This is what you missed last week on Shameless. It was a great episode.
-Loan me a couple bills? —I can pay you for a job.
Fiona would be pissed if she knew.
Are you screwing my sister's boyfriend?
Mom, uh, me and Chip are gonna swing by the hospital.
CANDACE: This is, uh—- —Debbie Gallagher.
-Nice to meet you, Jimmy. -You gonna tell Fiona?
-Saw a cool pink vest. —I like to think of it as a peace offering.
-Somebody bought Harris‘ house? -Steve.
Fiona's a good girl. I've known her a long time. Just drive carefully.
Congratulations, Ian. You are not Frank Gallagher's son.
My father is a close relative. Most likely one of your brothers.
If you love us, you'll leave Liam. Get in your truck and never come back.
I've been reading more about this purity-ball thing.
-You need to be honest. -It's okay, sweetheart.
I started having oral sex—-
Orgy. Naked body. Black strap-on dildo.
-You whore! —He humiliated me!
[BOTH CRYING]
Get out! Get out!
That's good. All right, can you do this?
—Oh, that's easy. -Heh.
Can you wiggle your ears?
Oh, my God. Heh.
-Slightly, right? Slightly. -Yeah. I think I can. |~
I said wiggle your ears, not shit your pants.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
You wanna see me make a mangina?
Oh, that's sexy, but I'll pass.
I can put my ankle behind my head and sing "The Star-Spangled Banner."
Okay. Uh, does it have to be our national anthem?
-What else would it be? -Ha-ha-ha. Okay.
[SINGING] Oh, say
This is good.
Can you see
By the dawn's early light
[LAUGHING]
What so proudly we hailed
Am I gonna have to learn to do that when I start having sex?
-This has nothing to do with sex. —Then it's even weirder.
-What are you doing in here? —You‘re supposed to be...
-...at my moms’ meeting in 40 minutes. —Since when?
Since Mom promised to go before she leﬂ us again.
Oh, God, Debs, please don't make me do this.
I know you don't like those meetings. That's why I never tell you.
-Are the meetings that bad? —The women from the neighborhood.
All they do is talk about their husbands, and their jobs, and dental plans.
Maybe you should just show them your special skill.
[BOTH LAUGH]
Snob Mob always makes fun of me for not having a parent there.
So when Morn came back, I signed her up.
-What's the Snob Mob? —The name speaks for itself.
And their moms aren't much nicer.
They're expecting a grown-up to help with decorations.
It's only this one time. I won't sign you up again. I promise.
Fine,
-Yes! —Let me make some coffee ﬁrst.
DEBBIE: Okay. STEVE: Unh.
[noon CLOSES]
-What? -You tell her the truth yet, Jimmy?
-Soon. -You better.
FIONA: Have a good day at work, dear.
-You satisﬁed? -I just can't believe it.
Hey, you win some, you lose some.
TONY: What does she see in him?
Ass, gas and cash. Do you see his Porsche?
-Fiona's not like that. -Face it, women think with their vaginas.
Now let's va'monos.
We'll ﬁnd you another skanky ‘hood girl to obsess about.
[ENGINE STARTS]
Snob Mob says it's not fair that I get to go to all the class parties...
...and stuff even though we don't contribute.
-Well, can't listen to those bitches, Debs. —No. You have to look nice.
-Has a hole in it. -That's gonna cut out half my wardrobe.
Maybe the boys have something I can wear.
-Stop downloading porn. —Oops! Busted.
I need a sweater.
-Help yourself. DEBBIE: No.
-What are you guys doing? -We're looking for homeboy's dad.
He's looking for homeboy's dad.
LIP: Jesus. There are a lot of Gallaghers.
Hey, Fiona, do you know any of, uh, Frank's brothers‘ names?
Shit. I have no idea. Oh, I think one of them's Wendell or something.
Suppose I could just start calling them all.
Why do you care anyway?
Hejust wishes it was him that wasn't Frank's kid.
If we ﬁnd Ian's real dad, maybe he'll give us some cash.
We could report his name to the State and collect child support.
