1 00:00:18,718 --> 00:00:21,346 Good evening, fiend fans... 2 00:00:21,755 --> 00:00:24,087 and welcome to my crawly crypt. 3 00:00:24,491 --> 00:00:26,152 This little drama... 4 00:00:26,226 --> 00:00:29,457 is about one of life's unexpected pleasures: 5 00:00:30,463 --> 00:00:32,590 Dying, that is. 6 00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:35,992 Most of us only get to do it once... 7 00:00:36,069 --> 00:00:40,165 and it's all over before you can really enjoy it. 8 00:00:41,408 --> 00:00:44,775 But one man did get to die again. 9 00:00:45,278 --> 00:00:50,011 And he liked it so much he started doing it for a living. 10 00:00:52,352 --> 00:00:56,880 This is the story of Ulric the Undying... 11 00:00:57,090 --> 00:00:59,024 a sideshow performer... 12 00:00:59,092 --> 00:01:03,290 who found death not only fun, but profitable. 13 00:01:03,997 --> 00:01:07,763 In fact, he is dying to put on a show for you... 14 00:01:08,301 --> 00:01:10,735 right now. 15 00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:06,657 Come, gather round. Come from far, come from near. 16 00:02:06,726 --> 00:02:08,921 Gather round, folks, right over here. 17 00:02:08,995 --> 00:02:11,964 Come see the show. 100% natural, nothing artificial... 18 00:02:12,031 --> 00:02:15,159 guaranteed no pesticides, but perhaps a homicide. 19 00:02:15,335 --> 00:02:18,133 Tonight, a special show, two shows in one. 20 00:02:18,538 --> 00:02:21,905 The tragedy of death and the miracle of resurrection! 21 00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:28,513 Tonight, this man, our very own Ulric the Undying... 22 00:02:28,615 --> 00:02:30,606 will be sealed into a coffin... 23 00:02:30,683 --> 00:02:34,710 and buried in a grave six feet under to await his inevitable expiration... 24 00:02:34,787 --> 00:02:36,846 by the grasp of suffocation. 25 00:02:36,923 --> 00:02:40,222 I call your attention to the clock, which hangs above his grave. 26 00:02:40,293 --> 00:02:43,285 Ulric will be buried alive at precisely the stroke of midnight. 27 00:02:43,363 --> 00:02:45,729 But we're not gonna let him out until noon tomorrow... 28 00:02:45,798 --> 00:02:48,961 at which time his precious oxygen will have been exhausted. 29 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:51,831 Folks, this is an escape... 30 00:02:51,905 --> 00:02:54,100 that Houdini himself couldn't have gotten out of. 31 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:57,234 I give to you Ulric the Undying! 32 00:03:06,452 --> 00:03:08,044 Ulric! 33 00:03:33,413 --> 00:03:36,473 When they dig me up, I'll be dead. 34 00:03:37,517 --> 00:03:40,418 Just like all those bastards want me to be. 35 00:03:41,354 --> 00:03:43,379 But I won't stay that way. 36 00:03:45,692 --> 00:03:48,786 I remember the day it all began. 37 00:04:02,141 --> 00:04:03,540 Who are you? 38 00:04:03,776 --> 00:04:06,244 How would you like to be rich? 39 00:04:07,013 --> 00:04:08,105 Get out. 40 00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:12,948 Richer than you ever thought possible. Richer than you ever dreamed of. 41 00:04:16,022 --> 00:04:19,753 This money, my life's savings, will be yours... 42 00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:23,887 if you consent to a small experiment. 43 00:04:29,535 --> 00:04:31,901 Yes, my friend. Come. 44 00:04:33,873 --> 00:04:36,899 Wait a minute. What is it? 45 00:04:41,881 --> 00:04:44,782 This, you'll pardon the term, is a CAT scan. 46 00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:48,844 It shows the blood flow into the brain of a healthy house cat. 47 00:04:49,522 --> 00:04:52,650 This shows the brain of a cat near death. 48 00:04:52,725 --> 00:04:54,852 Now, what's your point, Doc? 49 00:04:54,927 --> 00:04:58,363 My point is that this cat didn't die, not permanently. 50 00:04:58,564 --> 00:05:01,294 An hour later, he was healthy as a kitten. 