1 00:00:02,920 --> 00:00:05,085 Randy has several issues when he sleeps: 2 00:00:05,211 --> 00:00:08,503 he grinds his teeth, he occasionally punches me in the face, 3 00:00:08,629 --> 00:00:10,372 and he doesn't always breathe. 4 00:00:11,683 --> 00:00:15,492 And although temporarily dying 12 times a night didn't bother Randy, 5 00:00:15,618 --> 00:00:17,144 it sure bothered me. 6 00:00:42,933 --> 00:00:46,807 I'm Nicole Moses with the "Up Before Dawn" news report. 7 00:00:46,933 --> 00:00:48,910 Looking first to traffic. 8 00:00:49,656 --> 00:00:53,598 There is no traffic... because nobody's up yet. 9 00:00:53,724 --> 00:00:55,316 But being awake at 4:00 a.m. 10 00:00:55,448 --> 00:00:58,820 must have been karma's way of telling me to do number 29 on my list, 11 00:00:58,952 --> 00:01:00,526 "Harass the reporter." 12 00:01:00,651 --> 00:01:03,233 It all started back when I was married to Joy. 13 00:01:06,460 --> 00:01:07,946 Was that the Alcott's meth lab ? 14 00:01:08,079 --> 00:01:10,961 The Alcott's are close, would have been hit by debris. 15 00:01:13,856 --> 00:01:14,801 It was the Alcott's. 16 00:01:14,928 --> 00:01:16,861 People who are on meth shouldn't make meth. 17 00:01:16,998 --> 00:01:19,040 It's always the second batch that blows. 18 00:01:19,176 --> 00:01:21,841 Exploding trailers were pretty common where we lived, 19 00:01:21,977 --> 00:01:24,482 but this one was special, 'cause a celebrity blew up in it. 20 00:01:24,615 --> 00:01:27,841 Buck West, owner of the "I Come To You And Clean Your Dog 21 00:01:27,977 --> 00:01:32,060 With My Own Supplies Mobile Pet Grooming Company" is dead. 22 00:01:32,187 --> 00:01:34,691 Apparently, his love for clean animals was outweighed 23 00:01:34,827 --> 00:01:36,880 by this love for crystal meth. 24 00:01:37,016 --> 00:01:37,833 Hey, dummy ! 25 00:01:37,956 --> 00:01:40,481 You and your stupid brother are on TV ! 26 00:01:41,448 --> 00:01:43,893 The family asks that donations in the name of Mr. West 27 00:01:44,027 --> 00:01:45,472 be made to the family. 28 00:01:45,596 --> 00:01:48,232 Buck West was a man who lived his life to the fullest. 29 00:01:48,367 --> 00:01:50,000 Crazy arms ! I got crazy arms ! 30 00:01:50,136 --> 00:01:51,361 I can't control 'em ! 31 00:01:51,488 --> 00:01:53,662 Oh, snap, I got to record this. 32 00:01:54,007 --> 00:01:56,553 Luckily, Joy had just finished taping Wheel of Fortune, 33 00:01:56,688 --> 00:01:58,503 so the camcorder was handy. 34 00:01:58,987 --> 00:01:59,620 Stop it. 35 00:01:59,755 --> 00:02:03,362 Also, reported killed in the explosion were two drifters 36 00:02:03,485 --> 00:02:05,100 a homeless man and a bomb. 37 00:02:05,235 --> 00:02:07,143 Ah ! No berry twisters ! 38 00:02:07,266 --> 00:02:08,910 No berry twisters ! 39 00:02:10,315 --> 00:02:13,091 And as fun as it was acting stupid on live TV, 40 00:02:13,227 --> 00:02:15,720 it was even more fun the next day when we found out 41 00:02:15,858 --> 00:02:17,462 other people were enjoying it, too. 42 00:02:19,308 --> 00:02:22,700 Hey, Earl, you guys were funny ! 43 00:02:22,878 --> 00:02:25,400 A lot of folks were upset about that meth lab blowing up, 44 00:02:25,528 --> 00:02:28,093 but you and your crazy arms helped them smile again. 45 00:02:28,227 --> 00:02:28,700 Yeah, 46 00:02:28,827 --> 00:02:31,681 that was the best thing on TV since that overly aggressive 47 00:02:31,817 --> 00:02:35,170 minister climbed into that gorilla's cage to try to baptize it. 48 00:02:36,965 --> 00:02:39,201 Crazy Arms was sweeping the Crab Shack, and 49 00:02:39,336 --> 00:02:42,072 me and Randy were the proudest brothers since Eddie Van Halen 50 00:02:42,208 --> 00:02:43,532 and his drummer brother. 51 00:02:44,945 --> 00:02:47,502 And just like Van Halen, we were going to keep playing, 52 00:02:47,637 --> 00:02:49,461 until everybody got sick of us. 53 00:02:49,716 --> 00:02:53,192 We're here at the ribbon-cutting ceremony of Camden's newest drug and 54 00:02:53,318 --> 00:02:58,193 alcohol treatment center, with local celebrity, TV's Tipstack. 55 00:02:58,316 --> 00:02:59,300 Local ? 56 00:02:59,807 --> 00:03:03,081 Would Pat Sajak have dinner with a local celebrity ? 