1 00:00:00,083 --> 00:00:04,982 Karma Team http://experts.heberg-forum.net/ 2 00:00:05,090 --> 00:00:06,793 On a slow day at the Crab Shack, 3 00:00:06,860 --> 00:00:10,757 me and Randy liked to bet on who was gonna come through the door next. 4 00:00:11,132 --> 00:00:13,552 I think it's gonna be a Chinese guy named Townsend. 5 00:00:13,619 --> 00:00:17,099 Randy, no Chinese guy named Townsend's ever come in here. 6 00:00:17,283 --> 00:00:19,018 Ah, I'm feeling pretty confident, Earl. 7 00:00:19,068 --> 00:00:22,273 I already called a black chick named Henrietta. 8 00:00:24,208 --> 00:00:25,051 Chinese Townsend. 9 00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:25,869 Chinese Townsend. 10 00:00:25,927 --> 00:00:26,645 Chinese Townsend. 11 00:00:26,703 --> 00:00:27,446 Chinese Townsend. 12 00:00:27,496 --> 00:00:29,198 Chinese Townsend... 13 00:00:32,922 --> 00:00:35,117 Crazy Witch Lady! 14 00:00:41,396 --> 00:00:43,123 I heard that if her shadow falls on you, 15 00:00:43,173 --> 00:00:45,643 your blood freezes and your heart falls out your butt. 16 00:00:45,752 --> 00:00:47,479 I've heard that, too, Randy, 17 00:00:48,175 --> 00:00:49,903 but I got to go talk to her. 18 00:00:49,986 --> 00:00:52,097 She was #186 on my list: 19 00:00:52,164 --> 00:00:54,309 "Was mean to the Crazy Witch Lady." 20 00:00:54,401 --> 00:00:58,646 Every town has a spooky old lady who lives in an even spookier old house. 21 00:00:58,804 --> 00:01:01,808 In Camden, ours happened to be on my way to school. 22 00:01:01,884 --> 00:01:05,280 But every time I tried to cut across her lawn, she would chase me way. 23 00:01:05,338 --> 00:01:06,048 Get away! 24 00:01:06,132 --> 00:01:08,502 My birds are buried there! 25 00:01:08,577 --> 00:01:10,764 So I came up with a plan to get even-- 26 00:01:10,906 --> 00:01:14,294 a plan that involved superglue and food coloring. 27 00:01:14,571 --> 00:01:18,226 A plan that I'm ashamed to say I still think is pretty awesome. 28 00:01:19,036 --> 00:01:21,706 When everything was ready, I sprang my trap. 29 00:01:23,512 --> 00:01:25,523 There's a Crazy Witch Lady trying to eat some kid 30 00:01:25,548 --> 00:01:27,726 at the corner of Fourth and Pine. Come quick. 31 00:01:35,745 --> 00:01:38,683 I have no respect for your property! 32 00:01:39,634 --> 00:01:42,814 Oh! I'll get you. 33 00:01:44,357 --> 00:01:47,345 You're trampling my hemlock! 34 00:01:49,773 --> 00:01:52,844 Help! Crazy Witch Lady's trying to kill me. 35 00:01:54,122 --> 00:01:58,003 Sweet mother of God, drop the broom, Witch Lady. 36 00:01:59,038 --> 00:01:59,855 I can't! 37 00:01:59,911 --> 00:02:01,914 Do it now, kid eater! 38 00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:13,007 So, I-I... I just want to say how sorry I am, Mrs., uh... Sorry. 39 00:02:13,165 --> 00:02:17,630 I... I don't even know your real name. 40 00:02:17,706 --> 00:02:23,873 Young man, you are the first person who has bothered to ask me my name in years. 41 00:02:24,048 --> 00:02:26,310 I'm Griselda Weezmer. 42 00:02:26,518 --> 00:02:27,178 I know. 43 00:02:27,238 --> 00:02:29,141 It doesn't help things much. 44 00:02:29,199 --> 00:02:32,612 Well, there's-there's got to be something I can do to make is up to you. 45 00:02:32,696 --> 00:02:34,732 I do get lonely. 46 00:02:34,815 --> 00:02:38,530 Maybe you could come over for tea tomorrow afternoon. 47 00:02:38,614 --> 00:02:39,323 No. No. 48 00:02:39,865 --> 00:02:41,568 Yeah, I-I... I'd like that. 49 00:02:41,668 --> 00:02:43,863 I hear good things about tea. 50 00:02:46,728 --> 00:02:48,588 Look at that cross-eyed old goofball. 51 00:02:48,689 --> 00:02:51,534 God sure broke the weirdoes stick on her. 52 00:02:52,644 --> 00:02:53,495 Joy, that's not very... 53 00:02:53,570 --> 00:02:54,547 Hold on. I got more. 54 00:02:54,638 --> 00:02:56,441 She's creepier than babies with glasses. 