Charlie Cale, Beatrix Hasp says hello!
- [gunshots] - [Charlie Cale] Shit! Ah!
Can I ask you who you're hiding from?
Beatrix Hasp, huh?
We got some unfinished business, pal.
No, no, no.
- Jeffrey! - What the fuck?!
- [grunting] - What are you gonna do?
You gonna shoot an FBI agent? Look at you.
[grunts]
Is my WITSEC good to go?
[Agent Luca Clark] On one condition.
Cancel the hit on Charlie.
Oh, okay.
[Charlie] A fresh start, huh?
I like that.
No mob on my tail, uh,
nothin' to run from.
♪ If you like that car you're ridin' in ♪
[door opens, closes]
[dog barking]
♪ If that road is paved you're travellin' on ♪
♪ That leads you to that house you call your home ♪
♪ If there's wires in the wall ♪
♪ And there's paint on the porch ♪
♪ You got a whole lot to be thankful for ♪
♪ Thank a beer drinker, a beer drinker ♪
[car engine revving]
[police sirens blares]
[indistinct police radio chatter]
♪ So let's give it up for the guys on the clock ♪
♪ That work all week and then twist one off ♪
♪ Thank a beer drinker, a beer drinker ♪
Good morning, ma'am.
[footsteps clomping]
This is the one I called about.
Uh-huh.
Alright, I think you can lower the gun.
You got any peanut oil in there?
Take a seat.
How you feeling, Earl?
Uh, nine kinds of stupid.
That's your family?
[Earl] Yes, ma'am.
Kids need their teeth straightened.
I thought, let's try this. [chuckles]
How hard can it be?
Alright, well, listen, I spoke to Mrs. Peppers
and convinced her not to press charges.
You were unarmed.
It's your first attempted burglary.
But with all those shoplifting misdemeanors,
you could face serious jail time.
I don't think a good life should be ruined
for one stupid mistake.
That's what this was, right?
Yes, ma'am.
[Officer Fran Lamont] Alright. Tabby Cat?
Where was the last time you saw her?
Land down by the swamp. Okay.
We'll have somebody down there right away.
Just don't worry yet.
Alright.
What's this?
Looks like somebody's been nominated
for a FlopaCopa.
A what?
"Congratulations, Officer Fran Lamont..."
Blah, blah, blah. "You've been nominated
for a 2019 Florida Panhandle Cop Award."
I may have submitted you for Cop of the Year.
Never heard of it.
The FlopaCopas?
Fran, they're a big deal.
It's a recognition of all the great work
you do for this community.
I don't have time for some silly awards show, Chief.
I got a 10-91 down on Pat Boone Lane,
Mrs. Prosserman has lost her cat.
- This seems like a Kleenex job. - On it.
You deserve this, Fran.
You're one of the good ones.
You know how my cousin Larry from Boston's
always sending me these Florida Man memes.
- Mm-hm. - "Florida Man Eats Mom's Face
While High on Bath Salts."
- [chuckles] - "Florida Man Starts Fist Fight
with Disabled Child."
- It burns me up. - Mm.
But you are the opposite of Florida Man.
Florida Woman.
Alright. But it would reflect nicely on the department.
Do it for me, huh?
Pretty please with extra cheese?
[* upbeat music playing]
[indistinct chatter]
♪ We're going to pat 'em down, baby, now ♪
♪ Pat 'em down, baby ♪
- ♪ Stop and frisk ♪ - ♪ Stop and frisk ♪
♪ Come on, come on, come on come on, come on, baby, now ♪
♪ Come on and pull those drugs out ♪
- [taser ticking] - [body thuds]
[people cheering]
Can I feed you your "Miranda Bites"?
Ain't that something, huh?
Anything you eat now can and will be used against you
later in the bathroom.
Oh, good God, are those groupies?
They're called Pigporkers.
What?
I hear things.
Good day, folks.
I'm Matt Passmore,
star of the hit A&E show "The Glades."
[all cheering]
And this year's nominees for Cop of the Year are:
Officer Mike Fantana.
[all cheering and applauding]
Officer Sal Mirabello.
[all cheering and applauding]
Officer Joseph Pilson.
[all cheering and applauding]
Officer Fran Lamont.
- [all cheering and applauding] - That's you.
[Matt Passmore] And the award goes to...
Officer Joseph Pilson.
[all cheering and applauding]
[announcer] This is Joseph's first nomination and first win.
Is that a baby alligator?
[announcer] He's being recognized for adopting
a baby alligator after busting its former owner,
a local meth dealer known as "Stanky James."
