OOPS!
LOOKS LIKE YOU CAUGHT THE OLD CRYPT KEEPER
CHECKING OUT ONE OF HIS GHOULY MAGAZINES.
WHICH GIVES YOU A LITTLE HINT
ABOUT TONIGHT'S DEADTIME STORY.
IT'S ALL ABOUT THE WAY
SOME GUYS JUST DIE OVER A PRETTY GIRL.
BUT DON'T WORRY, KIDDIES,
IF IT STARTS TO REEK A LITTLE OF ROTTEN ROMANCE,
I THINK THE TITLE OF OUR NASTY NARRATIVE
MAKES NO BONES ABOUT WHERE ITS HEART IS REALLY AT.
I CALL IT THE THING FROM THE GRAVE.
FUCK!
OH!
BRUCKNER?
BRUCKNER, WHERE IS SHE?
ANSWER ME, GOD DAMN IT! IS SHE ALL RIGHT?
YEAH, SHE'S JUST FINE.
I WISH I COULD SAY THE SAME FOR YOU, BIG GUY.
OH!
TELL ME SOMETHING.
IS THAT THE SHOULDER SHE USED TO CRY ON?
OR WAS IT THE OTHER ONE?
OHH!
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
OOH! UNH!
HI.
OH!
I'M SORRY THERE'S NO HEADSTONE.
THE 10 COMMANDMENTS WERE CARVED IN STONE.
YOU REMEMBER THE 10 COMMANDMENTS, DON'T YOU?
THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S WIFE IS PART OF THE DEAL.
SHE'S NOT YOUR WIFE.
SHE WILL BE PRETTY SOON.
WHY DON'T YOU GET YOUR ASS IN THERE?
WHAT HAPPENED TO, THOU SHALT NOT KILL?
FUCK IT.
I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER ONE THING
BEFORE YOU GO TO HELL,
YOU MISERABLE PIECE OF SHIT.
REMEMBER SHE'S MINE...
NOT YOURS.
SHE'S MINE.
BEAUTIFUL.
BEAUTIFUL!
YEAH!
GOOD. GOOD. GOOD. GOOD. GOOD.
UH-HUH. ONE MORE.
ALL RIGHT.
EVERYONE TAKE THEIR FIRST POSITIONS, PLEASE.
OK, GREAT.
MY GOD, THIS IS CHEESY.
I WASN'T GONNA SAY ANYTHING.
DEFINITELY A HIGH CHEESE FACTOR.
IT'S THAT GUY.
WELL, I TELL YOU WHAT-
THEY LOVE HIM IN JAPAN.
OK, NOW ISN'T THIS BETTER THAN BEING
ON AUTHENTIC TROPICAL ISLAND
GETTING ALL HOT AND SWEATY?
HEH HEH. I DON'T KNOW.
SOMETIMES I LIKE GETTING ALL HOT AND SWEATY.
HEY, BOSS,
WHY DON'T I HOLD THE CAN IN MY OTHER HAND?
I MEAN LIKE, MY CHARACTER'S, YOU KNOW,
HANGING WITH THESE BABES AND STUFF,
SO I WAS JUST THINKING-
PARTY DOWN.
ABSOLUTELY.
KNOCK YOURSELF OUT, PAL.
Photographer: UH, EXCUSE US.
EXCUSE US.
ALL RIGHT. I'M SORRY.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
WELL, HE'S A REAL BRAIN SURGEON.
HOW THE HELL DO YOU DEAL WITH A GUY LIKE THAT?
TELL YOU WHAT, IT BEATS WORKING FOR A LIVING.
OK, UH, MARIA.
THERE YOU GO.
GOD, SHE'S HOT, ISN'T SHE?
AND, UH, WHO MIGHT YOU BE, BY THE WAY?
UH, MITCH BRUCKNER. I'M STACEY'S MANAGER.
UH-HUH.
I'M ALSO HER FIANC?.
STACEY, WHY DON'T YOU GIVE US A LITTLE 3/4 TURN,
A LITTLE TASTE OF BUTT, YOU KNOW?
SPICE IT UP.
LOOKING GOOD.
UH, MIKE... BUTCH-
MITCH. MITCH, MITCH.
STACEY WANTS TO MAKE YOU REALLY PROUD OF HER.
ISN'T THAT RIGHT? RIGHT.
OK, AND, UH-
AND WE'RE UNDER JUST A LITTLE BIT
OF A TIME PRESSURE RIGHT HERE.
RIGHT. SO GO OUT AND GET YOURSELF
A LITTLE BIT OF COFFEE, OK?
A- ARE YOU, UM...
A- A-ARE YOU SUGGESTING
THAT I'M MAKING STACEY NERVOUS?
NO.
BECAUSE I'M NOT MAKING HER NERVOUS, YOU UNDERSTAND?
IF ANYBODY'S MAKING HER NERVOUS,
I THINK IT'S YOU
BECAUSE YOU'RE HITTING ON HER EVERY 2 SECONDS.
YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYING?
I GOT AN IDEA.
