Mama... I'm dyin'.
Shit.
Ain't you only 11?
- Mama, I'm ten. - Damn it.
I knew all them chemicals they feed you at school
weren't no good for you.
Come on. Come sit down with your mama, Tiff.
You ain't dying, baby.
You will one day. Ain't no way around that.
But this here, this is life coming out of you.
Kind of like pee.
Don't be scared.
All it means is, you ain't a little grubber no more.
Now you're like a case of pop.
You got value.
Look, there's some things you got to know.
Now that you're a tittin' and a hairin',
boys are gonna see you different.
And pretty soon, they're gonna do you different.
Best thing is to go on and let them do their business, baby.
If you're real lucky, most of them will be quick,
like your daddy.
It's like a bee sting, in and out.
Over before you knew it was happening.
But, Mama, bee stings hurt.
Come on, now. We're celebrating.
Double fudge chocolate, your favorite.
Chin up.
Wait. Damn.
I don't want you bleeding all over the couch there.
Get up, and let's get a Kotex on you.
What's a Kotex?
Hey, Doggett. Can we talk for a second?
Just leave me alone, okay?
Oh, God. You're scared. Don't be scared. Please.
This is awful. Could you just stop for a second?
Thank you.
There's a couple doughnuts in there.
I didn't know how else to sneak them in.
Look, Tiff...
- Doggett. - Doggett.
Things got weird the other day.
- Yeah. - I'm real sorry.
I don't know what happened.
This is all new, this guard stuff.
And I've never had this much responsibility before.
It's weird, but I really like it here,
and I don't want to fuck it up.
And I'm really sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable
or did anything you didn't want to do.
But maybe you also...
...did want to?
'Cause I could be misinterpreting.
Women are difficult to read sometimes.
I mean, not, like, for everyone. That's not a generalization.
I'm a feminist. I just meant for me, specifically.
Anyway, I like talking to you
and hanging out with you and stuff.
And I guess maybe I just wasn't sure
how to express that... or something.
Are you saying you like me?
Like, you "like me" like me, or...
Yeah. I do.
Don't worry about the pond thing.
- No? - You were just, uh,
being assertive to your inmates like I taught you, right?
Yeah. Exactly.
I couldn't stop thinking about it.
You couldn't stop thinking about me?
No.
Thank you for the T-shirt treats.
Maybe I'll see you later?
I'll be here.
Okay.
All right.
Isn't that Healy's spot?
Oh.
Yeah. He gave it to me.
He... owed me one.
I'm going to kill myself...
...if I have to keep eating this food!
I've had the same itch for three months straight!
I hate papaya!
I'm tired of being a burn victim!
Why the fuck is we screaming?
Just say the first thing that comes to mind.
It'll feel good to get out your frustrations.
This is stupid!
Well, I'd like that
to be a little more group-positive, but... okay.
Ladies, good morning.
Good morning, Mr. Caputo.
You didn't feel it necessary to put a stop to this?
They're expressing their right to religious freedom.
Yeah. It's our sunrise service.
That's great. Really super.
Services have been suspended indefinitely starting now.
Let's go, ladies.
Everybody inside for breakfast.
You can feed your souls with food.
Let's go.
But, wait. Stop!
Wait. We're a religion. You can't do this.
I don't care what you call this little collective of weirdos.
You're disturbing the peace in my prison.
But the wiccans are allowed to meet.
Yes. And you know what the wiccans are?
Oh, I know! I know!
Hey! They're quiet.
Gold star for you.
Look, don't be jealous 'cause I got a gold star.
We're quiet for most of the day, too.
That's our whole thing.
We're venting our frustrations now
so the toxic feelings won't eat away at our vital organs.
Yeah.
Like... our livers.
Stop screaming.
Bayley, my office.
Do you know how rare it is
I actually know the answer to any question?
But I need you on my side.
What the fuck is this?
I suppose it could be whatever you want.
A journal, place to make a list...
...you can write a book.
Or write down someone else's every move.
- Is that... - Well, I...
ls that something else that you can do with this?
I've heard of ladies doing crazier things than that...
- Stop it. Just... - ...just to, you know,
- stay busy in here. - ...stop. Right now.
What?
Admit that you've been stalking me.
I have the proof.
Okay. You seem a little agitated right now.
