1
00:00:30,440 --> 00:00:33,477
Wow! That's quite something.
Quite an honour.

2
00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:34,447
I know.

3
00:00:34,473 --> 00:00:36,189
They must be very
impressed with you.

4
00:00:36,220 --> 00:00:39,371
I didn't even know they had an
<i>Employee of the Month</i> thing here.

5
00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:42,870
- Really? I thought you won it once.
- No, everyone thought I was dead.

6
00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:44,228
Aha.

7
00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:47,511
Employee... of the Month.

8
00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:49,951
Yeah, it's a valued title.

9
00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:53,277
- Have you ever won it?
- Er, no. No, I haven't.

10
00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:54,477
I don't know, Jen,

11
00:00:54,502 --> 00:00:57,896
sometimes I think it's because
I just want it so damn much!

12
00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:00,716
I am the <i>Employee of the Month</i>.

13
00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:03,231
And yet, to a casual observer,

14
00:01:03,257 --> 00:01:05,356
it would appear that you do
very little around here.

15
00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:08,318
Yeah. They must have
seen through that.

16
00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:12,877
I think someone up there
must have sensed something in me,

17
00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:17,915
something I've always known
was there - a greatness?

18
00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:22,238
No, I'm not saying that,
but... well, something.

19
00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:25,193
Yeah! Yeah, I'm sensing something.

20
00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:28,879
Don't worry,
I won't let it go to my head.

21
00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:31,036
Guess who's won
Employee of the Month.

22
00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:33,390
- Roy.
- No.

23
00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:34,839
- Richmond.
- No.

24
00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:36,359
- Harry.
- Who's Harry?

25
00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:38,232
- The postman.
- No.

26
00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:40,032
- Me.
- No.

27
00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:42,594
- I said Roy, right? Richmond.
- Meeeee!

28
00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:45,109
- Oh! Oh, about time!
- Yeah.

29
00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:51,719
- Whatever happened to Richmond?
- He got scurvy.

30
00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:56,648
Can you be more specific?

31
00:01:56,674 --> 00:02:00,074
I'm trying to build up a picture of
your role in Reynholm Industries.

32
00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:03,993
Well, I'm the boss,
head honcho, el numero uno,

33
00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:06,429
<i>Mr Big, the Godfather,</i>

34
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,630
<i>Lord of the Rings,</i>

35
00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:10,716
<i>the Bourne Identity,</i>

36
00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:13,673
er... <i>Taxi Driver</i>,

37
00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:15,552
<i>Jaws.</i>

38
00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:18,831
I forgot the question quite a
while back. Who are you again?

39
00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:22,839
I'm April Shepherd. You're being made
Richest magazine's Man of the Year.

40
00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:25,349
- I'm doing the profile.
- Oh, yes, that's right.

41
00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:27,775
You're the boss--
what does that entail?

42
00:02:27,801 --> 00:02:28,975
Oh, many things.

43
00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:30,705
This morning, for instance,

44
00:02:30,830 --> 00:02:34,035
I had to choose the Employee
of the Month from the box.

45
00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:38,715
May I ask,
what are you doing on that pad?

46
00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:42,833
One of my little hobbies is
caricature.

47
00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:46,430
Sometimes I like to sketch someone
as I'm talking to them.

48
00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:48,869
- May I?
- Well, I'm not very good.

49
00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:51,639
I'm no Truman Capote.

50
00:02:57,520 --> 00:02:59,514
Great. OK, erm...

51
00:02:59,915 --> 00:03:02,559
I'll tell you what, let's just
do some quickfire questions.

52
00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:05,438
Maybe they'll give me an insight
into "the real you".

53
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:06,549
OK.

54
00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:09,225
Who is your favourite
person from history?

55
00:03:09,251 --> 00:03:10,593
<i>Sherlock Holmes</i>.

56
00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:14,955
- Well, he's fictional.
- Whoa!

57
00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:18,356
I think you'd better
check your facts there. Fictional?

