1 00:00:03,038 --> 00:00:05,674 It was Christmas time, a time of hope. 2 00:00:05,827 --> 00:00:07,353 And I was hoping I had enough bread 3 00:00:07,479 --> 00:00:10,065 to make 274 bologna sandwiches. 4 00:00:10,509 --> 00:00:11,551 They were for the list. 5 00:00:11,677 --> 00:00:16,645 #146: Stole Gay Kenny's lunch every day of 5th and 6th grade. 6 00:00:17,561 --> 00:00:19,307 Hey, one day I chewed up Kenny's sandwich, 7 00:00:19,433 --> 00:00:20,976 spit it out and shoved it down his throat. 8 00:00:21,102 --> 00:00:22,679 You think I should count that one ? 9 00:00:22,854 --> 00:00:24,135 'Cause technically, he did eat it. 10 00:00:24,267 --> 00:00:26,920 The holidays were a time of hope for Randy, too. 11 00:00:27,042 --> 00:00:29,236 He was finally going to make his move on Catalina. 12 00:00:29,351 --> 00:00:31,093 I'm almost done with my love poem. 13 00:00:31,220 --> 00:00:33,646 What's something that rhymes with "cartilage" ? 14 00:00:33,939 --> 00:00:36,161 Or "Florida." I can go either way. 15 00:00:36,508 --> 00:00:37,963 From the first day he saw her, 16 00:00:38,097 --> 00:00:40,862 Randy had a deep love and respect for Catalina. 17 00:00:42,138 --> 00:00:42,883 Dibs. 18 00:00:43,017 --> 00:00:45,152 But he was too shy to ever pursue it. 19 00:00:45,328 --> 00:00:46,912 Then he dated that tiny cat lady 20 00:00:47,038 --> 00:00:50,122 who liked him so much, she picked him over her cat. 21 00:00:50,297 --> 00:00:52,421 After that, he finally got confident enough 22 00:00:52,556 --> 00:00:54,033 to show his love to Catalina. 23 00:00:54,158 --> 00:00:56,621 Cat lady. Cat-alina. 24 00:00:56,747 --> 00:00:59,070 We had discussed that coincidence many times. 25 00:00:59,208 --> 00:01:01,961 Are you sure you want a love poem with the word "cartilage" in it ? 26 00:01:02,096 --> 00:01:04,812 Yeah, and the next word I use can't be "hardilage" 27 00:01:04,935 --> 00:01:06,331 'cause I already used that. 28 00:01:06,465 --> 00:01:07,620 Hardilage ? 29 00:01:07,867 --> 00:01:10,743 And for Joy, the holidays were also a time of hope. 30 00:01:10,877 --> 00:01:12,961 She was hoping she could stay out of jail for kidnapping 31 00:01:13,098 --> 00:01:14,363 and grand larceny. 32 00:01:14,508 --> 00:01:16,843 And he deaf lawyer was hoping Joy could control her anger 33 00:01:16,978 --> 00:01:18,703 in a courtroom situation. 34 00:01:19,378 --> 00:01:21,141 Can you state your name ? 35 00:01:21,957 --> 00:01:24,392 Yes, it's Joy Farrah Turner. 36 00:01:24,528 --> 00:01:25,431 Libra. 37 00:01:27,237 --> 00:01:29,032 And you're a resident of Camden ? 38 00:01:29,446 --> 00:01:30,241 Yes. 39 00:01:31,467 --> 00:01:32,233 Now, Miss Turner, 40 00:01:32,356 --> 00:01:34,313 you've been a slut for how long now ? 41 00:01:34,448 --> 00:01:35,530 You son of a bitch ! I'm going to break 42 00:01:35,665 --> 00:01:37,500 every damn bone in your talking hands ! 43 00:01:38,457 --> 00:01:39,963 And that's why they were practicing. 44 00:01:40,096 --> 00:01:42,671 Joy always did have a problem controlling her anger. 45 00:01:49,875 --> 00:01:53,173 This is what I'm talking about. You can't do this in court. 46 00:01:56,078 --> 00:01:57,003 I'm sorry. 47 00:01:57,137 --> 00:02:00,712 It's just that deaf accent of yours gets me every time. 48 00:02:04,688 --> 00:02:06,050 All right, I'm cool. 49 00:02:06,187 --> 00:02:06,860 Shoot me another question. 50 00:02:06,998 --> 00:02:08,562 I can hold myself back. 51 00:02:12,257 --> 00:02:14,012 Kind of like the elementary school 52 00:02:14,148 --> 00:02:16,133 held your dopey kids back last year ? 53 00:02:16,267 --> 00:02:17,680 My babies are off limits ! 54 00:02:17,818 --> 00:02:20,123 No, no, no, no, no, no. No, please, don't. 55 00:02:21,325 --> 00:02:23,053 While I brought sandwiches to Kenny, 56 00:02:23,188 --> 00:02:26,031 Randy continued planning his big night with Catalina. 57 00:02:26,645 --> 00:02:28,911 The night I give her the poem and tell her I love her, 58 00:02:29,038 --> 00:02:31,611 I'm going to have the room decorated with stuff she likes. 59 00:02:31,747 --> 00:02:33,071 Do you know what she likes ? 