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00:00:01,009 --> 00:00:02,773
Tradition at the Crab Shack was,
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00:00:02,898 --> 00:00:06,174
if you passed out the week
before Christmas, you got decorated.
3
00:00:06,299 --> 00:00:07,717
I wanted to join in,
4
00:00:07,842 --> 00:00:10,604
but there were certain times
when I needed to be looking after Randy.
5
00:00:10,729 --> 00:00:12,428
Like when he was reading the comics.
6
00:00:13,141 --> 00:00:14,928
Oh, God! That's terrible.
7
00:00:18,370 --> 00:00:19,789
That's not funny at all.
8
00:00:19,914 --> 00:00:22,161
Randy, remember,
comics are only on the left.
9
00:00:22,286 --> 00:00:25,266
If y keep reading, you'll run
onto the side with the obituaries.
10
00:00:25,391 --> 00:00:27,756
- So what do we do?
- Fold the paper.
11
00:00:29,754 --> 00:00:31,822
Three, two, one...
12
00:00:35,844 --> 00:00:38,985
What have I told you?
If you're going to decorate the drunks,
13
00:00:39,110 --> 00:00:41,666
please have a fire extinguisher
standing by.
14
00:00:43,293 --> 00:00:45,544
ORPHAN EARL
15
00:00:50,266 --> 00:00:51,300
Excuse me.
16
00:00:51,468 --> 00:00:53,848
My wife and I were driving home
from building Nerf playgrounds
17
00:00:53,973 --> 00:00:56,097
for autistic children,
and we ran out of gas.
18
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She would have come with me,
19
00:00:57,784 --> 00:01:00,351
but she's shy because we had
to sell her hair for baby formula.
20
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If you'd loan me a 20,
I'll mail it back to you.
21
00:01:03,572 --> 00:01:06,076
Goodness me,
that is such a sad story,
22
00:01:06,398 --> 00:01:08,567
and there were so many details,
it has to be true.
23
00:01:09,164 --> 00:01:11,208
Would you mind sharing it
with my friends inside?
24
00:01:11,333 --> 00:01:13,050
I'm sure they'd love to help.
25
00:01:18,033 --> 00:01:21,453
And then he said he had a bold wife
who sold her hair for...
26
00:01:21,578 --> 00:01:23,323
What was it she sold it for?
27
00:01:23,448 --> 00:01:24,645
Baby formula.
28
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What an idiot.
29
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The baby formula is man plus woman.
30
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Everybody knows that.
31
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That hustler coming in here
reminded me of #201 on my list:
32
00:01:41,032 --> 00:01:43,144
"Conned an old man out
of 100 bucks."
33
00:01:43,669 --> 00:01:45,706
A couple weeks
before I discovered Karma,
34
00:01:45,831 --> 00:01:47,440
me and Joy were watching TV.
35
00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:49,815
There are
one million orphans in Africa.
36
00:01:49,940 --> 00:01:53,047
These children do not ask,
"What shall I eat for diner?"
37
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They ask, "Will I ever eat again?"
38
00:01:55,777 --> 00:01:58,651
Change the channel, I can't eat
while I'm looking at that kid.
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00:01:59,128 --> 00:02:00,849
I'll try, but my hands are saucy.
40
00:02:00,974 --> 00:02:02,237
For pennies a day,
41
00:02:02,362 --> 00:02:05,082
you can make sure little Kwami
has rice and broth to eat,
42
00:02:05,442 --> 00:02:07,856
instead of bowl after bowl of mud.
43
00:02:09,027 --> 00:02:11,809
Those kids really pull
at your heartstrings.
44
00:02:12,314 --> 00:02:14,182
Makes you think, doesn't it?
45
00:02:16,039 --> 00:02:18,763
We could make a fortune off
those scrawny little tearjerkers.
46
00:02:20,468 --> 00:02:21,974
You got rib meat in your teeth.
47
00:02:22,513 --> 00:02:23,672
Well, get it.
48
00:02:25,632 --> 00:02:27,229
Man, that's really in there.
49
00:02:34,201 --> 00:02:35,236
Is this true?
50
00:02:35,361 --> 00:02:38,949
Nine out of ten African children
die every minute?
51
00:02:39,244 --> 00:02:41,049
Africa's hard on kids,
52
00:02:41,174 --> 00:02:44,821
what with the hot sun
and giant leeches and no...
