1 00:00:02,035 --> 00:00:04,526 My name is Earl. 2 00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:09,601 We did it. Two beers, Crab Man. 3 00:00:09,709 --> 00:00:11,609 You got it, Earl. 4 00:00:11,711 --> 00:00:15,408 [ Earl Narrating ] Every time I cross something off my list, I get a good feeling inside. 5 00:00:15,515 --> 00:00:19,713 Here's to crossing off number 57- gave Randy a swirly when he was five. 6 00:00:19,819 --> 00:00:23,311 [ Earl Narrating ] And this time, Randy got that good feeling too. 7 00:00:25,492 --> 00:00:29,189 [ Gurgling ] 8 00:00:29,295 --> 00:00:32,389 Thanks for cleaning the toilet before I let Randy stick my head in it. 9 00:00:32,499 --> 00:00:34,694 No problem. The last guy who got his head stuck in the toilet... 10 00:00:34,801 --> 00:00:36,428 caught some disease only bats get. 11 00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:39,437 Is that that guy who always hangs upside down in the bathroom? 12 00:00:39,539 --> 00:00:42,633 No, that's Hector. Question, Earl. 13 00:00:42,742 --> 00:00:45,210 How do you decide what you're gonna do next on your list? 14 00:00:45,311 --> 00:00:47,279 If it's too personal, I'll mind my own beeswax. 15 00:00:47,380 --> 00:00:49,940 Well, uh, sometimes karma gives me a sign... 16 00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:52,450 other times I just pick one at random. 17 00:00:52,552 --> 00:00:56,181 And sometimes he lets me pick, but I get a little freaked out when I play God. 18 00:00:56,289 --> 00:00:58,416 That's why I also don't vote on American Idol. 19 00:00:58,525 --> 00:01:01,050 - Can I pick one? - Sure, go ahead. 20 00:01:01,161 --> 00:01:05,564 - I just did- one. - You don't dillydally, Crab Man. I respect that. 21 00:01:05,665 --> 00:01:07,758 One it is. 22 00:01:07,867 --> 00:01:11,325 [ Earl Narrating ] As you might imagine, number 1 on my list was kind of special- 23 00:01:11,438 --> 00:01:14,066 stole $ 10 from a guy at the Camden Market. 24 00:01:14,174 --> 00:01:17,769 It was the last bad thing I did before I discovered karma. 25 00:01:17,877 --> 00:01:23,110 It was about nine months ago. Low on funds, I was about to steal 16 ounces ofbreakfast... 26 00:01:23,216 --> 00:01:25,150 when all of a sudden, fate smiled on me. 27 00:01:35,195 --> 00:01:40,155 Five minutes later, I scratched off the lottery ticket that would change my life forever. 28 00:01:41,734 --> 00:01:44,965 - [ Grunts ] - [ Screaming ] 29 00:01:45,071 --> 00:01:48,768 - [ Tires Squealing ] - It would also lacerate my spleen and pop my lung. 30 00:01:48,875 --> 00:01:51,503 Stealing that guy's $ 10 was the last straw. 31 00:01:51,611 --> 00:01:53,442 Karma had had enough. 32 00:01:54,848 --> 00:01:57,612 Thanks, Crab Man. It's about time I did number 1 . 33 00:01:57,717 --> 00:02:01,278 Good luck with that. And I hope I scrubbed that bat disease out of that toilet. 34 00:02:01,387 --> 00:02:05,016 But if you start seeing with your ears and whatnot, get to a doctor. 35 00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:06,888 [ Earl Narrating ] In my criminal days... 36 00:02:06,993 --> 00:02:09,791 Iqball's surveillance cameras were a pain in my ass. 37 00:02:09,896 --> 00:02:14,959 But since I never saw the guy's face I stole the 10 bucks from, I was lucky he kept the tapes. 38 00:02:15,068 --> 00:02:19,095 Thanks for doing this, Iqball. I think it happened around 11:00. 39 00:02:21,207 --> 00:02:23,107 11:00. 40 00:02:23,209 --> 00:02:25,871 [ Earl Narrating ] I was also lucky I knew someone who spoke Bengali. 41 00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:28,914 [ Speaking Bengali ] 42 00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:34,885 [ Bengali ] 43 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,056 That's impressive, Patty. 44 00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:42,561 I spent the early part of my 20s doing exotic sex shows in Calcutta. 45 00:02:42,662 --> 00:02:45,256 The pay was good, but when the opium buzz wears off... 46 00:02:45,365 --> 00:02:50,132 and you're standing there naked with a tambourine in one hand and a tiger's junk in the other... 