1 00:00:02,160 --> 00:00:05,073 I don't really know what happened on Shameless last week. 2 00:00:05,240 --> 00:00:07,516 Call once you find out. 3 00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:10,592 - I'm home now. - Mandy. 4 00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:13,878 I know you're seeing Lip. Like I told him, I think it's great. 5 00:00:14,040 --> 00:00:16,032 You knew Karen was in town, didn't you? 6 00:00:16,440 --> 00:00:19,114 You got a problem with me being here, just say so. 7 00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:22,239 - I have a problem with you being here. - What do you want? 8 00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:23,629 Take your clothes off. 9 00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:26,076 - Plumber's apprentice. - You have experience? 10 00:00:26,240 --> 00:00:28,960 - I fixed our toilet. - You shook the handle. Here's one. 11 00:00:29,120 --> 00:00:31,077 Barista at the Coffee Beanery. 12 00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:33,914 Jimmy. Andy from med school. 13 00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:36,515 You remember Adam Britt, Nick Stathis, Mark. 14 00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:40,111 We're grabbing dinner tomorrow night. You should join us. 15 00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:42,749 She's gonna fuck the faggot out of you, kid. 16 00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:45,355 And you're goddamn gonna watch. 17 00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:47,631 - Karen. - Ah! 18 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:50,395 You told me you came home to be with Hymie... 19 00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:54,520 ...but you told the Wongs to come take Hymie. 20 00:00:56,240 --> 00:00:59,119 Deadbolts, front and back. Frank's not allowed in anymore. 21 00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:02,199 Frank, I'm Chris. Would you be my sponsor? 22 00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:04,272 My previous sponsor moved out. 23 00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:05,999 - What, he lived with you? - Yeah. 24 00:01:06,160 --> 00:01:09,232 I'm sorry, let me introduce myself properly. Frank Gallagher. 25 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:13,791 - Good night, Frank. - Good night, Christopher. 26 00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:50,232 - What do you think? - Great for a coke orgy, not for an office job. 27 00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:54,400 - This is my nicest dress. - No, I know. I didn't say it wasn't nice. 28 00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:58,918 - I just said you can't wear it to an office. - You said coke orgy. 29 00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:00,309 You okay? 30 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:02,836 - Uh, yeah, just tired. Didn't sleep well. - Take a nap later. 31 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:07,472 Ah, naps are for kids and college students. I gotta go to work. 32 00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:10,271 - Are you sure I can't--? - Hundred percent sure. 33 00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:19,630 - You got an extra one? - You're gonna be late. 34 00:03:19,840 --> 00:03:21,911 Got nothing to wear. Gonna see what V has. 35 00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:24,640 - Is your new job at a strip club? - Ha, ha. 36 00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:26,871 - I wasn't kidding. - It's a temp office job. 37 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,997 I don't know how long the day's gonna be. 38 00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:32,312 I expect all of you to help with dinner, get your homework done... 39 00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:35,513 - ...and avoid setting the house on fire. - Overcompensating. 40 00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:38,354 She feels guilty for turning us into latchkey kids. 41 00:03:38,520 --> 00:03:40,512 What's a latchkey kid? 42 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:45,994 Hey. I left some stuff here that I need. 43 00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:52,117 - Is it wrong if I just leave for school? - Later. 44 00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:56,560 All right. 45 00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:40,720 - What's funny? - Garfield. 46 00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:43,480 He's always so hungry. 47 00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:50,114 - What are you reading? - Bunch of queers claiming that... 48 00:04:50,280 --> 00:04:52,795 ...domestic-partnership rights are not good enough. 49 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:55,156 They get offended when you call them queers. 50 00:04:55,320 --> 00:05:00,520 Calling people by their name is not, nor should it ever be argued as, offensive. 51 00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:02,714 God almighty. 52 00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:05,031 - You okay? - No. 53 00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:08,233 I'm a pauper and somehow I got the king's disease. 54 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:09,516 Gonorrhea? 55 00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:13,037 Kings don't screw whores, they screw virgins or their nieces. 56 00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:14,680 The king's disease is gout. 57 00:05:14,840 --> 00:05:19,596 Big toe is throbbing like blue balls that no blowjob can ever fix. 58 00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:21,877 You got any Percs or Vikes or--? 59 00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:26,239 No, but I could call my doctor, see if she can fit you in. 60 00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:30,236 She's super nice. Korean. Small fingers. 61 00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:33,359 No, thank you. Doctors are crooks, especially Korean ones. 62 00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:36,394 Never trust a culture that makes sausages from dogs. 63 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:38,876 Frank, I'm pretty sure that's racist. 64 00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:42,319 Accurate is not racist. 65 00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:44,949 Write that down in your AA journal. 66 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:54,471 - Hold on. You work for the city. - Yeah? 67 00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:58,714 We live together. You cook for me, clean for me, shop for me. 68 00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:00,593 That makes us family. 69 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:03,639 Oh, Frank. I'm touched. 70 00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:06,833 We qualify for domestic-partnership rights. 71 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:10,789 I can use your insurance, go to the doctor with the small fingers for free. 72 00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:14,636 No. No, no. Those laws do not apply to us. 73 00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:15,870 Why not? 74 00:06:16,280 --> 00:06:20,797 Why should our heterosexual proclivities prevent us from collecting our due? 75 00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:24,954 That is heterophobia and I won't stand for it. 76 00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:27,840 - You won't? - The squeaky wheel gets the grease. 77 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:29,878 Write that down, Christopher. 78 00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:43,709 Mean everything you said? 79 00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:46,196 No. 80 00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:49,353 Well, how much of it did you mean? 81 00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:52,872 I don't know. I mean, I meant a little bit of it. 82 00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:56,477 You know, I think there's some things that we could stand to talk about. 83 00:06:56,680 --> 00:07:00,310 - But mostly I just-- - Was in Doucheland? 84 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:01,670 Not my choice of words-- 85 00:07:01,840 --> 00:07:06,790 Why does Karen Jackson still have pictures of you on her Facebook page? 86 00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:11,312 - I have no fucking idea. - If there's nothing going on between you-- 87 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:15,440 I don't go onto Facebook because I don't give a shit about whose pet just died... 88 00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:19,560 ...or who just checked in at the fucking McDonald's. 89 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:32,071 She's a skanky, manipulative bitch. You should unfriend her. 90 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:38,272 Also, you have an appointment this afternoon with the alumni rep from MIT. 91 00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:40,716 It's 3:30, here. 92 00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:43,836 - What? - It's a good thing. 