1 00:00:03,088 --> 00:00:05,599 Most mornings I wake up thinking about the list, 2 00:00:05,808 --> 00:00:09,604 but sometimes I have more important things on my mind, like court. 3 00:00:10,373 --> 00:00:13,226 I'm gonna ask the judge to smash this walnut with his judge hammer. 4 00:00:13,352 --> 00:00:15,017 I bet it explodes like a death star. 5 00:00:15,143 --> 00:00:16,611 You might be disappointed, Randy. 6 00:00:16,737 --> 00:00:19,424 Like when you got that tow truck driver to drag your pumpkin. 7 00:00:19,661 --> 00:00:21,754 He drove off before I could get the wig on it. 8 00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:24,213 Earl, thanks again for loaning us all this money. 9 00:00:24,339 --> 00:00:25,874 No problem, Crab Man. 10 00:00:26,006 --> 00:00:29,083 Besides, what kind of man doesn't help his ex-wife make bail ? 11 00:00:29,992 --> 00:00:30,506 Recently, 12 00:00:30,511 --> 00:00:33,573 Joy and Bargain Bag had a difference of opinion on their return policy. 13 00:00:33,690 --> 00:00:34,466 You can't return this. 14 00:00:34,587 --> 00:00:36,400 I have returned it, and somehow or another, 15 00:00:36,527 --> 00:00:37,902 I'm gonna get my $3,000 back. 16 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,212 - No, you won't. - Yes, I will. 17 00:00:39,335 --> 00:00:40,590 No, you won't. 18 00:00:40,717 --> 00:00:41,850 Yes, I will. 19 00:00:41,986 --> 00:00:44,803 In Joy's opinion, they were being a little unethical, 20 00:00:44,937 --> 00:00:46,561 so she stole their truck. 21 00:00:49,097 --> 00:00:51,502 And we found out there was more in the Bargain Bag truck 22 00:00:51,628 --> 00:00:53,000 than she bargained for. 23 00:00:53,768 --> 00:00:55,751 I tried to help Joy, but 24 00:00:55,875 --> 00:00:58,371 she was going down a path I could not follow. 25 00:00:58,807 --> 00:01:00,921 That path eventually led her to jail. 26 00:01:09,046 --> 00:01:10,022 Damn it, Carla ! 27 00:01:10,165 --> 00:01:11,370 Stop giving me flat tires. 28 00:01:11,496 --> 00:01:13,222 That's the third one since we got off the bus. 29 00:01:13,355 --> 00:01:14,793 Settle down. 30 00:01:17,828 --> 00:01:19,390 Should I ask him now, Earl ? 31 00:01:19,527 --> 00:01:21,030 I saw a guy back there with some pistachios, 32 00:01:21,165 --> 00:01:23,172 and I don't want him to go before me. 33 00:01:23,308 --> 00:01:25,782 I don't think he's here to get them cracked, Randy. 34 00:01:34,277 --> 00:01:35,580 Joy Turner. 35 00:01:35,718 --> 00:01:36,851 Yes, Your Highness. 36 00:01:36,978 --> 00:01:40,033 Mrs. Turner, do you have an attorney today ? 37 00:01:40,157 --> 00:01:41,632 Oh, I don't need one. 38 00:01:41,767 --> 00:01:43,380 Besides, I wasn't about to put my mouth anywhere near 39 00:01:43,505 --> 00:01:45,302 that pay phone after that meth head puked on it. 40 00:01:45,426 --> 00:01:48,580 Very well. Bail is set at $1 million. 41 00:01:49,406 --> 00:01:50,223 Excuse me ? 42 00:01:50,356 --> 00:01:51,940 This is your third strike. 43 00:01:52,076 --> 00:01:52,920 Third what ? 44 00:01:53,058 --> 00:01:56,530 Apparently, this incident wasn't Joy's first serious run-in with the law. 45 00:01:56,665 --> 00:02:00,523 Back in 1996, Joy had a bright idea on how to make some extra money. 46 00:02:00,655 --> 00:02:02,460 Can we get some more green ink in this machine ? 47 00:02:02,586 --> 00:02:04,583 Is that... ? Are you copying money ? 48 00:02:04,718 --> 00:02:07,323 Shh ! Don't say anything. I'll make it worth your while. 49 00:02:07,455 --> 00:02:08,501 Ma'am, I'm afraid I can't let you... 50 00:02:08,627 --> 00:02:10,113 - What are you doing ? - We have a policy. 51 00:02:10,235 --> 00:02:12,291 - I signed a loyalty oath. - That is my fake money ! 52 00:02:12,417 --> 00:02:13,142 That is my fake money ! 53 00:02:13,278 --> 00:02:14,592 Copy responsibly ! Copy responsibly ! 54 00:02:14,725 --> 00:02:16,563 Strike one-- counterfeit. 55 00:02:16,688 --> 00:02:19,502 And when Joy was getting taken for her first strike, 56 00:02:19,625 --> 00:02:21,473 - things got worse. - Easy, gorilla ! 57 00:02:21,606 --> 00:02:22,620 I just bout these fingernails. 58 00:02:22,755 --> 00:02:24,711 Don't like the process, don't do the crime. 