47 00:02:50,236 --> 00:02:52,864 it's time for a young girl to come home. 48 00:02:56,209 --> 00:02:59,076 - Hey, there you are, Patty. - [ Bengali ] 49 00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:01,340 He wants you to fast-forward this part. 50 00:03:01,447 --> 00:03:04,007 There's nothin' to be ashamed of, Iqqy. 51 00:03:04,117 --> 00:03:06,745 We've all got our kinky little secrets. 52 00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:09,947 [ Bengali ] 53 00:03:20,466 --> 00:03:22,661 [ Whispering ] How long does this go on? 54 00:03:22,769 --> 00:03:26,398 [ Whispering ] You'll know it's over when he brushes my hair and feeds me a sugar cube. 55 00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:39,685 Hey, there I am. 56 00:03:41,588 --> 00:03:43,749 - That's him. That's the guy. - [ Patty ] I know him. 57 00:03:43,856 --> 00:03:46,791 That's Paul. He's the delivery guy at Charlie's Pizza. 58 00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:49,657 - We're in the same book club. - [ Iqball Laughs ] 59 00:03:49,762 --> 00:03:53,596 [ Iqball Chuckles, Speaks Bengali ] 60 00:03:53,700 --> 00:03:56,669 [ Bengali ] 61 00:03:56,769 --> 00:04:00,762 Iqball says that guy didn't have any money to buy anything. 62 00:04:00,873 --> 00:04:02,670 [ Laughing Continues ] 63 00:04:05,044 --> 00:04:06,944 [ Earl ] Wait a second. 64 00:04:07,046 --> 00:04:11,346 - He was gonna buy a lotto ticket with that money? - Yeah. 65 00:04:11,451 --> 00:04:16,184 I bought his lotto ticket. The winning lotto ticket was supposed to be his. 66 00:04:16,289 --> 00:04:20,282 [ Earl Narrating ] That's when I realized I didn't just owe this guy $ 10- 67 00:04:20,393 --> 00:04:22,657 I owed him every penny I have. 68 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:31,029 As soon as I realized the lottery money was supposed to belong to someone else... 69 00:04:31,137 --> 00:04:35,870 I went to the bank and got out what I had left after Uncle Sam took his share. 70 00:04:37,310 --> 00:04:39,710 That's a lot of money to give away. 71 00:04:39,812 --> 00:04:41,837 Am I being crazy? 72 00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:45,315 Yes. I think you got one of them brain worms I saw on TV. 73 00:04:45,418 --> 00:04:47,818 Look, it's not like I don't wanna keep the money. 74 00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:50,252 I-I can't. I'm scared. 75 00:04:50,356 --> 00:04:53,223 The first time I got this money, karma hit me with a car. 76 00:04:53,326 --> 00:04:56,887 You ever been hit by a car? It hurts. It hurts a lot. 77 00:04:56,996 --> 00:05:00,397 I can't keep this money knowing it's not mine or karma might try and kill me again. 78 00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:05,130 Maybe. Or maybe that's just what the brain worm wants you to think. 79 00:05:05,238 --> 00:05:08,036 [ Sighs ] Damn it, Crab Man. 80 00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,041 Why the hell he have to pick number 1 ? 81 00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:12,839 But, Earl, we'll be broke. 82 00:05:12,945 --> 00:05:16,904 Look, Randy, I know it sucks, but we've been broke before. 83 00:05:17,016 --> 00:05:22,249 [ Groans ] I made the list, and karma brought us back the lotto ticket. 84 00:05:22,355 --> 00:05:25,347 I guess we just have to hope karma takes care of us again. 85 00:05:25,458 --> 00:05:28,484 I hate Darnell. 86 00:05:28,594 --> 00:05:30,960 [ Earl Narrating ] Patty gave us Paul's address... 87 00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:34,261 and even though he didn't like what I was doin', Randy agreed to go with me. 88 00:05:34,367 --> 00:05:36,767 [ Knocking ] 89 00:05:36,869 --> 00:05:38,769 Hi. We're looking for Paul. 90 00:05:38,871 --> 00:05:43,774 If you're here to buy my medical marijuana lollipops from my son, you're out of luck. 91 00:05:43,876 --> 00:05:47,471 I ate 'em all. [ Laughing ] 92 00:05:47,580 --> 00:05:51,676 No, no. We're not here for lollipops. We brought him somethin'. 