1 00:00:30,644 --> 00:00:32,924 Transcript: Travis 2 00:00:33,117 --> 00:00:35,629 Adaptation: Any1, Sixe 3 00:00:38,326 --> 00:00:39,484 Here we are! 4 00:00:40,556 --> 00:00:42,717 Your place... your place... 5 00:00:43,958 --> 00:00:46,659 La maison... de la femme... 6 00:00:47,499 --> 00:00:49,789 El casa del signorita... 7 00:00:53,275 --> 00:00:54,660 Das haus die Frau... 8 00:00:58,014 --> 00:00:59,014 Good night! 9 00:00:59,521 --> 00:01:02,061 I'll just walk you to the door. 10 00:01:02,132 --> 00:01:04,128 - There's no need. - That's okay. 11 00:01:10,141 --> 00:01:11,146 So... 12 00:01:12,182 --> 00:01:13,987 I guess this is "arrivederci". 13 00:01:15,756 --> 00:01:17,755 I'd quite fancy a cup of tea though. 14 00:01:20,106 --> 00:01:21,383 A glass of water maybe. 15 00:01:23,522 --> 00:01:24,966 Perhaps a little lie down. 16 00:01:25,029 --> 00:01:26,039 Look... 17 00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:28,207 I have to tell you something. 18 00:01:28,383 --> 00:01:29,200 What? 19 00:01:29,201 --> 00:01:31,535 I wanted to tell you in the restaurant but... 20 00:01:31,706 --> 00:01:34,030 it... a good time never came up and I... 21 00:01:34,146 --> 00:01:36,443 - I wasn't gonna say it but... - Say it. 22 00:01:37,285 --> 00:01:38,285 I have to. 23 00:01:41,547 --> 00:01:42,547 What? 24 00:01:42,899 --> 00:01:44,510 You've got shit on your head. 25 00:01:48,409 --> 00:01:49,409 What? 26 00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:52,333 There's some shit on your head. 27 00:01:52,414 --> 00:01:53,414 What? 28 00:01:53,478 --> 00:01:55,204 Where? Where? 29 00:01:55,836 --> 00:01:57,254 It's been there forever. 30 00:01:57,342 --> 00:01:59,573 Oh God! Oh God! 31 00:02:02,439 --> 00:02:03,439 It's chocolate! 32 00:02:03,695 --> 00:02:04,499 It's chocolate! 33 00:02:04,500 --> 00:02:05,500 It's not shit! 34 00:02:05,545 --> 00:02:06,398 It's not shit! 35 00:02:06,399 --> 00:02:07,399 It's.. 36 00:02:07,897 --> 00:02:08,897 It's my dessert. 37 00:02:09,852 --> 00:02:11,810 I don't know how it got there but uh... 38 00:02:11,811 --> 00:02:12,866 It's on my fingers. 39 00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:14,560 It's not shit! 40 00:02:15,719 --> 00:02:16,774 Thank God for that! 41 00:02:18,976 --> 00:02:21,571 You know, I just spent the last hour 42 00:02:21,892 --> 00:02:24,693 thinking you were some sort of disgusting tramp. 43 00:02:24,774 --> 00:02:26,076 Oh no! 44 00:02:27,827 --> 00:02:28,827 That's funny! 45 00:02:30,995 --> 00:02:32,921 - Oh God look! - What? 46 00:02:33,021 --> 00:02:35,439 It's chocolate! 47 00:02:38,339 --> 00:02:40,005 How about that cup of tea now? 48 00:02:43,693 --> 00:02:46,294 I was a perfect gentleman last night from beginning to end 49 00:02:46,295 --> 00:02:49,389 but she can't see past a little bit of shit on my forehead! 50 00:02:49,412 --> 00:02:50,900 I thought you said it was chocolate. 51 00:02:50,935 --> 00:02:52,981 Yes, chocolate, yes! I meant chocolate. 52 00:02:54,319 --> 00:02:56,041 I forgot to turn this thing on. 53 00:02:57,263 --> 00:02:58,263 Hello, IT. . 54 00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:01,548 Hi, uh, something's wrong with my computer. 55 00:03:01,719 --> 00:03:04,015 Have you tried turning it off and on again? 56 00:03:04,016 --> 00:03:05,629 Oh No! No, oh Dear, thanks. 57 00:03:06,163 --> 00:03:07,278 You're welcome then. 58 00:03:08,487 --> 00:03:09,532 It's typical. 59 00:03:09,579 --> 00:03:12,529 The one time I manage to bamboozle a girl in the building 60 00:03:12,530 --> 00:03:14,752 into going out with me and this happens. 61 00:03:15,374 --> 00:03:16,725 She's gonna tell everyone! 62 00:03:16,842 --> 00:03:18,999 Oh come on! She's a receptionist, 63 00:03:19,161 --> 00:03:20,564 she'd hardly gossip. 64 00:03:21,841 --> 00:03:23,557 Besides it's a boring story. 65 00:03:23,846 --> 00:03:25,631 Yeah... that's boring. 66 00:03:25,949 --> 00:03:27,893 It's boring, she won't tell anyone. 67 00:03:39,744 --> 00:03:40,744 Hello. 