93 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,435 It means you got past the first round. 94 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:50,992 Yeah, no, no, I know that, but, um, I never applied for MIT. 95 00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:52,310 Yeah, you did. 96 00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:57,600 Also Carnegie Mellon, Northwestern, Columbia, Stanford, and Penn. 97 00:07:57,760 --> 00:07:59,558 Come on, I can't be late today. 98 00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:02,792 Wait, wait, hang on. You applied to all those schools for me? 99 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:07,438 - A few fallbacks too, just in case. - No. No, wait. 100 00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:11,310 - This is perfect. Where'd you get this? - Used to do the sexy-librarian thing. 101 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:13,597 Glasses, hair bun, the whole bit. 102 00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:16,474 But you need hose. Those offices pump in the AC. 103 00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:19,354 No, I'm warm-blooded. I'll be good. 104 00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:21,552 Kev, do guys get PMS? 105 00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:24,356 You asking if I bleed from my nuts once a month? 106 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:26,995 I'm asking if guys get their own version... 107 00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:28,958 - ...of hormonal bullshit. - Nope. 108 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:30,554 - Yes, he does. - Do not. 109 00:08:30,720 --> 00:08:33,030 You broke the TV remote last month for no reason. 110 00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:37,314 - It wouldn't work. That's a good reason. - We get weepy. They get angry. 111 00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:40,473 Jimmy doesn't seem angry exactly. He seems quiet. 112 00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:43,280 Oh, God. Stop. Would you stop right there? 113 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:47,639 We get quiet for one minute and you think we're obsessing about the relationship. 114 00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:50,474 All we're thinking is, "I wonder if there's more cheese." 115 00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:52,313 We make you smarter than you are? 116 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:55,120 No, no, you make us more interested in you than we are. 117 00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:56,430 Don't mind him. 118 00:08:56,600 --> 00:09:00,560 He's mad because somebody cut off the tip of his penis when he was young. 119 00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:03,280 - V, don't start that shit. - What are we talking about? 120 00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:05,671 Whether or not to circumcise our baby. 121 00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:09,197 - Are you--? Wait. Is your Mom--? - No, no one's pregnant. 122 00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:12,040 And if somebody were pregnant, it may not even be a boy. 123 00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:15,034 - But if it is a boy-- - If it is a boy you gotta circumcise. 124 00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:18,153 Have you ever seen one uncut? You don't know what's going on. 125 00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:22,200 It does not make you wanna go downtown. You want your kid to get head, right? 126 00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:24,556 Thank you. 127 00:09:27,560 --> 00:09:29,040 Or not? 128 00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:30,680 Crap. Sorry. 129 00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:34,272 Thanks for the suit. Gotta go. Bye. 130 00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:37,319 Love you. Okay. 131 00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:44,993 - Morning. - Morning, Jody. 132 00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:47,038 Fiona said you guys were gonna watch Liam today. 133 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:50,910 Uh, I gotta work. But it'll be good for Sheila to watch him. 134 00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:53,197 Sheila, Debbie's here. 135 00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:56,949 I gotta go, babe. Sit up. 136 00:09:57,280 --> 00:09:58,760 Sitting up's a real good start. 137 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:03,510 I, uh... I gotta go. 138 00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:06,790 Sheila, are you okay? 139 00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:10,555 I'm fine. 140 00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:14,031 Of course, I'm fine. 141 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:18,193 Um, Fiona said you were gonna watch Liam today. 142 00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:21,197 Yes. That's-- That's fine. 143 00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:24,080 It'll be nice to have a baby. 144 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:27,191 Morning, Mom. 145 00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:36,629 - Hi, Karen. - Hey. 146 00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:45,316 Have you had any breakfast? 147 00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:02,230 Yo, chief, I asked for a bone-dry cappuccino. 148 00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:04,631 This isn't bone-dry. 149 00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:07,994 You're talking about bone that's been left out in the sun? 150 00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:11,232 Living bones are 35 percent water and bleed when you break them. 151 00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:13,909 Are you freaking kidding me? No, not you, man, sorry. 152 00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:16,675 Coffee-shop boy is giving me lip. Hang on. 153 00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:20,590 Dude, when I spend as much for a cup of coffee as a gallon of gas... 154 00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:24,993 ...I get it how I want it. Remake it bone dry, dirt dry... 155 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:28,113 ...fucking desert dry, okay? Do it now. 156 00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:30,840 Very sorry, sir. We'll take care of that right away. 157 00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:32,554 Just do it. 158 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:35,038 - Thank you. - Come again. 159 00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:41,589 You really don't get why I have a problem with this? 160 00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:42,836 - No. - Really? 161 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:44,354 - No. - Ian, do you get why? 162 00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:47,672 - Not getting in the middle. - Why are you being such a dick? 163 00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:52,039 Those applications are 90 pages long. It took me forever to fill them out. 164 00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:56,160 Walk the fuck away. 165 00:11:57,520 --> 00:12:00,115 - Wow, you're-- - What? I'm what? 166 00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:01,836 You're not my mother. 167 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:05,710 You're not in charge of who I talk to, who has a picture of me on Facebook... 168 00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:09,954 ...and you're sure as shit not in charge of if I go to college. 169 00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:12,394 Think he's right? 170 00:12:12,560 --> 00:12:13,596 Men are never right. 171 00:12:13,760 --> 00:12:16,719 That's why women were invented, to think for you assholes. 172 00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:20,118 I mean, look at Mickey, marrying some whore he knocked up. 173 00:12:20,560 --> 00:12:22,313 - What? - Men are weak and stupid. 174 00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:24,676 Even the good ones. Especially the good ones. 175 00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:29,596 I'm not gonna watch Lip fuck up his life the way that Mickey's fucking up his. 176 00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:40,872 Hey, Sheila? 177 00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:44,033 I made you some cinnamon toast and coffee. 178 00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:48,154 Cinnamon toast and coffee always makes me feel a little better when I'm down. 179 00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:52,757 It's just you have to sit up to eat it. 180 00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:58,916 Come on, Sheila. Sit up. You'll feel better, I promise. 181 00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:22,078 You the temp? 182 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:24,038 Yeah. Hi. Yes. Fiona Gallagher. 