1 00:00:05,755 --> 00:00:08,466 David... Oh, Michael... 2 00:00:08,549 --> 00:00:10,217 Are we all set? 3 00:00:11,302 --> 00:00:14,388 Isn't our interview tomorrow? 4 00:00:16,182 --> 00:00:18,601 Yes. I just happened to be in the neighborhood. 5 00:00:18,684 --> 00:00:20,268 Thought I'd drop in and say hello. 6 00:00:20,353 --> 00:00:23,147 Just happened to be in midtown Manhattan? 7 00:00:23,564 --> 00:00:24,731 Thought I'd catch a show. 8 00:00:25,650 --> 00:00:27,735 In the middle of a workday? No. 9 00:00:29,070 --> 00:00:31,363 You know what, since I'm here, 10 00:00:31,447 --> 00:00:34,491 let me ask you a few questions about the job. 11 00:00:34,909 --> 00:00:37,953 Okay. How many people are you interviewing? 12 00:00:38,079 --> 00:00:39,789 We're only interviewing branch managers 13 00:00:39,872 --> 00:00:41,540 and some lower-level company people. 14 00:00:41,624 --> 00:00:43,334 Ah, well, good. 15 00:00:43,834 --> 00:00:45,585 Out of curiosity, are you interviewing anyone 16 00:00:46,003 --> 00:00:47,254 who has been here longer than I have 17 00:00:47,338 --> 00:00:49,214 or manages more people? 18 00:00:49,340 --> 00:00:52,676 I don't think so. Great. One more question. 19 00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:55,888 When you merged those branches, who did you put in charge? 20 00:00:55,972 --> 00:00:58,641 I believe we put you in charge. 21 00:00:58,724 --> 00:01:00,559 Ah, great. No further questions. 22 00:01:00,643 --> 00:01:01,852 Okay, Michael. Okay. 23 00:01:01,978 --> 00:01:03,688 I'm really looking forward to our interview. 24 00:01:03,771 --> 00:01:05,981 And I'm really looking forward to working with you. 25 00:01:10,653 --> 00:01:14,740 I have got it made in the shade. I know this company. 26 00:01:14,907 --> 00:01:17,326 The other branch managers are total morons. 27 00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:19,537 Hey, Pam, yeah, I forgot what day the interview was. 28 00:01:19,620 --> 00:01:21,038 I drove to New York accidentally. 29 00:01:21,122 --> 00:01:22,706 Be, like, three hours late. 30 00:01:44,812 --> 00:01:49,312 See, I have 600... Yeah, I don't have... Hey. 31 00:01:49,984 --> 00:01:50,985 Hey, Kev. 32 00:01:51,319 --> 00:01:53,654 What's different about you? 33 00:01:53,738 --> 00:01:55,823 You look worse. Thank you. 34 00:01:55,906 --> 00:01:58,617 You got a haircut. It's sexy hot. 35 00:01:58,701 --> 00:02:00,703 Turn around. Oh. 36 00:02:00,786 --> 00:02:02,120 Come on. No. 37 00:02:02,204 --> 00:02:03,788 No, thanks. Do it! 38 00:02:04,582 --> 00:02:08,127 Look at that do! What's up, Big Haircut? 39 00:02:08,210 --> 00:02:09,753 You are no longer Big Tuna. 40 00:02:09,837 --> 00:02:11,171 From henceforth, you shall be known 41 00:02:11,255 --> 00:02:12,256 as Big Haircut. 42 00:02:12,715 --> 00:02:14,299 Andy. What is it, Big Haircut? 43 00:02:14,383 --> 00:02:16,009 No. Sorry, I can't hear you, Big Haircut. 44 00:02:16,093 --> 00:02:17,135 Yep. What? 45 00:02:17,219 --> 00:02:21,719 Karen suggested that I get a haircut for the interview tomorrow, 46 00:02:22,642 --> 00:02:25,311 so that I could look presentable and not, 47 00:02:25,394 --> 00:02:28,647 as she so lovingly puts it, homeless. 48 00:02:29,732 --> 00:02:33,485 Hey. I think it looks great. Thanks, Pam. 49 00:02:37,448 --> 00:02:40,033 After I had my little outburst at the beach, 50 00:02:40,117 --> 00:02:42,202 Jim was really nice about it. 51 00:02:42,286 --> 00:02:43,495 He just basically said 52 00:02:43,579 --> 00:02:45,622 that he missed my friendship, too, 53 00:02:45,706 --> 00:02:47,541 and I would always mean a lot to him. 54 00:02:47,625 --> 00:02:49,501 And I understand where he's coming from. 55 00:02:49,585 --> 00:02:52,254 For the record, I am not embarrassed at all. 56 00:02:52,713 --> 00:02:55,215 It needed to be said and I said it 57 00:02:55,299 --> 00:02:57,384 and it only took me three years 58 00:02:57,468 --> 00:02:58,510 to summon the courage. 59 00:02:58,594 --> 00:03:00,762 So, thank you. 60 00:03:01,514 --> 00:03:03,432 Yeah? 61 00:03:03,516 --> 00:03:05,684 You wanted to see me? Yes. 62 00:03:06,102 --> 00:03:07,937 The time has come to name my own replacement. 63 00:03:08,562 --> 00:03:09,563 So... 64 00:03:09,980 --> 00:03:12,190 Please hand this letter of congratulations 65 00:03:12,525 --> 00:03:14,527 to Dwight K. Schrute. 66 00:03:16,612 --> 00:03:18,322 But that's my name. 67 00:03:24,245 --> 00:03:27,248 "Dwight, congratulations, a-wipe." 68 00:03:27,581 --> 00:03:29,583 "Don't screw the pooch." 69 00:03:36,173 --> 00:03:38,383 Thank you. Okay. 70 00:03:42,304 --> 00:03:43,847 All right. Thank you, Michael. 71 00:03:43,931 --> 00:03:44,932 Okay. 72 00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:52,815 Thank you so much. Hey, stop crying. 73 00:03:52,898 --> 00:03:54,566 Thank you. 74 00:04:03,576 --> 00:04:05,619 Hey. 75 00:04:07,663 --> 00:04:09,831 About the beach... It's okay. 76 00:04:09,915 --> 00:04:11,583 We all say things without thinking. 77 00:04:11,667 --> 00:04:13,210 Oh, no. It's not that. 78 00:04:13,294 --> 00:04:15,629 I've actually been thinking that for a long time 79 00:04:15,713 --> 00:04:17,131 and I'm glad I said it. 80 00:04:17,214 --> 00:04:19,883 I just am sorry if it made you feel weird. 81 00:04:21,218 --> 00:04:24,679 Oh. Okay. 82 00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:27,975 Pam is kind of a bitch. 83 00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:32,229 Hey, what if we leave tonight? 84 00:04:32,313 --> 00:04:36,442 Grab a bite, get a hotel room, enjoy the city a little bit? 85 00:04:38,986 --> 00:04:41,488 I just have so much paperwork to do. 86 00:04:45,367 --> 00:04:48,411 Wow. Done. Okay, let's do it. 87 00:04:48,496 --> 00:04:51,290 So I was wondering if Karen and I could get off a few hours early 88 00:04:51,373 --> 00:04:53,083 because we wanted to spend the night in the city. 89 00:04:53,167 --> 00:04:55,878 Why, so you can do it? Whoops. 90 00:04:55,961 --> 00:04:59,047 No, well, I was thinking that, actually, 91 00:04:59,381 --> 00:05:02,675 we can all leave tomorrow and do a convoy, you know? 92 00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:05,596 Convoys are really fun. 93 00:05:05,679 --> 00:05:08,848 Pull up next to each other, give each other the finger. 94 00:05:09,683 --> 00:05:10,892 Moon each other. 95 00:05:11,352 --> 00:05:12,353 We're going to go tonight, 96 00:05:12,436 --> 00:05:14,104 but we're going to see you there tomorrow morning, right? 97 00:05:14,188 --> 00:05:15,522 All right. All right. Your loss. 98 00:05:15,606 --> 00:05:18,525 Wait, how would you moon us if you were driving? 99 00:05:18,609 --> 00:05:20,360 Cruise control. 100 00:05:21,195 --> 00:05:25,157 So, Jim, who do you think is hotter, Pam or Karen? 101 00:05:26,075 --> 00:05:28,869 Yeah, I'm not going to talk about this now. Pam is taller. 