1 00:00:02,635 --> 00:00:04,603 My name is Earl. 2 00:00:06,473 --> 00:00:09,601 [ Earl Narrating ] The local Bargain Bag was known for its bad customer service... 3 00:00:09,709 --> 00:00:11,609 but we couldn't really blame them for that. 4 00:00:11,711 --> 00:00:13,679 As a matter of fact, they could blame us... 5 00:00:13,780 --> 00:00:17,773 and that's why we were here, to make up for number 24 on my list- 6 00:00:17,884 --> 00:00:20,079 stole a red take-a-number machine. 7 00:00:20,186 --> 00:00:22,586 I wanna thank you for including us on this list item, Earl. 8 00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:27,183 I appreciate any opportunity to repent for my sinful days. 9 00:00:27,293 --> 00:00:30,888 - Oh! I want Jesus to see this. - Is that who that is? 10 00:00:30,997 --> 00:00:32,589 - Uh-huh. - I saw him peeking out. 11 00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:34,564 - Thought it was Willie Nelson. - Next! 12 00:00:34,667 --> 00:00:40,105 Good-bye, little fella. We never even gave you a name. 13 00:00:40,206 --> 00:00:44,267 Earl! You can't give back that ticket thing. 14 00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:46,902 Randy, we talked about this. I have to. It's on my list. 15 00:00:47,013 --> 00:00:48,674 - You can't. - Randy. 16 00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:51,512 It's not your turn. 17 00:00:51,618 --> 00:00:54,610 Oh, snap. 18 00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:58,088 [ Earl Narrating ] I understood why Randy didn't wanna part with that ticket machine. 19 00:00:58,191 --> 00:01:01,217 It meant a lot to him. It meant a lot to all of us. 20 00:01:01,327 --> 00:01:03,557 It was Christmas 1999... 21 00:01:03,663 --> 00:01:06,826 and I had met and married Joy only three weeks earlier. 22 00:01:06,933 --> 00:01:08,867 Since it was our first holiday together... 23 00:01:08,968 --> 00:01:11,266 I wanted to include her in our gang's yuletide traditions. 24 00:01:16,576 --> 00:01:19,545 Hey, everyone! It's carolers! 25 00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:29,782 While Donny, Randy and Joy spread good tidings... 26 00:01:29,889 --> 00:01:31,857 I snuck in and robbed the place. 27 00:01:44,871 --> 00:01:47,669 Are you Santa? 28 00:01:49,442 --> 00:01:53,970 - Oh, ho-ho. - Why are you taking all our presents? 29 00:01:56,850 --> 00:02:00,946 Well, I think if you thought hard enough, you'd know the answer to that. 30 00:02:01,054 --> 00:02:04,319 Now off to bed or there won't be a Christmas next year either. 31 00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:10,858 [ Earl Narrating ] Don't worry. She's on my list. 32 00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:19,230 If this is another damn thesaurus... 33 00:02:19,339 --> 00:02:21,603 I'm gonna track down those dumb, stupid... dumb people... 34 00:02:21,708 --> 00:02:23,642 and teach them how to buy a proper gift. 35 00:02:27,580 --> 00:02:31,710 Cool, it's one of them checker sets, but for smart people and gays. 36 00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:34,343 - Here you go. - Who are you? 37 00:02:34,454 --> 00:02:36,547 Darnell. I'm new. 38 00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:40,183 [ Earl Narrating ] A few weeks earlier, Darnell's life took a dramatic turn... 39 00:02:40,293 --> 00:02:43,262 and he had to relocate to Camden County. 40 00:02:45,398 --> 00:02:48,162 As soon as you get out of this van, you become Darnell Turner. 41 00:02:48,268 --> 00:02:51,431 All the documents you need- birth certificate, driver's license, etc.- 42 00:02:51,538 --> 00:02:53,506 are in this envelope. 43 00:02:53,606 --> 00:02:55,801 Cool. 44 00:02:55,909 --> 00:03:01,245 Remember, you can never be Harry Monroe again. You're a totally new person. 45 00:03:01,347 --> 00:03:06,649 - Do I still like cheese? - Not if you wanna stay alive you don't. 46 00:03:13,359 --> 00:03:18,194 [ Earl Narrating ] The more we hung out with Darnell, the more we learned how smart he was. 47 00:03:18,298 --> 00:03:20,562 Why is it called "Y2K"? 