Asked and answered, I guess.
You know, people like to say, I saved this little gal,
but really...
she saved me.
[audience] Aw.
[Officer Joe Pilson] I love being a cop.
- [all cheering] - I love Florida.
I-I love panhandles.
But most of all, I love you, my sweet Daisy.
[audience] Aw...
I love you, too.
Thank you.
[all cheering and applauding]
That's great for him.
Which, which way do I go?
[* gentle, upbeat music playing]
[Joe] [over phone] Hey, fam, it's six-time FlopaCopa winner
Gator Joe here.
I hope you're feeling as happy
and fulfilled with your life as I am.
'Cause y'all know what time it is.
You have the right to shit your pants.
[Daisy growling]
[laughing]
Looks like your boy Gator Joe busted another tweaker.
Y'all know what that means.
Daisy gets her Oreos.
There you go, honey.
- [perp screaming] - [laughing]
Don't do meth.
And when I need a little pick-me-up on the job,
I grab me a 2-Hour Power Juice.
Mm, mm, mm.
Mm.
Gator done.
How many goddamn catchphrases does one guy need, huh?
Is it "Gator done," or is it,
"You have the right to shit your pants," huh?
[suspect] I know, it's like, "Pick a lane."
Six years I've lost to this moron.
What do people see in him?
I just think he has a sort of undeniable charisma
despite his vapidity.
Also, could I get a towel or something?
I'm bleeding on the floor.
Oh, shit.
Some of y'all in the comments been sayin'
I give Daisy too many drugs.
Listen, fam, it's mostly just reptile laxative.
This stuff is perfectly safe.
Heck, I've even taken a little myself
when I needed to unclog the old pipes.
- Work-- - FlopaCopa nom, baby.
Let's see if ol' Mr. Me can make it seven years running.
Did I get any mail?
I think you should skip this year.
Oh, this is my year.
[Chief Hal Pendleton] I don't like the effect
these awards are having on your mental health.
You're a great cop,
but I worry that you're losing sight
of what's most important.
I saved a truck full of starving migrants,
and I sent edible arrangements to all the judges.
This is my year.
[laughing]
This is my year.
- Ah, fuck it. - [door thuds]
[* upbeat music playing]
[Rusty] Fran.
- Ah, Rusty. - [Rusty] Hey.
How goes it over in Animal Control?
- Same old. - [Fran] Yeah?
- You look nice. - Thank you.
Do you want to get a pic together
at the Bust-and-Repeat.
Oh, it'd be my pleasure, Rusty.
- Right. - Ah.
- [Rusty] Let's see here. - What do we got here?
[chuckles]
This is fun.
- Whoa! - Oh! Sorry.
- Sorry. - These weapons are real?
- Are you okay? - Hell yeah.
The drugs too.
That seems very stupid.
I wouldn't worry about it,
this place is crawling with cops.
[group] Chug, chug, chug, chug,
- chug, chug, chug. - Comin' through.
Rusty, so great to see you.
[Rusty] You too, Fran.
- Bye. - [flame whooshes]
[* upbeat music playing]
[* pensive music playing]
[sobbing]
- [Joe] Crybaby alert! - [gasps]
Oh, hell, Fran.
I'm sorry, I didn't...
What's the matter, honey?
Oh.
Oh, don't tell me I won again.
Oh, man!
Alright, seven-peat, baby!
Ooh.
Oh, that's got to be a record, right? Right?
There's no way anybody's won eight.
Don't tell anyone,
I was actually nervous this year 'cause of you,
you know, saving all those women and children
and everything and that...
[groaning]
Fran... next year.
Gator done.
[* upbeat music playing]
Ahh...
[laughs]
Hello, baby.
Yeah. Seven.
Michael Jordan only won six.
[chuckles] I'm the Michael Jordan
of being a cop in Florida...
Panhandle.
- [sighs] - [Daisy growls]
[* gentle music playing]
[Daisy snarls]
[Daisy growling]
[laughs]
♪
[Matt] And the award for "Best Undercover Op" goes to
Diego Verbinski III.
I'm told Diego couldn't be here tonight
as he's still embedded in the cartel.
- Rusty. Hey. - Hey.
I have a bit of an odd question for you.
- I'd love to. - What?
What?
Ah, look, it's a little embarrassing.
- Yeah. - But I'm kind of backed up.
And, uh, Gator Joe is trying to tell me
that it's safe to take reptile laxative.
Is that, uh, is that true?
- Cisapride? - Yes, yeah,
- that's the one. - Yeah, in, in small doses.
