For those of you who were too fucking busy...
-...this is what happened on Shameless. -Gonna give the baby up for adoption.
If there's a market for babies, I'm gonna corner my share.
-I'd kind of like to have a say. -What are you doing?
Sending cash to my sons. Frank gets none.
My fucking brothers? That bitch.
Presenting Frank and Monica Gallagher.
Holy shit.
Monica comes home long enough to reunite with Frank...
-...gets knocked up and then splits. -You look good, Moni. Back on meds?
I am not bipolar.
First thing she did was bust my balls for kicking Lip out.
School or leave. What are you doing?
I'm not going back to school, so I'm leaving.
-How long you need to stay? -Just till I'm back on my feet.
It'll piss her off so much she'll be back at your doorstep in a heartbeat.
Throw him out.
You don't always have to be responsible for everyone.
-Excuse me? -Monica's back, enjoy it.
I'm here. Doesn't all have to fall on you.
STEVE: I'm not in love with her, but I shit myself...
...every time I think about what her dad would do if I dumped her.
She doesn't love you either. She's got this other guy. A Marco somebody.
I'm importing him. Gonna surprise her.
-Leaving you free and clear. -So when he gets in, so do I. Deal.
Can't say he hasn't been working his ass off trying to win you back.
FRANK: How the hell did you get all that? -I found it.
-Where's the squirrel fund? -The hell's a squirrel fund?
The first rule you learn in this house, you hide the goddamn money.
You promised me. Get out of bed.
Get out of bed, Mom.
[DUCKS SQUAWKING]
-Ha-ha. Two for two. -Hey, give me a turn.
-Screw you. -I wanna shoot a duck.
Go get your own gun, then.
CARL: Least give me a duck.
-I fucking shot them. -It's my pool.
-It's my dad's rifle. -You're an asshole.
An asshole who's eating duck for Thanksgiving tomorrow. Yum.
Later.
Dick.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Monica?
Mom?
You Okay?
I'm tired.
Made you breakfast.
It's been a few days.
It's toast with peanut butter.
I got a few jelly packets from Leo's Diner.
MONICA: Mommy's not feeling too good right now.
[FIONA SIGHS]
What else did Grammy buy you guys?
Sorry, buddy, gotta sell everything.
-Won't get out. -I know what I want for Christmas.
-I told you not to go. Leave her alone. -How's she gonna eat?
An AR15 rifle.
She'll figure it out. No one's buying a rifle.
Is something wrong with her? She hasn't gotten out of bed in days.
-It's what she does. -What is?
-Little Hank has a riﬂe. -Little Hank's being raised by wolves.
-Mom's bipolar, Debs. -So like the north and south pole?
-Sort of. -What can we do to help?
-Not much. Just wait it out. -For how long?
Until she snaps out of it. Which she always does.
-It just takes time. -I wish Lip were here.
You should call him. He'll know what to do.
There's nothing to do, Debs. It is what it is.
Well. I'll see ifl can get her up.
Ian, don't--
Hey, Monica. Hey, I wanna go back to that bar tonight.
You know, the one you took me to.
Will you go with me?
Come on. It'll be fun.
You can wear that purple shirt.
Come on, Monica.
Here, you want some coffee? Mm.
Honey, Mom needs to rest.
Please?
Right.
Depression is hereditary. Holy shit.
Look up the 10/22 Luger target tactical rifle.
Get away from me. You had your turn.
Geraldo, Fiona Gallagher.
Was wondering if you have any extra shifts available.
-Did she get up? FIONA: Hang on a sec, Geraldo,
Need you to take the pool down. Homeless guys bathing in it.
Can't. I gotta get to work.
Anything would be great. Cleaning. Front desk.
-Whatever you got. -I think I'm depressed.
I've been feeling kind of funky lately.
Means you're gonna get your period soon.
-It does? -Don't wear white for a while.
-That sucks. -Will you keep my name on the list?
-Thanks, Geraldo. -Hello, my tribe.
Daddy, I'm gonna get my period soon.
No time for that now, Debs. I fixed the Buick. It's good as new.
Is--? Is your mother upstairs?
Don't get her drunk. It only makes things worse.
-Depression is a symptom of menses. -Wipe memory on the computer.