60 00:02:33,575 --> 00:02:36,452 I don't know. A lot of girls like rainbows. 61 00:02:38,477 --> 00:02:39,813 Rainbow. 62 00:02:41,908 --> 00:02:43,262 I'm going to need a hose. 63 00:02:46,148 --> 00:02:47,851 Oh. Oh, hi, Earl, Randy. 64 00:02:47,987 --> 00:02:48,771 What's new ? 65 00:02:48,906 --> 00:02:50,932 I can't take the crying anymore, Kenny. 66 00:02:51,056 --> 00:02:51,990 You're a cry baby. 67 00:02:52,118 --> 00:02:54,863 And you're an emotional terrorist, that's what you are ! 68 00:02:55,605 --> 00:02:58,792 Uh, I made you 274 sandwiches. 69 00:03:00,248 --> 00:03:01,092 I'm sorry, Kenny. 70 00:03:01,228 --> 00:03:03,133 We tried, but it's not going to work. 71 00:03:03,768 --> 00:03:05,213 Then go ! Get out ! 72 00:03:05,495 --> 00:03:07,652 I hate you ! I hate you ! I hate you ! 73 00:03:08,648 --> 00:03:09,602 Uh, anyway, 74 00:03:09,727 --> 00:03:12,100 some of them are on white bread and some are on whole wheat, 75 00:03:12,237 --> 00:03:14,242 which I thought gay people would enjoy. 76 00:03:14,798 --> 00:03:17,133 I hope these don't have mayo on them, I'm on a diet. 77 00:03:18,096 --> 00:03:20,650 Since I'm apparently dating again. 78 00:03:21,766 --> 00:03:23,472 As much as I didn't want to stay, 79 00:03:23,597 --> 00:03:25,351 Kenny needed someone to talk to. 80 00:03:25,698 --> 00:03:27,300 Ever since Brokeback Mountain, 81 00:03:27,437 --> 00:03:31,091 all guys want anymore are tough, strong manly types. 82 00:03:31,347 --> 00:03:33,143 That movie totally ruined gay life. 83 00:03:33,268 --> 00:03:34,473 Yeah, I hear you. 84 00:03:34,878 --> 00:03:36,213 What's he talking about ? 85 00:03:38,517 --> 00:03:40,300 What about people like me, Earl ? 86 00:03:40,476 --> 00:03:42,601 How am I going to find a man to love me ? 87 00:03:42,758 --> 00:03:46,281 Look, I, uh... I don't know much about gay stuff, Kenny. 88 00:03:46,405 --> 00:03:49,522 The gayest thing I've ever done is make all these sandwiches. 89 00:03:50,717 --> 00:03:51,470 Hey, 90 00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:54,120 you think you can teach me how to be like you ? 91 00:03:54,245 --> 00:03:55,870 Everything about you is manly. 92 00:03:55,995 --> 00:03:59,231 Your clothes, your scent, even your name Earl. 93 00:03:59,365 --> 00:04:00,210 Earl. 94 00:04:00,585 --> 00:04:02,440 Earrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl. 95 00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:03,731 Please stop that. 96 00:04:04,796 --> 00:04:06,211 Wait, wait, wait... 97 00:04:06,655 --> 00:04:09,061 You want me to teach you how to be less gay 98 00:04:09,188 --> 00:04:10,852 so you can sleep with more men ? 99 00:04:12,827 --> 00:04:13,801 Okay. 100 00:04:14,707 --> 00:04:16,362 Oh ! Thank you so much ! 101 00:04:16,487 --> 00:04:18,850 Oh, this is going to be oodles of fun. 102 00:04:18,985 --> 00:04:20,061 Okay, rule number one : 103 00:04:20,195 --> 00:04:22,492 don't say "oodles" unless it's followed by "noodles." 104 00:04:22,616 --> 00:04:23,673 That's right. 105 00:04:25,697 --> 00:04:28,600 While I was trying to help Kenny, Joy's lawyer was trying to help her, 106 00:04:28,735 --> 00:04:30,452 by sending her to an anger management class. 107 00:04:30,585 --> 00:04:33,031 Each of you has a disease. 108 00:04:33,156 --> 00:04:35,213 Unfortunately, because of budget cuts, 109 00:04:35,346 --> 00:04:38,200 anyone with a control problem in Camden met in the same group. 110 00:04:38,336 --> 00:04:40,253 Wasn't effective, but it was cheaper. 111 00:04:40,385 --> 00:04:42,813 Whether it's the disease of alcoholism 112 00:04:42,935 --> 00:04:46,652 or out of control anger or a sex addiction 113 00:04:46,777 --> 00:04:49,643 or stealing things you don't need. 114 00:04:49,765 --> 00:04:50,883 But why ? 115 00:04:51,015 --> 00:04:54,921 Why must I steal pens and only pens ? 116 00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:59,131 I have thousands of them. I don't want anymore. 117 00:04:59,256 --> 00:05:01,361 I am so ashamed. 118 00:05:01,486 --> 00:05:03,371 Oh, for God's sake, would you suck it up ? 