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READING IS A FUNDAMENTAL CASE
2
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I think there's something wrong
with these books.
3
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The Camden Library couldn't afford
actual classics so...
4
00:00:22,978 --> 00:00:24,365
they bought knockoffs.
5
00:00:24,490 --> 00:00:26,900
That explains
The Adventures of Chuckleberry Flinn.
6
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I'm going to read
Trazan the Ape Man.
7
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He's got a pet cheetah named Monkey.
8
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All right, let's get started.
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Trazan the Ape Man.
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"You may be shocked as I describe
this strange and unusual tale
11
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"but I assure you
that every word is true."
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And you may be shocked
I'm reading to kids
13
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but like all good adventures,
it starts at the beginning.
14
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Back before my list,
15
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me and Randy got sentenced
to community service
16
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in the "Humiliate
to Rehabilitate program."
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Hi, Dad.
18
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How big's a body part got to be
before we're supposed to report it?
19
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Fist or larger.
20
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Never mind then.
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It was crappy work
but one guy made it kind of fun.
22
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That guy's doing the theme song
23
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from that show that comes on
every couple of years
24
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about the different colored people
with superpowers
25
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like swimming fast
or throwing sticks real far.
26
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I saw an episode of that once.
27
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Come on, fellas,
they're only going to burn it later on.
28
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Why should those bastards
in the dump have all the fun?
29
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Those guys at the dump
do have all the fun.
30
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Give me that lighter.
31
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This is a huge misunderstanding.
32
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Raynard was so cool
33
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he let us crash with him when our dad
threw us out for the eighth time.
34
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Come on in!
35
00:01:56,486 --> 00:01:58,858
There's a bathtub
in the living room.
36
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And he's got outside plants
growing on the inside.
37
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I didn't grow them on the inside,
I just
38
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opened up the window
and gave the plants a choice.
39
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And did you open the bathroom door
40
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and give the tub a choice
or are you just crazy?
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I'll tell you what is crazy,
42
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is letting somebody tell you
where you can put your tub.
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Believe me, the news isn't so depressing
when you're surrounded by bubbles.
44
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I think your globe is upside down.
45
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It's not.
46
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No, I'm pretty sure it is.
47
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Geography was the only class
I went to in high school.
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Teacher was hot,
had a touch of the palsy.
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She was always dropping stuff.
50
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Bending over to pick it up...
51
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Dropping it again...
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Anyway,
the North Pole should be on top.
53
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There is no up or down
in space, man.
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Look at my hand.
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A spaceship is coming at the Earth
like this, okay?
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This is the top.
57
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But if you come at it like this...
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the top becomes the bottom.
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Makes you think.
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A globe is the Earth?
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Oh, Susannah, don't you cry for me
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I come from Alabama
with a guitar on my knee
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As fun as Raynard was,
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he was a little nervous
around the ladies.
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Nice...
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Let me handle this.
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We're in a band.
68
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We're opening for U2.
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- U2?
- Yeah, me, too.
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All of us.
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That's right, so,
who wants to party with guys
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that are going to be sharing
a shower with Bono?
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Sweet!
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00:03:59,505 --> 00:04:02,629
Do you have a tour bus?
'Cause we don't party with garage bands.
75
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No, but we take the bus.
76
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He's kidding. Yeah, we got one.
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A big shiny one.
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It's like 100 feet long!
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Everybody stop talking.
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Meet me outside in ten minutes.
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I went out and stole
the first bus-like thing I could find.
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00:04:21,729 --> 00:04:23,901
We wanted to party
where we wouldn't be disturbed,
83
00:04:24,026 --> 00:04:26,981
so we drove out
to the old abandoned Camden Scout Camp.
84
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The next morning,
we got the girls to leave
85
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by telling them we had to rehearse
and that we'd call them later.
86
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Neither one of those things
were true.
87
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And we didn't want to get caught
driving a stolen Bookmobile,
88
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so, we walked, too.
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That girl bit me.
Is that hot or scary?
90
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And that's where our tour bus stayed
91
00:04:45,841 --> 00:04:48,465
until me and Randy
went out to do #219:
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"Stole a Bookmobile."
93
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But I don't understand
why I can't have one.
