This is what you missed last week on Shameless:
It was great. It was all about me.
Sort of the hero's journey.
- Where am I? - Juárez.
- Did I miss Christmas? - You almost missed Easter.
- Morning, Debs. - One hundred and thirty-seven days.
He'll be back, Debs. He always comes back.
- Well, hello, Steve. - Nando.
I was surprised to see you in the States.
I thought the DEA had you on a watch list.
They do.
So you can imagine how happy I am to come here.
I've arranged for Estefania to pursue economics.
I want her to be an American citizen, Steve.
When Immigration comes, you will be her husband.
That means you can't get into any trouble.
- How am I supposed to make a living? - Get a job.
I lost my job today.
Are we gonna have enough for property tax?
Just, with the check I got today.
Lip and Ian left early?
They're picking something up downtown.
Downtown?
What they said.
Was hoping you'd give me a shot at assistant managing like we discussed.
Give me a thousand bucks, I'll find you a night to promote.
A thousand dollars, it's all there.
Okay. You're on the calendar.
You put up a certain amount of money in order to get in.
Daddy.
Shit.
- What's the matter? - A thousand dollars.
- Go back to sleep. - I can't breathe.
Maybe has to do with the pillow on your face.
- I gotta pay the property tax. - All right, come here, come here.
- Stop poking me with that thing. - Thought you liked me poking you.
What was I thinking?
Is this about the club thing?
Woke up having a panic attack...
...that I was just like Frank and Monica taking our money.
Except I wasn't even get high with it.
You're gonna throw a kick-ass club night. Gotta be entrepreneurial, right?
- Invest in yourself. - Mm.
- Are you taking a dump right now? - Like clockwork, every morning.
- Jesus. - What, I can't take a dump in here?
- Not in front of me, you can't. - You were in the shower.
And now I'm out of the shower.
I wouldn't care if you took a dump in front of me.
Oh! What's going on?
- Frank, drunk, looking for a bed. - Who the hell let him?
- Debbie. - We begged her not to.
- He's not hot-bunking my bed. - Can't he sleep on the porch?
- It's warm enough. - I want my old bed back.
Oh, hell, no.
Step, step.
- Morning, Frank. - This is my house.
It's okay, Daddy, you can sleep in my room.
Wouldn't do it, Debs. He's especially ripe this morning.
- Frank smells like dog piss. - Not dog piss.
- Gary, the homeless guy. - Come on, Daddy.
Sweet dreams, Daddy.
- Hey, that's my tent. - I'll hose it off after he wakes up.
Debs, don't let Frank in here anymore.
- This is his home too. - He disappeared for months.
And now he's back. Excuse.
Milk money.
- Breakfast. - Did you wash up after you pooped?
- What are you, my mom now? - We're supposed to wash up after we poop?
- Tell your girlfriend to wear clothes, Lip. - Not her keeper.
Don't look if you don't like what you see.
Sweet.
Pants. Now.
Jesus.
- Hey, you going to school today? - Oh, no, later.
Gonna skip my first periods so I can clock community service hours.
Adding the last 50 bucks to the property tax, yo.
That should bring us right around where we need to be.
I didn't put in the money from that last toxic-waste gig I had yet.
Okay, that's cool. Hand it over.
I'll drop it off before community service, pay the man.
I don't have it.
- Don't have what? - The money.
I used it to put down a deposit on a club night.
All right. Debs, Carl, let's go.
- School time. - Gotta bring Daddy his breakfast first.
The property tax, that's already two weeks late.
We're always two weeks late. I'll have the money right after the party.
- It wasn't yours to spend. - Yeah, it was. I earned it.
Oh. That's how we're doing this now? Okay, I'll take the money I made and buy an iPad.
Ian, what are you gonna do with your paycheck? New leather jacket? Liam?
I have an opportunity to make some real money.
- It's not that easy. - I've been in the club business a long time.
Sure, slinging cocktails, okay?
Look, you don't know shit about promoting a club party.
Thanks for the vote of confidence, Lip.
Hey, Daddy.
Brought you breakfast.
And the newspaper.
Good to have you home.
Can you help me with my social studies project?
