1
00:00:21,939 --> 00:00:22,940
[Shriek]

2
00:01:03,447 --> 00:01:05,449
[Shriek]

3
00:01:15,459 --> 00:01:17,895
Ah ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha!

4
00:01:24,602 --> 00:01:25,603
7.

5
00:01:27,605 --> 00:01:31,108
Hello kiddies what's in you?

6
00:01:33,611 --> 00:01:36,614
I was just in the middle
of my deadly dozen.

7
00:01:36,614 --> 00:01:39,116
First I do a few pull ups.

8
00:01:39,617 --> 00:01:41,619
Then a few jumping hacks.

9
00:01:41,619 --> 00:01:46,123
Then I like to finish with a
little die impact aerobics.

10
00:01:49,126 --> 00:01:50,628
[Gasping]

11
00:01:50,628 --> 00:01:52,129
8.

12
00:01:52,129 --> 00:01:54,131
I'm getting in shape
for tonight's tale.

13
00:01:54,131 --> 00:01:56,634
It's about an ambitious
young actress

14
00:01:56,634 --> 00:01:59,136
who's looking
for her big break.

15
00:01:59,136 --> 00:02:00,638
Will she make it?

16
00:02:01,138 --> 00:02:03,641
Only herscaredresser
knows for sure.

17
00:02:03,641 --> 00:02:05,643
Ha ha ha! Ohh...

18
00:02:05,643 --> 00:02:08,145
I call this dismal drama...

19
00:02:08,646 --> 00:02:10,981
Beauty rest.

20
00:02:20,991 --> 00:02:24,495
What's your favorite part
of a woman?

21
00:02:24,995 --> 00:02:26,497
The nape of her neck?

22
00:02:34,505 --> 00:02:36,006
The line of her back?

23
00:02:36,006 --> 00:02:38,976
Or the shape
of her breasts?

24
00:02:38,976 --> 00:02:40,978
Or just maybe
it's her mind.

25
00:02:41,512 --> 00:02:42,980
[Music playing]

26
00:02:42,980 --> 00:02:45,516
It may be a man's world,

27
00:02:45,516 --> 00:02:49,520
but that doesn't mean
I have to take it lying down,

28
00:02:50,020 --> 00:02:52,456
because I want to compete...

29
00:02:52,456 --> 00:02:54,024
Whether I'm a ceo

30
00:02:54,525 --> 00:02:57,027
or an m.D. Or an m.R.S.

31
00:02:57,027 --> 00:03:01,031
I want to be taken seriously...
Very seriously.

32
00:03:01,532 --> 00:03:04,034
That's why I never feel
fully dressed

33
00:03:04,535 --> 00:03:08,005
until I put on ball Buster.

34
00:03:08,005 --> 00:03:10,674
It's not for just
any woman.

35
00:03:11,175 --> 00:03:13,677
It's for the woman
who means business.

36
00:03:25,189 --> 00:03:26,657
Cut!

37
00:03:26,657 --> 00:03:28,993
Did you get it?
Good.

38
00:03:28,993 --> 00:03:30,828
Gentlemen,
Helen Curtis.

39
00:03:30,828 --> 00:03:32,830
Helen,
you were fabulous!

40
00:03:32,830 --> 00:03:33,831
Fabulous!

41
00:03:33,831 --> 00:03:34,865
Really?

42
00:03:34,865 --> 00:03:35,866
Yes.

43
00:03:37,368 --> 00:03:38,369
Ah, yes.

44
00:03:41,338 --> 00:03:43,374
She's out of town.

45
00:03:43,374 --> 00:03:46,377
Emilio. I'm sorry.
Did you really mean that?

46
00:03:46,377 --> 00:03:49,847
Helen, I have been
directing commercials
for 20 years,

47
00:03:49,847 --> 00:03:52,349
and I've never had
an actress

48
00:03:52,349 --> 00:03:54,351
take direction
like you.

49
00:03:54,351 --> 00:03:55,853
Never!

50
00:03:55,853 --> 00:03:58,856
In a screen test,
no less! Right?

51
00:03:58,856 --> 00:04:01,358
I asked you to show
me prick.

52
00:04:01,859 --> 00:04:04,361
You gave me the
whole goddamn wall!

53
00:04:04,862 --> 00:04:06,363
You are brilliant!

54
00:04:08,632 --> 00:04:10,434
Excuse me, Emilio.

55
00:04:11,936 --> 00:04:14,939
Does that mean
I got the part?

56
00:04:14,939 --> 00:04:17,441
As I'm concerned,
you're it.

57
00:04:17,441 --> 00:04:19,944
You are
the ball Buster girl.

58
00:04:19,944 --> 00:04:21,445
You it. Done deal.

59
00:04:23,113 --> 00:04:26,617
What do you mean,
I didn't get the job?