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I promise I'll feed it and walk it
95
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and if it's bad
I'll hit it with a shovel.
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I'm not sure
you're ready for a puppy, Randy.
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Let's see if she'll start.
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What the hell?!
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"No one who saw him
could say for certain
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"if he was an ape or a man.
101
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"Perhaps he was
neither one of those things.
102
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"Perhaps, he was both."
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"Even though
we were paralyzed with fear,
104
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"we couldn't help but gaze
with wonder at this most odd creature
105
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"that looked so much like a man
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"but acted so much like a beast."
107
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What are we going to do?
108
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Raynard always told us
to think for ourselves.
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We should set this thing
on fire and run.
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We can't leave leave him, Randy.
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I got a feeling
this might be all my fault.
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Turns out, it was all my fault.
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The last time I saw Raynard was
right after me and Joy got married.
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Earl! Buddy!
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Great to see you, Raynard.
116
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But we got to keep it down.
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I got a wife now,
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pregnant...
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hormones...
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a little touchy.
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Super hearing.
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What's
with all this chitter chatter?
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Hey, sugar.
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- It's my friend, Raynard.
- Who cares?
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I'm working my ass off to grow this baby
and you're out here having a party!
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I need peace and quiet.
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I mean, what if I'm doing something
really important on the baby today?
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Like his brain or his weiner?
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You even care?
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I need a glass of Chablis!
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She seems nice.
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So Earl, buddy,
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I was wondering if I could crash
with you guys for a while.
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I got evicted.
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Cheers!
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Stop talking funny!
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You can see
what I'm up against here.
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Joy's not going to like it
if I let you stay.
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But...
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I've tried everywhere.
I've got nowhere else to go.
141
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Earl! My water broke!
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Never mind, never mind,
I just peed the bed.
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Come clean it up.
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After that night,
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Raynard wandered
broke and homeless for days
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until he stumbled across what was left
of Camden's library outreach program
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and that reminded him
of the Bookmobile.
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I got to put him on the list, Randy.
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When we were in trouble
he let us crash at his place
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but when he need somewhere to stay,
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- I didn't help him.
- But that's Joy's fault.
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She was so mean
when she was pregnant...
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and when she wasn't.
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We could've tried harder.
We should've been there for him.
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Raynard, don't be scared.
156
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It's Earl and Randy Hickey.
You remember us?
157
00:08:02,839 --> 00:08:05,274
We stole this Bookmobile with you.
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We're your friends.
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You!
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Friend!
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What's the matter, buddy?
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You been living in the woods so long
you forgot how to speak?
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No one speak to
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me.
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Cool.
He figured out a way to talk out
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here using less words.
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What a time-saver.
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Me like you talk.
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Me like you talk, too.
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- Smell Raynard?
- No, thank. Just like talk part.
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So, what are you doing out here?
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You okay?
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Yeah, happy.
174
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It paradise.
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Yeah, it's beautiful.
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But where do you find
food and stuff?
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Food?
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Food. You hungry.
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I be back.
180
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Weird.
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I think he's gone crazy.
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00:09:12,585 --> 00:09:14,971
I don't know, Earl. He seems happy.
183
00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:17,016
Plus, he's got a pretty sweet setup.
184
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Maybe we're the crazy ones
for not living like this.
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Friend!
This is my hot wife, Sharlene.
186
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Nope, he's the crazy one.
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Food.
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Hot wife!
189
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Perfect life!
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And then I realized
why he was crazy.
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Me and Randy had seen
those berries before.
192
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Back when I was married to Joy
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00:09:38,991 --> 00:09:40,870
and the bill collectors
got to be too much,
194
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- sometimes we'd go camping.
- Ya'll be honest,
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is the bottom half of me
a horse right now?
196
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Joy, what's wrong with you?
197
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Joy, say something.
You're weirding me out!
198
00:09:53,210 --> 00:09:54,508
Is anybody home?
199
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Freakhead!
200
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Baby, no!
201
00:10:09,005 --> 00:10:10,630
How about we skip the berries
202
00:10:10,755 --> 00:10:13,027
and go in my car and get a pizza?