48 00:03:20,667 --> 00:03:23,568 It means "2000" in computer, and in a few days, when it turns 2000... 49 00:03:23,670 --> 00:03:26,036 all the computers are gonna think it's really Year Zero. 50 00:03:26,139 --> 00:03:29,631 - The hell does that mean? - All the computers will go berserk and things like... 51 00:03:29,742 --> 00:03:32,142 electricity, water, gas will be out. 52 00:03:32,245 --> 00:03:34,873 The banks will be outta money. Stores will be outta food. 53 00:03:34,981 --> 00:03:38,075 All the high scores on video games will be reset. 54 00:03:38,184 --> 00:03:40,084 - Even "Centipede"? - Mm-hmm. 55 00:03:40,186 --> 00:03:43,212 That's messed up, y'all. What the hell's gonna happen to us? 56 00:03:43,323 --> 00:03:47,054 Well, we'll either be killed at the hands of hungry citizens or die of starvation. 57 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:50,618 - Do we get to choose? - Wh-Wh-What are we gonna do? 58 00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:53,028 We should do somethin', right? I mean, we gotta do somethin'. 59 00:03:53,132 --> 00:03:56,568 Well, the best thing to do is just hole up somewhere and wait to see what happens. 60 00:03:56,669 --> 00:03:59,934 We can use my sister's basement. She's off with another trucker. 61 00:04:00,039 --> 00:04:03,372 And does she go off with a lot of truckers? 62 00:04:03,476 --> 00:04:06,570 My sister falls in love easy, if that's what you're askin'. 63 00:04:06,679 --> 00:04:11,116 [ Earl Narrating ] As we all tried to figure out how the hell we were gonna survive Y2K... 64 00:04:11,217 --> 00:04:13,481 we weren't the only people preparing for an uncertain future. 65 00:04:13,586 --> 00:04:17,386 [ Braying ] 66 00:04:17,490 --> 00:04:21,517 As it turns out, our good friend Catalina was a world away... 67 00:04:21,628 --> 00:04:23,755 preparing to make her journey to America. 68 00:04:23,863 --> 00:04:26,491 Toma. 69 00:04:26,599 --> 00:04:28,794 [ Speaking Spanish ] 70 00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:38,609 [ Earl Narrating ] In the days leading up to Y2K... 71 00:04:38,711 --> 00:04:41,339 we decided to stock up on survival supplies. 72 00:04:42,482 --> 00:04:45,610 And we weren't the only ones. 73 00:04:54,260 --> 00:04:57,525 Randy, I told you no robot dogs. 74 00:04:57,630 --> 00:04:59,757 We can only afford the things we need to survive. 75 00:04:59,866 --> 00:05:03,324 But I already filled out the adoption papers. I named him "Biscuit." 76 00:05:03,436 --> 00:05:05,802 Put it back, Randy. 77 00:05:05,905 --> 00:05:08,874 - Hey, Earl. - Hey... 78 00:05:12,345 --> 00:05:14,472 Crab Man. 79 00:05:14,580 --> 00:05:17,708 Wow. You really like cheese. 80 00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:20,285 Shh. 81 00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:29,553 I'm gonna have to see a receipt and pat you down. 82 00:05:29,662 --> 00:05:31,687 Does that mean I'm gonna have to take my boots off? 83 00:05:31,798 --> 00:05:35,290 - Probably. - The hell's goin' on? 84 00:05:35,401 --> 00:05:38,336 Sorry, honey. Now that we're married, you're gonna have to get used to this. 85 00:05:38,438 --> 00:05:41,464 For some reason, people tend to think me and Randy are criminals. 86 00:05:41,574 --> 00:05:44,975 I understand, baby. Everywhere I go I get dirty looks too. 87 00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:48,309 - So do I. - Me too, and it sucks because we're good people. 88 00:05:48,414 --> 00:05:50,746 Mm-hmm. 89 00:05:55,588 --> 00:05:58,250 You know, it's crazy. They're so worried about us stealing stuff. 90 00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,553 The whole store gonna get looted during Y2K. 91 00:06:00,660 --> 00:06:03,060 - Wait a minute. There's gonna be lootin'? - Mm-hmm. 92 00:06:03,162 --> 00:06:04,925 Then why the hell did we just buy all this stuff? 