1 00:00:02,080 --> 00:00:03,730 For 20 bucks, 2 00:00:03,880 --> 00:00:06,804 I'll tell you what happened last week on Shameless. 3 00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:08,041 Thanks. 4 00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:09,531 You're gonna have to have an abortion. 5 00:00:09,680 --> 00:00:12,251 - Hell, no. I'm not aborting my baby. - Our baby. 6 00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:14,767 You need to call your family. Your dad's dying, Ian. 7 00:00:14,920 --> 00:00:16,922 Fuck, Ian. 8 00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:19,721 We're down to two babies. 9 00:00:19,880 --> 00:00:21,644 - What happened? - Huey ate Dewey. 10 00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:23,882 - You almost killed Liam. - I didn't do it on purpose. 11 00:00:24,080 --> 00:00:26,208 - Yeah, but you did it. - I'm not guilty! 12 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:27,600 Liam almost died! 13 00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:28,921 I heard you talk about my little brother 14 00:00:28,922 --> 00:00:30,046 on the bus this morning. 15 00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:32,123 (CHANTING) Cocaine baby brother. 16 00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:34,125 (BOTH GRUNTING) 17 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:35,247 Oh, fuck. 18 00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:37,687 I could watch Liam for you if you wanted. 19 00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:40,605 I'll send you a text picture every 30 minutes. 20 00:00:40,760 --> 00:00:42,205 - I need a gun. - Who you gonna kill? 21 00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:45,967 Alibi got robbed. They stole the keg that I keep the money in. 22 00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:47,849 We can't be boyfriend and girlfriend. 23 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:51,004 - Why are you breaking up with me? - Because you're too young. 24 00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:52,571 Get the fuck out of my house! 25 00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:58,285 - Is Sheila gonna be mad at me? - She's out of town. 26 00:00:58,440 --> 00:01:00,568 With this plea agreement, you will be a felon. 27 00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:02,768 You will be under house arrest until further notice. 28 00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:05,048 How do you plead to possession and child endangerment? 29 00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:07,123 I'm guilty. 30 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:10,328 (THEME MUSIC PLAYS) 31 00:03:17,920 --> 00:03:20,127 (ALARM BUZZING) 32 00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:20,090 Do you have any sanitary pads? 33 00:04:20,280 --> 00:04:23,568 - You got your period? Wonderful. - I don't want to talk about it. 34 00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:26,371 - Ever. - I get it. I get it. 35 00:04:26,520 --> 00:04:28,807 We have tampons, upstairs bathroom, under the sink. 36 00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:31,770 - You need me to walk you through... - No. Nope. 37 00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:33,410 Why are you baking at 7 AM? 38 00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:37,007 My probation officer's coming today and I'm freaking out. 39 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:39,447 - Is your room clean? - Why does my room need to be clean? 40 00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:40,965 She's gonna tear the joint apart 41 00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:42,690 looking for anything that can get me in trouble. 42 00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:45,565 I only have, like, clothes and school stuff and makeup. 43 00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:48,411 Debs, just do me this one favor, okay? I can't take any chances. 44 00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:50,289 I'm not the one who left the cocaine out. 45 00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:52,926 - Do it. - God. 46 00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:55,811 - Get out. - Hungry. 47 00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:58,327 We have half a bag of cereal. 48 00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:00,443 Two packs of oatmeal, and four frozen waffles. 49 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:02,045 You need to clean your room before school. 50 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:04,601 Get rid of anything that can make me look like a bad parent. 51 00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:07,081 Go. Now. Those are for my PO. 52 00:05:07,280 --> 00:05:08,566 Upstairs. 53 00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:15,567 Are you dead? 54 00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:20,207 Not a chance. Where were we? 55 00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:22,886 Number nine, rob a convenience store. 56 00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:27,170 Number 10, recycle scrap metal. Number 11, prostitution. 57 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:30,722 Nix that one. My thrill drill is out of juice. 58 00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:32,848 SAMMI: You got to be kidding me! 59 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:37,324 - Number 12, sperm bank. - See number 11. 60 00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:42,845 Some sheik named "Fahid Ahmed Habib" 61 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:45,321 or whatever, is getting a brand-new set of lungs. 62 00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:48,211 - Government flew him in. - We get the newspaper? 63 00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:52,729 Sheila does. Look. Look. Shaking hands with his surgeon. 64 00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:57,761 Some towelhead gets to jump the line because he's an "important ally?" 65 00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:01,123 Guy's got eight teenage wives dressed in tablecloths. 66 00:06:01,280 --> 00:06:04,204 - Won't even let them drive. - Look, Sammi. 67 00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:06,681 Chuckie and I are trying... We're writing... 68 00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:10,282 Oh, fuck it. Show her, Chuckles. 69 00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:15,009 "Kidnap a Walton heir. Roadside fruit stand." 70 00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:17,208 "Contract killer?" What are these? 71 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:19,681 Ways to make money for my surgery. 72 00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:24,004 Hey! What about an app version of my book? 73 00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:26,925 The drug book that I'm writing? 74 00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:30,044 - (COUGHING RUGGEDLY) - Got to keep hope alive, right? 75 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:33,363 Easy, honey. 76 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:36,404 (BREAKING WIND) 77 00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:39,482 - (FRANK GROANS) - (GIGGLES) 78 00:06:39,483 --> 00:06:41,687 Here's your oxys and your perkies. 79 00:06:41,840 --> 00:06:44,320 Just like Mama used to make. 80 00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:53,006 Whoa, that is bad. 81 00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:57,609 Okay, all you glu-tards in the house, wheat-free flapjacks are ready. 82 00:06:57,760 --> 00:07:01,651 - Get them while they suck. - Hey, short-stack! High five. 83 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:05,281 What's up with your kid, Phil? Why's he so damn calm? 84 00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:06,686 He's got brain damage. 85 00:07:06,840 --> 00:07:10,322 Got to tell you, man. I didn't think this was gonna work. 86 00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:12,244 Adorable. He yours? 87 00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:15,882 No, brother. Deadbeat parents and so on. 88 00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:17,730 So you take care of him? 89 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:19,803 Yeah. Yeah, no. I do my best. 90 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:21,331 Cool. 91 00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:26,282 - So enjoy. - Ever get a break from watching him? 92 00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:29,170 Sure, yeah. Sometimes. 93 00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:33,407 I'm free tomorrow morning. 94 00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:35,403 - Around 11. - Great. 95 00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:38,367 Bye. 96 00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:42,323 Hey, what can I get you, sir? 97 00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:08,008 Jesus Christ, Carl. 98 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:44,403 - Yes, Deborah? - Can I use the bathroom? 