It's on the Civil War.
- Gotta build Lincoln's log cabin. - Deb.
Too much noise. I need peace and quiet.
I'm trying to sleep.
Seriously? You're walking me to the curb?
What, did I go back in time and turn 6?
Have a good day at school, Carl. Learn something useful.
I'm at a payphone trying to call home
All of my change I spent on you
Where have the time gone? Baby, it's all wrong
Where are the plans we made for two?
You like Maroon 5?
What the hell are you doing here?
Have you gotten a job yet?
- No. - Nando told you to get a job.
I don't know what it's like in Brazil, but we're in a recession here.
- Oh. I keep my eye on you from now on, okay? - Excuse me?
Make sure you don't get into trouble.
We are partners now. Wherever you go, I go. Heh.
Like a married couple, huh?
Even the sun sets in paradise
I'm at a payphone
Why they got you doing this, man?
B and E, theft and assault.
- Nice. - You?
Hit a kid with a brick. Kind of broke his face.
- Hey, how many hours you get for that? - Fifty.
Shit, man, I got 120.
Least there's always someone with some weed.
Hey, got any weed?
Ten bucks a joint.
- See, what'd I tell you? - Right here.
- Sweet. - Yo, man, check this out.
- What's up with the geek squad? - Is that the fucking cast of Glee?
Looks like a bunch of do-gooders.
More like a bunch of gonna-get-their-ass-kicked-ers.
- Hey, Meg. - Hey. What's up?
- Wanted to get your staff list. - Oh, yeah, sure. That's a good idea.
Was also wondering if we could renegotiate my split of the bar?
- Fifteen percent doesn't work for you? - I heard Wendell gets like 30 percent.
Hey, he's my best promoter. He brings in, like, a huge crowd.
It's your first gig. It takes time.
What if she brought her own booze?
Get it from Kev, make more. It'll work out better.
Gonna have to make it worth my while.
We could do the same split, except I keep the 85 percent and give you the 15.
Okay, bring your own booze.
But I want 20 percent.
Come on, G.I., pound me like an Iraqi soldier.
Okay, you need to shut the fuck up.
RALPH Oh, I'm sorry. - Unh! You're still talking.
Hey, what's going on under there?
- Oh, fuck. - Fuck.
- Who is it? - Probably a teacher or some shit.
I told you you were too loud.
Look, I can't get expelled. My parents will kill me.
Hearing about the gay sex will kill them sooner.
Lookie what we got here.
Mickey?
- Thought you were still in juvie. - Not anymore.
Unh!
You having some sort of queer-bo sex under here?
No, no, I swear.
Why are you still beating me up? He was doing it too.
You're the one taking it in the ass, right? You're the one I gotta kick straight.
- It working? - Yes, yes.
Good. Get the hell out of here.
You got any fuck left in you, or you dump it all in that faggot's ass?
Hey, my little chee-chee.
Please don't cry.
Please don't cry, my little boy.
Please don't cry.
Mama's so tired.
Don't you wanna give your wee lungs a--? Ah!
Ah!
Oh, God, that's so loud.
Everything's so loud.
Maybe we can...
...have Jody rub your tummy.
And Mama, she can take a little nap.
I don't remember Karen causing such a fuss as you, Hymie.
Maybe it's from your Chinese side.
Okay.
Cool, you got Hymie to quiet down?
Hymie!
No!
No! No!
- No, no, no, he's not trash! - Hey, wait!
He's not trash! No, Hymie! No! No! No!
Oh, my God.
Hymie! Hymie!
Oh, my God! Oh, my--! Oh, my--! Hymie!
- I'm so sorry. - It's okay, Sheila, he's fine.
No, but he was almost swallowed up by the truck.
Oh, my God, I'm such a terrible mother.
No, you're just a tired mother.
No, no, I don't deserve to live.
Come on, let's go back inside.
We'll call Debbie to come baby-sit again and we'll get some rest. Okay?
- I'm sorry, baby. - Come on, it's okay.
No, no, no!
You ever shoot crack?
- No. - Ever eat mescaline-laced mushrooms?
Nope.
