1
00:00:05,605 --> 00:00:08,105
(GATE CREAKING)

2
00:00:25,125 --> 00:00:27,625
(SCREECHING)

3
00:00:42,142 --> 00:00:44,642
(DOG HOWLING)

4
00:01:06,533 --> 00:01:09,033
(SCREECHING)

5
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,570
(INDISTINCT WHISPERING)

6
00:01:19,179 --> 00:01:21,679
(CACKLING)

7
00:01:21,681 --> 00:01:24,181
(CRYPTKEEPER SPEAKING)

8
00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:07,454
Hello, how're you?

9
00:02:08,328 --> 00:02:10,828
I'm Fearest Gump.

10
00:02:12,399 --> 00:02:16,392
Hi, care for a shockolate?

11
00:02:21,708 --> 00:02:23,842
You sure?

12
00:02:23,843 --> 00:02:30,078
Mummy always said
life is like a box of shockolates.

13
00:02:30,684 --> 00:02:34,094
You never know what you're gonna get.

14
00:02:35,221 --> 00:02:38,679
Sometimes you get a fudge scream.

15
00:02:39,492 --> 00:02:42,689
Sometimes you get new guts.

16
00:02:43,596 --> 00:02:46,690
Know what else Mummy said?

17
00:02:47,133 --> 00:02:52,935
She said, "Scary is as scary does."

18
00:02:53,206 --> 00:02:58,206
Which brings to mind
the man in tonight's terror tale.

19
00:02:58,645 --> 00:03:03,185
He's just dying
to get out of the mess he's in.

20
00:03:03,883 --> 00:03:05,050
Literally.

21
00:03:05,051 --> 00:03:07,551
(CACKLING)

22
00:03:08,221 --> 00:03:12,131
It's a little piece of horrid candy I call

23
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:16,527
"You, Murderer."

24
00:04:12,552 --> 00:04:17,589
LOU: They say when you die, that you're
supposed to see this intense white light.

25
00:04:17,590 --> 00:04:21,627
You're supposed to walk into it like it was
the gates ofheaven or something.

26
00:04:21,628 --> 00:04:23,929
At least, that's the way I always heard it.

27
00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:27,900
Well, I'm dead and so far
I've seen a lot of things

28
00:04:27,901 --> 00:04:32,531
but some cockamamie white light
ain't one of them.

29
00:04:32,539 --> 00:04:35,039
That's right, I'm dead.

30
00:04:35,341 --> 00:04:38,010
And one thing I can
definitely tell you about it.

31
00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:40,479
It ain't like I expected it to be.

32
00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:43,849
Stick around,
you might learn a thing or two.

33
00:04:43,850 --> 00:04:46,652
Just a couple of hours ago I was
alive as the rest of you

34
00:04:46,653 --> 00:04:50,856
and then, seemed like destiny
had taken a hand.

35
00:04:50,857 --> 00:04:56,361
-Seems that destiny has taken a hand.
-What was that, Mr. Spinelli?

36
00:04:56,362 --> 00:04:59,164
It's destiny that today of all days,

37
00:04:59,165 --> 00:05:03,335
you, doll, have come up with a campaign
that's gonna save this company.

38
00:05:03,336 --> 00:05:05,137
What was that slogan again?

39
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:06,905
Here's looking at you, kid.

40
00:05:06,906 --> 00:05:10,342
I like it, Erika. It's got a familiar ring to it.

41
00:05:10,343 --> 00:05:14,947
Thanks, Mr. Spinelli. Now, the way
the campaign will work is this.

42
00:05:14,948 --> 00:05:19,585
-Let me just make sure everything is...
-Thanks, Jimmy.

43
00:05:19,586 --> 00:05:21,320
Okay.

44
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,922
The first billboard will say,

45
00:05:23,923 --> 00:05:26,125
"Here's looking at ewe, kid."

46
00:05:26,126 --> 00:05:28,626
Spelled E-W-E.

47
00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:32,030
-Then...
-LOU: That's pretty good, baby.

48
00:05:32,031 --> 00:05:34,541
Here's looking at you, kid.

49
00:05:34,667 --> 00:05:39,167
-You know, kid, goat.
-Sure. That's swell, Erika.

50
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:41,672
Okay, and the third one...

51
00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:45,377
-Hare's looking at you, kid.
-That's good, very good. I like it.

52
00:05:45,378 --> 00:05:46,745
(WATCH BEEPlNG)

53
00:05:46,746 --> 00:05:49,982
-Geez, is that the time?
-It's 9:30.

54
00:05:49,983 --> 00:05:53,051
Mr. Spinelli, call for you on three.

55
00:05:53,052 --> 00:05:56,755
It was hard to hear,
I think they said it was Oscar.