183 00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:27,790 Nice to meet you, Fiona. I'm Connie. We're all on a first-name basis here. 184 00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:30,236 It's a family-run company, real friendly place. 185 00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:34,360 - Okay, great. Thanks. - Follow me. You'll be covering for Maria. 186 00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:36,796 She's a cold caller in our Marketing Department. 187 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:40,596 Last week Friday she was having cramps but it wasn't her time of the month. 188 00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:43,958 I told her not to ignore it, but did she listen? Appendicitis. 189 00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:45,952 She barely made it there in time. 190 00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:48,680 Honest, it was about to burst and then who knows? 191 00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:51,719 - Wow, that's, uh-- - If you're having cramps on your left side... 192 00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:55,999 ...and it's not your time of the month, you shouldn't ignore it or you could die. 193 00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:57,719 - It's good to know. - Isn't it? 194 00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:00,190 - Drop your bag and I'll show you around. - Okay. 195 00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:04,440 That's the copy room, the warehouse, the kitchen, treadmill, water cooler. 196 00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:08,674 The fridge. Anything with a label belongs to somebody else. Except the yogurts. 197 00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:11,912 Margie never labels them because everyone knows she's on a diet. 198 00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:15,238 - So if you know what's good for you-- - Stay away from the yogurt. 199 00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:18,552 - But the donuts on the table are fair game. - Fair game as in free? 200 00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:21,394 We all take turns buying a box. You can just have one. 201 00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:23,756 That's the bathroom. Women's room. 202 00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:27,032 Once you get settled in you'll be making calls from this list... 203 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:30,159 ...and you'll read from this script. It's simple. Start here. 204 00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:34,075 And if they say this, you say this. If they say this, you say this. 205 00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:37,711 Get the idea? You're calling customers who haven't placed an order for a while. 206 00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:42,033 If you get a bite, you transfer them straight away to Sales by pressing this button. 207 00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:44,192 They'll close the deal. 208 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:49,031 So, uh... So I'm the fluff er and they're the happy ending? 209 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:52,357 Sorry. Uh... 210 00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:55,831 - I have a lot of brothers. - All right. 211 00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:59,670 Uh, I'll be over there if you have any questions. 212 00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:05,916 What do you mean living together for a year? 213 00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:07,912 What kind of a rule is that? 214 00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:11,915 - We call that rule a law. - Well, it just so happens, I was mistaken. 215 00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:15,790 Christopher and I have been living together for a year. Well over a year. 216 00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:17,155 If you let me explain-- 217 00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:19,676 Just because my name isn't on the utility bill... 218 00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:23,117 ...that is no reason to deny me my basic civil rights. 219 00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:27,035 - Sir, I'm just trying to explain to you-- - My partner has been working hard... 220 00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:29,920 ...killing dogs for this city for close to a decade. 221 00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:32,192 - You kill dogs? - Animal control. 222 00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:33,794 I know my rights. 223 00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:36,714 Sir, I cannot award you domestic-partnership status... 224 00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:40,392 ...unless you have proof that you are and have been... 225 00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:45,874 ...financially and emotionally interdependent partners for over a year. 226 00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:49,112 Joint-tenancy documents verifying partners have lived together-- 227 00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:51,351 - I know my rights. - Do you not understand... 228 00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:54,513 ...that I get 150 of you people in here a day... 229 00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:56,473 - You people? - ...spouting this shit? 230 00:15:56,680 --> 00:15:58,751 - What can that mean? - We're not like that. 231 00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:01,310 - Not like what? - We are not the kind of people... 232 00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:04,433 ...you can push around with your homophobic rhetoric. 233 00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:07,274 Where are you going? I'm still talking. 234 00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:11,269 I'm going on break. That's my civil right. 235 00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:13,790 Fucking-- Let's go. 236 00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:16,397 Hi, this is Fiona from Worldwide Cup. 237 00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:19,234 We've noticed you haven't renewed your order in a while. 238 00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:22,393 I was wondering if I could transfer you to our Sales De--? 239 00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:25,477 Oh, no? Huh. 240 00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:28,676 Well, that's really shitty. 241 00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:31,554 Yeah, no, I get it. I had a mailman at home like that. 242 00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:35,515 Real seedy, looked like he was casing the joint every time he dropped off a package. 243 00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:39,396 I got so fed up I called the post office and had them take him off my route. 244 00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:42,240 Now we have this great lady, Josephine. Really nice. 245 00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:46,838 I bet if you call they'll switch him for you. But either way, they'll wanna hear about it. 246 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,674 Great. Yes, I will transfer you now. 247 00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:52,840 Good luck. 248 00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:58,435 Hey. They had a rude delivery guy, so I told-- 249 00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:00,637 I heard. It's just-- 250 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:04,840 If they say this, you say this. If they say this, you say this. 251 00:17:05,040 --> 00:17:07,475 - You stick to the script. - I got it. Sorry. 252 00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:10,838 - It won't happen again. - Okay. 253 00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:19,439 Hello? 254 00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:22,599 What? 255 00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:28,191 Oh, yes, Debbie is home sick from school today. 256 00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:30,557 Thank you. 257 00:17:30,760 --> 00:17:33,719 - Let me put you through. - Good afternoon. 258 00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:37,638 - All right. you ready? - I'm just not into this set up. I look weak. 259 00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:40,269 It's gimp porn, babe. You're supposed to look weak. 260 00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:43,274 - Am I supposed to look fat? - Jeez, you sound like a woman. 261 00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:47,116 Maybe it's because someone cut off part of your manhood when you were young. 262 00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:50,717 - I just don't wanna do the gimp thing. - You know how expensive a kid is? 263 00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:52,320 Sack it up. 264 00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:54,278 Shit. 265 00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:57,313 - Hey, Fi. - Can you pop over to the house... 