60
00:04:26,617 --> 00:04:29,587
Rhonda, you tell him
I'd rather eat drano

61
00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:33,123
and jump into
a bowl of pus, o.K.?

62
00:04:33,624 --> 00:04:34,625
Yeah.

63
00:04:36,627 --> 00:04:38,062
They went another way.

64
00:04:38,062 --> 00:04:41,031
But the director said
I had the part.

65
00:04:41,031 --> 00:04:43,033
It was a done deal.

66
00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:45,536
Well, they undid it.
You got real close.

67
00:04:45,536 --> 00:04:48,038
I thought
you gave up smoking.

68
00:04:48,038 --> 00:04:49,039
I did.

69
00:04:50,541 --> 00:04:54,044
Archie, I'm tired
of being the bridesmaid.

70
00:04:54,044 --> 00:04:55,012
[Sigh]

71
00:04:55,546 --> 00:04:57,548
I was perfect
for that part.

72
00:04:57,548 --> 00:04:58,549
Iamthat woman.

73
00:04:58,549 --> 00:04:59,850
I know.

74
00:04:59,850 --> 00:05:01,652
You are the ball Buster.

75
00:05:01,652 --> 00:05:03,954
If you know what I mean?

76
00:05:03,954 --> 00:05:06,924
I've been bashing my head
against a wall for 10 years.

77
00:05:06,924 --> 00:05:10,461
Aren't I entitled to a break?

78
00:05:10,461 --> 00:05:12,463
I know, I know.

79
00:05:18,802 --> 00:05:21,805
So who did get
the part?

80
00:05:22,806 --> 00:05:23,741
Is it really important?

81
00:05:23,741 --> 00:05:26,710
What does it matter
who got it?

82
00:05:28,712 --> 00:05:29,713
Because I want to know.

83
00:05:29,713 --> 00:05:30,214
Because I want to know.

84
00:05:32,216 --> 00:05:35,152
Honey, you know what I say?

85
00:05:35,653 --> 00:05:38,288
I say look to the future.

86
00:05:38,288 --> 00:05:41,725
Archie,
who got the part?
Tell me.

87
00:05:41,725 --> 00:05:44,228
Who knows why these things
get cast the way they do.

88
00:05:44,528 --> 00:05:46,764
I've been in this
business 25 years.

89
00:05:46,764 --> 00:05:48,766
I don't understand it, huh.

90
00:05:48,766 --> 00:05:51,935
Ha ha ha ha ha.

91
00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:55,839
Your roommate Joyce
got the part, o.K.?

92
00:05:55,839 --> 00:05:58,676
Now, don't go
blowing this thing
out of proportion.

93
00:05:58,676 --> 00:06:01,445
What can I say?
She impressed
the director.

94
00:06:01,445 --> 00:06:04,415
What happened did her orgasm
show some acting ability?

95
00:06:06,417 --> 00:06:07,918
You know how
she got this part,
don't you?

96
00:06:07,918 --> 00:06:10,587
She screwed the guy.

97
00:06:11,121 --> 00:06:12,122
That's not fair.

98
00:06:12,656 --> 00:06:14,992
Right. She's not sleeping
her way to the top.

99
00:06:14,992 --> 00:06:16,493
At that rate,
who sleeps?

100
00:06:16,493 --> 00:06:19,229
No, no, no, Rhonda!

101
00:06:19,229 --> 00:06:22,232
Tell him
I'll turn the deal
into dog food!

102
00:06:22,232 --> 00:06:24,001
You got it? Good!

103
00:06:24,001 --> 00:06:26,570
You know what
your problem is?

104
00:06:26,570 --> 00:06:28,572
You've got
a rotten attitude.

105
00:06:28,572 --> 00:06:30,574
Because
I won't put out?

106
00:06:30,574 --> 00:06:33,577
Because I think
it's what's inside
that counts?

107
00:06:33,577 --> 00:06:37,081
Have you thought
maybe your roommate
gets these parts

108
00:06:37,081 --> 00:06:39,049
because she
wants them more?

109
00:06:39,049 --> 00:06:40,584
I want these parts,

110
00:06:40,584 --> 00:06:43,587
but there are
some things
I won't do!

111
00:06:43,587 --> 00:06:45,823
Fine!
What will you do?

112
00:06:45,823 --> 00:06:48,392
I showedyou
what I'm willing to do.

113
00:06:48,892 --> 00:06:50,394
I fired your ass.

114
00:06:50,394 --> 00:06:51,895
Oh!

115
00:06:51,895 --> 00:06:53,897
Helen, is that you?

116
00:06:53,897 --> 00:06:56,900
Oh, my God.
I have the best news.

117
00:06:56,900 --> 00:06:58,902
You're never
going to guess

118
00:06:58,902 --> 00:07:00,904
what happened
to me today.

119
00:07:00,904 --> 00:07:04,408
Eat nail polish and die,
you little bitch!

120
00:07:04,408 --> 00:07:08,278
Gosh. Why are you
in such a bad mood?

