1
00:01:25,835 --> 00:01:29,396
Looks like it's curtains for me, kiddies.

2
00:01:29,606 --> 00:01:33,975
Then again, maybe the Venetian blinds
would look better.

3
00:01:36,813 --> 00:01:38,542
I don't know.

4
00:01:38,615 --> 00:01:43,052
When I started this little makeover
I was pretty excited.

5
00:01:43,119 --> 00:01:47,954
I thought a little Slaytex Paint,
some new scream doors,

6
00:01:48,024 --> 00:01:50,891
maybe even some scare conditioning,

7
00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:56,421
I could turn my little doomicile
into a regular pied-à-terror.

8
00:01:56,499 --> 00:02:02,131
But, I tell you, kiddies,
between the dust and the ghost overruns,

9
00:02:02,205 --> 00:02:05,470
your pal, the Crypt Keeper
is going out of his mind!

10
00:02:06,409 --> 00:02:09,708
Which is kind of like the woman
in tonight's terror tale.

11
00:02:10,079 --> 00:02:12,309
It's about a comic book artist

12
00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:17,251
who's about to experience
a terrible case of déjà boo.

13
00:02:17,887 --> 00:02:21,288
I call it "Whirlpool. "

14
00:03:30,393 --> 00:03:34,227
Hey, Velma,
you getting in the tub with me or not?

15
00:03:35,265 --> 00:03:37,631
Sure thing, doll. I'll be right there.

16
00:03:38,368 --> 00:03:41,132
Well, I hope you like it hot.

17
00:03:44,774 --> 00:03:45,934
Velma?

18
00:03:47,277 --> 00:03:48,266
Velma?

19
00:03:50,146 --> 00:03:51,511
Where did you...

20
00:03:53,049 --> 00:03:55,449
Kill him! That's right. Get him.

21
00:03:57,120 --> 00:03:58,849
Kill the slimy rat!

22
00:03:59,889 --> 00:04:02,585
Do it! Squeeze the life out of him.
Come on!

23
00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:04,923
Die, you son of a bitch!

24
00:04:15,038 --> 00:04:16,699
Put some clothes on!

25
00:04:20,109 --> 00:04:21,974
You had him in the kip, didn't you?

26
00:04:22,045 --> 00:04:25,913
You told me to do whatever it took.
And that's what it took.

27
00:04:26,950 --> 00:04:30,044
Actually, I feel kind of bad about Jerry.

28
00:04:30,987 --> 00:04:32,579
He was pretty good.

29
00:04:33,923 --> 00:04:35,185
What the hell.

30
00:04:35,425 --> 00:04:37,518
I'll always have my memories.

31
00:04:46,569 --> 00:04:51,404
I'm glad you feel that way, Velma.
I'm all choked up.

32
00:04:51,474 --> 00:04:53,135
I didn't mean it.

33
00:05:05,488 --> 00:05:06,512
Now, wait a minute.

34
00:05:06,589 --> 00:05:08,318
Maybe I'm stupid or something,
but I don't get it.

35
00:05:08,391 --> 00:05:10,518
No, it's simple.
This guy is really dead.

36
00:05:10,593 --> 00:05:12,925
- What, he's dead?
- No, he's dead.

37
00:05:12,996 --> 00:05:14,327
Oh, you mean he's dead.

38
00:05:14,397 --> 00:05:15,728
He's dead.

39
00:05:15,798 --> 00:05:17,527
What, are you kidding me?

40
00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:20,598
- What's the matter, you don't like it?
- What's to like?

41
00:05:20,670 --> 00:05:22,695
What kind of ending is that?

42
00:05:22,839 --> 00:05:25,501
- It's a twist.
- It's a piece of shit.

43
00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:27,440
Even the artwork sucks.

44
00:05:27,510 --> 00:05:30,946
There is no edge to it. It's predictable.

45
00:05:31,014 --> 00:05:32,140
What are you talking about?

46
00:05:32,215 --> 00:05:34,843
You don't expect
the guy in the tub to be alive.

47
00:05:34,917 --> 00:05:38,580
He's alive? Jeez,
I thought he was a ghoul or something.

48
00:05:38,654 --> 00:05:39,746
He's not?

49
00:05:40,256 --> 00:05:43,714
Okay, he's a ghoul. I'll change it.

