1 00:00:02,377 --> 00:00:05,619 Last week on Shameless, this is what we were doing. 2 00:00:05,797 --> 00:00:08,504 Your house is Frank's wet dream. Never gonna get him out. 3 00:00:08,675 --> 00:00:11,257 EDDIE: I can't afford to live somewhere else and support you. 4 00:00:11,428 --> 00:00:12,964 Can't you stay with Uncle Ray? 5 00:00:13,138 --> 00:00:16,676 I want the new stock shelved with the labels facing the same direction. 6 00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:20,217 -We have a whole night together. -Your house where you live with Linda. 7 00:00:20,395 --> 00:00:22,386 I'm gay, dude, not queer. 8 00:00:22,564 --> 00:00:24,600 Five hundred and eighty—seven dollars. 9 00:00:24,775 --> 00:00:27,517 LIP: I'm taking the PSATs for some Polish kid at Ridgedale. 10 00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:30,060 I told Richie your rates went up. He's giving 150. 11 00:00:30,239 --> 00:00:32,104 -See you in three hours. -Be out in two. 12 00:00:35,661 --> 00:00:39,620 I am going to a wedding today. I am really gonna do it this time. 13 00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:40,950 You're coming, Mom? 14 00:00:42,334 --> 00:00:46,668 -I'll just get you a piece of cake, Mom. —That would just be.... 15 00:02:04,708 --> 00:02:07,700 [MAN CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY ON RADIO] 16 00:02:29,358 --> 00:02:30,973 Brush your teeth. I wanna play. 17 00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:43,909 -Smoothie. -Thanks. 18 00:02:44,081 --> 00:02:48,040 Hello, Liam. Are you having fun? 19 00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:53,541 Didn't Fiona tell you to stop electrocuting dolls? 20 00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:57,003 They have to pay for their sins. 21 00:03:01,098 --> 00:03:02,759 [FIONA AND STEVE BREATHING HEAVILY] 22 00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:05,261 -You almost there? STEVE: What? 23 00:03:05,435 --> 00:03:08,097 -I gotta make lunches. —Tell me more. 24 00:03:08,271 --> 00:03:12,105 —We||, first I cut off the crusts. -Uh-huh. 25 00:03:12,275 --> 00:03:16,609 -Then I put the apple slices in a baggie. -Don't stop. 26 00:03:16,822 --> 00:03:18,983 You look amazing. 27 00:03:19,157 --> 00:03:21,364 -Hurry up. -I don't wanna go before you. 28 00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:26,695 You didn't make a sound, 29 00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:29,660 Big family. Thin walls. 30 00:03:29,835 --> 00:03:31,951 When you consider how humans evolved... 31 00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:34,370 ...they were probably used to mating in public. 32 00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:36,834 —A pioneer really wanted to get freaky—- -Steve. 33 00:03:37,008 --> 00:03:39,374 -What? -Steve. I'm late. Focus. 34 00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:46,973 FIONA: Damn it. Carl! 35 00:03:47,144 --> 00:03:49,886 CARL: It's not me. Hector‘s at the pole again. 36 00:03:50,105 --> 00:03:52,016 FIONA: Hector. 37 00:03:54,109 --> 00:03:56,475 Hey, Hector. Is there any way you could--? 38 00:03:56,653 --> 00:03:59,440 I can't this time. Third red notice this year. I'm sorry. 39 00:03:59,614 --> 00:04:02,196 Not the first time we got shut off. Won't be the last. 40 00:04:02,367 --> 00:04:06,576 -Scrape the money together today? —We have it. She just forgot to pay it. 41 00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:09,955 I took an extra shift yesterday and I just spaced it. 42 00:04:10,125 --> 00:04:13,037 Call my cell when you pay. I'll swing back, end of the day. 43 00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:15,543 Thanks, Hector. 44 00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:24,423 -Arts and Leisure? —So I can read about pagan actors... 45 00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:26,805 ...complaining about how America sucks? 46 00:04:26,975 --> 00:04:29,466 I'll stick to my steroid-riddled athletes, thank you. 47 00:04:29,644 --> 00:04:32,636 So. what's the verdict? 48 00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:35,476 -The banana and blueberry are spectacular. —0h. 49 00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:37,766 KAREN: So good, Morn. SHEILA: Really? 50 00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:45,775 So tonight we're going to go off the beaten path. 51 00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:49,786 We are going to have Hungarian night. 52 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:51,071 -All right? FRANK: Hmm. 53 00:04:51,249 --> 00:04:54,241 Gonna have hurka and toltott tojas and kolbasz krumpli. 54 00:04:54,419 --> 00:04:57,411 Guaranteed to exit your colon at the speed of sound. 55 00:04:57,589 --> 00:04:58,624 [SCOFFS] 56 00:04:59,925 --> 00:05:02,917 Mom, it's Parents Night at school tonight. 57 00:05:06,097 --> 00:05:10,932 Right, right. I will be there, sweetie. I've been working towards that. 58 00:05:11,102 --> 00:05:14,469 That's right. I have it right on my calendar. I circled it. 59 00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,889 I've just been-- I've just been busy, busy. 60 00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:18,682 But I will be there. 61 00:05:18,860 --> 00:05:21,226 Dad, will you join us at Parents Night tonight? 62 00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:23,110 Me? 63 00:05:23,281 --> 00:05:25,943 Not you, fuckface. I was talking to Daddy Frank. 64 00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:28,775 Daddy Frank, will you come? 65 00:05:28,954 --> 00:05:31,946 Oh, no, no, ladies. I don't do school. 66 00:05:32,123 --> 00:05:34,489 We all have our phobias and school is mine. 67 00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:35,874 All of it. 68 00:05:36,044 --> 00:05:39,457 Textbooks full of falsehoods, teachers unions full of thugs... 69 00:05:39,631 --> 00:05:43,874 ...and tenured imbeciles who still use words like "irregardless." 70 00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:48,591 Not for me. However, the crepes, merci. 71 00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:51,757 Uh, regarding dinner, why not just move it up? 72 00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:55,848 Do the Hungarian thing at 5? What do you say? 73 00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:59,685 Well, think it over. Whatever. I'll be back before 5. I got a meeting. 74 00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:04,653 Karen, sweetie, I'm gonna be there. Okay? 75 00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:06,029 I have a session today. 76 00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:08,406 I'm gonna have a breakthrough, I can see it. 77 00:06:08,577 --> 00:06:10,283 [EDDIE SNICKERS] 78 00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:15,205 Keep laughing and I will slit your throat while you sleep. 79 00:06:18,003 --> 00:06:19,038 [KNOCKING ON DOOR] 80 00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:20,418 DEBBIE: I'm coming. 81 00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:23,747 -Warren. —Debbie. 82 00:06:23,925 --> 00:06:26,211 -Lip upstairs? -Yeah. 83 00:06:29,598 --> 00:06:33,386 FIONA: Carl, eat, don't organize. Okay? They all end up in the same place. 84 00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:35,425 -Who was at the door? DEBBIE: Warren for Lip. 85 00:06:35,604 --> 00:06:39,267 FIONA: Don't worry about the ketchup, just the milk and meat so it won't spoil. 86 00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:41,898 Enough hot water for at least one more shower. 87 00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:43,979 Did Carl blow up the neighborhood again? 