266 00:17:57,480 --> 00:18:00,712 ...and see if Debbie's there? I don't know if she's sick or skipping. 267 00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:05,671 All right, I'll go check on her but you have to go to www.dontcutitoff.org. 268 00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:08,150 - What? - I'm serious, Fiona. Go to that website... 269 00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:12,360 ...and see if you stand by your "I want my son to get his share of head" argument. 270 00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:13,715 Do not do it, Fiona. 271 00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:17,351 Dontcutitoff.org. Promise. Promise. 272 00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:19,796 - Okay, okay, okay, I'll do it. - All right. Bye. 273 00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:38,357 Jesus. 274 00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:40,756 Oh. 275 00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:52,994 Hi, this is Fiona from Worldwide Cup. 276 00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:58,679 Vote Paul Lashmet for a better Chicago. Hope I can count on your vote. 277 00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:02,714 Can't you shut the baby up? 278 00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:04,951 I could shove her up your ass. 279 00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:09,473 - You need to learn respect for elders. - You need to learn to not be a total dickwad. 280 00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:12,758 I have a plan to put Chicago back to work. 281 00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:15,118 Hey. Hey, over here. 282 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,670 I know you can hear me, Mr. Give Me Your Vote. 283 00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:20,111 You wanna know what's wrong with this city? 284 00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:21,794 Wanna know what doesn't work? 285 00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:24,520 My wife and I got married after three weeks of dating. 286 00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:27,474 She turned out to be a bipolar drug addict-- Easy. 287 00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:31,071 --who left me alone with six kids to raise. 288 00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:34,597 While my domestic partner, Mr. Christopher Collier... 289 00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:39,391 ...is a clean and sober hardworking citizen of this country. 290 00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:43,349 I think he deserves the same rights as a woman who would abandon her children. 291 00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:46,240 Thank you, sir, and I will consider your situation. 292 00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:48,073 Don't you turn your back on me. 293 00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:50,596 - Don't you worry-- - I'm a citizen of this country. 294 00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:54,310 I live in this city, my partner works for this city... 295 00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:56,153 ...but because we're not married... 296 00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,915 ...which the law doesn't even allow, I might add... 297 00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:01,640 ...I'm not allowed to share in his insurance benefits. 298 00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:05,550 Which means for me, it's stand in line at the free clinic or suffer. 299 00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:10,915 That's not only unfair and un-Christian, it's flat-out un-American. 300 00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:15,199 I'm a citizen. Where are my equal rights? 301 00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:18,393 Fix that, Mr. I Wanna Be Mayor. 302 00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:20,279 - What's your name, buddy? - Yeah. 303 00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:22,830 - Hey, sir. - Fuck. 304 00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:24,639 Thank you so much, I'll transfer you now. 305 00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:36,072 I like this color. 306 00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:39,439 It kind of cheers you up just looking at it, right? 307 00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:41,913 It does. 308 00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:44,151 Sometimes when you're feeling really bad... 309 00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:48,109 ...if you make yourself look better on the outside, you feel better on the inside. 310 00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:51,432 My mom calls it taking it from the outside in. 311 00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:55,111 Oh, here. 312 00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:04,594 Jackson residence. 313 00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:06,877 You were just supposed to drop Liam there. 314 00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:09,191 Why aren't you at school? Are you sick? 315 00:21:09,360 --> 00:21:12,034 - Code pink. - Monica's home? 316 00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:13,839 No, no, no. 317 00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:17,158 Code pink at Sheila's. I'll explain later, okay? 318 00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:19,880 Fine, explain later, but you're in big trouble. 319 00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:29,674 What's code pink? 320 00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:35,997 It's nothing. I was just trying to explain to Fiona why I'm not at school. 321 00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:38,072 It's like a code word we have. 322 00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:43,271 Oh, no, what time is it? 323 00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:45,397 Are you skipping school because of me? 324 00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:47,718 I didn't wanna go anyway. 325 00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:52,272 All anyone ever does is try to copy off me, but no one wants to sit with me at lunch. 326 00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:57,476 Everybody's mean. Middle school's stupid. Mean girls suck. 327 00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:03,280 My daughter's a mean girl. 328 00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:06,160 I don't know how it happened. 329 00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:09,153 It's not your fault. 330 00:22:10,120 --> 00:22:12,032 But I'm her mother. 331 00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:18,150 If how we turn out is all about how our mother is, then I'm pretty screwed, right? 332 00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:40,629 - What? What's funny? - It's just, she applied to colleges for you. 333 00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:45,352 Wow, I'm so glad my cock thrust up inside you is, uh, keeping your attention so well. 334 00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:49,560 - That's really nice for me. - Sorry, just I don't get it. 335 00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:52,830 Why don't you just dump her? 336 00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:55,193 Less talking, more riding. 337 00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:06,797 Is Mickey seriously getting married? 338 00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:09,350 Yeah, like in a couple weeks. 339 00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:13,400 Jesus. To who? I didn't even know he was seeing anyone. 340 00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:18,157 Well, I don't think he was seeing her so much as he was doing her. 341 00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:20,630 - So why's he marrying her? - She's knocked up. 342 00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:22,120 So? 343 00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:24,317 I don't get it. Is your dad making him? 344 00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:27,279 I don't know. Why do you give a shit? 345 00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:50,158 Don't you turn your back on me. 346 00:23:50,360 --> 00:23:52,829 - Don't you worry-- - I'm a citizen of this country. 347 00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:56,391 My partner works for this city, but because we're not married... 348 00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:59,712 ...which the law doesn't even allow, I might add... 349 00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:02,520 ...I'm not allowed to share in his insurance benefits. 350 00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:06,230 Which means for me, it's stand in line at the free clinic or suffer. 351 00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:09,154 That's not only unfair and un-Christian... 352 00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:11,630 - Holy shit. Frank. - ...it's flat-out un-American. 