CHOP 'EM TO THE LEFT!
CHOP 'EM TO THE RIGHT!
CHOP 'EM EVERY CHANCE YOU GET!
FRIGHT, FRIGHT, FRIGHT!
ALL RIGHT, CREEPS. IT'S FOURTH AND GHOUL.
THEY'RE PROBABLY EXPECTING US TO RUN A GHOST PATTERN,
SO LET'S RUN A SCREAM PASS INSTEAD!
OF COURSE, I COULD PULL OUT A FEW OTHER SURPRISES
FROM MY PLAYBOOK, LIKE TONIGHT'S TALE.
IT'S ABOUT A COUPLE OF BROTHERS
WHO ARE PLANNING A LITTLE HIGH SCARING OF THEIR OWN
IN A NASTY BIT OF OFFENSE I CALL
PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN BRASS HEARSES.
PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN BRASS HEARSES
CLEAN UP AROUND HERE.
AW, HELL.
WHO DRANK ALL THE HAWAIIAN PUNCH?
I DON'T KNOW.
SHIT.
BUTTER?
NO, THANKS.
HEY, BILLY?
DO YOU THINK THAT FRANK AND JESSE JAMES
EVER PLANNED A WAREHOUSE ROBBERY?
MAYBE.
AN ICE CREAM WAREHOUSE, BILLY, YOU THINK, MAYBE?
NO, NOT AN ICE CREAM WAREHOUSE,
LITTLE BROTHER.
WE'RE STILL A LOT LIKE
FRANK AND JESSE JAMES, AIN'T WE, BILLY?
YEAH, KINDA.
NOW, SHUT UP. I'M WATCHING THIS.
OF COURSE, FRANK AND JESSE JAMES RODE HORSES
AND WE DRIVE AROUND IN AN IMPALA.
BUT AN IMPALA IS A KIND OF HORSE,
RIGHT, BILLY? AIN'T IT?
ARGH! ENOUGH OF THIS JESSE JAMES SHIT!
FORGET ABOUT HIM! HE'S A WUSSY!
DID HE EVER DO 2 YEARS
AT SAN QUENTIN LIKE I DID, DID HE?
NO, BILLY.
OH. OH, SHIT, VIRG...
YOU KNOW--YOU KNOW I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.
YOU KNOW THAT, RIGHT?
RIGHT?
HEY, COME ON. COME ON, NOW.
WHO'S YOUR BIG BROTHER, HUH?
HUH?
WHO'S ALWAYS LOOKING OUT FOR YOU, HUH?
YOU ARE, BILLY. YOU'RE THE BEST.
HEE HEE HEE! GODDAMN RIGHT, I AM!
NOW, COME ON, WHAT'S WITH ALL THE QUESTIONS
ABOUT THE GIG TOMORROW? YOU GETTING NERVOUS?
NO, BILLY, I KNOW WHAT TO DO.
WELL, GOOD, 'CAUSE WE CAN'T AFFORD
ANY FUCK-UPS, NOW, CAN WE?
SURE CAN'T. THAT'D BE TROUBLE.
THAT'D BE BIG TROUBLE.
YEAH, BIG TROUBLE.
SO LET'S GO OVER IT ONE MORE TIME.
WHO'S ON YOUR SHIFT?
TOM AND COOTER.
ALL RIGHT.
AND WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU'RE GONNA DO
WHEN YOU GET IN THERE?
TELL OL' TOM TO GO PICK UP A TRANSFER
OVER AT 41 RIGHT AWAY.
AND IF HE GIVES YOU ANY GRIEF?
TELL HIM THAT THE CALL CAME DOWN
FROM THE DISTRICT CENTER.
AND THEN I'LL WAIT FOR COOTER TO GO ON HIS BREAK,
AND THEN-- AND THEN, UM...
I UNLOCK THE DOOR, AND--
NO! GOD--
DISENGAGE THE FIRE ALARM,
THEN YOU UNLOCK THE DOOR!
YOU GOT IT? RIGHT.
PLEASE, TELL ME YOU GOT IT.
RIGHT. RIGHT. I'M SORRY.
I'LL REMEMBER, BILLY. I PROMISE.
GOOD. LET'S HOPE SO.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. ENOUGH OF THAT.
NOW, GET YOUR SHIRT ON.
THERE'S ONE THING I WANT TO DO
BEFORE THE SHIT HITS THE FAN TOMORROW.