56
00:05:56,756 --> 00:05:59,884
Oscar, huh? That's strange.

57
00:06:00,293 --> 00:06:04,473
Excuse me, everybody.
I'll be right with you.

58
00:06:10,403 --> 00:06:13,270
-Oscar?
-No, Lou, it's Betty.

59
00:06:16,409 --> 00:06:18,909
Surprised to hear my voice?

60
00:06:18,912 --> 00:06:23,282
I'm supposed to be dead, aren't l?
Aren't l, Lou?

61
00:06:23,283 --> 00:06:24,716
-I hear...
-Your pal Oscar

62
00:06:24,717 --> 00:06:27,352
sent a couple of goons
over here to kill me.

63
00:06:27,353 --> 00:06:29,121
-I hear...
-But, I've got bad news for you.

64
00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:31,323
-I hear what you're...
-lt didn't work.

65
00:06:31,324 --> 00:06:33,864
-You hear me, Lou?
-Listen.

66
00:06:34,294 --> 00:06:36,794
This won't do any good.

67
00:06:36,963 --> 00:06:40,065
You'll never understand me,
but I'll try once then give it up.

68
00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:43,035
Don't bother, Lou. I'm calling the police.

69
00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:47,846
You're going to jail.
Do you hear me, Lou? To jail.

70
00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:57,414
Lou, are you okay?

71
00:06:57,450 --> 00:06:59,818
-Lou?
-Yeah, everything's all right, Erika.

72
00:06:59,819 --> 00:07:02,654
Just a little emergency at home, that's all.

73
00:07:02,655 --> 00:07:05,357
-Mr. Spinelli...
-Everything's okay.

74
00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:10,788
-Mr. Spinelli, are you all right?
-Everything's fine, Erika.

75
00:07:13,866 --> 00:07:17,869
LOU: In the part of town where I grew up,
you did what you had to do to survive,

76
00:07:17,870 --> 00:07:19,571
whether it was legal or not.

77
00:07:19,572 --> 00:07:22,107
I robbed, cheated, even killed.

78
00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:26,078
I did a lot of hard time before I got wise
to what a sucker's game it was.

79
00:07:26,079 --> 00:07:29,181
Unfortunately, no one was offering
second chances,

80
00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:30,849
so I busted out of the joint,

81
00:07:30,850 --> 00:07:35,387
got a new name and a new face
and put my past behind me.

82
00:07:35,388 --> 00:07:37,888
At least, I thought I did.

83
00:07:42,729 --> 00:07:46,329
OSCAR: She knows?
LOU: Yeah, she knows.

84
00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:48,100
What makes you so sure?

85
00:07:48,101 --> 00:07:51,136
Somebody sent her those pictures
in the mail. She knows all about me.

86
00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:54,039
Who I was, what I've done,
the whole rap sheet.

87
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:58,310
And there's only one other person in the
world who knows the words to that song.

88
00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:01,561
Is that a joke? You think that l...

89
00:08:01,714 --> 00:08:04,516
I'm the one that performed
plastic surgery on you.

90
00:08:04,517 --> 00:08:08,553
-I'm the guy that changed your face!
-Yeah, and made me look like Bogart.

91
00:08:08,554 --> 00:08:10,522
You know how hard that was?

92
00:08:10,523 --> 00:08:14,092
It would have been easier
to make you look like Gabby Hayes.

93
00:08:14,093 --> 00:08:16,295
How could you think it was me?

94
00:08:16,296 --> 00:08:17,496
You're still a wanted man.

95
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:21,833
Every police department in the country
wants to get its hands on you.

96
00:08:21,834 --> 00:08:24,636
And I'm your accomplice.
If you go down, I go down.

97
00:08:24,637 --> 00:08:27,539
Why would I spill my guts to anyone,
let alone your wife?

98
00:08:27,540 --> 00:08:29,508
Keep your pants on, Oscar.

99
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:33,145
Now, look, I may have been
a little too hasty.

100
00:08:33,146 --> 00:08:36,766
Okay, you're the doctor. What do we do?

101
00:08:37,283 --> 00:08:42,433
If she's wise to us,
there's only one thing we can do.

102
00:08:43,289 --> 00:08:45,789
-Kill her.
-Kill her?

103
00:08:45,825 --> 00:08:47,726
Don't be screwy.

104
00:08:47,727 --> 00:08:49,628
I know a few guys.

105
00:08:49,629 --> 00:08:52,764
Might cost a little money,
but they'll take care of it.

106
00:08:52,765 --> 00:08:54,466
You're starting to scare me, Oscar.

107
00:08:54,467 --> 00:08:58,136
And they'll make it look like
a break-in, or an accident.

