1
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SWEET JOHNNY
2
00:00:04,728 --> 00:00:08,223
{\pos(192,230)}They say in Camden County a crime
is committed every seven minutes.
3
00:00:08,343 --> 00:00:09,554
{\pos(192,230)}Unfortunately for Joy,
4
00:00:09,715 --> 00:00:12,134
{\pos(192,230)}it had been
6 minutes and 57 seconds.
5
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{\pos(192,230)}The hell?
This ain't a bus.
6
00:00:16,763 --> 00:00:18,418
You're getting carjacked.
7
00:00:18,723 --> 00:00:20,234
- Get out!
- Fine...
8
00:00:20,725 --> 00:00:23,860
{\pos(192,230)}but carjacking a red, white, blue Brat
is like spitting on the American flag.
9
00:00:24,020 --> 00:00:25,906
At least
let me get my nuggets.
10
00:00:26,494 --> 00:00:28,823
Oh, snap!
My hand snapped!
11
00:00:31,750 --> 00:00:34,555
{\pos(192,210)}Have you heard that if you can tear
the label off your beer in one piece
12
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{\pos(192,210)}it means you're not a virgin?
Willie the mailman was talking about it.
13
00:00:37,999 --> 00:00:39,404
{\pos(192,180)}I hadn't heard that.
14
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{\pos(192,210)}Guess it's true.
15
00:00:46,611 --> 00:00:47,539
{\pos(192,210)}What?
16
00:00:47,659 --> 00:00:49,468
{\pos(192,210)}I've had sex, you stupid beer!
17
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{\pos(192,210)}Stop the Brat!
18
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Holy God!
19
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Damn it.
20
00:01:04,027 --> 00:01:06,861
{\pos(192,210)}That was the best stunt I've seen
since Sweet Johnny.
21
00:01:07,779 --> 00:01:09,360
{\pos(192,210)}Sweet Johnny.
22
00:01:09,623 --> 00:01:11,753
Sweet Johnny was #7 on my list,
23
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and one of the things
I felt the worst about.
24
00:01:14,445 --> 00:01:15,781
{\pos(192,210)}Sweet Johnny got his name
25
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{\pos(192,210)}because he was the sweetest guy
anyone knew...
26
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but also because he was a stunt man
and did some sweet stunts.
27
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{\pos(192,210)}His stunts were impressive,
28
00:01:27,333 --> 00:01:30,167
but I was even more impressed
with his girlfriend Sheila.
29
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{\pos(192,210)}So, the doctor says you're going to be
laid up for a couple of days, huh?
30
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{\pos(192,210)}Yeah, but it was worth it,
31
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{\pos(192,210)}'cause that stunt
Sweet Johnny just pulled off
32
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{\pos(192,210)}was sweet!
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Oh, God.
34
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Hang in there, buddy.
35
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So this time when Johnny got hurt,
I decided to make my move.
36
00:02:01,571 --> 00:02:04,085
There's a back porch
I could spend an afternoon on.
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00:02:05,046 --> 00:02:06,833
Yeah. Nice, ain't it?
38
00:02:07,211 --> 00:02:09,883
Reach out and
grab a slice of that bundt cake.
39
00:02:15,029 --> 00:02:17,225
I knew if I wanted
to keep fooling around with Sheila,
40
00:02:17,345 --> 00:02:19,128
I had to keep Johnny
out of the way,
41
00:02:19,248 --> 00:02:20,797
so I came up with a plan.
42
00:02:20,917 --> 00:02:22,640
The doomsday chair, huh?
43
00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:24,731
Yep, saw it as a kid
on That's Incredible.
44
00:02:25,287 --> 00:02:26,528
You sit on the chair,
45
00:02:26,648 --> 00:02:29,027
when the seat blows up,
it throws you 20 feet in the air.
46
00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:30,710
But I was thinking
47
00:02:31,272 --> 00:02:34,157
you make the whole chair out of TNT,
you'll go even higher.
