1 00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:37,438 Hey! 2 00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:40,313 I just won 45O quid playing poker. 3 00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:44,149 - Well done. - Saw that one coming, Mikey 73. 4 00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:47,750 That's my rent sorted this month. Ooh, and I can buy that new... 5 00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:50,678 Oh, no, I've lost it all again. 6 00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:56,112 - (clears throat) Jen? - Oh, Philip. Hello. Hi. 7 00:00:56,240 --> 00:01:00,995 This is Philip from six. This is Moss and Roy. 8 00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:02,075 - Hi. - Hi. 9 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:03,519 Hiya. 10 00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:06,438 So, what brings you to my lair? 11 00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:09,594 Not that I'm some sort of animal. 12 00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:13,598 Or... or maybe I am. 13 00:01:13,720 --> 00:01:15,597 Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. 14 00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:22,671 Oh, um, I was just, uh, wondering if, uh, you, um, had the latest Heat. 15 00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:25,030 Ha. Yes, yes, there it is. 16 00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:30,871 Thanks. And... Sorry about this, I don't suppose maybe... 17 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:34,310 you'd like to come to the theatre tomorrow night? Maybe? Or? 18 00:01:34,440 --> 00:01:37,352 I'd be delighted. 19 00:01:39,320 --> 00:01:42,517 - He means me, Moss. - He was looking at me. 20 00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:46,154 - No, he wasn't. - I think he was. 21 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:50,990 - You're not even in his eye line. - Philip, who are you talking to? Me or Jen? 22 00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:54,192 - Do you like the theatre? - Never been. 23 00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:57,517 But I've, uh... I've always liked the idea of the theatre - 24 00:01:57,640 --> 00:02:01,155 the smell of the grease, the roar of the paint. 25 00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:03,999 I've often thought if I hadn't ended up in computers, 26 00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:05,917 I would have gone into the theatre. 27 00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:08,076 - But you've never been to see a play? - No. 28 00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:09,679 Why not? 29 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:12,758 Never had the interest. 30 00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:14,996 - Are there any famous people in it? - No. 31 00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:17,395 It's a pass from me, then, thank you. 32 00:02:17,520 --> 00:02:21,798 - You haven't been invited anyway. - Oh, wait. Uh, Laura Knightly's in it. 33 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:24,755 Laura Knightly from The Bill? 34 00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:27,314 She's gorgeous. You know what? 35 00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:29,431 I will come, Philip, thank you. 36 00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:31,949 There's no invitation. Show me the invitation. 37 00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:36,119 I guess you could come too. I know people in the show, so tickets aren't a problem. 38 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:38,356 - Great. That's settled, then. - Right. 39 00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:42,234 Well, I'll give you a call later, then, give you the details. How's that? 40 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:45,796 That is perfection itself, Philip. Thanks for coming down, man. 41 00:02:45,920 --> 00:02:47,672 Catch you later. 42 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:51,349 That could have been a date there. 43 00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:53,596 Now it's a... 44 00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:56,280 work outing. 45 00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:59,119 - Sorry, I nearly forgot the Heat. - Oh, yes. 46 00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:02,755 It's, uh... That's... Um... 47 00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:07,671 (Jen sighs) 48 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:10,109 Ahh. 49 00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:11,195 What? 50 00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:13,834 He actually did want to borrow the copy of Heat. 51 00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:20,713 - So? - Well, it's just... you know. 52 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:24,116 - Huh. No, I don't. What? - I'm just surprised. 53 00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:26,279 Why? 54 00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:30,234 It's just I don't know many heterosexual men who read Heat. 55 00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:36,957 Huh. What, he's gay just because he reads Heat magazine? 56 00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:40,755 Um, well, he's either gay or a woman in her early twenties. 57 00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:43,152 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 58 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:46,238 Why else would he ask me out on a date? 59 00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:48,715 Are you sure he meant it as a "date" date? 60 00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:51,991 Are you sure you're not going along as his gal pal? 61 00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:57,556 If you're talking about who I think you're talking about, the answer is yes, he is gay. 62 00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:01,273 - How do you know? - Oh, everyone knows. 