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NATURE'S GAME SHOW
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{\pos(192,230)}I can't decide
which list item to do today.
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{\pos(192,230)}"Pushed Slow Roger
down a hill in the Porta-Potti"
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{\pos(192,230)}or "Got the baby-sitter pregnant."
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{\pos(192,230)}Here's an idea.
Here's a crazy idea.
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{\pos(192,210)}How about for once,
we do what I want to do?
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{\pos(192,210)}And I might not know
what that is right now,
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{\pos(192,210)}but I know what it's not...
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doing another item
on your stupid list!
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Maybe it was my imagination,
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but Randy seemed
kind of stressed out this morning.
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{\pos(192,180)}And he wasn't the only one.
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{\pos(192,180)}How you gonna sit there and tell me
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{\pos(192,210)}that MacGuyver wouldn't be the most
awesome president of the USA ever?
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{\pos(192,210)}He's a fictional character, Joy.
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{\pos(192,210)}Fictional characters are in books.
MacGuyver's on TV.
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{\pos(192,210)}I'm not gonna argue about this.
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{\pos(192,210)}I hate when you say that.
It sound like you think you can win
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{\pos(192,210)}the argument if you wanted to
but I'm too stupid to argue with.
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Argue with me!
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For some reason,
tensions were higher than normal.
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{\pos(192,210)}Even laid-back Catalina
had her G-string in a bunch.
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{\pos(192,210)}That's it.
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Go ahead, take a squeeze,
so I can eat in peace.
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Take a squeeze!
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Yup, something was definitely
in the air that morning.
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- Give me my list back.
- Why don't you come and get it?
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Maybe it was a coincidence
that people were acting odd,
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or maybe it was
like your animals get freaked out
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right before an earthquake
or a tsunami or a...
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Oh, my God,
it's a giant swirly wind thingy!
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... or as they call it on the news...
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Tornado!
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The tornado ditch was the trailer park
version of a storm shelter.
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And in Camden, it got a lot of use.
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Remember, if we get separated,
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we all meet back
where the trailer used to be.
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After the tornado passed,
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it became clear why we called it
nature's game show.
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Anything on the ground
is finders keepers.
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Kids, remember, shiny before heavy!
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I got it!
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That's mine right there.
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Earl, look!
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Steaks!
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Finders keepers!
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Just keep an eye out for my list.
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I got a boat!
This is awesome!
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Now we can live
just like The Love Boat.
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You want to be Isaac,
Julie or that pervy doctor?
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Wait, I take that back.
I want to be the pervy doctor.
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Catalina hadn't lived
in Camden that long,
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so she wasn't used to tornadoes.
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Or the finders keepers rule.
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Finders keepers!
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But that's my purse.
It's imitation imitation Gucci.
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It's mine now.
That's the rules.
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You don't see me bitching
about losing my diaphragm.
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That's my shoe!
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This isn't fair.
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Fair? I got 1,500 on my SATs.
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Life ain't fair.
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Catalina didn't like
having her stuff stolen,
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but she was about to learn
the meaning of that old American saying,
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"Don't get mad. Get even."
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Everybody freeze!
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I am sick of being walked on!
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I am walked on as an immigrant!
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I am walked on as a maid!
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I am walked on as a stripper!
Literally.
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There's a guy who comes in on Wednesdays
who's into that sort of thing!
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So give me back my purse.
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And my shoe.
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And, Patty, I like that watch.
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You know what?
Give me everything.
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You heard her, folks.
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Gun rules trump tornado rules.
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Darnell, look! A Bible!
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I wonder
if this is some kind of sign.
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Doubtful.
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Natural disasters are stressful times
in which people ascribe
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heightened meaning
to random events of physics.
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I think a Bible just got blown
onto the steps.
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And I guess Adam and Eve just got blown
into the Garden of Apples.
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Things happen for a reason.
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I'm not going to argue.
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There you... Damn it!
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Stop treating me like I'm stupid!
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I'm not treating you
like you're stupid.
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You have very strong opinions
that you don't seem to want to change,
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and I don't want arguing all day
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with the most beautiful girl
in the trailer park.
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Don't you talk down to me.
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I know
when I'm being comprehended to.
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You think you're smarter than me.
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I am smarter than you.
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But that doesn't make me better.
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You're stronger
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and you know all the words
to Total Eclipse of the Heart.
