1
00:00:05,946 --> 00:00:07,310
- Michael?
- Yeah.

2
00:00:07,430 --> 00:00:09,312
Contractions are coming
every 10 minutes.

3
00:00:09,432 --> 00:00:11,142
Just remember to keep breathing.

4
00:00:11,262 --> 00:00:13,683
- My cervix is ripening.
- OK, good.

5
00:00:13,997 --> 00:00:16,630
Jan is about to have a baby
with a sperm donor.

6
00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:20,061
And Michael is preparing
for the birth of a watermelon...

7
00:00:20,304 --> 00:00:21,398
with Dwight.

8
00:00:21,601 --> 00:00:25,369
Now, this baby will be
related to Michael through...

9
00:00:27,059 --> 00:00:28,073
delusion.

10
00:00:28,368 --> 00:00:31,433
- Michael! My water's breaking!
- OK! OK!

11
00:00:32,599 --> 00:00:33,777
What do you do?

12
00:00:33,897 --> 00:00:36,078
I get a call from Jan
and meet her at the hospital.

13
00:00:36,198 --> 00:00:37,927
Right. Highways or surface roads?

14
00:00:38,047 --> 00:00:39,535
I take Quincy Ave to Gibson.

15
00:00:39,655 --> 00:00:41,842
Gibson is covered in potholes.
Car breaks down. Adapt!

16
00:00:41,962 --> 00:00:43,596
I checked the route, no potholes...

17
00:00:43,716 --> 00:00:45,590
It's about adapting
to the circumstances.

18
00:00:45,750 --> 00:00:47,996
- Andy, would you like to have my baby?
- Yes!

19
00:00:48,116 --> 00:00:50,861
No. OK, I'm crowning!
I'm crowning!

20
00:00:51,108 --> 00:00:52,430
All right. Sorry.

21
00:00:52,590 --> 00:00:53,848
Here we go. Here we go!

22
00:00:54,008 --> 00:00:56,099
- The pressure! The pressure!
- Do it! Scream!

23
00:00:56,219 --> 00:00:58,069
Scream it out, scream it out!

24
00:00:59,514 --> 00:01:01,931
Babies are one
of my many areas of expertise.

25
00:01:02,051 --> 00:01:04,067
Growing up,
I performed my own circumcision.

26
00:01:04,227 --> 00:01:06,361
- Just keep pushing... I'm right here.
- Hold me!

27
00:01:06,521 --> 00:01:08,357
- Cradle my head!
- I'm right here!

28
00:01:08,477 --> 00:01:10,669
- I'm screaming, I'm screaming!
- All right.

29
00:01:10,789 --> 00:01:12,001
Just push and breathe.

30
00:01:12,121 --> 00:01:14,042
Numb me up.
I want anesthesia!

31
00:01:14,162 --> 00:01:16,604
- You can't have it. It's too late.
- I don't want natural!

32
00:01:16,724 --> 00:01:18,499
- You have to just push it out!
- OK!

33
00:01:18,619 --> 00:01:19,830
Keep simulating.

34
00:01:20,630 --> 00:01:22,201
Do you have the Sharpie?

35
00:01:22,321 --> 00:01:24,597
- Do you have the Sharpie?
- Yes, I do!

36
00:01:24,717 --> 00:01:25,993
When the baby emerges,

37
00:01:26,113 --> 00:01:28,826
mark it secretly in a kind of a mark
that only you could recognize

38
00:01:28,946 --> 00:01:30,941
- and no baby snatcher can ever copy.
- OK.

39
00:01:31,061 --> 00:01:32,281
- Ready?
- Yes.

40
00:01:32,598 --> 00:01:34,224
It's coming! Here we go!

41
00:01:34,841 --> 00:01:35,647
God!

42
00:01:36,335 --> 00:01:37,642
What was on that?

43
00:01:37,802 --> 00:01:39,679
Butter.
Newborns are slippery.

44
00:01:40,049 --> 00:01:42,308
Nice touch. Good.
Let's try that again.

45
00:01:44,420 --> 00:01:47,615
It is going to be
the happiest day of my life.

