1 00:00:02,294 --> 00:00:04,080 Here's what you missed on Shameless last week. 2 00:00:04,254 --> 00:00:05,289 [EKG BEEPING] 3 00:00:05,464 --> 00:00:07,420 I got really drunk. 4 00:00:08,759 --> 00:00:11,250 And I'm not sure what happened after that. 5 00:00:11,762 --> 00:00:13,627 What the hell is he doing here? 6 00:00:13,805 --> 00:00:16,592 I can't afford to live somewhere else and support you two. 7 00:00:16,767 --> 00:00:18,007 -Hi, Frank. —Shit! 8 00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:22,101 -Who the fuck's Tony? FIONA: Tony, sweet. 9 00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:24,183 STEVE: The cars I sell are mainly not mine. 10 00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:25,518 I like you, Fiona. 11 00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:27,182 [BOTH PANTING] 12 00:00:27,778 --> 00:00:29,143 You remember Steve? 13 00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:32,528 Yeah, how's it going? 14 00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:35,566 She doesn't care if you have a girlfriend. Neither do I. 15 00:00:35,786 --> 00:00:37,276 -I'm getting married. —You what? 16 00:00:37,454 --> 00:00:38,910 FRANK: Yeah! CAROL: Ha, ha. 17 00:00:39,081 --> 00:00:41,538 Veronica, will you do me the honor of being my wife? 18 00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:43,414 -Yes! FIONA: You don't seem very happy... 19 00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:46,873 -...Io be getting married. -It's because I'm already married. 20 00:01:58,410 --> 00:02:01,197 VERONICA: I wasn't thinking about getting married. He brought it up. 21 00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:04,204 Now I'm, like, obsessed. Phillips, 22 00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:05,864 FIONA: Wasn't he drunk when he proposed? 23 00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:10,252 VERONICA: Oh, yeah, it was like that David Hasselhoff video, eating a cheeseburger. 24 00:02:10,422 --> 00:02:12,959 -I never saw that. -Oh, YouTube it, it's a car wreck. 25 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,748 You can't not watch. 26 00:02:15,677 --> 00:02:19,044 You want a drunk proposal to be the story you tell your grand-kids? 27 00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:22,134 My husband proposed to me at the top of the Sears Tower. 28 00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:24,550 Champagne and roses. 29 00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:28,846 Six months into the marriage I found out he was fucking my sister. 30 00:02:29,024 --> 00:02:33,142 -And the moral of the story is? —My sisters a bitch. 31 00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:36,687 Other than presents and booze, give three reasons to get married. 32 00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:39,944 Lots of people who love each other get married every day, Fiona. 33 00:02:41,912 --> 00:02:45,200 I don't know, V. The way things are between you and Kevin right now... 34 00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:48,907 ...it seems perfect. Why ruin it? 35 00:02:57,803 --> 00:02:59,885 ISIGHS] 36 00:03:02,432 --> 00:03:04,423 What do you get for that? 37 00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:07,217 -What? —What are they paying... 38 00:03:07,437 --> 00:03:09,428 ...for the neck thing? Disability. 39 00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:12,473 Six hundred seventy-four bucks a month. 40 00:03:12,651 --> 00:03:14,437 [CHUCKLES] 41 00:03:15,278 --> 00:03:17,985 That's what I get, heh. 42 00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:20,734 But look, I can do this: 43 00:03:20,909 --> 00:03:22,274 [CHUCKLES] 44 00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:39,959 While I admire your commitment, I gotta tell you, it's a bit over the top. 45 00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:44,471 [SPEAKS IN HUNGARIAN] 46 00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:48,600 I told them I get migraines. 47 00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:50,806 -Genius, huh? -Huh? 48 00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:53,688 -Try proving I don't have them, heh. -Ugh. 49 00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:59,482 I bet it itches like you got crabs in there. 50 00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:05,196 [SNIFFS] 51 00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:14,326 Kev, come out. 52 00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:19,085 -You done? —Why are we getting married? 53 00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:21,591 -What? —Other than the presents and the booze... 54 00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:25,175 ...can you tell me three good reasons why you want to get married? 55 00:04:26,224 --> 00:04:28,010 Not really. Wait a minute. 56 00:04:28,185 --> 00:04:31,894 This isn't one of those tests, is it? Where I'm supposed to change your mind? 57 00:04:32,063 --> 00:04:34,145 Heh, if it is, you just failed. 58 00:04:34,316 --> 00:04:36,147 You don't want to get married? 59 00:04:36,318 --> 00:04:39,776 I mean, things between us are pretty great. I don't want to ruin it. 60 00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:42,437 -What would we tell people? —That the wedding‘s off. 61 00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:45,278 -No one's damn business why. —Yeah? 62 00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:49,070 -Yeah. -Well, great then. 63 00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:55,496 -Guess I gotta tell Momma. —Oh, yeah. 64 00:04:55,670 --> 00:04:57,126 That's gonna suck. 65 00:04:57,297 --> 00:05:00,710 She's on her way over to talk about the blessed event. 66 00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:04,551 I am gonna miss getting a free KitchenAid mixer. 67 00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:07,383 Can you register for gifts if you're not getting married? 68 00:05:07,557 --> 00:05:10,094 —I got a gift for you. Mm-hm. -Yeah? 69 00:05:10,268 --> 00:05:12,554 [BOTH CHUCKLE] 70 00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:17,347 [SI NGI N G] Here comes the bride 71 00:05:17,526 --> 00:05:19,391 All dressed in white 72 00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:22,026 Which I think you can still get away with, baby. 73 00:05:22,197 --> 00:05:23,687 [LAUGHING] 74 00:05:23,865 --> 00:05:25,605 Hey, Momma. 75 00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:30,402 Oh, I can't believe it. Oh, I can't believe it! 76 00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:33,071 I can't believe this. What happened? 77 00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:35,536 -Nothing happened. -How could you do this to me? 78 00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:38,543 Look, nothing's gonna change. Kev and I are still together. 79 00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:41,420 -Yeah, Momma-- —Don't call me Momma, 80 00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:44,173 We‘rejust cutting out all the paperwork. Right? 81 00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:47,507 You know, and besides, until gay people... 82 00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,797 ...can get married in this state... 