99 00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:47,166 - Again? - Girl stuff. 100 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:15,124 So the bedrooms are all clean. Who else lives in the house? 101 00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:17,891 My two brothers, Carl and Liam. 102 00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:21,089 My sister, Debbie, and sometimes my brother Lip. 103 00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:23,083 - All younger? - Yes. 104 00:09:23,240 --> 00:09:28,280 - Will they help you not re-offend? - Well, yeah. I'm their guardian. 105 00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:30,920 Is the family fully aware of the crime committed? 106 00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:32,525 Oh, yes. 107 00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:34,648 Do you have plans to leave the state of Illinois for any reason? 108 00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:35,488 No. 109 00:09:35,560 --> 00:09:37,528 Are you in possession of firearms or dangerous weapons? 110 00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:38,363 No. 111 00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:40,169 Are you in contact with anyone who may cause you 112 00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:41,651 to engage in drug and alcohol abuse? 113 00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:42,443 No. 114 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:45,370 Is anyone else in the household in trouble with the law? 115 00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:52,124 No. Not in the household. 116 00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:58,489 You must get tired of asking these questions every day. 117 00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:03,523 Do you want a cookie? I baked them myself. 118 00:10:04,680 --> 00:10:08,480 If you consider squeezing batter from a tube baking. 119 00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:10,802 Look, I'm not your friend. 120 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:14,482 I'm here to make sure you don't violate the terms of your probation. 121 00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:16,642 Right. 122 00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:20,242 So when can I get out of here and start looking for a job? 123 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:23,324 I'm the sole earner, and money's pretty tight. 124 00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:25,847 You can't leave the house until the report is filed. 125 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,606 - How long does that take? - Five to ten business days. 126 00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:29,761 Two weeks? 127 00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:33,083 Sometimes quicker, but I wouldn't count on it. 128 00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:37,529 What happens if I leave? Does this thing, like, detonate? 129 00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:39,489 If you attempt to leave the residence, 130 00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:41,404 a radio frequency transmitter will send 131 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:43,170 an alert to our service computer center, 132 00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:46,642 and you, Miss Fiona, will be in deep shit. 133 00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:49,565 I need a urine sample so that I can test you for drugs. 134 00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:51,688 No problem. 135 00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:57,491 And I need to watch. 136 00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:01,326 What? Me pissing? 137 00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:03,244 To be sure it's yours. 138 00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:06,085 Believe me, I enjoy this even less than you do. 139 00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:14,282 You need to wipe first. 140 00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:26,164 (GROANING) 141 00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:32,007 Morning. 142 00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:36,319 (SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 143 00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:39,449 It is afternoon. You sleep all day. 144 00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:50,804 (TURNS ON WATER) 145 00:12:02,560 --> 00:12:04,159 (GASPS) 146 00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:07,130 - I have baby soon. I cannot work. - Jeez. 147 00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:09,806 He must take care of me and baby. You go. 148 00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:11,689 We do not need you. 149 00:12:11,840 --> 00:12:14,161 You sleep here tonight in this house? 150 00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:15,526 I kill you. 151 00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:17,444 I bash your orange head. 152 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:19,881 - Mm-hm. - (SHOUTS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 153 00:12:19,882 --> 00:12:21,405 Yeah. 154 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:24,804 ♪ (POP SONG) ♪ 155 00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:00,284 What? 156 00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:03,125 - No! - Come here. 157 00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:04,486 Oh, my God. 158 00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:06,608 Oh, my God. Is this for real? Are you really back? 159 00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:08,802 For real. For now. 160 00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:12,282 Oh, my God. You bastard, I missed you so much. 161 00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:14,602 You're a piece of shit. You had me so worried. 162 00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:16,046 - Not one call? - I texted. 163 00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:18,487 Yeah. Real detailed. "Miss you guys, having fun." 164 00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:19,766 I didn't want you to worry. 165 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:22,651 Well, I worried more, asshole. Where the hell were you? 166 00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:26,571 - The army. I enlisted. - The army? 167 00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:30,805 Yeah, I wanted to find myself. Didn't think I could do it here. 168 00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:32,007 Don't you have to be 18? 169 00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:34,806 Don't know, don't care. I left. Stuff got nuts. 170 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:39,005 - What "stuff?" - Oh, military trying to control me. 171 00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:41,766 Isn't that what the military does? 172 00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:44,770 Got sick of it. But, hey, I met some amazing folks. 173 00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:48,367 Got all these great ideas. I'm a different person. 174 00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:52,047 - We can talk about that later, right? - Sure. 175 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,571 - Do you want a sandwich? - Yeah! Oh, starving. 176 00:13:57,720 --> 00:13:59,210 It's yours. 177 00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:06,441 - Nice hardware. - Yeah, my winter boots don't fit. 178 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:09,080 All I can get on are fuck-me pumps and tennis shoes. 179 00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:17,610 - Are you okay? - Yeah. Yeah, great. Why? 180 00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:23,927 - You seem a little caffeinated. - I quit smoking. 181 00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:27,927 So what's next for you? 182 00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:32,165 I've been thinking about apprenticing with this electrician I met. 183 00:14:32,320 --> 00:14:35,563 - You know, learn how to wire stuff. - What about high school? 184 00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:37,643 Frank finished high school. It worked out great for him. 185 00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:40,087 - You have to finish, Ian. - I don't have to do anything. 186 00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:42,686 I'm done living the way other people want me to live. 187 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:46,162 But, hey, thanks for the sandwich. 188 00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:51,565 Welcome home. 189 00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:59,568 Yeah, it's a nice little piece. Quick to action, doesn't jam. 190 00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:01,404 VERONICA: Easy, baby. 191 00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:03,927 - What else you packing? - What do you mean, like, dick-wise? 192 00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:07,691 No, I mean, that's not your only weapon, is it? 193 00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:09,882 Well, how many guns does a guy need? 194 00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:12,042 Well, it depends. 