Take it to Mr. Sam's Pawn Shop. See how much you get.
What? No.
My Xbox too? Grammy bought us that stuff.
We have no money since Monica stole the squirrel fund and we need to eat.
Is Lip coming home for Thanksgiving tomorrow?
I don't know. Now, go. When you get back...
...take the pool down before it freezes and cracks.
—I don't know how. -You'll figure it out. It's not that hard.
Monica, get up. We're going on a road trip.
-No, no. -We're gonna go see Clayton.
Moni, back out of the rabbit hole. Come on. Up.
I need your help.
Remember I told you my mother...
...mai|ed all her money to my brothers before she died?
-Leave me alone. -That's my money. I deserve it.
I was with her on her death bed. I paid the hospital bills.
And made the funeral arrangements.
Phew. Getting a little ripe there. We better get you in a shower.
MONICA: No, Frank, please.
FRANK: Honey, I need you to work your feminine wiles on Clayton.
He's always had a woody for you. There you go.
-What are you doing with her? FRANK: Getting her out of the house.
Little sunshine. A little Vitamin D.
-She needs to go back on her meds. -I'm her husband.
I think I know what's best.
Okay, you ready? You can't lie down in the shower.
LIP: Also, you never use toilet paper on your dick after you take a piss.
You tap the end. Let the drops fall off. Flush.
That's very fatherly. Is that really what you wanna tell your kid?
If it'll prevent him from being heckled in the locker room by guys.
-The parents get you to make this video? -They didn't. I thought of it on my own.
Wanted to give my son some tools to survive.
Hey, I'm Mandy. I'm not your real mom.
She didn't want anything to do with you.
-Look who's talking. -Mine was barely a baby.
-Like eight cells. -What are you doing?
-What's it look like I'm doing? -We need to finish.
Wouldn't it be cool if you're getting a blow job, talking to your kid at the same time?
I mean, I guess we can finish the video later.
You know, this'|| be the third time we've been together.
Usually after the third time, I either stop or we have to figure it out.
-Figure it out? -Yeah, like what we're doing and stuff.
Well, I thought we were just hanging out.
Maybe we should stop.
No, don't stop.
[LIP GRUNTS]
So we're gonna figure it out and stuff?
Absolutely.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Coming.
Well, room service is getting hotter.
Is he here?
Not at the moment, but yes.
Well, he's been here for weeks now. Why haven't you kicked him out?
I don't do everything you tell me.
Since when? How am I supposed to trust you if you don't keep your word?
I never said I would kick him out. I was doing you a favor.
Really? Because you're such an upstanding citizen?
-What do you have him doing? -Lip's a mess. He's upset about Karen.
-Drinking like a fish. -He'll be fine once he comes home.
Do you know anything about teenage boys?
You can't give them ultimatums.
[ESTEFANIA SQUEALS]
-Marco. Here soon. We pick up. FIONA: Oh, my God.
Yo, Marco, Marco. You are?
Okay. Yeah, we'll be right there.
ESTEFANIA: Wheel Uh....
[SPEAKS IN PORTUGUESE]
Yeah.
Listen—— Here's the thing, Fiona.
I wanna be with you, but I'm not one of those kids you can just boss around.
I'm sorry. Now I gotta go pick up my wife's boyfriend.
How you doing there, Moni?
You hanging in?
Just think, in a few hours we're gonna be rich.
How much do you think we can soak him for?
Once you turn on your charm, we can get whatever we want from Clayton.
I know my Monica. You can get anything from a man.
Hell, you took my heart.
Money from Clayton will be easy.
I can't, Frank.
Of course you can. Have a little faith.
-There is no God. -No, no, no. I'm saying here.
Have a little faith.
[FRANK WHOOPING]
Mr. Sam at the pawn shop's a douche. Wouldn't trade me an iPad for a Ruger.
-No one's gonna let you have a gun, Carl. -Little Hank gets to have one.
Because his dad hijacked a bunch of military cargo.
We gotta empty the pool out, Conrad. You guys gotta get out of here.
Here, go screw this end of the hose into Tony's spigot...
-...so we can siphon the water out. -Or we could just do it this way.
-Carl. -I'll patch it up next summer.
See you.
-Sorry we ruined your bathtub, Conrad. -It's okay.