- Okay. - But you want to be careful.
- Uh-huh. - Um, here,
don't take more than this.
[Fran] Uh-huh.
- Should take about 30 minutes to kick in. - Thanks, Rusty.
And, um, make sure you're not on stage when it happens.
Oh, okay. Yeah, I won't be.
- Okay. - Alright. Thanks, Rusty.
- Alright, Fran. - [Matt] And up next,
"Best Internal Affairs Investigation."
[crowd booing]
[* upbeat music playing]
[growls]
[* upbeat music continues]
- Crybaby, hi. - [laughs]
I'm just playin'.
- No hard feelings, right? - None at all.
None at all.
You know, I was just being a poor sport.
What I should've said was, "Congratulations."
Oh, Fran, you know you're just as good a cop as me, right?
Oh, well, I'm not sure about that.
Yeah, you're probably right.
You know, winning every year ain't no picnic either.
Mm.
Keeping the public happy...
it's exhausting.
You know, Joe, you do look a little tired.
Do I? Ooh, can't have that.
Oh, got to pep up.
Whew.
[gulps] Mm.
Ugh. I think I got an electric rhubarb one there.
- Ugh, gator done. - [can clatters]
- Ugh. - [announcer] Lunch has arrived.
We're going to take a 30-minute break
before the final awards are given.
Joseph, I want you to get up on that stage
and just let the essence of who you are
just pour out of you.
Mm. You deserve it.
Thank you, Fran.
My pleasure.
[* upbeat music playing]
[indistinct chatter]
- Hey, can you sign this? - Aw. Of course, darlin'.
[stomach rumbling]
[rumbling continues]
- [flatulence] - [officer] There he is.
Coming through! Gator done.
Excuse me! Pardon me!
[Joe groaning]
You have the right to shit your pants.
[groaning continues]
Gator done.
[Joe] Oh, ow, oh!
- Ah! Oh! - [body thuds]
Joseph?
Joseph!
Joseph.
[* gentle music playing]
Joseph?
Joseph!
You're alright. Joseph, you're okay.
Oh, my God.
[* gentle music continues]
Oh. [sighs]
Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry.
This was a mistake. This was a big mistake.
[announcer] [on speaker] The final award ceremony
will begin in five minutes.
Please make your way back inside.
One stupid mistake.
[* gentle music continues]
So sorry.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
I asked Rusty about the laxative.
When they do the autopsy, they'll put it together.
Oh, my God. There's no way out of this.
[Daisy growling]
[breathing heavily]
[Daisy snarls]
Okay, come on.
Come on.
[kissing sounds]
[grunting] Come on!
[machine whirring]
[whirring]
[packet thuds]
[crunching]
Good, yeah.
Come on. Come on. I'll give you more. Come on.
[* gentle music playing]
Here you go. You want to come and get it?
You got to come and get it. Come and get it.
Mm, so good. Mm. Delicious.
[Daisy snoring]
[announcer] [on speaker] Please make your way to the awards ballroom
to find who will be the Florida Panhandle's Cop of the Year.
[Daisy snoring]
Okay, Daisy. Okay, here you go.
Yeah? Okay, yeah.
- Okay, alright. There you go. Come on... - [Daisy growls]
It's a good girl. Oh! Oh, yeah.
- Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. - [roaring]
[Daisy growling, snarling]
[flesh ripping]
[officers laughing]
Officers.
- [officer 1] Woo! - [officer 2] Oh, my goodness.
[* gentle music playing]
I'm going to go hit the head.
- [Daisy growls] - [officer yells]
- Wait, what is it? - The frickin' gator ate Gator Joe!
What?!
[officers panicking]
[Charlie exhales]
[* gentle music playing]
"Bowling Green."
Mm. [groans]
Does anybody out there read me?
Disco sucks. Kill all hippies.
Jesus.
What do people do?
Pretty vacant, eh? Subvert normality.
Uh, this is Gorgeous, signing off.
[trucker] [over radio] Punk is not sexual, it's just aggression.
- [Charlie] What? - [trucker] "Out of the Blue," right?
Oh, sorry, I thought you were quoting "Out of the Blue."
Ah, yeah, yeah.
"Out of the Blue," 10-4.
Always nice to hear from a fellow Hopper-head.
[trucker] And proud Linda Manz man.
[chuckles] Yeah, alright.
So, uh, what's your situation, Good Buddy?
[Good Buddy] Eh, still being written,
one mile marker at a time.
I drive a rig, suits my meditative nature.
I see. So, sort of a poet-philosopher situation, huh?