48
00:02:35,504 --> 00:02:36,865
40 feet in the air!
49
00:02:36,985 --> 00:02:38,721
Sweet Johnny's going to fly!
50
00:02:39,473 --> 00:02:40,747
I knew I was doing wrong,
51
00:02:40,867 --> 00:02:43,102
but a great heinie can
make a man do crazy things.
52
00:02:43,222 --> 00:02:44,384
Sweet Johnny!
53
00:02:44,645 --> 00:02:47,243
Or make a man
make a man do crazy things.
54
00:03:02,929 --> 00:03:06,068
It didn't take me long to realize
the worst Johnny got hurt,
55
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the more time I got
in his van with Sheila.
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00:03:08,918 --> 00:03:11,548
I don't remember how many stunts
I convinced him to do,
57
00:03:11,668 --> 00:03:14,380
but it was a lot.
Like the human speed bump.
58
00:03:14,500 --> 00:03:18,158
And the simple yet extremely
unpredictable rocket unicycle.
59
00:03:18,736 --> 00:03:21,612
But by the time I talked him
into the human wrecking ball,
60
00:03:21,732 --> 00:03:23,477
I'd started to feel bad.
61
00:03:26,653 --> 00:03:28,357
Sweet Johnny!
62
00:03:34,028 --> 00:03:34,884
I'm sorry,
63
00:03:35,423 --> 00:03:37,059
I can't do this anymore.
64
00:03:38,838 --> 00:03:40,682
This is some sick stuff.
65
00:04:04,584 --> 00:04:07,250
I got to find Sweet Johnny.
You want to come?
66
00:04:07,715 --> 00:04:09,158
No, you go ahead.
67
00:04:09,495 --> 00:04:11,864
Drop me off at the Crab Shack.
I'm going to get another beer
68
00:04:11,984 --> 00:04:13,690
and prove to it I'm not a virgin.
69
00:04:14,083 --> 00:04:16,634
By doing the label thing,
not putting my weiner in it.
70
00:04:17,038 --> 00:04:18,619
I just want to be clear.
71
00:04:35,396 --> 00:04:38,030
I hadn't heard anything
about Johnny for a while,
72
00:04:38,150 --> 00:04:39,934
so I was afraid
he'd be hard to find.
73
00:04:40,054 --> 00:04:42,827
But it ends up
he was living in the same house.
74
00:04:47,446 --> 00:04:49,417
Whazzup!
75
00:04:51,353 --> 00:04:53,052
Whazzup...
76
00:04:53,172 --> 00:04:54,005
with you?
77
00:04:54,489 --> 00:04:56,466
Nothing,
I'm just preparing for a stunt.
78
00:04:56,759 --> 00:04:58,927
I'm going to attach this chair
to two weather balloons,
79
00:04:59,164 --> 00:05:00,790
float as high as the planes fly,
80
00:05:00,910 --> 00:05:02,268
high-five God,
81
00:05:02,388 --> 00:05:04,098
then jump off
and use this parachute
82
00:05:04,258 --> 00:05:06,209
to float sweetly
back down to earth.
83
00:05:06,329 --> 00:05:07,493
Sweet Johnny!
84
00:05:08,959 --> 00:05:10,244
Look, Johnny...
85
00:05:10,711 --> 00:05:12,357
I came here to confess something.
86
00:05:13,684 --> 00:05:16,751
All that time I was convincing you
to do crazy stunts,
87
00:05:17,507 --> 00:05:20,943
I was doing it to get you hurt
so I could sleep with Sheila.
88
00:05:22,002 --> 00:05:23,243
You slept with Sheila?
89
00:05:24,987 --> 00:05:26,345
Why would you do that?
90
00:05:27,419 --> 00:05:29,027
Why would she do that?
91
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She's the love of my life.
92
00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:33,336
I thought you were my friend.
93
00:05:33,496 --> 00:05:34,869
I am,
94
00:05:34,989 --> 00:05:37,507
I feel really bad
and want to make it up to you.