-I'd have to hang out with the dude. LIP: He might be cool.
—Heh, Frank's brother? LIP: Gotta be better than Frank.
I mean, maybe he has a job, or he's sober, or he likes kids.
Doubt it.
-Oh, hey, how about this one, Debs? —It'|I have to do. Now go. Come on.
Take the bus out to see Grammy.
She'll know where the brothers are.
[PEOPLE CHA'|'|'ER|NG]
WOMAN: Hi. Fiona, right? -Yeah.
Debbie said I should expect you.
I'm Jasmine Hollander. I live over on South Bishop.
I remember you from the neighborhood. Used to babysit my friend Beth.
JASMINE: Right. Um, okay, well, let me get you started.
-We're making decorations... -Look who showed up.
-...for the St. Patty's Day party. —Okay.
[JASMINE CHUCKLES]
Uh, okay, take a seat right there, and I'll bring you some construction paper.
Okay?
[EVE CLEARS THROAT]
Hi, Fiona.
-Long time no see. -Yeah.
So, what rate did you guys end up getting?
JASMINE: There we go. -Eve's reﬁnancing her home.
Four and a half percent for ﬁfteen years.
-Your monthly must be outrageous. -Peter wants to pay the house off soon.
Shou|d've gone for a 30. That's what we have.
-Rates would be higher. -Your payments would've been lower.
Peter has a head for numbers. We'll be okay.
I'd be worried that the rail line's gonna have layoffs again. Aren't you?
I guess I am now.
Must be nice not to own a home and have to deal with this stuff.
Yeah. Gives me more time to buy drugs and fence stolen goods.
[GROWLING & GUNFIRE OVER TV]
[SINGING] Ta-ra-ra Boom-de-ay
l'm geftin' some cash today
I don't care what you say Just stay the fuck out of my way
Die, Locust scum!
[DEBBIE SCREAMS]
Oh, uh, mai|'s not here yet.
Any minute, usually. Oh.
Ooh. Ooh.
-What are you kids doing home? —Budget cuts.
Eat my ass!
We have every other Friday off.
-Shouldn't someone be watching you? -We're Iatchkey kids.
Right.
Aha!
"Dear Mr. Gallagher.
Effective immediately, your Illinois State work compensation...
...has been terminated!" No!
LIP: Karen.
[HEAW-METAL MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
Hello.
Karen.
Yo!
Hello, hello, hello.
-Karen. -Fuck! You scared me, Lip.
Sorry. Your mom let me in.
What are you doing?
I haven't seen you in school in a couple days.
-Been busy. -Yeah, I can see that. I like the, uh....
What do you call it? The nose chain ring thing. It's, uh....
Me and Ian, we're gonna visit my grandmother. You wanna come?
-No. -Okay.
[DOLL CACKLES]
-Found out, uh, Frank's not Ian's dad. -Lucky him.
-Yeah. Might try to go ﬁnd his real one. —Why? All dads are assholes.
Come with us. We'll hit up the White Castle after.
Better than hanging around here being angry at your dad.
I'm not angry at my dad.
Well. it, uh, kind of, uh....
-Kind of seems like you are. —Why would I be angry at my dad?
I don't know. Because of, uh, the stupid purity-ball thing.
Heh, are you kidding me? I'm ﬁne.
I'm just glad that my dad's not around anymore to call me a whore.
-All right, whatever. -What's that supposed to mean?
You're gonna analyze me like you don't have enough problems of your own?
LIP: Whoa! Whoa!
No. I just don't understand why you give a shit about what your dad has to say.
Not to be a dick, but you have been kind of a whore.
-What? —No. There's no judgment.
-I think it's cool. You're a free spirit. -Get the fuck out of my house!
-Take it easy. —Out!
-Okay, ﬁne. I was just trying to help. —I don't need your help!
All right, well, have fun being angry at your dad.
Fuck off!
How the fuck did I know that I'd catch you icing the stairs...
...you sack of shit ambulance chaser?
-What are you doing here? —My workers‘ comp got canceled.
You're an A-hole. ShouId've laid low like I told you to.