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Not to mention that, statistically,
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you're at a lower risk
for heart disease,
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so kudos for that, huh?
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It's gone.
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The list is gone.
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Great.
Now I gotta rewrite the whole thing.
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I think
these steaks came premarinated.
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I swear this one smells like wine
or whiskey or some kind of alcohol.
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I don't think
I want those steaks, Randy.
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They don't belong to us.
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None of this stuff belongs to us.
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I bet someone's really missing
those steaks right now.
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And that boat.
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Those people would be
the losers weepers.
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What's the matter with you, Earl?
You love finders keepers.
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During the last tornado,
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you got that cool blue door
for the El Camino.
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You know what?
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I bet that's why I lost my list.
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Karma did it.
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So I'd realize
what losing something feels like.
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I gotta add that blue door
to my new list.
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What's this?
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We're going to find out who's smarter.
I can beat you at any game. Pick one.
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Uno, Jacks, Twister...
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Those aren't about intellect.
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Fine.
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Operation.
That's a game made by doctors.
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Here comes another one!
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Boys, get in here
and tie yourselves to your mother!
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We're going back to the ditch!
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You, next!
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Catalina was about to change
the way the world treated her
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but, instead, something changed her.
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A Bible.
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Dios mio!
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Another tornado has been sighted
here in Camden,
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and it looks
like there's more to come!
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Was that my daughter?
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They said there's another one coming!
You gotta get inside!
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No can do, Earl.
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A captain always goes down
with his ship.
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Fine. Suit yourself.
But don't come crying to me when...
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Oh, my God! Randy!
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My brother got sucked up
into the tornado!
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Quick!
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Everybody drag your mattresses
into the parking lot!
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You're not dead. Thank God.
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I'm so sorry.
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Why are you sorry?
I've never felt more alive!
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I rode a tornado. I was flying!
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And you should see
all the stuff up here.
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Like a toaster...
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tennis racket...
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skateboard...
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A gun.
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Damn it, Randy!
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What have I told you
about throwing guns?
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Right. Not to do it.
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There's a half a kitty cat up here.
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You wouldn't believe
what they put inside a kitty cat.
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It's like really gross soup
and snakes...
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Check it out! We got a boat!
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You are so smart.
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Is that what that is?
A boat?
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I didn't know that.
I thought it was a herd of lions.
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Actually, a group of lions
is called a "pride."
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I knew that. It's in The Lion King.
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Shut up!
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So you know a bunch of stuff
that's in a cartoon.
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I'm the kind of smart
that people care about.
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- the kind that matters the street.
- What kind is that?
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Street smart, dumbass, which clearly
you're not or you'd have known that.
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"Street smart" is just something
dumb people say
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when they want to use the word "smart"
to describe themselves.
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Dumb people, huh?
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Okay, Mr. Genius.
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Let's see how brilliant you are when
you don't have a place to sleep
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'cause you won't be in the trailer
that I was smart enough
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to get my name on the deed
and you weren't.
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That's not smart.
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You married Earl
and had him sign it over to you
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when he was whacked-out on morphine.
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That's right. Street smart.
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Everybody got their stuff back
from Catalina.
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She didn't care.
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She was in the middle
of a religious experience.
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God slapped a gun out of my hand.
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He knew I had evil in my heart.
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I know I say this all the time
to get bigger tips,
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but I truly have been
a very bad girl.
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And she wasn't
the only one feeling guilty.
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I know the Bible hit you,
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but there's a decent chance
He was aiming at me.
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I once got pregnant
with the Devil's baby.
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The Devil's the mascot
at the local junior college, but still.
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It was so cool when I was flying!
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The only thing I'd change is,
next time,
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I'd bring a couple tiny bags
of peanuts with me.
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00:09:21,525 --> 00:09:22,875
You didn't fly, Randy.
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00:09:22,995 --> 00:09:25,318
You got thrown up
on the roof by a tornado.
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00:09:25,478 --> 00:09:26,875
You're a naysayer.
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00:09:26,995 --> 00:09:30,656
Just like all those people that said
that Orville Redenbacher couldn't fly.
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00:09:30,818 --> 00:09:33,618
Another tornado has just ripped
through Nathanville,
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00:09:33,778 --> 00:09:35,828
and it's been spotted heading
towards Camden.
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00:09:36,133 --> 00:09:37,742
I'm gonna ride the sky, Earl.