93 00:05:51,784 --> 00:05:55,049 - I won't let you do it, Earl! - Randy, get back here! 94 00:05:55,154 --> 00:05:57,782 - Damn it! Randy! - [ Grunts ] 95 00:05:57,890 --> 00:06:00,723 [ Earl Narrating ] Once I got the money back from Randy, I explained to Paul... 96 00:06:00,827 --> 00:06:04,923 all about my list, the lotto ticket and how that money was really his. 97 00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:08,558 Whoa. Hey, you guys, you didn't tell my mom about this, did you? 98 00:06:08,668 --> 00:06:11,967 'Cause she's just gonna use the money to buy more pot lollipops. 99 00:06:12,071 --> 00:06:15,199 She's supposed to have four a day. If she has four... 100 00:06:15,308 --> 00:06:17,936 then she gets the munchies- she eats four more. 101 00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:20,604 The worst is is that she gets... horny. 102 00:06:20,713 --> 00:06:22,943 [ Knocking ] 103 00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:26,212 [ Mother ] Paul? Aren't you gonna introduce me to your friends? 104 00:06:26,319 --> 00:06:28,219 - [ Doorknob Rattling ] - No, Ma. 105 00:06:28,321 --> 00:06:31,484 - Is that door locked? - Yeah, it's locked. So-So this money's all mine? 106 00:06:31,591 --> 00:06:34,321 Yeah. I'm five grand short, but I'll get it to you as soon as I can. 107 00:06:34,427 --> 00:06:36,418 Dude, don't worry about it. This is plenty. 108 00:06:36,529 --> 00:06:40,625 No, no. I'll get you the rest. I have to. Like I said, you're on my list. 109 00:06:40,733 --> 00:06:43,099 He said it was plenty, Earl. Didn't you hear him? 110 00:06:43,202 --> 00:06:47,002 I think you got that bat disease. How many fingers am I holding up? 111 00:06:47,106 --> 00:06:49,472 Paul. Aren't you gonna introduce me? 112 00:06:49,575 --> 00:06:52,476 You're old! They're not interested in you. 113 00:06:52,578 --> 00:06:54,944 - You-You guys aren't interested, are you? - Mm-mmm. 114 00:06:55,047 --> 00:06:57,447 You have a window we can go out? 115 00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:01,812 [ Earl Narrating ] Not having much money was nothing new to me and Randy. 116 00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:05,982 But having none at all made things hard, especially when it came to lunch. 117 00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:08,526 Yeah. 118 00:07:08,628 --> 00:07:10,755 There's some left in here. 119 00:07:32,084 --> 00:07:35,451 I'm starving, Earl. Maybe we should go steal some food. 120 00:07:35,555 --> 00:07:39,082 You know I get angry when I'm hungry, like the Hulk. 121 00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:41,092 Only I don't get all green and muscly. 122 00:07:41,194 --> 00:07:43,628 I just get dizzy and snap at people that don't deserve it. 123 00:07:43,729 --> 00:07:45,629 Randy, we're not stealing anything. 124 00:07:45,731 --> 00:07:49,428 We're stickin' to the list so somethin' good will happen to us again. 125 00:07:49,535 --> 00:07:52,629 I just need to find somethin' that won't cost any money to cross off my list. 126 00:07:52,738 --> 00:07:56,469 List, list, list! I swear to God, you say the word "list" one more time... 127 00:07:56,576 --> 00:07:59,739 I'm gonna pull your tongue right out of your mouth and stick it up your- 128 00:08:03,850 --> 00:08:08,651 I'm sorry. That was the hungry, dizzy Hulk. He comes on quick. 129 00:08:08,754 --> 00:08:10,949 No, no. That-That's okay, Randy. 130 00:08:11,057 --> 00:08:13,651 You can have the chip dust. I'm full. 131 00:08:18,931 --> 00:08:22,264 Here we go right here. Number 119- 132 00:08:22,368 --> 00:08:25,030 ruined Joy's chance to get into art school. 133 00:08:25,137 --> 00:08:27,037 [ Earl Narrating ] A few years ago... 134 00:08:27,139 --> 00:08:30,631 Joy found a contest in the back of a magazine to get into art school. 135 00:08:30,743 --> 00:08:34,144 - [ Dog Barking ] - Check out that turtle. 136 00:08:34,247 --> 00:08:38,513 Look at that. Looks just like the one in the magazine. I traced it perfect. Mmm. 137 00:08:38,618 --> 00:08:43,612 I'm gonna go to art school. And when I do, y'all gonna have to take care of the babies. Mm-hmm. 138 00:08:43,723 --> 00:08:46,191 And you're gonna see what it's like to get up at midnight... 139 00:08:46,292 --> 00:08:48,260 'cause they're cryin' for more Mountain Dew. 140 00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,329 I need a stamp. 