- Put a tequila-soaked tampon up your ass? - What? No, dude.
I get it. I'm obviously not as cool as you.
Smells good.
Yeah, it's primo stuff.
- Twenty bucks a joint. - Can I buy five?
Yeah, sure thing.
- I'm Casper. - Lip.
Grizz.
- You live around here? - About four blocks over.
Cool.
I guess. Where you from?
Lakeshore. I didn't choose it, I was just born there.
What are you doing slumming it down here?
City Youth. We're beautifying Chicago one block at a time.
Good luck. Those flowers, they're not gonna last two hours.
Just looks good on my Tufts application.
Admissions people are into you helping the poor and shit.
Oh, sorry.
It's okay. Not offended.
Hey, are you interested in beautifying any other parts of the neighborhood?
- Anything to beef up my CV. - I think I may have something for you.
- I'll see if I can work it out. - Dude, hit me up any time.
- I'm on Facebook. Casper Duncan. - You got it, Casper Duncan.
Man, that was good.
- Missed you. - You did?
Yeah, man.
Had to do all the fucking in juvie.
Otherwise, I'd end up someone's bitch, right?
Nice to switch back.
- Thought you had four more months. - Let me out for overcrowding or some shit.
You coming back to school?
Hell, no. I'd still be a fucking freshman. I haven't passed a single class.
Why'd you come back then?
Fronted a bunch of coke before I went in.
Time to collect.
Oh. That's good.
So good.
Third call this week from that same woman, Kev.
- She won't leave a message? - Nope.
Probably a fucking bill collector. Can you just keep dodging her, please?
Hi, baby. How's the foot?
It's goddamn itchy.
What are you two foxy ladies up to?
- Need to bum some liquor off you. - For her club night.
- They don't have booze there? - She'll make more if she brings her own.
All right. Hobble this way.
- Okay. How much you need? - More than this.
There's gonna be at least 200 people there.
Have you ever seen more than 20 deadbeats in here at one time?
What about your distributor?
- Could I get the booze from them? - Yeah, maybe.
Walter's a cool enough guy for a Roselli.
You're dealing with the mob? You never told me.
Stan burned every bridge in town.
- Walter's the only distributor. - How much will the booze cost?
For 200 people, top shelf, close to five grand.
Well drinks, you'd probably get away with three.
Would he let me set up an account, invoice me later?
Yeah, maybe. He'll do a credit check, though.
- I've got perfect credit. - No credit does not equal perfect.
Do you even have a social security number?
He'll want you to leave one of the kids as collateral.
Okay, I get it. I'll just buy the booze from him up-front.
Whose money are you gonna use?
Douche bag.
Uniform sales.
Bus driver.
Short-order cook.
- How's it going, Jim-nasium? - Hey, what's going on?
- Can I borrow some money from you? - Yeah, sure, how much?
Five thousand dollars. Pay you back after my club night.
- What? - Kind of strapped right now.
I got like, uh, 300 bucks on me.
Are those my jeans, Frank?
- Found them upstairs in my room. - It's not your room anymore.
- You're cutting her jeans into shorts? - Had my own.
Somebody tossed my clothes.
These are like $120. I got them at Goodwill for like 40 bucks.
Can you go to the bank and get more money?
I don't have any.
What about your parents?
I haven't gotten anything from them since I was 18.
- Really? College? - Cars? Insurance?
Okay, I haven't gotten any cash from them since I was 18.
For two years you've offered to give me money, and now you don't have any?
I'm sorry.
This is why I never ask anybody for help. I feel like a jackass now.
Wait, are you mad at me? You get mad when I offer you money...
...now you're mad because I can't?
- I'll just figure it out myself, okay? - Okay.
Let's go, V.
Frank, what the hell? I got that roast chicken for dinner tonight.
My house, my kitchen, my fridge, my chicken.
I cut these too short. My balls are hanging out.
Yeah.
Nice ass.
Thought you were my history teacher, Mr. Crouch.
Sorry to disappoint.
- How was community service? - Yeah, good.
I met some North Side kids. Think I can make some dough off them.
Cool.
Yeah, gotta do what I can with my sister stealing our property tax money.