95
00:05:37,902 --> 00:05:39,217
You son of a bitch.
96
00:05:41,307 --> 00:05:43,221
God, Johnny,
just give me a chance, man!
97
00:05:43,905 --> 00:05:45,829
I have a rule of thumb
with the list.
98
00:05:45,949 --> 00:05:47,345
If someone pulls a weapon,
99
00:05:47,465 --> 00:05:49,102
I give them time to cool off.
100
00:05:52,566 --> 00:05:55,066
Baby, are these socks thicker
than my regular socks?
101
00:05:55,226 --> 00:05:56,246
I feel taller.
102
00:05:56,951 --> 00:05:58,319
Where did you get a gun?
103
00:05:58,479 --> 00:06:00,279
At that Indian dude's garage sale.
104
00:06:00,399 --> 00:06:03,480
I got you a tank top, too.
It says "Whitey, Off the Res,"
105
00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:05,743
but since you're black
you could get away with it.
106
00:06:05,903 --> 00:06:08,793
You know how I feel about guns.
No good can come from having one.
107
00:06:08,913 --> 00:06:11,338
If I had this yesterday,
we'd still have our car
108
00:06:11,458 --> 00:06:14,419
and you wouldn't be going to work
riding bitch on Fernando's bicycle.
109
00:06:14,579 --> 00:06:16,748
No, if you had that
there would've been a shoot-out.
110
00:06:16,868 --> 00:06:19,424
It would've looked like
someone turned on a blender.
111
00:06:19,743 --> 00:06:22,181
You're stepping
on my First Amendment rights.
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00:06:23,201 --> 00:06:25,054
Freedom of speech
is the First Amendment.
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And nothing speaks louder than this.
114
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I gave Johnny a night to sleep on it,
then went back.
115
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Whazzup!
116
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I'm back.
117
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Just checking to see if you cooled down
since I was here yesterday.
118
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Yesterday?
119
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I was in Nathanville with Sheila
picking up helium for my next big stunt.
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You're gonna love it.
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00:06:50,907 --> 00:06:53,216
I'm going to attach this chair
to some weather balloons,
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float up to where the planes fly,
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high-five God,
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then jump back down
with this parachute...
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00:06:58,831 --> 00:07:00,256
Whoa, hold on...
126
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I feel like I caught that French disease
that makes things happen to you twice.
127
00:07:05,296 --> 00:07:08,135
You don't remember me,
coming by yesterday
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00:07:08,473 --> 00:07:10,571
and telling you
I slept with Sheila?
129
00:07:11,164 --> 00:07:12,690
You slept with Sheila?
130
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Why would you do that?
131
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Why would she do that?
132
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She's the love of my life.
133
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I thought you were my friend.
134
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You son of a bitch!
135
00:07:24,286 --> 00:07:26,119
Johnny had always been
unpredictable,
136
00:07:26,239 --> 00:07:28,215
but now, he just seemed weird.
137
00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:31,829
If I was going to cross him off my list,
I was gonna have to find out why.
138
00:07:35,043 --> 00:07:36,667
The next day I tracked down Sheila,
139
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hoping she might know
why Sweet Johnny was acting so strange.
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Sheila? That you?
141
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I haven't seen you for years!
142
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Hold on, I'll be right there.
143
00:07:50,847 --> 00:07:53,768
Damn people.
Parking too close together.
144
00:07:59,227 --> 00:08:01,484
Baby got a little bigger downstairs.
145
00:08:01,756 --> 00:08:03,653
But she still remembers you.
146
00:08:03,773 --> 00:08:06,322
You want to give it a little squeeze
for old times' sake?
147
00:08:12,088 --> 00:08:13,788
So what you doing in Mount Trace?
148
00:08:13,948 --> 00:08:15,832
Actually, I was looking for you.
149
00:08:15,992 --> 00:08:18,703
I need to ask you something
about Sweet Johnny.
150
00:08:19,211 --> 00:08:22,230
I talked to him yesterday,
and he seemed kind of...