55 00:02:56,493 --> 00:02:59,305 She smells so bad, when she sits in the sand, cats try to bury her. 56 00:02:59,597 --> 00:03:00,323 Bam! 57 00:03:00,365 --> 00:03:01,216 Joy, listen. 58 00:03:01,274 --> 00:03:03,853 I've been waiting for a time to bring this up that wasn't premenstrual, 59 00:03:03,936 --> 00:03:05,555 menstrual or postmenstrual, 60 00:03:05,672 --> 00:03:07,266 but I think I'm just gonna jump in. 61 00:03:07,371 --> 00:03:09,466 Why do you always have to say those kind of things? 62 00:03:09,591 --> 00:03:11,018 Oh, here we go. 63 00:03:11,110 --> 00:03:13,179 Always sticking up for nearsighted babies. 64 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:14,832 It's not just nearsighted babies. 65 00:03:14,932 --> 00:03:16,484 You say mean things about everybody. 66 00:03:16,544 --> 00:03:18,146 It's not mean if people laugh at it. 67 00:03:18,230 --> 00:03:20,725 What about when they cry at it, like Eugenia did yesterday? 68 00:03:20,817 --> 00:03:22,069 She set me up. 69 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:24,071 She said she thought she could be a plus-size model. 70 00:03:24,169 --> 00:03:27,098 I had to say, "Yeah, plus-size model home." 71 00:03:27,249 --> 00:03:27,758 Joy... 72 00:03:27,824 --> 00:03:29,777 One person cried, six people laughed. 73 00:03:29,835 --> 00:03:31,312 That's all I'm saying. 74 00:03:31,414 --> 00:03:32,049 The next day, 75 00:03:32,132 --> 00:03:35,336 me and Randy drove over to Mrs. Weezmer's house so I could have tea with her. 76 00:03:35,420 --> 00:03:36,213 Come on, Randy. 77 00:03:36,288 --> 00:03:38,825 I need you in there to keep the conversation popping. 78 00:03:38,893 --> 00:03:41,922 You like talking about the same things old ladies do, 79 00:03:41,989 --> 00:03:44,108 like socks and joint pain. 80 00:03:44,184 --> 00:03:45,243 Say, that reminds me. 81 00:03:45,277 --> 00:03:48,139 Last week, my sleeping socks came out of the dryer so damn fluffy, 82 00:03:48,197 --> 00:03:49,683 my knees didn't hurt all day. 83 00:03:49,725 --> 00:03:52,153 See? This is great stuff. She'll eat it up. 84 00:03:52,220 --> 00:03:54,489 No, she won't, 'cause I'm not going in there. 85 00:03:54,565 --> 00:03:55,583 It's suicide. 86 00:03:55,654 --> 00:03:57,623 She'll lop off your head and make pudding out 87 00:03:57,665 --> 00:03:59,684 of your blood and trick people like me into eating it, 88 00:03:59,707 --> 00:04:02,228 and I'll do it, Earl, because I love pudding. 89 00:04:02,305 --> 00:04:04,091 Even if she doesn't give me a spoon, I don't care. 90 00:04:04,151 --> 00:04:04,718 I'll find a way. 91 00:04:04,752 --> 00:04:06,154 Fine. I'll go by myself. 92 00:04:06,229 --> 00:04:09,508 I'll see you in an hour, 'cause my head will still be on. 93 00:04:13,195 --> 00:04:14,238 When I was kid, 94 00:04:14,305 --> 00:04:18,336 there was no way I'd have been caught dead having tea with Griselda Weezmer, 95 00:04:18,469 --> 00:04:21,791 but as a grown man, I saw that I misjudged her. 96 00:04:21,857 --> 00:04:24,077 Sure, she was a little odd. 97 00:04:24,397 --> 00:04:26,016 These are my mother's teeth. 98 00:04:26,066 --> 00:04:28,661 Okay, a lot odd, bushe was harmless. 99 00:04:28,711 --> 00:04:30,714 Your mom's teeth, huh? 100 00:04:31,064 --> 00:04:33,034 Well, that's quite a... 101 00:04:41,075 --> 00:04:43,178 Rise and shine. 102 00:04:45,032 --> 00:04:46,058 What...? 103 00:04:46,392 --> 00:04:48,670 What's going on, Griselda? 104 00:04:51,366 --> 00:04:52,851 This is a little weird. 105 00:04:52,919 --> 00:04:55,214 Last week, I would have agreed with you. 106 00:04:55,298 --> 00:04:58,811 Truth is, I haven't thought about what you did in years, 107 00:04:58,928 --> 00:05:01,565 but your big apology brought it all back. 108 00:05:02,232 --> 00:05:03,459 In-In a good way? 109 00:05:03,659 --> 00:05:04,744 No. 110 00:05:05,463 --> 00:05:09,510 And then I got thinking about all the other things that people have done to me. 111 00:05:09,636 --> 00:05:13,424 That angry mob that tried to drown me in the lake to see if I'd float. 