195 00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:15,204 If you wanna create the illusion of safety, 196 00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:17,044 then one piece is plenty. 197 00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:20,010 But if you really wanna be ready in the event of an emergency, 198 00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:22,083 you'll need to step it up. 199 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:24,766 One for every room in the house. One for your car. 200 00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:29,528 One at work. And at least two on your person. 201 00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:32,081 How many guns do you own? 202 00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:34,009 I got a Bushmaster AR15. 203 00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:37,283 An HK USP .45, Glock 23 .40 cal. 204 00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:40,649 My Sig Sauer P2269 mm, .22 Magnum. 205 00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:45,966 A Ruger SP101 and my Walther P22. 206 00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:48,327 I know a guy. I can hook you up. 207 00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:54,009 My motto is "Prepare and prevent, don't repair and repent." 208 00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:56,367 What the hell is this, poolside at the Flamingo? 209 00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:58,727 We got a line of clients upstairs with their hands down their pants. 210 00:15:58,880 --> 00:16:01,087 - Go to work. - (SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 211 00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:02,526 And you, don't think you're getting off 212 00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:04,842 just because you're about to drop a patty from your fur-burger. 213 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:06,365 - "Fur-burger?" - She won't shave. 214 00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:08,124 - I like the way God made me. - That's nice. 215 00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:09,685 You're late again, I'm gonna dock you 50. 216 00:16:09,840 --> 00:16:11,763 - Carrot Boy is gone. - Who's Carrot Boy? 217 00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:13,331 He knows who. 218 00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:15,801 - Where'd he go? - I don't know. I made him leave. 219 00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:18,281 No room for him when baby comes. 220 00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:19,885 The fuck do I care? 221 00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:25,645 And shave your fucking muff. 222 00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:32,842 Teacher told me to come down to the office. 223 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,844 I wish I could say it's a pleasure to see you again, Mr. Gallagher. 224 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:38,731 - Your handiwork? - I don't want to brag. 225 00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:40,211 We have a problem. 226 00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:42,169 They're the ones with the problem. Can't fight for shit. 227 00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:45,688 - Why did you assault these students? - Talking smack about my brother. 228 00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:47,490 All of them? 229 00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:51,008 And that one's got stupid hair. That one smells like bologna farts. 230 00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:53,527 And the one whose hand you smashed in a locker? 231 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:56,160 And the one you pushed down the stairs? 232 00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:58,368 Too short, maybe? I don't remember. 233 00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:01,330 You're hereby suspended from school. 234 00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:02,641 8 AM, Friday morning, 235 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:04,643 you will come back with a parent or guardian 236 00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:06,689 and you will apologize to all these children 237 00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:08,330 in the presence of their parents, 238 00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:10,642 or your suspension will last indefinitely. 239 00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:12,251 - Which means? - Expulsion. 240 00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:13,561 Which means? 241 00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:16,445 Go home, Carl. Come back with a parent. 242 00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:18,841 I can't wait to see who created you. 243 00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:27,726 Hey. 244 00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:32,401 My first class tomorrow is at 11:30, so we're gonna stay here tonight. 245 00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:33,846 And then Friday it's 8 AM. 246 00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:35,809 So we're gonna stay at the dorms tomorrow night. 247 00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:38,566 Got it. Got it. Hi! Hi. 248 00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:41,451 - There we go. - Hi, my big boy. 249 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:44,809 Did you miss me today? I missed you, too. 250 00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:47,079 (FIONA COOING) 251 00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:48,650 Oh, you brought dinner. That's great. 252 00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:53,249 That means we can move tonight's mac and cheese to tomorrow, 253 00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:55,368 which gives us an extra day of food before we panic. 254 00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:56,601 Panic? 255 00:17:56,800 --> 00:17:59,041 I got to pay the heat and electric before I buy groceries. 256 00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:01,487 It's pretty bleak. I got a check coming from the cups. 257 00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:03,250 But that's gonna cover rent. 258 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:06,643 Food-wise, we're low on everything but macaroni and mayonnaise. 259 00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:08,484 You saved nothing from your job? 260 00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:10,643 I was trying to catch up on old bills. 261 00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:12,484 - How did he do today? - Yeah, he's fine. 262 00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:15,086 - Carl got suspended. - Shut up, ass-brain. 263 00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:17,726 - Hi, Lip. - Hey, kiddo. How are you? 264 00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:20,167 - Hey, bud. - Hey. 265 00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:21,890 I need someone to go to school with me 266 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,729 Friday morning or I'll be expelled. 267 00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:26,406 Well, I can't leave the house yet. They need to reschedule. 268 00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:28,005 - Did you tell them I'm stuck at home? - No. 269 00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:30,003 Well, go in tomorrow and tell them I'm sick. 270 00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:31,889 I have shingles or mono. 271 00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:34,281 - I'll take you, bruiser. What time? - 8 AM. 272 00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:37,046 Oh, fuck. I got class. Can you make it later, around noon? 273 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:40,841 - Parents will be there and stuff. - Hi, new family. 274 00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:43,367 Door was open. I won't stay long. 275 00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:44,925 Just want to let you know Dad's at Sheila's house. 276 00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:46,246 We're living there a bit. 277 00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:48,840 It's a really great place. Plenty of room, lots of light. 278 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:50,286 Thanks for the update. 279 00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:53,609 Any of you guys have any extra cash? Dad wants money for his surgery. 