58
00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:22,234
Who took care of the business with the
giant dog that was eating everybody?

59
00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:23,839
It wasn't Watson.

60
00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:26,793
Don't tell me,
I suppose he was fictional too?

61
00:03:26,920 --> 00:03:28,911
Maybe there was no giant dog.

62
00:03:30,680 --> 00:03:35,549
No, no, I think you're playing
games with me, young lady!

63
00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:38,898
OK, then, favourite
fictional character?

64
00:03:38,924 --> 00:03:41,221
Oh... the <i>Elephant Man</i>.

65
00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:44,157
Tell you what, let me
widen the question out.

66
00:03:44,183 --> 00:03:45,680
Favourite popular figure?

67
00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:48,758
- Churchill.
- What is it you like about him?

68
00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:50,871
I love the way he says:

69
00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:54,356
"Oh, yes! Oh, yes!"

70
00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:59,395
I think perhaps it's you
who's playing games with me.

71
00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:01,849
You're a very surprising
man, Mr Reynholm.

72
00:04:01,875 --> 00:04:03,084
Yes...

73
00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:06,670
I am a surprising man.

74
00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:10,119
April, may I take you to dinner?

75
00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:12,668
Oh, I don't think
I could possibly...

76
00:04:12,694 --> 00:04:13,877
In Paris.

77
00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:16,716
- Paris?!
- Paris, yes.

78
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:18,796
It's the name of a new
restaurant in Hull.

79
00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:21,229
That's right,
we're going to Hull!

80
00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:27,232
Hey, Roy, come over here.
Look at this.

81
00:04:29,280 --> 00:04:31,735
"'The biggest adventure
you can ever take

82
00:04:31,761 --> 00:04:33,981
is to live the life
of your dreams"--

83
00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:36,230
Oprah Winfrey?!

84
00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:39,193
I suppose that is the
biggest adventure.

85
00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:42,595
Guys, come on in.

86
00:04:42,720 --> 00:04:44,392
Sit down.

87
00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:46,476
- Is this a new desk?
- Yeah.

88
00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:51,071
I thought I needed some new furniture, so
I got some stuff from upstairs. Sit down.

89
00:04:57,560 --> 00:05:02,475
I just thought, what with all this
extra attention on us... on me,

90
00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:05,139
it might be worth looking
at ourselves and saying,

91
00:05:05,165 --> 00:05:08,503
"Hey, am I really
giving it 110%?"

92
00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:10,629
"And if not, why not?

93
00:05:10,655 --> 00:05:13,941
What the heck is wrong with me?
Am I mentally ill or something?"

94
00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:16,634
Roy, let's start with you.

95
00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:21,513
When you're upstairs,
fiddling about with compu-ters,

96
00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:24,552
would it hurt to smile?

97
00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:28,195
Don't you realise
what a difference that would make? Eh?

98
00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:31,073
Come on, let's see a smile now.
Come on.

99
00:05:34,280 --> 00:05:36,316
No, more warmth. Warmer.

100
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:40,753
You're just showing more teeth.
That's not warmth.

101
00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:43,838
I would say that's
more of a threatening look, actually.

102
00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:47,714
I'll tell you what, Roy, keep at it.
That's your homework. Moss...

103
00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:50,399
So, what's your speech
going to be about?

104
00:05:50,425 --> 00:05:51,460
What speech?

105
00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:55,599
Every Employee of the Month has to give
a speech in their area of expertise.

106
00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:58,280
Which for you is "compu-ters".

107
00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:06,079
- Where do I have to--?
- At the monthly shareholders' meeting.

108
00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:09,116
- When do I have to...?
- Friday.

109
00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:12,397
- What time...?
- Morning.

110
00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:17,838
How's that?

111
00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:45,510
- What's up, guys?
- All right, Jen?

112
00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:49,431
Ohhhhh... God!

113
00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:53,554
- Just writing a speech.
- Oh, yeah, that's right.