88 00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:48,272 -No, I forgot to pay the bill. —Hey, happens to the best of us. 89 00:06:48,450 --> 00:06:51,283 —Not to me, okay? I'm not like this. -Like what? 90 00:06:51,453 --> 00:06:53,444 -Distracted. -Yeah, by what? 91 00:06:53,622 --> 00:06:55,704 Well, you're the only new thing in the mix. 92 00:06:56,499 --> 00:07:01,163 Wait, am I actually distracting Fiona Gallagher? Really? 93 00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:07,625 I-- Hey, I will make a coffee run after I finish. 94 00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:08,837 -Fine. -Okay? 95 00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:11,344 Time for school, okay? Lip, feet on the floor. 96 00:07:12,057 --> 00:07:13,263 Lip? 97 00:07:16,061 --> 00:07:17,972 -Warren. -Where's my paper’! 98 00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:19,386 Where's my money? 99 00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:23,022 -I got it. -Okay. 100 00:07:24,069 --> 00:07:25,309 I wanna see it. 101 00:07:26,488 --> 00:07:28,900 -Thirty-five, right? -No. 50. 102 00:07:29,074 --> 00:07:30,359 [SPEAKING IN KOREAN] 103 00:07:31,660 --> 00:07:33,992 Stop speaking fake Korean, Warren. 104 00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:35,743 I never said 35. 105 00:07:35,914 --> 00:07:37,905 Not for the paper I wrote you last month. 106 00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:40,995 Not for the paper I wrote you last semester. Not for this. 107 00:07:41,169 --> 00:07:43,285 All right? It's 50. 108 00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:45,920 Can you do 36? 109 00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:48,173 -No. —Thiny-eight? 110 00:07:48,343 --> 00:07:53,804 Oh, Warren, once again proving that Koreans are the Asian Jews. 111 00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:55,305 That's racist. 112 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:58,683 No, facts cannot be racist. 113 00:07:58,853 --> 00:08:03,847 Many Irish are drunks, many French smell, most Chinese hate children. 114 00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:06,357 That's why they sell them to Americans. 115 00:08:06,528 --> 00:08:11,568 Now, the fact here is that you, the one Korean I know... 116 00:08:11,741 --> 00:08:14,574 ...made a deal of 50 bucks for an original essay... 117 00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:16,484 ...about The Great Goddamn Gatsby... 118 00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:21,157 ...yet, once again, you're trying to get me to lower my agreed-upon price. 119 00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:24,667 Okay? So I want you to give me 50... 120 00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:27,500 -...or GFY. -GFY? 121 00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:30,340 Go fuck yourself. 122 00:08:38,226 --> 00:08:40,182 LINDA: You're short again. —What? 123 00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:43,937 Inventory, gone, out the door without being paid for. 124 00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:47,190 Soup, beer, chips, cigarettes, Iollipops, salt. 125 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,646 People are stealing salt, Kash. What the hell? 126 00:08:50,238 --> 00:08:52,194 Kids, why don't you go get some juice? 127 00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:54,981 Boys, stay right where you are. You need to hear this. 128 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:58,072 Other than genetic markers for heart disease and bad teeth... 129 00:08:58,246 --> 00:09:01,283 ...this dump is the sum total of what we're leaving you. 130 00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:03,998 The shoplifting is out of hand. 131 00:09:04,169 --> 00:09:06,330 Three hundred and twenty dollars in one week? 132 00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:08,085 This is not a food bank. 133 00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:11,168 What are you doing when all this thievery is taking place? 134 00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:13,833 You playing "Brick Breaker" on your phone? 135 00:09:14,179 --> 00:09:16,340 Do I need to get the security cameras fixed? 136 00:09:16,514 --> 00:09:18,846 Because that's a $2500 bill we cannot afford. 137 00:09:22,270 --> 00:09:26,934 Do me a favor while I take the kids to school: Grow a pair. 138 00:09:27,442 --> 00:09:29,433 Come on, boys. You guys have your lunches? 139 00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:37,239 [MAN CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY ON RADIO] 140 00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:41,827 [CLEARS THROAT] 141 00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:50,495 [ROBERT GRUNTS] 142 00:09:51,466 --> 00:09:52,501 [MAN GRUNTS] 143 00:09:52,675 --> 00:09:55,883 -Sure this is it? —Yeah. Can I please go now? 144 00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:57,169 When the kids leave. 145 00:09:58,473 --> 00:10:00,555 Oh, Liam, we gotta get you onto this potty. 146 00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:03,307 We can take some of the money we spend on diapers... 147 00:10:03,478 --> 00:10:05,434 ...and we can buy you candy and cars. 148 00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,391 Don't you like candy and cars? 149 00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:09,556 Ah, rewards for shitting. The good old days. 150 00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:11,816 -Hey, let me help. -Okay, cool. 151 00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:15,524 When Liam starts holding his breath and squinting, put him on this. 152 00:10:15,698 --> 00:10:17,484 The power bill. 153 00:10:17,659 --> 00:10:19,615 -I'm almost living here. -No, you're not. 154 00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:21,526 Lip gave me enough for it yesterday. 155 00:10:21,704 --> 00:10:24,946 I picked up a shift and forgot to walk it to the payment center. 156 00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:27,707 Four hundred and thirty bucks? Lip's flush this month. 157 00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:30,789 -It's SAT season. —He's always flush during SAT season. 158 00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,875 -SAT? -College tests. 159 00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:35,381 -He tutors? -Uh, no, takes. 160 00:10:35,552 --> 00:10:36,541 [FIONA GRUNTS] 161 00:10:37,095 --> 00:10:39,336 Okay, go play with your cars. 162 00:10:39,514 --> 00:10:42,005 -Oh, hey, I got another lead for you. LIP: Set it up, douche. 163 00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:46,222 I'm taking it for someone else today, but, uh, there's another session in two weeks. 164 00:10:46,396 --> 00:10:48,261 -All right. -Don't take the phone today. 165 00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:50,020 -Ineedit —Ineedit 166 00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:52,477 -For what? —CoId calling for babysitting gigs. 167 00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,358 I sound more mature on the phone. 168 00:10:54,529 --> 00:10:57,111 I'm using the phone today. Go. You're gonna be late. 169 00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:58,647 STEVE: I'll give you guys a ride. 170 00:10:58,825 --> 00:10:59,860 [GRUNTS] 171 00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:01,361 IAN: Thank you. 172 00:11:01,536 --> 00:11:02,992 CARL: Teacher told me to give this to you. 173 00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:05,654 -What did you do? CARL: Nothing. 