EYE OF MUTE...
BLADDER OF COBRA...
AND WHISKER OF A RAT.
OH, HI, KIDDIES.
I WAS JUST RUSTLING UP A SICKENING SNACK
FOR A GHASTLY GUEST.
HEH HEH HEH!
LET'S SEE.
I NEED THE BLOOD OF A SACRIFICED GOAT.
WHOOPS.
IT'S GOT TO BE A VIRGIN GOAT.
GUESS YOU'RE OFF THE HOOK, NELLIE!
HEH HEH HEH!
TONIGHT'S STORY
IS ABOUT A DIFFERENT KIND OF SACRIFICE-
A SACRIFICE MADE FOR LOVE.
AH HA HA HA!
THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME, MA'AM.
HEY, THANKS A LOT.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
WHAT'S YOUR NEIGHBOR LIKE?
WHY?
JUST CURIOUS.
YOU PUNCHED P. H. 2, AND I PUNCHED P. H. ONE.
I FIGURE YOU MUST BE THE NEIGHBOR
OF MR. SEBASTIAN FIELDING.
I SUPPOSE YOU'RE A SALESMAN.
YES, MA'AM. THAT'S HOW I MAKE MY LIVING,
SELLING THINGS.
I CAN SELL DAMN NEAR ANYTHING TO DAMN NEAR ANYONE.
HA HA HA!
EXCUSE ME.
MM-HMM.
GLAD YOU COULD COME, MR. REED,
THOUGH I DON'T RIGHTLY KNOW HOW A MAN COULD BE EXPECTED
TO DO ANY BUSINESS IN THIS WHORE'S DREAM.
IT'S VERY, UH... IMPRESSIVE.
IT AIN'T SUPPOSED TO IMPRESS.
IT'S SUPPOSED TO AWE.
ARE YOU AWED, MR. REED?
NO.
GOOD, BECAUSE I SURE DON'T WANT TO DO BUSINESS
WITH A MAN THAT'S GONNA GET ALL SLACK-JAWED
OVER SOME PAINT AND PLASTER
AND A FEW STICKS OF FURNITURE.
YOU KNOW THE ONLY 2 THINGS
THAT EVER AWED ME, MR. REED?
NAH.
MONEY AND PUSSY.
WELL, THEY SEEM TO ATTRACT EACH OTHER.
HO HO, YOU GOT THAT RIGHT.
COME ON OVER HERE, SON.
I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING.
TAKE A LOOK.
WHAT DO YOU SEE?
THE OCEAN, A LITTLE SLIVER OF IT ANYWAY.
FURTHER OVER TO THE RIGHT.
NOW WHAT DO YOU SEE?
L. A.
NO, SIR.
WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING AT
IS THE MONEY, PUSSY, AND BULLSHIT CAPITAL
OF THE WESTERN WORLD.
YOU OWN THIS PENTHOUSE, CORRECT, MR. FIELDING?
THAT'S RIGHT.
ALSO PENTHOUSE NUMBER 2.
I BOUGHT 'EM BOTH 'CAUSE I DON'T LIKE NOSY NEIGHBORS AROUND.
ISN'T THAT RIGHT, BIG GUY?
MONEY AND PUSSY.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
SO, MR. FIELDING, YOUR REAL ESTATE REPLACEMENT VALUE,
INCLUDING CONTENTS, COMES TO APPROXIMATELY $9 MILLION.
YEAH, YOU GOT THAT RIGHT.
YOU HAVEN'T ASKED ME HOW I GOT YOUR NAME.
I MUST ADMIT I AM CURIOUS.
WELL, I GOT IT FROM OLD JERRY JASPER,
PRESIDENT OF YOUR COMPANY.
OH.
ME AND JERRY SERVE ON A COUPLE OF BOARDS TOGETHER,
AND WHEN I DECIDED I WAS GONNA CHANGE INSURANCE COMPANIES,
CALLED OLD JERRY AND TOLD HIM TO SEND ME
THE SMARTEST, SLICKEST SALESMAN HE'S GOT IN L. A.,
AND HE SENT YOU.
I'M FLATTERED.
THE ONLY THING IS
OLD JERRY DIDN'T TELL ME
HOW GOOD YOU ARE AT NEGOTIATING.
KICKBACK TIME, RIGHT?
OH, SHIT, BOY, IF I'D WANTED TO BUY ME SOME INSURANCE RETAIL,
ALL I GOTTA DO IS PICK UP THE PHONE AND DO IT MYSELF.