That was cunty of her.
You should be in charge of your family's money, not Fiona.
Mr. Gallagher. Just left Mr. Healey's office.
Rumors about you two true?
Said you were supposed to ask me for a recommendation.
Sure. In his mind, I was supposed to do that.
A letter of recommendation from a science teacher...
...looks good on your college applications.
Bet it does.
So we got 20 cases of beer, 16 cases of wine...
...and two cases of champagne.
I got 10 liters of vodka, six gin, four rum, four Scotch, four bourbon.
And enough mixers and garnishes for like 200 people.
- Sound about right? - Yup.
- And I can return whatever I don't use? - Absolutely.
- Let me just tally this up here for you. - What are you doing?
Ordering booze. What's it look like?
I hope the payment doesn't involve my titties.
Okay, my dear, I got you in at $4,857.
Includes a discount because you're a friend of Kev's.
I waived the delivery fee because you're a first-time customer.
How would you like to pay for this?
Check.
- Need a pen? - Yes, please.
Let me go check the schedule, see what time we get this to you.
- Excuse me. - Yes?
Is there more than $17 in that account?
By the time the check clears, I'll have it covered.
The guy's in the mob. You're kiting him a check?
Gotta be entrepreneurial, right?
If I don't invest in myself, no one else ever will.
Come in.
Oh. Surprised to see you at the college counseling center, Miss Milkovich.
- I came to talk about Lip. - I'm not at liberty to discuss another student.
Happy to help you with your future options.
Please, you and I both know my only options...
...are getting pregnant or getting arrested, so cut the crap.
Okay.
Then Lip. He's got a good chance of getting out of here.
- What are you doing about it? - Encouraging him to go to college.
- Doesn't seem too interested. - You're a guidance counselor.
Fucking guide him.
- There's only so much I can do. - What should he be doing?
Keeping his grades up, getting teacher recommendations.
Finding himself a legitimate job, filling out his college applications.
Think you can help with any of that?
Maybe.
All right.
Stop by at the end of the day, I'll pull some college brochures you can take with you.
You have a better chance of getting through to him than I did. Lysistrata.
What?
Show up for English once in a while and you'll get the reference.
All right.
Let's go, buddy.
All right. Yeah.
- Daddy. - No.
I'm not black enough or drunk enough to be your daddy. Whoa.
- I want Mommy. - Yeah.
Mommy.
You seriously gonna keep following me everywhere I go?
- It's my job. - Don't you ever have to go to the bathroom?
Okay.
There we go.
- Hey, Este, it's me. - Hi.
- Why are you breathing so hard? - Gym.
You never know with you.
So Beto is sitting out front. He follows me wherever I go.
Your father told him to keep an eye on me.
Don't worry. He's harmless.
Who, your father or Beto?
Neither of them seemed harmless when they were dicing up Marco.
Beer. I need beer.
Just a second, Frank.
Stay out of trouble and you be fine.
All right, listen, I gotta go. I gotta run some errands...
...make some money for Fiona.
Look, my dad is a hot head.
Blows off steam, threatens lives, then cools down.
Forgets why he was mad.
He is Gemini.
He will call Beto off soon.
Okay.
Hey, excuse me. What happened to all the meth heads squatting in here?
- Who the hell are you? - Concerned citizen.
- Took months to get rid of them. - Heard there were dead bodies in there.
Yeah, four. Coyotes got to them at one point.
Gonna take me eight weeks to make it livable again.
- How much you paying these guys? - Too much.
Might have a better deal for you.
That's the wrong building!
- How's the pasta? - Good.
You're like our maid now.
Thanks, Carl.
Debs, watch Liam for a bit? I gotta run an errand.
- No can do. Baby-sitting for Sheila. - Carl?
- Can I stay up late and watch TV? - Absolutely.
I'm going to Sheila's tonight, Daddy. Baby-sitting.
A noble job, Debs.
- That stupid baby still crying? - Won't stop.
Hey, that's my toothbrush.
- And thanks for sharing it with me, son. - Oh, man.
Now that we're a family again, I wanna encourage us to be all for one...
...and one for all.
Ew. I'm gonna have to boil it now.