119 00:05:03,508 --> 00:05:06,261 Nobody gives a damn about your stupid pen problem. 120 00:05:06,397 --> 00:05:07,952 And I'm sorry, but drinking all the time, 121 00:05:08,078 --> 00:05:10,341 like Sheila over there, is not a disease. 122 00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:13,520 What's on the back of her neck, now that's a damn disease. 123 00:05:13,768 --> 00:05:16,783 And wanting sex 16 times a day just means that whoever you're with 124 00:05:16,918 --> 00:05:19,170 ain't getting the job done right the first time. 125 00:05:19,525 --> 00:05:22,511 And please, having 300 pairs of fancy shoes in your closet 126 00:05:22,637 --> 00:05:24,270 does not mean Becky is sick. 127 00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:25,410 It means she's ugly 128 00:05:25,548 --> 00:05:27,571 and she just wants people to stare at her feet. 129 00:05:27,908 --> 00:05:32,673 No, Joy. A disease is something you have no control over. 130 00:05:32,855 --> 00:05:36,763 It's something you can learn to live with but cannot cure. 131 00:05:36,955 --> 00:05:41,300 A disease is something that is not your fault. 132 00:05:42,395 --> 00:05:44,703 I like that "it's not my fault part" keep going. 133 00:05:44,826 --> 00:05:46,533 Well, you have what is known 134 00:05:46,667 --> 00:05:49,943 as pathological impulse control disorder. 135 00:05:50,078 --> 00:05:51,243 Hot damn ! 136 00:05:51,375 --> 00:05:53,572 Does this mean that I can get cripple people parking ? 137 00:05:53,708 --> 00:05:55,502 Although it felt a little strange, 138 00:05:55,626 --> 00:05:57,692 no one ever wanted to be like me before. 139 00:05:57,825 --> 00:05:59,850 So helping Kenny was kind of fun. 140 00:06:01,348 --> 00:06:02,590 Untuck your shirt. 141 00:06:02,815 --> 00:06:03,652 Really ? 142 00:06:03,948 --> 00:06:06,891 Well, I do 20 lunges every morning to make sure I have a good butt. 143 00:06:08,048 --> 00:06:09,310 Okay, it just seems like a waste of lunges. 144 00:06:10,172 --> 00:06:13,266 I took Kenny to the Crab Shack to start his macho lessons. 145 00:06:13,381 --> 00:06:15,863 Catalina came along to wire some money home. 146 00:06:18,260 --> 00:06:19,366 Big stack this week. 147 00:06:19,489 --> 00:06:23,022 Yeah, Club Chubby relaxed their no touching policy during holidays. 148 00:06:29,936 --> 00:06:32,002 I can't stand using this machine. 149 00:06:32,227 --> 00:06:33,810 It's too much damn responsibility. 150 00:06:33,948 --> 00:06:37,363 Last month, I accidentally sent $600 to the Taliban. 151 00:06:37,557 --> 00:06:38,822 Well, don't mess this up. 152 00:06:38,957 --> 00:06:40,570 If the money doesn't get to my village each week, 153 00:06:40,705 --> 00:06:43,212 the man who kidnapped my brother will cut off his finger. 154 00:06:43,335 --> 00:06:44,222 He was born with eleven, 155 00:06:44,356 --> 00:06:46,670 but as a magician, he uses them all. 156 00:06:48,957 --> 00:06:51,011 Don't cross your legs like that. 157 00:06:53,217 --> 00:06:55,632 And take the napkin off from around your beer bottle. 158 00:06:56,276 --> 00:06:58,141 You are such a stern task master. 159 00:06:58,268 --> 00:07:00,662 No, don't say words like stern. 160 00:07:00,845 --> 00:07:02,901 And whatever that other thing was. 161 00:07:09,047 --> 00:07:10,853 Oh, it's okay. I'm not stealing. 162 00:07:10,987 --> 00:07:12,893 I'm just finding out things about Catalina 163 00:07:13,027 --> 00:07:14,962 to help me with the big night I'm planning. 164 00:07:16,536 --> 00:07:18,491 She likes orange tic tacs. 165 00:07:19,617 --> 00:07:20,442 Keys. 166 00:07:23,616 --> 00:07:26,272 - And tampons. - Is there a pen in there ? 167 00:07:27,297 --> 00:07:30,423 When I saw that Rosie the bookie was operating at the bar today, 168 00:07:30,558 --> 00:07:31,910 I decided to introduce Kenny 169 00:07:32,048 --> 00:07:34,282 to the manly world of dog race betting. 170 00:07:34,418 --> 00:07:36,532 Pick a dog. I don't have all day. 171 00:07:36,757 --> 00:07:38,342 Ooh, Tiny Dancer. 172 00:07:38,476 --> 00:07:41,343 That's an Elton John song. Lyrics by Bernie Taupin. 