108
00:08:58,137 --> 00:09:00,939
An unfortunate mishap
while you were at the office.

109
00:09:00,940 --> 00:09:02,207
You're talking crazy.

110
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:04,176
Don't go soft on me, Lou.

111
00:09:04,177 --> 00:09:08,880
We did it for each other then,
we do it for each other now.

112
00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:10,982
I know that.

113
00:09:10,983 --> 00:09:13,885
Look, I'm not in love with the idea.

114
00:09:13,886 --> 00:09:16,386
I know that, too.

115
00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:21,129
But what's our alternative, Lou?
The electric chair?

116
00:09:21,961 --> 00:09:24,601
I wish you hadn't said that.

117
00:09:27,533 --> 00:09:30,302
LOU: That Oscar,
he sure had a way with words.

118
00:09:30,303 --> 00:09:33,605
He was almost as good with them
as he was with a scalpel.

119
00:09:33,606 --> 00:09:37,075
He always was the smart one,
that's why he stayed in school.

120
00:09:37,076 --> 00:09:40,712
Got off the streets
and never went to the big house.

121
00:09:40,713 --> 00:09:42,180
The big house.

122
00:09:42,181 --> 00:09:46,084
There was one thing I had promised
myself the last time I was inside.

123
00:09:46,085 --> 00:09:48,585
I ain't never going back.

124
00:09:50,556 --> 00:09:52,357
I know what you're thinking.

125
00:09:52,358 --> 00:09:54,126
"What's this mug complaining about?

126
00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:57,129
"He did wrong
and he got what he deserved."

127
00:09:57,130 --> 00:10:00,098
But I tried hard to be
Joe above a verage citizen.

128
00:10:00,099 --> 00:10:04,903
I built a successful business,
paid my taxes without griping.

129
00:10:04,904 --> 00:10:07,404
I even did charity work.

130
00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:12,744
Unfortunately, I made one other mistake

131
00:10:12,745 --> 00:10:15,113
that brought down
the whole house of cards.

132
00:10:15,114 --> 00:10:16,281
Betty.

133
00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:19,785
I'd married a monster
and no matter what little good I did,

134
00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:24,496
she was determined to punish me
for saying, "I do."

135
00:10:28,895 --> 00:10:33,265
I had no idea what was waiting for me
when I walked through my front door.

136
00:10:33,266 --> 00:10:36,966
But whatever it was, I was ready for it.

137
00:10:52,051 --> 00:10:56,588
My senses weren't just tingling,
they were chiming like church bells.

138
00:10:56,589 --> 00:11:01,219
But where were the cops?
Where the hell was Betty?

139
00:11:13,573 --> 00:11:15,474
And then I saw it.

140
00:11:15,475 --> 00:11:18,210
A body lying on the sun room floor.

141
00:11:18,211 --> 00:11:21,046
Betty must ha ve gotten the drop on him.

142
00:11:21,047 --> 00:11:24,107
Oh, no, Oscar.

143
00:11:27,653 --> 00:11:30,288
-Drop the gun, Lou.
-Oscar, what the hell is going on?

144
00:11:30,289 --> 00:11:31,556
I said, drop it.

145
00:11:31,557 --> 00:11:34,025
All right, relax. I'm dropping it.

146
00:11:34,026 --> 00:11:36,526
(LOU GROANS)

147
00:11:37,597 --> 00:11:40,097
-Betty.
-Hello, Lou.

148
00:11:40,766 --> 00:11:45,956
-Good work, sweetheart.
-How long has this been going on?

149
00:11:46,138 --> 00:11:49,341
Almost a year. Not that you've noticed.

150
00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:53,078
But what the hell, it's one of the things
that I came to love about you.

151
00:11:53,079 --> 00:11:56,014
That and your predictability.

152
00:11:56,082 --> 00:11:59,684
I told Oscar you were gonna be here
in eight minutes.

153
00:11:59,685 --> 00:12:02,320
And you made it in seven and a half.

154
00:12:02,321 --> 00:12:05,423
Pretty good time for a man
who's about to kill himself.

155
00:12:05,424 --> 00:12:06,858
-Get up.
-Kill myself?

156
00:12:06,859 --> 00:12:09,728
-Go on, get up.
-Now, why would I do that?

157
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:10,795
Over to the couch.

158
00:12:10,796 --> 00:12:12,998
Hey, that's a good-looking rod
you've got there, Oscar.

159
00:12:12,999 --> 00:12:14,099
Move it!

160
00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:19,905
And I got a feeling
it ain't your finger on the trigger, is it?

161
00:12:19,906 --> 00:12:24,509
LOU: I'd been set up and the plan
was a beaut. Hell, it was perfect.