174 00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:08,619 This is from last Friday. It's Wednesday. Carl. 175 00:11:08,793 --> 00:11:10,283 -What did he do? —Nothing. 176 00:11:10,461 --> 00:11:12,247 Hey, bat stays here. 177 00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:16,756 Why do we keep having this conversation? 178 00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:20,839 -Because you never take the money. -Because I don't need it. 179 00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:23,429 Don't you have someplace to be? 180 00:11:33,234 --> 00:11:35,099 VLAD: Catholics. Look at them all. 181 00:11:35,278 --> 00:11:37,314 They replicate like rabbits. 182 00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:42,448 But, you know, if the pope ever approves of condoms, I get baptized. 183 00:11:42,619 --> 00:11:45,281 A lot I like about the Catholic Mass. 184 00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:47,320 [ooo BARKING] 185 00:11:47,498 --> 00:11:49,238 Good to know. 186 00:11:50,585 --> 00:11:51,620 Let's get this over with. 187 00:11:51,794 --> 00:11:53,455 [ROBERT GRUNTS] 188 00:11:57,508 --> 00:11:58,964 [CAR DOOR CLOSES] 189 00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:02,752 [DOOR OPENS] 190 00:12:02,931 --> 00:12:04,341 FIONA: Who forgot what? 191 00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:06,756 ROBERT: Frank forgot to pay. 192 00:12:07,936 --> 00:12:09,267 Get out of my house. 193 00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:11,894 Deadbolt your door. Dangerous neighborhood. 194 00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:13,771 Frank doesn't live here anymore. 195 00:12:13,942 --> 00:12:17,776 Just because he don't live here doesn't mean you don't know where he lives. 196 00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:22,736 Put the bat down, pick up the phone and tell him to get us the 6 grand he owes. 197 00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:24,774 -What? -Or bring back the car. 198 00:12:24,953 --> 00:12:27,069 Or we'll come back and use the bat on you. 199 00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:34,663 [noon CLOSES] 200 00:12:35,546 --> 00:12:36,877 KAREN: It's a buck 50 up-front. 201 00:12:37,048 --> 00:12:40,040 When you get your SAT results back and see how great Lip did... 202 00:12:40,218 --> 00:12:41,424 ...it's another buck 50. 203 00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:44,006 -And we do this today? -No. 204 00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:46,671 Today's session is booked. Three weeks. 205 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:50,342 So I sit next to you while you take the test? 206 00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:53,637 IAN: No. He's pretending to be you. 207 00:12:53,815 --> 00:12:55,305 You can't be there. 208 00:12:56,484 --> 00:12:57,974 Why would they think you're me? 209 00:12:58,152 --> 00:13:02,020 I'll have an ID that says that I am you. 210 00:13:02,699 --> 00:13:05,361 But what if they ask me for my ID? 211 00:13:05,535 --> 00:13:07,947 I'm going to make a fake ID. 212 00:13:10,581 --> 00:13:12,412 But I'm tall. 213 00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:18,620 Yeah, that's a chance we'rejust gonna have to take. 214 00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:20,379 Yeah. 215 00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:25,342 Saturday night. What time can I pick you up? 216 00:13:25,513 --> 00:13:29,472 -Seven. -Done, heh. 217 00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:34,806 You're dating Oompa now? 218 00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:37,472 He doesn't talk. It's fun. 219 00:13:40,278 --> 00:13:42,234 Come in. 220 00:13:44,198 --> 00:13:46,905 I need a breakthrough, Malaya. Parents Night. 221 00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:49,408 -Oh, very important. —My daughter, Karen. 222 00:13:49,579 --> 00:13:50,659 We've met. 223 00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:54,163 -I'm a little geared up. -I understand. It's good. 224 00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:57,451 Children need to know their parents care about their education. 225 00:13:57,628 --> 00:13:58,663 ltell my son: 226 00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:02,330 "Finish eighth grade and we'll talk about you working in construction." 227 00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:04,749 Not that I couldn't use the extra paycheck now. 228 00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:07,384 Oh, right. 229 00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:09,762 okay- 230 00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:26,445 I'm ready. 231 00:14:26,657 --> 00:14:31,196 Jesus, Frank, two assholes busted into our house looking for you and some car. 232 00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,032 -They follow you here? -Where is it? 233 00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:36,323 I was invited to participate in a business venture. 234 00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:40,790 -What did you do with the money? —I wasn't given any money up front. 235 00:14:40,963 --> 00:14:43,875 I was simply promised that money would be shared with me... 236 00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:46,416 ...once an insurance claim was settled. 237 00:14:46,594 --> 00:14:51,088 Has that promise been delivered upon? No. No, it has not. 238 00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:53,927 -I warned you. -You knew about this and didn't tell me? 239 00:14:54,102 --> 00:14:56,468 I don't call you every time Frank has a bad idea. 240 00:14:56,646 --> 00:14:57,726 I'll talk to them. 241 00:14:57,897 --> 00:15:00,934 And say what? "Sorry I forgot to light the car on fire." 242 00:15:01,109 --> 00:15:02,770 I was not doing the igniting. 243 00:15:02,944 --> 00:15:05,686 I was just doing the park in a remote location. 244 00:15:05,863 --> 00:15:09,902 Unfortunately I had to make a pit stop and when I got back, the car was gone. 245 00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:12,567 You're gonna take care of this now. 246 00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:15,031 Could go to Jersey, stay with your Great UncIe—- 247 00:15:15,206 --> 00:15:18,289 No, you're staying here. You're gonna take care of this car. 248 00:15:18,459 --> 00:15:20,495 You're gonna be here to take care of Carl. 249 00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:24,629 He needs you to show up at Parents Night to discuss behavioral problems. 250 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:27,131 [GROANS] 251 00:15:27,301 --> 00:15:28,461 [SCREAMS] 252 00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:30,251 [GIRL SCREAMS] 253 00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:32,842 CARL: I'm watering the plants. 254 00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:34,801 Ow! Ow! Owl 255 00:15:34,976 --> 00:15:38,935 -They sound like solutions, not problems. -The school disagrees. 256 00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:42,597 He's a boy. This is what boys do. 257 00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:45,733 When I was growing up, Joe Palazzo bit off a kid's finger. 258 00:15:45,903 --> 00:15:47,143 Oh, that's gotta be bullshit. 259 00:15:47,321 --> 00:15:50,563 Sister Irmalita picked up the nub and wrapped it in Kleenex. 260 00:15:50,741 --> 00:15:53,323 She always kept her snot rag stuffed in her sleeve. 261 00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:57,078 -They're threatening to expel him. -Well, go talk them out of it. 262 00:15:57,248 --> 00:15:58,988 They want a parent. A real parent. 