121
00:07:08,278 --> 00:07:11,348
Because you're
in such a good mood.

122
00:07:19,723 --> 00:07:21,859
What do you got against
me having a career?

123
00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:26,730
Why do the hell do
I eat this shit.

124
00:07:28,732 --> 00:07:31,235
Might as well be fat
and miserable.

125
00:07:31,235 --> 00:07:33,237
Helen, I don't know
what you're talking about.

126
00:07:35,239 --> 00:07:37,741
Why is it that every time

127
00:07:37,741 --> 00:07:39,743
someone gets close
to casting me...

128
00:07:41,245 --> 00:07:44,014
You suddenly show up
with your legs spread?

129
00:07:44,014 --> 00:07:46,784
I have never done that.

130
00:07:46,784 --> 00:07:48,685
And that's my ice cream.

131
00:07:50,587 --> 00:07:51,088
So?

132
00:07:55,526 --> 00:07:57,494
So, that's okay.

133
00:07:57,494 --> 00:07:59,329
I didn't like that
flavor anyway.

134
00:08:01,999 --> 00:08:03,433
Eeww!

135
00:08:03,801 --> 00:08:05,836
I want you out
of this apartment.

136
00:08:05,836 --> 00:08:07,938
But it's my apartment.

137
00:08:11,441 --> 00:08:13,377
Go to hell.

138
00:08:13,377 --> 00:08:15,445
Helen, would you
calm down?

139
00:08:15,445 --> 00:08:17,915
Let's talk
about this.

140
00:08:18,448 --> 00:08:21,051
I thought that
we were friends.

141
00:08:21,051 --> 00:08:22,886
Don't ever say
"friends" in
relationship to us.

142
00:08:22,886 --> 00:08:23,687
You got me?

143
00:08:23,687 --> 00:08:26,657
No friend would ever do
to me what you did.

144
00:08:26,657 --> 00:08:29,026
But I haven't
done anything.
I swear it.

145
00:08:29,426 --> 00:08:30,828
Really?

146
00:08:31,328 --> 00:08:33,330
Oh, good. Doughnuts.

147
00:08:35,299 --> 00:08:37,334
What about
rubina's car mart?

148
00:08:37,801 --> 00:08:40,337
What about
bon voyage cruises?

149
00:08:40,337 --> 00:08:43,340
What about
ball Buster?

150
00:08:43,841 --> 00:08:45,843
It's like competing
with a sperm bank.

151
00:08:46,376 --> 00:08:46,877
Ball Buster?

152
00:08:47,377 --> 00:08:50,547
You mean
I got ball Buster?

153
00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:53,116
Ha ha ha. Yes!

154
00:08:53,116 --> 00:08:55,118
You didn't even know?

155
00:08:57,621 --> 00:08:59,623
Then what the hell

156
00:08:59,623 --> 00:09:02,159
are you so damned
happy about?

157
00:09:02,159 --> 00:09:05,262
You know this guy
I've been seeing--Tom?

158
00:09:05,262 --> 00:09:08,265
Well, he's in charge
of this beauty pageant

159
00:09:08,265 --> 00:09:10,534
for some trade show
or something,

160
00:09:10,534 --> 00:09:14,104
and, well, he's going
to make me the winner.

161
00:09:14,104 --> 00:09:17,174
See, he gave me
this note, and...

162
00:09:17,174 --> 00:09:18,675
Uhh...

163
00:09:19,176 --> 00:09:21,178
You make me sick.

164
00:09:21,678 --> 00:09:24,481
You make me
so sick.

165
00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:25,983
It's not what
you're thinking.

166
00:09:26,483 --> 00:09:28,218
I really like
this guy.

167
00:09:28,218 --> 00:09:30,053
That's what
the note says?

168
00:09:30,053 --> 00:09:34,324
No. The note's
for the guy emceeing
the pageant--George.

169
00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:36,326
Don't talk to me.

170
00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:38,428
Joyce, don't talk to me.

171
00:09:38,428 --> 00:09:40,397
Just don't talk to me!

172
00:09:57,481 --> 00:09:59,549
[ Demonic whispering ]

173
00:10:24,741 --> 00:10:25,742
Hi.

174
00:10:30,747 --> 00:10:31,748
Joyce.

175
00:10:35,752 --> 00:10:37,754
I brought a little
peace offering.

176
00:10:38,755 --> 00:10:40,757
Really.

177
00:10:40,757 --> 00:10:42,759
That's so sweet
of you.

178
00:10:44,761 --> 00:10:46,763
I'm sorry.

179
00:10:46,763 --> 00:10:49,933
I--I guess I just
got frustrated.

180
00:10:49,933 --> 00:10:53,003
You know I been plugging
away at it for so long...

181
00:10:53,003 --> 00:10:56,239
I got so little
to show for it.

182
00:10:56,239 --> 00:11:00,277
And you just waltz in here
with not one job but two.