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Time to ride the sky!
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00:09:42,746 --> 00:09:45,011
Yes, Dodge, it was very smart of me
208
00:09:45,131 --> 00:09:46,933
to make these silver dollar pancakes
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00:09:47,053 --> 00:09:49,550
with a lighter and a spoon,
heroin-style.
210
00:09:50,467 --> 00:09:51,480
Man!
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00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:53,578
Mama made teeny pancakes,
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00:09:53,698 --> 00:09:56,746
and all I did was use the boat's motor
to charge the battery
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00:09:56,866 --> 00:09:59,183
so I could hook up a TV/VCR
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for some Sponge Bob videos
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00:10:01,456 --> 00:10:03,064
and this Sno-Kone machine.
216
00:10:03,503 --> 00:10:05,691
Got our favorite flavor... blue.
217
00:10:07,049 --> 00:10:07,902
Look!
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00:10:08,164 --> 00:10:09,884
I guess you love me too much
219
00:10:10,004 --> 00:10:11,447
to run to your father!
220
00:10:11,790 --> 00:10:13,347
Baby, look what we're doing.
221
00:10:13,467 --> 00:10:15,052
I'm pimping out a fishing boat.
222
00:10:15,172 --> 00:10:17,411
You turned the boys into
some kind of love yo-yos.
223
00:10:17,757 --> 00:10:19,747
This doesn't seem
like good parenting.
224
00:10:20,018 --> 00:10:22,416
Don't you lecture me!
I'm a good parent.
225
00:10:22,655 --> 00:10:24,543
I would never let
anything happen to my...
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00:10:26,419 --> 00:10:27,623
Hold on, boys!
227
00:10:28,359 --> 00:10:29,747
Mama's got you!
228
00:10:30,314 --> 00:10:31,219
Hold on!
229
00:10:31,587 --> 00:10:35,019
Between the weather and the Bible,
Catalina and Patty were pretty sure
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00:10:35,139 --> 00:10:37,203
the man upstairs
was trying to tell them something.
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The question was what.
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00:10:38,682 --> 00:10:41,599
Please, God, we just need a sign!
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00:10:43,355 --> 00:10:44,919
Was that the sign?
234
00:10:46,904 --> 00:10:48,317
That's the sign!
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00:10:48,479 --> 00:10:49,434
An ark!
236
00:10:50,217 --> 00:10:52,072
Just like in the Bible.
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00:10:52,824 --> 00:10:54,365
We got to get in that boat.
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00:10:54,933 --> 00:10:56,807
Floods are coming!
239
00:11:02,470 --> 00:11:03,791
You got to come in!
240
00:11:04,126 --> 00:11:05,736
I'm gonna fly, Earl!
241
00:11:06,151 --> 00:11:08,359
Just like that baby in the stroller.
242
00:11:08,479 --> 00:11:10,522
Lucky baby. Wait up!
243
00:11:11,210 --> 00:11:12,758
Okay, I tried to be nice.
244
00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:15,621
Now I'm not giving you a choice.
245
00:11:17,383 --> 00:11:19,041
What are you gonna do, shoot me?
246
00:11:19,161 --> 00:11:21,107
I'm gonna shoot you in the leg,
247
00:11:21,227 --> 00:11:23,528
drag you upstairs to save your life.
248
00:11:26,802 --> 00:11:27,898
Did you shoot me?
249
00:11:28,290 --> 00:11:29,640
Nothing happened.
250
00:11:29,984 --> 00:11:30,985
Do it again.
251
00:11:38,097 --> 00:11:39,076
The hell?
252
00:11:42,053 --> 00:11:45,207
{\pos(192,230)}There was a reason those bullets
didn't hurt Randy. Or his pants.
253
00:11:45,327 --> 00:11:46,546
All right, boys.
254
00:11:46,666 --> 00:11:49,253
Time for the annual birthday race!
255
00:11:49,413 --> 00:11:52,798
Are you sure you remembered
to put in the blanks this time?
256
00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:57,149
I miss Mom.
257
00:11:57,593 --> 00:11:58,843
On your mark...
258
00:11:59,842 --> 00:12:00,765
Get set...
259
00:12:07,683 --> 00:12:09,405
Twister!
260
00:12:16,297 --> 00:12:18,498
There's no way I missed you twice.