Because you're trying to fucking kill me!
Hey. Calm down.
- This... psycho... - Oh.
...has been writing down everything that I do.
- What are you talking about? - Look. This is hers.
Who's AV?
What? Me!
I'm AV, Alex Vause.
Put this loon in psych before she hurts someone.
- Is this true? - I don't know
what she's talking about, sir.
This... is my notebook.
Bullshit! This is yours. It was in your bunk.
What were you doing in her bunk?
And look. Look, look, look, look.
That's not even my handwriting.
Jesus, Vause.
You losing your marbles, or what?
That's two shots.
One for disturbing the peace and one for a classic 219, stealing.
I'm in trouble?
Are you serious?!
This is fucking insane.
Vause, I suggest you take your shots and walk away,
or your next stop's gonna be the shu.
Choc-choc!
Excellent train whistle, sir.
She crazy.
We're getting reports that the jury and Judge Appel
have returned to the courtroom,
which means, after 16 hours of deliberation,
we are about to hear a verdict in this high-profile case.
Quiet! Everyone be quiet!
Here it comes.
Oh, this brings back so many memories.
And that bitch got to be scurred right now.
I'm sorry. What was that?
- Scurred. - Oh. "Scared"?
That's what I just...
Man, never mind. Where my girls at?
And the ruling is in.
Judy King, guilty on all counts.
Litchfield!
Litchfield! Litchfield!
Come on, give me some.
That bitch is coming to...
Litchfield
Then we'll arrange for a discreet hand-off
at a specific time at a previously-agreed-upon location
that works for all parties.
You're making my ass so happy right now.
Those saggy prison panties been depressing my cheeks.
Like, I think they've been drooping from sadness.
Yeah! Me too.
I got to turn around my booty frown.
And speaking of asses,
what makes you think that we won't be turning yours in?
Because we're gonna pay you for it.
Yo, who the fuck is Crocodile Dundee over here?
I am the keeper of the packets, you drongo.
- What did you call me? - Hey.
Hey,hey-
Everything's fine.
This is Stella. She's cool.
Yo, I don't like surprises.
Yeah, my accent can be very alarming.
This is a win-win.
You get to make your meals partially edible
and wear panties that make your butts happy.
There's a thong and six packets of ramen flavor in there
for each of you.
That's three meals a day for two days.
We'll give you a new laundry bag when you turn them in.
You stealing these from work?
I'm not stealing.
I'm appropriating unused materials and capitalizing.
Shit. I should of thought of this.
Flaca, we can be, like, panty twinsies.
Oh, like old times.
Okay. I'm in.
Me too.
Fine.
Just don't say "twinsies" around me again.
Fantastic. And, remember, ladies... stay active.
- Almost blew that one. - Oh.
Bitches be sensitive around here.
You're fine.
And you're hot when you're closing.
What are you...
Shit.
What?
You need to talk about the other night, right?
Like, process your guilt and shame
for cheating on your girlfriend. I get it. I get it.
But I am not your girl for that.
Actually, I don't.
I've done the whole guilty, whining, tortured-cheater thing,
and it's annoying.
What happened happened.
And I am not interested
in sitting around analyzing everything I do anymore.
Bravo to you.
That... was an excellent speech.
No, really. It's, like, almost as good
as Bill Pullman's freedom speech in Independence Day.
Fuck Bill Pullman and his stupid, smarmy, thin-lipped face.
I see you!
That's right! Run, rabbit, run!
Oh, man.
Focus on this line. I'm gonna finish.
You can do this. You can do this. You're a champion.
Hey.
Wait.
I... I think I have something to help.
That's fantastic.
You think so? I mean, I-l hoped you'd think so.
I just wasn't sure.
I do.
I re-- really do.
What are we talking about again?
Your, your writer's block.
I... wrote this for you.
Oh, I-it's probably better if you, read it out loud.
So you can hear the... rhythm.
"Here are some ideas for your series,
'cause I know you've been getting a lot of queries."
"I can tell you've been feeling stressed.
Perhaps that's because you're repressed.
May I suggest you pander to your audience
with more girl-on-girl stuff?
It's not rocket science."
- That's... not... a pure-- - Pure rhyme. I- know.
There's more. Go on.
"Why not let me be helpful?