59 00:02:24,848 --> 00:02:26,611 Let go. I can do it myself. 60 00:02:26,738 --> 00:02:29,252 Damn it, you just broke one. 61 00:02:29,707 --> 00:02:32,652 Strike two-- assault on a police officer. 62 00:02:32,787 --> 00:02:33,533 Third strike ? 63 00:02:33,656 --> 00:02:35,730 I can't go away for life. Hey ! 64 00:02:35,867 --> 00:02:36,623 I want a deal. 65 00:02:36,755 --> 00:02:38,241 I know things about all of those women. 66 00:02:38,375 --> 00:02:41,091 Jesus did not tell Carla to kill her sick mama. 67 00:02:41,225 --> 00:02:42,710 She just wanted to go out dancing. 68 00:02:42,846 --> 00:02:43,810 Tell him the truth, Carla. 69 00:02:43,945 --> 00:02:45,712 Don't lie. Tell him. 70 00:02:50,728 --> 00:02:51,933 I don't know if you remember me. 71 00:02:52,058 --> 00:02:55,590 I was the guy with that pecan when my brother tried to steal the plane. 72 00:03:01,797 --> 00:03:03,382 I don't know how you're gonna make bail, Joy. 73 00:03:03,506 --> 00:03:04,951 The bondsman will cost ten percent. 74 00:03:05,086 --> 00:03:06,090 That's a hundred grand. 75 00:03:06,228 --> 00:03:07,692 I don't even have that much money left. 76 00:03:07,815 --> 00:03:09,372 But you still have some, right ? 77 00:03:09,498 --> 00:03:11,983 We can take it and copy it and then have 100 grand. 78 00:03:12,117 --> 00:03:13,593 You know, counterfeit. 79 00:03:13,985 --> 00:03:16,661 You've really been focused on that walnut today, haven't you, Randy ? 80 00:03:16,797 --> 00:03:19,133 Guys, I'm a flea's fart away from life in prison here. 81 00:03:19,258 --> 00:03:21,252 Someone needs to figure out what the hell we're gonna do. 82 00:03:21,827 --> 00:03:25,082 Every group of friends has one person they turn to for advice. 83 00:03:25,206 --> 00:03:26,800 Guns 'N Roses had Axel. 84 00:03:27,047 --> 00:03:29,013 Knight Rider had the talking car. 85 00:03:29,137 --> 00:03:31,471 And for my little circle of delinquents, 86 00:03:31,607 --> 00:03:34,002 the day I made my list to turn my life around, 87 00:03:34,128 --> 00:03:35,782 well, that person became me. 88 00:03:36,777 --> 00:03:38,060 Why are you even worrying about this ? 89 00:03:38,195 --> 00:03:39,012 Joy is in jail. 90 00:03:39,147 --> 00:03:40,810 We should be in the town square celebrating 91 00:03:40,937 --> 00:03:42,842 and tipping over a giant, evil statue of her. 92 00:03:42,975 --> 00:03:46,400 Look, I know you don't like Joy, but I just can't let her sit in jail. 93 00:03:46,538 --> 00:03:47,982 I don't like Joy, either. 94 00:03:48,275 --> 00:03:50,891 I also don't like it when they put raisins in candy bars. 95 00:03:51,025 --> 00:03:52,500 Are you done with your pulled pork ? 96 00:03:52,635 --> 00:03:54,021 Yeah, I-I can't eat. 97 00:03:54,148 --> 00:03:55,822 Man, my eye's messed up. 98 00:03:56,008 --> 00:03:58,492 Feels like there's a tiny little bug heart beating in my eyelid. 99 00:03:58,625 --> 00:04:00,663 It's twitching. That means you have stress. 100 00:04:00,796 --> 00:04:01,991 I don't have stress. 101 00:04:02,115 --> 00:04:04,151 Stress is for doctors and lawyers and... 102 00:04:04,277 --> 00:04:06,871 and Army guys who have to shoot dogs and whatnot. 103 00:04:08,466 --> 00:04:09,741 What are you doing, Randy ? 104 00:04:10,007 --> 00:04:11,311 I'm making a list of rich people 105 00:04:11,437 --> 00:04:14,141 with a million dollars we can borrow for Joy's bail. 106 00:04:14,497 --> 00:04:15,681 "The Beverly Hillbillies." 107 00:04:15,818 --> 00:04:17,192 They're super rich. 108 00:04:17,318 --> 00:04:18,823 They're pretend, Randy. 109 00:04:19,055 --> 00:04:20,880 Just like Richie Rich and Donald Trump. 110 00:04:21,015 --> 00:04:22,551 They're just TV characters. 111 00:04:22,676 --> 00:04:25,283 Well, the Jeffersons are real, right ? 112 00:04:25,406 --> 00:04:28,040 'Cause we saw Mr. Jefferson at the boat show last year. 113 00:04:28,176 --> 00:04:29,982 Remember we gave him a dollar to say Weezie ? 114 00:04:30,125 --> 00:04:32,453 Randy, we're not getting any money from these guys. 115 00:04:32,586 --> 00:04:36,390 If you're gonna come up with names, think of people, we... know. 116 00:04:36,965 --> 00:04:39,150 There was a name on that bag we could use. 117 00:04:39,275 --> 00:04:40,681 But Randy didn't write it. 118 00:04:40,835 --> 00:04:43,193 It was the only rich guy we actually knew. 119 00:04:43,416 --> 00:04:44,150 Chubby. 