141 00:08:52,732 --> 00:08:54,791 I don't want to take care of the kids, Earl. 142 00:08:54,901 --> 00:08:57,802 The black one bites me, and the white one calls me "stupid giant." 143 00:08:57,904 --> 00:09:00,873 Don't worry, Randy. She's not getting into art school. 144 00:09:18,424 --> 00:09:21,518 After I finish art school, I might even go to Paris where the good artists go... 145 00:09:21,627 --> 00:09:24,596 so I can draw those quiet guys in whiteface with rugby shirts that play charades. 146 00:09:29,168 --> 00:09:32,604 [ Earl Narrating ] A few months later, Joy finally heard back from the art school. 147 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:38,667 They said, "Art isn't for turds." Who the hell do they think they're calling a turd? 148 00:09:38,778 --> 00:09:41,679 [ Earl Narrating ] I came over to talk to Joy about getting her into art school... 149 00:09:41,781 --> 00:09:44,944 but all she wanted to talk about was how I gave my money away. 150 00:09:45,051 --> 00:09:48,111 Well, the dummy has out-dummied himself, huh? 151 00:09:48,220 --> 00:09:52,554 Well, at least now that you're poor I can stop being so nice to you. That just wears me out. 152 00:09:52,658 --> 00:09:55,786 Look, will you just trace this turtle again so I can mail it in? 153 00:09:55,895 --> 00:09:58,796 I told you, I don't wanna trace no damn turtle. 154 00:09:58,898 --> 00:10:02,925 Joy, I just bought the stamp. I can't return it. I let Randy lick it for lunch. 155 00:10:03,035 --> 00:10:05,765 [ Sighs ] I don't care about art school anymore, Earl. 156 00:10:05,871 --> 00:10:07,862 I make my art on the end of people's fingers now. 157 00:10:07,974 --> 00:10:09,942 Patty, you really need to stop biting these nails. 158 00:10:10,042 --> 00:10:13,034 Don't tell me, tell the mayor. He's a nibbler. 159 00:10:13,145 --> 00:10:16,672 - Mmm. - There's gotta be something I can do to make up for the drawing. 160 00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:20,513 I gotta start crossing things off my list if I want my life to be better again. 161 00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:21,621 Fine. You wanna make up for ruining my art career? 162 00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,816 Fine. You wanna make up for ruining my art career? 163 00:10:23,923 --> 00:10:26,551 You can help me by expanding my new career. 164 00:10:26,659 --> 00:10:29,787 I need a guinea pig to practice on so I can get my new license. 165 00:10:29,895 --> 00:10:33,058 No problem. What do you what me to do? 166 00:10:34,867 --> 00:10:37,233 [ Screams ] 167 00:10:39,205 --> 00:10:41,696 Mother- 168 00:10:41,807 --> 00:10:43,798 Oh, wait. Rip that out. 169 00:10:43,909 --> 00:10:45,900 I'm supposed to explain the dangers to you first. 170 00:10:46,012 --> 00:10:47,912 [ Groans ] 171 00:10:48,014 --> 00:10:50,710 [ Earl Narrating ] While Joy finished making me into a human pincushion... 172 00:10:50,816 --> 00:10:53,944 the lack of food was making Randy desperate. 173 00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:56,180 - I crossed another one off- Randy, no. - [ Trap Snaps ] 174 00:10:56,288 --> 00:10:58,688 - [ Groans ] - [ Earl Narrating ] An hour later, I learned... 175 00:10:58,791 --> 00:11:02,124 the only thing as painful as putting an earring in your nipple is taking it out. 176 00:11:02,228 --> 00:11:04,321 [ Earl Groans ] 177 00:11:06,866 --> 00:11:08,857 Ooh. That one's nice. 178 00:11:08,968 --> 00:11:11,198 You have a matching one like that somewhere on you? 179 00:11:11,303 --> 00:11:14,363 [ Earl ] Oh, I'm sorry, Catalina. I didn't realize you were shopping. 180 00:11:14,473 --> 00:11:16,373 - Let me check in the back. - Where are you going? 181 00:11:16,475 --> 00:11:19,603 [ Muffled ] My tongue hurts too much to watch TV. I'm going for a walk. 182 00:11:19,712 --> 00:11:23,113 [ Screams ] 183 00:11:23,215 --> 00:11:27,709 [ Earl Narrating ] While I let my holes start to heal, Randy stumbled across a little karma. 184 00:11:54,346 --> 00:11:57,042 [ Bell Jingles ] 185 00:11:58,417 --> 00:12:00,977 Randy, any money we had was supposed to be for food. 186 00:12:01,087 --> 00:12:04,955 I know. But you crossed something off your list today. Maybe karma will reward us. 187 00:12:05,057 --> 00:12:08,220 You know, we gotta believe, remember? Come on. Scratch it. 188 00:12:08,327 --> 00:12:10,625 I can't, Randy. You do it. 189 00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,960 Something tells me we're gonna be lucky. 