[Good Buddy] I've been called worse.
So, what's your location?
I guess I'm finding myself
at a place that feels like an ending,
but it's still the middle.
Kind of stymied.
[Good Buddy] You need a beginning.
Huh. Oh, yes, but where does one begin
when they're looking at a blank slate
the size of a country?
Not sure what the stakes are here.
[Good Buddy] Well, here's what I know.
Everyone has a highway, the thing they're good at,
you know, the thing that defines them.
Because there is no destination.
There is only the highway.
And I believe if we open our perception and trust
and humble ourselves
and find sanctuary when we need it,
that highway will find us.
And now, I got to pay the water bill.
So, signing off for now.
But, hey, you can get me on this channel most anytime, okay?
10-4, Good Buddy.
[* upbeat music playing]
[kids laughing]
[chickens clucking]
♪ I wanna see something that used to be... ♪
Life is a highway, chicken friends.
♪ I'm waiting to see it ♪
♪ You know it's only a question of when ♪
[chicken clucking]
Wow. [screams]
Wow, uh, so I guess this isn't exactly
a, uh, chicken sanctuary, huh?
Well, we try to honor the natural order of things.
[Charlie] Well, hey, I guess, uh, that's why I'm here,
trying to find that natural order thing and see where I fit into it.
Then you're exactly where you're supposed to be.
[Julia] Hi, Hutch.
Good morning, Julia.
[Hutch chuckles]
I want to show you something, Charlie.
[gate unlocks]
When you look at her, what do you see?
- Uh... - [alligator hissing]
Honestly,
[imitating Werner Herzog] I look into ze eyes of ze beast,
and I only see empty death.
That's what most people see, a, uh, a dangerous and vicious foe.
But open your perception. Look in her eyes.
[* mystical music playing]
You'll see you're both from the same source.
Her soul is gentle because your soul is gentle.
Her origin is your destination is your origin.
Here, you try.
- [alligator growls] - You know,
I don't want to do all your gator stuff in one day.
So maybe later, yeah.
Space it out.
You, uh, seekin' purpose, Charlie?
Uh... yes. Uh, wow.
How far are you willing to go to protect the innocent?
[chuckles] All the way.
[* upbeat music playing]
So, we've got a little under-the-radar operation
to liberate abused animals.
Outlaw activism, living outside the law,
no room for amateurs.
We've freed dozens of animals in peril.
Fighting dogs, race horses, donkey-show donkeys.
But our white whale...
[taps table] is Daisy.
Taking Daisy to my gun signing tonight.
Big night for us, so I'm going to give her
a little tranquilizer to stay calm,
a little laxative to clear her out,
a little lorazepam for her anxiety.
Jesus, that's like a Judy Garland of alligators.
Yeah. And the worst part is, people can't get enough.
And he's big on CopTok, GatorTok.
Because of his Rolex collection,
he's also quite popular in the horologist community.
They love him on TickTockTok.
Every day Daisy spends with this sadist
is a grave injustice.
And that is where you come in.
We've had several failed attempts to free Daisy.
Gator Joe knows us on sight.
But you're a fresh face. You can get close.
Hey, uh, okay, uh...
Well, hey, listen, I mean, I'm all in.
Uh, yeah, I love what you guys are doing here,
you know, protecting the innocent, all that.
All told, I guess that, uh,
well, life has led me to my highway
and I am ready to ride.
- All night long. - [Charlie chuckles]
Well, welcome to the team, Charlie Cale.
Alright, so what do we do here?
I just, uh, break into Gator Joe's house and sneak her out.
[chuckles] Are you crazy?
He's a cop in Florida. He's armed to the teeth.
Yeah, no, no, much safer to take her at a public event.
And we have got just the one in mind.
[* upbeat music playing]
You are going to do great.
Alright? We'll be in your ear the whole time.
Oh.
Well, uh, be careful, it's a little waxy in there.
Okay, go get 'em.
- Alright, you got this. - Alright.
[* upbeat music playing]
- [snapping fingers] - ♪ We are at the Flopas ♪
♪ Flopa Capopas ♪
[officer] [on radio] 10-4, I'm at the buffet table.
[Charlie clears throat]
[* upbeat music playing]
Psst.
Psst, hey, flannel.
What's with all the fuzz?
It's a cop convention.
Cop convention.
[* upbeat music playing]
It's a cop convention.
What?
This is a cop, cop, cop.
So, it's a cop, uh, convention, man.
What'd you think "The FlopaCopas" stands for?
[laughing]
Uh, I have no idea.
