1
00:00:05,672 --> 00:00:08,172
(GATE CREAKING)

2
00:00:25,158 --> 00:00:27,658
(SCREECHING)

3
00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:44,709
(DOG HOWLING)

4
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,100
(SCREECHING)

5
00:01:10,136 --> 00:01:12,636
(INDISTINCT WHISPERING)

6
00:01:19,112 --> 00:01:21,672
(CACKLING)

7
00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:24,248
(CRYPTKEEPER SPEAKING)

8
00:01:28,855 --> 00:01:30,823
(GRUNTS)

9
00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:33,588
Greetings hack and field fans.

10
00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:37,663
I hope you're in the mood
for a little fiendly competition.

11
00:01:37,664 --> 00:01:39,932
It's that time of fear again.

12
00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:43,699
The annual All Crypt Die Cathalon!

13
00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:48,080
I've been working out
like crazy to get ready.

14
00:01:50,510 --> 00:01:53,612
This year I'm really going for the cold.

15
00:01:53,613 --> 00:01:56,515
Kind of like the woman in tonight's tale.

16
00:01:56,516 --> 00:01:59,952
It's a putrid portrait of an
up-and-coming young artist

17
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:04,156
that's sure to leave
a nasty taste on your palette.

18
00:02:04,157 --> 00:02:06,657
I call it...

19
00:02:06,826 --> 00:02:09,326
(GRUNTS)

20
00:02:10,730 --> 00:02:15,929
"99 and 44/100% Pure Horror."

21
00:02:20,073 --> 00:02:22,573
(BED SQUEAKING)

22
00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:25,176
(WOMAN MOANING)

23
00:02:58,278 --> 00:03:00,379
Get out.

24
00:03:00,380 --> 00:03:02,448
-What?
-Get out.

25
00:03:02,449 --> 00:03:03,849
My husband will be home soon.

26
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:06,986
-I wasn't finished.
-Ask me if I care.

27
00:03:06,987 --> 00:03:08,988
How can you say that?

28
00:03:08,989 --> 00:03:13,749
-Well, you told me I was special.
-I lied. Go home.

29
00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:17,228
Willa.

30
00:03:19,966 --> 00:03:21,900
I love it when you beg.

31
00:03:21,901 --> 00:03:24,303
Okay. I tell you what.

32
00:03:24,304 --> 00:03:25,504
I'll give you a couple of minutes

33
00:03:25,505 --> 00:03:30,442
to do what you gotta do in the bathroom,
and then you're out of here.

34
00:03:30,443 --> 00:03:33,033
And tomorrow, don't be late.

35
00:04:04,110 --> 00:04:07,568
Honey, where's the antacid?

36
00:04:08,014 --> 00:04:12,384
They're in the kitchen.
You're gonna OD on those things.

37
00:04:12,385 --> 00:04:14,885
Hereditary.

38
00:04:16,956 --> 00:04:21,093
Would you mind not throwing
your soiled clothes on the floor?

39
00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:22,995
It's gonna stain the carpet.

40
00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:27,299
Wonderful, Luden. You've come
to criticize me in the shower?

41
00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:29,001
No. I'm sorry.

42
00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:31,502
We'll start over.

43
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:35,812
-Mind if I join you?
-Yes, I do mind.

44
00:04:40,413 --> 00:04:43,982
Greetings, shareholders,
I'm Luden Sandleton.

45
00:04:43,983 --> 00:04:47,419
Now, soapmaking has come
a long way since my grandfather

46
00:04:47,420 --> 00:04:50,490
started Derma Smooth back in 1927.

47
00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:55,461
Back then, it took two and a half days
to make a single bar of soap.

48
00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:59,482
But, today, with a single flick of a switch,

49
00:04:59,532 --> 00:05:03,836
the patented Derma Smooth
Soap-o-Matic 5000 can heat,

50
00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:09,508
blend, cool and package an entire
case of soap in less than eight minutes.

51
00:05:09,509 --> 00:05:14,146
Also, in the old days, most companies
rendered animal parts for their products.

52
00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:16,048
But not Derma Smooth.

53
00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:19,384
There are over a dozen
kinds of acids in animal parts,

54
00:05:19,385 --> 00:05:21,153
including hydrochloric acid.

55
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:22,955
Think about it.