57 00:03:03,237 --> 00:03:05,233 This drug and alcohol treatment... 58 00:03:05,387 --> 00:03:06,231 - center... - Hey ! 59 00:03:06,355 --> 00:03:07,612 I'm Nicole Moses. 60 00:03:08,386 --> 00:03:10,761 live, back to you in the studio. 61 00:03:10,896 --> 00:03:13,201 Me and Randy had given Channel 3 its biggest ratings, 62 00:03:13,325 --> 00:03:15,970 since the chick who spun the lottery wheel's boob fell out. 63 00:03:16,107 --> 00:03:16,791 Live report. 64 00:03:16,928 --> 00:03:18,382 Here comes los brazos locos. 65 00:03:18,505 --> 00:03:20,912 Zoo officials stressed the escaped bear is agitated 66 00:03:21,037 --> 00:03:22,453 and extremely dangerous 67 00:03:22,587 --> 00:03:26,362 despite how agreeable bears are often depicted in cartoons. 68 00:03:26,545 --> 00:03:27,392 Authorities... 69 00:03:28,765 --> 00:03:29,830 Authorities say... 70 00:03:29,958 --> 00:03:30,633 I got him ! 71 00:03:30,766 --> 00:03:35,862 Authorities say the bear most likely escaped overnight 72 00:03:35,987 --> 00:03:37,762 during a training session that... 73 00:03:40,227 --> 00:03:42,931 Silly brazos locos. 74 00:03:43,066 --> 00:03:45,363 And when we ran out of news events to crash, 75 00:03:45,486 --> 00:03:46,961 we started making up our own. 76 00:03:47,095 --> 00:03:49,003 We are here at Simatil's trailer park 77 00:03:49,126 --> 00:03:51,602 where a baby has just been reported missing. 78 00:03:51,727 --> 00:03:54,073 My baby ! My baby is missing. 79 00:03:54,197 --> 00:03:55,261 I don't know what to do. 80 00:03:55,397 --> 00:03:57,222 He is just a baby. 81 00:03:59,545 --> 00:04:01,510 Oh, my God. That's him. 82 00:04:01,646 --> 00:04:03,653 That's my missing baby in the fridge ! 83 00:04:03,776 --> 00:04:04,950 Follow me on this. Follow me ! 84 00:04:04,957 --> 00:04:08,541 I'm trying to get to the fridge to save this sweet baby's life ! 85 00:04:14,325 --> 00:04:15,533 Crazy Arms. 86 00:04:15,668 --> 00:04:17,102 Crazy Arms. 87 00:04:17,326 --> 00:04:19,743 You people are not funny ! 88 00:04:19,875 --> 00:04:23,651 I am a serious journalist, and you are just trailer trash ! 89 00:04:23,787 --> 00:04:25,061 Trailer trash ! 90 00:04:25,196 --> 00:04:27,220 Mayonnaise-loving closet humpers ! 91 00:04:27,357 --> 00:04:30,262 And that was the day we finally pushed Nicole too far. 92 00:04:30,396 --> 00:04:33,312 After that, Nicole's career went down the tubes. 93 00:04:34,535 --> 00:04:36,033 Randy, wake up. 94 00:04:36,227 --> 00:04:38,051 We got to go to the news station. 95 00:04:38,246 --> 00:04:40,052 I just saw Nicole Moses. 96 00:04:40,187 --> 00:04:41,730 Thank God you woke me. 97 00:04:41,865 --> 00:04:44,302 I just had an eight-hour dream about a ball of yarn. 98 00:04:44,436 --> 00:04:45,791 It was so boring. 99 00:04:45,927 --> 00:04:49,682 I kept trying to go to sleep, but I already was. 100 00:04:50,388 --> 00:04:53,272 Later that morning, me and Randy went down to the TV station. 101 00:04:53,408 --> 00:04:55,450 While I explained my karma list to Nicole, 102 00:04:55,585 --> 00:04:58,560 Randy looked around for answers about how TV was made. 103 00:04:58,698 --> 00:04:59,801 He always hoped there was a machine 104 00:04:59,928 --> 00:05:02,403 that shrunk down people and furniture to TV size. 105 00:05:02,537 --> 00:05:05,180 Well, he didn't see anything that looked like a ray gun, 106 00:05:05,315 --> 00:05:07,901 but he did find something else that made him curious. 107 00:05:09,745 --> 00:05:11,062 I want to put you on the news. 108 00:05:11,196 --> 00:05:12,373 Me on the news ? 109 00:05:12,498 --> 00:05:13,132 Yes. 110 00:05:13,257 --> 00:05:15,503 I just need one great, heartwarming story 111 00:05:15,637 --> 00:05:17,002 and my boss will give me another shot. 112 00:05:17,137 --> 00:05:18,001 Nick Chavez, 113 00:05:18,126 --> 00:05:20,482 he did this story about Siamese twins getting a little cart 114 00:05:20,605 --> 00:05:22,201 so the big one could take the little one to the mall, 115 00:05:22,335 --> 00:05:23,521 and they put him in the anchor spot. 116 00:05:23,645 --> 00:05:27,701 I remember that story; Kiki and Tiki. They went to Foot Locker, 117 00:05:27,838 --> 00:05:30,031 but the salesman wouldn't let them buy three shoes. 