151
00:08:22,350 --> 00:08:24,763
- "forgetty."
- You don't know about the accident.
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About the brain damage?
153
00:08:27,274 --> 00:08:28,139
Turns out,
154
00:08:28,259 --> 00:08:30,664
even though I'd put Johnny
in danger a bunch of times,
155
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it was something he did all on his own
that ended up hurting him permanently.
156
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He hurt his brain so bad
he can't make new memories.
157
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Whenever he falls asleep,
158
00:08:40,781 --> 00:08:43,276
he wakes up thinking
it is the day before his big stunt.
159
00:08:43,561 --> 00:08:45,403
He's got no idea
it's 10 years later?
160
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He never leaves the house.
161
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He just goes to that garage
and works on that chair.
162
00:08:51,012 --> 00:08:53,481
I stayed with him
for a couple of years,
163
00:08:53,601 --> 00:08:56,330
but he got hurt the summer
that song La Vida Loca was big.
164
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If I heard him sing it one more time,
I was going to drown him in the tub.
165
00:09:01,192 --> 00:09:02,401
I know what that's like.
166
00:09:02,521 --> 00:09:04,903
Randy got really
into that song for a while.
167
00:09:05,166 --> 00:09:07,091
It's the only time
I ever spanked him.
168
00:09:08,098 --> 00:09:11,470
That explains why he didn't remember me
telling him about us sleeping together.
169
00:09:12,247 --> 00:09:13,598
Why did you do that?
170
00:09:13,979 --> 00:09:16,219
Because it was a bad thing,
and I need to make up for it.
171
00:09:17,099 --> 00:09:18,413
Sure we did wrong,
172
00:09:18,533 --> 00:09:21,362
but the way that I look at it
we got a get-out-of-jail-free card.
173
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Oh, nice?
174
00:09:23,127 --> 00:09:25,902
Someone just parked illegal
across the street. Be right back.
175
00:09:35,250 --> 00:09:37,134
I'm ignoring you, Darnell.
176
00:09:37,254 --> 00:09:39,204
All I see is Charlie Brown falling
177
00:09:39,324 --> 00:09:41,923
while that bitch pulls
the football away again.
178
00:09:42,157 --> 00:09:45,338
Tell you what, if Chuck was packing
people would stop messing with him.
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00:09:46,929 --> 00:09:48,125
I don't get it.
180
00:09:48,245 --> 00:09:49,514
I'm not a virgin.
181
00:09:49,634 --> 00:09:51,669
Does sex not count
with daytime hookers,
182
00:09:51,789 --> 00:09:53,978
illegal aliens,
or 60-year-olds?
183
00:09:54,191 --> 00:09:57,267
I don't know how I'm going
to cross Johnny off my list in one day.
184
00:09:57,387 --> 00:09:59,370
He's so pissed
when I tell him what I did,
185
00:09:59,490 --> 00:10:02,104
I can't even get to the apologizing
and making it up to him part.
186
00:10:04,448 --> 00:10:06,861
There's another staple.
That makes six.
187
00:10:07,156 --> 00:10:09,528
I don't know why you just don't skip him
and go to another item.
188
00:10:09,688 --> 00:10:11,545
It's not like you're going
to live long enough
189
00:10:11,665 --> 00:10:13,242
to actually finish
that list anyway.
190
00:10:13,362 --> 00:10:14,362
Wrong.
191
00:10:14,482 --> 00:10:16,494
Earl promised me
he'd live forever.
192
00:10:16,811 --> 00:10:18,552
I want to finish the list.
193
00:10:18,672 --> 00:10:20,363
And, if I start
thinking about something
194
00:10:20,483 --> 00:10:22,821
I need to cross it off
so I can forget about it.
195
00:10:23,237 --> 00:10:24,961
Otherwise, it'll just nag at me.
196
00:10:26,706 --> 00:10:28,082
Everybody freeze!
197
00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:35,615
People, it was a pool cue.
198
00:10:35,735 --> 00:10:37,099
Put the guns away.