50
00:05:43,793 --> 00:05:46,819
For Christ's sake, I gotta get this issue
to the printer's in two hours.

51
00:05:46,896 --> 00:05:49,421
Except now I'm a story short. Thank you!

52
00:05:49,499 --> 00:05:51,399
Iggy, you got anything in your files?

53
00:05:51,467 --> 00:05:55,233
I got that he's-a-werewolf-she's-a-vampire-
but-neither-of-them-knows-it story.

54
00:05:55,304 --> 00:05:56,464
Hal, save me!

55
00:05:56,539 --> 00:05:58,097
You know that
guy-who-wants-to-head-the-company-

56
00:05:58,174 --> 00:05:59,937
so-they-cut-off-his-head
thing I been working on?

57
00:06:00,009 --> 00:06:00,998
Oh, Christ.

58
00:06:01,077 --> 00:06:02,339
I can have it on your desk in a half hour.

59
00:06:02,412 --> 00:06:04,004
Do it. Just do it.

60
00:06:12,722 --> 00:06:14,747
It's not that bad, is it?

61
00:06:15,558 --> 00:06:18,083
Rolanda, I want you in my office right now.

62
00:06:20,229 --> 00:06:22,857
Trust me. It's worse.

63
00:06:24,100 --> 00:06:28,662
How dare you walk in here
and try to pass off that garbage to me?

64
00:06:28,738 --> 00:06:31,366
I wouldn't line a birdcage with that story.

65
00:06:31,441 --> 00:06:33,375
- I'm sorry.
- Sorry don't cut it.

66
00:06:33,443 --> 00:06:35,934
I need stories. I need them on time
and I need them great.

67
00:06:36,012 --> 00:06:38,947
And I can't remember the last time
you delivered either.

68
00:06:39,015 --> 00:06:40,346
For crying out loud, Rolanda,

69
00:06:40,416 --> 00:06:42,008
you used to be the thoroughbred
in this stable.

70
00:06:42,085 --> 00:06:43,609
What happened to you?

71
00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:45,319
Are you drinking again?

72
00:06:45,388 --> 00:06:47,754
Honest to God, Vern, not a drop.

73
00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:51,191
Yeah. Then maybe you should start.

74
00:06:52,161 --> 00:06:53,651
I don't know what to tell you except

75
00:06:54,831 --> 00:06:56,628
clean out your desk.

76
00:06:57,133 --> 00:07:00,398
Please, please, Vern,
we got a history, you and me.

77
00:07:01,170 --> 00:07:02,831
You want me to beg?

78
00:07:04,941 --> 00:07:06,101
I'll beg.

79
00:07:08,644 --> 00:07:13,274
I've seen you on your knees before
and it ain't a pretty picture.

80
00:07:13,649 --> 00:07:15,048
Security!

81
00:07:15,918 --> 00:07:19,820
Hey, let go of me, you big palooka!

82
00:07:22,158 --> 00:07:23,921
That poor kid.

83
00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:27,185
Can't say you didn't see it coming.

84
00:08:02,465 --> 00:08:04,763
You're a little later than I expected.

85
00:08:05,968 --> 00:08:08,334
I wasn't gonna wait much past midnight.

86
00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:13,137
I took your advice and I stopped in
that cozy little bar around the corner.

87
00:08:13,843 --> 00:08:16,243
- They remembered me.
- Why not?

88
00:08:16,312 --> 00:08:19,543
They've been in mourning since the day
you climbed on the wagon.

89
00:08:19,615 --> 00:08:22,743
Funny, that's what they said.

90
00:08:23,419 --> 00:08:26,217
Can we speed this up?
I gotta get to work in the morning.

91
00:08:26,289 --> 00:08:28,917
I got a great idea for a story, Vern.

92
00:08:29,158 --> 00:08:31,649
It's about a gal who loses her job.

93
00:08:31,727 --> 00:08:33,991
And something inside of her snaps

94
00:08:34,063 --> 00:08:36,395
and she finds that thing

95
00:08:36,599 --> 00:08:39,090
that gives her back her edge.

96
00:08:39,669 --> 00:08:41,136
Sounds a little thin.

97
00:08:41,704 --> 00:08:45,401
Trust me, the visual's going to sell it.