63 00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:05,518 And what's more, he's been gay since Wham! 64 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:10,831 We're talking about Philip. 65 00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:15,351 - He borrowed Heat. - He borrowed Heat? Ooh, la la. 66 00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:18,040 And he "knows people in the theatre". 67 00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:22,790 That's not a euphemism. He actually does know people in the theatre. 68 00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:26,913 Anyway, it's a date, I'm sure it is. Why else would he ask me out? 69 00:04:27,040 --> 00:04:31,591 Well, don't take this the wrong way, but could he have thought you were a man? 70 00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:37,549 - Let's get a taxi. - It's a ten-minute walk. 71 00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:39,238 No, I don't like walkin'. 72 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:42,033 Why don't you just not come? You wouldn't have to walk anywhere. 73 00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:44,435 I won't spoil your romantic evening with the gay man. 74 00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:47,996 - He's not a gay man. - He reads Heat. 75 00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:53,274 - Hey, where are you lot off to? - Oh, look. Richmond's still alive. 76 00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:56,949 - We're going to the theatre. Want to come? - Oh, no. No, thank you. 77 00:04:57,080 --> 00:04:59,833 - And you shouldn't go either. - Why not? 78 00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:02,030 An ill wind is blowing. 79 00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:07,995 Last night I was stirred from my slumber by a crow calling three times. 80 00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:09,917 Caw. 81 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:12,390 Caw. 82 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:15,956 Well, you know what a crow sounds like. Passing to my window, 83 00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:19,789 I trod on a piece of Lego. Oh, it went right in the heel. 84 00:05:20,840 --> 00:05:24,230 Turning on my television set, I noticed the reception wasn't great. 85 00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:26,999 Not terrible, just not great. 86 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:32,114 Hear me well - no good can come of your trip to the theatre tonight. No good at all. 87 00:05:32,240 --> 00:05:34,196 And if you ask me... 88 00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:39,996 That's just bloody rude. 89 00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:43,836 Where's my Heat? 90 00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:55,196 A gay musical called Gay!. 91 00:05:55,840 --> 00:05:57,956 That's quite gay. 92 00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:02,199 Gay musical? Aren't all musicals gay? 93 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:05,915 This must be, like, the gayest musical ever made. 94 00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:08,554 It's got some pretty good reviews. 95 00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:19,149 "The story of a young man trying to find his sexuality in the uncaring Thatcher years." 96 00:06:19,280 --> 00:06:23,159 "Warning - includes scenes of graphic homoeroticism." 97 00:06:23,280 --> 00:06:25,191 Ugh! No! 98 00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:27,390 It's set in the '8Os. 99 00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:31,669 "Graphic homoeroticism." Does that mean they're gonna get them out? 100 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:34,917 - Not comfortable with your sexuality? - I'm very comfortable with mine. 101 00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:38,191 I just don't want to be slapped in the face with their sexuality. 102 00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:40,072 Oh, look, there's Philip. 103 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:42,430 Oh, look, he's leching at that lady. 104 00:06:42,560 --> 00:06:46,189 Thank God for that. He's just an ordinary ignorant man. 105 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:51,474 - Oh, hey. You're already here. - Yes. 106 00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:55,991 What are we doing, Roy? This isn't us. It takes place in the past. 107 00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:58,918 Forget the play. Philip knows the cast. 108 00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:02,191 It's all about the backstage party afterwards. Those things are great. 109 00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:05,790 You go up to everyone, tell them they were brilliant, and it's free white wine all night. 110 00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:08,514 And besides, I really wanna meet Laura Knightly. 111 00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:11,837 Hey, the guys. Wow! 112 00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:14,235 Looks great, doesn't it? 113 00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:18,035 Right, we should really pick up our tickets. 114 00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:25,271 I know someone who gets the tickle. 115 00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:28,676 - Sorry, I love doing that to him. - (Philip) Hey! 116 00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:32,236 This is Jerome. He does publicity for the show. He got us our tickets. 117 00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:35,636 - Oh, great. Thanks. - This is Jen, and Moss, and Roy. 118 00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:38,069 - Hello, hello. - Hello. How's it going? 119 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:40,919 Oh, my God, you're Irish. I love Irish people. 