93 00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:07,591 I'm gonna return mine and steal it tomorrow. 94 00:06:10,269 --> 00:06:13,534 Can I loot too, Earl? There's just so much I wanna take. 95 00:06:13,639 --> 00:06:17,871 And, plus, I'm still a little bit upset about that Larry King verdict. 96 00:06:17,977 --> 00:06:20,844 You know what I'm gonna loot first? I'm gonna loot me a Humvee. 97 00:06:20,947 --> 00:06:23,848 Then I'm gonna take all the other stuff I loot and put it in my Humvee. 98 00:06:23,950 --> 00:06:27,317 And if somebody tries to stop me, I'm gonna drive over 'em in my Humvee. 99 00:06:27,420 --> 00:06:29,479 And I also want a new pair of sandals. 100 00:06:29,589 --> 00:06:31,557 Hey, Darnell, if all the computers break... 101 00:06:31,657 --> 00:06:33,887 does that mean we won't have criminal records anymore? 102 00:06:33,993 --> 00:06:38,020 Yep. It'll be cool. Your whole slate's gonna be wiped clean. 103 00:06:38,131 --> 00:06:41,532 - I'd like a clean slate. Mine's filthy. - Mine too. 104 00:06:41,634 --> 00:06:44,102 Oh, my God! We're missin' it. 105 00:06:44,203 --> 00:06:46,933 - Ten- - [ All ] Nine, eight- 106 00:06:47,039 --> 00:06:49,371 You know, this Y2K thing can be good for us. 107 00:06:49,475 --> 00:06:53,605 - The whole deck's gonna be reshuffled. - Maybe we won't be on the bottom. 108 00:06:53,713 --> 00:06:55,613 [ All ] Three, two... 109 00:06:55,715 --> 00:06:58,240 - one! - [ Blowing Horns ] 110 00:06:58,351 --> 00:07:00,615 [ Electrical Pop, Whirring ] 111 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:03,120 [ Tape: Distorted Audio ] 112 00:07:03,222 --> 00:07:04,746 [ Whispers ] It's happening. 113 00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:10,820 [ Earl Narrating ] What we didn't know then was that Donny Jones's sister... 114 00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:12,898 liked to screw two things: 115 00:07:12,999 --> 00:07:15,331 truckers and the electric company. 116 00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:18,495 Come on, guys! Let's do this! 117 00:07:18,604 --> 00:07:21,573 The Year Zero is gonna be ours. 118 00:07:21,674 --> 00:07:25,770 - [ Explosion ] - That's probably the power plant. 119 00:07:25,878 --> 00:07:29,245 - [ Rapid Explosions ] - Sounds like machine-gun fire. 120 00:07:29,348 --> 00:07:31,680 [ Earl Narrating ] What we didn't know was that every year... 121 00:07:31,784 --> 00:07:34,116 Camden County had a New Year's fireworks show. 122 00:07:34,220 --> 00:07:37,348 We'd never seen it because we were usually passed out by 9:00. 123 00:07:39,058 --> 00:07:41,253 - Y'all, that sounds like grenades. - Grenades? 124 00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:43,419 The other looters have grenades? I only have this bat. 125 00:07:43,529 --> 00:07:46,760 I could hit a grenade with the bat, but only if you put it on a tee. 126 00:07:46,866 --> 00:07:50,461 Maybe we should loot in the mornin'. 127 00:07:50,570 --> 00:07:55,098 [ Earl Narrating ] Once the sun came up and the other looters ran out of grenades... 128 00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:58,609 we were excited to finally get our chance to steal everything we ever dreamed of. 129 00:08:21,067 --> 00:08:24,730 Where is everybody? We've gone 10 blocks and haven't seen a soul. 130 00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:27,101 Maybe they're hiding. 131 00:08:27,206 --> 00:08:31,006 Marco! Marco! 132 00:08:31,110 --> 00:08:35,479 We're not in the damn pool, you idiot. Olly, Olly, oxen free! 133 00:08:40,686 --> 00:08:44,452 I'm gettin' a little buggy here. 134 00:08:44,557 --> 00:08:48,891 Maybe Randy was right. Maybe the computers did rise up and kill everybody. 135 00:08:48,995 --> 00:08:51,520 - I think you're right. - Where are the bodies? 