102 00:05:28,953 --> 00:05:32,247 You sure? Yes. 103 00:05:32,581 --> 00:05:34,791 She has bigger breasts, too. Wow. 104 00:05:34,875 --> 00:05:37,127 But I think Karen has a prettier face. 105 00:05:40,881 --> 00:05:42,424 What else? 106 00:05:42,508 --> 00:05:46,512 Well, I mean, Pam's face is really pretty, too. 107 00:05:46,595 --> 00:05:47,804 It's a very tough call. 108 00:05:49,473 --> 00:05:51,892 Really tough call. Yeah. 109 00:05:51,976 --> 00:05:53,852 You know what, why don't you take the rest of the day 110 00:05:54,186 --> 00:05:55,520 and figure it out 111 00:05:55,604 --> 00:05:57,564 and then come back and tell me what you've got. 112 00:05:59,316 --> 00:06:01,359 Will do. All right. 113 00:06:02,653 --> 00:06:03,654 Yes. 114 00:06:05,531 --> 00:06:06,740 Hey, Pam, 115 00:06:06,824 --> 00:06:10,327 I've been meaning to say something to you. I really miss our friendship. 116 00:06:11,620 --> 00:06:15,498 That's very funny. I've never heard you talk that much. 117 00:06:15,624 --> 00:06:17,083 I thought it was Kelly. 118 00:06:17,167 --> 00:06:18,960 Are you kidding? I would never have done that. 119 00:06:19,044 --> 00:06:21,171 It was Patheticville. no offense, Pam. 120 00:06:21,255 --> 00:06:23,382 You know what, don't even worry about it. 121 00:06:23,465 --> 00:06:26,426 Everyone was so drunk, I bet no one even remembers what you said. 122 00:06:26,510 --> 00:06:28,637 I remember. I blogged the whole thing. 123 00:06:28,721 --> 00:06:33,221 www.creedthoughts.gov. www/creedthoughts. 124 00:06:35,185 --> 00:06:36,477 Check it out. 125 00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:39,690 Last year, Creed asked me how to set up a blog. 126 00:06:40,608 --> 00:06:45,108 Wanting to protect the world from being exposed to Creed's brain, 127 00:06:45,654 --> 00:06:48,323 I opened up a Word document on his computer 128 00:06:48,407 --> 00:06:50,367 and put an address at the top. 129 00:06:50,868 --> 00:06:51,869 I've read some of it. 130 00:06:52,786 --> 00:06:56,581 Even for the Internet, it's pretty shocking. 131 00:06:57,791 --> 00:07:00,043 There they are, the accounting department. 132 00:07:00,127 --> 00:07:03,547 I shall miss your humility and your promptly printed checks. 133 00:07:03,631 --> 00:07:05,132 Do you think it's going to be weird 134 00:07:05,215 --> 00:07:07,217 working with Jan in New York? 135 00:07:07,301 --> 00:07:10,387 No. Not at all. I haven't talked to Jan since we broke up. 136 00:07:11,180 --> 00:07:14,308 And I think if she had something to say, she would have called me. 137 00:07:14,391 --> 00:07:16,601 Maybe you should talk to her before... No, no, no, no. 138 00:07:16,685 --> 00:07:18,895 You know what, it's a done deal. 139 00:07:18,979 --> 00:07:20,772 I basically have the job already. 140 00:07:20,981 --> 00:07:23,984 There's nothing she can do to stop it now. I already sold my condo. 141 00:07:24,401 --> 00:07:25,402 - Michael. - What? 142 00:07:25,486 --> 00:07:27,654 Why? I'm sorry that just doesn't make sense. 143 00:07:27,738 --> 00:07:30,323 Yes. Why... Who gave you that advice? 144 00:07:30,407 --> 00:07:31,533 Yeah, Michael, you should never... 145 00:07:31,617 --> 00:07:33,744 ...sell your condo. I have to buy another place. 146 00:07:33,827 --> 00:07:34,869 But you said you were in debt. 147 00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:36,497 I'm not. You're not sure that you have the job. 148 00:07:36,580 --> 00:07:41,080 I sold it on eBay. The buyer was very motivated as was I. 149 00:07:41,335 --> 00:07:43,962 It went for 80% of what I paid. 150 00:07:44,213 --> 00:07:45,881 Sold in record time. 151 00:07:46,715 --> 00:07:47,966 How would you like to spend the night 152 00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:51,219 with the regional manager of Dunder Mifflin, Scranton? 153 00:07:51,387 --> 00:07:52,554 No, Dwight, 154 00:07:52,721 --> 00:07:53,722 I don't care if that's 155 00:07:53,806 --> 00:07:54,807 how they consolidated power 156 00:07:54,890 --> 00:07:55,891 in ancient Rome, I'm... 157 00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:57,476 No, no. Not Michael. 158 00:07:57,559 --> 00:08:00,895 Me. I'm taking his job. 159 00:08:02,523 --> 00:08:03,524 Not now. 160 00:08:10,406 --> 00:08:12,199 Goodbye, Kelly Kapour. 161 00:08:16,370 --> 00:08:18,747 Jim, Jim, Jim. 162 00:08:19,873 --> 00:08:23,626 Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim. 163 00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:26,630 Oh, hey, Dwight. 164 00:08:26,714 --> 00:08:30,175 I am going to be your new boss. 165 00:08:30,259 --> 00:08:32,678 It is my greatest dream come true. 166 00:08:32,761 --> 00:08:34,345 Welcome to the Hotel Hell. 167 00:08:34,430 --> 00:08:37,599 Check-in time is now. Checkout time is never. 168 00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:40,185 Does my room have cable? 169 00:08:40,269 --> 00:08:43,772 And the sheets are made of fire. Can I change rooms? 170 00:08:43,856 --> 00:08:47,568 Sorry, we're all booked up. Hell convention in town. 171 00:08:47,735 --> 00:08:50,946 Can I have a late checkout? I'll have to talk to the manager. 172 00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:54,199 You're not the manager? Even in your own fantasy? 173 00:08:55,034 --> 00:08:56,869 I'm the owner. 174 00:08:57,077 --> 00:09:01,039 The co-owner. With Satan. Okay. 175 00:09:01,123 --> 00:09:04,584 Just so I understand it, in your wildest fantasy, 176 00:09:04,668 --> 00:09:05,919 you are in Hell 177 00:09:06,587 --> 00:09:09,673 and you are co-running a bed and breakfast 178 00:09:09,757 --> 00:09:10,758 with the Devil. 179 00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:14,386 Yeah, but I haven't told you my salary yet. Go. 180 00:09:14,470 --> 00:09:17,848 $80,000 a year. 181 00:09:17,931 --> 00:09:19,515 Once I am officially regional manager, 182 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:23,186 my first order of business will be to demote Jim Halpert. 183 00:09:23,270 --> 00:09:25,438 So I will need a new number two. 184 00:09:25,689 --> 00:09:27,440 My ideal choice? 185 00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:29,526 Jack Bauer. 186 00:09:30,235 --> 00:09:34,735 But he is unavailable, fictional, and overqualified. 187 00:09:35,741 --> 00:09:39,327 I will see you 188 00:09:39,661 --> 00:09:42,455 at the interview. 189 00:09:42,539 --> 00:09:45,792 Yes, you will. 190 00:09:45,876 --> 00:09:47,794 Who is D. Abramson? 191 00:09:47,878 --> 00:09:50,422 He's from that company in Pittsburgh. Michael. 192 00:09:50,506 --> 00:09:54,092 Why are you here? 193 00:09:57,721 --> 00:10:00,515 How are you? I'm good. How are you, Janet? 194 00:10:00,599 --> 00:10:02,058 I'm... I'm great. It's good to see you. 195 00:10:07,898 --> 00:10:12,193 Can we... Can we talk privately for a minute? 