263 00:15:59,167 --> 00:16:00,623 I guess you're off the hook, Frank. 264 00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,875 [ALL LAUGH] 265 00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:08,256 I have never been threatened by teachers and I am not going to start now. 266 00:16:08,426 --> 00:16:11,714 I am fed up with these pan-gender hermaphrodites... 267 00:16:11,888 --> 00:16:16,848 ...who hate that human beings are a species with two distinct genders. 268 00:16:17,018 --> 00:16:19,680 It's like they've declared war on testicles. 269 00:16:19,854 --> 00:16:23,187 They wanna remove all the masculinity from the schools... 270 00:16:23,357 --> 00:16:25,348 ...fill the world with yogurt-eaters. 271 00:16:25,526 --> 00:16:27,357 Well, do your research. 272 00:16:27,528 --> 00:16:30,736 We're all descendents of barbarians and the sooner we face it... 273 00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:34,775 ...the sooner we'll have a civilization worth celebrating. 274 00:16:34,952 --> 00:16:40,242 So hell, no, I won't go, because no one scares Frank Gallagher. 275 00:16:40,416 --> 00:16:41,747 [DOOR OPENS] 276 00:16:47,131 --> 00:16:48,746 HGYA 277 00:16:56,557 --> 00:16:58,422 Frank! 278 00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:14,234 [GRUNTS] 279 00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:23,748 [PANTING] 280 00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:27,326 Can you pretend to be Frank tonight? 281 00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:29,829 Sorry, Fi. I'm working. 282 00:17:30,424 --> 00:17:32,085 Why can't you do it? 283 00:17:32,260 --> 00:17:36,503 Say you had Carl when you were like 14 or something. You could pass for 23. 284 00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:38,546 No? Heh. 285 00:17:39,517 --> 00:17:40,973 How about Kenny? 286 00:17:41,936 --> 00:17:44,268 I'm trying to keep Carl out of a foster home... 287 00:17:44,438 --> 00:17:46,599 ...not give them a reason to put him in one. 288 00:17:46,774 --> 00:17:48,230 Frank will show up for Carl. 289 00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:50,187 I know you think he won't. 290 00:17:50,361 --> 00:17:54,229 But deep down, I think Frank is capable of doing the right thing. 291 00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:57,402 VLAD: Frank! 292 00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,070 FRANK: Hey, give me the board. 293 00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:00,860 -Give me the board. KID: Hey! 294 00:18:02,123 --> 00:18:04,330 KID: Hey, give it back. VLAD: Frank, stop! Frank! 295 00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:06,160 Whoa! 296 00:18:07,837 --> 00:18:10,579 God! My-— My hammY» 297 00:18:10,756 --> 00:18:12,121 [LAUGHS] 298 00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:13,961 You losers. 299 00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:20,800 I'm ready. 300 00:18:20,975 --> 00:18:23,842 You know what I'm thinking? Indian. 301 00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:28,225 So let's go get some curry. 302 00:18:28,399 --> 00:18:30,435 Excellent. 303 00:18:31,152 --> 00:18:35,236 And now how about we go find some fresh chicken? 304 00:18:35,406 --> 00:18:39,365 Ooh, yes, a yummy tikka masala, tsk. 305 00:18:39,535 --> 00:18:42,868 You're doing great, Sheila. 306 00:18:43,039 --> 00:18:45,371 Thank you. You know, I feel terrific. 307 00:18:45,541 --> 00:18:49,454 It's really-- It's really kind of nice to be out and about. 308 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:53,792 Do you see any fellow shoppers? 309 00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:57,129 Oh, yes. 310 00:18:58,179 --> 00:18:59,259 Hi. 311 00:19:00,097 --> 00:19:01,758 Good, Sheila, good. 312 00:19:01,932 --> 00:19:03,138 [CHUCKLES] 313 00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:05,345 Oh, that wasn't so bad. 314 00:19:06,729 --> 00:19:09,971 Okay, now, this one's coming a little bit close. 315 00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:13,141 Well, sometimes when we're out and about... 316 00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:14,354 Mm—hm. 317 00:19:14,528 --> 00:19:16,064 ...peopIe shop for the same things... 318 00:19:16,238 --> 00:19:17,273 SHEILA: Uh-huh. 319 00:19:17,448 --> 00:19:19,063 ...and they enter our space for a moment. 320 00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:22,825 -Yes, that's happening. -Say "hello" to her. 321 00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:25,952 Hello. 322 00:19:26,374 --> 00:19:28,990 Oh, that wasn't so bad, ha ha. 323 00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:32,126 That wasn't so bad at all. She seemed really nice. 324 00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:35,372 Okay, so—- Oh, God. Wait. 325 00:19:35,549 --> 00:19:37,790 Time to check out and head outside. 326 00:19:37,968 --> 00:19:40,254 No, no, no, we just started. 327 00:19:40,429 --> 00:19:43,171 And I still need vanilla and raisins and peaches. 328 00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:44,680 I need to get some peaches. 329 00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:46,386 -No peaches in Indian food. -Yes. 330 00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:48,300 -No, there's peaches. —Concentrate. 331 00:19:48,479 --> 00:19:49,514 Oh, God. 332 00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:50,849 Oh. 333 00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:56,768 No, no, no, I can't do it, I can't. Stop it. Make it stop. 334 00:19:56,946 --> 00:19:58,652 [sesame] 335 00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:01,401 No. 336 00:20:01,784 --> 00:20:04,196 [WHIMPERS] 337 00:20:04,495 --> 00:20:06,486 [CELL PHONE RINGING] 338 00:20:10,584 --> 00:20:12,324 Sorry I threw you out this morning. 339 00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:15,370 I love a woman that knows what she wants. 340 00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,505 Yeah, I want to be someone else today. 341 00:20:18,676 --> 00:20:21,463 -How's work? -Backbreaking. 342 00:20:23,264 --> 00:20:25,630 Can I swing by and take you to lunch? 343 00:20:25,808 --> 00:20:28,015 Ilove that there's a world where people go out to lunch. 344 00:20:28,185 --> 00:20:29,391 [CAR ALARM WAILS] 345 00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:30,642 WOMAN: Next. 346 00:20:30,813 --> 00:20:33,304 Carl's in trouble at school. Parents Night's tonight. 347 00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:36,315 And they want Frank to show up, but he says he won't... 348 00:20:36,485 --> 00:20:39,477 ...so I gotta fix it before nobody shows and he gets bounced. 349 00:20:39,655 --> 00:20:41,316 Sounds fun. 350 00:20:41,949 --> 00:20:43,314 I'll text you later? 351 00:20:43,492 --> 00:20:44,572 Make it dirty. 352 00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:54,333 So you guys going to the parent-teacher conference? 353 00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:57,290 -No, ha-ha-ha. -Need a parent for that, don't you? 354 00:20:58,007 --> 00:21:01,170 Hey, Louise got an A on the paper you wrote for her English class. 355 00:21:01,343 --> 00:21:03,550 -How do you keep doing that? -Well... 356 00:21:03,721 --> 00:21:05,928 ...to master the art of the book report... 357 00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:08,965 ...you just take any novel, no matter when it was written... 358 00:21:09,143 --> 00:21:13,011 ...and you argue that the main character is a latent homosexual. 359 00:21:13,189 --> 00:21:15,145 No, seriously, seriously. 