136 00:08:53,599 --> 00:08:56,397 The computers are using them for fuel. 137 00:09:04,176 --> 00:09:07,145 - Hey, wait! - [ Earl ] Hurry up! 138 00:09:10,182 --> 00:09:12,446 [ Earl Narrating ] Realizing we might be... 139 00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:15,885 the only people left on Earth in Year Zero freaked us out. 140 00:09:15,988 --> 00:09:19,685 What we didn't know was there was a reason why the streets were so empty. 141 00:09:19,792 --> 00:09:21,885 [ Cheering ] 142 00:09:23,996 --> 00:09:27,124 We were always so drunk from the night before... 143 00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:31,260 we were never awake to know there was a parade on New Year's Day. 144 00:09:33,739 --> 00:09:35,969 Well, I guess that's it. 145 00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:37,975 I guess the world's over. 146 00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:41,410 I'm so angry at computers right now. 147 00:09:41,514 --> 00:09:44,312 Well, if the world's over... 148 00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:47,215 I guess we're gonna have to start a new one. 149 00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:49,754 Any ideas on how to do that, because it sounds complicated. 150 00:09:49,855 --> 00:09:54,519 Well, I think we need to make sure that the new human race... 151 00:09:54,627 --> 00:09:56,788 is made up of people of all different colors. 152 00:09:56,896 --> 00:10:00,423 You know, by stirrin' up the meltin' pot. 153 00:10:00,533 --> 00:10:03,934 - I call "president." - Yeah, me too. I call "president" too. 154 00:10:04,036 --> 00:10:06,596 - We can't have two presidents. - Says who? 155 00:10:06,706 --> 00:10:09,174 Says me and I-I'm the president. 156 00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:12,335 - One of them. - Guys, we're not gonna have a president. 157 00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:15,505 - But if we were, I'd be the president. - Don't talk to me. 158 00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:18,550 [ Earl Narrating ] While we were tryin' to figure out the rest of our lives... 159 00:10:18,651 --> 00:10:20,619 Catalina was runnin' for hers. 160 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:25,180 - [ Shouting ] - [ Gunshots ] 161 00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:27,486 [ Speaking Spanish ] 162 00:10:29,528 --> 00:10:33,589 As bummed out as we were about Y2Kending the world... 163 00:10:33,699 --> 00:10:36,759 we were also excited to go shopping. 164 00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:44,969 Being the last people on Earth had its advantages. 165 00:10:45,077 --> 00:10:47,978 There was no one at the register, so everything was in our price range. 166 00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:50,014 Plus, there was no other shoppers grabbin' stuff... 167 00:10:50,116 --> 00:10:52,016 out of our carts when we weren't lookin'. 168 00:11:05,264 --> 00:11:08,290 - You guys ready to get out of here? - Not me. I'm staying forever. 169 00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:11,461 You're gonna live in the store? Earl, he's gonna live in the store. 170 00:11:11,570 --> 00:11:14,368 - I can live wherever I want. - Yeah. We rule the world now. 171 00:11:14,473 --> 00:11:17,237 I may move to Florida if Y2K hasn't snapped it off in the ocean. 172 00:11:17,343 --> 00:11:19,675 Earl, can we live in the store too, please? Can we? 173 00:11:19,779 --> 00:11:22,873 I guess. It is bigger than the trailer... 174 00:11:22,982 --> 00:11:24,882 and we wouldn't have to load this crap in the car. 175 00:11:24,984 --> 00:11:27,509 - Okay. I claim the TV section. - Oh, hold on. You can't do that. 176 00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:31,852 What are you gonna do, call the police? They're dead. I can do whatever I want... 177 00:11:31,957 --> 00:11:35,415 - and I claim this section. - Why the hell's it your section and not my section? 178 00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:37,996 "A," because you're pregnant and can't fight... 