I'll go down to the fountain in front of the Hyatt.
-Hasn't frozen over yet. -Can't you just shower at the free clinic?
I like baths. It's a childhood thing.
Why the long face?
I think I have depression. It's hereditary.
My mother has it.
Come here. Have a seat.
I can tell you a few things about depression.
Mind if you put your pants on first?
Hey, why are we meeting him here?
He's paranoid Customs tailed him once he got out of the container.
Este, Este, get out here. Yup, yup, I think this is him.
[HORN HONKS]
[SQUEALS]
My baby.
MARCO: There's over five grand, my friend.
[SQUEALING]
-That's quite a homecoming. -True love.
Insert Scarface joke here.
[GIGGLES]
Hey. How are you? Grab that for you.
ESTEFANIA: Aah! MARCO: All right.
So, guys, you ready? You ready?
[KNOCKING]
Surprise. Oh, come on.
Jesus, Frank, what are you doing here?
Is that any way to greet your favorite brother?
No, no, no. You can't come in, Frank.
Handsome as ever.
Why didn't you come by to visit Mommy when she was dying, Clayton?
I didn't even she was out of prison until after.
-I had to take care of her all by myself. -I'm thirsty. Is the kitchen in here?
-Please, Monica, don‘t-- FRANK: Heard she sent you...
...Wyatt and Jerry her money.
-A few dollars. Yeah. -Didn't leave me anything.
-Is the wifey here? -No. Work.
[POP]
What was that? What is she doing?
Seems to me it's only fair that you and I...
...split the money since I looked after Mommy.
I've always wanted to try Veuve Clicquot.
We bought that for Thanksgiving.
-Happy holidays. -Okay, really, you have to go now.
-Not without my share. CLAYTON: Sorry.
Nothing for me to give you. The money's spent.
-I used it to catch up on the mortgage. -Fine. Be that way.
You don't wanna give me any money, let it rest on your conscience, Clayton.
Now, I'm going to go to the bathroom...
...and then we will be out of your hair for good.
Long time, huh? Come here, you.
-Oh, Monica, don't do this. -Do what?
Get so close to me.
You mean like when we did PCP at Comiskey Park and sold T-shirts?
-You were quite the ladies‘ man then. -I'm not gonna give you any money.
You know Frank is not gonna leave here without a couple thousand.
You might as well get your money's worth.
Monica, I can't.
-I thought you couldn't resist me. -I'm sorry.
I can't. I can't. I'm married. I have kids.
I'm sorry, you're gonna have to go.
[WHIMPERS]
What? What are you doing? Sweetheart? No, you can't lie down here.
No, no, no. What are you doing?
No, no, no. You gotta get up. You can't lie down. Honey, honey.
-What did you do to her? -Nothing. We were just talking.
Hey- What's going on?
Huh?
He didn't want me. He didn't want me.
-That's okay. -I'm an ugly old hag.
-That is not true. -Yeah.
No. You are beautiful.
Oh, fuck.
You are.
I'm gonna take you home, okay? It's okay.
I'm not finished with you yet.
Are you hungry, Marco?
Yeah, I don't think he really gives a shit about food right now. All right.
ESTEFANIA [IN PORTUGUESE]:
MARCO:
[MARCO & ESTEFANIA GRUNTING & MOANING]
Probably right.
Look, your sister's driving me crazy.
I don't know what it's gonna take for her to trust me.
Can you blame her? You know, you have a whole other family first.
Your name was Steve. Then Jimmy.
You know, you disappear to Brazil.
You come back married. That's kind of a tough way to build up trust.
I really am trustworthy, though.
Yeah, you're gonna have to do something bold to prove it.
ESTEFANIA: My pussy for you. MARCO: Yeah.
All right. You gotta get me out of this car. I'm getting too horned up. Pull over.
Fuck.
[MARCO & ESTEFANIA GRUNTING & MOANING]
You ready to go home yet?
What, you trying to get rid of me?
-Just wondering. -No, you know what?
I think I'm done living at home. Like being on my own.
And by "being on your own" you mean sleeping on my couch at the Ritz?
See you.
lSIGHs[
Don't worry. This isn't too weird.