WHAT'S THAT, BILLY?
EAT A LITTLE ICE CREAM.
SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE,
NO MATTER HOW LONG YOU'VE BEEN AWAY.
WE MEET AGAIN, MR. BYRD.
PATIENCE, MY LITTLE FRIENDS!
PATIENCE!
REMEMBER, THERE'S A METHOD TO MY MADNESS!
OK!
TA-DA!
HEY, MR. BYRD, IT LOOKS LIKE
ALL OUR FRIENDS WANT ICE CREAM!
OF COURSE THEY DO, LITTLE WILLY.
BUT WHAT SHOULD WE DO FIRST?
BITE THE BIG ONE!
OH! WELL, IF IT'S THE BIG ONE DANNY WANTS,
MR. BYRD, I'D RECOMMEND ONE OF MY DELICIOUS
FROSTY FREEZE FRUIT DRINKS!
OH, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA, LITTLE WILLY.
THEY COME IN EIGHT EXCITING FLAVORS.
AND THEY'RE GOOD FOR YOU, TOO.
IN FACT, I THINK I'M GOING TO HAVE ONE
RIGHT NOW.
WHY DON'T YOU TELL THE BOYS AND GIRLS
A LITTLE KNOCK-KNOCK JOKE WHILE I ENJOY
THIS FABULOUS NEW
79-CENT DRINK SENSATION.
OK, BOYS AND GIRLS!
WHO WANTS TO HEAR A KNOCK-KNOCK JOKE?
I DO!
ALL RIGHT. KNOCK-KNOCK.
WHO'S THERE?
I SAID WHO'S THERE?
WHAT'S THE MATTER, BYRD?
DON'T YOU RECOGNIZE ONE OF YOUR OLD
VENDOR BUDDIES?
I USED TO DRIVE A RIG JUST LIKE THIS.
'COURSE, I LOOK A LITTLE WORSE FOR WEAR.
SEEING HOW I JUST SPENT
THE LAST TWO YEARS OF MY LIFE
ROTTING IN PRISON.
BUT YOU SHOULD REMEMBER THAT.
YOU PUT ME THERE.
I REMEMBER, WILLIAM.
YOU WERE TRIMMING YOUR PROFITS,
SELLING YOUR INVENTORY ON THE SIDE.
YOU WERE STEALING.
HURRY IT UP, BUTTHEAD.
I WAS JUST KIDDIN'.
HE'S ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, KIDS.
I GOT WHAT I DESERVED.
HEY, AND TO SHOW YOU WHAT A SPORT I AM,
I'LL EVEN TAKE SOMETHING TO GO.
LET'S SEE...
YOU GOT ANYTHING IN...
BUTTER NUT?
NOPE.
BUTTER BRICKLE?
NOPE.
BUTTERMILK?
NOPE.
I DO HAVE BUTTERSCOTCH.
FINE. MAKE IT TWO.
CAN YOU BREAK THIS?
CERTAINLY.
I DO HOPE YOU DON'T HARBOR
ANY HARD FEELINGS, WILLIAM.
I MEAN...
WHAT'S DONE IS DONE.
GEE. YOU'RE A SMART MAN, BYRD.
I ONLY WISH I'D HAVE COME
AND TALKED TO YOU SOONER.
HEY, KID.
EAT UP.
WHAT IS IT?
BUTTER
LOSER.
I DO! I DO!
SURPRISE. HEY!
THANKS.
YOU'LL GET YOURS TOMORROW, BYRD.
BILLY, HE'S JUST AN OLD PUPPET MAN.
I DON'T CARE IF HE CAN PULL MONKEYS
OUT OF HIS ASS WITH A HAIRPIN.
I WANT PAYBACK!
OH, SURE, BILLY. ANYTHING YOU SAY.
I MEAN, YOU DONE HARD TIME.
DAMN.
AW, HERE. HELL, HAVE MINE.
GO ON, TAKE IT.
I LOST MY TASTE FOR THE STUFF.
LOADING DOCK 4,
THAT'S LESS THAN ONE HOUR.
Quality Taste Ice Cream Co. TRUCK LOADING ONLY
MR. VIRGIL!
VIRGIL!
VIRGIL?
COOTER!
DAMN IT, WHERE ARE THEM 2 MONKEYS ANYWAY--
OW! OH, GOD,
WIPE THAT SMILE OFF YOUR FACE.
GO ON, BOTH OF YOU.