199
00:10:39,492 --> 00:10:41,863
- What the hell, Joy?
- Stop being a wuss.
200
00:10:41,983 --> 00:10:44,439
If that had been a robber,
I would've saved the day.
201
00:10:48,673 --> 00:10:51,612
It's all right, everybody!
Just grazed my booby.
202
00:10:51,772 --> 00:10:55,035
I realized I had no choice but
to give Johnny another try.
203
00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:56,941
And this time,
I had protection.
204
00:10:57,061 --> 00:10:58,245
Sweet Johnny?
205
00:11:01,615 --> 00:11:05,042
I slept with Sheila, made you do stunts
so you'd get hurt and I could bang her.
206
00:11:05,438 --> 00:11:06,836
You son of a bitch!
207
00:11:07,293 --> 00:11:09,176
So, I decided
to wait out his anger
208
00:11:09,296 --> 00:11:11,305
hoping he'd work
his way through it.
209
00:11:11,425 --> 00:11:14,398
And it didn't occur to me
he might change weapons.
210
00:11:16,922 --> 00:11:19,146
But, eventually, he got
to where he could listen.
211
00:11:19,814 --> 00:11:20,822
Look.
212
00:11:21,651 --> 00:11:22,928
I know you're upset.
213
00:11:23,048 --> 00:11:25,299
I'm really sorry
for what I did, but...
214
00:11:25,419 --> 00:11:28,149
I want to make it up to you so,
what can I do?
215
00:11:28,493 --> 00:11:30,565
- I'm going to talk to Sheila.
- Hold on!
216
00:11:30,953 --> 00:11:33,237
That's not a good idea.
There's something you don't know.
217
00:11:34,436 --> 00:11:37,174
You got this brain injury
and when you go to sleep,
218
00:11:37,294 --> 00:11:39,205
you wake up thinking
it's the same day.
219
00:11:39,536 --> 00:11:41,912
- You've been doing it for 10 years.
- 10 years?
220
00:11:42,199 --> 00:11:43,205
That's crazy.
221
00:11:43,365 --> 00:11:46,045
I don't know what kind of trick
you're trying to pull on Sweet Johnny,
222
00:11:46,165 --> 00:11:48,043
but it's decidedly unsweet!
223
00:11:55,505 --> 00:11:57,219
What the hell did you
bring him here for?
224
00:11:57,622 --> 00:12:00,217
- Sorry, but he wanted to see you.
- You idiot.
225
00:12:00,337 --> 00:12:02,433
He's not going to remember
any of this in the morning.
226
00:12:03,062 --> 00:12:05,519
Baby, tell me you didn't
cheat on Sweet Johnny.
227
00:12:05,679 --> 00:12:08,564
Sweetness, there is nothing for you
to get upset about.
228
00:12:09,014 --> 00:12:10,483
Let's just
get you back home,
229
00:12:10,643 --> 00:12:13,132
- so you can get ready for your big...
- Ass!
230
00:12:13,252 --> 00:12:14,600
Oh, God!
231
00:12:15,386 --> 00:12:17,156
What happened to your ass?
232
00:12:17,316 --> 00:12:19,116
You know I got
that lazy thyroid.
233
00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:20,785
But it's huge!
234
00:12:21,073 --> 00:12:24,623
It's like 10 years of ass growth
since yesterday.
235
00:12:26,006 --> 00:12:27,536
Oh, God, it's true!
236
00:12:28,513 --> 00:12:29,710
It is 10 years later.
237
00:12:30,639 --> 00:12:31,639
Oh, why?!
238
00:12:37,252 --> 00:12:39,006
So, now you see my problem.
239
00:12:39,126 --> 00:12:40,860
I got to make this
up to you in one day
240
00:12:40,980 --> 00:12:43,590
before you go to sleep
so, if we could just talk...
241
00:12:45,283 --> 00:12:46,283
Wait!
242
00:12:51,016 --> 00:12:52,733
Johnny, what do you got there?