[KU'S "BOOTY BOUNCE" PLAYING OVER RADIO]
[MOUTHS] Okay.
So, what kind of stuffing should we make?
-I like the one with sausage in it. -Then sausage we shall have.
-I love you. -Thanks, Mom.
And I would never do anything to upset you or to hurt you.
Okay-
-At least not on purpose. -I know.
That's not to say some urges might overtake me...
...and cause me to think unclearly and do things that I'm shamefully...
...shamefuIly embarrassed about.
-Is this about you sleeping with Jody? -What? No.
Yes. Maybe. You know about that?
-Yeah, Mom. -Honey, I am so sorry.
I didn't mean to. It was an accident.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
An accident where his penis slipped into your vagina.
-Hey. ‘H93’. What's going on?
My mom was just telling me how she fucked Jody.
-Sweetheart, it was not like that. -Way to go, Sheila.
KAREN: You know what, Mom? I don't care.
In fact, I want you to screw him more. Screw him all the time.
Take him, he's yours. Get him off my back.
Jody, get in here.
He's coming in here, now?
LIP: I need to talk to you. -Did you fuck my mom too?
Payback's a bitch.
-Are you having the baby? -No.
Help her with the stuffing or whatever it is that you guys do together.
Oh, okay. Hi.
-Hi. -Jesus. So, what do you want?
I was wondering if you decided on a couple to give the baby to yet?
Yup. Mark and Celeste.
-Why them? -They gave me the most cash.
Eight grand.
But I was thinking....
-You know, maybe Jeff and Alana. -They only gave me like 5.
[SHEILA SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
Right. But Jeff and Alana would be better parents.
Seems unfair they should get the kid if Mark and Celeste paid more.
Fine, if you're gonna pout, give me your phone.
-Gonna call now? -Get it over with.
I scheduled a C-section for Friday.
I want this thing out of me. I can't wait two weeks.
Holy shit. I'm gonna see the little guy on Friday?
-Yup. For like a second. JODY: Ha-ha-ha.
[SHEILA SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
[VOICE BREAKING] Hi, Celeste, it's Karen Jackson.
I decided to keep the baby.
I can't give it away. I'm so sorry.
Oh. Thank you.
Yeah, you too. Bye.
Okay. Where's the next number?
[DEBBIE SHIVERING]
DEBBIE: Hi, Fiona. -Hey, Debs, you're filthy.
-Take a shower. -Carl, I took down half the pool.
You do the rest. Guess we're not having turkey tomorrow.
Too expensive. Gotta use pawn money for the bills.
-But it kind of looks like a turkey. -Yeah, it's pretty good. This smells good.
Selling those to Mrs. Campbell on Western, 20 bucks a pop.
So I'm not worried I have depression anymore.
-Why? What happened? -Talked to Conrad.
He says depression usually skips a generation.
-Conrad? -The homeless guy in our pool.
Okay-
And even if it doesn't skip a generation...
...usually only runs in 20 percent of the family.
One in five. Those are okay odds.
Way I figure it, it's gonna be Lip. He's halfway there as it is.
Probably shouldn't have kicked him out.
LIP [ON RECORDING]: It's Lip. Don't be a douche. Leave a message.
I hope you know you're invited for Thanksgiving tomorrow.
FIONA: Call me? Love you.
AUTOMATED VOICE: Message deleted.
[WOMAN SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY OVER TV]
WOMAN [OVER TV]: We hope you enjoy your stay with us....
-What, are you an old man? WOMAN: We are sure that our ﬁve-star--
[MUTES TV]
[MARCO & ESTEFANIA MOANING]
Holy shit. They're still fucking?
Sometimes it's fighting. Can't really tell the difference.
[SPEAKING IN PORTUGUESE]
[ESTEFANIA SQUEALS AND MARCO GRUNTS]
WOMAN: Our hotel is equipped.... -Don't be rubbing your apple in there.
Can't listen to it from both sides.
[ESTEFANIA SPEAKS IN PORTUGUESE]
[GRUNTS]
Okay-
Hey, little guy. I think I'm gonna end this now...
...because you're coming into the world on Friday.
I hope I get to hang out for a few...
...before we hand you over to your new parents.
I think they're really gonna take very good care of you.
You know, I wish it could've been us.
But....