173 00:07:41,536 --> 00:07:43,973 Just put a bet down. Be bold. 174 00:07:44,566 --> 00:07:47,430 Five dollars on Tiny Dancer. 175 00:07:47,585 --> 00:07:48,473 Bolder. 176 00:07:48,838 --> 00:07:50,862 Five dollars on Tiny Dancer. 177 00:07:53,576 --> 00:07:57,122 Tiny Dancer had a good day, and so did me and Kenny. 178 00:08:04,155 --> 00:08:06,452 We bet the next race and won that one, too. 179 00:08:06,585 --> 00:08:07,583 Yeah ! 180 00:08:09,698 --> 00:08:10,700 Yeah ! 181 00:08:13,337 --> 00:08:15,161 And four more after that. 182 00:08:18,798 --> 00:08:21,342 That's when I realized this was the first time I really gambled 183 00:08:21,465 --> 00:08:22,770 since I made the list. 184 00:08:22,957 --> 00:08:25,271 Maybe karma was looking over my shoulder. 185 00:08:25,967 --> 00:08:28,122 That weekend, I took my winnings and bought myself 186 00:08:28,257 --> 00:08:31,200 a Christmas present : new tires for the El Camino. 187 00:08:31,326 --> 00:08:34,092 And since changing tires was a manly activity, 188 00:08:34,225 --> 00:08:36,282 I figured I'd get Kenny to do it. 189 00:08:36,515 --> 00:08:38,463 I believe that's called "multi-tasking." 190 00:08:38,595 --> 00:08:40,182 After Kenny changes your tires, 191 00:08:40,317 --> 00:08:42,590 can we go to the store so I can get a special shirt to wear 192 00:08:42,717 --> 00:08:43,973 when I ask Catalina out ? 193 00:08:44,105 --> 00:08:46,241 I found out she likes dogs, so if they have anything 194 00:08:46,375 --> 00:08:48,331 made out of dog skin, that might be cool. 195 00:08:48,455 --> 00:08:50,231 Maybe later. I need to get to the Crab Shack 196 00:08:50,366 --> 00:08:52,452 and put a few bets down while I'm still on a roll. 197 00:08:52,588 --> 00:08:53,810 I also need bubble wrap. 198 00:08:53,935 --> 00:08:55,333 She likes the sound it makes when it pops 199 00:08:55,465 --> 00:08:57,061 'cause it reminds her of her childhood. 200 00:08:57,197 --> 00:08:59,001 You know, 'cause of all the shooting. 201 00:09:03,935 --> 00:09:04,751 Hey, tough guy. 202 00:09:04,887 --> 00:09:06,231 Want to learn how to change a tire ? 203 00:09:06,358 --> 00:09:09,612 Oh, sure. I'm just finishing my coffee. 204 00:09:12,456 --> 00:09:13,961 Where's all your stuff ? 205 00:09:14,117 --> 00:09:15,121 Oh, I, uh... 206 00:09:15,245 --> 00:09:16,683 I sent it all out to be cleaned. 207 00:09:16,816 --> 00:09:18,180 You know, for the holidays. 208 00:09:18,315 --> 00:09:19,053 Really ? 209 00:09:19,178 --> 00:09:20,942 Why didn't you have someone come here to clean it ? 210 00:09:21,077 --> 00:09:22,303 Well, because, uh... 211 00:09:23,806 --> 00:09:24,962 because I'm lying. 212 00:09:26,457 --> 00:09:29,213 Ever since you introduced me to gambling, I can't stop. 213 00:09:30,388 --> 00:09:32,273 I've been betting the horses online everyday. 214 00:09:32,408 --> 00:09:33,853 I didn't think I could lose. 215 00:09:34,008 --> 00:09:37,112 I kept betting on horses named after Elton John songs. 216 00:09:37,397 --> 00:09:38,810 Damn Candle in the Wind. 217 00:09:38,947 --> 00:09:41,051 Cost me my velveteen satine. 218 00:09:45,365 --> 00:09:46,093 Hold on, buddy. 219 00:09:46,225 --> 00:09:47,800 Let's look at the bright side. 220 00:09:47,936 --> 00:09:50,210 At least you're starting to show some manly rage. 221 00:09:55,158 --> 00:09:56,462 And now you're crying. 222 00:10:02,945 --> 00:10:07,241 Ricola ! 223 00:10:11,035 --> 00:10:13,541 ...after loosing all his furniture, dishes 224 00:10:13,668 --> 00:10:15,313 and something he called "window treatments," 225 00:10:15,447 --> 00:10:17,392 Kenny thought he might have a gambling problem. 226 00:10:17,525 --> 00:10:20,673 And in Camden, there was only one place for him to go. 227 00:10:21,107 --> 00:10:22,600 So, in a sense, 228 00:10:22,735 --> 00:10:26,013 gambling was a way to numb your childhood pain. 229 00:10:26,138 --> 00:10:27,311 It did hurt when the kids 230 00:10:27,445 --> 00:10:29,741 renamed that playground game "Smear the Kenny." 231 00:10:29,876 --> 00:10:31,372 I told you I had that on my list, Kenny. 232 00:10:31,498 --> 00:10:32,572 I'm gonna get to it. 233 00:10:32,968 --> 00:10:35,752 Earl, would you like to share anything today ? 