It's the Florida Panhandle Cop Awards.
Not the slightest bit self-evident.
Okay, look, just stick to the plan, Charlie, okay,
this is your highway.
First, locate Daisy.
She's most likely in the green room.
- Yeah. - Near the first floor restrooms.
[snaps fingers] Oh.
[* upbeat music playing]
[door thuds]
[Daisy hisses]
Oh, my God. The target has been located.
I repeat, the target has been located.
Oh, this is fun.
I enjoy the lingo.
Good work.
Sit tight until the cops all go to lunch,
then wheel the cage out the back door
and we'll be waiting for you.
Copy that. Over.
The cage has no wheels.
What do you mean it doesn't have wheels?
The, the cage, no wheels.
So, it's, uh, sans roulettes in Frencheese.
Well, that doesn't make sense. How'd they get it in there?
I don't know, dude,
I'm just, uh, telling you
the physical realities here, man.
[Hutch] Okay, then, Charlie, you're going
to have to probably break the lock...
[crying]
Hey. Uh...
Hi, hi. Uh...
- Oh. - Hey, you alright?
[sniffles]
These awards are so stupid.
You know, I've always known that.
They have absolutely nothing to do with doing good work,
but, oh, I want to win.
I want to win so badly, and it's making me feel crazy.
It's turning me into somebody that I'm not.
And I know that. And I just-- I can't stop it.
- [crying] - No, I, uh,
I mean, that makes sense, it's fair.
You know, wanting to be acknowledged for your good works.
I got to say, I do, I-I recognize you
from the, uh, the placard out front.
It's a-- Yeah, it's a placard, right?
- That's what that is? - Yeah, it's a placard.
Because thwarting assholes
and also, uh, protecting the innocent, man,
I mean, it's cool.
Thwarting assholes.
Yeah, I too am not loving
how those two words come together, but yeah.
- Thanks. - Yeah.
Yeah. Assholes.
Did you, uh, did you need something back here?
[laughing]
You take it easy, okay?
- Okay. - Okay.
- [sighs] - [Daisy growls]
I'm sorry, you want me to what?
Charlie, you're her only hope for a better life, okay.
It's no big deal.
Alright, just break the lock, attach your leash,
and walk her out the back door.
Look, you'll see, okay? Daisy has a gentle soul.
[sighs]
[clanging]
- Okay. - [Daisy growling]
Now, if I open this cage, are you going to be cool?
- [Daisy hisses] - Cool.
Put this, be cool.
[* dramatic music playing]
Oh, shit.
[gasps] Oh, my God.
- [throat singer chanting] - [* mystical music playing]
[bell tolls]
Huh.
Boy, oh, boy, oh. [laughs]
Okay.
Alright, here we go.
Freedom awaits.
A better life.
Chicken dinners are plentiful.
[Daisy growls]
Okay.
Yay, I got the leash on,
but the, uh, little puppy gator does not want to move.
Shit.
See if you can find some Oreos.
Okay, they're her favorite treat.
[* suspenseful music playing]
I used to be an Eagle Scout.
Alright.
Two secs.
[vending machine whirring]
Ah, geez, what's your problem, man?
Come on, this is perfectly legal tender.
Oh, hey, uh, do you have like a dollar on you?
This thing's a real purist.
Sorry, got to shit, Gator done.
Thank you for your candor.
Oh, come on.
- Go, go, go. - [whirring]
Ah, geez.
Thievery it is.
Hey, guys, we have a small problem.
[Daisy growls]
[officer] The frickin' gator ate Gator Joe!
Uh, we have a big problem!
[Hutch] [over radio] You've got to get out of there, Charlie.
I know, I'm just, uh, trying to suss out what happened here.
No, s-- No, we need to abort the mission.
Come on, I'm sussing, okay.
- [Hutch] Charlie. - Jesus.
Alright, boys,
this here is my county,
and I'll be running this here lemonade stand.
The Gator crossed county lines to get here.
That makes it FHP.
Piss off, Willie, you're a loose cannon.
No, you're a loose cannon.
[all shouting]
Boys.
Gentlemen!
Now, listen, this is a gator attack,
and I think it's best...
we leave it up to Animal Control to handle.
I'd be happy to run point.
[people shouting]
Alright, alright, alright, alright.
I think we can all agree on one thing.
- Daisy's got to die. - [officer] Mm-hm.
Well, if that's what's safest, then let's not waste any time.
We wouldn't want to see anyone else get hurt here.
No, no, hey, hey, hey. Guys, let's not be hasty here.
Surely, there must be some sort of a gator due process.
