1 00:00:02,309 --> 00:00:03,718 Good morning, Earl. 2 00:00:04,907 --> 00:00:06,405 Good morning, Randy. 3 00:00:07,044 --> 00:00:09,407 You know what team I've always wanted to join? 4 00:00:09,532 --> 00:00:10,879 The debate team. 5 00:00:11,514 --> 00:00:13,757 - No, you haven't. - Yes, I have. 6 00:00:15,139 --> 00:00:18,438 No offense, but I don't think you'd be very good at that. 7 00:00:18,563 --> 00:00:19,757 Yes, I would. 8 00:00:20,918 --> 00:00:22,251 I think debating 9 00:00:22,376 --> 00:00:25,399 is more than just saying the opposite of what the other person says. 10 00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:26,484 No, it isn't. 11 00:00:27,056 --> 00:00:28,527 - Yes, it is. - No, it isn't. 12 00:00:29,613 --> 00:00:32,623 This is stupid. I don't want to talk about it anymore. 13 00:00:39,666 --> 00:00:40,666 I win. 14 00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:43,960 My Name Is Earl 4x10 - Earl And Joy's Anniversary - 15 00:00:45,629 --> 00:00:49,191 There were a few things on my list that I'd actually done to the Crab Shack. 16 00:00:49,316 --> 00:00:51,706 One of them people had gotten used to working around. 17 00:00:51,831 --> 00:00:52,969 Beer coming. 18 00:00:58,903 --> 00:01:01,019 But it was still something I wanted to fix. 19 00:01:01,144 --> 00:01:02,896 I'm fixing the dent, Darnell. 20 00:01:03,021 --> 00:01:04,146 That's good to hear. 21 00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:06,732 I tried to build a ramp over it with disastrous results. 22 00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:08,756 Why would you slide it to me? 23 00:01:08,881 --> 00:01:10,319 Who slides wine? 24 00:01:10,487 --> 00:01:12,590 There was a reason why I was fixing this today. 25 00:01:12,715 --> 00:01:15,009 'Cause it was the anniversary of the day I dented it, 26 00:01:15,134 --> 00:01:18,160 which was also the anniversary of the day I married Joy. 27 00:01:18,328 --> 00:01:22,305 Joy's situation forced her to be a new wife and mother all at once. 28 00:01:23,167 --> 00:01:24,173 Damn it, baby! 29 00:01:24,298 --> 00:01:27,026 You keep kicking my kidney, and I'm gonna hold my breath again! 30 00:01:30,622 --> 00:01:32,657 All right, you asked for it. 31 00:01:34,601 --> 00:01:36,746 - What's your name again? - Joy. 32 00:01:37,329 --> 00:01:38,855 You got a baby in there? 33 00:01:39,929 --> 00:01:41,392 That my brother's baby? 34 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:42,560 It is now. 35 00:01:46,566 --> 00:01:47,669 Mrs. Hickey, 36 00:01:48,305 --> 00:01:51,026 I believe you requested I steal one of these? 37 00:01:52,019 --> 00:01:53,404 Oh, Earl, you did it! 38 00:01:53,693 --> 00:01:55,197 I knew we were meant for each other 39 00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:57,225 the first time I met you the other night. 40 00:01:57,350 --> 00:01:58,446 Where'd you get it? 41 00:01:58,571 --> 00:02:00,411 You walk into a bakery wearing a hairnet, 42 00:02:00,579 --> 00:02:02,872 you can walk out with pretty much anything you want. 43 00:02:03,476 --> 00:02:05,541 Randy? I got you a bag of sprinkles. 44 00:02:05,709 --> 00:02:06,771 Shut up! 45 00:02:07,339 --> 00:02:08,586 It's going in the freezer. 46 00:02:08,754 --> 00:02:10,749 If you eat it on the one year anniversary, 47 00:02:10,874 --> 00:02:12,462 you'll have good luck. 48 00:02:12,587 --> 00:02:13,864 Saw it on Oprah. 49 00:02:13,989 --> 00:02:17,256 She don't know much about marriage, but she sure knows something about cake. 50 00:02:17,381 --> 00:02:20,059 That first year didn't go the way Joy had hoped. 