360 00:21:15,316 --> 00:21:18,683 Now, most English teachers are either gay and agree... 361 00:21:18,861 --> 00:21:23,400 ...or they're straight, but too scared to disagree and get labeled as intolerant. 362 00:21:23,574 --> 00:21:24,609 [LAUGHS] 363 00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:25,819 Hmm. 364 00:21:25,993 --> 00:21:28,154 DOUBLE F: Eighteen seventy! -All right. 365 00:21:28,370 --> 00:21:31,407 -Thanks, man. Appreciate it. -Perfect for the Big Ten. 366 00:21:31,582 --> 00:21:33,447 -Happy to help. -You more than helped. 367 00:21:33,626 --> 00:21:37,915 Now I'll definitely be a beer swilling, roofie slipping, Fighting Illini next year. 368 00:21:38,088 --> 00:21:39,294 -All right? -All right. 369 00:21:39,465 --> 00:21:40,796 Awesome. 370 00:21:41,342 --> 00:21:44,175 What happened, Tire? Not satisfied with your results? 371 00:21:44,345 --> 00:21:45,710 Haven't come back yet. 372 00:21:45,888 --> 00:21:47,424 Any day now. 373 00:21:47,598 --> 00:21:50,465 -I better not look stupid. -Impossible. 374 00:21:50,643 --> 00:21:55,433 Hey, listen, there's one last testing session this year, so tell your friends. 375 00:21:56,315 --> 00:21:58,146 Don't tell me what to do. 376 00:22:02,530 --> 00:22:05,146 Why do we help people we hate? 377 00:22:05,407 --> 00:22:08,899 I believe we're just taking our cue from American foreign policy. 378 00:22:09,411 --> 00:22:11,402 [CHUCKLES] 379 00:22:14,583 --> 00:22:16,119 [GRUNTS] 380 00:22:20,297 --> 00:22:23,084 [PANTING] 381 00:22:25,594 --> 00:22:27,004 [KNOCKING ON DOOR] 382 00:22:28,472 --> 00:22:30,337 -Hello? Hello? FRANK: It's Frank. 383 00:22:30,516 --> 00:22:31,926 Frank? 384 00:22:32,101 --> 00:22:33,090 [WHIMPERS] 385 00:22:33,269 --> 00:22:34,805 -Frank. —Yeah. 386 00:22:34,979 --> 00:22:37,561 -Okay, good. Perfect. -Shoes, shoes. 387 00:22:37,731 --> 00:22:40,643 -Shoes? Yeah. -There was a bag. The bag. 388 00:22:40,818 --> 00:22:43,309 Hon, you gotta lighten up about the shoes, okay? 389 00:22:43,487 --> 00:22:45,023 Shoes in bag. 390 00:22:45,781 --> 00:22:49,069 -I appreciate you seeing me. —You're Carl's mother? 391 00:22:49,243 --> 00:22:52,451 -Ah, no, sister. -Legal guardian? 392 00:22:52,621 --> 00:22:54,111 Formally, no. 393 00:22:54,290 --> 00:22:57,032 DEVELIN: Mr. Munroe. -Where's that papier-mache? 394 00:22:57,209 --> 00:22:59,074 Right here. 395 00:22:59,253 --> 00:23:02,040 The kids have been making papier—maché sculptures... 396 00:23:02,214 --> 00:23:04,705 ...about what they love about themselves. 397 00:23:04,884 --> 00:23:08,251 This is Carl's. 398 00:23:09,388 --> 00:23:10,468 What is that? 399 00:23:10,639 --> 00:23:13,881 That is a papier-maché pile of shit. 400 00:23:15,728 --> 00:23:18,561 Wait. He has a very developed sense of humor. 401 00:23:18,731 --> 00:23:20,517 We're not laughing. 402 00:23:20,691 --> 00:23:23,933 Carl's future is speaking to us through art. 403 00:23:24,111 --> 00:23:25,567 A dark future. 404 00:23:25,738 --> 00:23:29,105 Filled with what, even to the untrained eye, is a budding psychosis. 405 00:23:29,283 --> 00:23:32,741 We need to speak to his father or his mother. 406 00:23:33,662 --> 00:23:35,573 Well, they're out of town. 407 00:23:36,957 --> 00:23:39,699 -It's important that-- -I need a parent, not a sister. 408 00:23:39,877 --> 00:23:43,586 I've had what seems to be 15 of you goddamn Gallaghers at this school... 409 00:23:43,756 --> 00:23:46,042 ...and I have never once met a parent. Not once. 410 00:23:46,216 --> 00:23:49,253 Who in the hell is raising this degenerate? 411 00:23:49,428 --> 00:23:52,795 Come back tonight with a parent or a call will be placed... 412 00:23:52,973 --> 00:23:55,555 ...to a place you don't want me to call. 413 00:23:59,605 --> 00:24:03,439 Please? I just want someone to be there for her. 414 00:24:03,609 --> 00:24:06,601 To bear witness to her achievements. 415 00:24:06,779 --> 00:24:10,271 If this was about Karen, I would. But these nights are not about kids. 416 00:24:10,449 --> 00:24:13,862 They're about teachers giving themselves a platform to worship them. 417 00:24:14,036 --> 00:24:15,867 Asking you to applaud with gratitude... 418 00:24:16,038 --> 00:24:18,620 ...for all the crap they've been teaching your kids... 419 00:24:18,791 --> 00:24:21,999 ...while in reality, they're asking you to validate them... 420 00:24:22,169 --> 00:24:25,753 ...for the choice they made to waste their lives as educators. 421 00:24:25,923 --> 00:24:27,663 [KNOCKING ON DOOR] 422 00:24:27,841 --> 00:24:29,251 Who's that? 423 00:24:29,426 --> 00:24:33,339 I'm expecting some granola from Oregon. 424 00:24:33,847 --> 00:24:37,214 From Oregon? People wonder why oil prices are so high. 425 00:24:37,393 --> 00:24:40,351 Shipping oats and sugar all the way.... 426 00:24:45,401 --> 00:24:46,390 Can I help you? 427 00:24:46,568 --> 00:24:49,605 -Uh, looking for Frank. -Oh. 428 00:24:49,780 --> 00:24:52,271 VLAD: It's Tommy and Joey from down at the bar. 429 00:24:52,449 --> 00:24:54,940 SHEILA: Oh. VLAD: We got a darts tournament... 430 00:24:55,119 --> 00:24:59,078 ...raising money for paralyzed kids, and, uh, we need Frank. 431 00:24:59,248 --> 00:25:02,991 We can't win and help the kids without our star player. 432 00:25:03,168 --> 00:25:08,834 Well, he's kind of in an uncooperative mood today. 433 00:25:09,008 --> 00:25:12,921 But I'll see if the paralyzed kids can get him out. 434 00:25:16,140 --> 00:25:17,971 Let's see. 435 00:25:21,979 --> 00:25:24,186 You, uh-—? You play? We need women too. 436 00:25:24,356 --> 00:25:26,938 No, I am not a darts person. 437 00:25:27,109 --> 00:25:28,144 [CHUCKLES] 438 00:25:28,318 --> 00:25:30,980 Would you mind, urn, taking your shoes off? 439 00:25:31,155 --> 00:25:34,647 Ugh, my mother, God rest her soul... 440 00:25:34,825 --> 00:25:36,406 -...would be upset if! didn't. -Mm-hm. 441 00:25:36,577 --> 00:25:39,410 -Lovely house. -Oh, thank you. 442 00:25:39,580 --> 00:25:42,367 So, uh, where's Frank? 443 00:25:42,833 --> 00:25:47,247 Um, Frank? Frank? Frank? 444 00:25:47,629 --> 00:25:50,371 Frank! 445 00:25:51,717 --> 00:25:52,957 Jesus. 446 00:26:33,175 --> 00:26:36,383 Oh, heads up, man. You're out of BBQ Pringles. 447 00:26:42,476 --> 00:26:44,808 Hey, did Mickey pay for that? 448 00:26:48,273 --> 00:26:51,231 -You have to stand up to him. -What was I supposed to say? 449 00:26:51,401 --> 00:26:54,268 How about, "Cut out the shit or I'll call the cops"? 450 00:26:54,446 --> 00:26:56,152 Tried that once with his father. 451 00:26:59,952 --> 00:27:02,318 TERRY: What do I owe you now? 452 00:27:02,871 --> 00:27:05,362 Mickey's father's in prison now, all right? 453 00:27:05,541 --> 00:27:07,156 I don't need any new enemies. 454 00:27:07,334 --> 00:27:10,747 You're just gonna let him keep coming in here and taking what he wants? 455 00:27:10,921 --> 00:27:12,707 It's the cost of doing business. 456 00:27:12,881 --> 00:27:14,587 [DOOR BELL CHIMES] 457 00:27:16,051 --> 00:27:17,587 [noon CLOSES] 458 00:27:23,892 --> 00:27:26,224 I forgot the dip. 459 00:27:26,395 --> 00:27:28,056 [DOOR BELL CHIMES] 460 00:27:29,148 --> 00:27:30,763 Jesus, Kash. 461 00:27:32,067 --> 00:27:35,605 Hey, Mickey, why don't you steal from a neighborhood you don't live in? 462 00:27:35,779 --> 00:27:37,485 Have some civic pride, huh? 463 00:27:39,408 --> 00:27:42,741 Hey, hey. Jesus. Fuck. 464 00:27:42,911 --> 00:27:46,244 You know where I live if you have a problem. 465 00:27:48,333 --> 00:27:52,747 Here. Go to the store, replace the stuff he stole. 466 00:27:54,715 --> 00:27:57,582 -We're cowards. -We're smart men in a stupid world. 467 00:27:57,759 --> 00:28:01,217 Hurry, before Linda gets back and sees what's missing. 468 00:28:21,867 --> 00:28:22,902 Bathroom break? 469 00:28:23,827 --> 00:28:25,192 You'll need to be escorted. 