203
00:10:15,069 --> 00:10:17,198
Earl, you're using too many words.
204
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Pizza.
205
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Come on, we go.
206
00:10:20,692 --> 00:10:21,742
Rubber face!
207
00:10:25,063 --> 00:10:26,067
Poor guy.
208
00:10:26,533 --> 00:10:28,874
Living out here
eating crazy berries.
209
00:10:29,350 --> 00:10:31,923
And doing God knows what
with a raccoon.
210
00:10:32,181 --> 00:10:34,066
We got to bring him back
to civilization.
211
00:10:34,973 --> 00:10:37,283
When we catch Raynard,
can I keep him for a pet?
212
00:10:37,408 --> 00:10:39,254
What? No! He's a person.
213
00:10:40,410 --> 00:10:41,623
Here, Raynard!
214
00:10:42,084 --> 00:10:43,084
Here, boy!
215
00:10:44,223 --> 00:10:46,577
Come with us and see
what you've missed.
216
00:10:47,086 --> 00:10:49,094
Remember how you used to like
217
00:10:49,219 --> 00:10:51,092
putting a lime in your beer?
218
00:10:51,455 --> 00:10:54,223
Well, now they make beer
with the lime already in it.
219
00:10:54,348 --> 00:10:55,400
Crazy, huh?
220
00:10:56,439 --> 00:10:59,190
And everybody's got
a phone in their pocket,
221
00:10:59,315 --> 00:11:01,826
and a dog in their purse,
and cars fly.
222
00:11:02,064 --> 00:11:04,584
- Everybody's rich!
- We don't want to oversell it.
223
00:11:09,116 --> 00:11:12,545
Just try to fight
through the crazy berries and listen.
224
00:11:12,818 --> 00:11:15,668
It's Earl! I'm your friend,
I want to help you.
225
00:11:18,270 --> 00:11:19,176
You know what?
226
00:11:19,606 --> 00:11:21,470
You're not the only one
that can climb a tree.
227
00:11:21,810 --> 00:11:23,180
I'm coming up there after you.
228
00:11:37,375 --> 00:11:39,384
"We watched in awe as he ran away,
229
00:11:39,509 --> 00:11:41,032
"as sure-footed as a mountain goat.
230
00:11:41,662 --> 00:11:43,242
"As fast as a jackrabbit.
231
00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:47,267
"And we knew we wouldn't be able
to catch him with our strength,
232
00:11:47,392 --> 00:11:49,582
"we would have to use our brains."
233
00:11:51,773 --> 00:11:54,836
"The Ape Man used
his primitive skills to escape,
234
00:11:54,961 --> 00:11:56,422
"but we knew we were smarter.
235
00:11:56,905 --> 00:11:58,892
"So, we decided to set a trap.
236
00:11:59,149 --> 00:12:00,574
"And that required bait."
237
00:12:00,699 --> 00:12:03,521
Don't mention this to my boss.
There's a strict policy at the club
238
00:12:03,646 --> 00:12:05,598
against letting people
lure you into the woods.
239
00:12:29,458 --> 00:12:31,040
What kind of freaky crap is that?
240
00:12:38,884 --> 00:12:41,242
There was more
to that relationship than I thought.
241
00:12:41,959 --> 00:12:44,275
"In an effort to civilize
this beast man,
242
00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:46,013
"we brought him back to the city.
243
00:12:46,711 --> 00:12:50,261
"To see such a monster paraded
through town made people stare.
244
00:12:50,817 --> 00:12:52,203
"Most were disgusted
245
00:12:52,328 --> 00:12:54,230
"but some were overcome
with curiosity.
246
00:12:55,025 --> 00:12:57,097
"We knew for the creature's own good
247
00:12:57,222 --> 00:12:59,015
"we had to tame it quickly."
248
00:12:59,634 --> 00:13:01,105
What the hell is that idiot doing
249
00:13:01,230 --> 00:13:03,585
with a wild man tied up
in the back of his car?
250
00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:05,086
That Earl and his list.
251
00:13:05,327 --> 00:13:07,952
He gets himself in
so many predicaments.
252
00:13:08,122 --> 00:13:10,144
We were in a hurry to get
Raynard back to normal.