46
00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:54,284
Subtitles: - Feygnasse Team -

47
00:01:54,444 --> 00:01:56,332
Synch: So., Collioure

48
00:02:10,098 --> 00:02:12,385
Episode 5x03
"Baby Shower" (1.00)

49
00:02:13,644 --> 00:02:16,464
Hello ladies,
how's my shower going?

50
00:02:16,967 --> 00:02:19,684
- Phyllis, did you get the live storks?
- No.

51
00:02:19,844 --> 00:02:21,361
Damn it, Phyllis!

52
00:02:21,481 --> 00:02:22,592
I'm sorry.

53
00:02:22,874 --> 00:02:24,340
Damn it, Phyllis

54
00:02:24,460 --> 00:02:26,775
It was hard enough
to convince Jan to come.

55
00:02:28,019 --> 00:02:30,528
So are we set for refreshments?

56
00:02:30,688 --> 00:02:34,496
Per your instructions, we have the
personalized M&M's with the baby names.

57
00:02:34,616 --> 00:02:37,619
This is your boy bowl,
with the name "Chevy."

58
00:02:37,779 --> 00:02:38,812
That was me.

59
00:02:38,932 --> 00:02:43,160
And this is the girl bowl,
with M&M's with the name "Astird."

60
00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:46,195
- That can't be right.
- Michael wrote down "Astird."

61
00:02:46,315 --> 00:02:49,758
She said it is the name
of a Viking princess. So...

62
00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:51,591
- Ass... turd.
- I know.

63
00:02:52,467 --> 00:02:55,539
I know. It is beautiful.
No. Thank you.

64
00:02:56,214 --> 00:02:58,100
Is this it? I mean, is this...

65
00:02:58,452 --> 00:03:01,042
Two bowls of M&M's
and some balloons?

66
00:03:01,162 --> 00:03:03,311
You know what,
I think you need to step it up.

67
00:03:03,589 --> 00:03:06,855
I think you need to get the lead out.
Because if I'm not mistaken,

68
00:03:06,975 --> 00:03:10,610
we gave you your wedding shower here.
We all came into this room and gave you,

69
00:03:11,008 --> 00:03:14,489
a golden shower. Well you know what,
where's my golden shower?

70
00:03:15,980 --> 00:03:18,561
It does not matter to me at all,

71
00:03:18,681 --> 00:03:21,990
whether this baby is biologically mine.
I am going to love it.

72
00:03:22,522 --> 00:03:25,860
It's like when the dog nurses
the tiger cub.

73
00:03:25,980 --> 00:03:28,033
Have you seen that video?

74
00:03:28,413 --> 00:03:29,423
It is...

75
00:03:29,959 --> 00:03:31,119
It's so...

76
00:03:31,687 --> 00:03:33,860
bizarre and unnatural,

77
00:03:35,483 --> 00:03:36,375
but...

78
00:03:36,994 --> 00:03:38,473
it happens.

79
00:03:40,309 --> 00:03:42,141
I'm collecting for the baby shower.

80
00:03:42,448 --> 00:03:45,311
- But Phyllis, it's not his baby.
- I know, Kevin.

81
00:03:45,634 --> 00:03:47,562
Why do we have to pay money
to get a gift

82
00:03:47,682 --> 00:03:50,291
for his ex-girlfriend's
unborn sperm bank baby?

83
00:03:50,781 --> 00:03:53,778
Look at it as if you're paying
for the cake, not the baby. Sheet cake.

84
00:03:54,495 --> 00:03:57,574
I do enjoy being the head
of the Party Planning Committee.

85
00:03:57,694 --> 00:03:59,689
I'm no longer under Angela's heel,

86
00:03:59,809 --> 00:04:02,391
and her little grape head
is under mine.

87
00:04:02,511 --> 00:04:04,333
What are you doing?
Don't talk to them.

88
00:04:04,453 --> 00:04:06,043
- Sorry.
- Make the party.

89
00:04:06,163 --> 00:04:07,917
Don't... Make the party, please.

90
00:04:19,080 --> 00:04:20,101
Pump it!

91
00:04:21,466 --> 00:04:23,986
- <i>So you know Stacy, right?</i>
- The one from England.