56
00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:25,290
Would you want the stuff
that digests food in your stomach

57
00:05:25,291 --> 00:05:28,260
doing the same kind of thing to your face?

58
00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:30,195
That's why, for the past 70 years,

59
00:05:30,196 --> 00:05:34,856
Derma Smooth has been
all natural and cruelty-free.

60
00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:39,471
But enough about the past.
Let's talk about the future.

61
00:05:39,472 --> 00:05:41,640
(WlLLA APPLAUDS)

62
00:05:41,641 --> 00:05:44,141
Bravo.

63
00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:50,149
They're showing it at the shareholders'
luncheon next week.

64
00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:52,650
So, where's the future?

65
00:05:52,952 --> 00:05:56,555
We haven't shot it yet. We got problems.

66
00:05:56,556 --> 00:05:59,057
I mean, sales are at an all-time low.

67
00:05:59,058 --> 00:06:01,627
You're the president, Lu. Fire someone.

68
00:06:01,628 --> 00:06:06,365
Yeah, well, we've been doing a lot
of work getting ready for the luncheon

69
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,967
and market research
indicates that your designs

70
00:06:08,968 --> 00:06:13,888
aren't scoring
the kinds of points that they used to.

71
00:06:15,508 --> 00:06:16,608
Fact.

72
00:06:16,609 --> 00:06:19,678
This design made Derma Smooth
the number-one shampoo!

73
00:06:19,679 --> 00:06:22,347
Well, nobody's saying
that your work isn't good.

74
00:06:22,348 --> 00:06:25,884
It's just it's not very fresh anymore.

75
00:06:25,885 --> 00:06:30,322
So, this is why you're so excited
to see me doing my own stuff, huh?

76
00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:33,625
Well, don't take it personally. I mean...

77
00:06:33,626 --> 00:06:36,456
The board of directors wants to

78
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:39,398
scrap all of the existing artwork.

79
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:43,335
They want an entirely
new look for Derma Smooth.

80
00:06:43,336 --> 00:06:45,836
I think it's a great idea!

81
00:06:46,105 --> 00:06:48,073
-You do?
-Absolutely!

82
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:49,775
I mean, my designs
have been copied so much,

83
00:06:49,776 --> 00:06:51,410
they are old news.

84
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:52,744
(SIGHS)

85
00:06:52,745 --> 00:06:55,781
So when is this shareholders' meeting?

86
00:06:55,782 --> 00:06:57,616
Thursday.

87
00:06:57,617 --> 00:07:01,720
-I'm really happy that you understand...
-Thursday. Thursday, Thursday.

88
00:07:01,721 --> 00:07:05,991
That gives me just enough time
to give you your future.

89
00:07:05,992 --> 00:07:07,626
What?

90
00:07:07,627 --> 00:07:10,696
They want a fresh new look?
Let me give it to them.

91
00:07:10,697 --> 00:07:13,787
I'll wow them, Luden, you'll see.

92
00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:16,768
Welcome back.

93
00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:22,608
We are talking to the hottest artist
on the scene today, Renaldo Escuarita.

94
00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:25,043
Renaldo, when did you
first make the transition

95
00:07:25,044 --> 00:07:27,646
from doing graffiti
to more serious artwork?

96
00:07:27,647 --> 00:07:31,416
Hey, I don't use the "G word,"
because that's like, vandalism, you dig?

97
00:07:31,417 --> 00:07:34,052
I am an urban guerrilla artist.

98
00:07:34,053 --> 00:07:36,455
It's like, the city is my canvas, man.

99
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:39,625
I'm just working on a smaller scale now.

100
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:42,060
Bam!

101
00:07:42,061 --> 00:07:44,561
I call it "Welfare Cheese."

102
00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:48,467
When is it time for me?

103
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,335
Right about now.

104
00:07:50,336 --> 00:07:52,638
You know my next guest
from her provocative

105
00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:56,174
and controversial designs
for Derma Smooth beauty products.

106
00:07:56,175 --> 00:07:58,700
Say hi to Willa Sandleton.

107
00:07:59,812 --> 00:08:02,547
Willa, thanks so much for joining us.

108
00:08:02,548 --> 00:08:05,050
So, now that Derma Smooth
beauty products

109
00:08:05,051 --> 00:08:07,586
are no longer the flavor of the month,

110
00:08:07,587 --> 00:08:11,290
do you think
your 15 minutes of fame are up?