234 00:10:35,886 --> 00:10:38,232 No, I'm just here 'cause Kenny was nervous about coming. 235 00:10:38,358 --> 00:10:39,792 I'm just making my picks for the day. 236 00:10:39,926 --> 00:10:41,582 Earl introduced me to gambling. 237 00:10:41,707 --> 00:10:43,021 He's super good at it. 238 00:10:43,157 --> 00:10:46,320 I'll go again. Yesterday, I punched a school bus. 239 00:10:46,456 --> 00:10:49,403 Joy, we're talking to Earl now. 240 00:10:50,565 --> 00:10:53,332 So, Earl, do you do a lot of gambling, too ? 241 00:10:53,458 --> 00:10:54,452 Uh, lately, yeah. 242 00:10:54,577 --> 00:10:56,363 As much as I can. I'm on a roll. 243 00:10:56,495 --> 00:10:58,133 In fact, I'm starting to feel a little buggy 244 00:10:58,267 --> 00:11:00,643 sitting here knowing I might miss the first race. 245 00:11:01,348 --> 00:11:02,371 Earl. 246 00:11:03,718 --> 00:11:07,933 Maybe you need to ask yourself if you have a gambling problem. 247 00:11:11,918 --> 00:11:14,573 Hmm, nope. I don't have a gambling problem. 248 00:11:14,696 --> 00:11:16,751 I'm winning. And winning is not a problem. 249 00:11:16,887 --> 00:11:19,621 That's like saying Michael Jordan has a basketball problem. 250 00:11:19,745 --> 00:11:22,042 Or Def Leppard has an awesomeness problem. 251 00:11:22,177 --> 00:11:24,341 So, why don't you all just pour some sugar on that ? 252 00:11:26,927 --> 00:11:28,871 Oh, I just thought of something else I punched. 253 00:11:29,007 --> 00:11:31,130 It was a Santa Claus begging for money. 254 00:11:34,325 --> 00:11:36,213 I went to the bank today. 255 00:11:36,876 --> 00:11:39,862 I was mad about being accused of having a gambling problem, 256 00:11:39,998 --> 00:11:42,133 but spending the next eight hours at the Crab Shack 257 00:11:42,257 --> 00:11:43,460 made me feel better. 258 00:11:45,348 --> 00:11:47,710 That's it. I'm out of cash. 259 00:11:48,945 --> 00:11:50,663 Ah... wait, don't leave, Rosie. 260 00:11:54,268 --> 00:11:54,860 Hey, Crab Man, 261 00:11:54,986 --> 00:11:56,740 you want to pick a number again and I'll try to guess it ? 262 00:11:56,876 --> 00:11:57,941 No, no way. 263 00:11:58,066 --> 00:12:00,283 I lost too much money playing that game yesterday. 264 00:12:00,418 --> 00:12:01,462 Sixteen. 265 00:12:01,587 --> 00:12:02,423 Whoa. 266 00:12:02,695 --> 00:12:04,500 You're like a X-Man or something. 267 00:12:14,846 --> 00:12:16,492 If you're looking for some action, 268 00:12:16,626 --> 00:12:18,102 I've got a little thing I do. 269 00:12:18,235 --> 00:12:20,962 Around 2:00 a.m. tonight, down in East Camden. 270 00:12:21,347 --> 00:12:24,092 You know that alley where them two fellas got stabbed last month ? 271 00:12:25,327 --> 00:12:26,282 Right next to that Dumpster 272 00:12:26,418 --> 00:12:28,702 where them wild dogs ate that bum's arm. 273 00:12:29,828 --> 00:12:30,642 Yeah ? 274 00:12:31,067 --> 00:12:32,250 There's a door 275 00:12:32,605 --> 00:12:35,071 that says "Danger. Do Not Enter." 276 00:12:35,665 --> 00:12:37,210 That's where you enter. 277 00:12:37,985 --> 00:12:39,261 But there's gonna be gambling ? 278 00:12:39,525 --> 00:12:40,433 Oh, yeah. 279 00:12:41,046 --> 00:12:42,032 I'll be there. 280 00:13:05,787 --> 00:13:06,853 Whoa ! 281 00:13:07,575 --> 00:13:09,813 Wait, so we just bet on where the chicken poops ? 282 00:13:09,948 --> 00:13:10,740 That's right. 283 00:13:10,877 --> 00:13:11,931 I'm in. 284 00:13:12,658 --> 00:13:15,371 Here, $40 on square number five. 285 00:13:18,148 --> 00:13:19,630 This is fantastic. 286 00:13:19,766 --> 00:13:22,481 Yeah. Chicken got to poop, people got to bet. 287 00:13:22,618 --> 00:13:24,122 Worked out real nice. 288 00:13:25,777 --> 00:13:28,770 Right there, right there. Yeah, buddy. Go, go, go. 289 00:13:28,896 --> 00:13:32,262 When the chicken drop stopped, I got the number of a place overseas 290 00:13:32,386 --> 00:13:34,340 that takes bets 24 hours a day. 291 00:13:34,465 --> 00:13:36,910 I stayed up all night betting on all kinds of things. 292 00:13:37,047 --> 00:13:39,043 - Earl... - Shh ! I'm looking for the news. 293 00:13:39,178 --> 00:13:41,640 Early returns are coming in on the election in the Congo. 