120 00:04:44,637 --> 00:04:47,272 Richard Chubby was the richest man in Camden County. 121 00:04:47,407 --> 00:04:48,361 He owned everything. 122 00:04:48,498 --> 00:04:51,381 You wouldn't clean your body with discount chemicals, 123 00:04:51,515 --> 00:04:54,171 so why should you treat your clothes any differently ? 124 00:04:54,305 --> 00:04:57,183 'Cause if there's one thing your clothes can appreciate, it... 125 00:04:57,306 --> 00:05:00,250 The taste of sloe cooking with the sloppiest sauce around. 126 00:05:00,385 --> 00:05:02,890 Now our meats are aged to perfection, 127 00:05:03,028 --> 00:05:05,840 and so be sure to bring your kids down for... 128 00:05:05,977 --> 00:05:07,781 Lap dance madness every Tuesday. 129 00:05:07,917 --> 00:05:12,022 There's all kinds of fun going on at Club Chubby, so come on down ! 130 00:05:12,157 --> 00:05:13,301 And don't forget, 131 00:05:13,436 --> 00:05:16,760 sweat pants are allowed, and truckers shower for free. 132 00:05:21,068 --> 00:05:23,541 I wasn't lookin' forward to askin' Chubby for the money. 133 00:05:23,667 --> 00:05:26,481 See, if he was poor, we'd call him crazy. 134 00:05:26,616 --> 00:05:29,160 But since he was rich, we just called him sir. 135 00:05:29,286 --> 00:05:32,942 So as you cas see, uh, Joy's really in a bind here, sir. 136 00:05:37,126 --> 00:05:37,882 Woof. 137 00:05:40,125 --> 00:05:41,112 Smell it ? 138 00:05:42,005 --> 00:05:44,501 Go on, smell it ! 139 00:05:49,806 --> 00:05:51,810 Nice. Vanilla. 140 00:05:51,945 --> 00:05:52,673 Yeah. 141 00:05:54,095 --> 00:05:55,242 Not you. 142 00:05:55,377 --> 00:05:56,651 But I love vanilla. 143 00:05:56,788 --> 00:05:58,771 It's my third favorite flavor. 144 00:05:59,672 --> 00:06:01,436 All right, just a whiff. 145 00:06:06,541 --> 00:06:07,583 Mmm. 146 00:06:07,820 --> 00:06:10,166 Smells like a cupcake with boobies. 147 00:06:12,367 --> 00:06:13,450 Open up. 148 00:06:14,896 --> 00:06:17,432 This is a real classy joint, 149 00:06:17,928 --> 00:06:21,050 and I don't want to ever hear boobies around here. 150 00:06:21,187 --> 00:06:21,843 You got that ? 151 00:06:21,967 --> 00:06:22,881 Uh-huh. 152 00:06:31,107 --> 00:06:32,051 Vodka. 153 00:06:42,218 --> 00:06:45,590 That's funny, 'cause Randy thought he was gonna get his head blown off. 154 00:06:46,926 --> 00:06:49,090 I tell you, I got a problem, Earl. 155 00:06:49,606 --> 00:06:50,933 I like Joy. 156 00:06:51,128 --> 00:06:54,470 I like her a lot, but I like my money, too. 157 00:06:54,596 --> 00:06:56,673 Chubby, you'll get your money back, I promise. 158 00:06:56,808 --> 00:06:57,890 I'll tell you what. 159 00:06:58,316 --> 00:07:01,852 I've had some trouble filling this place since my best dancer left. 160 00:07:01,977 --> 00:07:03,880 If you guys could find her, 161 00:07:04,007 --> 00:07:07,990 get her dancing again, I'd be glad to sign Joy's bail. 162 00:07:08,118 --> 00:07:08,921 Great. 163 00:07:09,316 --> 00:07:10,832 So what's the dancer's name ? 164 00:07:11,586 --> 00:07:13,240 Uh... right over there. 165 00:07:19,465 --> 00:07:20,330 Catalina ? 166 00:07:20,456 --> 00:07:22,653 I wonder if he's got any extras of those. 167 00:07:22,946 --> 00:07:24,021 Oh, yeah. 168 00:07:26,066 --> 00:07:28,922 We always knew that Catalina used to work at Club Chubby. 169 00:07:29,057 --> 00:07:31,422 We just never realized she was their number one dancer. 170 00:07:31,547 --> 00:07:33,262 Catalina's just got to dance again. 171 00:07:33,398 --> 00:07:35,483 I've already imagined it, and it's great. 172 00:07:35,615 --> 00:07:38,063 I'd show it to you, except it's inside my head. 173 00:07:38,266 --> 00:07:39,162 I don't know, Randy. 174 00:07:39,295 --> 00:07:41,221 It's kind of a hard thing to ask a friend. 175 00:07:41,595 --> 00:07:44,070 Hey, Catalina, you feel like working for a crazy man 176 00:07:44,205 --> 00:07:46,680 and shaking your half-naked body for a bunch of sweaty drunks 177 00:07:46,805 --> 00:07:49,290 to help the woman you can't stand get out of jail ? 