51 00:05:01,367 --> 00:05:05,463 And the same thing happened again and again until the ninth time... 52 00:05:05,538 --> 00:05:07,665 when he finally stayed dead. 53 00:05:09,809 --> 00:05:11,333 Different cat? 54 00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:14,905 - What's all this got to do with me? - Well, I... 55 00:05:15,481 --> 00:05:19,577 I want to give you those nine lives, the next best... Don't touch! 56 00:05:19,919 --> 00:05:24,083 The next best thing to being immortal. It's a simple matter, really. 57 00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:26,990 Removing a gland from a common cat... 58 00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:29,722 and surgically grafting it into your brain. 59 00:05:29,796 --> 00:05:31,593 Wait. Into my brain? 60 00:05:34,767 --> 00:05:38,669 So I can die nine times. Now you're making sense, Doc! 61 00:05:38,738 --> 00:05:39,796 Precisely. 62 00:05:39,872 --> 00:05:42,602 And this is where you're going to do it? 63 00:05:42,942 --> 00:05:45,172 I'm going to get your gland. 64 00:05:45,678 --> 00:05:48,112 And these are the tools of the profession. 65 00:05:50,049 --> 00:05:51,539 Wait a minute. 66 00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:53,546 If this don't work... 67 00:05:53,619 --> 00:05:56,645 If it doesn't work, you'll have no complaints. 68 00:05:58,424 --> 00:06:00,858 Holy Christ! 69 00:06:00,927 --> 00:06:04,829 I've had hangovers before, but this is terrible. 70 00:06:05,131 --> 00:06:06,496 My head. 71 00:06:06,799 --> 00:06:10,326 Wait a minute, Doc. You didn't say you were gonna shave my head. 72 00:06:10,403 --> 00:06:13,395 - How do you feel? - Shitty. 73 00:06:13,740 --> 00:06:15,401 Doc, did it work? 74 00:06:15,775 --> 00:06:19,176 Absolutely. Fabulous. Fantastic. 75 00:06:19,479 --> 00:06:22,812 You now have the nine lives of this poor cat. 76 00:06:24,917 --> 00:06:26,885 Wait a minute. 77 00:06:27,553 --> 00:06:29,953 How do I know I've got nine lives? 78 00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:35,160 - This ought to kill you. - No, Doc! 79 00:06:59,552 --> 00:07:01,577 There's no doubt about it. 80 00:07:02,388 --> 00:07:03,912 No! 81 00:07:03,990 --> 00:07:06,322 Welcome back to life, friend. 82 00:07:07,293 --> 00:07:10,456 You bastard. You tried to kill me! 83 00:07:10,530 --> 00:07:13,988 I didn't try to kill you, I did kill you. 84 00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:16,635 Deader than Kelsey's nuts. 85 00:07:16,702 --> 00:07:19,637 You can still die eight more times. 86 00:07:19,705 --> 00:07:21,866 All right, if that's true... 87 00:07:22,875 --> 00:07:24,775 when do I get my money? 88 00:07:24,844 --> 00:07:26,869 As I promised, right now. 89 00:07:27,413 --> 00:07:31,713 But before you stagger into the nearest bar... 90 00:07:31,784 --> 00:07:33,945 to slurp down your money... 91 00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:37,551 how would you like to make hundred times more? 92 00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:39,614 A thousand times? 93 00:07:39,759 --> 00:07:43,923 - No! What else do you want to do to me? - Nothing, dear boy. 94 00:07:43,996 --> 00:07:46,362 I just thought perhaps your special talent... 95 00:07:46,432 --> 00:07:48,366 could make us both lot of money. 96 00:07:48,434 --> 00:07:52,131 Enough to finance my years of my longevity research... 97 00:07:52,505 --> 00:07:55,406 and enough, of course, to buy you an ocean of alcohol. 98 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:56,772 What have I got to do? 99 00:07:56,843 --> 00:08:00,210 First thing, you shave, and try not to cut your own throat. 100 00:08:00,279 --> 00:08:04,010 Those extra lives are too valuable to waste. 101 00:08:09,522 --> 00:08:12,320 Why not? Lt'd be worth millions. 102 00:08:15,094 --> 00:08:17,119 No, I'm not interested. I've seen escape acts. 103 00:08:17,196 --> 00:08:19,187 The only thing that disappears is the audience. 104 00:08:19,265 --> 00:08:21,233 But Ulric the Undying is different. 