92
00:04:24,106 --> 00:04:26,436
<i>There's no one from England.
Katie studied in Ireland.</i>

93
00:04:26,596 --> 00:04:29,375
<i>This is Stacy, the one who does
the Maira Kalman-style collages.</i>

94
00:04:29,495 --> 00:04:32,672
- Right, that style.
- <i>So, Stacy and Eric</i>

95
00:04:32,792 --> 00:04:35,889
<i>get to Bogre's DeTech half an hour early
so they don't have to sit on the slab.</i>

96
00:04:36,671 --> 00:04:39,088
<i>Anyway, Bogre's TA
Sarah Kaya comes in.</i>

97
00:04:39,208 --> 00:04:41,318
Wait, who's Sarah Kayacombsen?

98
00:04:41,522 --> 00:04:43,590
<i>No, Sarah Kaya comes in.</i>

99
00:04:43,835 --> 00:04:47,072
<i>Don't interrupt, I have like 30 sec
to finish this and get to DigiPres.</i>

100
00:04:47,453 --> 00:04:50,144
<i>So Sarah Kaya says to Eric,
"No way. You can't reserve seats."</i>

101
00:04:50,264 --> 00:04:52,122
<i>And Stacy gets all up in her face</i>

102
00:04:52,242 --> 00:04:56,171
<i>and Sarah picks up Stacy's new PM pad
and throws it at the light box.</i>

103
00:04:57,055 --> 00:04:58,796
- No... way!
- <i>Yes!</i>

104
00:05:00,616 --> 00:05:03,349
- That's hilarious?
- <i>No, it was horrible!</i>

105
00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:05,953
- <i>Jim, she might get arrested.</i>
- Who, Stacy?

106
00:05:06,236 --> 00:05:07,963
<i>No, Stacy is a boy!</i>

107
00:05:09,013 --> 00:05:12,034
<i>Frustrating. Why can't you just be
in art class with me?</i>

108
00:05:12,826 --> 00:05:14,800
<i>Wait, I gotta go, class starting.</i>

109
00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:16,066
OK, I'll ta...

110
00:05:16,687 --> 00:05:18,699
I'll talk to you later.

111
00:05:21,159 --> 00:05:22,972
That was a good story.

112
00:05:23,502 --> 00:05:25,119
Who's Sarah Kayacombsen?

113
00:05:28,597 --> 00:05:30,956
I got the Nard-puppy for ya.

114
00:05:32,249 --> 00:05:33,576
What's going on here?

115
00:05:33,696 --> 00:05:37,400
It's a baby game where you guess
whose picture is whose.

116
00:05:38,627 --> 00:05:40,969
Check it out.
Who would have thought...

117
00:05:41,129 --> 00:05:45,473
that this little baby
would be marrying that little baby?

118
00:05:45,805 --> 00:05:47,229
That's Phyllis.

119
00:05:48,998 --> 00:05:49,863
Well...

120
00:05:49,983 --> 00:05:52,926
It is. So I hope you two
are very happy together.

121
00:05:53,046 --> 00:05:53,982
Pervert.

122
00:05:54,757 --> 00:05:57,568
- Why would that make me a pervert,
- Well, it does.

123
00:05:57,728 --> 00:05:59,161
- That's me.
- That's not you.

124
00:05:59,281 --> 00:06:01,836
- Yes it is.
- That's mean, come on,

125
00:06:01,956 --> 00:06:03,029
that's...

126
00:06:09,378 --> 00:06:10,630
Ahoy, matey.

127
00:06:11,249 --> 00:06:12,227
Ahoy!

128
00:06:16,525 --> 00:06:18,913
- So, how you doing?
- Good.

129
00:06:20,669 --> 00:06:23,561
Listen.
Jan Levinson is coming in today,

130
00:06:23,681 --> 00:06:26,129
and she is in the...

131
00:06:26,776 --> 00:06:28,761
terminal stages of her pregnancy.

132
00:06:29,279 --> 00:06:33,164
The child of which
I have a vested interest.

133
00:06:35,091 --> 00:06:38,156
It's all kind of weird.
Anyway, she is...

134
00:06:39,299 --> 00:06:42,508
incredibly...
fat and enormous right now...

135
00:06:43,055 --> 00:06:44,417
extremely unattractive.