You might have noticed I'm eligible."
Yes. Another slanted rhyme.
Keep going.
"If you need to research the activities,
I'd be happy to join you, as I have homo proclivities."
You don't have to say anything.
Please don't.
I-it would be, um... too much for me.
I'm gonna be in the broom closet tonight...
...after dinner.
I hope you'll meet me.
This one time, my sister and I were at a drive-through,
and right when we pulled up to the speaker to order,
she just started giggling.
For no real reason.
She just couldn't stop. And so I started laughing.
And I think we were there for like five whole minutes
of this voice saying over and over,
"Hello. Are you ready to order?"
I didn't mean to laugh at Leanne.
But I just got this picture in my head of that Amish thing,
and it's...genetic.
Genetic nervous laughter. I can't control it.
- Did you tell her that? - No.
It probably would have come out all wrong, anyway.
I just... never seem to say the right thing.
And you're caught in that cycle
where you feel like no one likes you,
so you start trying too hard,
which only makes you more unlikable.
Is this where you tell me
to take the happy pills and... stop whining?
Brook, you're in prison.
I can't imagine a more reasonable time
for you to experience depression.
Your response is appropriate.
Why should that be medicated?
Because I feel so horrible.
- I'm so lonely. - Well, now you have me.
You can come in here and chat every day.
No offense, but that's, like, so lame.
It's like being that kid who has to eat lunch with the teacher
'cause no one else wants to eat with her.
Or maybe you're having a hard time making friends
because you're different from the other women in here, Brook.
And maybe that's not a bad thing.
She has six toes on her right foot.
And she lived in a Greyhound bus for a year.
Her mother doesn't believe in 13th birthdays,
so she had to skip it.
Number three's a lie.
No way. She ain't go no six toes.
No, no. She does. I saw that shit once.
- Oh. - It's like a little nubbin.
That's nasty. That's nasty.
No, but whose mommy is crazy enough
to make her skip a birthday?
But you've seen Blanca on one of her bad days.
That shit's in your blood.
Nobody's gonna choose the bus?
Because that's normal for everybody?
Yeah.
Oh. What's Red Rover up to?
- Beats me. - I'm keeping busy,
as all of you should be trying to do, too.
Can't listen to all this hen chatter anymore.
Well, how we supposed to keep busy
if throwing those fart bags into boiling water takes ten minutes?
Holy shit. Fresh veggies.
Keep off of them.
Purpose, girls.
Everyone needs to find her purpose.
Beautiful. What have you got?
Look at this!
Your skin looks like it will be very soft.
Like a peach.
Or a baby pig's belly.
I aspire to... put my hands on it,
and to inhale your hair.
In my dreams, it smells like... freshly baked gingerbread
and my mother's rice pudding...
...swirled together.
That is quite a combination.
He know he's been punished,
and then I find him hiding in his closet with his phone,
texting some girl.
His phone that was locked in my desk drawer.
You broke into your mother's desk?
She can't take my shit. It's mine.
You see that?
Hey. Nothing is yours.
You live by the grace of me.
Michael, look at me.
This behavior of yours is unacceptable.
I don't know what's going on with you,
but you need to get your act together right now!
You don't get it.
What don't I get? Tell me.
- You need to stop. - Stop what?
Acting like you care.
- Michael, I just want-- - I don't care what you want.
Michael! Get back here now!
What are you gonna do about it?
Something on your mind, pumpkin?
I'm gonna kill her.
You got to be more specific than that.
Sophia. She's over there.
She's having a nice visit with her son
while I'm over here doing what?
Nothing! Trying to stay busy, huh?
Ignoring the fact that she took my son away from me
even though he didn't even do nothing.
Did I tell you about that?
I talked to him. He said it was all Michael.
El pendejito ese.
It was all him.
Benny, he ran.
Benny ran as soon as he saw them starting to fight.
You mentioned that once or twice or 15 times, yes.
I miss...
I miss him, mana. I miss him.
I miss all of them.
I know.
You want some of mine?
You are so stupid.
Which one is it again?
The cute one with the scraggly goatee.
I still maintain you'd make a good dyke.
Come on.
Diving into all that facial hair,
- No different than pussy. - Oh.
First of all, that's really gross, okay?
Jesus.
And, secondly, I actually really like him, all right?
