1 00:01:31,024 --> 00:01:32,719 Dr. Crypt Keeper, 2 00:01:32,792 --> 00:01:36,626 I'm not the one with the problem here, she is. 3 00:01:36,696 --> 00:01:40,188 Relationships aren't about who's right or wrong. 4 00:01:40,266 --> 00:01:42,791 Look, do you remember how you felt about each other 5 00:01:42,869 --> 00:01:45,099 when you were newly bleds? 6 00:01:45,171 --> 00:01:49,505 Do you want to feel the same way you felt at your marriage scare-emony? 7 00:01:49,576 --> 00:01:50,736 Good. 8 00:01:50,810 --> 00:01:54,746 Then let go of what you find irritating about each other 9 00:01:54,814 --> 00:01:57,749 before it gross too far. 10 00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:03,817 Which is the kind of advice the young couple in tonight's tale should take. 11 00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:07,348 They're fiends and lovers whose relationship is clot 12 00:02:07,427 --> 00:02:09,987 between a rock in a horrid place. 13 00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:13,999 I call this one "Cold War. " 14 00:03:36,749 --> 00:03:39,149 I thought you said this beautiful borough had a bank. 15 00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:41,813 - Shut up. - How sweet, Ford. 16 00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:44,152 Do you French kiss your mother with that mouth? 17 00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:45,486 Nice one. 18 00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:48,490 I said shut up, both of you. 19 00:03:49,295 --> 00:03:52,162 It's here somewhere. Just keep an eye out. 20 00:04:42,382 --> 00:04:45,943 Get a move on, Cutter. Come on. We haven't got all night here. 21 00:04:53,926 --> 00:04:56,292 The bank's just up ahead. I know it. 22 00:04:56,362 --> 00:04:57,590 Ain't here, mate. 23 00:04:57,664 --> 00:05:01,031 Oh, well, I don't remember asking you, ass bag. 24 00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:04,467 Maybe you should pay more attention to the pecking order round here, huh? 25 00:05:07,340 --> 00:05:10,070 Not on the face! Not on the face, okay? Chill out, Cutter. Just chill. 26 00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:14,307 All I'm trying to tell you, boss, is it ain't here, 27 00:05:15,415 --> 00:05:17,542 'cause it ain't here. 28 00:05:18,885 --> 00:05:21,820 It used to be a bank, now it's a launderette. 29 00:05:24,590 --> 00:05:25,921 Damn it. 30 00:05:27,460 --> 00:05:29,052 I'm sorry, baby. 31 00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:32,089 What do you want to do now? 32 00:05:35,201 --> 00:05:36,395 I got a plan. 33 00:05:43,910 --> 00:05:47,846 You know the routine. Just keep it running. 34 00:05:50,950 --> 00:05:53,783 Ford, don't be such a wanker. 35 00:05:53,853 --> 00:05:55,844 This isn't a good idea and you know it. 36 00:05:55,922 --> 00:05:58,652 I don't know what a wanker is and I don't care. 37 00:05:58,725 --> 00:06:01,956 Look, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. 38 00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:03,859 Who ever heard of putting a Laundromat in a bank? 39 00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:05,659 That's what I've been trying to tell you. 40 00:06:05,732 --> 00:06:07,256 It's a bad omen. 41 00:06:07,333 --> 00:06:09,233 Let's just get back in the car. 42 00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:10,997 No can do, princess. 43 00:06:11,070 --> 00:06:13,698 I was really looking forward to robbing that bank, you know that? 44 00:06:13,773 --> 00:06:16,003 I know. But there'll be others. 45 00:06:16,075 --> 00:06:19,806 I'm telling you, this whole thing's giving me a bad feeling. 46 00:06:22,782 --> 00:06:24,773 Don't do this. I mean it. 47 00:06:26,152 --> 00:06:27,619 Come on, what's your problem? 48 00:06:27,687 --> 00:06:30,622 We must've done a thousand jobs like this before now. 49 00:06:30,690 --> 00:06:33,284 Only the bad guys had guns, remember? 50 00:06:34,260 --> 00:06:36,694 Look, what could possibly go wrong? 51 00:06:41,467 --> 00:06:44,493 Okay, party people, let's put our hands up in the air, 52 00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:47,437 and lets all wave them around like we just... 53 00:06:50,977 --> 00:06:52,239 Shit. 54 00:06:57,717 --> 00:07:01,244 Ford, if they don't kill you, I'm going to do it myself. 