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THIS NICE, LONG LENS OF YOURS,
GET IT NICE AND COVERED WITH VASELINE,
AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR FUCKING ASS!
GET SOME SHOTS OF THE INSIDE
OF YOUR ASSHOLE, HOTSHOT.
I LOVE THAT GUY.
ALL RIGHT. LET'S LOSE THE LIGHTS,
AND EVERYBODY TAKE 10.
WOW! THAT DUDE IS A BUMMER.
YEAH. BOY. THANKS FOR THE INPUT.
THAT'S A SWELL BOYFRIEND YOU GOT THERE.
I'M REALLY SORRY.
NO, NO, LOOK, IT DOESN'T- DOESN'T MATTER.
HE CAN REALLY BE SWEET SOMETIMES.
I THINK THINGS JUST HAVEN'T BEEN GOING WELL FOR HIM LATELY.
REALLY? WITH YOU TO COME HOME TO?
I DON'T KNOW.
SO...
LISTEN, I KNOW THAT IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS,
BUT COULD I ASK YOU A PERSONAL QUESTION?
HE SEEMS LIKE- I DON'T KNOW,
LIKE HE'S A BOMB, YOU KNOW, JUST WAITING TO GO OFF.
DOES HE EVER GET ROUGH?
IF, UH-IF HE DID-
AND I'M NOT SAYING THAT HE'S GOING TO, ALL RIGHT-
BUT, UH- BUT IF HE DID,
AND YOU NEEDED SOMEPLACE TO COME TO KIND OF COOL OUT,
THIS IS A KEY TO MY STUDIO.
AND WHAT I HAVE HERE IS I HAVE AN EXTRA BED,
I HAVE A TELEVISION SET,
AND I HAVE A REFRIGERATOR OVER THERE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
HI.
I'M NOT INTERRUPTING ANYTHING, AM I?
I GUESS IT WAS PRETTY FORWARD OF ME
TO GIVE YOU THAT KEY, HUH?
GUESS IT WAS KIND OF FORWARD OF ME TO USE IT.
WELL, AS LONG AS WE'RE BEING SO GODDAMN FORWARD...
LOOK, I HAVE SOME-
SOMETHING I'D LIKE TO GIVE TO YOU.
AN OLD BLIND LADY GAVE THIS TO ME.
SHE SAID THAT IT WAS THE MAYAN GOD OF TRUTH,
AND IF YOU MAKE A PROMISE WHILE YOU'RE HOLDING IT,
NO MATTER WHAT, YOU'RE GOING TO KEEP THAT PROMISE.
IT'S CORNY, ISN'T IT?
LOOK, IT'S OVER WITH HIM, OK?
I HAD SOME HARD TIMES,
AND HE WAS THERE.
I GUESS THAT'S WHY I STAYED SO LONG.
I OWE HIM.
WAIT A MINUTE. DON'T YOU THINK THAT YOU'RE PAID UP, STACE?
COME ON. THIS ASSHOLE HAS BEEN USING YOU.
I KNOW, I KNOW.
OK, OK. WELL, IF YOU KNOW THAT,
THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL HIM?
I'M AFRAID.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE'LL DO.
LISTEN TO ME.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE AFRAID ANYMORE.
WHATEVER HAPPENS, I'LL BE THERE.
ALL RIGHT?
I'LL PROTECT YOU.
I PROMISE.
HI. YOU'VE REACHED DEVLIN CATES' NUMBER.
PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE. THANK YOU.
HELLO?
Man: CATES.
YEAH.
THIS IS BRUCKNER.
LOOK, UH...
I KNOW EVERYTHING, ALL RIGHT?
DON'T-DON'T ASK ME HOW. IT'S NOT IMPORTANT.
WHAT IS IMPORTANT IS THAT SHE'S IN TROUBLE.
WHAT KIND OF TROUBLE?
SHUT UP, OK?
WE HAD A FIGHT.
SHE WENT TO OUR CABIN.
LOOK, SHE DOESN'T WANT TO SEE MY FACE.
SHE WON'T ACCEPT MY HELP,
BUT MAYBE SHE'LL LISTEN TO YOU.
WHERE IS SHE?
GET A PEN.
ALL RIGHT. YOU'LL NEED TO TAKE HIGHWAY 5
ABOUT 30 MILES...
CALLING THAT PHOTOGRAPHER AGAIN?
SO WHAT'S THE DEAL? YOU'VE BEEN TRYING HIM FOR A WEEK.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
COME ON, STACEY. I'M NO GENIUS, BUT I'M NOT BLIND.
THINK I DIDN'T SEE
THE WAY YOU GUYS LOOKED AT EACH OTHER AT THAT SHOOT?
THEN THERE WAS THAT NIGHT
YOU SAID YOU WENT OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIENDS.
YOU FOLLOWED ME?
YOU ARE SUCH AN ASSHOLE.
NO, NO, ACTUALLY, I DIDN'T.
I- I REALLY DIDN'T KNOW...
BUT I'M NOT WRONG, AM I?
HUH?
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?