253
00:13:10,269 --> 00:13:12,921
Luckily, Catalina knew about
something called a colonic
254
00:13:13,046 --> 00:13:15,068
that gets all the bad stuff
out of your body.
255
00:13:15,193 --> 00:13:16,196
Aw, man.
256
00:13:16,321 --> 00:13:17,774
Bad news, Raynard.
257
00:13:18,042 --> 00:13:20,125
The hose goes in the other end.
258
00:13:23,370 --> 00:13:24,371
Don't worry.
259
00:13:24,496 --> 00:13:27,335
I got a G.I. Joe stuck up there
on accident once.
260
00:13:27,460 --> 00:13:29,098
This hose is a lot smaller
261
00:13:29,223 --> 00:13:31,815
and there's no gun
to get caught on anything.
262
00:13:34,189 --> 00:13:37,144
I hoped to never have to give
another dude a forced colonic.
263
00:13:37,269 --> 00:13:40,149
It was good to see Raynard
back in his right mind again.
264
00:13:40,274 --> 00:13:42,361
Married?
To a raccoon?
265
00:13:43,382 --> 00:13:45,801
Those must be some powerful berries!
266
00:13:47,162 --> 00:13:48,534
It was a girl raccoon, right?
267
00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:55,521
The next step to get Raynard
back on his feet
268
00:13:55,646 --> 00:13:57,022
was getting him cleaned up.
269
00:13:57,147 --> 00:13:59,297
Is that one a tick or a mole?
270
00:14:07,084 --> 00:14:08,087
Mole.
271
00:14:08,364 --> 00:14:09,925
And after we got him cleaned up,
272
00:14:10,050 --> 00:14:11,894
it was time to find him a job.
273
00:14:12,194 --> 00:14:15,267
So, I got him a delivery job
at Camden Foreign Foods.
274
00:14:15,392 --> 00:14:17,071
I figured he couldn't mess it up,
275
00:14:17,196 --> 00:14:19,694
he just had to hand people food
and take their money.
276
00:14:19,819 --> 00:14:21,406
You don't give them the food
277
00:14:21,531 --> 00:14:23,861
if they don't give you the money.
278
00:14:24,179 --> 00:14:26,864
Yeah, but she gave me
something better than money.
279
00:14:27,204 --> 00:14:29,043
We gave her half a chicken,
she gives us
280
00:14:29,244 --> 00:14:30,562
a whole chicken.
281
00:14:30,949 --> 00:14:33,204
That's two for one
where I come from, Buttercup.
282
00:14:33,374 --> 00:14:34,413
You are fired!
283
00:14:34,583 --> 00:14:36,679
After Señor LoMein didn't work out,
284
00:14:36,804 --> 00:14:39,457
I got Raynard a job somewhere
that standards were so low
285
00:14:39,582 --> 00:14:42,515
- I didn't think he'd get in trouble.
- You put the soap on the pillows?
286
00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:45,233
Yeah, it forces you to
get out of the shower
287
00:14:45,358 --> 00:14:47,081
and walk naked,
feel the delightful sting
288
00:14:47,206 --> 00:14:48,636
of the clim on your privates.
289
00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:52,223
Really pulls the drawstring
tight on your coin purse, huh?
290
00:14:52,393 --> 00:14:55,696
I thought it was candy
on the pillow.
291
00:14:57,414 --> 00:15:00,328
Finally, I found Raynard a job
where it didn't matter how you did it
292
00:15:00,453 --> 00:15:02,107
as long as the job got done.
293
00:15:02,455 --> 00:15:05,110
The hell are you doing?
That's the rat hole I was talking about,
294
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:07,029
you got to spray
the poison in there.
295
00:15:07,199 --> 00:15:10,264
I'm not going to spray in the hole,
I'll spray around the hole.
296
00:15:10,389 --> 00:15:11,825
If the rat comes out of the hole
297
00:15:11,995 --> 00:15:13,577
and he steps into the poison,
298
00:15:13,747 --> 00:15:15,954
he steps in the poison
of his own free will.
299
00:15:16,079 --> 00:15:18,916
I don't give a rat's ass about
that rat's ass and his free will.
300
00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:20,793
You won't do it I'll do it myself.