105 00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:24,929 You see, he doesn't escape, he actually dies right before your eyes. 106 00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:28,906 That's why we can only schedule a limited number of performances. 107 00:08:28,975 --> 00:08:30,738 - He dies? - Yes. 108 00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:34,275 Okay, Strangelove, I'll give it a shot. 109 00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:36,178 I hope it works. I can use the money. 110 00:08:36,249 --> 00:08:38,274 My freaks need a new shoe. 111 00:08:44,290 --> 00:08:46,190 Gather round, gather round... 112 00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:49,922 as Ulric the Undying defies the drowning chamber... 113 00:08:49,996 --> 00:08:52,556 a watery nightmare from which there is no escape. 114 00:08:52,632 --> 00:08:55,260 Three minutes is enough to kill any mere mortal... 115 00:08:55,334 --> 00:08:58,667 but Ulric will remain underwater for a full hour... 116 00:08:58,738 --> 00:09:01,571 as verified by the eminent Dr. Manfred Mann. 117 00:09:01,641 --> 00:09:04,405 - Dr. Emil Manfred. - Whatever you say, Doc. 118 00:09:04,477 --> 00:09:06,672 Ulric, are you ready? 119 00:09:07,780 --> 00:09:10,806 - Are you ready? - Yeah, I'm ready. 120 00:09:11,484 --> 00:09:13,509 Okay, boys. Fill her up. 121 00:09:14,921 --> 00:09:17,253 Ladies and gentlemen, as the water engulfs Ulric... 122 00:09:17,323 --> 00:09:19,382 I beg you to control your emotions. 123 00:09:19,458 --> 00:09:21,483 Make no move to save him! 124 00:09:24,597 --> 00:09:27,122 You want to have dinner with me later? 125 00:09:27,199 --> 00:09:30,134 ...he was a child prodigy who spent his early years... 126 00:09:30,202 --> 00:09:31,760 Dinner. 127 00:09:35,775 --> 00:09:36,969 ...I'll be lying. 128 00:09:37,043 --> 00:09:39,978 Dinner with me later? Dinner? Eat? 129 00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:43,649 You want to eat with me later? 130 00:09:44,884 --> 00:09:48,786 After you're dead? I'll wait here, okay? 131 00:10:07,974 --> 00:10:09,373 Speed it up. 132 00:10:12,812 --> 00:10:13,836 That's it. 133 00:10:13,913 --> 00:10:15,813 He's deader than a possum on the Interstate. 134 00:10:15,881 --> 00:10:17,371 He's deader than shit! 135 00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:21,784 Don't worry, folks, we're gonna still keep him in there for a full hour! 136 00:10:22,388 --> 00:10:24,618 May I have the official clock? 137 00:10:30,329 --> 00:10:33,526 He's dead. He is officially dead. 138 00:10:35,601 --> 00:10:37,535 Thank you, Dr. Manfred. 139 00:10:39,538 --> 00:10:43,269 Drain the tank. This may seem like Ulric's last performance. 140 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:44,875 But don't go away yet, folks. 141 00:10:44,944 --> 00:10:48,209 For Ulric is a man who lives only to die again. 142 00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:51,078 I give you resurrection. 143 00:10:53,886 --> 00:10:55,547 Resurrection! 144 00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:59,818 - Is he gonna come back for dinner? - Of course. 145 00:10:59,892 --> 00:11:01,860 Resurrection! Doc? 146 00:11:01,927 --> 00:11:05,294 - Resurrect! Resurrection! - You better come back! 147 00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:07,295 Come back. 148 00:11:07,366 --> 00:11:08,993 Folks, don't go away. Doc! 149 00:11:09,068 --> 00:11:11,195 Doc, you get in trouble in some states for this. 150 00:11:11,270 --> 00:11:12,828 - Resurrection! - Resurrection! 151 00:11:13,572 --> 00:11:15,767 - Folks, don't go away. - Resurrection! 152 00:11:15,841 --> 00:11:18,173 I'd be happy to give you a rain check. 153 00:11:18,244 --> 00:11:20,235 Resurrection! 154 00:11:20,312 --> 00:11:23,213 Shut the fuck up. Folks, listen to me. 155 00:11:26,852 --> 00:11:28,752 What the hell happened in there? 