111
00:08:11,291 --> 00:08:12,424
No.

112
00:08:12,425 --> 00:08:17,229
Actually, I am in the middle of redesigning
the entire Derma Smooth line.

113
00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:19,730
-Really?
-Yes. Yes.

114
00:08:19,766 --> 00:08:22,200
But what I'm really excited about
is my new work.

115
00:08:22,201 --> 00:08:23,835
I feel like I've really grown as an artist

116
00:08:23,836 --> 00:08:27,139
and I'd like to take this opportunity
to debut my new art to the world,

117
00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:28,540
if you don't mind.

118
00:08:28,541 --> 00:08:30,709
-This first painting I call...
-Oops! Actually...

119
00:08:30,710 --> 00:08:33,845
We're out of time, Willa, I'm so sorry.

120
00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:38,350
When we come back, you're going
to be meeting some very special children.

121
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:39,584
BRlAN: We're clear!

122
00:08:39,585 --> 00:08:42,454
Brian, we got tape on those retarded kids
that draw with their feet?

123
00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:45,791
-They're physically impaired, not retarded.
-Whatever.

124
00:08:45,792 --> 00:08:48,760
Excuse me, I thought you were gonna
show my work on this show.

125
00:08:48,761 --> 00:08:51,697
That's the reason
I agreed to come on this program.

126
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:53,198
Are you nuts?

127
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:55,967
The network won't let us show
that gory goop on the air.

128
00:08:55,968 --> 00:08:58,670
Besides, who'd want to look
at that first thing in the morning?

129
00:08:58,671 --> 00:09:01,406
Renaldo, thanks for coming on the show,
can't wait to see yours.

130
00:09:01,407 --> 00:09:03,947
RENALDO: Right on, right on.

131
00:09:15,321 --> 00:09:16,688
(SlGHS)

132
00:09:16,689 --> 00:09:18,457
Hi.

133
00:09:18,458 --> 00:09:19,658
Hi.

134
00:09:19,659 --> 00:09:22,159
How was the TV show?

135
00:09:22,195 --> 00:09:24,096
I don't wanna talk about it.

136
00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:27,199
What are you doing home
in the middle of the day?

137
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:30,435
I need to talk to you about
the shareholders' luncheon tomorrow.

138
00:09:30,436 --> 00:09:34,339
Oh, great, because I have just finished
with the last set of designs and...

139
00:09:34,340 --> 00:09:38,410
I'm afraid we're not gonna be able
to use your stuff.

140
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:40,911
What?

141
00:09:41,514 --> 00:09:43,548
Why not?

142
00:09:43,549 --> 00:09:46,885
-You don't like them.
-No, no. It's not that.

143
00:09:46,886 --> 00:09:48,887
Damn it, Luden!

144
00:09:48,888 --> 00:09:51,823
I created an image
for your stupid company.

145
00:09:51,824 --> 00:09:54,559
You know, I turned it around!
I think you owe me!

146
00:09:54,560 --> 00:09:58,029
-Well, it's just business, Willa.
-Then treat it like a business!

147
00:09:58,030 --> 00:09:59,131
Test the damn things!

148
00:09:59,132 --> 00:10:00,966
I have worked round the clock
for five days straight,

149
00:10:00,967 --> 00:10:03,001
I think you could do a regional test,
something!

150
00:10:03,002 --> 00:10:04,436
No! I'm sorry.

151
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:09,341
But we've just closed a deal
on an up-and-coming new artist.

152
00:10:09,342 --> 00:10:12,577
He's very hot now
and we're lucky to have him.

153
00:10:12,578 --> 00:10:13,945
Who is it?

154
00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:17,082
-His name is Renaldo Escuarita.
-What?

155
00:10:17,083 --> 00:10:19,943
Renaldo Escuari... You know him?

156
00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:22,154
He's a graffiti artist.

157
00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:24,890
Luden, I have studied.
Do you understand me? Studied!

158
00:10:24,891 --> 00:10:27,926
-My whole life for this!
-Now, Willa, calm down.

159
00:10:27,927 --> 00:10:30,729
-How dare you do this to me?
-I'm not doing anything to you.

160
00:10:30,730 --> 00:10:32,330
Look, it's not the end of the world.

161
00:10:32,331 --> 00:10:34,399
You can do your own work full-time now.