68 00:03:48,012 --> 00:03:49,012 Sorry guys. 69 00:03:55,219 --> 00:03:56,782 She might have told Jen. 70 00:04:00,127 --> 00:04:01,842 No, that's what I'm saying. 71 00:04:02,126 --> 00:04:03,092 It wasn't. It was... 72 00:04:03,435 --> 00:04:05,379 It was chocolate. It was chocolate. 73 00:04:06,286 --> 00:04:07,939 I don't know... I don't know... it... 74 00:04:07,940 --> 00:04:09,944 it got on my fingers and then I must have... 75 00:04:09,945 --> 00:04:11,101 Listen... 76 00:04:11,181 --> 00:04:13,018 how did you even hear about this, mom? 77 00:04:15,250 --> 00:04:18,244 Moss... Moss, there's a spider in my office. 78 00:04:18,308 --> 00:04:20,752 Could you deal with it? I just hate spiders. 79 00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:27,722 I'm not overly fond of them myself there, Jen. 80 00:04:28,558 --> 00:04:29,673 How... 81 00:04:31,845 --> 00:04:35,215 How big is... Whoa! Hey now! 82 00:04:35,353 --> 00:04:36,740 I'll tell you what. 83 00:04:36,775 --> 00:04:39,750 I actually recommend my good friend Roy there 84 00:04:39,797 --> 00:04:42,028 as the go-to guy on anything 85 00:04:42,492 --> 00:04:44,136 with more than 7 eyes. 86 00:04:45,013 --> 00:04:47,374 He's on a very brief personal call right now. 87 00:04:47,409 --> 00:04:48,548 Come, Moss. Don't be silly. 88 00:04:48,583 --> 00:04:50,734 You're right, I'm being silly. Wrap it up, Roy! 89 00:04:51,568 --> 00:04:53,294 It's just a spider. It's fine. 90 00:04:54,392 --> 00:04:57,451 Oh look! It seems to have left of its own volition. 91 00:04:57,552 --> 00:04:58,844 Oh, be a man, Moss! 92 00:04:58,898 --> 00:05:01,378 You're right, I'll be a man. I'm a man. 93 00:05:02,968 --> 00:05:04,468 Please don't shut the door. 94 00:05:05,979 --> 00:05:06,979 I won't. 95 00:05:07,424 --> 00:05:08,424 Goodbye, Jen. 96 00:05:13,031 --> 00:05:14,462 That was my mother. 97 00:05:14,736 --> 00:05:16,291 How did she hear about this? 98 00:05:16,340 --> 00:05:18,673 Oh, was that the woman who phoned earlier? 99 00:05:18,739 --> 00:05:20,793 'Cause I've just been telling everybody. 100 00:05:20,794 --> 00:05:23,697 Why would you want to go out with Patricia anyway? 101 00:05:23,749 --> 00:05:26,717 I mean, her last boyfriend was Simon from 3rd. 102 00:05:27,104 --> 00:05:28,637 - Jen! - Hey, you! 103 00:05:29,163 --> 00:05:30,163 Hello there. 104 00:05:30,547 --> 00:05:31,984 Have you caught it yet? 105 00:05:32,313 --> 00:05:33,623 Not quite, Jen. 106 00:05:34,264 --> 00:05:36,430 The spider's managed to walk behind me. 107 00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:39,003 And it's between me and the door. 108 00:05:40,628 --> 00:05:42,059 So I can't get out. 109 00:05:43,532 --> 00:05:45,754 Simon from 3rd is the one with the hair. 110 00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:48,304 Oh, him! Oh, he's awful. 111 00:05:48,790 --> 00:05:51,563 He once ate a copy of Loaded for a bet. 112 00:05:53,438 --> 00:05:55,433 - She liked him? - Apparently. 113 00:05:55,691 --> 00:05:57,230 That explains everything! 114 00:05:57,304 --> 00:06:00,470 She likes the kind of big obnoxious guy who eats Loaders. 115 00:06:03,555 --> 00:06:04,555 Hello, Daniel. 116 00:06:05,206 --> 00:06:06,011 How are you? 117 00:06:06,012 --> 00:06:07,466 I'm great, thanks. How are you? 118 00:06:07,467 --> 00:06:08,467 I'm great. 119 00:06:08,717 --> 00:06:11,384 Well, can either of you tell me... Okay... Okay... 120 00:06:11,804 --> 00:06:16,184 who wrote Missa Brevis in D minor? Was it Mozart or Beethoven? 121 00:06:17,345 --> 00:06:20,428 That was a certain Mr. Mozart, I think you'll find. 122 00:06:20,598 --> 00:06:23,137 Oh right, do you know a lot about classical music? 123 00:06:23,219 --> 00:06:25,497 - Petit pois. - Oh, right. 124 00:06:27,384 --> 00:06:29,298 Mozart, Beethoven, 50/50 ain't it? 125 00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:33,720 Actually, no, you were right. It was Mozart. 