179 00:11:38,097 --> 00:11:40,861 and, "B," because I got here first. 180 00:11:40,966 --> 00:11:42,900 [ Earl Narrating ] Suddenly, we all realized... 181 00:11:43,002 --> 00:11:45,095 if there was somethin' we wanted for our own... 182 00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:48,037 we had to be the first one to get there. 183 00:11:49,241 --> 00:11:53,109 - [ Grunting ] - [ Clattering ] 184 00:11:58,150 --> 00:12:02,052 So we all claimed our piece of paradise. 185 00:12:04,156 --> 00:12:07,148 Joy took the beauty products and pharmacy aisle. 186 00:12:07,259 --> 00:12:10,854 - [ Air Hissing ] - Help! Help! The machine's got me! Y2K! Y2K! 187 00:12:10,963 --> 00:12:15,662 - [ Beeping ] - Never mind. I scared it. It let go. 188 00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:21,006 [ Earl Narrating ] Darnell seemed happy in his section. 189 00:12:21,107 --> 00:12:23,871 Oh, I get it. My finger's his wiener. 190 00:12:32,651 --> 00:12:36,087 And I found a section that was my own little slice ofheaven. 191 00:12:42,194 --> 00:12:45,561 Everyone started out pretty happy with our little arrangement... 192 00:12:45,664 --> 00:12:49,031 but eventually, people began to have needs outside their aisles. 193 00:12:49,135 --> 00:12:51,399 - Hey, baby. - Oh! Hey, hubby! 194 00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:55,338 Hey, look on the back of that box and tell me how long to keep these bleach trays in. 195 00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:58,740 Joy, it says you're not supposed to use these if you're pregnant. 196 00:12:58,844 --> 00:13:00,835 Says the stupid government- which is dead. 197 00:13:00,946 --> 00:13:02,880 There's no more rules anymore, Earl. 198 00:13:02,982 --> 00:13:06,645 I could put the stuff in my eyes if I wanted to- make the white parts whiter. 199 00:13:08,587 --> 00:13:11,021 - Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What are you doin'? - My stomach hurts. 200 00:13:11,123 --> 00:13:13,182 I think I ate too many cookie insides. 201 00:13:13,292 --> 00:13:15,658 You can't just come in and take my stuff without askin'. 202 00:13:15,761 --> 00:13:18,628 - But we're married. It's our stuff. - I don't think so. 203 00:13:18,731 --> 00:13:20,699 I'm a separate accounts kind of woman. 204 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:23,166 If you want something, you're gonna have to give me something for it. 205 00:13:23,269 --> 00:13:27,262 You want three bags of slightly licked outsides of cookies? 206 00:13:27,373 --> 00:13:29,466 I want a TV. 207 00:13:29,575 --> 00:13:31,975 How am I supposed to get you a TV? I live in Snack Foods. 208 00:13:32,077 --> 00:13:34,102 Figure it out. 209 00:13:44,757 --> 00:13:48,557 - Hey, Donny, what can I trade you for a TV? - Give me your wife. 210 00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:51,391 I'm not givin' you my wife. Pick a snack food. 211 00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:55,866 Marshmallow Fluff- smeared on your wife. 212 00:13:55,968 --> 00:13:58,459 - Donny. - Okay. 213 00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:02,473 I'll give you a TV, but you gotta owe me one favor- 214 00:14:02,575 --> 00:14:04,634 and I get to ask for that favor anytime I want... 215 00:14:04,743 --> 00:14:08,611 and you can't say "no" and you can't ask what the favor's gonna be. 216 00:14:08,714 --> 00:14:10,875 Is the favor givin' you my wife? 217 00:14:10,983 --> 00:14:14,009 - Yep. - Forget it. 218 00:14:14,119 --> 00:14:17,247 [ Earl Narrating ] While Donny Jones was hard to negotiate with... 219 00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:19,256 he was easy to fool. 220 00:14:35,140 --> 00:14:39,201 Oh, so there's crime now. [ Laughs ] 221 00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:46,414 [ Machinery Popping ] 222 00:14:46,518 --> 00:14:49,180 - What the hell are you doin'? - You took my TV! 223 00:14:49,288 --> 00:14:51,256 I saw it on TV. 224 00:14:53,158 --> 00:14:56,457 I know we can go and fish and hunt. 225 00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:59,360 Who's my good dog? Who's my good boy? You are. 226 00:14:59,465 --> 00:15:01,194 - [ Barks ] - [ Screams ] 227 00:15:01,300 --> 00:15:05,031 - Yeah, I took one. But you got 16 left. - Thief! 