183
00:11:19,229 --> 00:11:20,230
Hey...

184
00:11:21,732 --> 00:11:22,733
It's o.K.

185
00:11:28,238 --> 00:11:30,240
I know
how you feel.

186
00:11:30,741 --> 00:11:32,109
Thanks.

187
00:11:32,442 --> 00:11:34,778
Would you mind
getting my necklace?

188
00:11:35,112 --> 00:11:36,179
Oh, sure.

189
00:11:39,182 --> 00:11:42,185
Boy, this is, uh...
This is really
beautiful.

190
00:11:42,185 --> 00:11:43,186
Thank you.

191
00:11:43,186 --> 00:11:46,690
The truth is,
I really admire
your ability

192
00:11:46,690 --> 00:11:48,125
to get
what you want.

193
00:11:48,558 --> 00:11:52,129
Do you get any money
for winning this contest?

194
00:11:52,129 --> 00:11:54,131
Uh...

195
00:11:54,131 --> 00:11:56,133
I think, um...

196
00:11:56,133 --> 00:11:58,602
I think the winner
gets, um...

197
00:12:01,104 --> 00:12:02,472
[Sighs]

198
00:12:04,374 --> 00:12:06,676
They get to be,
like,

199
00:12:06,910 --> 00:12:08,979
the spokesperson
for the company.

200
00:12:08,979 --> 00:12:10,981
Something like
that, you know?

201
00:12:10,981 --> 00:12:12,983
Oh, really?
That's interesting.

202
00:12:12,983 --> 00:12:14,985
Um, what's it for?

203
00:12:18,488 --> 00:12:22,125
You know, I think
I forgot to ask.

204
00:12:22,125 --> 00:12:24,428
Ha ha ha. You.

205
00:12:24,428 --> 00:12:27,297
Isn't that silly of me?

206
00:12:27,531 --> 00:12:30,434
Ha ha ha ha ha!

207
00:12:36,306 --> 00:12:38,408
Ooh. Ha ha ha!

208
00:12:53,990 --> 00:12:57,694
Yeah. I'll make sure
she gets it, George.

209
00:12:57,694 --> 00:12:59,262
Sweet dreams,
you little tramp.

210
00:12:59,763 --> 00:13:02,265
By the time
you wake up,

211
00:13:02,265 --> 00:13:04,768
your spokesmodeling job
will be mine.

212
00:13:04,768 --> 00:13:07,904
Now, I want you
to take it easy.

213
00:13:07,904 --> 00:13:10,507
By the time
I get...Back...

214
00:13:13,276 --> 00:13:14,344
Joyce?

215
00:13:22,385 --> 00:13:23,320
Joyce?

216
00:13:34,898 --> 00:13:35,899
God.

217
00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:37,400
Oh, God.

218
00:13:41,404 --> 00:13:42,405
[Gasps]

219
00:13:45,408 --> 00:13:46,910
Don't be dead.

220
00:13:48,912 --> 00:13:51,081
Please don't be dead.

221
00:13:52,649 --> 00:13:53,650
This...

222
00:13:55,852 --> 00:13:57,921
This is not my fault!

223
00:14:02,425 --> 00:14:04,928
I'm not going
to jail for you.

224
00:14:05,428 --> 00:14:06,930
You don't deserve it.

225
00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:08,932
I'd rather
kill myself.

226
00:14:16,773 --> 00:14:18,842
[Imitating joyce]
"The direction my life
has been going in

227
00:14:18,842 --> 00:14:21,311
"has been downhill
for so long...

228
00:14:21,311 --> 00:14:22,846
"I can't take it,

229
00:14:22,846 --> 00:14:25,682
and so I'm too depressed
to go on living anymore."

230
00:14:26,249 --> 00:14:27,751
[As herself]
The end.

231
00:14:30,754 --> 00:14:32,956
Why wouldn't you
be depressed?

232
00:14:32,956 --> 00:14:35,458
You talked all the time
about killing yourself.

233
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:38,962
That's what I'll
tell the police.

234
00:14:38,962 --> 00:14:42,465
When they hear what
a sleazy reputation you had.

235
00:14:42,465 --> 00:14:45,001
They'll probably wonder why
you didn't off yourself sooner.

236
00:15:06,456 --> 00:15:08,959
Hi, I'm looking for George.

237
00:15:11,461 --> 00:15:13,363
Great, thanks.

238
00:15:13,363 --> 00:15:14,864
I have an hour?

239
00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:18,868
That's right, miss Palmer.

240
00:15:18,868 --> 00:15:22,839
At 7 the pageant begins with
the review of the contestants.

241
00:15:22,839 --> 00:15:26,876
And then
we do ball gowns,
then the swimsuits,

242
00:15:26,876 --> 00:15:29,879
then the interviews,
and then the judging.

243
00:15:29,879 --> 00:15:31,881
Who exactly
is judging this?