51 00:02:20,184 --> 00:02:23,434 And a few days before our anniversary, she hit rock bottom. 52 00:02:23,796 --> 00:02:26,751 Our belly button fuzz balls are about the same size. 53 00:02:26,876 --> 00:02:28,593 How do we pick a winner? 54 00:02:29,201 --> 00:02:30,245 That's it. 55 00:02:30,616 --> 00:02:33,757 I can't wait to eat that cake. I need my luck now. 56 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:37,677 Is that skin or a piece of Frosted Flake in yours? 57 00:02:41,882 --> 00:02:43,606 - Skin. - What the hell? 58 00:02:43,731 --> 00:02:46,123 Somebody switched my cake with a pile of dog turds. 59 00:02:46,690 --> 00:02:48,459 Either one of you know anything about this? 60 00:02:48,739 --> 00:02:50,512 Actually, they're cat turds. 61 00:02:50,637 --> 00:02:52,450 But I don't know anything about it. 62 00:02:53,302 --> 00:02:55,479 A couple days after I stole that cake, 63 00:02:55,604 --> 00:02:58,653 me and Randy had a drinking contest at the Crab Shack. 64 00:02:58,778 --> 00:03:00,348 I never made it home, 65 00:03:00,473 --> 00:03:02,696 but unfortunately for Joy, Randy did. 66 00:03:03,225 --> 00:03:05,485 Here comes the stomach... 67 00:03:05,610 --> 00:03:08,206 Don't think I don't hear you out there, Sasquatch! 68 00:03:08,331 --> 00:03:10,477 You better not be getting into my food in the fridge! 69 00:03:10,602 --> 00:03:13,602 I hate you, too, you bitchy old screech owl. 70 00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:18,959 Randy knew he couldn't just put empty foil back in the freezer, 71 00:03:19,084 --> 00:03:22,080 and that's when he realized he could have the best of both worlds: 72 00:03:22,205 --> 00:03:24,508 eat Joy's cake and feed her poo. 73 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:28,874 You think this is funny? 74 00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:31,335 Why are you getting so mad over a little thing like this? 75 00:03:31,726 --> 00:03:34,123 So, my brother replaced our wedding cake with cat poo. 76 00:03:34,248 --> 00:03:36,090 I'm sure it happens in a lot of marriages. 77 00:03:36,258 --> 00:03:38,717 It's not a little thing. That cake was a symbol. 78 00:03:39,130 --> 00:03:39,969 Of what? 79 00:03:40,315 --> 00:03:42,109 I don't know. Something! 80 00:03:42,234 --> 00:03:44,206 Like, that you cared about me. 81 00:03:44,331 --> 00:03:47,351 And then dummy ruins it, and you just sit there and laugh. 82 00:03:47,519 --> 00:03:49,311 That means something, too. 83 00:03:52,554 --> 00:03:55,029 I'm really sorry I made Joy mad at you, Earl. 84 00:03:55,154 --> 00:03:57,820 If you need a place to sleep tonight, my couch is your couch. 85 00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:00,030 Your couch is my couch, Randy. 86 00:04:00,382 --> 00:04:01,407 So, we agree. 87 00:04:04,702 --> 00:04:06,737 Randy felt guilty for days. 88 00:04:06,862 --> 00:04:08,801 So, on our actual anniversary, 89 00:04:08,926 --> 00:04:11,110 he did something to put an end to it. 90 00:04:12,540 --> 00:04:14,140 "Dear Earl and Joy, 91 00:04:14,265 --> 00:04:16,314 "I'm sorry for eating your cake 92 00:04:16,439 --> 00:04:18,202 "so I'm going to kill myself 93 00:04:18,327 --> 00:04:20,739 "at the Crab Shack at 3:00. 94 00:04:21,206 --> 00:04:23,639 "I'll probably shoot myself in the face. 95 00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,672 "Stay cool. Love, Randy." 96 00:04:28,020 --> 00:04:29,727 Surprise! 97 00:04:29,895 --> 00:04:31,478 Happy Anniversary! 98 00:04:31,881 --> 00:04:32,897 Oh, my God. 99 00:04:33,246 --> 00:04:35,465 Oh, my God, Randy, did you do all this? 100 00:04:35,590 --> 00:04:38,277 Are you kidding me? Earl's been planning this for weeks. 