And it's not because of all the doughnuts.
We talk about things and stuff.
Deep shit.
Hey, maybe next time you could suck his dick,
get us an ice-cream cake.
Come on.
You know that would melt before it got here,
so that's not a good idea.
Duh.
Yeah!
Do you have an extra cigarette?
Yeah! Sweet!
Yo, Doggett. You down?
I told you I only accept Visa, MasterCard, or Mountain Dew.
Damn.
Can you put me on a payment plan?
Get that shit to you tomorrow. I swear.
You look hot in that skirt.
Come on.
Yeah...
Fuck me!
I just got bit or stung by something!
Come on. Get back here.
Get your fucking hands off me!
Oh, come on. Don't do that.
Shut the fuck up! I just got stung or bit!
I was almost there, Tiff!
Oh, fuck you and your blue balls!
Oh, you gonna leave me unfinished? All right.
Fucking hurts!
You Okay?
No. I think I got a spider bite or a bee sting.
One sec.
Yeah.
Let's have a look.
What, are you a faggot or something?
No. My family camps a lot.
Is being prepared for emergencies not manly down here?
Nah. I just wouldn't spread it around too much.
So, what? Did y'all just move here?
Yeah.
My dad's working at the mine...
...till he gets fired for being a drunk and we move again.
Yeah, but you don't got to worry about that around here,
'cause everybody's a drunk.
There you go.
You're all patched up.
- Thank you. - I'm Nathan.
You want to... hang out sometime?
See a movie or something?
What do I got to do?
Be my date?
All right.
- I'll see you. - Stop.
Beware of overeating.
Hello, curly-haired person.
Hey.
You Jewish, right?
Cuban.
Shit.
Really?
Extra fruit cup for you, Norma.
Where the fuck were you today?
Is that a real question?
Like, you for real want me to make the prison joke?
Judy King got sentenced this morning.
Oh, shit! Yo!
Sorry.
Why are you not allowed to talk?
It's all about not contributing to the noise and shit.
Yo, don't think I'm crazy or nothing,
but it actually sort of makes me feel calm...
...like the Wall's not closing in on me.
Like... like I can breathe.
I didn't hear anything you just said.
But your girl is guilty,
and she's probably coming to Litchfield.
They're gonna announce it tomorrow!
Judy King coming here?
That's what I just said!
Unless my noise is too much for you.
Hey.
Did you know we're not in a union anymore?
Sorry. What?
No, come on. This is serious.
I called our union rep this morning
to ask about my medical plan.
She says we're not in a union anymore,
not since MCC took over, those motherfuckers.
I got to reiterate. I don't give a single shit about this.
Look, even if you don't got kids to support,
you can't tell me that you don't care about the money.
Crazy thing happened.
A couple months ago, this dude in a sharp suit
shows up at my front door, says I'm sitting on valuable land.
They traced oil deposits or some shit
to right underneath my house.
Asked me if I mind them coming in and digging.
Says they'll compensate me for my time.
And I say, "Sure. I don't give a shit."
And now, what do you know, these government checks
start showing up in my mailbox every week or so.
So, I'm pretty set.
You know, my cousin said that he bought "H"
off your brother-in-law a couple weeks back.
You don't know nothing about that, do you?
My last name is Ginsberg, for fuck's sake.
And?
Okay. My Hebrew name is Shayna Malka.
- Huh? - Shayna Malka?
I was bat mitzvah'd at Temple Beth Israel,
and, and at the party, I sang "Wind Beneath my Wings"
backed by a full orchestra.
Killed it, by the way.
But hold up, though, shorty.
You got blond hair and blue eyes.
You know what I'm saying?
That combo don't show up much with y'all, from what I hear.
Okay. So, clearly you're already an expert.
Okay. I'm gonna go sit at another table.
No. Now, I'm just assessing over here.
You know what I'm saying?
I'm offering hella commissary for some Jew 411,
so I'm gonna need to know I'm getting my candy's worth, okay?
Now calm the fuck down.
Next question.
What you in here for?
Money laundering.
Okay. Now we talking.
How you doing, sweet pea?
It's good to see you, Mommy.
Oh, you look so pale, honey. Are you all right?
Mommy, she hasn't written me back.
I write her every day, to tell her how much I love her.