53
00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:46,822
speed limits.
54
00:02:47,340 --> 00:02:49,001
I suppose you want some cash.
55
00:02:50,336 --> 00:02:52,171
The 1st rule of scamming money
56
00:02:52,296 --> 00:02:54,221
is to look
like you aren't looking for money.
57
00:02:54,346 --> 00:02:56,008
We're not asking for money.
58
00:02:56,804 --> 00:02:58,695
But, if you have trouble
sleeping tonight,
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00:02:58,820 --> 00:03:01,327
you can just send a check
to the address on the back.
60
00:03:01,452 --> 00:03:04,600
The 2nd rule of scamming
was not to tell Randy it was a scam,
61
00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:07,887
there's no better salesman than someone
who believes he's telling the truth.
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All they're eating is air.
63
00:03:09,894 --> 00:03:13,871
And the orphans' bellies are really big,
but it turns out they're totally empty.
64
00:03:13,996 --> 00:03:17,112
And all they're asking for
is a cup of coffee a day.
65
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,114
My God! Nine more just died!
66
00:03:19,489 --> 00:03:21,841
Open your eyes, people!
Take a pamphlet!
67
00:03:21,966 --> 00:03:25,637
We handed out 100 pamphlets,
and even went down and got a "PO" box
68
00:03:25,762 --> 00:03:27,944
so the address would look
more official.
69
00:03:28,069 --> 00:03:30,131
Most people saw through our scam,
70
00:03:30,256 --> 00:03:31,929
but we did get one bite.
71
00:03:33,151 --> 00:03:34,088
It worked!
72
00:03:34,256 --> 00:03:37,591
Some guy in Nathanville sent us
a $100 check for the orphans!
73
00:03:37,759 --> 00:03:38,584
Sweet!
74
00:03:38,963 --> 00:03:41,867
Why are you getting the money
for the African orphans?
75
00:03:45,255 --> 00:03:47,530
Randy, maybe it's time to tell you.
76
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:49,564
This was a scam.
77
00:03:50,392 --> 00:03:51,415
It was?
78
00:03:52,301 --> 00:03:53,883
You always get me.
79
00:03:54,265 --> 00:03:55,814
Oh, man!
80
00:03:55,939 --> 00:03:57,236
I cried so much.
81
00:03:57,805 --> 00:04:00,560
I didn't even tell you
about the nightmares I've been having.
82
00:04:01,705 --> 00:04:02,741
What a relief.
83
00:04:03,079 --> 00:04:05,202
So there's no starving children
in Africa, then?
84
00:04:09,744 --> 00:04:11,737
And so me and Randy
went to find the guy
85
00:04:11,862 --> 00:04:14,306
who sent us that check
all those years ago.
86
00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:21,194
Do you know Aunt Ramona wrote
a book about barbecue sauces?
87
00:04:21,319 --> 00:04:23,056
Mom says it bought her a condo.
88
00:04:23,181 --> 00:04:25,728
I think I'm going to write a book
about barbecue sauces.
89
00:04:25,853 --> 00:04:27,298
Maybe other sauces, too.
90
00:04:27,423 --> 00:04:29,644
Randy, you don't know
anything about sauce.
91
00:04:29,769 --> 00:04:31,673
People write books
about things they know.
92
00:04:31,798 --> 00:04:33,981
Think about how much meat
Aunt Ramona eats.
93
00:04:34,622 --> 00:04:37,172
Maybe I could write a book
about how things taste.
94
00:04:37,297 --> 00:04:39,245
You know, non-food things.
95
00:04:39,370 --> 00:04:41,059
I have a curious tongue.
96
00:04:41,690 --> 00:04:43,545
That could be the name of the book!
97
00:04:45,639 --> 00:04:46,702
Mr. Hill?
98
00:04:47,673 --> 00:04:49,910
I don't know if you remember,
but, three years ago,
99
00:04:50,035 --> 00:04:52,958
you sent me $100 to help save
an orphan kid in Africa.
100
00:04:53,519 --> 00:04:54,562
Of course.
101
00:04:54,822 --> 00:04:55,918
Mbungo.
102
00:04:56,748 --> 00:04:58,139
That little fella!
103
00:04:58,264 --> 00:04:59,757
Why, he's changed my life.