243
00:12:53,201 --> 00:12:55,853
Is that generic nighttime sniffling,
sneezing, coughing, aching, fever,
244
00:12:55,973 --> 00:12:57,905
the best sleep you ever got
with a cold medicine?
245
00:12:58,365 --> 00:13:00,116
Johnny, don't do it!
Don't go to sleep!
246
00:13:00,276 --> 00:13:01,492
You'll forget everything!
247
00:13:03,543 --> 00:13:06,247
That's the point, Earl.
I just want this day to end.
248
00:13:13,107 --> 00:13:14,547
Darnell, have you seen my gun?
249
00:13:14,902 --> 00:13:16,575
Maybe the boys
brought it to school.
250
00:13:16,695 --> 00:13:19,945
They mentioned something about
being alienated and disillusioned.
251
00:13:20,283 --> 00:13:21,804
Are you trying to make
some point?
252
00:13:22,192 --> 00:13:23,931
You know
I don't like points, Darnell.
253
00:13:24,957 --> 00:13:26,698
I'm just saying,
it's a shame you lost it.
254
00:13:26,818 --> 00:13:29,749
Today the cops are having
that "guns for hams" exchange.
255
00:13:35,559 --> 00:13:36,570
Damn you!
256
00:13:36,690 --> 00:13:39,488
How am I supposed to protect
my family with a honey-glazed ham?
257
00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:42,257
The next day,
I got back to work on Johnny,
258
00:13:42,377 --> 00:13:44,202
but since I knew
what I was dealing with,
259
00:13:44,322 --> 00:13:46,559
I was able to get things
done a little faster.
260
00:13:48,532 --> 00:13:51,167
- I told him what I'd done...
- I thought you were my friend.
261
00:13:51,462 --> 00:13:52,918
let him work out his rage.
262
00:13:53,163 --> 00:13:54,753
I told him about
his brain problem...
263
00:13:54,914 --> 00:13:57,173
This is crazy.
I'm going to go talk to Sheila.
264
00:13:57,333 --> 00:14:00,676
- took him to see Sheila...
- Sheila, tell me all this isn't true.
265
00:14:00,837 --> 00:14:02,553
Oh, hell, not again.
266
00:14:02,942 --> 00:14:04,221
Oh, my God!
267
00:14:04,459 --> 00:14:05,890
I'm really enjoying this, Earl.
268
00:14:06,285 --> 00:14:07,881
No get-out-of-jail-free cards.
269
00:14:08,303 --> 00:14:09,614
And I took him home.
270
00:14:09,734 --> 00:14:11,788
But this time,
I came prepared.
271
00:14:15,695 --> 00:14:17,151
Get away from me, you devil!
272
00:14:17,616 --> 00:14:20,239
Calm down, Johnny.
I'm going to get you through this.
273
00:14:20,548 --> 00:14:22,489
Eventually, I discovered
all Johnny needed
274
00:14:22,609 --> 00:14:25,411
were some kind words once sung
by a handsome Cuban man.
275
00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:28,294
Upside, inside out
276
00:14:28,635 --> 00:14:31,072
Livin' la vida loca
277
00:14:31,383 --> 00:14:34,714
She'll push and pull you out
278
00:14:35,126 --> 00:14:37,998
Her skin's
the color of mocha
279
00:14:38,905 --> 00:14:41,436
Livin' la vida loca.
280
00:14:43,567 --> 00:14:44,845
Feeling better, buddy?
281
00:14:45,154 --> 00:14:48,254
So it's just like that movie
Groundhog Day here.
282
00:14:48,590 --> 00:14:50,185
But instead of Andie MacDowell,
283
00:14:50,316 --> 00:14:53,233
I got a cheatin' ex-girlfriend
with a big fat dumper.
284
00:14:54,066 --> 00:14:55,997
And I never get
to do my stunt.
285
00:14:57,372 --> 00:14:58,397
Afraid so.
286
00:15:01,423 --> 00:15:04,308
I guess then,
that's what you can do for me, Earl.