353 00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:15,072 - Do you know him? - Where are my equal rights? 354 00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:17,596 You could say that. He's my dad. 355 00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:22,877 I... Wow, that speech. 356 00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:24,110 Your father-- 357 00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:28,634 I'm so sorry. I am so sorry. Oh, my God, I wish I could turn back time. 358 00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:31,440 - Turn back time, why? - Some of the office bitches... 359 00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:36,038 ...may have narc'd on you about the porn at your desk and the personal phone calls. 360 00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:40,154 - And by office bitches, I might mean myself. - Porn at my desk? 361 00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:44,318 - Oh, shit. - Fiona. Hi. 362 00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:47,200 So Mr. Pratt is asking for a word with you. 363 00:24:47,360 --> 00:24:50,432 - Let me guess. He's the boss? - No, no, he's one of the cousins. 364 00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:53,320 Not the big boss, but he is a supervisor, yes. 365 00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:55,551 Really, very sorry. 366 00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:00,196 Yes? 367 00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:03,634 Hi. Fiona Gallagher. 368 00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:05,029 The temp. 369 00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:08,591 Oh, Fiona. Yeah. Um, go ahead and have a seat. 370 00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:11,552 Yeah. That's good. That's good. 371 00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:14,474 Go ahead. Sorry. Sorry. Ahem. 372 00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:18,479 So, um, I've had some complaints about your language. Um... 373 00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:21,270 - A few personal calls-- - I have five kids. 374 00:25:21,440 --> 00:25:25,070 They're my siblings but I raise them, and one of them skipped school. 375 00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:28,199 I'm sorry about the calls but it was only a couple minutes. 376 00:25:28,360 --> 00:25:31,194 - I'm happy to clock out early and work late. - You don't have to do that. 377 00:25:31,360 --> 00:25:36,037 - Ah, there were some photos-- - The porn at my desk, it wasn't really porn. 378 00:25:36,200 --> 00:25:39,159 It was pictures of penises, but from a circumcision website. 379 00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:42,472 Friends of mine are trying for a baby, and I said a thing about... 380 00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:46,390 ...how they should circumcise the baby so girls would be more likely to wanna-- 381 00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:48,557 Uh, with their mouths-- 382 00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:50,439 - Not on the baby, of course. - Right. 383 00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:52,990 I mean, when he's a grown up. 384 00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:54,833 Shit. 385 00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:56,674 Am I fired? 386 00:25:57,240 --> 00:26:02,076 No, you're-- Ahem. Sorry. My silence here is not so much about disapproval... 387 00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:05,631 ...as it is trying to find a way to participate in this conversation... 388 00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:08,076 ...that won't leave me vulnerable to a lawsuit. 389 00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:12,359 Because I would like to say that I am a little shocked to learn that, um... 390 00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:15,592 ...you know, circumcision or lack thereof... 391 00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:19,840 ...would affect a woman's willingness to... Ahem. 392 00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:22,720 I can't say that. I can't say anything, really. 393 00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:26,230 I've said too much already. 394 00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:29,598 - I'm sorry. Please don't sue me. - I'm sorry. Please don't fire me. 395 00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:31,433 Deal. But I'm putting my foot down. 396 00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:33,751 No more naked body parts at your desk for any reason. 397 00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:37,914 - Ha, ha. Shit. Sorry. - Watch your language like you're in Church. 398 00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:40,800 - Got it. - And also, you're doing a great job. 399 00:26:41,360 --> 00:26:45,070 - Heh. I'm what? - I got a call from one of our sales reps. 400 00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:48,551 You convinced a high-volume customer we thought we'd lost, to re-up. 401 00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:51,195 Something about a delivery man? 402 00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:53,153 - Oh, yeah. Yeah. - Yeah. 403 00:26:53,360 --> 00:26:56,319 Well, anyway, uh, great work and keep it up. 404 00:26:59,880 --> 00:27:02,076 Do me a favor. Don't go out there smiling. 405 00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:05,000 Help me maintain that reputation as a hard-ass. 406 00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:07,396 You have a reputation as a hard-ass? 407 00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:10,109 No. I really want one though. 408 00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:12,636 Hey. Uh-uh. 409 00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:30,949 - What's this? - Pay day. 410 00:27:31,120 --> 00:27:33,237 Oh, sweet. 411 00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:36,320 - It's $218. - Mm-hm. 412 00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:41,074 I worked 40 hours at $10 an hour, that's $400. 413 00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:42,833 Yeah, minus taxes. 414 00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:46,198 And, uh, minus the free refills you've been giving your boyfriend. 415 00:27:46,360 --> 00:27:49,398 My what? No, that's my-- I barely know him. 416 00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:53,429 He's here when you're here and not when you're not, and you give him free refills. 417 00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:56,115 You think I don't see? I see. 418 00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:03,633 Phillip? 419 00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:06,111 Scott Walker, MIT alumni rep. 420 00:28:06,280 --> 00:28:08,431 We had an appointment at 3:30. It's nearly 4. 421 00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:11,638 Look, I'm sorry you came and waited but I'm not interested. 422 00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:14,834 - You're not interested? In MIT? - Nope. 423 00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:19,150 That's too bad. I was really curious to interview the kid with the 4.6 GPA... 424 00:28:19,320 --> 00:28:21,960 ...who so blatantly plagiarized his application essay. 425 00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:24,880 Whoa, hold on. I didn't plagiarize anything. 426 00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:37,554 She plagiarized Nelson Mandela. Jesus. 427 00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:41,509 - She? - Yeah, my girlfriend, um, wrote this application. 428 00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:45,310 I'm guessing she Googled "good speeches" and picked one that sounded smart. 429 00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:48,234 I'm surprised she didn't go with "I have a dream." 430 00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:51,074 Sure you don't wanna do the interview? I'm already here. 431 00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:53,311 No thanks. I hate Boston. Red Sox suck. 432 00:28:53,520 --> 00:28:56,399 Okay. It's unlikely you could have gotten in anyway. 433 00:28:57,280 --> 00:29:00,239 What is that, reverse psychology? 434 00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:02,198 Let me guess, you minored in psych... 435 00:29:02,360 --> 00:29:05,717 ...thinking it would give you a leg up in business negotiations. 436 00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:10,477 You may have a 4.6, but you also required a three-semester senior year due to truancy. 437 00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:14,032 Competition is pretty intense if you require a full scholarship... 438 00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:15,919 ...which I'm guessing that you do. 439 00:29:16,120 --> 00:29:18,077 Why don't you just call me white trash? 440 00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:20,590 Competition's tougher at this level, that's all. 441 00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:23,190 "At this level." Jesus. Give me a fucking pen. 442 00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:25,110 Frank? 