190 00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:16,159 I got a funny feeling. Which side should I scratch first? 191 00:12:16,268 --> 00:12:18,793 That end, but just scratch the first box. 192 00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:23,402 Like this? 193 00:12:24,844 --> 00:12:27,574 [ Gasps ] And now that box. 194 00:12:32,518 --> 00:12:35,146 - You finish it. I can't. - No, you do it. 195 00:12:36,188 --> 00:12:39,419 All right. Here goes. 196 00:12:44,964 --> 00:12:47,956 You bought a joke lottery ticket, Randy. 197 00:12:49,368 --> 00:12:51,268 [ Door Slams ] 198 00:13:08,053 --> 00:13:11,819 [ Earl Narrating ] As I tried to find something else on my list that didn't require money... 199 00:13:11,924 --> 00:13:14,654 Darnell was trying to help us stay alive. 200 00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:17,194 Now, I know you don't have any money to buy beers... 201 00:13:17,296 --> 00:13:20,026 but two ladies just left the bar and they ain't finished these. 202 00:13:20,132 --> 00:13:24,228 - Here's napkins to wipe off the lipstick. - Thanks, Crab Man. 203 00:13:24,336 --> 00:13:28,705 You see that, Randy? I told you karma would take care of us. Free beer. 204 00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,833 Do good things, good things happen. 205 00:13:32,244 --> 00:13:34,371 - There's a cigarette in mine. - So? 206 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:36,744 You know, I think having that money spoiled you, Randy. 207 00:13:36,849 --> 00:13:39,477 Just pinch your lips tighter to keep the cigarette out. 208 00:13:39,585 --> 00:13:41,644 Plus, it'll make your beer last longer. 209 00:13:44,323 --> 00:13:46,291 Here we go. Number 206- 210 00:13:46,392 --> 00:13:49,520 refused to dance with Too-tall Maggie at the eight grade dance. 211 00:13:49,628 --> 00:13:52,756 I can cross that one off easy. Dancin' is free. 212 00:13:52,865 --> 00:13:56,528 Here. Someone left half a hamburger by the pool table. 213 00:13:57,970 --> 00:13:59,938 [ Sighs ] There's a cigarette in here too. 214 00:14:00,039 --> 00:14:02,405 Give it to me, princess. 215 00:14:05,544 --> 00:14:07,444 [ Earl Narrating ] Before I went to dance with Maggie... 216 00:14:07,546 --> 00:14:11,277 Randy wanted to stop by the motel and get more peanut butter off the mousetrap. 217 00:14:11,383 --> 00:14:14,409 This time I'm gonna be more careful about it. I got a plan. 218 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,852 - That's good, Randy. - Yeah, I'm gonna use my finger. 219 00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:24,291 - What are you guys doing here? - We're gonna swim in the pool! 220 00:14:24,396 --> 00:14:27,729 We're gonna swim! We're gonna swim! We're gonna swim, swim, swim! 221 00:14:27,833 --> 00:14:30,063 What are you doing in our room? 222 00:14:30,169 --> 00:14:32,729 What are you doing in our room? 223 00:14:32,838 --> 00:14:35,568 - Hey, guys. - Catalina, what's going on here? 224 00:14:35,674 --> 00:14:38,108 They're gonna go for a swim, swim, swim. You didn't pay your rent... 225 00:14:38,210 --> 00:14:40,269 so my manager's kicking you out, out, out. 226 00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:46,318 We're gonna swim! We're gonna swim! We're gonna swim, swim, swim! 227 00:14:46,418 --> 00:14:49,114 You think that little one's ribs are too small to eat? 228 00:14:53,125 --> 00:14:56,185 Okay. All right. No need to panic. 229 00:14:56,295 --> 00:14:59,958 We'll cross Maggie off the list and things will start to get better. I know it, Randy. 230 00:15:00,065 --> 00:15:02,693 I still believe. You still believe? 231 00:15:02,801 --> 00:15:05,167 - I still believe. - Good. 232 00:15:05,271 --> 00:15:08,968 We just need to stay positive and keep moving forward. Everything will work out fine. 233 00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:11,474 [ Engine Sputtering ] 234 00:15:25,224 --> 00:15:27,124 [ Sighs ] 235 00:15:39,305 --> 00:15:41,796 [ Grunts ] 236 00:15:41,907 --> 00:15:45,775 - Where are you goin'? - To dance with Maggie. 