280 00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:55,000 Why not get a job? 281 00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:57,811 My career is taking care of Pops before he goes. 282 00:18:57,960 --> 00:19:00,201 Well, we're broke. Wish we could help you. 283 00:19:00,360 --> 00:19:02,044 Okay. Doesn't hurt to ask. 284 00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:04,481 If anyone wants to stop by, give his morale a boost. 285 00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:05,641 Hope can heal. 286 00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:09,202 Can hope make up for the years of misery that he put us through? 287 00:19:09,360 --> 00:19:12,011 Maybe. Come by. Find out. 288 00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:14,401 He doesn't deserve to go out like this. 289 00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:15,721 No one does. 290 00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:19,281 Why not ask Frank to go to school with you, Carl? 291 00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:21,090 - Ian here? - He's upstairs. 292 00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:24,208 Ian's here? 293 00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:33,967 See you left. Took all your shit. 294 00:19:34,120 --> 00:19:36,248 Your bride threatened me with a claw hammer. 295 00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:40,889 - You're back! - Oh, hey, guys. Oh, man. 296 00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:43,725 I missed you guys. 297 00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:45,928 - Hey, man. - Hey. 298 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:51,163 - Lip says you stole a helicopter. - I tried to. 299 00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:54,051 Kind of tipped it. Blades snapped. Motor caught fire. 300 00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:55,929 Awesome. You shoot anyone? 301 00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:57,684 I never left basic. 302 00:19:57,880 --> 00:19:59,450 You can't shoot anyone there? 303 00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:01,090 You can. I didn't. 304 00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:03,208 You shot no one. You flew nothing. 305 00:20:03,360 --> 00:20:05,089 Why did you go there in the first place? 306 00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:09,245 - Relationship issues. - Yeah, you okay? 307 00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:10,811 Yup, all good. 308 00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:13,122 Cool. Alright. Let's go get some dinner, dorks. 309 00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,487 - I'll catch up with you later, yeah? - Yeah, later, man. 310 00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:17,768 - Alright. - Come on, dork. 311 00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:25,003 - You coming back? - Depends. 312 00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:26,690 Will you suck my dick whenever I want? 313 00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:28,171 Fuck off. 314 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:36,447 - What you writing? - Stuff. Notes, ideas. 315 00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:43,329 I'll do it. 316 00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:46,565 Do what? 317 00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:49,682 - Don't make me say it, asswipe. - Suck my dick. 318 00:20:51,360 --> 00:20:53,681 Whenever I want. 319 00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:19,966 Peas. 320 00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:24,763 - I thought of something. - Be specific. 321 00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:26,081 We could sell the house. 322 00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:28,766 - Which house? - This one. Sheila's. 323 00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:30,729 We don't have the title. Sweet potatoes. 324 00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:34,930 Don't need it. We put a sign out front, offer way below market. 325 00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:37,890 Have people make cash offers for earnest money. 326 00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:40,361 Wash, rinse, repeat. 327 00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:43,126 Earnest money? Lentils. 328 00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:45,448 They give us three percent of the purchase price. 329 00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:47,682 We say we'll take it off the market. We don't, of course. 330 00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:49,365 We just grab the cash. 331 00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:52,603 Do this four or five times, rake in maybe 11 grand. 332 00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:55,764 - Christ on a crumb bun. - I know, right? 333 00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:58,366 Nothing like a major scam to lift a person's spirits. 334 00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:00,124 How do you know all this? 335 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:04,046 I may have done this once or twice with one or more husbands. 336 00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:10,129 You really are a Gallagher. 337 00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:12,644 (ALARM BEEPING) 338 00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:14,205 (BEEPING STOPS) 339 00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:29,883 So then my TI comes crashing through my door, right? 340 00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:32,247 And chases me. I'm so scared. 341 00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:35,006 I run smack into a water fountain, bust it right off the wall. 342 00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:36,929 - What? - Water sprays everywhere. 343 00:24:37,120 --> 00:24:39,521 And he wakes everyone up at 2 AM in the morning, 344 00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:43,127 forces them to watch me do push-ups in cold water while singing. 345 00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:44,566 Singing? 346 00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:48,008 ♪ Well, then it's hi, hi, hey The army's on its way ♪ 347 00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:50,811 ♪ Count off the cadence Loud and strong two, three ♪ 348 00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:53,770 ♪ For wherever you go You will always know ♪ 349 00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:56,287 ♪ That the army goes marching along ♪ 350 00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:01,201 - Hey. - Hey. 351 00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:04,681 Everything okay? Still in school? 352 00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:06,285 Yeah. 353 00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:10,371 Yeah, it's under control. 354 00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:12,966 - Is Mickey here? - Yeah, he's upstairs. Why? 355 00:25:13,120 --> 00:25:16,283 You always so goddamn noisy in the morning? 356 00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:19,682 - What? - Your wife's water broke. Let's go. 357 00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:21,410 - Where? - The hospital. 358 00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:24,131 - She's having the baby? - Tell her I said good luck. 359 00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:26,601 - You're not gonna go be with her? - Hell, no. I got work. 360 00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:28,649 It's not the baby's fault you guys are a shit show. 361 00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:31,121 Yeah, and it's not my fault the bitch got knocked up. 362 00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:34,648 - Who the fuck knows if it's mine? - You're an asshole. 363 00:25:36,840 --> 00:25:39,002 Congrats. 364 00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:42,607 Full house, like old times. Smells good. Leftovers? 365 00:25:42,760 --> 00:25:46,242 You destroyed my art project. It's completely ruined. 366 00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:48,767 - You're such a bitch! - Whoa, Debbie! 367 00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:51,924 She went into my room, she trashed all of my stuff, 368 00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:53,570 and she kicked all of my clothes under the bed. 369 00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:55,449 - I asked you to clean up. - Did you? 370 00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:56,681 She went through mine, too. 371 00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:59,446 She threw away my porn, my nunchucks, and my taser. 372 00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:01,807 You know how many police dumpsters I had to go through to find that? 373 00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:03,450 I told you to get rid of that stuff. 