Well, things are pretty messed up around here, so....
If you ever wanna get in touch with me though, that would be cool.
You know, just look for this ugly mug.
You know, I'll be around.
I'm not going anywhere.
All right, take it easy, buddy.
[MARCO SPEAKS IN PORTUGUESE THEN OBJECTS CLATTER]
MARCO [I N PORTUGUESE]:
ESTEFANIA:
STEVE: English, Marco, what's going on?
MARCO:
ESTEFANIA:
MARCO:
LIP: Wait, doesn't that fucking hurt? -What?
-Nothing. -Lip, what are they saying?
I think he's probably pissed because you fucked Estefania.
-You fucked Estefania too? -He fucked Estefania.
-Because we were married. -[IN ENGLISH] Estefania, get my gun.
-He told her to get his gun. -I know. He said it in English.
—[IN ENGLISH] No, amor, no. -Listen to her. No, amor. No.
[IN PORTUGUESE]
Uh.... Uh, wait, wait, wait.
Marco, you look like a reasonable man. We can work this out.
[SPEAKS IN PORTUGUESE]
MARCO [IN ENGLISH]: How? -Lip, go in my bag.
-Yep, okay. -Get my ID and passport.
Give it to Marco.
Marco, you're me now. Take my identity. Yeah.
-It is your fucking picture. STEVE: Little plastic surgery.
-A new haircut. -I definitely see a resemblance.
Este's dad comes looking for you, she'll be married to Steve.
-You will be safe. -Fool-proof plan.
We good?
Yeah.
-I never wanna see you again. -Yeah, not a problem.
MARCO: No, man.
-The fuck you looking at? Out. -Sure, yeah, right. Ijust got it. Okay.
[ESTEFANIA GIGGLES]
-What the hell was that? -You told me to do something bold.
[SIREN WAILING]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
[MOUTHS] Thank you.
MAN 1: He took the whole thing.
MAN 2: No shit. Ha-ha.
Hey, hot stuff.
What are you waiting for? You wanna go inside?
Come on.
Roger, he's with us.
I like my men red. I'm gonna call you Ginger.
[MONICA MOANS]
MONICA: I'm so sorry, Frank.
FRANK: It's okay, Moni.
It's okay. You don't have to keep apologizing.
MONICA: I ruined everything.
FRANK: No, we'll get the money from Clayton some other time.
Here, just....
Everything's....
ISIGHS]
Everything's gonna be fine.
Want a beer?
Not thirsty.
FRANK: No one drinks beer because they're thirsty.
I got two more brothers we can get money from.
Jerry's weak.
He'll roll over quick.
Moni?
Monica?
Monica.
[DOG BARKING]
Monica.
Monica?
What are you doing under the stairs?
Come on. Come on, now. Get out from there.
-Monica, let's go upstairs. -I don't wanna be me anymore.
ISIGHS]
[SINGING] The ﬁrst time ever I saw your face
I thought the sun rose In your eyes
And the moon and the stars Were the gift you gave
To the dark and the empty skies My love
To the dark and the empty skies
Hey, Ginger. Think fast. Ha-ha-ha.
Sweet place you got.
Yeah, we have company condos all over the country.
IAN: What do you do?
Real estate.
-I live in Miami. -Mm.
You mind ifl sleep here for the night?
What, you don't like it at home?
[CHUCKLES]
Well, hey, that's no problem for me. Huh? Heh.
We can go for round three, huh?
Come on. Come on, I can take you, brother.
[GRUNTING]
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
All right.
I'm coming. Who forgot their keys?
I kicked Lip out.
-Where'd he go? -I don't know.
-You don't know? -You didn't ask me to find out where.
You're right. I'm sorry.
-Thank you. -You're welcome.
-How'd he take it? -Seemed ﬁne. You wanna go upstairs?
-No. You got a thank-you kiss. -That's it?
What were you expecting?
Can I spend the night on your couch?
-Why? -Then I'll be here for Thanksgiving.
-Who said you're invited? -I kicked Lip out.
I'll get you a pillow and blanket.
[FRANK SNORING]
LIP: Hey. -Missed me, huh?
Yeah.
Hey, look, is it all right if I stay over tonight?
Couldn't go 12 hours without seeing me, could you?