287
00:15:05,195 --> 00:15:07,046
You can help me
do that base jump.
288
00:15:08,018 --> 00:15:09,019
Really?
289
00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:12,361
Do you think we could
pull it off right now?
290
00:15:12,832 --> 00:15:14,629
'Cause I kind of need
to do it today.
291
00:15:15,382 --> 00:15:17,318
I got everything
ready out back.
292
00:15:18,270 --> 00:15:22,251
Apparently, I've double-checked
it all 3,654 times.
293
00:15:23,168 --> 00:15:24,603
All right then, let's jump!
294
00:15:25,307 --> 00:15:28,282
I'm going to call the Crab Shack
and tell people you're doing a stunt.
295
00:15:28,402 --> 00:15:30,172
Everybody's going to be
leaving soon anyway
296
00:15:30,292 --> 00:15:31,936
'cause happy half-hour's
almost over.
297
00:15:32,138 --> 00:15:34,323
This is great,
give me a "Sweet Johnny!"
298
00:15:37,212 --> 00:15:39,358
So, we went through it
one last time.
299
00:15:50,693 --> 00:15:52,379
All right then, let's jump!
300
00:15:55,617 --> 00:15:56,458
Look alive.
301
00:15:56,618 --> 00:15:59,810
At last, the stunt Johnny had waited
10 years to do was ready.
302
00:15:59,930 --> 00:16:01,380
Greetings, people of Camden,
303
00:16:01,927 --> 00:16:03,839
and what's left
of the Sweet Johnny Fan Club.
304
00:16:05,753 --> 00:16:07,416
I love you, Johnny!
305
00:16:09,005 --> 00:16:10,139
Thanks, Paul.
306
00:16:11,506 --> 00:16:12,933
I'm going
to take this chair,
307
00:16:13,093 --> 00:16:14,343
and I'm going to fly.
308
00:16:14,463 --> 00:16:16,145
And then
I'm going to jump off,
309
00:16:16,525 --> 00:16:19,265
and if, uh,
Lady Gravity does her job,
310
00:16:19,806 --> 00:16:21,942
you're going to see a stunt
that you'll never forget.
311
00:16:22,243 --> 00:16:24,560
I'll never forget you, Johnny!
312
00:16:26,927 --> 00:16:28,151
Thanks again, Paul.
313
00:16:28,669 --> 00:16:30,176
Just dial it down a notch, bro.
314
00:16:30,824 --> 00:16:32,118
All right, Sweet Johnny!
315
00:16:32,906 --> 00:16:33,941
I felt good.
316
00:16:34,061 --> 00:16:35,414
I was a few minutes
317
00:16:35,574 --> 00:16:37,436
from crossing
Sweet Johnny off my list
318
00:16:37,556 --> 00:16:40,302
and put what I'd done to him
behind me forever.
319
00:16:41,126 --> 00:16:42,129
What the...
320
00:16:47,032 --> 00:16:48,817
You forgot your parachute.
321
00:16:49,899 --> 00:16:51,764
- What the hell are you doing?
- Ending it.
322
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:54,808
If this is my life, with Sheila's ass,
I don't want to go on.
323
00:16:55,487 --> 00:16:57,041
You can't kill yourself.
324
00:16:57,429 --> 00:16:59,313
Watch me!
Sweet Johnny!
325
00:17:02,214 --> 00:17:04,652
- What are you doing? Help!
- Let go!
326
00:17:04,903 --> 00:17:06,528
Sweet Johnny,
what are you doing?
327
00:17:08,690 --> 00:17:10,676
Help! Somebody, get me down!
328
00:17:11,401 --> 00:17:12,848
Get me down! Help!
329
00:17:15,612 --> 00:17:17,288
Oh, my God, I did it!
330
00:17:17,627 --> 00:17:19,827
The bottle says
I'm not a virgin, I knew it!
331
00:17:20,365 --> 00:17:22,090
Look, Randy!
They're going to die!