120 00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:44,191 They're just mad, aren't they? They're just mad. 121 00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:47,357 - We're all insane, yeah. - Well, you'll luv dis. 122 00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:50,233 It's groit crack. 123 00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:53,391 - I'm mad for crack. - (bell rings) 124 00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:56,671 OK, well, quick, everyone. Show's about to start. 125 00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:09,469 I hope Laura Knightly isn't gonna be dressed up like Toyah or something. 126 00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:10,794 Who is she in The Bill again? 127 00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:13,354 She plays that heroin addict that gets stabbed in the face. 128 00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:16,233 - Oh, she is lovely. - Isn't she lovely? 129 00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:20,192 - Oh, God, here we go. - It might be all right. 130 00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:23,917 Yeah. How bad can it be? 131 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:26,156 (grand musical introduction) 132 00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:35,633 Welcome to the United... 133 00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:37,273 Queendom! 134 00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:39,550 (dance music) 135 00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:42,079 Brilliant. 136 00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:46,478 "The United Queendom"? He can't say that. Can he? 137 00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:59,069 # Today's the day the homophobes 138 00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:01,589 - # Get their arses kicked - Yeah! 139 00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:03,711 Yeah! 140 00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:06,479 Yeah, kick their arses! 141 00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:12,275 # I'm a friend of Dorothy, I'm a friend of Dorothy 142 00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:15,119 # She is my friend 143 00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:18,277 This is insanely brilliant. 144 00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:26,118 # Hold my hand 145 00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:28,991 # No 146 00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:33,079 # That's not my hand 147 00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:37,114 # Willies, willies, I love willies 148 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:40,038 # I love willies 149 00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:42,310 OK, I'm completely satisfied. 150 00:09:42,440 --> 00:09:44,396 Don't leave. It's rude. 151 00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:47,239 It's too gay for me. Thought I could handle it, but I can't. 152 00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:50,352 - It'll be the interval soon. - Well, I'm captivated, Roy. 153 00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:53,916 - Calm down. At least it can't get any worse. - (applause) 154 00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:59,790 All right, get them house lights up. Let's have a look at you. 155 00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:02,115 You wearing that shirt for a bet? 156 00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:04,196 Audience participation. Go, go, go. 157 00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:08,552 Ooh, what have we here? 158 00:10:08,680 --> 00:10:10,159 Hello. 159 00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:14,796 So, tell me, who wears the trousers in this relationship? 160 00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:20,358 What? Oh, right. No, we're not homosexuals, we're just very good friends. 161 00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:22,789 - So you never had a look? - At what? 162 00:10:22,920 --> 00:10:24,831 His bum! 163 00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:29,238 I've seen it, um, when he squatted in front of my desk, 164 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:32,557 or should he bend over to pick something up. 165 00:10:32,680 --> 00:10:35,148 I'd love to work in that office. 166 00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:37,748 Oh, there's nothing sexual going on. 167 00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:41,236 I do like Roy, but I'm not "curious". 168 00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:45,992 What were you engaging him for? 169 00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:49,954 He was asking me questions. I couldn't just ignore him. It'd be rude, Roy. 170 00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:53,152 - So what do you think of it? - I think it's fabulous. 171 00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:57,239 Every value I've ever held is being questioned, and I'm loving it. 172 00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:01,595 - You don't like it, do you? - The songs are good. 173 00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:04,757 No, they're not. Hum one of the songs. 174 00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:08,680 # Willies, willies, I like willies 175 00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:10,233 - It's "I love willies". - What? 176 00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:13,875 - I love willies. - Sir, could you keep it down? 177 00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:17,595 - I'm not going back in there. - Oh, yes, you are. 178 00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:21,872 Oh, no. I'll wait out here for you, but there is no way I'm going anywhere near that thing. 179 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:24,878 Oh, you can't leave me alone. I don't know what the hell's going on. 180 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:28,629 He's laughing like an idiot at every single gay reference. 