156 00:11:28,821 --> 00:11:31,619 How could you let him do it? It's your fault he's dead. 157 00:11:33,392 --> 00:11:35,155 It's his fault I'm rich! 158 00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:39,728 - What's your name, honey? - Coralee. 159 00:11:39,965 --> 00:11:43,162 How would you like to have some Italian food? I'm buying. 160 00:11:43,235 --> 00:11:44,259 Good. 161 00:11:44,336 --> 00:11:46,827 - Doc, get me a towel. - He's alive! 162 00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:49,606 I'm resurrected! 163 00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:56,148 Resurrection! He's alive! 164 00:11:56,649 --> 00:11:59,379 Gather round! 165 00:12:02,688 --> 00:12:04,178 Just think, Doc. 166 00:12:04,256 --> 00:12:07,885 $10,000 just to let them watch me drown on the 10:00 news. 167 00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:12,488 Don't forget, Ulric, that 60% goes to continue my longevity research. 168 00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:15,128 Doc, relax. We got a partnership... 169 00:12:15,201 --> 00:12:17,192 and I got a date. 170 00:12:17,369 --> 00:12:18,427 Hi. 171 00:12:23,275 --> 00:12:26,267 That's one thing I'll say for old Doc Manfred. 172 00:12:26,879 --> 00:12:29,507 He wasted no time getting me killed again. 173 00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:33,185 Gather round, gather round for a little frontier justice... 174 00:12:33,252 --> 00:12:36,813 as our own Ulric the Undying is gonna have a little necktie party... 175 00:12:36,889 --> 00:12:39,119 as he gets his neck stretched before our very eyes. 176 00:12:39,191 --> 00:12:40,715 Seems like a nice day to die. 177 00:12:41,527 --> 00:12:43,324 I became a sensation. 178 00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:49,030 Crowds would gather from miles around just to see me bite the big one. 179 00:12:49,235 --> 00:12:52,363 Hey, how is it going? Nice to come back. Seen you last time. 180 00:12:55,708 --> 00:12:58,199 Ladies, gentlemen, Texans, and other faint-hearted... 181 00:12:58,277 --> 00:12:59,744 may want to turn your eyes away... 182 00:12:59,812 --> 00:13:01,746 from this horrible example of what happens... 183 00:13:01,814 --> 00:13:05,181 when you do the dirty in the dirty town of Dastardly. 184 00:13:05,484 --> 00:13:07,952 - Pull the lever. Pull it. - I said I don't wanna do it. 185 00:13:08,020 --> 00:13:09,180 Coralee, pull the lever. 186 00:13:09,255 --> 00:13:10,347 - You do it. - Pull it. 187 00:13:10,422 --> 00:13:13,789 There's not much riding upstairs, but downstairs is what counts. 188 00:13:13,859 --> 00:13:16,919 - Coralee, pull the lever. - I don't wanna do it. 189 00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,862 He's dead! 190 00:13:38,784 --> 00:13:40,547 He's alive. 191 00:13:40,619 --> 00:13:44,055 Coralee, the rope. Grab the rope. I don't want to waste a life. 192 00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:50,359 There's an awful lot of money in dying, isn't there? 193 00:13:50,429 --> 00:13:53,193 - As long as I get my percentage. - Doc, no problem. 194 00:13:53,265 --> 00:13:55,233 After all, you're the guy counting the money. 195 00:13:55,301 --> 00:13:56,996 All I want is my share. 196 00:13:57,069 --> 00:13:58,434 - Hi, baby. - Hi, baby. 197 00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:00,404 Doc, thanks a million. 198 00:14:02,875 --> 00:14:04,900 I want to see Mr. Friendly. 199 00:14:05,911 --> 00:14:08,846 I figured it was time to boost my profits. 200 00:14:09,748 --> 00:14:12,046 So I waited just for the right moment. 201 00:14:15,721 --> 00:14:18,485 Think what a strange machine the human body is, Ulric. 202 00:14:18,557 --> 00:14:19,854 Yeah, how about that. 203 00:14:19,925 --> 00:14:23,725 You can kill a man by destroying less than 1% of his body. 204 00:14:24,296 --> 00:14:27,959 - He can be 99% healthy, and dead. - Amazing, isn't it? 205 00:14:28,033 --> 00:14:30,763 Every human body is like a walking chemistry set. 206 00:14:30,836 --> 00:14:34,272 If anything happens to upset that delicate balance... 