237 00:15:47,446 --> 00:15:49,676 [ Earl Narrating ] It was a long walk... 238 00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:52,979 but eventually I found the address I was looking for- I thought. 239 00:15:53,085 --> 00:15:57,715 [ Shouting ] This is South Ridgewood. You want 1053 North Ridgewood. 240 00:15:57,823 --> 00:16:00,417 It's only about a 10-minute drive. 241 00:16:00,526 --> 00:16:04,428 Oh, yeah. A 10-minute drive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nothin'. 242 00:16:04,530 --> 00:16:07,192 If only I had a car. [ Grunts ] 243 00:16:09,301 --> 00:16:13,101 Oop. Sorry about that. Uh, let me just fix this here. 244 00:16:18,510 --> 00:16:21,479 - Dance with her? - I went the wrong way. 245 00:16:21,580 --> 00:16:23,480 - What? - I went the wrong way. 246 00:16:25,584 --> 00:16:28,678 [ Earl Narrating ] Doing things on the list without money was starting to feel like... 247 00:16:28,787 --> 00:16:30,755 surfing TVchannels without a clicker. 248 00:16:30,856 --> 00:16:34,883 It could be done, but your legs'll get awfully tired. 249 00:16:52,211 --> 00:16:54,111 Maggie. 250 00:17:23,509 --> 00:17:26,307 Now what? 251 00:17:26,412 --> 00:17:30,405 I don't know. I'm really hungry. 252 00:17:30,516 --> 00:17:32,416 Yeah, me too. 253 00:17:32,518 --> 00:17:36,079 I spent the whole day trying to pull a peanut out of that heater vent. 254 00:17:36,188 --> 00:17:38,088 Turns out it was just a moth. 255 00:17:38,190 --> 00:17:41,284 - How was it? - Dry. 256 00:17:41,393 --> 00:17:44,294 [ Tape: Distorted Audio ] 257 00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:46,626 [ Stops ] 258 00:17:47,933 --> 00:17:49,833 Uh. 259 00:17:49,935 --> 00:17:55,396 I don't know if I'm about to pass out or fall asleep from exhaustion... 260 00:17:55,507 --> 00:17:57,839 but it's happenin'. 261 00:17:59,311 --> 00:18:01,279 Yeah, me too. 262 00:18:03,215 --> 00:18:06,946 You know in them old cartoons when people got really hungry... 263 00:18:07,052 --> 00:18:10,681 and they thought other people look like food? 264 00:18:10,789 --> 00:18:14,885 You're a taquito with a mustache... 265 00:18:14,993 --> 00:18:17,359 with french fry fingers... 266 00:18:18,630 --> 00:18:21,394 spaghetti for hair... 267 00:18:21,500 --> 00:18:23,593 gumdrop eyeballs... 268 00:18:26,138 --> 00:18:28,333 licorice legs. 269 00:18:33,745 --> 00:18:36,009 - Huh? - Oh. 270 00:18:39,451 --> 00:18:41,715 I'll give you 1 ,800 for it if it runs. 271 00:18:41,820 --> 00:18:44,653 It runs, just not right now. It's out of gas. 272 00:18:44,756 --> 00:18:47,122 I'll give you 1,785 for it. 273 00:18:47,226 --> 00:18:49,626 Take it, Earl. You know this car's not worth more than 1 ,500. 274 00:18:49,728 --> 00:18:52,288 - 1 ,500. - Take it, Earl. We're desperate. 275 00:18:52,397 --> 00:18:55,798 - 1 ,200. - Hurry, Earl. He's lowering his prices for no reason. 276 00:18:56,835 --> 00:18:58,735 Sold. 277 00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:08,310 It happened, Earl. You crossed something off your list and something good happened. 278 00:19:08,413 --> 00:19:12,008 That's a lot of money. Enough to get all your piercing holes plugged up. 279 00:19:12,117 --> 00:19:16,178 Yep, it's a lot. Damn it, Crab Man. 280 00:19:16,288 --> 00:19:18,188 What? Wh-Wh-What are you doing? 281 00:19:18,290 --> 00:19:20,224 I still owe Paul five grand, Randy. 282 00:19:20,325 --> 00:19:22,225 No, no. I need to eat, Earl. 283 00:19:22,327 --> 00:19:26,354 - My stomach's making sounds I never heard it say before. - It's his money, not ours. 284 00:19:26,465 --> 00:19:30,026 But, Earl, we got no place to live, no car, no food. We're- 285 00:19:30,135 --> 00:19:35,471 I'm sorry, Randy. Look, I have no choice. I have to stick to the list. You gotta believe. 286 00:19:35,574 --> 00:19:37,872 Quit saying that! I don't believe! 287 00:19:37,976 --> 00:19:41,776 You hear me? I don't believe! And I don't see how you can still believe either! 