104
00:05:00,324 --> 00:05:01,425
Excuse me?
105
00:05:02,201 --> 00:05:04,847
Here are some drawings
Mbungo made me.
106
00:05:05,187 --> 00:05:06,680
All his letters,
107
00:05:06,981 --> 00:05:09,718
and his report cards
from the village school.
108
00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:11,142
Teacher comments,
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00:05:11,267 --> 00:05:13,219
"Plays well with zebras.
110
00:05:13,642 --> 00:05:14,980
Expert stick thrower."
111
00:05:15,623 --> 00:05:17,355
You can tell he's special.
112
00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:20,423
So, you've been sending checks
this whole time?
113
00:05:20,548 --> 00:05:21,854
$100 a month.
114
00:05:22,466 --> 00:05:23,697
But it's worth it.
115
00:05:23,865 --> 00:05:25,518
Take a look at this kid.
116
00:05:26,888 --> 00:05:30,331
Knowing that I make
a difference in Mbungo's life,
117
00:05:30,818 --> 00:05:32,282
it makes me feel...
118
00:05:35,860 --> 00:05:36,872
Exactly.
119
00:05:37,416 --> 00:05:38,220
Joy!
120
00:05:43,929 --> 00:05:45,221
Cactus:
121
00:05:45,593 --> 00:05:47,621
painful, but worth it.
122
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:54,231
Come on, Darnell,
let me lick your head.
123
00:05:54,356 --> 00:05:57,954
It'll be in my new book, right after
"All of Joy and Darnell's Spoons."
124
00:05:58,557 --> 00:06:00,484
I guess,
if it's for research purposes.
125
00:06:00,835 --> 00:06:03,426
You've been scamming that poor man
for three years?
126
00:06:03,551 --> 00:06:05,700
I can't believe
you're not ashamed of yourself.
127
00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:08,358
If I had only fooled him once,
it'd be shame on me,
128
00:06:08,483 --> 00:06:11,412
but I have fooled him a bunch of times,
so, it's shame on him.
129
00:06:11,870 --> 00:06:13,072
It's cruel, Joy.
130
00:06:13,197 --> 00:06:15,322
You didn't just con him
out of thousands of dollars.
131
00:06:15,447 --> 00:06:16,583
He loves that kid.
132
00:06:16,891 --> 00:06:19,825
How is he going to feel if he finds out
Mbungo doesn't even exist?
133
00:06:19,950 --> 00:06:21,432
You better not tell him the truth,
134
00:06:21,557 --> 00:06:24,399
'cause you'll ruin Christmas for
a lot of people in this trailer park.
135
00:06:25,270 --> 00:06:26,020
What?
136
00:06:26,469 --> 00:06:29,591
Turns out, Joy was so proud of keeping
the African orphan scheme going,
137
00:06:29,716 --> 00:06:32,349
she couldn't resist bragging
to her friends in the trailer park.
138
00:06:33,004 --> 00:06:35,409
Her friend Sylvia used
some barbecue ashes
139
00:06:35,534 --> 00:06:37,296
to fake a disaster photo.
140
00:06:41,443 --> 00:06:42,967
Then she sent Mr. Hill a letter
141
00:06:43,092 --> 00:06:46,634
asking for donations for families
who lost their homes in wildfires.
142
00:06:48,185 --> 00:06:49,971
Tammy went the other way.
143
00:06:54,789 --> 00:06:56,134
She sent Mr. Hill a letter
144
00:06:56,259 --> 00:06:59,405
asking for donations for families
displaced by floods.
145
00:06:59,530 --> 00:07:02,760
And, pretty soon, he was sending
monthly checks to everybody.
146
00:07:02,885 --> 00:07:05,466
- This is wrong and you know it.
- Says you.
147
00:07:05,634 --> 00:07:08,691
Sure, I took from one person,
but I gave the idea to two other people,
148
00:07:08,816 --> 00:07:11,354
which means I have given twice
as much as I have taken.
149
00:07:11,479 --> 00:07:12,813
So suck on that!
150
00:07:18,016 --> 00:07:18,851
Hair:
151
00:07:18,976 --> 00:07:20,692
tastes like marijuana.
152
00:07:24,788 --> 00:07:26,997
Joy's not going to budge on this.