112 00:05:13,473 --> 00:05:15,518 I - I didn't have anything to do with that. 113 00:05:15,551 --> 00:05:18,314 I...I was just drinking beers and watching from a house book. 114 00:05:18,347 --> 00:05:21,460 And then, yesterday, when you went blabbing on, 115 00:05:21,535 --> 00:05:23,779 I thought, "Griselda, 116 00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:26,066 you know what you should do? 117 00:05:26,191 --> 00:05:29,629 "Lure him to your house, drug him, 118 00:05:29,779 --> 00:05:32,608 and then stick him in the basement." 119 00:05:32,917 --> 00:05:35,020 So that's just what I did. 120 00:05:35,537 --> 00:05:36,922 Well, it worked. 121 00:05:37,048 --> 00:05:38,366 I'm totally freaked out. 122 00:05:38,483 --> 00:05:41,162 This is a real pants-crapper. 123 00:05:41,338 --> 00:05:43,909 The... I-I guess we're even, huh? 124 00:05:44,042 --> 00:05:46,070 You little scamp. 125 00:05:46,354 --> 00:05:48,740 You'll never see daylight again. 126 00:05:50,644 --> 00:05:52,664 When I didn'come back out to the car, 127 00:05:52,764 --> 00:05:56,986 Randy worked up his nerve to go knock on the Crazy Witch Lady's door. 128 00:06:03,211 --> 00:06:03,845 Hello. 129 00:06:03,895 --> 00:06:07,667 I'm looking for my brother Earl or any parts of him you haven't made into pudding. 130 00:06:07,767 --> 00:06:08,585 Oh, goodness. 131 00:06:08,643 --> 00:06:10,304 I didn't turn him into pudding. 132 00:06:10,388 --> 00:06:12,165 We just had some tea. 133 00:06:12,275 --> 00:06:14,052 And now he's in the video game room playing 134 00:06:14,111 --> 00:06:16,881 with my wrestling action figures and watching naughty movies. 135 00:06:16,923 --> 00:06:19,527 And what other things do boys like you enjoy? 136 00:06:19,618 --> 00:06:21,880 Well, I think you've hit everything except for peanuts. 137 00:06:21,923 --> 00:06:24,026 Oh, and there's a big bowl of peanuts. 138 00:06:24,134 --> 00:06:25,912 I'm coming in. 139 00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,554 Randy! 140 00:06:38,626 --> 00:06:39,352 Come on, lady. 141 00:06:39,414 --> 00:06:43,553 Just please let me and my brother go, and-and we'll forget all this ever happened. 142 00:06:43,620 --> 00:06:44,788 Let you go?! 143 00:06:44,864 --> 00:06:46,716 Oh, don't be silly. 144 00:06:46,816 --> 00:06:48,193 I couldn't possibly. 145 00:06:48,302 --> 00:06:50,229 I'm having such fun. 146 00:06:50,857 --> 00:06:53,727 You know what you could have even more fun with? Money. 147 00:06:53,769 --> 00:06:54,529 Oh, thank you, 148 00:06:54,612 --> 00:06:58,152 but no amount of money can beat the look of terror in 149 00:06:58,219 --> 00:07:02,591 a fresh victim's eyes as he takes a header into the coffee table. 150 00:07:02,703 --> 00:07:04,981 Ooh, the feeling is exquisite! 151 00:07:05,698 --> 00:07:09,028 It's what I always imagined an orgasm might be like. 152 00:07:19,385 --> 00:07:20,670 Where am I? 153 00:07:21,039 --> 00:07:23,033 Locked up in Mrs. Weezmer's basement. 154 00:07:23,451 --> 00:07:25,670 Oh, no! We're gonna die! 155 00:07:25,812 --> 00:07:27,631 And it's gonna hurt! 156 00:07:30,020 --> 00:07:32,281 I guess this is good-bye, head. 157 00:07:32,448 --> 00:07:34,184 Thanks for all your hard work. 158 00:07:34,284 --> 00:07:37,889 Apparently, Mrs. Weezmer had a reason to be mad at Randy, too. 159 00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:38,925 A few years ago, 160 00:07:39,001 --> 00:07:42,524 he'd come up with a plan to get rid of the Crazy Witch Lady once and for all. 161 00:07:46,989 --> 00:07:48,449 Why aren't you melting? 162 00:07:48,495 --> 00:07:50,782 Come on, melt, bitch! 163 00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:52,693 Okay, so she's mad at both of us. 164 00:07:52,778 --> 00:07:57,001 Let's just stay calm and-and think of a way out of this. 165 00:08:13,044 --> 00:08:14,270 Sorry. 