126 00:06:33,791 --> 00:06:34,848 Well it's... It was... 127 00:06:34,866 --> 00:06:36,932 Okay, so, let's try another one. 128 00:06:37,387 --> 00:06:40,829 Okay. Here we go. In what year did Mozart die? 129 00:06:40,913 --> 00:06:43,754 - Was it 1780 or 1791? - 1791. 130 00:06:44,593 --> 00:06:48,233 Yes! Yes! Bang on! Good! 131 00:06:49,287 --> 00:06:51,342 God! I hope he doesn't come in again! 132 00:06:52,375 --> 00:06:53,650 - Jen! - Yes! 133 00:06:54,145 --> 00:06:57,589 Is Roy off the phone yet? The spider is now upon my person. 134 00:07:07,330 --> 00:07:10,054 You guys don't mind me chilling out in here, do you? 135 00:07:10,136 --> 00:07:11,886 No. Chill out! 136 00:07:13,212 --> 00:07:15,386 So did you see the match last night? 137 00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:17,544 - Oh yeah! - Oh yeah! 138 00:07:17,629 --> 00:07:18,712 - God! - Did we? 139 00:07:19,312 --> 00:07:20,580 What a match! 140 00:07:22,388 --> 00:07:24,795 All of the players running up... 141 00:07:25,276 --> 00:07:26,023 the pitch... 142 00:07:26,024 --> 00:07:29,321 and running down it again. Such athleticism! 143 00:07:30,257 --> 00:07:31,842 What was Rooney thinking over there? 144 00:07:32,821 --> 00:07:35,476 Who knows! That's Rooney! 145 00:07:35,602 --> 00:07:38,647 He is a foolish boy! 146 00:07:40,446 --> 00:07:43,755 Yeah but... that referee... I'm sorry the referee is just an idiot. 147 00:07:43,816 --> 00:07:47,327 Yes, he was certainly the villain of the piece. 148 00:07:48,954 --> 00:07:50,386 Daniel, you're still here. 149 00:07:50,764 --> 00:07:52,810 Yeah, just... just having a little break. 150 00:07:52,811 --> 00:07:54,477 Do you wanna come and join me? 151 00:07:55,768 --> 00:07:56,655 Stop it! 152 00:07:58,381 --> 00:08:01,423 Well, I'd better... I'd better... hit this way. 153 00:08:01,624 --> 00:08:04,323 Oh by the way, guys, if you need any help with any more spiders, 154 00:08:04,324 --> 00:08:06,036 just give me a call, okay? 155 00:08:06,177 --> 00:08:08,244 Yeah, we'll be fine, I think, thanks. 156 00:08:08,322 --> 00:08:10,013 Actually, do you have a card? 157 00:08:11,054 --> 00:08:13,097 That is good. See you. 158 00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:18,872 You like him! 159 00:08:19,975 --> 00:08:20,934 Who? 160 00:08:21,580 --> 00:08:24,315 Oh, that good looking man with "Security" 161 00:08:24,362 --> 00:08:25,596 written on his shoulders? Yes! 162 00:08:25,784 --> 00:08:26,784 Yes, I do. 163 00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:28,606 He seems really nice. 164 00:08:29,310 --> 00:08:30,225 Nice! 165 00:08:30,296 --> 00:08:33,361 'Cause that's what you women want! Nice guys! 166 00:08:34,095 --> 00:08:34,997 Hello, IT! . 167 00:08:34,998 --> 00:08:36,775 What are you talking about, Roy? 168 00:08:36,878 --> 00:08:40,107 If my date last night proved anything, it's that you, ladies, 169 00:08:40,142 --> 00:08:41,759 you don't want nice guys. 170 00:08:41,794 --> 00:08:43,565 I think if your date proved anything, Roy, 171 00:08:43,566 --> 00:08:46,732 it's that women like men without poo on their foreheads. 172 00:08:47,266 --> 00:08:48,482 That's our type. 173 00:08:49,664 --> 00:08:51,261 That has nothing to do with this. 174 00:08:51,308 --> 00:08:54,208 She clearly just didn't want a gentleman in her life. 175 00:08:54,275 --> 00:08:56,429 I hate to generalize, you know that. 176 00:08:56,678 --> 00:08:59,144 But all women just want bastards. 177 00:09:00,485 --> 00:09:04,112 That women liking bastards thing is a total myth. 178 00:09:04,179 --> 00:09:07,772 I've tried turning it off and on again and nothing happened. 179 00:09:07,841 --> 00:09:09,396 Is it definitely plugged in? 180 00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:11,651 Oh, let me have a look. 181 00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:13,955 Oh, sorry, that's it, thanks very much. 182 00:09:13,956 --> 00:09:15,011 You're welcome then. 183 00:09:15,372 --> 00:09:17,285 It's just not true. 184 00:09:17,507 --> 00:09:21,141 Women don't want gentlemen, they want bullies and thugs. 