136
00:06:44,537 --> 00:06:46,565
And you are, on the other hand,

137
00:06:47,422 --> 00:06:50,716
one of the more attractive people
in the office. So...

138
00:06:51,947 --> 00:06:55,752
while she's here I am going
to be acting kind of cold to you.

139
00:06:57,202 --> 00:06:58,838
And I am doing this...

140
00:06:59,775 --> 00:07:00,638
to...

141
00:07:01,991 --> 00:07:05,098
pay respect to her bloated feelings.

142
00:07:06,220 --> 00:07:08,969
- And I'm treating Ryan the same way.
- Of course.

143
00:07:13,208 --> 00:07:15,985
I do not like pregnant women
in my workspace.

144
00:07:16,227 --> 00:07:18,274
They're always complaining.

145
00:07:18,617 --> 00:07:20,318
I have varicose veins, too.

146
00:07:20,618 --> 00:07:23,321
I have swollen ankles,
I'm constantly hungry.

147
00:07:23,481 --> 00:07:25,573
You think my nipples
don't get sore too?

148
00:07:25,733 --> 00:07:28,622
You think I don't need to know
the fastest way to the hospital?

149
00:07:39,369 --> 00:07:42,381
- What do we have here?
- This is my baby.

150
00:07:42,702 --> 00:07:43,753
Really...

151
00:07:52,635 --> 00:07:55,669
Jan had the baby
and Michael wasn't there to mark it.

152
00:07:55,789 --> 00:07:58,052
So the baby could be anybody's.

153
00:07:58,172 --> 00:07:59,732
Except Michael's.

154
00:08:02,722 --> 00:08:04,420
So this is Astird.

155
00:08:04,540 --> 00:08:05,445
Astrid.

156
00:08:07,167 --> 00:08:08,710
Why didn't you call me?

157
00:08:10,149 --> 00:08:12,006
You know,
labor just kind of started

158
00:08:12,126 --> 00:08:14,245
- very suddenly and...
- I could have helped.

159
00:08:14,365 --> 00:08:17,432
Birth instructor thought it wasn't
a good idea for you to be there.

160
00:08:17,552 --> 00:08:18,471
That guy?

161
00:08:18,591 --> 00:08:22,046
He had no sense of humor
and I proved him wrong in so many ways.

162
00:08:22,206 --> 00:08:24,052
You have no idea
what I've been through.

163
00:08:24,172 --> 00:08:26,008
- No, I don't!
- So, let's...

164
00:08:26,260 --> 00:08:28,609
I'm sorry, I thought today
at the baby shower

165
00:08:28,729 --> 00:08:30,963
would be a good time
for the two of you to meet.

166
00:08:31,083 --> 00:08:32,306
Can I hold her?

167
00:08:32,650 --> 00:08:34,278
Yes, yes you can.

168
00:08:41,421 --> 00:08:44,320
You know, I think,
just leave her in the car seat.

169
00:08:56,281 --> 00:08:57,576
I love babies.

170
00:08:57,950 --> 00:08:59,906
I think they are beautiful

171
00:09:00,026 --> 00:09:02,002
in all sorts of different ways.

172
00:09:02,122 --> 00:09:06,279
I try to pick up and hold a baby
every day, if possible, because...

173
00:09:06,399 --> 00:09:07,889
it nourishes me.

174
00:09:08,292 --> 00:09:09,889
It feeds my soul.

175
00:09:10,072 --> 00:09:11,426
Babies are drawn to me,

176
00:09:11,546 --> 00:09:14,422
and I think it's because
they see me as one of them.

177
00:09:14,775 --> 00:09:15,668
But...

178
00:09:16,171 --> 00:09:17,085
cooler.

179
00:09:17,205 --> 00:09:19,236
And with my life
put together a little bit.

180
00:09:19,356 --> 00:09:20,962
If a baby were president,

181
00:09:21,082 --> 00:09:22,663
there would be no taxes,

182
00:09:22,783 --> 00:09:24,605
there would be no war.

183
00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:27,709
There would be no...

184
00:09:27,982 --> 00:09:29,658
government, and...

185
00:09:31,467 --> 00:09:33,309
things could get terrible.