178 00:07:52,216 --> 00:07:53,140 I'm sorry, Earl. 179 00:07:53,276 --> 00:07:56,323 After you said Catalina half-naked, I didn't hear any.... 180 00:07:59,017 --> 00:08:02,731 Sorry. I said Catalina half-naked, and I forgot what... 181 00:08:05,737 --> 00:08:06,330 I remember. 182 00:08:06,368 --> 00:08:09,493 You said something about Catalina being half-naked, and I... 183 00:08:10,568 --> 00:08:11,891 I lost it again. 184 00:08:12,026 --> 00:08:14,420 Sometimes Randy gets trapped in his own brain loop. 185 00:08:14,558 --> 00:08:17,203 It also happens when he watches Back to the Future. 186 00:08:17,336 --> 00:08:20,520 When he finally popped out of it, we went to talk to Catalina. 187 00:08:23,478 --> 00:08:26,223 Wow. Look at you... dancing. 188 00:08:27,586 --> 00:08:30,251 The music and the movement keep the rats from attacking my ankles. 189 00:08:30,427 --> 00:08:31,110 Do it, Earl. 190 00:08:31,237 --> 00:08:34,551 Just remember don't start with the words "half-naked", because, uh... 191 00:08:37,625 --> 00:08:40,641 Wow. So, uh, you've got some good moves. 192 00:08:41,087 --> 00:08:42,672 You used to do that for a living, right ? 193 00:08:42,796 --> 00:08:45,060 Yeah. I wonder which half's gonna be naked. 194 00:08:45,185 --> 00:08:46,230 I hope it's the front half. 195 00:08:46,368 --> 00:08:47,352 Randy ! 196 00:08:49,065 --> 00:08:50,341 I remember now. 197 00:08:50,466 --> 00:08:51,920 Club Chubby, right ? 198 00:08:52,536 --> 00:08:54,702 Say, was that, uh... was that a good experience ? 199 00:08:54,838 --> 00:08:56,211 I mean, you got to wear a bikini. 200 00:08:56,348 --> 00:08:58,110 It's almost like getting paid to go to the beach, right ? 201 00:08:58,246 --> 00:09:00,631 Only instead of sand in your crack, you get dollar bills. 202 00:09:00,757 --> 00:09:01,883 Yeah, it was the perfect job. 203 00:09:02,005 --> 00:09:04,121 I made great money, it was glamorous, 204 00:09:04,258 --> 00:09:07,390 but unfortunely, it became too dangerous. 205 00:09:07,698 --> 00:09:10,592 Catalina explained that her act was a little different, but 206 00:09:10,727 --> 00:09:12,511 made crowds go insane. 207 00:09:13,135 --> 00:09:16,923 * Jump around, jump around * 208 00:09:17,516 --> 00:09:19,860 Most dancers at Club Chubby just danced. 209 00:09:19,986 --> 00:09:22,122 But Catalina, she was special. 210 00:09:22,255 --> 00:09:23,240 She jumped. 211 00:09:23,687 --> 00:09:28,142 * Jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump... * 212 00:09:28,266 --> 00:09:29,001 But in the end, 213 00:09:29,126 --> 00:09:32,642 Catalina found the risks as a go-go dancer far too great. 214 00:09:32,878 --> 00:09:36,732 * Jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump * 215 00:09:36,867 --> 00:09:39,211 * Jump, jump, jump... * 216 00:09:42,977 --> 00:09:45,312 After seeing how deadly her jumping could be, 217 00:09:45,438 --> 00:09:47,641 Catalina made a promise to herself. 218 00:09:47,775 --> 00:09:49,842 I will never dance again. 219 00:09:51,647 --> 00:09:53,691 Tell the part about the jumping again. 220 00:09:54,907 --> 00:09:57,532 Look, if you enjoy dancing and love the extra money, 221 00:09:57,658 --> 00:09:59,030 it's crazy that you quit. 222 00:09:59,896 --> 00:10:01,381 What if the family forgave you ? 223 00:10:01,517 --> 00:10:02,581 How could they ? 224 00:10:02,826 --> 00:10:04,653 I killed a husband and a father. 225 00:10:04,775 --> 00:10:06,110 Listen, since I started the list, 226 00:10:06,235 --> 00:10:08,772 I've found that people can be pretty understanding. 227 00:10:08,895 --> 00:10:10,890 Unless you're a girl with one leg, but 228 00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:13,480 I think she was already angry to start with. 229 00:10:14,117 --> 00:10:17,502 Anyway, I think you'll feel better if you talk to this guy's family. 230 00:10:19,056 --> 00:10:21,823 No one apologized to me for the execution-style slaying 231 00:10:21,956 --> 00:10:24,542 of my cousins during the festival of redemption. 232 00:10:25,415 --> 00:10:26,603 But you know what ? 233 00:10:27,458 --> 00:10:28,900 It would he felt nice. 234 00:10:31,497 --> 00:10:32,662 I'll do it. 235 00:10:32,847 --> 00:10:34,152 Jump around 236 00:10:34,288 --> 00:10:37,930 Jump around, jump up, jump up and get down. 237 00:10:40,216 --> 00:10:41,980 I mean, when you're ready. 