470 00:28:25,370 --> 00:28:26,985 Oh, no, thanks. I'm all done. 471 00:28:29,541 --> 00:28:31,406 [CLEARS THROAT] 472 00:28:35,631 --> 00:28:38,998 FIONA: Thanks for turning us back on. -Sure. 473 00:28:40,260 --> 00:28:41,921 [CELL PHONE RINGS] 474 00:28:42,095 --> 00:28:44,461 STEVE: How'd the meeting at school go? -Badly. 475 00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:47,177 Gonna sic Social Services on us if Frank doesn't show. 476 00:28:47,351 --> 00:28:50,218 Since he's never shown up at a school event for any of us... 477 00:28:50,395 --> 00:28:52,226 ...I'm trying to figure something out. 478 00:28:52,397 --> 00:28:54,638 Why don't I come tonight and pretend to be him? 479 00:28:54,816 --> 00:28:57,273 I'll say whatever people say, like, you know: 480 00:28:57,444 --> 00:29:01,608 "I'm traveling a lot and Carl's probably just acting out because he misses me." 481 00:29:02,115 --> 00:29:03,150 You're way too young. 482 00:29:03,325 --> 00:29:05,737 I thought you were gonna say too handsome. 483 00:29:06,036 --> 00:29:09,369 -There's other people I can try. —Yeah? Who? 484 00:29:09,539 --> 00:29:11,154 People, okay? 485 00:29:11,333 --> 00:29:14,621 I'll see you later. I can't keep burning up the minutes on my phone. 486 00:29:18,173 --> 00:29:19,629 Hector, you busy tonight? 487 00:29:26,848 --> 00:29:30,340 Hey, Morgan, it's Lip. Uh, test went well. 488 00:29:30,519 --> 00:29:34,933 No problem with the ID, one of the benefits of your androgynous name. 489 00:29:35,482 --> 00:29:39,145 I'm thinking I scored you like a 2200. 490 00:29:39,319 --> 00:29:42,231 So send me that postcard from Stanford, all right? 491 00:29:42,406 --> 00:29:44,021 Later. 492 00:29:44,741 --> 00:29:45,776 MAN: Morgan. 493 00:29:46,576 --> 00:29:47,656 Morgan. 494 00:29:48,161 --> 00:29:52,951 Or is it Greg Powers or Pete O'Brien or Jammal Jackson? 495 00:29:53,709 --> 00:29:55,665 You taking tests for girls now, Morgan? 496 00:29:55,836 --> 00:29:57,042 [CHUCKLES] 497 00:29:57,212 --> 00:29:59,578 Yeah. Welcome to your shit—show. 498 00:29:59,756 --> 00:30:03,123 I'm an investigator for the Educational Evaluation Service. 499 00:30:03,302 --> 00:30:05,042 -The people who administer-- —I know. 500 00:30:05,220 --> 00:30:08,462 Oh, you do? So why don't you tell me how you cheat? 501 00:30:08,890 --> 00:30:11,347 -I don't cheat. -Oh, right. 502 00:30:11,518 --> 00:30:12,758 -I don't. —Uh—huh. 503 00:30:12,936 --> 00:30:16,929 Let's see. You got a 2360, 2290, 2400. 504 00:30:17,107 --> 00:30:19,223 And all from this crappy high school. 505 00:30:19,401 --> 00:30:20,607 Yeah, I know my shit. 506 00:30:20,777 --> 00:30:22,608 I got a test we just finished creating. 507 00:30:22,779 --> 00:30:27,148 So why don't we go see if you know your shit or you're just full of it? 508 00:30:34,916 --> 00:30:37,908 FRANK: Karen. Here. 509 00:30:38,462 --> 00:30:41,579 Daddy Frank. What are you doing? 510 00:30:41,757 --> 00:30:44,214 Freezing my gonads off, that's what. 511 00:30:44,384 --> 00:30:47,046 You see a pickup with the two scary-looking dudes in it? 512 00:30:49,222 --> 00:30:50,382 Yes. 513 00:30:50,557 --> 00:30:53,674 Divert their attention so I can slip back into the house. 514 00:30:53,852 --> 00:30:58,846 Daddy Frank, I really, really want you to come to Parents Night tonight. 515 00:30:59,024 --> 00:31:01,356 Nobody's ever there to see how great I'm doing... 516 00:31:01,526 --> 00:31:03,642 ...and I'm really, really doing great. 517 00:31:05,947 --> 00:31:07,437 Distract them and we'll talk. 518 00:31:07,616 --> 00:31:10,608 Promise me you'll come to school for me tonight and I'll do it. 519 00:31:10,786 --> 00:31:12,526 All right, all right, Jesus. 520 00:31:12,704 --> 00:31:14,990 Everything's gotta be quid pro fucking quo. 521 00:31:15,165 --> 00:31:18,032 Go. Distract. Distract. 522 00:31:27,803 --> 00:31:31,091 So, what have you allowed to be stolen today? 523 00:31:31,765 --> 00:31:35,257 -Can we try some optimism? —Optimism is for children and presidents. 524 00:31:35,435 --> 00:31:39,724 Not for minimart owners in a land of 30 million jobless. 525 00:31:41,650 --> 00:31:43,686 LINDA: Where the hell were you? -Uh.... 526 00:31:43,860 --> 00:31:45,191 LINDA: Why are you looking at him? 527 00:31:45,987 --> 00:31:49,696 -Where are you going with all that stuff? -Nowhere. I-- 528 00:31:51,618 --> 00:31:53,700 Who? Is it the Milkovich kid again? 529 00:32:04,923 --> 00:32:07,585 LINDA: That's it. We're closed. 530 00:32:12,556 --> 00:32:14,512 Follow me. 531 00:32:20,730 --> 00:32:22,595 SHEILA: I cannot thank you enough... 532 00:32:22,774 --> 00:32:25,436 ...for representing our family tonight at Parents Night. 533 00:32:25,610 --> 00:32:28,602 Karen is going to be so happy. 534 00:32:28,780 --> 00:32:32,147 And make sure you ask lots of questions and then report back to me. 535 00:32:32,325 --> 00:32:34,156 I need details. Lots of details, okay? 536 00:32:34,327 --> 00:32:38,366 Details, details. Yeah, yeah, lots of details. 537 00:32:38,540 --> 00:32:42,533 I'd stay down here and entertain you with my lips... 538 00:32:44,045 --> 00:32:46,377 ...but it's getting kind of late. 539 00:32:46,548 --> 00:32:49,665 No, no, those things never start on time. 540 00:32:50,218 --> 00:32:52,834 -You sure? -Yeah, pretty sure. They never—- 541 00:32:53,013 --> 00:32:55,550 -We've got time. —Positive? 542 00:32:55,724 --> 00:32:57,965 -We've got time. We've got time. -Okay. 543 00:32:59,603 --> 00:33:00,968 HEARST: Come here. 544 00:33:04,107 --> 00:33:06,769 Well, you missed one. 545 00:33:07,569 --> 00:33:08,604 No, I didn't. 546 00:33:13,992 --> 00:33:15,357 The wording is ambiguous. 547 00:33:16,286 --> 00:33:17,947 You're gonna get mail on that. 548 00:33:23,376 --> 00:33:24,912 HEARST: Hmm. 549 00:33:25,378 --> 00:33:26,914 I'll take it up with the board. 550 00:33:33,220 --> 00:33:35,461 Twenty-four hundred. 551 00:33:36,765 --> 00:33:39,757 You know how rare that is? Out of a million and a half kids... 552 00:33:39,935 --> 00:33:43,268 ...who take the test every year, only 300 get a perfect score. 553 00:33:45,899 --> 00:33:47,230 How did you catch me? 554 00:33:47,984 --> 00:33:52,023 Well, as smart as you are, we got people working for us who are even smarter. 555 00:33:58,036 --> 00:33:59,116 So, what now? 556 00:33:59,704 --> 00:34:02,616 Well, punishment or redemption. Your choice. 557 00:34:02,791 --> 00:34:04,702 What's the punishment? 558 00:34:05,001 --> 00:34:08,789 You entered into this without researching the consequences of getting caught? 559 00:34:10,131 --> 00:34:11,166 Jail? 560 00:34:11,341 --> 00:34:12,376 [CHUCKLES] 561 00:34:12,551 --> 00:34:14,382 We're not in the business of sending kids to jail. 562 00:34:14,553 --> 00:34:18,387 Our only mandate is to send universities valid scores. 563 00:34:18,557 --> 00:34:21,264 And we invalidate the ones that aren't legitimate. 564 00:34:21,434 --> 00:34:23,891 I'm at the University of Chicago. 565 00:34:24,563 --> 00:34:26,394 Come to my office. 566 00:34:29,234 --> 00:34:34,445 And don't you ever, ever take a test for someone else again... 567 00:34:34,614 --> 00:34:38,027 ...or I will find you and I will beat you senseless. 568 00:34:39,536 --> 00:34:40,992 Hmm? 569 00:34:48,503 --> 00:34:51,916 [H EARST WHISTLING] 570 00:34:59,973 --> 00:35:04,216 -Where'd you learn how to do that? —I lived a lot of years before I met you. 571 00:35:04,894 --> 00:35:06,350 Come on. 572 00:35:12,569 --> 00:35:15,185 Now, hold it like you wanna do something with it. 573 00:35:22,495 --> 00:35:24,577 -Hand it here. —What? 574 00:35:30,295 --> 00:35:32,627 Left shoulder. Right shoulder. 575 00:35:32,797 --> 00:35:34,879 Left leg. Right leg. 576 00:35:35,050 --> 00:35:38,383 Stomach. Neck. Face. 577 00:35:39,262 --> 00:35:40,297 Heart. 