186
00:09:33,726 --> 00:09:35,934
It actually, probably
it would be a better...

187
00:09:36,054 --> 00:09:38,164
screenplay idea
than a serious suggestion.

188
00:09:39,061 --> 00:09:40,482
Ladies and gentlemen,

189
00:09:40,602 --> 00:09:42,376
it is my privilege and honor

190
00:09:42,536 --> 00:09:44,787
to present for the first time
in her life

191
00:09:44,907 --> 00:09:46,208
and in the office:

192
00:09:46,328 --> 00:09:47,447
- As...
- trid.

193
00:09:47,567 --> 00:09:49,171
...trid Levinson.

194
00:09:50,086 --> 00:09:52,845
Hi! Astrid,
this is everybody, look.

195
00:09:53,249 --> 00:09:54,639
This is your family.

196
00:09:55,215 --> 00:09:57,467
You're gonna know them
for the rest of your life.

197
00:09:57,587 --> 00:10:00,121
- Well...
- Well, he may not be here.

198
00:10:00,696 --> 00:10:01,812
Say hello!

199
00:10:02,304 --> 00:10:03,522
OK, here we go.

200
00:10:03,906 --> 00:10:05,961
- Lion King!
- Michael, Michael!

201
00:10:06,081 --> 00:10:08,519
That's... that's too high.
I'll take that.

202
00:10:09,159 --> 00:10:11,102
Come on,
let's get our shower on.

203
00:10:11,222 --> 00:10:13,353
Conference room,
choppity chip chop.

204
00:10:14,117 --> 00:10:16,118
Are you OK?
You seem kind of...

205
00:10:17,887 --> 00:10:19,455
I'm fine, weirdo.

206
00:10:20,585 --> 00:10:21,878
Such an HR weirdo.

207
00:10:21,998 --> 00:10:25,086
Try not to suck all the air
out of there when you walk in.

208
00:10:29,834 --> 00:10:31,483
Ready to play some games?

209
00:10:31,603 --> 00:10:32,563
Let's do it!

210
00:10:32,683 --> 00:10:34,595
The baby's already been born.

211
00:10:36,301 --> 00:10:39,517
So we had games planned
but the baby ruins all of them.

212
00:10:39,677 --> 00:10:42,937
No, the baby doesn't
ruin anything Kevin, OK?

213
00:10:43,249 --> 00:10:45,249
The baby multiplies the fun.

214
00:10:45,369 --> 00:10:47,900
Let's just do
what you were going to do.

215
00:10:50,289 --> 00:10:53,197
Who wants to guess
when the baby will be born?

216
00:10:54,103 --> 00:10:56,175
All right,
how about some presents?

217
00:10:56,295 --> 00:10:58,233
I want to see some presents.

218
00:10:58,353 --> 00:11:00,866
I got this so I can write down
for thank-you notes.

219
00:11:00,986 --> 00:11:03,088
- Thank you. That's very sweet.
- Whatta we got?

220
00:11:03,208 --> 00:11:06,354
We all chipped in
and got you this stroller.

221
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:10,910
- Thank you.
- She already has a stroller.

222
00:11:11,030 --> 00:11:13,186
This is way worse
than the stroller she came with.

223
00:11:13,306 --> 00:11:16,081
She's got an Orbit,
that's a 1200$ stroller.

224
00:11:17,063 --> 00:11:18,947
1200$ for a stroller?

225
00:11:20,710 --> 00:11:22,077
OK, what else?

226
00:11:22,817 --> 00:11:26,357
1200$ is what I spent
on my whole bomb shelter.

227
00:11:27,558 --> 00:11:31,831
For that kind of money,
this stroller should be indestructible.

228
00:11:34,148 --> 00:11:36,498
<i>Being good isn't always easy</i>

229
00:11:37,136 --> 00:11:39,186
<i>No matter how hard I try</i>

230
00:11:39,589 --> 00:11:42,121
<i>When he started sweet-talking to me</i>

231
00:11:42,416 --> 00:11:44,999
<i>He'd come and tell me
everything is all right</i>

232
00:11:45,333 --> 00:11:48,196
<i>He'd kiss and tell me
everything is all right.</i>

233
00:11:48,572 --> 00:11:50,813
<i>Can I get away again tonight</i>

234
00:11:50,933 --> 00:11:51,964
<i>The only one...</i>

235
00:11:52,526 --> 00:11:54,300
- Hey you!
- <i>Hey! You busy?</i>

236
00:11:54,460 --> 00:11:56,677
Doing laundry for the first time
in like a month.