238 00:10:43,718 --> 00:10:47,012 It turns out, the horny guy with the weak heart was a club regular. 239 00:10:47,135 --> 00:10:50,071 So Chubby knew his name and that he had a family business. 240 00:10:50,205 --> 00:10:51,090 Hello. 241 00:10:51,415 --> 00:10:54,181 I'd like to see Mr. Tucker, Clark Tucker's son. 242 00:10:54,316 --> 00:10:55,710 What is it regarding ? 243 00:10:55,838 --> 00:11:00,042 Tell him the woman is here who is responsible for his father's tragic death. 244 00:11:02,726 --> 00:11:05,372 You are as beautiful as the legends describe. 245 00:11:07,306 --> 00:11:09,641 The slayer of El Diablo has come ! 246 00:11:12,886 --> 00:11:15,333 Mr. Tucker made us work 16 hours a day 247 00:11:15,458 --> 00:11:18,721 in a cramped sweltering hot room for almost no money. 248 00:11:18,855 --> 00:11:21,051 You mean like... this ? 249 00:11:21,187 --> 00:11:21,781 Oh, no. 250 00:11:21,907 --> 00:11:24,543 Mr. Tucker's son, he install a fan. 251 00:11:25,657 --> 00:11:26,940 You see that, Catalina ? 252 00:11:27,077 --> 00:11:29,320 'Cause of you, this place isn't a sweatshop anymore. 253 00:11:29,455 --> 00:11:32,223 Just a place for people to work unreasonable hours for low pay. 254 00:11:32,357 --> 00:11:34,592 But at a comfortable 88 degrees. 255 00:11:34,728 --> 00:11:35,842 Come. 256 00:11:36,767 --> 00:11:38,462 I can dance again. 257 00:11:42,266 --> 00:11:44,100 I was just turning it on high. 258 00:11:46,328 --> 00:11:49,321 I was glad Catalina was willing to go back to Club Chubby 259 00:11:49,446 --> 00:11:52,141 because that meant I'd be able to get Joy out of jail soon. 260 00:11:52,386 --> 00:11:54,873 But Randy was probably the happiest of all. 261 00:11:59,438 --> 00:12:01,351 You're very good at this. 262 00:12:01,717 --> 00:12:05,350 I used to help my mom with this before she did her mall walking. 263 00:12:05,475 --> 00:12:07,310 Oh, does your mother like to exercise ? 264 00:12:07,447 --> 00:12:09,283 Let's not talk about my mom right now. 265 00:12:09,418 --> 00:12:10,182 Okay. 266 00:12:13,497 --> 00:12:16,120 Poochie, in about ten minutes, I'll be in my office, 267 00:12:16,256 --> 00:12:18,903 and I want you to send over a steak and a girl 268 00:12:19,025 --> 00:12:21,673 both drenched in hollandaise sauce. 269 00:12:23,307 --> 00:12:25,231 Thanks for doing this, Chubby. 270 00:12:25,355 --> 00:12:26,433 And if you don't mind, 271 00:12:26,568 --> 00:12:29,602 I'd rather Catalina not know you're gonna bail Joy out tomorrow. 272 00:12:29,738 --> 00:12:30,582 I hear you. 273 00:12:30,708 --> 00:12:32,563 You getting a little something from both those gals ? 274 00:12:32,697 --> 00:12:34,753 Just a really bad case of eye twitches. 275 00:12:34,886 --> 00:12:36,912 I got that from Desiree once. 276 00:12:37,136 --> 00:12:40,462 Got to wash your hands real good and drink a lot of cranberry juice. 277 00:12:40,595 --> 00:12:43,010 For a second, well, I thought my plan had worked out. 278 00:12:43,137 --> 00:12:44,011 Hey, Earl. 279 00:12:44,567 --> 00:12:45,701 Hey, Crab Man. 280 00:12:45,826 --> 00:12:48,092 But then I realized what Darnell was holding. 281 00:12:48,228 --> 00:12:50,592 See, when Darnell's happy with something you've done for him, 282 00:12:50,728 --> 00:12:54,350 he always thanks you the same way with homemade lemon squares. 283 00:12:56,196 --> 00:12:57,510 As good as they were, 284 00:12:57,635 --> 00:13:00,310 those tasty little treats were going to screw up my plan. 285 00:13:00,518 --> 00:13:02,442 Because Darnell wasn't giving them to me. 286 00:13:02,576 --> 00:13:05,661 He was giving them to Catalina to thank her for bailing out Joy. 287 00:13:05,975 --> 00:13:09,182 And there was only one response Catalina was going to have to that. 288 00:13:14,587 --> 00:13:16,521 I will not jump for Joy. 289 00:13:26,337 --> 00:13:29,302 Catalina was angry about the whole Club Chubby thing. 290 00:13:29,438 --> 00:13:31,670 But there was someone else who was even angrier. 291 00:13:31,807 --> 00:13:32,633 She wouldn't dance ? 292 00:13:32,765 --> 00:13:33,971 That's all them people do is dance. 293 00:13:34,107 --> 00:13:36,073 Did you try throwing a hat down in front of her ? 