101 00:04:38,722 --> 00:04:40,613 Why do you think he's been such a jerk lately? 102 00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,406 He was setting you up for this. 103 00:04:43,742 --> 00:04:44,742 You did this? 104 00:04:46,288 --> 00:04:47,388 I did this. 105 00:04:48,153 --> 00:04:48,954 Me. 106 00:04:49,841 --> 00:04:52,100 Thanks, Earl. I really needed a lift right now. 107 00:04:52,225 --> 00:04:54,301 I thought I might get it from Randy killing himself, 108 00:04:54,426 --> 00:04:55,953 but this is even better. 109 00:04:59,257 --> 00:05:00,446 Thanks, Randy. 110 00:05:01,041 --> 00:05:02,843 You made life better for both of us. 111 00:05:03,168 --> 00:05:04,346 You're welcome, Earl. 112 00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:06,639 I felt bad. When this marriage ends, 113 00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:09,321 I want it to be because you and Joy hate each other, 114 00:05:09,446 --> 00:05:10,796 not because of me. 115 00:05:13,914 --> 00:05:15,105 It's been fun chatting. 116 00:05:15,273 --> 00:05:17,983 You want to get out and go have sex? 'Cause I do. Real bad. 117 00:05:18,419 --> 00:05:19,425 No, Donny. 118 00:05:19,550 --> 00:05:21,403 Quit staring at me with your crazy eyes. 119 00:05:21,571 --> 00:05:24,552 I'll put a bag over my head like you made me do last time we banged. 120 00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:26,684 The reason you got lucky that night 121 00:05:26,809 --> 00:05:29,223 was 'cause I had cramps, and sometimes that helps, 122 00:05:29,348 --> 00:05:30,454 And no hard feelings, 123 00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:34,556 but when you're naked, you look like you got kneecaps everywhere. 124 00:05:37,733 --> 00:05:38,957 Oh, my God. 125 00:05:39,547 --> 00:05:40,922 Mr. Stevens! 126 00:05:41,854 --> 00:05:44,356 I haven't seen you since Missy's wedding. 127 00:05:44,481 --> 00:05:46,303 What's that, like, five years ago? 128 00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:47,345 Seven. 129 00:05:47,470 --> 00:05:50,265 And aside from my daughter, you were the most beautiful girl there. 130 00:05:50,571 --> 00:05:51,934 You are so sweet. 131 00:05:53,453 --> 00:05:56,522 You didn't tell anybody that we slept together that night? 132 00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:59,004 Hell, no. I wasn't in a rush to tell my friends 133 00:05:59,129 --> 00:06:01,807 about humping someone's red-faced, baldheaded, out-of-breath dad 134 00:06:01,932 --> 00:06:03,958 in the back of a catering truck. 135 00:06:05,917 --> 00:06:07,787 I'll tell Missy you said hi. 136 00:06:08,297 --> 00:06:09,685 Looking good, Joy. 137 00:06:10,703 --> 00:06:12,162 Pickup's out back, Joy. 138 00:06:14,124 --> 00:06:16,512 - Long time, sweet cheeks. - Shake that thing! 139 00:06:16,637 --> 00:06:17,637 Hey, babe! 140 00:06:20,071 --> 00:06:22,673 Who exactly did you invite to this party? 141 00:06:23,854 --> 00:06:26,343 Randy was more in charge of the guest list. 142 00:06:27,194 --> 00:06:28,220 Who'd we invite? 143 00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:31,439 People me and you know. Plus all of Joy's friends. 144 00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:33,358 From her address book. 145 00:06:34,071 --> 00:06:35,583 "Guys I've phoned." 146 00:06:37,383 --> 00:06:39,596 Randy, it says "Guys I've boned." 147 00:06:40,492 --> 00:06:41,499 That's a "B"? 148 00:06:41,624 --> 00:06:43,895 - I thought it was an "F." - How could you let this happen? 