Dying for a date?
Aching for a little prick of...
passion?
Well, be careful what you wish for...
or like the young man in tonight's terror tale...
you may just get it!
I call this nauseating number...
Loved to Death.
Hey, Bert! You miss me?
Woof.
Hi, honey. I'm home.
- For me? - Yhat's the word around town.
Well, find something to put them in, silly.
- What's cooking? - Edward, it's a surprise.
I've got one, too. Honey, I got that raise!
Darling, that's wonderful.
Now we can finally afford that beautiful RV.
Here's to us, sweetheart.
Christ, Edward!
I need you now!
I've been aching for you all day.
Now, Louise...
For once in your life, just enjoy being needed.
Oh, my God, it's practically talking to me.
No, not again.
Jimmy, why do I keep doing this to myself?
Mr. Stronham?
It's Edward Foster from 501.
Yeah, what do you want?
- My kitchen faucet has a- - Yes, I know all about it.
Well, do you think maybe you could-
No one's ever seen him.
I've been here for five years, and I've never seen him.
But, God forbid, you should be a minute late with the rent...
they shoot you out of here like a scud missile.
Oh, honey.
Boxer shorts in this town will get you exactly nowhere.
Please, tell Mrs. Parker you're not one of those stupid actor types.
I'm a screenwriter.
My third husband was a screenwriter.
Are you working for a big studio?
No, I'm writing my first screenplay now.
See, I quit my job in my uncle's hat shop... Blocking.
- Blocking? - Blocking, you know... It doesn't matter.
Anyway, I'm here now, I got about $5,000 saved, which-
Well, you're probably making one of those gratuitous movies...
with all the language and the nudity.
No, no, I'm writing a decent, wholesome movie.
Yhe kind of picture you want to take the kids to see, or your grandmother.
Yhat's too bad.
Walter, listen to me!
Walter, I just can't be involved with anyone right now.
No, Walter, it's not you, it's me.
I'm just not ready.
Listen, if you could just get me in.
Come on, just to meet.
Walter, he's a major filmmaker. Come on!
Walter, all I want is a chance. Just a chance.
Walter, you do it for me, or you're dead meat with me forever!
Hey, kid.
I fixed your faucet.
Already? I've only been gone-
Rent's due tomorrow, kid.
Mr. Stronham, there is a beautiful girl who lives in this building.
- Miranda Singer, 509. - Miranda.
Happy hunting, kid.
Hi, you the messenger? Come on in, I'll sign.
No. I'm Edward Foster. I live down...
Alex, every girl in town is reading for this part.
And they're not reading cold, they've got pages.
Alex, I am this girl, I know I am.
Alex, I will scream if you mention Bimbo Beach 2!
I need those pages! You got it?
- What are you doing? - French Lick, Indiana.
- Who the hell are you, anyway? - Larry Bird's hometown.
Get out of here!
Out, out, out!
Because I'm from Indiana, too, you see.
Hello.
Whatever your name is, I'm sorry.
Sometimes I let things get to me, you know. Yhis town...
- Miranda Singer. - Edward Foster.
I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been going through your mail like that.
Hello? Alex!
Hey, why don't you come over later for a drink?
Okay.
Great. Yeah, I can do that.
- Oh, hi! - Hi.
Pretty flowers.
Got yourself a midnight rendezvous?
See you soon, kid. See you real soon.
Hey, Edward Indiana.
I must be the most insensitive person in the world.
Weren't we supposed to have drinks the other night?
Aren't you going somewhere?
No.
I'm working on this script you'd be perfect for.
- Yhat's nice. - I even... Yhank you.
I even changed the girl's name to Miranda after we met.
- From Louise to Miranda, after you. - Yhat's sweet.
I think it can make us both really famous. I got a feeling about this.
I mean, we're both from Indiana-
- You want to go out with me, don't you? - Very much, yes, I do.
Look, you're a really nice guy, and I want to be as honest as possible here.
You can't do anything for me, and I can't do anything for you.
I'm sure you're gonna be rich and famous one day...
and on that day, we have a date.
8.. 00. I'll cook for you.
Here's to persistence and getting what you want.
You can find your way out.
Hello, Alex? You what?
Alex, you call them right back and tell them that frontal nudity...
has never been a problem for Miranda Singer.
Yes, I'll hold.
How did you know?
You fucking mind-reader.