153
00:07:27,906 --> 00:07:30,683
I don't want to, but maybe
I should just write Mr. Hill a check
154
00:07:30,808 --> 00:07:33,610
for all the money Joy and her friends
conned him out of.
155
00:07:33,735 --> 00:07:35,496
Snoopy tastes horrible!
156
00:07:36,138 --> 00:07:39,834
I think writing a check is the only way
I can cross Mr. Hill off my list.
157
00:07:41,116 --> 00:07:42,086
That's terrible.
158
00:07:42,364 --> 00:07:44,464
Just fold the paper over, okay?
159
00:07:50,095 --> 00:07:51,595
I hope you're happy.
160
00:07:52,216 --> 00:07:54,848
Oh, my God!
Mr. Hill had a stroke and died?
161
00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:56,183
This is horrible!
162
00:07:56,351 --> 00:07:59,489
I just took a picture of Earl Jr.
with flies in the corner of his eyes.
163
00:07:59,614 --> 00:08:03,065
Do you know how hard it is to get a kid
and a fly to hold still for a picture?
164
00:08:03,233 --> 00:08:05,025
Read the rest of the obituary.
165
00:08:06,122 --> 00:08:09,542
"Mr. Hill is leaving everything
to his three favorite charities:
166
00:08:09,667 --> 00:08:11,573
"Pimmet Hills African Relief,
167
00:08:11,698 --> 00:08:13,411
"Pimmet Hills Wildfire Victims,
168
00:08:13,536 --> 00:08:16,370
"and Pimmet Hills Flood Helpers
Give Us Money Fund."
169
00:08:17,636 --> 00:08:19,534
Mbungo's sugar daddy
just took a dirt nap,
170
00:08:19,659 --> 00:08:20,768
and we're rich!
171
00:08:20,893 --> 00:08:24,477
Not if I have anything to say about it.
I'm going to cross Mr. Hill off my list
172
00:08:24,602 --> 00:08:27,135
by making sure you and your friends
never get that money.
173
00:08:27,260 --> 00:08:29,554
That's my money, Earl Hickey!
Don't you mess with me.
174
00:08:29,679 --> 00:08:33,178
You know what I'm capable of.
You know why you only got nine toes!
175
00:08:33,694 --> 00:08:36,649
So me and Randy headed over
to Mr. Hill's house.
176
00:08:37,028 --> 00:08:40,455
This will be just like old times,
breaking into a house.
177
00:08:41,028 --> 00:08:43,428
You think we could steal
a few things, too?
178
00:08:43,553 --> 00:08:46,176
I brought a grocery list
of stuff we're out of.
179
00:08:46,301 --> 00:08:48,548
Deodorant, Fig Newtons, underwear...
180
00:08:48,673 --> 00:08:50,195
We're not taking anything.
181
00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:53,188
We just have to find something
with Mr. Hill's lawyer's name on it
182
00:08:53,313 --> 00:08:56,075
so we can tell the lawyer
those charities are fake.
183
00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:00,998
I knew it. That bastard's trying
to screw up our inheritance.
184
00:09:07,921 --> 00:09:09,625
Oh, my God! This is it!
185
00:09:10,473 --> 00:09:11,660
It's his will.
186
00:09:12,277 --> 00:09:14,001
"Charities shall receive monies
187
00:09:14,126 --> 00:09:16,900
"in the amount of $280,000."
188
00:09:21,030 --> 00:09:23,270
The lawyer's name and address
are right here.
189
00:09:27,104 --> 00:09:28,206
They found the will!
190
00:09:28,331 --> 00:09:31,074
That old coot was holding on
to $280,000!
191
00:09:31,696 --> 00:09:34,028
I want to buy a fur coat
with the little head still on it
192
00:09:34,153 --> 00:09:37,877
so people will stare and I'll be all,
"Yeah, this bitch is real!"
193
00:09:38,002 --> 00:09:39,976
Get down.
They're coming out.
194
00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:47,273
We gotta get that will
away from them.
195
00:09:47,398 --> 00:09:49,630
We'll just keep following them
real quiet.
196
00:09:54,969 --> 00:09:55,965
It's Joy.
197
00:09:56,368 --> 00:09:58,772
She must have figured out
we have the will.
198
00:09:58,897 --> 00:10:00,300
We gotta split up.