207 00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:35,867 Death. 208 00:14:35,941 --> 00:14:38,808 That's why you're so amazing, Ulric. 209 00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:41,475 Because your body fixes itself. 210 00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:44,482 And it is going to make us both a lot of money. 211 00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:48,350 Doc, you're half right about that. See, it's going to make me a lot of money. 212 00:14:48,420 --> 00:14:50,479 See, I gotta breach that contract, Doc. 213 00:14:50,556 --> 00:14:52,717 You're about to die in a terrible car accident. 214 00:14:54,994 --> 00:14:56,825 What are you talking about? That's murder. 215 00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,329 Yes, but who's gonna suspect me? 216 00:14:58,397 --> 00:15:00,024 I mean, after all, I'll die with you. 217 00:15:00,099 --> 00:15:02,226 But I got six lives. 218 00:15:02,301 --> 00:15:05,668 - How many lives do you have? - Wait! Slow down! 219 00:15:10,476 --> 00:15:12,341 No hard feelings, Doc. 220 00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:15,069 Gather round, gather round. Tonight, a special delight. 221 00:15:15,147 --> 00:15:16,409 This is no hoax, folks. 222 00:15:16,482 --> 00:15:19,849 In a few minutes, our own Ulric, the man who lives to die... 223 00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:22,444 will be quick-fried with a burst of electrical energy. 224 00:15:22,521 --> 00:15:26,924 And one of you lucky folks is gonna be the one to pull the switch. 225 00:15:27,459 --> 00:15:30,189 Coralee, will you draw the lucky number? 226 00:15:30,663 --> 00:15:32,688 And the lucky number is... 227 00:15:34,166 --> 00:15:35,827 - five, two... - That's a one, doll. 228 00:15:35,901 --> 00:15:37,368 - It's a five. Five... - That's a one. 229 00:15:37,436 --> 00:15:41,964 10590! 230 00:15:43,442 --> 00:15:44,773 That's me! 231 00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:48,610 Come up here and claim your prize. 232 00:15:48,681 --> 00:15:51,377 Congratulations, you get to fry my boyfriend! 233 00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:54,578 - Ulric, do you have any last words? - Yes, I do. 234 00:15:56,288 --> 00:15:58,722 I'd like to dedicate this death... 235 00:15:59,024 --> 00:16:02,824 to the memory of Dr. Emil Manfred, my dear friend... 236 00:16:03,562 --> 00:16:06,292 who would have wanted me to continue... 237 00:16:06,365 --> 00:16:07,957 Shut up and cook him! 238 00:16:11,036 --> 00:16:14,005 - Are you ready? - You bet your ass I'm ready. 239 00:16:14,773 --> 00:16:16,400 I'm ready to die. 240 00:16:18,377 --> 00:16:21,244 - Then nuke him. - Go for it, Grandma. 241 00:16:33,659 --> 00:16:35,388 Shocking, isn't it? 242 00:16:42,067 --> 00:16:43,591 Go for the burn. 243 00:16:48,140 --> 00:16:50,802 Looks like that's the end of old Ulric. 244 00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:56,604 Shake and bake. 245 00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:58,214 Resurrection! 246 00:16:58,283 --> 00:17:00,649 Or are you going to make a liar out of me? 247 00:17:00,719 --> 00:17:02,152 Resurrection! 248 00:17:02,221 --> 00:17:03,620 Okay, Ulric. 249 00:17:07,393 --> 00:17:08,553 Resurrection! 250 00:17:08,627 --> 00:17:11,061 Just a gag, folks. He's a kidder. Come on, Ulric. 251 00:17:11,130 --> 00:17:13,860 - Resurrection! - Resurrection! 252 00:17:14,566 --> 00:17:16,932 Grandma killed my boyfriend! 253 00:17:20,739 --> 00:17:22,969 He's going for a new world record. 254 00:17:23,375 --> 00:17:25,809 That's one thing I hadn't figured. 255 00:17:26,678 --> 00:17:28,873 Some resurrections take longer than others. 256 00:17:33,318 --> 00:17:35,218 Appreciate your business. 