196 00:10:12,361 --> 00:10:14,279 Why privately? 197 00:10:14,363 --> 00:10:17,449 I just... I don't... 198 00:10:18,700 --> 00:10:21,369 I don't like the way that we left things. 199 00:10:21,662 --> 00:10:24,247 Okay, sure. Fine. Why don't you wait in my office? 200 00:10:24,331 --> 00:10:27,834 I have some important business matters to take care of. 201 00:10:29,670 --> 00:10:31,046 Okay. Okay. 202 00:10:33,966 --> 00:10:38,466 Pam, DEFCON 10. Houston, we have a problem. 203 00:10:38,595 --> 00:10:39,596 What do you want me to do? 204 00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:43,100 I may need some immediate assistance. 205 00:10:43,183 --> 00:10:47,562 If you would slowly and quietly gather the ladies in the conference room, 206 00:10:47,646 --> 00:10:49,022 Phyllis, Angela, Karen. 207 00:10:49,106 --> 00:10:51,483 What about Meredith? 208 00:10:51,608 --> 00:10:52,900 She's an alternate. 209 00:10:54,236 --> 00:10:55,946 So, how you been? I'm good. 210 00:10:56,029 --> 00:10:57,030 Good. Good. Good. 211 00:10:57,114 --> 00:10:58,907 Yeah. 212 00:10:58,991 --> 00:11:01,451 Sorry to drop by unexpectedly. I... 213 00:11:01,535 --> 00:11:04,955 I tried calling, but I kept getting voicemail. Weird. 214 00:11:05,038 --> 00:11:07,206 Yeah. I didn't get both of your messages. 215 00:11:11,712 --> 00:11:14,047 So, Michael needs us in the conference room. 216 00:11:14,131 --> 00:11:15,966 Oh, is it Jan again? 217 00:11:16,049 --> 00:11:17,925 Hey, before I leave tonight, 218 00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:21,221 would you mind making half a dozen copies of Jim's and my sales reports 219 00:11:21,305 --> 00:11:22,306 for our interviews tomorrow? 220 00:11:22,639 --> 00:11:24,265 Sure. Thanks. 221 00:11:25,184 --> 00:11:28,103 I really hope you get the job. Thanks. 222 00:11:31,231 --> 00:11:35,731 After you ended everything with us, I went on a vacation 223 00:11:37,446 --> 00:11:39,739 to kind of clear my mind. Sounds good. Sounds fun. 224 00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:41,867 It was. Yeah, it was good. 225 00:11:42,868 --> 00:11:44,536 I think I should just... 226 00:11:44,953 --> 00:11:46,829 Get right to the point, you know. Okay. 227 00:11:47,539 --> 00:11:50,708 I... I feel good about myself 228 00:11:50,792 --> 00:11:53,002 for the first time in a really long time, 229 00:11:53,086 --> 00:11:57,173 and I've made some big changes in my life, 230 00:11:57,299 --> 00:12:00,635 and I miss you. 231 00:12:04,223 --> 00:12:05,891 I want us to get back together. 232 00:12:10,145 --> 00:12:13,523 Would you excuse me for a second? Oh. 233 00:12:14,775 --> 00:12:15,776 DEFCON 20. 234 00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:20,405 She wants to get back together. What are you going to do? 235 00:12:20,489 --> 00:12:23,033 I don't know. hat's why you're here. Help me. Please. 236 00:12:23,116 --> 00:12:24,283 Would you want to get back together with her? 237 00:12:24,368 --> 00:12:25,994 No. No. 238 00:12:26,495 --> 00:12:29,122 What do I do? Just don't get back together with her. 239 00:12:29,206 --> 00:12:30,248 What if she makes me? 240 00:12:30,332 --> 00:12:31,916 How can she make you get back together with her? 241 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:35,044 She made me do a lot of things I didn't want to do. 242 00:12:35,128 --> 00:12:37,046 This was a terrible relationship. 243 00:12:37,130 --> 00:12:38,631 You were not happy when you were with her. 244 00:12:38,715 --> 00:12:41,509 I wasn't. You're so much happier now. 245 00:12:41,843 --> 00:12:44,470 Just go in there and be strong. You're right. 246 00:12:45,514 --> 00:12:46,556 You are absolutely right. 247 00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:49,100 I need to go in there and tell her that we can't be together. 248 00:12:49,184 --> 00:12:50,185 Right. 249 00:12:50,852 --> 00:12:52,144 Wow. Do it. 250 00:12:52,229 --> 00:12:54,231 I'm in a very good place right now. Okay. 251 00:12:54,314 --> 00:12:55,315 - Thank you. - Go. 252 00:12:59,319 --> 00:13:01,946 Okay. Jan, 253 00:13:04,032 --> 00:13:05,116 we need to talk. 254 00:13:11,873 --> 00:13:13,875 Jan is in a different place right now. 255 00:13:13,959 --> 00:13:18,213 And it is a sign of maturity to give people second chances. 256 00:13:18,922 --> 00:13:21,215 So I'm going to hear her out. 257 00:13:26,638 --> 00:13:27,805 Oh, my God. 258 00:13:33,228 --> 00:13:37,273 Yeah. Bigger actually. That's crazy. 259 00:13:40,902 --> 00:13:44,655 Oh, my God. Can you believe that? Unbelievable. 260 00:13:44,740 --> 00:13:46,992 Wow! She could put the cup right there. 261 00:13:47,075 --> 00:13:48,076 I know. 262 00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:49,661 No, it's fine. 263 00:13:49,745 --> 00:13:51,663 I'm sure it must have been weird for Jim 264 00:13:51,747 --> 00:13:53,749 when Roy and I were joking around 265 00:13:54,541 --> 00:13:55,917 that one time. 266 00:13:58,545 --> 00:13:59,796 I would never do that. 267 00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:01,423 Waste of money. 268 00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:03,425 In my experience, 269 00:14:03,508 --> 00:14:06,677 guys are way more attracted to the back of you than to the front. 270 00:14:07,262 --> 00:14:08,680 I love fake boobs. 271 00:14:09,306 --> 00:14:11,766 Oftentimes you find them on strippers. 272 00:14:11,975 --> 00:14:15,061 I find it offensive. Au naturel, baby. 273 00:14:15,145 --> 00:14:18,356 That's how I like them. Swing low, sweet chariots. 274 00:14:19,107 --> 00:14:22,443 So, there are a lot of things I would like to do differently. 275 00:14:22,527 --> 00:14:25,154 Yeah. I feel like when we first got together, 276 00:14:25,238 --> 00:14:27,114 that I had a problem with my priorities. 277 00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:28,200 First stop, priorities. 278 00:14:28,283 --> 00:14:32,662 And if we could talk about a way to approach a possible reconciliation. 279 00:14:32,746 --> 00:14:33,747 Let's get back together. 280 00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:39,252 No. No, no, no. I'll tell you this, 281 00:14:39,336 --> 00:14:41,212 it is not because of the boob job. 282 00:14:41,338 --> 00:14:43,423 Excuse me, boob enhancement. 283 00:14:43,507 --> 00:14:46,760 That would be shallow. And this is the opposite of shallow. 284 00:14:46,843 --> 00:14:49,178 This is emotionally magnificent. 285 00:14:50,263 --> 00:14:51,514 Okay, everyone, listen up! 286 00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:53,850 Time to begin the interview process. 287 00:14:56,686 --> 00:14:57,687 Andrew Bernard. 288 00:14:58,730 --> 00:15:00,398 Save the best for first. 