261
00:12:18,918 --> 00:12:20,820
Something weird is going on.
262
00:12:22,814 --> 00:12:23,665
I know.
263
00:12:24,792 --> 00:12:27,527
I've been sucked up by a tornado,
shot in the leg,
264
00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:29,085
and nothing's happened to me.
265
00:12:30,718 --> 00:12:31,921
Maybe I'm invincible.
266
00:12:32,727 --> 00:12:35,132
Maybe you are.
Or maybe I'm dreaming.
267
00:12:38,079 --> 00:12:39,329
I'm invincible.
268
00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:41,660
But why?
Why am I invincible?
269
00:12:41,780 --> 00:12:43,057
What am I supposed to do?
270
00:12:50,869 --> 00:12:52,969
I think God made you invincible.
271
00:12:53,759 --> 00:12:54,819
To do good.
272
00:12:57,430 --> 00:12:58,232
Cool.
273
00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:04,428
Finding out God made
your little brother invincible
274
00:13:04,548 --> 00:13:07,081
kinda changes the dynamics
in your relationship.
275
00:13:09,329 --> 00:13:10,220
See, Earl.
276
00:13:10,340 --> 00:13:13,026
All we had to do
is take one day off from the list
277
00:13:13,146 --> 00:13:15,506
- and it was the greatest day ever.
- For you.
278
00:13:15,891 --> 00:13:18,555
You get to be invincible
and go save people,
279
00:13:18,675 --> 00:13:21,345
I go to rewrite my whole list
and go do it without you.
280
00:13:21,507 --> 00:13:24,855
Forget the list! Come with me and
watch me do awesome superhero stuff.
281
00:13:24,975 --> 00:13:26,392
We'll get so much as.
282
00:13:26,835 --> 00:13:28,728
I can't just forget the list, Randy.
283
00:13:29,159 --> 00:13:31,313
I can deny my superpowers.
284
00:13:33,171 --> 00:13:35,192
Are you saying
we should do stuff separately?
285
00:13:35,312 --> 00:13:37,854
'Cause that's what it sounds like,
and I don't like it.
286
00:13:37,974 --> 00:13:40,489
Maybe Karma wants us
to take turns with our missions.
287
00:13:41,860 --> 00:13:45,619
We can go back and forth between my list
and you helping people.
288
00:13:45,955 --> 00:13:47,746
I think God could live with that.
289
00:13:52,065 --> 00:13:53,295
Look at that.
290
00:13:54,044 --> 00:13:55,853
Mr. Genius's boat is gone.
291
00:13:56,820 --> 00:13:58,225
Look, Mom!
292
00:13:58,345 --> 00:14:00,079
I found a gun!
293
00:14:00,539 --> 00:14:01,467
Give me that.
294
00:14:01,587 --> 00:14:02,887
You're not 13 yet.
295
00:14:03,261 --> 00:14:04,910
Go look for your daddy.
296
00:14:07,025 --> 00:14:09,134
He's probably off in a ditch
writing a term paper
297
00:14:09,254 --> 00:14:11,373
about how much smarter
he is than me.
298
00:14:11,493 --> 00:14:13,308
I swear to God,
the next time he corrects me
299
00:14:13,428 --> 00:14:15,453
on some nerd crap
nobody cares about,
300
00:14:15,573 --> 00:14:18,152
I'm gonna pick him up and
slam his head right through a...
301
00:14:20,149 --> 00:14:21,567
With the Brat out of commission,
302
00:14:21,687 --> 00:14:24,526
Joy had to find a more creative way
to get Darnell to the hospital.
303
00:14:24,646 --> 00:14:27,386
Darnell, everything's gonna be okay.
Don't worry about the kids.
304
00:14:27,506 --> 00:14:28,760
I left them with Eugenia.
305
00:14:28,880 --> 00:14:31,206
Told her if she keeps them safe,
I'll bake her a pie.
306
00:14:31,326 --> 00:14:33,683
They'll be fine.
Bitch loves her pie.
307
00:14:34,601 --> 00:14:35,544
May I mambo
308
00:14:36,066 --> 00:14:38,167
dog face to the banana patch?
309
00:14:39,248 --> 00:14:40,498
Michael Landon.
310
00:14:42,117 --> 00:14:44,265
No Michael Landon!
You stay away from him.
311
00:14:44,385 --> 00:14:47,039
You can't die.