257 00:17:35,287 --> 00:17:37,346 All right, now, first we drain the... 258 00:17:38,090 --> 00:17:40,456 - Please, I'm trying to... - No! 259 00:17:40,526 --> 00:17:42,118 Come on, what is it? 260 00:17:43,195 --> 00:17:46,653 No, you can't embalm him. He's not really dead. 261 00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:47,824 You could've fooled me. 262 00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:50,596 Now, please excuse me, I have a very tight schedule. 263 00:17:52,538 --> 00:17:53,732 Welcome back. 264 00:17:54,873 --> 00:17:59,105 - Coralee, baby, what was our take? - $50,634. 265 00:17:59,778 --> 00:18:01,643 First time for money worth dying for. 266 00:18:01,713 --> 00:18:04,648 - I missed you while I was dead. Miss me? - I missed you. 267 00:18:04,983 --> 00:18:07,281 That one. 268 00:18:07,686 --> 00:18:09,586 That one was too close for comfort. 269 00:18:09,655 --> 00:18:12,954 I mean, if this guy embalms me, I don't know if I can come back. 270 00:18:13,025 --> 00:18:14,253 And even if I can... 271 00:18:15,527 --> 00:18:18,860 So the next time, I made special arrangements. 272 00:18:19,531 --> 00:18:22,295 Coralee was gonna get my body, no matter what. 273 00:18:22,367 --> 00:18:24,494 Gather round! 274 00:18:24,570 --> 00:18:27,539 Shoot it down! Lay the bear on the ground! 275 00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:30,302 Now, for your pleasure, for a limited time only... 276 00:18:30,375 --> 00:18:34,903 is a chance to kill a real, live human being. 277 00:18:35,380 --> 00:18:38,213 Come on, I'm dying to die! Come on, hit me. 278 00:18:38,650 --> 00:18:40,447 In the heart! 279 00:18:40,819 --> 00:18:43,049 Give him a heart-on as it will. 280 00:18:43,822 --> 00:18:46,814 Yes, come on up here. A man of the sea. 281 00:18:46,892 --> 00:18:49,292 Come on up here, son. Come on up here, Admiral. 282 00:18:49,361 --> 00:18:52,853 Come on, Navy, let's go. Show that bimbo what you've got. 283 00:18:53,499 --> 00:18:55,626 That will be $1,000, please. 284 00:18:56,768 --> 00:19:00,067 Come on. What's $1,000 when you get to kill a real human being? 285 00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:01,868 Come on. What are you, afraid? 286 00:19:01,940 --> 00:19:02,998 Yes? 287 00:19:03,509 --> 00:19:06,034 No? Well, then, anchors away, Popeye. Okay, move away. 288 00:19:06,111 --> 00:19:09,080 Come on, let's go. Who'll be next? Come on, what an opportunity. 289 00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:10,945 Here's a macho man. 290 00:19:11,116 --> 00:19:13,016 Been pumping iron, I see. 291 00:19:13,085 --> 00:19:14,985 Yes, we do take credit cards. 292 00:19:15,053 --> 00:19:16,884 Arnold Schwarzenegger. 293 00:19:18,223 --> 00:19:20,088 Okay, step on up there, son. Time is money. 294 00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:21,217 Come on, Bonzo! 295 00:19:21,293 --> 00:19:23,261 Don't play to the crowd, play to the bear. 296 00:19:23,328 --> 00:19:25,762 The one you're trying to kill. He's dying to die! 297 00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:27,321 Come on, asshole. 298 00:19:27,399 --> 00:19:29,663 Waiting to get that heart shot, huh? 299 00:19:29,768 --> 00:19:32,532 Get the bear. One shot, you have here. 300 00:19:32,604 --> 00:19:34,936 Come on, boy. You can do it. I know... 301 00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:37,407 - The bear's over there. - I'm getting out of here. 302 00:19:37,476 --> 00:19:39,171 He's going to kill us all! 303 00:19:39,244 --> 00:19:41,735 Are you ready? Aim, fire! 304 00:19:45,117 --> 00:19:48,109 So near and yet so far. As the French say, "C'est tough shit. " 305 00:19:49,154 --> 00:19:51,816 Who's next? Come on! Fun for the whole family! 