162
00:12:24,510 --> 00:12:28,046
You could sure make a case
that I had every reason to kill myself.

163
00:12:28,047 --> 00:12:30,649
They even found an audience for me.

164
00:12:30,650 --> 00:12:33,312
Are you okay, Lou?

165
00:12:33,386 --> 00:12:34,953
Was there anyone in that boardroom

166
00:12:34,954 --> 00:12:37,856
who didn't think
my whole world had just come to an end?

167
00:12:37,857 --> 00:12:41,359
Let me tell you, sweetheart, they had me.

168
00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:45,964
I'm disappointed, Oscar. It's one thing
when your wife double-crosses you.

169
00:12:45,965 --> 00:12:49,801
You expect that. But your best friend?
Now, that hurts.

170
00:12:49,802 --> 00:12:52,170
-And I thought you had class.
-What do you mean...

171
00:12:52,171 --> 00:12:54,306
(EXCLAlMlNG)

172
00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:57,042
Relax, honey. Don't let him rile you.

173
00:12:57,043 --> 00:13:02,153
You'll be pleased.
Your suicide note is rather eloquent.

174
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:06,151
-I almost cried when I wrote it.
-I'm touched.

175
00:13:06,152 --> 00:13:08,753
You know, you won't get
the life insurance if I kill myself.

176
00:13:08,754 --> 00:13:11,890
I know. That's two million
we have to do without.

177
00:13:11,891 --> 00:13:13,191
Isn't that right, honey?

178
00:13:13,192 --> 00:13:16,232
There's no point in being greedy.

179
00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:19,029
I'm gonna call the car.

180
00:13:25,137 --> 00:13:27,637
Sit down, Lou.

181
00:13:28,107 --> 00:13:30,607
I said, sit down.

182
00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:34,978
Here.

183
00:13:36,415 --> 00:13:38,915
Have a drink.

184
00:13:41,887 --> 00:13:43,488
(SNlFFS)

185
00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:44,656
Great bug juice.

186
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:47,492
What is this?
Some sort of a Jim Jones cocktail?

187
00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:49,993
Drink up, Lou.

188
00:13:51,130 --> 00:13:53,164
Sometimes, chum, you go soft-headed.

189
00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:56,501
I'd like to see any blonde do that to me.
She's got you crazy.

190
00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:59,337
You're wasting your breath, Lou. Come on.

191
00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:03,341
It'll be quick. Heck, you're my best friend.
I wouldn't make you suffer.

192
00:14:03,342 --> 00:14:07,712
-I'm glad friendship counts for something.
-I'm waiting, Lou.

193
00:14:07,713 --> 00:14:12,951
And then it hit me. Their plan required
a massive dose ofpoison in my system.

194
00:14:12,952 --> 00:14:15,452
Not a slug from a.45.

195
00:14:15,454 --> 00:14:19,574
You know, Oscar, I don't think you'll do it.

196
00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:20,892
Oh, no?

197
00:14:20,893 --> 00:14:24,963
No, but go ahead and shoot.
You'll be doing me a favor.

198
00:14:24,964 --> 00:14:27,474
Here's looking at you, kid.

199
00:14:27,633 --> 00:14:30,133
(GRUNTS)

200
00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:37,008
Nice move, Lou. You learn that in prison?

201
00:14:37,009 --> 00:14:40,745
No, that's a little trick I picked up in
Benny's shooting gallery in Coney lsland.

202
00:14:40,746 --> 00:14:44,149
And if you don't quit stalling, I'll show you
some other tricks I learned in Brooklyn.

203
00:14:44,150 --> 00:14:46,650
No!

204
00:14:47,787 --> 00:14:50,287
(LOU GROANS)

205
00:15:04,670 --> 00:15:08,239
LOU: In that first moment,
with the whiteness all around me,

206
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:10,740
I felt kind ofpeaceful.

207
00:15:16,549 --> 00:15:19,609
I wondered, am I dazed,

208
00:15:19,685 --> 00:15:22,487
-paralyzed, or am l...
-He's dead.

209
00:15:22,488 --> 00:15:24,089
-He's dead?
-He's dead.

210
00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:26,491
Are you sure?

211
00:15:26,492 --> 00:15:29,893
No pulse. No breathing.

212
00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:34,265
His pupils are dilated. He's dead, all right.

213
00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:36,768
LOU: Well, ain't that a kick in the ass.

214
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:40,739
If he's dead, how come he looks like
he can still see us?

215
00:15:40,740 --> 00:15:43,975
-Yeah. It's creepy.
-lt was a lot more than creepy.

216
00:15:43,976 --> 00:15:45,343
Let's get him up.