374 00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:05,807 I hid it so the stupid PO wouldn't find it. 375 00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:08,765 Well, luckily, your stupid sister found it first. 376 00:26:08,960 --> 00:26:12,009 God, maybe next time you'll do what I ask, both of you. 377 00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:14,606 There's macaroni salad sandwiches for lunch. 378 00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:16,643 - Extra mayo. - Don't need it. I'm suspended. 379 00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:18,126 Well, you still need to eat. 380 00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:21,011 We're gonna get out of here, okay? We'll be back for dinner tonight. 381 00:26:21,160 --> 00:26:23,208 - Well, Lip, you can leave Liam here. - I got him. 382 00:26:23,360 --> 00:26:27,206 - No, Lip. - Fiona, just get some sleep, okay? 383 00:26:27,360 --> 00:26:30,807 Hang out with V. Relax for fuck's sake. 384 00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:33,440 You guys text me if anything's going on, okay? 385 00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:35,090 Come on, Carl. Let's go. 386 00:26:35,280 --> 00:26:36,645 - Where are you going? - To Sheila's. 387 00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:39,007 - Why? - See if Frank can take me to school. 388 00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:41,567 - Well, when will you be back? - Later. Get off my ass. 389 00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:45,805 - Bye, Ian. - Bye, Debs. 390 00:26:48,360 --> 00:26:49,691 Hey. 391 00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:52,364 Want some more? 392 00:26:57,920 --> 00:27:01,322 You got any cash you could toss my way? 393 00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:03,767 I'm working a double tonight. You want to stop by? 394 00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:05,001 Yeah, sure. 395 00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:07,208 Got nothing better to do than watch pruney queens 396 00:27:07,360 --> 00:27:08,521 slap their sacks against your ass cheeks. 397 00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:13,123 Shit! 398 00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:17,122 Hey! Guys! 399 00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:19,282 (ALARM BEEPING) 400 00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:28,123 Hi, Sheila left me a key. 401 00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:31,807 - I'm so glad you came. Welcome. - Supposed to water the plants. 402 00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:35,482 - Why is there a for sale sign out? - Dad, Debbie and Carl are here. 403 00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:37,927 Can you come with me to school tomorrow morning? 404 00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:42,369 Have to cancel my morning spin class. 405 00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:43,965 I got suspended for bullying. 406 00:27:44,120 --> 00:27:45,849 Need a parent to come with me to apologize. 407 00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:49,049 Apol... (SCOFFS) Outrageous. 408 00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:51,726 Feed me numbing agents and drag me to the ring. 409 00:27:51,880 --> 00:27:55,851 - You're in no shape to go anywhere. - He needs to or I'll get expelled. 410 00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:58,685 I'm so sorry, Carl. But he's too weak. 411 00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:01,320 - Could I borrow a long sweater? - Of course, honey. 412 00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:03,608 - Here. - Thanks. 413 00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:06,449 Do you need anything else? 414 00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:09,605 Oh, okay. 415 00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:11,728 Hey, Carl. 416 00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:14,201 If you grab those balloons and tie them to the sign out front, 417 00:28:14,360 --> 00:28:16,567 I'll let you hold my gun. 418 00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:19,291 I got my period, but all Fiona has are tampons 419 00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:21,442 and I'm saving my virginity until I become a woman. 420 00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:23,125 Okay, first of all, 421 00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:25,647 you can't lose your virginity to a tampon. 422 00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:28,007 It has to be a penis with a man attached. 423 00:28:28,160 --> 00:28:31,209 And second, you're already a woman. Officially. 424 00:28:31,360 --> 00:28:34,443 From the moment Aunt Flo came knocking at your vagina. 425 00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:37,171 Then why won't my boyfriend have sex with me until I'm 16? 426 00:28:37,360 --> 00:28:40,807 Wow, they still make them like that? You got a good one. 427 00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:44,123 Tampons are varsity level, and you are still JV. 428 00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:48,609 - Here, try these. - Thanks. 429 00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:49,761 Could I stay here tonight? 430 00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:53,402 I love a sleepover. Absolutely. 431 00:29:01,120 --> 00:29:03,122 (ALARM BEEPING) 432 00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:11,844 Hey, what's up? 433 00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:14,731 I'm trying to take the trash out. Could you come help? 434 00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:18,009 - Sure. You need anything else? - How about a gallon of vodka? 435 00:29:18,160 --> 00:29:19,889 I'll be there in 20 minutes. 436 00:29:20,040 --> 00:29:21,690 Thanks. 437 00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:29,207 So we have Legos, Mr. Potato Head, dinosaurs, cars. 438 00:29:29,360 --> 00:29:30,964 Make sure he eats at least half his PB&J 439 00:29:31,160 --> 00:29:32,207 before you give him his Cheetos. 440 00:29:32,360 --> 00:29:34,089 And he hasn't pooped today, 441 00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:36,527 but he'll usually grab his butt and yell, "Doody bomb!" 442 00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:39,001 So you'll have fair warning. What else? 443 00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:42,403 Keep an eye on his crayons. He likes to jam them up his nose. 444 00:29:42,560 --> 00:29:46,246 Okay, got it. This kid, total dreamboat. 445 00:29:46,400 --> 00:29:48,164 The men in my life should be half as charming. 446 00:29:48,320 --> 00:29:51,449 Okay, then we got Band-Aids, butt wipes. 447 00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:53,802 Stuffed monkey, of course. 448 00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:56,770 Two bouncy balls, two puzzles, very Hungry Hippos. 449 00:29:56,920 --> 00:29:59,241 And then we've got a thermometer and then children's Tylenol. 450 00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:00,680 You know, just in case he gets a fever. 451 00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:03,127 Okay, how long are you gonna be gone for? 452 00:30:03,320 --> 00:30:05,482 Three hours. But you can't be too careful. 453 00:30:07,320 --> 00:30:08,765 You're really a good person. 454 00:30:08,920 --> 00:30:10,649 No, if I were a really good person, 455 00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:14,486 then I would quit school and I'd stay home full time. 456 00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:16,085 Well, who does that help? 457 00:30:19,080 --> 00:30:20,445 Right. 458 00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:23,729 Okay, so I'll be back at two. Is that still cool? 459 00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:26,491 Don't forget about the ABC party tonight at the dorm. 460 00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:29,689 - What's that? - You know. "Anything But Clothes." 461 00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:33,367 Duct tape, caution tape, trash bags, bed sheets. 462 00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:37,485 I got a lit paper due tomorrow, but that sounds fun. 463 00:30:37,640 --> 00:30:38,721 Here you go. 464 00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:41,804 And thank you so much for doing all this. 465 00:30:41,960 --> 00:30:45,089 I wish I could think of a way to repay you. 466 00:30:46,480 --> 00:30:49,211 I'm sure you'll think of something. 467 00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:57,331 - Hey. Hi. - Hey. 468 00:30:57,480 --> 00:31:00,768 So, I got a lab at half-past, so I only got, like, 20 minutes. 469 00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:02,689 That's okay. I'm quick. 