I write lists of names for the baby,
compose short stories about the future of our relationship,
remind her of other star-crossed lovers throughout history
who have overcome great obstacles to be together,
Romeo and Juliet, Lolita and the old guy,
Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins.
Honey, none of those couples ended up together.
I love her, Mommy.
I love her.
I know you do.
I was not a rapist... with her.
We made love.
"Guard", "prisoner", they're just words.
I need to get out of here and claim my family!
George. George.
You're right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
All me, me, me again. Right?
How are you?
G-George, I have some difficult news for you,
and I need you to promise me
that you are going to take a deep breath
and try to have an appropriate response,
just like we always used to practice.
- Oh, my God. - All right?
You're sick.
You have cancer, breast cancer.
Is it in the stomach? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
No. No. George! George!
No. I'm healthy. I'm healthy.
Come on. Please, honey. It's okay.
Just deep breaths.
You're, you're healthy.
That's good.
It's not your baby.
What?
Dayanara's baby, it's not yours.
I am so, so sorry, honey.
I don't understand.
I went to see her. I thought that...
I don't know what I thought.
That I could offer you a hopeful future
or that I could take care of your child until you could.
But it is mine?
No. Honey, she told me so herself.
We made the love.
Yes. Well, apparently you weren't the only one.
No. That baby is mine.
I'm gonna be a father. I'm gonna get out of here.
I'm gonna be the best father anybody could ever want.
George, why don't you focus on the positive?
If it's not yours,
maybe we can get you out of here a lot faster.
That woman and the baby she's carrying
are the only things that keep me alive.
They're gonna change my life, Mommy.
They're gonna make me into the man I always knew I could be.
The man you said I could be.
Okay, sweet pea. Okay.
Oh, he had these beady little eyes
like they were glued onto his face.
Like a koala, you know?
I thought I could get past it first couple of times.
Well, koalas are scary.
Anywho, I took him right off my visitors' list after today.
You are a real slut.
Suzanne! That is not nice.
But you seem so experienced.
Well, yes. I...
I guess.I suppose I, in a way I, but you--
It is not nice to call somebody a slut.
Then why do girls like it when men call them sluts during sex?
Or bitches?
Or dirty whores who love cum?
Oh, dear. Well, that is a complicated question.
Yeah, I don't understand things sometimes.
- I know. - Like sex.
I don't understand sex.
- But you write-- - No. I made it up.
From my imagination brain influenced by the stuff I read.
It's not real.
It's going to maybe be real, and I don't think I can do it.
I don't know how.
There's a girl.
- Hon, have you not-- - No.
- Nothing? - No.
- Ever? - No.
I was really scared my first time, too.
I was 14.
I was in the basement at Joey Giordano's house.
Listen, your first time,
it's gonna be messy and bumbling and weird.
Everyone's is.
What do I do with my hands?
Put them inside her.
Brussels sprouts...
- For real? - I know.
But you can't get away from them these days.
Huh.
And people actually like them?
Yeah. It's, like, hip or something.
You know, sometimes I'm glad I'm not out in the world,
'cause it seems awful confusing.
It is.
Yeah.
Hey, I don't know about you,
but I'm craving ice cream something fierce.
And ...we have some time before we got to get back
if you want to stop.
Pull over.
Okay.
You don't have to do that.
- Do what? - Anything.
You don't have to do anything.
We're friends now.
I like you.
If you want ice cream, you just ask.
Okay?
Okay.
What's your favorite flavor?
My favorite flavor is... double-fudge chocolate.
Though I've never been able to understand
how you can take chocolate, right, and then double it?
And then fudge it?
And it's so delicious. What's yours?
Anything with rainbow sprinkles.
Nice.
You sure we have time?
We'll be all right.
- Let's get some ice cream. - All right.
You like that, you dirty slut?
Yes. Yeah.
She makes the funniest sounds.
Why is she smiling?
Partly 'cause it's her job to.
Like a Walmart greeter.
And partly 'cause she likes it.
I don't get it.
Why is he about to put his mouth on... her vagina?
That's so gross!
Take this perverted shit out of here!
It's not perverted.
Yeah, it is.
Hey.
Stand up.
Where are we going?
Stand up.
I'm standing up.
Come here.
Okay.
No.
Don't do that.
Why not?