You need the number over at Sheila's? Where I'll be.
No, why would I? I'll be heading out to the Alibi soon.
Don't worry about me walking home late at night.
I have a pillowcase filled with bars of soap.
Good for you. You get along a lot better with a weapon and a kind word...
...than a kind word alone.
Any of that spaghetti left?
Oh, darn it.
Ew.
- What are you doing? - Keeping Frank out.
Planning to go to Carnegie Mellon?
Please, it's for nerds and homos.
- But Healey thinks Lip should apply. - Fat chance.
- He's smart enough. - But too stupid to do anything about it.
I already tried.
Hey, can I ask you a question?
Sure.
How do you know if a guy you've been hanging with likes you?
- You like him? - Uh-huh. But I think he hates me.
- Ask him. - Doesn't wanna talk about it.
No guy ever does.
How do I know then?
Does he get that look in his eye when he's with you?
What look?
You'll know it when you see it.
Did you know that Abe Lincoln lived in a one-room log cabin...
...when he was born, Hymie?
And that his grandfather was ambushed and killed by Indians.
Some historians say that because he was cold to women...
...he might have had homosexual tendencies.
Debbie? Debs?
The whole point of you babysitting Hymie was to keep him quiet...
...so Jody and I could get some sleep.
Sorry, Sheila. He won't stop.
Why don't you take him for a walk?
- Where? - I don't care. Just anywhere.
Just don't come back for a few hours.
Okay?
Hey. What's up?
- Hey. Where are you? - I am running an errand.
- Where are you? - At V's. Changing.
Gonna run by the club. Talk to this promoter.
See if we can get his list to invite more people.
- Good idea. - You mind watching the kids?
- Got it covered. - Thanks. Bye.
Bye.
Hey, hey, hey. Okay, okay, okay, I'm out. I'm out.
Why you steal Porsche?
- I need money to help my girlfriend. - You have a car. Sell that.
- How am I supposed to get around? - Nando will kill us if you get into trouble.
Okay, I promise not to do it again. Okay?
You betray me.
What are you doing?
Ow! Fuck me! Holy shit!
Clean break, I think.
Don't screw with me again.
Fine. Okay. Ow.
I take you to the hospital then we go get American Whoppers, huh?
Hey, Meg. Is Wendell around?
Yeah, right over there.
Thanks.
I'll tell you this, for all of their laziness and lack of motivation...
...the Mexicans are a lovely people.
Why'd you go down there, Frank? I'll take another, Kev.
Sometimes a man just has to get away.
- Be alone with his thoughts. - Hey. Jesus.
You woke up from a stupor, didn't know where you were?
Knew exactly where I was.
I had a business opportunity with our south-of-the-border brothers.
- What did you do to your foot? - It fell off.
It's the only prosthetic I could afford. What business opportunity?
- I was hired to move some inventory. - Drug mule?
Only the best the Mexicanos have ever seen.
Not something to be bragging about.
- Which end did it go in? - Yo, Frank.
Some chick's outside with a baby looking for you.
- Oh, no. - Who is it, Frank?
I don't know. But does that sound like good news to you?
I'm gonna slip out the back.
Sounds like you were slipping it out the back in Mexico, Frank.
Shh.
Daddy.
Wait, you're the chick with the baby?
Kev won't let me in after 6 p.m. anymore.
What the hell's wrong with Liam?
This isn't Liam, it's Hymie. He's Sheila's.
Shut him up.
Sheila has an Oriental baby?
I have to finish my Civil War project, and he won't stop crying.
You were always so good with Liam.
Give him to me.
Open his mouth.
- What is that? - Valium.
Are you supposed to give Valium to a baby?
Oh, yeah. It always worked with you.
Voila.
Thanks, Daddy.
Hey, lend me 20 bucks, will you?
- I only have 5. - That'll do it.
Your friend likes to dance.
- The tequila likes to dance. - Hm.
So you think you're gonna be able to pull this off tomorrow night?
Hope so.
I bet you will.
Looks like you have some real talent.
You're not talking about my club promoting skills.
What makes you say that?
Your hand on my knee.