55 00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:02,981 Yeah, promises, promises. 56 00:07:03,055 --> 00:07:06,047 Hey, be cool, kids. Okay, let's just be cool here. 57 00:07:06,125 --> 00:07:07,820 I'm a firm believer in the teachings of Buddha, 58 00:07:07,894 --> 00:07:09,691 and like the fat man always said, 59 00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:13,095 first come first served, so we'll just be backing out of here... 60 00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:14,861 Do not move. 61 00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:17,232 Not in my face. Anywhere but in my face. 62 00:07:21,340 --> 00:07:23,001 Come on. Here. 63 00:07:26,712 --> 00:07:29,340 Drop your gun. Drop it. 64 00:07:29,415 --> 00:07:32,680 I'll just put it here. Just put it there. 65 00:07:32,752 --> 00:07:33,844 Drop it, bitch. 66 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:35,683 - Bitch? - Shit. 67 00:07:36,322 --> 00:07:38,017 Who the hell do you think you're talking to? 68 00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:42,425 - No! - Drop it or he's dead! 69 00:07:42,495 --> 00:07:44,292 In your dreams. 70 00:07:44,363 --> 00:07:47,059 I'm gonna wear your ears on a fucking necklace, Kato. 71 00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:48,896 Don't call me Kato, bitch. 72 00:07:48,968 --> 00:07:51,300 Then don't call me bitch, Kato. 73 00:08:02,949 --> 00:08:04,007 Cam... Cam... Cammy... Cammy! 74 00:08:04,083 --> 00:08:06,608 You've got every right to be breathing fire here, no one says you don't. 75 00:08:06,686 --> 00:08:10,884 But the spray on that bird gun is pretty wide, honey. 76 00:08:10,957 --> 00:08:12,288 Your point being? 77 00:08:12,358 --> 00:08:14,952 Well, my point being, we've got a better chance of getting out of here alive 78 00:08:15,027 --> 00:08:16,187 if you use what's between your legs 79 00:08:16,262 --> 00:08:19,425 instead of that thunder stick in your hands. 80 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,296 I suppose you're right. 81 00:08:21,367 --> 00:08:23,460 Put the gun down, please. 82 00:08:33,412 --> 00:08:34,640 You win. 83 00:08:38,651 --> 00:08:40,778 Gotta nick me some matches. Laid it out! 84 00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:47,548 Cammy! 85 00:09:03,242 --> 00:09:04,971 Go on, baby! - You bitch. 86 00:09:05,678 --> 00:09:07,168 Run! - Go! 87 00:09:16,055 --> 00:09:17,613 So long, Cutter! 88 00:09:18,791 --> 00:09:20,452 Come on, Cammy! 89 00:09:24,597 --> 00:09:26,531 Come on, baby! 90 00:09:27,867 --> 00:09:29,767 Bye, bye, Cutter. 91 00:09:29,835 --> 00:09:31,359 Wait for me. 92 00:09:33,039 --> 00:09:36,440 - What did I tell you? - We'll discuss it later! Just drive! 93 00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:43,913 Oh, shit. 94 00:09:57,129 --> 00:10:00,462 Come on, baby. Come on. You can do it. 95 00:10:03,102 --> 00:10:04,933 Here. Have some of this. 96 00:10:05,004 --> 00:10:05,993 Okay. 97 00:10:09,408 --> 00:10:11,569 Is that better? Is that better? 98 00:10:13,713 --> 00:10:16,307 It's gonna be all right. 99 00:10:18,417 --> 00:10:21,147 Careful. Careful. 100 00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:24,389 I'm doing my best. 101 00:10:26,025 --> 00:10:29,392 Hold still. I can't find it. 102 00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:35,926 Well, of course you can't find it. That's the wrong leg. 103 00:10:36,002 --> 00:10:38,129 Well, how was I supposed to know? 104 00:10:38,204 --> 00:10:40,729 - There was a hole there. - Well, that's an old hole. 105 00:10:40,806 --> 00:10:43,673 The new one with the slug in it is in this leg. 106 00:10:43,743 --> 00:10:46,211 Fine, if you're gonna be such a wanker, do it yourself. 107 00:10:46,278 --> 00:10:48,178 Oh, there's that word again. 108 00:10:48,247 --> 00:10:50,442 I mean, it's not like you haven't been shot before. 109 00:10:50,516 --> 00:10:52,950 Why do you always have to make such a big deal out of it? 110 00:10:53,019 --> 00:10:56,113 Because each and every time it happens, it still hurts! 