185 00:09:21,460 --> 00:09:22,510 I'll prove it to you. 186 00:09:22,511 --> 00:09:24,344 How will you prove it to me, Roy? 187 00:09:25,289 --> 00:09:26,417 Oh! Okay. 188 00:09:26,558 --> 00:09:30,313 I'll put a... I'll put on a classified ad online. 189 00:09:30,622 --> 00:09:31,471 A classified? 190 00:09:31,472 --> 00:09:33,070 Yeah, like a lonely hearts thing 191 00:09:33,071 --> 00:09:34,577 but I'll make it sound psychotic. 192 00:09:34,578 --> 00:09:36,880 And I still bet I'll get a bezillion replies. 193 00:09:36,881 --> 00:09:37,828 Oh, dear God. 194 00:09:37,829 --> 00:09:38,829 Come on. How much? 195 00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:44,016 Okay. Yeah, I'll give you 20 quid if you get 1 response. 196 00:09:44,087 --> 00:09:44,944 You're on! 197 00:09:45,061 --> 00:09:46,068 Oh my God, no! 198 00:09:47,271 --> 00:09:50,145 It's all about body fluids with you, isn't it? 199 00:09:52,829 --> 00:09:54,581 Come on, Moss! We need to get to work. 200 00:09:54,582 --> 00:09:55,534 Work? 201 00:09:55,535 --> 00:09:58,757 Yeah, we need to post a classified lonely hearts ad online 202 00:09:58,786 --> 00:10:01,250 that makes me sound like a psycho so that I can prove to Jen 203 00:10:01,285 --> 00:10:04,359 that all women love bastards and therefore win 20 pounds. 204 00:10:04,801 --> 00:10:07,334 Thank God! I thought that thing was broken. 205 00:10:07,902 --> 00:10:10,808 "Shut up! Do what I tell you! I'm not interested!" 206 00:10:12,356 --> 00:10:16,467 These are just some of the things you'll be hearing if you answer this ad. 207 00:10:17,576 --> 00:10:20,576 "I'm an idiot and I don't care about anyone but myself." 208 00:10:21,531 --> 00:10:23,252 "PS: No dogs." 209 00:10:25,383 --> 00:10:27,049 - That's good. - What's yours? 210 00:10:27,826 --> 00:10:29,317 Mine doesn't look any good now. 211 00:10:29,435 --> 00:10:30,438 Go on. 212 00:10:31,296 --> 00:10:32,972 "I'm going to murder you." 213 00:10:35,699 --> 00:10:37,326 "You bloody woman!" 214 00:10:40,164 --> 00:10:42,413 Might want to play a bit hard to get. 215 00:10:44,162 --> 00:10:46,487 If you were a murderer, what would your nickname be? 216 00:10:46,505 --> 00:10:47,797 Mine would be "The Gardener", 217 00:10:47,844 --> 00:10:51,002 'cause I'd always leave a rose at the scene of the crime. 218 00:10:51,525 --> 00:10:53,510 What would your murder weapon be? 219 00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:55,480 A hammer. 220 00:10:57,783 --> 00:10:58,783 Hey, Moss. 221 00:11:01,836 --> 00:11:04,058 "Would you like to go for dinner with me?" 222 00:11:05,428 --> 00:11:08,094 "And then maybe back to my place?" 223 00:11:09,249 --> 00:11:12,461 I'd love to, Jen, but I'm actually helping Roy at the moment. 224 00:11:12,462 --> 00:11:15,799 No. No, no, no. Who does this remind you of, yeah? 225 00:11:16,568 --> 00:11:18,456 "Do you wanna go on a date with me?" 226 00:11:20,994 --> 00:11:22,039 Gandhi? 227 00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:26,172 No, no, the other one. Bono. 228 00:11:27,711 --> 00:11:29,379 No, no, I was doing Roy. 229 00:11:29,487 --> 00:11:31,740 Yes, yes, it's like there was 2 of me. 230 00:11:32,597 --> 00:11:34,874 Come on. Get your money ready. 20 pounds. 231 00:11:35,951 --> 00:11:37,689 Hey! Hello. 232 00:11:40,251 --> 00:11:42,142 It's security. 233 00:11:42,458 --> 00:11:44,771 I hope I'm not in any danger. 234 00:11:44,974 --> 00:11:45,974 Oh my God! 235 00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:47,372 It's not shit! 236 00:11:49,998 --> 00:11:51,577 On my head, it's not shit! 237 00:11:52,006 --> 00:11:53,357 It's chocolate spread. 238 00:11:53,681 --> 00:11:54,797 - Taste it! - No! 239 00:11:54,832 --> 00:11:55,771 Look! 240 00:11:55,853 --> 00:11:56,887 Look! 241 00:12:00,598 --> 00:12:01,803 Ringo Starr? 242 00:12:03,403 --> 00:12:05,672 I'll be wondering about that all night! 243 00:12:05,855 --> 00:12:07,257 How do you know about this site? 244 00:12:07,258 --> 00:12:08,258 I'm a member. 245 00:12:09,818 --> 00:12:12,864 Really? You do the whole lonely hearts thing? 