98
00:08:47,376 --> 00:08:49,173
Rolanda, what are you doing?

99
00:08:49,245 --> 00:08:52,772
I ain't begging for my job anymore,
that's for sure.

100
00:08:53,015 --> 00:08:55,575
Look, you gotta understand
I did what I did for a reason.

101
00:08:55,651 --> 00:08:57,380
Garbage! On your knees.

102
00:08:57,453 --> 00:08:59,318
You're the one who's going to beg.

103
00:08:59,388 --> 00:09:03,449
And I've seen you on your knees
and it's not a pretty picture.

104
00:09:03,526 --> 00:09:05,892
- Rolanda. Rolanda.
- Come on. Come on.

105
00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:07,657
I don't hear you begging.

106
00:09:07,730 --> 00:09:09,288
No! No! No!

107
00:09:41,931 --> 00:09:43,558
Move! Move! Freeze!

108
00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:47,467
No, no, no! No! No!

109
00:09:48,237 --> 00:09:52,003
No!

110
00:10:30,279 --> 00:10:33,646
Actually, I feel kind of bad about Jerry.

111
00:10:34,350 --> 00:10:36,079
He was pretty good.

112
00:10:36,686 --> 00:10:37,948
What the hell.

113
00:10:38,254 --> 00:10:40,347
I'll always have my memories.

114
00:10:49,265 --> 00:10:53,998
I'm glad you feel that way, Velma.
I'm all choked up.

115
00:10:57,973 --> 00:11:00,305
- What, he's dead?
- No, he's dead.

116
00:11:01,477 --> 00:11:04,275
- You mean he's dead.
- No, he's dead.

117
00:11:04,347 --> 00:11:06,076
What, are you kidding me?

118
00:11:06,716 --> 00:11:08,707
What's the matter, you don't like it?

119
00:11:08,784 --> 00:11:11,082
What kind of ending is that?

120
00:11:12,288 --> 00:11:14,620
- It's a twist.
- It's a piece of shit.

121
00:11:14,690 --> 00:11:16,214
Even the artwork sucks.

122
00:11:16,292 --> 00:11:18,260
There is no edge to it. It's predictable.

123
00:11:18,327 --> 00:11:20,522
I didn't expect the guy in the tub
to still be alive.

124
00:11:20,596 --> 00:11:23,793
He's alive? Jeez,
I thought he was a ghoul or something.

125
00:11:25,568 --> 00:11:29,231
For Christ's sake, I gotta get this issue
to the printer's in two hours.

126
00:11:29,305 --> 00:11:32,001
Except now I'm a story short. Thank you!

127
00:11:33,209 --> 00:11:35,404
Iggy, you got anything in your files?

128
00:11:35,478 --> 00:11:39,141
I got that he's-a-werewolf-she's-a-vampire-
but-neither-of-them-knows-it story.

129
00:11:39,215 --> 00:11:41,775
Great. Hal, save me.

130
00:11:41,851 --> 00:11:43,409
You know that
guy-that-wants-to-head-the-company-

131
00:11:43,486 --> 00:11:45,181
so-they-cut-off-his-head
thing that I been working on?

132
00:11:45,254 --> 00:11:46,949
I can have it on your desk in a half hour.

133
00:11:47,022 --> 00:11:48,580
Do it. Just do it.

134
00:11:57,166 --> 00:11:59,157
It's not that bad, is it?

135
00:11:59,235 --> 00:12:01,965
Rolanda, I want you in my office. Now!

136
00:12:04,907 --> 00:12:06,101
It's worse.

137
00:12:07,109 --> 00:12:10,237
Vern, there's something strange
going on here.

138
00:12:10,312 --> 00:12:13,941
How dare you walk in here
and try to pass off that garbage to me?

139
00:12:14,016 --> 00:12:16,541
I wouldn't line a birdcage with that story.

140
00:12:17,453 --> 00:12:20,650
You gotta listen to me.
I had this dream last night.

141
00:12:20,723 --> 00:12:23,954
I need stories. I need them on time
and I need them great.

142
00:12:24,026 --> 00:12:26,517
I can't even remember the last time
you delivered either.

143
00:12:27,062 --> 00:12:30,190
For crying out loud, you used to be
the thoroughbred in this stable.