111 00:10:56,188 --> 00:10:57,712 Here, let me show you. 112 00:11:01,861 --> 00:11:03,351 You bastard! 113 00:11:03,429 --> 00:11:05,920 Ah, quit your crying. It barely grazed you! 114 00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:08,466 I could have done some serious damage if I wanted to! 115 00:11:08,534 --> 00:11:10,092 You people are making too much noise. 116 00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:12,899 Shut up, Shavey! Don't make me come up there! 117 00:11:14,907 --> 00:11:19,674 Right, that's it, Ford. No more. I'm through letting you treat me like shit. 118 00:11:20,246 --> 00:11:23,272 Good. Go on, then, leave. You'll be back. 119 00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:27,046 And to the women God said, "Your yearning will be for your husband, 120 00:11:27,119 --> 00:11:29,246 "and he will dominate you. " 121 00:11:29,321 --> 00:11:31,221 Genesis 3:16. 122 00:11:31,991 --> 00:11:33,356 Not this time. 123 00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:36,884 Yeah, well, that's what you said last time, and the time before that. 124 00:11:36,962 --> 00:11:38,623 Besides, who else would have you? 125 00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:42,691 - Plenty of men. - Wrong. The answer is nobody. 126 00:11:42,768 --> 00:11:45,430 Don't you see? That's our bond. 127 00:11:45,504 --> 00:11:48,098 We're in this together. We're two of a kind. 128 00:11:48,174 --> 00:11:50,199 I don't believe that anymore. 129 00:11:50,276 --> 00:11:53,837 - People are more accepting. - People are shit. 130 00:11:53,913 --> 00:11:57,041 Look, go on! Go, if you wanna go so bad! 131 00:11:58,217 --> 00:12:01,186 - Ford! - Go on! You'll be back! 132 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,614 You'd better hope not. 133 00:12:04,690 --> 00:12:07,887 'Cause if I do, you're gonna regret it. 134 00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:16,060 - I'm leaving. - Eat one! 135 00:12:34,887 --> 00:12:38,448 JIMMY: Excuse me, barman, can you help me out here? 136 00:12:39,558 --> 00:12:43,016 I just hit town and I'm looking for a friendly face. 137 00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:45,757 Yeah? What is it you want? 138 00:12:49,034 --> 00:12:52,401 Look around you, man. I think that's pretty obvious, huh? 139 00:12:52,471 --> 00:12:56,305 I mean, do you see any big titties rubbing up against me? 140 00:12:56,375 --> 00:12:57,399 Do you see me doing the bump 141 00:12:57,476 --> 00:12:59,501 on the dance floor with any fine looking bootie? 142 00:12:59,578 --> 00:13:01,705 - No, you don't. - Well... 143 00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:02,941 Mmm-mmm. 144 00:13:03,015 --> 00:13:05,415 I didn't ask you if you could see any one-eyed, banjo playing, 145 00:13:05,484 --> 00:13:08,749 big-headed Deliverance types with teeth missing 146 00:13:08,821 --> 00:13:11,221 and tattoos on their necks. 147 00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:13,417 Those, my friend, 148 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,689 you have plenty of. 149 00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:18,992 No. 150 00:13:19,064 --> 00:13:23,763 What I need to know is, where are all the good looking ladies, man? 151 00:13:23,836 --> 00:13:25,736 How many do you need? 152 00:13:33,145 --> 00:13:34,737 Will one do? 153 00:13:37,383 --> 00:13:39,010 Yeah. 154 00:13:39,084 --> 00:13:40,711 That's fine. 155 00:15:07,139 --> 00:15:10,074 - Hello. - Hello. 156 00:15:17,082 --> 00:15:18,515 What's your name? 157 00:15:19,718 --> 00:15:21,549 And now reality sets in. 158 00:15:21,620 --> 00:15:23,087 You don't like reality? 159 00:15:23,155 --> 00:15:27,785 Reality sucks. I've had reality up to here. 160 00:15:29,528 --> 00:15:31,655 But if you must know, 161 00:15:33,399 --> 00:15:36,664 the name's Jimmy. Jimmy Picket. 162 00:15:37,870 --> 00:15:39,497 Hi, Jimmy Picket. 163 00:15:40,239 --> 00:15:45,074 If I said I could change your reality, would you be interested? 164 00:15:45,144 --> 00:15:46,873 Baby, I've been underground for so long, 165 00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:51,076 if you dance a little closer I'll show you just how interested. 