Crypt Keeper: SHE LOVES ME.
SHE LOVES ME NOT.
SHE LOVES ME.
SHE LOVES ME NOT.
BLAH!
WHAT DO FLOWERS KNOW ABOUT LOVE ANYWAY?
WELL, HELLO THERE, BOILS AND GHOULS.
JUST GETTING IN THE MOOD FOR TONIGHT'S TAWDRY TALE,
A STORY OF LOVE AND LURID LUST IN THE DUST.
SURE TO AROUSE THE SICKIES AMONGST YOU
TO SOME HEAVY BREATHING...
A TALE I CALL 4- SIDED TRIANGLE.
MARY JO!
MARY JO, WHERE'S MY COFFEE?
SORRY, MS. YATES. I MUST HAVE OVERSLEPT.
I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU I WANT MY COFFEE
WHEN I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING.
DON'T LIE TO ME, YOU LITTLE BITCH!
YOU CLUMSY LITTLE FOOL.
HERE. SEE IF YOU CAN DO SOMETHING RIGHT,
AND GET ME MY EGGS.
GO ON!
AND REMEMBER, DON'T BREAK ANY, OR I'LL BREAK YOU.
SHOO.
MILK THE COW.
MRS. YATES WANTS HER EGGS.
I SAID MILK THE COW.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
I JUST WANT TO TALK, MARY JO. THAT'S ALL.
ABOUT WHAT?
OH, YOU KNOW... THINGS.
LOOK, MR. YATES, I NEVER DONE NOTHING WRONG BY YOU.
YOU GOT NO CAUSE IN BOTHERING ME.
OH!
AAH!
NO!
BITCH!
AHH!
OH!
MR. YATES, I'M GOING TO TELL YOUR WIFE!
LET ME BE!
YOU DO-YOU DO,
AND I'M GOING TO CALL THE POLICE,
TELL THEM ABOUT HOW I PICKED YOU UP
RUNNING THAT NIGHT OUTSIDE THE STOP AND GO
WHEN THE OWNER WAS YELLING ABOUT HOW HE GOT ROBBED.
PLEASE, CALL THE POLICE.
CALL THE POLICE. I WANT TO BE ANYWHERE BUT HERE.
OH, NO.
ONCE YOU COME THIS FAR, LITTLE GIRL,
YOU DON'T GET TO LEAVE- NOT EVER!
AAH!
MRS. YATES!
COME ON, YOU STUPID BITCH.
MARY JO!
MRS. YATES!
Mrs. Yates: MARY JO, IS THAT YOU?
AAH!
UNH.
Mrs. Yates: MARY JO!
MARY JO.
MARY...
Mrs. Yates: MARY JO! WHERE ARE YOU?
Mrs. Yates: MARY JO.
MARY JO!
GEORGE, HAVE YOU SEEN MARY JO AROUND?
NO.
YOU DIDN'T HEAR HER SCREAM?
SCREAM?
NO, I DIDN'T-
I DIDN'T HEAR HER SCREAM.
WHAT'S THAT ALL OVER YOUR FRONT?
I WAS MILKING THE COW. I GUESS I SPILT SOME.
GEORGE, YOU DON'T MILK THE COW.
MARY JO DOES.
I'M SORRY, LOUISA.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO IT.
DO WHAT?
UNH.
HOW MANY TIMES I GOT TO TELL YOU?
YOU DON'T KILL HELP, GEORGE.
YOU BEAT THEM, BUT YOU DON'T KILL THEM.
I KNOW IT.
SHE SPILT THE MILK, LOUISA.
THERE'S ALWAYS MORE MILK.
THERE AIN'T ALWAYS MORE HELP.
LOOK. BLOOD.
UNH.
SHE MUST BE IN THERE.
PICK ME UP.
WHAT?
YOU HEARD ME. PICK ME UP!
OK.
UNH.
THERE.
WELL?
SHE'S ALIVE.
THANK GOD FOR SOMETHING.
I DON'T WANT YOU LISTENING
TO ANYTHING SHE SAYS
'CAUSE SHE'S HAD A BLOW TO THE HEAD.
WHY? WHAT'S SHE GOING TO SAY?
I DON'T KNOW.