246 00:12:13,628 --> 00:12:16,797 I'm a 32-year-old IT man who works in a basement. 247 00:12:17,581 --> 00:12:19,803 Yes, I do the whole lonely hearts thing. 248 00:12:22,942 --> 00:12:26,155 So, as you can clearly see, it wasn't... 249 00:12:27,795 --> 00:12:29,828 excrement, it was chocolate. 250 00:12:30,006 --> 00:12:32,060 I was playing a joke. It was chocolate. 251 00:12:32,061 --> 00:12:34,561 Jen, it's okay, I've got it. Don't worry about it. 252 00:12:34,808 --> 00:12:36,752 Listen, what are you doing tonight? 253 00:12:38,366 --> 00:12:40,588 - I've got a response! - That was quick! 254 00:12:40,617 --> 00:12:43,138 Yeah, why is it taking so long to download? 255 00:12:43,197 --> 00:12:45,164 Something happened with the router this morning. 256 00:12:45,199 --> 00:12:47,012 We're back to pre-broadband speed. 257 00:12:48,077 --> 00:12:49,077 Dear... 258 00:12:55,989 --> 00:12:57,532 But we're on the phone now. 259 00:12:57,592 --> 00:12:59,195 Why can't you just ask me now? 260 00:12:59,270 --> 00:13:00,866 Can't Jen, trust me. 261 00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:02,645 Why should I trust you? 262 00:13:02,646 --> 00:13:04,590 Because I know what's good for you. 263 00:13:06,594 --> 00:13:10,234 Listen, you have to be home between 8 and 9 tonight, are you gonna be home? 264 00:13:10,281 --> 00:13:12,195 Okay, this sounds exciting. 265 00:13:12,221 --> 00:13:14,957 It might not happen, okay? But hopefully it will. 266 00:13:14,979 --> 00:13:16,942 Now I don't know if this is exciting or not... 267 00:13:16,988 --> 00:13:19,145 Jen... Jen, it's exciting! 268 00:13:23,253 --> 00:13:26,254 "...would be very interested in meeting up and talking it over." 269 00:13:26,255 --> 00:13:27,255 "Love, Rebecca." 270 00:13:27,403 --> 00:13:29,347 Oh my God! What did we write again? 271 00:13:29,457 --> 00:13:30,901 It started with "shut up". 272 00:13:32,457 --> 00:13:33,662 There's more. 273 00:13:34,117 --> 00:13:36,617 "I attached a photograph for your approval... 274 00:13:36,618 --> 00:13:38,391 "or not!" Exclamation mark. 275 00:13:38,554 --> 00:13:41,387 All right, let's have a look at you, you mad thing. 276 00:13:45,168 --> 00:13:46,419 Nice hair so far. 277 00:13:47,569 --> 00:13:50,514 - Eyebrows seem normal. - Two eyes. 278 00:13:51,279 --> 00:13:53,021 That's the best amount of eyes. 279 00:13:54,285 --> 00:13:55,431 Nice eyes too. 280 00:13:56,234 --> 00:13:58,842 It has to go around. She must have a shite nose. 281 00:14:01,576 --> 00:14:03,540 Do you remember the Internet at this speed? 282 00:14:03,609 --> 00:14:05,581 Up all night and you'd see 8 women. 283 00:14:08,559 --> 00:14:10,503 - Good nose. - That is a good nose. 284 00:14:10,614 --> 00:14:14,780 The mouth has to be wrong. There's gotta be something wrong with her mouth. 285 00:14:14,825 --> 00:14:16,922 Now that's a good looking woman. 286 00:14:17,774 --> 00:14:19,607 Should I tell Jen we got a reply? 287 00:14:20,976 --> 00:14:21,976 Roy? 288 00:14:23,034 --> 00:14:24,034 Roy? 289 00:14:25,739 --> 00:14:26,739 Roy! 290 00:14:28,392 --> 00:14:29,392 Roy! 291 00:14:36,900 --> 00:14:39,008 Hello, Daniel! I mean, hello. 292 00:14:39,903 --> 00:14:43,846 Jen? Hello, it's Chris Tarrant from "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" 293 00:14:43,909 --> 00:14:46,422 Oh my God! Oh my God! 294 00:14:46,469 --> 00:14:47,822 Chris Tarrant, hello! 295 00:14:48,324 --> 00:14:51,048 Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! 296 00:14:51,158 --> 00:14:53,378 Jen the next voice you hear is gonna be Daniel's... 297 00:14:53,413 --> 00:14:55,827 - Daniel's, Ok. - But before I put you on with him, 298 00:14:55,828 --> 00:14:57,828 he's asked me to ask you a question. 299 00:14:57,930 --> 00:14:59,263 Okay, you can ask me a question. 300 00:14:59,331 --> 00:15:03,598 Yeah, he wants to know if you'll go out for dinner with him tomorrow night. 301 00:15:04,311 --> 00:15:06,549 Oh really? Yes! 302 00:15:06,619 --> 00:15:09,143 Yes, of course, I will! Of course! Oh yes! Yes! 303 00:15:09,213 --> 00:15:10,213 Yes, of course! 