118 00:05:30,167 --> 00:05:32,400 It's perfect. I can see the tagline already. 119 00:05:32,537 --> 00:05:34,412 "From 'hood to good." 120 00:05:34,545 --> 00:05:38,133 We start with one of your mug shots, then fade to a list item. 121 00:05:38,586 --> 00:05:40,600 Can you give a bath to a crippled lady ? 122 00:05:40,727 --> 00:05:44,213 I could. It's not on my list, but they don't scare me or nothing. 123 00:05:44,345 --> 00:05:45,160 No, no, that's okay, that's okay. 124 00:05:45,295 --> 00:05:46,341 We'll get something good from the list. 125 00:05:56,228 --> 00:05:58,362 Would I have to memorize lines or anything ? 126 00:05:58,496 --> 00:06:00,090 'Cause words tend to go right through my head, 127 00:06:00,218 --> 00:06:02,392 unless it's a Polish joke or a Judas Priest song. 128 00:06:02,518 --> 00:06:04,592 No, no memorization and no jokes. 129 00:06:04,808 --> 00:06:06,713 Just you talking about you. 130 00:06:06,997 --> 00:06:08,802 Well, if you think it'll help. 131 00:06:09,316 --> 00:06:11,412 I guess I'm gonna be on TV. 132 00:06:30,988 --> 00:06:33,001 I was looking forward to being on the TV news 133 00:06:33,127 --> 00:06:34,822 as an actual invited guest, 134 00:06:34,946 --> 00:06:36,022 and so was Randy. 135 00:06:36,146 --> 00:06:38,101 I can't decide whether to comb my hair. 136 00:06:38,238 --> 00:06:41,582 I mean, I want to look presentable, but I want people to recognize me. 137 00:06:45,195 --> 00:06:46,382 You smell good. 138 00:06:46,956 --> 00:06:47,930 Aftershave. 139 00:06:48,057 --> 00:06:51,020 But don't try putting any on your downstairs, it burns. 140 00:06:51,146 --> 00:06:54,293 Man, being a TV star is complicated. 141 00:06:55,378 --> 00:06:58,761 Back when we pestered Nicole, it was easy being on TV, 'cause 142 00:06:58,895 --> 00:07:00,512 I didn't care what people thought. 143 00:07:00,648 --> 00:07:02,820 But now that I did care what people thought, 144 00:07:02,952 --> 00:07:05,026 being on TV made me nervous. 145 00:07:05,201 --> 00:07:08,773 Okay, well, why don't you tell us how the list began ? 146 00:07:08,890 --> 00:07:09,496 All right. 147 00:07:09,539 --> 00:07:10,791 I, uh.... 148 00:07:15,415 --> 00:07:16,110 I, uh... 149 00:07:16,248 --> 00:07:17,403 No, no, no, no. Let it go. 150 00:07:17,536 --> 00:07:18,290 Don't touch it. 151 00:07:18,427 --> 00:07:19,252 Sorry. 152 00:07:20,797 --> 00:07:22,591 It all started back when I was... 153 00:07:22,728 --> 00:07:23,892 Okay, cut. 154 00:07:24,027 --> 00:07:27,300 Can we do a wireless mike on him, please ? Thank you. 155 00:07:27,428 --> 00:07:29,720 If you want to strap one of them mikes on me, 156 00:07:29,848 --> 00:07:31,612 I got a buttonhole here that's missing a button. 157 00:07:31,736 --> 00:07:34,510 It got caught when I was riding down an escalator on my belly. 158 00:07:34,646 --> 00:07:36,020 In fact, it's a pretty good story. 159 00:07:36,145 --> 00:07:37,341 If you want to turn the cameras over here, I... 160 00:07:37,475 --> 00:07:38,691 Jim, no ! 161 00:07:38,827 --> 00:07:40,343 The light's going to be in the shot. 162 00:07:40,758 --> 00:07:42,660 Come on, people, help me out here. 163 00:07:42,795 --> 00:07:44,200 I don't want to spend the rest of my career 164 00:07:44,325 --> 00:07:46,772 doing the crop report with the sock puppet rooster. 165 00:07:46,895 --> 00:07:48,700 Cockadoodle morning, Nicole ! 166 00:07:48,837 --> 00:07:52,742 Why don't you tell us about the situation with the boll weevils ? 167 00:07:52,875 --> 00:07:55,380 Okay, Earl, why don't you just tell us how you pick a list item ? 168 00:07:55,508 --> 00:07:57,462 And action. 169 00:07:57,687 --> 00:08:02,243 Well, sometimes I just close my eyes and point to one like this. 170 00:08:02,597 --> 00:08:06,221 Oh, looks like you cost someone a very important client. 171 00:08:06,348 --> 00:08:08,272 By the way, "client" is with a "C". 172 00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:10,013 He's a diamond in the rough. 173 00:08:10,186 --> 00:08:12,060 I'm sorry. I have to do that again. Wait. 174 00:08:13,728 --> 00:08:16,170 He's a diamond in the rough. 