83 00:05:51,309 --> 00:05:52,594 ...I'm not gonna. 84 00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:55,886 This isn't what your father wants. You know that, don't you? 85 00:05:56,106 --> 00:05:57,767 Daddy's dead. He doesn't want anything. 86 00:05:57,941 --> 00:06:02,059 Your daddy, rest his soul, wants to see his little girl married. 87 00:06:02,237 --> 00:06:04,819 -Look, Momma, I-- -He set a little something aside... 88 00:06:04,990 --> 00:06:07,151 ...for you for once you finally settled down. 89 00:06:07,325 --> 00:06:09,190 -A little what? —Daddy left you money... 90 00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:12,156 ...for your first home once you got married. 91 00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:14,321 -A house? -He thought it might keep you... 92 00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:16,956 -...from being somebody‘s baby-momma. VERONICA: How much? 93 00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:20,961 I don't know, he wanted the envelope opened on your wedding day. 94 00:06:21,131 --> 00:06:23,417 Now I guess we'll never know. 95 00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:27,379 I just-- I never knew how much it meant to Daddy. 96 00:06:27,554 --> 00:06:29,920 The world. 97 00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:32,005 Maybe we should reconsider, babe. 98 00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:34,174 Heh, but what about the gay people? 99 00:06:34,352 --> 00:06:36,684 They got their parades, they can wait. 100 00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:38,599 ISIGHS] 101 00:06:38,773 --> 00:06:42,482 It's hot. I'm hot. Ahem, are you guys hot? 102 00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:44,233 [EXHALES] 103 00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:46,812 Hot. 104 00:06:47,991 --> 00:06:49,106 [KNOCKING ON DOOR] 105 00:06:49,284 --> 00:06:51,741 WOMAN: Fiona. -Coming. 106 00:07:01,338 --> 00:07:02,578 ISIGHS] 107 00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:06,039 FIONA: Hi. -Hey. 108 00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:08,674 —Oh, it's fresh? -And clean as a whistle. 109 00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:11,928 Thanks, Fiona. You have no idea what this means to me. 110 00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:15,636 Means you get to smoke weed and keep your government job and I get to eat. 111 00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:18,222 It's lasagna, straight from the oven. Still warm. 112 00:07:18,396 --> 00:07:21,058 So's this. Keep it that way if you wanna pass. 113 00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:26,443 -Lunch. Eat it or miss it, people. -Thanks. Bye. 114 00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:28,695 -What, more piss food? FIONA: You know it. 115 00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:30,401 LIP: All right. 116 00:07:32,327 --> 00:07:34,409 -Cup-a-lasagna, anyone? IAN: Right here. 117 00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:38,663 FIONA: Who was on dishes today? IAN: Uh, I'll get them after lunch. 118 00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:40,073 VERONICA: Hey, Debs... 119 00:07:40,251 --> 00:07:42,583 -...you ready to go to Target? DEBBIE: Oh, yeah. Sure. 120 00:07:42,754 --> 00:07:44,460 VERONICA: What's that smell? 121 00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:48,123 -It's either vomit or fancy cheese. -It can be both if you want. 122 00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:52,044 FIONA: Target? —Deb‘s gonna go help me register gifts. 123 00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:53,428 Mm, good. 124 00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:56,260 —I thought the wedding was off. -Back on. 125 00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:58,808 -Kev know? VERONICA: Mm-hm. 126 00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:00,969 Oh. 127 00:08:01,439 --> 00:08:03,475 -Hey. —Damn. 128 00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:08,144 Tell that girl I will crap on a paper plate for her if it gets me some of this grub. 129 00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:23,453 WOMAN: Francis Gallagher. -Yeah. 130 00:08:28,258 --> 00:08:29,919 ISIGHS] 131 00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:33,297 Drop your pants. 132 00:08:33,471 --> 00:08:37,305 I don't see how this has any bearings on my migraines. 133 00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:40,592 Me neither, but it's on the state form. 134 00:08:40,770 --> 00:08:41,805 Drop them, sailor. 135 00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:44,392 [BLOWING] 136 00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,895 -Unh. -Still cold, ha, ha. 137 00:08:48,069 --> 00:08:49,275 —Cough. -Ahem. 138 00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:51,065 Again. 139 00:08:51,239 --> 00:08:52,274 [COUGHS] 140 00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:53,438 Again. 141 00:08:53,616 --> 00:08:54,822 [COUGHS] 142 00:08:54,993 --> 00:08:56,153 That's weird. 143 00:08:56,786 --> 00:09:00,119 Have you ever done a testicular self-examination? 144 00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:03,874 Oh, God, no. I say leave those three bad boys down there alone. 145 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,875 Yeah, well, that's the problem. 146 00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:09,004 Should only be two testicles invited to this party. 147 00:09:09,174 --> 00:09:11,460 FRANK: What's this? —I need you and your testicles... 148 00:09:11,634 --> 00:09:13,465 ...back here tomorrow for a biopsy. 149 00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:16,594 So I got an extra passenger on board, what's the big deal? 150 00:09:16,806 --> 00:09:18,717 -Normal number's two. —Not for me. 151 00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:21,850 Third guy's always been there. He's my lucky charm. Gave me six kids. 152 00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:23,305 Hmm. 153 00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:25,599 Probably benign, then. 154 00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:28,978 You're smart not to worry until you do a biopsy. 155 00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:31,143 Gives you something to worry about. 156 00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:37,820 [noon CLOSES] 157 00:09:40,497 --> 00:09:42,909 KEVIN: Uh, you can't bring a baby into a bar, ma'am. 158 00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,165 You can't get married if you already are. 159 00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:46,745 I know, I know. 160 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,956 —Why the hell doesn't she know? -Because. 161 00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:50,791 -I'm afraid to tell her. -Kev! 162 00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:54,503 I don't wanna make her sad, Fi. It would break my heart to hurt her. 163 00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:59,546 Just tell her the truth, Kev. If you don't, I will. 164 00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:04,676 Can you hit me with a milk refill? 