304 00:15:11,576 --> 00:15:13,096 Yes, that's great, Jen. 305 00:15:13,665 --> 00:15:15,475 Now let me fill you in on what's happening. 306 00:15:15,476 --> 00:15:18,864 Daniel's doing very well although he has just used his 50/50. 307 00:15:18,916 --> 00:15:21,382 Now, here's Daniel. Daniel, you got 30 seconds. 308 00:15:21,476 --> 00:15:23,216 Starting from... now! 309 00:15:23,382 --> 00:15:24,787 - Okay, Jen. - Hi, Daniel. 310 00:15:24,788 --> 00:15:26,689 Yeah, hi Jen, Jen, uh, okay... 311 00:15:26,942 --> 00:15:28,664 who composed The Wooden Prince? 312 00:15:28,792 --> 00:15:31,159 Was it A) Bartok, B) Chopin ? 313 00:15:37,154 --> 00:15:39,580 Did you see "I'm a Millionaire" last night? 314 00:15:39,604 --> 00:15:42,035 "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" it's called. No, I didn't. 315 00:15:42,070 --> 00:15:44,582 Well, you are not going to Adam and beliEVE this. 316 00:15:45,408 --> 00:15:47,925 Okay, do these make me look like a bastard? 317 00:15:48,618 --> 00:15:50,149 Why do you wanna look like a bastard? 318 00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:52,602 I've got that date tonight, she's expecting a monster. 319 00:15:52,603 --> 00:15:54,607 Do these me make look like a bastard? 320 00:15:54,608 --> 00:15:56,135 They make you look like an idiot. 321 00:15:56,170 --> 00:15:57,866 - Anyway, did you see it? - What? 322 00:15:58,125 --> 00:16:00,239 "Do you want to be a Millionaire?" 323 00:16:00,566 --> 00:16:02,945 "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" 324 00:16:04,790 --> 00:16:07,432 "Who wants to be a person who is wrong?" 325 00:16:08,569 --> 00:16:09,790 What's happened? 326 00:16:10,027 --> 00:16:11,193 - If I may... - Sure. 327 00:16:11,531 --> 00:16:13,253 Guess who was on it last night! 328 00:16:13,882 --> 00:16:15,823 - You! - No, Daniel. 329 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:18,300 - King of men. - Daniel was on "Millionaire"? 330 00:16:18,301 --> 00:16:19,356 Indeed he was, sir. 331 00:16:19,515 --> 00:16:21,753 And it was the "Do you want to phone a friend"... 332 00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:23,737 - It's just "Phone a friend". - Anyway. 333 00:16:24,603 --> 00:16:25,777 She was the "phone a friend"? 334 00:16:25,836 --> 00:16:28,571 - She was the "phone a friend". - You're the "phone a friend"! 335 00:16:28,572 --> 00:16:29,568 What was the subject? 336 00:16:29,569 --> 00:16:32,957 Classical music is the extraordinary answer to that question. 337 00:16:33,250 --> 00:16:37,231 So who of course is Daniel, our estimed temp security guard, going to phone 338 00:16:37,232 --> 00:16:38,954 but Jonathan Miller over here. 339 00:16:39,343 --> 00:16:43,394 Think Daniel was on Millionaire. Too bad it wasn't 50/50. 340 00:16:44,289 --> 00:16:45,289 It was. 341 00:16:46,134 --> 00:16:47,546 - And? - I got it wrong. 342 00:16:48,495 --> 00:16:50,064 I cost 31,000 pounds. 343 00:16:51,154 --> 00:16:52,680 It isn't funny though. 344 00:16:52,749 --> 00:16:54,405 Now I have to go on a date with him. 345 00:16:54,406 --> 00:16:56,402 Wow! The rules on that show have really changed! 346 00:16:56,437 --> 00:16:58,775 No, you don't understand. 347 00:16:59,109 --> 00:17:00,267 He asked me out 348 00:17:00,366 --> 00:17:01,366 on the show 349 00:17:01,540 --> 00:17:03,327 before I got the question wrong. 350 00:17:03,397 --> 00:17:05,963 It was all very romantic. 351 00:17:06,329 --> 00:17:07,329 But now... 352 00:17:07,725 --> 00:17:09,638 I don't think he likes me now. 353 00:17:10,176 --> 00:17:12,932 And I don't wanna go out with the biggest loser in England... 354 00:17:12,984 --> 00:17:14,398 There you are! 355 00:17:14,583 --> 00:17:15,583 Daniel... 356 00:17:16,434 --> 00:17:17,434 - Hello. - Hi. 357 00:17:19,592 --> 00:17:21,842 - Gonna go for this meal then. - Yeah. 358 00:17:22,349 --> 00:17:23,435 Yeah, I can't wait. 359 00:17:23,482 --> 00:17:26,242 I'm gonna take you to one of my favourite restaurants. 360 00:17:26,301 --> 00:17:27,311 Right. 