WHAT THE FUCK DO I NEED YOU FOR?
HOW MUCH?
I WANT 30% OF YOUR COMMISSION.
WHY, MR. FIELDING?
BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY?
YOU SMART-ASSING ME, BOY?
SON, I NEVER PAY THE ASKING PRICE FOR ANYTHING,
WHICH IS WHY I LIVE HERE, AND YOU LIVE WHERE?
MARINA DEL YUK?
I'LL GIVE YOU 20%.
BOY, YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND, DO YOU?
NOW IF I DON'T GET 30%,
I'M JUST GONNA TAKE FROM ANOTHER COMPANY.
HMM...
I'LL HAVE OUR DOCTOR MAKE AN APPOINTMENT
WITH YOU, MR. FIELDING.
Woman: WHAT DOCTOR?
OH, NOTHING TO FRET ABOUT, SUGAR.
NOTHING WRONG WITH ME.
THIS IS MR. JIM REED.
HE SOLD ME A MESS OF INSURANCE
WITH OLD JERRY JASPER'S COMPANY.
YOU REMEMBER JERRY, DON'T YOU?
OH, I REMEMBER THAT I DETEST HIM.
FOR SOME REASON, YOUR BOSS JUST PISSES HER OFF ROYAL.
I'M MRS. FIELDING, MR. REED.
NICE TO MEET YOU, MRS. FIELDING.
THANK YOU.
WOULD YOU LIKE A COGNAC?
I WAS JUST LEAVING.
WE GOT OUR DEAL, BOY?
YES, WE GOT OUR DEAL.
YOU LIVE IN LOS ANGELES, MR. REED?
YES, AT THE MARINA.
YOU AND YOUR FAMILY HAVE AN APARTMENT
OR ONE OF THOSE PLEASANT TOWNHOUSES?
I'M NOT MARRIED, AND I LIVE ON A BOAT.
REALLY? WHAT'S HER NAME?
THEWHY NOT?
THAT'S A WONDERFUL NAME.
DON'T YOU THINK THAT'S WONDERFUL, DARLING?
OH, YEAH.
I THOUGHT IT WAS REAL CUTE THE FIRST TIME I HEARD IT,
20O OR 30O BOATS AGO.
HELLO? ANYBODY HOME?
WELL...
MRS. FIELDING.
HELLO.
I EXPECTED YOU
TO DROP AROUND YESTERDAY
OR MAYBE EVEN THE DAY BEFORE.
WAS I THAT OBVIOUS?
WELL, YOU'RE NOT THE FIRST WIFE TO COME CALLING
AFTER HER HUSBAND'S MADE A BIG CHANGE
IN HIS INSURANCE COVERAGE.
USUALLY THEY'RE CURIOUS ABOUT THE BENEFICIARY.
DO YOU EVER TELL THEM?
IF THEY'RE NICE TO ME.
WELL, I CAN BE NICE.
I CAN BE VERY, VERY NICE.
Mrs. Fielding: MM.
Mr. Reed: OH.
MM.
OH.
UHH.
WHY DO YOU LIVE ON A BOAT?
I LIKE THE NOTION THAT I CAN SAIL AWAY
ON 10 MINUTES' NOTICE.
ONE PHONE CALL, AND THE LEASING COMPANY
PICKS UP THE CAR.
ANOTHER PHONE CALL, AND THE JOB'S OVER.
AS FAR AS FRIENDS GO,
WELL, FOR A GOOD SALESMAN,
THEY'RE AS EASY TO FIND AS A NEW JOB.
WHY DO I GET THIS FEELING
YOU'RE TRYING TO SELL ME SOMETHING?
HMM?
THE DOCTOR'S REPORT ON YOUR HUSBAND
SAYS HE'S GONNA LIVE TO BE 104 BARRING-
BARRING...
BARRING WHAT? AN ACCIDENT?
IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO SELL ME, AN ACCIDENT?
LOOK, ACCIDENTS... HAPPEN.
PEOPLE EVEN...
HELP THEM TO HAPPEN.
NO. NO, NO, NO. I COULDN'T POSSIBLY
BRING MYSELF TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
You wouldn't have to do anything.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND. WHY WOULD YOU EVEN OFFER?
BECAUSE YOU ARE EXACTLY WHAT I WANT.
YOU'RE WHAT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED.
Parrot: HELLO?
DARLING, MR. REED'S HERE.
WELL.
HA HA HA!
GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT, JIMMY.