You're slow as molasses. Come on.
You look beautiful.
Thank you.
Come here.
Get into bed.
What are you doing?
I don't know if I like... that.
Oh, Jesus.
Oh, yeah!
Are you doing that porn shit on me right now?
No, ma'am.
Just taking care of you.
I'm not gonna smile at you.
You don't got to smile.
Just trust me.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Is this what they write songs about?
Just relax.
Yeah, yeah. I'm relaxed.
Fuck! Yes!
Who are you, you magical man?
Ohh!
Oh, my God.
Morello. What is that, like Sicilian?
Oh. I'm not sure.
It's a cherry. I know that.
It's Morello cherries. You ever heard of those?
Well, my nonno used to say to me...
"Oh, Lorna, I-l want to squeeze you
till the cherry juice runs out."
That's fucking creepy.
He was.
I guess all Italian grandparents sort of are.
You know, you got the, yeah, the cheek pinching
and the kissing and whatnot.
Yeah. Yeah.
I was beginning to think it was all men, honestly.
God, Lorna, you are the most beautiful woman
I have ever seen.
Get out of here.
I'm serious.
Now, you know, I'm gonna deny saying that to my friends.
You know, I can't have them thinking I'm a pussy.
I'm kidding, right?
Right, yeah, right, right. I get it.
- I'm fucking with you. - You're crazy.
Oh, Vince...
Vinnie. Can I call you "Vinnie"?
Vinnie, that is something that I really like about you,
'cause you are sensitive, but you're also strong.
Yeah.
There's something about a man in a gold chain
that makes me feel... protected.
I'd always protect you, Lorna.
From anything.
Well, there is this one guy.
He's been saying creepy things
and sending me these horrible, disgusting letters
telling me about what he wants to do to me,
making me feel very, very unladylike.
What's his name, hmm? Where's he live?
I'll kill this fucking prick.
No. No. Oh, I couldn't.
You're so sweet.
What's his fucking name, Lorna?
- You got yours on? - Hell, yeah.
I feel all sexy underneath my khakis now.
You feel all sexy for who? O'Neill?
I feel like I got a secret, you know?
Like we're a part of this secret club
that no one knows about.
I feel cool.
Oh, my God, you just said that,
and my nipples got, like, super-hard.
Bye.
Where did you get those?
Show me your tits, and I'll tell you.
I'm one of you.
Dear Chapman, thank you.
Thank you for the wonderful gift
of new jerk-off material that you have bestowed upon me.
She's got everyone doing it? Even old people?
Hey. I still have a vagine, don't I?
If we're all wearing them,
Chapman's got to be making a killing.
Well, I don't know what kids are into these days,
but people can't be spending more than a couple of bucks
for dirty underwear. Can they?
Got a friend says she's seen it on the internet
for like 70 bucks a pop.
Holy shit.
- That's a whole lot of moola. - Yeah.
And all we're getting is flavor packs?
Oh, no.
Stop being nervous. This is our right.
Our Norma-given right, no matter what Caputo says.
Gina, go.
One person here is very bossy, and I am very annoyed by her!
Are you talking about me?
I didn't think we were supposed to respond.
She's clearly talking about me.
That's the problem, ain't it?
I mean, this is supposed to be about Norma.
Now it's all about you.
Someone has to keep us on mission.
We have a mission?
I mean, nobody’s here for no mission.
Look, we don't need to be yelling our complaints
or cleansing our organs, whatever the fuck that means.
I mean, we're here for Norma, 'cause she makes us feel seen.
Norma makes me feel like I matter.
Norma is my Jesus!
Norma is my mother!
Norma is my grandmother!
Norma's my great-grandma!
Norma is... all of my relatives combined.
- Norma is me. - Oh.
Oh, fuck.
All right, ladies, you were warned.
That's it. Work duty, now.
Don't say it.
Don't say what?
I know what you're thinking.
I really wasn't gonna say anything.
I'm taking the high road.
I told you.
She thinks she's better than us.
We're just different, obviously.
Obviously? Oh, that is just condescending.
Okay, it's hard to avoid condescension
when you're literally below me right now.
You're a fucking bitch.
You know what? Fine.
Maybe I am better than you.
And I'm not apologizing for it.
You rub it like this to break down the cellulose structure.