289 00:15:00,482 --> 00:15:02,859 All right, you guys, see you later. Wish us luck. 290 00:15:02,943 --> 00:15:05,028 No. Hey, hey, do not wish them luck. 291 00:15:05,112 --> 00:15:08,115 Do not wish them luck. All luck must be wished unto Michael. 292 00:15:08,198 --> 00:15:09,199 Good luck, you guys. 293 00:15:09,282 --> 00:15:10,992 Good luck. What did I say? 294 00:15:11,284 --> 00:15:12,910 Good luck. Thanks. 295 00:15:17,541 --> 00:15:20,126 I'm happy for him. I hope he gets the job. 296 00:15:20,460 --> 00:15:22,545 I really just want him to be happy. 297 00:15:22,629 --> 00:15:24,047 And I know that sounds cliche, 298 00:15:24,339 --> 00:15:27,300 and I know saying it sounds cliche sounds cliche. 299 00:15:29,052 --> 00:15:32,972 Maybe I'm being cliche. I don't care because I am what I am. 300 00:15:35,642 --> 00:15:36,726 That's Popeye. 301 00:15:37,477 --> 00:15:38,978 I am going to begin this process 302 00:15:39,062 --> 00:15:42,607 with a simple test of intelligence and mental dexterity. 303 00:15:43,733 --> 00:15:46,235 What is the best color? White. 304 00:15:46,611 --> 00:15:48,779 Because it contains all other colors. 305 00:15:48,864 --> 00:15:50,907 Wrong. Black. It is the most dominant. 306 00:15:51,074 --> 00:15:52,492 How do you make a table? 307 00:15:52,576 --> 00:15:55,662 You make a chair, but you don't sit on it. 308 00:15:55,745 --> 00:15:56,912 What is the capital of Maine? 309 00:15:56,997 --> 00:15:59,624 The capital of Maine is Montpelier, Vermont, 310 00:15:59,708 --> 00:16:03,545 which is near Ithaca, New York where I went to Cornell. 311 00:16:03,628 --> 00:16:06,255 Okay, also, moratorium on Cornell talk. 312 00:16:06,339 --> 00:16:07,465 Don't want to hear about it. 313 00:16:07,549 --> 00:16:10,093 Forget your personal history and learn the history of this company. 314 00:16:10,177 --> 00:16:11,178 Should not be a problem. 315 00:16:11,261 --> 00:16:12,262 I minored in history 316 00:16:12,345 --> 00:16:13,929 in the Ivy League school which I attended. 317 00:16:14,431 --> 00:16:17,851 You're not off to a very good start, Bernard. I agree. 318 00:16:18,977 --> 00:16:19,978 But in another way, 319 00:16:21,021 --> 00:16:23,481 I am off to a very good start, wouldn't you say? 320 00:16:24,357 --> 00:16:27,818 I am a great interviewee. Why? 321 00:16:27,903 --> 00:16:32,115 Because I have something no one else has, my brain, 322 00:16:32,240 --> 00:16:36,118 which I use to my advantage when advantageous. 323 00:16:40,373 --> 00:16:42,541 Time! No, you failed. Damn it! 324 00:16:42,626 --> 00:16:44,502 This interview is over. I'll let you know. 325 00:16:47,672 --> 00:16:50,341 Hey, thank you so much for driving me down for my interview. 326 00:16:50,425 --> 00:16:52,009 Totally. No problem. 327 00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:54,095 What are you interviewing for, by the way? 328 00:16:54,179 --> 00:16:55,680 My assistant? Or... 329 00:16:55,931 --> 00:16:58,975 Oh, you know, I'm going to have a congratulations Karen party 330 00:16:59,434 --> 00:17:03,104 tomorrow night at a friend's house. Oh, wow. That sounds fun. 331 00:17:03,396 --> 00:17:06,565 Is your friend named Karen, too? What did she accomplish? 332 00:17:06,650 --> 00:17:09,903 No. I'm sorry, I should have been clearer. It's for me. 333 00:17:09,986 --> 00:17:11,654 Because I'm going to get the job. Oh. 334 00:17:14,115 --> 00:17:17,618 How remarkable. Thanks. 335 00:17:20,163 --> 00:17:21,164 Wait, wait a second. 336 00:17:21,248 --> 00:17:22,249 Let me check one more thing. Okay. 337 00:17:25,335 --> 00:17:26,711 Very good. 338 00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:34,886 All right, well, I have to get back. 339 00:17:34,970 --> 00:17:36,721 But I will see you in New York tomorrow, right? 340 00:17:36,805 --> 00:17:37,806 Yes, indeed. 341 00:17:37,973 --> 00:17:40,976 Good luck with your interview. Thank you. 342 00:17:42,102 --> 00:17:43,103 Bye. 343 00:17:49,317 --> 00:17:53,321 So I guess we're getting back together. What happened? 344 00:17:54,030 --> 00:17:56,866 Your advice was good, but Jan's was bigger. 345 00:17:57,784 --> 00:17:59,160 Here's the sitch. 346 00:17:59,369 --> 00:18:03,581 Two weeks ago, I was in the worst relationship of my life. 347 00:18:03,832 --> 00:18:07,877 She treated me poorly, we didn't connect, I was miserable. 348 00:18:08,545 --> 00:18:13,045 Now, I'm in the best relationship of my life with the same woman. 349 00:18:15,885 --> 00:18:17,553 Love is a mystery. 350 00:18:18,847 --> 00:18:21,391 So, we have all night. Where do you want to go first? 351 00:18:21,474 --> 00:18:23,809 I don't know. How about the UN? 352 00:18:24,561 --> 00:18:26,396 How often do you come here? 353 00:18:26,605 --> 00:18:28,982 Every time my sixth grade class was on a field trip. 354 00:18:29,316 --> 00:18:32,110 I think you're really going to enjoy this, adult Jim. 355 00:18:38,241 --> 00:18:39,242 Hey, everybody, 356 00:18:40,952 --> 00:18:43,788 the next time you see me I will be working for corporate. 357 00:18:45,206 --> 00:18:48,375 Starting tomorrow, Dwight Schrute will be running the branch. 358 00:18:49,210 --> 00:18:52,046 So without further ado, 359 00:18:54,257 --> 00:18:57,134 I would like to start saying my goodbyes. 360 00:18:57,802 --> 00:19:01,013 For everything you've done 361 00:19:02,057 --> 00:19:04,809 You know I'm bound 362 00:19:05,435 --> 00:19:06,519 Okay. 363 00:19:06,603 --> 00:19:08,605 I'm bound to thank you for it... 364 00:19:11,399 --> 00:19:12,483 Good night 365 00:19:13,902 --> 00:19:15,069 and good luck. 366 00:19:27,082 --> 00:19:28,541 Who's ready to work? 367 00:19:32,128 --> 00:19:34,713 Yeah. We went to the Spotted Pig for dinner. 368 00:19:34,798 --> 00:19:37,217 It's in the Village. Karen knew it. 369 00:19:37,300 --> 00:19:39,677 And then we second acted Spamalot. 370 00:19:39,761 --> 00:19:42,555 That's when you sneak in at intermission with all the smokers. 371 00:19:43,223 --> 00:19:46,184 And then we went to a bar that used to be a church. 372 00:19:46,393 --> 00:19:49,354 Oh, and at this one bar, I swear I saw Lorne Michaels. 373 00:19:49,437 --> 00:19:50,938 That wasn't him. 374 00:19:53,191 --> 00:19:55,610 So what's going to happen with us when I get this job? 375 00:19:55,735 --> 00:19:57,361 Oh, you mean, when I get the job? 376 00:19:57,987 --> 00:20:02,449 Well, if you get the job, then I'd move here with you. 377 00:20:03,910 --> 00:20:07,872 Would you move with me? I'm not stupid, okay? 378 00:20:07,956 --> 00:20:09,207 I was at the beach. 379 00:20:10,208 --> 00:20:12,043 We don't have a future in Scranton. 380 00:20:12,585 --> 00:20:14,962 There's one too many people there. 381 00:20:16,172 --> 00:20:19,508 You mean, Kevin? Exactly. 382 00:20:20,969 --> 00:20:22,929 No, but you get it, right? 383 00:20:23,805 --> 00:20:25,473 I can't stay there. 