217
00:15:45,344 --> 00:15:47,145
It was screwy.

218
00:15:47,146 --> 00:15:49,581
(OSCAR GRUNTlNG)

219
00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:51,116
Come on, get his feet.

220
00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:54,652
None ofit made any sense,
the white light was gone.

221
00:15:54,653 --> 00:15:59,057
My soul, as far as I could tell,
hadn't risen from my body.

222
00:15:59,058 --> 00:16:01,626
-Put him down.
-What the hell was going on?

223
00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:04,395
So far, death was full of surprises.

224
00:16:04,396 --> 00:16:06,731
-I could still see, still hear.
-Damn!

225
00:16:06,732 --> 00:16:08,967
Damn! Damn!

226
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:11,536
-And I sure as hell could feel.
-What is the matter?

227
00:16:11,537 --> 00:16:13,371
Look at him, he's got a dent in his head.

228
00:16:13,372 --> 00:16:15,907
What did he do, beat himself to death?

229
00:16:15,908 --> 00:16:18,109
Let's throw him off the balcony,
say he jumped.

230
00:16:18,110 --> 00:16:21,679
He better hit a piece of naked sculpture
on the way down.

231
00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:24,382
The guy's got a pair of nipples punched
in the top of his head.

232
00:16:24,383 --> 00:16:26,017
The police aren't that stupid.

233
00:16:26,018 --> 00:16:28,219
Why the hell did you hit him
with a statue?

234
00:16:28,220 --> 00:16:30,889
Well, I'm sorry.
I was trying to help, all right?

235
00:16:30,890 --> 00:16:33,424
So Betty had hit me with the Picasso.

236
00:16:33,425 --> 00:16:35,827
I always said it made quite an impression.

237
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:38,229
Oh, the whole plan's screwed up.

238
00:16:38,230 --> 00:16:42,767
Our alibi, everything...
This is never gonna look like a suicide!

239
00:16:42,768 --> 00:16:45,268
Okay, okay.

240
00:16:45,304 --> 00:16:48,344
What if he didn't commit suicide?

241
00:16:48,407 --> 00:16:52,343
What if he just disappeared?
We get rid of the body.

242
00:16:52,344 --> 00:16:54,844
Yeah. Yeah, you're right.

243
00:16:54,980 --> 00:17:00,018
He was afraid the cops were onto him
so he ran, he vanished without a trace.

244
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,653
If anybody asks you, you don't know.

245
00:17:01,654 --> 00:17:03,454
Nobody knows, it's perfect.

246
00:17:03,455 --> 00:17:04,856
Come on. Let's get his feet.

247
00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:08,259
Being dead was beginning to scare me.
Where the hell was heaven?

248
00:17:08,260 --> 00:17:11,262
Maybe my soul had already risen
and I missed it.

249
00:17:11,263 --> 00:17:14,699
-What are we doing?
-We take him down to the garage.

250
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:16,434
I'll explain it when we get there.

251
00:17:16,435 --> 00:17:19,237
When was Saint Peter gonna meet me
at the Pearly Gates?

252
00:17:19,238 --> 00:17:20,505
The hell with him.

253
00:17:20,506 --> 00:17:25,266
I would've settled
for my Uncle Rosco waving me in.

254
00:17:25,444 --> 00:17:28,046
ERlKA: Hello? Lou, are you there?

255
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:30,481
-(WHlSPERS) Who's that?
-(WHlSPERS) I don't know.

256
00:17:30,482 --> 00:17:32,982
Lou?

257
00:17:33,018 --> 00:17:34,352
(THUDDlNG)

258
00:17:34,353 --> 00:17:35,653
Lou, are you all right?

259
00:17:35,654 --> 00:17:37,488
Damn, now we have to open the door.

260
00:17:37,489 --> 00:17:39,624
-Are you kidding?
-We can't risk it.

261
00:17:39,625 --> 00:17:42,594
-She might call the police.
-Hello, is someone there?

262
00:17:42,595 --> 00:17:45,925
-Lou.
-We'll put him in the closet.

263
00:17:48,033 --> 00:17:51,283
Come on, come on. Help me out here.

264
00:17:51,670 --> 00:17:54,170
-Hello?
-Here.

265
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:56,007
I'll get him. You stall her.

266
00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:58,772
-Lou!
-I'm coming.

267
00:17:59,044 --> 00:18:01,946
-LOU: Maybe this was karma at work.
-Just wait a minute!

268
00:18:01,947 --> 00:18:06,818
Maybe God had a sense ofhumor and this
was his idea ofjustice in the universe.

269
00:18:06,819 --> 00:18:08,786
-Everything okay in there?
-Just a minute.