175 00:08:16,436 --> 00:08:17,233 Print it. 176 00:08:17,465 --> 00:08:20,640 You lost this woman a valuable client and she works here ? 177 00:08:20,775 --> 00:08:22,392 Well, today she does. 178 00:08:26,287 --> 00:08:27,061 Hey, Earl. 179 00:08:27,198 --> 00:08:29,481 Patty, I need to talk to you about something on my list. 180 00:08:29,615 --> 00:08:30,510 All right, one sec. 181 00:08:30,638 --> 00:08:33,271 I just got to give this perv a baby bottle, burp him, spank him, 182 00:08:33,407 --> 00:08:36,031 powder him, change him, rock him to sleep, and then I'm done here. 183 00:08:36,156 --> 00:08:38,252 Wait, that's the businesswoman ? 184 00:08:38,525 --> 00:08:40,373 Okay, cut, cut. 185 00:08:41,248 --> 00:08:43,133 Oh, my God, Nicole Moses ! 186 00:08:43,257 --> 00:08:45,410 People always tell me that we look exactly the same. 187 00:08:45,538 --> 00:08:47,923 Do people ever tell you you look like a daytime hooker ? 188 00:08:48,056 --> 00:08:50,081 'Cause if they do, that's me. 189 00:08:51,218 --> 00:08:53,740 We can't do a story about you helping a hooker ! 190 00:08:53,865 --> 00:08:56,441 This has to be heartwarming and emotional ! 191 00:08:56,578 --> 00:08:58,121 I need a Kiki and Tiki. 192 00:08:58,256 --> 00:08:59,260 No, no, wait, 193 00:08:59,396 --> 00:09:00,840 I can do heartwarming. 194 00:09:00,967 --> 00:09:03,041 I got heartwarming on here ! 195 00:09:03,168 --> 00:09:04,480 I got a heartwarming story. 196 00:09:04,617 --> 00:09:06,132 Remember that finger we found in the park ? 197 00:09:06,267 --> 00:09:07,962 We could try and find who it belongs to. 198 00:09:08,096 --> 00:09:10,081 Randy, just let me think. 199 00:09:11,095 --> 00:09:14,262 Here's one, number 40, "Wrecked a kid's playhouse." 200 00:09:14,918 --> 00:09:17,062 Dodge and Earl Jr. loved that playhouse. 201 00:09:17,197 --> 00:09:18,851 Let's sleep in here tonight. 202 00:09:18,985 --> 00:09:19,963 I'm scared. 203 00:09:20,087 --> 00:09:22,101 There's nothing to be afraid of. 204 00:09:23,986 --> 00:09:25,081 Aliens ! 205 00:09:30,887 --> 00:09:32,293 See, Randy ? 206 00:09:33,418 --> 00:09:35,723 You thought I couldn't make it all the way home. 207 00:09:37,425 --> 00:09:38,453 Randy ? 208 00:09:41,467 --> 00:09:42,340 Randy ? 209 00:09:44,018 --> 00:09:45,222 Oh, crap. 210 00:09:49,856 --> 00:09:52,280 Man makes up for ruining children's dreams. 211 00:09:52,415 --> 00:09:53,131 It's perfect. 212 00:09:53,255 --> 00:09:55,211 The public loves stories of redemption. 213 00:09:55,708 --> 00:09:57,803 Crap, we only have time to shoot the intro. 214 00:09:57,938 --> 00:09:58,930 Let's shoot over there. 215 00:09:59,067 --> 00:10:01,820 I think the guy in the car just paid for another round. 216 00:10:01,956 --> 00:10:03,630 Excuse me, reporter lady. 217 00:10:03,808 --> 00:10:05,312 Am I going to be on the camera pretty soon ? 218 00:10:05,435 --> 00:10:07,700 'Cause I don't know how long my cowlick is going to stay down. 219 00:10:07,835 --> 00:10:08,480 What ? 220 00:10:08,617 --> 00:10:12,112 Oh, big fella, no, you're not gonna be on the camera. 221 00:10:12,236 --> 00:10:13,633 The story's about Earl. 222 00:10:13,766 --> 00:10:15,242 I hope I didn't mislead you. 223 00:10:16,197 --> 00:10:17,360 Oh, no, no, no, no. 224 00:10:17,498 --> 00:10:19,660 I didn't think I was going to be in the show. 225 00:10:19,787 --> 00:10:21,512 I didn't even want to be. 226 00:10:22,397 --> 00:10:23,270 See ? 227 00:10:28,686 --> 00:10:30,422 Hey, dummy, what's wrong ? 228 00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:32,472 The world run out of macaroni and cheese ? 229 00:10:35,095 --> 00:10:37,033 Seriously, though, what's your trouble ? 230 00:10:37,168 --> 00:10:40,993 Stupid reporter lady won't let me be in her story about Earl's list. 231 00:10:41,177 --> 00:10:42,440 That's because it's his list. 232 00:10:42,575 --> 00:10:44,493 Karma hit him with a car, not you. 233 00:10:44,878 --> 00:10:47,442 But I help him cross things off, plus he couldn't have done 234 00:10:47,568 --> 00:10:50,230 half the bad things on there if I wasn't with him smashing windows 235 00:10:50,358 --> 00:10:52,070 and giving him a boost and stuff. 