165 00:10:06,356 --> 00:10:09,598 The devil's in my balls, Billy. And he's coming for the rest of me. 166 00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:12,062 -Let's hope he can swim. FRANK: Why, Billy? 167 00:10:12,237 --> 00:10:13,317 Why me? 168 00:10:13,488 --> 00:10:18,232 -Because you're an asshole, Frank. -Doc says it's probably benign. 169 00:10:18,409 --> 00:10:21,321 Look at Lance Armstrong, he had that ball cancer. 170 00:10:21,496 --> 00:10:25,535 -Ends up fucking a rock star. —That's right. That's-- See? 171 00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:28,040 -Hey, baby. KEVIN: Hey, hey! 172 00:10:28,211 --> 00:10:29,291 Mm-hm. 173 00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:30,542 [KEVIN SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY] 174 00:10:30,713 --> 00:10:32,078 Okay, I know this is silly. 175 00:10:32,257 --> 00:10:35,590 But I'm really starting to get excited about this whole wedding thing. 176 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:39,423 The gifts and the wedding, and being Mrs. Kevin Ball. 177 00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:40,962 [CHUCKLES] 178 00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:43,097 You know old man Parson's place on 5th? 179 00:10:43,268 --> 00:10:45,930 -I think we should buy it. —What? 180 00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:48,811 The one where the son went crazy and hit him with an ax? 181 00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:51,769 It's for sale. We should start getting our stuff together. 182 00:10:51,943 --> 00:10:55,106 All the loans and credit scores and all that. 183 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:56,611 What's the matter, babe? 184 00:10:56,781 --> 00:10:59,818 I'm sure they got the blood cleaned up by now. 185 00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:03,784 ISIGHS] 186 00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:07,201 I can't marry you, Veronica. 187 00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:12,536 I'm already married. 188 00:11:15,049 --> 00:11:17,415 VERONICA: She's beautiful. 189 00:11:18,136 --> 00:11:20,502 She's a head-case. She used to throw plates at me. 190 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,922 Couldn't handle her booze. That's how I got scars on my neck. 191 00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:27,388 You have no idea how many times I wanted to tell you over the years. 192 00:11:27,562 --> 00:11:30,929 But the more time went on, the more unreal it all seemed. 193 00:11:32,734 --> 00:11:34,850 You look like a douche bag with that mullet. 194 00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:38,861 Oh, I can't believe this. 195 00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,943 Guess I can forget about buying a house. 196 00:11:41,117 --> 00:11:42,607 KEVIN: Yeah. 197 00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:45,026 FIONA: Maybe not. KEVIN: What do you mean? 198 00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:48,663 You don't actually have to get married. Your mom wants a wedding. 199 00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:51,449 So give her one. 200 00:11:51,628 --> 00:11:53,459 I could get ordained online. 201 00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:55,871 Then we don't file the license with the state. 202 00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:57,710 -Ha—ha-ha. -A fake wedding. 203 00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:59,294 [LAUGHS] 204 00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:03,712 Why not? You'd still be married. It just won't be legal. 205 00:12:04,182 --> 00:12:07,140 -Yeah, but what's the point, then? -All the free shit, baby. 206 00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:08,891 [LAUGHING] 207 00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:11,553 -Oh, damn. That would've sucked. —Baby, come on. 208 00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:15,064 Showing up at your wedding fucking paralyzed and shit? Yeah. 209 00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,691 Oh, shit. 210 00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:22,193 It looks a bit like Top Ramen in there, doesn't it? 211 00:12:24,535 --> 00:12:28,653 Sweetie, would you like me to come with you to your biopsy? 212 00:12:28,831 --> 00:12:30,913 No, it's probably nothing. 213 00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:33,416 Benign cyst. An ingrown hair. 214 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,417 Yes, I think you're right. 215 00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:38,500 You're gonna be just fine. 216 00:12:40,802 --> 00:12:41,837 [SOBBING] 217 00:12:42,512 --> 00:12:43,877 Why the hell are you crying? 218 00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:52,552 I knew it was too good to be true. 219 00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:54,140 You're gonna die. 220 00:12:54,315 --> 00:12:57,853 Jesus, Sheila. I'm not gonna die. I haven't even had the biopsy yet. 221 00:12:58,027 --> 00:13:01,690 It was probably that nut—vise sex toy of hers that gave you the damn cancer. 222 00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:04,401 I'm gonna need the house next week for bible study. 223 00:13:04,575 --> 00:13:08,363 We're doing the Passion play again. It might get noisy. 224 00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:20,247 I have two plots... 225 00:13:20,425 --> 00:13:21,915 ...at Oak Woods Cemetery. 226 00:13:22,093 --> 00:13:23,674 One was for Eddie. 227 00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:29,215 Nothing would make me happier than to bury you in one of them. 228 00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:32,217 Wait there for me. 229 00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:34,765 Oh, God. 230 00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:36,554 I'm gonna die. 231 00:13:36,733 --> 00:13:38,223 [BELL TOLLS] 232 00:13:38,860 --> 00:13:41,567 He married your father and I, Aunt Rochelle, Uncle Bobby. 233 00:13:41,738 --> 00:13:44,821 And cousin Jimmy with that first wife, with the cleft palate. 234 00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:48,449 A cleft palate is merely the mark God leaves... 235 00:13:48,619 --> 00:13:51,577 ...when he kisses a person before they're born. 236 00:13:51,748 --> 00:13:53,739 Girl's momma just skipped the folic acid. 237 00:13:53,916 --> 00:13:59,502 I'm gonna need you both to come to my weekend Engagement Encounter retreat. 238 00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:02,379 It covers all of the Pre-Cana material... 239 00:14:02,592 --> 00:14:05,675 ...necessary for you to get married with God's blessing. 240 00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:08,086 Uh, could you excuse us forjust a second, please? 241 00:14:10,475 --> 00:14:12,557 Might be fun to do it at a church outing, huh? 242 00:14:12,727 --> 00:14:15,093 Veronica, that man in there is a priest. 243 00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:18,388 He's gonna require a license. A marriage license. 244 00:14:18,608 --> 00:14:21,771 I'm pretty sure bigamy is still a felony in the state of Illinois. 245 00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:23,855 Why'd you let your mom drag us here? 246 00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:26,271 -Momma wasn't gonna take no. —What about Fiona? 