Watch your step. Could be slippery.
I go from home to the Alibi Room. How much lower can I lay?
-They got video, you moron. -That's not possible.
Oh, this is....
Well, I was getting a case of beer for helping my friend Tito move.
[SCOFFSI
It was a reimbursement dispute with my drug dealer.
How was I supposed to know her husband was gonna come back early?
Call me when you get hurt.
And aim for the knees next time, huh? Pays more than ribs.
[WOMAN GRUNTS]
Whoa! I saw that. The city will pay. Larry M. Burke, attorney at law...
-...at your service. —Shit.
[TALKING INDISTINCTLY]
Bitches.
I have to go. I got stuff to do at home.
I just wanna thank you for coming today.
okay-
Would love to have you at more meetings.
I'll see if I can ﬁt it into my busy schedule.
Don't let those women burn you out.
I didn't even notice them.
Well, between you and me, I think they're twats.
[CHUCKLES]
Why are you friends with them, then?
Because our kids play together. They have baseball and soccer.
They're not so bad once you get to know them.
Well, I guess they chose not to show that side of themselves today.
They're just insecure.
So they gotta make everybody else feel as shitty as they do.
Worked.
—How about we go grab some coffee? -Heh.
I don't do coffee.
Tea?
No. I mean. I do coffee...
...I just don't have the luxury of doing it in the middle of the day like you.
Heh. Hey, don't be a hater.
You're right. I'm sorry.
You can make it up to me by letting me buy you a drink.
Heh, so now it's a drink?
I'll take that as a yes. Come on.
[TOILET FLUSHING]
-What? —Never seen you use deodorant before.
Gotta ﬁnd a job. You should come with me.
Why?
It's time you learned the family business, son.
-Typed up your resume, Daddy. -Good girl, Debs.
"Francis Gallagher is a passionate professional who brings...
...creative solutions from the idea phase to fruition."
You know me so well.
DEBBIE: LittIe.... CARL: Hey!
Aren't you a little curious to ﬁnd out who he is?
-No. -No? He could be any one of these guys.
-Oh, yeah? Like that one right there? —TotaI|y.
Look, he's gonna be a douche bag no matter who he is.
-Well, he can't be any worse than Frank. -He's a Gallagher.
Well, maybe he'll take you to a game, or kick in some scratch for college...
...or give you a kidney, hell, a birthday card once a year.
That's a win, right?
Do we know any cool dads?
Scotty Houston's father.
But he's on that sex offenders list for jacking off in Sherman Park.
GARY: All right. I got a, uh, pizza—delivery driver opening. Liquor salesman.
Bilingual insurance agent. Part-time nanny. Hair-salon assistant.
Truck driver. Egg donor.
Egg donor. What the f—-? It's the wrong—- This is the wrong category.
-Anything ﬂoat your boat, Frank? -You know what I'm here for, Gary.
Show me the special list.
No. I'm not, uh.... I'm not doing that anymore, Frank.
Open your top drawer.
No, no, no. The boss is cracking down.
I brought the kids out. Wanna show them a thing or two.
-Look, you're gonna get me in trouble. —I'll be discreet.
Come on. We'll have the same deal we had before.
I need 30 percent this time.
-Ten. -Twenty-ﬁve.
Twenty.
Six months ago, guy fell off a scaffold at McNaI|y Construction.
He broke three bones. I could send you there.
Sounds good, if it weren't for my fear of heights. What else you got?
How do you feel about metal splinters to the eye?
Not so great.
Are you up to date on your rabies shots?
-No. -Okay. What about seared ﬂesh?
Yeah. Bobby's Bagel Joint is hiring. All right? I got a gal.
She stuck her hand in the boiling vat.
She'll be collecting for at least 24 months.
Suppose ifl had to.
Anyfhing else?
ISIGHS]
Okay. Here we go.
These are the jobs that nobody wants,
The conditions are hazardous, unsafe or both.
-You're guaranteed to get hurt. -You're the man, Gary.
[BUZZER SOUNDS]
There she is.
-Hey, Grammy. —Who the hell are you?