236 00:10:52,197 --> 00:10:53,472 Well, there's your problem. 237 00:10:53,595 --> 00:10:54,933 I mean, you're just giving him a boost. 238 00:10:55,498 --> 00:10:58,533 Who wants a story about a man standing there pushing up on another man's ass ? 239 00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:01,220 If you want to get noticed in this world, you got to break away from your brother. 240 00:11:01,355 --> 00:11:03,330 You mean I got to move out of the motel ? 241 00:11:03,466 --> 00:11:04,410 I don't know, Joy. 242 00:11:04,546 --> 00:11:06,481 I don't like paying money for soap. 243 00:11:06,927 --> 00:11:09,002 I guess I could make it myself. 244 00:11:09,338 --> 00:11:10,050 What are the ingredients ? 245 00:11:10,188 --> 00:11:12,550 I mean there's soap, there's wrapper, there's... 246 00:11:12,688 --> 00:11:14,510 You got to stop doing whatever he does. 247 00:11:14,635 --> 00:11:16,343 I mean, when he was bad, you were bad. 248 00:11:16,465 --> 00:11:18,120 When he turned good, you turned good. 249 00:11:18,245 --> 00:11:19,691 You... you got to be your own man. 250 00:11:19,816 --> 00:11:20,631 Do the opposite. 251 00:11:20,768 --> 00:11:23,351 When Earl zigs, you got to zag. 252 00:11:23,646 --> 00:11:24,920 The opposite of Earl. 253 00:11:25,046 --> 00:11:26,270 I can do that. 254 00:11:26,405 --> 00:11:28,551 I'm going to make a list of all the good things I've done 255 00:11:28,678 --> 00:11:30,600 and go around screwing those people. 256 00:11:30,737 --> 00:11:32,411 And I'll wear a sombrero while I'm doing it. 257 00:11:32,537 --> 00:11:34,433 Earl never wears a sombrero. 258 00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:38,511 Scattered showers overnight have authorities hoping for relief 259 00:11:38,646 --> 00:11:40,343 from the Nathanville tire fire. 260 00:11:40,475 --> 00:11:41,580 What are you doing ? 261 00:11:41,718 --> 00:11:44,991 I'm practicing my American accent by watching your newslady friend. 262 00:11:45,128 --> 00:11:49,813 The weather today calls for a high of 62 and a low of 48. 263 00:11:51,538 --> 00:11:53,563 You know, if you could have talked like that a couple months ago, 264 00:11:53,695 --> 00:11:55,222 you wouldn't have gotten deported. 265 00:11:55,526 --> 00:11:56,451 And, if that doesn't help, 266 00:11:56,577 --> 00:12:00,272 they're asking that people stop adding tires to the fire. 267 00:12:01,015 --> 00:12:02,600 Crazy Head ! 268 00:12:02,728 --> 00:12:05,091 Crazy Head is coming to town, and behind him is... 269 00:12:05,227 --> 00:12:06,701 Get off my set ! 270 00:12:07,778 --> 00:12:08,680 Get him off ! 271 00:12:08,816 --> 00:12:10,421 Crazy Head ! 272 00:12:10,555 --> 00:12:11,462 What the hell is he doing ? 273 00:12:11,595 --> 00:12:13,082 What the hell happened to his body ? 274 00:12:13,207 --> 00:12:14,481 You guys, help me ! 275 00:12:14,608 --> 00:12:15,771 Look at me, I'll peck them. 276 00:12:26,566 --> 00:12:28,222 What's going on with you, Randy ? 277 00:12:28,358 --> 00:12:30,900 I'm wearing a sombrero, which you would never do. 278 00:12:31,035 --> 00:12:32,700 I'm zagging 'cause you always zig, 279 00:12:32,835 --> 00:12:34,713 and I'm gonna be my own man starting right... 280 00:12:36,956 --> 00:12:39,350 - ...now. - Oh, Randy ! God ! 281 00:12:39,486 --> 00:12:40,481 That's me zagging. 282 00:12:40,616 --> 00:12:43,672 Usually, I'd be nice like you and go outside if I had to rip one. 283 00:12:43,805 --> 00:12:44,990 But I'm out of your shadow, Earl. 284 00:12:45,128 --> 00:12:48,191 I'm going to get noticed for being me, and get my own TV news report, 285 00:12:48,316 --> 00:12:51,071 and then it won't matter that people don't give me credit for being part of your list, 286 00:12:51,196 --> 00:12:52,823 'cause I'm doing my own thing. 287 00:12:54,617 --> 00:12:55,212 Zag ! 288 00:12:55,288 --> 00:12:57,250 See ? You would never do that, would you, Earl ? 289 00:12:57,378 --> 00:12:58,670 Oh, man ! 290 00:12:58,796 --> 00:13:01,640 No, I wouldn't, and I'm pretty sure the news is never gonna do 291 00:13:01,768 --> 00:13:05,052 a story about a sombrero-wearing jackass who goes around breaking lamps. 