181 00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:33,356 - Why didn't he come out for a drink? - He doesn't want to miss anything. 182 00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:35,277 I need to wee-wee. 183 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:37,391 Yeah, me too. 184 00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:42,549 - Oh, what's wrong? - They've got a toilet guy. 185 00:11:42,680 --> 00:11:45,035 Ohh! I hate toilet guys. 186 00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:48,834 Oh, let's just get it over with. 187 00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:23,116 Thank you. 188 00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:27,596 Cheers, dude. 189 00:12:29,680 --> 00:12:31,591 - Did you go? - No. Did you? 190 00:12:31,720 --> 00:12:36,157 No. How could I with that bloke stood looking at us? What was that? 191 00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:38,999 - It's not my fault he works in a toilet. - How much did you give him? 192 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:42,795 A pound. I just paid a pound not to go to the toilet. 193 00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:44,239 He's a terrible toilet guy. 194 00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:47,158 He should work somewhere where people don't want to go to the toilet. 195 00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:49,669 - I'm gonna use the disabled. - You can't use the disabled. 196 00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:53,190 - What? Why not? - You're not disabled. You'll get in trouble. 197 00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:55,993 It's not like a parking space, Moss. 198 00:12:56,120 --> 00:13:00,318 I think... I think it's OK. Isn't it? It's OK, I'm always using the disabled. 199 00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:02,876 It's illegal. 200 00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:05,756 I don't think so. 201 00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:25,832 Oh! 202 00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:27,869 Ah... 203 00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:31,390 - (banging) - (man) Hello? Hello? You all right in there? 204 00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:33,235 Um... 205 00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:35,510 (man) Do you need help? 206 00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:38,791 - (high-pitched) I'm disabled. - (woman) He sounds disoriented. 207 00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:41,480 - (man) Move back from the door. - What? No. 208 00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:44,196 - (banging) - Oh! 209 00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:48,030 - What are you doing? - (woman) Don't panic. 210 00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:50,116 (banging) 211 00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:55,916 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What's happening? 212 00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:58,315 - Someone's had an accident. - What? 213 00:13:58,440 --> 00:14:01,273 Well, you'd better keep going, then. 214 00:14:03,680 --> 00:14:05,238 (whimpers) 215 00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:09,639 - Oh, my God. What happened? - I fell off the toilet. 216 00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:13,113 Well, come on, let's get... let's get you upright. 217 00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:15,231 Thank you. 218 00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:19,556 So, uh, what happened? 219 00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:22,596 - I'm disabled. - How? 220 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,753 - How what? - How are you disabled? 221 00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:31,590 - Uh, leg disabled. - Uh, wh-which? 222 00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:33,551 Do you have a wheelchair? 223 00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:36,035 - Yes. - Where? 224 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:40,795 Stolen. 225 00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:42,797 How did they get in? 226 00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:47,868 - I don't know. - All right, all right, all right. 227 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:50,753 Let's get you out of here. Come on. Give me a hand. 228 00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:53,872 There you go. There you go. There you go, mate. 229 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:57,117 All right. You're all right. You're all right. There you go. 230 00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:09,913 (manager) All right. That's it. There you go. Easy, now. 231 00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:14,318 - (man) That way. - (manager) Right. Nice and steady. 232 00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:17,512 Easy. Gently, gently. 233 00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:20,871 All right, bring him. Careful, careful. That's it, that's it. 234 00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:26,356 Excuse me, you know this is the staff toilet? 235 00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:29,313 Yes. I'm staff. 236 00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:34,589 I really am feeling much better. 237 00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:36,790 You can all go now. 238 00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:41,436 We're not going anywhere until we've got you sorted out. 239 00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:46,359 - Ah, here's Paul with the wheelchair. - Oh, right. What? 240 00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:50,157 I keep one in the office for emergencies. Let's get you up. 241 00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:53,317 Nice and gently now. That's it, that's it. There we are. 242 00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:55,396 - OK? There we are. - (Roy whimpers) 243 00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:01,758 - Oh, the police. - Everything all right here? 244 00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:03,598 I'm disabled. 