361 00:17:31,002 --> 00:17:32,002 I'll pay. 362 00:17:32,823 --> 00:17:35,182 - It really is the least I can do. - Oh yeah... 363 00:17:40,388 --> 00:17:41,388 Oh my God! 364 00:17:41,691 --> 00:17:43,206 Did you see that look? 365 00:17:43,532 --> 00:17:46,585 I have a dinner date with that man. 366 00:17:46,654 --> 00:17:49,660 If I'm not here tomorrow, I want you to call the police. 367 00:17:49,801 --> 00:17:52,833 Maybe not the best time to mention it, but also you owe me 20 quids. 368 00:17:52,834 --> 00:17:54,996 What? You got a response? 369 00:17:55,394 --> 00:17:57,282 With the one that ended: "No dogs"? 370 00:17:57,545 --> 00:17:58,545 Yep. 371 00:17:58,547 --> 00:18:00,211 Oh my God, brilliant! More money gone! 372 00:18:00,247 --> 00:18:02,700 Now the money that Daniel lost wasn't really yours, was it? 373 00:18:02,701 --> 00:18:05,145 It would have been if I'd married him, Moss. 374 00:18:06,558 --> 00:18:07,859 I need a good restaurant. 375 00:18:07,860 --> 00:18:11,526 Maybe if he likes the food, he won't beat me to death with a shoe. 376 00:18:12,012 --> 00:18:15,205 I thought you said you'd take him to one of your favourite restaurants. 377 00:18:15,252 --> 00:18:16,707 Haven't you got it yet? 378 00:18:17,088 --> 00:18:18,234 That's what I do: 379 00:18:18,433 --> 00:18:19,433 I lie... 380 00:18:19,714 --> 00:18:21,851 I lie and I lie and... 381 00:18:21,940 --> 00:18:22,940 I lie! 382 00:18:23,848 --> 00:18:26,008 Well, I went to a good place recently. 383 00:18:26,096 --> 00:18:27,939 Nice atmosphere. Food's great. 384 00:18:28,151 --> 00:18:30,049 - Really? - Yes. Why? 385 00:18:30,552 --> 00:18:33,005 Sorry, I just didn't have you down as a restaurant person. 386 00:18:33,006 --> 00:18:34,161 I'm a restaurant person. 387 00:18:34,162 --> 00:18:35,897 Why wouldn't I be a restaurant person? 388 00:18:35,932 --> 00:18:37,060 Cheese string? 389 00:18:38,044 --> 00:18:39,213 No, thanks. 390 00:18:39,279 --> 00:18:40,425 What's this place called? 391 00:18:40,426 --> 00:18:41,426 Messijoes. 392 00:18:41,676 --> 00:18:44,064 - Is that French? - French? No, it's English. 393 00:18:45,182 --> 00:18:47,488 Okay, thank you, Moss. Yeah, I'll uh... 394 00:18:47,489 --> 00:18:48,600 I'll give that a go. 395 00:18:49,037 --> 00:18:51,459 Okay, I need a place to bring this girl 396 00:18:51,743 --> 00:18:54,215 that says: "I'm a bastard." 397 00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:56,511 Well, I went to a good place recently. 398 00:18:56,752 --> 00:18:59,651 Nice atmosphere. Food's great. It's got a bit of an edge. 399 00:18:59,652 --> 00:19:00,757 Yeah? What's it called? 400 00:19:00,758 --> 00:19:01,758 Messijoes. 401 00:19:02,208 --> 00:19:03,257 What is that? Spanish? 402 00:19:03,339 --> 00:19:07,038 No! Spanish? It's English. Messijoes. 403 00:19:26,352 --> 00:19:29,745 Okey dokey, you get the firecracker nachos. 404 00:19:30,163 --> 00:19:33,611 And you are getting the prawn bites with spicy salsa. 405 00:19:37,970 --> 00:19:41,831 This seems an unusual place for someone like you to want to meet. 406 00:19:44,478 --> 00:19:45,478 Yeah but... 407 00:19:46,581 --> 00:19:50,252 everyone needs a place to come to be alone. 408 00:19:50,318 --> 00:19:52,596 Look at me! Yeah! Look at me! 409 00:19:57,086 --> 00:19:59,011 Get a clown over here, please! 410 00:20:00,754 --> 00:20:01,806 You're a loner? 411 00:20:01,953 --> 00:20:03,644 I'm a loner all right. 412 00:20:05,346 --> 00:20:06,555 I'm just a... 413 00:20:07,515 --> 00:20:09,154 lonely loner 414 00:20:09,966 --> 00:20:12,044 on a lonely road. 415 00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:15,576 Alone. 416 00:20:17,235 --> 00:20:18,779 Do you always wear shades? 417 00:20:19,237 --> 00:20:20,237 Always. 418 00:20:21,710 --> 00:20:23,336 They help me hide the fact 419 00:20:23,942 --> 00:20:24,942 I'm always lying 420 00:20:26,751 --> 00:20:27,751 to women. 421 00:20:34,959 --> 00:20:39,022 Everyone is having having fun, fun, fun. 422 00:20:39,216 --> 00:20:41,716 'Cause everything is nice and everyone is friendly. 