LIP: Grams, it's us, Lip and Ian, Frank's sons.
Your grandsons?
Oh, my goodness.
Would you look at you two.
I have never seen apple and spice looking so nice, heh.
-Thanks, Grammy. —How's it going in there?
Well, the food's not so great, but the pussy's pretty good.
Never thought I'd be the type. Oh, this dump ain't so bad.
I can get blow anytime I like.
Sounds all right.
Yeah. The only thing that sucks is they got me cleaning toilets.
I want to be on the kitchen crew.
They won't let me anywhere near the place.
One meth-lab explosion, and this is what I get.
Oh, yeah. It's probably the two college students that died in the ﬁre, Grams.
So, what do you want?
Uh, we're, uh, trying to ﬁnd Dad's brothers.
—There's, uh, three, right? -Who wants to know?
Just us.
One might be my dad.
How so?
Uh, Monica boned a brother.
-What? -Monica, she fucked a brother.
I never liked that woman.
So I give you the names, what are you gonna do for me?
-What do you want? —Cigarettes. Carton a week.
You can get blow in here, but not cigarettes?
Go ﬁgure.
Yeah, you got it.
Clayton, Jerry, and my baby, Wyatt. They're in the book.
But don't bother with Wyatt. He lost his testicles in the Navy.
FEMALE OFFICER: All right, let's go. -Okay.
Thanks, Grams.
And you tell Jerry that if he doesn't pay me back that 5 grand he stole...
...I'm gonna send my ex—husband over to gouge...
-...his eye out with a grapefruit spoon. —Time is up.
Let's go.
So, what were you, like ﬁve or six years behind me in school?
-Uh, eight, I think. -Jesus, I'm an old lady.
-Yeah. I was thinking the same thing. -Uh, an old lady who can do this.
Damn.
Yeah. I told Hal if he wanted another kid...
...he had to get me a 24 Hour Fitness membership.
It's bad enough my cookie box is all stretched out.
-No. -Yeah.
-That's what happens. —Pfft.
Can't you do, like, Kegels or something?
Doing them right now.
-How many kids do you have? —Three, which is plenty.
I made Hal snip his business, and then, if I kick his ass to the curb...
...I can have more with someone else.
Thinking about kicking his ass to the curb?
Some days yes. Some days no.
Uh, he's a good guy.
-There's one thing I'd change about him. -Oh, yeah? What's that?
No passion.
-That's a big one. -Yeah. Tell me about it.
Hey, ladies. The basket of E. coli you ordered.
JASMINE: Mm.
-I got this. Here you go. -It's weird seeing you in here...
...without yelling at Frank.
FIONA: Well, there's always time. —Keep the change.
Oh.
So your dad's still a drunk?
Mine too.
-Yeah? -Yeah.
He's good at hiding it, though. Has to. He's on the ﬁre department.
Oh.
So, what about you? Are you with someone right now?
I've been dating this guy, Steve.
-About all we have is passion. —0h.
Say it again, but slower.
[CHUCKLES]
Before I met Hal, I was engaged to this guy Ralph.
-Hmm. -We fucked everywhere.
I mean, one time, we did it in a bathroom at a party.
-Heh. Done that. —Ah.
-I like you, Miss Fiona. -Heh.
You're a dirty girl like me.
So, what happened with the bathroom fucker?
He didn't wanna be there for the small things in life.
Like cooking a meal, and getting sick, and laughing at a stupid TV show.
sort!’-
It's okay. You know, his loss.
—Does your guy like those things, or...? -Hmm....
I think so. Or at least he pretends to.
Good. Then hold on to him because guys like that get scooped up fast.
Before you know it, you're 30, and the good ones are all gone.
And then you have to wait until they get divorced, but by then, you'll be 45.
Oh, God. I gotta bolt.
I'll see you at the, uh, kids‘ party tomorrow?
—I wasn't really gonna go after that meeting. -Oh.
But now that you met me?
Uh.... I'll think about it.
Good.
Bye.
Okay. Uh, bye.
ISIGHS]
You just made my boy parts get bigger.