You're the smart one.
312
00:14:47,159 --> 00:14:49,239
What if we have
to move the stereo again?
313
00:14:49,359 --> 00:14:51,662
All those cords?
You fight, damn it!
314
00:14:54,667 --> 00:14:58,002
I figure I don't have to help everybody
with my superpowers.
315
00:14:58,122 --> 00:15:01,008
Like, if you're a guy
that does experiments on chimpanzees,
316
00:15:01,128 --> 00:15:03,869
and then you're trapped in a tree
by a bunch of chimpanzees,
317
00:15:03,989 --> 00:15:05,908
I'd be like, "Sorry, bro."
318
00:15:07,464 --> 00:15:08,986
That seems reasonable.
319
00:15:10,698 --> 00:15:11,678
Over here!
320
00:15:11,798 --> 00:15:14,250
We need two men
to repopulate the Earth.
321
00:15:15,016 --> 00:15:16,067
No, thanks.
322
00:15:16,330 --> 00:15:17,578
We have steaks.
323
00:15:19,126 --> 00:15:20,222
I could eat.
324
00:15:22,471 --> 00:15:24,152
Really, it was nothing major.
325
00:15:24,272 --> 00:15:26,721
I just flew up on the roof,
stopped two bullets.
326
00:15:26,841 --> 00:15:29,890
You know, basic first-day
superhero kind of stuff.
327
00:15:30,900 --> 00:15:32,560
Crap, it's Joy.
328
00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:33,958
Hold on, baby.
329
00:15:38,251 --> 00:15:40,014
What happened to Crab Man?
330
00:15:42,973 --> 00:15:45,197
Bless his heart, he took
a header through the trailer wall.
331
00:15:45,578 --> 00:15:48,242
I got to get him to a hospital
before his whole brain leaks out.
332
00:15:48,792 --> 00:15:50,995
I don't think you're gonna make it
to the hospital.
333
00:15:52,908 --> 00:15:55,833
That's the biggest giant,
swirly wind thingy yet!
334
00:15:56,141 --> 00:15:57,969
There's a storm cellar
behind the church.
335
00:15:58,089 --> 00:16:00,412
They used to put special kids
in there for Sunday school.
336
00:16:00,532 --> 00:16:04,184
Yeah, I got to go in there.
Earl didn't 'cause he's not special.
337
00:16:05,546 --> 00:16:07,192
Guys, this is serious.
338
00:16:07,312 --> 00:16:09,763
If you don't get down to that cellar,
you're gonna die.
339
00:16:09,925 --> 00:16:12,453
God wants me and Patty
to stay on the boat.
340
00:16:12,573 --> 00:16:14,810
If it means we die, then we die.
341
00:16:18,608 --> 00:16:20,075
I'm sorry, sweetie.
342
00:16:20,410 --> 00:16:23,210
I shook off too many diseases
to give up now.
343
00:16:34,533 --> 00:16:36,707
- Damn it, it's locked!
- Step aside!
344
00:16:36,924 --> 00:16:38,667
I'm invincible.
345
00:16:44,583 --> 00:16:46,368
I'm vincible!
346
00:16:46,798 --> 00:16:48,502
Move, dummy. I'll do it.
347
00:16:52,925 --> 00:16:56,310
Maybe my invincibility went
into the lock when I hit the door.
348
00:16:56,966 --> 00:16:59,578
The gun's shooting blanks,
you idiot.
349
00:17:01,961 --> 00:17:04,193
What's with the gunshots
and whatnot?
350
00:17:04,353 --> 00:17:05,986
Trying to save your ass!
351
00:17:06,448 --> 00:17:08,198
Unscrew that garden hose!
352
00:17:08,515 --> 00:17:10,278
I'm gonna show you
a little thing I learned
353
00:17:10,398 --> 00:17:11,995
from the king of street smarts:
354
00:17:12,115 --> 00:17:13,376
Mr. MacGyver.
355
00:17:14,762 --> 00:17:16,580
Joy had learned enough
from MacGyver to know
356
00:17:16,742 --> 00:17:19,687
you didn't need bullets
to open a locked cellar.
357
00:17:20,418 --> 00:17:21,617
Door's locked!
358
00:17:47,613 --> 00:17:49,196
Are you sure this is gonna work?
359
00:17:56,595 --> 00:17:57,705
Come on, dummies!