270
00:18:08,787 --> 00:18:12,824
An eternity ofbeing dragged around
my apartment and dropped on my head.

271
00:18:12,825 --> 00:18:16,427
If that was how death was going to be,
I thought, I'm gonna kill myself.

272
00:18:16,428 --> 00:18:18,928
Okay, open up.

273
00:18:21,901 --> 00:18:25,737
BETTY: Erika, what a surprise.
What are you doing here?

274
00:18:25,738 --> 00:18:27,839
It was Erika, all right.

275
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,908
Is everything okay? I heard a crash.

276
00:18:29,909 --> 00:18:31,209
Right on cue.

277
00:18:31,210 --> 00:18:35,246
I tripped on the stairs, knocked over
a lamp and broke a coffee table.

278
00:18:35,247 --> 00:18:36,381
I don't believe we've met.

279
00:18:36,382 --> 00:18:38,650
I'm Oscar Charles.
I'm a friend of the family.

280
00:18:38,651 --> 00:18:39,851
Is Lou here?

281
00:18:39,852 --> 00:18:43,721
I'm right over here, sweetheart,
hanging in the closet like a side ofbeef.

282
00:18:43,722 --> 00:18:47,025
He left the office in such a state.
We're all very worried about him.

283
00:18:47,026 --> 00:18:48,092
We haven't heard from him.

284
00:18:48,093 --> 00:18:50,762
Actually, we were hoping
that you could tell us where he is.

285
00:18:50,763 --> 00:18:55,199
When I spoke to him this afternoon,
he seemed very upset about something.

286
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:58,069
-Well, wait a minute, you're Oscar?
-Yes.

287
00:18:58,070 --> 00:19:01,306
Well, just before Lou left, he got a
phone call from somebody named Oscar.

288
00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:03,775
Oh, that phone call.

289
00:19:03,776 --> 00:19:07,245
I was calling Lou to tell him that someone
was enquiring about his medical records.

290
00:19:07,246 --> 00:19:09,514
-Some gentleman from the FBl.
-FBl?

291
00:19:09,515 --> 00:19:11,015
-FBl?
-Betty, I think we should tell her.

292
00:19:11,016 --> 00:19:12,650
-Tell her what?
-Tell me what?

293
00:19:12,651 --> 00:19:15,586
Apparently, Lou is not the man
we all thought he was.

294
00:19:15,587 --> 00:19:18,089
He is a criminal on the run
from the police, yeah.

295
00:19:18,090 --> 00:19:22,527
When I told him that the FBl was
asking questions about him, he flipped.

296
00:19:22,528 --> 00:19:25,229
Why don't you go on back to your office

297
00:19:25,230 --> 00:19:27,298
-in case he tries to contact you.
-That's a good idea.

298
00:19:27,299 --> 00:19:28,833
-Betty and I are going to the police
-We'll call you

299
00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:30,601
-and see if there's anything
-as soon as we know something.

300
00:19:30,602 --> 00:19:32,270
-they know about all this.
-We'll call you immediately.

301
00:19:32,271 --> 00:19:34,771
(CRASHlNG)

302
00:19:35,140 --> 00:19:40,750
LOU: This being dead
was starting to give me a real headache.

303
00:19:41,947 --> 00:19:46,817
Lou, you bastard!
You were having an affair with her.

304
00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:52,590
Here, we'll put one of these on his head.
It'll hide the dents.

305
00:19:52,591 --> 00:19:55,693
He was having an affair with her,
I could see it in her eyes.

306
00:19:55,694 --> 00:19:58,096
Forget about it. We gotta think
about getting him outta here.

307
00:19:58,097 --> 00:20:00,597
Oh, Oscar.

308
00:20:00,632 --> 00:20:03,301
I don't know what's right any longer.

309
00:20:03,302 --> 00:20:06,070
You have to do the thinking for both of us.

310
00:20:06,071 --> 00:20:09,841
Kiss me.
Kiss me as if it were the last time.

311
00:20:09,842 --> 00:20:13,382
I can't believe I'm listening to this.

312
00:20:19,351 --> 00:20:22,754
With that damn hat stuck over my eyes,
I couldn't see.

313
00:20:22,755 --> 00:20:25,356
But I felt like
they had crammed me into my car

314
00:20:25,357 --> 00:20:28,526
and it sounded like they were headed
pretty far out of town.

315
00:20:28,527 --> 00:20:33,197
I had decided that this wasn't hell.
Hell couldn't possibly be this stupid.

316
00:20:33,198 --> 00:20:37,635
Anyway, I got to thinking about things
like my old pal, Oscar.

317
00:20:37,636 --> 00:20:40,136
Don't go soft on me, Lou.

318
00:20:40,205 --> 00:20:44,475
We did it for each other then
and we do it for each other now.