162
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:39,104
Oh, yeah. Who's gonna
buy my paintings, Luden? You?

163
00:10:39,105 --> 00:10:41,605
Willa.

164
00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:44,509
-Willa, there's a silver lining here.
-Are you kidding?

165
00:10:44,510 --> 00:10:47,379
Well, I'm concerned about us,
about our marriage.

166
00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:50,816
Now, I figure between
taking the pressure off of you

167
00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:53,084
and getting past
the board of directors meeting,

168
00:10:53,085 --> 00:10:55,220
we'll have a chance
to spend a little time together.

169
00:10:55,221 --> 00:10:58,290
-You know, maybe take that trip.
-Don't touch me.

170
00:10:58,291 --> 00:11:02,594
I'll go to a marriage counselor.
I'll do whatever you want.

171
00:11:02,595 --> 00:11:04,629
Give me my job back.

172
00:11:04,630 --> 00:11:09,260
-Well, that's not gonna happen.
-Fine. I want out.

173
00:11:09,735 --> 00:11:13,672
-What are you saying?
-I want a divorce, you idiot.

174
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,640
I don't care about this relationship.

175
00:11:15,641 --> 00:11:18,376
I never have. Sorry.
That's just the way it is.

176
00:11:18,377 --> 00:11:21,680
And if I can't put my drawings
on your stupid soap boxes,

177
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:24,349
well then I'm just gonna
take your money. Half.

178
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:26,850
Half sounds good to me.

179
00:11:27,553 --> 00:11:30,053
I'm entitled to it.

180
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:45,392
I'm sorry it's come to this.

181
00:11:51,410 --> 00:11:53,678
-You son of a bitch!
-Well, that's good.

182
00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:56,147
You let your anger out. No, I get it...

183
00:11:56,148 --> 00:11:59,684
No, I realize that I'm probably
as much to blame for this as you are.

184
00:11:59,685 --> 00:12:02,020
Now, Willa, listen. Let's start over again.

185
00:12:02,021 --> 00:12:05,123
We'll erase everything.
Let's give it another chance.

186
00:12:05,124 --> 00:12:06,725
What do you say?

187
00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:09,226
You are such a wimp!

188
00:12:09,862 --> 00:12:13,692
Now, maybe, but I'm not gonna let you go.

189
00:12:16,435 --> 00:12:18,737
Willa.

190
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:21,273
Come on.
We used to have some fire in the past.

191
00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:23,742
Let's bring it back.

192
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:26,243
I'll give you fire, Luey.

193
00:12:28,948 --> 00:12:31,448
Willa!

194
00:12:32,518 --> 00:12:36,215
Sorry, Lu, but you got me on a bad day.

195
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,460
(DOORBELL BUZZlNG)

196
00:12:48,634 --> 00:12:51,134
Hey! Drop me the key!

197
00:12:51,137 --> 00:12:52,671
What are you doing here?

198
00:12:52,672 --> 00:12:57,475
What do you mean?
I'm right on time for our afternoon delight.

199
00:12:57,476 --> 00:12:58,677
Come back later!

200
00:12:58,678 --> 00:13:02,047
Oh, come on.
Don't go teasing me like this!

201
00:13:02,048 --> 00:13:06,278
-I'm begging on my hands and knees!
-Go away!

202
00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:26,237
TOM: I'll bark like a dog if you want!

203
00:13:26,238 --> 00:13:28,738
(TOM IMITATES DOG BARKING)

204
00:13:32,912 --> 00:13:35,113
Not now, Tom! I mean it.

205
00:13:35,114 --> 00:13:39,904
Forget about the key.
I think somebody's coming out.

206
00:13:53,065 --> 00:13:55,565
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

207
00:13:55,935 --> 00:13:58,435
Hey, babe, open up.

208
00:13:58,604 --> 00:14:01,640
I know you need a strong,
hunky man like me in there!

209
00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:04,141
Come on, babe. Open up.

210
00:14:05,478 --> 00:14:07,978
Willa, come on.

211
00:14:07,980 --> 00:14:10,382
Willa, open the door.

212
00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:13,003
Open, open, open, open, open.

213
00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:16,520
Hi.

214
00:14:18,457 --> 00:14:20,091
Man, you've been painting
up a storm, huh?

215
00:14:20,092 --> 00:14:23,628
Oh, yeah.
Listen, I need you to do me a favor.