384 00:20:25,932 --> 00:20:28,935 Yeah. I do. 385 00:20:30,270 --> 00:20:31,271 Come on. 386 00:20:45,660 --> 00:20:47,411 How are you guys doing? Need anything? 387 00:20:48,663 --> 00:20:49,705 No. We're good. Thanks. 388 00:20:49,789 --> 00:20:52,917 I have been here a bunch of times, so I know where everything is. 389 00:20:53,001 --> 00:20:54,168 Know everybody's names. 390 00:20:54,252 --> 00:20:56,504 If you need to know somebody's name, just ask me. 391 00:20:59,007 --> 00:21:02,802 Well, who's that? That is Beardy. 392 00:21:03,344 --> 00:21:04,345 Beardy? 393 00:21:05,180 --> 00:21:07,390 I'm going to introduce myself. No, no. That's not his real name. 394 00:21:07,474 --> 00:21:08,892 That's just what I call him. So... 395 00:21:10,310 --> 00:21:12,645 I am by far the most qualified person they're interviewing. 396 00:21:13,605 --> 00:21:15,773 Jim and Karen are here, which is cute. 397 00:21:16,107 --> 00:21:20,607 They're like kid actors tagging along with Daddy on the big audition, 398 00:21:21,112 --> 00:21:25,612 hoping to be discovered, except Daddy is the best actor around. 399 00:21:26,451 --> 00:21:28,661 Daddy is Meryl Streep. 400 00:21:29,829 --> 00:21:31,163 Michael is gone. 401 00:21:32,165 --> 00:21:33,875 Hail to the chief. 402 00:21:36,711 --> 00:21:38,295 My first order of business, 403 00:21:38,379 --> 00:21:41,048 make Andrew Bernard my number two. 404 00:21:41,132 --> 00:21:44,093 My first order of business, accept. 405 00:21:44,219 --> 00:21:46,888 As if you have a choice. Duh. 406 00:21:47,472 --> 00:21:49,515 Opportunity of a lifetime. 407 00:21:51,434 --> 00:21:53,978 Three months ago, I was nowhere. 408 00:21:54,479 --> 00:21:56,856 I was just a Cornell grad in anger management. 409 00:21:57,941 --> 00:21:59,317 Look where I am now. 410 00:22:00,276 --> 00:22:01,568 Not bad. 411 00:22:05,824 --> 00:22:08,743 Hey, Hunter. What's up, my brother? 412 00:22:09,244 --> 00:22:11,955 This is Hunter, secretary extraordinaire. 413 00:22:12,372 --> 00:22:14,624 Administrative assistant. Jan in yet? 414 00:22:14,707 --> 00:22:15,791 I think she's coming in later. 415 00:22:15,875 --> 00:22:17,877 Could you give her a message for me when she gets in? 416 00:22:18,211 --> 00:22:19,795 Sure. 417 00:22:19,879 --> 00:22:23,299 Just say I want to squeeze them. 418 00:22:24,801 --> 00:22:27,929 It's code. She'll know what it means. Okay. 419 00:22:28,429 --> 00:22:32,057 Oh, Hunter, could you tell her...also? 420 00:22:35,645 --> 00:22:38,439 You showed great leadership potential at the coal walk, 421 00:22:38,731 --> 00:22:42,151 even if you did follow it with that embarrassing personal confession. 422 00:22:42,777 --> 00:22:43,778 Thank you. 423 00:22:43,945 --> 00:22:47,490 I had to make Andy my number two. It's political, complicated. 424 00:22:47,574 --> 00:22:48,783 You wouldn't understand. 425 00:22:48,867 --> 00:22:53,367 I want you to be assistant regional manager. 426 00:22:54,122 --> 00:22:57,083 Really? Well, in a sense. 427 00:22:57,166 --> 00:22:58,167 Although, publicly, 428 00:22:58,251 --> 00:23:01,170 I am going to retain the assistant regional manager position. 429 00:23:01,337 --> 00:23:02,713 You will be your own assistant. 430 00:23:02,797 --> 00:23:04,548 Correct. I need someone I can trust. 431 00:23:04,883 --> 00:23:09,383 But I would also like the title to be secretly applied to you. 432 00:23:10,430 --> 00:23:14,809 Just stripped off its pomp and frills. Okay. 433 00:23:16,144 --> 00:23:19,438 So you would be the regional manager 434 00:23:20,106 --> 00:23:22,274 and the assistant regional manager, 435 00:23:22,817 --> 00:23:25,110 Andy is your number two. 436 00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:28,239 I would be the secret assistant regional manager. 437 00:23:28,406 --> 00:23:31,200 Let's call it secret assistant to the regional manager. 438 00:23:32,785 --> 00:23:36,455 Do you accept? Absolutely I do. 439 00:23:36,831 --> 00:23:37,915 I learned from Jim, 440 00:23:37,999 --> 00:23:41,127 if Dwight ever asks you if you accept something secret, 441 00:23:41,210 --> 00:23:44,880 you reply, "Absolutely I do." 442 00:23:49,093 --> 00:23:51,887 Hello, hello! Michael, good to see you. 443 00:23:51,971 --> 00:23:52,972 Good to see you. Have a seat. 444 00:23:53,056 --> 00:23:55,725 Here are the post-merger performance tests that you asked for. 445 00:23:55,808 --> 00:23:56,975 Great. 446 00:23:57,101 --> 00:23:58,727 I've been meaning to thank you, by the way. 447 00:23:58,811 --> 00:24:00,729 You didn't lose a single customer in the merger 448 00:24:00,813 --> 00:24:03,524 and you still managed to trim the budget. That is nice work. 449 00:24:05,610 --> 00:24:09,155 So, let me ask you a question right off the bat, 450 00:24:09,238 --> 00:24:11,740 what do you think are your greatest strengths as a manager? 451 00:24:11,866 --> 00:24:14,451 Why don't I tell you what my greatest weaknesses are? 452 00:24:14,619 --> 00:24:17,830 I work too hard, I care too much, 453 00:24:17,914 --> 00:24:21,584 and sometimes I can be too invested in my job. 454 00:24:22,919 --> 00:24:25,504 Okay. And your strengths? 455 00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:29,425 Well, my weaknesses are actually strengths. 456 00:24:29,509 --> 00:24:32,845 Oh. Yes. Very good. 457 00:24:32,929 --> 00:24:34,805 There you go. Very good. 458 00:24:35,098 --> 00:24:38,184 Dwight is our new boss. No, Michael's not going anywhere. 459 00:24:38,768 --> 00:24:41,437 Then who do you think will get the job? Karen. 460 00:24:42,105 --> 00:24:45,775 She looks corporate. Those little pantsuits. 461 00:24:46,109 --> 00:24:47,443 I think it's going to be Michael. 462 00:24:47,610 --> 00:24:49,528 Do you really think he's qualified for that job? 463 00:24:49,612 --> 00:24:53,157 No, but he wasn't qualified for the job he has now and he got that one. 464 00:24:53,449 --> 00:24:54,450 Yeah. 465 00:24:54,534 --> 00:24:57,078 Listen up. Come to the center of the room, please. 466 00:24:59,163 --> 00:25:01,915 This is a Schrute Buck. 467 00:25:03,376 --> 00:25:04,877 When you have done something good, 468 00:25:04,961 --> 00:25:07,880 you will receive one Schrute Buck. 469 00:25:08,339 --> 00:25:12,760 One thousand Schrute Bucks equals an extra five minutes for lunch. 470 00:25:13,970 --> 00:25:15,846 What is the cash value of a Schrute Buck? 471 00:25:15,972 --> 00:25:19,183 Excellent question, Pam. One one-hundredth of a cent. 472 00:25:19,517 --> 00:25:21,268 So, 10,000 473 00:25:21,352 --> 00:25:23,520 of your dollars is worth one real dollar? Just... 474 00:25:23,604 --> 00:25:24,855 Zip your lid. 475 00:25:25,273 --> 00:25:26,524 Another announcement. 476 00:25:26,607 --> 00:25:28,609 Michael wasted an enormous amount 477 00:25:28,693 --> 00:25:29,777 of the group's time and patience 478 00:25:29,861 --> 00:25:32,321 with non-work-related ethnic celebrations 479 00:25:32,405 --> 00:25:35,241 and parades of soft-minded do-goodedness. 