443 00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:29,799 Frank. Frank, why? 444 00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:32,191 Why would you? Why? 445 00:29:35,960 --> 00:29:39,112 My co-workers teased me so much I had to pretend that I was sick. 446 00:29:39,320 --> 00:29:43,075 Then my mother called. She almost had a cardiac episode she was so upset. 447 00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:46,119 I only convinced her last year that I'm not gay. 448 00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:49,154 It took me years, Frank. Years. 449 00:29:49,320 --> 00:29:52,791 Why would you do this? Why, Frank? Why? 450 00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:58,433 - What the fuck are you talking about? - You told the world we're gay. 451 00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:01,519 It's all over Twitter. It's all over Facebook. 452 00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:04,957 - It was on the 12:00 news. - What? 453 00:30:05,120 --> 00:30:09,399 You're famous for being gay, Frank. 454 00:30:10,560 --> 00:30:13,200 Are you gay? Are you, really? 455 00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:20,594 I am whatever I need to be at the time I need to be it. 456 00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:22,991 Christ, write that down. 457 00:30:23,560 --> 00:30:26,155 Mom. No. 458 00:30:26,320 --> 00:30:28,516 Yes, Mom, I'm talking to him. 459 00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:32,396 No, Mom, I am not-- 460 00:30:32,600 --> 00:30:35,593 Mom. 461 00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:37,877 Mom. Mom. 462 00:30:38,360 --> 00:30:39,430 Mom. 463 00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:42,434 - I'm telling you, this is my car. - It has a kid seat in it. 464 00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:44,478 I don't give a shit. Look at that chip. 465 00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:47,917 That diamond-shaped scratch, I did that the night we had Jägerbombs. 466 00:30:48,080 --> 00:30:50,037 Hell, I still got the keys, man. 467 00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:55,271 - I found my stolen car, bitch. - What are you waiting for? Call the cops. 468 00:30:55,440 --> 00:30:59,036 I wouldn't do that. Sorry, passing by, couldn't help but overhear. 469 00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:02,272 I'd just take it home. Cops will keep it in evidence for a year. 470 00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:04,750 You're right. He's right, man. 471 00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:09,352 Plus insurance already covered it, so this is like found money, bitch. 472 00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:19,919 - Why is that man driving your car? - Because it's stolen. 473 00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:22,919 - You let him steal it? - No, Beto. I stole it... 474 00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:25,840 ...back when life was fun and the world had meaning. 475 00:31:26,040 --> 00:31:27,679 You gonna punish me for it? 476 00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:30,116 You wanna break another finger? How about a toe? 477 00:31:30,320 --> 00:31:33,870 Maybe cut off a couple earlobes? Stick a fork in my eye? 478 00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:50,836 Saw you on the news. About time you came out. 479 00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:53,475 Yeah, have your fun, just pour me a goddamn drink. 480 00:31:53,680 --> 00:31:56,718 - Don't do it, we don't need his AIDS germs. - Screw you, Tommy. 481 00:31:56,880 --> 00:31:59,395 - You wish. - You really gay now, Frank? 482 00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:02,672 What is gay, Kermit? Gay is a state of mind, it is a mood. 483 00:32:02,840 --> 00:32:06,993 Gay is when you part the ass cheeks of a man and use your dick as a divining rod. 484 00:32:07,160 --> 00:32:09,436 Well, by that definition, no, then I'm not gay. 485 00:32:09,600 --> 00:32:12,957 Then what are you doing going on the news talking about gay rights? 486 00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:14,998 I was trying to get insurance coverage. 487 00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:19,035 Hey, Frank, how do you fit three homos on a barstool? You turn it upside down. 488 00:32:20,800 --> 00:32:24,077 Kate, I leave it to you to rise above this homophobic rhetoric... 489 00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:26,755 ...and offer me recompense in the form of whiskey. 490 00:32:26,960 --> 00:32:31,079 It's homophobia when they're afraid of you, I'm pretty sure they just don't like you. 491 00:32:31,240 --> 00:32:33,550 - Just give me a drink. - You maxed out your tab. 492 00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:37,310 What does one gay say to another one going on vacation? 493 00:32:37,480 --> 00:32:39,392 Can I help you pack your shit? 494 00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:42,598 That joke is so hackneyed, you owe me a drink. 495 00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:45,195 What's the difference between a refrigerator and a fag? 496 00:32:45,400 --> 00:32:48,472 The fridge doesn't fart when you pull the meat out. 497 00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:51,191 - Oh, God. - I have to. 498 00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:54,950 Don't go telling your boyfriend, Frank. 499 00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:13,960 Your insipid essay question asks me to tell you in 250 words... 500 00:33:14,120 --> 00:33:18,114 ...about my most significant challenge in life. Honestly, it's hard to pick one. 501 00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:21,910 My guess is you wanna hear about my alcoholic father and my runaway mom. 502 00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:24,117 You would eat that shit up tooth and nail. 503 00:33:24,280 --> 00:33:27,079 But those aren't my greatest challenges in life. 504 00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:32,479 --an education system that pretends to be a meritocracy... 505 00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:36,111 ...but doesn't seek a way or consider the other foreign... 506 00:33:46,720 --> 00:33:49,030 What would you wanna study at MIT? 507 00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:52,517 Provided you could get past my "well-meaning oblivion"... 508 00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:54,433 ...and the proximity of the Red Sox. 509 00:33:57,160 --> 00:34:01,996 Robotics. But none of that undergrad-filler bullshit. 510 00:34:02,160 --> 00:34:06,473 No 200-seat lectures taught by TA's. I just want the shit out in front of me. 511 00:34:07,480 --> 00:34:09,153 - The shit? - Yeah, the tools. 512 00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:12,836 The toys. The stuff I can't get access to in my ghetto high school. 513 00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:14,639 Why? 514 00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:18,430 Because I'd like to hang out with C-3PO in my lifetime... 515 00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:21,399 ...and at the rate you're going, that's not gonna happen. 516 00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:25,839 I'm not following. You don't wanna go to classes, you just wanna play in a lab? 517 00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:29,596 I don't wanna sit in a lecture that teaches me how to modify algorithms... 518 00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:31,911 ...instead of think for myself. 519 00:34:39,440 --> 00:34:40,476 And? 520 00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:48,711 Okay, the people working the weaving machines in the 17th century... 521 00:34:48,880 --> 00:34:51,111 ...they didn't see the steam engine coming. 522 00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:55,593 One invention, industrial revolution. 523 00:34:55,800 --> 00:34:58,474 Encyclopedia Britannica didn't see Wikipedia coming. 524 00:34:58,640 --> 00:35:04,193 Great things don't happen in tiny little increments. 525 00:35:05,000 --> 00:35:08,755 You know, they happen when someone thinks completely differently. 526 00:35:08,960 --> 00:35:12,476 And all you geniuses, you're just... 527 00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:15,280 You're just modifying algorithms. 528 00:35:20,280 --> 00:35:22,317 C-3PO, huh? 529 00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:30,358 That dude's a badass. You know he's fluent in over 6 million forms of communication? 530 00:35:35,800 --> 00:35:38,076 - Give me the money. - What the fuck? 531 00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:40,590 - Give me your money. - Is that a toy gun? 532 00:35:43,720 --> 00:35:44,790 Fuck! 533 00:35:51,320 --> 00:35:54,074 Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! 534 00:35:58,240 --> 00:36:01,039 Fuck you! 535 00:36:08,040 --> 00:36:10,077 Get in. We drink. 536 00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:11,475 Fuck off, goddamn it. 537 00:36:19,480 --> 00:36:21,597 Hey, faggot. 538 00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:24,070 I am not a faggot. 