306 00:19:51,890 --> 00:19:53,585 Junior's gonna give it a try. 307 00:19:53,659 --> 00:19:55,559 A father-and-son team! 308 00:19:56,295 --> 00:19:58,456 Come on, I know you can do it. 309 00:19:58,530 --> 00:20:01,226 - $1,000, please. - Well worth it for my son. 310 00:20:01,300 --> 00:20:03,598 Come on... Junior, don't be a sissy now. 311 00:20:03,669 --> 00:20:06,160 - I don't want to. - Listen to your father, son. 312 00:20:06,238 --> 00:20:09,036 Come on, I'm gonna get you a junior membership in the NRA. 313 00:20:09,107 --> 00:20:12,440 Some kids kill rabbits, you can kill people. Put your hand up. 314 00:20:12,511 --> 00:20:15,639 - I don't want to kill anybody. - I've been killing people for years. 315 00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:18,114 - Now it's your turn. You can line it up. - No. 316 00:20:18,183 --> 00:20:19,616 Steady. Now! 317 00:20:24,022 --> 00:20:26,115 - You did that on purpose. - I didn't do it, Dad. 318 00:20:26,191 --> 00:20:28,455 I didn't mean to hit him in the balls. 319 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:29,959 You little fat fucker. 320 00:20:30,028 --> 00:20:31,586 All right, who'll be next? Come on! 321 00:20:31,663 --> 00:20:33,756 A personal check? Yes, we take personal checks. 322 00:20:33,832 --> 00:20:36,528 I'll need two pieces of identification. 323 00:20:37,035 --> 00:20:38,525 Look at this! 324 00:20:38,837 --> 00:20:41,704 "State Fair Archery Champion, 1987!" 325 00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:47,235 If anyone can hit him, I guess he can. 326 00:20:47,312 --> 00:20:49,610 Go get him, sir. And good luck to you. 327 00:21:14,139 --> 00:21:16,130 Sweet dreams, Ulric. 328 00:21:21,513 --> 00:21:22,844 He's dead! 329 00:21:26,351 --> 00:21:27,978 So what do I win? 330 00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:32,852 The lovely Coralee. 331 00:21:34,192 --> 00:21:36,490 - Congratulations, sir. - Awesome. 332 00:21:43,502 --> 00:21:45,470 I need someone to help me move the body. 333 00:21:45,537 --> 00:21:47,630 I'm sorry, but you can't move him. 334 00:21:48,774 --> 00:21:51,242 I have a special arrangement with the deceased. 335 00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:53,141 Doesn't make any difference. 336 00:21:54,413 --> 00:21:57,871 He told me to give you this if there was any objection. 337 00:21:59,751 --> 00:22:03,152 Holy shit. This is more money than I make in a year. 338 00:22:03,221 --> 00:22:04,381 You're welcome. 339 00:22:04,456 --> 00:22:06,947 - Can I help you move the body? - Yeah. 340 00:22:10,329 --> 00:22:11,990 You made the front page. 341 00:22:13,231 --> 00:22:14,562 Shitty picture. 342 00:22:14,633 --> 00:22:16,260 How're you feeling, honey? 343 00:22:16,335 --> 00:22:18,530 Baby, this dying shit is taking years off my life. 344 00:22:18,603 --> 00:22:20,127 Oh, my poor baby. 345 00:22:20,205 --> 00:22:22,196 - I'll get it. - Who is it? 346 00:22:23,775 --> 00:22:27,267 Gather round. Here we go. 80% of the box office take... 347 00:22:27,346 --> 00:22:30,338 payola from HBO, and some side-bet money, too. 348 00:22:30,682 --> 00:22:32,775 You know, Ulric baby, on a more personal note... 349 00:22:32,851 --> 00:22:35,649 I want you to sincerely know how... 350 00:22:38,557 --> 00:22:39,785 $60,000. 351 00:22:40,792 --> 00:22:43,056 Remember, me carny es su carny. 352 00:22:43,128 --> 00:22:46,029 - $60,000. Coralee, baby? - Yeah? 353 00:22:46,698 --> 00:22:48,791 What do you say we take a vacation? 354 00:22:48,867 --> 00:22:50,858 Go to Vegas, catch Wayne Newton's act... 355 00:22:50,936 --> 00:22:53,996 hop over to the Bahamas, then we'll skip over to Paris. 356 00:22:54,072 --> 00:22:57,269 Did I tell you? Polanski wants to film my life story. 357 00:22:58,110 --> 00:22:59,839 - All of them. - Yeah? 358 00:23:00,946 --> 00:23:02,811 That sounds wonderful. 359 00:23:04,015 --> 00:23:06,415 But I have an even better idea. 360 00:23:06,485 --> 00:23:08,316 I'll go on vacation... 361 00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:10,251 and you... 362 00:23:12,424 --> 00:23:14,415 can stay here! 363 00:23:26,071 --> 00:23:27,231 Sorry. 