470 00:31:02,880 --> 00:31:05,121 Right, and also, I'm kind of going through some shit. 471 00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:07,647 So I'm not really looking for anything too... 472 00:31:07,840 --> 00:31:12,448 Dude, I'm cold, I'm horny. Let's do this. 473 00:31:12,640 --> 00:31:16,167 Okay. So your laundry room or mine? 474 00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:19,489 (LIVELY CHATTER ON TV) 475 00:31:47,880 --> 00:31:50,087 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 476 00:31:52,720 --> 00:31:55,724 (KNOCKING CONTINUES RAPIDLY) 477 00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:03,611 What the fuck are you doing here? 478 00:32:03,760 --> 00:32:06,525 I brought you a little gift. 479 00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:09,331 Cronuts. I stood in line 40 minutes. Only let me have two. 480 00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:10,686 What do you want? 481 00:32:10,840 --> 00:32:13,571 A trendy hybrid pastry for starts. 482 00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:17,566 Yo! Mike told me. 483 00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:20,803 The coke, the kid, jail. 484 00:32:22,360 --> 00:32:24,362 I can't imagine what you're going through. 485 00:32:27,400 --> 00:32:29,368 I'm stuck in this fucking house. 486 00:32:29,520 --> 00:32:33,047 I just organized Carl's T-shirts in color order. 487 00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:34,770 I'm going mental. 488 00:32:34,920 --> 00:32:38,003 Can't even make it to the sidewalk without bells going off. 489 00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:43,088 So should I be expecting a knock on my door? 490 00:32:44,360 --> 00:32:46,442 - What for? - It was my coke. 491 00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:53,166 That's why you're here. To see if I ratted you out to the police. 492 00:32:53,360 --> 00:32:54,850 - And to check on you... - Fuck you. 493 00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:57,810 - Yes or no? - No, asshole. I should have. 494 00:32:57,960 --> 00:33:00,327 - They would have let me off easier. - Yeah, why didn't you? 495 00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:02,847 Because I hate myself for a number of reasons right now 496 00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:06,931 and I'm not going to add being a snitch to the list. 497 00:33:07,080 --> 00:33:08,764 You ruined my life, you know that? 498 00:33:08,960 --> 00:33:10,928 Dropping that little bomb on Mike in front of your family. 499 00:33:11,080 --> 00:33:12,844 I did you a favor, okay? 500 00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:16,049 The cup job sucks and my brother's a boring yuppie asshole, alright? 501 00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:20,570 VERONICA: Hey, girl. Sorry I took so long. 502 00:33:20,720 --> 00:33:22,927 Got held up in the bathroom by the two girls in my gut 503 00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:26,050 sitting on my bladder blocking my functions. 504 00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:29,204 - Damn, you look like hell. - Yeah, I'm not sleeping. 505 00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:32,290 Good thing I brought over some snooze juice. 506 00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:34,841 Alright, alright. 507 00:33:36,240 --> 00:33:38,891 We're accepting cash-only offers to expedite the sale, 508 00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:41,008 which is why the price is so low. 509 00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:42,611 Our lawyers will hold the money in escrow. 510 00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:45,411 We need to unload it fast. Paying two mortgages is killing us. 511 00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:48,530 Plus, Dad needs to get to a warmer climate ASAP. 512 00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:51,331 - I mean, look at him. - Easy, Grandpa. 513 00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:53,881 We're looking to do a renovation, a four-month turnaround. 514 00:33:54,040 --> 00:33:56,646 We'll purchase under ask. All cash. 515 00:33:56,840 --> 00:33:58,126 Duke it out with the Hasids. 516 00:33:58,280 --> 00:34:01,807 Put an offer about ten minutes ago. Skinny dudes. You could take them. 517 00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:07,364 This couch is for sale, and that table, and the TV. 518 00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:10,848 - How much for this chair? - How much you wanna pay? 519 00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:13,526 - Well, how about... - SAMMI: Cash only. Please. 520 00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:18,606 Dad, it's working. They're falling for it. 521 00:34:18,760 --> 00:34:21,001 - Isn't this fun? - Yeah. 522 00:34:21,200 --> 00:34:22,486 - You okay? - Yeah. 523 00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:25,484 I'm conserving my energy for Carl's thing tomorrow. 524 00:34:31,040 --> 00:34:33,168 Every gun's loaded, okay? 525 00:34:33,320 --> 00:34:38,486 So here we got your Bushmaster XM-15 semi-automatic. 526 00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:42,122 Premium 16-inch chrome-lined profile barrel. 527 00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:43,691 Oh, sweet. 528 00:34:43,840 --> 00:34:46,650 What about home protection? I got three little ones on the way. 529 00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:50,247 - Safeguarding the old homestead. - Hey, second amendment, brother. 530 00:34:50,440 --> 00:34:52,488 Got to protect my freedom one bullet at a time. 531 00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:54,847 Okay, so Milkor. 532 00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:59,722 M32 MGL-140 grenade launcher. 533 00:34:59,880 --> 00:35:01,769 Protects a shitload of freedoms. 534 00:35:01,920 --> 00:35:06,244 Six-round cylinder, double-action, military grade weapon. 535 00:35:06,400 --> 00:35:09,688 Missing a few parts, but it still shoots. 536 00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:11,080 It's heavy. 537 00:35:11,240 --> 00:35:13,083 What are we talking here? How much? 538 00:35:13,240 --> 00:35:14,969 Well, around five grand. 539 00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:17,202 - Five thousand dollars? - Yeah. 540 00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:20,045 Come on, man. How much for the bat? 541 00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:24,685 Holy shit. I got to go. 542 00:35:24,840 --> 00:35:26,842 - Holy shit. - That's it? 543 00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:30,163 FIONA: Concierge. Medical coder. 544 00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:32,926 Transcriptionist? I don't know what half this shit is. 545 00:35:33,080 --> 00:35:35,686 Other than supremely boring? 546 00:35:35,840 --> 00:35:38,207 No one needs me anymore, V. 547 00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:42,086 Debbie's dating. Lip's in college. 548 00:35:42,280 --> 00:35:44,282 Carl's in trouble at school and I can't help him. 549 00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:46,568 Who knows what's up with Ian. 550 00:35:46,720 --> 00:35:48,722 They're all growing up. What did you expect? 551 00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:52,248 Time for you to figure out your own needs. 552 00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:55,847 Tech support provider. Underqualified. 553 00:35:56,000 --> 00:35:58,480 Translator. Underqualified. 554 00:35:58,640 --> 00:36:01,246 - There's porn. - Overqualified. 555 00:36:01,400 --> 00:36:02,561 Hey, what are you doing? 556 00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:05,491 Finding ways to make money from home. 557 00:36:05,680 --> 00:36:07,682 Hey, is something burning? 558 00:36:07,840 --> 00:36:10,161 - Smell that? - Oh, shit. Oh, shit! 559 00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:14,041 - Shit! - Oh, my God. Oh, shit. 560 00:36:14,120 --> 00:36:16,122 - (SMOKE DETECTOR BEEPING) - Fire in the hole. 561 00:36:16,280 --> 00:36:18,123 - Not my hole. - (BOTH LAUGHING) 562 00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:23,049 - You just let it burn? - We got distracted. 563 00:36:23,240 --> 00:36:25,527 Oh, God. 564 00:36:25,680 --> 00:36:27,728 You're shit-faced. 565 00:36:27,880 --> 00:36:29,882 Since when is it a felony for a Gallagher to drink? 566 00:36:30,080 --> 00:36:32,048 Calm down. It's my fault. I brought the vodka. 567 00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:35,522 - And poured it down her throat? - You told me to relax. 568 00:36:35,680 --> 00:36:39,287 Somebody shut that thing up! 569 00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:42,523 Fuck. Burn the house down, okay? Burn the food, too. 570 00:36:42,720 --> 00:36:45,371 I can always steal some more from my shitty work-study job. 571 00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:46,760 I'm going through something here. 572 00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:50,049 Yeah, it looks like you went through about five beverages in an hour. 573 00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:54,000 Have another one. Why not? You're your own woman. Right? 574 00:36:54,160 --> 00:36:55,844 No, bang the boss's brother. 575 00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:58,924 Leave coke out on the table for the kids. Get arrested. 576 00:36:59,080 --> 00:37:03,483 Do whatever the fuck you need to do. I've got this. 577 00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:07,008 Carl, go upstairs, get your toothbrush and something to sleep in. 578 00:37:07,200 --> 00:37:09,282 He has the suspension meeting tomorrow. 