228 00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:10,239 - What the hell is goin' on? - Shut up! You belong to me now. 229 00:15:10,342 --> 00:15:13,743 You're not gettin' my wife, Donny. 230 00:15:14,847 --> 00:15:17,611 Earl! 231 00:15:20,486 --> 00:15:22,647 Ow! Donny! 232 00:15:25,257 --> 00:15:27,782 Earl? [ Groans ] 233 00:15:27,893 --> 00:15:30,623 Oh, snap! You killed your own brother! 234 00:15:30,729 --> 00:15:33,926 I claim the toy section! 235 00:15:38,137 --> 00:15:40,332 [ Earl Narrating ] Things had gotten out of control... 236 00:15:40,439 --> 00:15:45,001 and it was gonna take a lot more than frozen peas to fix the problems in our new world. 237 00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:48,637 What the hell's the matter with us? How can we start a whole new world... 238 00:15:48,747 --> 00:15:50,715 if we can't even get through a day without... 239 00:15:50,816 --> 00:15:52,909 having a tennis ball and pumpkin pie filling war. 240 00:15:53,018 --> 00:15:57,148 It's 'cause we ain't got no damn rules. We need to figure a way to settle this fightin'. 241 00:15:57,256 --> 00:15:59,952 I know. We institute a scalpin' policy. 242 00:16:00,059 --> 00:16:02,186 Whenever two people argue, they both get scalped. 243 00:16:03,829 --> 00:16:07,162 Randy, where are you goin'? We're makin' important decisions here. 244 00:16:07,266 --> 00:16:10,099 - Randy, I'm talkin' to you. - I say we scalp him. 245 00:16:10,202 --> 00:16:12,670 - We're not scalpin' him. - We could cut off his ear. 246 00:16:12,771 --> 00:16:14,534 You know what? Maybe buildin' a new world's too much. 247 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,505 We're just a bunch of low-life criminals. 248 00:16:16,608 --> 00:16:19,372 No wonder everybody gives us dirty looks all the time. 249 00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:21,537 We don't have to argue anymore. We can use this. 250 00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:24,275 - The hell is that? - It's a take-a-number thingy. 251 00:16:24,383 --> 00:16:26,681 Ooh! Like they have at the free clinic. 252 00:16:26,785 --> 00:16:32,280 We just take a number. When we have to make a decision, the next number decides. 253 00:16:32,391 --> 00:16:34,291 That way there won't be wars in our new world. 254 00:16:34,393 --> 00:16:36,953 [ Earl Narrating ] Funny thing. It took a smack to the head... 255 00:16:37,062 --> 00:16:39,030 to finally knock some sense into one of us. 256 00:16:43,936 --> 00:16:46,837 While Randy was helping us get to a better place... 257 00:16:46,939 --> 00:16:50,204 a guy named Pablo was helping Catalina do the same thing. 258 00:16:50,309 --> 00:16:53,142 License and registration. 259 00:17:07,526 --> 00:17:10,620 Right away we knew we were onto something with the take-a-number machine. 260 00:17:10,729 --> 00:17:13,721 Whenever we would disagree, we went straight to the numbers. 261 00:17:13,832 --> 00:17:16,027 Whoever had the lowest number got their way. 262 00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:36,449 The number thingy really helped us get along. 263 00:17:42,294 --> 00:17:45,752 We stopped arguin' and started havin' fun. 264 00:17:45,864 --> 00:17:48,196 Our new society was really comin' together. 265 00:17:53,806 --> 00:17:55,865 We were the best we'd ever been. 266 00:17:55,974 --> 00:17:59,466 - To us. - [ All ] To us! 267 00:17:59,578 --> 00:18:01,569 And to Randy. 268 00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:03,773 Yeah. Yeah,yeah. 269 00:18:03,882 --> 00:18:07,045 Good job finding that "pull-a-piece-of-paper- with-a-number-printed-on-it... 270 00:18:07,152 --> 00:18:09,450 out-of-the-big-red-plastic-thingy." 