301
00:15:20,963 --> 00:15:22,586
No, that's not your choice to make!
302
00:15:22,829 --> 00:15:24,964
- It's the rat's choice!
- Give it!
303
00:15:25,765 --> 00:15:27,892
How would you like it
if someone sprayed you
304
00:15:28,017 --> 00:15:29,699
inside your house, huh?
305
00:15:31,394 --> 00:15:33,264
Darnell!
Call the police!
306
00:15:33,632 --> 00:15:36,438
The exterminator sprayed me
in the face with rat poison again!
307
00:15:37,967 --> 00:15:40,077
I'd had enough of
Raynard's free thinking.
308
00:15:40,202 --> 00:15:42,826
I decided to post his bail
and call it even.
309
00:15:42,951 --> 00:15:46,101
Until I found out
they hadn't taken Raynard to jail.
310
00:15:51,220 --> 00:15:53,367
My official diagnosis is A.P.D.
311
00:15:53,954 --> 00:15:56,662
That's
Antisocial Personality Disorder.
312
00:15:56,832 --> 00:15:59,178
And a pretty advanced case, at that.
313
00:15:59,512 --> 00:16:00,874
Here, see for yourself.
314
00:16:01,916 --> 00:16:03,139
Randy, enough.
315
00:16:03,453 --> 00:16:06,505
Santa Claus would not be working
in a mental institution.
316
00:16:07,014 --> 00:16:09,466
Why are you so afraid of me, man?
'Cause what?
317
00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:11,643
I'm different,
because I sound funny,
318
00:16:11,768 --> 00:16:14,264
'cause I can talk just like
everybody else here if I wanted to!
319
00:16:14,389 --> 00:16:16,389
Would you be more comfortable
if I talk about,
320
00:16:16,514 --> 00:16:17,701
hot dogs and apple pie?
321
00:16:17,826 --> 00:16:20,102
We could tailgate
and drink some light beer
322
00:16:20,324 --> 00:16:22,771
or he's afraid of me
because I don't blindly
323
00:16:22,941 --> 00:16:26,233
follow your rules because
I'm not a sheep like you!
324
00:16:31,301 --> 00:16:32,869
That was a good one.
325
00:16:34,015 --> 00:16:37,077
Luckily, society has a place
for people like your friend.
326
00:16:37,441 --> 00:16:39,171
Do they make toys there?
327
00:16:39,830 --> 00:16:41,514
Don't worry,
he'll be well taken care of
328
00:16:41,639 --> 00:16:43,125
after a couple days on the meds,
329
00:16:43,506 --> 00:16:45,294
well, he won't even need the straps.
330
00:16:45,747 --> 00:16:47,421
- Can I talk to him?
- Of course.
331
00:16:47,691 --> 00:16:49,617
I'll have my assistant take you in.
332
00:16:55,458 --> 00:16:57,198
Would you like to follow me?
333
00:16:57,431 --> 00:16:59,683
Okay, Randy, that's weird.
I admit it.
334
00:17:00,670 --> 00:17:03,168
It was sad seeing Raynard
all drugged up
335
00:17:03,293 --> 00:17:06,306
but after trying to help him fit in,
I had to agree that
336
00:17:06,431 --> 00:17:08,662
he just didn't belong
in the normal world.
337
00:17:11,835 --> 00:17:14,450
I like candy.
Do you have candy?
338
00:17:14,749 --> 00:17:16,950
- No, do you?
- No, do you?
339
00:17:24,380 --> 00:17:25,841
Hey there, Raynard.
340
00:17:27,084 --> 00:17:28,212
How you feeling?
341
00:17:28,963 --> 00:17:30,362
Put out your hand.
342
00:17:37,432 --> 00:17:39,149
You thought I was going to let them
343
00:17:39,274 --> 00:17:41,508
take me for a ride on their
monkey train?
344
00:17:41,633 --> 00:17:43,852
How about you untie me,
let's get out of here.
345
00:17:45,112 --> 00:17:47,231
I don't think that's the best idea.
346
00:17:48,751 --> 00:17:51,527
You should have left me up in the woods
where I was happy, man.