245 00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:09,554 - So, someone stole your... - My wheelchair. 246 00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:11,671 I... I'm disabled. 247 00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:15,429 - Some lazy bastard just waltzed in there. - Can you describe him? 248 00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:19,348 - It was all over so quickly. - Well, just tell us what you can. 249 00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:21,198 Caucasian male. 250 00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:24,316 Um... bearded. 251 00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:28,399 Red hair. 252 00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:30,556 Glasses. 253 00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:32,398 Possibly a disguise. I... 254 00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:35,478 All right, thank you. Do you need any help getting home? 255 00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:38,637 No, I'm fine. I'm with people. 256 00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:40,955 Here they are now. 257 00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:43,036 Hey, fellas. 258 00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:46,989 - I'll take it from here. - Nonsense. It's the least I can do. 259 00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:49,395 OK. 260 00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:55,395 - You slacking off in there? - Um... 261 00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:57,476 Go and get changed. 262 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,954 Excuse me, sir. Can I have a word with you, please? 263 00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:06,709 Amazing. So powerful. Thanks. 264 00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:11,152 The... (grunts) The grit of it. (imitates five gunshots) 265 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:13,350 - Five stars. - (laughs weakly) 266 00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:15,755 - So what did you think? - Of the musical? 267 00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:17,871 Did you not just love it? 268 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,912 - Well, no. Sorry. - Why not? 269 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:24,476 I don't know. It's just, maybe you have to be... 270 00:17:25,520 --> 00:17:27,033 gay. 271 00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:31,756 - I loved it. - I guess it's more of a... gay thing. 272 00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:35,758 You know, you have to be gay. 273 00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:37,950 A gay man. 274 00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:42,517 - A homosexual. - All I know is I loved every last second of it, 275 00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:44,278 and I'm not... 276 00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:48,188 usually a fan of musicals. Hey, do you wanna meet the cast? 277 00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:52,871 - Come on. - The thing is, I have to meet Moss and Roy. 278 00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:17,837 Hey, listen. I told the cast about what happened, 279 00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:20,997 and they told me to get you all to come back and meet them. 280 00:18:21,120 --> 00:18:22,917 - Yeah! - (clapping) 281 00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:26,237 Come on, everybody, off the van. 282 00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:34,235 Hey, James! 283 00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:36,157 Oh, wow, Edgar. 284 00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:37,952 Hi. 285 00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:40,878 Oh, brilliant. 286 00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:42,718 Jeremy! 287 00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:46,549 How do you know all these... young, good-looking men? 288 00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:48,910 Oh, you know, just from around. 289 00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:51,554 Hey, Jerome. Come here, you. 290 00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:55,116 - Great show. - Hello, darling. 291 00:18:55,240 --> 00:18:59,631 Can't talk at the mo. Got a disabled group coming in for a chat. Here they are now. 292 00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:21,078 He's had quite an evening. Someone stole his wheelchair. 293 00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:23,792 Really? 294 00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:27,560 Did you see who it was? 295 00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:30,035 - Red-bearded man. - Uh-huh. 296 00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:33,793 How long have you been disabled? 297 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:37,434 - Ten years. - Ten years. 298 00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:41,838 And how did it happen, if that's not a rude question? 299 00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:46,269 Acid. 300 00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:49,708 What are the chances of that happening? 301 00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:52,195 Ooh, a hundred to one. 302 00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:57,637 - You look like you could do with a drink. - Whisky, please. Double. 303 00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:00,558 - Excuse me. - Yes, Miss? 304 00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:09,312 OK. 305 00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:12,910 Can I have a double whisky, please? 