319
00:20:44,476 --> 00:20:46,878
I know that.

320
00:20:46,879 --> 00:20:50,448
At last now I know what he meant by,
"Doing it to each other."

321
00:20:50,449 --> 00:20:53,985
And speaking of doing it,
that got me thinking about Erika.

322
00:20:53,986 --> 00:20:57,688
You see,
Betty was right about Erika and me.

323
00:20:57,689 --> 00:21:01,389
Oh, Lou, you're the best, you know that?

324
00:21:02,294 --> 00:21:05,457
You're warm, sensitive, caring.

325
00:21:06,198 --> 00:21:08,698
You're great in bed.

326
00:21:09,535 --> 00:21:13,704
What would you say if I told you
I'll never leave you?

327
00:21:13,705 --> 00:21:16,535
Nobody ever loved me that much.

328
00:21:17,543 --> 00:21:19,844
And I did a lot ofthinking about Betty.

329
00:21:19,845 --> 00:21:24,048
Lou, you're a bastard.
You're scum, you know that?

330
00:21:24,049 --> 00:21:28,884
You're cheap, insensitive,
stupid and lousy in bed.

331
00:21:28,954 --> 00:21:32,790
What would you say
if I told you I'm leaving you?

332
00:21:32,791 --> 00:21:35,621
Nobody ever loved me that much.

333
00:21:36,528 --> 00:21:39,797
I wouldn't exactly say
I was getting used to being dead,

334
00:21:39,798 --> 00:21:43,208
but I was beginning to see a pattern.

335
00:21:44,636 --> 00:21:47,805
OSCAR: Hurry up. Get the other shovel.
There's a spot over here.

336
00:21:47,806 --> 00:21:50,608
BETTY: No, there's a spot down there,
at the bottom of the hill.

337
00:21:50,609 --> 00:21:54,078
All right. Hurry up. We gotta get him
in the ground before the sun comes up.

338
00:21:54,079 --> 00:21:56,681
Time was beginning to take forever.

339
00:21:56,682 --> 00:22:00,618
It felt like I had been cooped up in that car
for an eternity.

340
00:22:00,619 --> 00:22:03,289
I was starting to get cramps.

341
00:22:05,591 --> 00:22:08,091
Thanks, pal.

342
00:22:11,797 --> 00:22:14,232
Nuts, rigor mortis.

343
00:22:14,233 --> 00:22:16,367
And let me tell you, it's no picnic.

344
00:22:16,368 --> 00:22:22,006
Every last cell in your body goes rigid
and it hurts like hell.

345
00:22:22,007 --> 00:22:25,576
They're taking me out to
a piece ofproperty I'd bought in the hills.

346
00:22:25,577 --> 00:22:27,612
I'd planned on retiring there.

347
00:22:27,613 --> 00:22:31,523
I just hadn't planned on doing it so soon.

348
00:22:32,217 --> 00:22:34,552
How deep you gonna make that thing?

349
00:22:34,553 --> 00:22:36,721
-Deep.
-Well, help me get him out of the car.

350
00:22:36,722 --> 00:22:38,623
He's starting to stiffen up.

351
00:22:38,624 --> 00:22:40,391
That's more than he ever did for me.

352
00:22:40,392 --> 00:22:41,626
(LAUGHlNG)

353
00:22:41,627 --> 00:22:44,127
Come on, come on.

354
00:22:45,564 --> 00:22:47,865
That Betty was pretty talented.

355
00:22:47,866 --> 00:22:51,226
She could lie, murder and tell jokes.

356
00:22:51,803 --> 00:22:54,393
She was the comic from hell.

357
00:22:54,573 --> 00:22:59,477
Hold it right there.
Put your hands where I can see them.

358
00:22:59,478 --> 00:23:01,978
Don't shoot.

359
00:23:02,514 --> 00:23:04,882
-Lou.
-LOU: Well, what do you know?

360
00:23:04,883 --> 00:23:07,923
The ca valry comes to the rescue.

361
00:23:08,253 --> 00:23:10,221
Oh, God, what did they do to you?

362
00:23:10,222 --> 00:23:12,857
Maybe God had decided
to give me a break after all.

363
00:23:12,858 --> 00:23:16,160
-Put your hands back up.
-What a relief.

364
00:23:16,161 --> 00:23:20,097
Like I said, being dead
is certainly full of surprises.

365
00:23:20,098 --> 00:23:22,300
How the hell did you get here?

366
00:23:22,301 --> 00:23:24,971
-I followed you.
-I knew it.

367
00:23:25,003 --> 00:23:27,503
Put your hands up.

368
00:23:30,342 --> 00:23:32,910
-Hello.
-AUTOMA TED VOlCE: You've reached 911...