247 00:14:26,449 --> 00:14:28,940 -Wasn't she gonna marry us? -Relax, baby, I got this. 248 00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:33,950 Momma, we already have someone that's gonna do the wedding for us. 249 00:14:34,123 --> 00:14:36,614 This some healing hands, voodoo, wheat-grass jackass? 250 00:14:36,793 --> 00:14:39,956 Because that's not a wedding in the Lord's eyes. Tell them, Father. 251 00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:43,417 Tell them that is not a wedding in the Lord's eyes. 252 00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:49,962 Well, I know this. Thatjust like the honeybee, God has many eyes. 253 00:14:51,182 --> 00:14:54,049 Look, it has to be a priest. That's what your father wanted. 254 00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:56,684 That's what I want. And that's what the Lord wants. 255 00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:01,393 -Wedding's not gonna work. -What happened? 256 00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:03,145 Momma wants a real priest. 257 00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:05,310 Sheila said she'd make your wedding dress. 258 00:15:05,488 --> 00:15:08,980 Oh, that's nice, but what good is the dress if I don't have a priest? 259 00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:13,026 You could hire an actor. Remember the guy who played Elmo at my birthday? 260 00:15:13,204 --> 00:15:15,570 -You remember that? -He took his head off. 261 00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:18,740 -It was traumatizing. —Think an actor could work? 262 00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:22,001 I can probably get Father Pete to do it, if Carl will help. 263 00:15:22,171 --> 00:15:26,084 -What's it gonna cost me? —Uh, Karen and I use your place Friday? 264 00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:28,841 -Done. -Father Pete? The groper? 265 00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:30,126 God willing. 266 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:33,843 LIP: We got hot dogs? FIONA: Hmm. no hot dogs. 267 00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:38,384 [MICROWAVE BUTTON BEEPS] 268 00:15:38,563 --> 00:15:40,019 [MICROWAVE WHIRRING] 269 00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:41,725 What? 270 00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:48,899 Excuse me. 271 00:15:49,073 --> 00:15:50,358 Better late than never. 272 00:15:50,533 --> 00:15:53,525 Even better on time. What's with the costume? 273 00:15:53,703 --> 00:15:56,570 ROTC. I made cadet lieutenant colonel today. 274 00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:58,362 -You did? That's great. -Yeah. 275 00:15:58,541 --> 00:15:59,701 Congratulations. 276 00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:04,040 When I get back, I want the stock shelved with all labels facing the same direction. 277 00:16:04,213 --> 00:16:07,125 -Where are you going? -Your head is like a funnel. 278 00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:10,713 -The Boy Scout trip is this weekend. —They have Muslim Boy Scouts? 279 00:16:10,887 --> 00:16:12,718 Similar. Motto is still "Be Prepared." 280 00:16:12,889 --> 00:16:14,550 But you learn how to work with chemicals instead of tying knots. 281 00:16:14,724 --> 00:16:15,930 [CHUCKLES] 282 00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:18,261 The troop is sponsored by the Baptist church. 283 00:16:18,436 --> 00:16:20,472 They give us free outfits and overnights... 284 00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:23,725 ...and we let them think we're assimilating. Everybody wins. 285 00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:25,891 I'll be back Sunday night. 286 00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:31,149 Lieutenant colonel? I am so proud of you. 287 00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:32,985 It's not that big of a deal. 288 00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:35,317 Linda and the boys are gone for two nights. 289 00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:38,328 We're gonna have a whole night together to celebrate. 290 00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:00,470 Unh, oh, God! 291 00:17:00,645 --> 00:17:03,512 -God, I'm sorry. -Oh, Jesus Christ. 292 00:17:03,731 --> 00:17:06,438 Was that the biopsy? God, right in the-- 293 00:17:06,609 --> 00:17:08,645 Here, let's take a look. 294 00:17:08,986 --> 00:17:11,773 -Unh. -I'm just gonna take a look. 295 00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:18,451 Okay, well, that is definitely better. 296 00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:23,703 -I think you're okay. -Well, now, yeah. 297 00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:25,787 I'm just gonna shave you, okay? 298 00:17:28,256 --> 00:17:29,621 [SIGHS] 299 00:17:29,966 --> 00:17:32,048 I've never been shaved down there before. 300 00:17:32,260 --> 00:17:34,967 Just doing a small section. 301 00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:43,392 Okay. Oh. 302 00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,474 I'm sorry about that. 303 00:17:48,651 --> 00:17:49,640 [CHUCKLES] 304 00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:53,311 Maybe I could come back later and you could shave the other two. 305 00:17:53,489 --> 00:17:54,854 [CHUCKLES] 306 00:17:56,784 --> 00:17:59,651 -There. All done. —0oh. 307 00:18:00,162 --> 00:18:02,494 Feels like spring. 308 00:18:04,542 --> 00:18:07,500 Wish I could say this wasn't gonna hurt. 309 00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:10,745 [FRANK SCREAMS] 310 00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:14,381 You don't have to go crazy, Sheila, but as close to Vera Wang as you can. 311 00:18:14,552 --> 00:18:16,668 You are going to make a beautiful bride. 312 00:18:16,846 --> 00:18:20,555 Oh, Sheila, you're making me feel like Cinderella. 313 00:18:20,725 --> 00:18:23,216 KAREN: Screw Cinderella. Little doe-eyed bitch. 314 00:18:23,394 --> 00:18:26,557 Probably one of the worst role models for little girls. 315 00:18:26,731 --> 00:18:29,188 I think Cinderella was a feminist. 316 00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:33,601 The whole idea of marriage is a useless vestige of an archaic civilization. 317 00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:36,858 -How would you know? -I watched one unravel. 318 00:18:37,033 --> 00:18:40,867 Oh, so one example of a bad one makes them all bad? Hmm? 319 00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:44,621 Marriage was nothing more than a legal exchange of women for property. 320 00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:48,120 -Maybe you're being a little pessimistic. -Heh, it'sjust a piece of paper. 321 00:18:48,336 --> 00:18:51,203 A birth certificate is just a piece of paper. 322 00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:54,247 And money. Money is just a piece of paper. 323 00:18:54,425 --> 00:18:57,417 -But those are pretty valuable. —True. 324 00:18:57,595 --> 00:19:00,302 Hey, Gloria Steinem, enough of the blah-blah. 325 00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:03,215 -Let's talk bachelorette party. -I got that covered. 326 00:19:03,392 --> 00:19:05,007 -Oh, you better. -Mm-hm. 327 00:19:05,186 --> 00:19:06,767 [IN SINGSONG VOICE] Because we gonna be doing it. 328 00:19:06,937 --> 00:19:09,223 -Whatthe~? Uh-huh. Mm-hm. -Single ladies, go on. 329 00:19:10,399 --> 00:19:13,732 WOMAN: Feeling sick. Feeling tired. 