288 00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:45,577 'Cause I got nothin' else, Randy! This is it. This is all I have. 289 00:19:45,684 --> 00:19:47,584 I didn't even get to eat the moth! 290 00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:51,884 Well, lucky you! It tasted like moth! Dry moth! 291 00:19:51,990 --> 00:19:54,686 I'm sorry, Randy! 292 00:19:54,793 --> 00:19:56,920 [ Earl Narrating ] It's scary to see Randy that upset. 293 00:19:57,029 --> 00:20:00,590 But lucky for me, the dizzy Hulk had a bad arm and terrible aim. 294 00:20:00,699 --> 00:20:05,261 And lucky for both of us, about two miles down the road we found a bus stop. 295 00:20:07,673 --> 00:20:11,609 Pull the cord. Paul's house is near the next stop. 296 00:20:13,111 --> 00:20:15,136 Pull the cord. 297 00:20:21,119 --> 00:20:23,417 Randy, pull the cord. 298 00:20:25,357 --> 00:20:29,123 Randy! Let me go. Randy. 299 00:20:32,197 --> 00:20:35,394 Uh, Randy. [ Grunting ] 300 00:20:37,102 --> 00:20:39,002 Aaah! Randy! 301 00:20:39,104 --> 00:20:42,562 Uh, excuse me. Would you mind pulling the cord, please? 302 00:20:42,674 --> 00:20:45,837 - [ Thuds ] - [ Woman Screams ] 303 00:20:48,046 --> 00:20:49,980 Wait. That was Paul. 304 00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:54,815 If he's dead and you give that money to his stoned, horny mom, I'm gonna kill you. 305 00:20:58,991 --> 00:21:00,822 [ Earl Narrating ] Luckily, Paul didn't die. 306 00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:04,862 But when the force of getting hit by a bus makes your heart and liver switch places... 307 00:21:04,963 --> 00:21:07,056 uh, you're gonna feel it. 308 00:21:07,165 --> 00:21:11,101 - How you feeling, buddy? - Take the money back. 309 00:21:11,203 --> 00:21:13,433 - What? - Take the money back. 310 00:21:13,538 --> 00:21:16,132 - Okay. - W-Wait. You were just hit by a bus. 311 00:21:16,241 --> 00:21:18,937 You're still a little out of it. That money is yours. 312 00:21:19,044 --> 00:21:21,512 You don't know the whole story. [ Groans ] 313 00:21:21,613 --> 00:21:24,548 [ Earl Narrating ] Turns out Paul knew more about the day I won the lottery than I did. 314 00:21:24,650 --> 00:21:29,986 Apparently, when you're blacked out and laying in the middle of the road, you miss a few things. 315 00:21:30,088 --> 00:21:32,454 - [ Tires Squealing ] - The ticket didn't go far... 316 00:21:32,557 --> 00:21:34,525 before it was in the hands of someone else. 317 00:21:34,626 --> 00:21:37,493 And that person was faced with a decision- 318 00:21:37,596 --> 00:21:41,828 Help a guy lying in the middle of the road or take the money and run. 319 00:21:41,933 --> 00:21:44,367 [ Tires Squealing ] 320 00:21:45,404 --> 00:21:47,998 Paul decided to run. 321 00:21:49,274 --> 00:21:52,402 [ Bengali ] 322 00:21:52,511 --> 00:21:55,139 Meanwhile, the old lady that hit me called her sister... 323 00:21:55,247 --> 00:21:57,738 who convinced her to return to the scene of the accident. 324 00:21:57,849 --> 00:21:59,749 Fine. I'll go back. 325 00:21:59,851 --> 00:22:03,150 But if I go to jail, you're taking care of Mom. 326 00:22:12,698 --> 00:22:18,330 Paul was making his getaway with what he thought was a stolen ticket. He was rich. 327 00:22:18,437 --> 00:22:20,837 - [ Grunts ] - [ Screaming ] 328 00:22:20,939 --> 00:22:23,237 [ Tires Squealing ] 329 00:22:25,043 --> 00:22:28,069 It was the happiest three minutes ofhis life. 330 00:22:29,915 --> 00:22:33,351 And over the next several days, the ticket made its way through Camden County... 331 00:22:33,452 --> 00:22:36,478 just waiting for karma to deliver it to the right person. 332 00:22:44,930 --> 00:22:47,899 If Willie the one-eyed mailman had better depth perception... 333 00:22:47,999 --> 00:22:50,229 well, that ticket could have been his. 334 00:23:02,114 --> 00:23:04,082 Some people could've even quit their dayjobs. 335 00:23:04,182 --> 00:23:06,810 But they were too busy working to notice. 336 00:23:38,450 --> 00:23:42,910 Some people could have had it, but karma wanted them to find other things instead. 337 00:23:44,956 --> 00:23:47,823 Things like love. 338 00:23:58,303 --> 00:24:01,966 Other people could have had it if they just weren't busy doing the wrong thing. 339 00:24:05,477 --> 00:24:10,938 I got one! Problem Child 2! I just saved us three dollars! 340 00:24:11,049 --> 00:24:13,813 [ Earl Narrating ] Yep. A lot of people could've had that ticket... 