332
00:17:28,127 --> 00:17:29,594
You know,
if I still had my gun,
333
00:17:29,714 --> 00:17:31,762
I could shoot out a balloon
and save those idiots.
334
00:17:31,922 --> 00:17:33,180
Joy, now is not the time.
335
00:17:33,434 --> 00:17:35,354
You still can't admit
that sometime, somewhere,
336
00:17:35,474 --> 00:17:37,293
there's a good reason
to have a gun, can you?
337
00:17:37,413 --> 00:17:38,960
- Admit it!
- Yes, I admit it.
338
00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:41,384
When 2 men are floating away
in a lawn chair tied to balloons,
339
00:17:41,504 --> 00:17:43,181
and 1 of them has forgot
his parachute,
340
00:17:43,301 --> 00:17:44,775
that might be okay
to have a gun.
341
00:17:45,184 --> 00:17:46,187
Thank you.
342
00:17:50,190 --> 00:17:52,549
This is America. You didn't think
I could get another one?
343
00:17:59,449 --> 00:18:00,666
Is anybody dead?
344
00:18:01,758 --> 00:18:03,377
He's knocked out
but breathing.
345
00:18:03,797 --> 00:18:06,797
Well, Darnell, looks like
the gun saved the day.
346
00:18:07,787 --> 00:18:09,164
Maybe it's time you recon...
347
00:18:16,149 --> 00:18:17,609
It's okay, everybody!
348
00:18:17,938 --> 00:18:19,632
Just grazed my stinker.
349
00:18:24,059 --> 00:18:25,941
I thought my stunt
was tomorrow.
350
00:18:29,208 --> 00:18:30,593
Hey, everybody.
351
00:18:32,274 --> 00:18:34,377
It took Johnny trying
to commit suicide
352
00:18:34,497 --> 00:18:36,437
for me to see
how selfish I had been,
353
00:18:36,557 --> 00:18:38,873
and how I was really only
trying to make me feel better
354
00:18:38,993 --> 00:18:40,741
by crossing Johnny
off the list.
355
00:18:40,861 --> 00:18:42,166
Hey, Sweet Johnny.
356
00:18:51,062 --> 00:18:53,192
All right,
easy on the squeezy.
357
00:18:54,689 --> 00:18:56,780
I just want you
to know something.
358
00:18:57,487 --> 00:18:59,426
I really like you,
and I'm sorry.
359
00:19:00,311 --> 00:19:01,686
Well, thanks, Earl.
360
00:19:01,806 --> 00:19:04,144
But there's no reason for being
sorry for liking Sweet Johnny.
361
00:19:04,264 --> 00:19:05,803
Sweet Johnny likes you, too.
362
00:19:05,923 --> 00:19:07,250
You mind helping me out?
363
00:19:07,370 --> 00:19:09,712
Some kids must've broken
in here last night
364
00:19:09,832 --> 00:19:11,236
and messed up
my stunt chair.
365
00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:14,240
Must've kicked my ass
while I was sleeping, too.
366
00:19:14,360 --> 00:19:17,076
Somehow I bit halfway through
my tongue, little bastards.
367
00:19:17,331 --> 00:19:19,744
For the first time since
I started doing my list,
368
00:19:19,864 --> 00:19:22,291
I wasn't going to be able
to cross somebody off.
369
00:19:22,411 --> 00:19:24,381
I was going to have to
just let it nag at me.
370
00:19:24,501 --> 00:19:26,686
But since Johnny was
never going to remember,
371
00:19:26,806 --> 00:19:29,254
it felt right that someone
would never forget.
372
00:19:32,574 --> 00:19:34,316
Are you standing there
or helping me?
373
00:19:34,436 --> 00:19:35,719
I got a big stunt tomorrow.
374
00:19:36,433 --> 00:19:37,973
I know, I can't wait.
375
00:19:39,659 --> 00:19:40,786
Sweet Johnny!
376
00:19:43,864 --> 00:19:45,875
Subtitles:
Jarick & loky