Mary Jo: UNH.
WHERE IS HE?
Louisa: WHERE'S WHO? MY MAN.
YOUR WHAT?
MY MAN! WHAT DID YOU DO WITH HIM?
HE WAS JUST HERE A SECOND AGO.
I WANTED HIM TO MAKE LOVE TO ME,
BUT HE WOULDN'T.
OH, HE WOULDN'T.
I TOLD YOU.
TOUCHED.
YOU SMELL GOOD, MARY JO.
YOU LIKE IT? IT'S HONEYSUCKLE.
I FOUND IT OUTSIDE.
I RUBBED IT ALL OVER MY BODY FOR MY MAN.
YOU AIN'T GOT NO MAN, MARY JO.
AIN'T NOBODY AROUND FOR 60 MILES EXCEPT US.
YES, I DO.
I GOT ME A MAN, EVEN IF HE WON'T TOUCH ME.
DAMN FOOL.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MR. YATES?
OH, JUST TRYING TO BE FRIENDLY, MARY JO.
WELL, I HAVE A FRIEND,
AND HE DOESN'T DO THAT TO ME.
I'M A GOOD LOVER.
WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING IN HERE?
TALKING.
TALKING ABOUT WHAT?
UH, NOTHING, LOUISA, JUST TALK.
I DIDN'T ASK YOU, GEORGE.
WHAT WERE YOU AND MR. YATES TALKING ABOUT?
WELL, I WAS TELLING MR. YATES NOT TO GET FRIENDLY WITH ME,
BECAUSE I ALREADY GOT A FRIEND LIKE THAT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "GET FRIENDLY"?
WHAT DID MR. YATES DO?
DAMN IT, LOUISA, YOU...
YOU KNOW WHAT SHE'S LIKE NOW-TOUCHED.
SHE'S BRAGGING ABOUT SOME MAN SHE CLAIMS SHE GOT.
I DO!
I GOT ME A MAN.
YOU DO, HUH?
THIS MAN OF YOURS, WHAT'S HE LOOK LIKE?
WELL, HE'S REAL TALL.
AND HE ALWAYS WEARS A HAT AND A SUIT.
AND HE'S ALWAYS SMILING AT ME,
AND HE'S SO BIG AND STRONG.
ENOUGH OF THAT.
SOMEDAY HE'S GOING TO MAKE LOVE TO ME.
ENOUGH, I SAID!
NOW GET IN THERE AND SET THE TABLE!
WELL, ONE GOOD THING ABOUT THIS, ANYWAY.
WHAT?
SHE'S CRAZY, GEORGE.
WHERE'S A CRAZY GIRL GOING TO RUN?
WHO'S GOING TO TAKE HER IN?
NOBODY.
RIGHT.
WE GOT HER FOR LIFE, GEORGE-
FREE HELP THAT AIN'T GOIN' NOWHERE.
YEAH.
RIGHT. THIS ONE'S TO BE HERE FOREVER, AIN'T SHE?
MAYBE.
WHY IS THAT MAKING YOU SO HAPPY?
WELL, LIKE YOU SAID,
IT'S SOMEBODY TO TAKE CARE OF US FOREVER.
I LIKE THAT IDEA.
Mary Jo: CHICKEN POT PIE
AIN'T GONNA RUN AWAY
CHICKEN POT PIE
NO PLACE TO GO
CHICKEN POT PIE
DON'T MATTER ANYHOW?
I GOT MYSELF A SWEETHEART
UNH.
HI.
I CHANGED.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
YOU DON'T LIKE IT?
WELL, I WORE IT SPECIAL, JUST FOR YOU.
I'VE BEEN WATCHING YOU OUT HERE ALL DAY.
IT MAKES ME FEEL SO LONESOME FOR YOU.
I SEEN YOU WATCHING ME, TOO.
NOW, DON'T BE SHY.
I KNOW YOU WANT ME.
SO CRAZY, SHE DON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN THAT THING AND A REAL MAN.
I LOVE YOU.
NO, MR. YATES, STOP!
THIS HERE IS MY MAN.
HE'S NOT REAL, MARY JO.
HE'S JUST RAG AND STRAW
AND A POLE STUCK IN THE GROUND.