114
00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:58,151
- How's that going?
- Good, good, good, good, good, good.

115
00:06:58,280 --> 00:07:00,635
You know, I was thinking...

116
00:07:00,760 --> 00:07:04,833
if there's anything you guys want to
say, I can put it in, it's no problem.

117
00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:08,233
Oh! Oh, yeah.
Hm, interesting.

118
00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:11,989
Erm, is there anything you'd like
to say to the shareholders, Moss?

119
00:07:12,120 --> 00:07:15,112
- Just say hi.
- Say hi from us.

120
00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:20,479
- OK.
- I love this.

121
00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:22,716
How many more times
is she going to come in?

122
00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:25,957
Maybe it'd be a good idea
if you two contributed to this.

123
00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:28,036
Oh, yeah? Why?

124
00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:32,836
I think it would give you experience in
writing a speech for a public figure.

125
00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:35,793
Well, obviously, in our line
of work that would be handy.

126
00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:40,152
But you know what, Jen?
I'm actually snowed under here.

127
00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:47,910
Wait a second. Wait a second!

128
00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:50,508
- Oh! Oh, what are we doing?!
- Huh?

129
00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:52,949
- We should totally write that speech!
- Why?

130
00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:54,728
OK, offer to write
the speech for Jen.

131
00:07:54,754 --> 00:07:56,611
- No.
- You have to. I can't do it.

132
00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:58,120
She'll know something's
up if I do it.

133
00:07:58,145 --> 00:07:59,976
- You have to do it.
- Why would I do that?

134
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:02,355
- Moss, do you trust me?
- No.

135
00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:04,991
- Do you trust me?
- No.

136
00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:07,554
If you trust me,
then offer to write that speech.

137
00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:09,716
I. Don't. Trust. You.

138
00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:11,876
Hello?

139
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:15,356
<i>I feel really bad, having all
the fun writing this speech.</i>

140
00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:17,516
Do it.
Offer, offer, offer.

141
00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:20,791
Well, I suppose we
could write the speech

142
00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:24,390
so that, you know, you look like
you know what you're talking about.

143
00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:27,956
Thanks. I'm off for lunch.
Leave it on my desk.

144
00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:32,356
My God!

145
00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:33,993
I know.

146
00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:35,678
That's brilliant!

147
00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:39,110
So now you understand why we have
to write that speech for Jen.

148
00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:41,595
She will say anything we tell her to.

149
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,710
She will say anything we tell her to.

150
00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:49,391
We can put any old bollocks in that
speech, and she shall repeat it.

151
00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:52,034
It's going to be hilarious.

152
00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:55,072
Sometimes I could kiss your mind, Roy!

153
00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:59,669
OK, so let's just... I don't know,
let's just throw around a few ideas.

154
00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:02,075
- OK, let's do it.
- OK.

155
00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:07,797
Ooh! Could we tell her that there's
an apple inside every Apple Mac?

156
00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:11,916
- It's good.
- Yeah.

157
00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:14,805
We could say that
Bill Gates is called Bill Gates

158
00:09:14,831 --> 00:09:16,617
because he owns
a lot of gates.

159
00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:19,871
Hm! That's good.
It's not quite punchy enough.

160
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:25,154
And it's probably true now anyway -
I'll bet he does own a lot of gates.

161
00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:27,840
He probably does.

162
00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:34,198
It's got to be something big.

163
00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:36,880
I think I may have it.

164
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:38,638
What?

165
00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:40,990
You best put seatbelts
on your ears, Roy,

166
00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:44,635
cos I'm going to take them
for the ride of their lives.

167
00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:55,509
- Delightful.
- Oh, no, no, no. You're silly.

168
00:09:55,640 --> 00:10:00,270
Do you know, I've never been so
enchanted by a woman in all my life.

169
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:03,551
What's your name again?
I know you told me.

170
00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,080
- April.
- Ah, what a charming name.

171
00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:09,839
Always been one of my favourites.