237
00:11:56,797 --> 00:11:59,555
<i>OK, you gotta hear this.
So, Jan's shower is going on right now,</i>

238
00:11:59,716 --> 00:12:02,224
- <i>she's singing</i> Son of a Preacher Man
- Can't hear anything,

239
00:12:02,384 --> 00:12:05,027
- <i>everyone's just staring at her.</i>
- there's like machines going.

240
00:12:05,147 --> 00:12:07,575
<i>The song is about
losing your virginity next to a church,</i>

241
00:12:07,695 --> 00:12:10,568
<i>and guess what, she's been singing
for the last 20 minutes!</i>

242
00:12:10,688 --> 00:12:12,401
I can't hear anything!

243
00:12:13,371 --> 00:12:15,094
<i>OK, well you know what, I...</i>

244
00:12:15,214 --> 00:12:17,573
- <i>just call me later.</i>
- OK.

245
00:12:19,544 --> 00:12:21,040
I'm not frustrated.

246
00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:25,161
Even if I were in Scranton, Jim and I
would have days like this. We're just...

247
00:12:25,281 --> 00:12:27,085
a little out of sync.

248
00:12:27,205 --> 00:12:28,982
You know, that's all.

249
00:12:30,752 --> 00:12:32,797
Great. I washed my lipstick.

250
00:12:35,417 --> 00:12:37,774
<i>How well I remember</i>

251
00:12:38,350 --> 00:12:40,653
<i>The look that was in his eyes</i>

252
00:12:40,967 --> 00:12:43,395
<i>Stealing kisses from me on the sly</i>

253
00:12:44,051 --> 00:12:46,085
<i>Taking time to make time</i>

254
00:12:46,655 --> 00:12:48,729
<i>Telling me that he's all mine</i>

255
00:12:49,358 --> 00:12:51,700
<i>Learning from each other's knowing</i>

256
00:12:51,820 --> 00:12:54,777
<i>Looking to see how much we've grown.
And the only...</i>

257
00:12:55,393 --> 00:12:57,947
Don't hit the fence.
My child!

258
00:12:58,107 --> 00:13:00,818
Don't get stuck on the barbed wire!

259
00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:05,109
Playtime is over!

260
00:13:07,491 --> 00:13:10,582
So Jan, tell my intended
about the miracle of childbirth.

261
00:13:11,328 --> 00:13:14,713
Actually, I had a tub birth.
And it was really quite amazing.

262
00:13:14,873 --> 00:13:17,883
- You gave birth in a tub?
- It's a really nice transition

263
00:13:18,043 --> 00:13:21,038
from womb to world,
you know, kind of like a big womb.

264
00:13:21,158 --> 00:13:25,026
- So you're in the tub with everything?
- Yeah, the afterbirth floats.

265
00:13:25,146 --> 00:13:27,309
Must be like the tide
at Omaha Beach.

266
00:13:27,469 --> 00:13:29,937
It's actually
really hygienic, Creed.

267
00:13:30,097 --> 00:13:31,878
- I'm done.
- Me too.

268
00:13:36,182 --> 00:13:38,821
This is the birth story.
It was beautiful.

269
00:13:38,941 --> 00:13:42,362
It was beautiful.
This is a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

270
00:13:42,482 --> 00:13:46,149
And I should have been there. I should
have been there to witness this.

271
00:13:46,269 --> 00:13:48,677
- I could have helped.
- I know you're sad about this.

272
00:13:48,797 --> 00:13:50,586
And I wish that I, but...

273
00:13:50,706 --> 00:13:53,542
Would it help
if you held Astrid for just...

274
00:13:53,662 --> 00:13:54,879
a little bit?

275
00:14:00,669 --> 00:14:04,153
I'm just going to lie down
for 2 minutes. I'm exhausted, so...

276
00:14:04,273 --> 00:14:08,288
Remind me to talk to you
about Astrid's 529. Wake me in 20.