330 00:19:13,903 --> 00:19:17,862 Seeing more of my oncologist than I see of my whole family. 331 00:19:18,949 --> 00:19:23,443 The hardest thing for me to accept is the fact that I can't fix this. 332 00:19:23,621 --> 00:19:26,078 I'm used to being the mom, you know? 333 00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:29,866 The one who takes care of everyone and everything. 334 00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:32,376 The fixer. 335 00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:35,587 And this is breast cancer. 336 00:19:35,758 --> 00:19:38,249 I can't fix this. 337 00:19:40,304 --> 00:19:43,762 Just knowing your tits are trying to kill you. 338 00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:45,469 That's gotta suck. 339 00:19:46,268 --> 00:19:48,133 I mean, mine's in my balls. 340 00:19:48,312 --> 00:19:50,769 So they've got a reason to be pissed. 341 00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:54,603 Tucked between two legs, wedged right near your asshole. 342 00:19:54,777 --> 00:19:59,362 There's no good way to sit, no underwear that's been devised... 343 00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:02,365 ...to hold them effectively in place. 344 00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:05,368 They're a bizarre appendage. An afterthought. 345 00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:09,281 Which is why I don't believe in intelligent design. 346 00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:11,498 There is no God. 347 00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:14,960 We're all gonna die. 348 00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:21,174 Why do I have to do it? 349 00:20:21,345 --> 00:20:23,836 You're the only one young enough to be an altar boy. 350 00:20:24,014 --> 00:20:26,551 -We'll stop before anything goes down. -Or anyone. 351 00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:27,966 [BOTH CHUCKLE] 352 00:20:30,146 --> 00:20:31,556 [KNOCKS ON DOOR] 353 00:20:32,314 --> 00:20:34,305 The Gallagher boys. 354 00:20:34,483 --> 00:20:37,065 If you're here to steal the basket, you're out of luck. 355 00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:38,817 Already off to the bank. 356 00:20:38,988 --> 00:20:42,901 No, Carl here is interested in being an altar boy. 357 00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:46,363 -That's a big responsibility. -Yeah. We tried talking him out of it. 358 00:20:46,537 --> 00:20:49,153 But he cried, so we thought we'd bring him in. 359 00:20:49,331 --> 00:20:51,663 See if you thought he had what it takes. 360 00:20:51,876 --> 00:20:53,207 Hello there, Carl. 361 00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:56,710 Be back for you in a bit, bud. 362 00:21:01,844 --> 00:21:03,675 IAN: Whew. -Wanna watch Scarface again tonight? 363 00:21:03,846 --> 00:21:06,007 Can't, got a date. 364 00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:08,509 Ooh. Mandy date or Kash date? 365 00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:10,883 Kash date. 366 00:21:11,395 --> 00:21:13,351 You're a slut, man. 367 00:21:13,689 --> 00:21:14,678 [CARL GRUNTS] 368 00:21:14,857 --> 00:21:16,222 Shit. 369 00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:20,355 [SCOFFS] 370 00:21:20,529 --> 00:21:21,860 Looks like we have a priest for V's wedding. 371 00:21:22,031 --> 00:21:23,020 [FATHER PETE GROANS] 372 00:21:23,991 --> 00:21:26,198 -Fake priest? -No, no. Priest is real. 373 00:21:26,368 --> 00:21:28,529 We‘rejust not gonna file the license. 374 00:21:28,704 --> 00:21:30,865 Immoral, don't you think? Lying to God's face. 375 00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:32,576 -Really, Mr. Morality. —Hmm. 376 00:21:32,750 --> 00:21:35,412 -Whose car is this? —Not like I have a priest in the back. 377 00:21:35,586 --> 00:21:38,578 -Are you still picking up the cake? —Ange|ica's Bakery. 378 00:21:38,756 --> 00:21:42,624 Can Kev and V use this car for their big exit after the reception? 379 00:21:43,219 --> 00:21:46,711 Yeah, think that could work. I just-— I need it back right after. 380 00:21:46,889 --> 00:21:48,629 -Okay. —Can‘t do anything bad to it. 381 00:21:48,808 --> 00:21:50,389 And no sex in it. 382 00:21:50,559 --> 00:21:52,641 No sex in it? 383 00:21:54,522 --> 00:21:57,855 I just need this thing in perfect condition. All right, Fiona. Ijust-- 384 00:21:58,025 --> 00:21:59,140 [TIRES SQUEALING] 385 00:21:59,318 --> 00:22:00,398 Whoa, whoa! 386 00:22:00,569 --> 00:22:01,604 [SIREN WAILING] 387 00:22:01,779 --> 00:22:02,939 STEVE: Oh, damn it. Damn it! -Jesus. 388 00:22:03,113 --> 00:22:04,728 Relax. Relax. It happens. 389 00:22:04,907 --> 00:22:07,444 -Okay? -Yeah, what happens, prison time? 390 00:22:15,125 --> 00:22:17,411 [INDISTINCT POLICE RADIO CHATTER] 391 00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:19,251 TONY: Hey. 392 00:22:19,421 --> 00:22:22,584 -Fiona, I thought that was you. -Your uniform looks different. 393 00:22:22,758 --> 00:22:25,249 Yeah, they issued new coats. 394 00:22:25,427 --> 00:22:27,668 See you at Kev and Veronica's wedding tomorrow? 395 00:22:27,847 --> 00:22:29,257 Yeah. 396 00:22:29,807 --> 00:22:32,423 -I need your license and registration. -What? Why? 397 00:22:32,601 --> 00:22:34,592 Officer, sir. 398 00:22:34,770 --> 00:22:36,180 You were doing 35 in a 25. 399 00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:38,186 There was some swerving, kind of weird. 400 00:22:38,357 --> 00:22:40,939 Here's my license, but I don't have the registration. 401 00:22:41,110 --> 00:22:42,316 It's my friend's car. 402 00:22:42,486 --> 00:22:45,444 You really are supposed to have that on you at all times. 403 00:22:45,614 --> 00:22:47,696 Lemme see what I can do. I'll be right back. 404 00:22:47,867 --> 00:22:50,153 Okay. Why did you give him your license? 405 00:22:50,327 --> 00:22:52,659 -That's not my real license. -80 now what? Run? 406 00:22:52,830 --> 00:22:54,661 No, that never works. 407 00:22:55,875 --> 00:22:58,787 Jesus, you got me? Yeah, thanks, buddy. 408 00:22:58,961 --> 00:23:01,043 -Who's Jesus? -Follow car. 409 00:23:01,213 --> 00:23:02,623 Always use a follow car. 410 00:23:02,798 --> 00:23:04,789 [GUNSHOTS] 411 00:23:09,013 --> 00:23:10,878 [SIREN WAILING] 412 00:23:15,728 --> 00:23:18,014 Watch your speed. See you at the wedding, Fi. 413 00:23:18,188 --> 00:23:20,679 -Okay! -Out. 414 00:23:20,858 --> 00:23:22,519 -What? -Get out. 415 00:23:27,990 --> 00:23:28,979 What about the car? 416 00:23:30,117 --> 00:23:31,482 Taken care of. 417 00:23:32,828 --> 00:23:34,819 [BOTH LAUGHING] 418 00:23:38,667 --> 00:23:42,410 -My heart's in my throat right now. —That's adrenaline. Kind of cool isn't it? 419 00:23:52,848 --> 00:23:54,384 [CAR HORN HONKS] 420 00:23:54,558 --> 00:23:56,344 -I'll see you at the wedding. —What? 421 00:23:56,518 --> 00:23:59,351 -AngeIica's Bakery, right? -Yeah. Right. 422 00:24:01,941 --> 00:24:05,183 FRANK: I've decided to start wearing a tie every day. 423 00:24:05,361 --> 00:24:08,273 I could die at any moment. 424 00:24:09,031 --> 00:24:13,195 I thought it'd be nice to look my best for the grim reaper. 425 00:24:13,369 --> 00:24:15,860 Son of a bitch. 