172
00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:12,622
April... after dinner,

173
00:10:12,747 --> 00:10:16,060
would you do me the honour of
accompanying me to my bed?

174
00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:21,152
- Oh. Erm...
- No, I've said too much!

175
00:10:21,280 --> 00:10:25,193
I've let my heart overpower my head,
which is my wont.

176
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:30,310
But I don't care.
I find you enchanting.

177
00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:35,076
And there's a condom machine
in the toilet-- I've checked.

178
00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:41,799
I'm very flattered, Douglas,
but, erm...

179
00:10:41,825 --> 00:10:43,782
there's a problem,
something I should tell you.

180
00:10:43,880 --> 00:10:46,452
- Go on.
- Erm...

181
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:49,230
I- I have a secret.

182
00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:52,078
I could dance around the
subject, but I like you, Douglas,

183
00:10:52,104 --> 00:10:53,519
and I want to
be straight with you.

184
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:55,117
Oh?

185
00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:57,231
Erm...

186
00:10:57,360 --> 00:10:59,715
I used to be a man, Douglas.

187
00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:02,592
I used to be a man.

188
00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:04,899
I wish there was an easier
way of saying that,

189
00:11:04,925 --> 00:11:06,784
but believe me, there's not.

190
00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:11,510
I've had a lot of hormone therapy
and a number of operations.

191
00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:15,553
I'm really sorry. I... I hope
you don't feel I deceived you.

192
00:11:15,680 --> 00:11:18,274
I understand if you
would rather I left.

193
00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:22,278
I don't care.

194
00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:25,552
What?!

195
00:11:25,680 --> 00:11:27,636
Doesn't bother me.

196
00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:30,990
Doesn't bother you at all?

197
00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:33,395
It takes all sorts to make a world.

198
00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:34,635
Wow!

199
00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:37,115
- It bothers most men.
- I'm not most men.

200
00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:39,800
And the offer still stands.

201
00:11:39,920 --> 00:11:42,673
Are you up for it?

202
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:50,716
Oh!

203
00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:53,957
Amazing! Just amazing.

204
00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:55,358
You liked it?

205
00:11:55,384 --> 00:11:58,316
You really know your
way around that area.

206
00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:01,399
Well...

207
00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:04,512
Tell me, what are you doing
tomorrow night, April?

208
00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:07,518
I was thinking of staying in
and watching the darts.

209
00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:10,200
You've read my mind.

210
00:12:56,160 --> 00:12:58,196
What is it?

211
00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:01,630
This, Jen... is the Internet.

212
00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:11,996
- What?
- That's right.

213
00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:14,076
This is the Internet?

214
00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:18,557
- The whole internet?
- Yep.

215
00:13:18,680 --> 00:13:22,468
I asked for a loan of it so that
you could use it in your speech.

216
00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:24,889
It's so small!

217
00:13:25,115 --> 00:13:28,201
That's one of the
surprising things about it.

218
00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:31,518
Hang on, it doesn't have
any wires or anything.

219
00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:33,790
It's wireless.

220
00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:36,514
Oh, yes, everything's wireless
nowadays, isn't it?

221
00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:39,438
I can really use it in my speech?
What if someone needs it?

222
00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:42,711
People will still be able to
go online. It will still work.

223
00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:44,512
Oh, good.

224
00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:47,482
I tell you, you
present this to the shareholders

225
00:13:47,508 --> 00:13:50,124
and you will
get quite a response.

226
00:13:50,840 --> 00:13:52,876
Can I touch it?

227
00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:58,232
Oh! It's so light!

228
00:13:58,360 --> 00:14:01,158
Of course it is, Jen.
The Internet doesn't weigh anything.

229
00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:04,113
No, of course it doesn't.

230
00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:06,637
Hey!

231
00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:09,797
What is Jen doing
with the Internet?!

232
00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:13,522
Moss said I could
use it for my speech.

233
00:14:13,548 --> 00:14:14,677
Are you insane?!

