777
Who's the OB-GYN?
Stop. Don't.
364
00:18:11,856 --> 00:18:17,260
All right, you know, this is not the truth
and you can't fall on the sword this way.
365
00:18:17,661 --> 00:18:21,324
The real thing is that
Stanley Hudson had an affair.
366
00:18:21,398 --> 00:18:22,729
No.
Yes.
367
00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:23,858
Thank you for trying
to defend us,
368
00:18:23,934 --> 00:18:25,993
but actually Pam is pregnant
and we can prove it.
369
00:18:26,070 --> 00:18:27,469
Yes. If everybody would
like to see the proof.
370
00:18:27,538 --> 00:18:28,971
Wanna... Okay.
Okay.
371
00:18:30,007 --> 00:18:31,133
We're just
going to wait here?
372
00:18:31,208 --> 00:18:32,470
What's the proof,
I mean...
373
00:18:37,948 --> 00:18:40,781
It's true!
Pam, look at that!
374
00:18:41,485 --> 00:18:44,010
That is the inside
of your vagina.
375
00:18:44,088 --> 00:18:45,851
That's not how
it works but...
376
00:18:45,923 --> 00:18:50,883
It's clear why we were trying not to
tell people. That's clear now. Yeah.
377
00:18:56,267 --> 00:18:58,064
How long have you known
about the pregnancy?
378
00:18:59,703 --> 00:19:02,695
A week? A month? A year?
379
00:19:03,507 --> 00:19:05,338
Michael, we only told
our parents last week.
380
00:19:05,576 --> 00:19:07,066
Did you pee on a stick?
381
00:19:07,144 --> 00:19:09,704
I did. But it
was inconclusive.
382
00:19:10,481 --> 00:19:12,449
You should have told me.
383
00:19:13,717 --> 00:19:14,911
You're right.
384
00:19:15,185 --> 00:19:17,915
We should have realized that
you are an equal part of this.
385
00:19:20,457 --> 00:19:21,446
Yes.
386
00:19:21,525 --> 00:19:23,356
Michael, Teri Hudson
returning your call.
387
00:19:24,528 --> 00:19:25,995
You called Stanley's wife?
388
00:19:26,063 --> 00:19:27,462
Oh! Oh!
389
00:19:27,998 --> 00:19:30,728
Yeah, a long time ago. Just to
make sure she was out of town.
390
00:19:31,068 --> 00:19:32,467
Oh, God.
Don't take it.
391
00:19:32,703 --> 00:19:34,762
No, I have to take it
or it'll seem suspicious.
392
00:19:34,838 --> 00:19:36,965
If you talk to her, you're
going to tell her about Stanley
393
00:19:37,041 --> 00:19:38,372
and that's going to
seem more suspicious.
394
00:19:38,442 --> 00:19:40,307
No, no, no, I can do this.
You can't do this.
395
00:19:40,377 --> 00:19:45,076
Yes, I can. I am going to tell her
that I need to redecorate my condo
396
00:19:45,149 --> 00:19:46,207
and I need her help.
397
00:19:46,283 --> 00:19:49,184
We will haggle about money,
and I will back down,
398
00:19:49,286 --> 00:19:52,380
and then I won't talk to her until
this whole Cynthia thing has blown over.
399
00:19:52,456 --> 00:19:53,480
Sounds terrible.
We think you should...
400
00:19:53,557 --> 00:19:54,581
Michael, please don't.
401
00:19:54,792 --> 00:19:56,384
Hey, what up, Cynthia?
402
00:20:03,701 --> 00:20:05,066
Just hang on a second,
Cynthia.
403
00:20:14,945 --> 00:20:17,709
Well, it turns out that
Teri was already suspicious
404
00:20:17,781 --> 00:20:21,808
because she had caught Stanley
and Cynthia a few months ago.
405
00:20:22,119 --> 00:20:27,022
So Stanley promised that he would
stop, and he did. End of story.
406
00:20:27,091 --> 00:20:29,150
Well, not exactly.
407
00:20:30,861 --> 00:20:32,453
Cynthia kept calling him.
408
00:20:32,529 --> 00:20:35,555
She would not stop calling him,
and she was in love with him.
409
00:20:35,633 --> 00:20:38,363
And get this.
Cynthia, also married.
410
00:20:38,636 --> 00:20:42,902
So, you can't stop love,
I guess.
411
00:20:43,340 --> 00:20:47,436
And quite frankly, I don't
think you should ever even try.
412
00:20:51,815 --> 00:20:56,878
I learned that a company can describe their
internship as full of exciting experiences,
413
00:20:57,388 --> 00:21:00,221
even if that's a lie.
There's no regulation.
414
00:21:00,524 --> 00:21:03,789
I learned that half these people's
e-mail password is "Password."
415
00:21:04,194 --> 00:21:07,425
I learned that a ream
of paper is 300 sheets.
416
00:21:07,498 --> 00:21:08,897
I thought it was 500.
417
00:21:10,267 --> 00:21:11,291
Oh!
418
00:21:11,502 --> 00:21:13,470
I guess I didn't
learn anything.
419
00:21:14,872 --> 00:21:17,568
I learned that if you look even
the tiniest bit like Jet Li,
420
00:21:18,108 --> 00:21:20,804
Michael will call you
Jet Li all summer.
421
00:21:21,011 --> 00:21:23,241
Julia Stiles.
Alan Thicke.