306 00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:15,554 - Double whisky. - And a glass of white wine. 307 00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:18,478 - Glass of white wine. - Thank you. 308 00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:21,034 You're very welcome, madam. 309 00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:34,033 - Hello. - (high-pitched) Hello, Laura Knightly. 310 00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:37,516 - How are you? - I'm disabled. 311 00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:41,269 It must be so difficult being gay and disabled. 312 00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:44,392 It's very difficult. 313 00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:46,317 Yeah. 314 00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:49,512 Oh, come here, my little soldier. 315 00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:52,996 - Oh, what's the matter? - I don't know. 316 00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:57,599 - You're from telly. - I am. 317 00:20:57,720 --> 00:21:01,679 And do you know, a little birdie told me that you couldn't make the show tonight. 318 00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:04,189 So I've got you two tickets for tomorrow. 319 00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:08,752 Brilliant. 320 00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:10,359 - You're doing so well. - Yeah. 321 00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:12,516 - High-five. - High-five. 322 00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:15,556 Laura, couple of photos? 323 00:21:18,120 --> 00:21:21,078 - Is he from the newspaper? - Yes, he's from the Standard. 324 00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:23,270 Oh, good. 325 00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:26,192 What? What's? 326 00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:28,959 I... I get it. Very funny. 327 00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:30,752 You Irish! 328 00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:35,556 Oh, I'm a bit tired. Can I have a wheelchair too? Ha-ha! Hilarious! 329 00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:38,433 (fake Irish accent) Oh, me ligs don't work. 330 00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:41,950 Help, help! I need a wheelchair. Come on, get up. 331 00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:45,516 Come on, stop mucking around. I want a go. 332 00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:50,111 Oh! 333 00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:52,595 And then it goes like that... 334 00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:56,558 Well, uh, I guess this is good night. 335 00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:58,636 Yeah. 336 00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:13,155 Oh, for God's sake! Are you gay? Are you a gay man? 337 00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:14,269 - No! - Are you? 338 00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:16,152 - No! - No, brilliant, good. 339 00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:19,716 Cos that's all I wanted to know. I don't mind one way or another. 340 00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:24,277 It's just, I like being clear. I don't want any... ambiguity. 341 00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:27,233 What on earth made you think I was gay? 342 00:22:27,360 --> 00:22:31,399 Well... Well, you know, I didn't just pull it out of the air. 343 00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:35,354 You know, you've just brought me to a gay musical called Gay!. 344 00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:38,153 You've been laughing like mad at every gay reference. 345 00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:43,149 Your friends... all of who are gay, say hello by tickling you. 346 00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:46,716 Jen! What century are you living in? 347 00:22:46,840 --> 00:22:50,469 Do you think that a man has to be gay to like a gay musical? 348 00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:53,797 Can a straight man not have homosexual friends? 349 00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:57,469 And since when was tickling gay? I missed that meeting. 350 00:22:57,600 --> 00:23:00,433 Jen. Jen, come here. 351 00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:03,791 I'm sorry. You just threw me when you borrowed that copy of Heat. 352 00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:08,471 Oh, God, it's true, it's true. I'm gay! I'm a gay man. 353 00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:12,912 I tried to run from it, to deny it, but I can't, I can't, I can't! 354 00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:15,793 Oh, Jen, what am I gonna do? 355 00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:23,031 I thought I could make it work between us because you looked a bit like a man. 356 00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:25,515 (sobbing) Oh, God! 357 00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:34,550 Taxi! 358 00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:57,912 Hello there. 359 00:23:58,040 --> 00:24:00,395 I didn't see you on the way out. 360 00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:03,159 All right, lads, let's get a singsong going. 361 00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:06,477 It's a long way back to Manchester. 362 00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:09,797 (men) # Willies, willies, I love willies 363 00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:13,196 # Willies, willies, I love willies 364 00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:17,396 - Good night, Steve. - Good night, Moss. 365 00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:21,559 - Good night, Milly. You be good. - Not if I can help it. 366 00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:25,196 (sighs happily) 367 00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:28,756 The theatre!