244
00:15:31,881 --> 00:15:34,384
A panel of experts,
of course.

245
00:15:34,384 --> 00:15:35,885
Excuse me.

246
00:15:35,885 --> 00:15:36,886
I'm sorry.

247
00:15:36,886 --> 00:15:38,388
Are--are you George?

248
00:15:38,388 --> 00:15:40,390
That's right.
And you are...

249
00:15:40,390 --> 00:15:44,361
Actually, if I could
talk to you privately
for a moment...

250
00:15:44,361 --> 00:15:45,395
Of course.

251
00:15:46,396 --> 00:15:48,398
Did that answer
your question?

252
00:15:48,865 --> 00:15:50,900
Yes. Thank you, George.
You're sweet.

253
00:15:50,900 --> 00:15:51,401
Yes. Thank you, George.
You're sweet.

254
00:15:55,238 --> 00:15:58,608
I think I should
show you this first.

255
00:16:06,616 --> 00:16:08,118
Tom gave you this?

256
00:16:08,118 --> 00:16:09,119
Mm-hmm.

257
00:16:12,622 --> 00:16:16,126
Well, if that's
what Tom wants...

258
00:16:16,126 --> 00:16:17,627
Really?

259
00:16:17,627 --> 00:16:19,629
I can work
with it.

260
00:16:19,629 --> 00:16:20,630
O.K.

261
00:16:20,630 --> 00:16:21,631
Oh, what the hell.

262
00:16:21,631 --> 00:16:25,635
Knowing who the winner
is going to be now

263
00:16:25,635 --> 00:16:29,139
means that the crew
can set up

264
00:16:29,139 --> 00:16:32,142
for the grand finale
that much quicker.

265
00:16:34,611 --> 00:16:37,647
Have you known Tom
a long time?

266
00:16:37,647 --> 00:16:40,650
No. Just...
Just that once.

267
00:16:42,652 --> 00:16:45,155
Ha ha ha!
That Tom.

268
00:16:46,656 --> 00:16:50,160
I like a girl with
your...Qualities.

269
00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:51,661
Thank you.

270
00:16:51,661 --> 00:16:54,164
Let's put you
in dressing room 7.

271
00:16:54,164 --> 00:16:55,665
First door
on the right.

272
00:16:55,665 --> 00:16:57,133
George, thank you.

273
00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:13,483
Hi. You must be
my next-door neighbor.

274
00:17:13,983 --> 00:17:15,485
I know what
you're doing,

275
00:17:15,985 --> 00:17:17,987
and I think
it's disgusting.

276
00:17:18,321 --> 00:17:19,656
What?

277
00:17:19,656 --> 00:17:23,560
Not that this contest
is a big deal to me,

278
00:17:24,060 --> 00:17:26,062
but even if it was,
I wouldn't stoop
to your level.

279
00:17:26,062 --> 00:17:28,565
I wouldn't fuck some stranger
just to get a break.

280
00:17:28,565 --> 00:17:28,932
I wouldn't fuck some stranger
just to get a break.

281
00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:32,302
Up yours.

282
00:17:32,302 --> 00:17:35,472
You don't know what
you're talking about.

283
00:17:35,472 --> 00:17:37,640
I know you slept with Tom
so you could win this thing.

284
00:17:38,942 --> 00:17:42,345
Look, it's not what you think.

285
00:17:42,345 --> 00:17:45,815
I bet it's worse
than what I think.

286
00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:47,617
Probably unsafe sex.

287
00:17:47,617 --> 00:17:50,787
Who are you
to come in here
and give me--

288
00:17:50,787 --> 00:17:52,288
oh, I'm sorry.

289
00:17:52,288 --> 00:17:53,757
It's o.K.

290
00:17:53,757 --> 00:17:55,291
I'm just leaving.

291
00:17:58,261 --> 00:18:00,797
You know, honey,
two can play this game.

292
00:18:05,268 --> 00:18:08,004
You two girls
got a problem?

293
00:18:08,004 --> 00:18:10,373
No. No.
We're old friends.

294
00:18:11,741 --> 00:18:12,742
We need to see you
in your costume,

295
00:18:12,742 --> 00:18:15,745
check it against the lights
for the grand finale.

296
00:18:15,745 --> 00:18:17,714
O.K.

297
00:18:17,714 --> 00:18:18,715
Oh, George?

298
00:18:19,249 --> 00:18:21,084
I don't want
to sound stupid,

299
00:18:21,084 --> 00:18:24,053
but when I become
the company spokesmodel,

300
00:18:24,053 --> 00:18:26,456
what exactly
will I be selling?

301
00:18:26,456 --> 00:18:30,960
Well, more than anything else,
you'll be selling yourself,

302
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:34,464
who you are...Inside.

303
00:18:35,832 --> 00:18:38,134
That's really poetic.

304
00:18:38,134 --> 00:18:39,135
Thanks.