423 00:20:41,717 --> 00:20:44,070 Lots of friendly faces having fun, fun, fun. 424 00:20:44,071 --> 00:20:46,678 'Cause everything is nice and everyone is friendly. 425 00:20:46,679 --> 00:20:49,383 - Smile and the world will... - Excuse me! Excuse me! 426 00:20:49,384 --> 00:20:52,717 It's just... It's not... Sorry, it's just not appropriate at the moment. 427 00:21:13,790 --> 00:21:15,763 You're that bloke off the telly! 428 00:21:16,453 --> 00:21:19,458 And you must be the woman he phoned! Brilliant! 429 00:21:19,733 --> 00:21:21,566 Funniest thing I've seen in ages. 430 00:21:33,470 --> 00:21:34,855 God! I'm a bastard! 431 00:21:35,897 --> 00:21:37,937 Yes. So you keep saying. 432 00:21:38,465 --> 00:21:40,649 Trouble... It's basically what I am. 433 00:21:43,961 --> 00:21:44,961 Thank you. 434 00:21:48,164 --> 00:21:49,219 You know something? 435 00:21:50,619 --> 00:21:52,730 I don't think you're a bastard at all. 436 00:21:53,178 --> 00:21:54,178 I am so. 437 00:21:54,819 --> 00:21:56,533 I am a complete tool. 438 00:21:58,951 --> 00:21:59,926 Oh my God! 439 00:22:00,008 --> 00:22:02,216 No don't, don't! Don't hit him! 440 00:22:07,039 --> 00:22:08,039 I know her. 441 00:22:12,539 --> 00:22:14,167 Hey! What's going on? 442 00:22:14,294 --> 00:22:15,783 Stay out of this, Fonzy! 443 00:22:15,835 --> 00:22:17,197 You're fighting in front of kids! 444 00:22:17,244 --> 00:22:18,160 I don't care! 445 00:22:18,183 --> 00:22:19,205 You're a brute! 446 00:22:19,228 --> 00:22:20,872 This bloke just insulted me! 447 00:22:21,457 --> 00:22:24,404 Hey! Bit more careful with the clown shoe there, Mister. 448 00:22:29,609 --> 00:22:31,171 Just hold your head back. 449 00:22:33,615 --> 00:22:34,836 Oh God! 450 00:22:38,923 --> 00:22:40,311 He caught me by surprise. 451 00:22:42,505 --> 00:22:44,090 When I see him tomorrow... 452 00:22:45,243 --> 00:22:47,539 - That was his last day. - Thank God! 453 00:22:47,882 --> 00:22:49,509 Oh my God, look! 454 00:22:49,586 --> 00:22:51,539 If you're coming, can you just bloody hurry up! 455 00:22:51,540 --> 00:22:53,296 - I'm coming! I... - God's sake! 456 00:22:53,297 --> 00:22:55,130 I just need to take my shoes off. 457 00:22:56,182 --> 00:22:57,638 They look like such fruits. 458 00:23:02,159 --> 00:23:04,238 - I'll call you a cab. - No, no, no, it's fine. 459 00:23:04,261 --> 00:23:05,616 - Taxi! - I'll get my bus. 460 00:23:05,617 --> 00:23:07,561 Don't be stupid, it's cold. Taxi! 461 00:23:08,067 --> 00:23:09,272 - Here. - Oh God. 462 00:23:09,529 --> 00:23:11,279 Here you can have your 20 back. 463 00:23:11,338 --> 00:23:14,930 I don't really think the bet proved anything. Taxi! 464 00:23:28,850 --> 00:23:29,996 Thanks, Roy. 465 00:23:30,748 --> 00:23:32,351 - I just want... - Nice date! 466 00:23:36,061 --> 00:23:39,408 Just a lonely loner walking a lonely road. 467 00:23:44,326 --> 00:23:45,326 Hi, girls. 468 00:23:45,371 --> 00:23:48,455 My name is Maurice Moss. Or Moss for short. 469 00:23:48,930 --> 00:23:50,267 Sorry about the sound quality 470 00:23:50,302 --> 00:23:53,144 but I'm having to do this in the toilet of my mom's house. 471 00:23:53,150 --> 00:23:55,761 She's watching Diagnosis Murder at full volume. 472 00:23:55,923 --> 00:23:57,392 And it drives me up the wall. 473 00:23:58,408 --> 00:24:02,185 Don't worry, though. I'm sitting on the toilet but I'm not using it. 474 00:24:03,563 --> 00:24:04,416 What? 475 00:24:04,417 --> 00:24:05,417 - Moss? - Yes? 476 00:24:05,762 --> 00:24:06,964 What you doing in there? 477 00:24:06,965 --> 00:24:08,885 Number 2s, leave me alone! 478 00:24:09,420 --> 00:24:11,071 Don't forget to flush the toilet. 479 00:24:11,072 --> 00:24:12,771 Don't clog it up like you usually do. 480 00:24:12,772 --> 00:24:16,037 I know! Just stop doing this! You're always doing this! 481 00:24:16,077 --> 00:24:17,799 You're making it going back in! 482 00:24:20,235 --> 00:24:21,557 Now, my type... 483 00:24:23,239 --> 00:24:26,127 Travis, Any1 and Sixe for FOROM.COM