166 00:15:51,150 --> 00:15:54,779 - I'll take that as a yes. - In a big way. 167 00:17:00,652 --> 00:17:02,643 The holes in my floor... 168 00:17:02,888 --> 00:17:05,857 Shavey! I don't know shit about the holes in your floor. 169 00:17:05,924 --> 00:17:08,722 Sounds to me that you've been smoking the crack again, buddy. 170 00:17:08,794 --> 00:17:12,594 Guns are illegal. Every Tom, Dick and wanker knows that. 171 00:17:12,664 --> 00:17:15,827 Wanker? I'll give you the wanker. Every time you making the noise... 172 00:17:15,901 --> 00:17:21,168 Wankers. Sounds like some fucking breakfast cereal to me. Wankers! 173 00:17:26,078 --> 00:17:28,546 I told you you'd come back, didn't I? 174 00:17:30,349 --> 00:17:31,611 Cammy? 175 00:17:37,456 --> 00:17:38,445 Cammy? 176 00:17:46,432 --> 00:17:47,421 Cammy? 177 00:17:50,102 --> 00:17:51,194 Ford. 178 00:17:55,374 --> 00:17:58,309 What the hell have you been doing all day, baby? 179 00:17:58,377 --> 00:18:00,368 I think you mean "who. " 180 00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:06,714 Hey, that's my robe! 181 00:18:06,785 --> 00:18:08,616 That it is. 182 00:18:12,124 --> 00:18:15,890 - This the guy you were telling me about? - That's him. 183 00:18:15,961 --> 00:18:17,189 I expected more. 184 00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:24,633 Hang on a minute. Is this your big idea of revenge? 185 00:18:25,437 --> 00:18:27,029 With this guy? 186 00:18:29,374 --> 00:18:33,970 Okay, okay, I apologize. I'll never shoot at you again. Now get rid of him. 187 00:18:34,046 --> 00:18:37,311 Too late, Ford. This is my new partner. 188 00:18:37,916 --> 00:18:38,905 So... 189 00:18:39,685 --> 00:18:41,312 Eat one! 190 00:18:44,256 --> 00:18:46,986 You can't partner one of them. 191 00:18:47,059 --> 00:18:48,822 Jeez, I can't even believe you let him do you. 192 00:18:48,894 --> 00:18:50,361 Take another shower, Cammy. 193 00:18:50,429 --> 00:18:52,897 - The thought of it's making me sick. - You racist little prick. 194 00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:54,330 Maybe it's time somebody taught you some manners. 195 00:18:54,399 --> 00:18:56,162 - Jimmy, no! - He doesn't get it, does he? 196 00:18:56,235 --> 00:18:58,999 Oh, I get it all right. You're gonna be my bitch. 197 00:18:59,071 --> 00:19:00,868 Superfly, chill out. 198 00:19:00,939 --> 00:19:03,066 Look, this isn't about the color of your skin. 199 00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:04,939 In my world there's only one thing that determines 200 00:19:05,010 --> 00:19:06,910 who rates and who doesn't. 201 00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:10,346 Simply put, are you alive or are you dead? 202 00:19:15,487 --> 00:19:17,921 Any more questions? 203 00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:21,551 Bastard! I hate it when you do that! 204 00:19:21,627 --> 00:19:24,528 I thought we agreed. After Cutter, no more humans. 205 00:19:24,596 --> 00:19:27,394 Then stop treating me like shit. 206 00:19:27,466 --> 00:19:29,730 I'm tired, Ford. 207 00:19:29,801 --> 00:19:30,995 I want out! 208 00:19:31,069 --> 00:19:35,233 There is no way out. Face up to it, we belong together. 209 00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:38,469 Now tell me why? 210 00:19:40,145 --> 00:19:42,739 You know the answer. Tell me! 211 00:19:42,814 --> 00:19:44,941 Because we're zombies. 212 00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:48,680 That's right. We're ghouls, the walking dead. 213 00:19:48,754 --> 00:19:49,880 Whatever you want to call us, 214 00:19:49,955 --> 00:19:52,549 we're no longer a part of the world out there. 215 00:19:53,325 --> 00:19:55,350 The living can't be trusted. 216 00:19:55,427 --> 00:19:57,122 Neither can the dead... 217 00:20:04,903 --> 00:20:06,268 Zombies. 218 00:20:06,338 --> 00:20:10,206 You can stick your dick in them, but you wouldn't want to feed off one. 219 00:20:10,409 --> 00:20:11,842 Let me go! 220 00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:14,675 Ford, you gotta believe me. 221 00:20:14,746 --> 00:20:15,872 I didn't know. 222 00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:18,439 Okay, baby. I'm coming, baby. 223 00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:20,242 I'm sorry! 