THANK YOU, MR. FIELDING.
BRING EVERYTHING? ALL OF IT?
ALL OF IT, MR. FIELDING.
GOOD. GLORIA AND ME THOUGHT
WE OUGHT TO MAKE A LITTLE CELEBRATION OUT OF THIS
AND, UH, HAVE A GLASS OR 2 OF CHAMPAGNE OUT ON THE BALCONY.
I'LL GET THE CHAMPAGNE.
WATCH THE LIGHTS COME ON?
IT'S ALL THERE.
OH, I'M SURE IT IS.
JUST LIKE FINDING MONEY IN THE STREET.
I IMAGINE.
NOW, LET'S DRINK US SOME CHAMPAGNE.
YOU GO AHEAD.
I'M GONNA LAY EVERYTHING OUT
SO IT'S READY FOR SIGNING.
YEAH, I LIKE THAT.
GOOD THINKING. I LIKE A MAN WHO'S ORGANIZED.
DAMN! THIS VIEW IS BEAUTIFUL.
IT'S ALMOST WORTH THE 3 MILLION BUCKS
I PAID FOR THIS PLACE.
HA! IT POSITIVELY GLOWS!
BETTER GET ON OUT HERE, BROTHER REED.
MISSING A HELL OF A SHOW.
I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
LORD, I JUST NEVER GET TIRED OF THIS VIEW.
NEVER. RIGHT AT THIS TIME, WHEN THE SUN IS SET
AND ALL THE LIGHTS ARE SPARKLING ON,
YOU KNOW WHAT I HEAR, JIMMY?
THEY SAY IT'S SMOG
THAT'S MAKING THE LIGHTS SO GODDAMN SPECTACULAR.
I GUESS THERE'S SOMETHING TO BE SAID
ABOUT SMOG-AAH!
UHH!
HELP ME, GLORIA!
AAH!
AAH! UHH!
UH!
AAH!
NOW I CALL THE COPS
AND TRY TO SOUND JUST A LITTLE HYSTERICAL.
Parrot: AWK! HELLO.
Parrot: HELLO.
SO HE HADN'T LOST CONSCIOUSNESS?
NO.
NO. HE MUST HAVE KNOWN WHAT WAS HAPPENING.
I COULD STILL HEAR HIM SCREAMING ALL THE WAY DOWN.
DID YOU KNOW YOUR HUSBAND HAD AGREED
TO TAKE OUT A $10 MILLION TERM
LIFE INSURANCE POLICY
WITH YOU AS THE SOLE BENEFICIARY?
Gloria: HE DID?
NO, MRS. FIELDING, HE DIDN'T.
I THOUGHT YOU JUST SAID-
NO. I TOLD YOU HE HAD AGREED TO TAKE IT OUT.
HE HADN'T YET SIGNED THE PAPERS.
OH.
WELL, I GUESS THAT'S TOO BAD, ISN'T IT?
BUT HE MEANT WELL.
POOR SEBASTIAN.
HE WAS SUCH A KIND AND GENEROUS MAN.
THANK YOU, MRS. FIELDING.
UH, WE'LL SEE OURSELVES OUT.
Parrot: HELLO.
AHH...
HA HA HA! THEY'RE ALREADY CALLING IT
DEATH BY MISADVENTURE.
THAT'S THEIR WAY OF SAYING HE FELL OFF THE BALCONY.
IF YOUR HUSBAND HAD SIGNED THOSE PAPERS,
THAT WOULD'VE GIVEN THEM THEIR MOTIVE.
OOH, AND COPS LOVE MONEY MOTIVES,
ESPECIALLY COMPLICATED ONES THAT ARE EASY TO PULL APART.
BUT PUSH A GUY OFF A BALCONY,
AND WHO'S TO SAY HE DIDN'T FALL OR JUMP?
HEH HEH HEH.
OH, AND IT WAS ALL SO SIMPLE, WASN'T IT?
IT WASN'T JUST SIMPLE, IT WAS PERFECT.
NOW WHAT?
NOW WE DON'T SEE EACH OTHER FOR A WHILE.
RIGHT, RIGHT. FOR A FEW WEEKS,
AND THEN, YOU DROP OVER,
YOU SEE IF I NEED ANY INSURANCE ADVICE.
I DO. A ROMANCE SLOWLY BLOSSOMS.
WE'RE SEEN HAVING DINNER, TAKING IN A MOVIE OR 2.
MM-HMM.