[CHUCKLES]
I shot a duck.
Shot a duck.
That's no duck.
That's a bald eagle.
[VERONICA & FIONA LAUGHING & CHATTERING]
STEVE: Oh.
-Happy Thanksgiving. -Happy Thanksgiving.
—Morning, Steve. -Know what, Debs. Let's make it official.
No more Steve. From now on it's Jimmy.
-Okay, cool. -Really?
Yup. YUP-
-To Jimmy. VERONICA: To Jimmy.
-Jimmy. VERONICA: Cheers.
And I'm gonna Call you Jimmy, pillow drooler.
-Shut the fuck up. I do not. -No, I swear to God. This is you, buh.
[ALL LAUGHING]
-What are you doing over there? -What's it look like?
-Plucking a bald eagle. -What?
-Carl shot it in the yard. -With what? That's against the law.
-I gave him a lecture. -And took out the bullets.
DEBBIE: Says there was a rerelease program in the Michigan Peninsula.
Let out 10 bald eagles raised in the Detroit Zoo into the wild.
-One of them came to me. -There is something on his leg.
A tracking device. That way they can monitor where it nests.
-So somebody knows we have it? -Probably.
It must've hurt, huh, buddy?
Got him on my first shot.
Says tampering with a bald eagle tracker is punishable by law.
Problem solved. Here, Carl. Get rid of the evidence.
-Tsch! -Ewl
-We can save this for the weekend. -What are we having for Thanksgiving?
No, no, no.
It's just like the pilgrims intended.
[VERONICA LAUGHS]
Happy Thanksgiving.
MONICA: Stop it. -Mm.
Not in the mood.
You're always in the mood.
How about a little handy J?
You won't have to do anything.
I'll do all the work.
That's a girl.
[FRANK MOANS]
Moni, you gotta squeeze a little.
Time for you to go back on your meds, huh?
Yeah.
Okay-
I'll get you some.
[TRAIN PASSING]
When should we tell Ian?
Tell him what?
About us.
[DOOR OPENS]
-Hello. -Get the hell out.
Are you Gallagher hopping, Mandy?
-Dad said you had to knock. -Need someone to do a beer run.
Just because you two have DU|s don't make me your chauffeur.
-I'll do it. IGGY: Cool.
LIP: Yeah.
We can go get breakfast burritos at Juan's truck after. Ha-ha.
[GRUNTS]
-I didn't know you could do that-- -Oh, honey--
Frank.
-Sheila. -What are you doing?
I came by to wish you Happy Thanksgiving.
Happy Thanksgiving, Frank.
-What the hell is he doing here? -Where have you been?
Shells. |....
-I didn't wanna have to tell you this. -What? That Monica is back?
-You heard about that? Oh. -Yes.
-Are you--? Are you mad? -I'm not, actually.
Yeah, Mom fucked my ex.
-You slept with Lip? -Oh, God, no.
-It was me. -You slept with him?
Yes. Yes, I did.
Oh, my God.
Sheila, how could you do this to me?
My heart. It's broken.
I'm probably gonna go through a lot of depression over this.
Oh, God-- Could use some antidepressants.
Lithium, if you've got it.
All right. Okay, Frank.
FRANK: God. -Frank, don't be upset with Sheila.
FRANK: Oh. -It's my fault.
KAREN: Shit. Fuck. Cock.
Did Ijust piss myself?
It's the baby.
FRANK: Ho! SHEILA: You're gonna have the baby.
-I'll get your suitcase. -Oh, my God. I'm gonna be a grandma.
-I know. -I'm so excited.
-Honey, do you wanna sit down? JODY: I've got the suitcase.
-I've got the suitcase. -Get it in there.
JODY: On the bike? SHEILA: I don't know.
-Let's change your pants though. -Somebody get some towels.
COLIN: Be right back.
-You want anything? Too bad. LIP: Um....
What should we do this weekend?
Karen's actually having the baby tomorrow, so....
What time? Wanna see a movie after?
-I guess. -Okay, cool.
-Whoa. Your brothers are there. -I'll be fast.
Seriously, they're like 20 feet away. Come on.
-What the fuck? IGGY: Open the fucking register.
-Let's go. COLIN: Let's move.
-I thought they were getting beer. -Euphemism.