305
00:18:40,537 --> 00:18:43,907
George: Was you last
day on earth?

306
00:18:43,907 --> 00:18:45,875
I've always been a natural
kind of a girl,

307
00:18:46,409 --> 00:18:47,844
so I suppose I'd go
to the country.

308
00:18:47,844 --> 00:18:50,413
And I'd look at the
flowers and the trees,

309
00:18:50,413 --> 00:18:52,916
and the mountains
and the fresh air.

310
00:18:52,916 --> 00:18:56,419
Of course I couldn't see
the air because it's invisible.

311
00:18:56,419 --> 00:19:00,423
But I'd breath as much
of it as I could.

312
00:19:00,423 --> 00:19:01,424
And that's what I'd do

313
00:19:01,424 --> 00:19:03,426
if today was my
last day on earth.

314
00:19:03,927 --> 00:19:06,429
Thank you, Sheila.

315
00:19:06,429 --> 00:19:09,432
Let's hear it for contestant
number eight, Sheila.

316
00:19:09,933 --> 00:19:11,634
[ Applause ]

317
00:19:14,537 --> 00:19:15,538
Thank you, Sheila.

318
00:19:15,538 --> 00:19:16,039
Thank you, Sheila.

319
00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:18,541
And now ladies and gentleman

320
00:19:18,541 --> 00:19:21,044
for our last contestant
of the evening.

321
00:19:21,044 --> 00:19:24,047
Won't you give a warm
round of applause

322
00:19:24,047 --> 00:19:25,548
for Helen.

323
00:19:25,548 --> 00:19:28,251
[ Applause ]

324
00:19:35,792 --> 00:19:37,794
How are you
tonight, Helen?

325
00:19:37,794 --> 00:19:40,363
I'm fine. Very happy
to be here.

326
00:19:40,363 --> 00:19:42,365
Are you ready
for your question?

327
00:19:42,365 --> 00:19:43,867
Yes, I am.

328
00:19:43,867 --> 00:19:45,835
O.K.

329
00:19:45,835 --> 00:19:47,871
Tell us then, Helen,

330
00:19:47,871 --> 00:19:50,874
"in your life,
what is the one thing

331
00:19:50,874 --> 00:19:53,877
"you feel most guilty
about doing,

332
00:19:53,877 --> 00:19:56,746
and why did you do it?"

333
00:19:56,746 --> 00:19:59,415
[Audience murmurs
and laughs]

334
00:20:00,483 --> 00:20:02,485
The, uh...

335
00:20:02,485 --> 00:20:02,986
The, uh...

336
00:20:04,487 --> 00:20:06,990
What makes you think
I'm guilty?

337
00:20:06,990 --> 00:20:09,993
We've all done
bad things in our lives,

338
00:20:09,993 --> 00:20:11,694
haven't we, George?

339
00:20:13,263 --> 00:20:15,298
But I have no regrets,

340
00:20:15,298 --> 00:20:18,868
because, no matter what,
I've been true to myself,

341
00:20:18,868 --> 00:20:22,872
and after all, it's
what's inside that counts.

342
00:20:22,872 --> 00:20:24,707
Right?

343
00:20:24,707 --> 00:20:26,776
Good answer, Helen!

344
00:20:26,776 --> 00:20:28,778
Let's hear it
for Helen,

345
00:20:28,778 --> 00:20:29,779
and let's hear it

346
00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:32,549
for all our fine
young contestants.

347
00:20:32,549 --> 00:20:34,617
[Applause]

348
00:20:40,490 --> 00:20:42,058
And now,
ladies and gentlemen,

349
00:20:42,058 --> 00:20:44,561
the judges will make
their decision,

350
00:20:44,561 --> 00:20:46,563
and in a few minutes,

351
00:20:46,563 --> 00:20:49,566
the winner of our pageant
will appear

352
00:20:49,566 --> 00:20:51,134
in the grand finale.

353
00:20:51,134 --> 00:20:52,702
[Applause]

354
00:20:59,976 --> 00:21:02,979
Should I wear
the headdress
for the finale?

355
00:21:03,479 --> 00:21:04,948
Don't worry
about it.

356
00:21:07,984 --> 00:21:10,486
George.

357
00:21:10,486 --> 00:21:13,957
What the hell
kind of question
was that?

358
00:21:13,957 --> 00:21:15,458
We have to talk.

359
00:21:21,030 --> 00:21:24,500
This note...
It doesn't exist.

360
00:21:26,035 --> 00:21:28,037
It never existed.

361
00:21:28,037 --> 00:21:30,039
I'm sorry.

362
00:21:30,039 --> 00:21:32,041
Wait a minute.

363
00:21:32,041 --> 00:21:34,544
Does this mean
I don't win?

364
00:21:34,544 --> 00:21:38,047
It's that bitch
drusilla, isn't it?