WHERE WERE YOU?
WORKING!
GOOFING OFF IS MORE LIKE IT.
I WAS ON MY BREAK!
LISTEN, MISTER--
THIS IS NOT A PLAYPEN FOR BOYS IN SHORT PANTS.
I AIN'T WEARIN' SHORT PANTS.
CAN IT.
NOW, "B" OLD BYRD JUST PULLED IN.
AND WHERE--WHERE IS LITTLE TOM, HUH, HUH?
HE SAID THAT HE HAD TO GO OVER TO 41
AND PICK UP A STOCK TRANSFER.
WHAT? AND WHO AUTHORIZED THAT?
DISTRICT SUPER.
OH, GODDAMN IT!
DAMN HIM.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KEEP THINGS
RUNNING SMOOTHLY AROUND HERE
WHEN ALL I'M LEFT WITH IS YOU TWO,
YOU--YOU KNUCKLEHEADS.
HE SHOULD KNOW THAT MR. BYRD
IS NOT A MAN WHO LIKES TO BE KEPT WAITING.
BEEN THAT WAY FOR 15 YEARS.
WHEN MR. BYRD HAS A SCHEDULED PICK-UP
HE ARRIVES ON TIME,
AND HE EXPECTS THE SAME COURTESY IN RETURN.
THAT'S SOMETHING THAT WE CALL
GOOD OLD-FASHIONED VALUES.
YOU KNOW, YOU BOYS COULD LEARN A THING OR TWO
FROM MR. BYRD.
GOD.
OH, I THINK WE KNOW ALL WE NEED TO KNOW
ABOUT MR. BYRD.
AIN'T THAT RIGHT, BOYS AND GIRLS?
HELL'S BELLS, BILLY!
IS THAT YOU?
COOTER, HOW YOU BEEN?
GOOD DAY, MISS GRAFUNGAR.
AND GOOD DAY TO YOU, MR. BYRD.
I'LL HAVE YOUR ORDER READY IN A JIFFY, BUT BEAR WITH ME.
I'M A MAN SHORT TODAY.
OH, OH, NO PROBLEM.
SO, MR. BYRD. ARE WE GONNA HAVE THE PLEASURE
OF SEEING YOU AT THE VENDOR AWARDS THIS YEAR?
OH, UH...
THIS YEAR...
OH, I'M AFRAID NOT, MISS GRAFUNGAR.
WELL, IT SURE WOULD BE A WELCOME CHANGE TO SEE YOU THERE IN PERSON.
IT'S FUNNY, BUT, AHEM,
I JUST PURCHASED A LAVENDER PANTS SUIT.
AND IT WOULD LOOK MIGHTY SNAZZY
NEXT TO A FINE GENTLEMAN LIKE YOURSELF.
I'M SORRY, MISS GRAFUNGAR,
BUT I'M NOT MUCH FOR SUCH FRIVOLOUS FUNCTIONS.
OH, ME NEITHER. LET'S SAY WE JUST BLOW IT OFF
AND HAVE A NICE, QUIET DINNER ALONE TOGETHER.
OH, YOU KNOW, I MAKE THE BEST POTATO CHIP AND GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE
YOU EVER TASTED--
UH, AH, I'M SORRY--I'M SORRY.
FINE.
I'M NOT UPSETTING YOU, AM I?
I SAID FINE!
THAT'LL BE $156.
156?
YES, THAT'S WHAT I SAID.
AND HERE WE GO.
NOW YOU GET IT?
NOW YOU SEE WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT?
WE GET HIM IN HERE WHEN NOBODY'S GONNA SEE US,
AND THEN WE DO THE DIRTY DEED.
IT'S AN EXTRA 500 IN CASH, EASY.
YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO BREAK COOTER'S NOSE, BILLY.
VIRGIL, THE GUY'S AN IDIOT. FORGET ABOUT HIM--
NOM HE'S NOT. HE'S SMART, BILLY. HE REALLY IS.
LIKE ONE TIME HE ASKED ME WHO'D WIN IN A FIGHT,
DARTH VADER, ROBOCOP OR THE MUNSTERS,
AND I THOUGHT DARTH VADER WOULD WIN,
BUT COOTER, HE'D DONE LIKE A WHOLE BUNCH OF RESEARCH--
WILL YOU SHUT UP?!
FUCK, YOU'RE AS STUPID AS HE IS!
OH, SHIT. VIRGIL!