426 00:24:18,207 --> 00:24:20,448 You know what? Fuck him. 427 00:24:21,377 --> 00:24:22,867 Fuck him! 428 00:24:23,045 --> 00:24:25,707 Why give him the satisfaction? I'll do it myself. 429 00:24:25,881 --> 00:24:28,793 Take my own goddamn life. 430 00:24:30,678 --> 00:24:32,214 You know—- 431 00:24:32,388 --> 00:24:34,424 You know what the real shame of it is, Kev? 432 00:24:34,598 --> 00:24:36,054 The real shame... 433 00:24:36,225 --> 00:24:41,436 ...is there are so many things I still want to do. 434 00:24:41,605 --> 00:24:43,220 Oh, yeah, like what? 435 00:24:45,067 --> 00:24:46,147 Pfft! 436 00:24:46,318 --> 00:24:49,310 Jesus Christ, I don't know. 437 00:24:49,488 --> 00:24:50,978 I don't know. 438 00:24:51,198 --> 00:24:55,157 How sad is that? A man doesn't even know what he wants to do. 439 00:24:55,327 --> 00:24:56,362 MAN: Woo-hoo»hoo! 440 00:24:56,537 --> 00:24:58,823 -Hey, buddy. KEVIN: What's going on? 441 00:24:59,748 --> 00:25:01,909 -What's this? -You gotta wear it tonight... 442 00:25:02,084 --> 00:25:04,450 ...for the bachelor party. Everyone's gonna wear one. 443 00:25:04,628 --> 00:25:07,119 -Andy, get the fuck out-- -Don't be a dick, dude. 444 00:25:07,297 --> 00:25:09,788 -Fucking wear it. FRANK: Bachelor party? 445 00:25:10,801 --> 00:25:13,417 Yeah, if you wanna go, you can come. 446 00:25:13,846 --> 00:25:15,677 What's the plan? 447 00:25:15,848 --> 00:25:18,635 Uh, me and my friends are gonna get wasted and do stupid shit. 448 00:25:18,809 --> 00:25:21,266 But we gotta get you one of these. 449 00:25:22,271 --> 00:25:23,602 [FRANK CHUCKLES] 450 00:25:24,148 --> 00:25:25,729 Awesome. 451 00:25:26,942 --> 00:25:30,025 IAN: Is the blindfold for surprise or so I don't know where you live? 452 00:25:30,237 --> 00:25:32,228 KASH: Little of both. IAN: Ooh. 453 00:25:32,948 --> 00:25:34,563 [IAN CHUCKLES] 454 00:25:35,117 --> 00:25:37,403 -Ah. —Ta-da. 455 00:25:38,746 --> 00:25:40,282 456 00:25:42,166 --> 00:25:43,781 Oh. 457 00:25:44,126 --> 00:25:47,038 Wow, yeah. This is your house. 458 00:25:47,254 --> 00:25:49,210 Where you live with Linda. 459 00:25:49,381 --> 00:25:52,498 -And the kids. -Right now, it's our house. 460 00:26:14,990 --> 00:26:18,482 -What's wrong? —Sorry, it's just—- It's too weird. 461 00:26:18,660 --> 00:26:21,072 -What is? -All of your shit, it's-- 462 00:26:21,288 --> 00:26:24,405 It's freaking me out. And it smells like goats in here. 463 00:26:24,583 --> 00:26:26,790 Ian, wait. 464 00:26:45,437 --> 00:26:48,053 VERONICA: Why would she do it in the first place? 465 00:26:48,232 --> 00:26:49,688 Because she could. 466 00:26:49,858 --> 00:26:53,191 She was, like, one of those weird Chinese acrobats. 467 00:26:53,362 --> 00:26:55,899 No, those girls are all tiny and cute when they do it. 468 00:26:56,073 --> 00:26:58,530 She was like Pippi Longstocking kissing her own ass. 469 00:26:58,700 --> 00:26:59,780 [BOTH LAUGHING] 470 00:26:59,952 --> 00:27:03,865 -Jesus. -Dad, what the hell happened to you? 471 00:27:04,039 --> 00:27:07,372 Cord was too long. I got three nuts. 472 00:27:07,543 --> 00:27:09,454 Gonna die. 473 00:27:10,504 --> 00:27:13,496 [VERONICA & FIONA LAUGHING] 474 00:27:23,642 --> 00:27:25,007 [KEVIN SIGHS] 475 00:27:32,401 --> 00:27:33,857 Fuck. 476 00:27:53,005 --> 00:27:54,586 [GLASS BREAKS] 477 00:27:58,177 --> 00:27:59,758 [CREAKING] 478 00:28:05,809 --> 00:28:06,844 [SCREAMS] 479 00:28:07,019 --> 00:28:09,010 [BOTH GRUNTING] 480 00:28:12,774 --> 00:28:15,857 -Marty? —Surprise, heh. 481 00:28:16,028 --> 00:28:18,690 I'm maid of honor and I didn't know you had a brother. 482 00:28:18,906 --> 00:28:21,522 -There's a reason for that. -He busted out of prison? 483 00:28:21,700 --> 00:28:23,611 -Last night. —What was he in for’? 484 00:28:23,785 --> 00:28:27,824 -Aggravated assault, larceny and arson. -Arson? Who you talking about? 485 00:28:27,998 --> 00:28:29,158 V's brother. 486 00:28:29,333 --> 00:28:32,996 Oh, is that, like, a sibling brother, or just a black-guy brothel’? 487 00:28:33,170 --> 00:28:35,786 Remember the fire at Curves in the mall? That was him. 488 00:28:35,964 --> 00:28:38,626 He loves setting fire to things and he hates women. 489 00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:40,631 -It was the perfect storm. -He's nuts. 490 00:28:40,802 --> 00:28:44,294 Serious, he's nuts. He came at me. I had to fight my ass off. 491 00:28:44,473 --> 00:28:47,135 Then one time I'm having a brew, he came up to me, all: 492 00:28:47,309 --> 00:28:50,142 -"Ass cunt fuck!" on me. -Is he retarded? 493 00:28:50,312 --> 00:28:53,725 I wish. Tourette's coupled with bipolar disorder and a drinking problem. 494 00:28:53,941 --> 00:28:55,977 He's a shrink's wet dream. 495 00:28:56,485 --> 00:28:59,318 -What are we gonna do? —Kick his ass back to prison. 496 00:28:59,488 --> 00:29:03,572 If there's one person you can always count on to fuck things up, it's Marty. 497 00:29:03,742 --> 00:29:06,529 -Bungee jumping, eh? -From the L tracks. 498 00:29:06,703 --> 00:29:10,366 Good news/bad: Your biopsy results came back negative. 499 00:29:10,540 --> 00:29:13,998 Tumor was benign, so you're not gonna die of testicular cancer. 500 00:29:14,169 --> 00:29:19,038 Oh, thank God. So I can keep it? 501 00:29:19,216 --> 00:29:21,423 Yeah, but the swelling on your brain... 502 00:29:21,593 --> 00:29:24,835 ...you probably got going on in there might end up doing you in. 503 00:29:25,013 --> 00:29:26,549 -What? -I'm fucking with you. 504 00:29:27,182 --> 00:29:29,218 Bump looks pretty superficial. 505 00:29:29,393 --> 00:29:32,226 If you vomit more than twice, have any seizures... 506 00:29:32,396 --> 00:29:35,103 ...or experience memory loss, call 91 1. 507 00:29:35,274 --> 00:29:40,860 Well, what if I vomit while I'm having a seizure, and have no memory of it? 508 00:29:41,029 --> 00:29:42,314 Tree in the forest, my friend. 509 00:29:42,489 --> 00:29:43,695 [CHUCKLES] 510 00:29:43,865 --> 00:29:45,480 What? 511 00:29:48,704 --> 00:29:51,992 You know you can't stay, Marty. You gotta go back to prison. 512 00:29:52,582 --> 00:29:55,915 Ron, it's bullshit security. They practically give you your own key. 513 00:29:56,086 --> 00:29:58,577 Aren't you risking parole? How long do you have left? 514 00:29:58,755 --> 00:30:00,586 Eighteen—- Cocksucker! —-months. 515 00:30:00,757 --> 00:30:03,920 -Jesus, Marty. That's no time at all. -It's your wedding day, Ron. 516 00:30:04,094 --> 00:30:08,087 Why don't you turn yourself in? Tell them it was a mistake. Blame the Tourette's. 517 00:30:08,265 --> 00:30:11,302 Tell them it won't happen again. You know it's for the best. 518 00:30:11,518 --> 00:30:13,054 Faggot! 519 00:30:13,729 --> 00:30:16,391 We'll have you back before they even know you left. 520 00:30:16,565 --> 00:30:18,101 I'm not going back, Ron. 521 00:30:18,275 --> 00:30:22,894 It's your wedding. I'm not gonna miss your-- Shit-pisserl —-wedding day. 522 00:30:30,287 --> 00:30:32,152 This is the dress... 523 00:30:32,331 --> 00:30:35,289 ...that I will wear this afternoon. 524 00:30:37,127 --> 00:30:39,334 And it will protect me... 525 00:30:39,546 --> 00:30:41,753 ...like this house protects me. 526 00:30:42,424 --> 00:30:45,040 This is the dress. 527 00:30:45,677 --> 00:30:47,918 And today is the day. 528 00:30:48,096 --> 00:30:50,758 And the day is good. 529 00:30:50,932 --> 00:30:53,674 You look nice. Where are you pretending to go? 530 00:30:53,852 --> 00:30:56,764 I'm going to a wedding today. 531 00:30:57,314 --> 00:30:59,805 I am really gonna do it this time. 532 00:30:59,983 --> 00:31:03,271 And it's supposed to be a beautiful day today. 