277
00:14:16,142 --> 00:14:20,119
I usually love babies,
but when I held Astrid I just...

278
00:14:20,868 --> 00:14:21,822
felt...

279
00:14:24,355 --> 00:14:25,685
shortchanged.

280
00:14:31,924 --> 00:14:34,200
- Could you take...
- Sure.

281
00:14:35,409 --> 00:14:36,819
Just for a sec.

282
00:14:46,831 --> 00:14:49,016
- Hey guys.
- What's up, Mike?

283
00:14:50,754 --> 00:14:54,021
I need some advice
from one baby daddy to another.

284
00:14:54,181 --> 00:14:55,689
You, a baby daddy?

285
00:14:55,849 --> 00:14:57,233
I, a baby daddy.

286
00:14:59,479 --> 00:15:01,919
When you first became a baby daddy,

287
00:15:02,039 --> 00:15:05,950
did you have an immediate connection
with that baby?

288
00:15:06,110 --> 00:15:08,536
Like, the first time
that you held it,

289
00:15:08,696 --> 00:15:10,663
did you find that
with your baby baby?

290
00:15:10,823 --> 00:15:12,957
Hell yeah.
You know why?

291
00:15:13,867 --> 00:15:15,781
'Cause that was my baby.

292
00:15:16,589 --> 00:15:18,951
- I just saw this baby daddy...
- You should stop

293
00:15:19,071 --> 00:15:21,131
calling yourself "baby daddy".

294
00:15:21,411 --> 00:15:24,968
Why, Darryl? Because
I'm quote white quote unquote?

295
00:15:25,088 --> 00:15:28,806
Because you're not a daddy,
and it's not your baby.

296
00:15:30,300 --> 00:15:32,079
Feel connected
to his baby over there?

297
00:15:32,199 --> 00:15:33,936
It's... That's different.

298
00:15:34,096 --> 00:15:36,287
- You feel connected to this?
- That's not a baby.

299
00:15:36,407 --> 00:15:39,075
You want to hold me,
to see how you feel?

300
00:15:41,176 --> 00:15:42,778
- Could I?
- No.

301
00:15:55,664 --> 00:15:58,209
I was just catching up on my sleep.

302
00:15:58,329 --> 00:15:59,694
I can imagine.

303
00:16:02,775 --> 00:16:05,718
- Where's Astrid?
- I think she's on a sales call.

304
00:16:06,153 --> 00:16:07,229
On a what?

305
00:16:08,394 --> 00:16:09,594
More paper!

306
00:16:13,982 --> 00:16:16,186
She's just on a coffee break.

307
00:16:16,534 --> 00:16:17,855
That's funny.

308
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:20,298
She's with Angela.

309
00:16:24,229 --> 00:16:26,739
That's good.
Now, I need you to...

310
00:16:26,899 --> 00:16:30,837
I need it to look up here.
Get the baby to look up here, ready?

311
00:16:32,362 --> 00:16:34,522
Look at my finger.
Look.

312
00:16:35,467 --> 00:16:37,916
- Come on, up here!
- Look up here!

313
00:16:38,036 --> 00:16:40,433
- Your hand's in it.
- What? Sorry.

314
00:16:40,553 --> 00:16:42,755
What are you doing?
What's going on?

315
00:16:42,915 --> 00:16:45,373
- Excuse me.
- We're taking a picture.

316
00:16:45,493 --> 00:16:48,405
- She's nature's bounty.
- You don't flash around a newborn baby.

317
00:16:48,525 --> 00:16:49,970
Don't you know that?

318
00:16:55,603 --> 00:16:58,814
- Michael, I need your help.
- I was just going to...

319
00:16:59,165 --> 00:17:01,083
I was going to talk to Holly,

320
00:17:01,203 --> 00:17:02,898
about her hygiene.

321
00:17:04,414 --> 00:17:05,902
She smells like

322
00:17:06,484 --> 00:17:08,433
old tomatoes and dirt.

323
00:17:11,629 --> 00:17:12,660
Come on.

324
00:17:18,742 --> 00:17:20,332
I like to call this...

325
00:17:20,452 --> 00:17:21,838
the bumper test.