199
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:03,289
You take the will and start walking
to the lawyer's office.
200
00:10:03,414 --> 00:10:05,645
Joy will be sure I kept it.
She'll follow me.
201
00:10:08,036 --> 00:10:10,349
- What are you doing?
- I'm pretending I'm mad at you,
202
00:10:10,474 --> 00:10:12,568
and that's why I'm getting out
of the car.
203
00:10:17,790 --> 00:10:19,538
What do you mean,
you hate our troops?
204
00:10:19,663 --> 00:10:21,663
They're protecting our freedom!
205
00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:23,638
I'm getting out of your car!
206
00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:39,387
Give me the will, dummy.
207
00:10:40,975 --> 00:10:42,556
Maybe you should give me the will.
208
00:10:43,095 --> 00:10:44,392
I don't have the will.
209
00:10:44,788 --> 00:10:45,788
Well, I do.
210
00:10:46,634 --> 00:10:48,062
Not, not, not.
211
00:10:55,729 --> 00:10:58,854
Hello, we're here to pick up
our checks from the dead guy.
212
00:11:00,343 --> 00:11:02,351
You are Mr. Fischer, the lawyer,
aren't you?
213
00:11:02,476 --> 00:11:06,247
Yes, I'm Mr. Fischer and
I believe you know Mr. Hickey.
214
00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:10,668
Son of a bitch.
215
00:11:11,090 --> 00:11:14,088
Hello, Joy.
I knew you'd follow Randy.
216
00:11:14,950 --> 00:11:18,384
That gave me enough time to get here
and tell Mr. Fischer everything.
217
00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:20,477
Thank you, Mr. Hickey.
218
00:11:20,602 --> 00:11:23,180
You can cross Mr. Hill
off your list.
219
00:11:23,756 --> 00:11:25,016
See you around, Joy.
220
00:11:28,725 --> 00:11:30,596
You had to stop for tacos.
221
00:11:30,721 --> 00:11:32,034
A counter offer?
222
00:11:35,782 --> 00:11:36,806
Excuse me?
223
00:11:37,223 --> 00:11:38,223
I could...
224
00:11:38,973 --> 00:11:40,416
do a little paperwork magic,
225
00:11:40,541 --> 00:11:43,409
make your charities legal,
then you could collect the cash.
226
00:11:45,662 --> 00:11:47,079
And what's your kickback?
227
00:11:47,596 --> 00:11:49,220
Well, I don't need any money.
228
00:11:49,345 --> 00:11:50,561
It's just that
229
00:11:51,274 --> 00:11:52,814
I'm a very lonely man.
230
00:11:53,288 --> 00:11:54,538
My wife's dead.
231
00:11:55,216 --> 00:11:56,221
To me.
232
00:11:56,346 --> 00:11:58,220
She lives in Oregon now,
with the kids.
233
00:11:58,345 --> 00:12:00,719
I'm not supposed to know that,
but the cops slipped up and...
234
00:12:00,844 --> 00:12:02,658
I see where you're going with this.
235
00:12:02,783 --> 00:12:04,424
You'll help us out
with the documents
236
00:12:04,549 --> 00:12:06,408
as long as you have sex
with Sylvia here.
237
00:12:06,533 --> 00:12:09,810
Stop whining! It's a lot of money
and you are not married!
238
00:12:09,980 --> 00:12:12,427
Well, actually,
what I had in mind was
239
00:12:12,552 --> 00:12:13,939
something in a blonde.
240
00:12:14,486 --> 00:12:15,824
Oh, I don't have...
241
00:12:16,936 --> 00:12:17,936
Zip it!
242
00:12:19,698 --> 00:12:21,325
Blonde's not on the menu.
243
00:12:22,003 --> 00:12:25,021
How about we give you
Sylvia and $6,000?
244
00:12:25,724 --> 00:12:28,496
- Or Tammy and $3,500?
- Can you go to five on Tammy?
245
00:12:28,842 --> 00:12:30,581
- I don't know if I'm down with...
- Deal.
246
00:12:32,812 --> 00:12:34,315
For crying out loud!
247
00:12:41,722 --> 00:12:44,834
While Tammy and Mr. Fischer
were getting busy under his desk,
248
00:12:44,959 --> 00:12:46,472
Joy and Sylvia were busy
249
00:12:46,642 --> 00:12:49,873
getting the $5,000 in bribe money
from a local loan shark.