166 00:08:14,776 --> 00:08:17,204 Stopped breathing for a second there. 167 00:08:18,464 --> 00:08:19,883 Meanwhile, above ground, 168 00:08:19,933 --> 00:08:23,730 Joy was still ticked off that Darnell didn't think she was nice. 169 00:08:24,199 --> 00:08:25,376 Hey, loser, 170 00:08:25,843 --> 00:08:27,620 if you had to describe me in one word... 171 00:08:27,662 --> 00:08:28,789 Mean. 172 00:08:29,047 --> 00:08:30,892 Let me finish. 173 00:08:31,401 --> 00:08:33,136 ...and it couldn't be "hot," 174 00:08:33,355 --> 00:08:35,158 - what word...? - Mean. 175 00:08:36,484 --> 00:08:38,554 Not "hilarious," huh? 176 00:08:39,539 --> 00:08:40,982 Okay. 177 00:08:41,792 --> 00:08:43,277 Hey, here's one. 178 00:08:43,404 --> 00:08:48,603 If you had to describe Darnell in one word, and it couldn't be "black," 179 00:08:48,828 --> 00:08:50,339 what word would you use? 180 00:08:52,379 --> 00:08:54,131 Can't use "black," huh? 181 00:08:54,832 --> 00:08:56,309 Ah, it's a toughie. 182 00:08:56,927 --> 00:08:59,681 Okay. How about "nice"? 183 00:08:59,889 --> 00:09:01,400 No. I'm gonna go with "great." 184 00:09:01,571 --> 00:09:02,973 Or "marvelous." 185 00:09:03,149 --> 00:09:05,369 I'm really going back and forth between "great," 186 00:09:05,469 --> 00:09:07,012 "marvelous" and "nice." 187 00:09:07,088 --> 00:09:07,764 All right, fine. 188 00:09:07,839 --> 00:09:09,458 You can use "black." 189 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:12,328 After an hour of trying to come up with an escape plan, 190 00:09:12,403 --> 00:09:14,214 Randy thought he had something. 191 00:09:14,284 --> 00:09:16,587 Step one: we catch a mouse. 192 00:09:16,712 --> 00:09:19,149 Step two: we teach him sign language. 193 00:09:19,182 --> 00:09:20,175 Step three: 194 00:09:20,259 --> 00:09:23,522 we throw him as hard as we can up that chimney. 195 00:09:24,447 --> 00:09:26,325 Someone's up there. 196 00:09:26,809 --> 00:09:27,885 We should yell for help. 197 00:09:27,994 --> 00:09:29,688 Okay, let's yell on three. 198 00:09:29,738 --> 00:09:30,464 One... 199 00:09:30,547 --> 00:09:31,732 two... 200 00:09:35,813 --> 00:09:36,973 Damn it. 201 00:09:37,124 --> 00:09:39,619 Since when does everybody like tea? 202 00:09:44,310 --> 00:09:47,857 So you're telling me her MO is to kidnap people she wants revenge on? 203 00:09:47,932 --> 00:09:50,494 Yeah, but she's not just going after Mos. 204 00:09:50,594 --> 00:09:51,862 She's taking straight guys, too. 205 00:09:51,929 --> 00:09:52,705 This is crazy. 206 00:09:52,780 --> 00:09:55,838 I've never even seen this woman before, let alone done anything to her. 207 00:09:55,919 --> 00:09:57,872 And I'm sure you haven't, either. 208 00:09:59,616 --> 00:10:01,193 Kenny shouldn't have been so sure. 209 00:10:01,302 --> 00:10:02,245 My fault?! 210 00:10:02,339 --> 00:10:05,268 How could this possibly be my fault? 211 00:10:05,435 --> 00:10:07,704 Look, ma'am, I don't want to offend you, but, 212 00:10:07,771 --> 00:10:11,301 you fit a certain profile that we in law enforcement call a whackjob. 213 00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:13,055 But I'm not hurting anybody. 214 00:10:13,089 --> 00:10:15,550 Yes, but you're different, and that's bad. 215 00:10:15,601 --> 00:10:19,539 I mean, we all have parts of ourselves that are wrong and weird and shameful, 216 00:10:19,623 --> 00:10:22,279 but it's our responsibility to bury those parts very deeply 217 00:10:22,329 --> 00:10:24,874 and go bowling with our straight friends. 218 00:10:26,518 --> 00:10:27,937 Good day, madam. 219 00:10:34,554 --> 00:10:35,856 Don't give me that look. 220 00:10:35,948 --> 00:10:37,817 You know, you are turning into your mother. 221 00:10:37,925 --> 00:10:40,312 Guys, blaming each other isn't going to help us. 222 00:10:40,412 --> 00:10:41,088 You were a cop. 223 00:10:41,197 --> 00:10:43,158 How do people get out of this kind of thing? 