292 00:13:05,186 --> 00:13:06,900 You're wrong. And when they do that story, 293 00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:08,631 I'm going to make sure my brother's a part of it 294 00:13:08,767 --> 00:13:10,530 'cause that's something you wouldn't do. 295 00:13:12,526 --> 00:13:14,241 So that's what this is about ? 296 00:13:16,967 --> 00:13:18,552 I'm sorry, Randy. 297 00:13:19,276 --> 00:13:21,932 I didn't even notice that you were being left out of the story. 298 00:13:22,066 --> 00:13:23,811 Nobody notices me. 299 00:13:23,946 --> 00:13:25,352 It's just like Joy said. 300 00:13:25,487 --> 00:13:27,642 Karma hit you with that car, not me. 301 00:13:27,778 --> 00:13:29,872 Randy, you're a big part of the list. 302 00:13:30,126 --> 00:13:33,370 I know it, you know it, and when this story airs, 303 00:13:33,507 --> 00:13:34,580 everyone's going to know it, 304 00:13:34,715 --> 00:13:37,251 'cause you're going to be right there with me building that playhouse. 305 00:13:37,386 --> 00:13:38,170 Really ? 306 00:13:38,427 --> 00:13:39,593 Absolutely. 307 00:13:39,727 --> 00:13:41,172 Let's zig together, buddy. 308 00:13:41,296 --> 00:13:42,410 Tell the truth, Earl. 309 00:13:42,537 --> 00:13:44,903 Was Crazy Head funny on TV ? Was it funny ? 310 00:13:45,038 --> 00:13:46,322 Yeah, Randy, it was funny. 311 00:13:46,505 --> 00:13:48,560 If it had its own show. would you watch it ? 312 00:13:48,687 --> 00:13:51,133 Maybe. Depends what time. 313 00:13:51,257 --> 00:13:53,811 Nicole wasn't crazy about Randy being in the story, but 314 00:13:53,947 --> 00:13:56,911 she knew I was her best chance of getting back on the evening news, 315 00:13:57,047 --> 00:13:59,221 and she wasn't gonna get Kiki without Tiki. 316 00:13:59,357 --> 00:14:01,432 I-I learned this in drama camp. 317 00:14:01,557 --> 00:14:03,433 Better butter, butter, better butter, butter, 318 00:14:03,567 --> 00:14:05,443 better butter, butter, better butter, butter, 319 00:14:05,566 --> 00:14:07,831 better butter, butter, better butter, butter,.... 320 00:14:08,718 --> 00:14:10,232 Nicole Moses. 321 00:14:10,366 --> 00:14:12,083 I didn't realize you were here. 322 00:14:12,365 --> 00:14:14,601 I was just inside reading my Bible. 323 00:14:14,738 --> 00:14:17,262 Everything I do is guided by this holy book. 324 00:14:17,395 --> 00:14:19,881 So, if anybody says that I've done something wrong, 325 00:14:20,016 --> 00:14:22,511 well, then they're saying the Bible is wrong. 326 00:14:22,646 --> 00:14:23,561 - So - Hum, hum. 327 00:14:24,068 --> 00:14:26,913 Joy, are you on those happy pills again ? 328 00:14:27,048 --> 00:14:30,150 No. I'm just trying to look good in case any potential jurors are watching. 329 00:14:30,967 --> 00:14:34,381 Since you're here, let me introduce you to my family of many colors. 330 00:14:34,597 --> 00:14:37,091 As you can see, I have a white son and a black son, 331 00:14:37,218 --> 00:14:40,252 but I don't see race, so I can't tell which is which. 332 00:14:40,407 --> 00:14:42,751 Over here is my husband Darnell. 333 00:14:42,967 --> 00:14:45,011 He's serving America in the Witness Protection Program. 334 00:14:45,136 --> 00:14:46,192 No, I'm not ! 335 00:14:46,465 --> 00:14:47,870 Oh, that's right, honey. 336 00:14:48,007 --> 00:14:49,340 No, he's not. 337 00:14:50,038 --> 00:14:52,192 And, once Nicole turned the camera on us, 338 00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:54,332 I made sure the spotlight landed on Randy. 339 00:14:54,465 --> 00:14:56,262 The best part of doing my list is 340 00:14:56,387 --> 00:14:58,260 that I get to do it with my brother, Randy. 341 00:14:58,386 --> 00:15:00,100 He's a great guy and he's special. 342 00:15:00,227 --> 00:15:03,131 See ? I made it look like a Little Rascal wrote it. 343 00:15:03,268 --> 00:15:05,862 Now, if we can just spike up a few of Dodge's hairs and 344 00:15:05,998 --> 00:15:08,972 teach Earl Junior to say "Otay," we'd have a show. 345 00:15:09,307 --> 00:15:12,911 I also made sure that everyone would know how nice a guy Randy really is. 346 00:15:13,045 --> 00:15:16,350 Look, Randy's helping out by entertaining the kids. 347 00:15:16,488 --> 00:15:18,702 He always has been good with kids. 348 00:15:18,825 --> 00:15:24,820 I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout. 349 00:15:24,955 --> 00:15:27,872 When he's had a few drinks, he uses his junk as the spout. 