533 00:31:03,445 --> 00:31:07,688 Beautiful and safe and sunny. 534 00:31:07,866 --> 00:31:13,281 The sun's just a burning ball of fire that could plunge from the sky at any time. 535 00:31:18,627 --> 00:31:20,333 Maybe we should just let him come. 536 00:31:20,504 --> 00:31:23,041 No way, I'm not having that nutcase at my wedding. 537 00:31:23,215 --> 00:31:25,831 Can you imagine the service? "Do you, Veronica-— 538 00:31:26,009 --> 00:31:28,546 Fucking bitch! -—Fisher, take this man—- 539 00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:29,800 [FIONA CHUCKLES] 540 00:31:29,971 --> 00:31:31,962 Fucks dick! --Kevin Ball?" 541 00:31:32,140 --> 00:31:33,255 Uh-uh, no. 542 00:31:33,433 --> 00:31:34,764 I'm taking him to prison where he belongs... 543 00:31:34,935 --> 00:31:36,721 ...ifl gotta drag his ass back there myself. 544 00:31:36,895 --> 00:31:39,807 KEVIN: Always happens when he's off his meds. 545 00:31:40,816 --> 00:31:44,604 —Give me your dress so I can steam it. -Behind the door. 546 00:31:44,945 --> 00:31:46,401 [ALL CHUCKLE] 547 00:31:48,156 --> 00:31:51,319 -Nope. -The bathroom door. 548 00:31:51,827 --> 00:31:53,988 MARTY: It's a real pretty dress, Roni. 549 00:31:55,997 --> 00:31:58,283 It'll burn nicely with all this taffeta. 550 00:32:00,127 --> 00:32:01,617 KEVIN: Oh, Jesus. 551 00:32:01,795 --> 00:32:03,126 You send me back to jail... 552 00:32:03,296 --> 00:32:06,459 ...this dress goes up, this house goes up, we all go up! 553 00:32:07,968 --> 00:32:09,629 Marty? 554 00:32:09,803 --> 00:32:11,634 Marty, open the door. 555 00:32:11,805 --> 00:32:13,636 Open the goddamn door. 556 00:32:13,807 --> 00:32:16,298 You're not getting married without me. 557 00:32:17,144 --> 00:32:19,009 Cock fuck! 558 00:32:21,690 --> 00:32:25,524 He's not doing anything. Just sitting in there. Lighting a lighter. 559 00:32:25,694 --> 00:32:28,606 Oh, my God, this is what he did at Granddaddy‘s funeral. 560 00:32:28,822 --> 00:32:31,234 -Gutted half the hospice. -We should call the cops. 561 00:32:31,408 --> 00:32:34,195 If the house goes up we're not gonna get him out. 562 00:32:34,369 --> 00:32:35,859 Call the cops on my own brother? 563 00:32:36,037 --> 00:32:38,949 It's always like this. Nobody can be the center of attention. 564 00:32:39,124 --> 00:32:42,036 It's always gotta be about him. You should be in a nuthouse! 565 00:32:42,210 --> 00:32:45,247 LIP: What's going on? —Veronica's brother is threatening... 566 00:32:45,422 --> 00:32:47,458 -...to burn the place down. —CooI. 567 00:32:47,632 --> 00:32:52,126 He's saying that he's gonna light the dress and the shit—sack house on fire. 568 00:32:52,345 --> 00:32:54,210 What's a shit-sack? 569 00:32:54,389 --> 00:32:59,053 All I wanted was to own my own home. Maybe some small kitchen appliances. 570 00:32:59,227 --> 00:33:01,388 For you, for me. For our home. 571 00:33:01,563 --> 00:33:04,930 -Maybe some kids someday. -I thought you didn't want any kids. 572 00:33:05,108 --> 00:33:07,394 -Based on what? —Saying how much you hate them. 573 00:33:07,569 --> 00:33:09,230 Uh, yeah, other people's. 574 00:33:09,404 --> 00:33:12,111 But I might not mind having a baby Kev running round. 575 00:33:12,282 --> 00:33:13,943 A little tomorrow person? 576 00:33:14,910 --> 00:33:15,945 What? 577 00:33:16,119 --> 00:33:19,236 That's what I call little mixed-race babies. Tomorrow people. 578 00:33:19,414 --> 00:33:21,905 Little people of tomorrow. 579 00:33:23,084 --> 00:33:24,915 What are we gonna do? 580 00:33:25,086 --> 00:33:27,748 -Maybe we should just call it off. -No! Not a chance. 581 00:33:27,923 --> 00:33:29,914 Baby, listen, this is our time. 582 00:33:30,091 --> 00:33:33,800 We're gonna get fake married, and nothing‘s gonna stop us. 583 00:33:37,891 --> 00:33:41,975 -Tomorrow people? -Tomorrow people. 584 00:33:46,942 --> 00:33:49,103 Can you sign in for me at detention today? 585 00:33:49,277 --> 00:33:51,484 Mrs. Pinder won't notice, she's almost blind. 586 00:33:51,655 --> 00:33:53,020 You ditching? 587 00:33:53,198 --> 00:33:55,530 Kash has something planned. 588 00:33:55,700 --> 00:33:57,440 I thought that was last night. 589 00:33:57,619 --> 00:34:00,656 Was supposed to be, but, uh, he took me to his place... 590 00:34:00,830 --> 00:34:02,445 ...and it sort of freaked me out. 591 00:34:02,624 --> 00:34:07,288 I mean, I always knew he had a wife and a life and everything, but seeing it... 592 00:34:07,462 --> 00:34:08,827 ...and smelling it.... 593 00:34:09,005 --> 00:34:11,792 I mean, his life actually has an odor. 594 00:34:16,388 --> 00:34:17,844 What was that for? 595 00:34:18,014 --> 00:34:20,847 Ijust felt like kissing my boyfriend. 596 00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:24,677 Have fun fucking Kash. 597 00:34:33,029 --> 00:34:34,314 [FLAME WHOOSHING] 598 00:34:37,450 --> 00:34:39,361 Remember when we were little? 599 00:34:39,536 --> 00:34:43,120 And you'd always tag along with me wherever I went? 600 00:34:43,873 --> 00:34:46,535 I always looked after you, didn't I, Marty? 601 00:34:47,502 --> 00:34:49,458 And you know why? 602 00:34:49,963 --> 00:34:51,999 Because I'm your big little sister. 603 00:34:52,173 --> 00:34:55,757 And I didn't want you to get in trouble, because I love you. 604 00:34:56,595 --> 00:34:58,677 That's why I want you to go back to prison. 605 00:35:01,933 --> 00:35:03,594 Do you know what? 606 00:35:04,144 --> 00:35:07,352 I've been thinking about my wedding, and you know something? 607 00:35:07,522 --> 00:35:09,353 You were right. 608 00:35:09,941 --> 00:35:13,229 Because my wedding day wouldn't be my wedding day... 609 00:35:13,403 --> 00:35:15,644 ...without my little big brother there. 610 00:35:20,076 --> 00:35:24,365 In fact, I'd like you to be the one to give me away. 611 00:35:26,416 --> 00:35:27,952 Marty? 612 00:35:35,175 --> 00:35:38,008 -You mean it? —Cross my heart. 613 00:35:38,178 --> 00:35:39,918 Come here, you little nut. 614 00:35:40,513 --> 00:35:42,094 [MARTY CHUCKLES] 615 00:35:42,766 --> 00:35:44,051 [SCREAMS] 616 00:35:45,644 --> 00:35:49,307 Bitches! You bitches lied to me. 617 00:35:50,273 --> 00:35:53,731 I'm gonna burn down your-- Cock-sucking, cock-fucking—- 618 00:35:57,322 --> 00:35:59,313 [HUMMING "BRIDAL CHORUS"] 619 00:36:08,083 --> 00:36:10,244 Damn. That shit does dry fast. 620 00:36:10,418 --> 00:36:12,409 [BOTH LAUGH] 621 00:36:18,468 --> 00:36:19,583 [DOOR OPENS] 622 00:36:22,430 --> 00:36:23,840 Lip. My b0Y‘ 623 00:36:24,015 --> 00:36:28,099 -My oldest boy. -Yeah, here to pick up Karen. 624 00:36:28,311 --> 00:36:32,020 —What's with the vest? -Sheils made it. 625 00:36:33,900 --> 00:36:35,686 LIP: Wow. Look at you. 626 00:36:35,860 --> 00:36:37,600 -You look beautiful. -Thanks. 627 00:36:37,779 --> 00:36:39,019 -Hi, Lip. LIP: Hi. 628 00:36:39,197 --> 00:36:40,983 Does my head look bigger? 629 00:36:42,117 --> 00:36:43,152 Um.... 630 00:36:43,326 --> 00:36:46,989 -I don't think it can get any bigger, Dad. -I have to keep an eye on it. 631 00:36:47,163 --> 00:36:50,280 —Watch for memory loss and vomit. -More so than usual? 632 00:36:50,458 --> 00:36:51,823 Know what? 633 00:36:52,001 --> 00:36:54,367 —I have a second chance at life. -Mm-hm. 634 00:36:54,546 --> 00:36:58,038 I'm not gonna surround myself with negative energy. 635 00:36:58,216 --> 00:37:02,300 How about you just show up at this wedding and do what you do best: 636 00:37:02,470 --> 00:37:04,756 Drink free booze and look happy. 