539 00:36:24,560 --> 00:36:28,349 And I could sue you for the use of the word. 540 00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:30,591 Whoa, Nellie. I'm on your side. 541 00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:33,150 Come on in. Let us buy you a drink. 542 00:36:34,040 --> 00:36:37,875 Come on. I'm not gonna bite, unless you ask me to. 543 00:36:54,240 --> 00:36:55,879 What's with him? 544 00:36:56,040 --> 00:36:59,556 No idea. He's been weird all day. 545 00:37:07,720 --> 00:37:11,430 You, um... You plagiarized Nelson Mandela. 546 00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:14,997 - Who? - The MIT application essay. 547 00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:17,391 Well, you think I should have wrote it myself? 548 00:37:17,560 --> 00:37:22,271 No, I think you shouldn't have applied to colleges for me without asking me. 549 00:37:22,480 --> 00:37:23,880 I did ask you. 550 00:37:24,080 --> 00:37:27,551 I asked you a hundred times to get the applications in, you ignored me. 551 00:37:27,760 --> 00:37:29,797 - For a reason. - What, that you're an idiot? 552 00:37:29,960 --> 00:37:33,590 You wanna waste your life laying around this shithole neighborhood forever? 553 00:37:33,760 --> 00:37:38,676 You have any idea how much stuff I had to steal and sell to pay those application fees? 554 00:37:38,880 --> 00:37:42,351 It was a huge pain in the ass, and I did it for you. 555 00:37:42,520 --> 00:37:44,557 So you could be a little nicer about it. 556 00:37:44,720 --> 00:37:48,191 You know, you might even wanna say thank you. 557 00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:51,159 Thank you. 558 00:37:52,880 --> 00:37:55,236 Thank you. Thank you. 559 00:37:57,400 --> 00:37:59,790 Thank you, thank you, thank you. 560 00:38:00,040 --> 00:38:01,633 Thank you. 561 00:38:02,400 --> 00:38:04,073 May I transfer you to Sales? 562 00:38:04,680 --> 00:38:07,798 Thank you so much and you have a Worldwide day! 563 00:38:07,960 --> 00:38:10,520 - Hey, Fiona, you okay? - Huh? 564 00:38:10,720 --> 00:38:11,870 Oh. 565 00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:14,430 Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay. 566 00:38:14,640 --> 00:38:16,871 Mike's not a bad guy once you get to know him. 567 00:38:17,040 --> 00:38:21,193 Um, Maria got an infection in the hospital, she's gonna be out for a couple weeks. 568 00:38:21,400 --> 00:38:23,960 I was thinking of requesting you, if you're available. 569 00:38:24,120 --> 00:38:26,589 Easier than training a new girl every day. 570 00:38:26,760 --> 00:38:27,955 That'd be great. 571 00:38:28,680 --> 00:38:32,799 Only thing is, um, Mr. Pratt Sr., Uncle Matt, we call him... 572 00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:36,431 ...he's kind of conservative. He's a deacon at First Baptist. 573 00:38:36,600 --> 00:38:40,480 I'm sure that outfit would have been great at your last office, but... 574 00:38:41,040 --> 00:38:45,512 Shit, really? Shit. Fuck. Sorry. 575 00:38:45,760 --> 00:38:49,470 It's okay. Just button up a little bit and it'll all be all right. 576 00:38:51,280 --> 00:38:54,114 Please tell your father I'm a big fan. 577 00:38:57,120 --> 00:38:58,998 - It's truth, you see? - What's truth? 578 00:38:59,160 --> 00:39:02,039 - That you are no good for Fiona. - What the hell do you know? 579 00:39:02,200 --> 00:39:04,920 I know you're not meant for this life. 580 00:39:05,720 --> 00:39:11,910 You're rich boy, born with a silver spoon. It's okay not to be ashamed. 581 00:39:12,640 --> 00:39:17,237 I am from the favela, okay. And now I have silver spoon. You can go that way. 582 00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:19,791 But the other way? 583 00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:25,716 That way is just misery. Bitter. Resent. Miserable. 584 00:39:26,680 --> 00:39:28,876 It's better you should go now. 585 00:39:29,080 --> 00:39:32,517 - Before Fiona and the kids get more-- - Attached. 586 00:39:32,720 --> 00:39:34,996 Attached to you. 587 00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:38,558 Or before you and Fiona make a baby together. 588 00:39:38,720 --> 00:39:40,951 Because after a baby... 589 00:39:41,120 --> 00:39:45,353 ...then is misery, bitter, resent forever. 590 00:39:46,680 --> 00:39:51,471 Men, we need space to think. 591 00:39:53,040 --> 00:39:56,078 So walk, think. 592 00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:00,039 This time, I'll not follow you. 593 00:40:05,360 --> 00:40:06,760 Thanks, man. 594 00:40:09,280 --> 00:40:12,512 Hey. But if you break any laws, I will chop off both your hands. 595 00:40:12,720 --> 00:40:14,313 Got it. 596 00:40:17,040 --> 00:40:20,078 You use that Mandela speech in all the applications? 597 00:40:20,240 --> 00:40:22,038 No. 598 00:40:22,200 --> 00:40:23,919 I mixed it up a little bit. 599 00:40:24,120 --> 00:40:27,511 Couple of dead presidents and some guy called Gandhi. 600 00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:29,034 "Gandhi"? 601 00:40:30,320 --> 00:40:33,472 I don't get why you'd want me to go to MIT. 602 00:40:34,360 --> 00:40:37,114 You know, Boston's pretty far away. 603 00:40:39,320 --> 00:40:41,835 I thought maybe you'd take me with you. 604 00:40:42,040 --> 00:40:43,633 But... 605 00:40:45,680 --> 00:40:47,512 But what? 606 00:40:48,520 --> 00:40:51,592 No one's ever been as good to me as you have. 607 00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:54,798 You're better than this neighborhood. 608 00:40:55,720 --> 00:41:00,033 You're better than anyone I've ever met and you deserve to get out. 609 00:41:01,880 --> 00:41:04,440 Even if you don't take me with you... 610 00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:07,560 ...which I never really thought you would anyway. 611 00:41:20,680 --> 00:41:22,637 So is it true? You're getting married? 612 00:41:25,160 --> 00:41:27,516 So, uh, who is it? Is it, uh, Angie Zahgo? 613 00:41:27,680 --> 00:41:32,197 Or some other piece of trash you screw so you can pretend I don't matter to you? 614 00:41:38,320 --> 00:41:40,391 Hey, what the fuck, Gallagher? 615 00:41:41,280 --> 00:41:42,999 He speaks. 616 00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:50,715 So that's it, we're over? 617 00:41:50,880 --> 00:41:52,837 You're dad beats the shit out of us... 618 00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:55,993 ...and you're just gonna get married, no conversation? Nothing? 619 00:42:00,480 --> 00:42:02,551 - Hey-- - Get the fuck off me. 620 00:42:03,480 --> 00:42:06,598 Oh, you wanna fag bash? That make you feel like a man? 621 00:42:07,320 --> 00:42:09,789 Come on. Go ahead. Do it! 622 00:42:12,680 --> 00:42:14,672 Fuck. 623 00:42:18,880 --> 00:42:20,872 You love me. 624 00:42:21,800 --> 00:42:22,836 And you're gay. 625 00:42:25,360 --> 00:42:26,476 Just admit it. 626 00:42:27,720 --> 00:42:30,838 Just this once, fucking admit it. 627 00:42:38,440 --> 00:42:40,591 You feel better now? 628 00:42:41,160 --> 00:42:42,674 Feel like a man? 629 00:42:50,720 --> 00:42:51,949 I feel better now. 630 00:42:56,960 --> 00:43:01,273 - Oh! Just the man I was hoping to run into. - I can't see you anymore. 631 00:43:03,680 --> 00:43:05,034 I'm with Mandy now. 632 00:43:06,160 --> 00:43:07,276 I'm sorry. 633 00:43:09,120 --> 00:43:11,316 I shouldn't have started up with you again. 634 00:43:11,560 --> 00:43:13,791 You're not serious. 635 00:43:14,800 --> 00:43:18,157 She's good for me and you're not. 636 00:43:19,480 --> 00:43:20,800 And, uh... 637 00:43:22,400 --> 00:43:24,869 Yeah. That's all. 638 00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:32,751 What about boys? 639 00:43:33,320 --> 00:43:35,596 - What about them? - Well, do you like any? 640 00:43:35,760 --> 00:43:37,991 None that like me. 641 00:43:38,160 --> 00:43:41,551 I'm not pretty like Fiona. My teeth are messed up and my chest is flat. 642 00:43:41,760 --> 00:43:44,320 Do you know they have special bras for that? 643 00:43:47,120 --> 00:43:49,555 - Hey. - Hey, Karen. 644 00:43:53,560 --> 00:43:57,349 Um, is there anything to eat? 645 00:44:00,480 --> 00:44:02,233 Mom. 646 00:44:03,760 --> 00:44:06,912 Jesus. What-fucking-ever. 647 00:44:17,160 --> 00:44:20,358 What did she do that's so bad that you won't talk to her? 648 00:44:25,760 --> 00:44:30,312 She wrote the Wongs and told them to take Hymie away. 649 00:44:31,360 --> 00:44:34,831 She told them I was crazy... 650 00:44:35,280 --> 00:44:38,318 ...and that I had obsessive-compulsive disorder... 651 00:44:39,160 --> 00:44:42,119 ...and that I was bad for the baby. 652 00:44:43,760 --> 00:44:48,391 I do have obsessive-compulsive disorder... 653 00:44:48,560 --> 00:44:53,430 ...but I've been working really hard to treat it and my meds have been really working. 654 00:44:54,000 --> 00:44:56,390 And I am a little crazy... 655 00:44:57,120 --> 00:45:01,034 ...but I'm not bad for that baby, that part's just not true. 656 00:45:01,200 --> 00:45:04,398 - Sheila? - Yeah, honey? 657 00:45:06,760 --> 00:45:09,195 I've seen crazy, and I've seen bad for kids... 658 00:45:09,760 --> 00:45:12,229 ...you aren't either of those things. 659 00:45:12,400 --> 00:45:14,517 You're super nice. 660 00:45:15,320 --> 00:45:19,109 I made a lot of mistakes. 661 00:45:19,640 --> 00:45:21,199 Then say you're sorry. 662 00:45:22,120 --> 00:45:27,479 Because if Monica came back, said she was sorry and stayed... 