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00:12:50,095 --> 00:12:51,196
Five grand.
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00:12:51,847 --> 00:12:53,297
Thank you very much.
252
00:12:53,908 --> 00:12:55,189
Here's a check for you,
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00:12:55,904 --> 00:12:57,246
and one for you,
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00:12:57,634 --> 00:12:58,776
and one for you.
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00:12:59,301 --> 00:13:01,527
Pleasure doing business with you.
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00:13:08,028 --> 00:13:10,287
- It worked.
- You got all the money?
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00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:12,790
Every penny.
What are you going to do now?
258
00:13:13,115 --> 00:13:14,969
I'm going to take it back
where it belongs.
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00:13:15,094 --> 00:13:17,910
Which was to Mr. Hill,
who wasn't really dead.
260
00:13:18,035 --> 00:13:20,131
You see, I'd just
pulled a huge scam.
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00:13:20,779 --> 00:13:23,884
First, I got Mr. Hill out of town
for a few days by arranging for him
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00:13:24,054 --> 00:13:27,489
to win a vacation
to the National Rodeo Championships.
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00:13:30,665 --> 00:13:32,852
Then the old scam rules
still applied.
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00:13:33,439 --> 00:13:35,469
I knew the best way
to convince Joy it was real
265
00:13:35,594 --> 00:13:37,189
was to make Randy think it was real.
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00:13:37,359 --> 00:13:39,608
Oh, God. That's terrible.
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00:13:41,818 --> 00:13:44,718
I also knew hearing about all that money
would make Joy greedy.
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00:13:45,461 --> 00:13:48,317
Mbungo's sugar daddy
just took a dirt nap and we're rich!
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00:13:48,442 --> 00:13:50,244
I knew Joy wouldn't let me
out of her sight,
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00:13:50,369 --> 00:13:52,121
but before we broke into the house,
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00:13:52,291 --> 00:13:54,767
I had to make sure
she'd followed me there.
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00:13:55,544 --> 00:13:57,542
Then I just had
to pretend to find the will
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00:13:57,667 --> 00:13:59,253
I'd planted in Mr. Hill's house.
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00:13:59,423 --> 00:14:01,714
Oh, my God. This is it.
It's his will!
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00:14:03,992 --> 00:14:06,219
I needed to make Joy think
she was a step ahead of me,
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00:14:06,344 --> 00:14:08,216
so I gave the fake will to Randy,
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00:14:08,341 --> 00:14:10,347
knowing she'd get it away from him.
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00:14:10,976 --> 00:14:13,343
But to actually get these marks
to hand over the money,
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00:14:13,468 --> 00:14:15,957
I needed someone
to gain their confidence.
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00:14:16,255 --> 00:14:18,028
Somebody willing to scam people,
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00:14:18,153 --> 00:14:20,357
who also had a grudge against Joy.
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00:14:21,244 --> 00:14:22,247
Of course,
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00:14:22,372 --> 00:14:24,570
my 1st rule of getting money
out of people still applied.
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00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:26,840
Look like you're not
looking for money.
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00:14:26,965 --> 00:14:29,145
Well, actually,
what I had in mind was
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00:14:29,589 --> 00:14:31,183
something in a blonde.
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00:14:31,997 --> 00:14:33,704
And after I knew we had the money,
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00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:36,039
there was only one thing left
to take care of.
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00:14:36,310 --> 00:14:38,340
I'm going to take it back
where it belongs.
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00:14:38,465 --> 00:14:41,905
Mr. Hill gets back from
the rodeo championships next week.
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00:14:42,030 --> 00:14:44,380
I think he's going to be very happy.
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00:14:46,331 --> 00:14:47,607
I'm sorry, Earl,
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00:14:47,902 --> 00:14:49,809
but I let Joy get the will.
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00:14:50,590 --> 00:14:52,240
That was my plan, Randy.
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00:14:52,483 --> 00:14:54,016
This whole thing was a scam.
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00:14:56,493 --> 00:14:57,686
Oh, man, Earl.
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00:14:57,856 --> 00:14:59,394
You got me again!
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00:15:00,361 --> 00:15:02,189
This was a long one, though.
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00:15:02,314 --> 00:15:04,486
All that running around, Karma...