480 00:25:35,742 --> 00:25:37,034 No longer. 481 00:25:37,118 --> 00:25:40,162 No more meetings. Amen. 482 00:25:40,246 --> 00:25:44,746 Instead, today, I will begin my first lecture in a long series of lectures 483 00:25:44,876 --> 00:25:47,211 designed to increase your knowledge on the world of paper. 484 00:25:47,295 --> 00:25:50,089 Do we have to? Yes. Michael is gone. 485 00:25:50,214 --> 00:25:54,343 There's a new sheriff here in these offices and his name is me. 486 00:25:54,635 --> 00:25:58,055 Conference room, 10 seconds. All of you! 487 00:25:58,139 --> 00:26:01,016 I literally cannot wait until I see what Dwight has planned. 488 00:26:02,602 --> 00:26:03,853 And I wish Jim were here. 489 00:26:06,397 --> 00:26:08,315 What do you think we can be doing better? 490 00:26:08,733 --> 00:26:11,318 I've never been a big fan of the name Dunder Mifflin. 491 00:26:11,444 --> 00:26:13,779 I was thinking we could name the company something like 492 00:26:14,238 --> 00:26:17,199 Paper Great or Great Paper's Our Passion. 493 00:26:17,992 --> 00:26:20,077 We're great. 494 00:26:20,286 --> 00:26:22,121 I don't know. It could be good. 495 00:26:22,205 --> 00:26:25,708 Or Super Duper Paper. It's super duper. 496 00:26:26,459 --> 00:26:28,169 I don't know. Something like that. 497 00:26:29,212 --> 00:26:30,213 Okay. Okay. 498 00:26:30,296 --> 00:26:31,964 Thanks for coming in, Michael. Thank you. 499 00:26:32,048 --> 00:26:34,008 It is always a treat when our paths cross. 500 00:26:34,092 --> 00:26:36,886 It is always a treat when our paths cross. 501 00:26:37,220 --> 00:26:40,598 So, oh, before I forget, I wanted to let you know, 502 00:26:40,681 --> 00:26:44,226 if you hadn't already heard, Jan and I are back together. 503 00:26:44,644 --> 00:26:45,770 So I may need to fill out 504 00:26:45,853 --> 00:26:47,980 one of those love documents again. 505 00:26:48,064 --> 00:26:49,690 You're back together. Yes. 506 00:26:49,774 --> 00:26:52,485 And I am very excited about the prospect of working under her. 507 00:26:52,693 --> 00:26:54,027 Or on top of her. 508 00:26:54,570 --> 00:26:56,697 That's not sexual. Just... We're all professionals. 509 00:26:56,781 --> 00:26:57,782 Okay. 510 00:26:57,949 --> 00:27:02,328 Well, I thought it was clear in the description of the position. 511 00:27:02,829 --> 00:27:05,915 The job you're applying for is Jan's job. 512 00:27:06,165 --> 00:27:08,750 I don't understand. So we're going to tag-team it? 513 00:27:09,544 --> 00:27:11,295 No. We're letting Jan go. 514 00:27:13,714 --> 00:27:14,715 Listen up. 515 00:27:15,091 --> 00:27:17,718 Let's start from the ground up. 516 00:27:18,970 --> 00:27:20,096 Where does paper come from? 517 00:27:21,597 --> 00:27:22,598 - Trees. - Trees. 518 00:27:23,057 --> 00:27:24,475 And where do trees grow? 519 00:27:26,352 --> 00:27:28,270 Forests. Soil. 520 00:27:28,354 --> 00:27:29,355 Right. 521 00:27:29,647 --> 00:27:31,607 We have in front of you here 522 00:27:31,899 --> 00:27:35,110 seven different types of Pennsylvania topsoil. 523 00:27:36,863 --> 00:27:39,282 Now, what would you say is 524 00:27:39,365 --> 00:27:41,325 the most important element 525 00:27:41,409 --> 00:27:44,412 in the production of aboveground leafy growth? 526 00:27:45,997 --> 00:27:49,417 Probably phosphorus, right? Wrong. 527 00:27:49,500 --> 00:27:52,294 It's nitrogen. Absorb this information. 528 00:27:55,339 --> 00:27:58,467 Good. Now, let us discuss precipitation. 529 00:27:58,551 --> 00:28:00,970 Stanley, when rainfall occurs, 530 00:28:01,262 --> 00:28:02,429 does it usually fall 531 00:28:02,513 --> 00:28:05,849 in a liquid, solid, or gaseous state? 532 00:28:06,684 --> 00:28:09,061 Liquid. Very good. 533 00:28:09,145 --> 00:28:12,731 You have earned one Schrute Buck. I don't want it. 534 00:28:13,524 --> 00:28:16,068 Then you have been deducted 50 Schrute Bucks. 535 00:28:16,152 --> 00:28:18,070 Make it 100. Well... 536 00:28:19,488 --> 00:28:21,656 Don't you want to earn Schrute Bucks? No. 537 00:28:21,741 --> 00:28:26,241 In fact, I'll give you a billion Stanley Nickels if you never talk to me again. 538 00:28:26,829 --> 00:28:29,081 What's the ratio of Stanley Nickels to Schrute Bucks? 539 00:28:29,165 --> 00:28:31,375 The same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns. 540 00:28:31,459 --> 00:28:34,295 Okay. That's it! Class is canceled. Everybody out! 541 00:28:34,378 --> 00:28:36,004 No, wait, what are you doing? I'm punishing them. 542 00:28:36,088 --> 00:28:37,422 No, no, no, no. Class is not canceled. 543 00:28:37,506 --> 00:28:38,548 This is so stupid. 544 00:28:38,633 --> 00:28:40,426 Hey! Come on! 545 00:28:40,718 --> 00:28:42,553 Let's listen to Dwight's presentation. 546 00:28:45,765 --> 00:28:47,975 What... What are you winking for? Zip your lid! 547 00:28:48,184 --> 00:28:52,521 So that's my basic five-year plan and then after that who knows? 548 00:28:53,606 --> 00:28:54,648 Okay. 549 00:28:54,732 --> 00:28:57,735 Now, this may seem like an odd question. Yeah? 550 00:28:58,986 --> 00:29:00,779 What do you think about Michael Scott? 551 00:29:01,739 --> 00:29:03,782 He's a very nice man. 552 00:29:03,866 --> 00:29:06,451 And he's very well-suited for the job he has now. 553 00:29:06,619 --> 00:29:09,079 This is off the record. He would be a disaster. 554 00:29:15,461 --> 00:29:18,172 Hey, you. 555 00:29:18,839 --> 00:29:20,882 How was your interview? Pretty good. 556 00:29:20,967 --> 00:29:22,593 Yeah? Could have gone better, I guess. 557 00:29:22,677 --> 00:29:27,177 Oh. Well, I will put in a good word for you. Cool. 558 00:29:27,265 --> 00:29:29,100 Maybe you should do it sooner rather than later. 559 00:29:29,183 --> 00:29:31,310 What? Let's just run away together. 560 00:29:31,394 --> 00:29:33,646 Let's just run away to Jamaica, live in a bungalow. 561 00:29:33,854 --> 00:29:37,399 You have some savings, right? You can pay off my debts. It would be fine. 562 00:29:37,483 --> 00:29:41,153 We'd have fun. What's... What's the matter? What... 563 00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:42,446 What happened in there? 564 00:29:43,447 --> 00:29:45,115 I can't tell you. 565 00:29:46,909 --> 00:29:48,410 Tell me what? 566 00:29:55,001 --> 00:29:56,419 You son of a bitch. 567 00:29:57,295 --> 00:29:59,505 Jan, this isn't the time. I'm in an interview... You're firing me? 568 00:29:59,588 --> 00:30:01,631 Where the hell do you get off? 569 00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:04,676 Frankly, it's overdue. 570 00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:08,180 Your behavior in the last two years has been completely erratic. 571 00:30:08,264 --> 00:30:09,265 Erratic? 