IGGY: Come on, old man. COLIN: Let's go. Pick it up.
[YELLING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
Jesus.
-Where the hell are you going? -We gotta get out of here.
-Get back in the car. -We gotta get out-- No fucking way.
[ALARM BLARING]
You're gonna fuck me and walk away?
Fuck you.
You're an asshole.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
Hello?
She is?
Oh, my God. All right. The baby? Yeah.
I'll be right there.
[SIREN WAILING]
Didn't take much stuffing.
-How long we supposed to cook it? -Twenty minutes a pound for turkey.
We are not having bald eagle for Thanksgiving. Here.
-Whoa. This thing's huge. -You're welcome, Tiny Tim.
-What to do with this? -Toss it?
Hell, no. Hunt it, kill it, eat it. The hunter's code.
There's no way we're gonna let the most sacred symbol of American freedom...
...and individual liberty go to waste. I'll put it in the freezer.
-[MOUTHS] Thank you. VERONICA: We've got Thanksgiving.
Christ almighty. This cocksucker's killing me.
Oh, my gosh. It's so exciting. I can hardly contain myself.
[GASPS]
Mom, I'm supposed to be the one breathing.
I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'm just so excited and nervous and out of the house.
-Damn, that thing really opens up. -Get away from me.
-I'm sorry. -Motherfucking piece of shit. Uhn!
VERONICA: We've got a big turkey. We've got a big turkey.
Where have you been?
-Out. -Did you come home last night?
-No. -Even think to call?
I'm here now.
Wasn't gonna miss a family holiday.
Come here.
[CHATTERING IN THE KITCHEN]
Happy Thanksgiving.
That's a nice hickey. Go wash up.
-Should I set a place for Lip? -Sure.
FRANK: You better not have started. FIONA: Frank?
DEBBIE: Daddy. -You gonna come to dinner?
Of course I am, son. And so is your mother.
-Lithium? -Moni, I got your medications.
-Mom's under the stairs? -How long has she been there?
FRANK: Here you go, sweetheart. Here's your candy.
That should do it.
Get out of there.
-Get out of there. MONICA: No, Fiona.
-No. FIONA: Come on out. Come on.
Get out of there. Come on.
MONICA: No. FIONA: Come on.
-Up you go. FRANK: Up you 90-
-I look a mess. -No. No, you do not.
You look beautiful. Doesn't she look beautiful, kids?
-You look great. FRANK: Yeah.
-Yeah. -You're not spending Thanksgiving...
...under the stairs. Debs, set a place for Monica.
We're all having dinner. With the kids at the table.
That's right. You're gonna sit right here.
Well, then, Happy Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving.
[ALL CHATTERING]
All right.
Sorry. Hey. Jeff. Alana.
-Hey. -Sheila called us.
-Can't believe it's happening. -You coming in?
Karen didn't want us there.
-They told us to wait out here. -Okay.
-She's in room 803. -Right. Hey.
I wanted to give you guys something.
Made this for the baby. Um....
If you guys could give it to him at some point.
If you feel like it.
-Thank you, Lip. -We will.
Cool. I should go.
-Get in there. -Go. Eight-oh-three.
Here we go.
[ALL CHEER]
-Good job, baby. -Can't wait to get that turkey in me.
-You okay? FRANK: All right, let's eat.
-Uh! We haven't said grace. -I'll say it. I'll say the grace.
Hold hands.
Dear Lord, thank you for this food that we're about to eat.
Thank you for bringing my Monica back to me.
And please make my brother Clayton burn in hell...
...for all eternity when the time comes. Amen.
ALL: Amen. -Pass the stuff around.
-Who wants a biscuit? -I want some.
[CHATTERING]
You gonna carve the turkey? I'm starving.
I'm carving. I am the man of the house.
MONICA: I'm gonna go wash my hands. IAN: All right.
-Is Lip coming? STEVE: Want me to call him?
-Yeah. -He knows what time we're eating.
-Mashed potatoes, please. FRANK: Who likes dark meat?
Me.
—Me too. And in my turkey also. -Eww.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
I invited Conrad.
-Is that okay? -Conrad?
—My homeless guy from the pool. -Sure, Debs.
Conrad, how are you? Hi.