224 00:10:43,201 --> 00:10:44,194 Oh, they don't. 225 00:10:44,403 --> 00:10:48,467 Yeah, we used to find mutilated skeletons chained up in basements all the time. 226 00:10:49,577 --> 00:10:51,137 We never saved a single person. 227 00:10:52,948 --> 00:10:53,807 No tears. 228 00:10:53,916 --> 00:10:56,044 We've got to be strong, Bear Cub. 229 00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:19,872 Back at the Crab Shack, 230 00:11:19,938 --> 00:11:24,211 Joy was getting desperate to prove she was as good a person as Darnell. 231 00:11:24,374 --> 00:11:27,411 See, what people don't realize is I got tons of, like, 232 00:11:27,545 --> 00:11:29,147 secret inner niceness. 233 00:11:29,222 --> 00:11:33,052 Well, niceness really is best when no one ever gets to see it. 234 00:11:33,371 --> 00:11:35,482 You're just trying to get me to snap at you, 235 00:11:35,516 --> 00:11:39,429 but I won't, because I am full of super niceness. 236 00:11:41,933 --> 00:11:43,218 How can I help... 237 00:11:43,612 --> 00:11:45,414 Witch! 238 00:11:46,466 --> 00:11:47,759 Sorry. 239 00:11:48,151 --> 00:11:48,936 Hello. 240 00:11:48,986 --> 00:11:49,603 Pardon me, dear. 241 00:11:49,662 --> 00:11:53,918 I wondered if you could come to my house and do me a favor. 242 00:11:55,257 --> 00:12:00,598 Of course, I will do you a favor, ghoulish old lady. 243 00:12:01,282 --> 00:12:05,730 Because I am a nice person, and favors are what nice people do. 244 00:12:13,713 --> 00:12:15,524 Oh, my God, it's Joy. 245 00:12:15,753 --> 00:12:17,389 This one's nasty. 246 00:12:17,522 --> 00:12:20,985 She took a swipe at me on her way to the floor. 247 00:12:21,044 --> 00:12:22,963 I wasn't surprised to see Joy. 248 00:12:23,055 --> 00:12:27,027 A few years ago, somebody told her it was good luck to push over a witch. 249 00:12:33,962 --> 00:12:35,523 Idiots, idiots. 250 00:12:35,633 --> 00:12:38,512 If just one of you butt-nuts had been man enough to stop the biddy, 251 00:12:38,554 --> 00:12:40,072 she never would have gotten to me. 252 00:12:40,173 --> 00:12:42,367 What, are you just down here waiting to starve to death? 253 00:12:42,476 --> 00:12:43,402 No, Joy. 254 00:12:43,519 --> 00:12:44,679 We tried screaming. 255 00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:48,086 And Randy's got a great mouse plan we can pull out if we ever see one. 256 00:12:48,194 --> 00:12:50,272 If you have a better idea, we'd love to hear it. 257 00:12:50,481 --> 00:12:53,159 Nope. Seems like you guys covered every reasonable base. 258 00:12:53,243 --> 00:12:56,221 All that's left for me is to be an idiot and call 911. 259 00:12:56,513 --> 00:12:57,731 She's got a cell phone. 260 00:12:57,856 --> 00:12:59,142 She's got a cell phone! 261 00:12:59,250 --> 00:13:00,143 Can I check my e-mail? 262 00:13:00,210 --> 00:13:02,037 Kenny, this is what I was talking about. 263 00:13:02,129 --> 00:13:04,182 You have a media disease. 264 00:13:04,276 --> 00:13:05,161 What the hell? 265 00:13:05,261 --> 00:13:07,280 They put me throug to voice mail. 266 00:13:07,389 --> 00:13:08,081 Oh, yeah. 267 00:13:08,231 --> 00:13:09,333 It's 3:30 on a Friday. 268 00:13:09,416 --> 00:13:11,252 Sharon's probably knocked off for the weekend. 269 00:13:11,329 --> 00:13:12,906 You know her boyfriend's got a house on Lake Wheeler? 270 00:13:13,031 --> 00:13:14,074 I'm calling Darnell. 271 00:13:14,166 --> 00:13:16,494 He was a government assassin, and he takes vitamins. 272 00:13:16,594 --> 00:13:19,774 You might want to watch and see how a real man handles this kind of thing. 273 00:13:26,852 --> 00:13:27,536 Crap. 274 00:13:27,612 --> 00:13:28,404 Hey. 275 00:13:28,454 --> 00:13:31,033 That sack has the same ring tone as Darnell. 276 00:13:33,386 --> 00:13:37,100 I wouldn't drink the tea, so she whacked me in the head with a giant ceramic rooster. 277 00:13:37,183 --> 00:13:38,118 Wait a second. 