144
00:12:30,266 --> 00:12:32,325
Are you drinking again?

145
00:12:32,701 --> 00:12:35,363
Honest to God, Vern, not a drop.

146
00:12:37,039 --> 00:12:39,166
Then maybe you should start.

147
00:12:42,077 --> 00:12:43,669
Before you fire me?

148
00:12:44,513 --> 00:12:46,140
Somebody call security!

149
00:12:52,388 --> 00:12:53,878
That poor kid.

150
00:12:54,890 --> 00:12:57,051
Can't say you didn't see it coming.

151
00:13:06,502 --> 00:13:07,764
Oh, no.

152
00:13:36,699 --> 00:13:38,997
You're a little later than I expected.

153
00:13:40,169 --> 00:13:43,036
I wasn't gonna wait much past midnight.

154
00:13:43,105 --> 00:13:46,563
I want to apologize for today.
I haven't been drinking.

155
00:13:47,109 --> 00:13:49,873
But I have a great idea for a story.

156
00:13:50,346 --> 00:13:52,576
It's about a gal who loses her job.

157
00:13:52,648 --> 00:13:54,775
And something inside of her snaps

158
00:13:54,850 --> 00:13:58,809
and she finds that thing
that gives her back her edge.

159
00:13:58,888 --> 00:14:00,321
Sounds a little thin.

160
00:14:00,556 --> 00:14:03,992
No, I really think I have something,
something good.

161
00:14:07,596 --> 00:14:11,589
One step closer
and I'll blow you away, you sick bitch.

162
00:14:12,434 --> 00:14:13,628
What are you doing?

163
00:14:13,702 --> 00:14:15,727
You didn't come here to beg for your job.

164
00:14:15,804 --> 00:14:18,432
- You came here to kill me.
- No! No!

165
00:14:18,507 --> 00:14:21,305
You're about as predictable
as your cockamamie stories.

166
00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:23,540
On your knees.

167
00:14:23,612 --> 00:14:26,308
I said get down on your goddamn knees!
Come on!

168
00:14:26,382 --> 00:14:29,249
- Come on.
- What are you doing?

169
00:14:29,752 --> 00:14:32,243
You think I'm gonna wait around here
for you to nail me?

170
00:14:32,321 --> 00:14:35,484
I didn't come here to kill you.
I came here to beg for my job.

171
00:14:35,558 --> 00:14:39,517
Everybody saw you attack me today.
They had to run for security.

172
00:14:39,595 --> 00:14:44,498
Then tonight you came back.
I had to shoot you in self-defense.

173
00:14:44,567 --> 00:14:46,091
I think it'll sell.

174
00:14:49,071 --> 00:14:50,265
Vern, no!

175
00:15:09,792 --> 00:15:11,259
Oh, shit!

176
00:15:28,177 --> 00:15:29,439
Freeze!

177
00:15:30,713 --> 00:15:31,873
No! No!

178
00:15:31,947 --> 00:15:34,916
No!

179
00:16:25,300 --> 00:16:27,234
<i>Tales from the Crypt.
- Hello, Hal?</i>

180
00:16:27,302 --> 00:16:28,291
Is Vern there?

181
00:16:28,370 --> 00:16:29,997
<i>- He went out.
- Went out?</i>

182
00:16:30,773 --> 00:16:34,140
Well, you know that guy-who-wants-
to-be-the-head-of-the-company

183
00:16:34,209 --> 00:16:35,574
thing you've been working on?

184
00:16:35,644 --> 00:16:37,407
You better get cracking.

185
00:16:37,479 --> 00:16:40,107
Probably won't take you
more than a half an hour to finish it.

186
00:16:40,182 --> 00:16:41,171
<i>Why's that?</i>

187
00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:45,209
Because I'm not coming in today,
that's why.

188
00:16:47,189 --> 00:16:48,679
Could you hold on just a second?

189
00:16:53,228 --> 00:16:54,456
Vern, what are you doing here?

190
00:16:54,530 --> 00:16:56,259
What do you think? Where's the story?

191
00:16:56,965 --> 00:17:00,662
I was just calling to tell you...
Something came up. I don't have it.

192
00:17:00,736 --> 00:17:01,964
You idiot!

193
00:17:02,037 --> 00:17:04,130
I gotta have this issue to the printer's
in two hours!