149 00:06:44,020 --> 00:06:44,995 I didn't. 150 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:47,364 I didn't have anything to do with this stupid party. 151 00:06:49,193 --> 00:06:50,993 Wait. Yes, I did. I did everything. 152 00:06:51,995 --> 00:06:53,564 No, I did nothing! 153 00:06:53,689 --> 00:06:55,122 What are you more mad about? 154 00:06:55,521 --> 00:06:57,624 You didn't throw this party. Dummy did. 155 00:06:57,792 --> 00:07:00,329 I know. I'm a terrible husband who never... 156 00:07:01,842 --> 00:07:03,047 You're no prize, either. 157 00:07:03,426 --> 00:07:06,300 What kind of wife keeps an address book full of guys she banged? 158 00:07:06,468 --> 00:07:09,011 The kind of wife that wants to keep her options open for the future. 159 00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:11,805 What? You think you're going to find someone better than me? 160 00:07:12,333 --> 00:07:15,119 Go for it, baby. But keep in mind, this is Camden. 161 00:07:15,244 --> 00:07:16,737 I own my own car. 162 00:07:16,862 --> 00:07:18,902 I almost graduated high school, 163 00:07:19,027 --> 00:07:21,647 and I have a huge collection of cassette tapes. 164 00:07:21,772 --> 00:07:23,067 So, good luck to you. 165 00:07:27,405 --> 00:07:30,820 Back then, Mr. Turtle was still young and need to take walks, 166 00:07:30,945 --> 00:07:33,025 and since Darnell hadn't met Joy yet, 167 00:07:33,150 --> 00:07:35,035 he had plenty of free time. 168 00:07:35,337 --> 00:07:37,604 But that day, thanks to some hateful bees, 169 00:07:37,729 --> 00:07:40,739 their leisurely walk turned into a run for cover. 170 00:07:42,198 --> 00:07:44,288 And Darnell wasn't the only new Camdenite 171 00:07:44,413 --> 00:07:46,100 that the bees decided to pester. 172 00:07:47,711 --> 00:07:48,759 Quick! In here! 173 00:07:55,523 --> 00:07:59,158 I just got to this country, and already I'm invited into someone's house. 174 00:07:59,790 --> 00:08:02,030 You must be rich. You have a phone. 175 00:08:09,526 --> 00:08:10,529 This is Phil. 176 00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:12,449 He does mortgages down at the bank. 177 00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:14,599 You know, 30-year balloon loans. 178 00:08:14,724 --> 00:08:18,497 Has a gold pinky ring, white shoes, brand name socks. 179 00:08:18,900 --> 00:08:20,121 I know Phil. 180 00:08:20,514 --> 00:08:23,168 We went high school together. How's it going, buddy? 181 00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:26,839 Oh, God! 182 00:08:27,853 --> 00:08:30,092 How did I not notice that when we slept together? 183 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:33,511 No wonder he didn't want to cuddle. 184 00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:36,390 All the ladies in the house say, "Ho!" 185 00:08:38,737 --> 00:08:40,978 And that's right about when the fun ended for me. 186 00:08:41,651 --> 00:08:42,980 Blake was my cousin, 187 00:08:43,148 --> 00:08:45,029 and I'd hated him since we were kids. 188 00:08:45,154 --> 00:08:47,386 It all started when our moms took us to audition 189 00:08:47,511 --> 00:08:49,422 for a local backpack catalog. 190 00:08:51,263 --> 00:08:53,991 I knew I could make the Little Explorer look good, 191 00:08:54,159 --> 00:08:55,951 but I just couldn't keep my eyes open. 192 00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:06,336 From that day on, I've never measured up to cousin Blake. 193 00:09:08,587 --> 00:09:09,808 Cousin Blake? 