341 00:24:13,919 --> 00:24:16,854 but it just wasn't meant to be. 342 00:24:20,459 --> 00:24:23,951 It was almost as if the ticket knew where it was supposed to go. 343 00:24:33,104 --> 00:24:35,971 Okay, fine. You took the lotto ticket instead of helping me. 344 00:24:36,074 --> 00:24:38,304 But that ticket was yours. Why don't you want the money? 345 00:24:38,410 --> 00:24:40,571 I don't like what it did to me. 346 00:24:40,679 --> 00:24:43,580 [ Earl Narrating ] And then Paul told us how the money had changed his life. 347 00:24:45,150 --> 00:24:48,642 - He got ridiculous new clothes. - [ Mother ] Paul? 348 00:24:48,753 --> 00:24:52,280 And then he dumped his mom in a discount nursing home. 349 00:24:52,390 --> 00:24:55,325 Money made Paul a whole different guy. 350 00:24:58,730 --> 00:25:00,664 Can you spare a dollar? 351 00:25:00,765 --> 00:25:02,892 I can spare thousands of dollars, but not for you. 352 00:25:03,001 --> 00:25:04,901 Whoa-oa! Oh! Damn it! 353 00:25:08,974 --> 00:25:10,874 [ Woman Screams ] 354 00:25:11,042 --> 00:25:13,875 It was that karma stuff you told me about, Earl. 355 00:25:13,979 --> 00:25:16,209 Old Lady Karma didn't want me to have that money. 356 00:25:16,314 --> 00:25:18,009 Old Lady Karma? 357 00:25:18,116 --> 00:25:21,745 I saw her again today when I got hit. 358 00:25:21,853 --> 00:25:24,720 Pull the cord. 359 00:25:24,823 --> 00:25:27,087 Randy! 360 00:25:27,192 --> 00:25:30,389 I don't drive anymore. I had two terrible accidents. 361 00:25:30,495 --> 00:25:32,395 - Uh, Randy. - Excuse me. 362 00:25:32,497 --> 00:25:35,057 Can you tell me when we're gonna be near Eighth Street? 363 00:25:35,166 --> 00:25:37,066 - Randy! - [ Thuds ] 364 00:25:37,168 --> 00:25:40,865 - [ Screaming ] - [ Tires Squealing ] 365 00:25:40,972 --> 00:25:43,941 This money's not supposed to be with me. 366 00:25:44,042 --> 00:25:47,034 I have a feeling that if I keep it it's gonna kill me. 367 00:25:47,145 --> 00:25:49,045 The money's supposed to be with you. 368 00:25:51,082 --> 00:25:54,574 Wow, Paul. Thanks a lot. 369 00:25:54,686 --> 00:25:57,052 Me and Randy'll keep using it to do good things. 370 00:25:57,155 --> 00:25:59,350 Right, Randy? 371 00:25:59,457 --> 00:26:03,359 Come on. You don't need it. I read your chart. You're dyin'. 372 00:26:07,132 --> 00:26:09,100 [ Earl Narrating ] It was nice having our money again. 373 00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:11,464 The first thing we did was buy back the El Camino. 374 00:26:16,474 --> 00:26:19,238 I'm storing food in case we ever lose the money again. 375 00:26:19,344 --> 00:26:22,905 You know, Earl, I said before that I believed in the list stuff... 376 00:26:23,014 --> 00:26:27,678 but then I said I didn't, but now I really do, kind of. 377 00:26:27,786 --> 00:26:29,811 That's good enough for me, Randy. 378 00:26:31,022 --> 00:26:33,718 [ Earl Narrating ] Then we got our room back. 379 00:26:33,825 --> 00:26:37,989 Unfortunately, the Yamaguchis still had two days left. 380 00:26:38,096 --> 00:26:40,121 But they were cool. 381 00:26:40,231 --> 00:26:42,131 [ Buzzes ] 382 00:26:42,233 --> 00:26:45,600 - Things were back to normal. - Look, Earl. No cigarette butts. 383 00:26:45,704 --> 00:26:48,867 That's right, Randy. It was a wild ride, but everything turned out okay. 384 00:26:48,974 --> 00:26:52,171 Plus, you crossed three things off your list. 385 00:26:52,277 --> 00:26:54,905 [ Slurred ] Scoot it, sweetheart. Move. Come on. Come on. 386 00:26:55,013 --> 00:26:57,607 Check it out. [ Laughs ] 387 00:26:57,716 --> 00:27:02,176 I'm celebratin'. I just got my hole piercing license... 388 00:27:02,287 --> 00:27:06,314 which means I'm legal, unlike you. 389 00:27:06,424 --> 00:27:10,292 Con esto concluimos nuestra primera temporada de Earl. 390 00:27:10,395 --> 00:27:12,363 Estamos muy agradecido con su acompanamiento. 391 00:27:12,464 --> 00:27:14,989 Anticipamos verlos el proximo otono. 392 00:27:15,100 --> 00:27:17,568 Blah, blah, blah. 393 00:27:17,669 --> 00:27:20,661 [ Laughing ] 394 00:27:20,772 --> 00:27:23,468 [ Earl Narrating ] Yep. Everything was back to normal. 0 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net