578 00:35:44,768 --> 00:35:46,679 ROTC. 579 00:35:54,194 --> 00:35:56,480 LIP: Hey, sorry I'm late. -I brought you a shirt. 580 00:35:56,655 --> 00:35:57,986 -Okay. -Okay, now listen up. 581 00:35:58,156 --> 00:36:01,648 We are gonna stand united and show them we are a family that is thriving. 582 00:36:01,826 --> 00:36:03,566 -You got it? Let's go. -Yup. 583 00:36:03,745 --> 00:36:06,031 LIP: Come on. FIONA: Come on. 584 00:36:08,833 --> 00:36:09,948 This is it? 585 00:36:10,126 --> 00:36:12,117 This is his brother. 586 00:36:12,671 --> 00:36:15,253 Uh, Phillip. Very good to see you again, sir. 587 00:36:15,423 --> 00:36:18,631 Uh, Phillip is 17, I'm 21. 588 00:36:18,802 --> 00:36:22,135 Uh, while we may not be the legal guardians of our brother, we do supply—- 589 00:36:22,305 --> 00:36:25,468 I told you I wanted to see a parent. 590 00:36:26,601 --> 00:36:28,182 We just opened the letter today. 591 00:36:28,353 --> 00:36:30,639 I gave Carl the letter last week. 592 00:36:30,814 --> 00:36:34,853 So you're relying on a 9-year-old to deliver important correspondence? 593 00:36:35,318 --> 00:36:37,604 You don't seem to have a home phone. 594 00:36:37,779 --> 00:36:40,191 Carl is taken care of at home by loving siblings. 595 00:36:40,365 --> 00:36:43,323 This is not up for negotiation. 596 00:36:43,493 --> 00:36:45,859 Your brother is on the verge of being expelled. 597 00:36:46,371 --> 00:36:50,580 And unfortunately, there are steps the state requires to be taken... 598 00:36:50,750 --> 00:36:52,991 ...before he can be bounced. 599 00:36:53,169 --> 00:36:56,627 And a meeting with his legal guardian is the next step. 600 00:36:56,798 --> 00:36:59,756 Please, you can't do this. I mean, he loves school. 601 00:36:59,926 --> 00:37:03,168 -Heh. -More potential victims here, I suppose. 602 00:37:04,264 --> 00:37:05,754 No, all his friends are here. 603 00:37:05,932 --> 00:37:07,422 Can you stop that? I'm serious. 604 00:37:08,268 --> 00:37:10,133 He needs more structure, we know. 605 00:37:10,311 --> 00:37:13,223 [LAUGHING] 606 00:37:13,398 --> 00:37:19,109 What Cari needs is medication, a near-death experience... 607 00:37:19,279 --> 00:37:21,019 ...or a Iobotomy. 608 00:37:23,408 --> 00:37:27,526 You should be proud of your daughter. She's prompt, poised, cheerful. 609 00:37:27,704 --> 00:37:30,741 Vivid imagination. Expansive vocabulary. 610 00:37:31,458 --> 00:37:33,119 Karen has greatness in her future. 611 00:37:33,752 --> 00:37:35,333 She gets it from me. 612 00:37:35,503 --> 00:37:38,916 It's all the time I spent with her when she was a youngster. 613 00:37:39,090 --> 00:37:41,081 Flashcards and the like. 614 00:37:41,259 --> 00:37:44,592 Pounding, pounding, pounding, relentlessly. 615 00:37:44,763 --> 00:37:48,802 Never underestimate the power of flashcards. 616 00:37:48,975 --> 00:37:50,636 I'm sorry. 617 00:37:51,436 --> 00:37:53,927 I'm placing a call to Social Services. 618 00:37:54,105 --> 00:38:00,726 A home without a legal guardian is a home we cannot condone. 619 00:38:02,030 --> 00:38:04,316 Hello, all. 620 00:38:04,491 --> 00:38:06,857 Uh, sorry I was late. I got held up at the office. 621 00:38:07,577 --> 00:38:10,785 So now that Fiona and I are engaged, I've filed the paperwork... 622 00:38:10,955 --> 00:38:14,447 ...so that we can become the legal guardians of the children. 623 00:38:16,085 --> 00:38:19,293 Do you realize Carl's report card has seven U's? 624 00:38:19,464 --> 00:38:23,707 -Uh, U's? —As in "unsatisfactory." 625 00:38:23,885 --> 00:38:28,504 But don't think of U as in "unsatisfactory." 626 00:38:28,681 --> 00:38:31,218 Think of U as in F. 627 00:38:32,393 --> 00:38:33,473 As in ''failed''? 628 00:38:33,645 --> 00:38:34,930 As in "fucked." 629 00:38:36,064 --> 00:38:38,430 I am not a religious man. 630 00:38:38,608 --> 00:38:41,099 But every now and then, a child comes along... 631 00:38:41,277 --> 00:38:44,861 ...who makes me believe in the existence of Satan. 632 00:38:45,323 --> 00:38:47,530 Now, something drastic must be done... 633 00:38:47,700 --> 00:38:50,157 ...or he's going to slip down through the cracks... 634 00:38:50,328 --> 00:38:52,910 ...right up into a clock tower with a sniper rifle. 635 00:38:54,165 --> 00:38:58,033 Given our resources, he is beyond our ability to help. 636 00:38:58,211 --> 00:39:01,920 It's just a phase and now that we're aware of it—- 637 00:39:02,090 --> 00:39:05,924 Too late. This Norman Rockwell display may warm the cookies... 638 00:39:06,094 --> 00:39:08,801 ...of some other fool who believes no fucking child... 639 00:39:08,972 --> 00:39:11,805 ...not even the budding psychotics, should be left behind. 640 00:39:11,975 --> 00:39:17,766 But the fact is the sooner Car! is put in prison, the safer this world is gonna be. 641 00:39:18,273 --> 00:39:20,730 More a Mickey Hart fan when it comes to paintings. 642 00:39:20,900 --> 00:39:23,391 -What? What's that? -More of a Mickey Hart fan... 643 00:39:23,570 --> 00:39:26,152 ...than a Norman Rockwell fan? 644 00:39:28,575 --> 00:39:32,318 Mickey Hart's an all right painter for a drummer. 645 00:39:34,289 --> 00:39:37,156 -Could you all excuse us for a second? -For what? 646 00:39:37,333 --> 00:39:41,702 If we could just take a walk and talk in private, get a breath of fresh air. 647 00:39:53,308 --> 00:39:54,844 Frank. 648 00:40:03,318 --> 00:40:04,433 Hey~ Ooh! 649 00:40:04,611 --> 00:40:05,817 [GRUNTS] 650 00:40:05,987 --> 00:40:08,148 All you had to do was drive the car and park. 651 00:40:08,323 --> 00:40:10,405 FRANK: It was an extraordinary circumstance. 652 00:40:10,575 --> 00:40:13,442 It was the night the Bears were playing Green Bay. 653 00:40:13,620 --> 00:40:14,655 There was an after-- 654 00:40:14,829 --> 00:40:16,239 [FRANK GROANING] 655 00:40:16,414 --> 00:40:19,827 I'd be kicking you had I not pulled a hamstring chasing after you. 656 00:40:20,001 --> 00:40:21,582 You're a fast little bastard. 657 00:40:21,753 --> 00:40:24,540 Second team all-state in the mile. 658 00:40:24,714 --> 00:40:26,124 IYELLING] 659 00:40:27,091 --> 00:40:29,082 -Daddy Frank? —Hey, 660 00:40:34,057 --> 00:40:36,298 Sell a kidney, prostitute your 12-year-old. 661 00:40:36,476 --> 00:40:39,809 I don't care how you get it, but I want 6 grand in cash by Saturday... 662 00:40:39,979 --> 00:40:42,766 ...or this ear will be hanging around my neck. 663 00:40:53,618 --> 00:40:58,533 No one around here really knows those terrapins are a Grateful Dead thing. 664 00:40:58,706 --> 00:40:59,695 [CHUCKLES] 665 00:40:59,874 --> 00:41:01,830 The kids call them Mr. G's turtles. 666 00:41:02,001 --> 00:41:06,995 Shit, man. They don't even know who the Grateful Dead are. 667 00:41:07,173 --> 00:41:09,505 Oh, man. 668 00:41:09,676 --> 00:41:12,634 The summer of 1979. 669 00:41:12,804 --> 00:41:15,295 Heh, the best summer of my life. 670 00:41:15,473 --> 00:41:17,839 Followed the Dead around the Midwest. 671 00:41:18,393 --> 00:41:22,727 Supported myself selling grilled cheese in the parking lot. 672 00:41:22,897 --> 00:41:24,512 Yeah, they made great music. 673 00:41:25,316 --> 00:41:28,103 Their music blows. 674 00:41:28,277 --> 00:41:30,768 But their female fans... 675 00:41:31,656 --> 00:41:34,489 ...were a bunch of patchouli-soaked sluts... 676 00:41:34,659 --> 00:41:36,945 ...who all wanted to ball their first black guy. 677 00:41:37,120 --> 00:41:40,533 [BOTH SNICKERING] 678 00:41:40,707 --> 00:41:44,416 I never embraced tokenism with more gusto. 679 00:41:44,585 --> 00:41:46,701 [BOTH LAUGHING] 680 00:41:47,964 --> 00:41:53,334 Ah, those terrapins were a parting gift... 681 00:41:53,511 --> 00:41:55,342 ...from this Skidmore chick... 682 00:41:58,016 --> 00:42:03,477 ...who sucked me off like I had diamonds buried in the bottom of my ball sack. 683 00:42:04,313 --> 00:42:05,894 Woo! 684 00:42:07,442 --> 00:42:11,401 Man, this is some good shit. 685 00:42:11,946 --> 00:42:14,312 You know, we're onna turn Carl around. 