663 00:45:28,680 --> 00:45:30,672 ...I'd forgive her. 664 00:45:31,120 --> 00:45:35,273 I would forgive her for everything because she's my mom. 665 00:45:39,280 --> 00:45:41,237 I'm so... 666 00:45:42,920 --> 00:45:46,277 ...sorry your mom left you. 667 00:45:46,440 --> 00:45:49,751 But you know it's not your fault, right? 668 00:45:51,360 --> 00:45:54,956 Do you know that? It's not your fault. 669 00:46:09,400 --> 00:46:11,756 - Who's this? - Hey, Mandy. It's Karen Jackson. 670 00:46:11,920 --> 00:46:15,277 I just wanted to call and thank you for applying to colleges for Lip. 671 00:46:15,480 --> 00:46:17,472 - What? - My mom kind of sucks these days... 672 00:46:17,640 --> 00:46:20,109 ...so it'll be awesome to have somewhere new to go. 673 00:46:20,320 --> 00:46:26,191 And all I have to do is poke one hole in a condom and he'll do whatever I say, forever. 674 00:46:26,400 --> 00:46:28,517 I mean, we learned that from last time. 675 00:46:28,920 --> 00:46:30,070 Fuck you. 676 00:46:30,240 --> 00:46:33,358 You mean, like, all three of us? Yeah, I could be down for that. 677 00:46:33,560 --> 00:46:35,711 Do you want me to ask Lip next time we do it? 678 00:46:42,640 --> 00:46:46,031 One who tried to hurt me When you said goodbye 679 00:46:46,400 --> 00:46:50,030 Did you think I'd crumble? Did you think I'd lay down and die? 680 00:46:50,240 --> 00:46:53,233 Oh, no, not I I will survive 681 00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:54,436 Oh, yeah. 682 00:46:54,600 --> 00:46:58,355 Oh, as long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive 683 00:46:58,520 --> 00:47:02,400 I've got all my life to live I've got all my love to give 684 00:47:02,560 --> 00:47:07,237 And I'll survive, I will survive Hey, hey 685 00:47:13,080 --> 00:47:14,116 Yeah. 686 00:47:16,440 --> 00:47:18,557 Jesus. 687 00:47:19,760 --> 00:47:22,070 Whoa! Ha, ha. 688 00:47:22,920 --> 00:47:26,800 What's an Adam's apple matter if you can blow like that? 689 00:48:13,440 --> 00:48:16,956 Hey. Hey, you want a blowjob? 690 00:48:17,160 --> 00:48:19,436 I'll give you a blowjob for $10. 691 00:48:19,600 --> 00:48:23,150 Or a rock. Do you have a rock? I give really good blowjobs. 692 00:48:26,320 --> 00:48:29,119 Are you sure you don't want one? 693 00:48:32,280 --> 00:48:34,840 Know how many nerve-endings are in the foreskin? 694 00:48:35,000 --> 00:48:37,037 I don't think a guy wishes he had more nerves. 695 00:48:37,240 --> 00:48:41,393 What if our son wants to be a transsexual? They will need that skin to make a vagina. 696 00:48:41,640 --> 00:48:45,236 - Why is that even a question? - The gays brought the gift baskets, Kevin. 697 00:48:45,480 --> 00:48:48,075 Look at the gift baskets. I'm saying it's a possibility. 698 00:48:48,240 --> 00:48:50,436 - What's this? - Frank told the world he's gay. 699 00:48:50,600 --> 00:48:53,195 And the gay world responded with chocolate and cheese. 700 00:48:53,360 --> 00:48:55,033 - And good wine. - Wow. 701 00:48:55,240 --> 00:48:59,553 Debs, school. Why didn't you go? 702 00:48:59,720 --> 00:49:01,473 Sheila was depressed. Bad depressed. 703 00:49:01,640 --> 00:49:03,677 - Monica depressed. - Code Pink. 704 00:49:03,840 --> 00:49:06,992 - I'm sorry you had to deal with that. - Is Frank really gay? 705 00:49:07,400 --> 00:49:11,155 No. Carl, it's a scam. It's always some kind of a scam. 706 00:49:11,360 --> 00:49:13,192 This scam tastes awesome. 707 00:49:14,520 --> 00:49:18,400 - Is this dinner? Where's Jimmy? - Here you go. 708 00:49:18,960 --> 00:49:22,192 Think he's still wondering if there's any more cheese? 709 00:49:22,440 --> 00:49:24,909 - Try the moldy one. - I like the one with the holes. 710 00:49:25,080 --> 00:49:27,720 - Hey, put it down. - Wipe your mouth afterwards. 711 00:49:28,200 --> 00:49:30,396 - Wipe your mouth. - Ha, ha. 712 00:49:31,120 --> 00:49:32,554 What's that in your mouth? 713 00:49:32,720 --> 00:49:36,077 Oh, what's that in your mouth? 714 00:49:36,960 --> 00:49:38,997 Okay, you ready? 715 00:49:40,120 --> 00:49:42,680 - Okay, you guys. - Go again. 716 00:49:45,160 --> 00:49:46,674 Come in. 717 00:49:46,840 --> 00:49:48,877 Hi. Honey, hi. 718 00:49:49,040 --> 00:49:52,272 Mom, I am not in the mood right now. 719 00:49:52,440 --> 00:49:56,320 I'm sorry I was so crazy when you were little. 720 00:49:56,800 --> 00:49:58,154 I'm... 721 00:49:58,440 --> 00:50:02,912 I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get my meds balanced... 722 00:50:03,440 --> 00:50:06,797 ...and I'm sorry that I missed so many of your school events... 723 00:50:06,960 --> 00:50:09,873 ...because I couldn't leave the house. 724 00:50:10,040 --> 00:50:11,554 And I'm... 725 00:50:12,400 --> 00:50:17,316 I'm sorry that I took up with your husband. 726 00:50:17,600 --> 00:50:20,638 Even if you didn't want him, it's just a... 727 00:50:21,000 --> 00:50:25,233 Well, it's just a terrible thing for a mother to do. 728 00:50:25,880 --> 00:50:27,280 There-- There-- 729 00:50:27,440 --> 00:50:34,438 There are so many ways I wish I could've been a better mother to you. 730 00:50:37,120 --> 00:50:38,759 I... 731 00:50:39,960 --> 00:50:42,395 I hope you can forgive me, Karen. 732 00:50:44,160 --> 00:50:47,551 I hope we can start over. 733 00:50:48,320 --> 00:50:50,596 Because I... 734 00:50:56,800 --> 00:50:59,474 I love you so very much. 735 00:50:59,680 --> 00:51:02,718 I love you so much. 736 00:51:06,320 --> 00:51:07,356 I-- 737 00:51:12,160 --> 00:51:15,232 Okay, I'm sorry, Mom, it's Lip. 738 00:51:15,440 --> 00:51:18,558 He wants to meet at the park. 739 00:51:21,000 --> 00:51:22,798 Oh, are you...? 740 00:51:23,440 --> 00:51:26,831 - Are you seeing Lip again? - I hope so. 741 00:51:27,000 --> 00:51:28,798 Okay. 742 00:51:41,600 --> 00:51:44,434 Fuck you too. Stupid bitch. 743 00:51:54,520 --> 00:51:56,273 Christopher. 744 00:51:57,040 --> 00:51:59,475 - Christopher! - Go away, Frank. 745 00:51:59,920 --> 00:52:03,152 You're drunk. You need a meeting. Go away. 746 00:52:03,360 --> 00:52:06,751 Christopher, why? It was so good between us. 747 00:52:06,960 --> 00:52:10,192 I'm sorry, Frank. Mom says this is how it has to be. 748 00:52:10,680 --> 00:52:13,752 No, Chris. Wait, wait. Chris-- Oh! 749 00:52:24,760 --> 00:52:27,878 - You like emergency medicine, right? - Hours suck, but I love it. 750 00:52:28,080 --> 00:52:30,515 - It's a shorter track than surgery, right? - Barely. 751 00:52:30,680 --> 00:52:33,400 Incoming ambulance, serious head trauma, two minutes out. 752 00:52:33,560 --> 00:52:35,119 All right. 753 00:52:37,160 --> 00:52:39,197 - How's the money? - The money's good. 754 00:52:39,400 --> 00:52:42,871 - Saving people's lives is great too. - You mean the adrenaline rush? 755 00:52:43,080 --> 00:52:47,438 What's going on, man? Thinking about going back to school? 756 00:52:50,960 --> 00:52:54,351 I thought I hated med school, but U of M's looking great right now. 757 00:52:54,600 --> 00:52:56,910 - Hit and run. - Cracked skull and a thready pulse. 758 00:52:57,080 --> 00:52:59,470 Ran two large bores of saline en route. 759 00:53:18,760 --> 00:53:22,197 Uh, hey. Bright. 760 00:53:22,360 --> 00:53:28,038 Mr. Gallagher, when you're ready to rise, we'd like to buy you a meal and have a chat. 761 00:53:33,320 --> 00:53:36,313 - What'd you hit? - A girl at school. 762 00:53:37,440 --> 00:53:39,955 Don't forget to check for hair behind the grille. 763 00:53:40,120 --> 00:53:42,840 Call Manny about the windshield. 764 00:53:48,320 --> 00:53:52,519 We've looked into your records, Frank. You're an alcoholic. 765 00:53:52,680 --> 00:53:53,796 A derelict. 766 00:53:54,000 --> 00:53:56,435 Not the kind of man we usually want on our side. 767 00:53:57,680 --> 00:54:00,991 But you, my friend, have stumbled ass over tea kettle... 768 00:54:01,160 --> 00:54:05,234 ...into the most significant moment in the history of the gay-rights movement. 769 00:54:05,440 --> 00:54:08,000 We both know that we're not second-class citizens... 770 00:54:08,160 --> 00:54:11,870 ...but there are a lot of people in this country who still need convincing... 771 00:54:12,040 --> 00:54:14,430 ...and you are the missing piece in our puzzle. 772 00:54:14,640 --> 00:54:18,031 You're blue-collar, working-class, Irish-Catholic. 773 00:54:18,200 --> 00:54:24,117 You have the ears of the people whose minds most need changing. 774 00:54:24,800 --> 00:54:27,520 You also have dog shit on your face and no place to live. 775 00:54:27,680 --> 00:54:30,036 But we can fix that if you agree to work with us. 776 00:54:30,240 --> 00:54:32,391 You've got my attention, Mr...? 777 00:54:32,600 --> 00:54:34,398 Paige. Abraham Paige. 778 00:54:34,560 --> 00:54:37,712 We'll clean you up. We'll house you. We'll coach you. 779 00:54:37,960 --> 00:54:41,874 - Do you remember Joe the Plumber? - Heard of him? He's a personal hero of mine. 780 00:54:42,040 --> 00:54:43,952 Well, you are gay Joe. 781 00:54:45,560 --> 00:54:48,359 - Frank the Plumber? - No. 782 00:54:49,120 --> 00:54:50,952 Frank the father... 783 00:54:51,120 --> 00:54:53,715 ...Frank the son, Frank the neighbor... 784 00:54:53,880 --> 00:54:57,271 ...Frank the face of the gay-rights movement. 785 00:55:08,080 --> 00:55:09,116 Oh, jeez. 786 00:55:14,800 --> 00:55:16,280 Take it. Take it. 787 00:55:16,480 --> 00:55:18,039 - I need to sit up. - There. 788 00:55:18,600 --> 00:55:19,829 - Ow. - Take it, you little gimp. 789 00:55:20,080 --> 00:55:22,151 Turn over. Mama's gonna give you an exam. 790 00:55:23,520 --> 00:55:24,954 - Take it. Take it. - Ow. Ow. 791 00:55:25,120 --> 00:55:27,680 Don't you shit on my hand, you hear me? Yeah. 792 00:55:27,920 --> 00:55:29,434 - Take it. Yeah. - Aah!