365
00:21:38,047 --> 00:21:40,550
It's out of
my hands, honey.

366
00:21:42,552 --> 00:21:44,053
It's out of your pants,
you mean.

367
00:21:54,230 --> 00:21:56,466
How does it feel
to be a whore?

368
00:21:56,466 --> 00:21:58,835
And a hypocrite.

369
00:21:58,835 --> 00:22:00,236
Hypocrite?

370
00:22:02,238 --> 00:22:03,740
I'm impressed.

371
00:22:03,740 --> 00:22:06,142
That's a big word for
a little slut like you.

372
00:22:06,142 --> 00:22:07,543
I'm a slut?

373
00:22:07,543 --> 00:22:10,546
That's the pot calling the
kettle black, don't you think?

374
00:22:10,546 --> 00:22:13,549
You fucked him to win
the contest, didn't you?

375
00:22:13,549 --> 00:22:17,553
Yep. You could say that.

376
00:22:17,553 --> 00:22:22,458
You should've seen
George's expression when
I said I'd sue him.

377
00:22:23,860 --> 00:22:25,862
Sue him?

378
00:22:25,862 --> 00:22:27,363
For sexual harassment.

379
00:22:27,864 --> 00:22:29,365
I told him
I'd call the police,

380
00:22:29,365 --> 00:22:31,367
call the newspapers.

381
00:22:31,367 --> 00:22:36,105
This business of sleeping with
someone to win is bullshit.

382
00:22:37,607 --> 00:22:40,610
I bet girls like you
love the casting couch.

383
00:22:40,610 --> 00:22:45,081
Degrading sex with some
sweaty stranger

384
00:22:45,081 --> 00:22:47,383
is probably easier
than memorizing lines.

385
00:22:47,383 --> 00:22:48,751
But I-I...

386
00:22:49,185 --> 00:22:49,752
Spare me.

387
00:22:50,253 --> 00:22:52,755
I know
all about the note.

388
00:22:52,755 --> 00:22:55,458
Look, there's something
you don't understand.

389
00:22:55,458 --> 00:22:58,461
That note--
it wasn't mine.

390
00:22:58,461 --> 00:23:01,297
I'm not
that kind of girl.

391
00:23:01,297 --> 00:23:04,801
Oh, yeah. So what kind
of girl are you?

392
00:23:09,639 --> 00:23:11,140
Uhh!

393
00:23:13,109 --> 00:23:14,143
[Choking]

394
00:23:15,645 --> 00:23:18,147
I'm this kind of girl.

395
00:23:21,918 --> 00:23:23,953
[Glass smashes]

396
00:23:26,989 --> 00:23:28,491
Nice look, babe.

397
00:23:28,491 --> 00:23:30,493
That suits you.

398
00:23:31,494 --> 00:23:32,528
[Door opens]

399
00:23:42,605 --> 00:23:45,108
Have you seen
drusilla?

400
00:23:45,108 --> 00:23:48,111
Uh, drusilla?
No. She left.

401
00:23:48,111 --> 00:23:49,612
She left?

402
00:23:49,612 --> 00:23:52,115
What do you mean,
she left?

403
00:23:52,115 --> 00:23:54,617
Well, I was
talking to her,

404
00:23:54,617 --> 00:23:56,619
and, uh, she changed
her mind...

405
00:23:56,619 --> 00:23:59,622
You know, about
that threat she made.

406
00:23:59,622 --> 00:24:03,126
She decided it
wasn't worth getting
choked up about,

407
00:24:03,126 --> 00:24:05,061
so she left.

408
00:24:05,061 --> 00:24:07,130
That works for me.

409
00:24:07,130 --> 00:24:10,133
You still interested
in winning this thing?

410
00:24:10,133 --> 00:24:12,635
You bet I am.

411
00:24:12,635 --> 00:24:14,637
I like your attitude.

412
00:24:36,626 --> 00:24:38,127
Work fast, Rudy.

413
00:24:38,127 --> 00:24:39,629
Don't I always?

414
00:24:39,629 --> 00:24:41,631
Open your robe.

415
00:24:41,631 --> 00:24:43,132
Oh!

416
00:25:01,517 --> 00:25:03,519
Great bone structure.

417
00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:04,987
Thanks.

418
00:25:10,426 --> 00:25:12,261
I wasn't talking to you.

419
00:25:12,495 --> 00:25:14,964
I thought we were going
for the natural look,

420
00:25:14,964 --> 00:25:17,767
or doesn't my opinion
mean anything?

421
00:25:17,767 --> 00:25:20,870
Of course
your opinion counts.
You're part of the team.

422
00:25:20,870 --> 00:25:23,339
Wait. This is too heavy.
It won't look right.

423
00:25:23,706 --> 00:25:25,608
Get your hand away.

424
00:25:25,608 --> 00:25:29,879
I'm really fine with
doing my own make-up.

425
00:25:29,879 --> 00:25:31,948
This is the last year
I'm doing this.