194 00:09:11,296 --> 00:09:12,685 That's right, Earl. 195 00:09:12,810 --> 00:09:15,191 Blake's here 'cause he's in my book. 196 00:09:15,316 --> 00:09:18,639 For a while there, I didn't think Joy could do better than me, 197 00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:20,094 and now I knew she could. 198 00:09:20,219 --> 00:09:22,567 You want to know what she wrote next to his name? 199 00:09:22,692 --> 00:09:24,013 Absolutely not. 200 00:09:24,309 --> 00:09:25,544 Gimungo! 201 00:09:28,319 --> 00:09:30,068 You look a little surprised to see me. 202 00:09:31,179 --> 00:09:33,709 You must have just found out I boned your wife. 203 00:09:33,834 --> 00:09:35,073 It's a look I get a lot. 204 00:09:38,016 --> 00:09:40,459 Still a loser and a thief, I'll assume. 205 00:09:42,067 --> 00:09:44,041 And I'm still rocking the model thing. 206 00:09:48,913 --> 00:09:51,006 Blake was better than me at everything, 207 00:09:51,174 --> 00:09:53,050 so I had to do something fast. 208 00:09:53,460 --> 00:09:55,517 Back then my motto was, 209 00:09:55,642 --> 00:09:58,101 "When in doubt, set something on fire." 210 00:09:59,463 --> 00:10:00,584 Oh, my God! 211 00:10:00,709 --> 00:10:02,462 Fire! Run for your lives! 212 00:10:02,890 --> 00:10:04,574 The whole place is going up! 213 00:10:04,699 --> 00:10:07,025 Nothing can keep people in a bar when it's on fire. 214 00:10:07,582 --> 00:10:10,570 Killer bees! Killer bees! Don't go out there! 215 00:10:10,794 --> 00:10:12,532 Except killer bees. 216 00:10:13,454 --> 00:10:15,784 Don't worry, Joy. I'll protect you. 217 00:10:26,958 --> 00:10:29,335 So, while killer bees were invading Camden, 218 00:10:29,460 --> 00:10:30,552 I was stuck inside 219 00:10:30,677 --> 00:10:32,959 having to watch my wife canoodle with my cousin 220 00:10:33,084 --> 00:10:35,209 and his backpack that was worth more than my car. 221 00:10:35,334 --> 00:10:36,563 Nobody worry. 222 00:10:37,271 --> 00:10:39,140 I come prepared like a Boy Scout. 223 00:10:39,394 --> 00:10:40,744 A Boy Scout, that's... 224 00:10:40,970 --> 00:10:44,110 a handsome, professional backpack model with his own condo. 225 00:10:44,235 --> 00:10:46,473 You worry about everyone else. 226 00:10:47,267 --> 00:10:48,733 I'll take care of my wife. 227 00:10:50,229 --> 00:10:52,524 All of a sudden you care about me. 228 00:10:52,994 --> 00:10:55,860 - Looks like you're jealous. - I'm not jealous. 229 00:10:56,079 --> 00:10:59,077 I'm just doing what a husband does, protecting his family. 230 00:10:59,664 --> 00:11:02,184 So, what you going to protect me with? 231 00:11:06,520 --> 00:11:09,769 I got a piece of gum and a corn dog stick. 232 00:11:09,987 --> 00:11:12,465 Why the hell are you carrying around a corn dog stick? 233 00:11:12,627 --> 00:11:14,459 There's still a little corn dog on it. 234 00:11:14,584 --> 00:11:16,845 Sometimes, if you wait, it loosens up. 235 00:11:21,641 --> 00:11:22,851 It's not ready. 236 00:11:23,013 --> 00:11:25,283 I've been working at Club Chubby for a couple of weeks now. 237 00:11:25,408 --> 00:11:27,480 So, I'm trying to figure out my signature move. 238 00:11:27,704 --> 00:11:29,482 Cinnamon slaps her ass with a ruler. 239 00:11:29,644 --> 00:11:31,679 Chantelle lets people put gum in her hair. 240 00:11:31,804 --> 00:11:34,720 I just need something to... help me stand out. 241 00:11:35,725 --> 00:11:37,618 Have you ever thought of jumping? 242 00:11:41,914 --> 00:11:43,089 That'll work. 243 00:11:48,801 --> 00:11:51,209 Hey, bees just swarmed me and my John. 244 00:11:51,334 --> 00:11:53,411 I didn't have time to untie him from the tree. 245 00:11:53,536 --> 00:11:54,949 I hope he's okay. 246 00:11:55,074 --> 00:11:57,769 If they're swarming people, it means these bees are Africanized. 