Once a gator's known the taste of human blood,
oh, that's it.
You got to put it down.
[Charlie] What?
Jesus.
- [Daisy growls] - [all clamoring]
We could wait a bit.
She probably needs a nap to digest after her meal.
[officer 1] You know what?
Animal Control guy's actually making a lot of sense.
[officers agreeing]
[Rusty] That's my job.
[officer 2] I'm good to hang back.
Oh, shit.
- Charlie. - Ah.
Did you turn off your walkie? We need to go.
Oh, no, we can't go. No, no, no.
They're trying to kill Daisy, man, we don't have much time.
Charlie, if she's known the taste of human blood,
they should kill her.
Hold on a second. Now I did that thing that you said,
I looked her right in the eyes, and that is a gentle soul, man.
She ate her owner so clearly not.
No, no, she didn't because I saw her
right before the attack and she was very calm, okay.
In fact, I tied up her little cage with a twisty tie thing.
- I don't know what that is. - Yes, you do.
[stammers] It's a twisty tie for a bread fastener.
- I've never eaten bread. - No, I tied it. I...
You've never eaten bread?
Literally, not once.
[clears throat]
[mouths] Come on.
Okay, so I know what you're thinking.
Okay, a gator, that's a very strong animal.
Surely, she just broke free of that cage by herself.
But no, I'm telling you, it was untied,
you see, by fingers, human fingers, okay?
And also, I saw just a,
a whole trail of Oreos in this hallway.
Okay, so Gator Joe let her out.
Well, no, Gator Joe, I saw him too,
and he was running around, he was shitting his pants.
I saw him, he had to take a shit real bad.
Okay, look, Charlie, the mission is scrubbed.
We have to go. You coming or not?
What happened to taking care
of innocent creatures?
She's not an innocent creature.
She's a killer of men.
But she's...
Taste of human blood, Charlie,
I don't make the rules.
Come on.
What is this?
Fucking amateurs!
[Chief Pendleton] [on phone] Yeah, I'm-I'm just calling
to see how you're doing after what happened.
I'm okay.
It's pretty horrific.
- His blood is everywhere. - What?
Whose blood?
I'm talking about Gator Joe's new TikkyTok.
What?
[crying]
- [Joe] Crybaby alert! - [gasps]
Oh, hell, Fran.
Oh, don't tell me I won again.
Oh, man! [laughs]
What? He wasn't filming.
He didn't have a phone out.
Fran, whose blood is everywhere?
[in slo-mo] That's got to be a record, right?
[echoing laughter]
Chief, I got to go.
Uh, hey, fella,
you work with Animal Command, yeah?
- Yeah. Rusty. - Okay.
How ironclad would you say
that this whole taste of human blood thing is?
Because I shared a brief cosmic connection with Daisy,
and I got to say,
I think she might be getting railroaded here.
You know, it's funny,
she never seemed very aggressive on TikTok,
generally quite docile.
Hmm.
Yeah, that, uh, [snaps fingers] Gator Joe,
he kept her hopped up on a lot of drugs.
Maybe she just had a bad trip?
I don't know why anything in her normal drug regimen
would trigger a violent outburst like this.
Hey, Fran, how's your tummy feeling?
Much better. Thank you, Rusty.
Good. [laughs]
Huh.
Gosh, man, I mean, what kind of a drug
would make a gator turn violent?
[* suspenseful music playing]
[indistinct chatter]
Excuse me, Sheriff.
Howdy, Fran.
- Hello. - You alright?
- Oh. - I know he was a friend.
Yeah.
Hard day.
Uh, listen, when you opened that door,
did you see any sunglasses?
They were a gift from Joe's mom,
and, uh, I think he was wearing them.
I'd just love to get them back to her.
Well, I didn't see any glasses.
But if they were on his head,
then they're probably in that gator's belly.
Don't you worry, though.
We'll slice her open and get it back for you.
But it would have to be logged into evidence first,
but his mother will definitely get 'em back.
- Great. - Okay, alright.
Hey, y'all, I don't hear nothin'.
I think it might be go time.
[all hollering]
Okay, alright, hol-hold on.
What are-- Do we know that we have all the equipment
that, you know, we need?
Maybe we should make
some strategy decisions.
Shit or get off the shitter, Fran.
- Yee-haw! - Woo!
[* dramatic music playing]
[indistinct chatter]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Geez.
She's in the walls.
[Charlie] Honky dory, honky dory, honky dory.
What's that, 1:14?
1:10 to 1:14,
a bag of meth goes missing.