278 00:13:38,168 --> 00:13:41,606 If you're here, then you must have done something nasty to the old biddy, too. 279 00:13:42,023 --> 00:13:45,320 See, y'all, Mr. Perfect can be just as mean as anybody. 280 00:13:45,420 --> 00:13:47,314 Who's the black calling the kettle pot now? 281 00:13:47,423 --> 00:13:48,933 Tell what you did. 282 00:13:49,417 --> 00:13:50,844 Actually... 283 00:13:55,988 --> 00:13:57,182 Hey, Darnell. 284 00:13:57,257 --> 00:13:59,184 You see that lady over there? 285 00:13:59,827 --> 00:14:00,670 Which lady? 286 00:14:00,837 --> 00:14:02,756 That crazy lady over there. 287 00:14:03,317 --> 00:14:04,185 Which lady? 288 00:14:04,243 --> 00:14:05,311 That lady. 289 00:14:05,503 --> 00:14:06,479 Which lady? 290 00:14:06,663 --> 00:14:07,673 That lady! 291 00:14:07,731 --> 00:14:09,767 Which lady?! 292 00:14:16,738 --> 00:14:18,324 Son of a bitch, Darnell. 293 00:14:18,399 --> 00:14:20,877 It's like I married Jesus' nicer brother. 294 00:14:20,952 --> 00:14:22,763 Makes me want to kill somebody. 295 00:14:22,897 --> 00:14:24,574 Let's start with the woman that locked us up. 296 00:14:24,668 --> 00:14:26,028 Hey, that's a good idea. 297 00:14:26,170 --> 00:14:29,474 I learned on the force that if you punch an old person's head from the correct angle, 298 00:14:29,533 --> 00:14:31,552 their skull pretty much turns to powder. 299 00:14:32,170 --> 00:14:33,697 Let's do this! 300 00:14:35,408 --> 00:14:36,801 She's coming. 301 00:14:36,835 --> 00:14:37,552 Tell me the angle... 302 00:14:37,619 --> 00:14:38,454 Tell me the angle! 303 00:14:38,529 --> 00:14:39,939 Oh, hi, everybody. 304 00:14:39,981 --> 00:14:40,907 Catalina! 305 00:14:40,965 --> 00:14:42,576 How did you find us? 306 00:14:44,043 --> 00:14:44,711 No, no, no! 307 00:14:44,852 --> 00:14:47,172 Catalina, what are you doing? 308 00:14:47,514 --> 00:14:50,018 Mrs. Weezmer lured me over here and tried to drug me, 309 00:14:50,076 --> 00:14:52,246 but I've had so many roofies slipped in my drinks over the years, 310 00:14:52,279 --> 00:14:54,274 I've developed quite a tolerance. 311 00:14:54,369 --> 00:14:57,757 She was trying so hard, and she looks a little like my aunt. 312 00:14:57,815 --> 00:14:59,835 Anyway, here I am. 313 00:14:59,920 --> 00:15:03,875 Like Joy, Catalina had grown up with a lot of superstitions about witches. 314 00:15:03,942 --> 00:15:07,672 And just when the little blind boy turned to the tree and said, "Mommy, 315 00:15:07,722 --> 00:15:09,725 why is the floor so cold?" 316 00:15:09,877 --> 00:15:12,856 the frozen lake cracked under him... 317 00:15:13,098 --> 00:15:14,850 and he drowned. 318 00:15:14,934 --> 00:15:18,522 Oh... that is so sad. 319 00:15:20,876 --> 00:15:21,803 I did it! 320 00:15:21,894 --> 00:15:23,205 I captured the tear of a witch. 321 00:15:23,288 --> 00:15:25,040 I shall live forever! 322 00:15:30,611 --> 00:15:32,981 Seriously, what the hell is with sticking people in burlap sacks 323 00:15:33,081 --> 00:15:34,316 before you kick them down the stairs? 324 00:15:34,358 --> 00:15:36,085 It's more dramatic. 325 00:15:39,406 --> 00:15:40,249 She's right. 326 00:15:40,332 --> 00:15:41,701 It is dramatic. 327 00:15:43,003 --> 00:15:45,631 No, I never did anything bad to her. 328 00:15:45,740 --> 00:15:47,601 The old bitch is just crazy. 329 00:15:47,826 --> 00:15:49,779 I can't tell you the number of times I've been out 330 00:15:49,872 --> 00:15:52,743 working and she's been standing there and staring at me. 331 00:15:52,918 --> 00:15:54,704 It's creepy is what it is. 332 00:15:55,597 --> 00:15:59,039 And she wonders why I took Dad's side in the divorce. 333 00:16:00,950 --> 00:16:02,152 Oh, yeah. 334 00:16:02,302 --> 00:16:03,612 She's my mom. 335 00:16:04,154 --> 00:16:05,915 Hookers have moms? 336 00:16:06,741 --> 00:16:09,738 Patricia! As long as you are under my roof... 337 00:16:09,855 --> 00:16:13,769 uh, and my kitchen floor, there will be no smoking in this house. 