300
00:15:04,687 --> 00:15:07,679
I believed in that crazy list
for three years!
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00:15:08,666 --> 00:15:09,757
Bravo, Earl.
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00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:11,040
Bravo!
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00:15:13,028 --> 00:15:15,454
And when Mr. Hill
got back from his vacation,
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00:15:15,908 --> 00:15:18,027
I was there waiting
to tell him the whole story.
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00:15:18,152 --> 00:15:19,461
From my original scam,
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00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:21,940
all the way up to getting
his money back from Joy.
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00:15:24,068 --> 00:15:27,341
This money covers every nickel
Joy and her friends conned you out of.
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00:15:27,959 --> 00:15:30,513
Plus another $100
for breaking your front door lock.
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00:15:31,106 --> 00:15:33,305
And I think Randy
took some of your underwear.
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00:15:33,563 --> 00:15:35,098
I can't believe it.
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00:15:35,596 --> 00:15:37,226
There were no hurricanes?
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00:15:37,821 --> 00:15:38,852
No fires?
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00:15:40,044 --> 00:15:41,063
No Mbungos?
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00:15:44,039 --> 00:15:45,504
I'm such an idiot!
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00:15:45,852 --> 00:15:46,893
But wait!
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00:15:47,772 --> 00:15:50,489
The important thing is
you got your money back now.
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00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:53,266
Well, how's that supposed
to make me feel better?
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00:15:53,646 --> 00:15:56,102
I'm still the moron
who thought he bought
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00:15:56,227 --> 00:15:59,498
an entire African village
athlete's foot vaccinations.
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00:16:01,270 --> 00:16:02,715
You know what you need?
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00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:05,296
Let's go laugh in their faces.
It'll feel great.
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00:16:07,795 --> 00:16:09,338
I took Mr. Hill to the trailer park,
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00:16:09,463 --> 00:16:11,907
so we could laugh at the people
we'd gotten revenge on.
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00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:14,963
I had hoped that the opportunity
to do a victory dance
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00:16:15,088 --> 00:16:16,973
in front of the lowlifes
who raped him off
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00:16:17,098 --> 00:16:18,708
would cheer him right up.
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00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:23,814
But when we got there,
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00:16:24,085 --> 00:16:25,566
things had changed.
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00:16:25,736 --> 00:16:28,336
What was once
a middle to low-end trailer park,
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00:16:28,461 --> 00:16:30,628
now looked like
a Third World country.
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00:16:37,895 --> 00:16:39,288
What happened to all of you?
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00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:41,373
You happened, you jackass!
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00:16:41,543 --> 00:16:43,960
Turns out that raising the money
to pay back the loan shark
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00:16:44,163 --> 00:16:46,776
had hit Joy and her friends
harder than I expected.
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00:16:47,158 --> 00:16:48,834
Since the lawyer's checks bounced,
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00:16:48,959 --> 00:16:51,091
Tammy had no way
to pay the loan shark.
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00:16:51,403 --> 00:16:53,648
I'm sorry they took
your plumbing truck, baby.
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00:16:53,773 --> 00:16:56,388
We'll be okay.
What's the worst that could happen?
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00:16:57,831 --> 00:16:59,725
The answer?
A busted water heater.
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00:17:01,815 --> 00:17:04,883
We probably should have kept
a couple of wrenches.
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00:17:06,270 --> 00:17:08,237
Sylvia gave the loan shark
her furnace
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00:17:08,362 --> 00:17:10,194
and had to find
other ways to keep warm.
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00:17:11,334 --> 00:17:12,934
Hey, that's better.
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00:17:13,942 --> 00:17:14,958
Move over.
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00:17:20,766 --> 00:17:23,310
And Joy had to hand over
all her appliances.
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00:17:23,805 --> 00:17:26,919
What do you want me to say, Darnell?
It looked like a sound investment.
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00:17:27,147 --> 00:17:28,696
Besides, joke's gonna be on him
348
00:17:28,821 --> 00:17:31,732
when he finds out
that crisper don't work for squat.
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00:17:32,517 --> 00:17:34,956
Once Joy and Darnell
lost their refrigerator,
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00:17:35,081 --> 00:17:37,793
Christmas came early
for all the neighborhood flies.
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00:17:37,918 --> 00:17:39,431
All 10,000 of them.