326
00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:50,791
- Sure you can't stay a little longer?
- No, you know what?

327
00:17:50,911 --> 00:17:52,520
I really have to go.

328
00:17:53,189 --> 00:17:55,893
All right, everybody,
we're leaving.

329
00:17:56,013 --> 00:17:58,002
Jan and Astrid are leaving.

330
00:17:58,122 --> 00:18:01,680
You know what, where is the stroller
that I came in with?

331
00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:04,734
I took the liberty
of putting it in your trunk.

332
00:18:04,854 --> 00:18:06,181
Thanks, Dwight.

333
00:18:08,803 --> 00:18:10,551
You know what?
There is...

334
00:18:10,711 --> 00:18:13,595
There is one more thing
that you can do for me.

335
00:18:14,325 --> 00:18:15,904
Don't date Holly.

336
00:18:17,662 --> 00:18:19,276
That's... I hate her.

337
00:18:20,728 --> 00:18:21,626
God!

338
00:18:22,131 --> 00:18:24,209
Why would you even ask me to...

339
00:18:24,869 --> 00:18:28,315
I mean, not that it matters,
'cause I don't, but wha...

340
00:18:29,114 --> 00:18:30,670
All right. Fine.

341
00:18:32,698 --> 00:18:35,041
Thanks for the baby shower.
It was great.

342
00:18:35,161 --> 00:18:37,345
- And I'll see you soon.
- All right.

343
00:18:56,248 --> 00:18:58,586
You still gonna be mean to me?

344
00:19:23,286 --> 00:19:24,625
You wanna go out?

345
00:19:28,236 --> 00:19:29,085
Yes.

346
00:19:31,425 --> 00:19:34,261
I didn't feel much
when I held Astrid,

347
00:19:34,381 --> 00:19:37,054
but I got a good feeling from Holly.

348
00:19:42,405 --> 00:19:44,568
<i>Hey, it's Jim.
Leave a message.</i>

349
00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:47,570
<i>Hey, this is Pam.
Leave a message.</i>

350
00:19:47,690 --> 00:19:49,499
Hey, it's me.
It is...

351
00:19:50,571 --> 00:19:51,564
5:03.

352
00:19:52,104 --> 00:19:54,594
I figured I'd catch you
walking to your car, but...

353
00:19:54,714 --> 00:19:57,699
- You must be out or something.
- I'll leave a message.

354
00:19:57,993 --> 00:20:00,661
Is it me, or are we
just a little off today?

355
00:20:00,940 --> 00:20:03,712
I guess this is just one
of those days.

356
00:20:03,832 --> 00:20:05,165
It'll get better.

357
00:20:05,756 --> 00:20:08,669
Hope you didn't have
any major laundry issues.

358
00:20:08,993 --> 00:20:10,882
I finished my laundry.

359
00:20:11,002 --> 00:20:12,564
Got all my socks.

360
00:20:12,684 --> 00:20:15,217
Nothing like that time
that crazy guy pushed you.

361
00:20:15,434 --> 00:20:19,007
Remember that time that I helped you
do your laundry and...

362
00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:21,723
that crazy guy came in
and started yelling at you?

363
00:20:21,883 --> 00:20:25,018
Remember we went shopping the next day
to buy me a washer and dryer?

364
00:20:25,178 --> 00:20:27,489
Yet here you are,
back in a Laundromat.

365
00:20:27,609 --> 00:20:30,440
Now, I'm just trying
to help you, Beesly. Be safe.

366
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:33,616
You're probably upset that
I'm even at a Laundromat right now.

367
00:20:33,736 --> 00:20:36,079
But, don't worry, I'm being safe.

368
00:20:36,927 --> 00:20:38,657
And I'm headed home.

369
00:20:38,777 --> 00:20:40,627
I'm headed to my dorm.

370
00:20:41,195 --> 00:20:42,281
Not home.

371
00:20:42,963 --> 00:20:44,638
Wish you were home.

372
00:20:45,877 --> 00:20:46,832
Anyway...

373
00:20:47,979 --> 00:20:49,057
Anyway...

374
00:20:50,424 --> 00:20:51,503
I miss you.

375
00:20:52,259 --> 00:20:53,478
I miss you.