338 00:16:13,828 --> 00:16:15,955 What are you going to do, ground me? 339 00:16:15,999 --> 00:16:17,126 If grounding worked, 340 00:16:17,176 --> 00:16:21,816 you wouldn't be sleeping with men for money and food and gasoline. 341 00:16:21,966 --> 00:16:23,593 Now, what was I here for? 342 00:16:23,777 --> 00:16:24,917 Oh, yes. 343 00:16:25,017 --> 00:16:26,235 I'm going to kill one of you. 344 00:16:26,845 --> 00:16:27,763 What? 345 00:16:28,230 --> 00:16:33,362 Uh, well, I have a lot more people to kidnap, and we're running out of space. 346 00:16:33,940 --> 00:16:36,168 Now, I'm not a monster. 347 00:16:36,285 --> 00:16:39,057 I'm going to let you folks decide which one of you 348 00:16:39,116 --> 00:16:42,954 I stab and stab and stab until you're dead. 349 00:16:45,758 --> 00:16:46,793 Not it! 350 00:16:48,048 --> 00:16:49,734 Good luck, suckers. 351 00:16:51,990 --> 00:16:54,644 It's bad enough being kidnapped and chained in a basement, 352 00:16:54,694 --> 00:16:57,773 but when the kidnapper tells you to pick somebody to get stabbed, 353 00:16:57,848 --> 00:16:59,992 relationships show the strain pretty fast. 354 00:17:00,101 --> 00:17:02,062 Everybody, calm down. 355 00:17:02,179 --> 00:17:03,739 We got to figure out what to do here. 356 00:17:03,806 --> 00:17:04,690 We know what to do. 357 00:17:04,774 --> 00:17:06,026 We decide who will be missed the least, 358 00:17:06,059 --> 00:17:08,462 and the rest of us just get on with our lives and never look back. 359 00:17:08,612 --> 00:17:10,339 Good idea-- I say we give her the bitch. 360 00:17:10,506 --> 00:17:12,534 You better be talking about your boyfriend. 361 00:17:12,742 --> 00:17:14,895 See, that's the kind of mindless hate speech that proves 362 00:17:14,962 --> 00:17:17,315 the world would be better off without you. 363 00:17:17,415 --> 00:17:20,303 But if I don't get the votes for that, I say we snuff the whore. 364 00:17:20,371 --> 00:17:21,122 Why me? 365 00:17:21,222 --> 00:17:22,449 Hookers are killed every day. 366 00:17:22,490 --> 00:17:24,752 Face it, you're living on borrowed time. 367 00:17:25,469 --> 00:17:27,614 Darnell, you're a nice guy. 368 00:17:27,664 --> 00:17:29,784 Why don't you just volunteer to be killed? 369 00:17:29,884 --> 00:17:32,581 Look, I'll give you a ride to the airport, but I'm not dying for you. 370 00:17:32,665 --> 00:17:34,325 Nobody's going to die, Darnell. 371 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:38,665 She's just going to stab and stab and stab one of us until... 372 00:17:39,519 --> 00:17:40,404 oh, no. 373 00:17:40,663 --> 00:17:41,664 Oh, my God. 374 00:17:42,023 --> 00:17:42,857 Okay. 375 00:17:43,007 --> 00:17:44,034 New front-runner: 376 00:17:44,109 --> 00:17:44,994 the dumb guy. 377 00:17:45,060 --> 00:17:45,611 Of course. 378 00:17:45,695 --> 00:17:48,014 The dumb guy-- why didn't we think of it before? 379 00:17:48,156 --> 00:17:50,981 If we lie to him, he won't realize what's happening until it's too late. 380 00:17:51,056 --> 00:17:51,907 I heard that. 381 00:17:51,982 --> 00:17:53,159 You burn in hell, stripper! 382 00:17:53,225 --> 00:17:54,202 All right, stop. 383 00:17:54,268 --> 00:17:56,179 Look what we're doing to each other. 384 00:17:56,263 --> 00:17:58,533 It's exactly what we did to Mrs. Weezmer. 385 00:17:58,574 --> 00:18:00,410 Again, never did anything to her. 386 00:18:00,469 --> 00:18:02,347 Totally innocent and still might die. 387 00:18:02,455 --> 00:18:03,423 Welcome to being gay. 388 00:18:03,507 --> 00:18:04,416 Don't you see? 389 00:18:04,491 --> 00:18:08,330 We labeled her as the Crazy Witch Lady, and now we're labeling each other. 390 00:18:08,438 --> 00:18:11,891 The bitch, the nice guy, the gay guys, the stripper. 391 00:18:11,966 --> 00:18:13,434 Freaking Karma zombie. 392 00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:14,878 Okay, that, too. 393 00:18:15,003 --> 00:18:17,356 But maybe this is what Karma wants us to learn. 