- Meant to put it up your skirt. - Oh.
What are the chances of me getting ahold of your e-mail lists?
Why would I give them to you?
Hm. The satisfaction of knowing you're helping a good person.
I can't come inside that.
I could give you a cut of my bar, then. Ten percent?
You know how long it took me to build up my lists?
Think I'd risk it on you throwing some lame party for anything less than 50 percent?
Well, that's an interesting offer.
Let me discuss it with my partner.
He wants 50 percent of the bar for his e-mail list. And he's a giant douche bag.
No worries.
I swiped his phone from his jacket as soon as I saw his hand on your knee.
Has all his contacts. Gotta be entrepreneurial, right?
Debbie?
Nightie-night, Hymie.
Oh, my goodness.
How did you do it, Debbie?
Daddy's good with babies.
Frank?
You just getting home?
Oh, hey. Still awake?
- Where have you been? - Uh...
Emergency room. Slammed it in the door.
- Yeah. - Well, you're in trouble.
- You let Carl stay up late on a school night. - Oh.
I think you need a spanking.
Hm?
I can't do it with your pants on, though.
Then I should take them off.
You've been a very bad boy.
I've been a bad, bad boy. Bad.
This Purdue place looks cool.
There's no way she's gonna make the money back for the property tax.
Says they're one of the top engineering schools in the country.
Now I'm gonna have to figure out a way to make up the thousand bucks.
You listening to me?
Yeah, you know, it's kind of hard with the porno going on across the hall.
Is it wrong that it's kind of turning me on?
Yeah, me too.
- Morning. - Hey.
Jimmy gonna come down to make us breakfast?
- He's sleeping in. Eat your cereal. - Wore him out, huh?
- You too. Eat your cereal. - I'm spoiled now.
Need an omelet.
So how's the club night thing coming?
Gonna be a big success.
Make enough money to roll it into another one. Take out a loan.
Really get things going. What's wrong, Debs?
Got home late.
Baby-sitting.
So the ghetto girl thinks she can live the American dream, huh?
- Maybe it's my time, Lip. - Heh, heh.
None of your business, Mandy.
Doesn't work like that, sis.
When you're poor, only way to make money is to steal it or scam it.
Like Don King or Joe Kennedy.
Daddy's home.
- Brought friends. - Howdy.
Just dump it.
Hey, that's my bike.
- Doesn't really work anymore. - Yeah, because you bent the rim, Frank.
And where's the seat?
That's why it hurt so much when I rode it. Come on, fellas, get some brekkie.
Soak up the alcohol.
- Do you have sourdough? - Hey! This is our food!
Don't be rude. Is this about money, Fiona?
Because I am happy to pay my share.
That's all you ever want from me anymore anyway.
There. You happy? Huh?
That's about $300 worth.
Come on, lads. Let's go upstairs, take a disco nap...
- ...till the Alibi's open again. - No! No.
- Lip, don't. - This is my home.
You have no right to keep me out of it.
I am an important part of this family.
No, you're not. You don't live here anymore.
Fine, if that's the way you want it, I'll leave.
Phil, Chester, I'm sorry.
My family doesn't want me here anymore.
Charge! Fellas!
- Shit. - Ha, ha, ha.
- Jackass. - That's it, let's go. Go!
Stop it, guys! Stop!
Just pick a bed, fellas. Just pick a bed.
Oh, my God.
What the hell are you doing? Come on!
Come on. Get up right now.
You cannot--
Get up! You are not sleeping here.
- No. Stop. - Get up!
- No, I-- - He didn't do anything.
You are not going-- Ah!
What's the matter with you?
Well, that was a piece of shit anyway.
Frank!
Debs.
- No. - Frank, get the fuck out! Come on!
Come on. Get up right now. You cannot do this. Get up.
- Get out! - Jesus!
- How could you do this to me? - What are you doing? Stop!
- You get out of my house. - Stop her. Will you stop?
- I hate you! - God almighty, help me. Jesus. Stop.
Get out!
Debs.
Get him out.
Debs! Debs!
I hate you! Don't touch me!
Get out!
After everything I have done for you, this is the thanks I get.