VIRGIL, COME ON. DON'T DO THIS TO ME.
ALL RIGHT, WHEN GRAFUNGAR WALKS BACK TO HER OFFICE,
BYRD'S IN THERE, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
OH, SHIT!
VIRGIL!
YOU'RE GONNA WAIT TILL SHE POPS THAT SAFE OPEN,
THEN YOU'RE GONNA STEP IN BEHIND HER, RIGHT?
RIGHT? THEN YOU'RE GONNA KEEP HER THERE
NICE AND QUITE WHILE I TAKE CARE OF BYRD, YOU GOT IT?
VIRGIL, PLEASE, WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS SHIT RIGHT NOW!
I NEED YOU ON THIS ONE!
NO, YOU DON'T.
COME ON, YES, I DO!
NO, YOU DON'T, YOU DON'T-- WE'RE A TEAM!
YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE ME. YEAH, I DO LIKE YOU!
YOU'RE ALWAYS YELLING AT ME,
AND YOU'RE HITTING ME AND STUFF--
NO, YOU'VE GOT THAT ALL WRONG, BABY BROTHER.
DON'T YOU GET IT? DON'T YOU SEE?
IT'S NOT ME. IT'S THEM!
WHO?
THEM, EVERYBODY.
EVERYBODY OUT THERE SAYING THE DeLUCA BROTHERS ARE SHIT.
SCREW 'EM! THEY'RE GARBAGE! THEY'RE SCUM!
WHO'S SAYING THAT?
EVERYBODY, VIRGIL. EVERYBODY.
NO. YEAH, OH, YEAH.
COPS, BANKERS, LAWYERS.
EVEN GRAFUNGAR.
VIRGIL!
I'M RUNNING A BIT LATE.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
HOLD YOUR HORSES!
LAZY JERK, CAN'T EVEN LOAD HIS OWN TRUCK.
WHY SHOULD THAT CHANGE? BEEN THAT WAY FOR 15 YEARS!
VIRGIL!
I HATE HER.
SO DO I, BRO.
BUT WE'RE OUTNUMBERED.
YOU AND ME IS ALL EACH OTHER'S GOT.
I'M GONNA HURT HER, BILLY.
I'M GONNA HURT HER FOR YOU. THAT'LL SHOW 'EM.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
YOU JUST FOLLOW THE PLAN.
YEAH, BUT I WANT TO. I WANNA HURT HER, BILLY.
OK, DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO,
GIVE HER A TITTY-TWISTER, TOO.
BUT USE YOUR HEAD.
OK, BILLY. OK, SURE.
VIRGIL?
VIR-R-R-R-GIL!
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, GO, GO!
VIR-R-R-R-GIL!
VIRGIL!
WELL, THERE YOU ARE.
STUMBLING AROUND LIKE YOU HAVEN'T GOT
A BRAIN IN YOUR HEAD.
GO GET COOTER AND THE TWO OF YOU LOAD BYRD'S TRUCK.
HURRY UP!
THAT JERK'S GOT A STICK UP HIS ASS
ABOUT PROMPT ATTENTION. SON OF A BITCH.
HAVEN'T YOU EVER HEARD OF KNOCKING?
OH, WIPE THAT STUPID SMILE OFF YOUR FACE.
YOU THINK THAT'S FUNNY, HUH?
YOU KNOW, PEOPLE HAVE BEEN CRIPPLED
FOR FALLS LESS THAN THAT!
BILLY SAYS I GOTTA KEEP YOU HERE.
YEAH, WHAT'S HE GOT TO DO WITH ANYTHING?
STUPID IDIOT.
HOPE YOUR SLIME-BALL BROTHER ROTS IN PRISON.
LET'S HAVE SOME SERVICE OUT HERE!
HOP TO IT, PEOPLE!
MISS GRAFUNGAR!
COME ON. GET OUT OF THE TRUCK.
SHIT!
WHAT HAPPENED? WHERE'S GRAFUNGAR?
BILLY, I DID LIKE YOU SAID.
MISS GRAFUNGAR!
TELL ME WHAT YOU DID.
TELL ME WHAT YOU DID EXACTLY!
BILLY...
AW, BILLY. I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY, BILLY, I DIDN'T MEAN IT.
MISS GRAFUNGAR!
STAY HERE!
COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.
ENOUGH OF THIS.
NO!
SHIT!
HEY, BILLY, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO NOW?