247 00:11:57,894 --> 00:11:59,844 Those brothers mean business. 248 00:12:00,253 --> 00:12:02,959 I don't know who you are, but you better not be hooking 249 00:12:03,084 --> 00:12:05,082 because you are much prettier than me 250 00:12:05,207 --> 00:12:08,113 and I got a teenage son to put through hairdressing school. 251 00:12:09,023 --> 00:12:11,274 We're inside a phone booth trapped by killer bees. 252 00:12:11,436 --> 00:12:13,361 If that's Clarence, ask him how his ma is. 253 00:12:13,521 --> 00:12:16,378 I call emergency nine times a day. It comes with the job. 254 00:12:16,503 --> 00:12:18,366 They got me on hold. There's a lot of callers. 255 00:12:21,762 --> 00:12:24,723 Good! Barry got his ropes untied. 256 00:12:26,015 --> 00:12:28,079 I got nothing on this guy, Randy. 257 00:12:28,204 --> 00:12:29,334 He's beaten me again. 258 00:12:29,818 --> 00:12:33,346 Just like he did with modeling and staying cavity free. 259 00:12:34,017 --> 00:12:36,016 I'm sorry about all this, Earl. 260 00:12:36,141 --> 00:12:37,525 I didn't even get a chance 261 00:12:37,650 --> 00:12:39,886 to show the anniversary video I made for you guys. 262 00:12:40,722 --> 00:12:43,332 You made a video about me and Joy? 263 00:12:43,457 --> 00:12:45,266 About our love and crap like that? 264 00:12:45,428 --> 00:12:46,428 Yeah. 265 00:12:47,015 --> 00:12:49,578 I hid the camera around the trailer for a while. 266 00:12:49,703 --> 00:12:51,329 I got the idea off that show 267 00:12:51,454 --> 00:12:54,486 where the guy catches perverts in his kitchen every week. 268 00:12:54,611 --> 00:12:55,889 He should really move. 269 00:12:56,014 --> 00:12:58,017 Anyway, I took the tape to that lady 270 00:12:58,142 --> 00:13:00,532 that makes wedding videos and breeds Taco Bell puppies. 271 00:13:01,889 --> 00:13:03,390 Randy, that's perfect. 272 00:13:03,515 --> 00:13:04,515 Put it on. 273 00:13:05,957 --> 00:13:07,288 Excuse me, everyone. 274 00:13:08,268 --> 00:13:11,543 I made a little video I think some of you would like to see. 275 00:13:11,705 --> 00:13:13,455 It's called "Earl and Joy", 276 00:13:13,702 --> 00:13:16,367 high dot, low dot, "A Love Story." 277 00:13:17,168 --> 00:13:18,818 Honey, this is for you. 278 00:13:20,450 --> 00:13:21,450 Blake, 279 00:13:21,630 --> 00:13:23,263 one of these fingers is for you. 280 00:13:53,641 --> 00:13:55,009 Oh, my God! 281 00:13:56,110 --> 00:13:57,323 What happened? 282 00:14:16,645 --> 00:14:18,076 Just 'cause you leave me a note 283 00:14:18,201 --> 00:14:20,247 saying I got to do something with a bird in a freezer 284 00:14:20,372 --> 00:14:24,010 doesn't mean I gotta drop everything that's important to me and do it. 285 00:14:24,135 --> 00:14:25,885 Is my name "note-reader"? 286 00:14:26,387 --> 00:14:28,337 Is my name "bird-defroster"? 287 00:14:29,262 --> 00:14:30,412 No, my name... 288 00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:35,790 That was, uh, 289 00:14:36,386 --> 00:14:38,546 - clearly the blooper reel. - Hey, cousin. 290 00:14:39,197 --> 00:14:41,633 It looks like you're gonna need a place to crash for a while. 291 00:14:41,970 --> 00:14:44,344 You can stay at my pad. I won't be there. 292 00:14:44,505 --> 00:14:46,445 'Cause even though we're 4 months from Christmas, 293 00:14:46,570 --> 00:14:49,113 it looks like I'm gonna be busy spreading Joy. 294 00:14:50,886 --> 00:14:51,977 Son of a bitch! 295 00:14:55,151 --> 00:14:56,940 Wait, you're from La Paz? 296 00:14:57,218 --> 00:14:58,566 Near the river of blood? 297 00:14:58,727 --> 00:15:00,777 I did my Peace Corps year down there. 298 00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:04,215 - Small world. - Small world. 