Fuck off.
Looking for a few more guys.
-It's my busy season. -Dangerous?
Can be, if you're not careful.
-Right. -City contracts me...
...to clear the stoppages in the sewer.
Not glamorous work we're talking about.
Sounds great to me.
[GRUNTS]
Fill this out.
How we doing, Paulie?
PAULIE: All set. Turn her on.
-Come to work with your dad? -No school. Budget cuts.
Yeah, me too.
You wanna go out sometime?
I'm only 12.
That's cool. I'm into older women.
I don't like that you're getting hurt on purpose to make money.
-Isn't that cheating? —I prefer to think of it as helping.
You do?
Yeah. When I collect workmen's comp, some lady has to ﬁll out the paperwork.
That's her job.
If it wasn't for me, she'd be unemployed.
[MACHINE WHIRRING]
PAULIE: Shut it off! For the love of God, shut it off!
-My eye! My eye! Aah! —Fuck.
The city's gonna shut me down again for weeks.
-Paulie will make millions off this. PAULIE: Shut it off!
Call an ambulance!
[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER RADIO]
['|'ONY GRUNTS]
Thanks.
We got a call?
You catch the plates on that guy Steve's Cayenne?
Uh, seven-three-Echo—Yankee-ﬁve-ﬁve.
How'd I know you'd have it memorized, you psycho?
[CHUCKLES]
Guess what car just got reported stolen.
-By Steve? -Nope, by the owner.
Roberto Cavesi.
-So Steve stole it. -Or bought it stolen.
He's probably scratching the VIN and changing the plates right now.
Uh, did you call it in?
-Just getting ready—— —No. Uh.. ..
Why don't we hold off for a few hours?
I'm not gonna do anything crazy. I just wanna talk to Fiona ﬁrst.
MAN: You may have heard how dangerous this place has been.
FRANK: Not afraid. -Medical waste disposal.
BIood—soaked bandages, contaminated needles, body parts.
CARL: Cool. —Used to be we could only get...
...illegal immigrants to work here.
-Looking at a true-blue American. —Ah.
Well, the CDC came around four months ago and hit us with some hefty ﬁnes.
That's when they brought me in. I turned this place around.
-Excuse me? -Oh, I'm an OSHA-certiﬁed...
...safety compliance ofﬁcer. Take a look.
I got this place in ship—shape.
All-new health and safety rules, weekly safety meetings for all employees.
"Ninety-three days accident free."
Come on, I'll show you your workstation. AIDS needles.
okay-
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Hey, T0nY<
Fiona. Wasn't sure whether to knock over here or next door, heh.
I'm mostly here.
-None of my business, really. -Okay.
Steve around today?
He's at work.
Work? Yeah.
Fiona, Steve may not be the guy you think he is.
Heh, was this the part where it's none of your business?
There are some things about him I don't think you know.
You ever wonder why he has all that money, but he hangs out down here?
[CHUCKLES]
That sounds awfully close to being an insult.
-I don't mean it like that. -What other way is there?
I mean, why would a guy like Steve be with someone like me?
-No. -I know you're badmouthing Steve.
He'd never talk shit about you. Ever.
You should go, Tony.
Just be careful, Fiona.
Come on. Pick up.
STEVE [OVER VOICEMAIL]: It's me. Leave a message.
-Come on, pick up. -It's me. Leave a message.
Shit.
MAN: Looking for someone to work in cabinetry.
From, uh, reﬁnishing to installation.
Flexible hours, and we can offer competitive beneﬁts, heh.
I gotta be honest with you about something here.
Yeah, what's that?
Uh, you know, most industries are using green products.
Everything's ecofriendly this, ecofriendly that.
I just haven't jumped on the bandwagon yet.
-I mean, the stuffs too damn expensive. —Not to mention Ed Begley Jr.'s a pussy.
You know, the products we're using, they're, uh, not exactly the safest.
Formaldehyde's our biggest, uh, culprit.
As a result, a lot of folks are getting sick. Seems like—-
-He'll take it. -What?
The job. He'll take it. Tomorrow okay for him to start?