579 00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:11,090 No worries. I'll get him to Sheila's. 580 00:37:11,240 --> 00:37:13,129 Stay up all night studying. I mean, what the fuck? 581 00:37:13,280 --> 00:37:15,487 It's just an applied physics quiz. Where's Debbie? 582 00:37:15,640 --> 00:37:17,563 She's at Sheila's with Sammi. 583 00:37:17,720 --> 00:37:19,484 - Veronica! - Yeah? 584 00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:22,211 - You're not answering your phone? - I didn't hear it. What's up? 585 00:37:22,360 --> 00:37:25,204 - Carol. She's in labor. - What? Oh, shit. 586 00:37:25,360 --> 00:37:27,931 - Wish us luck. - There's something burning. 587 00:37:28,080 --> 00:37:30,208 - Let's go. Come on. - No. 588 00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:33,045 Hey, come on. Lip, please. You don't have to take them. 589 00:37:33,200 --> 00:37:35,328 - You're right. I don't. - Come on. What about dinner? 590 00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:37,921 - (SMOKE DETECTOR CONTINUES) - Enjoy. 591 00:37:42,760 --> 00:37:45,969 (EXHALES DEEPLY) Shut up! 592 00:37:47,440 --> 00:37:50,046 (GUTTURAL SCREAM) 593 00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:53,204 (UP-TEMPO POP MUSIC PLAYS) 594 00:38:24,920 --> 00:38:27,048 Those fingers go anywhere near that cock, 595 00:38:27,240 --> 00:38:29,720 I'm gonna break every knuckle in your hand, all 15 of them. 596 00:38:29,880 --> 00:38:31,609 Settle down, rumble fish. 597 00:38:31,760 --> 00:38:35,162 Anyway, a hand only has 14 knuckles. 598 00:38:35,320 --> 00:38:37,607 You want to fucking die? 599 00:38:42,480 --> 00:38:45,529 We got invited to an after-hours at the loft of one of my regulars. 600 00:38:46,840 --> 00:38:49,571 It's fun. What's wrong with fun? 601 00:38:49,760 --> 00:38:52,764 Nothing unless it involves some fat faggot shoving his hands down... 602 00:38:52,920 --> 00:38:54,331 What the fuck? 603 00:39:24,840 --> 00:39:27,650 I mean, I think about him all the time. 604 00:39:27,840 --> 00:39:30,047 Whenever my brain pauses, he just shows up. 605 00:39:30,200 --> 00:39:31,440 Even when I don't want him to. 606 00:39:31,600 --> 00:39:33,204 What do you think about? 607 00:39:33,360 --> 00:39:37,843 Like, his hair, his eyes. Sometimes just his name. 608 00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:41,322 - Is that normal? - Absolutely. 609 00:39:41,520 --> 00:39:43,568 Because my two friends, Holly and Ellie? 610 00:39:43,720 --> 00:39:45,210 They're always like, "Boys are stupid" 611 00:39:45,400 --> 00:39:46,845 and they act like they hate them. 612 00:39:46,920 --> 00:39:49,605 - But I never feel that way. - How do you feel? 613 00:39:49,760 --> 00:39:53,606 This is weird. Like I want to protect him. 614 00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:56,240 - Is that weird? - No, honey. 615 00:39:56,400 --> 00:39:58,448 I also feel sick and dizzy. 616 00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:01,410 That's how everyone gets when they're falling in love. 617 00:40:01,560 --> 00:40:03,483 But I thought it was supposed to feel good. 618 00:40:03,640 --> 00:40:06,962 It does sometimes. 619 00:40:07,120 --> 00:40:08,565 The good parts are so good, 620 00:40:08,720 --> 00:40:12,566 you're willing to suffer unbelievable amount of pain just to get to them. 621 00:40:12,760 --> 00:40:16,606 That's why I have been married three times and engaged 12. 622 00:40:16,760 --> 00:40:21,846 - But when do the good parts start? - Well, right now it's hard. 623 00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:24,241 He changed the rules a little bit by dumping you. 624 00:40:24,440 --> 00:40:27,091 Best thing to do? Act like you don't give a shit. 625 00:40:27,240 --> 00:40:28,844 How do I do that? 626 00:40:29,000 --> 00:40:32,686 Well, hang out with him. Make yourself pretty. 627 00:40:32,840 --> 00:40:35,730 Give him the opportunity to consider what he gave up. 628 00:40:35,880 --> 00:40:38,281 That's how a woman handles things. 629 00:40:38,440 --> 00:40:40,363 And then he'll want me back? 630 00:40:40,520 --> 00:40:44,002 Have to be patient. This is a long con, baby. 631 00:40:44,160 --> 00:40:46,811 You're in it to win it. Stay the course. 632 00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:49,446 Got it. Thanks for talking to me. 633 00:40:49,600 --> 00:40:51,284 I can't talk to Fiona about any of this stuff. 634 00:40:51,440 --> 00:40:53,249 She's a total spaz right now. 635 00:40:53,400 --> 00:40:57,689 But also, I think she's afraid of ending up alone. 636 00:40:57,840 --> 00:41:00,081 That's her shit, not yours. 637 00:41:00,240 --> 00:41:02,925 FRANK: All done! Need help wiping and walking. 638 00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:05,447 Coming, Dad! Be right back. 639 00:41:08,160 --> 00:41:12,722 - P.S., I love having a sister. - Me, too. 640 00:41:16,400 --> 00:41:19,404 (ALL CHEERING) 641 00:41:39,160 --> 00:41:42,369 - Hey, kiddo, you doing okay? - Yeah, is college always like this? 642 00:41:42,560 --> 00:41:44,801 Ask Ron. 643 00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:46,724 Well, I don't party that much. 644 00:41:46,880 --> 00:41:50,009 I try not to play more than eight hours of Minecraft a day. 645 00:41:50,160 --> 00:41:53,721 You start doing better in school, all this could be yours. 646 00:41:53,880 --> 00:41:55,769 College rules. 647 00:42:18,360 --> 00:42:21,364 (LIGHT CHATTER) 648 00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:24,239 (LAUGHS) Whoa. 649 00:42:24,240 --> 00:42:27,369 Check out these digs. Look at that view. 650 00:42:28,440 --> 00:42:29,771 What does this joker do? 651 00:42:29,920 --> 00:42:32,446 He's an engineer and part-time photographer. 652 00:42:32,600 --> 00:42:34,170 I think he took some of these pictures actually. 653 00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:35,964 Oh, yeah? 654 00:42:36,120 --> 00:42:37,485 Why did he want you to come here then, huh? 655 00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:40,041 Oh, come on, not everybody wants something from me, Mick. 656 00:42:40,240 --> 00:42:41,571 - Ian. - Hey! 657 00:42:41,720 --> 00:42:43,529 - So happy you could make it. - Ryan. 658 00:42:43,680 --> 00:42:45,728 Oh, good to be here. Hey, this is Mickey. 659 00:42:45,880 --> 00:42:50,010 Delighted to meet you. Could I get either of you a cocktail? 660 00:42:50,160 --> 00:42:51,286 Yeah, you got beer? 661 00:42:51,400 --> 00:42:54,244 I've got some craft brews, a Stout, IPA, Winter Wheat. 662 00:42:54,400 --> 00:42:55,481 How about beer? 663 00:42:56,960 --> 00:43:00,567 Right. Could I be any more of a fag? One beer coming up. Ian? 664 00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:02,524 Let's see what you got. 665 00:43:05,160 --> 00:43:08,881 - You're new. Hi. - Hey. 666 00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:11,805 - You here with Ian? - Yeah. 667 00:43:11,960 --> 00:43:13,928 He's great. 668 00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:18,290 - So what do you do for living? - I run a business. 669 00:43:18,440 --> 00:43:20,966 - What kind of business? - Hospitality. 670 00:43:21,160 --> 00:43:23,049 Oh, nice. What realm? 671 00:43:24,160 --> 00:43:25,321 I'm a pimp. 672 00:43:29,680 --> 00:43:31,250 Wait, you're serious? 673 00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:34,006 That's incredible. My dissertation is on transgender sex work 674 00:43:34,160 --> 00:43:35,685 and symbolic interactionism 675 00:43:35,880 --> 00:43:38,690 within the framework of hustler-client relations. 676 00:43:38,880 --> 00:43:40,405 You got a card? 677 00:43:51,360 --> 00:43:53,283 Night, Debs. 678 00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:04,166 Night, Frank. Monica. 679 00:44:12,680 --> 00:44:14,887 Good night, Fiona. 680 00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:24,448 Good night, Lip. 681 00:44:24,640 --> 00:44:28,406 Night, Carl and Ian. 682 00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:41,968 (SOBS) 683 00:44:45,720 --> 00:44:47,722 Good night, Liam. 684 00:44:51,760 --> 00:44:54,764 (CRYING) 685 00:45:43,480 --> 00:45:46,006 It's time. 686 00:45:46,160 --> 00:45:48,731 Oh, shit. Time to be a daddy. 687 00:45:52,200 --> 00:45:55,204 - Wait? What? We missed it? - Why didn't anyone wake us? 688 00:45:55,360 --> 00:46:00,651 I told her not to. I needed to do this on my own. 689 00:46:01,680 --> 00:46:02,681 Oh, hey. 690 00:46:07,840 --> 00:46:11,208 Hey. Whoa! 691 00:46:11,360 --> 00:46:15,365 He's nothing. He's just softness and goo. 692 00:46:16,400 --> 00:46:19,370 Hey, buddy. I'm your daddy. 693 00:46:19,520 --> 00:46:21,568 And your brother-in-law. How weird is that? 694 00:46:21,720 --> 00:46:24,246 You know, he did that little thing that babies do 695 00:46:24,400 --> 00:46:27,210 where they can smell their mommy's milk. 696 00:46:27,360 --> 00:46:31,331 And he could hear my voice when I was talking to him. 697 00:46:31,480 --> 00:46:35,690 And then he laid up on my chest. 698 00:46:35,840 --> 00:46:39,561 And he found my nipple and he took a little snack. 699 00:46:39,720 --> 00:46:40,767 You okay, Mama? 700 00:46:40,920 --> 00:46:43,446 It's just a little emotional, that's all. 701 00:46:43,600 --> 00:46:46,080 Did I take him too soon? 702 00:46:46,280 --> 00:46:49,602 Here you go. Here's Grandma. 