216
00:14:23,629 --> 00:14:25,797
Sure. I'll do you.

217
00:14:25,798 --> 00:14:28,266
A favor, that is.

218
00:14:28,267 --> 00:14:32,303
I need you to come over here
and help me get this carpet into the car.

219
00:14:32,304 --> 00:14:35,234
God, Willa, I'm so hot for you.

220
00:14:35,574 --> 00:14:37,208
Let's do it on the carpet right now.

221
00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:39,709
No, you don't! No.

222
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:43,780
Kinky.

223
00:14:45,584 --> 00:14:48,084
Tom.

224
00:14:52,591 --> 00:14:55,091
(WlLLA MOANS)

225
00:14:58,764 --> 00:15:01,264
(YELLS)

226
00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:06,171
Wait, wait, wait.
We'll pick this up later, baby. Okay.

227
00:15:06,172 --> 00:15:09,107
Could you go get me some aspirin?
They're in the bathroom. I got a headache.

228
00:15:09,108 --> 00:15:12,143
-You got a headache, now?
-Yeah, I'm sorry.

229
00:15:12,144 --> 00:15:15,894
I'll make it up to you later. I promise.

230
00:15:15,981 --> 00:15:18,481
Okay.

231
00:15:36,268 --> 00:15:38,203
What's this?

232
00:15:38,204 --> 00:15:40,704
That's for later.

233
00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:43,775
All right.

234
00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:46,711
Now help me get this into the car.

235
00:15:46,712 --> 00:15:50,782
Well, get your husband to do it.
I ain't your slave.

236
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:54,319
Luden is out of town and you are my slave.

237
00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,820
Okay. Okay. Okay.

238
00:15:58,424 --> 00:16:00,792
Man, this stuff's looking realer every day.

239
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:03,561
It's a mixed media piece.
It's a gift for Luden.

240
00:16:03,562 --> 00:16:04,963
Now beat it.

241
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:08,934
Hey, wait a second. You promised me.
Willa!

242
00:16:10,069 --> 00:16:12,569
I said, "Scram."

243
00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:42,666
(SCREAMS)

244
00:16:51,043 --> 00:16:54,933
Gee, Lu, you were never this lively before.

245
00:17:14,366 --> 00:17:17,164
Acid to acid, dust to dust.

246
00:18:36,181 --> 00:18:38,681
Long day, huh, Lu?

247
00:18:45,491 --> 00:18:50,793
Hey, Lu, you don't mind if I leave this...

248
00:18:51,263 --> 00:18:52,597
There.

249
00:18:52,598 --> 00:18:56,364
Or how about these...here.

250
00:18:59,505 --> 00:19:03,908
Or, how about this, there.

251
00:19:05,844 --> 00:19:09,064
C'mon, Lu, let's go have some fun.

252
00:19:16,455 --> 00:19:21,505
Now, you just sit right there
and don't move a muscle.

253
00:19:58,163 --> 00:20:00,898
You always wanted
to shower with me, Lu.

254
00:20:00,899 --> 00:20:03,399
Here's your chance.

255
00:20:33,298 --> 00:20:35,798
(YELPS)

256
00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:43,107
LUDEN: There are over a dozen
kinds of acids in animal parts,

257
00:20:43,108 --> 00:20:45,608
including hydrochloric acid.

258
00:20:47,579 --> 00:20:49,047
Think about it.

259
00:20:49,048 --> 00:20:51,616
Would you want the stuff
that digests food in your stomach

260
00:20:51,617 --> 00:20:54,052
doing the same kind of thing to your face?

261
00:20:54,053 --> 00:20:56,553
(SCREAMS)

262
00:21:26,652 --> 00:21:30,388
Looks like Willa's
changing her school of painting.

263
00:21:30,389 --> 00:21:34,849
From art gooveau to ghost-lmpressionism.

264
00:21:34,927 --> 00:21:37,428
That'll get her into Ooze Who.

265
00:21:37,429 --> 00:21:39,929
(CACKLlNG)

266
00:21:40,532 --> 00:21:44,400
Okay, kiddies, it's time for my big event.

267
00:21:44,803 --> 00:21:47,303
Wish me luck.

268
00:21:53,245 --> 00:21:55,279
Caught it!

269
00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:57,548
Ah, the kill of victory.

270
00:21:57,549 --> 00:22:00,049
(CACKLlNG)