9 686 00:42:15,742 --> 00:42:17,653 Thanks for the joint... 687 00:42:18,077 --> 00:42:19,942 ...but I'm not gonna lose my pension... 688 00:42:20,121 --> 00:42:23,204 ...over some little wack job going postal on my watch. 689 00:42:23,374 --> 00:42:27,458 Though I do not distribute high-quality medicine such as this... 690 00:42:27,628 --> 00:42:32,748 ...I could hook you up with discreet people who'd give you a favorable price. 691 00:42:32,967 --> 00:42:35,299 We talking a teacher discount? 692 00:42:37,263 --> 00:42:38,799 [CHUCKLES] 693 00:42:38,973 --> 00:42:40,179 My man. 694 00:42:43,895 --> 00:42:45,135 What the hell did you do? 695 00:42:45,313 --> 00:42:47,474 Saw an opening, made my move, got lucky. 696 00:42:47,648 --> 00:42:48,637 [FIONA CHUCKLES] 697 00:42:50,276 --> 00:42:53,018 -Daddy. —lfl hadn't had such a.... 698 00:42:53,488 --> 00:42:54,819 Debbie, we gotta go. 699 00:42:54,989 --> 00:42:57,571 I wanna say hi to Daddy. Daddy. 700 00:42:57,742 --> 00:42:59,607 -Hi. -Hello, pumpkin. 701 00:42:59,786 --> 00:43:00,992 Karen, what's going on? 702 00:43:01,162 --> 00:43:04,620 You said you never come to these, so I thought you weren't gonna come... 703 00:43:04,791 --> 00:43:07,578 ...so I asked Frank to stand in for my worthless father. 704 00:43:07,752 --> 00:43:09,037 Did they expel Carl? 705 00:43:12,965 --> 00:43:17,334 What did I tell you? Drama and threats, all for naught. 706 00:43:17,512 --> 00:43:19,298 [FRANK CHUCKLES] 707 00:43:23,935 --> 00:43:25,891 Come on, guys. Let's go. 708 00:43:29,816 --> 00:43:30,896 Bye, Daddy. 709 00:43:32,151 --> 00:43:33,391 Yeah, see you. 710 00:43:41,953 --> 00:43:44,990 Carl, we're serious. The stakes are really, really high. 711 00:43:45,164 --> 00:43:49,578 We love you and we need you in this family, in this house. 712 00:43:49,752 --> 00:43:53,665 You need to stop biting and punching and hurting people. 713 00:43:54,215 --> 00:43:57,582 -Well, how else do I make them cry? —Gossip and slander. 714 00:43:57,760 --> 00:44:00,923 You know, when I get really angry, I usually just count to 10. 715 00:44:02,014 --> 00:44:03,970 Hey, little man, tell you what we'll do. 716 00:44:04,142 --> 00:44:07,259 We're gonna get you some pads and skates, get you out on the ice. 717 00:44:07,436 --> 00:44:09,722 Take your frustrations out with a hockey stick. 718 00:44:09,897 --> 00:44:11,478 You can come to karate with me. 719 00:44:11,649 --> 00:44:15,608 Remember when I broke Kyle's leg? Took three pins to put it back together. 720 00:44:15,778 --> 00:44:16,938 You can't beat karate... 721 00:44:17,113 --> 00:44:20,355 ...when it comes to regulated, sanctioned violence for children. 722 00:44:25,246 --> 00:44:29,706 SHEILA: Will you tell me one more time what the teacher said, Frank? 723 00:44:30,418 --> 00:44:32,283 How many more times? 724 00:44:32,837 --> 00:44:34,748 Mm. 725 00:44:36,090 --> 00:44:38,376 Just one more time. Just one more time. 726 00:44:38,551 --> 00:44:42,339 I would have known if I'd been there, but just one more. 727 00:44:42,513 --> 00:44:48,383 They said she was developing into an incredibly poised young woman. 728 00:44:49,896 --> 00:44:52,262 -Poised? -Mm-Hm. 729 00:44:53,274 --> 00:44:56,766 Oh, she is. 730 00:44:58,738 --> 00:45:02,105 She's quite the young lady. 731 00:45:09,373 --> 00:45:11,659 Frank, how am-? 732 00:45:13,377 --> 00:45:17,871 How am I gonna help her be the woman she's supposed to be... 733 00:45:18,049 --> 00:45:21,086 ...if I'm locked up in this house? 734 00:45:22,678 --> 00:45:27,718 I can't even get through the doors of a pretend supermarket. 735 00:45:28,684 --> 00:45:32,677 How am I gonna show her the Grand Canyon? 736 00:45:36,484 --> 00:45:40,602 Life is going on all around me and I'm missing out. 737 00:45:42,990 --> 00:45:45,527 Why am I so pathetic? 738 00:45:46,285 --> 00:45:52,076 Hey, you are going to get through those doors any day now... 739 00:45:52,250 --> 00:45:55,162 ...and never look back. 740 00:45:55,336 --> 00:45:56,371 Oh. 741 00:45:56,545 --> 00:45:57,580 [CHUCKLES] 742 00:46:00,716 --> 00:46:01,751 [SHEILA SNIFFLES] 743 00:46:01,926 --> 00:46:03,712 Frank. 744 00:46:05,554 --> 00:46:10,548 Thank you for being my light. 745 00:46:15,606 --> 00:46:19,975 My Frank, my light. 746 00:46:24,323 --> 00:46:28,908 Hey, um.... Listen, Morgan, it's Lip. 747 00:46:31,914 --> 00:46:37,910 We gotta talk. I got some bad news regarding your SAT scores. 748 00:46:39,338 --> 00:46:42,250 They're invalidating your score. 749 00:46:45,594 --> 00:46:49,086 I'll go into more detail when I speak with you. 750 00:46:49,307 --> 00:46:51,923 Sorry to leave this on your phone. 751 00:46:53,894 --> 00:46:55,430 All right. 752 00:46:55,896 --> 00:46:58,057 Okay. Hit me back. 753 00:47:07,074 --> 00:47:09,156 You know, I didn't need your help. 754 00:47:09,327 --> 00:47:11,909 You know, it looked like you did. 755 00:47:12,079 --> 00:47:15,037 You're upset that I actually did help. 756 00:47:15,207 --> 00:47:18,699 You're afraid that if I keep on showing up and actually helping... 757 00:47:18,878 --> 00:47:21,995 ...that you'll like it, and liking it will lead to relying on it. 758 00:47:22,173 --> 00:47:25,540 By relying on it, you'll be less of the you you've made yourself into: 759 00:47:25,718 --> 00:47:28,585 A kick-ass you that you like and I like too. 760 00:47:29,638 --> 00:47:31,503 You're afraid that if you rely on me... 761 00:47:31,682 --> 00:47:34,219 ...one day when you really need me to show, I won't. 762 00:47:34,393 --> 00:47:38,102 You'll be angry at yourself for believing something you only see in movies... 763 00:47:38,272 --> 00:47:41,435 ...something that I'm determined to prove to you actually exists. 764 00:47:43,277 --> 00:47:49,568 How come every time I wanna fool around, you can't shut up? 765 00:47:59,335 --> 00:48:01,326 [KNOCKING ON DOOR] 766 00:48:13,391 --> 00:48:17,430 TIRE: Hey, I'm here for Lip to pay him the balance for the SAT test. 767 00:48:22,566 --> 00:48:25,683 -Tire. .|_ip, my man. 768 00:48:25,861 --> 00:48:28,022 -They invalidated my score. LIP: I was gonna call. 769 00:48:28,197 --> 00:48:31,815 -I'll get a six on this test. -Get at least 200 for spelling your name. 770 00:48:31,992 --> 00:48:34,984 Shit. Wait, wait, wait, I can fix this, all right? 771 00:48:36,372 --> 00:48:40,206 -I won't be able to play ball in college. LIP: You'll go straight to the pros. 772 00:48:44,171 --> 00:48:45,160 [GRUNTS] 773 00:48:45,339 --> 00:48:47,000 [THUMPING AND LIP GRUNTING] 774 00:48:50,344 --> 00:48:53,131 LIP: No, no, no, please. -You think you'll live... 775 00:48:53,305 --> 00:48:54,761 ...if I drop you on your head? 776 00:48:54,932 --> 00:48:57,423 -I don't. -Lip. 777 00:48:57,601 --> 00:48:59,091 Shit. 778 00:48:59,270 --> 00:49:01,477 IAN: Get back inside. —Back off or I'll throw you out too. 779 00:49:01,647 --> 00:49:02,682 [LIP GRUNTS] 780 00:49:02,857 --> 00:49:04,393 Let him go. 781 00:49:04,567 --> 00:49:06,774 Get my brother back or the kid swings the bat. 782 00:49:06,944 --> 00:49:08,059 TIRE: Okay. -Now. 783 00:49:08,237 --> 00:49:11,149 -Keep your shit straight. I'll pull him in. IAN: Now. Come on. 784 00:49:11,323 --> 00:49:14,110 -What the hell is going on? —CarI‘s got it covered. 785 00:49:14,285 --> 00:49:16,401 [BOTH PANTING] 786 00:49:16,579 --> 00:49:20,913 I was just joking. Okay? Okay? 787 00:49:25,212 --> 00:49:28,830 [ALL SHOUT] 788 00:50:02,458 --> 00:50:06,952 Uh, uh, you ever been with a black guy? 789 00:50:11,759 --> 00:50:12,748 Uh.... 790 00:50:13,761 --> 00:50:14,841 I was acquitted. 791 00:50:15,596 --> 00:50:16,676 [BOTH LAUGHING] 792 00:50:46,752 --> 00:50:48,743 [English - US - SDH]