294 00:13:43,887 --> 00:13:44,481 H i. 295 00:13:44,975 --> 00:13:46,023 My man's not here. 296 00:13:46,365 --> 00:13:47,351 You want to chat ? 297 00:13:47,728 --> 00:13:48,630 Okay. 298 00:13:48,966 --> 00:13:50,190 What are you in for ? 299 00:13:50,426 --> 00:13:51,630 I killed my man. 300 00:13:52,808 --> 00:13:55,440 Look, Joy, people don't want to help you when you insult them. 301 00:13:55,576 --> 00:13:58,490 That's why that troop of "flat-chested pygmy sluts" 302 00:13:58,617 --> 00:14:00,573 won't deliver Girl Scout cookies to you anymore. 303 00:14:00,696 --> 00:14:02,911 Fine. Whatever. Just bring her down here and I'll apologize. 304 00:14:03,045 --> 00:14:05,051 Really ? I didn't know you knew how to do that. 305 00:14:05,188 --> 00:14:07,243 I'll do anything to get out of here, Earl. 306 00:14:07,366 --> 00:14:08,101 It's horrible. 307 00:14:08,236 --> 00:14:12,053 I can't even use the toilet in my cell because my roommate's making wine. 308 00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:14,513 I'm sorry. You seem really nice, 309 00:14:14,636 --> 00:14:17,201 but I just don't feel comfortable putting the phone down my pants 310 00:14:17,337 --> 00:14:19,140 and letting you talk to my stuff. 311 00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:24,850 Generally, people don't like seeing their enemies, 312 00:14:24,975 --> 00:14:27,662 but they do like seeing their enemies behind bars. 313 00:14:30,618 --> 00:14:31,832 Nice jumpsuit. 314 00:14:31,966 --> 00:14:33,121 Ain't you sweet. 315 00:14:33,255 --> 00:14:37,471 Now, Earl tells me that for some crazy reason, you think we're not friends. 316 00:14:37,616 --> 00:14:39,893 The first time you saw me you called me a whore. 317 00:14:40,536 --> 00:14:41,360 No. 318 00:14:41,496 --> 00:14:43,270 You just misunderstood what I said. 319 00:14:43,408 --> 00:14:45,900 Which is understandable, I mean, because you're Mexican. 320 00:14:46,025 --> 00:14:47,451 I'm not Mexican. 321 00:14:47,836 --> 00:14:49,402 Whatever. You speak Mexican. 322 00:14:49,538 --> 00:14:50,952 I speak Spanish. 323 00:14:51,086 --> 00:14:54,110 Well, you both speak friendly, so let's just go with that. 324 00:14:55,266 --> 00:14:56,461 Look, I'm not stupid. 325 00:14:56,587 --> 00:14:57,822 I know you hate me. 326 00:14:57,957 --> 00:14:59,602 And I know why you hate me. 327 00:14:59,905 --> 00:15:01,160 It's because I'm hot. 328 00:15:02,315 --> 00:15:03,532 Excuse me ? 329 00:15:03,958 --> 00:15:05,350 Damn it, there goes the eye again. 330 00:15:05,488 --> 00:15:06,872 You're jealous of my hotness. 331 00:15:07,006 --> 00:15:09,502 Admit it, and I'll consider using my incredible body 332 00:15:09,638 --> 00:15:10,702 to free you from prison. 333 00:15:10,837 --> 00:15:14,683 But not the prison of your fat body for that, you have a life sentence. 334 00:15:15,737 --> 00:15:16,922 I'm jealous ? 335 00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,693 Sweetheart, I'm about ten times hotter than you. 336 00:15:19,826 --> 00:15:21,800 - You're a man compared to me. - Really ? 337 00:15:21,805 --> 00:15:23,872 'Cause the line on my stomach is from my muscles 338 00:15:23,996 --> 00:15:26,692 - and not a C-section scar. - That is not a C-section scar ! 339 00:15:26,817 --> 00:15:28,233 That's from when my prom date stabbed me ! 340 00:15:28,356 --> 00:15:29,650 I birthed my babies naturally ! 341 00:15:29,787 --> 00:15:32,543 Then I'm sure your gatito is as saggy as your breasts ! 342 00:15:33,975 --> 00:15:35,191 Do these look saggy to you ?! 343 00:15:35,325 --> 00:15:37,662 I could float half your village across a muddy river on these puppies ! 344 00:15:37,797 --> 00:15:38,811 I've heard enough. 345 00:15:38,937 --> 00:15:40,791 This was a hell of an apology. 346 00:15:40,917 --> 00:15:42,461 Enjoy your jail time. 347 00:15:43,086 --> 00:15:45,652 And by the way, your eyeballs are too big for your head. 348 00:15:45,777 --> 00:15:47,682 You look like Finding Nemo. 349 00:15:48,907 --> 00:15:50,293 My eyeballs are big ?! 350 00:15:50,747 --> 00:15:54,023 Yeah, well, all the better to see your fat ass waddle away with ! 