572 00:30:09,348 --> 00:30:11,516 Recently you don't even show an interest in your work. 573 00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:13,393 You smoke constantly in your office, 574 00:30:13,477 --> 00:30:15,520 you spend most of the day online shopping. 575 00:30:15,604 --> 00:30:18,023 You disappear for hours at a time, sometimes days, 576 00:30:18,149 --> 00:30:20,526 always saying you're visiting your sister in Scottsdale. 577 00:30:20,609 --> 00:30:22,319 You go to Scranton far more often than you... 578 00:30:22,403 --> 00:30:23,404 Is it because of these? 579 00:30:23,487 --> 00:30:26,364 Whoa, hey, whoa, Jan. Come on. Is it... No, I want to know! I want to know! 580 00:30:26,449 --> 00:30:29,743 Because if it is, then... Then I will see you in court. 581 00:30:29,827 --> 00:30:31,203 It's not. It's not. 582 00:30:31,287 --> 00:30:32,997 Because he likes them, okay? 583 00:30:33,122 --> 00:30:35,958 He likes them. And that is... That is all I care about. 584 00:30:36,083 --> 00:30:38,502 The time has come for you to end your professional relationship 585 00:30:38,586 --> 00:30:39,712 with this company. 586 00:30:39,795 --> 00:30:42,798 You are clearly unstable. Hey, you're unstable. 587 00:30:42,882 --> 00:30:44,466 Yeah. 588 00:30:45,968 --> 00:30:47,469 - We're all unstable. - Okay, do you know what? 589 00:30:47,553 --> 00:30:51,265 I'm just not leaving. I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving. 590 00:30:51,849 --> 00:30:53,684 David, I did not tell her. 591 00:30:57,480 --> 00:31:00,441 It's like I'm staring into my soul when I look at this wall. 592 00:31:00,524 --> 00:31:03,652 It's like outer spac without the stars. 593 00:31:03,736 --> 00:31:07,322 It's so black. This is going to look SO awesome. 594 00:31:07,406 --> 00:31:08,448 It's so intimidating. 595 00:31:08,532 --> 00:31:11,660 Anyone who come in here is going to have to take me seriously. 596 00:31:11,994 --> 00:31:14,496 Abandon all hope ye who enter here. 597 00:31:15,122 --> 00:31:16,123 Totally! 598 00:31:27,676 --> 00:31:30,136 Bye, Hunter. Bye. 599 00:31:30,513 --> 00:31:32,348 Good luck with your band. 600 00:31:32,932 --> 00:31:35,976 Oh, thank you... Don't let them change you, okay? 601 00:31:57,665 --> 00:31:59,708 So long... 602 00:32:01,669 --> 00:32:04,046 So I am going to give her a ride home. 603 00:32:05,464 --> 00:32:06,506 Let me know about the job. 604 00:32:06,590 --> 00:32:08,133 Actually, Michael, I think we're going 605 00:32:08,217 --> 00:32:09,426 to take it in another direction. 606 00:32:09,510 --> 00:32:11,053 Good. I'm glad we're on the same page. 607 00:32:11,137 --> 00:32:12,638 I have a lot of ideas for new directions. 608 00:32:12,721 --> 00:32:15,682 No, we're not giving you the job. 609 00:32:21,230 --> 00:32:24,483 You know what? That is actually good 610 00:32:24,567 --> 00:32:29,067 because I don't think I could take my girlfriend's job. 611 00:32:30,489 --> 00:32:32,991 That's not being a good boyfriend. 612 00:32:33,075 --> 00:32:37,575 So I respectfully withdraw my name from consideration. 613 00:32:39,331 --> 00:32:41,541 Do you accept my withdrawal? I do. 614 00:32:41,625 --> 00:32:45,503 Good. Very good. I'm glad we are finally on the same page. 615 00:32:45,921 --> 00:32:47,213 Still have my job in Scranton, though? 616 00:32:47,298 --> 00:32:48,465 Yes. Good. 617 00:32:48,549 --> 00:32:50,717 That's all I ever wanted. 618 00:32:50,801 --> 00:32:55,301 These two, either one of them, excellent candidates. 619 00:32:59,977 --> 00:33:01,478 Wow. 620 00:33:02,104 --> 00:33:06,358 That was some serious, hardcore self-destruction. 621 00:33:06,484 --> 00:33:07,485 Yeah. 622 00:33:07,943 --> 00:33:09,277 I kind of feel bad for her, though. 623 00:33:09,361 --> 00:33:11,237 Don't. She's nuts. 624 00:33:13,699 --> 00:33:14,741 Oh, man. 625 00:33:16,785 --> 00:33:18,661 You know what, this might take a while. 626 00:33:18,746 --> 00:33:20,831 You really don't have to stay if you don't want. 627 00:33:20,915 --> 00:33:24,501 Okay, good because a bunch of my friends are meeting downtown for lunch 628 00:33:24,585 --> 00:33:27,212 and I was going to meet them. So... All right. 629 00:33:27,296 --> 00:33:29,381 Just call me when you're done. Sure. 630 00:33:30,216 --> 00:33:32,343 Good luck, Halpert. Thank you. 631 00:33:37,473 --> 00:33:41,059 Dunder Mifflin, this is Grace. Sure. 632 00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:45,689 Oh, God. 633 00:33:45,773 --> 00:33:47,357 I mean I just don't understand. 634 00:33:47,441 --> 00:33:49,192 It's just so rude, you know. I know. I know. 635 00:33:49,276 --> 00:33:50,944 I mean, the absolute nerve of that guy. 636 00:33:51,028 --> 00:33:53,321 I am sorry about that. That was terrible. Oh, just... 637 00:33:53,572 --> 00:33:54,948 No, actually, I think it's good. 638 00:33:55,032 --> 00:33:57,159 You know, it's fine, actually. I do. 639 00:33:57,243 --> 00:33:59,411 I really think it's great that it happened because, 640 00:33:59,495 --> 00:34:01,288 you know, my work has always been the thing 641 00:34:01,372 --> 00:34:03,290 that's gotten in the way of my happiness. So... 642 00:34:03,374 --> 00:34:04,541 Yeah. 643 00:34:07,086 --> 00:34:08,629 Well, it's... 644 00:34:13,676 --> 00:34:15,678 No, don't cry. 645 00:34:15,761 --> 00:34:20,223 It's going to be okay. Oh, I know. I know. It's just... I'm sorry. 646 00:34:20,307 --> 00:34:24,102 It's just these painkillers that I started taking since the surgery. 647 00:34:24,353 --> 00:34:28,853 Oh, they make my moods totally unpredictable. Wow. 648 00:34:30,734 --> 00:34:32,902 What am I going to do? I don't know. 649 00:34:35,739 --> 00:34:39,909 Well, I guess you could come and stay at my condo. 650 00:34:40,119 --> 00:34:42,538 I think I could back out of the sale. 651 00:34:42,621 --> 00:34:43,747 I would probably get some negative feedback 652 00:34:43,831 --> 00:34:45,040 on my eBay profile, but... 653 00:34:45,124 --> 00:34:48,460 Live together. Actually, wait a minute, this could be great. 654 00:34:48,544 --> 00:34:49,545 This could be perfect. 655 00:34:49,628 --> 00:34:51,504 You know, my full-time job can be our relationship. 656 00:34:51,589 --> 00:34:54,216 I can wear stretch pants and wait for you to come home at 5:15. 657 00:34:54,300 --> 00:34:56,343 It could work. This could work, really. 658 00:35:07,313 --> 00:35:09,106 I'll be back. 659 00:35:10,316 --> 00:35:12,401 And I am back. 660 00:35:12,484 --> 00:35:15,445 How did it go? No, no, Pam. 661 00:35:15,613 --> 00:35:17,823 I'm back 662 00:35:17,906 --> 00:35:20,241 for good. 663 00:35:20,951 --> 00:35:21,993 Kevin Nealon. 664 00:35:22,077 --> 00:35:24,662 Everybody, may I have your attention please? 665 00:35:25,122 --> 00:35:28,583 It is with great honor and privilege 666 00:35:28,917 --> 00:35:30,293 that I announce to you, 667 00:35:30,377 --> 00:35:32,170 I have officially withdrawn my name 668 00:35:32,254 --> 00:35:34,297 for consideration from the corporate job. 669 00:35:35,382 --> 00:35:38,093 I know, I know, I know. Michael, what are you thinking? 