Everyone, this is Conrad.
—Hi, Conrad. VERONICA: Hi, Conrad.
Oh, Conrad. Hey.
Much better than bald eagle.
[LAUGHING]
Hey, we're still eating that.
We're gonna roast it, bake it, fry it. I don't care.
-Bet it tastes like chicken. -Could always have it for Christmas.
[CLATTERING]
What was that?
FRANK: I'm just gonna put all of this on this one plate, and then....
Holy fuck.
FRANK: What?
FIONA: Give me a phone. Give me a phone.
Come on, guys. Upstairs. Upstairs.
STEVE: Okay. Uh-- Fuck.
All right. We're good. We're good. Don't worry.
More towels.
Shit.
FIONA: There's been an accident.
STEVE: All right. -2119 North Wallace.
She's bleeding badly.
-Yeah. She's awake. STEVE: Frank, more towels.
Towels. Somebody get me a fucking towel.
FIONA: Frank. They wanna know if she took any pills.
Dad.
STEVE: You're good. -I'm not sure.
STEVE: Breathe for me. Do you see me?
Help me with her feet, Frank. Frank.
Kev, get over here.
All right, you with me? Breathe.
We're gonna be good, okay? Slow. Slow.
We're gonna be good. You're fine. You're fine.
Why didn't Frank come?
I don't know, Debs.
-Holy fuck-- -Dude, if you say that one more time...
-...I'm gonna throw you in the oven. -Okay, I'm sorry.
-You try Lip again? -Yeah, I left a message.
DOCTOR: Miss Gallagher?
Debs, stay with me.
-How is she? -She's stable.
Oh, thank God.
We're gonna hold her. Make sure she doesn't try to harm herself.
She's bipolar?
-Okay, we'll get her back on her meds. -Can we see her?
No, not right now. She's heavily sedated.
You should go home. Excuse me.
STEVE: You okay?
Lip just called.
-He's coming? -Karen's having her baby upstairs.
Holy fuck.
Is Maternity this way?
-I'm gonna be an aunt. -I'm gonna have a nephew I can beat up.
-Uhn. Why can't I get a C-section? -You're too far along.
Sometimes Mother Nature has other plans, honey.
Fuck Mother Nature. She doesn't worry about her vagina getting stretched out.
-You were already stretched out there. -I want drugs. Give me drugs.
-Sweetie, push, you're almost there. -I am pushing, bitch.
-I can see his head. SHEILA: Oh, my God.
The miracle of birth, sweetie.
It's so beautiful.
-More visitors. SHEILA: Oh, my God.
VERONICA: Hey, Sheila.
[CHATTERING]
-I'm gonna be a grandma. KAREN: Great.
Let's just have the whole fighting lllini marching band in here while we're at it.
Debs, look. Look. My baby's about to come out.
-Ew. -Vagina.
-Sorry we didn't have time to buy cigars. -No worries, man.
All you guys just fucking whoop it up while I'm sitting in here-- Fucking fuck.
-Okay, it's coming. -It's coming.
VERONICA: Oh.
[KAREN GRUNTING]
-Breathe, Karen. Whoo. -You keep breathing, fuck nut.
Shit, I don't know if I ever wanna do this.
One more big push, Karen.
[GRUNTING]
[BABY CRIES THEN EVERYONE CHEERS]
LIP: Watch out. Watch out.
H9)’-
Um.... Doctor?
[MONITOR BEEPING]
What's going on?
VERONICA: Is he okay?
[BABY CRYING]
-Oh, no. -That thing looks weird.
I think he looks beautiful.
What's wrong with him?
[BABY CRYING]
He has Down Syndrome, Debs.
Yeah, and he's Asian.
Maybe we're looking at him upside down.
NURSE: Here you go, honey. You can hold him now.
-No, I don't want to. NURSE: You should say goodbye.
Just take him away.
What the fuck, Karen? Thought you said it was mine.
I screwed Timmy Wong as much as I screwed you.
I never said it was your baby. You just wanted it to be.
[CRYINGI
Go tell Jeff and Alana to come get their fucking baby.
[DOOR SLAMS]
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
Lip?
H9)’-
Let him go.
[ALARM BLARING]
[WHOOPING]
[English - US - SDH]