- Where should we put him? - Where he belongs. Open it up, Carl.
- Got it. - Whatever you-- Jesus. Whoa!
Not funny. Not funny at all.
Gonna need you to clean the blood splatter on the walls. Marks on the floors.
Patch up the bullet holes. Should get you started.
- Supplies are inside. - Shit.
You okay, buddy?
I'm trying all morning to get tickets to the Wilco concert.
- I can't get through. - Wilco?
Aren't they for dads with receding hairlines and shit?
Come on, Wilco is a beacon of anti-commercialism.
Because no one wants to buy their music. Gotta give it away.
Shit.
All right. Here you go. It's 50 bucks a head. That's $400.
Any chance I could get an advance on the next couple of days?
Slow your roll, kid. I haven't seen what they could do yet.
- Yeah? - This man stole our jobs.
No, no, I didn't steal them. I just underbid you.
But we are illegal immigrants. How can you underbid us?
- Ghetto white's the new brown. - The what?
The new brown.
This is unfair.
Just living the American dream, amigo.
Let's keep eight cases of that beer up front and put the rest in the back refrigerator.
- Hello? - People showing up already?
Can I help you?
Alderman Edward Gretsky, 15th ward.
- Okay. - Throwing a party, I see.
Something like that.
Just a friendly visit.
Make sure you filled out all your applications.
- Applications? - Business license.
Liquor license. Umbrella insurance.
- I'm sure Meg handled everything you need. - She did.
For her business.
- What? - You're running the show now, right?
Well, just for tonight.
Then just for tonight I'll make an exception on the applications.
For a small filing fee.
A filing fee?
Let's say a thousand dollars.
Wouldn't want any pesky policemen or firemen showing up, now would we?
I'll come back later to collect. Let's say 2 a.m.
- How is the pinkie? - It's doing okay.
So listen, my girlfriend's having a party tonight. It's important that I go.
Is there going to be alcohol there?
- It's a party. Kind of how these things work. - Drugs?
- Maybe. - Bad things may happen.
- Or not. - I go with you just to make sure.
See, that's the thing.
You can't. I'll have to explain who you are.
How I know you. That my life's in danger. That won't go over very well.
Then you stay home.
- Hey, Sanchez. - Oh, hell.
- Time to pay up. - They let you out?
- Good behavior. - I thought I had four more months.
- Think again. - Hey, yo, campus security is coming.
What the hell you doing?
Didn't want you to get busted.
I can look after myself. Thank you.
Does he get that look in his eye when he's with you?
Just got out of juvie, remember?
- What the fuck are you looking at? - Nothing.
- You look great. - Thanks, Debs.
You okay with what happened this morning? Frank?
Jimmy's in the bathroom puking.
- What's going on? - Something I ate. It's not sitting well.
You need anything?
No. I'm just bummed I can't make it tonight. I mean, I really wanted to go.
If you feel better later, come on over, okay?
Go away, we're not buying.
Jeez.
I know, you want me to find Jesus. I found him, thanks.
I'm looking for Kev. Kevin Ball. I'm his wife.
Tommy!
Hey, you still got that garage?
Yeah, kind of comes with the house.
Great. What's say you let me sleep there?
- What's say I don't. - Why the hell not?
Because the last time you stayed at my place, you shit in my kitchen sink.
The layout of your home is very confusing.
No, Frank.
No means no.
Fuck you, Tommy. Fuck you means fuck you.
Kermit.
My best friend.
You can't stay with me, Frank.
What if I suck your dick?
- Frank. - What if you immigrate to Mexico, Frank?
Reverse the prevailing tide.
Why are you even here? Should be collecting disability.
Because I didn't injure my foot at work.
Hey, let me crash at your place. I'll tell the insurance company that you did.
Why can't you stay at your place, Frank?
Ungrateful little shits. That's why.
Things I do for them. Blood, sweat, tears. This is not how family treats each other.
Yeah? Hang on. It's for you. V.
Hey, baby, what's going on?
What? No, yeah, okay. Okay. I'll be right there.
Watch the bar.
Little red-headed bitch is the worst of them.
Expect it from the others, but not from-- From-- Her. Debbie.