294 00:13:41,775 --> 00:13:44,130 I put a thousand on Moombata over Adabbu. 295 00:13:44,265 --> 00:13:46,362 Moombata's a cannibal, but he went to Harvard. 296 00:13:46,497 --> 00:13:49,163 Earl, could you sit on the bed ? I'm laying bubble wrap. 297 00:13:49,285 --> 00:13:50,111 Now ? 298 00:13:50,518 --> 00:13:53,221 Yeah, today's the day I tell Catalina I love her. 299 00:13:53,347 --> 00:13:55,462 I've got a ton of decorating to do. 300 00:13:55,987 --> 00:13:57,961 Do you think you could help me build a piñata 301 00:13:58,087 --> 00:14:00,283 shaped like some actress named Salma Hayek ? 302 00:14:00,405 --> 00:14:02,241 Catalina doesn't like this Salma woman. 303 00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:03,970 She's just always wanted to hit her with a stick. 304 00:14:04,106 --> 00:14:05,732 Shh, Randy. Just hold on a second. 305 00:14:05,855 --> 00:14:07,403 And in international news, 306 00:14:07,526 --> 00:14:10,831 it looks like Moombata will win in a landslide. 307 00:14:11,318 --> 00:14:12,992 Moombata ! 308 00:14:13,126 --> 00:14:15,520 New day for Central Africa. Whoo ! 309 00:14:15,656 --> 00:14:18,860 I knew it was a mistake for Adabbu to go negative. 310 00:14:22,698 --> 00:14:24,651 Since Randy wanted Catalina out of the motel 311 00:14:24,805 --> 00:14:26,461 while he set up for his big night, 312 00:14:26,585 --> 00:14:28,581 I took her over to watch the chickens crap. 313 00:14:28,708 --> 00:14:30,661 Come on ! Relax and let it go. 314 00:14:30,798 --> 00:14:31,820 Come on ! 315 00:14:32,936 --> 00:14:34,563 Let it go, come on ! Come on ! 316 00:14:34,697 --> 00:14:35,882 Come on ! 317 00:14:36,557 --> 00:14:38,433 Kenny, what are you doing here ? 318 00:14:38,555 --> 00:14:41,020 I got the jones, Earl. I needed some action. 319 00:14:41,156 --> 00:14:42,700 I guess I'm just weak. 320 00:14:42,837 --> 00:14:44,613 No, what was weak was sitting in that room 321 00:14:44,736 --> 00:14:45,843 talking about your feelings. 322 00:14:45,977 --> 00:14:47,922 Remember, real men keep their emotions 323 00:14:48,056 --> 00:14:50,663 bottled up until they explode, and then they punch something 324 00:14:50,785 --> 00:14:52,632 that has nothing to do with what they're mad at. 325 00:14:52,756 --> 00:14:54,402 Oh, I would so date that. 326 00:14:54,536 --> 00:14:56,313 Now, let's win your furniture back. 327 00:15:01,057 --> 00:15:02,333 Oh, yeah, this one's a winner. 328 00:15:02,468 --> 00:15:04,491 See how he's moving his head ? That's a poopie dan. 329 00:15:04,625 --> 00:15:06,171 Yeah, buddy ! Come on ! 330 00:15:06,295 --> 00:15:07,773 Earl, you said we could leave an hour ago. 331 00:15:07,895 --> 00:15:10,153 My shift at Club Chubby starts in 20 minutes, and if I'm late, 332 00:15:10,286 --> 00:15:12,071 Fat Susan will go up first and sweat up the pole. 333 00:15:12,208 --> 00:15:13,800 Oh, hold on ! He's going for the corner. 334 00:15:13,925 --> 00:15:15,833 We've got 'em all covered. Come on, buddy. 335 00:15:16,198 --> 00:15:17,180 Earl, I'm not gonna have time 336 00:15:17,318 --> 00:15:19,371 to go to the Crab Shack so I can wire money home. 337 00:15:19,508 --> 00:15:20,500 Here, just take my car. 338 00:15:20,626 --> 00:15:22,233 I'll go by the Crab Shack and wire your money. 339 00:15:22,357 --> 00:15:24,843 Okay, well, just make sure that money gets to my village by noon. 340 00:15:24,976 --> 00:15:27,743 The thought of my brother's finger being chewed off by a weasel is too much. 341 00:15:27,876 --> 00:15:29,582 That's how they do it. They starve the weasel, 342 00:15:29,715 --> 00:15:30,900 then dip the finger in peanut butter. 343 00:15:31,036 --> 00:15:32,360 Okay, noon, got it. 344 00:15:32,708 --> 00:15:34,450 Come on, man ! Pick it up ! 345 00:15:35,926 --> 00:15:37,433 Yeah, buddy ! 346 00:15:39,256 --> 00:15:40,473 Number nine. 347 00:15:40,608 --> 00:15:42,010 You can't lose, Earl. 348 00:15:42,136 --> 00:15:43,602 It was a beautiful day. 349 00:15:43,736 --> 00:15:45,262 We were even getting comped. 