HE CAN'T MAKE LOVE TO YOU.
YES, HE CAN. HE WILL SOMEDAY.
I KNOW HE WILL.
YOU LISTEN TO ME, YOU LITTLE SIMPLETON.
HE AIN'T NO FLESH-AND-BLOOD MAN.
I AM!
I AM! I AM!
NO!
MARY JO!
WHERE YOU BEEN?
I HEARD A CRITTER BOTHERING THE CHICKENS.
YOU GET HIM?
NO.
I DIDN'T EVEN SEE HIM.
THERE'S YOUR CRITTER, GEORGE-
MARY JO COMING BACK
FROM MEETING WITH HER MAN.
SO THAT'S WHAT IT WAS.
DAMN OLD SIMPLETON KEEPING ME UP ALL NIGHT.
YOU'RE A FOOL, GEORGE,
A STUPID OLD FOOL.
HI, MARY JO.
YOU'RE DRESSING KIND OF DIFFERENT, AIN'T YOU?
IT'S FOR MY FELLA. DO YOU THINK HE'LL LIKE IT?
HA HA HA!
YEAH. YEAH, I'M SURE HE'S GOING TO LOVE IT.
I HOPE SO.
I HAVE ANOTHER DATE WITH HIM TONIGHT AT MIDNIGHT.
MAYBE HE'LL LIKE ME A LITTLE BIT BETTER DRESSED LIKE THIS.
HUH.
AIN'T GONNA RUN AWAY I GOT A SWEETHEART
NIGHT, LOUISA.
NIGHT, GEORGE.
GEORGE...
YOU KNOW WHAT I'D DO TO YOU
IF I CAUGHT YOU CHEATING ON ME, DON'T YOU?
SAME THING YOU DO TO BULLS WHEN YOU WANT THEM TO BE STEERS.
I AIN'T CHEATING ON YOU, LOUISA.
I KNOW YOU'RE NOT, GEORGE. NOT NOW.
OH.
AAH!
YOU'RE ALIVE!
YOU'RE REALLY AND TRULY ALIVE!
MARY JO!
WHAT?
NO! COME BACK!
DON'T GO! DON'T GO!
COME BACK!
DON'T LEAVE ME!
STAY WITH ME!
DON'T GO!
NO.
WHERE IS HE?
WHERE IS WHO?
GEORGE! WHERE'S GEORGE?
AIN'T NOBODY HERE BUT ME AND MY MAN.
OH, MY GOD!
YOU FOOL! YOU STUPID LITTLE FOOL.
THIS IS JUST A SCARECROW, CAN'T YOU SEE THAT?
THEY CAN'T DO ANYTHING.
THEY'RE JUST RAGS AND STRAW!
YOU'RE WRONG! HE'S ALIVE.
HE WAS JUST ABOUT TO MAKE LOVE TO ME
WHEN YOU SHOWED UP.
DON'T ARGUE WITH ME, YOU LITTLE FOOL!
I'LL SHOW YOU HE'S STRAW!
UNH.
NO!
SEE? STRAW! NOTHING BUT STRAW!
UNH.
STRAW!
AAH!
SEE, NOTHING BUT STRAW.
YOU FOOL.
YOU STUPID OLD FOOL.
AAH!
CHICKEN POT PIE, AND I DON'T CARE
I'M FREE AT LAST! WOO-HOO!
CHICKEN POT PIE, AND I DON'T CARE
CHICKEN POT PIE
Crypt Keeper: THAT YOUNG LADY CERTAINLY KNEW HOW TO MAKE HER POINT.
BUT WHAT A SHAME FOR POOR GEORGE AND LOUISA.
THEY THOUGHT THEY HAD THE LABOR PROBLEMS ALL SEWED UP,
BUT MARY JO FORMED HER OWN UNION WITH THE SCARECROW.
AND JUST WHEN GEORGE WAS GOING TO REWARD MARY JO
FOR ALL HER HARD WORK WITH A BIG BONUS.
UNH.
NOW, THAT IS DEFINITELY NOT WHAT YOU CALL SAFE SEX.
TUNE IN NEXT WEEK, KIDDIES,
FOR ANOTHER TERRIBLY TRAUMATIC TALE.
HA HA HA!