Ingesting methamphetamine could definitely cause a gator
to become aggressive for a short period of time.
Ha! Hell yeah, you think?
[laughs]
Uh... hey, uh, psst, uh...
did you happen to see an alligator come through here
and score some crystal?
- I don't know. - Oh, I'm so sorry,
so y-y-you don't know if you saw
a fully formed alligator
walk in here and steal a bag of meth.
I'm literally only here because I got caught shoplifting.
And the cop said it was either this or juvie.
- Okay. - Okay, I guess,
I guess that's back on us.
So, human brain, here we go.
Uh, you see that?
Look how that entire-- just that whole display
of methamphetamine is just, uh, pristine.
I mean, there is no way that a gator
with those crazy gator claws could come in there
and just pluck a bag so cleanly.
It's got to be the work of human fingers.
You think someone stole the meth and gave it to Daisy?
You know, I think maybe I do think that.
A meth gator.
I mean, have you ever heard
of some shit like that?
Like, every week, yeah.
This is Florida.
[gun cocking]
We got a gator on the loose.
I suggest you arm yourselves.
Oh. No, gosh.
Hey, hey, hey, cops only.
No janitors.
I am a cop.
[* dramatic music playing]
Ah, et tu, Rusty?
She's known the taste of human blood, Charlie.
Now she's on the loose.
[gun cocking]
We got to ice that bitch.
Gosh.
[announcer] The murder suspect,
Daisy the alligator, is still on the loose.
[* dramatic music playing]
[Charlie] Ah, thievery.
Excuse me.
[Daisy snarling]
Hey, Daisy.
It's me, from before.
You gonna be cool?
- [Daisy snarls] - Looks like you crashed. So, uh,
I think that these psychos, they want your head.
But I, I think you were set up
and so I'm going to get you out of here.
It's kind of what I do, capisce?
- Hey. Hey, easy. - Whoa!
Don't shoot. This gator's been framed.
- Oh, yeah? - Oh, yeah.
Uh-huh? And what makes you say that?
Well, I don't know, I mean, Daisy here,
she's kind of a gentle soul, you know?
And I-I just think that maybe, uh,
well, I think somebody gave her a bunch of meth
and then she's acting all crazy.
And I don't know why, but I just know
there's loose cannons out there and they're going to try
to kill without asking any questions.
Alright, let's get her out of here.
Huh?
[* upbeat music playing]
[indistinct chatter]
[Charlie exclaiming]
- This cookie's good. - [indistinct chatter]
Come on, don't stop, don't stop.
[Daisy growls]
[car engine revving]
[sighs]
Almost there.
You think she'll be happy there?
Natural order and so on?
Well, I don't know, but it is protected swamp land, so...
Oh, uh, do you have any, uh, sanitizer?
Oh, yeah, in my purse.
Did she crap while you were loading her up?
Oh, uh, no, not to my knowledge.
It's just been a lot of funny smells for one day.
- If you follow me. - Mm.
You know, I saw, uh, Gator Joe right before he died,
and he told me that he really had to go to the bathroom
and it was true.
Mm-hm.
Yeah, it's just that, uh,
well, usually, I mean, after the age of 10 or so,
people usually aren't explicitly honest
about that sort of thing.
Well, mentally, 10 was
just about in the pocket for Joe's psychology.
Yeah, he was really, he was making a beeline for that toilet
like a, a freight train.
Well, you know, he did give her a lot of laxatives,
you know, and I think he-he took some himself sometimes,
you know, so that's why he was running for the head.
- I'll bet. - Gosh.
How do you know that?
Unfortunately, I have watched a lot of his TikTok.
[Charlie] Is that how you got hooked on these,
these 2-Hour Power Juices?
[laughing]
Right, yeah, love that stuff.
Bullshit.
Oh. Right, yeah. They are disgusting.
But they get the job done in a pinch.
Hmm.
[birds chirping]
[Daisy hissing]
[* dramatic music playing]
[Daisy growls]
You know what, you should, uh--
Why don't you go get the car started up?
Oh, I'll just-- I'll wait here.
No, yeah, the boots aren't right for this.
It's a muddy situation.
Very muddy.
Muddy.
Ah.
Oh, alright.
And, uh, you're just going to let her go, yeah?
Yep. Just going to--
I'm going to release her into this swamp here, yep.
Yeah, yeah. Okay, alright then.
Well, I guess, uh, I should just go, uh, get her fired up.
Alright. Okay then.
Alright.
[* dramatic music continues]
- Hey. - [grunts]
Gosh, I, uh, thought you were one of the good ones.