350 00:15:46,377 --> 00:15:47,301 Yeah. 351 00:15:47,437 --> 00:15:49,940 And just when we thought things couldn't get any better, 352 00:15:50,185 --> 00:15:52,813 we saw it. Mr. Pitts. 353 00:15:52,945 --> 00:15:55,122 That was the name of our fifth grade teacher. 354 00:15:55,258 --> 00:15:57,242 It wasn't his real name, we just called him that 355 00:15:57,376 --> 00:15:59,620 'cause he could sweat through two shirts and a blazer. 356 00:15:59,775 --> 00:16:02,513 Mr. Pitts ? It's a sign. 357 00:16:02,646 --> 00:16:03,890 I know, Kenny. 358 00:16:04,438 --> 00:16:05,790 Square five for fifth grade. 359 00:16:05,926 --> 00:16:07,381 We got to go in with everything we got. 360 00:16:07,507 --> 00:16:08,432 I'm with you, man. 361 00:16:08,566 --> 00:16:11,490 I knew this was my chance to finally make a really big score. 362 00:16:11,718 --> 00:16:12,800 The only problem was, 363 00:16:12,926 --> 00:16:15,133 I didn't have enough money to do it up right. 364 00:16:16,326 --> 00:16:17,631 Earl, what are you doing ? 365 00:16:18,355 --> 00:16:20,722 You're not thinking of betting Catalina's money, are you ? 366 00:16:20,856 --> 00:16:22,912 Why not ? Hell, she'd want me to. 367 00:16:23,047 --> 00:16:25,811 I'll win ten times as much and can pay her back double. 368 00:16:25,945 --> 00:16:27,231 Ah, I don't know, man. What if you lose ? 369 00:16:27,365 --> 00:16:29,611 You won't be able to wire the money, and Catalina's brother 370 00:16:29,738 --> 00:16:32,120 will have his finger chewed off by a weasel. 371 00:16:32,247 --> 00:16:33,913 And she will hate you forever. 372 00:16:34,047 --> 00:16:36,891 And what's worse, you'll hate yourself. 373 00:16:37,085 --> 00:16:38,851 When Kenny said those things to me, 374 00:16:38,977 --> 00:16:42,070 it made me look deep into my heart and I realized something, 375 00:16:42,205 --> 00:16:43,520 something kind of painful. 376 00:16:44,595 --> 00:16:45,810 Kenny's a loser. 377 00:16:46,108 --> 00:16:48,511 I'm betting it all. You've got to stop thinking negative. 378 00:16:53,505 --> 00:16:55,113 So, there's nothing I can do about it. 379 00:16:55,245 --> 00:16:56,531 I have an anger disease. 380 00:16:56,745 --> 00:16:58,431 Kind of like how you have a can't-hear-anything disease 381 00:16:58,568 --> 00:17:00,872 and you have a get-your-ass- kicked-by-a-girl disease. 382 00:17:04,915 --> 00:17:08,593 She says... a bunch of stuff. Look, have you tried drugs ? 383 00:17:08,725 --> 00:17:11,321 A long time ago. But just pot. 384 00:17:11,666 --> 00:17:13,970 And hash and Quaaludes. 385 00:17:14,127 --> 00:17:15,903 And once, I dated this Indian guy 386 00:17:16,037 --> 00:17:17,992 and I chewed on a horse's adrenal gland. 387 00:17:18,115 --> 00:17:19,310 But how is this gonna help me in court ? 388 00:17:19,446 --> 00:17:22,001 No, I mean prescription drugs. For your anger. 389 00:17:22,136 --> 00:17:24,813 They have certainly done a lot for me. 390 00:17:25,008 --> 00:17:26,673 You have anger issues ? 391 00:17:27,066 --> 00:17:28,691 A mousy little dude like you ? 392 00:17:30,617 --> 00:17:32,983 It is not easy getting paid minimum wage to say 393 00:17:33,106 --> 00:17:35,831 whatever stupid things some deaf woman tells you to. 394 00:17:35,966 --> 00:17:38,822 Plus, I hate it when she flirts with guys. 395 00:17:46,006 --> 00:17:48,262 I'm not wearing any panties today. 396 00:17:49,316 --> 00:17:51,531 Damn, she makes you do that ? 397 00:17:51,665 --> 00:17:52,863 How do you not just kick her ass ? 398 00:17:52,998 --> 00:17:54,523 I take medication. 399 00:17:56,325 --> 00:17:59,132 Calmuvent smoothes everything out. 400 00:18:01,206 --> 00:18:02,720 She wants to know what we're talking about. 401 00:18:02,846 --> 00:18:05,862 You don't have to be part of every conversation ! 402 00:18:08,216 --> 00:18:10,932 Must be noon. Time to take my meds. 403 00:18:13,668 --> 00:18:15,982 Earl Hickey, telephone call for you. 404 00:18:16,107 --> 00:18:18,050 - Take down a message. - What ? Take a message ? 405 00:18:18,187 --> 00:18:19,431 If you was in Atlantic City, 406 00:18:19,556 --> 00:18:21,603 would you ask Donald Trump to take a message for you ? 