LOOK, I KNOW-
I KNOW THAT THINGS HAVEN'T BEEN
TOO GOOD BETWEEN US FOR A LONG TIME.
I'VE, UH- I'VE BEEN STUPID,
AND I'VE DONE A LOT OF BAD THINGS.
SOMETIMES I GET FRUSTRATED,
AND I DON'T HAVE THE WORDS,
AND I USE OTHER THINGS, AND THAT'S WRONG.
I- I KNOW THAT.
I KNOW KNOW THAT WHATEVER WE HAD
IS PROBABLY GONE, OR CHANGED, ANYWAY.
AND IT'S MY FAULT.
I FUCKED UP.
YOU'RE THE BEST THING
THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME, STACEY, YOU KNOW?
AND I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH.
IT'S PROBABLY A LITTLE LATE FOR THAT.
YOU NEED TO MOVE ON,
AND YOU DESERVE IT.
I NEED TO ASK YOU ONE THING.
IF THIS GUY LOVES YOU SO MUCH,
WHY HASN'T HE CALLED BY NOW?
SOMETHING'S WRONG. MAYBE SOMETHING HAPPENED.
JUST THINK ABOUT IT FOR A SECOND.
THIS GUY MEETS BEAUTIFUL GIRLS LIKE YOU EVERY DAY.
THEY'RE NOTHING BUT 8X10s TO HIM.
BUT HE SAID THINGS.
WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD.
YOU KNOW, A GUY WOULD SAY ANYTHING
TO GET IN YOUR PANTS.
JUST-WHY HASN'T HE CALLED YOU FOR 6 DAYS?
WHY DO YOU THINK I'M WORRIED?
WHAT, DO YOU THINK HE'S A CORPSE SOMEWHERE?
I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE HE HAD AN ACCIDENT.
YEAH. YEAH.
OR-OR MAYBE HE FLEW OFF TO PARIS
WITH SOME 19-YEAR-OLD EILEEN FORD DISCOVERY.
DON'T YOU SEE WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY?
I AIN'T PAT BOONE, ALL RIGHT?
BUT I'M HERE FOR YOU.
WHAT IF YOU'RE WRONG?
IF I'M WRONG, THEN I'LL LET YOU GO.
YOU DO WHAT YOU GOT TO DO.
BUT IF I'M RIGHT,
I THINK YOU OWE IT TO YOURSELF
TO AT LEAST THINK ABOUT GIVING US ANOTHER TRY.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, STACEY.
JUST PROMISE ME YOU'LL FORGET ABOUT HIM.
DEVLIN?
HELLO?
THIS IS BRUCKNER.
LOOK, UH... I KNOW EVERYTHING.
WHAT ARE YOU-
AAH!
SHUT UP, BITCH!
OH, GOSH, LET-
I'M SORRY IT HAD TO END UP LIKE THIS.
I REALLY AM.
YOU KNOW, IF YOU'D JUST LEFT WELL ENOUGH ALONE,
EVERYTHING WOULD HAVE BEEN FINE.
GOES TO SHOW YOU,
YOU START TO CARE ABOUT SOMEBODY,
EVERYTHING GOES TO HELL.
BUT, HEY, JUST BECAUSE IT'S OVER-
DOESN'T MEAN WE CAN'T HAVE A LITTLE FUN FIRST.
UHH!
Stacey: HELP!
HELP!
UNH!
NOW, I SHOULD WARN YOU,
THERE REALLY ISN'T ANY POINT
IN CALLING ON YOUR SWEETHEART
'CAUSE ROMEO ISN'T GONNA SAVE YOU THIS TIME.
DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?
AHH... WELL, IT'S BECAUSE
I BURIED HIM IN THE WOODS OUTSIDE, THAT'S WHY.
NO! YEP, HE'S DEAD,
AND HE'S BURIED,
AND HE'S ROTTING IN THE FUCKING GROUND RIGHT NOW!
OH, NO!
LISTEN, YOU KNOW, GO AHEAD.
CRY YOUR EYES OUT. IT MAKES YOU HAPPY?
SO YOU CAN JUST STOP DREAMING
ABOUT HIM COMING TO SAVE YOUR PRETTY LITTLE ASS
BECAUSE IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN. OK?
WHERE IS SHE?
AAH!
I KILLED YOU, GOD DAMN IT!
I FUCKING KILLED YOU!
RRRR!
AAH!
UNH!
AAH!
Devlin: UNH.
AAH!
OH, NO!
NO!
NO! NEVER!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? NO!
NO!
I'M NOT DEAD!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
NO! OH!
AAH! AAH!
AHH...
WASN'T THAT ROMANTIC?
BLECCH!
I WOULD HAVE CALLED TONIGHT'S FEAR FABLE
A BOY-MEETS-GHOUL STORY,
EXCEPT THE BOY WASTHE GHOUL THIS TIME!
RIGHT, KIDDIES?
WHICH LEAVES POOR LITTLE STACEY
FRESH OUT OF BOYFRIENDS.
OH, WELL,
I'M SURE SHE'LL DIG ONE UP SOMEWHERE.