299 00:15:06,288 --> 00:15:07,323 Let me in! 300 00:15:12,768 --> 00:15:13,822 Thank you. 301 00:15:13,947 --> 00:15:15,583 Those bees are such bitches. 302 00:15:16,017 --> 00:15:18,134 You laugh, but that statement is factual. 303 00:15:18,259 --> 00:15:20,071 Most of the colony are actually female. 304 00:15:20,196 --> 00:15:21,342 There're a few males 305 00:15:21,467 --> 00:15:23,258 and their job is to have sex with the queen. 306 00:15:23,419 --> 00:15:24,419 Ick! 307 00:15:24,717 --> 00:15:26,010 Worst job ever. 308 00:15:26,639 --> 00:15:28,585 If we're the only 4 survivors left on the planet, 309 00:15:28,710 --> 00:15:30,183 I call the black guy. 310 00:15:35,224 --> 00:15:36,343 Cut it out! 311 00:15:36,923 --> 00:15:38,825 You're gonna break the bar. 312 00:15:39,818 --> 00:15:40,968 That's right. 313 00:15:41,697 --> 00:15:43,737 You might know "fujitsu," 314 00:15:43,897 --> 00:15:45,738 but my head can break things. 315 00:15:46,158 --> 00:15:49,284 What do you think of that, Mr. I'm-Better-Than-Earl-At-Everything? 316 00:15:50,738 --> 00:15:52,036 Bet you can't do this. 317 00:15:54,837 --> 00:15:56,356 Son of a bitch! 318 00:15:56,744 --> 00:15:57,751 Oh, God. 319 00:15:58,329 --> 00:16:00,920 Blake, go get me some cigarettes from the vending machine. 320 00:16:01,082 --> 00:16:02,082 Yeah, sure. 321 00:16:02,759 --> 00:16:05,301 I'll just be... over there, 322 00:16:05,932 --> 00:16:07,218 at the vending machine. 323 00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:11,112 And I'll be waiting right here. 324 00:16:12,390 --> 00:16:13,509 Excuse me. 325 00:16:19,266 --> 00:16:20,816 Earl, this isn't right. 326 00:16:21,441 --> 00:16:23,943 Isn't this what you wanted? For me to get jealous? 327 00:16:24,105 --> 00:16:25,624 You're jealous of your cousin. 328 00:16:25,749 --> 00:16:27,279 It ain't got nothing to do with me 329 00:16:27,404 --> 00:16:29,490 or else you'd be jealous of all these other guys, too. 330 00:16:29,792 --> 00:16:31,910 I don't know what you want from me. 331 00:16:33,009 --> 00:16:35,716 Look, I'm not trying to criticize you, 332 00:16:36,863 --> 00:16:38,758 but jealousy, throwing me a party, 333 00:16:38,883 --> 00:16:40,491 making me a nice video, 334 00:16:40,616 --> 00:16:42,857 those are all ways to show you care. 335 00:16:43,214 --> 00:16:45,633 And you don't do stuff like that. 336 00:16:46,378 --> 00:16:48,570 Well, I pretended to do all those things. 337 00:16:48,695 --> 00:16:50,303 Doesn't that count for something? 338 00:16:50,465 --> 00:16:51,915 Who are we kidding? 339 00:16:52,565 --> 00:16:55,136 You saw the video. This isn't a marriage. 340 00:16:56,042 --> 00:16:59,319 What did I expect, I mean, I tricked you into marrying me. 341 00:16:59,444 --> 00:17:01,444 You didn't care about me when you agreed to that, 342 00:17:01,569 --> 00:17:04,318 and I don't think you ever will. I wouldn't. 343 00:17:06,654 --> 00:17:07,654 I'm sorry, Earl. 344 00:17:09,688 --> 00:17:11,904 I think it's time we just end it. 345 00:17:16,754 --> 00:17:19,152 In a whole year, I had never stopped to think about 346 00:17:19,277 --> 00:17:21,307 whether or not I cared about my wife. 347 00:17:21,432 --> 00:17:25,121 In those days, I never really stopped to care about anything. 348 00:17:25,625 --> 00:17:27,444 While I was facing the end of my marriage, 349 00:17:27,569 --> 00:17:29,819 everyone else was facing the end of their lives. 350 00:17:29,944 --> 00:17:31,129 They're gonna get in! 351 00:17:31,254 --> 00:17:33,066 I can't believe I'm gonna die today. 