360
00:18:00,678 --> 00:18:02,084
Why you doing this?
361
00:18:02,244 --> 00:18:04,086
Because God wants me to!
362
00:18:04,246 --> 00:18:06,171
So you know what God wants?
363
00:18:07,337 --> 00:18:09,633
God wants me to stay on this ark!
364
00:18:14,344 --> 00:18:16,249
God wants me to go with you.
365
00:18:20,002 --> 00:18:23,313
Dag. That plan you came up with
was way beyond street smart.
366
00:18:24,027 --> 00:18:25,733
That was street genius.
367
00:18:25,893 --> 00:18:28,344
They were blanks.
I wasn't invincible.
368
00:18:29,056 --> 00:18:30,195
Probably not.
369
00:18:30,832 --> 00:18:32,789
But you did fly in a tornado.
370
00:18:33,210 --> 00:18:34,825
Nobody can take that away from you.
371
00:18:34,985 --> 00:18:36,053
That's true.
372
00:18:36,624 --> 00:18:39,194
At some point,
we're gonna have to talk about the fact
373
00:18:39,314 --> 00:18:42,282
that you tried to shoot me twice.
But not right now.
374
00:18:42,402 --> 00:18:45,253
I really appreciate you dropping
everything and sticking with me.
375
00:18:46,445 --> 00:18:49,193
It's only fair.
You've always stuck with me.
376
00:18:49,810 --> 00:18:51,790
Next time you get a mission,
it'll be...
377
00:18:51,910 --> 00:18:54,136
one day your mission,
one day my list.
378
00:18:56,828 --> 00:18:58,286
My God! The list!
379
00:19:01,964 --> 00:19:03,669
Where'd you get this?
380
00:19:03,789 --> 00:19:05,856
I found it right away.
It was on the boat.
381
00:19:06,435 --> 00:19:08,564
I was pretty pissed,
so I didn't want to tell you.
382
00:19:08,684 --> 00:19:10,792
And then with
the whole superhero thing,
383
00:19:10,912 --> 00:19:12,613
I guess I just forgot about it.
384
00:19:12,825 --> 00:19:14,941
Wait, this doesn't make sense.
385
00:19:15,061 --> 00:19:18,734
I thought Karma took it to teach me
a lesson about finders keepers.
386
00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:21,914
And now I'm not sure
what any of this meant.
387
00:19:22,074 --> 00:19:23,068
Tell me about it.
388
00:19:23,188 --> 00:19:25,813
Why did God give me and Patty
so many conflicting signs?
389
00:19:26,807 --> 00:19:29,210
The gun, the Bible, the boat,
390
00:19:29,330 --> 00:19:30,589
the Bible again.
391
00:19:31,582 --> 00:19:33,926
And why'd he make me think
I was invincible?
392
00:19:34,180 --> 00:19:37,278
You guys don't think
God's losing his mind, do you?
393
00:19:37,685 --> 00:19:40,390
I don't know how old he is,
but he's got to be getting up there.
394
00:19:40,552 --> 00:19:42,554
Maybe all of it means nothing.
395
00:19:42,970 --> 00:19:45,626
Tornadoes tend to be stressful times
in which people ascribe
396
00:19:45,746 --> 00:19:48,340
heightened meaning
to random events of physics.
397
00:19:50,197 --> 00:19:52,451
I heard that from a very smart man.
398
00:19:55,484 --> 00:19:59,244
It's tempting to look for messages
when crazy stuff starts happening.
399
00:19:59,364 --> 00:20:00,877
But maybe that's wrong.
400
00:20:00,997 --> 00:20:03,209
Maybe some things are just random.
401
00:20:05,968 --> 00:20:09,695
- Dad, I found our Bible!
- I found your gun and a steak!
402
00:20:10,494 --> 00:20:11,394
Great!
403
00:20:11,811 --> 00:20:14,299
All right.
Fastest runner gets to eat it.
404
00:20:16,722 --> 00:20:18,658
Or maybe nothing is random.
405
00:20:18,778 --> 00:20:19,981
Hard to say.
406
00:20:21,438 --> 00:20:22,266
Excuse me.
407
00:20:24,236 --> 00:20:26,239
I think I owe you a blue door.
408
00:20:27,255 --> 00:20:29,164
Subtitles:
Jarick & Ricana