6 MONTHS FROM NOW WE BECOME ENGAGED.
A FEW WEEKS LATER, WE'RE MARRIED,
AND THEY FORGET ALL ABOUT US.
I LOVE YOU.
OH.
I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU.
COME HERE.
MMM.
UH.
FUCK.
SHIT.
MR. JASPER.
JAMES.
INVITE YOUR BOSS IN.
OF COURSE. PLEASE COME IN.
OLD SEBASTIAN KNEW HOW TO LIVE, DIDN'T HE?
YES, HE DID.
HOW'S GLORIA BEARING UP?
SHE'S TAKING IT PRETTY HARD.
I CAN IMAGINE.
SORT OF HANDLING THINGS FOR HER?
TEMPORARILY.
GOOD. GOOD. SHE NEEDS SOMEONE.
WHAT IF YOU LET HER KNOW I'M HERE.
SEE IF THERE'S ANYTHING I CAN DO.
THEN I'LL BE ON MY WAY.
GRIEF OFTEN LIKES TO BE ALONE.
WAS IT ALREADY ON THE NEWS?
WHAT, YOU MEAN ABOUT SEBASTIAN?
MM. I DON'T THINK SO.
OF COURSE!
YOU'RE WONDERING WHO TOLD ME.
THE POLICE DID.
CAME ROUND TO SEE ME, MATTER OF FACT, TO TALK ABOUT YOU.
AFTER I WAS OVER THE SHOCK,
I PRAISED YOU TO THE SKIES.
IT'S A WONDER YOUR EARS AREN'T STILL BURNING.
THEY WENT AWAY HAPPY- AS HAPPY AS COPS CAN BE.
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE, JERRY?
SEBASTIAN WAS ONE OF MY OLDEST FRIENDS, GLORIA.
I THOUGHT I'D DROP BY AND SEE IF THERE'S ANYTHING I CAN DO.
OH, THERE SURE IS.
YOU CAN GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE
AND OUT OF MY LIFE.
YOU SEE, JAMES, GLORIA AND I USED TO BE FRIENDS,
VERY CLOSE FRIENDS,
BUT IT DIDN'T LAST VERY LONG
BECAUSE I MADE THE MISTAKE
OF INTRODUCING HER TO SEBASTIAN.
AND THE NEXT THING I KNEW,
SHE WAS THE FOURTH MRS. FIELDING.
I SEE.
DO YOU, JAMES?
THEN YOU CAN UNDERSTAND WHY I COULDN'T LET HER GO.
OH, THROW HIM OUT OF HERE.
JUST THROW HIM OUT OF HERE BEFORE HE-
BEFORE I WHAT, SWEETIE?
BEFORE YOU DO WHAT YOU ALWAYS DO:
POISON EVERYTHING.
I JUST COULDN'T LET HER GO, JAMES.
I WAS ABSOLUTELY OBSESSED WITH HER.
I STILL AM.
IN FACT, WHEN SHE AND SEBASTIAN MOVED IN HERE,
I RENTED A LITTLE CONDO RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET
JUST TO GET A GLIMPSE OF HER NOW AND THEN.
HEH. ACROSS THE STREET?
THAT'S RIGHT. RIGHT ACROSS THE WILSHIRE.
15th FLOOR.
I TIMED HER COMINGS AND HER GOINGS.
NEGLECTED MY BUSINESS.
I EVEN BOUGHT THIS LONG-LENS CAMERA
AND SPENT HOURS UP ON THE BALCONY WITH IT,
JUST TO GET HER ON FILM.
DAMN FOOL THING FOR A GROWN MAN TO DO, DON'T YOU THINK?
JUST THIS EVENING,
I WAS OUT ON THE BALCONY WITH MY CAMERA,
AND I SAW HER.
SO I TOOK A COUPLE SHOTS.
THEN SEBASTIAN CAME OUT.
AND HE LEANED OUT OVER HIS BALCONY.
GOD, HOW THAT MAN LOVED HIS VIEW.
I TOOK A COUPLE OF SHOTS FOR OLD TIME'S SAKE.
THEN YOU CAME OUT, JAMES.
THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU GRABBED OLD SEBASTIAN BY THE BRITCHES,
THREW HIM OVER THE BALCONY, JUST AS SLICK AS SNOT.
I GOT A COUPLE OF GOOD PICTURES OF THAT, TOO.
NO, NO!
I'D LIKE TO SEE THEM.
I BET YOU WOULD.
DO SOMETHING, GOD DAMN IT.
SHUT UP, GLORIA.