You dipshit little Midwest weasel!
Out, out, out!
Mr. Stronham, it's Edward Foster from down the hall.
I have the rent money here.
Do you want me to just slide it under the door?
Hello?
Mr. Stronham?
Mr. Stronham.
She kept you waiting for five fucking hours...
and she didn't even remember that she had a date with you.
You want my help, don't you, kid?
I do?
Women...
you can't live with them...
but you can't cut them up into tiny pieces...
and tell the neighbors she's in Palm Springs, either.
Good point.
You must be quite a lady's man.
Yhat's some collection you've got out there, those photographs.
You want to know the truth, kid?
I never met a single one of them.
You really love her, this Miranda?
I've been waiting for her my whole life.
I don't do drugs, Mr. Stronham.
If you really love her, kid...
just say "yes. "
I want to apologize about before.
Move out of the building. We'll call it even.
I can't stand having you hate me.
- One drink? - I want this to be over with quickly.
I need an opener.
Anything to make the time go faster.
Yhank you.
Here is to-
Why don't you leave now, and we'll pretend you drank yours?
Miranda, when you just get to know me-
911, you heard of it?
Don't you feel...
anything for me?
- Yes, I'd like to report an intruder. - At all?
Yes, there's a man in my apartment, and he won't get out!
He won't get out. He won't get...
He won't get...
out...
of his clothes.
- Christ, you taste good! - I know.
I can't stand it. I can't wait.
Edward.
Let me read your script.
Not till it's finished, honey.
Yhat reminds me.
- We're not finished. - We're not?
We've been at it all night. It's time to get up.
Yes, it is, Edward.
I will love you, Edward.
All the way, in every way.
I will be so good to you.
You will?
You're beautiful, you know that?
Physically, spiritually...
you're a total writing machine.
A capital "G" genius.
I love you, too, darling.
"I love you, too, darling. "
Oh, God, what a line. I mean, that should be in your scene.
Didn't Alex say something about an audition today?
Yeah, but I canceled it to be near you.
I have to write, Miranda.
Of course you do, darling...
and I'm going to help you with the scene.
- What do you think, my darling? - What do I think?
I think I'm exhausted.
Yo use words I never thought would cross these lips...
Miranda...
I'm fucked out.
Well, I'm not exhausted.
I'm not fucked out.
I'll never be with you.
Yhe more I do it, the more I want to do it.
I'm going to drain you dry!
Give it to me!
Oh, God!
No, please don't!
My body's aching for you.
I've got a hole in my heart.
Don't play with me.
Don't keep us apart, darling Edward!
Edward, please! Edward, I've got to love you!
I gotta go out.
- Good, I'll get dressed. - No, alone.
- No! - No, I don't want to anymore, Miranda.
Yes, hate me! Hate me!
I deserve it!
You could never hurt me.
I can't take anymore.
For God's sake, give me something to make her stop, please.
Yhere is no cure for this love, Edward.
Yhere's no antidote for a poison this strong.
You'd do anything to be rid of her, wouldn't you?
Anything.
Yhose women on the wall outside, those pictures, they're all dead, aren't they?
Other men wanted love.
I had the power to give it to them.
Yhen they wanted death.
Yhe only way out, Edward.
Yeah, well, maybe for them, but not for me, pal, okay?
Edward?
Edward, I know you're in there.
I can wait, darling.
We have plenty of time.
We have the rest of our lives.
Edward?
You knew this would happen, didn't you?
I'm just here to help, kid.
Hello, darling.
- Hi, honey, I'm back. - Hi.
See, I'm helping you finish your script.
- Wonderful. - And look, there's champagne.
- Great. - I'll get an opener.
Would you?
Silly me.
Champagne doesn't need an opener. It needs a pop!
- Yhat's right, silly. - Now, go see what I wrote.
It's all about you and me. Go on, go on.
I should have the dirty glass.
It's wonderful, darling. Very romantic.
Let's toast.
Yes, let's.
Here's to persistence and getting what you want.
Oh, shit.
Edward?
Edward!
My darling, I found you!
When you died, I was so upset I threw myself out the window.
Now we'll be together, my love.
Forever!
Good old Edward.
He should have stuck to sending mash notes.
Maybe then he wouldn't have ended up in a state of holy deadlock.
So, was it good for you, too?
Yalk about head over heels.