703 00:46:52,840 --> 00:46:57,448 Oh, he's such... He's such a little angel. 704 00:46:57,600 --> 00:47:00,524 He's an angel that you didn't want. 705 00:47:00,680 --> 00:47:02,364 That was hypothetical. 706 00:47:02,520 --> 00:47:06,366 But he came from me. He's part of me. 707 00:47:06,520 --> 00:47:08,488 - Jesus, Mama. - I'm sorry. 708 00:47:08,640 --> 00:47:12,361 I just didn't know I was gonna feel this way. 709 00:47:12,520 --> 00:47:16,081 But he's just... He's just so beautiful. 710 00:47:16,240 --> 00:47:17,651 It's okay, Mama. 711 00:47:17,800 --> 00:47:19,928 You can visit him any time you want to. 712 00:47:20,080 --> 00:47:22,401 - He's a little angel. - Kev. 713 00:47:23,440 --> 00:47:26,046 - Kevin. - He's my little angel. 714 00:47:26,200 --> 00:47:28,646 - Kev, she wants to keep him. - She can't. 715 00:47:28,800 --> 00:47:31,929 - She's not gonna let go of that baby. - Well, she has to. 716 00:47:32,080 --> 00:47:34,242 After everything I've been through, he's mine, V. 717 00:47:34,400 --> 00:47:37,085 - Kev, three babies? - I don't care. 718 00:47:37,240 --> 00:47:38,844 That boy is my son. 719 00:47:41,480 --> 00:47:43,130 Look at me. 720 00:47:43,280 --> 00:47:45,965 Hey, look at me. 721 00:47:46,120 --> 00:47:47,929 There can be two. 722 00:47:48,080 --> 00:47:51,402 Our two beautiful baby girls. 723 00:47:51,560 --> 00:47:53,961 She's a good mom. She'll be great. 724 00:47:54,120 --> 00:47:55,770 Look how well I turned out. 725 00:47:55,920 --> 00:47:59,766 Yeah, well, the jury's still out on that. 726 00:47:59,920 --> 00:48:01,922 I don't want to lose him, V. 727 00:48:02,080 --> 00:48:04,242 He'll still be right there with Mom. 728 00:48:04,440 --> 00:48:06,807 He'll still be your son. 729 00:48:06,960 --> 00:48:10,521 Your boy. Her responsibility. 730 00:48:12,240 --> 00:48:15,369 - Let him go, baby. - (SIGHS) 731 00:48:15,920 --> 00:48:18,924 (SOBS QUIETLY) 732 00:48:24,200 --> 00:48:25,964 (CELL PHONE VIBRATES) 733 00:48:37,600 --> 00:48:38,647 Yeah? 734 00:48:38,800 --> 00:48:41,007 I know you don't trust me. 735 00:48:42,080 --> 00:48:43,889 I know you wanna punish me. 736 00:48:44,040 --> 00:48:47,806 And I get it, I want to punish myself. 737 00:48:48,840 --> 00:48:53,084 I have no way to prove myself to you or anyone. 738 00:48:53,280 --> 00:48:54,691 But, Christ, Lip. 739 00:48:54,840 --> 00:48:58,970 This relentless, passive-aggressive bullshit. 740 00:49:00,760 --> 00:49:02,364 It's killing me. 741 00:49:05,440 --> 00:49:09,809 I need my family back, okay? 742 00:49:12,440 --> 00:49:14,044 Please? 743 00:49:29,960 --> 00:49:33,965 Whoa! Whoa. Easy, killer. I'm taking breakfast orders. 744 00:49:34,120 --> 00:49:36,885 Scrambled eggs, pancakes or French toast? 745 00:49:37,040 --> 00:49:38,724 Eggs. 746 00:49:38,880 --> 00:49:40,405 And what do you think he'll want? 747 00:49:40,560 --> 00:49:42,403 How the fuck should I know, man? I'm not his keeper. 748 00:49:42,560 --> 00:49:45,723 Right. Didn't mean to assume. 749 00:49:45,880 --> 00:49:48,770 So did you guys just meet last night, 750 00:49:48,960 --> 00:49:50,564 or are you together? 751 00:49:54,440 --> 00:49:56,761 - Together. - Cool. 752 00:49:56,920 --> 00:49:58,410 You're a lucky dude. 753 00:50:12,120 --> 00:50:15,806 There you go. Fresh as a daisy. 754 00:50:15,960 --> 00:50:17,962 You look terrific. 755 00:50:18,160 --> 00:50:20,288 Now let's go knock them dead. 756 00:50:21,720 --> 00:50:23,404 Good morning. 757 00:50:25,160 --> 00:50:26,446 Frankly, Mr. Gallagher, 758 00:50:26,600 --> 00:50:29,365 your son's behavior has been among the most egregious 759 00:50:29,520 --> 00:50:31,010 I've seen at this school. 760 00:50:31,160 --> 00:50:32,571 And I've been here a long time. 761 00:50:32,720 --> 00:50:35,121 - Don't look a day over 90. - (SNICKERS) 762 00:50:35,280 --> 00:50:36,645 He terrorizes these students 763 00:50:36,840 --> 00:50:40,003 to the point that they move through my halls in fear. 764 00:50:40,160 --> 00:50:42,640 School should not be a palace of terror. 765 00:50:42,800 --> 00:50:45,007 It should be a temple of learning. 766 00:50:45,160 --> 00:50:47,925 If children do not feel safe, how can they learn? 767 00:50:48,080 --> 00:50:51,129 - They can't. - She's asking me, Chipwich. 768 00:50:51,280 --> 00:50:52,770 The only way to get through to Carl 769 00:50:52,920 --> 00:50:55,082 is have him face the truth of what he's done 770 00:50:55,280 --> 00:50:57,851 and let him absorb it in a meaningful way. 771 00:50:59,400 --> 00:51:00,640 Do that, okay? 772 00:51:00,800 --> 00:51:03,804 He can't just do it. He needs to actively engage. 773 00:51:03,960 --> 00:51:05,962 - Got any suggestions? - Yeah. 774 00:51:06,160 --> 00:51:08,891 He should apologize to my kid and every other kid here. 775 00:51:09,080 --> 00:51:13,529 - Individually. Like he means it. - Oh, spare us the Wiener act. 776 00:51:13,680 --> 00:51:16,889 Bullying is a vital part of every ecosystem. 777 00:51:17,040 --> 00:51:19,122 It teaches kids resilience. 778 00:51:19,280 --> 00:51:21,169 The world is a rough place. 779 00:51:21,320 --> 00:51:25,484 Bullying is like getting inoculated. It's a vaccine. 780 00:51:25,680 --> 00:51:27,330 And you, little shit, 781 00:51:27,520 --> 00:51:30,842 you got to learn to stay away from people like my son. 782 00:51:31,000 --> 00:51:34,686 That's what you learn when you get punched in the face by a bully. 783 00:51:34,840 --> 00:51:38,367 How do you think Steve Jobs turned out so great? Bullies. 784 00:51:38,520 --> 00:51:41,842 And I guarantee Junior here 785 00:51:42,000 --> 00:51:44,321 will be getting the hottest chicks when he's 30 786 00:51:44,480 --> 00:51:47,131 because he got bullied today. 787 00:51:47,280 --> 00:51:48,850 You want your kid to peak now? 788 00:51:49,040 --> 00:51:53,364 My kid will be picking up garbage in an orange jumpsuit in ten years. 789 00:51:53,520 --> 00:51:57,081 Your kid will be in med school curing cancer and getting laid. 790 00:51:57,240 --> 00:51:58,651 You're welcome. 791 00:51:59,960 --> 00:52:01,291 What if I wanna cure cancer? 792 00:52:01,440 --> 00:52:04,284 Be lucky you don't get gonorrhea from your cell mate. 793 00:52:04,440 --> 00:52:06,044 Spoken with love, son. 794 00:52:06,200 --> 00:52:08,043 Home. 795 00:52:08,200 --> 00:52:10,567 I am so proud of you, Dad. 796 00:52:15,800 --> 00:52:19,361 Hey, congratulations, brother. 797 00:52:25,040 --> 00:52:26,724 We lost him. 798 00:52:26,880 --> 00:52:31,010 God, how? Stillbirth? 799 00:52:32,000 --> 00:52:36,642 Carol. She kept him. 800 00:52:36,840 --> 00:52:41,767 - He's not dead? - No. Just a little less ours. 801 00:52:41,920 --> 00:52:44,082 Sorry to hear that, man. 802 00:52:44,240 --> 00:52:48,211 - Hey, you still got two on the way. - I was supposed to have four. 803 00:52:48,360 --> 00:52:49,850 I keep losing babies. 804 00:52:50,000 --> 00:52:51,968 What if there was a Russian satellite 805 00:52:52,120 --> 00:52:53,804 that took out all the communication in the world? 806 00:52:53,960 --> 00:52:56,327 Poof! Two more babies gone. 807 00:52:56,520 --> 00:52:58,648 Or if there was a mutant virus that turned us all into zombies? 808 00:52:58,800 --> 00:53:00,564 - That's a movie. - Several movies. 809 00:53:00,720 --> 00:53:02,563 So? It could happen. 810 00:53:02,720 --> 00:53:06,441 See, babies change your perspective. There's danger lurking everywhere. 811 00:53:06,600 --> 00:53:08,807 Now, I'm gonna start collecting survival gear. 812 00:53:08,960 --> 00:53:12,601 Canned goods, medical stuff, walkie-talkies, flashlights. 813 00:53:12,760 --> 00:53:13,841 My motto? 814 00:53:14,040 --> 00:53:18,125 "Prepare and prevent, don't repair and repent." 815 00:53:18,280 --> 00:53:20,931 - That's my motto. - You can't own a motto, Kermit! 816 00:53:24,320 --> 00:53:27,529 - Get him! Get him. - He disappeared. What the heck? 817 00:53:27,720 --> 00:53:29,290 He'll regenerate behind you in two seconds. 818 00:53:29,440 --> 00:53:32,410 - Turn around. - Oh, no! He bit me in the back. 819 00:53:32,600 --> 00:53:34,364 Oh, jerkface. 820 00:53:34,560 --> 00:53:37,131 - So rude. - Oh, man. 821 00:53:37,280 --> 00:53:39,203 Yeah. 822 00:53:39,400 --> 00:53:42,324 - I'm glad we could stay friends. - Yeah. Yeah, me, too. 823 00:53:43,880 --> 00:53:45,245 Do you wanna get a pizza? 824 00:53:45,400 --> 00:53:47,846 I wish I could, but I have a date tonight. 825 00:53:48,000 --> 00:53:49,365 Got to go home and get cleaned up. 826 00:53:49,520 --> 00:53:51,124 OK. Yeah. Yeah, sure. No problem. 827 00:53:51,280 --> 00:53:53,248 - But it was fun hanging out. - Yeah. 828 00:53:53,400 --> 00:53:54,765 High five. 829 00:53:56,040 --> 00:53:58,281 - See you. - I'll see you. 830 00:54:16,520 --> 00:54:20,286 Hi. Hi. 831 00:54:24,920 --> 00:54:26,126 Thanks. 832 00:54:27,760 --> 00:54:29,489 No problem. 833 00:54:46,840 --> 00:54:49,320 And so what have we learned? 834 00:54:49,480 --> 00:54:51,687 Bullying is bad for society. 835 00:54:51,840 --> 00:54:54,081 It hurts people and makes them feel bad. 836 00:54:54,240 --> 00:54:58,165 - It must be stopped. - Very good. 837 00:55:02,280 --> 00:55:04,681 Forgot my lunch. 838 00:55:04,840 --> 00:55:06,888 Give me money. 839 00:55:07,040 --> 00:55:10,522 Give me money, Chihuahua. Come on, give me money. 840 00:55:35,640 --> 00:55:37,642 (English SDH)