670 00:35:38,260 --> 00:35:40,011 You were a shoo-in. Well... 671 00:35:40,179 --> 00:35:42,347 I got down there, I nailed the interview 672 00:35:42,431 --> 00:35:45,058 and the strangest thing happened. 673 00:35:45,851 --> 00:35:47,477 Why is my office black? 674 00:35:48,979 --> 00:35:51,856 To intimidate my subordinates. That's stupid. 675 00:35:52,691 --> 00:35:55,193 It was Andy's idea. You shouldn't have taken it. 676 00:35:56,111 --> 00:35:59,739 Bad management. Good thing I'm back. 677 00:36:00,908 --> 00:36:02,659 Ryan, coffee. 678 00:36:03,077 --> 00:36:06,955 I don't do that stuff anymore. No. It's for me, bimbo. 679 00:36:07,081 --> 00:36:08,082 Kids. 680 00:36:09,375 --> 00:36:11,168 So I'm back 681 00:36:11,251 --> 00:36:15,751 and I am never, ever, going to leave. 682 00:36:17,591 --> 00:36:19,384 I am going nowhere. 683 00:36:21,011 --> 00:36:23,805 This place is like 684 00:36:24,473 --> 00:36:27,976 the hospital where I was born, 685 00:36:28,477 --> 00:36:30,562 my house, 686 00:36:30,646 --> 00:36:33,690 my old age home 687 00:36:34,608 --> 00:36:38,194 and my graveyard for my bones. 688 00:36:39,405 --> 00:36:42,282 Did Karen get the job? 689 00:36:44,159 --> 00:36:46,744 Back to work. Still waiting on that coffee. 690 00:37:01,510 --> 00:37:04,387 Pam, hello. Dwight, hello. 691 00:37:04,471 --> 00:37:08,971 I wanted to thank you for helping me 692 00:37:09,977 --> 00:37:10,978 when you held the title 693 00:37:11,061 --> 00:37:13,271 of secret assistant to the regional manager. 694 00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:19,945 You served the office with great dignity. 695 00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:29,996 No, I don't know what the future holds. 696 00:37:30,998 --> 00:37:32,666 But I'm optimistic 697 00:37:34,168 --> 00:37:37,254 and I had fun goofing around with Dwight today. 698 00:37:39,089 --> 00:37:42,467 Jim and I are just too similar. 699 00:37:43,844 --> 00:37:46,137 Maybe one day I'll find my own Karen. 700 00:37:47,681 --> 00:37:51,309 But, you... That is a... You know, not... 701 00:37:51,727 --> 00:37:54,271 A man. A man version. 702 00:37:55,731 --> 00:38:00,231 But until then, I can hold my head up. 703 00:38:01,612 --> 00:38:02,613 I'm not gay. 704 00:38:04,114 --> 00:38:06,574 I don't know how I feel about hiring a Sixers fan. 705 00:38:07,201 --> 00:38:08,660 I should leave. 706 00:38:09,703 --> 00:38:10,704 Now, let me ask you a question, Jim. 707 00:38:10,788 --> 00:38:12,289 You're clearly a very bright guy. 708 00:38:12,372 --> 00:38:14,332 Thanks. Always hit your numbers, personable. 709 00:38:14,416 --> 00:38:16,084 You make a great impression on everyone you meet. 710 00:38:16,168 --> 00:38:17,294 I'm sorry, wait. So is the question, 711 00:38:17,377 --> 00:38:18,961 how did I get to be so awesome? 712 00:38:19,463 --> 00:38:22,466 Because I don't have an answer for you. 713 00:38:22,549 --> 00:38:24,759 Oh, hey, do you have your quarterly numbers... 714 00:38:24,885 --> 00:38:26,720 Yes. Absolutely. ...and questionnaire? 715 00:38:26,804 --> 00:38:28,889 Sorry to make you fill that thing out. Oh, no. Absolutely. 716 00:38:28,972 --> 00:38:29,973 It's just a HR formality. 717 00:38:30,390 --> 00:38:33,101 We have this very irritating HR guy here. 718 00:38:33,185 --> 00:38:35,687 He's probably the only person you're not going to like. 719 00:38:35,771 --> 00:38:36,772 Kendall. 720 00:38:38,774 --> 00:38:41,777 So, first up. There you go. 721 00:38:41,860 --> 00:38:44,237 How do you think you'd function here in New York? 722 00:38:46,073 --> 00:38:49,076 What's that? Oh, great. You know I just... 723 00:38:49,159 --> 00:38:51,786 I really appreciate the buildings 724 00:38:52,287 --> 00:38:56,787 and the people, and there's just an energy that New York has. 725 00:38:57,960 --> 00:38:59,419 Not to mention they have places 726 00:38:59,503 --> 00:39:02,380 that are open past 8:00, so that's a bonus. 727 00:39:02,464 --> 00:39:04,549 You've been in the Scranton branch a long time. 728 00:39:06,176 --> 00:39:07,844 What have you liked most about that place? 729 00:39:11,265 --> 00:39:13,642 The friendships. Okay. 730 00:39:14,184 --> 00:39:15,602 Well, we want the person 731 00:39:15,686 --> 00:39:18,605 who takes this position to be here for the long haul. 732 00:39:19,147 --> 00:39:23,109 So, long haul, where do you see yourself in 10 years? 733 00:39:33,412 --> 00:39:37,374 How are your feet? Medium rare. Thanks. 734 00:39:40,168 --> 00:39:44,668 The real reason that I went to Stamford was because I wanted to be... 735 00:39:47,593 --> 00:39:49,261 Not here. 736 00:39:50,637 --> 00:39:51,846 I know. 737 00:39:53,223 --> 00:39:55,475 And even though I came back, 738 00:39:57,895 --> 00:40:02,395 I just feel like I've never really come back. 739 00:40:11,241 --> 00:40:13,159 Well, I wish you would. 740 00:40:20,834 --> 00:40:22,961 Dunder Mifflin. This is Pam. 741 00:40:23,378 --> 00:40:25,004 Just one moment. I'll transfer you. 742 00:40:25,839 --> 00:40:29,467 I haven't heard anything. But I bet Jim got the job. 743 00:40:29,551 --> 00:40:33,471 I mean, why wouldn't he? He's totally qualified and smart. 744 00:40:33,764 --> 00:40:35,140 Everyone loves him. 745 00:40:36,808 --> 00:40:39,977 And if he never comes back again, 746 00:40:41,063 --> 00:40:42,481 that's okay. 747 00:40:43,065 --> 00:40:46,151 We're friends. And I'm sure we'll stay friends. 748 00:40:47,152 --> 00:40:48,987 We just... We never got the timing right. 749 00:40:49,947 --> 00:40:51,990 You know, [ shot him down 750 00:40:52,074 --> 00:40:54,409 and then he did the same to me and... 751 00:40:55,786 --> 00:40:57,579 But you know what, it's okay. 752 00:40:58,538 --> 00:40:59,914 I'm totally fine. 753 00:41:00,374 --> 00:41:02,876 Everything is going to be totally... Pam. 754 00:41:03,043 --> 00:41:04,169 Sorry. 755 00:41:05,545 --> 00:41:07,171 Are you free for dinner tonight? 756 00:41:07,881 --> 00:41:11,175 Yes. All right. Then it's a date. 757 00:41:20,185 --> 00:41:21,853 I'm sorry. What was the question? 758 00:41:24,106 --> 00:41:27,192 So I know we left the other day on a note of uncertainty, 759 00:41:27,275 --> 00:41:29,277 but after some more thought, 760 00:41:29,361 --> 00:41:31,571 I'm very pleased to be able to offer you this job. 761 00:41:32,364 --> 00:41:34,074 Great. 762 00:41:34,241 --> 00:41:37,702 I'm so glad. We're all very excited you're going to be joining us. 763 00:41:37,786 --> 00:41:39,954 It'll be nice to have another MBA around here. 764 00:41:40,038 --> 00:41:43,791 I'm excited, too. Okay. 765 00:41:44,543 --> 00:41:47,837 Who was that? 766 00:41:47,921 --> 00:41:49,088 Nobody. 767 00:41:50,215 --> 00:41:52,258 You and I are done. What?