637 00:37:04,973 --> 00:37:07,635 638 00:37:07,809 --> 00:37:11,097 All right, Frank. I am ready. 639 00:37:11,271 --> 00:37:12,351 You're coming, Mom? 640 00:37:12,522 --> 00:37:13,853 [MOUTHS] She's not going anywhere. 641 00:37:14,023 --> 00:37:15,229 Yes, I'm coming. 642 00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:19,518 I've got my purse, and my gift, and my gloves. 643 00:37:19,696 --> 00:37:23,063 And my selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitor. 644 00:37:23,241 --> 00:37:25,903 And my monoamine oxidase inhibitor. 645 00:37:26,077 --> 00:37:29,365 And I have my anti-anxiety disco biscuits. 646 00:37:29,539 --> 00:37:34,750 And I am ready to go. I am really ready. 647 00:37:52,353 --> 00:37:54,969 I'll just get you a piece of cake, Mom. 648 00:38:04,532 --> 00:38:06,523 That would just be... 649 00:38:07,660 --> 00:38:09,025 ...wonderfuI, sweetheart. 650 00:38:09,204 --> 00:38:12,321 There's just so much I've gotta get done here. 651 00:38:26,387 --> 00:38:28,218 Ah, that bitch. 652 00:38:28,389 --> 00:38:32,223 What kind of cock-suck does this to her brother? 653 00:38:35,730 --> 00:38:38,688 [CACKLING] 654 00:38:38,858 --> 00:38:41,099 [GRUNTING] 655 00:38:44,614 --> 00:38:47,105 May daily problems never cause you undue anxiety... 656 00:38:47,283 --> 00:38:50,821 ...nor the desire for earthly possessions dominate your lives. 657 00:38:51,496 --> 00:38:55,330 But may your hearts‘ first desire be always the good things... 658 00:38:55,500 --> 00:38:57,912 ...waiting for you in the life of heaven. 659 00:38:58,086 --> 00:39:00,247 -Amen. ALL: Amen! 660 00:39:00,421 --> 00:39:02,753 FATHER PETE: You may kiss the bride. —Woo—hoo! 661 00:39:02,924 --> 00:39:04,505 [ALL CHEERING & APPLAUDING] 662 00:39:10,807 --> 00:39:12,013 Oh, yes! 663 00:39:12,267 --> 00:39:13,803 Yay! 664 00:39:14,102 --> 00:39:16,764 [OVER SPEAKERS] It's on tonight Ride that thing like a motorbike 665 00:39:16,938 --> 00:39:18,428 Get it out! 666 00:39:18,606 --> 00:39:19,937 We could get it on the dance floor 667 00:39:20,483 --> 00:39:22,940 [PEOPLE CHEERING & CHATTERING] 668 00:39:23,111 --> 00:39:24,601 [MAN TALKING INDISTINCTLY] 669 00:39:24,779 --> 00:39:25,768 Yeah! 670 00:39:25,947 --> 00:39:28,654 [ALL WHOOPING] 671 00:39:28,825 --> 00:39:30,440 KEVIN: What's going on? 672 00:39:30,618 --> 00:39:31,858 Get some, Father! 673 00:39:32,120 --> 00:39:33,781 [TALKING INDISTINCTLY] 674 00:39:34,956 --> 00:39:38,869 [PEOPLE CHEERING] 675 00:39:39,043 --> 00:39:41,159 CARL: Come on, Dad, work it. 676 00:39:41,963 --> 00:39:43,954 ALL: Go Liam! Go Liam! Go Liam! 677 00:39:44,549 --> 00:39:46,585 Say what you gotta say 678 00:39:46,759 --> 00:39:49,341 Take it down, take it down. 679 00:39:49,804 --> 00:39:54,298 Take me away Say what you gotta say 680 00:39:54,475 --> 00:39:57,592 [ALL CHEERING] 681 00:39:57,770 --> 00:39:59,806 Oh! 682 00:40:00,815 --> 00:40:03,306 If I was out of your reach Would you jump for it 683 00:40:03,484 --> 00:40:05,566 [SPOON TAPPING ON GLASS] 684 00:40:05,987 --> 00:40:09,479 If I was out of your reach Would you jump for it 685 00:40:09,657 --> 00:40:10,988 [MUSIC STOPS] 686 00:40:11,159 --> 00:40:14,151 Uh.... Folks, let's face facts. 687 00:40:14,329 --> 00:40:18,038 When it comes to good things, most of them come in pairs. 688 00:40:18,207 --> 00:40:22,917 Like your favorite jeans, new socks, and Kevin and Veronica. 689 00:40:23,087 --> 00:40:24,122 690 00:40:24,297 --> 00:40:27,505 And as it turns out, most people's testicles. 691 00:40:27,675 --> 00:40:31,543 So here's to the happy couple. 692 00:40:31,721 --> 00:40:35,509 Kevin, Veronica, may you always only have... 693 00:40:35,683 --> 00:40:39,141 ...two testicles between you. L'chaim! 694 00:40:39,312 --> 00:40:40,802 [ALL CHEERING & APPLAUDING] 695 00:40:40,980 --> 00:40:43,312 [MUSIC RESUMES] 696 00:40:43,858 --> 00:40:46,691 Oh. Oh. sweetheart. 697 00:40:46,861 --> 00:40:50,353 May the good Lord watch over you in your new home. 698 00:40:50,531 --> 00:40:54,023 -Oh, thank you, Momma. -Thank you. 699 00:40:54,994 --> 00:40:58,578 Say it like you mean it, boy Say it like you want it 700 00:40:58,748 --> 00:41:01,706 Five hundred dollars? Are you fucking kidding me? 701 00:41:02,377 --> 00:41:04,993 [LAUGHING] 702 00:41:05,171 --> 00:41:07,583 We're getting a Barbie house, baby. 703 00:41:09,050 --> 00:41:12,713 Maybe you're making yourself too available? 704 00:41:12,887 --> 00:41:13,922 You think? 705 00:41:14,097 --> 00:41:16,930 Hey, lady friend, where the hell is my cake? 706 00:41:17,100 --> 00:41:20,592 Steve is supposed to be here with the damn thing. 707 00:41:20,770 --> 00:41:22,806 That's the trouble with the exciting ones. 708 00:41:22,981 --> 00:41:25,814 The unpredictability is what makes them so exciting. 709 00:41:25,984 --> 00:41:29,727 But it's also what makes them so damned unpredictable. 710 00:41:29,904 --> 00:41:33,442 He may not be Steve, but he's here. 711 00:41:38,371 --> 00:41:40,487 712 00:41:40,665 --> 00:41:42,576 Do you wanna dance? 713 00:41:42,750 --> 00:41:46,334 -The bible is the word of God. -How can it be the word of God... 714 00:41:46,504 --> 00:41:49,917 -...if it was re-written by King James? —Passed down from generation... 715 00:41:50,091 --> 00:41:52,924 -...to generation! - Uh-uh-uh! It doesn't make any sense! 716 00:41:53,094 --> 00:41:57,758 Aw. This was really a perfect day. 717 00:41:57,932 --> 00:42:01,424 I only wish little Marty could have been here. 718 00:42:09,610 --> 00:42:11,601 [TIRES SCREECHING] 719 00:42:17,493 --> 00:42:18,949 [WOMAN LAUGHS] 720 00:42:32,967 --> 00:42:35,800 You're late, Dr. Sherman. 721 00:42:35,970 --> 00:42:37,961 [PANTING] 722 00:42:44,520 --> 00:42:46,226 Ii\ 723 00:42:46,397 --> 00:42:47,557 [BOTH CHUCKLE] 724 00:42:47,732 --> 00:42:49,723 I can't- 725 00:42:51,194 --> 00:42:55,904 Okay, Gallaghers, you're the only family I got, so let's put this on film. 726 00:42:56,074 --> 00:42:58,065 [CAMERA BEEPING] 727 00:42:59,035 --> 00:43:00,241 -Wait. Wait. —Is it on? 728 00:43:00,453 --> 00:43:03,320 -It's on, it's on. Wait. -Did it go? 729 00:43:04,123 --> 00:43:05,488 730 00:43:06,542 --> 00:43:08,908 Again, set it up again. Here we go. Ready? 731 00:43:09,087 --> 00:43:10,247 FIONA: Okay. -Let's go. 732 00:43:10,421 --> 00:43:11,877 [CAMERA BEEPING] 733 00:43:12,131 --> 00:43:13,246 [IAN CHUCKLES] 734 00:43:13,424 --> 00:43:15,710 -Wait, where's Lip? -Where—? Oh. 735 00:43:15,968 --> 00:43:17,504 KAREN [MOANING]: Yeah. 736 00:43:17,678 --> 00:43:19,543 Oh, yeah. 737 00:43:19,722 --> 00:43:22,259 Oh, yeah. Give it to me. Oh, yeah. 738 00:43:23,392 --> 00:43:26,600 Oh, yeah. Yeah! Oh, yeah! Give it to me! 739 00:43:26,771 --> 00:43:28,352 —Want me to give it to you? -Yes. 740 00:43:29,023 --> 00:43:31,230 MARTY: Yeah, she said she wants you to give it to her. 741 00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:34,392 So just give it to her already! Okay? 742 00:43:34,570 --> 00:43:36,026 Cock and balls! 743 00:43:36,197 --> 00:43:38,028 [LAUGHING] 744 00:43:57,552 --> 00:44:00,885 SHEILA: It really was like a fairy tale. 745 00:44:01,472 --> 00:44:04,464 [CROWD CHEERING ON TV] 746 00:44:06,394 --> 00:44:08,806 And she was a real princess. 747 00:44:10,439 --> 00:44:12,270 Yeah, well, she's dead now. 748 00:44:12,441 --> 00:44:15,274 How's that for happily ever after? 749 00:44:21,075 --> 00:44:22,110 Asshole. 750 00:44:47,351 --> 00:44:49,342 [English - US - SDH]