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00:17:41,967 --> 00:17:43,711
Without money for an exterminator,
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00:17:43,836 --> 00:17:46,686
the Turners had no choice
but to move outside.
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00:17:49,521 --> 00:17:50,815
Did you come here to gloat
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00:17:50,940 --> 00:17:53,445
or is it just natural that after flies,
maggots show up?
356
00:17:53,824 --> 00:17:54,822
Excuse me?
357
00:17:55,561 --> 00:17:58,409
How much would it cost
to hire an exterminator
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00:17:58,579 --> 00:18:00,786
to get rid of all these flies?
359
00:18:01,022 --> 00:18:03,087
I don't know.
A couple hundred bucks.
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00:18:07,886 --> 00:18:09,670
- What are you doing?
- Excuse me, miss?
361
00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:13,298
Could you use a donation
to help with your flood damage?
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00:18:13,607 --> 00:18:15,718
Is this some kind of scam?
'Cause if it is,
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00:18:15,888 --> 00:18:18,431
it's someone else's turn
to have sex with the gross guy.
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00:18:19,016 --> 00:18:22,266
Don't give me that look, Don.
We already talked about this.
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00:18:23,016 --> 00:18:25,185
Okay, stop!
I put a lot of effort
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00:18:25,355 --> 00:18:26,956
into getting this money out of them.
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00:18:27,081 --> 00:18:28,831
How can you just give it back?
368
00:18:29,192 --> 00:18:30,774
Laugh at them. They're fools.
369
00:18:32,933 --> 00:18:35,582
I don't have that much
going on in my life.
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00:18:35,707 --> 00:18:38,714
I mean, I'm a rodeo fan
and I do like to whittle,
371
00:18:39,764 --> 00:18:41,164
but not that much.
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00:18:41,892 --> 00:18:43,787
But when I gave to those charities,
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00:18:44,144 --> 00:18:46,194
even though they weren't real,
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00:18:46,327 --> 00:18:48,167
I thought I was helping people.
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00:18:48,704 --> 00:18:50,554
Now, that made me feel good.
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00:18:51,430 --> 00:18:54,173
Looks to me like these people
really have been through
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00:18:54,343 --> 00:18:56,508
some floods and fires and such.
378
00:18:57,014 --> 00:18:59,720
This is a chance for me
to help people for real.
379
00:19:00,243 --> 00:19:02,232
I really think
you're missing the point.
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00:19:02,357 --> 00:19:04,600
These are the exact people
who've been ripping you off.
381
00:19:05,834 --> 00:19:06,836
I know.
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00:19:23,452 --> 00:19:25,902
I was amazed
by Mr. Hill's generosity.
383
00:19:26,076 --> 00:19:28,952
And it definitely had an effect
on the people he helped.
384
00:19:29,077 --> 00:19:31,827
When you've been a jerk
and someone's still nice to you,
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00:19:31,952 --> 00:19:33,502
it's a powerful thing.
386
00:19:41,903 --> 00:19:45,393
Seeing what Mr. Hill had done
really put me in the Christmas spirit.
387
00:19:45,823 --> 00:19:48,523
Wakey, wakey.
Christmas snow flakies.
388
00:19:56,324 --> 00:19:57,474
Thanks, Earl!
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00:20:12,667 --> 00:20:13,969
And to my surprise,
390
00:20:14,094 --> 00:20:16,255
he ended up teaching me
something pretty important, too.
391
00:20:17,385 --> 00:20:18,935
Merry Christmas, Joy.
392
00:20:20,697 --> 00:20:23,512
Oh, my God!
You got our old refrigerator back!
393
00:20:23,818 --> 00:20:25,622
We don't have to keep
the kids' antibiotics
394
00:20:25,747 --> 00:20:27,151
up against the AC anymore!
395
00:20:27,276 --> 00:20:30,263
He taught me that being generous
to someone who's done you wrong
396
00:20:30,388 --> 00:20:32,938
can be the best kind
of charity there is.
397
00:20:35,964 --> 00:20:37,097
It's empty.
398
00:20:39,333 --> 00:20:41,242
That's okay. It's still nice.
399
00:20:41,621 --> 00:20:42,722
Come on in.
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00:20:51,893 --> 00:20:53,972
Subtitles:
Jarick & loky