Uh, yeah. Yeah, sure. Okay. Yeah. Ha-ha-ha.
Hi. I'm Karen Jackson. I mean, Daddyz Girl.
This is my ﬁrst web diary entry, and it's dedicated to my daddy...
...Eddie Jackson. Here he is on the left.
You can visit him at the ITC on 126th where he works.
My daddy and I recently went to a purity ball...
...where he asked me to confess my sexual sins so that we can be closer.
But when I did, guess what he did.
He called me a whore.
In front of a room full of people.
A whore. Yelled it.
So guess what, Daddy. I've got something for you.
These are vanilla.
-Where were you two all day? LIP: We went to go see Grammy...
-...like you suggested. -Oh, yeah, heh? How is she?
-Still mean as a snake. -Ah.
Carl, hey, we're decorating, not eating.
Hey. Yo.
-Thank God. STEVE: What's up?
Did you get my messages about Tony? I've been trying you for hours.
-Oh, work was crazy. -I'm worried.
-Oh, he's not gonna do anything to me. —well, I think he suspects something.
No, he's just jealous. I'm careful. Promise.
Okay?
All right. What do we got going on here?
Well, if you're, uh, Carl, then you're making scrotum cupcakes.
STEVE: Very nice. ALL: Ha-ha-ha.
TONY: He already changed the plates?
You're going down, fucker.
IAN: Did Steve give you the car? LIP: No, I bought it.
Had $74,920 lying around.
IAN: Ah, money well spent.
[LIP GRUNTS]
Yo, where are you? I'm, uh, sorry about yesterday, all right?
All right, call me back. Don't be mad.
-Karen? -Yeah.
Why is it we've never met any of Frank's brothers?
Family reunions are for families.
And will the guy behind door number one...
...be Ian Gallagher's ticket out?
IAN: Shut up.
Yeah?
-Holy shit. -Oh, my God.
What do you want?
Uh, hi. Um, I'm sorry.
Uh, my name is Phillip. This is my brother Ian.
Yeah, so?
Well, we're Frank Gallagher's sons. We were wondering...
—...if we could talk to you for a-- -Son of a bitch.
Off to a good start.
—I didn't know Dad was a twin. Did you? -No.
Hey. What are you doing?
-We should talk to him. —He slammed the door in our faces.
We probably scared him.
I don't want that dick being my father, all right?
We're here. We should ﬁnd out more about him.
JERRY: I have a shotgun, and I'm not afraid to use it.
Happy?
-Yeah. -Okay.
STEVE: Oh.
-Come on. —Where'd you guys get the Xbox?
I let them borrow mine.
You're getting into this classroom-moms thing.
-Well, it's important to Debs. Right? —Yep.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
I'll get it.
Don't run away just because I'm kicking your ass.
JASMINE: Hi. I'm Jasmine. —|'ve heard of you. I'm Steve.
Oh. Hey. Uh, Debs, clean this stuff up.
No. Don't worry. My ironing board is still out from last weekend.
-Uh, you met my boyfriend, Steve? -I did. He's cute.
—For that you get a cup of coffee. -Hmm.
-Uh, sorry for coming unannounced. -It's okay.
I was just at my sister's house. She let me raid her closet.
—Guess what doesn't ﬁt her anymore. -All that?
She's pregnant again. I thought we could try this stuff on...
-...and see what ﬁts us. -Sure.
Uh, we're gonna be upstairs.
STEVE: It's all right. Your boyfriend's gotta go to work soon anyway.
-Be careful today? —I will. Nice to meet you, Jasmine.
Yeah. Will I see you at the party tonight?
I wouldn't miss it.
[CAR HORN HONKS]
Not so fast, buster.
Hey, Debs. I got your new iPad in my bag.
Did you tell her, Jimmy?
Family. Dropped out of med school. Different name.
Yeah, yeah. I just haven't found the right time yet, okay?
It's unnatural for a kid to hold a secret for so long.
-I'm gonna crack. -Okay, okay. Tonight.
[CAR HORN HONKS]
-That's my ride. I gotta go. —Pinkie swear’?