LIFE WITHOUT PAROLE.
COME ON, LET'S GET THAT SAFE! MOVE IT!
NO.
NO...
NO.
OH, NO! SHE CLOSED THE SAFE!
PLEASE TELL ME YOU TOOK THE MONEY OUT.
NO, I DIDN'T TAKE IT OUT, BILLY.
YOU SAID YOU'D DO IT, THAT'S THE PLAN.
FREAKING MURDER ONE AND WE DIDN'T GET SHIT.
BILLY, WHAT ABOUT THE PUPPET MAN?
HE STILL GOT MONEY, DON'T HE?
YOU SAID HE HAD 500 BUCKS, EASY.
YEAH.
THE PUPPET MAN.
SHH, SHUT UP!
I WASN'T TALKING.
HANDS WHERE WE CAN SEE 'EM, BYRD.
WE WANT IT ALL,
AND WE DON'T MEAN 31 FLAVORS.
YEAH!
NO, NO. PLEASE. SPARE ME.
IT WASN'T MY IDEA TO REPORT YOU.
I TRIED TO TALK 'EM--
FREEZE! ENOUGH OF THIS CRAZY SHIT.
SHOW 'EM, VIRG.
SHOW 'EM WE GOT WAYS OF MAKING HIM TALK.
RIGHT, BILLY.
YOU FUCKIN' IDIOT.
OH...
HE WOULDN'T TELL US
WHERE THE MONEY WAS, WOULD HE?
HEE HEE!
IS HE GONNA TELL US NOW?
HUH? IS HE?
IS HE?
YOU FUCKIN' RETARD!
AW, SHIT!
JUST FIND THE MONEY! OK?
YOU CHECK THE BEDROOM!
AW. I'LL SEARCH THE REST OF THE HOUSE.
DO IT!!!
OH, SHIT!
ICE CREAM.
HOW FUCKIN' ORIGINAL.
VIRGIL! GET IN HERE!
YOU GOTTA SEE THIS!
VIRGIL!
WHOO HOO HOO!
HEY, VIRGIL!
YOU JUST COULDN'T LEAVE WELL ENOUGH ALONE, COULD YOU?
NO! YOU'RE DEAD!
I WARNED YOU.
VIRGIL! VIRGIL!
NO! NO! OH, VIRGIL!
NOW IT'S JUST YOU AND ME, WILLIAM.
IT AIN'T OVER YET.
IT'S PAYBACK TIME!
NO. NO!
YES, YES.
THAT'S IT, ISN'T IT?
I BET YOU AND YOUR BROTHER WERE REAL CLOSE.
FUCK YOU!
LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY BROTHER,
WE WERE CLOSE, TOO...
TILL HE DIED.
IN FACT, WE'RE STILL CLOSE.
LOOK HOW CLOSE.
LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!
GOD, NO!
BROTHERHOOD'S KINDA LIKE A BOND, ISN'T IT?
THE KIND THAT YOU CAN'T EASILY WALK AWAY FROM.
KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
BROTHER EARL...
HE WASN'T QUITE A SOCIAL BUTTERFLY.
BUT WHEN HE WAS DOING LITTLE WILLY'S VOICE,
HE WAS ONE HELL OF AN ICE CREAM SALESMAN!
HEH HEH HEH.
I'M REALLY GONNA MISS HIM.
GO TO HELL, YOU FREAK!
YOU'RE FIRST.
1/2 PRICE ICE CREAM
YO, BYRD. YOUR ICE CREAM SUCKS!
HEY, KID, BLOW ME.
AND YOU SMELL, TOO.
YOU HEAR THAT, EARL?
THE KID SAYS WE SUCK!
YEAH, RIGHT, YEAH, RIGHT, YEAH, RIGHT.
AND WE SMELL.
GO FIGURE.
SHAME ABOUT BILLY AND VIRGIL.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY, KIDDIES--
2 DEADS ARE BETTER THAN ONE!
AND AS FOR BYRD, HE STAYED IN THE ICE CREAM BUSINESS,
AND DID VERY WELL.
EVERYONE LOVES BEN AND SCARY'S.
WELL, I GOTTA GET BACK TO MY PRACTICE.
NEXT WEEK, WE'RE PLAYING THE WASHINGTON DREADSKINS.
45...
22...
33...
HUT! HUT! HUT!
YOU IDIOT!
I DIDN'T CALL FOR A "HAND-OFF."