I WOULD HAVE BEEN OVER SOONER,
BUT I DID HAVE TO TALK TO THE POLICE,
AND I HAD TO HAVE THE FILM DEVELOPED.
2 SETS OF PRINTS-
ONE FOR YOU, AND ONE FOR MY LAWYER.
Gloria: OH, CHRIST.
OK, WHAT'S YOUR PRICE?
NOT MONEY. I HAVE ENOUGH.
I WANT TO SHARE.
SHARE WHAT?
GLORIA.
AHH, HA. HE'S SICK.
HE'S ALWAYS BEEN SICK.
OK, WHAT DOES SHARE MEAN EXACTLY?
I WANT HER FROM DUSK TILL DAWN.
YOU CAN HAVE HER THE REST OF THE TIME.
YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF.
RATHER GOOD EXPOSURE, DON'T YOU THINK?
WHEN?
WE WANT TO KNOW WHEN.
I THINK THE SHARING SHOULD BEGIN THIS EVENING.
I SEE NO REASON WHY WE SHOULD WASTE ANY TIME.
NO REASON AT ALL.
Sebastian: WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING AT
IS THE MONEY, PUSSY, AND BULLSHIT CAPITAL
OF THE WESTERN WORLD.
Sebastian: WE GOT OUR DEAL, BOY?
James: YES, WE GOT OUR DEAL.
Jerry: I WANT TO SHARE.
James: SHARE WHAT? GLORIA.
Gloria: UH.
OH.
OH, GLORIA.
WHAT CAN I DO?
SAME THING YOU'VE DONE EVERY DAY
FOR THE PAST 3 MONTHS- NOTHING.
WAS IT WORSE THAN USUAL?
HE'S THOUGHT UP A NEW WRINKLE.
2:00 IN THE MORNING, WE DROVE TO A SUPERMARKET,
AND HE MADE ME GO IN AND HIRE STREET PEOPLE.
TO DO WHAT?
WATCH US HAVE SEX,
JASPER AND ME.
THEY WERE SO DIRTY.
GOD, THEY WERE SO... FILTHY.
FILTHY, DIRTY...
I CAN'T LET THIS GO ON.
IT'S GOT TO GO ON AS LONG AS JASPER WANTS IT TO.
OTHERWISE, HE'LL TAKE THOSE PICTURES TO THE POLICE.
YOU AND I WILL DIE IN JAIL.
There's got to be a way out.
There's got to be.
THERE'S NO WAY.
NONE.
HE'LL NEVER LET GO.
JIM?
DARLING?
OH, MY GOD.
JIM. JIM!
JIM!
JIM, WHAT DID YOU DO? HUH?
NEMBUTAL?
HOW MANY? HOW MANY DID YOU TAKE, HUH?
PLENTY.
48.
READ THIS.
SETS YOU FREE.
I, JAMES REED, HEREBY CONFESS ON MY DEATH BED
THAT, WITH MALICE AFORETHOUGHT,
I MURDERED SEBASTIAN FIELDING
BY PUSHING HIM FROM HIS BALCONY.
I FURTHER SWEAR THAT MRS. GLORIA FIELDING
HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH HER HUSBAND'S DEATH
AND THAT FURTHERMORE...
THANK YOU, MY POOR, DUMB DARLING.
DID HE?
HE DID, INDEED.
AH. WHAT DID HE USE?
48 NEMBUTALS.
HOW TACKY.
HA HA HA!
WAS THERE A CONFESSION NOTE?
YES, A LONG AND INCRIMINATING ONE.
I BURNED IT, OF COURSE.
NOW NOBODY WILL EVER KNOW THAT SEBASTIAN WAS MURDERED.
THANKS TO YOUR BRILLIANT PLANNING.
AND YOUR BRILLIANT ACTING.
HELLO, JIM. AWK!
HELP ME, GLORIA! AWK!
EXCUSE ME, KIDDIES.
BE WITH YOU IN A MOMENT.
UHH!
SO THIS IS SUICIDE.
AW, SOMEHOW I THOUGHT IT'D HAVE MORE PUNCH.
OH, WELL.
AT LEAST JIM'S BIG FINISH HAD A BRIGHT SIDE.
I HATE TO SEE A GUY THROW HIS LIFE AWAY
WITHOUT SOME DAME GETTING A LAUGH OUT OF IT.
SO REMEMBER,
IF YOUR LADY'S EVENINGS ARE ALL BOOKED UP,
DO WHAT I DO.
DROP HER.