Yes.
-Do it. —Pinkie swear.
[HORN HONKING]
Hold your horses. I'm coming.
-First day on the job. -Oh, yeah?
-Suppose I could use a power tool? —Whoa, baby steps, my friend.
Probably in about a month.
MAN: Two more boxes are supposed to go in here.
Surprised to ﬁnd an opening in this economy.
-Somebody get ﬁred? -Lorenzo worked at that station.
He's out on workers‘ comp.
One man's misfortune is another man's opportunity.
-What, um...? What happened to him? —Emphysema.
MAN: They get face frames also?
And how did Lorenzo get the big E?
inhaling chemical fumes.
-That's all it took? -Oh, you'd be smart to wear a mask.
What fumes exactly? You know, so I can stay clear.
Paint thinner, formaldehyde, cleaner, stainer, you name it.
-He was here one day, gone the next. -That last, huh?
You know, a man dedicates seven years of his life to a company...
...and that's the thanks he gets: a burn lung.
Seven years? You said he was here one day, gone the next.
Well, he was. After having the job for seven years.
You know, he was my best work friend.
Sucks not having him around here anymore.
[SNIFFSI
JASMINE: That looks good on you. -You think?
-Your body is perfect. —No. Makes me look huge.
-Please. Look at this. -Heh.
Still haven't gotten rid of my baby fat. And my youngest is 6.
FIONA: Hmm.
-I really like Steve, by the way. -He's a good guy. I think.
-He seems into you. -Well, he stuck around.
Here. Try this on.
So I talked to Hal last night. His business is booming right now.
-What does he do? -He's an accountant.
Helps people with their taxes, that sort of thing.
Are you good with numbers?
I guess so.
Then I'll introduce you to him later at the party.
Ah.
I mean, ha-ha.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
Gotta pick up the monsters.
Why are you being so nice to me?
Why are you being a freak and asking a question like that?
See you tonight.
Ah, I knew I had it here somewhere.
This is your father and me when we were altar boys.
-Dad was an altar boy? -Yeah, he sure was.
Wow.
Frank around the communion wine, that must've been a challenge, huh?
Heh, Father Frank, as we used to call him. He was devout.
-He was, uh, ﬁrst in his class at Catechism. -Frank?
So, what brings you boys around?
Uh, well, we're working on a, uh, family-tree project at school, Lucy.
-Aunt Lucy. -Wow. Well, good for you.
-Did your dad tell you where I lived? -We looked it up.
Yeah, I don't suppose he would have. We, urn, had a falling-out a long time ago.
Anybody need some more pop?
It was my fault. I should've done something about it. I just never did.
Clayton, I need your help in the kitchen.
With the pop.
okay-
More p0P‘
Coming right up.
LUCY: What are you doing?
CLAYTON: Getting to know my nephews. -Let's go.
LUCY: I don't want them in my house. -What? They're great.
-I can't do this. LUCY: Told me you never slept with her.
CLAYTON: I didn't. -Ruin their lives.
LUCY: Why does he look like Jacob? -That guy's totally your dad.
-You don't know that. -We can easily ﬁnd out.
-I don't wanna know. -You look exactly like him.
So, what am I supposed to do?
-Pack my bags and move in here? —Have you checked this place out?
-Fuck. —lan.
CLAYTON: I'm not walking around here... -Ian.
Ian.
-Ian, come on. We should at least go-- -Look.
This is about you, all right? Not me.
Look, we all have our problems with Frank, but he's still my father.
And Fiona's my sister, and you're my brother.
Debbie, Carl, Liam. We're a family.
Yeah, but, Ian, you can have a sweet life here.
I'm happy with who we are.
Even if you're not.
ISIGHS]
Well, look at that. Lunch is over.
The time, how she ﬂies.
Well, it's back to the grindstone for this guy.
Careful, Frank. That spill almost got you there, huh?
Already lost one best work friend. Don't need to lose another so soon.
Hmm.
Okay, you can let go now.
STEVE: All right.
[ALARM BLARING]
Heh. Hey. Tony, right?