But I, uh, guess you're just another loose cannon.
- [Daisy growling] - I am not a loose cannon.
Who are you?
You are the nosiest cater waiter I've ever met!
Just another, another guy,
just, uh, concerned with protecting the innocent, same as you.
This gator's not innocent.
She killed a man.
Bullshit.
Oh, but you know what wasn't bullshit,
uh, when you said that, uh, Gator Joe had
to take that shit because of reptile laxative.
Well, you knew that was true.
But the thing is, right, so Gator Joe,
he knew that he was going to win that award.
So, I mean, why?
Why on earth would he take industrial-strength
reptile laxative before he knew he had to get on stage?
I didn't mean to hurt him.
I just wanted to embarrass him, you know?
Just embarrass him a little bit.
Wait, so, so what?
So, you put the laxative in his Power Juice,
and then, what, you just, you gave him too much?
Oh, I see, so you needed a fall guy
and, oh, so you gave Daisy a bunch of meth
hoping that she would just go to town on him.
I got to say, I'm saying that in a rational tone of voice,
but it is empirically insane.
Damn awards. You know, I used to be a good cop.
I used to be a really good cop.
Okay, okay, easy.
Fran, you still are, okay?
Let's just go back and tell them the truth.
I can't.
No, no, I'm not going to throw it all away.
No. Not for some asshole with two goddamn catchphrases.
- [* dramatic music playing] - [Daisy growls]
[grunts]
[screaming]
Stop, stop, wait, wait, wait, wait, don't.
No, this isn't who you are.
I see you, I know you.
And if you look in her eyes, you'll see that.
[* mystical music playing]
[throat singer chanting]
[bell chimes]
Thank you, I, I needed to hear that.
I'm going to confess it all and take what comes.
Well, I was talking to Daisy,
but, uh, well, I'm glad it landed for you as well.
[* gentle music playing]
[Fran] And there she goes.
[Charlie] Back to the swamp.
[water splashing]
- Hey. - [flies buzzing]
Fran, that is the most Florida Man shit of all time.
No way I'm bringing that in front of a judge.
Cousin Larry'd have a field day.
Chief, I murdered someone.
No, Gator Joe was eaten
by his own gator, case closed.
And let's all get back to doing our jobs.
Then I resign.
I don't deserve to wear this badge.
Fran, come on.
You're one of the good ones.
Your community needs you.
I'll have to find another way to serve it.
♪ Just movin', movin' along ♪
♪ Well, I'm chasing the blues ♪
♪ Right out of my mind ♪
♪ I'm leaving my cares and my worries... ♪
You're doing great, Fran.
Keep this up, you could win volunteer of the month.
- ♪ I'm leavin' town today ♪ - ♪ Just movin' ♪
♪ Movin' along, my lonesome... ♪
[Good Buddy] [over radio] Okay, okay. Pretty crazy, man.
I'm getting the sense that this is par for the course with you.
Mm. Well, you know me.
Stick with me and you'll never want for the crazy.
[Good Buddy] So, what's up next?
Ah, well, uh, whatever's next, I guess.
Uh...
Shit, man, I don't know.
Maybe the next exit
and I'll finally find my place in the world.
But, hey, thanks to you and a prehistoric reptile,
ah, at least maybe, maybe I'm figuring out
how to finally start enjoying this journey, you know?
Over and out, Good Buddy.
♪ Like the sun and the moon and the stars above ♪
[Daisy growling]
♪ We're gonna be one of a kind ♪
Hey. Hey!
Daisy, it's me from the FlopaCopas.
Comin' right this way.
♪ I'll find a new love wherever I'll be ♪
Taste of human blood.
Hi. Uh, that's crazy.
I got this, um, I have a conference call.
- I'm going to be on my way... - [car engine starts]
...but it was great to see you.
Boy, did we go on a little adventure, huh, Daisy?
[car engine roaring]
[water splashing]
♪ Just movin', movin' along ♪
Some sad news, fam,
our lovely fiancée has flown the coop.
Shannon is gone.
She gave me a choice,
her or Daisy.
[Daisy snarling]
How could I ever leave my soulmate?
[Daisy growling]
I love you too, Daisy.
Life was so much simpler back then.
You were just a cute baby gator.
And I was just a cute traffic cop.
No pressure,
no worries,
no six-figure endorsement deals.
[Daisy hissing]
It's just me and you, Daisy.
Eating bucket fulls of mice
and helping old ladies and children cross the street.
Me and you.
Gator done!
- [* music fades out] - ♪ Yay-ee... ♪