369
00:23:32,911 --> 00:23:34,645
Hello, can you hear me?

370
00:23:34,646 --> 00:23:36,380
All our lines are currently...

371
00:23:36,381 --> 00:23:39,150
Hello, you're breaking up.
This is an emergency.

372
00:23:39,151 --> 00:23:40,851
LOU: Poor Erika.

373
00:23:40,852 --> 00:23:42,753
-So beautiful.
-Can you hear me now?

374
00:23:42,754 --> 00:23:44,055
So loyal.

375
00:23:44,056 --> 00:23:46,357
Thank God, listen, this is an emergency.

376
00:23:46,358 --> 00:23:49,493
-So trusting.
-Yes, there's been a murder.

377
00:23:49,494 --> 00:23:51,994
Erika.

378
00:23:52,898 --> 00:23:55,233
So dumb.

379
00:23:55,234 --> 00:23:57,734
WOMAN ON PHONE: Hello?

380
00:23:58,470 --> 00:24:00,871
Not again. We lost another one.

381
00:24:00,872 --> 00:24:03,372
Yes!

382
00:24:03,442 --> 00:24:06,510
-I feel much better.
-LOU: Then something strange happened.

383
00:24:06,511 --> 00:24:09,180
Turned out that Betty was a hell of a shot.

384
00:24:09,181 --> 00:24:12,483
We're talking something the Warren
Commission would ha ve been proud of.

385
00:24:12,484 --> 00:24:16,621
That bullet killed Erika,
smashed the windshield,

386
00:24:16,622 --> 00:24:20,592
tore through my chest
and severed my spine.

387
00:24:21,460 --> 00:24:22,893
BETTY: Look out, the car.

388
00:24:22,894 --> 00:24:26,174
OSCAR: Oh, my God!
BETTY: Run! Run!

389
00:24:32,704 --> 00:24:35,204
(CRASHlNG)

390
00:24:40,379 --> 00:24:42,113
LOU: So, where was l?

391
00:24:42,114 --> 00:24:44,849
Oh, yeah,
the things you learn when you die.

392
00:24:44,850 --> 00:24:47,018
Did I mention about the light yet?

393
00:24:47,019 --> 00:24:50,121
Well, I'm still waiting
to see that big bright light.

394
00:24:50,122 --> 00:24:52,790
I'm beginning to think that there is no...

395
00:24:52,791 --> 00:24:56,121
Hey, wait a minute. There's a light.

396
00:24:58,230 --> 00:25:01,465
Got one in the car.
Dead from the looks of it.

397
00:25:01,466 --> 00:25:03,966
Give me a hand, here.

398
00:25:08,340 --> 00:25:10,741
Well, well, well.

399
00:25:10,742 --> 00:25:13,332
Here's looking at you, kids.

400
00:25:18,917 --> 00:25:22,653
Yeah, well, this whole dying thing
isn't what it's cracked up to be.

401
00:25:22,654 --> 00:25:26,991
First there's all this talk about the light.
Now, there's no damn light.

402
00:25:26,992 --> 00:25:28,492
It's all a bunch of crap.

403
00:25:28,493 --> 00:25:30,561
Then there's the pain and suffering.

404
00:25:30,562 --> 00:25:32,596
Ow!

405
00:25:32,597 --> 00:25:36,534
Now, that's for real. It never stops.
It just gets worse.

406
00:25:36,535 --> 00:25:39,770
And in the end,
all you really ha ve to look forward to is...

407
00:25:39,771 --> 00:25:43,501
Haven't I seen this guy someplace before?

408
00:25:44,676 --> 00:25:47,176
-No.
-No.

409
00:25:50,082 --> 00:25:53,942
What the hell, he'll find out soon enough.

410
00:25:54,019 --> 00:25:56,519
(LOU LAUGHlNG)

411
00:26:06,064 --> 00:26:09,932
You know, I kind of feel sorry for Lou.

412
00:26:10,001 --> 00:26:14,305
Surely, there's got to be an easier way
to get an Oscar.

413
00:26:14,306 --> 00:26:16,806
(CACKLlNG)

414
00:26:17,275 --> 00:26:21,379
I hope my story didn't scare you too much,
Mr. Hitchcock.

415
00:26:21,380 --> 00:26:24,415
Actually, I'm a very big fan of yours.

416
00:26:24,416 --> 00:26:27,785
If you want, you can tell me a story.

417
00:26:27,786 --> 00:26:30,286
(CROW CAWlNG)

418
00:26:34,426 --> 00:26:37,595
I guess he knows the pecking order now.

419
00:26:37,596 --> 00:26:40,096
(CACKLlNG)