194
00:17:04,206 --> 00:17:06,834
- Except now I'm a story short!
- I fixed it.

195
00:17:06,909 --> 00:17:09,241
I called Hal and I told him to finish

196
00:17:09,311 --> 00:17:11,541
that guy-who-wants-to-be-
the-head-of-the-company thing.

197
00:17:11,613 --> 00:17:13,410
I hate that frigging story!

198
00:17:13,482 --> 00:17:17,578
It's even stupider than Iggy's goddamn
he's-a-werewolf-she's-a-vampire story!

199
00:17:17,653 --> 00:17:19,985
Oh, Christ! Are you drinking again?

200
00:17:20,055 --> 00:17:22,546
Honest to God, Vern, no, not a drop!

201
00:17:23,258 --> 00:17:25,283
You're fired, you hear me? Fired!

202
00:17:26,729 --> 00:17:30,096
Vern, don't do this to me.

203
00:17:32,334 --> 00:17:34,131
I can't take this anymore!

204
00:17:35,637 --> 00:17:37,537
Vern, no!

205
00:17:47,716 --> 00:17:49,308
- Oh, my God.
- Freeze!

206
00:17:49,384 --> 00:17:51,079
Don't shoot! Don't shoot!

207
00:17:51,653 --> 00:17:53,553
You cold-blooded bitch.

208
00:17:53,655 --> 00:17:59,355
I didn't do it!

209
00:18:06,635 --> 00:18:09,195
You're going home, sweetheart.

210
00:18:09,872 --> 00:18:11,134
Poor kid.

211
00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:13,668
Can't say you didn't see it coming.

212
00:18:14,309 --> 00:18:16,300
I know what's going on here!

213
00:18:16,378 --> 00:18:20,815
You'll shoot me and I'll wake up in a
minute and it'll start all over again.

214
00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:22,506
OFFICER: Ready.

215
00:18:24,787 --> 00:18:25,776
Aim!

216
00:18:27,356 --> 00:18:28,687
Fire!

217
00:18:36,165 --> 00:18:38,030
What, are you kidding me?

218
00:18:38,467 --> 00:18:40,059
What's the matter?
Don't you like it?

219
00:18:40,135 --> 00:18:42,126
What kind of ending is that?

220
00:18:42,204 --> 00:18:45,605
- It's a twist.
- It's a piece of shit.

221
00:18:45,674 --> 00:18:49,132
- Even the artwork sucks.
- I can fix it.

222
00:18:49,578 --> 00:18:50,670
Don't bother!

223
00:18:50,746 --> 00:18:52,737
And I don't appreciate
you using my likeness

224
00:18:52,815 --> 00:18:54,544
in your goddamn story, either.

225
00:18:54,883 --> 00:18:57,408
I gotta get this issue to the printer's
in two hours!

226
00:18:57,486 --> 00:18:59,818
Rick, grab something from your files,
will you?

227
00:18:59,888 --> 00:19:00,877
Yeah.

228
00:19:03,192 --> 00:19:04,216
You

229
00:19:04,993 --> 00:19:06,358
in my office.

230
00:19:11,700 --> 00:19:12,894
Now!

231
00:19:17,873 --> 00:19:20,967
Oh, shit.

232
00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:28,144
Poor Rolanda,
all she wanted was another shot.

233
00:19:28,217 --> 00:19:31,118
And that's exactly what they gave her.

234
00:19:31,186 --> 00:19:34,349
Talk about character assassination.

235
00:19:37,659 --> 00:19:39,650
So, what do you think, kiddies?

236
00:19:39,728 --> 00:19:43,687
<i>Am I ready for Architectural Digest
or what?</i>

237
00:19:44,132 --> 00:19:48,967
It took a while, but this old haunt
is finally coming together.

238
00:19:49,304 --> 00:19:51,329
Nice shudders over there.

239
00:19:51,540 --> 00:19:54,031
A lovely fright fixture over here.

240
00:19:54,109 --> 00:19:55,440
As a matter of fact,

241
00:19:55,510 --> 00:19:59,708
I've even started thinking of some
new improvements I want to make.

242
00:19:59,781 --> 00:20:03,410
And I'm going to use the same contractor.

243
00:20:03,485 --> 00:20:05,544
I'm already taking bits.