351 00:15:55,587 --> 00:15:57,873 Really ? You couldn't pretend to be nice for two minutes ? 352 00:15:58,008 --> 00:16:01,283 I've seen you act crippled for a half day just to skip the lines at Six Flags. 353 00:16:01,416 --> 00:16:02,452 Look, I don't need her. 354 00:16:02,588 --> 00:16:04,132 If all Chubby wants is a top earner, 355 00:16:04,268 --> 00:16:06,332 then I'll dance and earn more than she ever did. 356 00:16:06,465 --> 00:16:09,121 I'm made in America, not a maid in America. 357 00:16:12,398 --> 00:16:15,403 You'd be laughing if you could see how I spelled that in my head. 358 00:16:18,846 --> 00:16:21,271 Chubby had always wanted to see Joy in a bikini, 359 00:16:21,406 --> 00:16:23,932 and he figured other people might like that, too... 360 00:16:24,068 --> 00:16:25,200 and he was right. 361 00:16:25,426 --> 00:16:27,383 Had a bomb gone off in there that night, 362 00:16:27,505 --> 00:16:29,702 there wouldn't have been a straight man left in Camden. 363 00:16:29,825 --> 00:16:31,893 God, there's a lot of people I know out there. 364 00:16:32,028 --> 00:16:34,731 What the hell does my gyno expect to see that he hasn't seen already ? 365 00:16:37,756 --> 00:16:39,072 Man, why am I so nervous ? 366 00:16:39,208 --> 00:16:42,222 I don't know. You've sure danced naked in front of us enough times. 367 00:16:42,848 --> 00:16:43,960 I mean, not at the same time... 368 00:16:44,087 --> 00:16:47,732 Actually, there was that one time when I was hiding in the closet. 369 00:16:48,897 --> 00:16:50,422 Wait, was that on Thanksgiving ? 370 00:16:50,558 --> 00:16:53,022 - Yeah, we thought you fell asleep... - I thought I heard something. 371 00:16:53,158 --> 00:16:54,211 - First, I thought it was a squirrel. - You know... 372 00:16:54,335 --> 00:16:54,901 Man that is the.... 373 00:16:54,905 --> 00:16:57,543 Hey, can you ladies please take your tea party outside ?! 374 00:16:57,675 --> 00:16:59,161 I need to calm my nerves. 375 00:16:59,515 --> 00:17:00,773 How long were you in there ? 376 00:17:00,905 --> 00:17:02,530 - It was a couple hours, man... - Oh, man. 377 00:17:03,177 --> 00:17:05,211 I would've stayed and talked her through her stage fright, 378 00:17:05,346 --> 00:17:07,331 but it was clear Joy didn't need me. 379 00:17:07,465 --> 00:17:09,393 All she needed was a nip of of whiskey. 380 00:17:10,325 --> 00:17:12,141 Followed by a pint of tequila. 381 00:17:12,878 --> 00:17:14,721 All right, Camden County. 382 00:17:14,848 --> 00:17:16,740 It's time to turn your imaginations off 383 00:17:16,875 --> 00:17:18,192 and your eyeballs on 384 00:17:18,328 --> 00:17:22,792 for the sensual gyrations of Joy Turner ! 385 00:17:28,415 --> 00:17:30,131 Hey, this ain't my song. 386 00:17:30,266 --> 00:17:32,382 No, this ain't, this ain't my song. 387 00:17:32,507 --> 00:17:34,762 * My blood runs cold... * 388 00:17:35,235 --> 00:17:37,120 Yes, it is. 389 00:17:37,838 --> 00:17:41,842 Although Joy had consumed enough liquor to have the courage to get up on stage, 390 00:17:41,966 --> 00:17:44,310 well, she was dangerously close to falling off. 391 00:17:44,438 --> 00:17:45,493 Change ! 392 00:17:45,928 --> 00:17:48,592 What the hell do I look like, a fountain ?! 393 00:17:48,727 --> 00:17:51,333 * Angel is the centerfold, na-na, na-na-na-na... * 394 00:17:51,456 --> 00:17:53,532 Turns out, Joy was a fountain. 395 00:17:53,657 --> 00:17:55,990 After she threw up on the entire front row, 396 00:17:56,126 --> 00:17:57,403 Chubby called off the deal. 397 00:17:57,528 --> 00:17:59,223 I can't go to jail, Earl. 398 00:17:59,358 --> 00:18:00,772 I can't give up this freedom. 399 00:18:00,895 --> 00:18:02,161 What are we gonna do now, Earl ? 400 00:18:02,297 --> 00:18:03,761 Hold on, Randy, I'm thinking. 401 00:18:03,895 --> 00:18:05,060 Well, we don't have a lot of time. 402 00:18:05,195 --> 00:18:07,272 They'll come get Joy as soon as Chubby takes his bail... 403 00:18:07,396 --> 00:18:09,222 I know, Crab Man. Just give me a minute to think. 404 00:18:09,347 --> 00:18:10,570 We don't have a minute, Earl ! 405 00:18:10,697 --> 00:18:11,911 I need you to help me. 406 00:18:12,045 --> 00:18:13,200 I can't raise them kids on my own. 407 00:18:13,327 --> 00:18:15,271 You know those monsters, Earl, they'll eat him alive. 