407 00:18:21,737 --> 00:18:22,331 I'll get it. 408 00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:24,700 Come on, Mr. Pitts. Right there, buddy. 409 00:18:24,835 --> 00:18:25,431 - Hello ? - Number five 410 00:18:25,555 --> 00:18:26,830 Kenny, it's Randy. 411 00:18:26,965 --> 00:18:28,262 There's a problem with Catalina. 412 00:18:28,387 --> 00:18:29,350 What ? Is she okay ? 413 00:18:29,485 --> 00:18:31,300 Come on, Mr. Pitts. Don't be a tease. 414 00:18:31,435 --> 00:18:33,583 If you're gonna squat like that, do something. 415 00:18:33,778 --> 00:18:35,681 That was Randy. Catalina's in trouble. We have to... 416 00:18:35,807 --> 00:18:37,091 - Ah, one more minute. - Earl, 417 00:18:37,227 --> 00:18:38,922 - there's a problem with Catalina... - Hang on ! 418 00:18:39,055 --> 00:18:40,542 Bear down, buddy. You're in the zone. 419 00:18:40,678 --> 00:18:42,231 She got pulled over by the cops, Earl, she... 420 00:18:42,368 --> 00:18:44,241 Quiet, Kenny ! You're gonna mush my bet ! 421 00:18:44,378 --> 00:18:46,022 Five, five, five ! 422 00:18:48,986 --> 00:18:50,010 Catalina was speeding. 423 00:18:50,148 --> 00:18:51,681 The cops stopped her and took her away. 424 00:18:51,807 --> 00:18:53,321 She could get deported. 425 00:18:54,946 --> 00:18:56,603 Kenny told me that Catalina was speeding 426 00:18:56,735 --> 00:18:58,143 'cause she was late for work. 427 00:18:58,375 --> 00:19:00,632 When the police pulled her over, they saw her license 428 00:19:00,755 --> 00:19:03,331 and quickly realized her name wasn't Jane Driver 429 00:19:03,465 --> 00:19:05,623 and she didn't live in Go-Cart Country. 430 00:19:06,586 --> 00:19:08,601 So, she tried to make a run for it. 431 00:19:09,365 --> 00:19:12,443 Unfortunately, she had already put on her stripper shoes. 432 00:19:15,525 --> 00:19:16,671 You pig ! 433 00:19:16,988 --> 00:19:18,513 Oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink ! 434 00:19:18,636 --> 00:19:20,290 Let go of me ! Let go ! 435 00:19:21,605 --> 00:19:24,753 Number five. You win again. 436 00:19:25,386 --> 00:19:27,683 It was my fault Catalina got arrested. 437 00:19:27,808 --> 00:19:29,931 She was late for work 'cause I wouldn't leave. 438 00:19:30,067 --> 00:19:31,941 I did have a gambling addiction. 439 00:19:32,077 --> 00:19:34,172 And even though it hadn't cost me a dime, 440 00:19:34,307 --> 00:19:36,863 it cost me stuff a whole lot more important than money. 441 00:19:52,335 --> 00:19:54,190 Don't worry, Randy. We'll get her back. 442 00:19:54,876 --> 00:19:56,190 It's too late, Earl. 443 00:19:56,545 --> 00:19:58,471 They took her to Immigration. 444 00:19:58,718 --> 00:20:00,040 They're gonna deport her. 445 00:20:02,836 --> 00:20:04,533 But even when it doesn't seem like it, 446 00:20:04,668 --> 00:20:06,133 Christmas is still a time of hope. 447 00:20:10,255 --> 00:20:12,773 Kenny was hoping to get his life back on track. 448 00:20:12,895 --> 00:20:14,972 He finally realized the way to become a real man 449 00:20:15,105 --> 00:20:18,673 wasn't by following me around, it was by facing his problems and, 450 00:20:18,797 --> 00:20:20,181 well, getting help. 451 00:20:23,565 --> 00:20:25,510 And Joy was hoping she finally found a cure 452 00:20:25,647 --> 00:20:27,042 for her anger disease. 453 00:20:27,285 --> 00:20:29,531 So you can take that with your birth control pill ? 454 00:20:29,687 --> 00:20:31,083 I don't take birth control pills. 455 00:20:31,215 --> 00:20:31,953 What ? 456 00:20:34,328 --> 00:20:35,822 Randy was hoping he'd get the chance 457 00:20:35,957 --> 00:20:38,012 to tell Catalina how he felt about her. 458 00:20:39,235 --> 00:20:42,502 And I was hoping I'd be able to fix all the problems I caused 459 00:20:42,628 --> 00:20:44,482 and we'd we all be back together again. 460 00:20:45,825 --> 00:20:49,381 So, a few days later, we found out where Catalina was 461 00:20:49,725 --> 00:20:51,643 and headed off to bring her back. 462 00:20:51,806 --> 00:20:53,300 Transcript: Raceman 463 00:20:53,428 --> 00:20:55,000 Synchro: Dingo 464 00:20:55,125 --> 00:20:56,003 www.forom.com http://experts.heberg-forum.net