224 00:20:39,638 --> 00:20:42,106 You ever tasted zombie blood? 225 00:20:42,174 --> 00:20:45,405 It's putrid, like beer that's gone bad. 226 00:20:45,477 --> 00:20:50,779 One sip and you are shitting your stomach lining into the bowl. 227 00:20:50,849 --> 00:20:54,250 I gotta hand it to you, bloodsucker, you paint a pretty picture. 228 00:20:54,319 --> 00:20:56,651 Trouble is not one word of it's true. 229 00:20:56,722 --> 00:20:59,589 He's right. We're no different than you. 230 00:20:59,658 --> 00:21:03,594 Blasphemy! Your kind are garbage eaters. 231 00:21:03,662 --> 00:21:08,599 Mindless, lazy critters who live off of the flesh of the dead. 232 00:21:08,667 --> 00:21:11,602 You feast on what we vampires throw away. 233 00:21:11,670 --> 00:21:17,336 Now, bow down to me, bitch, and show your master some respect. 234 00:21:18,844 --> 00:21:20,675 What did you call me? 235 00:21:20,746 --> 00:21:23,943 A name worthy of your species. 236 00:21:24,583 --> 00:21:25,982 Dog. 237 00:21:26,051 --> 00:21:27,109 Hey. 238 00:21:27,753 --> 00:21:29,983 You're gonna regret that. 239 00:21:33,292 --> 00:21:36,693 Bitch. That's what I thought you said. 240 00:21:36,762 --> 00:21:40,721 Kiss my zombie ass, motherfucker! 241 00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:44,466 Bull's-eye! 242 00:21:51,009 --> 00:21:52,601 Going somewhere? 243 00:21:53,545 --> 00:21:57,413 I'm going to tear your head from your shoulders 244 00:21:57,482 --> 00:21:59,143 and shit down your throat. 245 00:21:59,217 --> 00:22:03,677 Tell it to someone who cares. You can't kill us, we're already dead. 246 00:22:03,755 --> 00:22:06,918 He's right. Fight's over, Count Chocula. 247 00:22:06,992 --> 00:22:11,554 You can walk away peaceful or in pieces. Your choice. 248 00:22:11,630 --> 00:22:14,258 No! Not the face! No guns to the face! 249 00:22:14,333 --> 00:22:17,029 See? We're not that different after all. 250 00:22:17,102 --> 00:22:19,662 Men, all vain as shit. 251 00:22:21,306 --> 00:22:24,673 Hey, zombies. Y'all so easy. 252 00:22:26,945 --> 00:22:28,469 Out we go! 253 00:22:43,395 --> 00:22:44,987 WAITER: There you are. 254 00:22:45,964 --> 00:22:51,334 So, vampires can turn into bats and fly away before they hit the ground? 255 00:22:52,037 --> 00:22:54,062 Does that really make them that different? 256 00:22:54,139 --> 00:22:55,436 Mmm-hmm. 257 00:22:55,841 --> 00:22:59,106 Okay, maybe you've got a point, but it doesn't give them the right 258 00:22:59,177 --> 00:23:02,010 to treat us like second-class citizens. 259 00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:05,243 If I ever see that blood-sucking rodent again, 260 00:23:05,317 --> 00:23:08,616 I'm gonna break both his wings. 261 00:23:08,687 --> 00:23:12,521 No, those snobbish vampires don't have anything on us. 262 00:23:14,126 --> 00:23:15,684 That's right. 263 00:23:15,761 --> 00:23:19,492 Things will be a bit different now, but we'll manage. 264 00:23:19,564 --> 00:23:23,022 I mean, we both can't be the pretty one. 265 00:23:23,101 --> 00:23:26,093 Oh, did that shotgun hurt you? 266 00:23:27,839 --> 00:23:30,774 Here, let me help you with that, sweetie. 267 00:23:31,209 --> 00:23:33,734 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 268 00:23:36,681 --> 00:23:37,909 Oh! 269 00:23:38,650 --> 00:23:40,880 There, there. 270 00:23:40,952 --> 00:23:43,113 Don't you worry. 271 00:23:43,822 --> 00:23:45,949 I'll take care of you. 272 00:23:46,958 --> 00:23:49,290 Don't really have a choice. 273 00:23:49,861 --> 00:23:53,228 After all, we're two of a kind. 274 00:24:00,071 --> 00:24:01,197 Shit. 275 00:24:06,411 --> 00:24:08,470 I guess Cammy and Ford 276 00:24:08,547 --> 00:24:12,779 won't be joining Jimmy's fang club anytime soon. 277 00:24:12,851 --> 00:24:17,288 Still, I do see a little blight at the end of the tunnel for them, 278 00:24:17,355 --> 00:24:20,222 if Ford's new look gross on her. 279 00:24:23,161 --> 00:24:27,359 So, how's our struggle with wife and death? 280 00:24:27,432 --> 00:24:29,366 Are we happy? 281 00:24:31,303 --> 00:24:35,535 Looks like they'll be headed for divorce corpse instead.