347
00:17:52,396 --> 00:17:55,404
I've tried living in your world.
Look where it got me!
348
00:17:56,071 --> 00:17:58,450
I don't know if you were
really better off out there.
349
00:17:58,881 --> 00:18:01,009
You were hallucinating
on crazy berries.
350
00:18:01,540 --> 00:18:03,884
I'm not going to eat
anymore of those damn berries.
351
00:18:04,009 --> 00:18:06,459
Please, the next time
I see a raccoon,
352
00:18:06,933 --> 00:18:09,023
we're just going to be friends.
353
00:18:11,383 --> 00:18:13,215
Come on, Earl.
I'm dying here.
354
00:18:14,132 --> 00:18:15,482
Raynard was right.
355
00:18:15,634 --> 00:18:18,258
He didn't belong locked up
and pumped full of drugs.
356
00:18:18,383 --> 00:18:20,033
He belonged in the wild.
357
00:18:20,884 --> 00:18:23,350
I just had to figure out
how to get him back there.
358
00:18:27,195 --> 00:18:28,258
Yo, buddy.
359
00:18:28,383 --> 00:18:31,337
Will you help me do a magic
trick to entertain the folks?
360
00:18:31,462 --> 00:18:32,468
Sure.
361
00:18:32,687 --> 00:18:34,892
Hey, everybody.
Check this out.
362
00:18:46,787 --> 00:18:48,589
This guy is full of candy.
363
00:18:48,835 --> 00:18:50,675
Like a giant piñata.
364
00:18:52,902 --> 00:18:53,964
Candy!
365
00:19:15,382 --> 00:19:17,932
Sorry I got to take
the Bookmobile back.
366
00:19:18,885 --> 00:19:20,505
You're all right with the tent?
367
00:19:20,630 --> 00:19:22,201
Yeah, man. Take it back.
368
00:19:22,566 --> 00:19:24,130
That thing's way too restrictive.
369
00:19:24,255 --> 00:19:26,497
Besides, I already read
or ate most of the books.
370
00:19:29,278 --> 00:19:30,470
You hear that?
371
00:19:31,504 --> 00:19:32,507
Hear what?
372
00:19:32,965 --> 00:19:35,506
Exactly.
That's the sound of freedom.
373
00:19:37,615 --> 00:19:40,093
And that chirping is
the sound of Sharlene in heat.
374
00:19:40,627 --> 00:19:42,387
That's going to be
a tough conversation.
375
00:19:42,894 --> 00:19:45,599
I could hit her with the Bookmobile
on my way out.
376
00:19:46,145 --> 00:19:47,727
I don't want to know.
377
00:19:49,050 --> 00:19:52,168
Thanks for everything, Earl.
Thanks for bringing me home.
378
00:19:55,819 --> 00:19:58,669
"At last, he was returned
to where he belonged.
379
00:19:59,127 --> 00:20:01,777
"What we had once feared
we came to admire.
380
00:20:02,565 --> 00:20:05,615
"He had the courage
to think freely, to live freely.
381
00:20:06,378 --> 00:20:07,528
"To truly live.
382
00:20:08,127 --> 00:20:10,712
"He was Trazan.
King of the Jungle."
383
00:20:12,990 --> 00:20:14,002
The end.
384
00:20:16,940 --> 00:20:19,255
I was glad to bring
the Bookmobile back.
385
00:20:19,380 --> 00:20:21,128
Those books were going
to help the kids
386
00:20:21,253 --> 00:20:23,126
see the world a whole new way.
387
00:20:23,251 --> 00:20:24,972
Kind of like Raynard did for me.
388
00:20:25,142 --> 00:20:26,682
Where did Trazan live?
389
00:20:28,309 --> 00:20:30,604
The story takes place in Africa.
390
00:20:31,557 --> 00:20:32,771
Which is down here.
391
00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:35,479
Or another way to look at it,
392
00:20:38,726 --> 00:20:40,429
is that it's up here.
393
00:20:41,495 --> 00:20:43,282
Makes you think, doesn't it?
394
00:20:44,763 --> 00:20:46,616
A map is also the Earth?
395
00:20:47,956 --> 00:20:49,648
Subtitles:
Jarick & loky