350 00:15:27,997 --> 00:15:29,572 But never in front of the kids. 351 00:15:30,006 --> 00:15:31,710 He's been like a third daddy to them. 352 00:15:31,836 --> 00:15:34,301 I remember when you were in diapers, and 353 00:15:34,428 --> 00:15:35,950 you'd come into the living room saying, 354 00:15:36,088 --> 00:15:38,412 "I pooped my pants ! I pooped my pants !" 355 00:15:38,545 --> 00:15:41,731 And me and your old daddy, we'd have to take you out and set you on the porch 356 00:15:41,855 --> 00:15:43,832 until your mom come home and change your diaper. 357 00:15:43,956 --> 00:15:45,261 That was fun. 358 00:15:47,637 --> 00:15:49,012 That's on my list. 359 00:15:50,355 --> 00:15:51,862 And, by the time it was over, 360 00:15:51,987 --> 00:15:54,362 I made it look like Randy was in charge. 361 00:15:54,487 --> 00:15:55,711 What do you think, boss ? 362 00:15:55,838 --> 00:15:57,082 We did it ! 363 00:15:57,666 --> 00:15:59,713 He's my brother and I love him. 364 00:16:00,068 --> 00:16:01,680 And cut. 365 00:16:06,568 --> 00:16:08,581 I got to cross the kids off my list, and 366 00:16:08,705 --> 00:16:11,882 once Nicole said the story was good enough to make the evening news, 367 00:16:12,007 --> 00:16:14,003 I knew I could cross her off, too. 368 00:16:14,138 --> 00:16:16,880 And, up next, we welcome back a long-lost friend... 369 00:16:16,995 --> 00:16:18,591 It's on ! 370 00:16:18,727 --> 00:16:21,170 Nicole Moses has an uplifting story 371 00:16:21,307 --> 00:16:25,752 about a hooligan who turned "cool" again. Nicole. 372 00:16:26,266 --> 00:16:27,853 Think she used the stuff with me in it ? 373 00:16:27,985 --> 00:16:29,051 I hope so. 374 00:16:29,177 --> 00:16:33,592 Camden native Earl Hickey is a man with a pretty checkered past. 375 00:16:33,728 --> 00:16:35,072 Yeah, I used to be a criminal. 376 00:16:35,207 --> 00:16:36,691 I did bad things. 377 00:16:36,857 --> 00:16:40,022 But then karma made me realize it was time to do some good things. 378 00:16:46,027 --> 00:16:47,631 He does do good things. 379 00:16:47,966 --> 00:16:51,860 And, as it turns out, the real story is a story of two brothers. 380 00:16:52,875 --> 00:16:54,333 Did you remember to call mom ? 381 00:16:54,458 --> 00:16:56,282 Don't worry. I called everybody. 382 00:16:56,418 --> 00:16:59,361 You see, out of all the good things Earl Hickey does now, 383 00:16:59,496 --> 00:17:03,933 the biggest one is taking care of his mentally disabled brother, Randy, 384 00:17:04,068 --> 00:17:07,963 a sweet but needy soul who can't take care of himself. 385 00:17:08,518 --> 00:17:09,822 Better butter, butter, 386 00:17:09,958 --> 00:17:11,220 better butter, butter, 387 00:17:11,348 --> 00:17:12,842 better butter, butter... 388 00:17:12,976 --> 00:17:15,790 While Randy Hickey may look like a man, 389 00:17:15,916 --> 00:17:18,292 he is little more than a man-child. 390 00:17:18,795 --> 00:17:20,482 What's going on, Earl ? 391 00:17:20,605 --> 00:17:24,161 Randy can entertain himself for hours with the simplest thing. 392 00:17:24,286 --> 00:17:27,192 I'm a little teapot, short and stout. 393 00:17:27,326 --> 00:17:30,592 Here is my handle, here is my spout. 394 00:17:32,367 --> 00:17:33,513 He's special. 395 00:17:34,305 --> 00:17:38,013 That's why Earl Hickey built his brother a special gift, 396 00:17:38,138 --> 00:17:42,123 a gift that only a man would do for his man-child brother. 397 00:17:42,488 --> 00:17:44,410 How do you like your playhouse, Randy ? 398 00:17:45,206 --> 00:17:46,532 We did it ! 399 00:17:46,946 --> 00:17:48,982 He's my brother, and I love him. 400 00:17:49,397 --> 00:17:50,273 I pooped my pants ! 401 00:17:50,408 --> 00:17:51,763 I pooped my pants ! 402 00:17:51,896 --> 00:17:53,400 I'm Nicole Moses with... 403 00:17:53,848 --> 00:17:55,352 Randy, come back ! 404 00:17:57,028 --> 00:17:58,261 Poor Randy. 