408 00:18:15,407 --> 00:18:17,063 He can't even cook for his own damn self, 409 00:18:17,195 --> 00:18:18,663 how he's gonna cook for two boys ? 410 00:18:18,787 --> 00:18:20,740 I can't handle it. I love my nephews, but... 411 00:18:20,875 --> 00:18:24,183 You know how I said every group looks to one guy for all the answers, 412 00:18:24,316 --> 00:18:25,632 and that guy is me ? 413 00:18:26,508 --> 00:18:30,050 Well, sometimes that guy passes out from the pressure. 414 00:18:35,875 --> 00:18:36,923 Hey, Earl. 415 00:18:38,528 --> 00:18:39,841 Hey, Crab Man. 416 00:18:39,975 --> 00:18:42,633 I started to realize where I was and what happened... 417 00:18:42,766 --> 00:18:44,600 But then I heard that song, and, 418 00:18:44,727 --> 00:18:46,471 well, I figured I must be dreaming... 419 00:18:46,608 --> 00:18:47,790 Catalina's jumping, Earl. 420 00:18:47,925 --> 00:18:51,493 It's just like it was in my head, only now I can show it to you. 421 00:18:51,697 --> 00:18:52,660 ...only I wasn't. 422 00:18:52,785 --> 00:18:54,441 * So get out your seat and jump around * 423 00:18:54,567 --> 00:18:55,682 * Jump around * 424 00:18:56,537 --> 00:18:57,931 * Jump around * 425 00:19:00,646 --> 00:19:02,680 * Jump up, jump up and get down * 426 00:19:02,816 --> 00:19:05,010 * Jump, jump, jump * 427 00:19:05,146 --> 00:19:06,820 * jump, jump, jump * 428 00:19:06,958 --> 00:19:09,373 * Jump, jump, jump, jump, jump. * 429 00:19:09,496 --> 00:19:11,850 Let's give it up for Catalina ! 430 00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:13,810 Hey. 431 00:19:14,687 --> 00:19:16,940 So what made you change your mind about Joy ? 432 00:19:17,646 --> 00:19:20,372 Oh, I would never change my mind about Joy. She's a butt bag. 433 00:19:20,507 --> 00:19:21,191 A what ? 434 00:19:21,315 --> 00:19:23,572 A butt bag. It's a bag of butts. 435 00:19:24,147 --> 00:19:25,271 Anyway, when you passed out, 436 00:19:25,408 --> 00:19:28,242 I realized you were killing yourself to help a friend. 437 00:19:28,707 --> 00:19:31,853 Joy's gyno-cologo-colist said I had an anxiety attack. 438 00:19:32,576 --> 00:19:34,903 I don't know why I let it all bother me so much. 439 00:19:35,086 --> 00:19:37,092 Because you're a good man, a good friend. 440 00:19:37,225 --> 00:19:39,112 Cared so much, it was tearing you apart. 441 00:19:39,316 --> 00:19:40,741 I was the only one who could ease your pain, 442 00:19:40,875 --> 00:19:44,103 but I was being small and petty... a butt bag. 443 00:19:44,248 --> 00:19:46,352 Gentlemen, let's see if we can get her back up here. 444 00:19:46,487 --> 00:19:49,271 Now-- nice round of applause-- Catalina ! 445 00:19:49,396 --> 00:19:53,093 Always remember this : When I jump, I jump for Earl. 446 00:19:53,215 --> 00:19:54,952 I would never jump for Joy. 447 00:19:59,678 --> 00:20:01,963 And just like that, Joy was out on bail. 448 00:20:02,085 --> 00:20:04,433 Randy got to see what was already in his head. 449 00:20:04,555 --> 00:20:08,611 My eye stopped twitching, and Catalina was back to doing something she loved, 450 00:20:08,806 --> 00:20:12,922 which made everybody happy. Especially the truckers in sweatpants. 451 00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:14,400 But, most importantly, 452 00:20:14,538 --> 00:20:17,560 I realized that even though Catalina wasn't Joy's friend, 453 00:20:17,688 --> 00:20:19,333 she was definitely mine. 454 00:20:26,038 --> 00:20:26,950 Hey, Earl ? 455 00:20:27,878 --> 00:20:29,001 Yeah, Randy ? 456 00:20:29,358 --> 00:20:31,270 If I had a squirt gun filled with Vodka, 457 00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:33,901 I'd shoot cops with it, 'cause they couldn't get mad. 458 00:20:34,646 --> 00:20:36,771 I think they'd still get mad, Randy. 459 00:20:36,948 --> 00:20:37,732 Really ? 460 00:20:38,046 --> 00:20:39,810 But they'd be getting free vodka. 461 00:20:40,158 --> 00:20:41,282 I'm gonna try. 462 00:20:42,325 --> 00:20:45,032 Well, have fun, cause you only gonna get to do it once. 463 00:20:46,357 --> 00:20:48,752 - Good night, Randy. - Good night, Earl. 464 00:20:48,877 --> 00:20:51,071 Transcript : Raceman Synchro: Dingo 465 00:20:51,197 --> 00:20:53,691 www.forom.com