234
00:14:14,680 --> 00:14:17,717
- What if she drops it?
- I won't drop it. I'll look after it.

235
00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:19,319
No! No, no, no, no, no, Jen.

236
00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:23,513
No, this... this needs to go
straight back to Big Ben.

237
00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:26,677
- Big Ben?
- Yep, it goes on top of Big Ben.

238
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:29,109
That's where you get
the best reception.

239
00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:31,637
I promise I won't let
anything happen to it.

240
00:14:31,663 --> 00:14:32,940
No, Jen, I'm sorry.

241
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:36,396
The elders of the Internet
would never stand for it.

242
00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:39,717
No, Roy, I spoke to the elders of
the Internet not one hour ago.

243
00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:42,308
I told them about Jen winning
Employee of the Month.

244
00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:44,310
And they were so impressed
that they wanted

245
00:14:44,336 --> 00:14:46,458
to do whatever
they could to help.

246
00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:51,273
Wait a minute!
The elders of the Internet?

247
00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:55,595
The elders of the
internet know who I am?!

248
00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:58,154
You've got to let me have it!

249
00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:00,396
No, Jen.
I'm sorry, it's just too risky.

250
00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:02,750
- Oh, please, Roy?
- Oh...

251
00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:07,556
Well... Moss, has it been
completely demagnetised?

252
00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:11,078
By Stephen Hawking himself.

253
00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:14,636
Who sends his congratulations,
by the way.

254
00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:17,957
Well, if it's OK with the Hawk...

255
00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:20,756
So can I have it?

256
00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:22,836
You can.

257
00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:33,389
- Oh, don't forget your speech.
- Thank you.

258
00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:36,159
- Shh!
- Shh!

259
00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:40,996
Slowly.

260
00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:53,871
April, these past few days
have been like a dream.

261
00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:59,317
Usually, I can't wait to get away
from a woman once I've ejaculated.

262
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:05,198
But with you...
I don't know, I feel alive.

263
00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:09,915
- April, I love you.
- What?!

264
00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:13,510
That's right. I totally love
the bloody arse off you.

265
00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:17,395
Oh, Douglas, I love you too!

266
00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:19,603
Oh, poppet...

267
00:16:19,728 --> 00:16:24,101
to think when we met you were so
worried that you came from Iran.

268
00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:34,948
- What?
- When we met.

269
00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:37,435
As if I'd be worried
about something like that.

270
00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:40,199
I don't care where you're from -
Iran, France...

271
00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:43,073
Doesn't bother me.
I'm very modern.

272
00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:45,839
I'm not from Iran.

273
00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:48,349
Well, you said
something along those lines.

274
00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:52,758
No, not "Iran", "a man".
I said, "I used to be a man."

275
00:16:54,160 --> 00:16:56,230
You used to be a man?!

276
00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:00,117
Yes!

277
00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:03,116
Oh, God!

278
00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:41,550
Well, we have a very interesting talk
lined up for today.

279
00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:45,514
Our Employee of the Month
and computer expert Jen Barber

280
00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:49,713
has kindly agreed to say a few words
about her role in the IT department.

281
00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:52,555
Speaking as someone
who doesn't know the difference

282
00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:57,037
between a laptop and, erm...
the larger one,

283
00:17:57,160 --> 00:18:00,311
I'm certainly looking forward
to hearing what she has to say.

284
00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:13,029
Good morning.

285
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:16,118
When I was asked to
give a speech

286
00:18:16,144 --> 00:18:18,657
about what it is I do
and everything...

287
00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:21,397
I was very excited.

288
00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:23,476
"At last", I thought,

289
00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:30,073
"a chance to explain the wonders of
technology to... ordinary folk."

290
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:37,635
But then I thought, "Who wants to
listen to a boring old speech?"

291
00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:42,189
Wouldn't it be better
if I could actually

292
00:18:42,215 --> 00:18:44,700
bring one of these
wonders in to show you?