405 00:17:58,437 --> 00:18:01,642 You could edit film to make people think all kinds of things. 406 00:18:01,768 --> 00:18:03,190 Like the moon landing-- 407 00:18:03,318 --> 00:18:05,813 that was all done with puppets in my uncle's garage. 408 00:18:05,948 --> 00:18:07,340 Randy was embarrassed. 409 00:18:07,477 --> 00:18:09,891 I just hoped that not everyone had seen the report that day. 410 00:18:10,018 --> 00:18:12,001 Run, Forrest, run ! 411 00:18:12,415 --> 00:18:13,631 But they had. 412 00:18:14,866 --> 00:18:17,312 Turned out Randy wasn't running away from his problem. 413 00:18:17,437 --> 00:18:19,263 He was on his way to confront her. 414 00:18:25,697 --> 00:18:26,471 Why ? 415 00:18:26,598 --> 00:18:27,743 Why did you do that to me ? 416 00:18:27,865 --> 00:18:29,351 Why did you make me look stupid ? 417 00:18:29,485 --> 00:18:31,811 Now I got to go win another Grover out of the claw machine 418 00:18:31,946 --> 00:18:35,952 to prove to all those people I'm smart, and that's going to cost, like, $600, 419 00:18:36,076 --> 00:18:37,533 and I don't have $600 ! 420 00:18:37,668 --> 00:18:39,440 Look, I'm sorry. 421 00:18:39,755 --> 00:18:42,132 That playhouse story just wasn't that interesting. 422 00:18:42,255 --> 00:18:44,841 I was up against a deadline. I had to come up with something. 423 00:18:44,968 --> 00:18:46,440 But you ruined my life ! 424 00:18:46,678 --> 00:18:47,792 Let's be honest, Randy. 425 00:18:47,917 --> 00:18:50,390 It's not like NASA was knocking on your door anyway. 426 00:18:50,518 --> 00:18:52,462 And all I did was make you look stupid on TV, 427 00:18:52,597 --> 00:18:53,601 just like you did to me 428 00:18:53,706 --> 00:18:56,311 every time I did a newscast, including yesterday. 429 00:18:56,895 --> 00:18:57,980 Sorry, Randy. 430 00:18:58,106 --> 00:18:59,612 What goes around comes around. 431 00:18:59,747 --> 00:19:00,890 It's karma, right ? 432 00:19:04,668 --> 00:19:05,852 Don't worry, Randy. 433 00:19:05,975 --> 00:19:08,001 I'm going to get Nicole to reedit the piece 434 00:19:08,127 --> 00:19:10,702 or do a retracteration on the air. 435 00:19:11,028 --> 00:19:12,402 I got noticed. 436 00:19:12,887 --> 00:19:13,652 What ? 437 00:19:13,776 --> 00:19:15,353 Karma noticed me, Earl. 438 00:19:15,478 --> 00:19:18,663 It made me look mentally disabilitated, even though I'm not. 439 00:19:19,548 --> 00:19:22,650 And if karma noticed me, that means I must be special, 440 00:19:22,788 --> 00:19:26,363 and I mean the good special, like you are. Not the slow one. 441 00:19:26,848 --> 00:19:28,631 Congratulations, Randy. 442 00:19:29,095 --> 00:19:30,123 You know what ? 443 00:19:30,415 --> 00:19:32,342 This one's yours to cross off. 444 00:19:33,016 --> 00:19:35,200 I think we should cross it off together. 445 00:19:36,138 --> 00:19:39,532 I'm Earl, and I'm gonna cross something off my list. 446 00:19:40,507 --> 00:19:42,492 And then I'm gonna squeeze my crotch really hard. 447 00:19:42,628 --> 00:19:43,451 Oh ! No berry twisters ! 448 00:19:43,575 --> 00:19:45,681 No berry twisters ! 449 00:19:54,308 --> 00:19:55,432 What the hell are you... 450 00:19:55,566 --> 00:19:56,762 What the hell are you doing ? 451 00:19:56,895 --> 00:19:58,901 I'm pulling that tooth that's been hurting you. 452 00:19:59,028 --> 00:20:02,183 You keep moaning in your sleep, and it's making me have mummy dreams. 453 00:20:02,317 --> 00:20:03,402 Still, generally, 454 00:20:03,538 --> 00:20:06,511 you're supposed to ask a person before you take out their body parts. 455 00:20:06,635 --> 00:20:09,512 I take off your body parts all the time while you're sleeping. 456 00:20:09,645 --> 00:20:11,863 I clip your toenails, scrape your corns down, 457 00:20:11,987 --> 00:20:16,020 Q-Tip your ears, trim your bangs. 458 00:20:16,575 --> 00:20:20,173 Well, it has been hurting me, and I do hate the dentist. 459 00:20:21,966 --> 00:20:24,093 Soon as I'm back asleep, have at it. 460 00:20:46,318 --> 00:20:48,972 Damn it, Randy ! You pulled the wrong tooth ! 461 00:20:49,107 --> 00:20:50,762 Transcript : Raceman Synchro : Dingo 462 00:20:50,896 --> 00:20:53,181 www.forom.com http://experts.heberg-forum.net