364 00:23:29,007 --> 00:23:30,975 I gotta go now. 365 00:23:31,343 --> 00:23:34,369 No hard feelings for that, okay, 'cause I'm... 366 00:23:34,446 --> 00:23:37,609 Just, you know, enjoy the rest of your... 367 00:23:38,083 --> 00:23:40,813 Bye, Mr. Friendly. The rest of your lives. 368 00:23:41,887 --> 00:23:43,377 Look out, Vanna. 369 00:23:50,695 --> 00:23:52,890 That bitch double-crossed me. 370 00:23:54,433 --> 00:23:57,596 She killed me and took the money that I died for. 371 00:23:58,036 --> 00:24:00,436 Well, I still have one life left. 372 00:24:00,972 --> 00:24:03,839 And this life is going to pay me plenty. 373 00:24:04,309 --> 00:24:05,799 You want what? 374 00:24:06,311 --> 00:24:09,280 I want everything, all of the profits, 100%. 375 00:24:09,347 --> 00:24:11,645 But that'll leave me with practically nothing. 376 00:24:11,716 --> 00:24:13,240 Look, asshole, don't you remember... 377 00:24:13,318 --> 00:24:15,650 what a shithouse this place was before I showed up? 378 00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:20,157 Besides, think what the audience will do when their star attraction pulls a no-show. 379 00:24:20,225 --> 00:24:22,716 - That's blackmail. - That's right. 380 00:24:24,296 --> 00:24:26,890 - All right. - All right, what? 381 00:24:27,732 --> 00:24:29,393 All right, 100%. 382 00:24:31,436 --> 00:24:34,564 Man, I don't know how you can live with yourself. 383 00:24:34,940 --> 00:24:36,168 I don't. 384 00:24:41,346 --> 00:24:42,973 That sucker. 385 00:24:43,348 --> 00:24:47,148 If I wanted, I could have got his share from those corndog concessions. 386 00:24:50,121 --> 00:24:53,648 By the old clock on my wrist, it seems that its hour has approached. 387 00:24:53,725 --> 00:24:57,126 Come on, boys. The time has come. Lower him down. 388 00:24:57,462 --> 00:24:59,453 Here we go. And it's lowered. 389 00:24:59,531 --> 00:25:02,091 When you get to hell, don't forget to write. 390 00:25:02,801 --> 00:25:04,928 Here's mud in your eye. 391 00:25:05,871 --> 00:25:08,499 Although I do feel a little bad about the Doc. 392 00:25:08,907 --> 00:25:10,568 But what the hey! 393 00:25:10,642 --> 00:25:12,109 I'm already set for life. 394 00:25:12,978 --> 00:25:15,469 And all because of that poor little kitty. 395 00:25:17,349 --> 00:25:19,249 Poor dead little kitty. 396 00:25:20,519 --> 00:25:22,248 Too bad he had to die. 397 00:25:24,723 --> 00:25:26,213 Wait a minute. 398 00:25:27,058 --> 00:25:29,754 That cat, it died. 399 00:25:31,630 --> 00:25:33,257 If it already died once... 400 00:25:35,834 --> 00:25:37,392 it only had eight lives left. 401 00:25:39,604 --> 00:25:41,003 Oh, my God! 402 00:25:42,807 --> 00:25:44,035 I don't have nine lives. 403 00:25:45,076 --> 00:25:47,306 Hey, somebody! 404 00:25:48,146 --> 00:25:51,638 Well, he ought to be about out of air by now. 405 00:25:52,117 --> 00:25:54,950 Are you kidding? Grow up. It's all a fake. 406 00:25:55,120 --> 00:25:56,985 - Yeah, you think so? - Of course. 407 00:25:57,055 --> 00:25:58,784 They won't let someone really die. 408 00:25:58,857 --> 00:26:02,486 Somebody wait. I don't have nine lives. 409 00:26:09,834 --> 00:26:13,770 - Did you hear something, Al? - No, probably just a cat. 410 00:26:14,606 --> 00:26:17,404 Yeah, right. Just a cat. 411 00:26:23,715 --> 00:26:27,082 Somebody, I don't have nine lives. 412 00:26:28,019 --> 00:26:31,420 Somebody, let me out! 413 00:26:47,005 --> 00:26:51,533 There, there. Nice kitty. 414 00:26:52,544 --> 00:26:53,636 Get! 415 00:26:58,283 --> 00:27:03,220 Hope you enjoyed our little bedtime story, kids. 416 00:27:05,557 --> 00:27:09,994 Alas, poor Ulric, missed a bet. 417 00:27:11,129 --> 00:27:15,429 Though Dying for Dollars could have been a popular game show. 418 00:27:16,134 --> 00:27:20,298 They could have put it in between Wheel of Misfortune... 419 00:27:20,772 --> 00:27:22,933 and the Newly Dead game. 420 00:27:25,577 --> 00:27:28,307 Unless they buried it in the wrong time slot. 421 00:28:01,780 --> 00:28:02,804 English