Orphan Annie turned on me.
That's how I got all these bruises. She hit me.
With a bat.
But I can't touch her. No.
That is child abuse. I get reported.
Operator, can you connect me with Child Welfare Services?
Yes, hello. I would like to report a negligent situation.
2119 North Wallace.
Gallagher.
Six kids living in squalor.
No parental supervision.
When the father is there, he's drunk.
He hits them.
Not that they don't deserve it. They're all criminals.
Delinquents. Viol-- What?
No, if it's all right, I would like to remain anonymous.
No, thank you. And God bless you.
That is an all-time low.
Even for you, Frank.
Yeah!
Hey, V, where are you? This place is insane. We did it!
This the club where Wilco's gonna play a concert?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's 20 bucks self-park, 30 valet.
- I'll park it myself. - Cool.
Just pull over right down there.
That lovely lady will show you to your spot. Cool. Have fun.
- Yo. - Hey, Lip.
- How you doing? - Good.
Got your text about the impromptu Wilco concert. Tweeted everyone I know.
Thought you might. Hop out. I'll have someone park your car.
- Thanks. - Cool.
How long we doing this for?
Figure we park about 30 more cars.
Make enough money to cover the property tax.
At which time people will start to realize Wilco's not playing at Fiona's club.
Then we bolt.
- Out. - Where am I supposed to go?
Just shake him.
- You're not supposed to shake a baby. - Maybe it'll make him stop crying.
Yeah, because his brains will get scrambled.
- They already are! - Sheila!
I'm just saying, maybe it'll scramble them back together.
Howdy, folks. Need help with that baby?
- Frank? - How'd you get in my house?
I still have a key. I got a proposition for you, Sheils.
- What? No. - Frank, you have to leave.
No, let me stay, and I'll be your wet nurse.
I don't mean your wet nurse. That involves breast feeding.
But your nurse. Your baby nurse.
Room and board, you'll get eight hours of sleep. I can promise you that.
Debbie did say he was good with babies.
There, you see? My reputation precedes me.
Just give me five minutes. Hell, give me 30 seconds.
If I can't put this little tyke to sleep, I'll leave. Pronto.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
I got you.
Raised eight kids myself. I know what I'm doing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Here you go.
Mm-hm.
Huh.
How did you do that, Frank?
I think I'll take a shower before bed.
Seventy-five, 76, 78.
Okay, just over 10 grand.
- That's not bad. - So 15 percent for you.
I thought we agreed on 20.
Right.
- Two thousand dollars. - Thank you.
Take mine any time you're ready.
Look forward to doing business with you in the future.
This is to cover my booze.
And that leaves me with two grand.
Didn't forget about us, did you?
Course not.
Thanks, Fiona.
Six, seven, eight. Nine hundred dollars?
- That's all I have left? - That's not bad for your first gig.
But that doesn't even cover my deposit.
I lost a hundred dollars doing this night.
Surprised you didn't lose more. It took me eight gigs before I saw a profit.
You gotta pay your dues.
Hey, what's going on?
Can I sleep here tonight?
Sure.
How'd you do?
It's gonna take a while till I start making money.
Here.
- Almost all of it. I'll get the rest. I promise. - No, keep it.
- What? - If you're gonna gamble our money...
- ...you should hold on to it, right? - Heh.
I was trying to better our situation, Lip.
Well, congratulations. You risked everything and you didn't even break even.
It was my first time doing this.
That's not the point. You made a decision without consulting the rest of us.
- I'm in charge of this family. - Really? No, sorry, that's news to me.
See, Fiona, if we're gonna be every man for himself, this family is going under fast.
Here. Just take the money, okay? Pay the property tax.
I'll get the rest tomorrow somehow.
No, I don't need it.
- What? - I took care of the situation myself.
How?
Told a bunch of North Side kids that Wilco was playing at your party.
It's like I said, the only way to make money when you're poor is to steal it or scam it.
But let me know if the rules are changing and you're gonna pull this shit again.
Maybe I'll have to take over the family money, huh?
Are we sure about this?
He raised six great kids.
Look at him. He's like the baby whisperer.