271 00:18:09,555 --> 00:18:11,455 You know what kind of thinkin' that was? 272 00:18:11,557 --> 00:18:13,582 The kind of thinkin' a president does. 273 00:18:13,692 --> 00:18:17,458 - But we don't have any presidents. - Well, maybe we need one. 274 00:18:17,563 --> 00:18:19,895 All in favor of Randy bein' president- 275 00:18:23,035 --> 00:18:25,060 President. 276 00:18:25,170 --> 00:18:27,502 That means I'm on top. 277 00:18:27,673 --> 00:18:29,732 [ Earl Narrating ] By bedtime, we were exhausted... 278 00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:31,810 but mostly, we were proud. 279 00:18:31,910 --> 00:18:33,969 Thanks to Randy's ticket machine... 280 00:18:34,079 --> 00:18:36,206 we had done good on our first day of runnin' the world. 281 00:18:36,315 --> 00:18:38,545 If people were still alive to see us... 282 00:18:38,650 --> 00:18:41,312 they sure wouldn't have been givin'us dirty looks that night. 283 00:18:41,420 --> 00:18:44,355 - Hey, Mr. President. - [ Randy ] Yeah, Earl? 284 00:18:44,456 --> 00:18:46,583 How's it feel to be on top? 285 00:18:46,692 --> 00:18:50,128 I don't like it. It's too high up here. Will you switch with me? 286 00:18:50,229 --> 00:18:52,857 Sure, Randy. 287 00:18:58,237 --> 00:19:00,330 So, we all went to sleep... 288 00:19:00,439 --> 00:19:03,431 proud of ourselves and looking forward to what the next day would bring. 289 00:19:03,542 --> 00:19:05,806 [ Chattering ] 290 00:19:05,911 --> 00:19:08,937 Biscuit! 291 00:19:09,047 --> 00:19:12,676 [ Earl Narrating ] But, unfortunately, the next day brought shoppers... 292 00:19:12,784 --> 00:19:17,016 ready to take advantage of Bargain Bag's January 2 Sale. 293 00:19:17,122 --> 00:19:20,717 Turns out the world wasn't over like we thought. 294 00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:23,727 The deck wasn't reshuffled and we were still on the bottom. 295 00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:26,798 Nothin' had changed at all. 296 00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:42,540 Unfortunately, our new world was over... 297 00:19:42,648 --> 00:19:44,980 but a new world was just beginning for Catalina... 298 00:19:45,083 --> 00:19:47,142 who finally made it to America. 299 00:19:47,252 --> 00:19:51,018 [ Speaking Spanish ] 300 00:19:53,158 --> 00:19:55,126 - Dibs. - What? 301 00:19:55,227 --> 00:19:57,195 Aw, it doesn't matter. She's gone. 302 00:19:59,064 --> 00:20:01,089 [ Earl Narrating ] So, six years later... 303 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,464 Bargain Bag still needed their take-a-number machine... 304 00:20:03,569 --> 00:20:06,538 and no matter how Randy felt, I still needed to give it back to 'em. 305 00:20:06,638 --> 00:20:08,606 It's my turn, Earl. I get to choose. 306 00:20:08,707 --> 00:20:11,870 Randy, look. That number machine means something to all of us... 307 00:20:11,977 --> 00:20:14,775 but if we keep it, then we're just crooks who stole a number machine. 308 00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:18,043 - That's not what that day was about. - But we were on top. 309 00:20:18,150 --> 00:20:20,778 - I liked bein' on top. - Don't worry, Randy. 310 00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:23,184 If we just keep doin' the things on my list... 311 00:20:23,288 --> 00:20:26,382 we'll be back on top before you know it. 312 00:20:43,208 --> 00:20:46,473 [ Earl Narrating ] And even though we're still looked down upon today... 313 00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:48,876 I'm confident that, one day, we won't be. 314 00:20:48,981 --> 00:20:53,213 One day we will be seen as the perfect people we were on that one perfect day. 315 00:20:53,318 --> 00:20:55,843 Ma'am. 316 00:20:57,856 --> 00:21:02,691 [ Earl Narrating ] Of course, for some of us, that might take till "Y3K. " 0 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net