352 00:17:33,191 --> 00:17:35,131 I have four outstanding books from the library. 353 00:17:35,256 --> 00:17:36,940 What if that's all it says in the paper? 354 00:17:37,065 --> 00:17:39,515 I can't believe I'm gonna die a virgin. 355 00:17:43,477 --> 00:17:45,626 I was saving myself for marriage. 356 00:17:46,061 --> 00:17:47,529 I hope you're impressed! 357 00:17:47,990 --> 00:17:49,482 And that you exist! 358 00:17:50,190 --> 00:17:53,362 I can't believe I'm gonna die without giving it up for free. 359 00:17:53,694 --> 00:17:55,887 Just once I should've done that. 360 00:17:56,338 --> 00:17:58,413 I've always wanted to try a threesome. 361 00:18:00,443 --> 00:18:03,338 I've never kissed a man and I want to. 362 00:18:05,815 --> 00:18:06,815 Bad. 363 00:18:11,164 --> 00:18:13,428 What kind of man doesn't know if he cares about his wife? 364 00:18:14,312 --> 00:18:15,562 A man in a coma. 365 00:18:16,130 --> 00:18:17,871 Or a man who got married over the Internet 366 00:18:17,996 --> 00:18:21,477 and he hasn't met his wife yet 'cause she's being shipped here on a boat. 367 00:18:21,638 --> 00:18:23,903 The only person I've ever really cared about is you, 368 00:18:24,276 --> 00:18:26,868 and you're my brother. I don't have a choice. 369 00:18:27,395 --> 00:18:30,286 What if I'm just a lazy jerk who's gonna live his life 370 00:18:30,411 --> 00:18:31,946 never caring about anybody else? 371 00:18:34,624 --> 00:18:35,624 Bee! 372 00:18:47,819 --> 00:18:48,922 Before my list, 373 00:18:49,082 --> 00:18:50,607 when I didn't have time to think, 374 00:18:50,732 --> 00:18:53,064 it always ended with me doing the wrong thing, 375 00:18:53,189 --> 00:18:55,439 like stealing or peeing in public. 376 00:18:57,065 --> 00:18:58,389 But not on that day, 377 00:18:58,561 --> 00:19:00,011 not in that moment. 378 00:19:20,021 --> 00:19:21,045 You okay? 379 00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:27,687 I can't say that moment turned me into a perfect husband, 380 00:19:27,812 --> 00:19:30,631 or that Joy didn't have to drive my drunk ass home 381 00:19:30,791 --> 00:19:32,062 later that night, 382 00:19:32,584 --> 00:19:35,737 but that was the day I knew I could care about someone else. 383 00:19:36,089 --> 00:19:39,264 I did care about someone else and she knew it, too. 384 00:19:51,645 --> 00:19:53,344 I guess you learn what you're capable of 385 00:19:53,469 --> 00:19:55,241 when you stare death in the face. 386 00:19:55,366 --> 00:19:57,685 It's all okay! They are gone. 387 00:19:57,810 --> 00:19:59,826 The bees are on their way to Texas. 388 00:20:03,075 --> 00:20:04,585 This never happened. 389 00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:11,999 And when you have history with people, 390 00:20:12,124 --> 00:20:14,674 you'll always remember those meaningful days. 391 00:20:23,079 --> 00:20:25,310 I think it's ready, Darnell. Give it a shot. 392 00:20:25,470 --> 00:20:26,812 Beer coming. 393 00:20:30,683 --> 00:20:31,932 I'm sorry, Darnell. 394 00:20:32,057 --> 00:20:34,652 I just got so excited, I forgot I was supposed to catch it. 395 00:20:39,980 --> 00:20:41,325 Happy Anniversary. 396 00:20:43,030 --> 00:20:44,537 That was two dollars and tax. 397 00:20:45,062 --> 00:20:47,957 You don't have to pay me back. I just wanted you to know. 398 00:20:48,444 --> 00:20:49,715 You're welcome. 399 00:20:55,934 --> 00:20:57,684 I know this sounds crazy, 400 00:20:57,868 --> 00:21:00,918 but of all your wives, I think Joy was my favorite. 401 00:21:01,608 --> 00:21:02,621 Mine, too. 402 00:21:03,342 --> 00:21:04,608 Subtitles: Jarick & loky 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net