394 00:18:17,507 --> 00:18:18,800 Look, guys. 395 00:18:18,909 --> 00:18:22,222 When you label somebody, you stop seeing them as a real person, 396 00:18:22,292 --> 00:18:25,664 and suddenly, you can do all kinds of terrible things to them. 397 00:18:25,831 --> 00:18:29,077 And pretty soon, they stop seeing themselves as a real person, too. 398 00:18:29,185 --> 00:18:31,447 They just turn into that label. 399 00:18:31,641 --> 00:18:33,894 Yeah, so Mrs. Weezmer acted crazy, 400 00:18:33,978 --> 00:18:38,000 but after 20 years of people treating her the way we did, can you blame her? 401 00:18:39,869 --> 00:18:40,695 Earl. 402 00:18:43,319 --> 00:18:47,149 Mrs. Weezmer, we're all real sorry for what we did. 403 00:18:47,692 --> 00:18:49,135 Do you mean that? 404 00:18:49,236 --> 00:18:49,912 Yeah. 405 00:18:50,270 --> 00:18:53,118 Yeah, and if you're going to kill someone, kill me. 406 00:18:53,226 --> 00:18:56,288 But... but I know you won't, 'cause you're not really crazy. 407 00:18:56,405 --> 00:19:00,110 We drove you to act like this because of what we did. 408 00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:02,961 It's okay. 409 00:19:03,545 --> 00:19:05,473 It's all okay now. 410 00:19:08,393 --> 00:19:11,648 Oh, my God! Crazy Witch Lady stabbed me! 411 00:19:11,753 --> 00:19:13,004 It hurts so much! 412 00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:19,213 Sorry, Mom. 413 00:19:19,592 --> 00:19:21,028 Collect her tears! 414 00:19:21,337 --> 00:19:23,498 We can all live forever! 415 00:19:25,617 --> 00:19:28,171 Turns out, Mrs. Weezmer was crazy 416 00:19:28,264 --> 00:19:31,235 and so the courts placed her in a home for the mentally frazzled, 417 00:19:31,327 --> 00:19:35,049 where they could give her the help and care she need to get well. 418 00:19:35,226 --> 00:19:38,113 And we all found ourselves making a little extra effort 419 00:19:38,197 --> 00:19:40,901 not to let other people's labels define who we were. 420 00:19:41,026 --> 00:19:44,606 Joy did what she could to show Darnell she really could be nice. 421 00:19:44,746 --> 00:19:47,650 Here's some sugar peas for my sugar pea. 422 00:19:48,184 --> 00:19:49,619 Hope you enjoy it. 423 00:19:49,694 --> 00:19:52,056 And Darnell knew Joy would be happier if 424 00:19:52,140 --> 00:19:54,201 she didn't always feel like she was married to a saint. 425 00:19:54,368 --> 00:19:56,480 Bitch, you know I hate peas! 426 00:19:59,067 --> 00:20:00,369 Thanks, baby. 427 00:20:00,411 --> 00:20:01,696 That's all I need. 428 00:20:01,821 --> 00:20:04,992 Just act like a mean bastard every once in a while. 429 00:20:05,557 --> 00:20:08,035 And I decided to spend a day relaxing and 430 00:20:08,127 --> 00:20:12,455 show that I wasn't always just "that guy with the Karma list." 431 00:20:17,565 --> 00:20:20,018 And Randy got himself a "word of the day" calendar, 432 00:20:20,060 --> 00:20:22,347 so he could show people he wasn't always dumb. 433 00:20:22,465 --> 00:20:26,988 You know, Earl, this beer obviates the need to go to the Crab Shack. 434 00:20:28,015 --> 00:20:29,358 Obviate. 435 00:20:30,176 --> 00:20:31,286 And Patty? 436 00:20:31,478 --> 00:20:33,222 Well, Patty was called a lot of things, 437 00:20:33,290 --> 00:20:36,161 but the one label she never really lived up to was daughter. 438 00:20:36,228 --> 00:20:37,838 She decided to fix that. 439 00:20:38,039 --> 00:20:39,658 And after Mrs. Weezmer 440 00:20:39,766 --> 00:20:42,946 spent some time being seen as a mom instead of a crazy witch lady, 441 00:20:43,037 --> 00:20:45,132 she was well enough to come home. 442 00:20:50,422 --> 00:20:54,812 And that gave us a chance to treat her like a person with no labels at all, 443 00:20:54,876 --> 00:20:58,114 which meant that I could finally cross her off my list. 444 00:20:59,558 --> 00:21:01,477 I'll do it later. 445 00:21:01,679 --> 00:21:06,190 Karma Team http://experts.heberg-forum.net/ 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net