426
00:25:32,448 --> 00:25:34,817
This whole
beauty pageant thing
makes me throw up.

427
00:25:35,117 --> 00:25:37,386
We should just take them
off the streets like before.

428
00:25:37,386 --> 00:25:39,856
Rudy, Rudy, Rudy.

429
00:25:43,993 --> 00:25:47,396
George, would you
make him stop.

430
00:25:47,396 --> 00:25:51,033
How can I model anything
looking like this?

431
00:25:51,300 --> 00:25:53,169
I wouldn't worry
about that.

432
00:25:53,169 --> 00:25:55,471
Oh, God. No!

433
00:25:55,471 --> 00:25:57,440
No!

434
00:25:57,440 --> 00:25:58,875
No! No!

435
00:25:58,875 --> 00:26:02,378
You're going to look
just fine.

436
00:26:02,378 --> 00:26:03,713
Oh!

437
00:26:03,713 --> 00:26:10,853
Aaaaahhhh!

438
00:26:20,162 --> 00:26:24,166
[Piano playing]

439
00:26:26,669 --> 00:26:28,638
There's something
almost magical

440
00:26:28,638 --> 00:26:30,673
about a pretty girl.

441
00:26:31,173 --> 00:26:34,143
Her smile can melt
the hardest heart.

442
00:26:34,143 --> 00:26:36,779
And set the thing awhirl.

443
00:26:36,779 --> 00:26:39,782
But pretty eyes
and lovely hair.

444
00:26:39,782 --> 00:26:42,285
Are things that will not keep.

445
00:26:42,785 --> 00:26:45,788
So I agree with those who say

446
00:26:45,788 --> 00:26:49,292
that beauty is just skin deep.

447
00:26:51,794 --> 00:26:53,796
♪♪ Here she is ♪♪

448
00:26:53,796 --> 00:26:56,799
♪♪ a picture of grace ♪♪

449
00:26:56,799 --> 00:26:59,302
♪♪ two vacant blue eyes ♪♪

450
00:26:59,802 --> 00:27:01,804
♪♪ in an ashen white face ♪♪

451
00:27:02,305 --> 00:27:05,308
♪♪ though she seems
kind of stiff ♪♪

452
00:27:05,808 --> 00:27:07,810
♪♪ as an ex-human-bein' ♪♪

453
00:27:08,311 --> 00:27:11,314
♪♪ how far she will go ♪♪

454
00:27:11,314 --> 00:27:14,817
♪♪ remains to be seen ♪♪

455
00:27:18,321 --> 00:27:21,123
[Audience oohs and ahhs]

456
00:27:21,123 --> 00:27:22,925
♪♪ She's charming ♪♪

457
00:27:22,925 --> 00:27:25,194
Those colors!

458
00:27:25,194 --> 00:27:27,496
♪♪ She couldn't be nicer ♪♪

459
00:27:27,496 --> 00:27:29,999
♪♪ what a pleasure ♪♪

460
00:27:29,999 --> 00:27:32,001
♪♪ it was to slice her ♪♪

461
00:27:32,001 --> 00:27:36,505
♪♪ she's magnificent,
every ounce ♪♪

462
00:27:37,006 --> 00:27:40,876
♪♪ 'cause it's what's inside
that counts ♪♪

463
00:27:43,879 --> 00:27:47,616
♪♪ how exciting
it is to suture ♪♪

464
00:27:47,950 --> 00:27:52,688
♪♪ a beauty
without any future ♪♪

465
00:27:52,688 --> 00:27:58,060
♪♪ she's magnificent,
every ounce ♪♪

466
00:27:58,060 --> 00:28:02,064
♪♪ 'cause
it's what's inside ♪♪

467
00:28:02,064 --> 00:28:04,066
♪♪ that ♪♪

468
00:28:04,066 --> 00:28:09,005
♪♪ counts ♪♪♪♪

469
00:28:09,005 --> 00:28:11,841
Whoo!
Yay!
Yay!

470
00:28:31,360 --> 00:28:32,862
Good old Helen.

471
00:28:32,862 --> 00:28:34,363
Talk about
an opening night!

472
00:28:34,864 --> 00:28:37,366
Now, that's what I call
a horrid body.

473
00:28:37,366 --> 00:28:41,370
Well, I got to get back
to my workout, kiddies.

474
00:28:45,374 --> 00:28:46,876
Uhh...

475
00:28:46,876 --> 00:28:49,879
Ooh, I love that burn.

476
00:28:49,879 --> 00:28:51,881
Ah ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha!

477
00:28:51,881 --> 00:28:54,884
Captioning made possible by
Warner bros.

478
00:28:54,884 --> 00:28:57,887
Captioned by the national
captioning institute
--www.Ncicap.Org--

479
00:28:57,887 --> 00:29:00,890
public performance of captions
prohibited without permission of
national captioning institute