See how the leaves are getting darker and less waxy?
That's what you want.
Shit, if you're giving out free massages, I'll take one.
We'll set this aside for dinner.
- Now... ratatouille. - Like the rat movie?
Charlotte's Web?
No. Like Fievel Goes West.
Uh, no. I think it's Stuart Little.
American Tail.
- What? - With the mouse.
With the cute little mouse. He comes, comes to America.
That is the smallest pan I've ever seen.
A small garden.
Everyone grab a fork. Careful. It's hot.
- Oh, my God. - Good. Yes?
- Oh, I feel-- - Like a person.
- Exactly. - Not bad for a white lady.
I do what I can.
Eso si esta bueno.
No, I think I'm going to have some of my own ratatouille.
Give me a little taste of this little masterpiece.
I want to taste this yellow one.
Hey, boss.
How you doing?
Come in, Coates.
Don't sit.
Where were you yesterday for count?
You were on, but Kowalski said he was short a man
for the 4:00 p.m.
Oh. Well, I, uh--
Apparently you missed it twice last week, too.
You know, I'm still getting the hang
of the schedule around here, and I was on van runs.
You know what? I don't even want to hear it.
Whatever bullshit excuse you're about to give me.
Consider yourself on official probation.
Starting now.
Okay.
What... what does that mean?
It means get your shit together, Coates.
Stop fucking up, or you're out of a job.
Yes, sir.
Thank you for seeing me today.
Didn't think you'd be back.
Yeah. Well... I feel invested.
I don't know why. It got nothing to do with you.
I want to adopt the baby, Daya.
Why?
Why would you want to adopt the baby? Still?
You're in prison.
Your mother is in prison.
I have a good life,
but it's been empty for a really long time,
especially since the boys have left the house.
I have space for a child.
I don't see why it shouldn't be yours,
as long as that's something you still want.
I understand if you can't give her to me anymore.
Her?
Oh. Sorry.
I know you don't know, but ever since you said it,
I just haven't been able to shake the idea.
You'll always be her mother, Dayanara,
but I would be truly honored to raise your daughter for you.
Yes.
Please take her.
Take her and give her the best life you can give her.
I Will.
I promise.
We are here at the downtown courthouse,
where Judy King's sentencing hearing
has just been completed.
Here we go.
Her lawyer should be coming out any moment with comment.
Hey, hey. Move, move, move, move, move.
- Oh, snap. - Yo, did we miss it?
Man, you think all these people be sitting quiet up in here
after they announce it?
Nah. We good.
Man, this whole Norma thing
be fucking up my sense of normalacy.
It's "normalcy."
I don't think any of them is right.
Nah. It's definitely "normalacy."
Man, just say "normal."
Why don't y'all just look it up?
Can't. Ain't no dictionary.
Yeah, so I'm gonna go ahead and live in my reality.
- And you keep living in yours. - I missed you guys.
Oh. Here he is. Here he is.
Do you have any details on Judy King's placement? Sir?
- Litchfield! - Litchfield!
Knock it off! Knock it off!
We'd like to know, sir.
Miss King will be serving her time
at the Alderson correctional facility,
- and that's all I know. - What?
Are you kidding me?
I'm sorry, P.
It's all right, man.
She probably an uppity bitch, anyhow.
Tell me more about yourself
so you will be less... mysterious,
and i'll be less interested in you.
That sounds like a raw deal for me.
Why did you move here? Where did you live?
What is your family like?
Well, my dad moved here for a job in Philadelphia.
I'm an only child.
And my folks moved back to the mother ship a few years ago.
Do you miss them?
I do.
III do"?
I know we're all lesbians,
but isn't it awfully soon to be committing?
Shut up, Alex.
What?
Can't turn around
without seeing Litchfield's newest butt buddies.
We were talking about Stella's family.
Do tell.
- Alex! - Come on.
I'm just trying to hang out with our new friend, Justin Bieber.
Would you like to go speak privately?
- I can leave. - No.
I'm sorry for interrupting.
I'll give you guys some privacy
so you can get to know each other even better...
...and fuck.
Jesus.
You are so much more patient than I am.
I would have cut that shit loose months ago.
Well... we've been through a lot together.
A person shouldn't do something out of obligation.
If you're gonna do it, do it 'cause you want it.