293
00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:48,839
Say, I don't know... the Internet.

294
00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:51,190
I think it would, and I have.

295
00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:55,916
Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to
present to you... the Internet!

296
00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:02,034
Oh, please, no flash photography.
You'll harm the Internet.

297
00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:07,080
- Ladies and gentlemen...
- Why is no one laughing?

298
00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:09,794
...if anything were to
happen to this box,

299
00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:14,072
the world as we know it
would fall into chaos,

300
00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:17,033
planes would drop from
the sky like tables,

301
00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:22,188
society would tear itself apart
like an angry child with a napkin.

302
00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:26,417
Man's primeval instinct
to survive at any cost

303
00:19:26,543 --> 00:19:29,063
would lead to
terrible violence.

304
00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:31,591
So, please,
no flash photography.

305
00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:39,270
I must say, this is all
very impressive, Douglas.

306
00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:42,437
- So what exactly are you working on?
- I don't know.

307
00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:46,469
April... we need to talk.

308
00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:48,830
Oh, darling,
couldn't we do this at home?

309
00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:51,952
I was hoping we could get shitfaced
and watch the telly.

310
00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:55,311
There'll no more getting shitfaced
and watching the telly,

311
00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:58,273
there'll be no more
Steven Seagal marathons,

312
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:01,119
and there'll be no more
paintballing weekends.

313
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:05,199
I'm afraid our adventure
has come to an end.

314
00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:09,313
- What?! But... but why?
- It's not you, it's me.

315
00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:11,476
No, actually,
it's not me, it is you.

316
00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:13,477
I'm sorry.

317
00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:15,596
You don't think of
me as a woman, do you?

318
00:20:15,622 --> 00:20:16,856
What? Of course I do.

319
00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:19,503
It bothers you that
I used to be a man!

320
00:20:19,529 --> 00:20:20,375
No!

321
00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:23,631
I love that you used to be a man -
it's your thing.

322
00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:26,479
I love thinking about
that operation that you had.

323
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:30,832
Oh, please!
Look at me - I am a woman.

324
00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:34,509
- This is a woman in front of you!
- Excuse me.

325
00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:36,756
I am a woman!

326
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:43,194
- You're tearing me apart.
- Please, Douglas.

327
00:20:44,360 --> 00:20:46,669
I'm sorry, it's beyond my control.

328
00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:49,473
Please, Douglas. Please!

329
00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:53,149
Just go.
You're making this harder for me.

330
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:55,879
You...!

331
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:58,275
How could you do this?

332
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:01,039
How could you do this to me?!

333
00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:08,716
You bastard!

334
00:21:59,840 --> 00:22:02,479
...and that's what the
flashing light is for.

335
00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:04,556
- Any more?
- Is it heavy?

336
00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:07,282
Is it... That's a bit
of a silly question--

337
00:22:07,308 --> 00:22:09,495
the Internet doesn't
weigh anything.

338
00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:14,431
Well, OK, guys,
I guess I should wrap it up.

339
00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:17,677
- Aw...
- No, no, I really have to finish up.

340
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:20,553
More! More! More!
More! More! More!

341
00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:24,675
Guys!
Oh, my God, you really like me.

342
00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:27,633
- This really isn't that funny.
- I know. It's terrible.

343
00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:30,011
I thought at least
we'd get a good story out of it,

344
00:22:30,037 --> 00:22:32,124
you know,
something we'd remember.

345
00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:39,915
It's over, April!

346
00:22:42,280 --> 00:22:44,316
Jesus!

347
00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:46,635
The Internet!

348
00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:50,599
We're all going to die!

349
00:22:56,360 --> 00:22:58,874
Everybody stay calm.

350
00:23:08,360 --> 00:23:11,909
Wait for me! Wait!

351
00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:28,552
<i>He needs to hold his nerve now.</i>

352
00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:35,158
<i>He's done it!</i>

353
00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:37,669
But it's not the same!

354
00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:45,156
Oh, April!