Funny seeing you here. How are you?
[STEVE GRUNTS]
-How long you been stealing cars? —Who says I steal them? Ow. Fuck.
You were in a Cayenne yesterday, hotwiring a 911 today.
-I lost my keys. That's-— Motherfucker. —How long?
As long as I've been fucking Fiona for.
Oh, fuck!
And for dinner, she made pork loin with caramelized apples...
...with a side of iceberg lettuce that had a little oil and vinegar drizzled on it.
Oh, what I'd do for a little Roquefort, but with my high cholesterol....
-I told you about that, right? -About an hour ago.
Two sixty-seven. Your doctor wants it under 150.
Aw, you remember. Anyway, after dinner, she cut some berries for dessert:
strawberries, raspberries, blackberries.
Ahh! Fuck. Ahh. Ahh! Fuck. Ahh!
Shit!
Frank. Frank. Here I come.
[STEVE GRUNTS]
Get the--
Second place sucks, huh?
-Think this is only about Fiona? —Fucking seems that way.
Yeah? It's also about the little operation you got going on.
-Yeah, I could cut you in. -Oh, yeah?
Now you're bribing an ofﬁcer?
Whoa, whoa! The way that I ﬁgure it, there's not much you can do.
You bring me in, you risk Fiona hating you forever.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's how I see it too. So, uh...
...I'm gonna leave it up to you.
What the hell does that mean?
Come here.
You got two choices.
You could, uh, turn yourself in, spend a couple years in jail.
Of course, by the time you get out, Fiona and I will be married, so--
In your dreams.
-Fine. -Yeah.
Whoa, whoa! Wait, wait, wait. What's the second choice?
-You could save your ass. —How?
Disappear. Tonight.
Walk away. Just leave everything behind.
Don't go back to your house, don't call her...
...don't say goodbye, just leave.
But you have to decide right now.
[OVER SPEAKERS] lthink l’m love drunk
Off one shot of you lthink I'm love drunk
And you're the proof lthink I'm love drunk
l'm chasing you lthink l’m love drunk
-Nice ass. —Excuse me?
Ooh, don't mind him. He thinks he's so funny.
-This is my husband, Hal. -How's it going?
Hal. Scared me there. Almost had to give you a knee to the groin.
Jazzy's told me all about you.
-Oh, yeah? -Yeah. Yeah. So you gonna work for me?
-I am? HAL: She's the boss.
Don't give me that look.
Come on.
-Let's take a lap. HAL: Uh—oh.
JASMINE: Stay out of trouble, Hal.
Thought that cute boyfriend of yours was coming.
Yeah, so did I.
[HORN HONKS]
What the hell?
Dispatch, this is off-duty Ofﬁcer 2244 reporting a stolen vehicle.
License 7-2-Delta-Delta-Foxtrot—4. Black, new, Porsche Cayenne.
Heading eastbound on Carmac. Just passed 36th Street.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER POLICE RADIO]
Well, Steve, possession of a stolen car is a feI--
[KAREN SOBBING]
-You all right? -Get the fuck out of here.
sort!’-
Wait.
Come back here.
What happened to your hand?
Work thing. Is your hair different or something?
Let me see.
-Sit. -Huh, no....
-I really should get upstairs. -Those pain pills?
-Oxy. -Give me.
Oh, no way. No, don't you be taking all of those.
[MOANS]
Whoa! Wait. What are you doing? Oh, shit.
-Shh! -No, no, no.
STEVE [OVER VOICEMAIL]: Leave a message.
JASMINE: Still not picking up? —No. Keeps going straight to voicemail.
I have a bad feeling.
I'm sure there's a logical explanation, honey.
Wanna sneak off to the bathroom? I have some party favors.
-What? —A little pick-me-up.
It'll make you feel better.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
Hello?
Yes.
What?
Shit. No, I'll be right there.
My brothers were just arrested.
FRANK: No.
No, no.
[FRANK MOANS]
What do you think now, Daddy? Am I still a whore?
Mother of God.
[FRANK MUMBLING]
[English - US - SDH]