What the fuck are you looking at?
Nothin'.
Please, just leave me alone.
Leave you alone?
What?
You've been following me all over this fucking place.
Tracking me...
...and then lying about it.
But, yeah. I'll, I'll leave you alone.
- Hey. - You crazy, psychotic bitch.
I knew he fucking sent you.
This ain't your bathroom.
- Ours is crowded. - So?
So, I needed a mirror, and it's a free country.
You living in a different country than me then.
I don't want to fight with you.
Could have fooled me.
Keeping her son from her.
Excuse me. I got to wash my hands.
You did not just push me!
Oh, I did.
Oh, no! Oh! Oh, no, no!
Please, please. I'll tell you. I'll tell you everything.
The NSA, it's been infiltrated.
What?!
You have no idea who you're messing with.
No? Aren't you the one that took Benny away from me,
even when he didn't do nothing?
- Mm-hmm. - You are tripping.
I am mothering.
And I'm a ferocious, pissed-off, real mother,
but you wouldn't know nothing about that, would you?
Nah. 'Cause you ain't nothing real.
Gloria, are you okay?
- Oh, my God. I'm sorry. - Get the fuck away from her!
What the fuck are you talking about?!
This whole place is completely bugged.
They're in gathering information on me,
and they're trying to frame me for treason and for terrorism.
The NSA?
Yeah. So please help me. Please help me.
Please. I know, I know you're one of them.
I know you are.
Hey. I'll work with you. Okay?
Shit.
You Christopher?
Yeah. What's going on?
So, you think it's cool to bother a nice, respectable girl,
you sick son of a bitch? Huh?
You fucking prick!
Who the fuck are you?!
Huh? Get out of here. This fucking guy.
Get the fuck out of my house!
- You fucking jerk! - Help!
- Oh, ten more minutes. - No. No, no, no, no, no.
Ten more minutes, please.
My dad said I got to be packed by the morning.
This place is gonna be so stupid when you're gone.
No, it won't.
Yeah, it will. How far is Wyoming?
Far.
Take me with you.
Please?
I wish I could.
Hey, wait. Come here.
I love you.
And I love you, too.
And I'm coming back for you.
All right?
All right.
Hey, you're not gonna find
any yellow caffeine soda in there, cutie.
I ain't looking for soda.
That's too bad, 'cause I got some for you right here.
- Well, I don't do that no more. - You know, I'm being nice,
bringing these for you, 'cause technically you owe me.
I don't owe you shit, Abe.
And, plus, I have a boyfriend now.
Rumor has it he ain't gonna be around no more
'cause of his drunk daddy.
Will you just leave me alone?
- It's gonna be real fast. - Abe, let me be.
Maybe it'll take your mind off things.
It's gonna be real fast.
Abe, leave me be! Fuck your mama!
- Yeah. Come on. Come on. - Fuck your mama, Abe.
Come on.
I ain't even fucking wet.
Come on. It's gonna be real fast.
Relax. Just relax.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
There's that place, Sweet Licks,
over there on route 8.
Maybe they have rainbow sprinkles.
- We could try that out. - I don't feel like it.
What do you mean?
If you ain't the type that can eat ice cream every day,
then I ain't interested.
Don't touch me!
Geez.
What got into your boxers today?
I got in trouble.
I missed count yesterday 'cause of our little detour.
You told me we had enough time, and I believed you.
Sorry.
I didn't realize you had to be back.
Yeah. Well, now I'm on probation.
Oh, that's nothing. I can,
I can help you figure out when you got to be back for count.
No. I don't want any more help from you.
Alls your help does is get me in trouble.
Hey.
- Come on. - What do you want from me?!
- What? Nothing. - This?
- No! - ls this what you want from me?
- No. Don't. - Huh?! This?
- No! - This is what you're asking for.
This is what you're begging for, isn't it?
You just lay there and keep still and keep quiet.
You keep quiet.
This is...
...this is what you wanted. Isn't it? Isn't it?
This is what you asked for, isn't it, Doggett?
This is what you wanted. Huh?
This is what you asked for.
Huh? Doggett. Doggett.
Doggett. Oh, Doggett. I love you.
I-I love you... so... much, Doggefi.
I love you, Doggett. I love you, Doggett.
Doggett!